Gutted….In the Best Way

Have you ever shared a sopping-wet, makeshift charcuterie board with a 9-year-old sitting at the base of an old oak tree in the pitch-black at 10 PM on a weeknight? Me, neither, until a few nights ago.

Please allow me to rewind. The day before I left the country was a whirlwind. Aside from me being swamped with meetings and errands, the boys had an all-day birthday friend party at a local amusement park. Immediately following the birthday party, they had VBS at a friend's church. Finally, after being gone for 11 hours, they returned home with a burning desire to start a bonfire in the backyard.

Knowing I needed to leave for the airport in the middle of the night, I obliged and enabled their little boy pyromania to run wild. We messed around with the fire for about an hour. Then, Finn realized he hadn't eaten since lunch. Sarah graciously assembled a makeshift charcuterie board on a paper plate and delivered it to the fire pit.

"Dad, will you come sit with me by that tree?" he asked, pointing to the darkest corner of the yard. How could I refuse that invite!?!? We sat together for about 30 minutes, chomping on summer sausage, crackers, and orange slices. He meandered all sorts of ridiculous topics, each funnier than the last.

That moment gutted me.....in the best way. This little boy just wanted to spend time with his dad. That's it. In its purest form, he just wanted me present. He and I both left the elephant in the room unsaid: I would soon leave the country, and there would be thousands of miles between us. But for those 30 minutes, nothing existed but for him, me, and a paper plate of makeshift charcuterie that he would eventually drench with his water bottle (because he's a clumsy little boy). Did you know that butter crackers taste "butter-y-er" when wet? It's science.....believe him. I don't think he's wrong; I sampled the evidence myself.

I felt pretty crappy walking out of the house at 3 AM yesterday morning to drive to the airport. It's a feeling I get every time I travel (especially internationally), as I miss those guys so much. However, at least I knew that I made the most of the precious moments I was granted. I'm so glad I took advantage of those ridiculous opportunities, especially chomping on soggy crackers at the base of a pitch-black tree at 10 PM on a weeknight with a cool little man.

Life is weird. Take advantage of every weird and quirky opportunity it presents. We're not promised an infinite amount of them.

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Sooner

One of my buddies just shared that his daughter will turn 16 later this year. Huge milestone! I asked a natural follow-up question. "What are you all doing about the car situation?" He smiled, then responded, "We told her a few weeks ago that if she wants a car, she'll need to buy one."

Excuse me, what?!?! You told your 15-and-a-half-year-old daughter a few weeks ago that if she wants a car, she'll need to buy one? The shock you sense in my tone isn't from them asking her to buy a car. Rather, it's the fact they didn't telegraph this message to her until six months before the big day. That's brutal! She's totally set up to fail.

In my 10+ years working with teens, I recognized something. Teens spend far less time stressing about the known issues in their lives than the unknowns. And to me, not knowing what's going to happen when they turn 16 is quite the unknown. Therefore, my biggest advice to parents is to communicate the plan, whatever it is, early. The sooner the better!

When my kids turned 9, Sarah and I told them they would be responsible for purchasing their own vehicles when they turned 16. At 9.....one month into third grade. Is that early? Yeah, it is. But it gives us years to discuss, share ideas, encourage, and create a plan. We also shared one other part of the plan. Whatever they save, we will match. If they save $5,000, we will give them $5,000. If they save $8,000, we will give them $8,000. The message: Discipline and delayed gratification get rewarded. Flat-footedness will lead to bad outcomes. Money, vehicle. No money, no vehicle

Just a few days ago, at not yet 10 years old, Pax asked me if he could set up a car fund and start contributing a portion of his earnings into it. Yeah, bud!!! That's a great idea! We'll do that. He says he wants a truck....a Ford F-150. For what reason, I may never know. But the little man is thinking. He might change his mind 10 more times, but having these conversations early allows the conversations to commence.

Whatever timing you think might be appropriate for these money conversations, go sooner. Engage with them. Start conversations. Allow time to process, plan, and execute. There's freedom in this type of margin. And frankly, it's fun to hear how their brain processes it along the way. Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to visualize my little man cruising around in a Ford F-150.

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It’s Kinda Like a Blog

Over the past few months, Sarah and I have found random pieces of paper and notebooks scattered around the house containing notes from the kids. The notes are generally around 2-3 sentences each, detailing some part of their day. Many of them are dated.

