Say No to Guilt

Do you ever make financial decisions out of guilt or societal pressure? If yes, that means you're human. If no, that means you're lying......or a robot. It happens to all of us at times. Throughout the course of our day-to-day lives, we face thousands of decisions, big and small. We run into situations where we might want to make one particular decision, but the walls of guilt and/or pressure start to close in.

Tipping is one area that's becoming increasingly difficult for people to navigate. It seems like everyone and everything wants a tip. I was recently solicited for a tip from a machine that was fully automated. What do you mean the robot wants a tip?!?!?

In a recent survey conducted by Talker Research, it was discovered that Americans are spending $283/year on guilt-driven tipping in 2025, which happens an estimated 4.2x per month. $283/year is nearly $24/month. We each spend an average of $24/month on tips, solely dictated by the guilt and pressure!

As the owner of a coffee shop, I'm acutely aware of this tension. On one hand, I completely get why people are growing weary of the systematic and manufactured pressures to tip. On many occasions, it does feel like we are getting set up and manipulated.

On the other hand, I embrace the idea of our team being handsomely rewarded for excellence and hospitality. I want them to crush it, but I want them to earn it! I want them to add so much value to that experience that people want to freely and generously tip them (no guilt!).

Where I personally land on this topic is to never be influenced by guilt or pressure when tipping. When I'm at a coffee shop or most other service providers, I demand excellence. When excellence is delivered, I tip exceedingly well. Even when the service is poor (which is now a common occurrence), I tip something. I know my opinion is controversial to many, but I'm still a tipping purist at heart. I believe tipping is an intimate form of generosity, grace, and an opportunity to reward and incentivize excellence. I'm all-in on tipping.

My Meaning Over Money business partner, Cole, has a different perspective. He's beyond tired of our tipping culture and is quick to hit "no tip" in many situations. For example, if the establishment isn't in the food and beverage industry, no tip. If it's a food and beverage establishment and he has to order at a counter or walk up to grab his own food or drink, no tip. If the employee isn't polite and friendly, a much lower tip. Similar to me, but in the completely opposite way, Cole doesn't feel guilt, either. He is sincere in his actions and doesn't lose sleep over it.

While I disagree with Cole's tipping principles, I fully approve and affirm his endeavor to make guilt-free and pressure-free decisions. That's an important part of living with meaning in our finances. Nothing good comes from guilt, so let's strive to remove it from our day-to-day habits.

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Subtraction By Addition

I've recently dabbled in the topic of structure here on the blog. I'm a big believer in structure as a means to gain clarity, control, and momentum in the various aspects of our lives. A few readers asked me to provide an example as it pertains to everyday personal finance. Your wish is my command!

One of the primary principles I teach clients is the implementation of sinking funds. "Sinking fund" is formal name for a savings account with one particular objective. A car sinking fund would only be used to save for car expenses. A travel sinking fund would only be used to save for travel expenses. And so on.

Clients often look at me cross-eyed when, after ranting for 15 minutes about the importance of simplifying our finances, I introduce the idea of setting up a bunch of savings accounts. That seems counterintuitive. How can having more accounts help us streamline our finances?!?!

I have a sinking fund to pay for car maintenance expenses. It's a savings account set up at a bank, and it's creatively named "Car Fund." Every month, Sarah and I budget money for our car fund. After all, our cars WILL break down at some point. Oil needs to be changed. Parts need to be replaced. The last thing we need is a massive bill from our mechanic to blow up our month. Therefore, each month, without fail, we budget $500 in our car fund category. Then, like clockwork, we physically send $500 from our primary checking account into our car fund.

What this structure does is smooth out our car maintenance expenses. Each month, $500 goes into that account, where it (hopefully) builds over time. Then, when the dreaded car expense happens, it shouldn't impact our budget in the slightest. Here's a recent example:

As planned, $500 was automatically moved into our car fund on the 16th of the month. Three actual car expenses were incurred during the month: $605 to our mechanic, $7.50 for a car wash, and $14.74 for a part......a total of about $627. Knowing this, I reimbursed our checking account $627 from our car fund toward the end of the month. The net result of this is that we spent exactly $500 on car maintenance that month. Perfectly smooth, perfectly under control.

With that one piece of structure, we smoothed out what can otherwise be a brutally volatile category. Regardless of whether the mechanic's bill was $600, $1,000, or $2,000, our budget remains unchanged and unaffected.

Adding that one simple piece of structure actually simplifies our finances. It takes very little effort, and so much of our financial stress, tension, and anxiety can be thrown out the window. Perhaps this is a good week to set up a few sinking funds of your own!

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Being Stupid

Yesterday morning, I was sitting at church, minding my own business, when out of nowhere, the man giving the message anonymously told a story about me! I was shocked, to say the least. He's a friend of mine, so it was an honor for him to even think about me in this regard.

To summarize, he shared examples of people who made decisions that led others to call them "stupid." In my case, he shared how I had a high-paying job that would have essentially ensured I'd be financially set for life. Then, in an attempt to serve more people in different ways, be more present with my family, and be a better father, I quit my job to start my own little business. This decision resulted in people all around me (including some extremely close to me) telling me I was "being stupid."

