A Little Man Follow-Up

Yesterday, I shared about my recent parenting win when my kid, who doesn't love working, finally decided to connect the dots between working hard and having money. I'm sure it's not the end of his challenge, but it's a great win amidst the journey.

Well, it turns out, something else stemmed from this little happenstance of life. The item he wanted to buy was a gold chain; this kid loves wearing chains and necklaces. What I didn't realize while this was playing out was that after doing his work, he had money, but not quite enough money. Essentially, he was $3 short of his needed balance. That's when his brother decided to step in by gifting his twin the $3 needed to make the purchase.

Considering these two little men go at each other practically non-stop, that small act of generosity and thoughtfulness was such a beautiful win. Maybe they do love each other!!!!! Haha! Sarah and I were both touched by the gesture and by his awareness to spot an opportunity to selflessly bless his brother.

Oddly, that's not the end of the story. The little man actually purchased two chains. After school yesterday, I asked him how he liked his chains. That's when the second bomb was dropped. "It's good. I bought the gold one for myself, and I bought the silver one for my brother."

This whole time, he was scheming to buy his brother one. So cool. One kid blesses the other with a $3 gift to buy something fun, then on the flip side, he's already plotting to buy a gift for his brother, too. Again, we'll have plenty more parenting fails around the area of work, money, materialism, and generosity, but for today, we celebrate a beautiful series of wins.

Don't stop, parents. Just keep creating opportunities for your kids to make progress (and fail). Failing isn't failure, it's just the next step in the journey toward success. Keep your heads up and celebrate the small victories. I know we will.

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Work, Money. No Work, No Money

My kids recently learned a hard lesson. One of them wanted to buy something really, really cool. One problem, though: He didn't have any money. You could literally see the frustration build in him as he realized he couldn't purchase this item. "It's not fair!" he shouted. After all, his brother seemed to have an abundance of funds, while he was empty-handed.

"You can make unlimited money if you want to do some work. I have lots of projects you can do!"

"I don't want to work, though!"

There it is. The tension. The yin and the yang. The juxtaposition between wanting to relax and wanting to have money. He was feeling all the emotions. As a parent, regardless of how painful it can be, we need to teach this lesson to our children. If we work, we have money. If we don't work, we don't have money.

Wanna know what happened next? Well, he whined about it for nearly a week. He played the victim card, the guilt card, and the self-loathing card. Eventually, after realizing none of those strategies would work, he asked me what projects I had in mind. Boom!!!

Connecting the dots isn't always a smooth process. Sometimes, actually, it can feel futile. However, if we stick with it long enough and not sabotage our own principles and boundaries, it WILL work.

Little man did the work, felt pride in the work, got paid, felt the satisfaction at getting paid, and then purchased his fun item. Perfect. The journey was anything but perfect, but the outcome was just what the doctor ordered. Now, we just need to repeat that a thousand more times before he leaves the nest.

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What About the Others?

I've received a lot of fun feedback on yesterday's post about my former youth group kid who is actively living her 15-year-old self's dream. The primary objective of my post was to encourage people to follow through with their callings, regardless of what others (i.e., critics or doubters) may say.

One reader asked the following question via e-mail: "What about the others? What about all the people who tried following your advice and ultimately failed? For every 1 success story, what if there are 3 failure stories?"

I'm not naive to the reality that not every one of our dreams is going to pan out every single time. That's one of the reasons I often phrase it as the "pursuit of meaning or the "pursuit of work that matters." Everything in life worth doing involves the risk of us falling flat on our faces.

I love this blog reader's question, though, as it's so, so relevant to the conversation. I don't think this person was trying to be a pessimist or a Debbie Downer. More of a realist, if you will. In short, here's how I would answer the question: If we fail in the pursuit of the thing we desire most, then at least we know. Failure isn't a poison, but regret is. The regret of not trying. The regret of wondering "what if." The regret of not seizing the moment. The regret of not going for it. The regret of never knowing if we could have achieved it. Regret is one of the biggest toxins we humans can consume, and many of us consume it often.

Let's say my friend is correct in that only 1 out of 4 people actually achieve the goal. Does that mean the other three are losers? I'd argue that, while they didn't achieve what they set out to, at least they can live the rest of their lives without the regret of not knowing. That, in my opinion, is worth a ton!

No regrets. It doesn't mean we won't face pain, suffering, or loss, but it hopefully means we won't spend the rest of our days wondering what could have been. That is so, so important.

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Full-Circle

I recently ran into a former youth group kid. I hadn't seen her since high school graduation seven years ago. She's not on social media, so we more or less lost touch over the years. I asked her what she's up to in life. "I'm an XYZ and work at ABC!!!"