When we asked the boys about them, they answered very matter-of-factly: "Those are our journals. It's kinda like a blog." Hmmm, where would they get the idea of writing blogs?!?! I'd by lying if I said I wasn't completely touched by this little detail. It's fun to know they see what I do, and in some ways, want to emulate it. Moral of the story: kids are always watching.

It gets more interesting. Without divulging full "blog posts," I'll share a few excerpts I've seen:

• "We played football after Dad got home."

• "Dad took us camping."

• "Dad came to our game."

In a journal entry that may only be 2-3 sentences, it's wild that my mere presence in their lives makes the short list of notable events in their day. Again, I was touched, and again, kids are always watching!

I'm on record of saying I don't care what my kids decide to do in life. I will support, celebrate, and encourage any path they feel called to pursue. However, in the meantime, it feels great knowing that they are watching, taking mental notes, and using what they see as launching points to try new things. I'm so proud of them for that, and it makes me even more convinced that setting these positive examples needs to be one of the most important things in my life right now.

Kids are always watching. Words to live by....in so many different ways. If that's true, and the kids are sincerely watching, please go live a life today that you're proud for them to witness. I will endeavor to do the same.

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Lessons From the Dodgeball Court

Do you remember playing dodgeball when you were a kid? I loved P.E. class dodgeball oh so much! I have vivid memories of epic competitions in my old, tiny elementary school gymnasium. The games were ruthless! I recently attended a father-kid event in which old-school dodgeball was heavily featured. Hours of ruthless, chaotic dodgeball!!! It was like jumping into a DeLorean and going back to my elementary school days.

I remember thinking this 35 years ago, but the idea sat clearer on my mind as adult me dove back into the art, science, and madness of dodgeball. You can tell a lot about a person by how they play dodgeball.

With dozens of people on the court, along with another dozen-plus balls whizzing around the room, dodgeball relies on the integrity of its participants to run smoothly. It's a game of inches, angles, and reflexes. Did that ball graze my shirt? Did it make contact with the ball in my hand, or my arm? Did it hit the ground before striking my foot? Did I make a clean catch, or did I trap it before it hit the ground?

During my recent game, I watched kid after kid after kid cheat their little brains out. They would take a 70mph fastball to the chest, then brush it off as if it missed them completely. Other people would get frustrated, tensions would rise, and then they would cheat again. As I watched this unfold, it spoke volumes to me about that person's character.

They were just kids, though! Cut them some slack! Just kids being kids. The little voice on my other shoulder encouraged me to give them grace. After all, my kids aren't perfect, either. I kept watching......

Since it was a father-kid event, dads and their kids often occupied the same space. The kid would float just behind his dad. Dad would feed balls to his son. That's when I noticed something else. The kids who were rampantly cheating had one thing in common. Their dads also had a proclivity to cheat. That's right! Grown men acting with the same lack of integrity. "That ball didn't hit me!" exclaimed one dad who got smoked in the hip.

You can tell a lot about someone by watching them play dodgeball. Character matters so much, even when there aren't refs present to blow their whistles. How we play this game of life matters. Conducting ourselves with high character and integrity is essential for a smooth society, healthy relationships, and living with meaning. And as the cherry on top, the next generation is watching. Every time we act, whether in public or in private, those around us see how we conduct ourselves.

I've always thought about these ideas, but as a father, I can't stop thinking about them. Most of society tells our children the best way to win is to bend the rules, find loopholes, or flat-out cheat. Every ounce of me wants to combat that in my own kids, and that starts with the guy I see in the mirror. We gotta do better; be better; model better. They're all watching.

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Traditions Compound

It’s the middle of the night. 50 degrees. The sound of silence. I’m in a small tent with two little boys snuggled up to either side of me. I only have my phone to write. The battery is down to 10% and I have somewhere between zero and one bar of cell coverage. Will this post even upload?

I once had a friend give me two pieces of advice:

• Don’t be afraid to start new traditions.

• Let your traditions compound.

Whenever we lean into our traditions, we aren’t adding a new experience. We are multiplying impact. Each rep builds on the last. Something special starts to form.