I gotta admit, having some of your closest friends and family call you "stupid" is a hard pill to swallow. At the same time, though, we shouldn't endeavor to gain the approval of others. It's our journey to live, and we're the ones who must live with the consequences of our own actions.

Over the last six years since making that decision, I've had many people call me stupid for many different decisions. It's unsettling when people around us make counter-cultural choices, and it challenges us in our soft spots. We've all been on that side of the equation. Just last week, I found myself getting jealous of a friend for doing something I don't personally (yet) have the courage to try. Instinctively, I wanted to call him "stupid," but truthfully, that was my own insecurity creeping in.

I feel like half my days are spent encouraging people to do "stupid" things. So many people are teetering on the edge of making life-altering decisions, but the cultural pressure from people around them often holds them back. After all, nobody wants to be "stupid."

There's a shadow side to all this. At some point along the journey, the same people who initially thought we were stupid start to see the positive side of these seemingly crazy decisions. In some situations, without even saying a word, we begin to inspire other people to make their own "stupid" decisions. Stupidity is contagious, I guess.

This is the role we each have the opportunity of playing. Our decisions and choices may draw the ire of people all around us, but so too does the product of our actions. Someone has to break the mold.....why not you?

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Exceptions

Yesterday was Iowa State Football's home opener. I took the boys, and we had a blast together. The day was sweeter with a blowout win, too! We made so many fun memories and lost our voices from the cheering and screaming. Good times! Go Cyclones!

As the game drew to a close, the boys didn't want to leave. Pax wanted to play catch with the football, and Finn stood all the way down by the field, watching the marching band and maintenance crews. Though dark clouds were clearly moving in, I decided to let the boys dictate our pace. If they wanted to linger, we would linger.

Finally, they were ready to leave. About 30 seconds after leaving the stadium, a downpour opened from the skies.....followed by a heavy dose of thunder. Problem: Our car was more than a mile away. I checked the weather app, which indicated the rain would be sticking around for a while.

I made an on-the-fly decision. I pulled up Uber and ordered a car to drive us from the stadium to our parked car. $20 (surge pricing). Ouch! It never feels good to spend $20 (plus tip) to have someone deliver you to your own car just one mile away, but sometimes we need to make exceptions.

The truth is, Uber could have charged me $100 and I would have done it. I didn't want to risk walking in lightening, and walking 25 minutes in a downpour sounded miserable. While not the best expense in the world, that $20 was going to be the best money we spent all month. The Uber drive itself was an adventure, and our young driver was overwhelmed by the gameday traffic. However, he was a good dude, and the boys and I decided to tip him an additional $20. Therefore, that entire endeavor cost $40.

It's so easy to look at certain expenses and roll our eyes. On paper, it doesn't make sense. Spending $40 to have someone drive us a mile to our car doesn't make sense. So many things don't make sense. However, sometimes we need to make exceptions.

Somtimes, making weird decisions is more about quality of life than standard of living. I didn't spend $40 for a 1-mile Uber to have a higher standard of living. In the moment, that money was going to dramatically increase our quality of life. It was priceless, in a sense. Our day was better because of that decision, and I’d make it 100 times out of 100. A beautiful exception.

Be willing to make exceptions. Don't be so absolute in your boundaries that you miss the bigger picture. Context matters. Circumstance matters. Mental, physical, and emotional health matters. Quality of life matters. Don't be afraid to make questionable decisions to protect those things from time to time. We can't do it all the time, but when odd or unique situations arise, be willing to pull the exception trigger.

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Deeper Than We Think

I received a bevy of criticism after yesterday's post. To summarize, I shared the story of a friend who is continually scared to spend money on wants because, all his life, he has been told that spending on things we don't need (especially expensive things) is "irresponsible." I challenged him to buy a $500+ ticket to watch his favorite team play in person for the first time ever.

The criticism:

• "You're encouraging people to be irresponsible!"

• "You should be telling people to save money not waste it."

• "Good luck retiring someday."

Do you see the irony in this? I write a piece about how a grown man who has done a wonderful job with finances is terrified to spend money on anything fun because all he's been told his whole life is that spending on wants is "irresponsible," then immediately receive a string of responses telling me that he's being irresponsible (and I'm as equally irresponsible for egging him on).

This stuff runs deep, guys! In our culture, we tend to hear the stories about people who are out there recklessly spending; it's almost become a joke. They are certainly out there! Part of the reason we talk about it is that it's so public. We often see the public side of these decisions: big, shiny, new, exotic, and fancy purchases plastered all over social media.

However, those who suffer on the other side of this coin typically suffer in silence. They often feel guilty, sometimes embarrassed, about not being able to spend money on wants. Years and years of criticism are taking their toll. Those words heard when they were children and teenagers sound as loud in their heads today as they did when first spoken.