I was shocked at her answer, remembering that when she was just 15 years old, she shared with me that her dream was to one day be an XYZ and work at ABC. It's so rare that we grow up and into the career of our dreams. I was extremely curious at this point, so I asked for more info. How did this happen?!?!

That's when she shared something that caught me totally off guard. I'm going to quote her, but please keep in mind it's my best job at paraphrasing since I don't remember her exact words:

"I remember when I was a sophomore, you told me to pursue my calling no matter what other people said I should do. If I am called to do something, I should give it everything I have. So I did!"

Oh, wow. I don't even remember that conversation, but it sounds like something I would say. Then, I asked her if she received pushback along the way. Everyone, including some of her closest friends and family, told her that her dream career was "dumb" and "unrealistic." People called her naive, citing, "Dreams don't pay the bills."

Then, she did it. She shared stories of challenges, doubts, and failures along the way. She often thought about giving up, remembering all the naysayers' comments. But she persevered, and today, she's living her dream.

I hope she shares that story often. There's so much hope, encouragement, and beauty in hearing those types of stories. Those are the types of stories that can propel us in a weak moment. Those are the types of stories that remind us of why we are doing what we're doing, and what's possible when the world says it's not.

One of the best full-circle moments I've had in a while. Proud of my friend and the life she's living. I hope you feel similar about your own journey. If so, props to you for staying true to the calling. If not, today's a great day to get back on the track you know you're meant to be on.

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10/10 For Michael Keaton

Do you ever have those days when it feels like the world is closing in on you? Yeah, me, too. How do you handle it? What do you do? For me (and Sarah), it always comes back to one principle: back to the basics, simplicity.

If either of us is having one of those days, we have a go-to remedy: takeout and a family movie night. As a parent, there are few things more enjoyable than grabbing a quick, fun meal and snuggling up on the couch to enjoy a good movie together. Our boys are at the age where we are introducing them to more grown-up films that Sarah and I have enjoyed for years. Seeing their reactions, experiencing it for the first time again through their eyes. It's so much fun! Side note: Both boys recently gave each of the Michael Keaton Batman films a 10/10.

In a world that makes everything feel more complicated than it should, going back to the basics is such a beautiful way to approach life. No, it doesn't erase all the problems thrust upon us, but it works wonders in reminding us of what's most important. I need that sometimes (okay, a lot of the time), and perhaps you do, too.

Shooting hoops, throwing around the football, playing video games, or building with Legos. Simple but powerful activities in my house. I'm sure you have your own version in your household. Embrace them. Go to them. Don't take them for granted.

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Playing Us Like a Fiddle

I love watching how the mainstream media and social media talk about the stock market. When the markets are going through a tough spell, people (hysterically) talk about it. The world is ending! The world is ending! You're all screwed!!! Yet, when the market is doing well, crickets.

I recently did a little informal survey on my Instagram account. Here was the question: "Without looking, how do you think the U.S. stock market has performed over the last 12 months?"

70% of respondents said the market was down. 20% said the market was up. 10% said it's about the same. On average, respondents said the market is down by approximately 9% over the past 12 months. How did they do?

At yesterday's market close, the U.S. stock market was up 32% over the past 12 months (up nearly 34% after accounting for dividends). Strange, isn't it? The overall sentiment is that the stock market is burning, while in reality, it's hitting new all-time highs. The stock market has nearly doubled over the past five years, yet we think the world has already collapsed.

They are playing us like a fiddle! From a behavioral science perspective, we see what we want to see. If we have a negative tint to our lens, we'll find the negative. If we have a positive tint to our lens, we'll find the positive. Today, our culture thrives on a negative lens, and the media all around us is more than happy to help us indulge.

One young man who answered my question guessed that the market is up 30%. He practically nailed it! I voiced my surprise that he knew this and shared why I was conducting this little study: "Oh, I don't watch the news or follow social media."

In other words, nobody played him like a fiddle. He was basing his answer on whatever information (you know, facts) he had available. He was able to cut out the noise, remove the biased lenses, and try to answer my question based on practical thought. Somehow, that's a crazy concept in modern-day America. It's a wild world when we can be more in tune with reality by absorbing less content.

One money-related takeaway. Open your investment account. See for yourself. If you're investing well (i.e., broad, low-cost stock market index funds), you should see your balances at an all-time high. Never before in your life have the balances been at this level. Celebrate that. Know it's true. Also know that rough times will, in fact, come. That's okay, though, as it's all part of the journey.

Lastly, and most importantly, try to muffle the noise, live a meaningful life, and don't let the day-to-day craziness of the media or the stock market mess with you. Life's too short to obsess over the things we can't control.  

