Nothing Left Over

I had a wonderful chat with a young couple yesterday. They are an awesome young couple, but I'm biased. One of the spouses is a former youth group kid; I've known her since she was 15. Therefore, it's safe to say I'm tremendously honored to spend time with her now that she and her husband are living their full-on adult lives.

It was a similar conversation I've had with hundreds of couples. And just like every other time I have this chat, there's one part that stands out like a sore thumb: When I discuss the concept of having no income left over at the end of the month. If a couple starts the month with $4,000 of cash sitting in their checking account and has $7,000 of income coming in, they should end the month with $4,000 of cash sitting in their checking account. None of their income should be left over. All of it should be gone.

Here's why. We humans don't do well with "extra." Extra either gets squandered or hoarded, rarely an in-between. If there's extra, we'll impulsively spend it somewhere we didn't intend, or we'll squirrel it away for no specific purpose (which subconsciously incentivizes us to repeat and grow that behavior next time).

Here's how this could/should manifest itself in our monthly finances. Every dollar should have a home. We spend it, give it, or save it. If we get to the end of our budget and there's $500 left, we must go back up and find a place to spend it, give it, or save it. No dollar left behind!

I don't even care what people do with this extra money, so long as they are intentional about its destination. This one principle can revolutionize the way we perceive and handle money. Every bit of our income now has a purpose. Intentionality runs through our entire budget. The most important categories get love, not the most impulsive ones. This allows our personal values to shine through and become truly prioritized in our monthly finances. Things that should get funded actually get funded. Things that shouldn't, don't. It's simple. It's pure.

I started following this principle more than 20 years ago, and after teaching it to hundreds of families, I can positively testify that it's a real game-changer. Something to consider adding to your arsenal. Have an awesome day!

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Once You See It

I recently found out that one of my friends is taking her family abroad this summer. Not some fancy adventure to Europe, but a deeply cultural experience in a place most Americans will ever see. "This will change your kids' lives forever!" I exclaimed. She wholeheartedly agreed.

Something powerful happens when we see parts of the world that are extremely foreign to us. When we leave our little bubble and get a glimpse of the bigger picture, it has the potential to melt our minds. Everything we know and believe can be turned upside down in a matter of days.

I didn't have one of these experiences until my 30s, but when I did, it permanently shifted my life forever. It's one of the reasons my family lives in a one-bathroom house and drives aging vehicles. No matter how we live here in our bubble, we're rich. Period. There's no way around it. Once you see it, you can't unsee it.

People are hurting. People are sick. People are hungry. People are cold. People are hot. People are unsafe. Yet, here we are, whining that our house isn't big enough, our cars not new enough, our clothes not sylish enough, and our technology not fast enough.

Here's a thought that often crosses my mind. If I had the choice between improving my family's standard of living and helping hundreds (possibly thousands) of people attain a livable standard of living, which would I choose? It turns out, we have that choice every day of our lives. It's easy to think we don't actually make that choice, but not making a choice is still making a choice.

This isn't meant to elicit guilt. Guilt is a terrible master. Rather, this is my encouragement for each family to seek out new perspectives. Let's step out of our bubbles and truly see what's going on around us. Let's get uncomfortable. Let's challenge ourselves to open our eyes. Let's get an up-close view of how the rest of the world lives. Then, and only then, can we be in a position to make some of these difficult choices (without guilt!).

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Lessons From the Dodgeball Court

Do you remember playing dodgeball when you were a kid? I loved P.E. class dodgeball oh so much! I have vivid memories of epic competitions in my old, tiny elementary school gymnasium. The games were ruthless! I recently attended a father-kid event in which old-school dodgeball was heavily featured. Hours of ruthless, chaotic dodgeball!!! It was like jumping into a DeLorean and going back to my elementary school days.

I remember thinking this 35 years ago, but the idea sat clearer on my mind as adult me dove back into the art, science, and madness of dodgeball. You can tell a lot about a person by how they play dodgeball.

With dozens of people on the court, along with another dozen-plus balls whizzing around the room, dodgeball relies on the integrity of its participants to run smoothly. It's a game of inches, angles, and reflexes. Did that ball graze my shirt? Did it make contact with the ball in my hand, or my arm? Did it hit the ground before striking my foot? Did I make a clean catch, or did I trap it before it hit the ground?

