If My Life Ended Today….

I separately shared conversations with two of my best friends yesterday. Both of them expressed a sense of being shaken up by recent events, particularly driven by the fact that they are both the exact same age as Charlie Kirk. It was the first time either of these men had thought about their mortality in such a raw way. One of these guys said he's been pondering the following question: "If my life ended today, what would I have to show for it?"

That's an intense question! How would you answer? I've written multiple times on this blog about how I've always felt I’d experience a premature death. I don't know why I think that, but it's something I've pondered for decades (so far, so good!). As such, I've been thinking about this question for quite some time.

Here's one thing I know. I haven't waited until "later" or "someday" to do the things I'm called to. Faith will always prevail. Even at our own detriment, Sarah and I have made tough choices to follow a challenging path. A path that's led to much fruit. Lots of struggle, but so many blessings. We've wilfully and knowingly made things difficult for ourselves. However, we did so at the hands of our calling. While I can't be certain, I hope others (including my two children) would internalize that principle and use it to alter their own life choices. I pray that's something beautiful I can leave behind.

Here's one thing I won't leave behind: regret. I am deeply committed to leaving no regrets on the table. I'm not scared of many things in life (except for maybe snakes), but I'm deeply terrified of regret. Regardless of when my life ends, I pray I close my time on earth with no regrets.

Tomorrow is not promised. Every tomorrow is a blessing. Every tomorrow is an opportunity to live our calling, now. Every tomorrow is a challenge to eradicate future regret. I hope to see you again tomorrow, but if I don't, I can promise you I left it all on the field.

I don’t mean to sound morbid with this post, but I pray this spurs a conversation within yourself today.

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Not Throwing It Away…..Today

I'm still reeling. These last few days have been absolutely brutal. Yesterday's blog post was the shortest post I've ever written. I simply had no words. The tank was empty; I was completely drained. Again today, I don't feel great. I have a lot of emotions spinning in me. Like so many others, my instinct is to react. My gut says to explode. Every ounce of me wants to let people have it.

However, at the same time, I keep thinking about this idea I podcasted about more than three years ago. It's an idea I think about often, but today, more than ever, this idea remains foundational in my life. We each have a choice:

1. We can explode with anger, vengeance, and frustration. We can tell people off, make ridiculous social media posts, or leave nasty comments on other people's posts. We can unleash our opinions on the world, leaving a wake of wreckage in our path, essentially throwing away any influence we ever had with people in our circle.

2. We can navigate life with a posture of restraint, retaining influence in people's lives. While we might hate their opinions and behaviors, and we won't get the instant (but fleeting) satisfaction of telling them how dumb they are acting, we can keep the right to be a positive influence in their lives.

I'm teetering between #1 and #2. Every ounce of me wants to lash out. However, doing so will require me to throw away any and all influence on many people's lives. Looking at it the other way around, there are countless people in my life that I will likely never trust again after this week. Any influence or equity they had in my life has been torched. It's sad, but true. Perhaps they don't care, but it's still sad.

In order to keep a proper perspective, I went back and listened to that episode (Episode 131 of the Meaning Over Money Podcast, dated 6/27/22). It's weird listening to your own voice to gain insights, but I gotta do what I gotta do. I fully encourage you to listen as well. That episode feels more timely than ever. You can find it on APPLE, SPOTIFY, or wherever you listen to podcasts.

Today, I'm going to choose restraint. I hope I choose restraint again tomorrow. Every day is a new battle. Keep fighting the fight, retaining influence on other people's lives. Your influence matters.

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Few Words

I have few words today, friends. After the recent public and cold-blooded murders of Iryna Zarutska and Charlie Kirk, plus another senseless school shooting, I lack everything I need to write today's post. My encouragement is zapped. My wisdom is futile. I have nothing remotely funny or clever to say. The tank simply feels empty.

This appears to be a fork in the road for all of us. Do we continue down the road of anger, violence, and vengeance? Or do we find common ground and show each other dignity? After scrolling social media last night, I'm afraid to answer that question. Further, as I search my own soul and have a glimpse of what's inside me, I'm also scared to personally answer my own question.

Whatever today brings, try to go to bed tonight on the positive side of the ledger. Leave the world better than you found it today.

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My 8, Her 1

I was having a perfectly normal yet good day yesterday. I was stressed by some time-sensitive endeavors, but it was a good day. Probably an 8 out of 10. The weather was nice, the sun was shining, and I was eager to serve those whom I had the privilege of serving. Then, it happened. I was in the pharmacy to pick up some treats for my kids when I crossed paths with a young lady (probably 17-18 years old). To say she was rude and disrespectful would be a gross understatement. She was borderline inappropriate with how she behaved.

