Showing Them the Beauty of Work

We received another huge blast of snow yesterday morning here in the Midwest. After adding the new accumulation to our already high total snowfall, this season's snowfall has already eclipsed all of last winter.....and it's not even Christmas yet!

As the snow started to wane, I asked my 9-year-old boys if they wanted to make some money. They love projects. They love opportunities to go above and beyond. They grabbed their little shovels and began scooping. While we had about seven inches on the ground, the snow was extra light and fluffy, almost movie-like, so it wasn't a heavy lift. They made progress quickly.

After ripping out our driveway and sidewalks, I asked the kids if they wanted to do the neighbor's property, too. They both eagerly nodded their heads and began to scoop.

After the second house was done, I asked them if they wanted to do the next house. They nodded yes again, but not quite as eagerly. They began to scoop.

After the third house was done, I asked if they wanted to do the next house. They hesitated, then said yes. They scooped.

After the fourth house was done, I asked if they wanted to do the next house. After brief consideration, they both said no. Four houses, not bad!

They knew scooping other people's houses was a kind and generous thing to do, but they also knew I would pay them more money. By the time they finished, their little backs were sore, their faces frigid, and their bank accounts a little fuller.

I'm such a believer in giving our kids opportunities to step into work. Not forced, but encouraged. I want them to continually see that serving others is a good thing, and that serving others is a great way to earn money.

It's a win/win/win/win. When our neighbors discovered that their property has been cleared by someone, they were probably grateful. My kids felt delighted with a hard day's work. They received handsome compensation for their efforts. I was able to teach them, once again, about the importance of hard work and serving others.

If you're a parent, find opportunities for your kids to say yes to work. Use the natural rhythm of life (like snow) when possible. Find a problem for them to solve. Or even bolder, create a problem for them to solve. Make something up, if necessary! Just give them opportunities to step into service and work. Don't beat them with it. Don't guilt them. Don't shame them. Show them how truly good it is to serve others and work hard. It might not seem like it's making a difference now, but 20 years from now, it will be beautifully clear!

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Memories Don’t Discriminate

Earlier this week, Sarah and I took the boys to see Elf in the movie theater. It was one of those cool theaters where they serve you dinner during the movie. The real magic happened the night before, though, when we shared the news of this upcoming family outing. Both boys immediately screamed in excitement and jumped wildly around the kitchen. Blood-curdling screams of euphoria. Eardrum-piercing screams of joy. To go watch a 20+ year-old movie they've seen a dozen times.

Memories don't discriminate. Those boys reacted as if we were surprising them with a trip to Disney, except our surprise cost $80, not $8,000. I know I beat on this drum often, but I don't think there are enough reps to appropriately make this point. Memories are memories because they are memories. We need not spend tons of money to create them. Financial resources are NOT the prerequisite to memories. Memories don't discriminate.

We're living in a time where more and more people feel frustrated and defeated. Families are struggling financially. The tension is tightly wound. It can sometimes feel like it's all too much.

I hate that for everyone living in that reality. At the same time, however, I want to encourage parents to create memories regardless of financial resources. Sure, expensive memories are expensive, but affordable memories are affordable. At the end of the day, however, memories don't discriminate. Years down the road, your kids won't remember how much (or how little) a memory cost their parents. All they will know is how the memory made them feel.

As such, create, create, create. Use whatever creativity and resources you do have to create the coolest memories possible for your family. Don't give up or feel defeated. Drive around and look at Christmas lights. Go get hot chocolates and watch the carolers. Open Netflix and snuggle up to a holiday classic on the couch. Make tree ornaments or gingerbread houses. Volunteer together at a local shelter or food pantry. Find a big hill to sled. Just make memories! Memories don't discriminate.

Regardless of where you stand financially this season, you have an opportunity to make this the best Christmas season ever, abounding in memories and experiences. Make it happen, and enjoy the ride!

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The Home Stretch

With the passing of Thanksgiving, we're officially in the home stretch toward the Christmas / New Year's holiday. For decades, I've lamented how the season seems to be over in the blink of an eye. That frustration only grew after I became a father. I want to savor it, enjoy it, and milk every ounce of holiday spirit I can out of it. Inevitably, though, it passes too quickly.

I think one of the key contributors to this phenomenon is the fact we become even busier than usual. Holiday get-togethers, work functions, shopping, and a number of other activities speed us up to an unprecedented pace. This pace, combined with the stress it can create, causes time to speed up.

Over the past few years, I've attempted to combat this phenomenon by intentionally slowing down my schedule. Specifically, I've implemented a few different strategies:

• Get the shopping done early. Nothing good happens when shopping the few days before Christmas.

