Reverse Engineering Your Obituary

Several prominent people in my life have passed away in the past month. Some I knew well, and others I only knew from a distance. Regardless of my proximity to them, though, they influenced my life in some way. It was a bit surreal reading the obituaries of these folks. It's a weird text to read about people we assume will always be with us. It's a stark reminder of how the end of our lives will be here soon enough.

What will your obituary say? What do you want your obituary to say? I've thought about this topic far too much over the years. Wanna hear about a morbid (yet cool) idea? Try writing your own obituary. Seriously. Someone once asked me to perform this gory task. Write my own obituary as if I'm dead. I found this exercise to be cathartic, but productive. It forced me to really think about how I want to be remembered when I'm gone.

Reading our own obituary is like skipping to the last page of a good book. You see how the story ends, but you don't know how the character got there. And if our obituary is the last page of the story, today is the first page; everything in between is yet to be written.

Here's what struck me about this exercise. If I know what the last page of the story says and what the first page says, I get to be the author of everything in between. The only way to properly author the rest of the story is to reverse engineer the ending. If we're serious about the words we wrote in our obituary, we need to work our way backwards to ensure we get to that place between now and our last breath.

If we want to be known as a loving person, we ought to do loving things.

If we want to be known as a generous person, we ought to be generous.

If we want to be known as great parents, we ought to do things that make us great parents.

I have so much more to say about this topic, including possibly sharing my obituary. But today, I want to leave space for this idea to breathe and allow people to ponder this in their own lives. To be continued.....

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The Cost of Being Human

I received dozens of messages on the heels of my recent credit card article. In the post, I highlighted how 46% of credit card holders (approximately 100 million people in America) don't pay off their balance every month. In other words, nearly half of the people who use credit cards carry debt due to the use of said credit cards. This is a pretty shocking statistic considering every single person who uses a credit card claims they never carry a balance.

I have to admit, though, that if 46% of people carry a credit card balance, it means that 54% of people don't carry a credit card balance. If you live in this camp, chances are you're more than happy to throw that fact in my face right about now. I've written about this topic before and podcasted extensively about it, but there's a sneaky little behavioral science quirk that plays a bigger role in our lives than we'd like to admit.

Even if we never pay a single penny of interest or carry a balance from month to month, we're still subject to the psychological consequences of disconnecting the purchase from the payment. When we buy something today that we don't actually pay for until upwards of a month from now, it impairs our decision-making. This is a scientifically proven concept. In fact, studies have shown that we spend 10%-30% more when using a credit card than we would have if we used cash. Further, we're more apt to make purchases that we wouldn't have made at all. Ouch!

Here's an interesting note I received from a blog reader who has successfully managed to use a credit card for many decades without carrying a balance or accruing any interest:

"I always thought I was using our one credit card responsibly because we paid it off every month. That is, until my wise daughter suggested I look at my list of credit card purchases and see how many I would have made if I had to pay cash for them. I realized I made a lot more impulsive purchases when I use a credit card, even though I never carry over a balance from month to month."

This. This right here. She's so, so right. I applaud her humility and vulnerability in this statement. You know how I know it's true? She's human, and we humans have this psychological quirk. That doesn't mean we're dumb or irresponsible......we're human. It doesn't mean we're being reckless or foolish.....we're human.

I'm not mad at people for using credit cards. I don't look down upon them. Yes, people can still be successful when using them. At the same time, my mission here is to open people's eyes to the unseen costs and hidden psychological forces of utilizing this little piece of plastic technology. Nothing is free, as they say.

I, for one, will continue to live a life free from the behavioral and financial consequences of credit cards, and I'd encourage you to do the same. Either way, press on and have a great weekend!

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Three Years?!?!

This blog turns three years old today. Three years!?!? It's hard to believe I've posted for nearly 1,100 consecutive days. That first post was sent to a handful of people, and three years later, we have nearly 1,000 daily readers.

As I reflect on the journey, I thought it would be fun to answer some of the most common questions I receive about The Daily Meaning:

"Do you ever run out of ideas?"

• No. In fact, the longer I've done this, the more ideas I come up with. At any given point in time, I'm bouncing around 5-10 different writing ideas in my brain.

"Are there ever days you don't want to write?"

• Occasionally, which usually strike when I'm tired or stressed. Even when I don't have the mojo to write, it feels therapeutic to think through an idea and get it onto paper.

"Why do you spend so much time doing something that drives zero revenue?"

• This is one of the biggest blessings of my life, for a few reasons. First, it has opened the door to so many new and fun relationships. I cherish every interaction I have with readers, and some of those interactions have blossomed into friendships. Second, serving people and adding value to their lives is compensation in and of itself. We are called to serve others, and this is one of the ways I'm honored to serve. Third, it's a true joy to practice the art of writing.

"How long do you plan to keep writing daily?"

• As long as I'm mentally and physically able. Sincerely, it's such a blessing in my life.

"Are you ever going to write about other topics, like politics and current events?"

• People don't follow me for political commentary. That's not where my trust has been earned. As much fun as it would be to spout off on all sorts of random topics, I believe I can add the most value to people's lives by sticking to the intersection of work, money, and meaning.

"Do you think I should start my own blog?"

• Heck yeah! It will rock your world and change you from the inside out. This doesn't apply just to blogs, either. Start that podcast. Write that book. Record that song. Paint that canvas. Just create......and ship it to the world. It will add a richness unlike anything you can fathom.

"What's your end goal?"

• I want to make an impact on this world, both while I'm here and long after I'm gone. If this blog can serve as one avenue to make a difference, awesome! If even just one person is positively impacted by any given day's post, it was a win!

