Screwing Up My Own Recipe

Today's post is inspired by one of our readers from Guatemala, who emailed me regarding yesterday's post. Turns out, most of us totally botched the recipe I laid out yesterday. And by most, I'm including myself. In fact, I botched it hard! So hard, in fact, that I ended up being a victim of an out-of-state involuntary relocation because my finances didn't provide the margin for me to make my own choices.

Just in case you all somehow think I'm some financial wiz kid who has always got it right, here are some of the costly decisions I made between the ages of 16 and 27 (i.e., all the ways I violated and brutalized the recipe I laid out in yesterday's post):

• I had my first car loan at age 15. Fifteen! It was a pretty sweet Camaro that I painted Carolina Blue.

• Instead of choosing any number of in-state colleges, I elected to pay 4x as much as necessary to attend an out-of-state school.

• I signed up for my first credit card one month into college, effectively delinking my income from my spending. I never carried a balance, but using a credit card no doubt had a psychological impact on my spending.

• During my second year of college, I sold my reliable, paid-off car and purchased a $19,000 Acura Integra. Very sweet car, but to this day, it's the most expensive car I've ever purchased. Think about that. The car I bought 24 years ago, with a poor college kid's income, was the most expensive car I've ever purchased. Just wow!

• I bought my first house two years after graduating from college. I felt the cultural pressure to move quickly and shoot high, and I certainly met the mark on both.

• My giving was approximately zero. And by zero, I'm not sure it ever even crossed my mind! That young Travis was selfish!

• I kept up with the Jonses the best I could. I didn't know if I would win the race, but I was sure giving it my best effort.

• I used debt for everything, all the way down to my wife's engagement ring. By the time my company shut down and I was involuntarily relocated, my debt had ballooned to $236,000.

• Meaning? What's that?!?! My goal was to make as much money as possible, enjoy said money, and invest the rest effectively so I would have even more money to enjoy later.

In other words, I lived a "normal" life and fell right into the hands of our culture's toxic perspectives. I was the epitome of our modern materialism.

There was always hope for me, and fortunately, I eventually became humble (and humbled!) enough to change. Regardless of where you are or what mistakes you've made (or still making), there's always hope for you, too! It's never too late to make meaningful shifts. A few chapters of your story have already been written, but great books aren't defined by the beginning. In fact, the best stories get progressively better as the adventure unfolds, and your story is no different. Here's to the next chapter!

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Exercise the Muscle

During my 10-year stretch as a youth group leader, I taught hundreds of high school students about generosity. It was always one of my favorite topics to engage students with! In one of my favorite talks, I discussed a concept I like to call "exercising the giving muscle."

Think of it like doing the bench press. You wouldn't just walk into the gym and randomly decide to start throwing around 300-pound reps. It would kill you! Instead, you start small. Maybe it's 100 pounds, then 150 pounds. You graduate to 200 pounds, then slowly build your way up to 250 pounds. Each time you exercise those muscles, you get a bit stronger, allowing you to lift more next time.

Giving is much the same way. Inside each of us is a proverbial giving muscle, and like the bench press, we need to start slow. You probably don't wake up randomly one day thinking you're going to give a car away. Every journey of generosity has a beginning.

Early in my journey, I remember how I would constantly scan the horizon, looking for an opportunity to exercise my little baby giving muscle. One of my favorite and game-changing reps came at a local coffee shop. Sarah and I were in line at the register, waiting to order our customary Saturday morning drinks. Two women were at the counter ordering in front of us. I could tell they were tourists.....and I could tell something was wrong. After a bit of eavesdropping, I gathered that they had accidentally left their purses back at the hotel. They were frustrated with themselves, conceding they would need to run back to the hotel before getting their coffee.

"I got you," I said. They looked at me, confused. "We're going to buy your drinks. We got you." We're talking maybe ten bucks. This wasn't some heroic act.....it was just a few lattes. One of the women started tearing up, moved with emotion by our act of generosity. Reminder, it was literally only ten bucks.

That moment moved me. Through my simple act of exercising my giving muscle, I realized how even small acts of generosity have the potential to move the needle in people's lives. That was a big turning point for me. If $10 can move someone like that, what about $100? What about $1,000? What about $______?

That moment stuck with me for years, constantly reminding me that every gift matters. Every act of generosity has the potential to make an impact. My call to action with the high school students was to exercise that muscle. Buy lunch for a friend. Take a peer out for coffee. Surprise a teacher with a fun little gift. Hold the door open for a stranger. Clean the locker room after practice so the coaches or managers don't have to. Exercise that muscle!

That's a good call to action for each of us today as well. Whether big or small, find ways to exercise the giving muscle today!

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I Like I Like Car

If I had to put my finger on it, my generosity journey began 12-13 years ago, in my early 30s. While I was actively giving at that point, I wouldn't have called myself a giver. It was something I did, but not who I was. Then, due to a series of interesting events, my eyes began to open to genuine generosity; joyful and sacrificial generosity. While I don't remember all the particular moments and experiences that triggered the generosity journey within me, I do remember stumbling upon a YouTube channel called I Like Giving.

I Like Giving was a story-driven channel, focusing on profound acts of generosity. I was inspired and humbled by each of their videos. More than anything, it opened my eyes to the tremendous power of creative and out-of-the-box giving. However, there was one I Like Giving video that moved the needle deep within me. It was called I Like Car, a story of a woman who gave away all $5,000 of her saved resources to help a widow. She needed this $5,000 to buy a car, but she decided the widow needed it more than she did. What unfolded next was amazing.....check it out HERE.

