The Choice

I didn’t set out to plagiarize my close friend and mentor Dr. Gary Hoag’s amazing book, The Choice, when I started writing this post……but here we are. Sorry, Gary! Rather, I was contemplating a text I received from a friend this morning. After some back-and-forth regarding a few of my recent blog posts, I asked him a question: “Which topics/components do you think resonate with people?” He responded with “There’s a desire to make a difference, but a feeling that you have to either get paid to work for the man, or make a difference and be a struggling artist type.”

As I’m sitting in my office pondering these words, I look down and spot my copy of Gary’s book sitting before me (see, Gary, I am reading your stuff!!!). Two simple words in big, bold white letters, “The Choice”, scream right off the cover of the book and into my periphery. We make choices every day. We choose what to wear, what to eat, who to spend our time with, what podcasts to listen to, and what NBA superstar jersey we’re going to buy our toddlers next (just me?). But there seems to be this HUGE choice that lingers over all of us, every single day. The choice of what to do with the majority of our waking hours. The choice of how we are going to use our talents and passions to make an impact. The choice of where our life’s energy will go. Such a huge choice!

As I’m considering my buddy’s words about this choice, I thought back to a very intense conversation I had with Gary over FaceTime last year. I was teetering back-and-forth on the idea of leaving my awesome career to do something totally crazy. It was one of those days where the self-talk was thick. “What are you doing!?!” “You’re going to fail!” “Don’t be irresponsible, you can never make a living doing what you want to do.” Every insult possible was hurled my way…..by my own mean self. I did what I always do when the self-talk ramps up……I engage a trusted mentor. This was one of those I-remember-exactly-where-I-was-when-it-happened kind of moments. I distinctly remember shouting at Gary - in my doubt and frustration - “Yeah, but what I’m thinking about doing hasn’t even been legitimized. There’s no proof this will actually work.” Gary smiled and responded (too) calmly, “Only God gets to decide what’s legitimate.” Thus I started chewing on the slice of humble pie Gary was serving up, piping hot!

One of Gary and I’s many Asian adventures!!

Fast forward several months, I left my career, took a 90% pay cut, and set out to build a new career. Nine months later, I’m able to support my family financially, the business is growing, and I’m already dreaming about what’s next. I often think back to that conversation with Gary and his virtual slap in the face. He was right! Had I not listened to him, and instead listened to my self-talk and the culture around us, I would have made a different choice. I would have chosen “normal”, safe, predictable, and comfortable. Instead, I chose uncertainty, impact, trust, and purpose.

Here’s an interesting thing about this choice, specifically the two options laid out by my friend. We don’t actually have to choose between “getting paid” and “making a difference.” Though I took a 90% pay cut, there’s a legit chance I eventually get to the point where I make as much (or more) in my new career than I did in my old career. If I’m pouring out my passion, using my gifts, serving people well, making an impact, and truly setting out to make the difference I know God is asking me to make, there’s no reason the income can’t follow. That doesn’t drive my decisions and ultimately I don’t really care, but that’s a reality we often don’t think about. It’s not an either/or type of choice. Rather, it’s an “I trust God” or “I don’t trust God” type of choice…….and an “I value money” or “I value meaning” type of choice. Whether we realize it or not, we make these choices every day, as not making a choice is still making a choice.

If I were still at my old job, this week I would have received a pretty sizable bonus. Out of respect for my former employer I won’t disclose what it would be…….but it’s a LOT! A former co-worker asked me a few days ago if this “lost bonus” gives me any regrets. Honestly, no. That money would be nice and could do a lot of cool things, but today my life is awesome and I get to dedicate each and every day to doing cool things. It’s honestly an unfair exchange, in my favor. Giving up a large chunk of money to violently pursue what I know to be God’s calling in my life. Knowing what I know today, in hindsight, it was the easiest decision I ever made.

So as I try to land this plane, here are my top three takeaways about this choice:

• Every day is a new opportunity to make a choice.

• Not making a choice is still making a choice.

• Find a few amazing mentors in life that will build you up, be real with you, encourage you when you need it most, and help you make better choices. We can’t do it alone…..and luckily we don’t have to!

What choice will you make?

The Road to Nowhere

One of the side effects of being so open about my debt and career journey (recent podcast episode) is the amount of feedback I receive. So much of the feedback is positive, but not all. Some people, perhaps out of jealousy, or self-talk, or their own debt/career frustrations, offer a lot of criticism and skepticism to my story. These little nuggets of negativity (er, constructive feedback), often start with “but". Here are a few common ones regarding our $236,000 debt journey:

• “but I don’t have a high income like you did.”

• “but we aren’t able to sell one of our cars like you did.”

• “but we can’t leave our house and live in a tiny apartment like you did.”

• "but you didn’t have kids.”

• “but you had two incomes.”

• “but the cost of living is higher where we live.”

• “but we can’t just stop spending….we need to enjoy life.”

These statements may or may not be factually true (fact check below), but one thing is certain: The road to nowhere is paved with lots of “buts”. You can have progress, or excuses, but you can’t have both! At some point, if we want to win, we have to set the excuses aside and get about the business of finding a way. There’s always a way! We also need to stop comparing someone else’s situation to our own. When I share my story, it’s just that…..my story. It’s not the absolute blueprint for success, but rather the blueprint that best suited our specific situation and our life.