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Excuses

Fever, migraines, hallucinations. It's been a rough 12 hours in my little corner of the world. I was struck by a sickness that knocked me right off my feet. If you read my blog via e-mail, you were probably wondering why you didn't receive it at the normal time. Well, it was because I was having visions of unicorns riding in Jeeps while blasting Ace of Base on the stereo. Well, I'm not sure that was the exact hallucination, but you get the point.

It's an honor to write this blog each day, and I sincerely apologize for the late delivery. It's one of the greatest honors of my life, and I never take that for granted. It would be so easy for me to skip a day on my writing. It would be my first skip since I started this blog nearly 1,300 days ago. I have all the excuses in the world to skip. Except for one problem: I hate excuses.

Excuses are the gateway drug to more excuses. I know that if I skip today, it will provide my brain with the necessary cover to skip again....and again.....and again.

I don't say this from a position of intelligence and wisdom, but rather self-inflicted, self-sabotaging experience. I've experienced first-hand what it looks like to use excuses. The moment we humans decide to use an excuse, we're giving ourselves an out from our promise to ourselves, from our personal responsibility, from our mission.

It's why I write every single day, no excuses. It's why I take 10,000+ steps every single day, no excuses. It's why I step onto my biometric scale every day, no excuses. It's why I intermittent fast every single day, no excuses. It's why I refuse to take early morning meetings that would prevent me from spending quality time with my kids, no excuses. It's why Sarah and I complete a budget every single month, no excuses.

Excuses are the gateway drug to more excuses. Whatever you're up to this week, no matter how many excuses you have to mail it in, don't allow that to happen. Yes, life is hard. Yes, very real situations arise that can feel like the universe kicking us while we're down. All that is true. But we don't have to let the excuses win. The impact that you're going to make, the meaning that you'll live with, and the mission you're following are far bigger than whatever excuses come your way. Keep going!

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Pallets of Glamour

Yesterday, I spent about two hours unloading and organizing a truckload of coffee supplies in our Northern Vessel warehouse. Pushing around pallet jacks, climbing on ladders, and cleaning up the space. Some of the delivered goods were damaged, some destroyed. It needed a full audit. It’s amazing how much work goes into providing our guests with an excellent finished product.

Sounds glamorous, doesn't it? That's not necessarily what we think of when we idealize and idolize business ownership. Instead, we think about the polished social media highlight reels, attending fun conferences, maintaining a "flexible schedule," and not having a boss.

The truth is, owning businesses is rarely sexy. I recently had a young adult shadow me for a day, excited to see all the amazing things I get to do. Let's just say it didn't live up to his sky-high expectations. He did see some of the cool things I get to do, but, more than anything, I think his key takeaway was how much behind-the-scenes dirty work is required.

This brings to light two ideas for the day. First, don't demean your own job. Your job probably includes some mundane, unsexy, dirty work. All jobs do! However, when we recognize the mundane in our own job and pretend other people's jobs don't have it, it's easy to believe the grass is always greener on the other side.

Second, business ownership and self-employment aren't always what they're cracked up to be. Yes, there are some cool aspects to it, but it's not THE definition of good work. All work has pros and cons, including business ownership. The right work for you is the right work for you, regardless of whether it's W-2 employment, 1099 contract work, or business ownership. All work matters!

Regardless of where we land in our work, we must take the bad with the good, and the good with the bad. It's not always supposed to be fun....that's not the point. However, it should absolutely mean something to each of us. So no, grinding in the warehouse yesterday wasn't my definition of the best time, but considering the overall purpose and context, it mattered. But since nobody else is there to see all my pallets of glamour, it would be so easy for people to assume all my work is fun and games. Now you have photo evidence that nothing is what it seems on the glossy surface!

I hope you enjoy your work today….even the less-than-glamorous parts!

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Always an Off-Ramp

One of my friends recently confided in me that he hates her job. On social media and in conversations, he glamorizes his job, constantly touting how "amazing" it is. Behind the scenes, though, this friend is utterly miserable. He recently asked a simple question: "How do you get out of a job you hate?"

Picture yourself driving down the Interstate. It's an open road, with hardly an end in sight. Yet, along the journey, there are off-ramps every handful of miles. You can always take an off-ramp, but in the absence of intentionally doing so, you'll continue down the Interstate into the horizon. Jobs are much the same way. If we're not careful, we'll perpetually drive into the horizon, with no end in sight. However, there's always an off-ramp.

Here's the problem in our culture. Granted, it's getting better as younger generations move into the workforce. We've largely been indoctrinated into an ideology that a safe and secure, terrible job is better than the risk of change. Get a job, hold on for dear life, then someday retire so you can "finally enjoy your life." That's the messaging.