Fast forward more than a decade, and I was sitting in a board meeting yesterday. The group started talking about a mutual friend of ours. This wasn't an out-of-bounds conversation, as this particular friend is intertwined with our ministry. Then, it happened. One of my colleagues referenced how our mutual friend was once a recipient of a fun gift. In fact, there's a cool video on YouTube about it. It's called I Like Car.

Me:................. (while screaming on the inside)

Wait, that random video that helped inspire my entire life more than a decade ago was about a person I now call a friend?!?! I couldn't believe it. As soon as our board meeting concluded, I opened YouTube to check for myself. Sure enough, there was my friend on the receiving end of a beautiful gift. And not only was she on the receiving end of a gift, but I, too, was on the receiving end of the same gift. That video helped transform my life in ways I cannot even describe. My friend's living example of joyful and sacrificial generosity sparked something in me that she will never know.

I know we live in a small world, but it's not every day that we realize someone in our life played a major role in our journey years before we would formally meet. Amazing!

I'm not even sure what the takeaway is today; I just needed to share that story! But since I brought it up, perhaps you should check out the video yourself. It helped shift my heart around giving all those years ago, and maybe it can do the same for you today, too!

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Where Should It Go?

In yesterday's post, I posed a question. I challenged each reader to consider, with a completely clean slate, where their assets should go when they die. If you could draft a plan with no preconceived notions, where would the assets go? Oh yeah, I also gave three caveats:

1. We're talking about who gets it AFTER your spouse. Pretend your spouse is also gone.

2. Your kids are grown, and they no longer depend on your financial care.

3. You have something of substance left when you pass.

I've asked hundreds of people this question, and more than 9 out of 10 will say something along the lines of "equally split between my kids." Why? Because.

Well, where should it go? First, I need to clarify one thing. Your assets should go wherever you choose for them to go. The decision is 100% yours. Not mine. Not your family members'. Not your lawyer's. Yours and yours alone.

With that said, I want to share some thoughts to get you thinking today.

I've always loved the phrase, "fair is not equal and equal is not fair." We aren't obligated to give the same amount to each of our beneficiaries. There might be various reasons why one would give more to one child than the next. Don't allow pressure, guilt, or obligation guide you.

On a related note, I think we need to revisit the notion that all money is a blessing, and if all money is a blessing, more money is an even bigger blessing. The truth is, money has the ability to cripple us, enable us, self-destruct us, and zap any and all forms of meaning right from our souls. I watch it play out on a weekly basis. There's nothing that can crush the ambition of some people like the arrival of money.

If you're planning to give money to someone, consider giving it while you're still alive. There might be a season of your beneficiary's life that's better suited or more needed for such a gift. Besides, how beautiful would it be to see it with your own eyes!?!?

I have a tough question for my fellow Christian friends. If everything we have belongs to God (a core principle of our faith), why would we give all our assets to our family when we die? If everything we have is His, but yet our last act on this planet is to ensure our family retains His assets, does that seem aligned with the God's ownership principle?

I'll share my family's plan. When Sarah and I pass away, nearly everything will be given to our charitable trust to be given away. Our two little men, who will hopefully be strong, faithful men by then, will be entrusted to manage the giving of the money during their lifetimes. Further, I pray the example we set for our kids will inspire them to follow suit when they pass away, entrusting their children with a similar responsibility.

Again, you need to 100% make your own decision on this matter. But I hope I gave you something to think about today.

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Make It Hurt a Little

Yesterday was a great day for Cyclone fans all over the world, as the football team won its second consecutive Cy-Hawk game against our rival, the Hawkeyes. I'd like to say I enjoyed watching the game, but to be honest, it was a stressful and miserable endeavor from start to finish. That game is always tough to watch, but I was excited about the outcome.

The catch: I watched it from home. I had been eagerly anticipating being there in person with our season tickets, but by Friday, I knew we needed to simplify our weekend and watch it from home. I have a huge talk coming up, and I really needed more rest and more prep time.

When one of my friends found out I was staying home, he had a question: "How much did you get for those tickets?!?! That's the most valuable game of the year!"

"I gave them away."

His face immediately formed a look of disgust. "Why would you just give them away?!?! You could have gotten at least $600 for them!!!"

"Because I wanted to," I replied. The truth is, there was no amount of money I could have received for those tickets that would have provided me with as much joy as giving them to another family. That family was able to make memories, share an experience together, and be part of something truly awesome. It was priceless!

Giving is more valuable than money, every single time. Sure, we could make it a math equation. If I give away $1,000, I have $1,000 less to spend on xyz. That math is correct. That math is real. However, the simple math fails to encapsulate the greater beauty of giving. Whenever we give, it changes something inside of us. It shifts our perspective from "me" to "them." It forces us to look outside ourselves. It requires we think about ourselves less, and other people more.

Would an extra $400-$600 come in handy? Absolutely, it would! It was very tempting, too! The selfish and self-serving side of me really wanted to hit the cha-ching button on those tickets. However, we needed to remain pure in our intent with our season tickets: Make memories with our kids and bless other people. Mission accomplished.