“The road to nowhere is paved with lots of “buts”. You can have progress, or excuses, but you can’t have both!”

Instead of making excuses why we can’t make this decision or that decision, we need to start asking ourselves what decisions we can make. If you think you can or cannot win, you’re right. So how about we start to believe we can……and make it happen! We need to find deep and meaningful sacrifices that work for our situation. We need to decide there’s no amount of pain we won’t endure for the sake of a better tomorrow. Now having been on both sides of the debt spectrum, I feel even more convicted in my previous statement. Knowing what I know now, I would have intensified the pain even more in order to get to the other side of the debt.

It was a long and grueling 4.5 years to pay off our $236,000 of debt, but doing so changed us. It showed contentment like we had never known before. It taught us money couldn’t buy happiness…..because we had no money and we were pretty dang happy. It showed us anything is possible if we do it together and care enough to make it happen. It showed us what true freedom looked like, which emboldened us to draw a line in the sand and say “never again” to debt. Lastly, it taught us to dream…..and dream big. And not only dream big, but to be crazy enough to believe these dreams are possible.

Look at all that stupid debt!

Here’s the reality of the “but” statements above:

• Our income wasn’t all that high during our debt payoff season, as I was still young in my career and the country was still working its way out of the recession.

• Selling one car really sucked, but it was a defining moment where we made a choice that no sacrifice was too big to fix this mess. I never want to do the single car thing again, but I’m so glad we did it then!

• The only thing stopping you or me from moving from a house to an apartment is pride. Any other excuse is a lie. I went from a new, 4-bedroom house in KC to a 600 square foot, 1-bedroom apartment (80s vintage everything) in Des Moines. Very humbling!

• We didn’t have kids at the time, fair point. But we do have two toddlers today and it that didn’t keep me from leaving my career and taking a 90% pay cut. No excuses here!

• We did have two incomes, but one of them was a limited-benefits, near-minimum-wage childcare job. We weren’t exactly rolling in the dough with that second income. But Sarah worked hard in that job and it meant a lot to us! Fast forward to my drastic career shift in 2019, I was the sole breadwinner of the house since Sarah stays at home with the kids…….but we weren’t going to let that be an excuse.

• The cost of living in Des Moines is lower than some cities and higher than some cities, but it’s not the reason we win or lose. There are people winning financially in expensive cities and losing financially in cheap cities.

• Spending can be fun, but it can’t make us happy. You can choose to keep spending, or you can choose a better life. Or maybe you can choose a better life, which could include more spending down the road. Think of it as one year, or two years, or however many years……for the rest of your life! We spent 4.5 years sacrificing, which is followed by 60 years of freedom. I’ll have the six decades of awesome, please!

The road to nowhere may be paved with “buts”, but the road to freedom is paved with sacrifice and a deep desire for better. So maybe it means selling a vehicle. Maybe it means downsizing your home. Maybe it means giving up travel for a season. Maybe it means picking up some extra income. Whatever it looks like in your life, just do it! It’s just one season, and I promise you every subsequent season of life will be better for it!

More than anything, here’s what I want you to take away from this piece. You can do it!!!! There is nothing that can stop you if you want it bad enough. Don’t let anyone or anything hold you back! You got this! For each of us, there comes a fork in the road where we must decide what’s more important: Our stuff or our dreams? Comfort or happiness? Pride or freedom? I made my choice! What about you?

“For each of us, there comes a fork in the road where we must decide what’s more important: Our stuff or our dreams? Comfort or happiness? Pride or freedom?”

"Throwing Away" a Career

Sometimes people tell me one of the reasons they don’t want to follow their dream is because they don’t want to “throw away” the career they’ve spent so much time and so much energy building. There is a mentality that this singular, specific job is what matters. It’s not, and as long as we think it is, we miss the bigger picture. What matters is the experience, the skills, the relationships, and the growing you’ve achieved during your time at the job. Nobody can take away any of those things from you. They can take away your desk, and your computer, and your telephone, and your paycheck, but they cannot take away the growth you’ve experienced during your tenure.

People also seem to have the mindset their old career was a total waste of time if their new career sends them in a different direction. Even if your dream is a total one-eighty from your prior career, you wouldn’t be where you’re at had you not attained that priceless experience, those valuable skills, those meaningful relationships, and all that growth. Take me, for example. I’ve wanted to be a writer for as long as I can remember. Early last year, at 37-years-old, I was sitting on a plane with my wife lamenting the fact I hadn’t written in nearly two decades. Her response: “well, then write.” Wow, that was obvious…..and blunt. My response was something along the lines of “well I’m probably going to be terrible since I haven’t written in so long…..blah, blah, blah.” So I spent the next few hours writing. What’s odd about that experience is the words flew out of my brain and onto the screen with very little effort. It felt really good! I was dumbfounded. How could I not write for nearly 20 years and then have it feel so natural?

Then it hit me! Everything I was telling myself was a lie. I write all day, every day. E-mail after e-mail after e-mail. Report after report after report. It may not be creative writing, but it’s writing nonetheless. Fast forward to when I decided to “start writing.” I opened a blank Word document and it was as if the floodgates had opened. I didn’t think I had it in me to just sit down and write, but all of this experience and acquired skill came flowing out. As I venture into this season of life, I love those little moments where I realize how something I’ve been doing for 10, 15, or 20 years will become immediately relevant to my current journey, but in a new way.