My gut reaction was to be snippy with her, possibly fire back with a little smart comeback. However, I restrained myself and tried to simply be polite with her. Inside, though, I was seething. Would my dark thoughts prevail, or would I handle myself in a way I'd be proud? My good side ultimately prevailed, and I handled myself with respect and dignity. I was courteous with her despite her harsh attitude.

Fast forward five minutes, and I walked toward the checkout. Who's in front of me? The rude young lady. She was there to purchase just one item: a pregnancy test. Oh boy. I think it's safe for me to assume she was having an epically stressful day. She might have been in the midst of a 1 out of 10 day.

We have a principle at Northern Vessel that's foundational to how we conduct ourselves. Our guests NEVER have to earn our hospitality. Every person that walks through our doors deserves dignity and respect.....period. Even if they are having a 1 out of 10 day, our mission is to serve them at the highest level. Taking this approach in business and life requires us to put our guard down and be willing to make the first move. It requires us to approach situations with humility and vulnerability, even when it might blow up in our face.

When we're having an 8, 9, or 10-type day, there are countless people around us who are having a 1, 2, or 3-type day. Do we deserve to be treated like dirt? Of course not! However, what an opportunity we each have to be a steadying presence in people's lives when they are at their worst. Even when we want to lash out or match their negativity, we have an opportunity to lift their day, even for just a moment. It's not much, but to someone having a 1 out of 10 day, it could mean everything.

I'm really glad I handled myself well in front of that young lady. I hope she's alright. I've been thinking about her a lot, and I pray she's surrounded by loving, caring, and honest people.

Whatever type of day you have today, I hope you muster the strength to show class and dignity to everyone......especially those who don't seem to deserve it. They may need it more than anyone.

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Leaving a Gift For Future You

I had a ridiculously fun experience yesterday. Nearly four years after one of my clients stepped away from our coaching relationship, they reached out and asked if we could set up a one-time coaching meeting. They are contemplating a huge life decision and wanted a second opinion. I get it, as this is a heavy consideration in front of them, ripe with all sorts of consequences (financial and otherwise).

I understood the general concept and heart behind the question, but I didn't yet know the broader context. Then, as happens before all my coaching meetings, they sent me updated financial information. I opened the Excel file and smiled; I immediately knew something they didn't. In the nearly four years since we last met, they had done precisely as I recommended. They followed my advice nearly verbatim. That was the moment I knew it would be a fun and productive meeting!

My job was easy at that point. Instead of trying to measure all the pros and cons of this seemingly heavy decision, I was able to visually illustrate why not only could they do it, but they should do it. They diligently, intentionally, and consistently structured their finances and invested in such a way that they now have a myriad of options on how to handle the next season of life. That flexibility, in turn, will now unlock one of their dreams. They left a beautiful gift for their future selves, and today, their future selves are able to receive said gift.

This is the mind-bending part about our financial lives. Every decision we make impacts two people: Current us and future us. When current me makes a wise decision, it's a gift for future me. When current me makes a bone-headed decision, it's a curse for future me. Whether we want to admit it or not, future me will always become current me at some point in time. Even 80-year-old future Travis will become current Travis in 2061. A time will come when the future old man me will become current me.....I'll be that guy!

I think about this a lot when I reflect on the wild life choices Sarah and I have made over the past six years. With the benefit of hindsight, there was a wonderful season where then-current Travis and Sarah left a truly blessing-filled gift for future Travis and Sarah. That future Travis and Sarah is us today. We're reaping the blessing of decisions that previous versions of us made.

What gifts or curses are you leaving to your future self? That's an amazing question to ask today. What do you want your future self to have? What does future you need from current you today? Whatever the answer is to that question, today is a good day to give that gift.

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Ugly Scoreboards

Yesterday was Finn and Pax's first flag football game of the season. Pax's excitement was sky-high, and he was hoping to perform at the highest level. On the very first play of the game, he threw an interception that was returned for a touchdown. In a matter of five seconds, they were losing 0-7. Ouch!

I was expecting the worst. Would he start crying? Would he get angry? Would he pout and feel sorry for himself? To my surprise, he seemed fine. His offense went three-and-out on its next possession, and their opponent scored an 80-yard touchdown on the first play of their next drive. Two minutes in, and they were down 0-14.

Later on, he missed a tackle that resulted in a long touchdown. Ok, now he was really going to be down. Except he wasn't. He was on the sideline, hyping up his teammates, bringing encouragement, and celebrating every little win. Who is this guy?!?! They went into halftime down 0-21, and he seemed oddly jolly.

As the second half unfolded, his team dominated. Pax moved to defense, where he made himself present on nearly every snap. On the other side of the ball, we scored four touchdowns in a row. Each time we scored, Pax sprinted onto the field and wildly celebrated his teammates. It was a remarkable sight, and I was so proud of him. We won 28-21, and I was extremely proud of both boys' efforts.

