The No Lending Rule

Sarah and I have a rule in our marriage that's so ingrained into our being that I forget it's considered weird. We will NEVER lend money to someone. Nobody. No amount. For any reason. There's not a single exception we would ever make to this rule.

Many people would call this selfish on our part. "Why wouldn't you help a friend or family member who needs help?!?!" First, I'd argue that lending money to people who are struggling isn't a form of help; it's a quick way to put an even heavier burden on them. Think about it. There's a reason someone needs money, and it probably involves them not having money. And if they are asking for (or receiving) money from you, it means they've probably already tapped other sources of debt. Translation: They are hurting!

It's so sad to see the pain in someone's eyes as they share about how their relationship with a loved one became impaired over a $20, $50, or $100 debt. Entire families have been ruined over a few hundred bucks. In Sarah's and my opinion, our relationships are worth far more than that (priceless, even!). In a recent study, it was reported that 33% of Americans were owed money from a friend or family member. The same study also reported that almost half of respondents say the debt has caused negative consequences to the relationship. Therefore, Sarah and I would NEVER lend money to a friend or family member.

Back to us being selfish (tongue in cheek). There's no amount of money I wouldn't give someone as a GIFT. If someone in my life needs something, I got them. If someone is hurting, I'll provide. If someone is facing a struggle, I'll write the check. On one condition, though. It's a GIFT. No paybacks. No guilt. No strings attached. They must lovingly receive the gift as a gift.....period.

If someone demands that they give something in return, here's what I say. "Down the road, after you've recovered from this situation, you're going to encounter someone who is hurting. Bless them. Help them. Serve them." That's called community. That's actual love.

Today, I'm begging you to NEVER lend money to a friend or family member again. Don't risk the relationship over some stupid money. Also, don't leave them hanging. If someone in your life is hurting, step into the gap and share some of what you have. No paybacks. No guilt. No strings attached. Be a true blessing to them. You might just change their lives, and in turn, eventually change other people's lives through them. It's the circle of generosity rippling through our communities.

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The Many Paths to Neither-ville

I have to admit, my recent piece titled Givers, Receivers, Neithers, and Eithers has quickly become one of my favorite things I've ever written. You had a lot to say about this one, too, and I loved reading your perspectives, insights, encouragement, and criticism. Many of you suggested that there are more than four camps of people, citing specific examples. Upon processing, I still believe there are only four camps.

Here's something interesting, though. Each example someone brought up was valid. I agree with and affirm every one. However, these examples weren't different camps, but rather various paths to Neither-ville.

Here's how I described Neithers in my prior post: "Neithers, the most common group in America, believe in personal responsibility, independence, and autonomy. They believe people ought to help themselves, but if they don't (or can't), there's someone else responsible for stepping in. Neithers closely associate their hard work with their money, and have a desire to use said money to progress their family's interests (security, wealth, comfort, lifestyle, or status). Neithers are proud to make it on their own. They'd rather suffer harsh consequences than take a handout from someone. "I don't need help" is a common phrase Neithers would think or say."

Based on my verbiage, the primary reason for Neithers being Neithers is a core belief in personal responsibility, independence, and autonomy. That's 100% true, and I'll die on that hill. However, that's not the only path to Neither-ville; there are many paths! That's why our collective aggregation toward Nither-ville is so pervasive.

With that said, here's a more complete list of how people find their way into the Neither camp:

• Greed. This one is fairly obvious. If we genuinely believe what we have is ours, and having more is better than having less, we develop a natural predisposition to be a Neither. This typically aligns with people whose mission is to "build wealth" or keep up with the Joneses.

• Hoarding. This one is similar to greed, but with a purer intent. For various reasons (typically involving childhood experiences), some people develop a scarcity mindset and a subsequent predisposition to hoard financial assets. For these people, there's never enough to be enough, thus giving becomes nearly impossible.

• Fear. Similar to hoarders, fear-based people often experience financial trauma in their childhoods, resulting in a perpetual fear that everything will be taken away at any minute. This creates much friction when generosity is in play.

• FIRE. There's an entire segment of our population that subscribes to FIRE (Financial Independence Retire Early). These people are racing to retirement, and any act of generosity delays their frantic pace toward the coveted end of their careers. Thus, generosity gets left in the dust.

• Narcissism. For some, everything really is about them, and when that happens, it becomes nearly impossible to look outside of themselves to see the bigger picture. Narcissists struggle to give, as giving rarely serves their self-interests.

• Bubbles. Some people, at no fault of their own, live in a bubble. They have their own problems and are unaware of the plight of others. In their mind, they "need" the resources just as much (or more) than others, thus opting to hold the resources for themselves.

