What’s Next?

Not sure if you noticed or not, but we have a new year starting in a few days! New Year's Eve and New Year's Day are always two of my favorite days of the year. They always seem to spark a few things in me:

1. Much-needed reflection about the year that's been.

2. Visioning about the year that's to come.

I live so much in the moment that I rarely take time to reflect on what's happened or what's to come. I'm hyper-fixated on what's right in front of me, and other things tend to get lost in the mix.

My life and businesses have taken so many twists and turns in 2025 that I'm practically living in a different world at the end of the year than I was at the beginning. With that comes the need to ask myself the tough questions. Later today, I'll meet with my assistant, Alyssa, to discuss what next year should/could look like. I have some tough decisions to make. Exciting decisions to make. Sacrificial decisions to make. Life-giving decisions to make. Gut-wrenching decisions to make.

In many ways, I think 2026 could be my best year yet. At the same time, though, it's likely to be the most challenging year yet. There's one condition, though. The only way this potential can be unlocked is if I'm willing to make the decisions that need to be made. Am I willing to get uncomfortable? Am I willing to pay the price? Am I willing to make the appropriate sacrifices? We shall see, and I'll be sharing more details with you soon.

Let's turn the mirror around. What about you? I encourage you to take some time in the next few days to take stock of what's been, look ahead to what could be, and challenge yourself to make the necessary decisions to unlock it. Staying right where we are is always the simplest and most comfortable path. It takes literally no effort to just keep doing what we're already doing. However, my gut tells me there's something in life you know you need to do. This is a great time to draw your line in the sand.

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No Questions Asked

I receive this question from time to time, but several people asked it on the heels of my recent post about impulsive generosity. In short, here's the question: "How do you be impulsively generous if you're also budgeting?"

On the surface, the idea of being impulsively generous seems incongruent with the notion that every dollar of our income should be planned before the month begins. If all of our money is already accounted for, how in the world are we supposed to give like this?!?!

When I teach this concept (and implement it in my own household), there are three key ingredients that bring it to life:

1) Budget for impulsive giving. While the majority of our family's giving is routed through our donor-advised fund, we have a separate budget category called "other giving." This is a catch-all category designed to give impulsively. In other words, even before the month begins, we have money allocated toward impulsive giving.

2) Create a sinking fund for impulsive giving. In addition to our monthly allocation toward impulsive giving, we have a sinking fund category for the same purpose. We call it our "giving fund." Whenever there's extra money left over in our "other giving" category in a given month, this cash is scraped into our giving fund, where it waits for a good home.

3) The no-questions-asked rule. In our marriage, the only category either of us has a green light to blow past our budget is impulsive giving. If Sarah feels called to give, she gives......period. Same for me. If we don't have any "other giving" money left this month, and our giving fund is depleted, we figure it out. We move money around. We reallocate a portion of our personal spending, or dining out, or entertainment. We make some additional sacrifices to realign the numbers. But at the end of the day, it's an infinite green light.

Impulsive generosity will rock your world. It will gut you in ways you never fathomed. It will rewire your brain and the way you think about money. It will humble you. It will help you take the focus off yourself and instead place it on others. It will erode your materialism and boost your contentment. Impulsive generosity will unlock a new gear in you that you never knew existed.

Test it. You'll see....

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Selling Your Future

"I feel like we sold our souls."

Those were the harsh and horrifying words from a couple I met with. The topic of discussion? Their multitude of debts: student loans, cars, and a HELOC. They followed society's game plan perfectly, and here they sit, living a reality millions of people experience every day.

They got the stuff they wanted and are living the lifestyle they desired, but at what cost? It all felt good in the moment, but at 40, they're starting to gain a sense of clarity. The clarity? It might not have been worth it. As they sit, their options are limited. They had some other dreams in life, but at this point, it all feels so unattainable. The debt weighs heavy.

No, they didn't sell their souls. But in a very tangible and sad way, they sold their future.

Here's how I often look at money. Every dollar invested gains control of a piece of our future. Conversely, every dollar of debt we incur gives up control of a piece of our future. It's a scoreboard that continues to track our progress, but we don't actually know what the score is until decades later. By the time our fate becomes apparent, it's too late to alter it.

Using debt to get what we want now is effectively selling our own future. I believe this about every debt in our lives except the mortgage on our home, but then again, I'm starting to see people make decisions about home ownership that are destructive to their future as well.

That fat car payment? You're literally driving your future.

The fancy tools, gadgets, and furnishings put on a credit card? Your future will be sitting in a landfill soon.

That pool you installed with the HELOC? You're doing cannonballs into your future.

Every week, I sit face-to-face with couples that are absolutely crushing it on the income front. They make more money than most people can ever imagine. However, month by month, I'm simultaneously watching them lose control of their future. Their present looks so very good, but their future so very scary. And the truth is, it's hard to adequately explain to someone who feels so good about their present that their future looks bleak. In fact, it's one of the most challenging endeavors I've ever encountered in this career.