The boys and I go on the same camping trip every year. We started when they were four; today they are nine. We do similar activities, live a similar schedule, and eat a predictable menu. However, each time is uniquely different. Each time is experienced through the lens of the persons we have grown into, and with the context of the past adventures.

The legend grows. The stories multiply. The reminiscing hits new levels. We all crave this trip, and the anticipation is sometimes as meaningful as the actual experience.

I love finding ways for our traditions to compound, and this trip is a constant reminder of just how real and powerful that concept is. I hope you, too, have some traditions in your life that can compound on you. It makes for a beautiful journey.

A Little Man Follow-Up

Yesterday, I shared about my recent parenting win when my kid, who doesn't love working, finally decided to connect the dots between working hard and having money. I'm sure it's not the end of his challenge, but it's a great win amidst the journey.

Well, it turns out, something else stemmed from this little happenstance of life. The item he wanted to buy was a gold chain; this kid loves wearing chains and necklaces. What I didn't realize while this was playing out was that after doing his work, he had money, but not quite enough money. Essentially, he was $3 short of his needed balance. That's when his brother decided to step in by gifting his twin the $3 needed to make the purchase.

Considering these two little men go at each other practically non-stop, that small act of generosity and thoughtfulness was such a beautiful win. Maybe they do love each other!!!!! Haha! Sarah and I were both touched by the gesture and by his awareness to spot an opportunity to selflessly bless his brother.

Oddly, that's not the end of the story. The little man actually purchased two chains. After school yesterday, I asked him how he liked his chains. That's when the second bomb was dropped. "It's good. I bought the gold one for myself, and I bought the silver one for my brother."

This whole time, he was scheming to buy his brother one. So cool. One kid blesses the other with a $3 gift to buy something fun, then on the flip side, he's already plotting to buy a gift for his brother, too. Again, we'll have plenty more parenting fails around the area of work, money, materialism, and generosity, but for today, we celebrate a beautiful series of wins.

Don't stop, parents. Just keep creating opportunities for your kids to make progress (and fail). Failing isn't failure, it's just the next step in the journey toward success. Keep your heads up and celebrate the small victories. I know we will.

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Work, Money. No Work, No Money

My kids recently learned a hard lesson. One of them wanted to buy something really, really cool. One problem, though: He didn't have any money. You could literally see the frustration build in him as he realized he couldn't purchase this item. "It's not fair!" he shouted. After all, his brother seemed to have an abundance of funds, while he was empty-handed.

"You can make unlimited money if you want to do some work. I have lots of projects you can do!"

"I don't want to work, though!"

There it is. The tension. The yin and the yang. The juxtaposition between wanting to relax and wanting to have money. He was feeling all the emotions. As a parent, regardless of how painful it can be, we need to teach this lesson to our children. If we work, we have money. If we don't work, we don't have money.

Wanna know what happened next? Well, he whined about it for nearly a week. He played the victim card, the guilt card, and the self-loathing card. Eventually, after realizing none of those strategies would work, he asked me what projects I had in mind. Boom!!!

Connecting the dots isn't always a smooth process. Sometimes, actually, it can feel futile. However, if we stick with it long enough and not sabotage our own principles and boundaries, it WILL work.

Little man did the work, felt pride in the work, got paid, felt the satisfaction at getting paid, and then purchased his fun item. Perfect. The journey was anything but perfect, but the outcome was just what the doctor ordered. Now, we just need to repeat that a thousand more times before he leaves the nest.

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10/10 For Michael Keaton

Do you ever have those days when it feels like the world is closing in on you? Yeah, me, too. How do you handle it? What do you do? For me (and Sarah), it always comes back to one principle: back to the basics, simplicity.

If either of us is having one of those days, we have a go-to remedy: takeout and a family movie night. As a parent, there are few things more enjoyable than grabbing a quick, fun meal and snuggling up on the couch to enjoy a good movie together. Our boys are at the age where we are introducing them to more grown-up films that Sarah and I have enjoyed for years. Seeing their reactions, experiencing it for the first time again through their eyes. It's so much fun! Side note: Both boys recently gave each of the Michael Keaton Batman films a 10/10.

In a world that makes everything feel more complicated than it should, going back to the basics is such a beautiful way to approach life. No, it doesn't erase all the problems thrust upon us, but it works wonders in reminding us of what's most important. I need that sometimes (okay, a lot of the time), and perhaps you do, too.