As a recovering Neither, I can confidently attest that everyone can move out of the Neither camp and into the Either camp. Whatever your hurdles, just know there's so much beauty on the other side of this.

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Givers, Receivers, Neithers, and Eithers

We got a problem. I know that's not correct grammar, but it sounds better. We got a problem!

Worldwide, we've developed twisted perspectives on generosity. Notice how I said worldwide. This isn't an us problem or a them problem. It's an our problem. I've witnessed this problem first-hand in more than 30 countries, with each culture carrying its own version of twisted.

First, please allow me to illustrate how I see it. Each of us can be placed into one of four camps: Givers, Receivers, Neithers, and Eithers. 

Givers recognize they have achieved some level of financial success (with varying definitions) and feel some combination of opportunity or responsibility to give. When this perspective is combined with action, they become givers. However, Givers often struggle to receive because, well, they are givers. They are blessed. They are "successful." Therefore, they perpetually live on the giving side of the ledger.

Receivers recognize they fall on the lower end of the economic scale. They see how people all around them are better off, leading them (whether voluntarily or begrudgingly) to categorize themselves as receivers of generosity. This generosity might be formal (governmental or private programs) or more casual (gifts or favors from people in their circles and community). Notice how I didn't call them takers. Sure, there are takers in this camp, but takers are the minority. Most receivers have humility (and sometimes shame) with their status as receivers. 

Neithers, the most common group in America, believe in personal responsibility, independence, and autonomy. They believe people ought to help themselves, but if they don’t (or can’t), there's someone else responsible for stepping in. Neithers closely associate their hard work with their money, and have a desire to use said money to progress their family's interests (security, wealth, comfort, lifestyle, or status). Neithers are proud to make it on their own. They'd rather suffer harsh consequences than take a handout from someone. "I don't need help" is a common phrase Neithers would think or say.

Finally, we have Eithers. Eithers are a rare breed, both in America and abroad. Eithers are hard to pin down. They might be upper-class, middle-class, or lower-class. On one hand, they recognize they are blessed in some way. Perhaps not as much as their friend, neighbor, or family member, but blessed nonetheless. This mindset compels them to act with generosity. On the other hand, they live with a posture of humility and understand they need to be willing recipients of generosity from others. It might be during a hard season of life, in a particular area of life, or simply to allow others the gift of being a blessing.

Eithers are weird! One minute, they are trying to make ends meet, and the next, they are openly giving to someone else. This could even happen on the same day. Talk about giving/receiving whiplash! It's like the widowed single mom from yesterday's post. She struggles at times, and finances can feel tight, but at the same time, she lives with joyful, open-handed generosity. 

Eithers are awesome!!! While they are a rare breed today, I dream of a day when Eithers comprise the majority of society; an army of Eithers! Love, generosity, humility, community, joy, contentment, and meaning. I think Eithers have it figured out!

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Enough

At what point in your life is it time to start giving financially?

Is it a certain income? 

Is it once you meet xyz financial goals?

Is it a certain standard of living?

Is it a certain level of stability or security?

I’m going to share a few stories, all related to the same topic:

I recently met with a 40-something couple that makes an annual household income of $380,000. They have a heart to give, but they don’t feel ready yet. According to them, they might be ready to start giving once the husband receives his next promotion. Until then, there’s just not enough margin. 

I recently met with a 20-something couple that has $50,000 in consumer debt. They have a heart to give, but don’t feel ready yet. According to them, they might be ready to start giving once they are debt-free. Until then, it doesn’t feel like the "responsible" thing to do.

I recently met with a couple who have two teenagers at home. They have a heart to give, but don’t feel ready yet. According to them, they might be ready to start giving once the kids are done with college. Until then, they need to save those resources.

I recently met with a 30-something couple who run tremendously successful businesses. They have a heart to give, but don’t feel ready yet. According to them, they will start giving once they feel more secure. Until then, they need to hoard more assets to create a better sense of security.

I recently met with a widowed single mom who has a limited income. Resources are tight, but giving is at the center of her family’s life. According to her, “As long as my kids are fed, I have enough.”

One is not like the other. I’m playing the role of Captain Obvious here, but the widowed single mom has the lowest standard of living of the bunch……and it’s not even close. In fact, several of the other families make more in a month than this woman makes in a year. The disparity is stark. Here’s a less intuitive observation. This widowed single mom with a low income lives her life with more freedom and joy than each of the other families. Why? One key word: “Enough.” Contentment. Humility. If her kids have enough food to eat, she has enough. And if we have enough, we certainly have something to give. 

Do you have a roof over your head? Do you have enough food to eat? If the answer to these two questions is “Yes,” you have something to give. No qualifiers, no “buts,” no justifications. Yes, your something will be different than someone else’s something, but something is still something.

