Work, Money. No Work, No Money

My kids recently learned a hard lesson. One of them wanted to buy something really, really cool. One problem, though: He didn't have any money. You could literally see the frustration build in him as he realized he couldn't purchase this item. "It's not fair!" he shouted. After all, his brother seemed to have an abundance of funds, while he was empty-handed.

"You can make unlimited money if you want to do some work. I have lots of projects you can do!"

"I don't want to work, though!"

There it is. The tension. The yin and the yang. The juxtaposition between wanting to relax and wanting to have money. He was feeling all the emotions. As a parent, regardless of how painful it can be, we need to teach this lesson to our children. If we work, we have money. If we don't work, we don't have money.

Wanna know what happened next? Well, he whined about it for nearly a week. He played the victim card, the guilt card, and the self-loathing card. Eventually, after realizing none of those strategies would work, he asked me what projects I had in mind. Boom!!!

Connecting the dots isn't always a smooth process. Sometimes, actually, it can feel futile. However, if we stick with it long enough and not sabotage our own principles and boundaries, it WILL work.

Little man did the work, felt pride in the work, got paid, felt the satisfaction at getting paid, and then purchased his fun item. Perfect. The journey was anything but perfect, but the outcome was just what the doctor ordered. Now, we just need to repeat that a thousand more times before he leaves the nest.

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10/10 For Michael Keaton

Do you ever have those days when it feels like the world is closing in on you? Yeah, me, too. How do you handle it? What do you do? For me (and Sarah), it always comes back to one principle: back to the basics, simplicity.

If either of us is having one of those days, we have a go-to remedy: takeout and a family movie night. As a parent, there are few things more enjoyable than grabbing a quick, fun meal and snuggling up on the couch to enjoy a good movie together. Our boys are at the age where we are introducing them to more grown-up films that Sarah and I have enjoyed for years. Seeing their reactions, experiencing it for the first time again through their eyes. It's so much fun! Side note: Both boys recently gave each of the Michael Keaton Batman films a 10/10.

In a world that makes everything feel more complicated than it should, going back to the basics is such a beautiful way to approach life. No, it doesn't erase all the problems thrust upon us, but it works wonders in reminding us of what's most important. I need that sometimes (okay, a lot of the time), and perhaps you do, too.

Shooting hoops, throwing around the football, playing video games, or building with Legos. Simple but powerful activities in my house. I'm sure you have your own version in your household. Embrace them. Go to them. Don't take them for granted.

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Watching and Walking

Finn and Pax had their first lacrosse game of the season yesterday. Pax was beyond excited. When I asked him where he fits within his new teammates, he declared that he's "probably the best." Interesting, but I was waiting to see for myself. When the game started, he looked anything but the best. He looked timid, scared. Often, he was watching the action from afar, walking up and down the field. Watching and walking. Needless to say, he really struggled.

After the first game, I attempted to talk to him about this. If he really wants to be a difference maker, he needs to put in the effort. Watching and walking won't cut it. If he truly desires to be a good player, he needs to get into the action and hustle. The second game was modestly better. While he still looked timid and somewhat scared, he seemed to have a bit more pep in his step. He got more aggressive, hustled more, and put himself into the action.

As I reflected on the day during our two-hour drive home, I couldn't help but think about how many people live their lives this way: watching and walking. Many folks fail to get into the action, and when they do, it resembles anything but hustling. They typically aren't doing this to be lazy, but rather feel kind of like Pax did yesterday: timid and scared. People sometimes don't know what to do to move themselves forward, so their natural response is to watch and walk.

I think the same advice I gave Pax applies to most situations. Even if we don't know exactly what we're doing, getting into the action and being aggressive is always a winning formula. Sometimes we just need to get into the flow to find our way. I stress this to clients all the time. We all have a choice to make, and not making a choice is still a choice. Standing still is a voluntary action.

Whenever I'm sizing someone up and trying to discern how well I think they will do, it's not about how smart, educated, or experienced they are. Instead, I look for the action. I looked for the aggression. I look for tells that they will get scrappy. Once I see those tell-tale symptoms, I know it's game over!

Don't watch. Don't walk. Even if you're timid or scared. Even if you don't necessarily know the answer. Even if you don't know the right answers. Sometimes, just getting into the game and being aggressive is enough to shake loose what ails you.