A few encouragements today:

• If this is you, you're not alone. Find a way to break through, even if just something small. A start is a start.

• If you have influence over someone, and I suspect you do, encourage them to spend some of their resources onwants. Not all.....some.

• Lean into YOUR values. Don't spend money just to spend money. Find what matters most to you, and invest those dollars there.

• Enjoy the process!

• Have an awesome day.

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Book It

I was having a coffee with a friend. Let's call him Bill. Bill is in his 40s, humble, disciplined, and by all accounts, financially successful. His family floats somewhere in the middle class. They don't lack, but at the same time, they don't live a showy life. Bill's family is what I'd refer to as a fairly normal suburban American family.

Bill is terrified to spend money on things that matter to him. If he needs it (truly needs it), it's no big deal, done. However, whenever something veers into the want camp, especially if the price tag exceeds $100, he cowers. His hesitancy isn't caused by a lack of resources or difficulty prioritizing expenditures. He and his wife have made great financial decisions and don't need to worry about drastic negative consequences.

Rather, his mental and emotional roadblock stems from childhood. For decades, he heard the same message: "Don't spend money on things you don't need." "Don't be irresponsible." Thus, Bill views spending money on wants as taboo.

Bill loves his favorite sports team. LOVES them! During my recent conversation with Bill, he confessed that he's never actually seen his team play in person. Why? It's a want....and wants are irresponsible.

"Book it!" I exclaimed. "Buy a ticket and go." Not only that, but I encouraged him to buy a high-quality ticket. The good seats! I took it one step further. He wasn't allowed to spend less than $500 on the ticket. The mere thought of this idea made him sweat. Not only was I asking him to spend money on a want, but to do it in a big way.

Bill actually followed through! He bought the ticket for his team's first game of the year. Not only that, but he bought an amazing ticket. Fast forward several weeks, and the game arrived. That was last night.

It was a night to remember for Bill. It was everything he dreamed of these last four decades, and more. What about the money? Shockingly (to him, not to me), he doesn't feel like spending that money will negatively impact him, nor does he feel "irresponsible."

I couldn't love this more. It might seem like a silly hurdle to overcome, but this is a crippling problem for millions of people. Sometimes, you just need to book it. It's important that we practice the art and science of spending money on wants. For some, it comes naturally, but for others, it's one of the biggest roadblocks of our lives. If we can learn to do this freely, but within reason, it can unlock so much meaning in our lives.

Book it. Just book it. Try me on this one.

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Curating Your Life

Do you ever wake up and ask yourself, "How did I end up here?!?!" It's remarkable how life can move so quickly at times that we unintentionally end up in places we didn't intend to be. The previous sentence can be taken positively or negatively, but this phenomenon tends to impact us more on the negative side, as it's much easier to accidentally end up somewhere we don't want to be than somewhere we do want to be.

This concept applies to so many areas of our lives:

• What we spend money on.

• Who we have relationships with.

• The work we find ourselves in.

• What we do with our time.

Every once in a while, I have a "What am I doing?!?!" moment. I recognize that I somehow got off course and ended up somewhere I never intended to be. As soon as that happens, I try to be extraordinarily intentional about changing course back in a direction I desire to be.

Last week, in the middle of a client meeting, I thought to myself, "This couple has curated their life better than anyone I know!!!!" They don't make more money than the average family. They aren't living some exotic lifestyle. They don't have flashy jobs. They are normal people living normal lives, but with one catch: They are living the exact life they curated for themselves. Where they live, where they work, who they hang out with, how they spend their time, and how they structure their family life. It all seems so intentional.

The cool part about this family is that I've watched this slowly come together over the course of a decade. I've known the husband for ages, so having a front-row seat to his inspiring example of intentional living has been a treat.

No, they aren't wealthy. No, life hasn't gone perfectly. In fact, they would be the first to admit it's been a messy ride. However, through the noise, they've been able to maintain an intentionality toward their unique definition of ideal life.....and they've pursued it with discipline.

A big part of this is rejecting society's conventional wisdom for how we ought to live, and instead choosing to stay laser-focused on our values. Again, this applies to time, money, work, relationships, and more. Forget what everyone else is doing; just be you!

One key sign you're doing it well is if someone accuses you of being weird. Many of my family's decisions and actions get called out for going against the grain. I'm never offended by such comments, as they only affirm that we're living the life we're called to live. My kids are starting to see some of this, making random comments every now and then. I love that, and I want them to know the importance of curating a meaningful life with intention and discipline.

What about you? What actions have you taken to curate your most meaningful and ideal life? Conversely, what decisions, made today or in the near future, would get you closer to living the life you know you're meant to live?

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Bad Moments, Not Bad Days

I recently wrote about how structure is so crucial to my life. Without it, I lose productivity, meaning, and sanity. I mentioned that I even create structure around "the habits that connect to particular actions." I'm about to share a story about this, and I promise the payoff will be worth it.

I have a specific habit sequence when I drive my 350Z:

• I always walk out of the house with my work bag.

• I set my bag on the ground on the driver's side of the car.