No, I don't want people to live in squalor. I don't want people to live a life void of wants or fun. I'm not trying to be the enjoyment police. If you're a regular reader, you know how much I encourage and advocate for spending money on things that add value to our lives. Instead, I'm trying to warn people about the inadvertent dangers that lurk ahead when we voluntarily give up control of pieces of our future. Bit by bit, drip by drip. It feels so innocent today, but one day, unfortunately, it might not be.

Seize today! Wring every ounce of meaning and awesomeness out of today. But please don't sell your future. Your future self deserves better.

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The Cure for Self-Pity

If you've been following along the past 30 days, you know that this hasn't exactly been the most magical holiday season of my life. Between my Black Friday neck injury and the constant sickness that's worked its way through my family, we cancelled nearly every meaningful holiday event on our schedule. This trend continued on Christmas Eve and Christmas Day, with Sarah being completely bedridden with the flu. She was able to get up long enough to open presents yesterday morning, but that's about it.

Needless to say, our annual holiday traditions were knocked off-balance. Instead of the four of us attending Christmas Eve service and enjoying dinner at a local Chinese restaurant, we shifted gears. The boys and I attended an earlier Christmas Eve service, and after taking an informal vote, we ended up dining at our favorite local pizzeria.

Our lives were in such disarray that I felt more like Scott Calvin taking Charlie to Denny's on Christmas Eve than anything that resembled a happy little family.

I gotta be honest, it's all been terrible. This was easily the hardest holiday season of my life. In some ways, I woke up this morning with a feeling of mourning about what never was. It was all so dang hard.

One thing I realized about 10 years ago is that while I can't necessarily change all the circumstances happening to me, I can change the circumstances happening to others. Generosity always wins, and there's no cure for self-pity better than finding ways to practice generosity.

Every time we were faced with tough circumstances over the past few weeks, I'd try to find ways for our family to practice unreasonable generosity. It was especially fun bringing the kids into the fold, allowing them to be at the center of the gifts. They were able to observe people's reactions when something unexpected happened. They saw the smiles, the tears, the laughs, the gasps, and the thank-you's.

While I still feel a cloud of sadness about all that's happened recently, I can rest comfortably knowing that, even though my own personal circumstances felt terrible, we were able to move the needle in other people's lives along the way. We got over ourselves and our own self-pity, and showed love and compassion to people who might have needed it as much as we did. We may never fully know the impact we had in these moments, but it's not our job to know. Our job is to give, trust, give, trust, and give some more. We'll let God sort out the rest. I hope you do the same.

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Those Things Are Cool, But….

Christmas is my favorite time of the year. It always has been, and I hope it always will be. There are so many things to like!

• I like the songs.

• I like the lights and decorations.

• I like the food.

• I like the trees.

• I like the snow.

• I like the traditions.

• I like the movies.

So many things to like!! Those things are cool, but for me, it's Jesus. I enjoy every part of Christmas, but as I've grown older, it's the celebration of our faith that I love most.

It's so easy to get lost in all the trappings of our culture's definition of Christmas; it can be intoxicating. But if you're a Christian, it's important to slow down and recognize the focal point of our annual celebration.

Whatever you're doing today, I hope it's a beautiful experience! Merry Christmas, everyone!

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Wanted: More “Jerk” Friends

What was intended to be a tongue-in-cheek homage to one of my friends yesterday turned into something bigger than I ever imagined. I received countless texts, e-mails, and phone calls about it. People shared stories about how "jerk" friends in their lives have made a huge impact on them. People shared stories about times they had to step in and be the jerk to someone they loved. A few people shared about how they would take a bullet for their jerk friends. Then, someone said this:

"I wish I had some jerk friends in my life. I think my life would have turned out different if I did. Everyone around me just always affirmed whatever I wanted to do. Hope you know how lucky you are to have some "jerks" in your life."

It reminds me of a conversation I had a few years ago with a former colleague. This dude is seriously successful by the world's standards. He has a fancy job with a fancy title, and the compensation package to go with it. His family lives in a big house, drives beautiful cars, travels to exotic locations, and lives a lifestyle that makes their social media followers drool.

He and I were talking about an upcoming trip I was taking to the Boundary Waters with some of my closest friends. I shared how much some of those guys meant to me and how much impact those trips have on me. Then, he said something that shocked me: "I don't have a single friend like that. To be honest, I'm not sure I have any friend I would call that type of friend."

"Why not?" I asked.

"I don't have time. Work is just too busy. Has been for years. I kind of had to let the friend thing go."