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Embracing Seasons

This weekend kicked off a new season for my family. On Saturday, the boys had their last practice before their lacrosse games begin. Then, on Sunday morning, they had their first flag football game of the year. Lastly, on Sunday afternoon, they had their first public performance with their new classic punk band at a local watering hole.

It's busier than we prefer, but we're going to embrace the season for what it is. Challenges will most certainly come, but so too will the blessings. I think a lot about life in terms of seasons. Seasons come and go, each presenting its own set of challenges and blessings.

From age 23 through 28, I eagerly engaged in a season of building my career. It was brutally challenging, but oh so fulfilling. I started as a naive kid, and ended up a little less naive and a little less kid.

From age 28 to 32 was the season of paying off our debt. Sarah and I had $236,000 of debt that dictated several of our life decisions, and we were committed to never letting that happen again. It was probably one of the most challenging seasons of our lives, but looking back, one of the most fulfilling (and impactful).

The age 32-38 season was when my career took off in a big way, while we simultaneously worked through the adoption process to begin our family. This is the season where we experienced the lowest of lows and the highest of highs. I spent much time in Asia and the Middle East, so many doors were unlocked for us, we found our people, we lost a son, we were blessed with twin baby boys, and we lost twin baby girls. So much beauty, so much pain.

The age 38-43 season was the most financially challenging season, with our family taking a 90% pay cut for me to start my career over and rebuild a new life.

In the midst of that, the age 41-45 season included the birth and ramp-up of Northern Vessel, which has unexpectedly become one of the greatest joys and blessings of my life. I never saw that coming, but I'm grateful for every bit of it.

As I reflect on each of those seasons, I can't help but think about how much pain, suffering, and turmoil each brought me. At the same time, however, when I embraced each for what it was, while also understanding it would eventually evolve into a different season, I was able to embrace it. I didn't always get it right, but the name of the game always felt like "seize the moment."

Whatever season you're in, whether awesome or painful, always remember three things:

• This season will eventually pass.

• You have the ability to seize it for whatever it is.

• Regardless of the pain, good WILL come from it. You might not see it now, but one day, it will be obvious how much good came from it.

Embrace the season.....every season. It's one of those things that makes life so difficult, but also so beautiful.

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To College Or Not To College

"What if one of your kids doesn't want to go to college?" asked one of my friends.

I have a bachelor's degree in finance. Going to college was instrumental in opening the doors that eventually led to my career. I'm a believer in secondary education. What about my kids, though?

My only desire for my kids is that they pursue work that matters to them. If that means a college education, great. If that means trade school, great. If that means immediately starting something entrepreneurial of their own, great. If that means going directly into the workforce, great. All I care about is for them to live a meaningful, purposeful, fulfilling life.

Here's what I don't want. I don't want them to enter adulthood crippled by student loan debt. I watch countless young adults start their adulting journeys set up to fail. I so badly don't want my kids to experience that. Therefore, my commitment to them is to help guide them into the next season of life without the debt. Part of that will be helping them financially, but a larger part will be helping them make wise choices, work hard, and pay the price to remain debt-free. As a parent, I must play a major role in helping these young men see the bigger picture (and not let four years of fun and excitement sabotage their decades to come).

Far too often, we blindly and naively ship our kids off to college with no end in mind. There, they wander for 4-5 years, accumulate tens of thousands of student loan debt, and have no natural landing spot after the college experience is over. It's sad to watch that reality play out in families all over this nation.

I pray my kids feel convicted in their next steps by the time their high school journey comes to a close, but regardless of where they are called to go next, we'll support them and encourage them to relentlessly pursue work that matters. I can't wait to see where they end up, but not too fast; I still gotta enjoy these sweet young years!

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Presents vs. Presence

One of my good friends, a sincerely good man, is facing a quandary. He doesn't see it that way, but I do. Here's the short version of the story. He's in the midst of a multi-year work assignment that's crushing him. 80-hour weeks, endless travel, and a stress level that boggles the mind. But does he enjoy the work or find meaning in it? Nope, none whatsoever. Well, then, why in the world is he subjecting himself (and his family) to this ongoing reality?

"I want to be able to give my kids ______." His tone immediately shifted from work and back to his kids. He wants to provide his kids with the good life. Material possessions, a high standard of living, and story-worthy trips. He wants his kids to have the childhood he never had. In other words, he wants to take society's idealized version of the American dream and transplant it into his kids.