Here’s a reality, though. There’s always a reason not to give today, and tomorrow, there will be another reason not to give. There’s always a reason not to give, and if we’re not careful, we’ll qualify, “but,” and justify our way out of generosity until the day we die. YOU have something to give. Not someday. Not after you attain a certain income, meet certain goals, achieve a certain standard of living, attain a certain level of stability or security, or reach a certain age. Today. Now. Always. 

This is the true path to freedom and joy. It feels ironic, but it's the best irony of them all.

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Riddle Me This

For the first time in my life, I stumbled into someone (on TikTok of all places) discussing a topic I've spent far too much time thinking about. It's a topic I've had opinions on for decades, and finally, it's part of the public discourse!

Let's pretend you and a friend go out for dinner. The intent was for each person to pay for their own meal. When the bill comes, though, the server communicates that they have a no-split policy. You decide to pick up the tab for the table, and your friend will pay you back. You can replace this scenario with countless others, but this is a simple way to frame this up.

The next day, your friend asks how much you owe him/her. The exact amount owed is $27.65. What amount do you communicate with your friend?

• A. $27.00

• B. $27.65

• C. $28.00

Take a second and think about what you would tell your friend.

I believe each answer is a tell, and I'm about to unload this deep, dark thought I've been carrying for decades.

If your friend owes you $27.65 and you tell them they owe you $27.65, this is a tell that you live by the letter of the law. You want everything above board, no gray area. You want to ensure you don't feel indebted to the other person, even by a few cents. Or……it just might mean you’re an accountant and anything but two full decimals is akin to blasphemy.

If your friend owes you $27.65 and you tell them they owe you $28.00, this is a tell that you want to ensure nobody takes advantage of you. After all, you're the one who stepped up and took one for the team by buying for the table. $28 is a nice round number, and it's only fair this is their tab. Besides, it's only 35 cents!

If your friend owes you $27.65 and you tell them they owe you $27.00, this is a tell that you live with a spirit of generosity....even in the smallest and most unseen ways. It's a generous act to round down what they owe you, giving them a slightly better number than yours. It's also an act of generosity to make it a simple number. It's a small, real-time act that shows you have their back.

This isn't a profound or earth-shattering concept today, but perhaps it will make you look in the mirror. What would you tell your friend? Also, you're welcome for now permanently possessing the curse of constantly and intently watching how other people answer this question. It's telling.

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Just Notice

I met a friend for lunch yesterday at one of my favorite Mexican restaurants. I wouldn't say I'm one of their top customers, but I do make it in around once per month.

It's one of those order at the counter and they bring it to you type of places. While trying to order my meal, I struggled to find my desired entree on the menu (evidence that I'm not there too frequently). Just then, the woman behind the counter said, "I think you're looking for #14." Caught off-guard, I scanned the menu board to find item #14, only to discover it's exactly what I was looking for.

"Wait, how did you know that's what I was looking for?!?!"

"When you walked in, my dad told me you would be ordering a #14, and he already started preparing it for you."

First, am I really that predictable!?!? Wow!

Second, I was shocked they noticed me to that degree. I didn't know they even recognized me, and not only did they recognize me, they knew what I wanted even before I opened my mouth.

That single exchange tremendously moved the needle for me. Their actions didn't cost them anything, and yet, made all the difference in the world. In one simple act, they just seared in my loyalty, which will inevitably result in hundreds more dollars in revenue from me in the near future.

Just notice. It's a spectacularly simple strategy to move the needle in your endeavors. All it takes is a little intentionality, some care, and a desire to be more excellent. Whatever you're about to do today, just notice. It may seem like nothing to you, but it could be everything for someone you encounter.

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Driving Your (or Their) Future

We're sticking on the topic of cars again today, courtesy of an e-mail I received from blog reader Randy. Specifically, Randy pointed out how these modern-day mortgage-sized vehicle payments aren't just a curse to our month-to-month finances, but their impacts compound over time. He's so, so right about that, and his observation reminds me of a story from a few months ago.

I'll set the stage. I was meeting with a 30-year-old couple. They make a good income and live a normal life, but they have an issue. There's not enough margin in their monthly budget to save for retirement. In short, they are fearful that they won't have enough money to retire one day.

Upon reviewing their budget, I confirmed they don't, in fact, have much margin in their month-to-month cashflow. I also confirmed they have zero saved for retirement. Oh yeah, and one other fact: The husband's monthly vehicle payment was approximately $1,200. Curious, I asked them about this glaring number in their budget. The husband told me they've had a vehicle payment in this range since getting married five years ago.....but they can "easily afford it." By the way, this doesn't include the wife's car payment.