The most profound part of that experience for me was watching Pax stay positive, encouraging, and confident despite all the adversity that he endured. He was a stellar teammate and the ultimate hype man. He could have let any one of those events keep him down, yet he persevered.

After our post-game ice cream, I told him that was a perfect analogy for life. We will absolutely get knocked down over and over and over. That's never in question. What's in question, though, is what we'll do about it. Will we give up? Will we cower? Will we be a victim? Will we make excuses? Will we complain? Will we blame others? Or. Or. Or will we get up and keep moving forward?

So many people I'm working with are throwing pick-sixes. They just got scored on. They just gave up a long touchdown. They just missed a play. They are at halftime, down 0-21. They are getting their butts kicked by life. But what happens from here on out is still to be written.

Wherever you're at today, whether down 0-21 or on the winning side of the ledger, the future is still in your hands. Please don't let the past mistakes, unfortunate situations, or embarrassing failures keep you down. Today is a great day to get up, dust yourself off, and put some points on the scoreboard of life.

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Make It Hurt a Little

Yesterday was a great day for Cyclone fans all over the world, as the football team won its second consecutive Cy-Hawk game against our rival, the Hawkeyes. I'd like to say I enjoyed watching the game, but to be honest, it was a stressful and miserable endeavor from start to finish. That game is always tough to watch, but I was excited about the outcome.

The catch: I watched it from home. I had been eagerly anticipating being there in person with our season tickets, but by Friday, I knew we needed to simplify our weekend and watch it from home. I have a huge talk coming up, and I really needed more rest and more prep time.

When one of my friends found out I was staying home, he had a question: "How much did you get for those tickets?!?! That's the most valuable game of the year!"

"I gave them away."

His face immediately formed a look of disgust. "Why would you just give them away?!?! You could have gotten at least $600 for them!!!"

"Because I wanted to," I replied. The truth is, there was no amount of money I could have received for those tickets that would have provided me with as much joy as giving them to another family. That family was able to make memories, share an experience together, and be part of something truly awesome. It was priceless!

Giving is more valuable than money, every single time. Sure, we could make it a math equation. If I give away $1,000, I have $1,000 less to spend on xyz. That math is correct. That math is real. However, the simple math fails to encapsulate the greater beauty of giving. Whenever we give, it changes something inside of us. It shifts our perspective from "me" to "them." It forces us to look outside ourselves. It requires we think about ourselves less, and other people more.

Would an extra $400-$600 come in handy? Absolutely, it would! It was very tempting, too! The selfish and self-serving side of me really wanted to hit the cha-ching button on those tickets. However, we needed to remain pure in our intent with our season tickets: Make memories with our kids and bless other people. Mission accomplished.

Giving is more valuable than money. If you agree, fist bump to you! If you don't, would you please consider putting me and this idea to the test? Consider blessing someone in a big way this week. Make sure it requires tangible sacrifice on your part. Make it hurt a little. Then, see what happens. It's beautiful!

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Happy Curation

On the heels of a recent post about a client of mine that has done a beautiful job of curating their life, I received a handful of e-mails from blog readers asking for real-life examples of what it looks like to curate one's life. I absolutely love this, and it got me thinking about how Sarah and I have managed to curate our own family's life over the past six years.

With that context in mind, the following are a handful of examples of how we've intentionally curated our lives in recent years:

• We live two minutes from Finn and Pax's school (one way) and two minutes from my office (the other way). Our logistical life is situated within a half-mile radius on the same street. It's simpler than simple.

• We rent our house, which gives us complete predictability on our cost of living. It's one of the biggest life hacks on the planet.

• We allocate a healthy amount of money each month for travel, allowing us to travel a lot.

• Sarah stays at home (while part-time nannying and part-time volunteering), meaning we have a lot of logistical flexibility while relieving me from many of life's inconveniences. This allows me to focus on what I need to focus on.

• I never take a meeting before 9AM, which enables me to spend my early mornings with the boys and take them to school each day.

• Since we keep our living expenses low, we're able to focus heavily on generosity. This changed our lives.

• Once I left my prior career and started my self-employment journey, I gave myself the freedom to engage with any new work that I felt called to try. This has led me to work on several different endeavors at any given time.

• I purchased an affordable convertible ($9,000) that I use as a fun commuter car for half the year. It adds an immense amount of richness to my day-to-day life.

• We live within walking distance of several restaurants, coffee shops, parks, and shops.

Each of these things combines for a curated life that's exactly how my family wants to live. I'm NOT advocating for you to live a similar life. Rather, my encouragement is for you to methodically and intentionally curate your own life to align with your values. There's no reason to be a victim of circumstance when you can be the author of the journey. Happy curation!