• Set a hard stop date. Sarah and I negotiate a date that will be a hard stop for my work travel. Once that date arrives, I'm locked down with my family through the end of the year.

• Say no. Adding festive holiday events to the calendar may seem like a fun and jolly idea, but we say no. There's nothing better than having the freedom and an empty calendar to play the evenings by ear with the family. Movies, Christmas lights, and other last-minute adventures await.

• NYE is a no-go. I block out the entire day on New Year's Eve to reflect, plan, and set myself up for an awesome year to come. That's become one of my favorite days of the year.

• Think 30 years from now. 30 years from now, will you remember that meeting you attended, or the memory you created with your kids? Act accordingly.

I'm excited for this holiday season, but as always, I'm nervous I'll find a way to screw it up. However, if I can try to follow my own guidelines above, I have a chance to really make it a special season for my family. Wish me luck, and I'll wish you luck as well! I pray you're able to slow it down and enjoy every bit of the holiday spirit, too!

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An Actually Positive TikTok Challenge

Whenever the phrase "TikTok challenge" is mentioned, anything that comes next is going to be disgusting. Two cars crashing through our Northern Vessel shop doors is great evidence of that.

Today, however, I want to share an actually positive TikTok challenge with you. As I was scrolling through my feed recently, I stumbled upon an awesome little clip. A parent, on the backside of the camera, asked their child, in camera view, a simple question: "What did you get for Christmas last year?"

The kid had a deer-in-headlights look. You could see his little brain working overtime to process this question. After about five seconds, nothing. He couldn't think of a single gift he received last Christmas.

The parent then asked another question: "Where did we go on vacation this year?"

The boy's eyes lit up, and he quickly started listing off all the adventures they went on and memories they made. His little mouth couldn't keep up with his brain. It was almost like he was reliving those memories in real time.

Interesting, isn't it? I've now seen dozens of these videos pop up in my feed, each with similar results. Kid after kid after kid went blank when asked about receiving physical gifts, but then immediately lit up with excitement when asked about experiences and memories.

Experiences over things. This is one of the hallmark principles of living a meaningful life. There's certainly nothing wrong with stuff. We all have some stuff in our lives. Cool stuff. But the stuff isn't what will ultimately provide us with meaning. It's the experiences and memories that add a richness to life that's unparalleled. Yeah, the science proves this to be true. Over and over, science has proven this. However, I'm not asking you to even trust the science. Trust the faces of your kids. They will tell you everything you need to know.

Happy shopping!

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When the Stingrays Eat Your Fist

We had a great time adventuring around Chicago yesterday. One of the highlights of the day was spending time at Shedd's Aquarium, one of the best aquariums in the country. I remember going there as a kid, and it lived up to the hype that lives in my head. The kids had a blast, and we saw some pretty remarkable things.

One of my personal highlights was watching the boys feed stingrays. If you've never fed a stingray, it's an intimidating task. You take half of a small dead fish (such as a sardine) and close your fist around it, with a good portion of the fish protruding above your fist. Then, you dunk your fist as far under water as possible so the stingray can swim over the fish. Lastly, the stingray opens its mouth as it swims over, snagging the dead fish out of your closed fist.

On the first pass, one of the stingrays practically swallowed Pax's entire fist while trying to grab the fish out of it. Pax looked in shock, but he quickly gained the confidence to try again. Finn was the same way. What started as a scary endeavor quickly morphed into a fun adventure.

I love manufacturing scary situations, both for myself and for my kids. Not fear for fear's sake, but rather, the opportunity to push ourselves past what we thought was possible.

I'm heading back into the Boundary Waters wilderness next week, ready to again face my fears. This will be my 7th or 8th trip there, and I can't say it ever gets easy. It will be cold, wet, physically challenging, uncomfortable, and mentally draining. I'm dreading it. However, at the same time, I also crave it. I need my system to be shocked. I need to face discomfort in the most direct of ways.

Some of the best growth of my life has happened in the Boundary Waters. It's where I discovered true contentment. It's where I realized life isn't meant to be lived in comfort. It's where I found out there's far more in me than I ever knew.

So when I watched my kids struggle to feed those stingrays, all I could do was smile. They were fighting their own battles, facing their own fears. Ultimately, they prevailed and learned some valuable lessons. I hope to do the same thing next week when I face my fears in the wilderness.

That's my challenge for you today as well. Find ways to get uncomfortable, face fears, push yourself in ways you never knew existed. Every time we force ourselves to do scary things, we become the type of person who does scary things. It might start simple, like feeding a stingray or sleeping in 25-degree weather with no tent, but it can quickly morph into the way we approach the bigger things in life: our career, finances, relationships, and parenting.