This guy might be wealthy, but is he rich? As a society, I think we need to think long and hard about this question. What is rich? Is it money? Is it stuff? Is it status? I'll die on the hill and say "no" to all of those. Wealth is wealth, but rich is something entirely different altogether. Wealth sits in a bank account and looks impressive on social media. Rich runs through our veins and into our souls. Rich creates a depth to our lives that no money, stuff, or status could ever replicate.

I don't care if you're wealthy or not, but I deeply desire you to live a rich life. If you want a hint on where to start, look at the people you surround yourself with. Find people who move the needle in your life, and vice versa. Invest in them. Embrace them, and never take them for granted. Regardless of what life throws at you, those people will add a richness to life that nothing can take away.

Merry Christmas Eve, all. I hope you have a wonderful and blessed day!

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My Friend Is a Jerk

My family has been eagerly anticipating an upcoming trip to Asia. It will be Finn and Pax's first time to Asia, and showing them that region of the world is one of the biggest excitements of my life. In fact, most people don't know that our family was slated to partially relocate to Asia several years ago. Our plan was to split our year between the U.S. and Asia. We sold our house, significantly downsized, and rented a townhome that would be easy to maintain in our absence. All that remained was to purchase our plane tickets. Then, COVID struck a week later, and unraveled our best-laid plans. Oh well, such is life.

Back to our upcoming trip. Needless to say, I'm beyond excited for this trip. But then, my family got uninvited. My friend, who is clearly a jerk, told me I'm not allowed to come now. Can you believe the audacity?!?! I was pretty frustrated with him. I was excited to see him, my other friends, and the amazing culture we would engage with. However, he had to pull a jerk move and crush my hopes and dreams.

He added (paraphrased): "I love you too much to allow you to make this decision for yourself. You need to take care of yourself and your health. There will be lots more trips for us in the future. But you need to sit this one out. I'm not going to force you to make this difficult decision, so I'm making it for you."

He's referring to my recent neck injury and the devastation it's caused to my life. I've regained my cognitive function and my short-term memory, but life is still challenging physically. His biggest worries are how the 36-hour travel days, endless time in vehicles, and constant grind this trip will risk the recent progress I've made. He's not wrong........unfortunately.

While I don't love his jerk move, I love how well he loves me. We need people like this in our lives. People who will love us well enough to NOT tell us what we want to hear. People who will love us well enough to NOT allow us to hurt ourselves. People who will love us well enough to NOT sit back idly while we make stupid decisions.

There have been countless studies done about the science of happiness. Money makes us really, really happy......until our needs are met. Then, once our needs are met (plus a little more), money doesn't move the needle too much. The studies show that three things definitely do, though:

• Work that matters

• Generosity

• Meaningful relationships

Meaningful relationships. Man, I can't even explain how much my friends mean to me. I'd give up every penny in my life for those I'm closest to. There are a handful of people in my life who will joyfully be the biggest jerks in the world in order to save me from myself. That's love. That's meaning. That's happiness. I'm eternally grateful for each of them!

I'm so brutally upset that I have to miss this upcoming trip with my family, but I need to do what's right, regardless of how frustrating it is. I hope you have some jerk friends who will do this for you, too.

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Plan D

With most of our holiday plans cancelled due to my recent health issues and Pax's flu bug, I've been trying to think creatively. Yesterday morning, while we were watching some football highlights from the day before, I had an idea. I realized our Iowa State Cyclones men's basketball team had a home game later in the day. Ticket prices have been wild this season, though! Since the Cyclones are ranked #4 in the country, the get-in price to most games has been $75/person.

Then, it dawned on me. Yesterday's game was being played under unique circumstances:

• We were 39-point favorites against the opponent (i.e., it probably wouldn't be a "good" game).

• It's a Sunday night right before Christmas (i.e., many people probably can't go).

• The college students are on break (i.e., many other people probably can't go, either).

I jumped on my ol' trusty, SeatGeek, to see what tickets were available. You wanna know what I found?!?! Courtside tickets for $65/person!! $65/person for third row?!?! I asked Pax if he wanted to go, and he lit up.

Seven hours later, as the game was about to start, and we were settled into our section waiting for the game to begin, Pax looked at me and exclaimed, "Best! Seats! Ever!" He had never experienced something like that before, and he had the time of his life. He was even shown on ESPN's broadcast! Despite being in a ridiculous amount of pain from my recent neck injury, it truly was a special time together. I wouldn't have given up that time for anything.

As we were pulling into the driveway later in the evening, I said, "I'll remember that one forever, bud." "Me, too, Dad. That was the coolest night ever."

My plan A this season fell apart. My plan B for this season fell apart. My plan C for this season fell apart. A part of me wants to just give up. It's too difficult! I'm in too much pain. I'm mourning the loss of what I was most hoping for. It feels like too much. However, quitting sucks. We're moving on to Plan D, and so far, Plan D has been pretty fun.