During my recent game, I watched kid after kid after kid cheat their little brains out. They would take a 70mph fastball to the chest, then brush it off as if it missed them completely. Other people would get frustrated, tensions would rise, and then they would cheat again. As I watched this unfold, it spoke volumes to me about that person's character.

They were just kids, though! Cut them some slack! Just kids being kids. The little voice on my other shoulder encouraged me to give them grace. After all, my kids aren't perfect, either. I kept watching......

Since it was a father-kid event, dads and their kids often occupied the same space. The kid would float just behind his dad. Dad would feed balls to his son. That's when I noticed something else. The kids who were rampantly cheating had one thing in common. Their dads also had a proclivity to cheat. That's right! Grown men acting with the same lack of integrity. "That ball didn't hit me!" exclaimed one dad who got smoked in the hip.

You can tell a lot about someone by watching them play dodgeball. Character matters so much, even when there aren't refs present to blow their whistles. How we play this game of life matters. Conducting ourselves with high character and integrity is essential for a smooth society, healthy relationships, and living with meaning. And as the cherry on top, the next generation is watching. Every time we act, whether in public or in private, those around us see how we conduct ourselves.

I've always thought about these ideas, but as a father, I can't stop thinking about them. Most of society tells our children the best way to win is to bend the rules, find loopholes, or flat-out cheat. Every ounce of me wants to combat that in my own kids, and that starts with the guy I see in the mirror. We gotta do better; be better; model better. They're all watching.

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Systems and Standards

One of my friends, a fellow business owner, recently asked me what our goals are at Northern Vessel. We've never actually set any goals. In fact, we never discuss goals. There's no set of expectations for what we'd like to accomplish. Instead, it's more aspirational, directional. Continue to push the boundaries of excellence and find ways to exhibit hospitality in new and unexpected ways. To what end? No end. We're seeking the journey, not the destination.

This entire conversation reminds me of a quote I heard about a decade ago. "We don't rise to our goals. We fall to our systems and standards."

The NFL is a great example. All 32 teams start the season with the same goal: to win the Super Bowl. However, only one team will accomplish that goal. It's not that one team has a better, more cemented goal. Rather, a handful of teams simply have better systems and standards. Eventually, through the ebbs and flows of the season, each team falls to its systems and standards, and the team with the best systems and standards (plus a little luck) prevails.

Systems and standards. That's something we obsess about at Northern Vessel. It's an ongoing discussion with our team. It's a never-ending pursuit that impacts every guest interaction and every drink we prepare.

Saturday was the second week of the Des Moines Farmers' Market, the country's second-largest market. I heard there were north of 25,000 people present. Our team was excited and well-prepared. After spending three years obsessing about our systems and standards (including building our wonderful team), they are clearer now than ever.

I've attended many market Saturdays, and it never ceases to amaze me how locked-in and excellent the team is. Despite a seemingly unending line stretching 100+ people deep, our team strives to meet each guest with enthusiasm and hospitality. This week, the team served one drink approximately every 13 seconds for 5 hours. It's a pace that still boggles my mind, and I'm continually grateful for every person who decides to spend part of their market Saturday engaging with us. It's never lost on me, nor do I ever take it for granted, when a market patron decides to get into a coffee line (for a vendor that sells just one drink option) that wraps around the block.

I still feel like I need to do a better job at setting goals, but every time I feel that wave of guilt, I come back to the idea of systems and standards. The relentless pursuit of excellence. I don't know where we'll be a year from now, but regardless of what that looks like, I hope the systems and standards are higher than ever, we pursue an even grander version of excellence, and the hospitality pushes the boundaries more than ever.

Systems and standards. Whatever you're jumping into this week, please keep this in the back of your mind. We'll all eventually fall to our systems and standards, so we ought to raise them in the meantime.

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The Confrontation Awaits

One of my kids has a fear. To me, it's a silly fear, but to him, it's crippling. Over the past few days, he's spent much time trying to avoid facing this fear. Heck, if he had his way, he could simply avoid it altogether for the next 80 years and die a happy man.

