Massive Blind Spots

Before I dive in, I need to clarify one thing. This post is NOT political. In fact, my goal is for you not to know which side of the fence I sit on by the time you finish this piece. Please remember this as you continue.

By now, most people have probably heard about and watched the video footage from the horrific incident that took place last week in Minneapolis. Just to be clear, what I'm talking about is a situation where an ICE agent shot and killed a woman in a vehicle. Regardless of your leanings, this incident was tragic. Many lives have and will be ruined as a result of this event.

Once again, this is another story that has ripped the country in half. Anger, resentment, vengeance, and all sorts of negative feelings are stirring all around us. Immediately after the story broke, people made up their minds about the "truth." Without knowing anything, people already knew what happened......and coincidentally, the "truth" about what happened aligns perfectly with their prevailing beliefs.

In the following days, more information and video footage of the event surfaced. All this new information filled in the gaps and provided more clarity on the truth. Something interesting happened, though. Despite having even more information, people were as split as ever about the "truth." One person could watch all the video footage and conclude one "truth," and another person could watch all the video footage and conclude a completely different "truth." To one person, the footage proves the shooting victim was 100% innocent, and it's an open-and-shut case of corrupt and evil law enforcement. To another person, the very same footgate proves the law enforcement agent was 100% innocent, and it's an open-and-shut case of the natural consequences of domestic terrorism.

How can we all watch the exact same video footage and reach polar-opposite verdicts? Because we humans ultimately see what we want to see. If we want to see corrupt law enforcement, we'll see corrupt law enforcement. If we want to see domestic terrorism, we'll see domestic terrorism. We'll absorb the facts and details that support our already-held beliefs while disregarding, dismissing, or minimizing the facts that may be contrary to what we want to believe.

I shared this idea with a handful of friends over the past few days. Every single person, without fail, explained to me that I was wrong and tried to convince me that their perspective was the absolute "truth"......and these were people on polar opposite sides from each other. See the irony here?

Life is full of nuance. If all we do is look for the facts to support what we already want to be true (which, again, is a subconscious phenomenon), we're doomed. We're doomed on a relational level, we're doomed on a personal growth level, and we're doomed on a success level. Our blind spots will crush us, either drip by drip or quite violently.

I certainly don't always get this right, but man, I try to be aware. Very few things in life are 100%/0%….the truth typically lives somewhere in the middle. We all have massive blind spots. I encourage you to find yours, and in the meantime, I'll continue seeking mine.

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Got a Secret to Tell Ya

Today is your lucky day, as I got a secret to tell ya. Ready for it? Okay, here goes. You know all the people in your life who look wealthy? They probably aren't. In fact, most people who look wealthy are far from it. I've worked with hundreds of families over the years, and this is a common and predictable theme.

They might have a lifestyle that suggests they are wealthy, but, in a fun twist of irony, these perceptions they create are among the factors that keep them from actually being wealthy. Cars, houses, clothes, trips, toys, technology, clubs....each of these externally facing expenditures puts pressure on finances (never mind the debt). Translation: In an attempt to look wealthy, people often sabotage the finances that might lead them to actually become wealthy.

I have a bonus secret for you! You know all the people around you who are just living normal underwhelming lives? A good chunk of those families are actually wealthy. They don't care what you, me, or anyone else thinks of them. They don't need to show off. They don't need to portray a certain image. They simply take care of their business and keep their heads down. These also happen to be the most generous people, too, as they don't feel the need to selfishly spend all the money on themselves.

Next time you see one of your friends, family, co-workers, or neighbors and think to yourself, "man, I wish I were as wealthy as they are," you might already be. You might think you want their financial life, but if you were to see what's on the other side of that curtain, it might make you grateful for the life you do have.

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Under Our Noses

Do you ever feel like you don't have much, if any, financial margin in your month-to-month life? I've felt that way at times, and I regularly meet people who believe the same.

I could tell countless stories about this idea, but instead, I'll share one specific encounter I recently had that perfectly sums up today's point. Here's the context:

• Husband and wife, both late 30s.

• Three young children.

• Monthly take-home income of around $9,000.

• They have a mortgage and one medium-sized car loan.

• Constant frustration and tension in the marriage since there isn't margin to do the things they really care about.