Shooting hoops, throwing around the football, playing video games, or building with Legos. Simple but powerful activities in my house. I'm sure you have your own version in your household. Embrace them. Go to them. Don't take them for granted.

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Watching and Walking

Finn and Pax had their first lacrosse game of the season yesterday. Pax was beyond excited. When I asked him where he fits within his new teammates, he declared that he's "probably the best." Interesting, but I was waiting to see for myself. When the game started, he looked anything but the best. He looked timid, scared. Often, he was watching the action from afar, walking up and down the field. Watching and walking. Needless to say, he really struggled.

After the first game, I attempted to talk to him about this. If he really wants to be a difference maker, he needs to put in the effort. Watching and walking won't cut it. If he truly desires to be a good player, he needs to get into the action and hustle. The second game was modestly better. While he still looked timid and somewhat scared, he seemed to have a bit more pep in his step. He got more aggressive, hustled more, and put himself into the action.

As I reflected on the day during our two-hour drive home, I couldn't help but think about how many people live their lives this way: watching and walking. Many folks fail to get into the action, and when they do, it resembles anything but hustling. They typically aren't doing this to be lazy, but rather feel kind of like Pax did yesterday: timid and scared. People sometimes don't know what to do to move themselves forward, so their natural response is to watch and walk.

I think the same advice I gave Pax applies to most situations. Even if we don't know exactly what we're doing, getting into the action and being aggressive is always a winning formula. Sometimes we just need to get into the flow to find our way. I stress this to clients all the time. We all have a choice to make, and not making a choice is still a choice. Standing still is a voluntary action.

Whenever I'm sizing someone up and trying to discern how well I think they will do, it's not about how smart, educated, or experienced they are. Instead, I look for the action. I looked for the aggression. I look for tells that they will get scrappy. Once I see those tell-tale symptoms, I know it's game over!

Don't watch. Don't walk. Even if you're timid or scared. Even if you don't necessarily know the answer. Even if you don't know the right answers. Sometimes, just getting into the game and being aggressive is enough to shake loose what ails you.

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Embracing Seasons

This weekend kicked off a new season for my family. On Saturday, the boys had their last practice before their lacrosse games begin. Then, on Sunday morning, they had their first flag football game of the year. Lastly, on Sunday afternoon, they had their first public performance with their new classic punk band at a local watering hole.

It's busier than we prefer, but we're going to embrace the season for what it is. Challenges will most certainly come, but so too will the blessings. I think a lot about life in terms of seasons. Seasons come and go, each presenting its own set of challenges and blessings.

From age 23 through 28, I eagerly engaged in a season of building my career. It was brutally challenging, but oh so fulfilling. I started as a naive kid, and ended up a little less naive and a little less kid.

From age 28 to 32 was the season of paying off our debt. Sarah and I had $236,000 of debt that dictated several of our life decisions, and we were committed to never letting that happen again. It was probably one of the most challenging seasons of our lives, but looking back, one of the most fulfilling (and impactful).

The age 32-38 season was when my career took off in a big way, while we simultaneously worked through the adoption process to begin our family. This is the season where we experienced the lowest of lows and the highest of highs. I spent much time in Asia and the Middle East, so many doors were unlocked for us, we found our people, we lost a son, we were blessed with twin baby boys, and we lost twin baby girls. So much beauty, so much pain.

The age 38-43 season was the most financially challenging season, with our family taking a 90% pay cut for me to start my career over and rebuild a new life.

In the midst of that, the age 41-45 season included the birth and ramp-up of Northern Vessel, which has unexpectedly become one of the greatest joys and blessings of my life. I never saw that coming, but I'm grateful for every bit of it.

As I reflect on each of those seasons, I can't help but think about how much pain, suffering, and turmoil each brought me. At the same time, however, when I embraced each for what it was, while also understanding it would eventually evolve into a different season, I was able to embrace it. I didn't always get it right, but the name of the game always felt like "seize the moment."

Whatever season you're in, whether awesome or painful, always remember three things:

• This season will eventually pass.

• You have the ability to seize it for whatever it is.

• Regardless of the pain, good WILL come from it. You might not see it now, but one day, it will be obvious how much good came from it.