When I think about this topic, so many people come to mind. However, none more so than my friend Anna DeHamer (formerly Prins). Anna was a basketball player who was tremendously gifted in both height (6’7”) and talent. She was the 2009 Colorado Gatorade Player of the Year, was named All-American honorable mention both her junior and senior year, amassed a 106-4 high school record, and won three consecutive state titles (**season-ending injury mid-freshman year prevented the possibility of an even more absurd fourth title). She went on to play Division I basketball at Iowa State University, where she became one of the biggest rivals of Brittney Griner (women’s basketball legend!). Anna went to the NCAA Tournament four times, making it as far as the Sweet 16. As her collegiate career came to an end, she was blessed further by being selected as the 23rd overall pick in the WNBA draft.

I don’t say all this to brag about Anna. In fact, she’ll probably cringe when she reads this (she’s overly humble like that!). I tell all this to you because of what comes next. Anna walked away from basketball. Here’s a woman who spent her entire life building a basketball career. All the accolades, all the fans, all the achievements……..to eventually get drafted into the most prestigious league in the world…….and she walked away. I didn’t know Anna personally during this season of her life, but I suspect the world looked at her as if she was crazy. Basketball had blessed Anna for more than a decade, and there was more possible blessing to come, but she had a new dream. She wanted to get married, settle down, and become a teacher. And that’s exactly what she did. She “threw away” her basketball career, left the limelight and the identity the world put on her due to her basketball prowess, and she set out to pursue a new dream.

Anna got married to her now-husband Ryan and found a job as a third-grade teacher. She took all her life experience from sports, and education, and life, and channeled it into the lives of malleable young people who wanted and needed a role model. She taught them, she encouraged them, and she helped make them better people. She was living out her new dream, and life was good. Several years into her teaching career, she started to feel a nudge for something different, and a new dream started to take form.

In another decision that’s considered counter-cultural in our world, Anna “threw away” her teaching job to start her own company where she offers professional basketball training (www.hammerbasketball.com). Today, Anna trains young basketball players to elevate their game and their character to a higher level. Pretty different than teaching third grade, but the skills she gained from her teaching career have directly impacted her new career. Teaching kids, encouraging them, helping them be better people. Totally different……but not. Some might look at her journey and say she “wasted” all that time teaching if this basketball training is ultimately where she’s supposed to be. Conversely, I would propose she’d never be where she is today without first teaching third grade. Those experiences shaped her in very profound ways, ultimately making her a better basketball trainer. That’s what’s fun about work that matters. It’s not linear, it’s not clear, and it’s not obvious. But when we look back, it all makes perfect sense. Basketball prodigy, turned third-grade teacher, turned professional basketball trainer for young people. Nobody could have seen that coming, but hindsight truly is 20/20. Anna is exactly where she needs to be, and it wouldn’t surprise me if someday she “threw away” something else in the pursuit for her highest and best purpose. I’m proud of my friend Anna, and her journey is an inspiration to me each and every day.

“That’s what’s fun about work that matters. It’s not linear, it’s not clear, and it’s not obvious. But when we look back, it all makes perfect sense.”

An Open Postcard to My Kids

To fully understand the context, this was written on 4/9/2019, on a bumpy plane ride, in the waning hours of a 22-hour work day. I was weary, excited, overwhelmed, scared, anxious, and probably half-awake. Despite all that, it’s my favorite thing I’ve ever written…..and it’s finally time to share.

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I travel a lot. Personal. Professional. Missional. I love traveling, but man do I ever miss my family when I’m gone!! I love the food, the hotels, and the sights…..but I miss the hugs, the giggles, and the snuggles. Seeing new things always gives me a rush, but nothing is compared to the rush of getting my kids out of bed each morning.

When I became a parent, I knew I would still be traveling a lot. I was ok with that, but I also wanted to find a way to show my kids they are always a priority. Since the very first time I had to leave those cute little babies, I have made a conscious effort to get them a postcard from each and every city I’ve visited. I always write on the card to tell them how much I miss them, and perhaps share a funny story about something that happened to me on the trip. They are too young to understand these postcards right now, but someday I hope they come to cherish these little cardboard time capsules.

Tonight, I find myself on the way home from Fort Lauderdale. This trip wasn’t particularly eventful, aside from it being a day trip and I’ve been up since 3AM. What sets this trip apart is the fact I’m planning to resign from my career tomorrow. Stepping away from a job I’ve had for nearly 15 years. Walking away from the only thing I’ve known in my entire adult life. Not leaving some crappy, meaningless job. I’m leaving an amazing job that is probably one of the coolest jobs in the world. A job that I could only dream about back in my college days as an aspiring investment professional.

As I began writing on their postcard, I realized I have far too many words for this little cardboard square to handle. There are so many things I want to tell them tonight…….

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Finn and Pax,

I took a day trip to Fort Lauderdale today. I didn’t think you’d even notice I left, but Mom told me Pax was really upset that I wasn’t home this morning. Something about him sitting on the stairs pouting and shouting nonsense. This story was equal parts hilarious and sad….I just wish I had a video clip of it!