We spent about an hour going through their budget. Sure enough, there really isn't any margin once everything is accounted for. Or is there?

What I often find is that even when people don't believe they have margin, they actually do have margin right under their noses. It's sneaky. Category by category, I whiteboarded all the components of margin I saw in their financial life.

• $800 worth of dining out each month.

• $175 worth of streaming services each month.

• $500 worth of combined personal spending each month.

• $500-$750 worth of travel each month.

So while finances feel tight and there doesn't appear to be margin, they DO have margin. However, they've just chosen (whether consciously or subconsciously) to use that margin to fill the above-referenced categories. In total, they had approximately $2,200/month of actual margin.

My challenge to them was to look in the mirror and sincerely ask themselves what they wanted to do with that margin. It's okay to do what they are already doing, but it's not okay to whine about it and feel like a victim. If they are a victim of anything, it's of their own choices. Therefore, let's make sure we're making rock-solid choices.

I didn't share this with them to guilt them or embarrass them. Rather, I wanted them to see just how truly blessed they are. Second, I wanted them to embrace this opportunity to add the most value to their lives.

After multiple conversations, they reoriented where some of their monthly cashflow was going. This month, they don't feel nearly as stressed. They don't feel like victims. They don't feel like they are on the outside of their dreams, looking in. They recognize the margin they do have, and they are embracing the opportunity to harness it well. Beautiful!

It's a fantastic exercise. I encourage you to try it for yourself!

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The “Normal” Way

Things are done a certain way. In nearly every area of our lives, there's a "normal" way to do something. Is it the right way? Is it the best way? Is it the most beneficial way? Doesn't matter! It's the normal way, and that's all that matters. Get in line, stay in line, and don't rock the boat!

This is a concept we often talk about at Northern Vessel. We ask ourselves what the "normal" way is, then obsessively explore if there's a better way. In many circumstances, this has drawn much criticism (and sometimes hate). However, bucking "normal" can also be the gateway to something much, much better.

We put that idea to the test again this week as we try to re-imagine what a coffee shop drink experience could and should be. We've been in the lab drumming up something truly weird and (possibly) exceptional, and we'll be testing it at a bigger scale soon. Nobody's seen this yet, so I thought I'd give you a little peek:

A coffee shop iced beverage served in a can. You order your drink, the barista handcrafts it in front of you, and it's served in a sealed can. Want to drink it immediately? Simply pop the top and enjoy (with or without a straw). Want to enjoy it during an upcoming meeting? Toss it in your bag or purse and pop the top once you get to your destination. So simple, so effective, so not "normal." Is this a great idea? I’m not sure, but I suspect we’ll find out soon.

So many things in our lives fall into this bucket. The way we approach our careers. The way we handle our finances each month. The way we perceive generosity. The way we invest. The way we engage (or don't) with debt. There's the "normal" way, then there's the, in my strong die-on-the-hill opinion, a better way. A simpler, more effective, not so "normal" way.

A few years ago, I met with a young lady who was struggling in her career. The "normal" path wasn't satisfying her. She was doing everything she was taught to do when navigating a career, but it felt empty. She confessed to me her real dream. It was a weird dream. Then, she added, "But that's not how we're supposed to do things."

"Who cares!?!?" I asked her. It's her journey, and she's the only one who would ultimately eat the consequences of her actions (for better or worse). I told her that while her dream was in fact "not normal," that's exactly why she should pursue it. And pursue it she did! She's now more than two years into a very non-traditional career path, and she's loving every moment of the wild ride. It's not easy, and it's most certainly not always fun, but it's the most rewarding adventure she's ever been on. This only happened because she was willing to challenge the "normal" way.

You do countless things because it's the "normal" way. Which ones do you need to look more closely at to determine if there's actually a better way?

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Here’s My Prediction

"What's the stock market gonna do this year?"

One of my friends asked me to look into my crystal ball and let him know what he can expect from his stock market investments in 2026. Here is my prediction: Somewhere between -40% and +40%.

He rolled his eyes at me, pointing out that that doesn't sound like an expert answer. Great observation, as any "expert" who claims to know what to expect is a fool, not an expert.

The market was supposed to get crushed in 2020 after COVID reared its head: it ended the year +18%.

The market was supposed to have a bad year in 2021 on the heels of an inflated 2020: It ended the year +28%.