Giving is more valuable than money. If you agree, fist bump to you! If you don't, would you please consider putting me and this idea to the test? Consider blessing someone in a big way this week. Make sure it requires tangible sacrifice on your part. Make it hurt a little. Then, see what happens. It's beautiful!

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Bohemian Rhapsody and Umbrellas

"Dad, can you take me to buy an umbrella?"

"Uh, sure, Finn, we can do that. Why do you want an umbrella?"

"Every man needs an umbrella."

I didn't have a comeback for that, but if the little man wants an umbrella, I'll take him to buy an umbrella. This is what I call closing the loop. First, we work. The work results in money. Part of the money is given. Some of the money is spent. Repeat. Work = money = generosity/spending.

So, if Finny wants to spend some of his money on an umbrella, that's how we're going to close this loop. Truthfully, he's worked hard this summer. Lots of mowing and other odd jobs. Hot, sweaty, sucky jobs. He doesn't always love the work, but he appreciates what it stands for.

So, when ol' Finn wants to jump in the car and go to the umbrella store, we ride! He was so proud of his new umbrella, but as we walked out of the store, he asked another question. "Is there anywhere I can buy a Queen CD?" Yes, an 8-year-old wanted to buy a 70s album.......in CD form. As a matter of fact, I did know a place where we could potentially score a Queen CD. Fifteen minutes later, we were rocking out to some Bohemian Rhapsody.

Closing the loop is so important, and on that day, Finn closed the loop in style!

Work = money = generosity/spending.

Work = money = generosity/spending.

Work = money = generosity/spending.

And the repetition continues.

Parents, keep at it. It won't always go perfectly (I'll talk about Pax another day....). Some loops will be effective, and some will flop. Some loops will be rewarding, and some will be a drag. But the loops matter, and the kids are learning (even when it doesn't seem like it).

Go create some loops with your kids today!

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The No Lending Rule

Sarah and I have a rule in our marriage that's so ingrained into our being that I forget it's considered weird. We will NEVER lend money to someone. Nobody. No amount. For any reason. There's not a single exception we would ever make to this rule.

Many people would call this selfish on our part. "Why wouldn't you help a friend or family member who needs help?!?!" First, I'd argue that lending money to people who are struggling isn't a form of help; it's a quick way to put an even heavier burden on them. Think about it. There's a reason someone needs money, and it probably involves them not having money. And if they are asking for (or receiving) money from you, it means they've probably already tapped other sources of debt. Translation: They are hurting!

It's so sad to see the pain in someone's eyes as they share about how their relationship with a loved one became impaired over a $20, $50, or $100 debt. Entire families have been ruined over a few hundred bucks. In Sarah's and my opinion, our relationships are worth far more than that (priceless, even!). In a recent study, it was reported that 33% of Americans were owed money from a friend or family member. The same study also reported that almost half of respondents say the debt has caused negative consequences to the relationship. Therefore, Sarah and I would NEVER lend money to a friend or family member.

Back to us being selfish (tongue in cheek). There's no amount of money I wouldn't give someone as a GIFT. If someone in my life needs something, I got them. If someone is hurting, I'll provide. If someone is facing a struggle, I'll write the check. On one condition, though. It's a GIFT. No paybacks. No guilt. No strings attached. They must lovingly receive the gift as a gift.....period.

If someone demands that they give something in return, here's what I say. "Down the road, after you've recovered from this situation, you're going to encounter someone who is hurting. Bless them. Help them. Serve them." That's called community. That's actual love.

Today, I'm begging you to NEVER lend money to a friend or family member again. Don't risk the relationship over some stupid money. Also, don't leave them hanging. If someone in your life is hurting, step into the gap and share some of what you have. No paybacks. No guilt. No strings attached. Be a true blessing to them. You might just change their lives, and in turn, eventually change other people's lives through them. It's the circle of generosity rippling through our communities.

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The Many Paths to Neither-ville

I have to admit, my recent piece titled Givers, Receivers, Neithers, and Eithers has quickly become one of my favorite things I've ever written. You had a lot to say about this one, too, and I loved reading your perspectives, insights, encouragement, and criticism. Many of you suggested that there are more than four camps of people, citing specific examples. Upon processing, I still believe there are only four camps.

Here's something interesting, though. Each example someone brought up was valid. I agree with and affirm every one. However, these examples weren't different camps, but rather various paths to Neither-ville.

Here's how I described Neithers in my prior post: "Neithers, the most common group in America, believe in personal responsibility, independence, and autonomy. They believe people ought to help themselves, but if they don't (or can't), there's someone else responsible for stepping in. Neithers closely associate their hard work with their money, and have a desire to use said money to progress their family's interests (security, wealth, comfort, lifestyle, or status). Neithers are proud to make it on their own. They'd rather suffer harsh consequences than take a handout from someone. "I don't need help" is a common phrase Neithers would think or say."

Based on my verbiage, the primary reason for Neithers being Neithers is a core belief in personal responsibility, independence, and autonomy. That's 100% true, and I'll die on that hill. However, that's not the only path to Neither-ville; there are many paths! That's why our collective aggregation toward Nither-ville is so pervasive.

With that said, here's a more complete list of how people find their way into the Neither camp:

• Greed. This one is fairly obvious. If we genuinely believe what we have is ours, and having more is better than having less, we develop a natural predisposition to be a Neither. This typically aligns with people whose mission is to "build wealth" or keep up with the Joneses.