So, to my friend who is suffering in silence: There's always an off-ramp! All that's required of us is to switch on our turn signal and veer onto the off-ramp with intentionality. Find something better! Think there's nothing better out there for you? That would require a reality in which you're currently in the perfect job in the world. But since the question is even being raised, we know that's not true. Therefore, by definition, there's something better out there.

Take the off-ramp! Don't run from something, though. It's not about running away, avoiding responsibility. Instead, seek out something to run toward. Again, it's out there, and it's probably way cooler than you can ever imagine!

As I draw today's post to a close, please don't hear me advocating for everyone to leave their jobs. I'm talking to a specific group of people: those who wake up every day with some degree of dread about what's about to happen. The Sunday scaries. The lump in the throat. The always-craving-a-vacation feeling. You know what I'm talking about. If so, today's message is for you. There's always an off-ramp.

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Obsess About the Inputs

One of the primary principles I teach to families and businesses is counter-cultural. As a society, we're obsessed with outputs. How much profit a company makes. How many clients we can attain. How much we'll make on the other side of that next promotion. The grade we get on our report card. If our team won. Regardless of the arena of life, we're obsessed with the outputs.

I hate obsessing over outputs. Instead, I suggest we ought to obsess about the inputs and measure the outputs. The outputs are the outputs, which we often cannot control. However, we can absolutely control (or at least influence) the inputs. In fact, this is one of the primary drivers of Northern Vessel. When we first started the company, TJ mentioned that one of his desired outputs was to someday sell 400 cups in a day. As he explained, most coffee shops sell 100-200 cups per day. If we could ever find a way to get to 400 cups, that would be massive.

Rather than trying to sell 400 cups in a day (the output), we put 100% of our time, resources, and energy into the inputs:

• Creating an excellent product.

• Developing systems to ensure consistency.

• Cultivating a team culture that would allow that to happen.

• Building the means to scale volume efficiently.

• Practicing world-class hospitality.

• Curating a brand that people can recognize and relate to.

It took more than two years, but after obsessing about the inputs day in and day out, we finally hit 400 cups in a day! It was such a fun accomplishment. We measured it....and celebrated.

Then, something happened. We averaged 400 for a week. Then 400 for a month. Then, in a wild turn of events, we averaged 400 for a year. We even had a day we served 500 cups! In January, we sold 600 cups in a day! A week later, we sold 700 cups in a day! Then, just a few weeks ago, we sold 800 cups in a day! Our brains are melting....

We dreamed of someday serving 400 cups in a single day, and now live in a reality where 800 cups are on the table. We NEVER obsessed about selling 400 (never mind 800) cups. We obsessed over the inputs.

The same goes for all areas of life. My kids had lacrosse and football games this weekend. Frankly, I don't care whether they win or lose. I don't even care about what individual accomplishments they achieve during the games. I obsess about four inputs:

• Play hard.

• Practice good sportsmanship.

• Listen and obey.

• Have fun.

If they control those four inputs, they won (regardless of the scoreboard). Obsess about the inputs, measure the outputs.

This principle is about as counter-cultural as anything I talk about here, but I believe in it so much. Control what we can control, and let the cards fall as they may. Words to live by. Therefore, no matter the outcomes you experienced today or this week, focus your energies on the inputs that go into it, not the eventual outcome. If you do that long enough, you just might like the outcomes.

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Ignore the Bar

“The bar has never been lower.” It’s a saying my friend TJ and I talk about often. We live in a society where the bar, the standard, the excellence, continues to diminish by the day. We settle for mediocrity because, well, mediocrity is often one of the few choices available.

Frankly, I don't care what the bar is. The bar sucks. The bar is a fraud. "Industry standards" and “best practices” are buzzwords to justify complacency and apathy.

I live in a town with 197 restaurants, according to Google. Competition is high, and businesses are fighting for attention, yet the bar remains low. Restaurants regularly offer a medioce product, inconsistent results, bad service, and virtually no hospitality, nonsensical pricing, and then play the victim card when they eventually close their doors. There are definitely some solid places in my town, but so many are missing the mark. The bar has never been lower.

That's why what happened to my family yesterday stands out even more. We were out of town for a lacrosse game. After the frigid game concluded, Sarah suggested we find a restaurant to celebrate. Problem: There were virtually no restaurants between the game and our city. I pulled up Google Maps to see what I could find. Interestingly, there was a town of 1,000 people nearby, and the only restaurant in the town was rated a 4.7 (which is typically a pretty high mark for a restaurant).

We were hungry, so why not?!?! From the moment we walked in, we had a stellar experience. The building was old, but clean. The parking lot was full. Our server was beyond friendly. The drinks and food came out quickly. Drinks were refilled like clockwork. The prices were good. The food was perfectly executed. The staff had a posture of gratitude for us stopping in. In other words, they crushed it!