The market performed as expected in 2022: it ended the year -18%.

The market was supposed to have a tough year in 2023: it ended the year +26%.

The market was supposed to have an even tougher year in 2024: it ended the year +25%.

The market was supposed to be devastated in 2025 (which seemed to be evidenced by the early 20% tariff-driven "collapse"): it ended the year +18%.

In theory, the market will get crushed in 2026. In practice? I guess somewhere between -40% and +40%. More importantly, nothing that happens during the year, good or bad, will influence my investing decisions or perspective. This year doesn't matter. Next year doesn't matter. All that matters is the big picture....decades.

Therefore, sit back, grab some popcorn, and enjoy the roller coaster ride. Oh yeah, and embrace your meaningful life along the way. Life is too short to worry and lose sleep over something we can't control.

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Win the Moment

Two nights ago, we held our annual State of the Union meeting for our Northern Vessel Coffee team. It was great to gather everyone in the room together. We shared laughs, enjoyed food, discussed friction points, and cast a vision for the year to come. In short, our 2026 strategy is boring: No major changes. No shiny objects. No distractions. We're simply going to lock in and endeavor to become more excellent at every aspect of our business.

The idea of "no shiny objects" came up a few times. In the past, we've always had some audacious idea in the works; something to look forward to. Some were massive successes, and others were epic failures. This year, however, there is no such shiny object.

I felt moved in the moment and shared something with the team. For me, there is something better than a shiny object: the moment. Every single person we have the privilege of serving creates a moment—a brief moment of their life for us to make a positive impact. A moment of encouragement. A moment of laughter. A moment of mourning. A moment of being seen. A moment of support. A moment of something.

My best advice and encouragement for the team is to "win the moment." Our team is blessed with the opportunity to create thousands of moments. Each offers the possibility for us to "win the moment." Not "win" in the sense of competition or achievement, but rather, making a difference for good. It's hard to fully explain what I mean, but a Google review came in yesterday that sums it up so beautifully:

"The best part of our day." Our team won the moment. They created something special out of what could have otherwise been a mere transaction. This person didn't merely buy coffee; they shared an experience.

Shiny objects are fun (and oftentimes euphoric), but choosing to win the moments of life is far more satiating and lasting than any of that. That's my encouragement today. Whatever you're doing today or this week, win the moment. The opportunities are right there in front of you; it only requires us to step into them.

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A Neutral Gear

One of my young friends texted me about the recent developments in Venezuela. He wanted to know how I feel about the situation. I told him, in short, I don't know. Everyone is so quick to have a snap judgment, one way or another, on every topic. In my mind, it's not a simple black-and-white issue; it's complex. Further, I simply don't know enough to have a strong opinion. Perhaps I will at some point, but it's okay not to be an expert at everything.

Considering I write and podcast regularly, I'm no stranger to having opinions. However, I hope people can appreciate my strong desire to stay in my lane. I don't claim to be an expert on every topic in the world. I know what I know, and I don't know the things I don't know.

Social media has turned us into a society where we're forced to immediately jump to one side or the other. One day we're medical experts, the next we're geopolitical experts. One day we're economists, and the next we're environmental scientists. Every time a news story breaks, we quickly rush to our side and staunchly defend it without concern for the facts or truth.

Today, I'm advocating for having a neutral gear. It's okay to sit in neutral while we learn, digest, and process. We don't have to be an expert. We don't need to die on every hill. It's okay to acknowledge that a topic or situation has nuances and complexities.

If you're willing to die on every hill, you have no hills. If you're an expert on every topic, you're not an expert at anything. If it's so quick and easy to pick a side on every topic, the facts don't really matter.

I have my share of opinions, for sure. However, for the other 95% of topics in the world, I try to sit in neutral until I can truly understand them. It's not a race to get there quickly; it's a journey to get it right. I invite you to have a neutral gear as well.

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He Gets It….For Now

My 9-year-old son Pax was ecstatic! After a grueling few hours of work on a random Saturday afternoon, he received a cash deposit into his bank account. His new total balance: $107. This is the most money he'd ever possessed at one time. Typically, he squanders it as fast as he receives it. It's not uncommon for his account balance to hover between $0 and $2. But today, he has more than a hundred bucks.