• Hoarding. This one is similar to greed, but with a purer intent. For various reasons (typically involving childhood experiences), some people develop a scarcity mindset and a subsequent predisposition to hoard financial assets. For these people, there's never enough to be enough, thus giving becomes nearly impossible.

• Fear. Similar to hoarders, fear-based people often experience financial trauma in their childhoods, resulting in a perpetual fear that everything will be taken away at any minute. This creates much friction when generosity is in play.

• FIRE. There's an entire segment of our population that subscribes to FIRE (Financial Independence Retire Early). These people are racing to retirement, and any act of generosity delays their frantic pace toward the coveted end of their careers. Thus, generosity gets left in the dust.

• Narcissism. For some, everything really is about them, and when that happens, it becomes nearly impossible to look outside of themselves to see the bigger picture. Narcissists struggle to give, as giving rarely serves their self-interests.

• Bubbles. Some people, at no fault of their own, live in a bubble. They have their own problems and are unaware of the plight of others. In their mind, they "need" the resources just as much (or more) than others, thus opting to hold the resources for themselves.

As a recovering Neither, I can confidently attest that everyone can move out of the Neither camp and into the Either camp. Whatever your hurdles, just know there's so much beauty on the other side of this.

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Givers, Receivers, Neithers, and Eithers

We got a problem. I know that's not correct grammar, but it sounds better. We got a problem!

Worldwide, we've developed twisted perspectives on generosity. Notice how I said worldwide. This isn't an us problem or a them problem. It's an our problem. I've witnessed this problem first-hand in more than 30 countries, with each culture carrying its own version of twisted.

First, please allow me to illustrate how I see it. Each of us can be placed into one of four camps: Givers, Receivers, Neithers, and Eithers. 

Givers recognize they have achieved some level of financial success (with varying definitions) and feel some combination of opportunity or responsibility to give. When this perspective is combined with action, they become givers. However, Givers often struggle to receive because, well, they are givers. They are blessed. They are "successful." Therefore, they perpetually live on the giving side of the ledger.

Receivers recognize they fall on the lower end of the economic scale. They see how people all around them are better off, leading them (whether voluntarily or begrudgingly) to categorize themselves as receivers of generosity. This generosity might be formal (governmental or private programs) or more casual (gifts or favors from people in their circles and community). Notice how I didn't call them takers. Sure, there are takers in this camp, but takers are the minority. Most receivers have humility (and sometimes shame) with their status as receivers. 

Neithers, the most common group in America, believe in personal responsibility, independence, and autonomy. They believe people ought to help themselves, but if they don’t (or can’t), there's someone else responsible for stepping in. Neithers closely associate their hard work with their money, and have a desire to use said money to progress their family's interests (security, wealth, comfort, lifestyle, or status). Neithers are proud to make it on their own. They'd rather suffer harsh consequences than take a handout from someone. "I don't need help" is a common phrase Neithers would think or say.

Finally, we have Eithers. Eithers are a rare breed, both in America and abroad. Eithers are hard to pin down. They might be upper-class, middle-class, or lower-class. On one hand, they recognize they are blessed in some way. Perhaps not as much as their friend, neighbor, or family member, but blessed nonetheless. This mindset compels them to act with generosity. On the other hand, they live with a posture of humility and understand they need to be willing recipients of generosity from others. It might be during a hard season of life, in a particular area of life, or simply to allow others the gift of being a blessing.

Eithers are weird! One minute, they are trying to make ends meet, and the next, they are openly giving to someone else. This could even happen on the same day. Talk about giving/receiving whiplash! It's like the widowed single mom from yesterday's post. She struggles at times, and finances can feel tight, but at the same time, she lives with joyful, open-handed generosity. 

Eithers are awesome!!! While they are a rare breed today, I dream of a day when Eithers comprise the majority of society; an army of Eithers! Love, generosity, humility, community, joy, contentment, and meaning. I think Eithers have it figured out!

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Enough

At what point in your life is it time to start giving financially?

Is it a certain income? 

Is it once you meet xyz financial goals?

Is it a certain standard of living?

Is it a certain level of stability or security?

I’m going to share a few stories, all related to the same topic:

I recently met with a 40-something couple that makes an annual household income of $380,000. They have a heart to give, but they don’t feel ready yet. According to them, they might be ready to start giving once the husband receives his next promotion. Until then, there’s just not enough margin. 

I recently met with a 20-something couple that has $50,000 in consumer debt. They have a heart to give, but don’t feel ready yet. According to them, they might be ready to start giving once they are debt-free. Until then, it doesn’t feel like the "responsible" thing to do.

I recently met with a couple who have two teenagers at home. They have a heart to give, but don’t feel ready yet. According to them, they might be ready to start giving once the kids are done with college. Until then, they need to save those resources.

I recently met with a 30-something couple who run tremendously successful businesses. They have a heart to give, but don’t feel ready yet. According to them, they will start giving once they feel more secure. Until then, they need to hoard more assets to create a better sense of security.

I recently met with a widowed single mom who has a limited income. Resources are tight, but giving is at the center of her family’s life. According to her, “As long as my kids are fed, I have enough.”