In a town with 197 restaurants, steep competition, and nearly endless options, the bar is low. Yet, in a town of 1,000, with ZERO competition, the bar is high. This little restaurant ignored the bar and decided "good enough" isn't good enough. This is exactly how small business should be done. I don't know anything about this business other than what I experienced yesterday, but I wish I could shake that owner's hand. Well done!

We (you, me, and everyone we have some level of influence on) need to ignore the bar. We shouldn't care what everyone else is doing. We shouldn't care what's good enough. Instead, we should reestablish the bar. Set a new standard. Raise expectations to a new level. There are two modes by which to live life: Follow along or carve a different path. When it comes to excellence, I suggest we carve a new path. Following the crowd is like discovering a chunk of fool's gold. It looks valuable at first glance, but once you look a bit closer, you realize you lost.

Provide excellence. Demand excellence. Force a higher bar.

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Joy and Pain, Pain and Joy

Two conversations converged on me this week. The first was an increase in the number of social media videos by financial "experts" belittling the act of giving. Or, in their words, "Why give money away now if you could use it to build wealth?" Their overarching point is that the practice of giving is counter-productive to building wealth (it is), and if people would stop being stupid by giving away money now, they would be able to give much more away later (also true).

The second event that happened this week was a critique of my post titled Where's a DeLorean When We Need One?" Specifically, this person's criticism stemmed from the following excerpt:

“Lastly, and most importantly, net worth measurements have a negative correlation with the greatest use of money: generosity. A decade ago, Sarah and I made the decision to give away every single penny we have. Nothing is ours. Everything is to be shared. The natural outcome for this way of life is that our net worth will eventually dwindle to zero. That's a weird way to perceive life, but I enjoy the dwindling more than I do the building."Where's a DeLorean When We Need One?”

My friend's well-meaning critique revolved around the idea that, as a finance guy having proven to know how to invest very, very well (which I teach to thousands of people), I would be better served by simply investing this money for the long run, growing it exponentially, then giving it away decades later. This person didn't question my desire to give away everything, but rather, if I'm going to give it away, why not do it in a way that maximizes the dollars given?

I have a simple response to this. My objective isn't to maximize the amount of money I give away. Instead, my objective is to always give joyfully and sacrificially. My scorecard isn't money; my scorecard is my heart. The moment I decide I'm going to keep score by tracking how much money I can give away, even my giving becomes about ego, pride, and self-service.

The alternative, I'd argue, is to simply live with a posture of generosity. Yes, it will possibly result in a lower (or decreasing) net worth, but simultaneously, it will instill contentment, joy, meaning, impact, and sacrifice into our blood.

There are a lot of reasons to drag someone, but in my opinion, dragging people for being "too generous" is the best type of hate. Several of my clients get criticized for giving "too much," and I constantly tell them that form of cultural pushback should be internalized with joy. It's funny, though, as people don't necessarily know how much other people give. It's the posture of generosity that makes others uncomfortable. That posture can stick out like a sore thumb, and if someone is living a life counter to that belief system, it can get awkward.

As givers, we ought to check our hearts. The goal shouldn't be to maximize the amount given away. The goal shouldn't be to build more today so we can give more later. The goal shouldn't be to use a financial scorecard to judge ourselves. The goal should always be to give joyfully and sacrificially. Does it give you joy? Does it hurt? If the answer to both is yes, you're on the right track.

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Getting Back Into His Cage

Note: This is a sensitive story, but fortunately for countless readers, I've been granted permission to share it here.

A man asked to meet with me. Mid-40s. Married. Three children. Above-average household income. Average house. Pretty standard lifestyle: not too bougie, but also not perceived as frugal.

Here's the short version of the situation. He's beyond stressed. Finances are causing tremendous friction in his marriage. His wife wants to stay home with the kids, but they can't make it work. He's embarrassed. He feels like a failure. He's miserable. He hates his job. He wakes up each day dreading what's about to happen. He can't leave, though, as his current income exceeds other known options. His mental health is eroding quickly. Dark thoughts are starting to seep in. His breaking point might be approaching.

As our conversation progressed, I started asking him probing questions to identify the true stress points. For several minutes, nothing he said alarmed me.....all normal stuff. Then, we found it.

"Tell me about the vehicles. Do you have any vehicle debt?"

"My truck payment is around $1,300, and my wife's SUV is $800 per month."

There it is! $2,100 per month on vehicle payments alone. All of this pain, suffering, misery, and struggle, only to boil it down to a few key decisions. I challenged him on these decisions.