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Investing In Two Little Banditos

Amidst one of the most challenging stretches of my last five years, I was able to carve out a few days to travel to Chicago with my family. The goal? Attend a Twenty One Pilots show for Finn and Pax's ninth birthday. It cost money, time, rest, and several other not-insignificant sacrifices. It, along with many other things, has added a tremendous amount of pressure to my life.

All that being said, it was so good to lock in a new memory with my kids. We had a blast at the concert (their third Twenty One Pilots concert to date). There's nothing like watching their excitement build, then experience the payoff, one song after another. They screamed, sang, laughed, and reacted with awe. It was amazing.

There are a lot of things I could have used with this money, time, and bandwidth, but I'm glad I invested all of that into making memories with the kids.

That's the tension we face each day. There's always something that needs our money. There's always an obligation that needs our time. There's always a pressure that requires our bandwidth. There's always something that needs some of our something. If we're not careful, we'll get so lost in the needs that we forget about the other important things in life.

Last night, though, the other important things got addressed in my life. I'm grateful for that, and hopefully, it will provide memories that last a lifetime.

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Exceptions

Yesterday was Iowa State Football's home opener. I took the boys, and we had a blast together. The day was sweeter with a blowout win, too! We made so many fun memories and lost our voices from the cheering and screaming. Good times! Go Cyclones!

As the game drew to a close, the boys didn't want to leave. Pax wanted to play catch with the football, and Finn stood all the way down by the field, watching the marching band and maintenance crews. Though dark clouds were clearly moving in, I decided to let the boys dictate our pace. If they wanted to linger, we would linger.

Finally, they were ready to leave. About 30 seconds after leaving the stadium, a downpour opened from the skies.....followed by a heavy dose of thunder. Problem: Our car was more than a mile away. I checked the weather app, which indicated the rain would be sticking around for a while.

I made an on-the-fly decision. I pulled up Uber and ordered a car to drive us from the stadium to our parked car. $20 (surge pricing). Ouch! It never feels good to spend $20 (plus tip) to have someone deliver you to your own car just one mile away, but sometimes we need to make exceptions.

The truth is, Uber could have charged me $100 and I would have done it. I didn't want to risk walking in lightening, and walking 25 minutes in a downpour sounded miserable. While not the best expense in the world, that $20 was going to be the best money we spent all month. The Uber drive itself was an adventure, and our young driver was overwhelmed by the gameday traffic. However, he was a good dude, and the boys and I decided to tip him an additional $20. Therefore, that entire endeavor cost $40.

It's so easy to look at certain expenses and roll our eyes. On paper, it doesn't make sense. Spending $40 to have someone drive us a mile to our car doesn't make sense. So many things don't make sense. However, sometimes we need to make exceptions.

Somtimes, making weird decisions is more about quality of life than standard of living. I didn't spend $40 for a 1-mile Uber to have a higher standard of living. In the moment, that money was going to dramatically increase our quality of life. It was priceless, in a sense. Our day was better because of that decision, and I’d make it 100 times out of 100. A beautiful exception.

Be willing to make exceptions. Don't be so absolute in your boundaries that you miss the bigger picture. Context matters. Circumstance matters. Mental, physical, and emotional health matters. Quality of life matters. Don't be afraid to make questionable decisions to protect those things from time to time. We can't do it all the time, but when odd or unique situations arise, be willing to pull the exception trigger.

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Block By Block

Yesterday was a special day for me. Nobody knew it was a special day, but I felt it from front to back. Pax has really come alive these past few days, actively engaging with the various leaders we're spending time with. Yesterday alone, Pax spent time with leaders from five different countries and was exposed to six different languages. Every once in a while, he would give me a look. It was a look that communicated some combination of impressed, curious, and excited. He was like a sponge. His eyes are opening to the world, and his curiosity is palpable.

As the day progressed, I could see him gaining more confidence. He asked more questions, volunteered to help out, and approached people whom, just a few days prior, he seemed intimidated by. Block by block.

"Dad, when can we go to Mongolia?" Those words are music to my ears. His view of the world is expanding. He's starting to see a bigger picture forming. He's beginning to think about people outside his own little bubble. Block by block.

A few of the men said they were going to swim out into Lake Huron, where there's a large sand bar a few hundred feet out. It's an intimidating lake that's more akin to an ocean. Water as far as the eyes can see, with waves caused by the recent storm continuously crashing on shore. Pax, having grown in his confidence and trust in this diverse group of leaders, eagerly and excitedly jumped in with us. Block by block.

Will this week change Pax's life? Maybe, but probably not. However, what he's experiencing during his time here is a key building block in a broader journey. It's uncomfortable, but fulfilling. It's nerve-wracking, but exciting. Man, I'm proud of that little guy. We still have a few days left, and I'm excited to watch both boys add a few more blocks.