One is not like the other. I’m playing the role of Captain Obvious here, but the widowed single mom has the lowest standard of living of the bunch……and it’s not even close. In fact, several of the other families make more in a month than this woman makes in a year. The disparity is stark. Here’s a less intuitive observation. This widowed single mom with a low income lives her life with more freedom and joy than each of the other families. Why? One key word: “Enough.” Contentment. Humility. If her kids have enough food to eat, she has enough. And if we have enough, we certainly have something to give. 

Do you have a roof over your head? Do you have enough food to eat? If the answer to these two questions is “Yes,” you have something to give. No qualifiers, no “buts,” no justifications. Yes, your something will be different than someone else’s something, but something is still something.

Here’s a reality, though. There’s always a reason not to give today, and tomorrow, there will be another reason not to give. There’s always a reason not to give, and if we’re not careful, we’ll qualify, “but,” and justify our way out of generosity until the day we die. YOU have something to give. Not someday. Not after you attain a certain income, meet certain goals, achieve a certain standard of living, attain a certain level of stability or security, or reach a certain age. Today. Now. Always. 

This is the true path to freedom and joy. It feels ironic, but it's the best irony of them all.

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Riddle Me This

For the first time in my life, I stumbled into someone (on TikTok of all places) discussing a topic I've spent far too much time thinking about. It's a topic I've had opinions on for decades, and finally, it's part of the public discourse!

Let's pretend you and a friend go out for dinner. The intent was for each person to pay for their own meal. When the bill comes, though, the server communicates that they have a no-split policy. You decide to pick up the tab for the table, and your friend will pay you back. You can replace this scenario with countless others, but this is a simple way to frame this up.

The next day, your friend asks how much you owe him/her. The exact amount owed is $27.65. What amount do you communicate with your friend?

• A. $27.00

• B. $27.65

• C. $28.00

Take a second and think about what you would tell your friend.

I believe each answer is a tell, and I'm about to unload this deep, dark thought I've been carrying for decades.

If your friend owes you $27.65 and you tell them they owe you $27.65, this is a tell that you live by the letter of the law. You want everything above board, no gray area. You want to ensure you don't feel indebted to the other person, even by a few cents. Or……it just might mean you’re an accountant and anything but two full decimals is akin to blasphemy.

If your friend owes you $27.65 and you tell them they owe you $28.00, this is a tell that you want to ensure nobody takes advantage of you. After all, you're the one who stepped up and took one for the team by buying for the table. $28 is a nice round number, and it's only fair this is their tab. Besides, it's only 35 cents!

If your friend owes you $27.65 and you tell them they owe you $27.00, this is a tell that you live with a spirit of generosity....even in the smallest and most unseen ways. It's a generous act to round down what they owe you, giving them a slightly better number than yours. It's also an act of generosity to make it a simple number. It's a small, real-time act that shows you have their back.

This isn't a profound or earth-shattering concept today, but perhaps it will make you look in the mirror. What would you tell your friend? Also, you're welcome for now permanently possessing the curse of constantly and intently watching how other people answer this question. It's telling.

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Just Notice

I met a friend for lunch yesterday at one of my favorite Mexican restaurants. I wouldn't say I'm one of their top customers, but I do make it in around once per month.

It's one of those order at the counter and they bring it to you type of places. While trying to order my meal, I struggled to find my desired entree on the menu (evidence that I'm not there too frequently). Just then, the woman behind the counter said, "I think you're looking for #14." Caught off-guard, I scanned the menu board to find item #14, only to discover it's exactly what I was looking for.

"Wait, how did you know that's what I was looking for?!?!"

"When you walked in, my dad told me you would be ordering a #14, and he already started preparing it for you."

First, am I really that predictable!?!? Wow!

Second, I was shocked they noticed me to that degree. I didn't know they even recognized me, and not only did they recognize me, they knew what I wanted even before I opened my mouth.

That single exchange tremendously moved the needle for me. Their actions didn't cost them anything, and yet, made all the difference in the world. In one simple act, they just seared in my loyalty, which will inevitably result in hundreds more dollars in revenue from me in the near future.

Just notice. It's a spectacularly simple strategy to move the needle in your endeavors. All it takes is a little intentionality, some care, and a desire to be more excellent. Whatever you're about to do today, just notice. It may seem like nothing to you, but it could be everything for someone you encounter.

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Driving Your (or Their) Future

We're sticking on the topic of cars again today, courtesy of an e-mail I received from blog reader Randy. Specifically, Randy pointed out how these modern-day mortgage-sized vehicle payments aren't just a curse to our month-to-month finances, but their impacts compound over time. He's so, so right about that, and his observation reminds me of a story from a few months ago.

I'll set the stage. I was meeting with a 30-year-old couple. They make a good income and live a normal life, but they have an issue. There's not enough margin in their monthly budget to save for retirement. In short, they are fearful that they won't have enough money to retire one day.

Upon reviewing their budget, I confirmed they don't, in fact, have much margin in their month-to-month cashflow. I also confirmed they have zero saved for retirement. Oh yeah, and one other fact: The husband's monthly vehicle payment was approximately $1,200. Curious, I asked them about this glaring number in their budget. The husband told me they've had a vehicle payment in this range since getting married five years ago.....but they can "easily afford it." By the way, this doesn't include the wife's car payment.

I'll summarize:

• A $1,200 vehicle payment is normal to them, as evidenced by having one for at least five years (spanning three different vehicles).

• Their $1,200 vehicle payment is "easily affordable."