After much ranting, he asked me what I thought about the topic (knowing that I have these kinds of conversations with people every day). "Your kids want presence, not presents."

I'm sorry, parents, but your kids don't give a crap about the material trappings of this world. They may say things that lead you to believe they do, but ultimately, they just want you present in their lives. Period.

As a culture, we need to start asking ourselves what's really important. Do we really want to train our children to believe that the be-all and end-all is money, stuff, and status? People's immediate reaction to that question is probably, "Of course not, idiot!" However, if those same people were to look in the mirror and ask themselves what their actions are saying (and modeling to their kids), they might be communicating a different message than desired.

I recently turned down a ridiculous financial windfall. It was an opportunity to do really cool work for a LOT of money. It was flattering. My ego kinda enjoyed it. It sounded sexy. A tiny materialistic piece of me desperately wanted to say yes. The answer was a resounding "no." Presence over presents. I can't allow myself to deviate from the mission, and one of those missions is to be a present and engaged father.

Everyone is dealing with their own realities and situations. Nothing is simple. Nothing is black-and-white. You might face financial pressures. You might feel the tension. Other considerations might be in play. Regardless of where you're at and what's on the table for you, if you're a parent, please don't believe the lie that presents are more important than presence. Presence will win every single time.

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Alternatives

My son Pax has been dead set on buying a pair of $125 Oakley sunglasses. I've been careful not to poop on his aspirations, but I've secretly been hoping he would eventually change his mind. $125 for a pair of sunglasses is a lot for an adult, never mind a third grader. The good news is that it takes a 9-year-old a long time to save up $125. As of this weekend, he was sitting on about $102.....close but not close enough.

Without explicitly saying it, I think he's been feeling the weight of this prospective purchase. He's experiencing just how much work is involved in saving for a single pair of $125 sunglasses. Then, yesterday happened. As we walked through Dick's Sporting Goods, he caught sight of a cool pair of sunglasses. He beelined it to the display and hurried to try on a few pairs.

Just a few minutes later, he decided to pull the trigger. $45. Just like that, he had an awesome pair of sunglasses he loved, plus $57 of cash leftover from his sunglasses fund. He found the perfect alternative, and it beautifully propelled him forward.

Not the style I would have chosen, but he loves them!

This is such an important topic for each of us to confront. Often, we get locked into a particular plan. We concede that something will cost a certain amount of money, time, energy, or sacrifice. For whatever reason, we develop tunnel vision and build our reality around this way being the absolute unyielding truth.

What are the alternatives, though? I recently met with a couple who are having brutal car issues. Their current vehicle is starting to absorb large chunks of repair money. What should they do? In their minds, there is only one option: purchase a new vehicle, which will cost between $55,000-$65,000. That's it. That's their fate.

What about alternatives? There are no alternatives, they exclaimed! Continue eating big repair bills, or buy a new car. In their situation, said new car would require a huge loan with a huge monthly payment. Oh well, they thought, it's their new reality. Tunnel vision set in.

It took a few conversations, but fortunately, they started to see some alternatives taking shape. After a few months had passed, they elected to purchase a reliable used vehicle that a) eliminates the repair issues they were dealing with, and b) avoids the painful cost of the debt that a new vehicle would surely create. They had the same look on their faces as Pax had yesterday when he purchased his alternative sunglasses: Relief, contentment, and peace.

Life is filled with alternatives.....if we're willing to look. When I look back at my adult life, some of the best purchases and decisions I've made were actually alternatives to the primary plan I set for myself. Whether knowingly or unknowingly, my eyes were opened to a better, more effective alternative. Each time that happens, I could feel my life propel forward. Relief, contentment, peace.

Always look for the alternatives.

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Reminder

I gotta admit, I rarely feel like I have this whole life thing figured out. I wake up, try to make whatever impact I can, squeeze every ounce of meaning out of the moment I can, then repeat. I live an amazing life, and I'm grateful for every single bit of it, but I sometimes go to bed wondering if I actually moved the needle today.

Finn, one of my third graders, has a dress-up day today with the following theme: "Who or what you want to be when you grow up." What do you think he chose? A firefighter? A "mowin' man"? A professional athlete? Nope, he's dressing as me. He’s going to school dressed as his Dad! Wow, just wow! That pulled on the heartstrings, for sure! What does dressing up as Dad entail? Well, according to Sarah, he's wearing a Northern Vessel hat, a shacket, casual boots, and a Chicago Bears shirt. Not bad!!!