"Our vehicles aren't nearly as nice as some of our friends and family."

"I'm a truck guy. I can't help that I like nice trucks."

"I want my wife to be safe. We need something reliable."

I have a rhetorical question for you. Do you believe the three sentiments above merit wrecking one's entire life, marriage, financial structure, and mental health? The answer is a resounding NO!!! Of course it's not, but millions of Americans live in this reality daily.

Everything he and his wife have ever dreamed of lives on the other side of these vehicles. These vehicles are cages! They've been snared in the trap. They unknowingly locked themselves in a life they don't want to live. The cage might not have metal bars, but it might as well. I made my case for a different set of decisions, trying to illuminate what an alternate reality could look like: their dream life. However, it requires them to destroy the cages.

After the meeting, I walked outside with him, shook his hand, and watched him get back into his cage. I gotta admit, it was a pretty sweet truck. Clean, fresh wax, enormous in stature. But a cage, nonetheless.

We all have cages. It might not look like a truck, but it's something. My challenge to you today is to look at yourself in the mirror and identify your cage. Something that is (or could) hold you back from living the life you deserve to live. It's an uncomfortable exercise, and not always as obvious as it seems. I've had my share of cages over the years, and I suspect you do, too.

Smash the cage.

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Where’s a DeLorean When We Need One?

I taught three high school classes last week. My favorite part of any talk is always the Q&A at the end. As the frequency of questions started to diminish, I said, "We have time for a few more questions. C'mon, guys, give me something spicy. Spicy is good."

A young lady on my far left raised her hand. "What is your net worth?"

I said spicy....I didn't mean SPICY!!!! That one caught me off guard, as it's the first time I've ever been asked that publicly. I froze for a second. What do I say? What do I say? What do I say?

"Wow, that was spicy! I don't feel comfortable answering that." Then I moved on.

A missed opportunity! Of everything I experienced last week, that was my biggest regret. I beat myself up for hours! I had such a beautiful opportunity there, and I whiffed. I could have shared something profoundly important, but I didn't. I could nearly see Reggie Miller giving me the choke sign like I was Spike Lee at MSG (IYKYK!).

If I could step into my DeLorean and get a do-over, this is what I'd say:

I'm not going to share my net worth, and here's why. Sharing numbers like that one is the quickest way to spiral into the curse of comparison. Either my number is higher than yours, and you're jealous, or my number is lower than yours, and you judge me as less than. Either way, nothing good can come from it.

Net worth is a great way to keep score.....if we're basing our measuring stick on the world's way. Instead, I tend to measure success by how intentionally and meaningfully someone is living their life. Do they wake up every day excited for what's to come? Are they making a difference? Do they find meaning in their work? Do they lie their head on their pillow at night knowing they left it all on the field? Some of the most successful people I know have low net worths, and some of the biggest failures I know have huge net worths.

I do find value in net worth, but only through the lens of that particular individual. In fact, I make every client track their net worth each time we meet. NOT because that's the ultimate goal, but rather, because it's usually a solid barometer to understand if they are or are not achieving their desired goals. It's a tell; it's not the be-all end-all. If a couple is trying to get out of debt, there should be a natural increase in net worth over time as the debt is paid down. If someone is starting a business, there should be a natural increase in the value of that business as NOI improves. In other words, net worth makes a good comparison tool under the same roof, not under different roofs.

Lastly, and most importantly, net worth measurements have a negative correlation with the greatest use of money: generosity. A decade ago, Sarah and I made the decision to give away every single penny we have. Nothing is ours. Everything is to be shared. The natural outcome for this way of life is that our net worth will eventually dwindle to zero. That's a weird way to perceive life, but I enjoy the dwindling more than I do the building.

I'd do anything for a DeLorean right now! Have a great day, all!

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The Winding Road of Life

Seven years ago, I was sitting in an office building in Riyadh, Saudi Arabia, pitching a real estate fund to a prospective investor. Yesterday, I gave a four-hour workshop on excellence to 25 Christian non-profits, recorded a podcast episode, counseled a couple in pain, and spent the rest of the day doing cattle ranch work. Life moves fast.

Someone recently asked how I got from there to here. Truthfully, I'm not sure. I used to believe that life would feel linear, a generally straight line from point A to point B. Then, I experienced life. It's hard to digest just how fast everything goes and how winding the road can be.

It would be so easy to say "no" to all the detours and side streets life has to offer. After all, those paths can be scary, sometimes risky. Prevailing wisdom says to keep our eyes straight ahead and remain on the interstate.

There's something beautiful about these winding roads, though. There's a richness. There's awe. There's meaning. It's not to say these roads are always easy (they aren't), but based on my 44 years of life, I'd argue they are worth it in so many ways.