This is a special trip for me. Not special like all my Middle East trips, Southeast Asia trips, NYC trips, or the ones where I get to experience once-in-a-lifetime events. Special because tomorrow I am going to leave my job.

I wish I could tell you that adults don’t get scared. I wish I could tell you everything always works out exactly the way we think it will. I wish I could tell you it’s always easy to make the decision you know in your heart is right. Unfortunately, that’s not the case. Most things worth pursuing in this life are going to be scary, it’s not going to go exactly how you think it will, and it’s not going to be easy. Honestly, though, that’s what makes life awesome!

If I were to make a different decision tomorrow, life would probably look a lot different for us. Money would never be an issue for us. We would never go without. We could buy you everything the world says you deserve. We could go on amazing and exotic vacations. We could live the life so many believe is the recipe for happiness and the definition of success.

But here’s the truth: you deserve better than all of this. You deserve better than a big house, fancy cars, a private education, mountains of gifts, and exotic vacations. Here’s what you deserve:

• You deserve a father who is fully present, fully patient, and fully loving. I will never be perfect, but I promise to be the best version of me I can be.

• You deserve to see what it looks like for a man to boldly follow God’s calling in his life, no matter how scary or counter-cultural it may seem.

• You deserve to learn money doesn’t buy happiness, but rather happiness comes from love, faith, and contentment.

• You deserve to witness what it looks like to follow your dreams, live with passion, and trust that God is ultimately in control.

• You deserve to see (and feel) first-hand what sacrificial generosity in the face of financial uncertainty looks like.

• You deserve to experience what a united mom and dad team can accomplish if they honor God and honor each other.

• You deserve the freedom and encouragement to find your gifts, talents, and passions, and learn how to use them to serve God’s kingdom.

• Lastly, you deserve someone in your life who will model these behaviors and decisions with their actions, not just their words.

Someday when you’re old enough, I hope you’re proud of me. I hope you see how God worked through this decision and this situation. I hope a time comes in your life – a scary and important time – when you too get to make a decision that will forever change the trajectory of your life. Not a decision for the pursuit of worldly wealth, or power, or respect, but rather a decision for the pursuit of God, your dreams, and your passions.

I love you guys, and believe it or not, you inspire me more than I will ever be able to inspire you. Thank you for that!

Daddy

“If I were to make a different decision tomorrow, life would probably look a lot different for us. Money would never be an issue for us. We would never go without. We could buy you everything the world says you deserve. We could go on amazing and exotic vacations. We could live the life so many believe is the recipe for happiness and the definition of success. But here’s the truth: you deserve better than all of this. ”

Unlocking a Life of Meaning

As a financial coach, I love helping people with money…….but probably not for the reasons you’re expecting. I honestly don’t care that much about money. In fact, I find it somewhat boring. The catch: money is never about money! Money is just paper and coins which can be traded for things and experiences. Through the lens of life, however, it’s much, much more. Every financial decision we make – whether it be the purchase of a home or a trip through your favorite fast-food drive-thru – there’s so much more going on. Excitement, nervousness, guilt, pride, fear, lust, joy, jealousy, contentment, love, resentment, just to name a few.

Whenever I’m coaching, teaching, or speaking, it’s never really about money. It’s about so much more. After meeting with hundreds of families over the years, I’ve concluded there are really three things we need to do in order to have a healthy relationship in the area of life we call “personal finance.” To unlock a life of meaning, we need to create impact on others, pursue work that matters, and redefine the role of money.

Creating Impact on Others

If you spend any time reading, watching, or listening to the countless personal finance gurus, you’re going to hear a lot about me, me, me, and (surprise) me. Truth be told, always looking out for me, myself, and I is an empty and sad endeavor. If all we’re trying to do is better our own family’s life, we miss out on something far greater.

One has not truly lived (or loved) until he/she has made an impact on someone else. Not necessarily change the world, but to change someone’s world. One gesture, one gift, one word........that’s all it takes to possibly change the trajectory of someone’s life forever. For many of these mini-miracles (as I’ve been calling them since just now), we may never know the impact we make. But sometimes, when we’re really fortunate, we learn about how something seemingly small has turned into something so very big. To me, this is the absolute best gift from God. Once you experience this, you realize there’s no other way to live life. Creating impact is no longer something we do……it’s who we are. That, my friends, can unlock a meaningful life!

“Creating impact is no longer something we do……it’s who we are.”

Pursuing Work That Matters

We live in a culture that prides itself in celebrating Fridays, dreading Mondays, spending money on things to mask the stress and frustration we feel towards our work, and the pursuit of an earlier-the-better retirement. What if we have it all wrong?

In my various money-related interactions with people, I often ask the following questions: “When do you want to retire? What do you want to do in retirement?” 80% of the time the answer to the first question is “as soon as possible.” 50% of the time the answer to the second question is “I still want to work, but I want to do something I enjoy.” If you spend half your waking hours at work, and if you want to quit working as soon as you can, is it possible to be living a life of meaning? Probably……but not likely. If you answer the second question with “I still want to work, but I want to do something I enjoy”, doesn’t that insinuate you’re spending half your waking hours doing something you don’t enjoy?