Secretly, I'd love to find ways, organically or not, to create opportunities for him to face his fear head-on. The moment he conquers this fear will be the moment he unlocks something powerful inside him. It reminds me of a conversation he and I shared a while back:

"Dad, what are you most scared of?"

"Public speaking."

"That's weird, you speak all the time. Don't people pay you money to speak?"

"Yeah, they do!"

"Why do you do that if it's your biggest fear?"

"Why do you think I started? I did it BECAUSE it was my biggest fear."

I won't sit here on my high horse claiming to be the most courageous person in the world. I'm just a dude with a bunch of silly fears who has a track record of getting better and more impactful each time I face these fears head-on.

As I see it, our fears are often one of the few barriers between us and our dreams. Between us and our callings. Between us and our meaning. If that's true, why are we going to let a silly little fear be what stops us?!?!

On most days, I spend time with people who are trying to decide whether to let their fears hold them back from living their best life. Sometimes, the person on the other end of those conversations is the person I'm staring at in the mirror.

Fear is inevitable. It won't go away. We won't grow out of it. Instead, it shifts. It takes different forms. It manifests itself in new ways. But it's here to stay. If that's true, we might as well face it head-on!

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Traditions Compound

It’s the middle of the night. 50 degrees. The sound of silence. I’m in a small tent with two little boys snuggled up to either side of me. I only have my phone to write. The battery is down to 10% and I have somewhere between zero and one bar of cell coverage. Will this post even upload?

I once had a friend give me two pieces of advice:

• Don’t be afraid to start new traditions.

• Let your traditions compound.

Whenever we lean into our traditions, we aren’t adding a new experience. We are multiplying impact. Each rep builds on the last. Something special starts to form.

The boys and I go on the same camping trip every year. We started when they were four; today they are nine. We do similar activities, live a similar schedule, and eat a predictable menu. However, each time is uniquely different. Each time is experienced through the lens of the persons we have grown into, and with the context of the past adventures.

The legend grows. The stories multiply. The reminiscing hits new levels. We all crave this trip, and the anticipation is sometimes as meaningful as the actual experience.

I love finding ways for our traditions to compound, and this trip is a constant reminder of just how real and powerful that concept is. I hope you, too, have some traditions in your life that can compound on you. It makes for a beautiful journey.

Even More Reason

I ran into a buddy at the gym yesterday, and the first thing he said to me was about yesterday's post: "What if you don't have $50,000?" It was a reference to my story about the pile of cash test, where I challenged a client to withdraw $50,000 from the bank and set it on their kitchen table before officially deciding to put $50,000 toward a vehicle.

"What if you don't have $50,000?" It's a logical and realistic question, as $50,000 is a lot of money and many people simply don't possess $50,000. My answer?

"Even more reason not to do it!!!!"

"What, so if you don't have $50,000 in the bank, you shouldn't buy a car?" my friend asked.

"No, if you don't have $50,000 in the bank, you most certainly shouldn't be spending $50,000 on a car," I replied. His eyes got big, and he looked visibly agitated.

This isn't really about cars, though it's framed through the lens of a car purchase. At the heart of the matter is our modern-day assumption that we all deserve to buy whatever we want, regardless of context or reality. And debt allows that to happen.

I reminded my friend that the most money I've ever spent on a vehicle was $20,000. Why? Because that's how much money I had allocated and saved for said purchase. I suppose I could have pulled the trigger on a $50,000, $60,000, or even $80,000 vehicle had I wanted, but sabotaging my family's finances, freedom, and future with large debt payments isn't on my wish list of life. Instead, we buy what we can afford. That applies to cars, sure, but it's also a blanket statement of life. No debt.....period.

I know this is a weird way to approach life, and for many, it might seem limiting. However, there's something beautiful that happens to our psyche when we live in reality. It's powerful to know what's on the table and what's not. I don't think about buying luxury cars because it's simply not in my family's budget. Thus, I don't want. I don't covet. I don't fantasize. Instead, I try to live a meaningful life and embrace whatever beautiful reality we've created for ourselves. I encourage you to do the same.

