Understanding the Rules
I received a flood of feedback after my recent post about our household rule that the kids must save for their own vehicles. In short, many readers found it ludicrous that we would tell 9-year-olds that they must save enough money to buy their own vehicle (while we will match whatever they contribute). One reader had the following thought:
"You expect kids who aren't even old enough to get a job to save tens of thousands of dollars for a car? Most adults aren't able to save for a car."
Or another:
"I think you lost the plot. Between sports and activities, kids don't have time to work. Sports and activities are their work."
Or this:
"Your kids will be driving beaters while everyone else is driving Beamers. You'll pay for counseling later."
I spent 10 years as a volunteer youth group leader. During that time, I often talked a lot with teens and parents about the art and science of paying for college. One particular thread seemed to run through every story. The teens were uber stressed about the entire process. Where should I go to college? How much will it cost? Who will pay for it? What does that mean for my life? The stress level was at 100% during the last two years of high school. Here's what NOBODY said: "I'm stressed because my parents are making me pay for college."
Rather, the stress always came from a lack of understanding. A lack of clear process. A lack of conversation. These teens were mere months away from graduating high school, yet had no idea what the implications and consequences were of any decision being made. There were no rules. If their parents had established rules, processes, and expectations, these teens would have been far less stressed, even if they were told they had to pay 100% of the cost. The stress didn't come from the cost; it came from the lack of rules and clarity.
Back to tasking children to save for vehicle purchases. The cost isn't punishment; not giving them clarity is. Giving our kids rules, expectations, and process is a gift. It allows them to understand the lay of the land and make decisions accordingly. Or, here are the wise words of my friend Randy, who was required to personally pay for any fun extras while he was a kid growing up in a lower-income family:
"I did not resent it because I understood the rules and self selected what was important to me."
"I understood the rules." Right there. Randy didn't have spoils dropped in his lap. He was required to self-fund anything extra. Despite the fact he had to pay for all his extra stuff (while many of his friends probably didn't), he respected the rules and navigated them accordingly. Beautiful. Side note: Randy went on to become a tremendously successful (and generous) businessman.
Pain and sacrifice are not unkind; vagueness is. Therefore, let's not allow entitlement or spoiling supercede clarity and responsibility. Have an awesome day!!
I received a flood of feedback after my recent post about our household rule that the kids must save for their own vehicles. In short, many readers found it ludicrous that we would tell 9-year-olds that they must save enough money to buy their own vehicle (while we will match whatever they contribute). One reader had the following thought:
"You expect kids who aren't even old enough to get a job to save tens of thousands of dollars for a car? Most adults aren't able to save for a car."
Or another:
"I think you lost the plot. Between sports and activities, kids don't have time to work. Sports and activities are their work."
Or this:
"Your kids will be driving beaters while everyone else is driving Beamers. You'll pay for counseling later."
I spent 10 years as a volunteer youth group leader. During that time, I often talked a lot with teens and parents about the art and science of paying for college. One particular thread seemed to run through every story. The teens were uber stressed about the entire process. Where should I go to college? How much will it cost? Who will pay for it? What does that mean for my life? The stress level was at 100% during the last two years of high school. Here's what NOBODY said: "I'm stressed because my parents are making me pay for college."
Rather, the stress always came from a lack of understanding. A lack of clear process. A lack of conversation. These teens were mere months away from graduating high school, yet had no idea what the implications and consequences were of any decision being made. There were no rules. If their parents had established rules, processes, and expectations, these teens would have been far less stressed, even if they were told they had to pay 100% of the cost. The stress didn't come from the cost; it came from the lack of rules and clarity.
Back to tasking children to save for vehicle purchases. The cost isn't punishment; not giving them clarity is. Giving our kids rules, expectations, and process is a gift. It allows them to understand the lay of the land and make decisions accordingly. Or, here are the wise words of my friend Randy, who was required to personally pay for any fun extras while he was a kid growing up in a lower-income family:
"I did not resent it because I understood the rules and self selected what was important to me."
"I understood the rules." Right there. Randy didn't have spoils dropped in his lap. He was required to self-fund anything extra. Despite the fact he had to pay for all his extra stuff (while many of his friends probably didn't), he respected the rules and navigated them accordingly. Beautiful. Side note: Randy went on to become a tremendously successful (and generous) businessman.
Pain and sacrifice are not unkind; vagueness is. Therefore, let's not allow entitlement or spoiling supercede clarity and responsibility. Have an awesome day!!
____
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