While in the midst of his celebration, I ask him if he's planning to use it for anything in particular. "There's not really anything I want right now. So, no."

"Congrats, you're wealthy now!" I said.

"Having more than $100 makes me wealthy?"

"No, it's not about how much you have. You not wanting more than you have makes you wealthy. That's called contentment."

Granted, we just passed Christmas. He received some fun gifts, and he's still riding that high. I'm sure it's merely a matter of time before his materialistic instinct kicks in again. In the meantime, though, I want to stress these principles to him. These aren't principles for little kids; they are principles for humans.

If we always want more, we're never wealthy. If we can control our desires and ensure that our wants never exceed our resources, we're wealthy. This is a universal truth, regardless of age, education, or income.

I know families who make $400,000/year that are poor, and I know families who make $80,000/year who are wealthy. The mindset dictates everything. My family's income is lower than it was seven years ago when I left my prior career, but we're wealthier than ever before. We're not beholden to our wants, desires, and physical aspirations.

Are there material things we want? Absolutely! We'd love to purchase different cars (which we probably will soon). We'd love a small condo in our favorite lake town. I'd love to eat at Michelin-starred restaurants every month. I'd love to make a half-dozen international trips each year. I'm not immune to these human wants, but they don't drive me. They don't dictate my position in life. They don't define me.

I hope Pax sits on this idea for a while. I hope he savors the fact that he's not in a constant state of want. Then, at some point, I hope he finds something really, really cool that he wants to spend the money on. I hope he thoroughly enjoys it and knows that it was the absolute best use of his funds and adds a ton of value to his life. That's another valuable lesson. But for now, he's wealthy.

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They Can’t All Be Winners

Having published on this blog for nearly 1,200 consecutive days, I regularly get asked one particular question:

"How do you manage to have great ideas every day?"

Answer: I don't.

The truth is, not all days can be winners. I've really struggled writing the past few days. The ideas aren't flowing. The vibe isn't hitting. It doesn't feel natural.

While it never feels great to be in a rut, it forces us to make a decision:

1. We can shelf it and wait until it's perfect (which will probably never come).

2. We can ship it....period.

Shelving our creativity doesn't serve anyone. It robs others of your gifts while simultaneously robbing you of growingthrough the struggle. On the flip side, pushing through, no matter how it feels, helps us develop skills, habits, and discipline.

I wake up every day knowing that I MUST produce. No excuses. No justifications. No outs. While that might feel like a lot of pressure, it's actually freeing. The expectation isn't perfect. Rather, the expectation is impact. Nothing I produce will be 100% flawless, but my prayer is that someone will be moved. That's it. There's a freedom in that. There's beauty in that.

I know many people who read this feel a similar tension about an area of their life. It's a tension that lingers in the air. It can feel immensely frustrating. It often holds us back from moving forward in the areas we're called to step into. It makes us hesitate. We relent. We doubt ourselves. We wonder if we're good enough.

You are. You are good enough. Your work is worthy. Please don't be afraid to step into that thing. You'll win. Those whom you serve will win. The world will be a better place. You got this.

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Terrible Reasons

One of my clients recently gave me the surprise of a lifetime. After making so much progress, primarily due to their sacrifice and discipline, they arrived at a coaching meeting with a new priority: purchasing a new car. And not just any car, but a $75,000 vehicle they absolutely can't afford. When I asked them what drove this recent development, one of the spouses responded, "All of our family and friends are buying new vehicles. We make good money, so we think we deserve to buy something nice, too."

That's a terrible reason to buy a new vehicle! First, I don't know the financial situation of any of their friends or family, but assuming they follow general demographic trends, they can't afford these vehicles, either. I've seen more $1,000/month vehicle payments than I care to admit, and I can testify that they are more common than most people would believe.

Just because our friends and family are making insane decisions, it doesn't mean we should follow suit. This awesome young couple is doing so well with their finances, and their impulses to keep up with the Joneses have the potential of erasing 18 months of hard-fought progress.

This is the battle we all face. Every day is a gauntlet of more. A gauntlet of comparison. A gauntlet of jealousy. A gauntlet of social media highlight reels. And every day, we must stay strong and stick to our knitting.