• I start the car and push the button to lower the convertible top.

• I reach down, pick up my bag, and swing it over to the passenger seat.

• I shut my door and back out of the driveway.

It's clockwork to the degree that it takes zero mental energy to execute. My mind is often already preoccupied with the day ahead. Yesterday, though, my habit sequence was broken.....and I paid the price. Since the ground was wet, I set my bag in a different spot. Also, frustratingly, my convertible top wouldn't open. Since it didn't open, I didn't have the mental trigger to reach down for my bag to swing it across. I put the car in reverse and started backing out. However, after just a few feet, I hit a bump.

I knew it immediately; I ran into my bag. Crunch! In an instant, I knew I was about to suffer some brutal consequences. I swiftly pulled my laptop out of my bag and opened the lid: I was met with a multi-color screen full of cracks. It was ruined! The same for my second monitor: ruined.

Long story short, the only thing I damaged on my computer is the screen, which will cost me $100 out of pocket due to AppleCare insurance. But I burned a morning trying to navigate the situation. It was as big a mess as I could have imagined......and one I didn't need.

The thing I always think about is the difference between a bad day and a bad moment. It's so easy to let a bad moment spiral into a bad day (or days). In the past, I probably would have allowed this mess to spiral me for a week. Now, however, I have so many things on my plate and people relying on me. I can't afford to have a bad day. Instead, I choose to have a bad moment. I largely rallied and was able to take care of business for the remainder of the day.

One contributing factor to bad moments vs. bad days is the amount of meaning we carry in our lives. If I'm in a season where I don't feel meaning in my work, relationships, or other endeavors, even a harmless, annoying/inconvenient moment can spiral into a bad day. Today, however, I feel tremendous meaning in my life. Therefore, when the bad moments strike, I'm more easily able to let the moment be a moment, then find a way to navigate into a good day with abad moment.

I don't feel convicted about this today. Rather, I'd love to hear your thoughts. How do you respond to this story and message? I'd love to hear your input! Jokes at my expense are permitted.

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Give An Inch, Take a Mile

We have a podcast called Meaning Over Money. From March 2021 through March 2025 (more than four years), we published two episodes per week, every week, without fail. We didn't miss a single episode for 419 episodes. Then, something happened: We decided to take one week off. Just one week!

The problem is that every time we give an inch, they will take a mile. In this case, by "we," I mean Cole and I, and by "they," I mean Cole and I. We gave ourselves an inch, and we took a mile. Our "we'll just take off one week" quickly grew to two weeks. Then, after just one episode, we took another three weeks off. Episode. Then a few more weeks. Episode. Then another few more weeks. Episode. Then, lastly, we had a near three-month gap.

Just like that, we self-sabotaged ourselves right under our own noses. Now, it's fair to admit that both Cole and I had a LOT of life going on. Travel, parenting, work, marriage, ministry.....all the good things. However, it's amazing how we'll use even the smallest excuse to derail ourselves if we allow ourselves.

This is one of the reasons why I've published on this blog for more than 1,000 consecutive days. I know myself well enough to know that even one day off could be the gateway to a month off. Give an inch, take a mile!

Sure, it's evident that if we miss one day, we can always jump back on the horse with little harm. That's quite true. However, our human instinct will always pull us away from our endeavors when this happens. It's sad, but true.

This isn't me saying that perfection is the answer. Perfection kills more dreams than mistakes do. Instead, what I'm suggesting is that we need to be aware of how apt we are to self-sabotage our own best interests. We'll self-sabotage our dreams like it was a trip to the dentist. That's how deeply wired this concept is in our human psyche.

So, today, draw a line in the sand and don't give yourself an inch. Whatever that project or endeavor is, stay the course. Follow through because that's what you do. You're a follower-through'er. Then, tomorrow, you'll do the same. One flawed, imperfect step at a time.

If you've never listened to our podcast before, I invite you to check it out. Today’s episode is about this very topic of self-sabotage. You can find it on APPLE, SPOTIFY, or wherever you listen to podcasts.

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Structure

The boys go back to school on Tuesday. All four of us are looking forward to it! A lot! We've had a great summer, full of adventures, experiences, memories, and travels. I hope the boys permanently cement some of what we experienced into their brains. I'm truly grateful for these past few months. However, it's time to get back to "normal."

More importantly, I'm excited to get back into a solid structure. Structure is one of those things we spend our entire lives trying to avoid and rebel against. On the surface, most of us want to fly by the seat of our pants, live willy nilly, and do what we want when we want. That's often cited as one of the primary reasons people want to start businesses. They are trying to escape the structure that normal life often dictates to us.

Today, though, I want to counter this inclination. I'm pro-structure. Actually, I'm deeply convinced that structure is what allows us to thrive. While I spent decades trying to avoid structure, I've spent the past six years intentionally working to create structure in every phase of my life. I'm not militant about it. I'm not a victim of it. I don't let it drive my life. Rather, I create, tweak, and perfect various forms of structure that enable me to be my best. Things like:

• When I get up and go to bed.