The pursuit of work that matters is intimidating. Change is hard and change is scary! It certainly don’t make it easier when the world says “be grateful for the job you have”, or “you need to take care of your family….you can’t take that risk”, or “your job isn’t that bad….it could be worse.” Those words echo in our soul and they can cut deep. Here’s the complicating factor: work that matters to us is a deeply personal question. What’s right for one person may be totally wrong for another. All work is meaningful work, but not all work is meaningful to you or to me.

It’s tough to live a life of meaning when you feel lukewarm-at-best about your job, regardless of how awesome the other areas of your life are. However, when we do get this right (better late than never!), it gives our life meaning in a way we’ve never experienced before.

“It’s tough to live a life of meaning when you feel lukewarm-at-best about your job, regardless of how awesome the other areas of your life are.”

Redefining the Role of Money

The third facet to living a life of meaning is redefining the role of money. Note I didn’t say “more” money……but rather redefining the role money plays in our life. We need to shift the role money plays in our life from being a measuring stick of success to a tool we can use to impact others and live more intentionally.

Our culture tells us – in countless ways – money equals happiness. And if some money will make us happy, then a lot of money will make us really happy. Thus begins the cycle. So many of us say to ourselves “once I get promoted and make $___, I’ll be happier.” Once that amount of income is attained, happiness doesn’t come. So we say to ourselves “I was wrong. The amount is actually $___ (i.e. more than I thought last time). Once I make that amount, then I’ll be happy.” Once that amount of income is attained, we still aren’t happy…..and the cycle continues.

Here’s the secret. God tells us this. Behavioral scientists tell us this. Our miserable friends, family, and coworkers (unknowingly) tell us this. No amount of money can make us happy! No level of income, no sum in your bank account. It’s not to say money is bad….because it’s not. We can do a lot of fun, generous, and memorable things with money……but we can’t buy happiness. The moment we think money is going to make us happy is the moment we’ve lost.

What’s the alternative? If we truly understand money can’t make us happy, it changes the decisions we make in life. It allows us to freely use our money to impact others. It changes the way we make career decisions, thereby freeing us to pursue work that matters. It allows us to spend intentionally on the things that add value to our life rather than what the culture (and our friends/family) tell us we should be spending on to create so-called happiness. Understanding this very simple and profound concept changes everything. Once it does, we can begin to have a healthy relationship with money. Instead of wanting more, more, and more, we start to want less. Not wanting to have less, but to simply “want” less. This changes our heart and opens up so much meaning in our life.

“We need to shift the role money plays in our life from being a measuring stick of success to a tool we can use to impact others and live more intentionally.”

Creating impact on others. Pursuing work that matters. Redefining the role of money. I firmly believe if we can achieve these three things, our lives will be bursting with meaning. That is my dream for myself, my dream for my children, my dream for my clients, and my dream for you.

Someday

Photo by Nicholas Barbaros on Unsplash

When working with coaching clients, I usually ask two questions pretty early in the relationship. 1) “When do you want to retire?”, and 2) “What do you want retirement to look like?” On the first question, 90% respond with a variation of “as soon as I can….that’s why we’re hiring you.” For the second question regarding what they want retirement to look like, there are three answers I most often hear. Some say they want to travel, some say they want to relax, and MANY say they want to continue working, but do “something I enjoy.”

I totally get the travel and relax answers, though I have a totally different opinion on the topic. As it pertains to that third answer, I have a dumb question. Why would we spend the next 10-20 years working at a job we can’t wait to leave (reminder, 90% say they want to retire ASAP) so we can later go work at a job we enjoy? Let’s think about that for a moment……..

Ok, I’m back. We’re going to live a life where we celebrate Friday, dread Monday, painfully gut through the majority of our waking hours, go spend money on things to mask the discontentment, and repeat that process again for the next 500-1,000 weeks? That’s insanity, but we’ve been wired to think that’s just how the world should work. Instead, why aren’t we aggressively pursuing that “something I enjoy” career today rather than waiting 10-20 more years?

Six months ago, I had an amazing career. I was doing something I had always dreamed of. It was an awesome 15 years of relationships, experiences, and growth. But God gave me a new dream, and a new vision. I’ve had pieces of this dream in the back of my mind for many years. I would tell people about how “someday” I was going to do something about it. When? “Once I retire from this career……maybe at 50, or 55, or 60.” See, I did it too!!

Life is so short. We only have one shot at this life. You’re only going to be 35-years-old once….and 40…..and 45……and so on. We can’t go back, we can’t get a do-over. If you only get to live this life once, what are you doing wasting it on something that doesn’t fill you, simply waiting for it to end?

“If you only get to live this life once, what are you doing wasting it on something that doesn’t fill you?”

Is it a money thing? I get it. That’s scary! Money always seems to have a grip on us. We are told money is so important, it’s a measuring stick for success, it buys things that makes us happy. Why do we think the money matters so much? Behavioral scientists have been proving for years money doesn’t make us happy. What’s one of the primary drivers of happiness, according to the science? Work that matters! I could have let money stop me……..spoiler, it almost did. But I finally got over my own pride and my own materialism to do what I knew deep in my heart was right. My family voluntarily chose a 90% income decrease (90%!!!) for me to step into this new career. Two things came from that.