• They live month-to-month.

• To date, they haven't had enough margin to save for retirement.

This situation isn't isolated to this couple. Without even realizing it, millions of Americans are putting themselves in a similar situation. To create urgency, I shared a visual with them. What if they stopped the vehicle payment cycle by selling this vehicle, purchasing an affordable vehicle with cash, and began investing that $1,200/month payment?

Here's the math. If this couple invests $1,200/month from age 30 to age 65 and does absolutely nothing else investing-wise, they would end up with approximately $3.5M by age 65. How much work would this require? 10 minutes to set up an investment account and automate it. Then, nothing. Zero work. Zero effort. Zero brain damage. They could lose their login credentials and come back 35 years later to find $3.5M chillin' in their account. Yes, it's that simple. Compounding.

What if instead of investing, we were talking about the compounding impact of generosity? My kids recently participated in a day of service to prepare packages for Meals From the Heartland. This ministry packages and distributes meals all over the world, feeding millions of hungry people. Each serving costs approximately $0.29. $1,200 invested in this initiative would fund 4,100 meals in a single month. Looking at the bigger picture, that's 49,200 meals per year! From age 30 to 65, that's 1.7 MILLION meals. Nearly 2 million meals!!! How many lives is that?!?! You could literally change the world! Compounding.

But yeah, that truck is pretty sweet! It's got heated seats, fancy cameras, a massive engine, and turns all the heads while sitting at the stoplight. People will surely know you're successful now!

Decisions compound. Choose wisely.

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They ARE the Mission

I witnessed something as I walked out of a client meeting yesterday. I exited my client's office and began scurrying to a nearby coffee shop where I would urgently knock out a client project before my next meeting. However, I witnessed something that stopped me in my tracks. I saw a young man rummaging through a dumpster behind a building. It took about ten seconds to compute, but it appeared this person was looking for food. I reached into my pocket to see if I had any cash; I found a $20 bill! In an instant, I decided I should give this man my cash. Then, however, something else kicked in. I thought about how little time I had to finish my project before my next meeting would start, and decided to hurriedly proceed to my next destination instead of engaging with this man.

Then, about a half-block later, I realized the error of my ways. Crap, crap, crap! What was I doing?!?! My gut said that stopping to engage with this man would be a distraction from my mission. What a toxic and terrible thing to think. Rather, engaging with that man was THE mission. If I wake up each day with the intent of moving the needle and serving people around me, this man wasn't a distraction. He needed to be THE priority in this moment.

Knowing which direction he was walking, I decided to find him. I darted in the desired direction, hoping to spot him in the distance. I covered maybe eight blocks while looking, coming up empty-handed. As I was about to concede defeat, I spotted him in the distance. With a sense of urgency and determination, I hurried toward in his direction before losing him again. Once there, I offered him the $20 bill, and we had a brief chat. To say he was grateful would be a gross understatement. He was beyond excited.

We so often get in our own way. Even with the best intentions, we get distracted and overwhelmed by what's on our plate. We desire to help people, but when an opportunity to help presents itself, we turn it down so we can be available to help someone. Ironic, isn't it?

I almost blew it yesterday. It wouldn't have been the first time, unfortunately. I'm so grateful I had a second chance to do the right thing. I'm not always that lucky.

Whatever you do today, please don't miss the little opportunities to make a difference. They aren't distractions from the mission.....they ARE the mission.

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Those Evil One-Percenters

You know who's really evil? It's those rich, greedy 1%'ers. You know, the people who make too much money. Those people! They need to pay their fair share and be more generous. After all, they have enough....more than enough. Don't even start on how out of touch they are with the real world and what other people are going through.

Don't these 1%'ers just drive you nuts?!? You'd think they would act a bit more grateful for what they have. Instead, they always seem so entitled and disconnected from the plight of the others.

Don't even get me started on their giving (or lack thereof). Instead of giving to those in need, they buy newer cars, moreTVs, faster phones, better vacations, and bigger houses.

I had several more paragraphs of anti-rich ranting to go, but there's just one problem. It's so easy to point the finger at others when we can perceive them a certain way. We have the privilege of judging them from our safe little perch of morality and relativism.

Unfortunately, we're looking through the wrong lens. It's easy to look through the lens of our own choosing. Doing so allows us to justify our attitude, judgment, and inaction. Here's the real, sobering, hard-to-swallow truth: If your household makes more than $40,000 USD each year, you're in the top 1% of families in the world. Do you make more than forty grand? If so, you're a 1%'er.

Let that sink in. Ouch. We're rich. Clean water, electricity, heat, A/C, education, medicine, cars, Tvs, cell phones, internet, refrigeration, three meals per day. We're very, very rich. It doesn't seem like it because we live in our own bubbles surrounded by people richer than our version of rich, but we're so unbelievably blessed. As such, there are really only three rational implications of this reality:

• We should live with gratitude.

• We should live with contentment.

• We should live with generosity.

Anything short of this takes us down the road of becoming real-life versions of those rich people we so harshly (and unfairly) judge.

I hope you have a blessed day.

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Oops, I Did It Again

Oops, I did it again. Be honest, did you just sing that line? No, today's post isn't about Britney Spears.