I'll summarize:

• A $1,200 vehicle payment is normal to them, as evidenced by having one for at least five years (spanning three different vehicles).

• Their $1,200 vehicle payment is "easily affordable."

• They live month-to-month.

• To date, they haven't had enough margin to save for retirement.

This situation isn't isolated to this couple. Without even realizing it, millions of Americans are putting themselves in a similar situation. To create urgency, I shared a visual with them. What if they stopped the vehicle payment cycle by selling this vehicle, purchasing an affordable vehicle with cash, and began investing that $1,200/month payment?

Here's the math. If this couple invests $1,200/month from age 30 to age 65 and does absolutely nothing else investing-wise, they would end up with approximately $3.5M by age 65. How much work would this require? 10 minutes to set up an investment account and automate it. Then, nothing. Zero work. Zero effort. Zero brain damage. They could lose their login credentials and come back 35 years later to find $3.5M chillin' in their account. Yes, it's that simple. Compounding.

What if instead of investing, we were talking about the compounding impact of generosity? My kids recently participated in a day of service to prepare packages for Meals From the Heartland. This ministry packages and distributes meals all over the world, feeding millions of hungry people. Each serving costs approximately $0.29. $1,200 invested in this initiative would fund 4,100 meals in a single month. Looking at the bigger picture, that's 49,200 meals per year! From age 30 to 65, that's 1.7 MILLION meals. Nearly 2 million meals!!! How many lives is that?!?! You could literally change the world! Compounding.

But yeah, that truck is pretty sweet! It's got heated seats, fancy cameras, a massive engine, and turns all the heads while sitting at the stoplight. People will surely know you're successful now!

Decisions compound. Choose wisely.

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They ARE the Mission

I witnessed something as I walked out of a client meeting yesterday. I exited my client's office and began scurrying to a nearby coffee shop where I would urgently knock out a client project before my next meeting. However, I witnessed something that stopped me in my tracks. I saw a young man rummaging through a dumpster behind a building. It took about ten seconds to compute, but it appeared this person was looking for food. I reached into my pocket to see if I had any cash; I found a $20 bill! In an instant, I decided I should give this man my cash. Then, however, something else kicked in. I thought about how little time I had to finish my project before my next meeting would start, and decided to hurriedly proceed to my next destination instead of engaging with this man.

Then, about a half-block later, I realized the error of my ways. Crap, crap, crap! What was I doing?!?! My gut said that stopping to engage with this man would be a distraction from my mission. What a toxic and terrible thing to think. Rather, engaging with that man was THE mission. If I wake up each day with the intent of moving the needle and serving people around me, this man wasn't a distraction. He needed to be THE priority in this moment.

Knowing which direction he was walking, I decided to find him. I darted in the desired direction, hoping to spot him in the distance. I covered maybe eight blocks while looking, coming up empty-handed. As I was about to concede defeat, I spotted him in the distance. With a sense of urgency and determination, I hurried toward in his direction before losing him again. Once there, I offered him the $20 bill, and we had a brief chat. To say he was grateful would be a gross understatement. He was beyond excited.

We so often get in our own way. Even with the best intentions, we get distracted and overwhelmed by what's on our plate. We desire to help people, but when an opportunity to help presents itself, we turn it down so we can be available to help someone. Ironic, isn't it?

I almost blew it yesterday. It wouldn't have been the first time, unfortunately. I'm so grateful I had a second chance to do the right thing. I'm not always that lucky.

Whatever you do today, please don't miss the little opportunities to make a difference. They aren't distractions from the mission.....they ARE the mission.

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Those Evil One-Percenters

You know who's really evil? It's those rich, greedy 1%'ers. You know, the people who make too much money. Those people! They need to pay their fair share and be more generous. After all, they have enough....more than enough. Don't even start on how out of touch they are with the real world and what other people are going through.

Don't these 1%'ers just drive you nuts?!? You'd think they would act a bit more grateful for what they have. Instead, they always seem so entitled and disconnected from the plight of the others.

Don't even get me started on their giving (or lack thereof). Instead of giving to those in need, they buy newer cars, moreTVs, faster phones, better vacations, and bigger houses.

I had several more paragraphs of anti-rich ranting to go, but there's just one problem. It's so easy to point the finger at others when we can perceive them a certain way. We have the privilege of judging them from our safe little perch of morality and relativism.

Unfortunately, we're looking through the wrong lens. It's easy to look through the lens of our own choosing. Doing so allows us to justify our attitude, judgment, and inaction. Here's the real, sobering, hard-to-swallow truth: If your household makes more than $40,000 USD each year, you're in the top 1% of families in the world. Do you make more than forty grand? If so, you're a 1%'er.