Whatever life is throwing at you, keep moving forward. You might not end up right where you had hoped, but you just might end up somewhere as cool as it was unexpected.

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A Little Man’s Lesson of More

We have a firm rule in our house: No video games during the week. The boys love playing video games, but it's not allowed during the school week. Between Friday night and Sunday afternoon, though, they can get video game time. One game they recently discovered is Fortnite; they are loving that game.

Fortnite has a very specific business model. The actual game is 100% free. Anyone can play the game as much as they want at zero cost. Then, the game developers will continuously release little extras for purchase: skins, accessories, music, etc. There's always something new, and as you can imagine, it's only available for purchase for a limited time (gotta create that urgency!).

Recently, Finn discovered a skin that he really, really, really, really wanted to buy. "It's only $6, Dad!!!" I immediately knew this was a great teaching moment. I explained to him that he's 100% able to buy it with his own money, but I added a word of caution. I told him that while this item seems cool to him today, he'll want something else almost immediately.

"You're always going to want something else."

"No, Dad, this is the only thing I want. This is it. I won't be buying anything else."

Again, I explained the problem with more. Every time we get more, more is still, well, more. There's no such thing as enough. He said he understood, but insisted that he'll be content after this purchase.

Fast forward to next weekend, and Fortnite introduced additional items for purchase. Would you believe that Finn desires one of these new items even more than the one he purchased a week ago?!?! Turns out, he's human.

I explained this concept again and reminded him of what I told him last week. He said he completely understands, but he's serious this time, "I won't want anything else after I buy this one. Seriously, Dad!"

The curse of more infects us when we're young and sticks with us until we die. It's not a matter of wiping it clean or pretending it doesn't exist. Instead, the mission ought to be to recognize it in ourselves, stay cognizant, and manage it well. This isn't the end of the story for Finn, just as it isn't the end of the story for you or me. Each day is its own battle. Every day presents new opportunities for us to overcome our desire for more, or to succumb to it. It's a sick and twisted game that's thrust upon us by both our culture and our own wiring.

As for little Finny, I suspect it's going to take a few more failures for him to recognize this element within himself. We'll keep battling!

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Next Man Down

Three weeks ago today, I wrote a piece about the importance of savoring the holiday season. In the last paragraph, I included the following sentence: "I'm excited for this holiday season, but as always, I'm nervous I'll find a way to screw it up." That was a tremendously foreshadow-y quote, considering that my life was dramatically altered just hours after I published that piece. That's when my neck injury escalated, my cognitive impairment developed, and I began a multi-week journey to simply regain a sense of "normal."

I arrived back home last night after spending the week at a client site in Nebraska. I was tremendously grateful for the opportunity to get back to work after being essentially incapacitated for two weeks, and it was awesome to get myself back up and running. Fortunately, my remaining brain fog and level-9 pain subsided by Monday night, and I was able to battle through a level-5 slog for the remainder of the week. All in all, I'm so appreciative of the week I had and the work completed.

Less than 20 minutes after arriving home last night, one of my little guys vomited on me. He missed the last two days of school this week with the flu (he looks pitiful), and he's in a world of hurt.

Needless to say, we're limping into Christmas. We were supposed to spend this weekend enjoying the holiday spirit in downtown Chicago: cancelled. Their cousins were supposed to visit while I was away: cancelled. Other fun Christmas-themed events: cancelled.

We have two options:

1. Complain about how sour the lemons taste

2. Make lemonade

I don't know what the coming days will look like in the Shelton household, but we'll refocus and find different ways to create fun memories and enjoy our time together.

Is your holiday season going perfectly like a Hallmark Christmas movie? If so, soak it all in! Enjoy the good fortune. Make the most of it. And for the other 80% of you who might be living in a Lifetime Christmas movie, embrace it for whatever it is. Pivot, adjust, make the best of your "unique" opportunity. Know you're not alone.....despite what everyone else's perfect social media feed might say.

Happy pre-Christmas weekend, everyone! Hope you have an awesome day!

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Prerequisite

One of my buddies has been excitedly spouting off about how amazing his new investment strategy is. I'm not going to demean this type of investment in this post, specifically, but it's relevant for me to note that I despise everything about it. While many people love it, I think it's hot garbage.

"What makes you like it so much?" I asked him.

"Well, I don't understand all the particulars, but it sounds like it should get me a really good return!"

"How does it make you money?" I responded.

"I'm not exactly sure, but I heard it has something to do with ______."

"How much have you invested in it?"

"About $20,000, and I'll put another $700 into it every month going forward."

Again, I think this product is one of the biggest piles of trash on the market. I wouldn't invest my worst enemy's money into it. However, that's not the point. We can agree to disagree. My problem with the entire situation is that my buddy is investing in something he doesn't understand. He was literally clueless......which is the issue. Understanding the product should be a prerequisite to investing in it. That should be the bare minimum. Even if we don't know all the ins and outs, we must be able to explain it at a moderate level.