• What I wear.

• When and what I eat.

• Where I sit in rooms.

• What I take with me everywhere I go.

• The people I regularly spend time with.

• The order I sequence my work.

• The days I do various types of activities.

• The habits that connect to particular actions.

I create structure anywhere I can find a way to create structure. Sarah and the boys often laugh at me, but that structure is what allows me to handle all that's on my plate.

On the negative side of this conversation, I STRUGGLE when I lose my structure. I simply haven't been my best over the past several months. I've let a lot of people down and whiffed on many different endeavors. The lack of structure is killing me. I desperately need to get my structure back, and God willing, this is the week it happens!

This is simple stuff for some of you, but for others, this might be the one piece that can help you unlock your best self and most meaningful day-to-day life. Perhaps this is the week you start adding structure. Start small. Add one piece of structure and see how it goes. Then, add another. Build, test, iterate, repeat. It might just unlock the next best season of your life!

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Just Take a Step

You never know what will happen by simply taking a step. Some steps are insignificant. Some steps move us forward. Some steps hinder our progress. Some steps change everything. Here's the problem: We rarely know which is which.

In the fall of 2015, I received a phone call from a guy I barely knew. His name was Gary Hoag (yes, the same Gary I often talk about in my writing). I had only met him one time at that point, but I was excited to speak to him again. Long story short, he called to ask if I would be interested in joining him in some international ministry. The next step would be for Sarah and me to fly to Asia to interview with the board. I had never been to Asia. I had lots of emotions. I was excited, anxious, and overwhelmed. What should I do?!?!

I took a step. I booked plane tickets and we boarded a plane for Asia. Some steps change everything; this step changed everything. Ten years later, I still call these people family. I've experienced the highest of highs and the lowest of lows with these people. I've seen the best of humanity, and the worst of humanity. I've seen the overwhelming awesomeness of God, and the absolute brokenness of our world. I've seen things I can never unsee.....for better or for worse. Through it all, we've done it together. Grateful doesn't even begin to describe how I feel about this group of people.

All because I took a step. One simple step. That step could have meant nothing. It could have been insignificant. It could have been as forgettable as any step. We never know which is which. But this particular step changed everything.

We humans are so good at saying no, justifying inaction, and normalizing the status quo. Sometimes, though, we just need to take a step. No, we won't know where our steps will lead. No, we don't know if it will impact us. No, there's no certainty our lives will be better for it. However, there's no way for us to experience life-changing steps without first being willing to simply take a step.

Taking a step is one of the hardest things about the human experience. It's risky. It's scary. It's uncertain. All true, but it can also be beautiful. Today, I challenge you to take a step. I don't know what your step is, but I think you do. There's something you know you need to step into. It could be nothing.....or it could change everything.

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It’s the Third Question For Me

Why do some people succeed while others flounder? Is it luck? Good/bad fortune? Circumstance? I think about this a lot as I watch people all around me.

One of my favorite speakers at the Global Leadership Summit this year was former Alabama football coach Nick Saban. Coach Saban is arguably one of the best football coaches of all time, with a resume to back it up. One of the most interesting things he talked about at the Summit was how he approached his players.

When he first met a player, he would ask them three questions:

1. What are your personal goals? Some players wanted to be a starter. Some wanted to graduate. Some wanted to make the NFL.

2. Working backward, what do you need to do to achieve those goals? In other words, if a player wanted to make the NFL, what specific steps would the player need to take to make it happen?

3. Are you willing to do what it takes to see it through?

It's the third question for me! Lots of people have goals. Some people plot out the steps to make it happen. Few have the fortitude to actually achieve them. Talk is cheap, action is work, and perpetual consistency is tremendously difficult.

Very few people have the fortitude to do what it actually takes to achieve the goal. I'll give you two personal examples. For years, I've wanted to be a high-level professional speaker. I absolutely love the idea. However, a few years ago, I plotted out what I would need to do to make it happen. Truthfully, I'm not willing to do what it takes to make it happen. I used to feel guilty about that, but when push came to shove, the cost for other areas of my life wasn't worth the prize. I've mourned that loss, but it's an intentional choice.

Here's the other side of that coin. TJ, my Northern Vessel business partner, has a unique dream. He wants to create the single best coffee shop in America. Just like the speaking dream, we've drawn out what needs to happen to bring that dream to life. We know what must be done. Finally, the third question: Are we willing to do what it takes to see it through?

The answer is a resounding "Yes!" We're 100% able, willing, and excited to do what needs to be done to bring that dream to life. It's a brutal endeavor, but a beautiful one. It's become one of the greatest joys of my life, and I never take that for granted. Will we actually become the best coffee shop in America? Time will tell, but we're committed to the pursuit of excellence.

That third question is what matters most. Think about what you want most. Really think about it! Are you willing to do what it takes to bring it to life? The honest answer to that question probably tells you everything you need to know.