Let that sink in. Ouch. We're rich. Clean water, electricity, heat, A/C, education, medicine, cars, Tvs, cell phones, internet, refrigeration, three meals per day. We're very, very rich. It doesn't seem like it because we live in our own bubbles surrounded by people richer than our version of rich, but we're so unbelievably blessed. As such, there are really only three rational implications of this reality:

• We should live with gratitude.

• We should live with contentment.

• We should live with generosity.

Anything short of this takes us down the road of becoming real-life versions of those rich people we so harshly (and unfairly) judge.

I hope you have a blessed day.

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Oops, I Did It Again

Oops, I did it again. Be honest, did you just sing that line? No, today's post isn't about Britney Spears.

I've spent a lot of time writing about the importance of accepting generosity from others. Being able to accept a gift is an act of generosity in and of itself. The act of acceptance allows the other person to be a blessing, while the act of deflecting, denying, and deferring is a selfish act of pride. I wrote a piece two years ago about how I whiffed on an opportunity to let a friend bless me. I stole his blessing, robbing him of that gift.

Here's where Britney Spears comes in. I did it again yesterday! After two years of nearly flawless execution, I selfishly robbed my friend of his opportunity to be generous with me.

I was at a local coffee shop owned by my friend. As I approached the counter, he was running the register.

Me: "I'll have a small black coffee, please."

Him: "You bet. The coffee is on me today."

Me: "No, no, that's ok. You don't have to do that."

As I entered my phone number into the terminal to log my rewards, I (kinda) changed my mind.

Me: "Well, actually, ok."

But at that moment, I realized I had enough points for a free drink.

Me: "It looks like I have enough points for a free drink. I'll just use those."

Him (in the nicest tone): "That's you still not accepting my gift."

Wow. Just wow. He was right. I deflected his gift. I robbed him of the opportunity to be generous with me. I was prideful and selfish. I have no idea why I did it, but I immediately caught myself. I apologized profusely and named what I had just done.

As I walked out the door an hour later, I told him that our interaction inspired my next blog post and I would forward it to him. So, friend, here you go! I so much appreciate your generosity and friendship, and I'm sorry for robbing you yesterday! That was totally lame of me!

It just goes to show how culturally wired we are to deflect, deny, and defer. This is a topic I write about frequently and think about daily. This idea is at the core of my being, yet I failed yesterday.

I've said it on this blog or on this podcast in the past, and it's a hill I'll die on: We can't be truly generous unless we're able to receive the generosity of others. It sounds counter-intuitive, but the act of receiving can transform us in more ways than we can understand.

Yes, be generous. Give. Give ridiculously. Give in a way that makes people think you're insane. Give so much that it hurts, then keep giving so much that it feels good. Give, give, give. But at the same time, don't rob others of their generosity. Be humble. Be loving. Say yes. Show gratitude. Receive the gift.

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Wipe Up That Water

Creativity is the most powerful weapon in our toolbelt. It's the tool that unlocks doors and unveils new opportunities. Creativity can (and should) be integrated into all aspects of our lives, including generosity.

As I often discuss, we all have something to give. Our unique roles in life provide unique giving opportunities. However, our lack of creativity frequently holds us back. We either think too linearly, or we're not thinking at all. Life can be crazy, and we get so consumed by our tasks that we don't see all the fun opportunities around us. I'm certainly guilty of this at times!

However, if we keep our eyes and ears open, allow ourselves to think creatively, and are willing to step into the opportunity, amazing things can happen. I have two fun examples of this.

Yesterday, during our weekly Northern Vessel run with the family, I stumbled into a fun opportunity. As usual, the place was packed, and the line extended outside onto the sidewalk. I started a casual conversation with a woman and her cute little daughter while we waited. Turns out, the daughter loves our donuts. However, since it was so late in the morning, the mom warned her daughter they would probably be sold out. She wasn't wrong. We usually sell 8-10 dozen by mid-morning on the weekends, so the odds weren't in her favor.

I asked the girl what her favorite kind of donut was. "Cherry, or the sprinkle one." I told her I would check to see if we have any, and if we do, make sure she gets one. I immediately bee-lined it to the pastry case and noticed a few donuts left.....and one was cherry! I asked barista Dante if he could pull one for a little girl in line, and he nodded.

When it was my family's turn to order, I purchased that cherry donut and quickly handed it to that little girl. Her eyes lit up, and she called me "a nice man." So sweet! I'm glad I kept aware of my surroundings and found some creativity to unlock that door.

My second example comes from the first round of the NCAA basketball tournament. Liberty, not known as a basketball powerhouse, was about one minute away from getting beat by Oregon. Their season was coming to an end, but ending it in the Big Dance was a huge accomplishment.