Embrace the season.....every season. It's one of those things that makes life so difficult, but also so beautiful.

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To College Or Not To College

"What if one of your kids doesn't want to go to college?" asked one of my friends.

I have a bachelor's degree in finance. Going to college was instrumental in opening the doors that eventually led to my career. I'm a believer in secondary education. What about my kids, though?

My only desire for my kids is that they pursue work that matters to them. If that means a college education, great. If that means trade school, great. If that means immediately starting something entrepreneurial of their own, great. If that means going directly into the workforce, great. All I care about is for them to live a meaningful, purposeful, fulfilling life.

Here's what I don't want. I don't want them to enter adulthood crippled by student loan debt. I watch countless young adults start their adulting journeys set up to fail. I so badly don't want my kids to experience that. Therefore, my commitment to them is to help guide them into the next season of life without the debt. Part of that will be helping them financially, but a larger part will be helping them make wise choices, work hard, and pay the price to remain debt-free. As a parent, I must play a major role in helping these young men see the bigger picture (and not let four years of fun and excitement sabotage their decades to come).

Far too often, we blindly and naively ship our kids off to college with no end in mind. There, they wander for 4-5 years, accumulate tens of thousands of student loan debt, and have no natural landing spot after the college experience is over. It's sad to watch that reality play out in families all over this nation.

I pray my kids feel convicted in their next steps by the time their high school journey comes to a close, but regardless of where they are called to go next, we'll support them and encourage them to relentlessly pursue work that matters. I can't wait to see where they end up, but not too fast; I still gotta enjoy these sweet young years!

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Presents vs. Presence

One of my good friends, a sincerely good man, is facing a quandary. He doesn't see it that way, but I do. Here's the short version of the story. He's in the midst of a multi-year work assignment that's crushing him. 80-hour weeks, endless travel, and a stress level that boggles the mind. But does he enjoy the work or find meaning in it? Nope, none whatsoever. Well, then, why in the world is he subjecting himself (and his family) to this ongoing reality?

"I want to be able to give my kids ______." His tone immediately shifted from work and back to his kids. He wants to provide his kids with the good life. Material possessions, a high standard of living, and story-worthy trips. He wants his kids to have the childhood he never had. In other words, he wants to take society's idealized version of the American dream and transplant it into his kids.

After much ranting, he asked me what I thought about the topic (knowing that I have these kinds of conversations with people every day). "Your kids want presence, not presents."

I'm sorry, parents, but your kids don't give a crap about the material trappings of this world. They may say things that lead you to believe they do, but ultimately, they just want you present in their lives. Period.

As a culture, we need to start asking ourselves what's really important. Do we really want to train our children to believe that the be-all and end-all is money, stuff, and status? People's immediate reaction to that question is probably, "Of course not, idiot!" However, if those same people were to look in the mirror and ask themselves what their actions are saying (and modeling to their kids), they might be communicating a different message than desired.

I recently turned down a ridiculous financial windfall. It was an opportunity to do really cool work for a LOT of money. It was flattering. My ego kinda enjoyed it. It sounded sexy. A tiny materialistic piece of me desperately wanted to say yes. The answer was a resounding "no." Presence over presents. I can't allow myself to deviate from the mission, and one of those missions is to be a present and engaged father.

Everyone is dealing with their own realities and situations. Nothing is simple. Nothing is black-and-white. You might face financial pressures. You might feel the tension. Other considerations might be in play. Regardless of where you're at and what's on the table for you, if you're a parent, please don't believe the lie that presents are more important than presence. Presence will win every single time.

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Alternatives

My son Pax has been dead set on buying a pair of $125 Oakley sunglasses. I've been careful not to poop on his aspirations, but I've secretly been hoping he would eventually change his mind. $125 for a pair of sunglasses is a lot for an adult, never mind a third grader. The good news is that it takes a 9-year-old a long time to save up $125. As of this weekend, he was sitting on about $102.....close but not close enough.

Without explicitly saying it, I think he's been feeling the weight of this prospective purchase. He's experiencing just how much work is involved in saving for a single pair of $125 sunglasses. Then, yesterday happened. As we walked through Dick's Sporting Goods, he caught sight of a cool pair of sunglasses. He beelined it to the display and hurried to try on a few pairs.