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Block By Block

Yesterday was a special day for me. Nobody knew it was a special day, but I felt it from front to back. Pax has really come alive these past few days, actively engaging with the various leaders we're spending time with. Yesterday alone, Pax spent time with leaders from five different countries and was exposed to six different languages. Every once in a while, he would give me a look. It was a look that communicated some combination of impressed, curious, and excited. He was like a sponge. His eyes are opening to the world, and his curiosity is palpable.

As the day progressed, I could see him gaining more confidence. He asked more questions, volunteered to help out, and approached people whom, just a few days prior, he seemed intimidated by. Block by block.

"Dad, when can we go to Mongolia?" Those words are music to my ears. His view of the world is expanding. He's starting to see a bigger picture forming. He's beginning to think about people outside his own little bubble. Block by block.

A few of the men said they were going to swim out into Lake Huron, where there's a large sand bar a few hundred feet out. It's an intimidating lake that's more akin to an ocean. Water as far as the eyes can see, with waves caused by the recent storm continuously crashing on shore. Pax, having grown in his confidence and trust in this diverse group of leaders, eagerly and excitedly jumped in with us. Block by block.

Will this week change Pax's life? Maybe, but probably not. However, what he's experiencing during his time here is a key building block in a broader journey. It's uncomfortable, but fulfilling. It's nerve-wracking, but exciting. Man, I'm proud of that little guy. We still have a few days left, and I'm excited to watch both boys add a few more blocks.

Perhaps this message is for your kids.....or maybe it's for you. Block by block. Every experience (especially the ones that put us out of our comfort zone) is an opportunity to add a block. Subject yourself to new, interesting, and challenging experiences. Put yourself out there. Find new ways to serve. Engage with people who are different than you. Embrace new cultures. Every single block makes us better.

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Loaded Freighters

After a full day of meetings in eastern Michigan yesterday, we spent the evening walking alongside Lake Huron just a stone's throw from Canada. Pax and I threw the football (while he was running imaginary routes around the seagulls), Finn looked for fossils along the beach, the adults engaged in conversation, and we all enjoyed the beautiful sunset. One of the highlights was watching the freighters work through the narrow channel between the U.S. and Canada. These massive vessels are the length of two to three football fields, yet navigate confidently through the choppy waters.

I noticed something interesting while watching these vessels. One of them was fully loaded. I can't even imagine how much weight it was carrying, but the sheer scale was amazing. It sat fairly deep in the water, and its pace was slow. I suspect it takes a massive amount of fuel to propel it, and turning is probably a tricky endeavor.

The second freighter appeared empty. It sat higher in the water and moved quickly. The vessel seemed more nimble and likely required less fuel to propel it through the water.

I think that's a fitting analogy for how we live. Some of us are loaded freighters, weighed down with so many material possessions. Our lives are full of stuff and financial obligations. There's a heftiness to it. We move more slowly and we're less nimble. It takes more fuel (i.e., money) to propel us through life as we try to carry all this weight.

Other people, though, live life like an empty freighter. Their lives are simpler and more prudent. Since they float higher on the water, they are more nimble and can more easily pivot when desired. They require far less fuel to propel them through life. The empty freighters of life often live with far more margin and need fewer resources to maintain the status quo.

I remember a time when I lived like a loaded freighter. It gets tiring after a while! While the various freight I carried was kinda cool, the perpetual weight grew tiring. Eventually, I looked in the mirror and asked myself what I was doing. Was it really worth carrying around all this weight? What if I didn't have this pulling me down? What decisions could I make if I unloaded some of it? What pivots would life allow if I could be more nimble?

The answers to those questions changed everything. In a very short period of time, we shifted from living like a loaded freighter to an empty freighter. We felt freer, decisions felt easier, and we were able to pivot in ways I only previously dreamed about. It changed my life, and I've watched similar decisions change countless other families' lives as well. There's something oh so beautiful about unloading the freight. It might not seem like much on the surface, but below the water, it makes all the difference in the world!

Perhaps it's time to unload some of the freight.

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The Discomfort in Comfort

During the same conversation that sparked yesterday's post about the willful pursuit of discomfort, one of my friends shared something interesting. He pointed out that there's an irony in our culture's pursuit of comfort—specifically, the pursuit of material comfort (stuff and status). The more we pursue material comfort, the more uncomfortable we actually become.

Here's how this plays out. I'll pretend I just purchased an expensive car. To pull the trigger, I probably had to spend some cash on the down payment. That cash expenditure results in me having less cash in the bank, which is a form of discomfort. Second, I now have a large monthly car payment, reducing my available monthly take-home income, which is a form of discomfort. Now that I own this nicer car, I need more expensive insurance coverage. This added expenditure is a form of discomfort.

Now that I'm driving around in an expensive car, I'll probably keep my head on a swivel, ensuring nobody gets close to it. I'll park in the back of every lot, be careful where I'm going, and constantly keep my eyes out for trouble/damage. This added attention and vigilance is a form of discomfort.

Now that I spend a larger chunk of my financial resources on this car, there are other ripple effects. I'll probably need to make one (or more) of the following choices:

• I'll have less discretionary income for travel or other fun purchases (leading to immediate pleasure discomfort).