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From the Ashes

One of my friends experienced something beyond horrifying. They've been through it all, and somehow stand upright on the other side of it. I can't even imagine the amount of pain they've endured.

During a recent conversation, I shared that I'm hopeful and confident that beauty will eventually rise from the ashes of this chaos. Over the subsequent 45 minutes, they shared beauty, after beauty, after beauty.

Watching their friends, family, and neighbors rally around them with unconditional love, support, and generosity. They've never felt more loved than they do now.

Speaking of generosity, the love they've experienced from those around them has unlocked an entirely new understanding of what it means to be joyfully and sacrificially generous. Some of their perspectives on giving have been rewired, and the potential consequences of this shift are exciting!

Watching their kids grow in their faith, resilience, and perseverance. Nobody wishes their children to experience pain and suffering, but to see faith bloom during this season has been a tremendous blessing.

Gaining a newfound outlook on life, relationships, finances, and what it means to pursue meaning over money.

Feeling a deep sense of gratitude. Not dwelling on all the things we don't have, but being sincerely grateful for all we do.

Beauty, through the ashes. Sometimes we get more than we bargained for, and we'd give anything to undo it, but beauty will always rise from the ashes.

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Carving a Path

According to society, our younger generation is screwed. They will never save money. They will never buy a house. They will never retire. They will never be able to survive without having 3-4 jobs. They will never have a standard of living that resembles the generations before them. At least that's the narrative I hear on a daily basis. 

I recently had the opportunity to sit down with one such young adult. 23 years old. Limited education. Comes from a family with few financial resources. Lives in a humble apartment. 

Oh yeah, and he will make more income this year than my family. No, he's not an influencer. No, he didn't invent anything. No, he wasn't given a cushy job by someone with influence. 

He developed a blue-collar skill and decided to sell it to people. After doing that a bunch of times, he did it a bunch more. He saved, saved, and saved. Then he bought a van. Then he hired a few people to help him. Then he hired a few more. Today, he has an entire team that serves people all around the city. He's crushing it! Reminder, he's 23. 

As he shared updates about his journey, I couldn't help but smile. He created something out of nothing. He carved his own unique path. He put in the work, made sacrifices, and figured it out one failure at a time. There's nothing special about him other than his willingness to do what others won't. In today's marketplace, that's a superpower. 

We live in a country that allows each of us to carve a unique path. There's literally unlimited opportunity…..if we're willing to pursue it. There's absolutely nothing wrong with choosing a traditional, more linear path. That can be an awesome and fulfilling life, and many people around me are living examples of that. However, if you're feeling discontent with your status, standing, or progress with your current path, always remember that alternative paths exist. An entire alternative universe exists! A universe that you're the author of.

I hope your life, both at work and outside of it, is fulfilling and meaningful. I hope you wake up every day excited for what's to come. If you're not, though, I encourage you to muster the courage to carve a different path. It's right there in front of you.

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Say No to Guilt

Do you ever make financial decisions out of guilt or societal pressure? If yes, that means you're human. If no, that means you're lying......or a robot. It happens to all of us at times. Throughout the course of our day-to-day lives, we face thousands of decisions, big and small. We run into situations where we might want to make one particular decision, but the walls of guilt and/or pressure start to close in.

Tipping is one area that's becoming increasingly difficult for people to navigate. It seems like everyone and everything wants a tip. I was recently solicited for a tip from a machine that was fully automated. What do you mean the robot wants a tip?!?!?

In a recent survey conducted by Talker Research, it was discovered that Americans are spending $283/year on guilt-driven tipping in 2025, which happens an estimated 4.2x per month. $283/year is nearly $24/month. We each spend an average of $24/month on tips, solely dictated by the guilt and pressure!

As the owner of a coffee shop, I'm acutely aware of this tension. On one hand, I completely get why people are growing weary of the systematic and manufactured pressures to tip. On many occasions, it does feel like we are getting set up and manipulated.

On the other hand, I embrace the idea of our team being handsomely rewarded for excellence and hospitality. I want them to crush it, but I want them to earn it! I want them to add so much value to that experience that people want to freely and generously tip them (no guilt!).

Where I personally land on this topic is to never be influenced by guilt or pressure when tipping. When I'm at a coffee shop or most other service providers, I demand excellence. When excellence is delivered, I tip exceedingly well. Even when the service is poor (which is now a common occurrence), I tip something. I know my opinion is controversial to many, but I'm still a tipping purist at heart. I believe tipping is an intimate form of generosity, grace, and an opportunity to reward and incentivize excellence. I'm all-in on tipping.