Sarah's vehicle has 220,000 miles, and mine has 150,000. We're about due for some new purchases. However, those purchases cannot come at the expense of our integrity, our peace, and our plan. We have specific goals for our lives, and we're not about to let a materialistic urge set us back. Instead, we're taking intentional steps each month to prepare for a vehicle transition. I can promise it's not a $75,000 transition, though. We know the budget we need to hit to thread the needle of getting what we need.....for a cost we can afford to pay in cash. It won't be the flashiest vehicle on the lot, but it will allow our family to continue down the path we're called to walk. It will allow us to walk in peace. It will allow us the margin to fight the battles that life throws at us. That, friends, is a win. Not a sexy win, but a massive, life-giving win.

Don't let the urge for more knock you off the path toward better. Don't unwind years of progress for a fleeting feeling of euphoria. It's not worth it. It's never worth it.

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One Day at a Time

Did you know that 90% of New Year's resolutions fail? It's actually worse than that. Studies show that 23% of New Year's resolutions fail within the first 7 days of the year! 43% fail within the first 30 days. By mid-February, more than half of New Year's resolutions are already dead.

I despise New Year's resolutions. It's not that I don't appreciate the sentiment behind them. I spent years starting (and failing) New Year's resolutions, too. The problem isn't in the idea; the problem is the execution.

Here's the problem. A New Year's resolution doesn't take anything more than some empty, albeit well-intentioned, words. It's a verbal declaration....with nothing behind it.

"I'm going to become a bodybuilder."

"I'm going to lose 75 pounds."

"I'm going to write a book."

"I'm going to be a better parent."

"I'm going to stop drinking."

All of these are good things, but in the general-ness of the proclamations, there's no real meat to them. There are no natural next steps that would actually bring these resolutions to life. They are wishlists. They are hopes. They are dreams.

Here's what I suggest as an alternative. Set a new habit. Pick something; something achievable. If you really want to lose 75 pounds, set one habit that will move you closer to it. Walk 10,000 steps per day. Don't eat after dinner. Cut out soda. Pick a small habit that, when repeated daily, will move you closer to your goal.

Finances are the same way. "I want to pay off $80,000 of student loans." I love the goal (or resolution), however, that statement alone won't unlock that potential outcome. Instead, what's needed are some simple, repeatable habits. Budget every month. Track spending every month. Find a way to bring in extra income. Intentionally make larger payments on one debt. Pick one or two "want" categories to cut back on each month. Paying off $80,000 of debt is a huge challenge, but it's also achievable. Most people aren't doing it, but you don't have to be most people.

Those are just a few examples. Don't set resolutions this year.....you'll surely fail. Instead, pick one or two small but repeatable habits that will naturally lead you closer to where you want to go. Then, once these habits become a standard practice in your life, you can add new habits or intensify the existing ones. That, I'm confident to say, is a fool-proof way to succeed.

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A Blank Canvas

Happy New Year, everyone! I don't know why, but this day gives me so much hope, optimism, and excitement each year. I've felt that way since I was a little kid, and that feeling never fades. I think what excites me so much is that it always feels like a blank canvas.

It's a clean slate, a fresh start, a new beginning. That canvas is so crisp, so clean, so empty. We are the artists. The brushes and paints are in our hands. What will we do with that opportunity? Will we continue to fall into the same traps as before? Will we fall prey to the ongoing pressures of our world? Will we take the path of least resistance and simply keep doing what we've always done?

Or, will we decide to carve a new path, a different path? Will we etch out a new storyline that has the potential to fundamentally transform our lives forever?

I feel the constant tension between continuing down the exact same road I'm on and having the courage to pivot. I see the hope and promise of what could be, but am I brave enough to go for it?

The same goes for you. You have a blank canvas in front of you. Today is day #1. This is where it begins. What masterpiece will you create with the blank canvas that lies before you? I can't wait to find out.

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Meddling

With another year coming to a close, a close friend recently texted me and asked if I would share what adjustments I've been making to my investments. After all, the world is constantly changing! It's important that we tweak and optimize our investment portfolio, right?