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$50K On the Kitchen Table

More than three years ago, I wrote about something I call the "pile of cash test." It's a little behavioral hack that can help us combat the psychological warfare caused by debt. You can read the original piece at the link above.

Well, I've used the pile of cash three times in the past month. Most notably, I have one particular story to share with you. One of my clients wanted to purchase a new vehicle, around $65,000. After accounting for their trade-in, the remaining amount due was $50,000.

I think we can all agree that $50,000 is a lot of money. Therefore, they naturally decided to finance it. Whoa, whoa, whoa!!!! I was walking alongside them while they painfully and frustratingly paid off a ton of debt, and now they want to go back into $50,000 of debt to buy a vehicle?!?!

"I don't care if you buy this vehicle," I told them. "However, if you decide to buy it, use cash. Please don't fall into this trap again."

"I don't think we would feel comfortable taking $50,000 out of savings to do this," they responded.

"I guess you don't want the vehicle that badly, then." That comment didn't go over well.

They were still waffling when we left the room. That's when I gave them the pile of cash test challenge. Go to the bank, withdraw $50,000, set it on the kitchen table, then decide how important that vehicle is.

It wasn't easy for them to withdraw $50,000 from their bank, but they did it!!! They even joked that it felt like they needed to hire armed bodyguards just to have it in their home.

The result? Here's what they wrote back: "It was an eye-opening experience. To be honest I'm not sure we could ever spend $50,000 on a car ever again after doing that. It puts much in perspective. I think we need more contentment or more humility. Maybe both."

The pile of cash test never fails. Put this one in your toolbelt for a rainy day. It just might come in handy if you're ever in need of a fresh perspective.....or a fun behavioral science experience.

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For What?

I received a question from a blog reader after yesterday's post. I don't know this man personally, but based on my handful of e-mail interactions, I respect him a lot. He's very insightful and always brings wisdom to the conversation. I also know by now that his intentions are always honest. Therefore, when he asked me a fairly intense question, I received it with the utmost respect and care.

In short, he asked why I'm so personally interested in my investments. It would appear to be an obvious answer, culturally and financially speaking, but he added some additional context based on my prior content:

• I don't believe in retirement.

• I don't plan to leave my children a large inheritance.

• I believe and practice joyful and sacrificial generosity.

• I'm anti-hoarding

• I don't care to "build wealth."

• Money, stuff, and status don't interest me.

Therefore, his sincere question has so much merit. If all that is true (and I testify that it is), why do I personally care about having investments? He didn't say this, but based on the fact pattern I shared above, it's possible that I'm a liar, a hypocrite, or don't quite follow the principles I teach. Again, this is me saying this (not my friend!). Why, then, do I personally care about investments?

I responded to his message, but after pondering it more, I thought it might make for an interesting blog post. Why do I believe all those things above, yet still have personal investments?

It's a two-part answer:

• A day will come when I'm no longer physically or mentally able to do good work. I hope that time doesn't arrive until my 80s, but it will most certainly arrive at some point. When that happens, I want to ensure we can financially care for ourselves.

• A day might come when I leave this planet before Sarah does. Statistically, men typically die sooner than women. As such, I want to make sure Sarah will be financially cared for after my passing.

Both of these factors lead me to pursue investment assets that can someday achieve one or both of these objectives. Something interesting happens along the way, though, when we perceive retirement investing through this atypical lens. The math looks different, easier. When you won't need retirement funds until later in life, the math says we need to contribute less money for a shorter period of time (since the wonders of compounding have more years to cook).

What that means in my household is that nearly eight years ago, we realized that if we are good stewards and ensure our investments are well managed, we might not need to contribute much more (if any) to meet our two long-term goals stated above. In other words, we're probably going to (eventually) be fine with what we already have invested, so investing more would only serve our own materialism, pride, or selfish endeavors.

Therefore, we made a very odd but definitive decision approximately eight years ago. We will commit to never investing again. No more contributions. No more pushing. No more building. No more more. Enough is enough because enough is enough.

It's a weird journey to follow, and oftentimes difficult given my strong bend toward finance and "winning," but living life with an external focus rewires our souls. It connects us to people unlike anything else I can compare. I'm not necessarily advocating that people try to adopt this way of viewing life, but perhaps it will give you something interesting to ponder today.