I've spent a lot of time writing about the importance of accepting generosity from others. Being able to accept a gift is an act of generosity in and of itself. The act of acceptance allows the other person to be a blessing, while the act of deflecting, denying, and deferring is a selfish act of pride. I wrote a piece two years ago about how I whiffed on an opportunity to let a friend bless me. I stole his blessing, robbing him of that gift.

Here's where Britney Spears comes in. I did it again yesterday! After two years of nearly flawless execution, I selfishly robbed my friend of his opportunity to be generous with me.

I was at a local coffee shop owned by my friend. As I approached the counter, he was running the register.

Me: "I'll have a small black coffee, please."

Him: "You bet. The coffee is on me today."

Me: "No, no, that's ok. You don't have to do that."

As I entered my phone number into the terminal to log my rewards, I (kinda) changed my mind.

Me: "Well, actually, ok."

But at that moment, I realized I had enough points for a free drink.

Me: "It looks like I have enough points for a free drink. I'll just use those."

Him (in the nicest tone): "That's you still not accepting my gift."

Wow. Just wow. He was right. I deflected his gift. I robbed him of the opportunity to be generous with me. I was prideful and selfish. I have no idea why I did it, but I immediately caught myself. I apologized profusely and named what I had just done.

As I walked out the door an hour later, I told him that our interaction inspired my next blog post and I would forward it to him. So, friend, here you go! I so much appreciate your generosity and friendship, and I'm sorry for robbing you yesterday! That was totally lame of me!

It just goes to show how culturally wired we are to deflect, deny, and defer. This is a topic I write about frequently and think about daily. This idea is at the core of my being, yet I failed yesterday.

I've said it on this blog or on this podcast in the past, and it's a hill I'll die on: We can't be truly generous unless we're able to receive the generosity of others. It sounds counter-intuitive, but the act of receiving can transform us in more ways than we can understand.

Yes, be generous. Give. Give ridiculously. Give in a way that makes people think you're insane. Give so much that it hurts, then keep giving so much that it feels good. Give, give, give. But at the same time, don't rob others of their generosity. Be humble. Be loving. Say yes. Show gratitude. Receive the gift.

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Wipe Up That Water

Creativity is the most powerful weapon in our toolbelt. It's the tool that unlocks doors and unveils new opportunities. Creativity can (and should) be integrated into all aspects of our lives, including generosity.

As I often discuss, we all have something to give. Our unique roles in life provide unique giving opportunities. However, our lack of creativity frequently holds us back. We either think too linearly, or we're not thinking at all. Life can be crazy, and we get so consumed by our tasks that we don't see all the fun opportunities around us. I'm certainly guilty of this at times!

However, if we keep our eyes and ears open, allow ourselves to think creatively, and are willing to step into the opportunity, amazing things can happen. I have two fun examples of this.

Yesterday, during our weekly Northern Vessel run with the family, I stumbled into a fun opportunity. As usual, the place was packed, and the line extended outside onto the sidewalk. I started a casual conversation with a woman and her cute little daughter while we waited. Turns out, the daughter loves our donuts. However, since it was so late in the morning, the mom warned her daughter they would probably be sold out. She wasn't wrong. We usually sell 8-10 dozen by mid-morning on the weekends, so the odds weren't in her favor.

I asked the girl what her favorite kind of donut was. "Cherry, or the sprinkle one." I told her I would check to see if we have any, and if we do, make sure she gets one. I immediately bee-lined it to the pastry case and noticed a few donuts left.....and one was cherry! I asked barista Dante if he could pull one for a little girl in line, and he nodded.

When it was my family's turn to order, I purchased that cherry donut and quickly handed it to that little girl. Her eyes lit up, and she called me "a nice man." So sweet! I'm glad I kept aware of my surroundings and found some creativity to unlock that door.

My second example comes from the first round of the NCAA basketball tournament. Liberty, not known as a basketball powerhouse, was about one minute away from getting beat by Oregon. Their season was coming to an end, but ending it in the Big Dance was a huge accomplishment.

With less than a minute remaining, as Liberty was dribbling the ball into the frontcourt, the ref blew the play dead after noticing water spilled on the court. Except there wasn't water spilled on the court. Just a few feet from him was a Liberty bench player at the scorer's table, waiting to check into the game for the first time. The ref, recognizing how important this moment could be for this player, used creativity to blow his whistle and allow this player to enter the game. He grabs the player's hand to help him up, and the player gets his moment. The ref had a unique role, and with a little creativity, unlocked a door for an act of generosity. Beautiful!

Ref made it seem like he was cleaning a wet spot so this Liberty player could play in the tourney

Massive Wpic.twitter.com/3k9zrUJbo1

— Barstool Sports (@barstoolsports) March 22, 2025

I hope you find ways to use your creativity in whatever roles you're blessed with today.

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The Tale of Two Women

Due to our own (multiple) failings, my family found ourselves in a precarious position a few days ago (the same day my other mistakes physically crushed me). We made reservations for our family to spend the day at a fun pool/beach resort in Cozumel called Paradise Beach.

We hurriedly packed up our gear in the morning and whisked ourselves off the ship and into a cab. Upon arriving at the resort, we needed to pay the second half of our $200 admission fee. This is where the problems began compounding:

• I had enough cash to get us a cab back to port (plus some tips), but no debit cards.

• Sarah also left her wallet on the ship.

• I just got a new iPhone and haven't yet loaded my cards into ApplePay.

• Sarah accidentally left her phone on the ship!