I shared all my adjustments with him, and I thought I'd do the same with you. With that context in mind, I'm going to give you a detailed breakdown of all the adjustments I made in 2025:

My apologies, that was kinda boring. Perhaps you'll find 2024's adjustments more exciting:

Ok, this isn't helping. How about 2023:

The truth is, I don't tweak, optimize, mettle, or adjust. I simply invest broadly (and cheaply) in the U.S. stock market and allow time to run its course. Outside of rolling my former employer's 401(k) into my IRA nearly 7 years ago, I haven't made a single adjustment to my investment portfolio in 10+ years. It might even be 20 years, but my memory doesn't allow me to confidently testify to anything longer than a decade out.

If your investing isn't the easiest, simplest, and most hands-off thing in your life, you're doing it wrong. And by "wrong," I also mean poorly. Nothing good happens when we meddle. The best thing we can do is invest the right way and allowtime to pass. That's it. That's the secret.

If this is already what you're doing, congrats on your inevitable future (eventual) success. However, if everything I'm presenting seems foreign to you, perhaps now is a great time to reorient your portfolio and your perspective.

Have a very happy NYE!

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Swapping Now for Most

As I continue to reflect on the year that's been and what's to come, I'm repeatedly reminded of a quote that always hits home for me: "Discipline is choosing between what you want now and what you want most." This quote is often credited to President Abraham Lincoln, and while I'm not sure that's true, whoever said it was a genius.

We, humans, do a really, really good job of choosing what we want now, knowing (consciously or subconsciously) that it will cost us what we want most. Debt is a great example of this. We use debt to get the things we want now, and the payments we eventually have to make will cost us something grander in the long run. Career choices are the same. We often choose jobs based on what they pay us right now, failing to consider the trajectory or other open doors a lower-paid role could provide.

We can even boil it down to something as simple as that donut sitting on the table. Yeah, slamming that treat (or three) would be really appealing right now, but does that action help me get to where I'm trying to go with my health and fitness in the long run?

As I continue to set goals and lay down parameters for the new year, I'm constantly thinking about what I want now vs. what I want most. Does XYZ decision help me get what I want now, or does it help me get what I want most? I don't always like the answer, unfortunately. There are a few things I need to give up now in order to get what I want most. My assistant and I chatted about that yesterday, and to be honest, it's humbling.

While these can be tough pills to swallow, I take solace in realizing that much of my life today is the product of past me choosing most over now. The freedoms we get to live have a direct correlation with the sacrifices Sarah and I made early in our marriage. I can tell you with 100% certainty that some of those decisions way back when felt utterly gut-wrenching. However, fast-forward 10-15 years, and I can testify that our life is 10x better because of it.

Therefore, no matter how much some of these now vs. most decisions can suck, choosing most ALWAYS pays off in the end. Bank on that, and do what you need to do.

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What’s Next?

Not sure if you noticed or not, but we have a new year starting in a few days! New Year's Eve and New Year's Day are always two of my favorite days of the year. They always seem to spark a few things in me:

1. Much-needed reflection about the year that's been.

2. Visioning about the year that's to come.

I live so much in the moment that I rarely take time to reflect on what's happened or what's to come. I'm hyper-fixated on what's right in front of me, and other things tend to get lost in the mix.

My life and businesses have taken so many twists and turns in 2025 that I'm practically living in a different world at the end of the year than I was at the beginning. With that comes the need to ask myself the tough questions. Later today, I'll meet with my assistant, Alyssa, to discuss what next year should/could look like. I have some tough decisions to make. Exciting decisions to make. Sacrificial decisions to make. Life-giving decisions to make. Gut-wrenching decisions to make.

In many ways, I think 2026 could be my best year yet. At the same time, though, it's likely to be the most challenging year yet. There's one condition, though. The only way this potential can be unlocked is if I'm willing to make the decisions that need to be made. Am I willing to get uncomfortable? Am I willing to pay the price? Am I willing to make the appropriate sacrifices? We shall see, and I'll be sharing more details with you soon.

Let's turn the mirror around. What about you? I encourage you to take some time in the next few days to take stock of what's been, look ahead to what could be, and challenge yourself to make the necessary decisions to unlock it. Staying right where we are is always the simplest and most comfortable path. It takes literally no effort to just keep doing what we're already doing. However, my gut tells me there's something in life you know you need to do. This is a great time to draw your line in the sand.

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No Questions Asked

I receive this question from time to time, but several people asked it on the heels of my recent post about impulsive generosity. In short, here's the question: "How do you be impulsively generous if you're also budgeting?"