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OK, But Where You Gonna Get 9%?

My simplification of investing principles and practices is one of the most heavily criticized topics I write and podcast about. Here, I'll give you the quick elevator speech: Patiently invest in a cheap, broad, total U.S. stock market index fund. Invest early, contribute regularly, never sell, do nothing, remain patient, don't meddle, and let the market take care of the rest. See, simple! I've also written many times about how the 155-year history of the U.S. stock market has delivered a return of over 9% annually (and 10% annually over the last 100 years). Almost every time I discuss this topic, someone snidely asks, "OK, but where you gonna get 9%?"

That would be a fair question, except for the fact that we discuss it regularly! "A cheap, broad, total U.S. stock market index fund." Examples could include VTI, VTSAX, or FSKAX. This isn't a theory. It's not some hypothetical. It's not a case study that looks good on paper but is difficult to put into practice.

Today, I'll open the books of my life. For the past 15 years, my investment accounts have held one thing and one thing only: "A cheap, broad, total U.S. stock market index fund." I've made zero changes. I spend literally no time managing it. I give zero consideration to the ups and downs of the market. I never consider tweaking or meddling. What do I have to show for it? I'll show you.

My investment account updates the annualized return numbers at the end of each month. Given that April just concluded, I jumped into my account to see where they stand, and here's what I found:

Over the past 10 years: 15.0% per year

Over the past 5 years: 11.9% per year

Over the past 3 years: 21.4% per year

Over the past 1 year: 31.7% on the year

I'm not trying to beat the drum of "building wealth" or getting rich, but rather, I want people to understand 1) how real this is, and 2) how simple these principles really are. If we're going to invest, we might as well be good stewards of the resources we're blessed with.

Where you gonna get 9%? Right here. Right in front of us. While we don't know what the future will hold, the last 155 years tell us that, yes, it will be messy, but also yes, it will be rewarding. Stay patient. Stay simple.

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The Line

Yesterday's post drew the ire of many. Well, one excerpt, anyway: "I don't care to sell things that can be shared. Several of these possessions have added value to my life, and now they can add value to someone else's. That's how we're created to live, not peddling our used stuff for cents on the dollar."

That one comment fired up the comment train. I partially saw this coming, as the mere idea of not selling our possessions when parting ways with them is a countercultural approach. Several people applauded this mentality, while many others criticized it. One curious reader asked a really thought-provoking question:

"Where's the line? How far do you take this? At what point would you stop giving something away and sell it instead?"

I haven't thought about this question, specifically, but I do have a very clear answer: a house. For Sarah and me, the line is a house. We will sell a house. Everything below that shall be given away. The last two cars we parted ways with were given, not sold. Well, in the case of Sarah's previous vehicle, the recipient insisted on paying us $500, which we honored. No trade-ins. We have something of value, and it served us well for a season of life. Now, we get to share it with someone else; the cycle continues.

When we sold our four-bedroom house and moved into a small two-bedroom townhome, nearly everything was given away. 2/3 of all our furniture. All the lawn equipment. The patio set. My home office. Most of the decor. Each of those interactions with the excited recipients was a gift. I remember the looks on their faces. The relief in their eyes. The gratitude in their voices. That's worlds better than selling something on Facebook Marketplace for pennies on the dollar.

I get it, this is a weird way to live. It's a stretch. It feels like we're leaving money on the table....because, well, we are. However, it's not about money. It's about carrying a posture of possession, not ownership. I possess objects in my life, but I'm not the ultimate owner. He is. That's what it looks like when we actually live in faith. We are called to give from what we have, and uniquely enough, what we have is what we have. Therefore, give it. Give it freely. Give it joyfully. Give it sacrificially.

I dare you to give it a try. Start small. Find something you value, and give it to someone else. It will mess with you in the best of ways. Then, watch how it changes you.

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The Purge

I recently did something I've been dreaming about for quite some time: I hired a company to drop off a dumpster in my driveway for a week. The last few days have been glorious. I methodically worked through my garage, finding anything and everything that needed to go. Then, I searched my house, room by room. A little of this, a lot of that.