I constantly beat on the drum of simplicity, and this topic falls into that camp. If we're doing things with our money that we don't understand, that, by definition, isn't simplicity. There have been lots of investment opportunities cross my desk that, on the surface, seemed attractive. However, if I can't understand it, I pass. If I can't explain to someone else how it works, I'm out. Life is too short to get over our skiis and not fully understand what we're getting ourselves into.

Perhaps that means we need to simply say "no." Alternatively, it might mean it's time to educate ourselves. Here's one fun example. One of my clients is a soon-to-be first-time homebuyer. She doesn't know much about the process, and is intimidated by the mortgage component. Wanting to embrace this idea of understanding what we're doing with our money, she's been absorbing information in an attempt to better understand it. She recently fed her draft loan documents into ChatGPT and asked it to explain them to her like she's twelve. Brilliant! It triggered lots of good follow-up questions and considerations. By the time she closes, she'll have a solid basic understanding of what she's getting into. A prerequisite, if you will.

Whatever funky stuff you come across in your life, I strongly encourage you to pass if you don't understand it (or sincerely spend the time and energy to educate yourself). Life is too short, and if it sounds too good to be true, it probably is.

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Speaking of Reps

I've spent the past week trying to clean up the messes caused by my recent neck injury and cognitive issues. Needless to say, I dropped a lot of balls along the way. It feels overwhelming trying to figure out what balls were dropped and what obligations were broken. It feels messy and embarrassing, to say the least.

I noticed something interesting, though. Despite whiffing on so many things, I somehow kept my 1,100+ days writing streak alive. Even though my brain felt totally broken, I still managed to write, (semi) edit, and publish articles every day during that miserable stretch.

I recently read back through my writing from that period. Wild, as I don't remember much about any of that. It's also fascinating to read the thoughts that came out of my significantly impaired mellon. In some ways, it felt like me, but in other ways, I might as well have been reading the words of a stranger.

Immediately after getting back on my proverbial feet, I wrote a piece titled "Reps Matter." In it, I talked about the power of simply giving ourselves reps in life. Reps allow us the margin to grow in our craft. It's the gateway that takes us from doing something terribly to eventually doing it excellently.

As I reread the words that came out of my impaired mind over the first 10 days of this month, I couldn't help but smile at how giving myself so many reps (1,100 articles in 1,100 days) prepared me to produce content even when I was at my worst. It's wild how that happened!

This isn't about me, though. Rather, this is my way of offering an extra dose of encouragement today. Whatever the discipline is you're seeking to grow in, just give yourself reps. Reps, reps, and more reps. You'll eventually hit your ceiling, whether that be "sufficient," "skilled," or "world class." To some degree, the only thing stopping you is you. Therefore, each of us must decide whether we're willing to get out of our own way and give it the reps it deserves.

I don't know what this is in your unique world, but I have a feeling you do. Get those reps!

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Let the Truth Be the Truth

Taylor Swift is one of the most polarizing figures in the world. She's beloved beyond belief......and hated beyond belief. While she's not my cup of tea when it comes to music, having been to one of her live shows about a decade ago, I have to admit she's probably one of the best live performers in the world. Her concerts are spectacles.

Her recently completed Eras tour is among the most successful in music history. Taylor and her team performed 149 shows in 51 cities on five different continents. After all the number-crunching was completed, it solidified its status as the highest-grossing tour in history (approximately $2 billion). The craziest part of all this is that not a single show was cancelled (sickness, injury, fatigue, or any other factor). The fans counted on her to show up, and she delivered night in and night out, regardless of how she was feeling or other life circumstances.

I recently saw something that stopped me in my tracks. It was an excerpt from a new documentary about her tour. I'll set the stage. Taylor, known for taking care of people around her, gathered her on-stage dance team. She handed out handwritten cards to everyone, then asked one of the men to read his aloud, noting that everyone's card said the same thing.

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The man reads aloud: "We've traveled the world like we set out to do. We've dazzled the crowds, but missed family, too. My full gratitude doesn't come from a bank, but here's (bleep) dollars, just to say thanks."

When he read the bleeped number, you could see everyone in the room shudder; hands to mouths, knees wobbly, eyes bulging. What did he say?!?!

After diving into the comments and finding some lip-reading experts, it was generally concluded that the number he read aloud was $750,000. Each dancer in that room was given $750,000!!!! Not their pay, their bonus. They've already been paid what they signed up for. This extreme act of generosity was unprecedented.

In total, it's reported that Taylor Swift gave away $197 million in bonuses over a few days. $750,000 to dancers, $100,000 to truck drivers, and so on. Just like that, Taylor gave away nearly $200,000,000 (out of her own pocket) above and beyond what her team was already paid for their jobs. Unreal!