On the surface, the idea of being impulsively generous seems incongruent with the notion that every dollar of our income should be planned before the month begins. If all of our money is already accounted for, how in the world are we supposed to give like this?!?!

When I teach this concept (and implement it in my own household), there are three key ingredients that bring it to life:

1) Budget for impulsive giving. While the majority of our family's giving is routed through our donor-advised fund, we have a separate budget category called "other giving." This is a catch-all category designed to give impulsively. In other words, even before the month begins, we have money allocated toward impulsive giving.

2) Create a sinking fund for impulsive giving. In addition to our monthly allocation toward impulsive giving, we have a sinking fund category for the same purpose. We call it our "giving fund." Whenever there's extra money left over in our "other giving" category in a given month, this cash is scraped into our giving fund, where it waits for a good home.

3) The no-questions-asked rule. In our marriage, the only category either of us has a green light to blow past our budget is impulsive giving. If Sarah feels called to give, she gives......period. Same for me. If we don't have any "other giving" money left this month, and our giving fund is depleted, we figure it out. We move money around. We reallocate a portion of our personal spending, or dining out, or entertainment. We make some additional sacrifices to realign the numbers. But at the end of the day, it's an infinite green light.

Impulsive generosity will rock your world. It will gut you in ways you never fathomed. It will rewire your brain and the way you think about money. It will humble you. It will help you take the focus off yourself and instead place it on others. It will erode your materialism and boost your contentment. Impulsive generosity will unlock a new gear in you that you never knew existed.

Test it. You'll see....

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Selling Your Future

"I feel like we sold our souls."

Those were the harsh and horrifying words from a couple I met with. The topic of discussion? Their multitude of debts: student loans, cars, and a HELOC. They followed society's game plan perfectly, and here they sit, living a reality millions of people experience every day.

They got the stuff they wanted and are living the lifestyle they desired, but at what cost? It all felt good in the moment, but at 40, they're starting to gain a sense of clarity. The clarity? It might not have been worth it. As they sit, their options are limited. They had some other dreams in life, but at this point, it all feels so unattainable. The debt weighs heavy.

No, they didn't sell their souls. But in a very tangible and sad way, they sold their future.

Here's how I often look at money. Every dollar invested gains control of a piece of our future. Conversely, every dollar of debt we incur gives up control of a piece of our future. It's a scoreboard that continues to track our progress, but we don't actually know what the score is until decades later. By the time our fate becomes apparent, it's too late to alter it.

Using debt to get what we want now is effectively selling our own future. I believe this about every debt in our lives except the mortgage on our home, but then again, I'm starting to see people make decisions about home ownership that are destructive to their future as well.

That fat car payment? You're literally driving your future.

The fancy tools, gadgets, and furnishings put on a credit card? Your future will be sitting in a landfill soon.

That pool you installed with the HELOC? You're doing cannonballs into your future.

Every week, I sit face-to-face with couples that are absolutely crushing it on the income front. They make more money than most people can ever imagine. However, month by month, I'm simultaneously watching them lose control of their future. Their present looks so very good, but their future so very scary. And the truth is, it's hard to adequately explain to someone who feels so good about their present that their future looks bleak. In fact, it's one of the most challenging endeavors I've ever encountered in this career.

No, I don't want people to live in squalor. I don't want people to live a life void of wants or fun. I'm not trying to be the enjoyment police. If you're a regular reader, you know how much I encourage and advocate for spending money on things that add value to our lives. Instead, I'm trying to warn people about the inadvertent dangers that lurk ahead when we voluntarily give up control of pieces of our future. Bit by bit, drip by drip. It feels so innocent today, but one day, unfortunately, it might not be.

Seize today! Wring every ounce of meaning and awesomeness out of today. But please don't sell your future. Your future self deserves better.

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The Cure for Self-Pity

If you've been following along the past 30 days, you know that this hasn't exactly been the most magical holiday season of my life. Between my Black Friday neck injury and the constant sickness that's worked its way through my family, we cancelled nearly every meaningful holiday event on our schedule. This trend continued on Christmas Eve and Christmas Day, with Sarah being completely bedridden with the flu. She was able to get up long enough to open presents yesterday morning, but that's about it.