I can't even describe how cleansing this process has been. Years of build-up, melting before my eyes. Figuratively, it feels like I've lost 75 pounds. I'm lighter on my toes. My mind is clearer. The stress is declining.

Maybe this is a good idea, but perhaps we should all practice this ritual from time to time. I've dabbled in this subject on the blog, but minimalism intrigues me. I'm certainly not anywhere close to that, yet, but I aspire to move in that direction.

Pax even made a "free" sign, and we placed a bunch of good stuff on the curb. It was fun watching countless people stop to grab things: a grill, old bikes, tables, and various toys. One of my friends called and said he saw my treasure trove of free stuff. "Why don't you sell that? You could make decent money from it."

I don't care to sell things that can be shared. Several of these possessions have added value to my life, and now they can add value to someone else's. That's how we're created to live, not peddling our used stuff for cents on the dollar.

I gotta tell you, it's been such a refreshing experience purging these last few days. I'm not sure this resonates with you, but if so, perhaps it's something worth trying in your life. In the meantime, I'll be working to fill the rest of this dumpster and finding other items for other families to enjoy.

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Breaking Brains

While I'll probably be a lifelong Michael Jordan GOAT advocate, I've always been a fan of LeBron James. His longevity and consistency will surely be studied someday. Not only should he not even be playing at this point in his life, but to see him be the best player on the court game after game is shocking.

As I watched the first quarter of last night's Lakers vs. Rockets playoff game, something dawned on me: None of the five Rockets starters were even alive when LeBron made his NBA debut. Not babies, not toddlers. Unborn! Not in existence.

It breaks my brain. I've watched this guy play since I was a college kid, and it never ceases to amaze me. What I love most about his story is the fact that he actively and continually does things he's not supposed to do. He takes conventional wisdom and turns it on its head. He and his son are teammates, for goodness sake! He's breaking people's brains, day after day. Even the most staunch Michael Jordan GOAT advocates should be amazed by LeBron's continued journey.

Regardless of the area of life, I love when people do things that break people's brains. I love it when people take the path less traveled. I love it when people make decisions that make others uncomfortable. I love it when people turn their backs on conventional wisdom and seek a better way.

From a personal perspective, I savor the moments when people ask me why I do such dumb things. Or when people ask why I wouldn't do xyz instead, as those things would be far more financially lucrative.

My encouragement is for you to find moments in life that might break people's brains. Not for the sake of shock and awe, but because doing things like that is often a sign that you're on the path toward meaning.

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Something From Everyone

A young guy recently reached out to me, more than twenty years my junior. He was dealing with some heavy stuff, and he asked me to share insights from my experience with similar trials. In other words, he was looking to get something from me. That's how the conversation started, anyway.

Fast forward nearly an hour, and I ultimately felt like I got just as much (or more) from him than he received from me. What he lacked in age and experience, he made up for in perspective and attitude. I was humbled by his approach to these weighty topics, and I found myself leaning into his words.

I've been thinking about that conversation a lot. It's wild that the words of a young man approximately half my age stuck with me and challenged me to think about things differently. That's a wild concept. In some ways, it reminds me of an extraordinarily intense scene from the movie Good Will Hunting. Matt Damon plays a wily young man who's loaded with potential but rife with emotional baggage and anger issues. Robin Williams plays the role of a seasoned counselor, brought in to shepherd Matt Damon's character along the journey in hopes of a better tomorrow.

In an unexpected twist, the troubled young man unexpectedly unlocked something powerful and beautiful in the wise old man. We can get something from everyone. It doesn't matter who we are or who they are. I think we forget that more times than not. Perhaps we would all be better off if we embrace those conversations as two-way streets rather than narrow one-ways.

Grateful for my young friend.

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Oops, Wrong Highway

I recently met with a mid-40s couple who live a great life. By all accounts, they appear to have won the lottery of life. The keyword is "appear." Don't get me wrong, they are sincerely doing very well, and by many people's definition of success, they would get an A+ grade.

However, when I asked them what their dreams are in life, they shared goals that are somewhat (or largely) perpendicular to their current actions, decisions, and direction. In other words, they say they want one thing, but they are actually pursuing another. They are driving on the wrong highway!!!