My Meaning Over Money business partner, Cole, has a different perspective. He's beyond tired of our tipping culture and is quick to hit "no tip" in many situations. For example, if the establishment isn't in the food and beverage industry, no tip. If it's a food and beverage establishment and he has to order at a counter or walk up to grab his own food or drink, no tip. If the employee isn't polite and friendly, a much lower tip. Similar to me, but in the completely opposite way, Cole doesn't feel guilt, either. He is sincere in his actions and doesn't lose sleep over it.

While I disagree with Cole's tipping principles, I fully approve and affirm his endeavor to make guilt-free and pressure-free decisions. That's an important part of living with meaning in our finances. Nothing good comes from guilt, so let's strive to remove it from our day-to-day habits.

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Subtraction By Addition

I've recently dabbled in the topic of structure here on the blog. I'm a big believer in structure as a means to gain clarity, control, and momentum in the various aspects of our lives. A few readers asked me to provide an example as it pertains to everyday personal finance. Your wish is my command!

One of the primary principles I teach clients is the implementation of sinking funds. "Sinking fund" is formal name for a savings account with one particular objective. A car sinking fund would only be used to save for car expenses. A travel sinking fund would only be used to save for travel expenses. And so on.

Clients often look at me cross-eyed when, after ranting for 15 minutes about the importance of simplifying our finances, I introduce the idea of setting up a bunch of savings accounts. That seems counterintuitive. How can having more accounts help us streamline our finances?!?!

I have a sinking fund to pay for car maintenance expenses. It's a savings account set up at a bank, and it's creatively named "Car Fund." Every month, Sarah and I budget money for our car fund. After all, our cars WILL break down at some point. Oil needs to be changed. Parts need to be replaced. The last thing we need is a massive bill from our mechanic to blow up our month. Therefore, each month, without fail, we budget $500 in our car fund category. Then, like clockwork, we physically send $500 from our primary checking account into our car fund.

What this structure does is smooth out our car maintenance expenses. Each month, $500 goes into that account, where it (hopefully) builds over time. Then, when the dreaded car expense happens, it shouldn't impact our budget in the slightest. Here's a recent example:

As planned, $500 was automatically moved into our car fund on the 16th of the month. Three actual car expenses were incurred during the month: $605 to our mechanic, $7.50 for a car wash, and $14.74 for a part......a total of about $627. Knowing this, I reimbursed our checking account $627 from our car fund toward the end of the month. The net result of this is that we spent exactly $500 on car maintenance that month. Perfectly smooth, perfectly under control.

With that one piece of structure, we smoothed out what can otherwise be a brutally volatile category. Regardless of whether the mechanic's bill was $600, $1,000, or $2,000, our budget remains unchanged and unaffected.

Adding that one simple piece of structure actually simplifies our finances. It takes very little effort, and so much of our financial stress, tension, and anxiety can be thrown out the window. Perhaps this is a good week to set up a few sinking funds of your own!

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Being Stupid

Yesterday morning, I was sitting at church, minding my own business, when out of nowhere, the man giving the message anonymously told a story about me! I was shocked, to say the least. He's a friend of mine, so it was an honor for him to even think about me in this regard.

To summarize, he shared examples of people who made decisions that led others to call them "stupid." In my case, he shared how I had a high-paying job that would have essentially ensured I'd be financially set for life. Then, in an attempt to serve more people in different ways, be more present with my family, and be a better father, I quit my job to start my own little business. This decision resulted in people all around me (including some extremely close to me) telling me I was "being stupid."

I gotta admit, having some of your closest friends and family call you "stupid" is a hard pill to swallow. At the same time, though, we shouldn't endeavor to gain the approval of others. It's our journey to live, and we're the ones who must live with the consequences of our own actions.

Over the last six years since making that decision, I've had many people call me stupid for many different decisions. It's unsettling when people around us make counter-cultural choices, and it challenges us in our soft spots. We've all been on that side of the equation. Just last week, I found myself getting jealous of a friend for doing something I don't personally (yet) have the courage to try. Instinctively, I wanted to call him "stupid," but truthfully, that was my own insecurity creeping in.

I feel like half my days are spent encouraging people to do "stupid" things. So many people are teetering on the edge of making life-altering decisions, but the cultural pressure from people around them often holds them back. After all, nobody wants to be "stupid."

There's a shadow side to all this. At some point along the journey, the same people who initially thought we were stupid start to see the positive side of these seemingly crazy decisions. In some situations, without even saying a word, we begin to inspire other people to make their own "stupid" decisions. Stupidity is contagious, I guess.

This is the role we each have the opportunity of playing. Our decisions and choices may draw the ire of people all around us, but so too does the product of our actions. Someone has to break the mold.....why not you?

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Exceptions

Yesterday was Iowa State Football's home opener. I took the boys, and we had a blast together. The day was sweeter with a blowout win, too! We made so many fun memories and lost our voices from the cheering and screaming. Good times! Go Cyclones!