As is usually the case with social media, the trolls came out to play:

• "It just proves she screwed the fans with her high ticket prices."

• "She should have given a lot more, considering how rich she already is."

• "All her merch proves she's just greedy."

• "She's just flaunting her money at this point."

• "She only gave away 10% of the profit....she's a cheap ass!" (It's worth noting that the bonuses were 10% of the $2B of revenue, not profit. Her profit was significantly lower after factoring in all the costs.

People can say whatever they want, but Taylor Swift clearly cares deeply about people. Her fans (she didn't miss a single show!), her crew ($197 million in bonuses!), and the people closest to her (she has a reputation for being ultra-loyal). Yet, regardless of what she does, people will hate her relentlessly.

None of us will ever be Taylor Swift, but she demonstrates an important concept. Just let the truth be the truth. Be generous. Show love. Treat people extraordinarily well. Recognize those who help us on our journey. Let the truth be the truth, and the rest will sort itself out.

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A Time and a Place

"Context matters," as I often say. Sure, it's easy (and fun) to paint everything with a broad brush and portray everything as concrete and definitive, but that's a lazy approach.

Do you use DoorDash? DoorDash gets a terrible rap. First, we're too lazy to make our own food. And now, we're too lazy to pick up the food we're going to eat because we're too lazy to cook in the first place?!?! And we're going to pay an arm and a leg for the privilege of doing so?!?!

Context matters!

A few nights ago, I jumped in my car and headed toward the cattle ranch. I hadn't ridden in a car for longer than 15 minutes since Black Friday, and every time I experienced these short little commutes, it felt like needles being shoved down my spine. A few nights ago, I gutted out a 3-hour drive. It was miserable, to say the least.

By the time I got to my hotel, I just wanted to lie in bed. At the same time, though, I also wanted a big platter of meat. I was as equally hungry as I was tired. I had zero energy left to leave the hotel, and zero pain tolerance left to sit down at a restaurant. Enter DoorDash. I found a nearby barbecue restaurant that was more than happy to send a big platter of meat to my hotel room. I suspect this item probably costs $20-$25 in the restaurant, but my bill? Including fees and tip, I paid $40. An hour later, I was lying in bed eating a giant platter of barbecue.

Best 40 bucks I've ever spent! Could I have saved $15 by going to the restaurant myself? Absolutely!!! Mathematically speaking, would that have been a wise financial decision? You bet! Contextually, would that have been a good decision? No way!!! I made the absolute right decision that night, and I have zero regrets pulling the DoorDash trigger.

Context matters in all we do. We should stop painting everything with a broad brush, and properly assess each decision for what it truly is. Simply saying DoorDash is stupid, lazy, and evil is a fool's errand. Instead, it needs to be put into context with the situation at hand. While I don't typically get food through DoorDash, the times I do are huge blessings to me.

Please don't listen to criticism from people who aren't privy to the context of your situation. If we allow every broad brush to paint our decisions and beliefs, we'll rob ourselves of the nuance that can make all the difference in the world.

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Rudderless

I recently saw a heartbreaking video of a 40-year-old man who claims that he has wasted his entire life. He goes on to explain that his entire adult life has been spent just jumping from one shiny object to another, and after 20 years, he has nothing to show for it.

While I felt tremendous empathy for him, it made me think about the millions of people who share similar feelings about their own lives. When I think about this cohort of individuals, one word comes to mind: rudderless.

We live in a culture that says we should do anything and everything we want in the moment. As long as it feels good and "makes us happy," we should go for it. I think this is some of the most toxic and short-sighted advice known to man.Making decisions to get what we want right now is often a sure-fire way to ensure we don't get what matters most later.

I think some people would argue I make a lot of crazy decisions in life.....and I wouldn't argue with them. Here's the framework by which I assess my own decisions:

• Where am I trying to end up?

• Will this particular choice get me closer to or further away from where I'm trying to go?

• Am I willing to pay the cost of this decision?

All three of these questions matter. If we don't know where we're trying to go, we don't even know what direction we're trying to steer the boat. If we don't know if xyz decisions will move us closer to or further away from the destination, we have no true rudder to keep us pointed in the right direction. If we're not willing to do what it takes to make it happen, we shouldn't kid ourselves.

Truly focusing on these questions can be an eye-opening endeavor. There are so many shiny objects that come across my periphery. I so badly want to say yes to many of them! However, if I'm being honest with myself, many of these shiny objects can and would pull me away from where I'm trying to go. They would feel really, really good in the moment, but they would hinder the path I'm on.

This is one of the most humbling aspects of the human experience. To say "no" to the things we want now in exchange for the things we want most is one of the most challenging tasks we're assigned in life.