First, we are happier today than we’ve ever been in our lives. We live each and every day with meaning and joy. I worked a 14-hour day last week and I was upset with myself that I couldn’t work more. Every day is an adventure, and I actually celebrate Mondays. When I wake up each morning, I can’t wait to get my day started so I can create, contribute, and use whatever opportunities God gives me to serve others. It is a profound feeling I so badly wish others could experience.

Second, knowing how much fire and energy I have towards my work, I wouldn’t be surprised to wake up one day to find that my income is comparable to the one I left behind. Who am I to judge God’s blessings and the value of my own work? I don’t know how that will play out over time, but I now know it was foolish of me to mentally condemn myself to a low income from here on out.

If it’s not money for you, is it the fact you’d be “throwing away” your career? Believe me, I had those thoughts, too. It took me 12 years to get the position I had always dreamed of…..only to leave that position three years later. One could argue I “threw it away”, but I don’t look at it that way. I got so much out of it. That career prepared me for the next step in my journey. Back in January, on a long-haul flight to Asia, I told my wife Sarah I was going to write. See, I’ve wanted to be a writer my entire life. But here I was, 37-years-old, and I hadn’t written anything my entire adult life. I told her it would probably be a train wreck, but I was going to give it the ol’ college try. So I started writing, and the words flew off my computer keys. It felt so natural……I was really confused. How did writing feel so natural when I hadn’t written for nearly 15 years? Then it hit me: I write all the time! In the 15 years I’ve spent working in commercial real estate, my job was to communicate. I wrote every single day. It just looked different. I spent 15 years writing to my clients, to my colleagues, and to our investment committees, which absolutely prepared me for the next step in my journey. Nothing worthwhile is ever thrown away. Every experience, every struggle, and every skill I acquired in my 15-year real estate investing career is meaningful to me as I step into this new chapter. I’m so grateful for those 15 years and everything that came with it.

So back to my original question. If you’re saying to yourself “someday, I’m going to do _____”, why not now? I’m not saying I have everything figured out – far from it – but I can tell you I’m so grateful I decided to do at 38 what I always told myself I would do at 50, or 55, or 60. Life is too short for regret! When will you step into your someday?

“Life is too short for regret! When will you step into your someday?”

Seasons of Need

Photo by Kat J on Unsplash

“Someday, I want to be the one on the other side of the table. I want to be the one giving.” This – and a few different variations of it – have come out of the mouths of several people I’ve worked with over the past three months. These are people who are experiencing some tough life situations. Job losses, medical emergencies, divorces, mental illness, legal situations, you name it. Life can be brutal! When it hits us, it feels like a wild haymaker punch we didn’t even see coming. It can leave us feeling breathless, disoriented, and oftentimes helpless.

But here’s the thing: EVERYONE goes through it. Not at the same time, not in the same way, and not in the same areas of life. But we ALL go through seasons where life knocks the wind right out of us. We usually forget that, because when we’re going through our own junk, many of the people around us have it pretty good (or so it appears). As a result, it can leave us feeling even more down and even more lonely. Truth is, each one of us just went through something heavy, or are currently going through something heavy, or will soon be going through something heavy. None of us can escape it. There’s no amount of money, or title, or status, or race, or gender, or anything else that can protect us from it. In some ways, that’s a really depressing thought. On the other hand, it should tell us that we’re never alone!

When people I’m working with blurt out some variation of “someday, I want to be the one on the other side of the table”, I often respond with something like “heck yeah you will!”, or “like you were last year when you did (cool amazing thing) for (that one person)?” I sometimes laugh on the inside when people make these declarations about wanting to be the person on the other side of the table. I don’t laugh because it’s funny…..far from it. I laugh because I can immediately think about situations in the past when these very people have made profound differences in other people’s lives. They just forget about it in this moment of need. The current feeling of helplessness blinds them to the fact they’ve always been the person on the other side of the table…….until this very moment when they weren’t.

It makes me think about a situation in our own life. Many years ago, Sarah and I paid off $236,000 of debt. That’s a topic for another conversation, but it’s something cool we did. I totally recommend it. Not stupidly finding yourself in $236,000 of debt, but rather getting out of whatever debt you are in. IT. CHANGES. EVERYTHING! When we’re free from the debt and that burden isn’t weighing us down, we can actually look up and see past our own junk. When our debt was finally paid off in mid-2012, Sarah was working four 10-hour days per week at a daycare. She got Fridays off, which made for some pretty cool 3-day weekends. About five months after becoming debt free, we saw there was someone in our life that was really struggling to make childcare work financially and logistically. Sarah decided to do something pretty amazing: she volunteered to provide free childcare for this family every Friday. For 99 Fridays (nearly 2 years), Sarah volunteered her day off to provide free childcare to a family who needed it. I’m still proud of Sarah for that gesture!