"Knowing what you now know, what would you do differently if you had a chance?"

• I would have started earlier. If I could wave my magic wand and get a do-over, I would have started this daily blog 1 year, 5 years, 10 years, or 20 years earlier. I so badly wish I could go back and read about how 24-year-old Travis perceived the world.

"I don't have ideas like you do."

• Yes, you do, you just don't realize it yet. Life is nothing but ideas, inspiration, and content. Once you decide you're here to create, you'll find inspiration in everything.

Thank you so much for taking the time to read and engage with me these past three years. I never take that for granted, and I hope to continue earning the opportunity to add value to your life in the years to come!

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Running Out of Excuses

Twenty years ago, it seemed like the entire world was a barrier to entry. Lines of communication were closed (or unknown), information was locked (or expensive), and tools were available to only those with particular access.

Today, however, the world looks different. We can pull a device out of our pocket and have immediate access to almost every person on the planet, some of the best information in the world is free, and tools are abundant.

In just the past 24 hours, here's what I was able to do at zero cost:

• Reached out to a major celebrity via IG to ask for a moment of their time.

• Watched a YouTube video about how to fix something on my car.

• Downloaded and played an audiobook for my kids at bedtime.

• Found a free Excel tool that will help me solve a fairly complex problem I'm helping a client battle.

• Received some tax insights from ChatGPT ahead of a conversation I'll be having with my accountant.

We're running out of excuses. The barriers to entry are shrinking. The cost of doing business is eroding. The gatekeepers are dying. The communication gaps are closing. "I don't know how to do that" is an excuse that carries far less water than it used to.

I'm watching creative and motivated people all around me build meaningful and sustainable businesses with little to no cost. They simply have no excuses.....and they don't want any.

I don't come from the YouTube generation, but I learned a valuable lesson from my business partner, Cole, a few years ago while we officed together. Every time he got stumped, he simply opened YouTube and searched his question. Within five seconds, he was watching a video that addressed his exact question. Equipment issue? YouTube. QuickBooks confusion? YouTube. Marketing predicament? YouTube. A lack of communication skills? YouTube. He was a kid with big dreams, and YouTube was his playground.

We're running out of excuses. Part of me hates this, as it gives me nowhere to hide. If I'm perpetually stuck on something, that's on me. Everything I need to succeed in xyz area of my life/business is at my fingertips for little to no cost. I kinda liked it better when I could just make an excuse for not doing something. Today, though, it's put up or shut up. The days of excuses are passing us by.

Despite part of me hating this, the other part of me looks at this and says to myself, "There's nothing that can stop us!" If that's true, what are we waiting for?!?! We're running out of excuses, so we might as well get creative and put our foot on the gas.

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Small Gifts, Huge Punch

I was blessed with a massively thoughtful gift yesterday. It's the kind of gift that blindsides you and may seem small on the surface, but it packs a punch. It's one of those gifts that remind us how intentionality, creativity, and thoughtfulness carry far more weight than dollars ever could.

To set the table, two nights ago I received an out-of-the-blue text from a friend: "I just left something for you at {your office}. Enjoy." Oh, interesting. I'm excited to see what this is!

The following morning, upon walking into the office, I was handed a little box. Inside was a beautiful note affixed to a unique little surprise. It wasn't necessarily an expensive surprise. It wasn't acquired through privilege, status, or wealth. It was assembled purely out of thoughtfulness and creativity. Ah, the best kind of gifts!

I texted her my deepest gratitude, to which she responded with something that stabbed me right in the heart (if that saying can be used in a positive tone):

"You are very welcome. You have blessed me in so many profound ways that you are probably not even aware of. My life is significantly better because of some fundamental things I've learned from you over the years. It brings me immense joy to have been presented with an opportunity to do something unexpected for you."

Just her text meant more to me than anyone will ever understand. It knocked me right off my feet. All I want to do is be generous to others. I rarely know the impact, if any, I'm having along the way. So when I receive something like this, it's like hooking an IV directly to my soul.

Small gifts, huge punch. Between her texts and thoughtful gift, I was overwhelmed with gratitude. I think that's the opportunity each of us has every morning when we get out of bed and step into the world. The only thing standing between us and world-changing impact is a little intentionality, creativity, and thoughtfulness. It doesn't have to break the bank. It doesn't require us to possess a certain status. It's not reserved for the wealthy.

No matter who you are, where you are, or what you are, you already possess the tools to alter this world for good, one interaction at a time. That's the most encouraging thought I'll share all week, but at the same time, it's also the scariest; what a responsibility! Seize yours today.

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What Am I Missing?

Sarah and I have been creating, following, and tracking monthly budgets since we got married. Given we've been married for 15 years, that means we've done this 180 times now!

I'll die on the hill that BOTH spouses need to be involved in the budgeting process. However, that doesn't mean both spouses need to create and track it. Oftentimes, one spouse will be more inclined (interest-wise or skill-wise) to do the heavy lifting. In the case of my household, I married someone who is allergic to numbers. Therefore, in order to protect Sarah's health, I take the lead on all things numbers-related.

With that said, this doesn't give her an out from dealing with the finances. Rather, it just means she plays a different role. When it comes time to create our monthly budget, I never dictate it to her. It's never, "Hey Sarah, here's our budget for the month." That would be a terrible way to do it (though it's how most marriages work, unfortunately).

Instead, I always create the first draft of the budget and give it to her for feedback. Early in our marriage, I'd ask her, "How does this look?" This type of question typically led to a natural answer: "Good." Shoot, that's not what I needed!