My brain is fried after all I experienced yesterday, so I'm going to keep today's post short while I spend more time reflecting on what just happened. My hope for you is that you encounter some windy, scary, and interesting side streets. I pray that when you do, you have the courage and boldness to say "yes" to the alternate route. It likely won't always go smoothly, but I sincerely believe it will be worth it. Have an awesome day!

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Throwing In the Towel

I stopped to get gas for my car the other day. The fuel pump asked me to enter my rewards number.

I purchased a cartful of groceries. The cashier asked me if I had rewards.

I bought a Cruchwrap Supreme at Taco Bell. The kiosk asked me to check in with my rewards account.

I stopped at a local coffee shop. The barista asked me if I had a rewards punch card.

I'm tired, guys! I can't keep up with this. I want to keep up with it, but at the same time, I can't. It took nearly 45 years, but I decided yesterday to draw a line in the sand. Regardless of whatever rewards I could be earning, I need to completely turn my back on rewards programs. Ultimately, the upside doesn't even come close to the mental and emotional fatigue it costs to manage all of this.

Have you ever experienced retail rewards anxiety? You walk into a shop and either a) forget to scan your rewards, or b) can't get it to work. There's this weird anxiety-mixed-with-guilt-mixed-with-regret feeling that seeps in.

Starting today, I am experimenting with ZERO rewards. I'll buy what I buy, then I'll move on with life. Whatever I pay in lost rewards, I will surely make up for in saved stress, emotional energy, guilt, regret, and time managing it all.

Want to guess how many apps I just deleted off my phone that are correlated with rewards programs? Seven. Just in apps alone, I deleted seven different store-specific reward apps. No gas stations. No restaurants. No grocery stores. No anything!

I haven't even visited a store since I made this decision, and I already feel 25 pounds lighter. Reward programs are specifically engineered to lure us in, entice us, and modify our behaviors. I've always been leery of falling too deeply into them, but today, I'm fully throwing in the towel. I'm untethered from outside influences and shiny little carrots hanging above my head

Where do you stand on this subject? Are you an avid reward user? Do you turn your back on them? I'm curious to hear where this lands with people. I'm excited for this little experiment, and I'll be sure to report back soon.

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New Fear Unlocked

It's been a few months since I've been scared out of my mind. One would think I'm finally on the other side of crushing fear, but alas, here we are again. Tomorrow, I'll be leading a 4-hour workshop for 25+ Christian non-profit organizations; some of the most prominent, impactful organizations in my state. The topic of the workshop: The relentless pursuit of God-honoring excellence.

As I was telling Sarah about the workshop, she asked a very innocent question: "How much of those four hours will you be on stage? 30 minutes? An hour?"

"All 4 hours! It's literally just me!"

Her eyes got really, really big; I think she got scared for me! I don't blame her. This is far bigger than me. Heck, I should be in the audience learning from some of these organizations. I look up to many of these people and would be honored to sit in front of them for four hours to learn. Yet, here we are, in reversed roles, with them in the chairs and me on stage with a microphone. Yeah, you bet I'm terrified!

I'm about to reach the point where I wonder why I said "yes" to this. My life would be so much simpler, safer, and stress-free had I NOT signed up for this endeavor. I could have avoided the risk of utter failure. I could have eliminated the possibility of letting people down. I could have reduced the risk of a massive heart attack striking me at any moment.

There's a shadow side to that, though. Saying "no" would have removed any possibility I have of making a difference, moving the needle, or otherwise positively impacting people. Saying "no" would have been an intentional forfeiture of my opportunity and responsibility to use my skills, experience, and insights to serve others. Saying "no" would have debilitated my ability to gain experience and personally grow.

No, I'm not a fan of my heart possibly ripping through my chest, and I'd sure appreciate a full night's sleep (instead of restless hours and constant nightmares), but I couldn't be more grateful or excited for this opportunity.

Have you recently experienced self-inflicted terror? If so, congrats, as both you and the world are better for you having done that. If not, perhaps now is as good a time as any to say "yes" to something bigger than you. Unlock something totally new within you. Make an impact. Use whatever experience, talent, insight, and wisdom you have to offer the world. It might suck in the lead-up (and maybe even in the moment!), but you'll soon look back as one of the most wonderful decisions of your life.

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Watching and Walking

Finn and Pax had their first lacrosse game of the season yesterday. Pax was beyond excited. When I asked him where he fits within his new teammates, he declared that he's "probably the best." Interesting, but I was waiting to see for myself. When the game started, he looked anything but the best. He looked timid, scared. Often, he was watching the action from afar, walking up and down the field. Watching and walking. Needless to say, he really struggled.