With less than a minute remaining, as Liberty was dribbling the ball into the frontcourt, the ref blew the play dead after noticing water spilled on the court. Except there wasn't water spilled on the court. Just a few feet from him was a Liberty bench player at the scorer's table, waiting to check into the game for the first time. The ref, recognizing how important this moment could be for this player, used creativity to blow his whistle and allow this player to enter the game. He grabs the player's hand to help him up, and the player gets his moment. The ref had a unique role, and with a little creativity, unlocked a door for an act of generosity. Beautiful!

Ref made it seem like he was cleaning a wet spot so this Liberty player could play in the tourney

Massive Wpic.twitter.com/3k9zrUJbo1

— Barstool Sports (@barstoolsports) March 22, 2025

I hope you find ways to use your creativity in whatever roles you're blessed with today.

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The Tale of Two Women

Due to our own (multiple) failings, my family found ourselves in a precarious position a few days ago (the same day my other mistakes physically crushed me). We made reservations for our family to spend the day at a fun pool/beach resort in Cozumel called Paradise Beach.

We hurriedly packed up our gear in the morning and whisked ourselves off the ship and into a cab. Upon arriving at the resort, we needed to pay the second half of our $200 admission fee. This is where the problems began compounding:

• I had enough cash to get us a cab back to port (plus some tips), but no debit cards.

• Sarah also left her wallet on the ship.

• I just got a new iPhone and haven't yet loaded my cards into ApplePay.

• Sarah accidentally left her phone on the ship!

We were 0-4 in having access to our bank accounts. Oh crap!

I'm a fairly resourceful guy, so I had no doubt I'd find a way.....somehow. To me, it was going to be simple. The resort had free wifi, so my plan was to see if any other arriving tourists would help me by paying my $100 fee and I would immediately Venmo them $150. Win/win! The first couple dropped their heads as I approached them. The second gave me the "no" gesture with their hands. The third was a woman and her husband, clearly an American couple coming from a cruise ship.

I approached this couple and explained the situation. About halfway through, she cut me off, "I'm sorry, I'm not going to do that. I don't trust you." She could clearly see my concerned family standing ten feet away, but she was cold and defiant. A big part of me wanted to lash out at her response, but that wasn't going to do any good.

At that very moment, a different woman approached me. She worked for the resort. She and I began troubleshooting to see how we could resolve the situation. She was fighting FOR me, not against me. We tried a few ideas to no avail. Finally, once we approached our fourth idea, it worked. I was able to give her payment information, and my family subsequently enjoyed our lovely day at the resort. She could have easily disregarded me, but she didn't. She was so gracious and patient when we needed an advocate. It was beautiful.

Every day, we venture into the world, in and out of situations, and we have two choices. First, we can be like the first woman. We can be distrustful or think only of ourselves, disregarding people who don't serve our desires. We can let other people deal with their own problems, making sure we simply get what we deserve. Second, we can be like the second woman. We can look for ways to give a hand-up to people and add value to their days. We can advocate FOR people and be a positive presence in their journeys.

It's a choice. Every day. Every interaction. Every situation. Choose wisely. Oh yeah, and since I'm biased, choose to be like woman #2. You’ll help make the world a better place.

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Adopting the Box

Each year, our family participates in a multi-week church program for families. The goal of the event is to connect families of young children together, share meals together, and serve together. We eat, play games, hear a brief message, and do a service project together with other families. It's become one of my family's favorite events of the year.

A few weeks ago, the night's service project was to go to the grocery store, purchase various food items, and drop them off in a pre-assigned blessing box. If you're not familiar with a blessing box, it's a little stand-alone cabinet that houses non-perishable food items for whoever needs them, no questions asked. If someone needs food, they just need to find a local blessing box and grab whatever they want. These boxes are placed all around the residential areas of town.

Here’s an example of what blessing boxes look like

The boys were excited to shop for the box, which led to an adventure at the grocery store. Each had particular items (personal favorites) they wanted to bless people with, and were excited to deliver the goods to the box they were assigned. When they showed up at the given address, they realized they were coincidentally walking distance from our house. They couldn't believe it, and were beyond excited to be serving people in our own neighborhood.

A few days later, while talking about the experience, Finn asked a peculiar question. "Can that be our box?" "What do you mean, Finn?" asked his confused Mom. "Can we keep filling it and make sure there's always good food in there?"

Oh dang! My little man wants to adopt that box and take ownership of it. Amazing. Yes, yes, yes, we can absolutely do that. It's fun to see the wheels turning. This is why it's so important for us parents to model various forms of generosity, big and small. More is caught than taught, and when we walk out giving with our own hands and feet, the kids feel it.