Then, I quickly realized I needed to take a different approach. For the last 14+ years, I've asked a different question: "What am I missing?" Sarah loves telling me what I missed! Thus, I get lots of feedback from her. She's getting her hair done, we have family member birthdays, turns out the kids keep growing and need new clothes, what about that appliance we agreed to buy a few weeks ago?!? A simple question with a handful of responses can turn a good budget into a great one. We don't always have a great budget, but more often than not we do.

Just a slight tweak in our framing can change the entire dynamic of the conversation. Sarah will never claim to be interested in finances or strong with numbers, but she's been a great partner in our effort to create, follow, and track our monthly budgets. It hasn't been perfect, but it's been good. And oftentimes, good is the gateway to unlocking our hopes, dreams, aspirations, and callings.

I can't stress enough how powerful budgeting can be in a marriage. Powerful for the relationship, powerful for the finances, and powerful for the journey. After doing this for 15 years together, I can confidently testify that we would be nowhere near where we are today without these practices.

What about you? Is it time to get your spouse involved? If your spouse is the one already doing it all, perhaps it's time for you to get involved? Marriage is meant to be a team, finances included. Please allow money to be a unifying force in your marriage, not a source of tension as is often the case. You deserve better!

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No Room For Hypocrisy

One of our longtime readers posed an interesting question to me after my recent rant about credit cards. I'll paraphrase her thoughtful question. How can I be so disciplined with budgeting but can't be so with a credit card? In other words, what's preventing me from properly handling credit cards like I handle all the other areas of personal finance?

In short, I have a one-word answer for this: hypocrisy. Hypocrisy prevents me from using credit cards. If I'm publicly and privately criticizing the use of credit cards, warning of the risks, in what world would it make sense for me to use one myself?

Approximately 15 years ago, Sarah and I were at dinner together. When the bill arrived at our table, I whipped out my credit card and slid it into the little black folio. As the waitress walked away with my card, Sarah looked at me and said, "You know you're the world's biggest hypocrite, right?"

Uhhhhhhhh, what?!?! "You tell everyone they shouldn't use a credit card, and here you are using a credit card."

Pot, meet kettle. Ouch. I could use a credit card because I understood the perils, pitfalls, and behavioral science implications. Yet, at the same time, my actions only proved that I was a hypocrite. The moment we got home, I pulled out a pair of scissors and cut up the card. Sarah was right, I was a giant hypocrite. Never again, though. I have no room in my life for hypocrisy, and if I believe in what I teach, I should eat my own cooking.

Can people use credit cards responsibly? Yeah, some can; very few can. A rare minority can. It reminds me of the famous Jeff Goldblum quote from Jurassic Park: "Your scientists were so preoccupied with whether or not they could, they didn't stop to think if they should."

Could vs. should is an interesting topic to think about. There are a lot of things I CAN do, but it doesn't mean I SHOULD do them. If we want to hold people to higher standards, we need to hold ourselves to a higher standard. This has become one of the biggest principles in my coaching. I will NEVER ask someone to do something that I'm not already doing in my own life. When I teach people how to invest, it's exactly how I invest. When I help people get life insurance, it's the exact principle I follow. When I show people how to give, it's exactly how I practice giving. When I teach people how to prepare for their children's college, it's exactly how I think through my own children's education.

I never tell people what to think, but I teach them how to think. Regardless of each family's individual values, beliefs, and aspirations, these concepts and principles allow them to implement wise and thoughtful decisions in their own lives. That begins with building trust, and trust is built on a lack of hypocrisy.

Just because we can, it doesn't mean we should. This applies to so many areas of life, so today I'll let you extrapolate it to wherever it needs to be implemented in your life. Have an awesome day!

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Midlife Crisis: Year 2

Today is a sad day in the Shelton household. Today is the day when my 350Z (aka my midlife crisis, as my friend Emma calls it) gets stored away for the winter. This was my second full season owning this car, and it was a fun one! I've written about this car a handful of times, but here’s my original post about buying this car after a 17-year wait.

I thought it would be fun to take stock of my experience so far. As I often write about, it's not about spending less, but spending better. In the case of buying a fun car, it's certainly not "spending less." However, does it fall into the category of "spending better?" The best way to do that is to assess the value it adds to my life and contrast it with the cost.

First, the value. It's safe to say that owning a fun little stick-shift convertible has added a tremendous amount of richness to my life. I love using this car as my daily commuter for about half the year. Road trips are a blast. Going on little crank-up-the-music around-town cruises with the boys is an amazing experience. I so much enjoy having this car in my life.

Now, the cost. This is always the wild card, and one area where most people will self-sabotage. When it comes to fun things we WANT, never underestimate our human ability to squint at the cost and justify anything (even the most insanely destructive decisions).

I paid $9,000 for this car. It was 18 years old with approximately 70,000 miles on it. Fantastic deal! However, there are lots of other costs to operate a vehicle. Here's a full breakdown of my first two years of costs:

• Sales Tax: $450

• Tags: $250

• Tows: $220

• Repairs & Maintenance: $3,079

• Insurance: $1,584

• Winter Storage: $1,000

This means my total operating costs over my first 24 months were $6,583 (or $274/month).

Lastly, we need to take depreciation into consideration. Every time drive our vehicles, we're eroding the value. We can generally assume we'll lose 15% of a vehicle's value each year. I had two things going in my favor when I purchased this car. I was buying a used car that had already experienced significant depreciation ($9,000 purchase price on a car that originally sold for $30,000+). I also bought it at a great price. The $9,000 price felt a little light compared to what I thought I would need to pay.