After the first game, I attempted to talk to him about this. If he really wants to be a difference maker, he needs to put in the effort. Watching and walking won't cut it. If he truly desires to be a good player, he needs to get into the action and hustle. The second game was modestly better. While he still looked timid and somewhat scared, he seemed to have a bit more pep in his step. He got more aggressive, hustled more, and put himself into the action.

As I reflected on the day during our two-hour drive home, I couldn't help but think about how many people live their lives this way: watching and walking. Many folks fail to get into the action, and when they do, it resembles anything but hustling. They typically aren't doing this to be lazy, but rather feel kind of like Pax did yesterday: timid and scared. People sometimes don't know what to do to move themselves forward, so their natural response is to watch and walk.

I think the same advice I gave Pax applies to most situations. Even if we don't know exactly what we're doing, getting into the action and being aggressive is always a winning formula. Sometimes we just need to get into the flow to find our way. I stress this to clients all the time. We all have a choice to make, and not making a choice is still a choice. Standing still is a voluntary action.

Whenever I'm sizing someone up and trying to discern how well I think they will do, it's not about how smart, educated, or experienced they are. Instead, I look for the action. I looked for the aggression. I look for tells that they will get scrappy. Once I see those tell-tale symptoms, I know it's game over!

Don't watch. Don't walk. Even if you're timid or scared. Even if you don't necessarily know the answer. Even if you don't know the right answers. Sometimes, just getting into the game and being aggressive is enough to shake loose what ails you.

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Reboot

Two of my clients completely fell out of their budgeting rhythm. Month after month after month of successful budget execution and tracking, followed by complete failure. There are several reasons this can happen, but sometimes, life gets in the way, and the money stuff gets put on the back burner.

Here's what I recommend people NOT do: Try to catch up for the month(s) they missed. Trying to do so will most likely exacerbate the problem. Sometimes, people don't need a catch-up.....they need a reboot.

Here's what that looks like. Let the past be the past. Even if it means having blank months and unallocated transactions, just let it be. Don't try to rebuild last month, and don't even try to catch up on the current month, which is already halfway over. Instead, set your sights on the month to come. Recalibrate, negotiate what the future should look like, and get yourself ready for the new month. Then, once the first day of the next month strikes, execute well!

The idea of a reboot is so important. It requires us to give ourselves grace, forgive ourselves for the past, and focus 100% of our energy on the future. It's hard to drive forward when we're staring in the rearview mirror. Sometimes, a reset is just what the doctor ordered!

This applies to budgeting, for sure, but it also applies to so many other areas of money and life. We need to stop perpetually beating ourselves up for every mistake and failure, and instead give ourselves a reboot so we can practice excellence in the next season.

Sure, ideally, we wouldn't ever screw up or get behind. In a perfect world, we would continually stay on track forever. We don't live in a perfect world, though. We all live complicated, stressful, busy, and surprising lives. It's almost inevitable that life will kick back at times. When it does, practice the art of the reboot. I hope you find freedom in it. I hope you find relief in it. I hope you find a renewed energy in it.

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Of Course She Did!!!!!!!

I received the coolest e-mail from a blog reader yesterday! This is someone I've never met before, and it was the first time she's ever reached out to me. Her message referred to the "Of Course You Did" post that received unprecedented hate and criticism.

This woman said she felt convicted about the post, specifically noting one excerpt from the piece: "Generosity should have no limits. If I walk out of the grocery store with a bunch of food and encounter someone on the way to my car who needs it more than I do, I give it. Period. No questions asked. That's how life ought to be lived. No rules. No exceptions. No buts. No justifications. No excuses. Generosity always wins."

This woman said she always reads the blog in the morning and sometimes finds herself thinking about it as she goes abouther day. Well, on that particular day, she made a routine grocery run, approximately $250 worth of food. As she drove home (with her grocery haul in the trunk), she thought about that morning's post. That's when an idea struck her!

She turned her car around, and instead of driving home, she drove to a friend's house. One of her church friends is a single mom who recently got her hours cut at work. Resources were limited, and the stress was starting to rise. She unexpectedly pulled up to her friend's house, knocked on the door, and delivered her entire grocery haul to a shocked and grateful friend.

Of course she did!

Neither one of those women will ever forget about that moment. Multiple lives were probably changed that day. No, $250 worth of groceries won't singlehandedly change the world, but in a way, it can. Those little moments in time have a way of sticking with people, both receiver and giver. The ripple effects of this exchange might persist for years (or decades!).

We all have a role to play, and that role is to perpetuate a different kind of culture; a culture where everyone gives freely, joyfully, and sacrificially. No rules. No exceptions. No buts. No justifications. No excuses. Generosity always wins.

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