Just a few minutes later, he decided to pull the trigger. $45. Just like that, he had an awesome pair of sunglasses he loved, plus $57 of cash leftover from his sunglasses fund. He found the perfect alternative, and it beautifully propelled him forward.

Not the style I would have chosen, but he loves them!

This is such an important topic for each of us to confront. Often, we get locked into a particular plan. We concede that something will cost a certain amount of money, time, energy, or sacrifice. For whatever reason, we develop tunnel vision and build our reality around this way being the absolute unyielding truth.

What are the alternatives, though? I recently met with a couple who are having brutal car issues. Their current vehicle is starting to absorb large chunks of repair money. What should they do? In their minds, there is only one option: purchase a new vehicle, which will cost between $55,000-$65,000. That's it. That's their fate.

What about alternatives? There are no alternatives, they exclaimed! Continue eating big repair bills, or buy a new car. In their situation, said new car would require a huge loan with a huge monthly payment. Oh well, they thought, it's their new reality. Tunnel vision set in.

It took a few conversations, but fortunately, they started to see some alternatives taking shape. After a few months had passed, they elected to purchase a reliable used vehicle that a) eliminates the repair issues they were dealing with, and b) avoids the painful cost of the debt that a new vehicle would surely create. They had the same look on their faces as Pax had yesterday when he purchased his alternative sunglasses: Relief, contentment, and peace.

Life is filled with alternatives.....if we're willing to look. When I look back at my adult life, some of the best purchases and decisions I've made were actually alternatives to the primary plan I set for myself. Whether knowingly or unknowingly, my eyes were opened to a better, more effective alternative. Each time that happens, I could feel my life propel forward. Relief, contentment, peace.

Always look for the alternatives.

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Reminder

I gotta admit, I rarely feel like I have this whole life thing figured out. I wake up, try to make whatever impact I can, squeeze every ounce of meaning out of the moment I can, then repeat. I live an amazing life, and I'm grateful for every single bit of it, but I sometimes go to bed wondering if I actually moved the needle today.

Finn, one of my third graders, has a dress-up day today with the following theme: "Who or what you want to be when you grow up." What do you think he chose? A firefighter? A "mowin' man"? A professional athlete? Nope, he's dressing as me. He’s going to school dressed as his Dad! Wow, just wow! That pulled on the heartstrings, for sure! What does dressing up as Dad entail? Well, according to Sarah, he's wearing a Northern Vessel hat, a shacket, casual boots, and a Chicago Bears shirt. Not bad!!!

I still don't know what impact I've made recently, but Finn really put me in my place there. It's a reminder that while I'm out there in the world trying to move the needle in people's lives, I'm still investing in those two little lives at home, too. And oddly enough, it's working!

I'm not sure if Finn will try to accessorize with a podcast mic or a cold brew latte in hand, but it will be interesting to find out! I'll try to share a pic one of these days. In the meantime, don't miss those little reminders that you are, in fact, moving the needle in people's lives.....especially those living under your roof. Wake up, make a difference, find meaning, repeat. Enjoy!

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An Open Postcard, Revisited

During a recent speaking event, someone in the audience asked me, "What's your origin story?" Such an intriguing question! Mere hours after that talk, I received one of those Facebook notifications about past posts "on this day." This particular post caught my eye. It was a blog post I published six years prior. In fact, it was one of the first things I ever published on my website, nearly three years before The Daily Meaning was born.

As I read that post last night, it seemed, in and of itself, the heart of my origin story. It was framed through the lens of a postcard I wrote to my then-toddler kids on the eve of resigning from my 15-year career and starting over. I was scared, excited, and queasy.....did I mention scared?!?!

As I re-read the words I wrote to my kids all those years ago, I don't think I would change a thing. I encourage you to read it, and I hope those scared words add value to you today just as I hope they someday add value to my grown kids. You can find it HERE.

Have a great day!

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Yeah, Definitely Didn't "Need" This

I have twin nine-year-old sons. One of them is a miniature version of me. We have a 99% overlap in interests, and as such, we naturally bond over these similarities. My other son? Well, if I'm being honest, we probably only have a 10% overlap in interests. He couldn't be more different from me, which can make bonding difficult at times. I love that little man to death, but we don't naturally gravitate toward each other.