Here's where this all comes together. As I mentioned in a recent post, the boys have been working hard to earn some money ahead of an upcoming vacation (evidenced by their snow shoveling in -5-degree weather). One of the practices that's a standard in our home is for the boys to give away at least 25% of everything they make. As they were excitedly counting their money the other night, they asked if they could use their giving to buy more food for their box. Again, yes, little man, you can.

Parents, we are raising the literal future leaders of this world. Let's keep going. Keep modeling generosity for them. Even when it doesn't seem like they are listening, they are. Keep fighting the good fight. Let's endeavor to raise leaders who ooze generosity and selflessness. Let's raise leaders who think of others first, and themselves second. I know Sarah and I aren't there yet, but we'll keep fighting the good fight.

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A Big Truck and a Strong Back

On the heels of one of my recent posts on generosity, I chatted with one of my closest friends. He's one of the most generous people I know, not because he's blessed with endless resources, but because he's attuned to the idea of giving what he has. In fact, he's known for a saying: "I have a big truck, a strong back, and time to give. How can I help you?" 

This is one of the simplest and purest forms of giving what you have, not what you don't. He's not counting his money, flexing his status, or comparing what he has versus someone else. He's offering his vehicle, his hands, and his time. And considering how busy this man is (husband, father, ministry leader, etc.), his offering of his body and his time is a sacrificial act. Lots of people can write a check, but this dude will literally show up in your driveway at 6AM on a Saturday morning and start working. 

I mentioned sacrificial giving, but I should also note it's joyful giving as well. His serving heart reeks of joy and encouragement, not pity, guilt, or obligation. He genuinely wants to give, and it shows. You don't have to be a behavioral expert to spot the difference. When people carry themselves with joy while giving of themselves, the room changes. You can feel it. It's palpable.

These are the two ingredients necessary for true generosity: sacrifice and joy. It's NEVER about how much you have to give, but your willingness to sacrificially and joyfully give from whatever you have. That's it. It's that simple. 

So while the rest of the world will be playing the I'll-give-when-I-get-to-x-dollars game, my guy will be out here giving whatever he has. I couldn't love it more, and I think that's the best encouragement any of us could receive today.

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It’s Who We Are

Amidst a ridiculously fun text exchange with a business owner friend yesterday, I had a feeling a blog idea was about to emerge. I didn't know what, but I could feel it. Then, it happened. She was talking about how businesses, if equipped with the right type of leaders, ooze generosity in all they do. Why? Because generosity isn't something we do, "it's who we are." Boom!

My friend is so right. Generosity isn't an idea. It's not a well-intended thought. It's not even an action, though it manifests through actions. When done right (sacrificially and joyfully), it's embedded into the core of our being. If that happens, there's no option but for said generosity to ooze out in every area of our lives....including in our businesses.

This post isn't an advocation for businesses to practice generosity, though that's amazing. Rather, it's an advocation for each one of us to allow generosity to seep into our cores and crowd out every selfish, greedy, and self-serving cell from our bodies. That's not entirely possible, of course, but it's directional. Each day, we can become more generous.....or less generous. There is no in-between, no standing still.

We can all gripe about how selfish people are today, making some definitive statement about how the world is continually worsening. Examples are all around us, and it takes very little effort to spot and call out greediness. In fact, if you're looking for it, you'll find 100+ examples today alone.

The same is true the other way around, though. Generosity is all around us. Generous acts, big and small. People overflowing with generosity. Businesses overflowing with generosity. Rich people overflowing with generosity. Poor people overflowing with generosity. Small businesses overflowing with generosity. Big corporations overflowing with generosity.

One common thread runs through all of it: People who have generosity woven into their soul, with no other option other than to let it seep out into every area of their lives. The question today is whether or not I'm one of those people. The question today is whether or not you're one of those people. Has it struck you to the core yet? If so, I'd suggest you let it seep into all you do today.....but you were going to do that anyway. If it hasn't struck you to the core yet, keep searching. Once you find it, you'll never see (or treat) the world the same way again.

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Give What You Have: Landlord Edition

I’ve written extensively about the importance of giving what you have, not what you don’t. It’s a concept I learned from Gary Hoag, and it changed everything for me. We ALL have something to give. We don’t need to be wealthy to give. We don’t need to have a huge income to give. We don’t need larger-than-life status to give. Instead of saying, “I’d give more if I had x,” we can flip the narrative and say “I have y, so I should give from it.” All we have is what we have, and that’s what we’re called to give from.