I still don't know what impact I've made recently, but Finn really put me in my place there. It's a reminder that while I'm out there in the world trying to move the needle in people's lives, I'm still investing in those two little lives at home, too. And oddly enough, it's working!

I'm not sure if Finn will try to accessorize with a podcast mic or a cold brew latte in hand, but it will be interesting to find out! I'll try to share a pic one of these days. In the meantime, don't miss those little reminders that you are, in fact, moving the needle in people's lives.....especially those living under your roof. Wake up, make a difference, find meaning, repeat. Enjoy!

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An Open Postcard, Revisited

During a recent speaking event, someone in the audience asked me, "What's your origin story?" Such an intriguing question! Mere hours after that talk, I received one of those Facebook notifications about past posts "on this day." This particular post caught my eye. It was a blog post I published six years prior. In fact, it was one of the first things I ever published on my website, nearly three years before The Daily Meaning was born.

As I read that post last night, it seemed, in and of itself, the heart of my origin story. It was framed through the lens of a postcard I wrote to my then-toddler kids on the eve of resigning from my 15-year career and starting over. I was scared, excited, and queasy.....did I mention scared?!?!

As I re-read the words I wrote to my kids all those years ago, I don't think I would change a thing. I encourage you to read it, and I hope those scared words add value to you today just as I hope they someday add value to my grown kids. You can find it HERE.

Have a great day!

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Yeah, Definitely Didn't "Need" This

I have twin nine-year-old sons. One of them is a miniature version of me. We have a 99% overlap in interests, and as such, we naturally bond over these similarities. My other son? Well, if I'm being honest, we probably only have a 10% overlap in interests. He couldn't be more different from me, which can make bonding difficult at times. I love that little man to death, but we don't naturally gravitate toward each other.

________________

In a talk I gave earlier this week, I attempted to debunk the cultural myth that we shouldn't spend money on things "we don't need." It's a pervasive narrative hovering over us, causing shame, guilt, regret, and anxiety whenever we buy things that are simply wants. In other words, it sucks some of the joy out of life. I personally believe that spending some of our resources on wants is a critical part of the journey in creating a healthy relationship with money. Yes, we need to take care of our needs. Yes, we need to save. Yes, we need to give. Yes, we need to invest. But we also need to spend money on things that add value to our lives.

The truth is, I don't spend much of my personal spending money each month. A few books here, a couple coffees there, and maybe a few lunches with friends. However, in the spirit of making sure I don't become a hoarder incapable of spending on wants, I often bank mine for a period of time before purchasing a larger item.

Yesterday was my day! In an effort to find new ways to bond with my son while simultaneously utilizing my saved-up personal spending money, I purchased a 3D printer. $850! The kids' heads practically exploded when we picked it up from the store. I'll go out on a limb and say there's no "need" for an $850 3D printer…..or any 3D printer for that matter. However, that's what makes this money journey so much fun. It's not about need or not a need. It's about adding value to our lives, keeping everything in context with the broader plan.

Seeing the joy and wonder on my son's face, followed by the endless conversation and dreaming about what we can design and build together, is further affirmation that this financial expenditure will add so much value to our lives. I'm grateful for the opportunity to purchase this "want," and I look forward to much bonding time with my little guy.

Buck the myth. It's not irresponsible to spend money on things you don't need. Don't fall for the lie. Don't let shame, guilt, regret, and anxiety take hold of you. We can't have all the wants, but we can have some. Make sure your some includes things that truly add value to your life.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I have a life-size Lego head to print.

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The Value of a Pizza

"Dad, can we have pizza tonight?"

Ah, the common words of a nine-year-old. The boys were craving pizza last night. Since I, too, was kinda craving pizza, I wasn't about to fight the idea. "What should we get?" I asked.

Lots of ideas were tossed around, ranging from frozen pizza, to national chain to-go pizza, to local pizza shops. Ultimately, we (unsurprisingly) landed on our favorite local pizza shop. Additionally, there was one more request: "No pick-up. Let's eat there." Deal!