As the game drew to a close, the boys didn't want to leave. Pax wanted to play catch with the football, and Finn stood all the way down by the field, watching the marching band and maintenance crews. Though dark clouds were clearly moving in, I decided to let the boys dictate our pace. If they wanted to linger, we would linger.

Finally, they were ready to leave. About 30 seconds after leaving the stadium, a downpour opened from the skies.....followed by a heavy dose of thunder. Problem: Our car was more than a mile away. I checked the weather app, which indicated the rain would be sticking around for a while.

I made an on-the-fly decision. I pulled up Uber and ordered a car to drive us from the stadium to our parked car. $20 (surge pricing). Ouch! It never feels good to spend $20 (plus tip) to have someone deliver you to your own car just one mile away, but sometimes we need to make exceptions.

The truth is, Uber could have charged me $100 and I would have done it. I didn't want to risk walking in lightening, and walking 25 minutes in a downpour sounded miserable. While not the best expense in the world, that $20 was going to be the best money we spent all month. The Uber drive itself was an adventure, and our young driver was overwhelmed by the gameday traffic. However, he was a good dude, and the boys and I decided to tip him an additional $20. Therefore, that entire endeavor cost $40.

It's so easy to look at certain expenses and roll our eyes. On paper, it doesn't make sense. Spending $40 to have someone drive us a mile to our car doesn't make sense. So many things don't make sense. However, sometimes we need to make exceptions.

Somtimes, making weird decisions is more about quality of life than standard of living. I didn't spend $40 for a 1-mile Uber to have a higher standard of living. In the moment, that money was going to dramatically increase our quality of life. It was priceless, in a sense. Our day was better because of that decision, and I’d make it 100 times out of 100. A beautiful exception.

Be willing to make exceptions. Don't be so absolute in your boundaries that you miss the bigger picture. Context matters. Circumstance matters. Mental, physical, and emotional health matters. Quality of life matters. Don't be afraid to make questionable decisions to protect those things from time to time. We can't do it all the time, but when odd or unique situations arise, be willing to pull the exception trigger.

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Deeper Than We Think

I received a bevy of criticism after yesterday's post. To summarize, I shared the story of a friend who is continually scared to spend money on wants because, all his life, he has been told that spending on things we don't need (especially expensive things) is "irresponsible." I challenged him to buy a $500+ ticket to watch his favorite team play in person for the first time ever.

The criticism:

• "You're encouraging people to be irresponsible!"

• "You should be telling people to save money not waste it."

• "Good luck retiring someday."

Do you see the irony in this? I write a piece about how a grown man who has done a wonderful job with finances is terrified to spend money on anything fun because all he's been told his whole life is that spending on wants is "irresponsible," then immediately receive a string of responses telling me that he's being irresponsible (and I'm as equally irresponsible for egging him on).

This stuff runs deep, guys! In our culture, we tend to hear the stories about people who are out there recklessly spending; it's almost become a joke. They are certainly out there! Part of the reason we talk about it is that it's so public. We often see the public side of these decisions: big, shiny, new, exotic, and fancy purchases plastered all over social media.

However, those who suffer on the other side of this coin typically suffer in silence. They often feel guilty, sometimes embarrassed, about not being able to spend money on wants. Years and years of criticism are taking their toll. Those words heard when they were children and teenagers sound as loud in their heads today as they did when first spoken.

A few encouragements today:

• If this is you, you're not alone. Find a way to break through, even if just something small. A start is a start.

• If you have influence over someone, and I suspect you do, encourage them to spend some of their resources onwants. Not all.....some.

• Lean into YOUR values. Don't spend money just to spend money. Find what matters most to you, and invest those dollars there.

• Enjoy the process!

• Have an awesome day.

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Book It

I was having a coffee with a friend. Let's call him Bill. Bill is in his 40s, humble, disciplined, and by all accounts, financially successful. His family floats somewhere in the middle class. They don't lack, but at the same time, they don't live a showy life. Bill's family is what I'd refer to as a fairly normal suburban American family.

Bill is terrified to spend money on things that matter to him. If he needs it (truly needs it), it's no big deal, done. However, whenever something veers into the want camp, especially if the price tag exceeds $100, he cowers. His hesitancy isn't caused by a lack of resources or difficulty prioritizing expenditures. He and his wife have made great financial decisions and don't need to worry about drastic negative consequences.

Rather, his mental and emotional roadblock stems from childhood. For decades, he heard the same message: "Don't spend money on things you don't need." "Don't be irresponsible." Thus, Bill views spending money on wants as taboo.

Bill loves his favorite sports team. LOVES them! During my recent conversation with Bill, he confessed that he's never actually seen his team play in person. Why? It's a want....and wants are irresponsible.