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In a talk I gave earlier this week, I attempted to debunk the cultural myth that we shouldn't spend money on things "we don't need." It's a pervasive narrative hovering over us, causing shame, guilt, regret, and anxiety whenever we buy things that are simply wants. In other words, it sucks some of the joy out of life. I personally believe that spending some of our resources on wants is a critical part of the journey in creating a healthy relationship with money. Yes, we need to take care of our needs. Yes, we need to save. Yes, we need to give. Yes, we need to invest. But we also need to spend money on things that add value to our lives.

The truth is, I don't spend much of my personal spending money each month. A few books here, a couple coffees there, and maybe a few lunches with friends. However, in the spirit of making sure I don't become a hoarder incapable of spending on wants, I often bank mine for a period of time before purchasing a larger item.

Yesterday was my day! In an effort to find new ways to bond with my son while simultaneously utilizing my saved-up personal spending money, I purchased a 3D printer. $850! The kids' heads practically exploded when we picked it up from the store. I'll go out on a limb and say there's no "need" for an $850 3D printer…..or any 3D printer for that matter. However, that's what makes this money journey so much fun. It's not about need or not a need. It's about adding value to our lives, keeping everything in context with the broader plan.

Seeing the joy and wonder on my son's face, followed by the endless conversation and dreaming about what we can design and build together, is further affirmation that this financial expenditure will add so much value to our lives. I'm grateful for the opportunity to purchase this "want," and I look forward to much bonding time with my little guy.

Buck the myth. It's not irresponsible to spend money on things you don't need. Don't fall for the lie. Don't let shame, guilt, regret, and anxiety take hold of you. We can't have all the wants, but we can have some. Make sure your some includes things that truly add value to your life.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I have a life-size Lego head to print.

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The Value of a Pizza

"Dad, can we have pizza tonight?"

Ah, the common words of a nine-year-old. The boys were craving pizza last night. Since I, too, was kinda craving pizza, I wasn't about to fight the idea. "What should we get?" I asked.

Lots of ideas were tossed around, ranging from frozen pizza, to national chain to-go pizza, to local pizza shops. Ultimately, we (unsurprisingly) landed on our favorite local pizza shop. Additionally, there was one more request: "No pick-up. Let's eat there." Deal!

Pizza is one of those things that has a wide range of styles, quality, and prices. For example, we could have gotten a decent frozen pizza for $5-$7 or grabbed a national chain pizza for $10-$12. Instead, we paid $20 (plus tip) for a pizza....around $26 total. Was the local pizza 4-5x better than a frozen pizza? Was the local pizza 2.5x better than the national chain pizza? Probably not. It's pretty good pizza, don't get me wrong! We love this pizza. But 2.5-5x better than the alternatives? Not exactly.

It's not really about the pizza, though. Sure, we were there to eat a pizza. However, what we were really there for was an experience. We wanted to go to our spot, enjoy our time together, engage with the familiar staff, and create memories. We didn't pay $25 for a pizza......we paid $25 for an experience that happened to include a pizza.

We had a blast. We talked about all the fun things we did earlier in the day, and looked forward to the week ahead. It was a good time. The pizza was fantastic as well, but that wasn't the heart of the story.

Memories, experiences, adventure, and time with those we care most about. That's always worth investing in.

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Like an Oncoming Freight Train

I usually see the criticism coming! Most days, when I hit "publish," I know whether or not to brace myself for the backlash. Over the last five years of writing and podcasting, I feel like I have my finger well-placed on the pulse of oncoming anger. Well, I whiffed this week. A few days ago, I wrote a piece about how I put my kids in positions where failure is very much on the table. Here's one specific quote from that piece:

"My kids get sick of me talking about the pursuit of failure; I celebrate it. I applaud them each time they give something their best shot and subsequently fall flat on their face."

I celebrate my kids' failure!?!? Yes, correct; it’s fantastic! I don't revel in their misery or something twisted like that, but I celebrate the act of taking risks, failing, and getting back up. It builds character, grit, and perseverance. In a world that tells parents to protect their kids from failure, I'm leading my children into it like an oncoming freight train.

I'll take this sentiment one step further. I'd rather my two boys fail at every single dream and calling in their lives than to achieve success in something they don't give a rip about. I don't yet know what their dreams will be, but I'd rather they completely bomb in their relentless pursuit of them than take the easy way out and pursue a "safe" or "normal" path for the sake of avoiding failure.