I'm not saying I always get it right, but when I look back at my last 25 years of life, I've succeeded more times than I've failed. I hope you feel the same, but if not, you still have so many more good years left in you to right the ship. Stabilize your rudder, make the difficult decisions, and move yourself closer to where you need to go. It rarely feels worth it in the moment, but it ALWAYS feels worth it in the end.

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Showing Them the Beauty of Work

We received another huge blast of snow yesterday morning here in the Midwest. After adding the new accumulation to our already high total snowfall, this season's snowfall has already eclipsed all of last winter.....and it's not even Christmas yet!

As the snow started to wane, I asked my 9-year-old boys if they wanted to make some money. They love projects. They love opportunities to go above and beyond. They grabbed their little shovels and began scooping. While we had about seven inches on the ground, the snow was extra light and fluffy, almost movie-like, so it wasn't a heavy lift. They made progress quickly.

After ripping out our driveway and sidewalks, I asked the kids if they wanted to do the neighbor's property, too. They both eagerly nodded their heads and began to scoop.

After the second house was done, I asked them if they wanted to do the next house. They nodded yes again, but not quite as eagerly. They began to scoop.

After the third house was done, I asked if they wanted to do the next house. They hesitated, then said yes. They scooped.

After the fourth house was done, I asked if they wanted to do the next house. After brief consideration, they both said no. Four houses, not bad!

They knew scooping other people's houses was a kind and generous thing to do, but they also knew I would pay them more money. By the time they finished, their little backs were sore, their faces frigid, and their bank accounts a little fuller.

I'm such a believer in giving our kids opportunities to step into work. Not forced, but encouraged. I want them to continually see that serving others is a good thing, and that serving others is a great way to earn money.

It's a win/win/win/win. When our neighbors discovered that their property has been cleared by someone, they were probably grateful. My kids felt delighted with a hard day's work. They received handsome compensation for their efforts. I was able to teach them, once again, about the importance of hard work and serving others.

If you're a parent, find opportunities for your kids to say yes to work. Use the natural rhythm of life (like snow) when possible. Find a problem for them to solve. Or even bolder, create a problem for them to solve. Make something up, if necessary! Just give them opportunities to step into service and work. Don't beat them with it. Don't guilt them. Don't shame them. Show them how truly good it is to serve others and work hard. It might not seem like it's making a difference now, but 20 years from now, it will be beautifully clear!

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Celebrate

Last night was our Northern Vessel team Christmas party. In all the chaos of the holiday season, it was fun to slow down and celebrate the awesome year we've had together. Lots of laughs. Lots of stories. Lots of optimism for what's to come.

At the same time, however, it's been a brutal few weeks for me. Between the neck injury, basement flood, loss of memory for nearly a week, perpetual neck and back pain, and the loss of lots of income due to my incapacitation, it doesn't necessarily feel like a time to celebrate. However, I celebrated. Regardless of how much crap I've gone through recently, there's always something to celebrate.

More than anything, I'm just trying to approach life through the lens of gratitude. It's so easy for me to wallow in my own self-pity, but if I'm really honest with myself, I'm blessed beyond belief. Last night, I chose to celebrate.

My pain is somewhat overwhelming at the moment, so I'm going to keep this short. I know you probably have your fair share of junk, baggage, and pain following you around. For whatever truth lies in that statement, just know I have a ton of empathy for you. At the same time, I bet you have countless things to be grateful for. Whatever that is, celebrate it. Don't gloss over the fact that you have so many blessings in your life.

Let's celebrate this season. When things are great, celebrate. When things feel absolutely terrible, celebrate. Always celebrate. I don't know what the next few weeks have in store for me, but even if I'm completely bedridden, I'm gonna celebrate. I hope you do the same.

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Being True

I had back-to-back-to-back coaching meetings last night; I loved every minute of it. Something struck me as I was wrapping up my third meeting. All three couples I met with have distinctly unique journeys. Their stories are so different from one another. The paths taken, the decisions made, the dreams being pursued. Many overlapping conversations and topics weave in and out of these coaching relationships, but it's fun to see how every family's DNA looks different.

What's interesting to me is that the specific journey someone pursues does not define their meaning and happiness. There aren't inherently meaningful paths and non-meaningful paths. Rather, what separates the people who have meaning from those who don't is whether or not they truly embrace the journey they are signing up for. Do they believe in it? Are they being true to themselves? Are they honoring the spirit of their callings?

If the answers to those above questions are "yes," there's a high likelihood they are finding meaning in the journey, win or lose. On the flip side, if someone doesn't truly buy into their own journey, even the achievement of success can still result in feelings of emptiness.

It's an interesting concept to watch play out in families all around me......and in my own home. I often look in the mirror and sincerely ask myself if I'm where I'm supposed to be. For the last seven years, most days the answer has been an overwhelming "yes!" When that happens, regardless of the outcome, I go to bed feeling content and satisfied with the journey.