"Book it!" I exclaimed. "Buy a ticket and go." Not only that, but I encouraged him to buy a high-quality ticket. The good seats! I took it one step further. He wasn't allowed to spend less than $500 on the ticket. The mere thought of this idea made him sweat. Not only was I asking him to spend money on a want, but to do it in a big way.

Bill actually followed through! He bought the ticket for his team's first game of the year. Not only that, but he bought an amazing ticket. Fast forward several weeks, and the game arrived. That was last night.

It was a night to remember for Bill. It was everything he dreamed of these last four decades, and more. What about the money? Shockingly (to him, not to me), he doesn't feel like spending that money will negatively impact him, nor does he feel "irresponsible."

I couldn't love this more. It might seem like a silly hurdle to overcome, but this is a crippling problem for millions of people. Sometimes, you just need to book it. It's important that we practice the art and science of spending money on wants. For some, it comes naturally, but for others, it's one of the biggest roadblocks of our lives. If we can learn to do this freely, but within reason, it can unlock so much meaning in our lives.

Book it. Just book it. Try me on this one.

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Curating Your Life

Do you ever wake up and ask yourself, "How did I end up here?!?!" It's remarkable how life can move so quickly at times that we unintentionally end up in places we didn't intend to be. The previous sentence can be taken positively or negatively, but this phenomenon tends to impact us more on the negative side, as it's much easier to accidentally end up somewhere we don't want to be than somewhere we do want to be.

This concept applies to so many areas of our lives:

• What we spend money on.

• Who we have relationships with.

• The work we find ourselves in.

• What we do with our time.

Every once in a while, I have a "What am I doing?!?!" moment. I recognize that I somehow got off course and ended up somewhere I never intended to be. As soon as that happens, I try to be extraordinarily intentional about changing course back in a direction I desire to be.

Last week, in the middle of a client meeting, I thought to myself, "This couple has curated their life better than anyone I know!!!!" They don't make more money than the average family. They aren't living some exotic lifestyle. They don't have flashy jobs. They are normal people living normal lives, but with one catch: They are living the exact life they curated for themselves. Where they live, where they work, who they hang out with, how they spend their time, and how they structure their family life. It all seems so intentional.

The cool part about this family is that I've watched this slowly come together over the course of a decade. I've known the husband for ages, so having a front-row seat to his inspiring example of intentional living has been a treat.

No, they aren't wealthy. No, life hasn't gone perfectly. In fact, they would be the first to admit it's been a messy ride. However, through the noise, they've been able to maintain an intentionality toward their unique definition of ideal life.....and they've pursued it with discipline.

A big part of this is rejecting society's conventional wisdom for how we ought to live, and instead choosing to stay laser-focused on our values. Again, this applies to time, money, work, relationships, and more. Forget what everyone else is doing; just be you!

One key sign you're doing it well is if someone accuses you of being weird. Many of my family's decisions and actions get called out for going against the grain. I'm never offended by such comments, as they only affirm that we're living the life we're called to live. My kids are starting to see some of this, making random comments every now and then. I love that, and I want them to know the importance of curating a meaningful life with intention and discipline.

What about you? What actions have you taken to curate your most meaningful and ideal life? Conversely, what decisions, made today or in the near future, would get you closer to living the life you know you're meant to live?

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Bad Moments, Not Bad Days

I recently wrote about how structure is so crucial to my life. Without it, I lose productivity, meaning, and sanity. I mentioned that I even create structure around "the habits that connect to particular actions." I'm about to share a story about this, and I promise the payoff will be worth it.

I have a specific habit sequence when I drive my 350Z:

• I always walk out of the house with my work bag.

• I set my bag on the ground on the driver's side of the car.

• I start the car and push the button to lower the convertible top.

• I reach down, pick up my bag, and swing it over to the passenger seat.

• I shut my door and back out of the driveway.

It's clockwork to the degree that it takes zero mental energy to execute. My mind is often already preoccupied with the day ahead. Yesterday, though, my habit sequence was broken.....and I paid the price. Since the ground was wet, I set my bag in a different spot. Also, frustratingly, my convertible top wouldn't open. Since it didn't open, I didn't have the mental trigger to reach down for my bag to swing it across. I put the car in reverse and started backing out. However, after just a few feet, I hit a bump.

I knew it immediately; I ran into my bag. Crunch! In an instant, I knew I was about to suffer some brutal consequences. I swiftly pulled my laptop out of my bag and opened the lid: I was met with a multi-color screen full of cracks. It was ruined! The same for my second monitor: ruined.

Long story short, the only thing I damaged on my computer is the screen, which will cost me $100 out of pocket due to AppleCare insurance. But I burned a morning trying to navigate the situation. It was as big a mess as I could have imagined......and one I didn't need.