Perhaps this message is for your kids.....or maybe it's for you. Block by block. Every experience (especially the ones that put us out of our comfort zone) is an opportunity to add a block. Subject yourself to new, interesting, and challenging experiences. Put yourself out there. Find new ways to serve. Engage with people who are different than you. Embrace new cultures. Every single block makes us better.

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Time and Attention

We are in the midst of family adventures. I always wonder if my kids (almost nine) will be "too cool" for some of the ridiculous ideas I manufacture in my brain. Perhaps that day will come, but not yet! Again and again, our adventures are met with awe, wonder, and excitement (or in Pax's case, random public griddy dances).

It never ceases to amaze me how the simplest and least complex activities and experiences move the needle with kids. Even a random trip into a convenience store can spark smiles and memories. I find that these interesting little experiences spur me on to come up with even more little experiences.

The truth is, they compound. Every little experience builds on the last. It becomes one long story that weaves through time and space. Today will be full of new adventures and memories, and as a parent, I want to harness this opportunity to truly enjoy it. I know it won't last forever, so we might as well not take it for granted.

I often hear from clients who are frustrated and disenchanted by not having enough money to give their kids "special experiences." Don't let money be the deciding factor. Money can buy experiences, but experiences aren't conditioned upon money. Further, the amount of money we spend doesn't directly correlate with the memories that are created. Sometimes, the cheapest memories are more valuable than the most expensive ones.

Don't let money be the elephant in the room. Time is your most valuable resource. Whether you have money to invest in your experiences or not, invest your time and attention. Diligently and consistently invest your time and attention into these precious opportunities. That’s the secret sauce to opening an entire new world for our children. They could take or leave the money, but they deeply crave our time and attention. Therefore, let’s invest it well!

Have an awesome day! Please go create some cool memories.

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A Hole Full of Water

Yesterday, I had the privilege of swimming with my kids. If you're a parent of small children, you know exactly what I'm talking about. Never underestimate the power of a hole full of water. There's something magical about it for kids. For hours, and hours, and hours, and hours, the boys swam, jumped, and splashed around. We dove for toys, did handstands, practiced our cannonballs, made hurling football catches, and plenty of other silly games.

To me, this represents the simplicity of life. Life doesn't require massive outlays of money, elaborate plans, and exotic destinations. Often, it just requires a hole full of water. Perhaps not literally a hole full of water, but a figurative hole full of water. The simple things are the best things. The simple things are the most valuable things. That principle applies to adults just as much as it does to kids.

Think about your purest moments of peace. Do they revolve around some elaborate and expensive endeavor? I suspect most people's answers will be a hole full of water type answer.

My hole full of water is a cup of black coffee in the morning, a long walk with a good podcast playing in my ears, and watching a movie at night with kids positioned against both my hips. Those are my holes full of water. Simple, pure, inexpensive, and priceless.

What are your holes full of water? Whatever they are, keep going back to those wells.

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Just Meet Them Where They’re At

Yesterday was a big day in the Shelton household. Finn and Pax's first-ever debit cards arrived in the mail. They had been counting down the days, and they couldn't have been more excited to receive them.

I'm a little surprised we're here, though. I didn't expect them to have an online bank account and debit card before their ninth birthday, but here we are. I'm totally fine with it, but it wasn't how I thought this journey would play out.

People often ask me what age they should do so and so with their kids. In short, I always have the same advice: "Just meet them where they're at." They will decide when they are ready. Perhaps it's somewhat like potty training. We parents can try and try and try all we want, but ultimately, the child will progress when the time is right for them.

While I don't have a hard-and-fast opinion on timing, I do have some convictions on sequencing. In short, here's my personal and professional roadmap to teaching kids about money.

1. Teach them a basic understanding of physical bills and coins. What it is, what it's used for, and how it works. This involves a lot of physical touch, counting, and sorting. In a way, it's more of a sensory experience than anything.

2. Teach them about work. Why it's important, how it's a good thing, the value of serving other people, and what it provides (financially and otherwise). One of the key takeaways should be that work creates money.

3. If you're a Christian, teach them that everything we have (including our money) belongs to God. It's our job to take care of it well.

4. Give them the opportunity to make money by "working," though "work" can be used lightly here. It's more about creating opportunities for them to get repetition for the concept that work = money.

5. Once they make money (physical money!), actually separate it into two categories: spending and giving. You can use baggies, piggy banks, or any other containers that make sense for your family. Part of the money goes into the spending bucket, and part into the giving bucket. I start with 50/50.

6. Go spend the spending money on something fun. Make a moment of it. Let the child experience how cool it is to buy something fun with the money he/she made from working. Then, immediately take the giving money and make another moment. Find a good recipient and allow the child to be the giver.