Today, Kelly Blue Book says the estimated private party value of my car is approximately $8,800, meaning I've lost approximately $200 of value from my original purchase price.

Let's put the two pieces together:

• 24 months of operating costs: $6,583

• 24 months of depreciation: $200

• Total 24-month cost of ownership: $6,783 ($283/month)

So, I'll ask myself that question again. Was it worth it? So much richness added to our lives, and it costs us $283/month for the privilege. Yeah, this might be the greatest bargain of my lifetime. It's not about spending less, but spending better. Turns out, this is one version of my better.

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The Oz Next Door

Oh man, I took some HEAT heat after yesterday's post. Yes, some productive feedback, for sure. But the heat was hot. One particular criticism caught my eye:

"You throw around all these statistics, but there's literally not one person in my life who is struggling with credit card debt."

I'm sure you've seen The Wizard of Oz; it's a classic! My favorite scene in the movie is after 93 minutes of being made to believe Oz is so great and powerful, the curtain is pulled back to expose him as a fraud. It turns out he used smoke and mirrors to portray himself as this great and powerful wizard, when the truth was he was a frail old man.

This might come as a shock to some, but you probably have an Oz living next door to you. You probably have an Oz in the cubicle next to you at work. You probably have an Oz in your family. That fancy-looking couple at church? Possibly an Oz. The "rich" person you tend to get jealous of? Possibly an Oz.

In my work, I have the privilege of seeing behind the curtain of hundreds of households. The world sees what it sees, and in many cases, they see a great and powerful wizard. Unfortunately, what's really behind the curtain is a proverbial frail old man.

What appears to be wealth is really debt.

What appears to be freedom is really slavery.

What appears to be success is really destruction.

What appears to be wisdom is really tomfoolery.

What appears to be sturdy is really fragile.

I could tell you story after story after story of wealthy-looking people who appear to be the definition of success, but are on the brink of utter destruction.

I've witnessed so many tears from people who make $500,000+ per year, live in mansions, drive luxury vehicles, have a social media timeline full of exotic travel pictures, and have status in their community.

In many of these cases, credit cards aren't what directly propelled them into a financial spiral. Their car loans, lifestyle creep, and hefty mortgages did the initial damage. However, almost every one of these situations eventually results in brutal credit card debt. The credit cards become the symptoms of destruction, and the boat anchor that prevents the ship from ever floating again. They can always sell a car or a house, but there are only two ways out of credit card debt: grind it out or file for bankruptcy. It's the silent killer that's draining the hopes and dreams of an entire generation.

You absolutely know dozens of people who are deeply impacted by credit card debt; you just don't know which ones. They are hiding behind their curtains, hoping to maintain their appearance of being a great and powerful wizard.

Moral of the story: Never be jealous of the people around us. They might be an Oz. Instead, live with a posture of contentment and humility, pursue meaning, and never allow the desire for more to pollute your peace.

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Just Pay It Off Each Month, They Say

Credit cards are our best friends... until they become our worst enemies. Unfortunately, we never know when that tipping point will come. One minute we're fine, and next our financial life is ruined. I've been on a crusade against credit cards for nearly 15 years, and there's no better topic to stir up the hate train than to discuss my disdain for them.

First, no, I don't use a credit card. I used one from age 18 to 30. Then, after much research about the cold, hard data, the predatory nature of the product, and the behavioral science implications, I drew a line in the sand and decided to permanently ban them from my life.

A quick FAQ:

• What do you use if you don't have a credit card? We use debit cards.

• What about the risk of your card getting stolen? Our cards have been stolen multiple times. It's annoying, but you aren't liable for loss.

• What about travel? You NEED a credit card for travel. I've traveled to more than 30 countries with only a debit card. It works great.

• Don't you need a credit card to book a hotel room? No.

• Don't you need a credit card to rent a car? Some companies, yes; other companies, no.

• You use your debit card for online shopping?!?! Haha, yes. Every single day of my life.

• Don't you want to build credit? No. I haven't had a credit score since 2015.

Here's one of the primary arguments FOR using a credit card (primarily to collect those sweet, sweet points): "Just put everything on a credit card and pay it off every month. Just be responsible!"

The truth is, that's not what people do. In theory, yes, that's a great idea. However, in practice, the data shows something much different. My coaching experience already tells me this is true, but data recently released by the Federal Reserve paints a clearer picture.

• There are currently an estimated 268 million adults living in the United States.

• 81% of those adults, or 217 million people, own a credit card.

• Of the people who own a credit card, 46% (100 million people) carry a balance each month.

"Just put everything on a credit card and pay it off every month. Just be responsible!"

This principle works really, really well......until it doesn't. And today, unfortunately, 100 million adults in the U.S. are (secretly) living in the "until it doesn't" reality. This is ripping families and lives apart!

"Well, it must be the young, irresponsible people who are being stupid with their credit cards."

• The demographic most affected by carrying credit card balances is 45-59-year-olds, with 54% of cardholders carrying a balance from month to month. "Only" 44% of 18-29-year-olds carry a balance.

"Well, if people made more money, they would pay off their credit cards instead of carrying a balance."

• Even in households earning $100,000 or more per year, 38% of cardholders carry a balance from month to month.

Credit cards aren't a math problem; they are a human problem. Credit cards aren't a responsibility problem; they are a psychological problem.

Something to think about today.

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Embracing the Chaos

"My investments are doing awesome!" exclaimed one of my friends. I was having drinks with an old friend when he brought up the topic of investing. I'm always interested in context when these types of comments are made, so I inquired. "Why do you say that?"