Regret is the worst feeling in the world.....even worst than failure. Regret is looking back and wishing we had tried, while failure is knowing we gave it our best shot and it didn't work out. If those are my two options, give me the pain of failure every day of the week!

I hope my kids are tremendously successful in whatever they do, but I promise you (and them), I will root them on to relentlessly pursue their dreams and callings at every step of the way, even in the presence of painful, agonizing, gut-wrenching failure.

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“Mom, Can You Take Me To Wal-Mart?”

Finn steps into Sarah's SUV after a long day of 3rd-grade life. He heaves his bookbag over his shoulder, then slings his coat. It's finally time for him to relax, grab a snack, and do his typical Finny things. This day, though, he requested a detour: "Mom, can you take me to Wal-Mart?"

As you can imagine, Sarah was quite confused by this out-of-nowhere request. Naturally, she asked him why. "Because I want to buy you a birthday gift with my money."

Wow. Just wow. After Sarah squeegied her melted heart off the floor, she happily obliged. As they roamed the aisles of Wal-Mart, Finn made sure Sarah maintained a healthy distance (so as not to spoil her surprise). He took his time, weighed his options, and then eventually made his selection.

Now, the even more adult part: making the purchase. With Sarah still removed from the scene, Finn approached the check-out line in what must have resembled the grocery store scene from Home Alone. Finn pulled out his wallet, inserted his debit card, and entered the PIN he had spent much time memorizing. Boom! Little Finn had completed his mission!

It wasn't until 24 hours later that the rest of the family learned what he spent his hard-earned money on:

Well done, Finny, well done! He's not always a little gentleman, but when he does, he gentlemans well.

Parents, keep having discussions with your kids about money. Working, spending, saving, and giving. All of it matters. It will rarely go exactly the way you hope it will, but in the long run, you'll see little glimmers of promise. That pretty little necklace Finn bought for his mom is one of those glimmers. He worked hard, earned money, managed it well, enjoyed some wants for himself, and used some to buy his mom a present. Proud of that little dude.

Keep going. Don't give up. This next generation is counting on us to prepare them to leave the world better than they found it. Let's teach them well and lead by example.

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He Gets It….For Now

My 9-year-old son Pax was ecstatic! After a grueling few hours of work on a random Saturday afternoon, he received a cash deposit into his bank account. His new total balance: $107. This is the most money he'd ever possessed at one time. Typically, he squanders it as fast as he receives it. It's not uncommon for his account balance to hover between $0 and $2. But today, he has more than a hundred bucks.

While in the midst of his celebration, I ask him if he's planning to use it for anything in particular. "There's not really anything I want right now. So, no."

"Congrats, you're wealthy now!" I said.

"Having more than $100 makes me wealthy?"

"No, it's not about how much you have. You not wanting more than you have makes you wealthy. That's called contentment."

Granted, we just passed Christmas. He received some fun gifts, and he's still riding that high. I'm sure it's merely a matter of time before his materialistic instinct kicks in again. In the meantime, though, I want to stress these principles to him. These aren't principles for little kids; they are principles for humans.

If we always want more, we're never wealthy. If we can control our desires and ensure that our wants never exceed our resources, we're wealthy. This is a universal truth, regardless of age, education, or income.

I know families who make $400,000/year that are poor, and I know families who make $80,000/year who are wealthy. The mindset dictates everything. My family's income is lower than it was seven years ago when I left my prior career, but we're wealthier than ever before. We're not beholden to our wants, desires, and physical aspirations.

Are there material things we want? Absolutely! We'd love to purchase different cars (which we probably will soon). We'd love a small condo in our favorite lake town. I'd love to eat at Michelin-starred restaurants every month. I'd love to make a half-dozen international trips each year. I'm not immune to these human wants, but they don't drive me. They don't dictate my position in life. They don't define me.

I hope Pax sits on this idea for a while. I hope he savors the fact that he's not in a constant state of want. Then, at some point, I hope he finds something really, really cool that he wants to spend the money on. I hope he thoroughly enjoys it and knows that it was the absolute best use of his funds and adds a ton of value to his life. That's another valuable lesson. But for now, he's wealthy.

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