Pizza is one of those things that has a wide range of styles, quality, and prices. For example, we could have gotten a decent frozen pizza for $5-$7 or grabbed a national chain pizza for $10-$12. Instead, we paid $20 (plus tip) for a pizza....around $26 total. Was the local pizza 4-5x better than a frozen pizza? Was the local pizza 2.5x better than the national chain pizza? Probably not. It's pretty good pizza, don't get me wrong! We love this pizza. But 2.5-5x better than the alternatives? Not exactly.

It's not really about the pizza, though. Sure, we were there to eat a pizza. However, what we were really there for was an experience. We wanted to go to our spot, enjoy our time together, engage with the familiar staff, and create memories. We didn't pay $25 for a pizza......we paid $25 for an experience that happened to include a pizza.

We had a blast. We talked about all the fun things we did earlier in the day, and looked forward to the week ahead. It was a good time. The pizza was fantastic as well, but that wasn't the heart of the story.

Memories, experiences, adventure, and time with those we care most about. That's always worth investing in.

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Like an Oncoming Freight Train

I usually see the criticism coming! Most days, when I hit "publish," I know whether or not to brace myself for the backlash. Over the last five years of writing and podcasting, I feel like I have my finger well-placed on the pulse of oncoming anger. Well, I whiffed this week. A few days ago, I wrote a piece about how I put my kids in positions where failure is very much on the table. Here's one specific quote from that piece:

"My kids get sick of me talking about the pursuit of failure; I celebrate it. I applaud them each time they give something their best shot and subsequently fall flat on their face."

I celebrate my kids' failure!?!? Yes, correct; it’s fantastic! I don't revel in their misery or something twisted like that, but I celebrate the act of taking risks, failing, and getting back up. It builds character, grit, and perseverance. In a world that tells parents to protect their kids from failure, I'm leading my children into it like an oncoming freight train.

I'll take this sentiment one step further. I'd rather my two boys fail at every single dream and calling in their lives than to achieve success in something they don't give a rip about. I don't yet know what their dreams will be, but I'd rather they completely bomb in their relentless pursuit of them than take the easy way out and pursue a "safe" or "normal" path for the sake of avoiding failure.

Regret is the worst feeling in the world.....even worst than failure. Regret is looking back and wishing we had tried, while failure is knowing we gave it our best shot and it didn't work out. If those are my two options, give me the pain of failure every day of the week!

I hope my kids are tremendously successful in whatever they do, but I promise you (and them), I will root them on to relentlessly pursue their dreams and callings at every step of the way, even in the presence of painful, agonizing, gut-wrenching failure.

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“Mom, Can You Take Me To Wal-Mart?”

Finn steps into Sarah's SUV after a long day of 3rd-grade life. He heaves his bookbag over his shoulder, then slings his coat. It's finally time for him to relax, grab a snack, and do his typical Finny things. This day, though, he requested a detour: "Mom, can you take me to Wal-Mart?"

As you can imagine, Sarah was quite confused by this out-of-nowhere request. Naturally, she asked him why. "Because I want to buy you a birthday gift with my money."

Wow. Just wow. After Sarah squeegied her melted heart off the floor, she happily obliged. As they roamed the aisles of Wal-Mart, Finn made sure Sarah maintained a healthy distance (so as not to spoil her surprise). He took his time, weighed his options, and then eventually made his selection.

Now, the even more adult part: making the purchase. With Sarah still removed from the scene, Finn approached the check-out line in what must have resembled the grocery store scene from Home Alone. Finn pulled out his wallet, inserted his debit card, and entered the PIN he had spent much time memorizing. Boom! Little Finn had completed his mission!

It wasn't until 24 hours later that the rest of the family learned what he spent his hard-earned money on:

Well done, Finny, well done! He's not always a little gentleman, but when he does, he gentlemans well.

Parents, keep having discussions with your kids about money. Working, spending, saving, and giving. All of it matters. It will rarely go exactly the way you hope it will, but in the long run, you'll see little glimmers of promise. That pretty little necklace Finn bought for his mom is one of those glimmers. He worked hard, earned money, managed it well, enjoyed some wants for himself, and used some to buy his mom a present. Proud of that little dude.

Keep going. Don't give up. This next generation is counting on us to prepare them to leave the world better than they found it. Let's teach them well and lead by example.

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He Gets It….For Now

My 9-year-old son Pax was ecstatic! After a grueling few hours of work on a random Saturday afternoon, he received a cash deposit into his bank account. His new total balance: $107. This is the most money he'd ever possessed at one time. Typically, he squanders it as fast as he receives it. It's not uncommon for his account balance to hover between $0 and $2. But today, he has more than a hundred bucks.