We were 0-4 in having access to our bank accounts. Oh crap!

I'm a fairly resourceful guy, so I had no doubt I'd find a way.....somehow. To me, it was going to be simple. The resort had free wifi, so my plan was to see if any other arriving tourists would help me by paying my $100 fee and I would immediately Venmo them $150. Win/win! The first couple dropped their heads as I approached them. The second gave me the "no" gesture with their hands. The third was a woman and her husband, clearly an American couple coming from a cruise ship.

I approached this couple and explained the situation. About halfway through, she cut me off, "I'm sorry, I'm not going to do that. I don't trust you." She could clearly see my concerned family standing ten feet away, but she was cold and defiant. A big part of me wanted to lash out at her response, but that wasn't going to do any good.

At that very moment, a different woman approached me. She worked for the resort. She and I began troubleshooting to see how we could resolve the situation. She was fighting FOR me, not against me. We tried a few ideas to no avail. Finally, once we approached our fourth idea, it worked. I was able to give her payment information, and my family subsequently enjoyed our lovely day at the resort. She could have easily disregarded me, but she didn't. She was so gracious and patient when we needed an advocate. It was beautiful.

Every day, we venture into the world, in and out of situations, and we have two choices. First, we can be like the first woman. We can be distrustful or think only of ourselves, disregarding people who don't serve our desires. We can let other people deal with their own problems, making sure we simply get what we deserve. Second, we can be like the second woman. We can look for ways to give a hand-up to people and add value to their days. We can advocate FOR people and be a positive presence in their journeys.

It's a choice. Every day. Every interaction. Every situation. Choose wisely. Oh yeah, and since I'm biased, choose to be like woman #2. You’ll help make the world a better place.

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Adopting the Box

Each year, our family participates in a multi-week church program for families. The goal of the event is to connect families of young children together, share meals together, and serve together. We eat, play games, hear a brief message, and do a service project together with other families. It's become one of my family's favorite events of the year.

A few weeks ago, the night's service project was to go to the grocery store, purchase various food items, and drop them off in a pre-assigned blessing box. If you're not familiar with a blessing box, it's a little stand-alone cabinet that houses non-perishable food items for whoever needs them, no questions asked. If someone needs food, they just need to find a local blessing box and grab whatever they want. These boxes are placed all around the residential areas of town.

Here’s an example of what blessing boxes look like

The boys were excited to shop for the box, which led to an adventure at the grocery store. Each had particular items (personal favorites) they wanted to bless people with, and were excited to deliver the goods to the box they were assigned. When they showed up at the given address, they realized they were coincidentally walking distance from our house. They couldn't believe it, and were beyond excited to be serving people in our own neighborhood.

A few days later, while talking about the experience, Finn asked a peculiar question. "Can that be our box?" "What do you mean, Finn?" asked his confused Mom. "Can we keep filling it and make sure there's always good food in there?"

Oh dang! My little man wants to adopt that box and take ownership of it. Amazing. Yes, yes, yes, we can absolutely do that. It's fun to see the wheels turning. This is why it's so important for us parents to model various forms of generosity, big and small. More is caught than taught, and when we walk out giving with our own hands and feet, the kids feel it.

Here's where this all comes together. As I mentioned in a recent post, the boys have been working hard to earn some money ahead of an upcoming vacation (evidenced by their snow shoveling in -5-degree weather). One of the practices that's a standard in our home is for the boys to give away at least 25% of everything they make. As they were excitedly counting their money the other night, they asked if they could use their giving to buy more food for their box. Again, yes, little man, you can.

Parents, we are raising the literal future leaders of this world. Let's keep going. Keep modeling generosity for them. Even when it doesn't seem like they are listening, they are. Keep fighting the good fight. Let's endeavor to raise leaders who ooze generosity and selflessness. Let's raise leaders who think of others first, and themselves second. I know Sarah and I aren't there yet, but we'll keep fighting the good fight.

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A Big Truck and a Strong Back

On the heels of one of my recent posts on generosity, I chatted with one of my closest friends. He's one of the most generous people I know, not because he's blessed with endless resources, but because he's attuned to the idea of giving what he has. In fact, he's known for a saying: "I have a big truck, a strong back, and time to give. How can I help you?" 

This is one of the simplest and purest forms of giving what you have, not what you don't. He's not counting his money, flexing his status, or comparing what he has versus someone else. He's offering his vehicle, his hands, and his time. And considering how busy this man is (husband, father, ministry leader, etc.), his offering of his body and his time is a sacrificial act. Lots of people can write a check, but this dude will literally show up in your driveway at 6AM on a Saturday morning and start working. 

I mentioned sacrificial giving, but I should also note it's joyful giving as well. His serving heart reeks of joy and encouragement, not pity, guilt, or obligation. He genuinely wants to give, and it shows. You don't have to be a behavioral expert to spot the difference. When people carry themselves with joy while giving of themselves, the room changes. You can feel it. It's palpable.

These are the two ingredients necessary for true generosity: sacrifice and joy. It's NEVER about how much you have to give, but your willingness to sacrificially and joyfully give from whatever you have. That's it. It's that simple. 

So while the rest of the world will be playing the I'll-give-when-I-get-to-x-dollars game, my guy will be out here giving whatever he has. I couldn't love it more, and I think that's the best encouragement any of us could receive today.

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