He shared that he had just recently met with his financial advisor. Over the last two calendar years, his investments were up about 12% each year, and he's on track to do that again this year.

I don't have a great poker face, so he could immediately see the look of disgust on my face. "If the market is supposed to get 8%-10% per year, my last two years have been pretty awesome! There's no disputing that."

Here's the truth. In the two years he just reported to me, 2023 and 2024, the U.S. stock market was up 26% and 25%, respectively. With that context in mind, yes, his 12% performances were absolute trash.

But what about 8-10%!?!? Isn't that what we should use to gauge performance? Yes....and no. Let's play a little game. In the last 155 individual years, how many years did the stock market finish in the positive 8%-10% range?

Three times. Three times out of 155 years. 1912, 1916, and 1993. That's it. Those are the only three years in U.S. history that actually finished in the 8%-10% range. With that being said, the market is up an average of 9.2% per year over the past 155 years (and 10.3% per year over the last 100 years).

This is one of the most important concepts we need to understand. It's not about trying to get 8%-10% on any given year. Rather, it's about meeting the market embracing the chaos......which is what eventually brings us to 8%-10%. As an example of this concept, here are a few fun facts about the last 155 years:

• As already mentioned, the stock market has achieved 8%-10% only three times.

• The market has finished +20% or better 49 times, which is roughly once every 3 years for one-and-a-half centuries.

• The market has finished -20% or worse 8 times.

It's a wild ride! If 2025 ended today, the market would have achieved an average annual return of 14.5% over the last decade. However, look how messy it's been:

• 2016: +11.8%

• 2017: +21.5%

• 2018: -4.3%

• 2019: +31.1%

• 2020: +18.1%

• 2021: +28.5%

• 2022: -18.1%

• 2023: +26.0%

• 2024: +24.8%

• 2025: +16.9%

See, wild ride! The only way for us to get our desired long-term results is to experience the full weight of the chaos on the upside, endure the inevitable chaos on the downside, and know that it will average out to something beautiful.

However you handle your investments, whether on your own, through your work's retirement plans, or via a financial advisor, don't measure your short-term returns against some arbitrary target. Instead, we should endeavor to meet the market and embrace the chaos, for better or worse. It will rarely look like 8%-10% in the short-term, but if we're willing to embrace the chaos, we'll eventually be rewarded handsomely for our discipline and patience.

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A Good Ol’ Fashioned Audit

Never underestimate our human instinct to practice the status quo. It's so much easier to keep doing what we're doing, even when doing something different would be in our best interest.

Nowhere is this concept more applicable than when I'm meeting with new clients. While my client might have been doing the same things for the past decade, I challenge every category in their budget. It can be a startling moment for people. Yeah, I understand you've been paying $25/month for xyz service for the past 15 years, but does it add more value today than it's costing you?

You wouldn't believe how many expenditures in our lives fall into the camp of not being as valuable today as they once were. Yet, we keep them around out of habit (and the path of least resistance). Here's one example. One of my clients is paying $80/month for a service. Upon asking them about it, they said it's something they've paid for about 12 years......so, naturally, it should stay. I asked a few more challenging questions. Turns out, they don't utilize the service nearly as much as they used to. Meanwhile, the price is nearly triple what it used to cost. If they are using it half as much as they used to, and it costs three times as much as before, it's only 1/6 as valuable to their lives as it once was. Through that lens, it became the world's easiest cancel.

After going through this exercise across their entire financial life, this couple managed to cut nearly $400/month of expenditures without giving up much value. Overall, huge win! A good ol' fashioned audit can be a breath of fresh air.

As the year comes to a close, I challenge you to perform a good ol' fashioned audit on your finances. Seriously consider what's adding value, and what's not. It's not about spending less, but rather ensuring that you're getting as much value (or more) than you're paying. Some cheap expenditures are rip-offs, while some expensive expenditures are bargains. It's an interesting exercise, and one I think you'll be grateful for engaging with. Happy hunting!

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Letting Go

As several readers pointed out, I left a major plot hole in yesterday's post about coaching my son's basketball team. To summarize, the post was a text I originally wrote (but didn’t publish) in December 2024. It was extremely self-critical and laid bare my heartbreak at realizing that my dream of coaching my kids in basketball was a failed experiment. I ended the piece with the following words: "Tough decisions need to be made. Ultimately, I owe it to everyone (including myself) to make the right decision."

Sunday was Pax's first game of the season. I played the role of a supportive parent, NOT his coach. As I wrote in December, the right decision is the right decision, even when it's not the decision we want to make.

When I decided to step away from coaching, I asked Sarah and a few others to hold me accountable to that decision. I'm glad I did, as I nearly changed my mind a half-dozen times over the past 10 months. Every ounce of me wanted to coach, even though I knew I needed to step away. Even a slight breeze could have pushed me to change my mind if I had allowed it.

Letting go is the hardest thing in the world. It reminds me of something a pastor once told me: "If everything God tells you to do is what you already wanted to do anyway, that's not God. That's you living for your own selfish desires and using God to justify it." Ouch.

Every ounce of me wanted to coach this year, but I knew deep down that letting go was the absolute right decision. Well, how did it go? Mixed results, to be honest. I was sitting in the front row of the bleachers at mid-court. Three separate times, I had to get up and leave. I paced back and forth behind the bleachers, watching from a little further behind. As Sarah would attest, I'm a quiet watcher as a fan. I never say a word. No yelling. No instruction. No verbal reactions. No anything. But inside of myself, I'm a mess. Sunday was no different. Every ounce of me wanted to be in coach mode, but Pax needed me to be a fan.