Needless to say, our annual holiday traditions were knocked off-balance. Instead of the four of us attending Christmas Eve service and enjoying dinner at a local Chinese restaurant, we shifted gears. The boys and I attended an earlier Christmas Eve service, and after taking an informal vote, we ended up dining at our favorite local pizzeria.

Our lives were in such disarray that I felt more like Scott Calvin taking Charlie to Denny's on Christmas Eve than anything that resembled a happy little family.

I gotta be honest, it's all been terrible. This was easily the hardest holiday season of my life. In some ways, I woke up this morning with a feeling of mourning about what never was. It was all so dang hard.

One thing I realized about 10 years ago is that while I can't necessarily change all the circumstances happening to me, I can change the circumstances happening to others. Generosity always wins, and there's no cure for self-pity better than finding ways to practice generosity.

Every time we were faced with tough circumstances over the past few weeks, I'd try to find ways for our family to practice unreasonable generosity. It was especially fun bringing the kids into the fold, allowing them to be at the center of the gifts. They were able to observe people's reactions when something unexpected happened. They saw the smiles, the tears, the laughs, the gasps, and the thank-you's.

While I still feel a cloud of sadness about all that's happened recently, I can rest comfortably knowing that, even though my own personal circumstances felt terrible, we were able to move the needle in other people's lives along the way. We got over ourselves and our own self-pity, and showed love and compassion to people who might have needed it as much as we did. We may never fully know the impact we had in these moments, but it's not our job to know. Our job is to give, trust, give, trust, and give some more. We'll let God sort out the rest. I hope you do the same.

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Those Things Are Cool, But….

Christmas is my favorite time of the year. It always has been, and I hope it always will be. There are so many things to like!

• I like the songs.

• I like the lights and decorations.

• I like the food.

• I like the trees.

• I like the snow.

• I like the traditions.

• I like the movies.

So many things to like!! Those things are cool, but for me, it's Jesus. I enjoy every part of Christmas, but as I've grown older, it's the celebration of our faith that I love most.

It's so easy to get lost in all the trappings of our culture's definition of Christmas; it can be intoxicating. But if you're a Christian, it's important to slow down and recognize the focal point of our annual celebration.

Whatever you're doing today, I hope it's a beautiful experience! Merry Christmas, everyone!

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Wanted: More “Jerk” Friends

What was intended to be a tongue-in-cheek homage to one of my friends yesterday turned into something bigger than I ever imagined. I received countless texts, e-mails, and phone calls about it. People shared stories about how "jerk" friends in their lives have made a huge impact on them. People shared stories about times they had to step in and be the jerk to someone they loved. A few people shared about how they would take a bullet for their jerk friends. Then, someone said this:

"I wish I had some jerk friends in my life. I think my life would have turned out different if I did. Everyone around me just always affirmed whatever I wanted to do. Hope you know how lucky you are to have some "jerks" in your life."

It reminds me of a conversation I had a few years ago with a former colleague. This dude is seriously successful by the world's standards. He has a fancy job with a fancy title, and the compensation package to go with it. His family lives in a big house, drives beautiful cars, travels to exotic locations, and lives a lifestyle that makes their social media followers drool.

He and I were talking about an upcoming trip I was taking to the Boundary Waters with some of my closest friends. I shared how much some of those guys meant to me and how much impact those trips have on me. Then, he said something that shocked me: "I don't have a single friend like that. To be honest, I'm not sure I have any friend I would call that type of friend."

"Why not?" I asked.

"I don't have time. Work is just too busy. Has been for years. I kind of had to let the friend thing go."

This guy might be wealthy, but is he rich? As a society, I think we need to think long and hard about this question. What is rich? Is it money? Is it stuff? Is it status? I'll die on the hill and say "no" to all of those. Wealth is wealth, but rich is something entirely different altogether. Wealth sits in a bank account and looks impressive on social media. Rich runs through our veins and into our souls. Rich creates a depth to our lives that no money, stuff, or status could ever replicate.

I don't care if you're wealthy or not, but I deeply desire you to live a rich life. If you want a hint on where to start, look at the people you surround yourself with. Find people who move the needle in your life, and vice versa. Invest in them. Embrace them, and never take them for granted. Regardless of what life throws at you, those people will add a richness to life that nothing can take away.

Merry Christmas Eve, all. I hope you have a wonderful and blessed day!

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