7. As the kids get older, add a third category for saving. In our house, we just used baggies to designate spend, save, and give. Have the kids set a saving goal that's attainable. Maybe it's $20. Help them build up to it and achieve their goal. Then, make a moment of using that money to buy said larger item.

8. When the time is right, help them open their first bank account. Starting simple is key. Checking account, savings account, and debit card.

I'll share more about #8 in the near future, plus subsequent steps for older kids, but I hope this rough roadmap helps. Please share this with whoever in your life could use some clarity. The process should be simple, fun, and rewarding. Oh yeah, and no need to push them. Just meet them where they're at.

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Childlike Wonder

Sarah and I took the boys to a dinner theater show last night. It was a phenomenal experience. I wondered how much they would enjoy it, but to my surprise, they came alive and soaked in every second of it. My favorite part was watching the kids yell, scream, cheer, and boo as the action was playing out. They were all in!

I often wonder at what age most of us lose that zest, that imagination, and that wonder. There's a moment in life where we go from having that childlike wonder to getting hit with a blast of reality. It's like our dreams, creativity, and imagination were robbed from under our noses without us even knowing it.

One of my commitments over the past decade has been to live with more childlike wonder. I crave to see things differently and be crazy enough to ask, "Why not?" Every ounce of me wants to revolt against what's normal and expected, instead sharing my version of creativity with the world.

Truthfully, I feel younger now than 15 years ago. While my body certainly isn't, my mind, soul, and imagination are. It's so easy to lose sight of those things in life. After all, life can be brutal. It can often feel like we're repeatedly getting punched by circumstances. It's no wonder we often abandon our childlike wonder, and grasp survival instead.

Watching my kids last night was yet another reminder of how important our imagination, creativity, curiosity, and wonder really are. There's nothing more joyful than living life with that zest that only small children seem to possess.

I have some absolutely insane ideas that have been fighting to come out for a while now. Outside of my assistant and a few close friends, very few people know about some of these ridiculous ideas. Watching my kids over the last few days has been all the affirmation I need to pull the trigger and just say "yes" to some of these quirky inspirations.

As for you, I hope you find a way to keep hold of that childlike wonder that once fueled you. Some of it is still there, even if placed deep on the back burner. Perhaps today is the day to dust it back off.

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Finn’s Reminder

I had a killer idea for today's post, but one moment knocked it right out of me. Last night, shortly after bedtime, I was getting some work done on the couch when out of the blue, Finn came walking out. He approached me, gave me a big hug, and said, "You're the best dad ever. I'm so glad you're my dad." Then, as quickly as he arrived, he scurried back to bed.

Dang, that was unexpected. There are lots of days when I feel like I whiffed, screwed up, or wasn't present enough. Then, there was last night. Between you and me, I really needed that.

These last few days have been a lot of fun in our house. Yeah, there have been lots of sibling fighting, arguing, and tormenting. Yeah, it's been stressful at times. Yeah, I've thought about drop-kicking a little man. But we've had so many small, special moments together. It's been a special run in our house, and for that, I'm so grateful.

Truthfully, the special moments haven't been some profound event. Rather, it's more so a matter of seizing those small little moments. Watching fireworks, sharing snacks, running around in the rain, watching new movies, going on walks, quick trips to the store, and cruising around town. These things seem so innocent and pedestrian, but to our children, they can significantly move the needle.

This is my semi-regular reminder that we don't need to spend a ton of money to create memories. Blowing the bank, taking a bunch of PTO, and racking up the credit card is not a prerequisite to creating memories and sharing experiences with our kids. Usually, it just requires us to slow down, be present, and live in the moment.

I'm sharing this reminder with you today, but in all seriousness, I'll probably set a reminder to have this post shared with me periodically so I don't forget, either. It's so easy to get swept up by life. Let's endeavor to fight that current.

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We Indoctrinate ‘Em Young

After months of the kids asking, I finally pulled the trigger and opened bank accounts for them. There's a particular app that's perfect for this endeavor, which includes a checking account, savings accounts, a debit card, and even investing. From what I can tell, the mechanical execution of this platform is pretty solid. I'll share more about this little adventure at a future date, but for reasons you'll soon see, I'm not going to reveal the name of this platform today.

One of the features of this app is an education catalog. There are videos, games, and quizzes that help teach children about financial literacy. Pax quickly found this section and began watching some of the videos. He learned about needs vs.wants, living below his means, and the basics of inflation. Yes, it was weird to have an almost nine-year-old bring up the fundamentals of inflation at the dinner table

Generally, the financial literacy pieces were solid and well-executed at an age-specific level. But then, as he began working through the saving lessons, this happened:

Which would you choose?

• Retire from working early.

• Live in a more expensive house.

• Travel for vacations often.