Fast forward five years. Sarah and I are now parenting two infants. Sarah was staying home with the kids (our big “why” for getting out of debt, by the way), I was traveling a fair amount as my career was heating up, I was a youth group leader, I was on a handful of boards (including one internationally), and it felt like the walls of life were closing in. We were flat-out struggling to figure it all out. Sarah comes home one day and said to me “there’s a lady at church who wants to watch our kids for free every Friday so I can get some rest and get some things done.” Wow, talk about life coming full circle! We were in a season of need, and someone unknowingly met that need in the exact same way we meet another family’s need five years earlier. My first question to Sarah was “do we even know this family?”, to which Sarah responded “no, but she seems really nice.” Perhaps it’s a testament for how overwhelmed we were at the time, but we humbly and gratefully (and quickly) said “yes.” It was exactly what Sarah (and our marriage) needed. We are so grateful for the love and generosity this family showed to what was then considered strangers. We are strangers no more. Today, I work alongside the mom, I’ve led mission trips with the dad, and I have a very special bond with their teenage daughter who loved on my kids way back when they were just little nuggets. They are some of the most loving and most generous people we know, and I’m so grateful to have them in our family’s life!

We all go through seasons of need and seasons where we can serve those in need. I pray you have the heart, humility, and self-awareness to embrace both sides of that coin. If you are in a positive season of life, be on the lookout for people who you can lovingly serve. Conversely, if you’re in a tough season of life, be willing to let others walk alongside you to help you onto your feet. After all, the sooner you get back on your feet, the sooner you’ll be able to play the role of the loving servant again.

If you have any stories where you’ve been on either side of need, I’d love to hear! Please share in the comments. Also, if you found this post valuable, would you mind sharing it with someone who may also find it valuable? I think there are people who need to hear this message today!

“We all go through seasons of need and seasons where we can serve those in need. I pray you have the heart, humility, and self-awareness to embrace both sides of that coin. ”

What I learned From Jiro

I had it on my watchlist for more than 8 years, but I finally watched the Netflix Documentary Jiro Dreams of Sushi. This film was a fascinating look into the best sushi chef in the world. When the film was shot in 2011, Jiro was 85 years old. The film chronicles his journey and attempts to explain why he has been set apart from his peers. It still boggles my mind how one man and one restaurant can create so much distance between themselves and the competition when all the other chefs have access to the same fish and the same rice. Simple ingredients, complex results. Having been awarded three Michelin stars, there is no argument about his greatness. In the opening minutes of the movie, he has a few insights that are worth sharing. “Once you have decided your occupation, you must immerse yourself in your work. You have to fall in love with your work. Never complain about your job. You must dedicate your life to mastering your skill. That is the secret of success and is the key to being regarded honorably.”

The film makes it very clear Jiro wasn’t a perfect person, or a perfect father, or a perfect husband. However, Jiro did manage to achieve something many of us have not. He found his dream, he pursued it aggressively, and he lived it out. At 85 years of age, he proclaimed he had no intention of retiring. I love this about him. Work wasn’t a means to an end. Rather, work was the means AND the end. Not just any work, but work that matters. Work was a place where Jiro could live out his passion, release his creativity, and make a difference in people’s lives. He wasn’t saving the world, but it is clear he was adding value to the world. People from all over the globe were flying to his tiny restaurant simply to taste his creations. Regardless of whether or not you view this as a noble endeavor, Jiro lived his dream, used his gifts, and created happiness in the lives of others. When I’m 85-years-old, I too hope I wake up every day and get the opportunity to do work that matters, serve others well, and loudly proclaim I have no intention of retiring.

I hope you similarly find your passion and pursue it with reckless abandon!

““Once you have decided your occupation, you must immerse yourself in your work. You have to fall in love with your work. Never complain about your job. You must dedicate your life to mastering your skill. That is the secret of success and is the key to being regarded honorably.””

— Jiro

Radical Generosity

We are on our way to the mountains! Packed up, in the car, driving west, heading for Colorado. It also happens to be Finn and Pax’s third birthday!

A friend of a friend – a man we’ve never actually met – owns a handful of hotels in the Rocky Mountains. He generously and graciously offered my family a free week’s stay at any of his properties. How amazing is that?!?! One stranger offering another stranger an unconventional and extravagant gift. Except we aren’t strangers……we’re all brothers and sisters in Jesus. This is what we do. We use our unique gifts, talents, and resources to bless others. Not because we expect something in return, but because we are blessed with the opportunity to serve and love one another in unique and profound ways. I would argue there’s nothing better than blessing someone else, especially the person who has nothing to offer you in return.

You may be saying to yourself, “that’s great for the guy who owns hotels…….but I don’t own hotels and I’m certainly not wealthy.” Here’s the great news: we all have something to give! Whether we’re rich or poor, old or young, in school or in the workforce, creative or not-so-creative, the boss or the employee, we all have something to offer! We are called to serve each other and give in accordance to our abilities. What that looks like will vary from one person to the next. It’s not about the dollars……it’s about the heart. It’s about wanting to make a difference in someone’s life. It’s about wanting to live out – in the 21st century – what Jesus modeled in the first century.

So while I’m enjoying time with my family this week, I’ll be thinking about this generous man who blessed us in such a wonderful way. I am so grateful for his gift and his generous heart. I’ll also be using this time to think about new and fun ways I can use my unique gifts, talents, and resources to love others well. I already have a few ideas up my sleeve, but I hope this time of relaxation and rejuvenation will spark even better ideas in my soul. I’m really looking forward to that!

What are some ways you can use your unique gifts, talents, and resources to love others well in your world? I’d love to hear your ideas!