I visually drew this dynamic on a whiteboard, and their jaws dropped. Not because I said something profound, but because it immediately struck them how obvious it was when a light was shone on it. Their immediate reaction was something along the lines of, "Well, we know what changes we need to make!"

I loved that for them. They are so clear about their dreams and callings, and now, for the first time in nearly two decades, they will start making intentional decisions to drive down the right highway (instead of hoping they accidentally get there someday).

This is a topic my wife and I talk about a handful of times per year. Are our choices (work, money, parenting, relationships, etc.) aligning with our vision for what we want in the future? If yes, amazing. If not, we have some difficult choices to make.

I think these are fantastic questions to ask ourselves:

• What do I want my life to look like in 10, 20, or 30 years?

• Are my current decisions and behaviors leading me toward or away from that desired destination?

• What changes do I need to make to reorient myself to my mission and/or accelerate my progress toward it?

Give it a shot! I hope you find it as enlightening (and humbling) as we do.

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A Little Man Follow-Up

Yesterday, I shared about my recent parenting win when my kid, who doesn't love working, finally decided to connect the dots between working hard and having money. I'm sure it's not the end of his challenge, but it's a great win amidst the journey.

Well, it turns out, something else stemmed from this little happenstance of life. The item he wanted to buy was a gold chain; this kid loves wearing chains and necklaces. What I didn't realize while this was playing out was that after doing his work, he had money, but not quite enough money. Essentially, he was $3 short of his needed balance. That's when his brother decided to step in by gifting his twin the $3 needed to make the purchase.

Considering these two little men go at each other practically non-stop, that small act of generosity and thoughtfulness was such a beautiful win. Maybe they do love each other!!!!! Haha! Sarah and I were both touched by the gesture and by his awareness to spot an opportunity to selflessly bless his brother.

Oddly, that's not the end of the story. The little man actually purchased two chains. After school yesterday, I asked him how he liked his chains. That's when the second bomb was dropped. "It's good. I bought the gold one for myself, and I bought the silver one for my brother."

This whole time, he was scheming to buy his brother one. So cool. One kid blesses the other with a $3 gift to buy something fun, then on the flip side, he's already plotting to buy a gift for his brother, too. Again, we'll have plenty more parenting fails around the area of work, money, materialism, and generosity, but for today, we celebrate a beautiful series of wins.

Don't stop, parents. Just keep creating opportunities for your kids to make progress (and fail). Failing isn't failure, it's just the next step in the journey toward success. Keep your heads up and celebrate the small victories. I know we will.

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Work, Money. No Work, No Money

My kids recently learned a hard lesson. One of them wanted to buy something really, really cool. One problem, though: He didn't have any money. You could literally see the frustration build in him as he realized he couldn't purchase this item. "It's not fair!" he shouted. After all, his brother seemed to have an abundance of funds, while he was empty-handed.

"You can make unlimited money if you want to do some work. I have lots of projects you can do!"

"I don't want to work, though!"

There it is. The tension. The yin and the yang. The juxtaposition between wanting to relax and wanting to have money. He was feeling all the emotions. As a parent, regardless of how painful it can be, we need to teach this lesson to our children. If we work, we have money. If we don't work, we don't have money.

Wanna know what happened next? Well, he whined about it for nearly a week. He played the victim card, the guilt card, and the self-loathing card. Eventually, after realizing none of those strategies would work, he asked me what projects I had in mind. Boom!!!

Connecting the dots isn't always a smooth process. Sometimes, actually, it can feel futile. However, if we stick with it long enough and not sabotage our own principles and boundaries, it WILL work.

Little man did the work, felt pride in the work, got paid, felt the satisfaction at getting paid, and then purchased his fun item. Perfect. The journey was anything but perfect, but the outcome was just what the doctor ordered. Now, we just need to repeat that a thousand more times before he leaves the nest.

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What About the Others?

I've received a lot of fun feedback on yesterday's post about my former youth group kid who is actively living her 15-year-old self's dream. The primary objective of my post was to encourage people to follow through with their callings, regardless of what others (i.e., critics or doubters) may say.