However, there are occasions when I have to look at myself in the mirror and acknowledge I might be doing the wrong thing for the wrong reasons. It's a humbling pill to swallow, but the sooner I can swallow it, the sooner I can rectify it and reposition myself where I'm supposed to be. While it's true that I'm getting better at not putting myself in bad positions, the real growth in my life is having the courage and wherewithal to more quickly remedy the times when I do.

When I think about the three couples I had the honor of spending time with last night, all I can think about is how well they are doing at this. All unique. All different. All interesting. Each honoring their best path, while turning a blind eye to the path that conventional wisdom tells them they should pursue.

Life is always going to be hard, so we might as well be true to ourselves and our callings while living it out. It makes the tough times palatable and the sweet times sweeter.

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Reps Matter

Tuesday night was Finn and Pax's school Christmas concert. It also happens to be the first meaningful event I can remember over the last week, thanks to my recent injury (finally experiencing some improvement!). About an hour before the show, I asked the kids if they were nervous. For context, in years past, they would get extremely anxious singing in front of hundreds of people. Their responses were interesting:

Finn: "No, not really."

Pax: "No, not at all."

Dang! That's a huge shift for them. When the actual performance started, Pax looked like he owned the stage. He was clearly into it. A big smile, enthusiastic dancing, and engaged singing. Finn also looked comfortable, and carried himself with confidence and ease. Very odd, considering how I know these events have played out in the past.

Afterward, I asked Pax about it. In short, he's used to being on stage performing music with his rock band 4-5 times per year. When he's on that rock stage, he's one of only five people, and the audience can hear every unique noise he makes. Translation: all those rock band live performance reps made last night seem like a walk in the park.

Reps matter. Whether it's performing in front of people or handling our finances, every rep gets us a bit closer to where we want to be. It reminds me of something I heard years ago that still lives rent-free in my head. We can't just decide to do something excellently. First, we need to do it poorly, which creates the opportunity to do it mediocre, which creates the opportunity to do it well, which creates the opportunity to do it excellently. The reps matter so much!

I stress this point with my clients over and over. They aren't going to magically be good with money. It takes the absorption of the base knowledge......AND the reps. The more reps they can get, the quicker they will advance into excellence.

Grace. We need to give ourselves grace. No matter the discipline we're picking up, we need to give ourselves grace to fail at first. Remember, doing something poorly is the gateway to doing it better next time. If we stick with it while giving ourselves grace, we just might one day find ourselves on the other side of excellence.

Don't be afraid to do something poorly, as it's the gateway to eventually doing it excellently. The reps always matter!

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Extravagant With a Capital "E"

One of the (very few) perks to being completely debilitated is having the time to scroll and read. Bad news: My short-term memory has been very poor, and I don't retain much of what's happening around me. Good news: I sometimes have the wherewithal in the moment to text message myself good ideas.

Today's post is one such good idea. I stumbled upon a fun little video that perfectly exemplifies one of my favorite concepts. When it comes to giving, it's not enough to give just enough. When done with the right heart and for the right reasons, giving should be extravagant. It should be sacrificial. It should create a moment. The following video clip is just that:

@globalmindapparel ♬ original sound - Global Mind Apparel

I know many of you won't watch this video, so please allow me to describe. A little boy and his father walk into a shoe store. The boy is in the middle of basketball season and needs a new pair of shoes. His dad said he could buy anything that costs less than $75. Shoe after shoe after shoe disappoints him, as he can't find anything for less than $75.

Disappointed, he starts walking toward the exit. This is where the story picks up. A young lady notices what's happening and decides to catch him as he's leaving. After hearing his story, she tells the boy that he can pick out any shoe in the store and she'll buy it for him.

After looking around, the boy picks up a $175 pair of LeBron's. The dad hesitated, citing the high price. The young lady insisted, stating:

• She knows what it's like to not have enough.

• There's no point in having money if you can't bless others.

• Why should she be in this store to buy her 10th pair of shoes when there's someone who can't even afford their first pair?

This young lady could have taken the gift in a few different directions. She could have said she'd make up the difference between the actual cost and the $75 budget that the dad could afford. Or she could have offered to buy a more reasonably priced pair of shoes. Instead, she decided to be extravagant in her generosity. Any pair he wanted.....period.

She created a moment. It's these types of stories that can change both parties. For her, that act of joyful and extravagant giving may have unlocked something in her. Perhaps that was the catalyst that sent her down a journey of generosity. For that boy, who knows what seed she just planted in him. Maybe 25 years from now, he'll be a multi-millionaire spreading generosity all around him, citing the impact a young woman once had on his life when he was just a boy. Every gift, even a $175 pair of shoes, has the potential to change someone's world.

I encourage you to look for moments like this. Extravagant moments. Special moments. Generosity that will move the needle in someone's journey. If even a pair of shoes can create that, just imagine how much possibility is on the table!

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