• I'll have less money to save for future needs (leading to near-term or mid-term financial discomfort).

• I'll have less money to save for retirement (leading to long-term financial and life discomfort).

• I'll have less money to give (leading to internal discomfort).

Yes, the new and fancy car is comfortable....very comfortable! However, the consequence of pursuing this new version of material comfort is several other forms of discomfort. That's ironic, and sad!

I don't usually chat with people while they're living in the honeymoon phase of their comfort-driven decisions. Rather, I typically spend time with them after they've experienced the shadowy, discomfort-laden side of these decisions. It's not always pretty on that side.

Pursuing comfort is rarely what we're actually seeking. Instead, pursue meaning. Violently pursue meaning. That will occasionally lead you to spend money on things that can make you comfortable, but more often than not, it will lead you in some surprising directions. Please don't allow your pursuit of material comfort lead you into these unintended consequences. Life is too short to deal with that!

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Willful Discomfort

Can we all agree that life can be uncomfortable? Regardless of how much comfort we try to pursue, discomfort will find us. Don't agree? Last time I checked, none of us make it out alive. Discomfort is coming, but the who, what, when, where, why, and how are still up in the air.

Last night, I had the blessing of spending time with a group of people ranging from long-time friends, to acquaintances, to first-time encounters. The conversation went deep. I heard several profound stories that rocked me to the core.

Something interesting dawned on me by the time the night concluded. Every one of these amazing stories had one thing in common: willful discomfort. While life will inevitably become uncomfortable at times, every person in that room willfully subjected themselves to discomfort along their journey. Not only that, but this willful act of discomfort had a direct connection with the beauty that subsequently unfolded.

This is a topic I write and talk about a lot, but it never goes out of style. Here's one example from my own life. Just over six years ago, Sarah and I made the radical decision that I would leave my 15-year career, our family would take a 90% pay cut, and we'd start over with a completely different life. All the material comforts our world had to offer were staring us in the face, and we turned the other way. Culturally, what we did was stupid. Mathematically, what we did was stupid. Comfort-wise, what we did was stupid.

However, with the benefit of six years of hindsight, that willful discomfort was easily the best decision I've ever made in my life. It might have also been one of the toughest things I've ever done, but that's a story for a different day. That single act of willful discomfort transformed our family, our lives, and the impact we've been able to make. Many decades from now, when I look back on my life and the thousands of key decisions I made, I will surely pinpoint that decision and a few other ridiculous acts of willful discomfort as the turning points of my life.

Sure, discomfort will find all of us.....eventually. However, what I'm suggesting today is that we should each willfully pursue discomfort. Find it, welcome it, and embrace it. When we're willing to stare at discomfort in the face and not allow it to deter us, everything is on the table. That's living!

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Time and Attention

We are in the midst of family adventures. I always wonder if my kids (almost nine) will be "too cool" for some of the ridiculous ideas I manufacture in my brain. Perhaps that day will come, but not yet! Again and again, our adventures are met with awe, wonder, and excitement (or in Pax's case, random public griddy dances).

It never ceases to amaze me how the simplest and least complex activities and experiences move the needle with kids. Even a random trip into a convenience store can spark smiles and memories. I find that these interesting little experiences spur me on to come up with even more little experiences.

The truth is, they compound. Every little experience builds on the last. It becomes one long story that weaves through time and space. Today will be full of new adventures and memories, and as a parent, I want to harness this opportunity to truly enjoy it. I know it won't last forever, so we might as well not take it for granted.

I often hear from clients who are frustrated and disenchanted by not having enough money to give their kids "special experiences." Don't let money be the deciding factor. Money can buy experiences, but experiences aren't conditioned upon money. Further, the amount of money we spend doesn't directly correlate with the memories that are created. Sometimes, the cheapest memories are more valuable than the most expensive ones.

Don't let money be the elephant in the room. Time is your most valuable resource. Whether you have money to invest in your experiences or not, invest your time and attention. Diligently and consistently invest your time and attention into these precious opportunities. That’s the secret sauce to opening an entire new world for our children. They could take or leave the money, but they deeply crave our time and attention. Therefore, let’s invest it well!

Have an awesome day! Please go create some cool memories.

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It’s Just the Way It’s Done

Do you ever find yourself doing things a certain way simply because that's just the way it's done? Maybe it's just the way others do it. Or maybe it's just the way you've always done it, for whatever reason. But in any event, we often get stuck in a certain autopilot groove, for better or worse. 

I think about this a lot, especially when I assess my own rhythms of life. My first time thinking about this topic was when I started spending meaningful time in Asia. As expected, their culture is so much different from ours. As I watched closely, I realized some of their cultures, customs, and rituals are awesome. And if that's true, why don't we model some of our behaviors similarly? Probably because we simply do it the way we do it. Over time, I started adopting non-traditional habits and customs into my own life.

My second profound moment was when I left the corporate world after 15 years. I started asking myself questions like, "What is a workday?" "What is a work week?" "What is a vacation?" 