The right thing is the right thing, even when it's not what we want. There are so many things I'd change in my life if I could wave my magic wand, but unfortunately, I don't have such a wand. Therefore, I'm stuck trying to make the best decisions possible. Sometimes they benefit me, sometimes they don't. Sometimes I like them, sometimes I don't. Sometimes they make my life more comfortable, but usually they don't.

Sometimes, it's not about us. It's about doing the right thing for the right reasons.....period. While I will deeply miss coaching this season, Pax has a great coach, fantastic teammates, and a renewed energy toward the game. While I'll selfishly hurt, I will endeavor to be the best fan I can be to that little guy. He deserves that from me. Letting go is so hard, man.

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Not Going to the Grave With Me

Every so often, I feel the need to ask for Sarah's opinion before publishing a blog or podcast. Either the content is too sensitive, or I feel a tinge of doubt. Last December, when I presented something to Sarah, her response was, "Please don't post this. I think you'll regret it." I canned it. For the past 10 months, it's just been sitting in my drafts.

However, due to the passage of time, inspired by yesterday's post about not taking things to the grave, and by the beginning of Pax's basketball season yesterday, I'm ready to send it into the world. I'm still uneasy about it, and Sarah would still probably advise against publishing it, but at the same time, I feel like someone needs to hear this today. I believe some good can/will come from it. With all that said, here's the piece I originally wrote on 12/19/2024:

I used to be a good basketball coach. It was one of my biggest passions in life, spanning eight seasons from my late teens to my late 20s. For decades, I've dreamed about one day being my kids' basketball coach. After I actually became a parent and my boys started growing, I formulated a few goals. Through coaching, I wanted to spend more valuable time with my kids, invest in my kids and their friends, for my kids to learn to love the game, and add more meaning to our lives. This is my fourth year coaching my kids, and the first in a non-parks-and-recreation setting. I've come to a few realizations recently:

• I'm not as good a coach as I used to be. I have theories as to why.

• It hasn't produced more valuable time with my kids. More time, yes; more valuable, no.

• My involvement hasn't caused my kids to learn to love the game more (they struggle with the boundary between parent and coach)

Further, coaching hasn't been good for my health. I torment myself and second-guess everything I do. I spend hours (or days) after every practice or game, woulda, coulda, and shoulda'ing myself. I feel like a constant failure, always frustrated at myself for letting people down (especially the kids). Even when things feel good or seem good from the outside, I'm still a mess. Even when I should feel joy or fulfillment, I only feel disappointment in myself. 

It's a humbling experience that's tough to even type. However, I'm committed to transparency and providing ideas that may add value to other people's journeys. Here's where I'm going today. I need to face my reality head-on. As much as I want to be a coach—an excellent coach—it's probably not the best decision. As I look toward the season ahead, if I'm being 100% honest with myself, I need to play the role of supportive dad. Any other decision would be detrimental to me and others. Again, it's embarrassing to even type this.....especially because of how much I love those boys.

This is how we grow, though. If we continually linger in places and roles we're not meant to be in, everyone loses. We lose by suffering on this side while missing out on something far more beautiful on the other. Other people also suffer from being on the receiving end of our lack of excellence. Lastly, other individuals who are better suited and called to these positions miss out on the opportunity.

I preach this concept all the time when it comes to our work and careers. If I believe in these principles (I do) and also believe they apply to other areas of life (I do), I need to humble myself and make the right decision. Unfortunately, the right decision isn't always the most enjoyable one. We have one more week of basketball left this season, and I will give it everything I have. Then, tough decisions need to be made. Ultimately, I owe it to everyone (including myself) to make the right decision.

The same applies to you, in all areas of your life. 

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Just Chilling On a Hard Drive

My family had the privilege of attending another Twenty One Pilots concert about five weeks ago. It was the beginning of their tour immediately following the release of their most recent studio album, Breach. Breach immediately shot up the charts, becoming the #1 album in the world. Rightfully so, as it's brilliant!

Fast forward a month, and I received a notification on my phone that Twenty One Pilots just dropped a new video. What?!?! Turns out, they had just played one of their new songs live for the very first time.....and they released a video of the performance on YouTube. It's called Downstairs and it's amazing! Side note, my kids were extremely bummed Tyler and Josh didn't perform this song at the show we attended.

Fan or not, I highly recommend you give it a watch. It's stunning. Deep at its heart, it's a worship song. It's raw with emotion and cuts you right to the core. I firmly believe this song will grow in its legacy and one day be considered one of their finest works.

Here's a fun fact about this song. It's a demo they recorded 14 years ago. At the time, it was a concept called "Korea," and neither of them gave it much thought; so much so that Tyler, the band's frontman, deleted it from his computer. It was trash. It was worthless. However, Josh had a gut feeling about the incomplete demo, so he simply stored it away. Earlier this year, they decided to dust it off and see if it had legs. That birthed something so special. Today, and for years to come, millions of people will be blessed with this song.

14 years "just chilling on a hard drive," as Tyler put it. That song could have died with them. It could have been taken to the grave. Not one other person in the world might have ever heard it. But then, in some form of beautiful serendipity, they were nudged to finish it and release it to the world.

How many of us have beautiful ideas just chilling on our proverbial hard drives? What are you holding onto that could make a difference in the world, but without action, will someday end up buried in the ground with you? I think about this idea a lot......probably too much. It's one of the motivating factors for me to podcast, write, and create. I'll be dead soon, and when I am, I want to leave the world (and my boys) something of value. If I were to die today, 432 podcast episodes and 1,200+ blog posts would be left behind, equating to 115 hours of audio and eight full books. My body will eventually rot, but hopefully something I leave behind will linger and make an impact long after my departure.