This is financial literacy for CHILDREN, and we're already glorifying the race to stop working. When I say that our culture glorifies retirement and demonizes work, this is exactly what I'm talking about. It's not hyperbole.

Every single aspect of our lives pushes the narrative that work sucks and not working is awesome. No wonder so many people are perfectly content working at jobs they despise. 7 out of 10 Americans dislike or hate their jobs, yet nothing ever changes. Why? First, we're told our entire lives that work sucks......so we go into it thinking it's supposed to suck. Second, we tell ourselves that the suckiness doesn't have to last forever. If we just run the race faster and hoard more money, we can quit this stupid working stuff, get to the good part of life, and finally enjoy ourselves.

I know people who are so miserable at work that their hair is literally falling out. I know someone who is so stressed at their job that migraines have become a daily part of their routine. I know multiple people who are so drained by their work that all they want to do on the weekends is sleep. I know multiple people who are so broken by their work that their fingernails and toenails have stopped growing. People are literally dying from their work. Yet, we normalize the misery.

"Dad, what does retire from working early mean?"

I explained to him that some people don't like their jobs and would rather not work than work. So they save more money so that they can stop working when they are younger.

"If they don't like their job, why don't they just go get a different job? They can help people another way."

The mind of an eight-year-old! So simple, so straightforward, so obvious. He hasn't yet become polluted by the ways of this world.

"I think you're right, bud. They should go find a different way to help people. Work is awesome!"

Our kids deserve better. They deserve to live a meaningful life now, not just someday once they finish the retirement race. Let’s help teach our kids the better they deserve.

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They’re All Right

Everyone around me is having babies: former youth group kids, clients, and people on my team. Given my station in life as someone who discusses all things money, I'm repeatedly asked the same question: "How much do kids cost?"

During one such conversation, my young friend said she's heard all sorts of anecdotes about how much it costs to raise children. Some people told her it costs very little, while others say it costs an arm and a leg. My response: "They're all right."

If someone thinks it costs little to raise kids, it will.

If someone thinks it costs a ton to raise kids, it will.

Kids cost what we decide to spend on them.

Raising kids is like spending a long weekend in Las Vegas. It's possible to do it affordably, and it's possible to spend a million dollars. The choice is yours.

I've worked with hundreds of families, and I have a few children of my own. You wouldn't believe the level of cost variability families experience when raising children. Even with children raised in the same city, the differences are stark.

For example, I know a family that spends $5,000-$7,000/month on their children. They would testify this is simply the cost of raising kids. I know another family that spends $200/month on their children. This couple would testify that their kids have more than enough. Kids cost what we spend on them.

In our household, we have two categories for our kids in the budget. First, "Kids." This includes anything explicitly spent for them: clothes, babysitting, fun outings, chore wages, furnishings, etc. It's a catch-all for all things kids. The second category, introduced in second grade, is "Kids Activities." This is a sinking fund that gets funded each month to be used for their lumpy activities: rock band, basketball, football, camps, etc.

The Kids category has ranged from $300-$700/month. It started at $700 for diapers and formula for newborn twins, then down, and is now back up to $400 per month. The Kids Activities category is a constant $600/month. Both of these categories are intentional, conscious, and negotiated choices between Sarah and me. We aren't victims. We are the authors. If we don't like it, we change it.

There are a million variables related to raising children, each with its own cost structure. As parents, it's not our job to say "yes" to any and every opportunity to spend money. Just because someone wants something, it doesn't mean we're required to oblige. I'd argue what's best for our children is to learn boundaries, embrace contentment, and for their parents NOT to be weighed down by massive levels of financial stress and pressure (caused, in part, by the obscene amount they are spending on their children). I've watched parents divorce due to the financial tension that was partially caused by them trying to "be good parents" by saying yes to everything their children want. It's sad.

Kids cost what we spend on them, so we might as well be intentional. If we don't decide what to spend, society will do it for us.

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It’s Not Fair

Pax was visibly shaken after watching Tyrese Haliburton go down early in game 7 last night. Haliburton, a former Cyclone and clearly the most clutch player in this year's NBA Playoffs, was lying on the floor in agonizing pain after tearing his Achilles. He immediately knew he was done (plus next season as well). In that moment, the Pacers' chance of winning a title essentially evaporated. 

Pax is right; it's not fair. It was a good teaching moment. It's not fair, and it never will be. Still, Pax was dumbfounded by how quickly everything changed. He went from believing Haliburton was about to win a title to knowing he probably won't see him play again until he's 10 (in October 2026 when the following season starts). It's not fair.