After six years of obsessing about these questions, I've landed in some interesting places:

• I never start work before I've been able to hang out with my kids and drive them to school. 

• I never take a meeting before 9 AM. 

• I work at the office every Thursday night.

• If my kids ask me to do something with them during a workday, I’ll try to engineer my day around it.

• I typically do my most meaningful work on Saturday afternoons. 

• I regularly travel during the week for non-work purposes, but find ways to integrate my work into it. 

• I work in four different offices (sometimes all in the same day), depending on context and situations. 

• I regularly work at night after Sarah and the kids go to bed.

• I regularly have non-work meetings with interesting people about peculiar subjects that seem incongruent with my work.

All this to say, after a lot of intentionality, I've successfully managed to stave off nearly every trope about what a day, week, and trip should look like. I'm NOT suggesting you model your life after mine. Far from it! Actually, you doing that would be counter to my entire point here. What I'm suggesting is that each of us should look in the mirror, ask ourselves if we could rip up the script and redesign our day-to-day and week-to-week lives, what would it look like? Your answer is going to be much different than mine......and that's a good thing!

Try me on this one. Put it to the test. Even just a few small tweaks to "normal" could make a massive difference in your life!

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On Brand

On the heels of yesterday's post about bougie purchases, I ran into a friend today mere hours after he had read that post. He shared a few thoughts about the post, then asked me about a recent bougie purchase I've made. I told him that I recently purchased Twenty One Pilot concert tickets for my family right around Finn and Pax's ninth birthday; they weren't cheap!

He looked at me for a few seconds, then responded, "Seems on brand."

"On brand." He's so right. Knowing me, it didn't surprise him that I dropped a good chunk of money for Twenty One Pilot concert tickets. In his perspective, that's exactly the sort of bougie thing my family would do. In other words, our version of bougie tightly aligns with our family's values and interests.

I also heard from a handful of readers about their version of bougie, and in every single situation, it seemed "on brand." That's a great tell! When our behaviors align with our values, we can be confident that we're making decisions that add value to our lives.

Where many people go astray is when they make culture-driven decisions that don't actually align with their values. They do things because that's what other people are doing. From the cars they buy, to the clothes they wear, to the neighborhoods they live in, to the trips they take. Without even realizing it, we allow the prevailing culture to dictate how we use our precious resources.

So, when my buddy called my bougie decision "on brand," I took that as the ultimate compliment. Whatever you're up to, whatever you're spending money on, whatever you're investing time/energy into, ask yourself the question, "Is this on brand?" If the answer is "yes," do it with confidence!

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Bougie to Thee, Not to Me

One of the most interesting aspects of my coaching business is having an opportunity to see behind the curtain of hundreds of people's financial lives. What's coming in, what's going out, and how all the pieces fit together. Most intriguing, though, is getting a front-row seat to how people perceive money. With that context in mind, I have a question for you today: What is bougie?

To start, here's the formal definition of the word: "relating to or characteristic of a person who indulges in some of the luxuries and comforts of a fancy lifestyle." In other words, bougie can be used in reference to an expenditure that's a bit (or a lot!) over-the-top; something that transcends fulfilling a mere want, and into a completely different category.

Here's another fun part of my coaching. Nobody agrees on what is considered bougie, and people rarely admit that their own decisions, actions, or purchases are bougie. Translation: Bougie is something above us that other people are partaking in.

Let me share some real-life coaching examples with you, and you can decide for yourselves. Are the following expenditures bougie?

• $25,000 for a trip to Disney

• $2,500/month on groceries

• $90,000 for a family vehicle

• $1,500/month on dining out

• $2,000/month on clothing

• $1,800/month on beauty treatments/procedures

• $1,000+/month on pets

• $5,000/month on housing (in a non-high-cost-of-living city)

• $600/month on work lunches

• $2,000/kid for Christmas gifts

These are all real-life examples I've encountered just in the past 12 months. What's your gut reaction? For each of these items, my suggestion that they are a form of "bougie" was met with shock or confusion. For those who made these decisions, these were run-of-the-mill want decisions.....even borderline "needs" in their minds. What say you?

Again, this is what makes behavioral science so interesting to me. Never underestimate our ability to shape our perspective of a broad reality based on our own narrow purview (or specific desires).

I'm not necessarily criticizing people for their decisions. After all, it's their journey, and they will reap the consequences of their choices (for better or for worse). My role isn't to tell them what to do, but rather, help them understand what they are really trying to achieve, and execute it with excellence. Where my criticism lies is how we humans so often tell ourselves a story to fit our own narrative. We can take something bougie and turn it into a mere want, then take this mere want and turn it into a need. We're so good at this (me included!).

I think the most important thing we can each do is be honest with the person we see in the mirror. Name things for what they are. Recognize bougie for bougie, a want for a want, and a need for a need. Then, through that honesty, make the best decision for our journeys. When we do, we'll make crisper decisions and go all-in on things that actually add value to our lives.

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