The thing I always think about is the difference between a bad day and a bad moment. It's so easy to let a bad moment spiral into a bad day (or days). In the past, I probably would have allowed this mess to spiral me for a week. Now, however, I have so many things on my plate and people relying on me. I can't afford to have a bad day. Instead, I choose to have a bad moment. I largely rallied and was able to take care of business for the remainder of the day.

One contributing factor to bad moments vs. bad days is the amount of meaning we carry in our lives. If I'm in a season where I don't feel meaning in my work, relationships, or other endeavors, even a harmless, annoying/inconvenient moment can spiral into a bad day. Today, however, I feel tremendous meaning in my life. Therefore, when the bad moments strike, I'm more easily able to let the moment be a moment, then find a way to navigate into a good day with abad moment.

I don't feel convicted about this today. Rather, I'd love to hear your thoughts. How do you respond to this story and message? I'd love to hear your input! Jokes at my expense are permitted.

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Give An Inch, Take a Mile

We have a podcast called Meaning Over Money. From March 2021 through March 2025 (more than four years), we published two episodes per week, every week, without fail. We didn't miss a single episode for 419 episodes. Then, something happened: We decided to take one week off. Just one week!

The problem is that every time we give an inch, they will take a mile. In this case, by "we," I mean Cole and I, and by "they," I mean Cole and I. We gave ourselves an inch, and we took a mile. Our "we'll just take off one week" quickly grew to two weeks. Then, after just one episode, we took another three weeks off. Episode. Then a few more weeks. Episode. Then another few more weeks. Episode. Then, lastly, we had a near three-month gap.

Just like that, we self-sabotaged ourselves right under our own noses. Now, it's fair to admit that both Cole and I had a LOT of life going on. Travel, parenting, work, marriage, ministry.....all the good things. However, it's amazing how we'll use even the smallest excuse to derail ourselves if we allow ourselves.

This is one of the reasons why I've published on this blog for more than 1,000 consecutive days. I know myself well enough to know that even one day off could be the gateway to a month off. Give an inch, take a mile!

Sure, it's evident that if we miss one day, we can always jump back on the horse with little harm. That's quite true. However, our human instinct will always pull us away from our endeavors when this happens. It's sad, but true.

This isn't me saying that perfection is the answer. Perfection kills more dreams than mistakes do. Instead, what I'm suggesting is that we need to be aware of how apt we are to self-sabotage our own best interests. We'll self-sabotage our dreams like it was a trip to the dentist. That's how deeply wired this concept is in our human psyche.

So, today, draw a line in the sand and don't give yourself an inch. Whatever that project or endeavor is, stay the course. Follow through because that's what you do. You're a follower-through'er. Then, tomorrow, you'll do the same. One flawed, imperfect step at a time.

If you've never listened to our podcast before, I invite you to check it out. Today’s episode is about this very topic of self-sabotage. You can find it on APPLE, SPOTIFY, or wherever you listen to podcasts.

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Structure

The boys go back to school on Tuesday. All four of us are looking forward to it! A lot! We've had a great summer, full of adventures, experiences, memories, and travels. I hope the boys permanently cement some of what we experienced into their brains. I'm truly grateful for these past few months. However, it's time to get back to "normal."

More importantly, I'm excited to get back into a solid structure. Structure is one of those things we spend our entire lives trying to avoid and rebel against. On the surface, most of us want to fly by the seat of our pants, live willy nilly, and do what we want when we want. That's often cited as one of the primary reasons people want to start businesses. They are trying to escape the structure that normal life often dictates to us.

Today, though, I want to counter this inclination. I'm pro-structure. Actually, I'm deeply convinced that structure is what allows us to thrive. While I spent decades trying to avoid structure, I've spent the past six years intentionally working to create structure in every phase of my life. I'm not militant about it. I'm not a victim of it. I don't let it drive my life. Rather, I create, tweak, and perfect various forms of structure that enable me to be my best. Things like:

• When I get up and go to bed.

• What I wear.

• When and what I eat.

• Where I sit in rooms.

• What I take with me everywhere I go.

• The people I regularly spend time with.

• The order I sequence my work.

• The days I do various types of activities.

• The habits that connect to particular actions.

I create structure anywhere I can find a way to create structure. Sarah and the boys often laugh at me, but that structure is what allows me to handle all that's on my plate.

On the negative side of this conversation, I STRUGGLE when I lose my structure. I simply haven't been my best over the past several months. I've let a lot of people down and whiffed on many different endeavors. The lack of structure is killing me. I desperately need to get my structure back, and God willing, this is the week it happens!

This is simple stuff for some of you, but for others, this might be the one piece that can help you unlock your best self and most meaningful day-to-day life. Perhaps this is the week you start adding structure. Start small. Add one piece of structure and see how it goes. Then, add another. Build, test, iterate, repeat. It might just unlock the next best season of your life!

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