While in the midst of his celebration, I ask him if he's planning to use it for anything in particular. "There's not really anything I want right now. So, no."

"Congrats, you're wealthy now!" I said.

"Having more than $100 makes me wealthy?"

"No, it's not about how much you have. You not wanting more than you have makes you wealthy. That's called contentment."

Granted, we just passed Christmas. He received some fun gifts, and he's still riding that high. I'm sure it's merely a matter of time before his materialistic instinct kicks in again. In the meantime, though, I want to stress these principles to him. These aren't principles for little kids; they are principles for humans.

If we always want more, we're never wealthy. If we can control our desires and ensure that our wants never exceed our resources, we're wealthy. This is a universal truth, regardless of age, education, or income.

I know families who make $400,000/year that are poor, and I know families who make $80,000/year who are wealthy. The mindset dictates everything. My family's income is lower than it was seven years ago when I left my prior career, but we're wealthier than ever before. We're not beholden to our wants, desires, and physical aspirations.

Are there material things we want? Absolutely! We'd love to purchase different cars (which we probably will soon). We'd love a small condo in our favorite lake town. I'd love to eat at Michelin-starred restaurants every month. I'd love to make a half-dozen international trips each year. I'm not immune to these human wants, but they don't drive me. They don't dictate my position in life. They don't define me.

I hope Pax sits on this idea for a while. I hope he savors the fact that he's not in a constant state of want. Then, at some point, I hope he finds something really, really cool that he wants to spend the money on. I hope he thoroughly enjoys it and knows that it was the absolute best use of his funds and adds a ton of value to his life. That's another valuable lesson. But for now, he's wealthy.

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Plan D

With most of our holiday plans cancelled due to my recent health issues and Pax's flu bug, I've been trying to think creatively. Yesterday morning, while we were watching some football highlights from the day before, I had an idea. I realized our Iowa State Cyclones men's basketball team had a home game later in the day. Ticket prices have been wild this season, though! Since the Cyclones are ranked #4 in the country, the get-in price to most games has been $75/person.

Then, it dawned on me. Yesterday's game was being played under unique circumstances:

• We were 39-point favorites against the opponent (i.e., it probably wouldn't be a "good" game).

• It's a Sunday night right before Christmas (i.e., many people probably can't go).

• The college students are on break (i.e., many other people probably can't go, either).

I jumped on my ol' trusty, SeatGeek, to see what tickets were available. You wanna know what I found?!?! Courtside tickets for $65/person!! $65/person for third row?!?! I asked Pax if he wanted to go, and he lit up.

Seven hours later, as the game was about to start, and we were settled into our section waiting for the game to begin, Pax looked at me and exclaimed, "Best! Seats! Ever!" He had never experienced something like that before, and he had the time of his life. He was even shown on ESPN's broadcast! Despite being in a ridiculous amount of pain from my recent neck injury, it truly was a special time together. I wouldn't have given up that time for anything.

As we were pulling into the driveway later in the evening, I said, "I'll remember that one forever, bud." "Me, too, Dad. That was the coolest night ever."

My plan A this season fell apart. My plan B for this season fell apart. My plan C for this season fell apart. A part of me wants to just give up. It's too difficult! I'm in too much pain. I'm mourning the loss of what I was most hoping for. It feels like too much. However, quitting sucks. We're moving on to Plan D, and so far, Plan D has been pretty fun.

Whatever life is throwing at you, keep moving forward. You might not end up right where you had hoped, but you just might end up somewhere as cool as it was unexpected.

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Showing Them the Beauty of Work

We received another huge blast of snow yesterday morning here in the Midwest. After adding the new accumulation to our already high total snowfall, this season's snowfall has already eclipsed all of last winter.....and it's not even Christmas yet!

As the snow started to wane, I asked my 9-year-old boys if they wanted to make some money. They love projects. They love opportunities to go above and beyond. They grabbed their little shovels and began scooping. While we had about seven inches on the ground, the snow was extra light and fluffy, almost movie-like, so it wasn't a heavy lift. They made progress quickly.

After ripping out our driveway and sidewalks, I asked the kids if they wanted to do the neighbor's property, too. They both eagerly nodded their heads and began to scoop.