We didn't get too deep into it last night, but this is something he'll see more and more as he grows. Life isn't fair, and there's nothing he can do about it. As a parent, my job is to teach him to simply fight through the inequity, no matter what. Sure, be mad about the unfairness. Yeah, feel frustrated by it. But after that, fight. We fight, or we cower. We push ahead, or we step aside. We persevere, or we give up.

This is going to be a brutal experience for my kids. Time and time again, they will get a front-row seat at how unfair life is. My job isn't to protect them from it, but rather, to train them to push through it. As a parent, watching them deal with unfairness may be one of the hardest things I ever experience. However, it's critical we teach them through it, not try to help them avoid it.

This is something I watch play out in people's lives daily. It's somewhat easy to find success when things are going our way. Then, something happens. Something unfair. We unjustly lose our job. Someone rips us off. An irresponsible driver totals our car. How we handle these unfair situations is what determines if we'll ultimately be successful or not. This is where the rubber meets the road.

It's not a matter of whether we can get to the other side of this adventure without experiencing unfairness. That's an impossible task! Instead, what matters most is how we respond when life gets unfair. That's what I want to teach my kids. We will be closely watching Haliburton's journey back to the court. I have a feeling it will be an inspiring example of what it looks like to attack unfairness head-on.

Life isn't fair. It doesn't owe us anything. We will draw the short straw more times than we'd like to believe. It's all part of the game. Keep fighting.

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Memory Hacking

Between my travels, Sarah's travels, and Finn and Pax's travels, we haven't all been together as a family much lately. We're just now entering the part of summer where we'll get a lot of quality time together. Simultaneously, however, I have a behavioral quirk. As much as I try, I can't seem to shut off my motor when I'm at home. My wheels are always turning, and I go stir-crazy. I'm not proud of this, but I have come to recognize it for the problem it is.

With Sarah and the boys arriving back home around lunch yesterday, combined with me simultaneously finishing up a big client project and the fact that it was 100+ degrees outside, we decided to do a little memory hacking. We didn't have the time or budgeted funds for a major trip, so we decided to engineer a little staycation. We rented a hotel room in a different part of our metro and dedicated the day to making new memories.

• We stopped at Northern Vessel to pick up some CBLs and visit with the team.

• We shopped at the mall (the first time the boys have ever done that). Finn bought a new Minecraft Lego set, and Pax purchased a pair of football pants. Both were pleased with their decisions.

• We spent hours in the hotel pool (between stints in the hot tub).

• We shared a wonderful meal at a Mexican restaurant adjacent to our hotel (family style, of course).

• We ended the night with ice cream.

Out of the blue, while at dinner, Finn piped up, "Thank you so much for today, Mom and Dad. Today was one of my favorite days ever." Wow! That was so sweet for him to say. If I'm being honest, yesterday didn't feel particularly special. Nothing exotic, nothing wild, nothing expensive. Just a lot of intentionality. The kids felt it. They had a blast and showed much gratitude. Boy, we needed that.....I needed that.

Today, we'll leave the hotel and head directly to a local waterpark for day two of our little staycation. We're all excited; hopefully, many more memories will come.

Whatever is on your agenda today, I hope you find a way to engage in some memory hacking. It doesn't have to be extravagant or profound. Intentionality is the key ingredient. Cheers to a great day and lots of memories.

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Bohemian Rhapsody and Umbrellas

"Dad, can you take me to buy an umbrella?"

"Uh, sure, Finn, we can do that. Why do you want an umbrella?"

"Every man needs an umbrella."

I didn't have a comeback for that, but if the little man wants an umbrella, I'll take him to buy an umbrella. This is what I call closing the loop. First, we work. The work results in money. Part of the money is given. Some of the money is spent. Repeat. Work = money = generosity/spending.

So, if Finny wants to spend some of his money on an umbrella, that's how we're going to close this loop. Truthfully, he's worked hard this summer. Lots of mowing and other odd jobs. Hot, sweaty, sucky jobs. He doesn't always love the work, but he appreciates what it stands for.

So, when ol' Finn wants to jump in the car and go to the umbrella store, we ride! He was so proud of his new umbrella, but as we walked out of the store, he asked another question. "Is there anywhere I can buy a Queen CD?" Yes, an 8-year-old wanted to buy a 70s album.......in CD form. As a matter of fact, I did know a place where we could potentially score a Queen CD. Fifteen minutes later, we were rocking out to some Bohemian Rhapsody.

Closing the loop is so important, and on that day, Finn closed the loop in style!

Work = money = generosity/spending.

Work = money = generosity/spending.

Work = money = generosity/spending.

And the repetition continues.

Parents, keep at it. It won't always go perfectly (I'll talk about Pax another day....). Some loops will be effective, and some will flop. Some loops will be rewarding, and some will be a drag. But the loops matter, and the kids are learning (even when it doesn't seem like it).