One reader asked the following question via e-mail: "What about the others? What about all the people who tried following your advice and ultimately failed? For every 1 success story, what if there are 3 failure stories?"

I'm not naive to the reality that not every one of our dreams is going to pan out every single time. That's one of the reasons I often phrase it as the "pursuit of meaning or the "pursuit of work that matters." Everything in life worth doing involves the risk of us falling flat on our faces.

I love this blog reader's question, though, as it's so, so relevant to the conversation. I don't think this person was trying to be a pessimist or a Debbie Downer. More of a realist, if you will. In short, here's how I would answer the question: If we fail in the pursuit of the thing we desire most, then at least we know. Failure isn't a poison, but regret is. The regret of not trying. The regret of wondering "what if." The regret of not seizing the moment. The regret of not going for it. The regret of never knowing if we could have achieved it. Regret is one of the biggest toxins we humans can consume, and many of us consume it often.

Let's say my friend is correct in that only 1 out of 4 people actually achieve the goal. Does that mean the other three are losers? I'd argue that, while they didn't achieve what they set out to, at least they can live the rest of their lives without the regret of not knowing. That, in my opinion, is worth a ton!

No regrets. It doesn't mean we won't face pain, suffering, or loss, but it hopefully means we won't spend the rest of our days wondering what could have been. That is so, so important.

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Full-Circle

I recently ran into a former youth group kid. I hadn't seen her since high school graduation seven years ago. She's not on social media, so we more or less lost touch over the years. I asked her what she's up to in life. "I'm an XYZ and work at ABC!!!"

I was shocked at her answer, remembering that when she was just 15 years old, she shared with me that her dream was to one day be an XYZ and work at ABC. It's so rare that we grow up and into the career of our dreams. I was extremely curious at this point, so I asked for more info. How did this happen?!?!

That's when she shared something that caught me totally off guard. I'm going to quote her, but please keep in mind it's my best job at paraphrasing since I don't remember her exact words:

"I remember when I was a sophomore, you told me to pursue my calling no matter what other people said I should do. If I am called to do something, I should give it everything I have. So I did!"

Oh, wow. I don't even remember that conversation, but it sounds like something I would say. Then, I asked her if she received pushback along the way. Everyone, including some of her closest friends and family, told her that her dream career was "dumb" and "unrealistic." People called her naive, citing, "Dreams don't pay the bills."

Then, she did it. She shared stories of challenges, doubts, and failures along the way. She often thought about giving up, remembering all the naysayers' comments. But she persevered, and today, she's living her dream.

I hope she shares that story often. There's so much hope, encouragement, and beauty in hearing those types of stories. Those are the types of stories that can propel us in a weak moment. Those are the types of stories that remind us of why we are doing what we're doing, and what's possible when the world says it's not.

One of the best full-circle moments I've had in a while. Proud of my friend and the life she's living. I hope you feel similar about your own journey. If so, props to you for staying true to the calling. If not, today's a great day to get back on the track you know you're meant to be on.

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10/10 For Michael Keaton

Do you ever have those days when it feels like the world is closing in on you? Yeah, me, too. How do you handle it? What do you do? For me (and Sarah), it always comes back to one principle: back to the basics, simplicity.

If either of us is having one of those days, we have a go-to remedy: takeout and a family movie night. As a parent, there are few things more enjoyable than grabbing a quick, fun meal and snuggling up on the couch to enjoy a good movie together. Our boys are at the age where we are introducing them to more grown-up films that Sarah and I have enjoyed for years. Seeing their reactions, experiencing it for the first time again through their eyes. It's so much fun! Side note: Both boys recently gave each of the Michael Keaton Batman films a 10/10.

In a world that makes everything feel more complicated than it should, going back to the basics is such a beautiful way to approach life. No, it doesn't erase all the problems thrust upon us, but it works wonders in reminding us of what's most important. I need that sometimes (okay, a lot of the time), and perhaps you do, too.

Shooting hoops, throwing around the football, playing video games, or building with Legos. Simple but powerful activities in my house. I'm sure you have your own version in your household. Embrace them. Go to them. Don't take them for granted.

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