After the second house was done, I asked them if they wanted to do the next house. They nodded yes again, but not quite as eagerly. They began to scoop.

After the third house was done, I asked if they wanted to do the next house. They hesitated, then said yes. They scooped.

After the fourth house was done, I asked if they wanted to do the next house. After brief consideration, they both said no. Four houses, not bad!

They knew scooping other people's houses was a kind and generous thing to do, but they also knew I would pay them more money. By the time they finished, their little backs were sore, their faces frigid, and their bank accounts a little fuller.

I'm such a believer in giving our kids opportunities to step into work. Not forced, but encouraged. I want them to continually see that serving others is a good thing, and that serving others is a great way to earn money.

It's a win/win/win/win. When our neighbors discovered that their property has been cleared by someone, they were probably grateful. My kids felt delighted with a hard day's work. They received handsome compensation for their efforts. I was able to teach them, once again, about the importance of hard work and serving others.

If you're a parent, find opportunities for your kids to say yes to work. Use the natural rhythm of life (like snow) when possible. Find a problem for them to solve. Or even bolder, create a problem for them to solve. Make something up, if necessary! Just give them opportunities to step into service and work. Don't beat them with it. Don't guilt them. Don't shame them. Show them how truly good it is to serve others and work hard. It might not seem like it's making a difference now, but 20 years from now, it will be beautifully clear!

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Memories Don’t Discriminate

Earlier this week, Sarah and I took the boys to see Elf in the movie theater. It was one of those cool theaters where they serve you dinner during the movie. The real magic happened the night before, though, when we shared the news of this upcoming family outing. Both boys immediately screamed in excitement and jumped wildly around the kitchen. Blood-curdling screams of euphoria. Eardrum-piercing screams of joy. To go watch a 20+ year-old movie they've seen a dozen times.

Memories don't discriminate. Those boys reacted as if we were surprising them with a trip to Disney, except our surprise cost $80, not $8,000. I know I beat on this drum often, but I don't think there are enough reps to appropriately make this point. Memories are memories because they are memories. We need not spend tons of money to create them. Financial resources are NOT the prerequisite to memories. Memories don't discriminate.

We're living in a time where more and more people feel frustrated and defeated. Families are struggling financially. The tension is tightly wound. It can sometimes feel like it's all too much.

I hate that for everyone living in that reality. At the same time, however, I want to encourage parents to create memories regardless of financial resources. Sure, expensive memories are expensive, but affordable memories are affordable. At the end of the day, however, memories don't discriminate. Years down the road, your kids won't remember how much (or how little) a memory cost their parents. All they will know is how the memory made them feel.

As such, create, create, create. Use whatever creativity and resources you do have to create the coolest memories possible for your family. Don't give up or feel defeated. Drive around and look at Christmas lights. Go get hot chocolates and watch the carolers. Open Netflix and snuggle up to a holiday classic on the couch. Make tree ornaments or gingerbread houses. Volunteer together at a local shelter or food pantry. Find a big hill to sled. Just make memories! Memories don't discriminate.

Regardless of where you stand financially this season, you have an opportunity to make this the best Christmas season ever, abounding in memories and experiences. Make it happen, and enjoy the ride!

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The Home Stretch

With the passing of Thanksgiving, we're officially in the home stretch toward the Christmas / New Year's holiday. For decades, I've lamented how the season seems to be over in the blink of an eye. That frustration only grew after I became a father. I want to savor it, enjoy it, and milk every ounce of holiday spirit I can out of it. Inevitably, though, it passes too quickly.

I think one of the key contributors to this phenomenon is the fact we become even busier than usual. Holiday get-togethers, work functions, shopping, and a number of other activities speed us up to an unprecedented pace. This pace, combined with the stress it can create, causes time to speed up.

Over the past few years, I've attempted to combat this phenomenon by intentionally slowing down my schedule. Specifically, I've implemented a few different strategies:

• Get the shopping done early. Nothing good happens when shopping the few days before Christmas.

• Set a hard stop date. Sarah and I negotiate a date that will be a hard stop for my work travel. Once that date arrives, I'm locked down with my family through the end of the year.

• Say no. Adding festive holiday events to the calendar may seem like a fun and jolly idea, but we say no. There's nothing better than having the freedom and an empty calendar to play the evenings by ear with the family. Movies, Christmas lights, and other last-minute adventures await.