Go create some loops with your kids today!

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More Chapters To Be Written

Father's Day, 2016. That was an epic day for me. After nearly five years of waiting to become a father, I was about to spend Father's Day as an actual dad.....unreal! It was a moment I had dreamt about my entire life, and now it was here! My son was born three days before Father's Day, the perfect timing! Everything was lining up just right.

Did I say Father's Day 2016 was epic? Let me rephrase that. It was an epically bad day.....one of the worst days of my life! When I woke up on Father's Day, I wasn't a father. Just two days prior, Sarah and I lost our son, Asher. In a stretch of just 48 hours, I went from the highest of highs to the lowest of lows. Instead of spending Father's Day 2016 celebrating the miracle of life, I remember sitting in my typical front-row seat at church, head buried in my hands. Those 60 minutes in that church seat on Father's Day 2016 are some of the most painful and profoundly memorable moments of my life.

As with everything in life, there were only two options: 1) Let our new reality destroy us (which it almost did), or 2) Keep moving forward. We chose to keep moving forward. It was a mess, but with a lot of support and healing, we navigated through that season of life.

Just four months later, we were blessed with our twin sons, Finn and Pax, and life has never been the same. Despite the pain and suffering we've endured, I consider myself so blessed. I have nothing but gratitude, though I'd be lying if I said I don't still feel the pain of that prior loss. It's all part of the story.

Think about your favorite book or movie. I'm willing to bet the protagonist wins in the end. Victory, happiness, love, or defeating the bad guys. The hero always wins....eventually. However, if you open the book to almost any page in the middle, there's struggle, challenge, pain, suffering, and tension. The protagonist is fighting their battles, trying to achieve what will eventually end happily ever after.

While real life isn't "happily ever after," it does resemble a book. Wherever we're at in life, there are still more chapters to be written. Some of you are dealing with tremendous pain and suffering right now. I'm so sorry! But more chapters are still to be written.

I have clients facing unprecedented challenges and tension in their lives (financial and otherwise). I constantly remind them this is just one chapter of a beautiful story. And like all protagonists seeking their victory, this is their middle chapter, tension-building, gut-wrenching moment. This is where they have a choice: 1) Let their new reality destroy them, or 2) Keep moving forward.

Wherever you're at today, choose door #2. Keep moving forward. Remember that whatever you're experiencing in this season of life is just one of many chapters still to be written.

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One Round At a Time

One of my family's favorite traditions is our weekly Saturday morning Northern Vessel runs. We hop into the car, head to the shop, and enjoy coffee as a family. It's one of my favorite traditions, and marks the end of a great week.

Yesterday, we were perched on the front window bench, enjoying the sun on our backs. Noticing we are now stocking a new drink in the fridge, Pax asked if we could buy one for him to try.

"Sure, bud, but you gotta be the one who buys it."

I've been setting the boys up for these types of real-world interactions since they were five. It's scary for them, often uncomfortable. Forcing them to engage with other adults in a transactional or financial setting can be scary for kids.....which is exactly why I create these types of scenarios.

Pax, now eight and having done this enough times to know I wasn't going to relent, responded, "Okay. Do you want me to use cash or the debit card?"

"Whichever one you want."

"I'll try cash this time."

Then, I gave him my usual pep talk:

• Speak loudly

• Communicate clearly

• Be confident

• Use your pleases and thank-you's

Without hesitation (a new and welcomed development), he took the cash, grabbed his beverage, and approached the register. Then, in a fun little twist of fate, he was met by Antonio, one of our newest baristas. Since we aren't a normal coffee shop, Antonio isn't a normal barista. Antonio is a 6'9" undefeated professional heavyweight boxer. He's a beast. Even I can be intimidated by Antonio! To Pax, he might as well have been Ivan Drago.

Pax handled himself like a little champ, though. He was probably a bit intimidated, but just like Rocky, he didn't back down. I was really proud of how Pax navigated the situation, which is undoubtedly the product of having done this countless times over the past three years. One round at a time, as Rocky's trainer would say!

As parents, it's imperative that we place our kids in these types of situations. Yes, it can be scary. Yes, it can be intimidating. Yes, they are going to fail. Yes, it would be easier to do it ourselves. However, these are the types of repetitions that slowly turn our children into thriving adults.

Furthermore, I'm grateful to Antonio for offering such kindness and hospitality to Pax. That was an intimidating situation, and Antonio allowed Pax to work his way through it and come away with satisfaction and confidence. Antonio is the man!

Parents, please don't rob your children of these types of situations. It might seem simple and meaningless, but these little repetitions can mean everything. Our children deserve to learn about how to use and handle money, as well as real-world interactions with other adults. These are small and powerful wins. Force them. Embrace them. Celebrate them.

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