Parenting: Failing Forward

Have you ever been in a situation where you flat-out knew you were underqualified? Where you were in way over your head, and your only goal is to get through it without melting down? Where you were painfully self-aware of your shortcomings but perhaps those around you weren’t, so in addition to surviving, you also hoped nobody would find out how just how big of a fraud you really are? I hope I’m not the only one.

No, I wasn’t joking!

I’ve felt like that as a parent. No, I’m not talking about a specific situation that stands out in my mind. I honestly mean the entire last 3 years of my life. Becoming a parent is easily one of the most humbling things you’ll ever go through. I know there are a lot of parenting “experts” out there. We all know some. You know, the ones who have been parents for two days and somehow already have more parenting knowledge in their little toe than their own parents ever had (ironic considering their parents presumably raised at least one child from birth to adulthood).

Let’s set those “experts” aside for now – perhaps for further discussion in the future – and focus on the rest of us that perhaps don’t have everything figured out. Shortly after becoming a parent for the first time, I started to tell people this whole parenting this is WAY cooler than I had ever imagined and WAY harder than I had ever imagined. My twin boys are approaching three-years-old and that proclamation holds just as much truth today – perhaps more – than when it first came out of my mouth. This parenting stuff is hard! Or as my wife puts it, “we have the world’s most demanding bosses.” Every day is a new test in patience, leadership, and grace. For example, what is the best course of action when one kid decides to finger paint the living room walls with the other kid’s feces? No leadership book is going to give you a catchy, Instagrammable quote that explains how best to tackle this situation known as poopgate. Rather, each and every situation is a new test and a new way to be humbled.

Any parent that tells you they have it all figured out is either a) drastically overconfident, b) a mythical superhero, or c) a liar. I used to navigate life with the illusion that I will get this parenting thing figured out and all will be set right in the world. All you experienced parents out there know just how naive that notion was.

So this is my way of saying I have no idea what I’m doing…..and chances are, neither do you or your parents. All we can do is do our best. Sometimes that will be good enough, but sometimes it won’t. When it’s not, we need to own it. We need to admit our shortcomings and try to do better next time. If you’re reading this and still live under your parents’ roof, here is my request for you: give them some grace, too. They need it, and they deserve it. We may have grown up viewing our parents as superheroes, but they are really just failing their way forward like the rest of us. They just happen to have some authority in your life. But here’s the other thing: nobody on this planet loves you as much as your parents do. When they make a decision that upsets you, know they are simply doing what they genuinely believe is best for you. It may be, or it may not be, but know their decision is coming from a place of love.

“If you’re reading this and still live under your parents’ roof, here is my request for you: give them some grace, too. They need it, and they deserve it. ”

I know I’m going to make some good decisions and bad decisions as a parent. My goal is to make as many good decisions and as few bad decisions as possible. My deepest desire is for my kids to look back and know that every decision was made out of love. They may not see it in the moment, but I hope that becomes clear one day. After all, my job is not to raise good kids. My job is to raise strong, faithful adults who will change the world in their own unique way. I’m underqualified for the job, but I’m going to give it my all!

New Beginnings

For nearly two decades I’ve wanted to run a website and publish my writing. I’m not sure what has stopped me in the past. Perhaps it was the busy of life, or not having anything to say, or believing nobody cared what I had to say, or maybe because I was simply lazy or scared. As the saying goes, the best time to start was 20 years ago…..and the second-best time to start is now!

This website is one of the many new beginnings my family has experienced in this season of life. About three months ago, I stepped away from an amazing career in institutional commercial real estate investing. It was a dream job, it paid well, it was fun, and it allowed me to see the world. But God gave me a new dream. Today, I wake up each and every day with a burning desire to help people win with money. Not so they can become wealthy and swim around in their pools of money like Scrooge McDuck, but rather so they can live out the life God has called them to live. For some it means changing careers to joyfully use their gifts and passions for a purpose, for others it means staying home with their babies, for some it means to open up the floodgates of generosity, and for many it simply means to ease the tension money and finances have put on their day-to-day life.

I’ve found a few ways to serve others with these gifts. The first is through offering professional financial coaching for families looking to improve their financial life. Some people are doing ok and looking to do good, while others are doing good and looking to do great. These are people with purpose, with passion, and with the dedication to create real change so they can live the life God has called them to live. Each and every one of them are heroes in my book! This professional part of my life will also involve speaking, workshops, podcasting, and writing.

I’ve also been blessed with an opportunity to serve my local church – The Ridge in Ankeny, IA (suburban Des Moines) – by launching a formal financial ministry. In this ministry, we hope to raise up a team of leaders who can help people honor God with their finances. Through teaching, speaking, coaching, and workshops, we want to serve the people of our church with love, compassion, and truth. Check out this link to learn more about what we’re doing at The Ridge.

This brings us here, to this blog. Every time I push something into the world, whether it be on FB, IG, or Twitter, I ask myself one simple question: “why am I doing this?” If the answer is anything but “to entertain”, “to educate”, or “to inspire”, I simply hit delete and move on with my life. I want to add value in all that I do, and never want it to become about me. So with this blog, I hope to entertain, educate, and inspire those who desire to live a better life. A life with purpose. A life they will one day look back on and be proud of. If you are one of those people, I hope you find value in this blog and continue to read, engage, and share.

Thanks, and here’s to new beginnings!