I (and millions of others) am so grateful that Tyler and Josh had the fortitude and courage to finish Downstairs. Someday, I hope people will be grateful for something I left behind. Lastly, I hope countless people will be grateful for the things you leave behind. Please don't waste this opportunity. Please don't take it to the grave with you.

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Fighting Secret Battles

I spent most of this week at the Nebraska cattle ranch. It was an awesome, productive, and exhausting week. As a little extra excitement, I had a car issue one morning. One of my tires was scarily low in air on my way to the farm, so I was scrambling to get it remedied. I needed to buy an air gauge, so I walked into a gas station to grab one. I sauntered up to the register, the cashier scanned the item, and I waved my chipped debit card over the sensor. "DECLINED." My card just got declined for a $4.24 purchase?!?!

The cashier looked at me with sympathy. "If you can't afford this, you're free to borrow mine. That's no problem at all."

I thanked him for his generosity, but said I would just use a different card. I processed the payment and walked back out to my ailing car. In this man's mind, there was a very real chance I literally had no money. That reality was on the table. The truth is, my account had dropped below zero because a larger contribution to my donor-advised fund processed quicker than I had anticipated. I screwed up and misjudged the timing. Yet, at the same time, I could have easily been fighting a secret battle that the cashier got a rare glimpse of.

That situation, combined with the fact that tens of millions of people will be losing government-provided food assistance beginning today, was a stark reminder that so many people are fighting secret battles. Your co-worker sitting in the cube next to you. The driver at the stoplight adjacent to your vehicle. The woman in front of you at the grocery store. The neighbor who lives next door to you. Any one of them could be fighting secret battles.

Here's the thing. Secret battles aren't reserved for people who look like they are fighting battles. Looks can be deceiving. Often, the people who are fighting the fiercest battles are the people you'd least expect.

Regardless of what you think of the food stamp situation, there's no denying that tens of millions of people (those impacted by the government shutdown and those who aren't) are fighting secret battles.

I have a few friends who are fighting secret battles as we speak. The only reason I know they are fighting these battles is that I have the honor of having intimate, sensitive conversations with people for a living.

Be vigilant. Keep your eyes open. People all around you are fighting secret battles. If we do our jobs well, we'll be in a position to step in with a much-needed hand-up. On the flip side, if you're fighting a secret battle of your own right now, don't be afraid to let someone know. Don't face it alone. Don't try to be a hero. We all need a hand-up at some point in life. Perhaps today is your day. God bless, and stay safe out there.

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So?

One of my friends is at a crossroads. On one hand, he absolutely hates his job. It's soul-sucking and has repeatedly beaten him down for the past decade. On the other hand, he has some very clear and definable ambitions. He knows exactly what he doesn't want to do......and he knows exactly what he does want to do. There's one thing that stands in his way, though. "What if I'm not good at it?" Fear. More specifically, the fear of failure.

My response was concise: "So?"

We humans are so hard-wired to avoid failure that we'll willingly endure decades of misery in order to prevent ourselves from failing. In my opinion, the fear of failure is the number one reason why most of us don't pursue the things we want most.

What if nobody buys my book?

So?

What if I don't make the team?

So?

What if she's not interested?

So?

What if they don't hire me?

So?

What if the business doesn't take off?

So?

I, too, used to fall in the fear-of-failure camp. Then, something happened. Instead of asking myself, "What if I fail?" I started asking myself two different questions:

• "What's the worst that can happen if I fail?"

• "What if I succeed?"

In most cases, the worst-case scenario of failure had less to do with actual loss than it had to do with bruising my own ego. It was a pride play!

On the flip side, the answer to my "What if I succeed?" question was usually far more amazing than my "What's the worst that can happen if I fail?" answer was terrible.

This eventually morphed into a new conversation that would play out in my head each time I experienced self-talk.

• "Negative blah blah blah."

• "So?"

• "More dumb negative blah blah blah"

• "So?"

The power is in the "So?" In a world that not only tells us we can't, but also that we shouldn't, I think we should change it to we CAN and we SHOULD. Yeah, crappy things could happen, but so?

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A Heavy Anchor

A huge shout-out to the couple that granted me permission to share this story. I pray good comes from it, and that my harsh-ish words can move the needle in their marriage!

Picture this. I'm sitting face-to-face with a couple. They are stressed, frustrated, and borderline depressed. The tension in the marriage is palpable. You could cut the desperation with a knife. Finances are killing them! Specifically, a lack of income is killing them.

Oh yeah, I should probably add one more piece of information to the picture: Their monthly take-home income is $22,000. Yeah, you heard that correctly. $22,000/month......every month. And according to them, there's simply not enough money to keep the train on the tracks. Or, as they put it, "It costs a lot just to survive these days!"

At one point in the conversation, I pointed out to them that just their monthly housing cost (plus utilities) rivals what most people in their town make in a month. They looked at me like I had an alien growing out of my forehead. Again, I tried to put into perspective just how much money they make. They continued to stare at the alien apparently bursting from my face. I explained that the client I met with earlier in the day (who coincidentally lives 1/4 of a mile from them) has a total take-home income of about $7,000/month (and is thriving!). The wife looked like she was either going to have an aneurysm and/or hop over the table to stab me.

I don't know about you, but most people don't even dream about making $22,000/month take-home. In fact, most people probably wouldn't even know what to do with that type of income. Yet here I was, talking to a couple who were lamenting that $22,000 isn't enough monthly income to even survive.