• NYE is a no-go. I block out the entire day on New Year's Eve to reflect, plan, and set myself up for an awesome year to come. That's become one of my favorite days of the year.

• Think 30 years from now. 30 years from now, will you remember that meeting you attended, or the memory you created with your kids? Act accordingly.

I'm excited for this holiday season, but as always, I'm nervous I'll find a way to screw it up. However, if I can try to follow my own guidelines above, I have a chance to really make it a special season for my family. Wish me luck, and I'll wish you luck as well! I pray you're able to slow it down and enjoy every bit of the holiday spirit, too!

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An Actually Positive TikTok Challenge

Whenever the phrase "TikTok challenge" is mentioned, anything that comes next is going to be disgusting. Two cars crashing through our Northern Vessel shop doors is great evidence of that.

Today, however, I want to share an actually positive TikTok challenge with you. As I was scrolling through my feed recently, I stumbled upon an awesome little clip. A parent, on the backside of the camera, asked their child, in camera view, a simple question: "What did you get for Christmas last year?"

The kid had a deer-in-headlights look. You could see his little brain working overtime to process this question. After about five seconds, nothing. He couldn't think of a single gift he received last Christmas.

The parent then asked another question: "Where did we go on vacation this year?"

The boy's eyes lit up, and he quickly started listing off all the adventures they went on and memories they made. His little mouth couldn't keep up with his brain. It was almost like he was reliving those memories in real time.

Interesting, isn't it? I've now seen dozens of these videos pop up in my feed, each with similar results. Kid after kid after kid went blank when asked about receiving physical gifts, but then immediately lit up with excitement when asked about experiences and memories.

Experiences over things. This is one of the hallmark principles of living a meaningful life. There's certainly nothing wrong with stuff. We all have some stuff in our lives. Cool stuff. But the stuff isn't what will ultimately provide us with meaning. It's the experiences and memories that add a richness to life that's unparalleled. Yeah, the science proves this to be true. Over and over, science has proven this. However, I'm not asking you to even trust the science. Trust the faces of your kids. They will tell you everything you need to know.

Happy shopping!

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When the Stingrays Eat Your Fist

We had a great time adventuring around Chicago yesterday. One of the highlights of the day was spending time at Shedd's Aquarium, one of the best aquariums in the country. I remember going there as a kid, and it lived up to the hype that lives in my head. The kids had a blast, and we saw some pretty remarkable things.

One of my personal highlights was watching the boys feed stingrays. If you've never fed a stingray, it's an intimidating task. You take half of a small dead fish (such as a sardine) and close your fist around it, with a good portion of the fish protruding above your fist. Then, you dunk your fist as far under water as possible so the stingray can swim over the fish. Lastly, the stingray opens its mouth as it swims over, snagging the dead fish out of your closed fist.

On the first pass, one of the stingrays practically swallowed Pax's entire fist while trying to grab the fish out of it. Pax looked in shock, but he quickly gained the confidence to try again. Finn was the same way. What started as a scary endeavor quickly morphed into a fun adventure.

I love manufacturing scary situations, both for myself and for my kids. Not fear for fear's sake, but rather, the opportunity to push ourselves past what we thought was possible.

I'm heading back into the Boundary Waters wilderness next week, ready to again face my fears. This will be my 7th or 8th trip there, and I can't say it ever gets easy. It will be cold, wet, physically challenging, uncomfortable, and mentally draining. I'm dreading it. However, at the same time, I also crave it. I need my system to be shocked. I need to face discomfort in the most direct of ways.

Some of the best growth of my life has happened in the Boundary Waters. It's where I discovered true contentment. It's where I realized life isn't meant to be lived in comfort. It's where I found out there's far more in me than I ever knew.

So when I watched my kids struggle to feed those stingrays, all I could do was smile. They were fighting their own battles, facing their own fears. Ultimately, they prevailed and learned some valuable lessons. I hope to do the same thing next week when I face my fears in the wilderness.

That's my challenge for you today as well. Find ways to get uncomfortable, face fears, push yourself in ways you never knew existed. Every time we force ourselves to do scary things, we become the type of person who does scary things. It might start simple, like feeding a stingray or sleeping in 25-degree weather with no tent, but it can quickly morph into the way we approach the bigger things in life: our career, finances, relationships, and parenting.

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