I was getting nowhere. I asked them how much money they made early in their marriage; "Probably $4,000/month." Well, that's a bit different from their current situation. "But the world has changed a lot since then." Fact check: That was seven years ago.

Here's the harsh truth. Unless we're willing to live with humility and contentment, there's no amount of income that can satisfy us. The problem with more is that every time we get more, more is still more.

I offered a few suggestions for how this couple could create financial margin. In some families' situations, it can be challenging to open up much-needed margin. This family, however, has a treasure trove of options for swiftly and materially lightening the tension in their finances. Want to know where they landed? The husband is going to pick up some extra work on the side (nights and weekends) to see if they can make a few thousand more per month.

Here's my promise to them. If they stay on this course, we'll be talking a few years from now. They will be making $25,000-$30,000 per month, yet feel just as broke, stressed, and resentful as they do now......if their marriage survives.

They deserve better than this. You deserve better than this. We all deserve better than this. Don't let the curse of more pull you down.....it's one of the heaviest anchors ever created.

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We, Not Me

I received quite the lashing after yesterday's post. In short, I made the argument that the brutal statistics about how most businesses fail have less to do with the risk of owning a business and more to do with the business owner’s competency in running a business. We can be the most gifted person in the world at our craft, but if we don't know how to run a business, we're toast. One of the primary responses I received was that it's not easy for business owners to know how to do everything.

That's my point! Yes, thank you! Running a business is extremely difficult. However, instead of throwing our arms in the air and playing victim, we need to take accountability, show humility, and have a heart to grow. It's not about "just be better," but instead growing in the areas we need to grow.

There is another thing, though. Business owners often act as though they are on an island, and everything rides on their ability to individually figure it out. Business ownership can be lonely, but luckily, it doesn't have to be. While I've been hungry to grow in my skills as a business owner, I've also had the mindset that I need to bring people around me to fill in my gaps (of which I have many!).

So, today, I want to give you a little glimpse into my world and the people I've intentionally (and sometimes unintentionally) surrounded myself with to succeed (and hopefully thrive) in business:

• Paige and Alyssa, my former and current assistants, who have helped me create structure in my days and have joyfully taken on many tasks that I'm frankly terrible at. These two changed my life!

• Jordan, who has been my right-hand at all things graphic design for many years.

• Tom, for being a trusted business mentor, willing to answer all my stupid questions in my early years.

• Carlos, who taught me about pricing methodologies and helped me create a suitable work environment that's free from my most detrimental distractions.

• Michael and Ashley, who helped me learn bookkeeping and standard business accounting practices.

• Travis, who intensively taught and fueled my new passion for unit economics.

• Cole, who brings his passion for audio and video to bring the Meaning Over Money Podcast to life. He's also the person who believed in me more than anyone.

• TJ, who taught me the art and science of unreasonable hospitality.

• Rebekah, who pushed (shoved!) me to be more professional in my marketing practices and relationship-building.

• My corporate clients, who repeatedly push me out of my comfort zone and force me to view business concepts through different lenses.

• Doug, who helps me understand and navigate the U.S. tax system in ways I never even imagined. This one changed my entire world.

• Parker, who has excellently and creatively recorded dozens of hours of my professional speaking events.

It would have been lonely doing it alone, but luckily, I didn't have to. If you're like me, you have lots of gaps (the code word for things we suck at!). Yes, learn, develop, and grow. But while you're at it, don't be afraid to bring people into the fold that can help you bring your dream to life. Besides, road trips are more fun with someone in the other seat!

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More To the Story

Statistics show that 20% of businesses fail within the first year, 50% fail within the first five years, and (depending on the source) 65%-80% fail within the first ten years. You've probably heard some iteration of these numbers. The broad consensus upon seeing this data is to conclude that business ownership is simply an uber-risky endeavor. That theory makes sense, and the numbers would seem to point in that direction, but I don't think that tells the full story.

Many years ago, I remember watching someone close to me. This person was brilliant at their craft. "Gifted" is a word I would use to describe them. However, I also witnessed something else. When this person decided to start businesses, they would fail over and over and over and over. I couldn't wrap my head around it. How could this person be so good at what they do, but fail so miserably in business? Ah, I know what it is! Businesses are just really, really risky. As the years passed, I gained a different understanding of the truth. This person, while extraordinarily gifted at their craft, was terrible at the various business disciplines necessary to succeed in the marketplace.

Over time, I've developed a new theory. While businesses are far from risk-free, I believe the data on business failures has more to do with the competency of business owners' running-a-business skills than anything. Gifted at their craft, yes, but somewhere between bad and terrible at running a business is the norm.

If I look back on my own experience as a business owner, I can think of a half-dozen times when I almost lost my businesses. These situations weren't because running a business is risky, but rather, because I made poor decisions that almost caught up with me. It was ME, I was the problem.

Northern Vessel is a great example. Before I got involved, TJ failed multiple times, including the complete shutdown of the company. It wasn't because running a coffee company is inherently risky, but because TJ lacked the knowledge and experience to make wise business decisions. While Northern Vessel has grown into something far more prominent and successful than we ever could have imagined, we almost lost the company a few times in the past three years. We made a series of poor decisions that nearly wrecked the ship. That wasn't because running a coffee company is risky, but because we screwed up and it almost caught up with us.

We don't know what we don't know, and that's okay. However, it doesn't give us an excuse to throw our hands up in frustration and proclaim, "Running a business is just too risky." We need accountability, ownership, humility, and a willingness to learn. Being a master of our craft isn't enough. Without developing a better understanding of how to run a business, we'll inevitably waste our giftedness and drive our sanity into the ground.

To be continued.....

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