It looks different for everyone. Of course, we each have an opportunity (and I’d argue a responsibility) to give from our income. Some of us have small incomes, others large. And all incomes merit giving from. We also have other financial assets to give from, such as savings and investments. But we also have other things to give. It could be our skills, our relationships, our influence, our time, our wisdom. Generosity can (and should) flow from every area of our lives.

We also have other, more creative forms of generosity at our fingertips. Here’s one example. I recently learned of a landlord who waives December’s rent for all of its tenants each year. Think about this. You rent a house and sign a one-year lease. The lease says you owe 12 monthly payments of $2,000. Then, when that first December rolls around, your landlord says, “Nah, you keep it. Use it to have a wonderful Christmas.” Boom! What an amazing blessing. I don’t know the landlord or what they have for income and other resources, but what a beautiful example of giving from what they have.

I don’t personally own a rental house to practice that form of generosity. It would be awfully easy for me to dwell on the fact I don’t have that to give. That’s why I must look inward and give from what I do have:

• I have an income (not nearly as high as it used to be, but it’s still an income).

• I have savings and investments.

• I have a coffee company (which has become one of the best outlets of generosity).

• I have skillsets to help countless people find meaning and intentionality in their finances.

• I have relationships all over the country and world that may be THE missing link in someone else’s journey.

• I have platforms (blog and podcast) that enable me to give away ideas, inspiration, and encouragement.

• I have knowledge bases that allow me to help several non-profits grow their impact.

• I have possessions I can share with others.

• I have a wonderful church that allows me the opportunity to serve in various capacities.

The list could go on. This really isn’t about me, though. That’s just my list. That’s what I have to give from. Now, it’s your turn. What do you have to give? The answer(s) to that question could change everything!

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The Unlikeliest of Inspiration

Since yesterday was the last school day before Christmas break, the boys stayed up later than usual. When it was finally time to go to bed, everyone was exhausted. Bedtime was a bit more expedited. Instead of each of us praying like most nights, I asked Finn to give one extra good prayer for all of us. He knocked it out of the park! Something he said caught my attention, though. He prayed for the people who were "poor and don't have homes" and asked God to give them blankets to stay warm in the cold.

After the tuck-ins finished and Sarah left the room, I asked him about that. He said he's been thinking about homeless people and is scared they won't be safe. I asked him if he’s interested in going to Target, filling up our car with blankets, and taking them to some friends who could deliver them to some of the homeless people in our community. He beamed with excitement. I guess I know what we'll be doing on our first day of Christmas break.

Then, he added something else. "Do you know the Mickey Christmas Carol movie? That's what made me interested in helping people who are poor and don't have homes. They talked about it on there, and I was really interested. Giving stuff to people for free and helping them." First, listening to this little boy try to say the word "interested" is pretty cute. Second, wow! How awesome is that!?!?

I talk to the boys about generosity all the time, but for whatever reason, Finn's recent viewing of Mickey's Christmas Carol connected some new dots for him. He gained some awareness. He ached for hurting people. He was inspired to act. Sometimes, inspiration comes from the most unlikely of sources.

I'm really excited for Finn to explore generosity in this way, and I'm extremely proud of him for taking this step. Who knows where it will lead, but it will hopefully be the next step in his journey of generosity.

Keep connecting dots. Connect your own dots. Help your kids connect theirs. Inspire others to connect theirs. You never know when a trigger moment may occur. Sometimes, inspiration comes from the most unlikely of sources.

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Giving > Getting

We had Christmas at my parents’ house yesterday. Needless to say, the boys were beyond excited to celebrate Christmas with Grandma and Grandpa. And as with all little kids, they were especially excited for presents. If they had their choice, we would have set our alarms for 4AM to get the show on the road…..we fortunately held them off until 8:30.

When it was finally time to open the gifts, something unexpected happened. Instead of the boys clamoring for their own gifts, they insisted Grandma and Grandpa open the gifts the boys picked out for them. I jumped in and told them we don’t have to do that, but they weren’t having it. They were far more excited to give than to receive, which shocked me. They joyfully watched as each grandparent opened each gift, anticipating their every reaction.

It was absolutely wild watching eight-year-old kids intentionally and excitedly prioritize giving over getting. I knew how excited they were to receive, but had no idea they were even more excited to give. Amazing!! It absolutely made my day. They enjoyed giving the gifts to their grandparents, and enjoyed opening the gifts given to them…..then spent the rest of the day playing with their new toys and wearing their new clothes.

Giving is always greater than getting, regardless of age or context. It’s a universal truth to life, but a truth not enough people understand. I don’t know if my kids fully understand it (yet), but yesterday was a beautiful and promising sign.

Here’s my math equation of the day: giving > getting.

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Wait, Are They Spitting In My Food?!?!

Last month, I wrote a piece about listening to nudges in our generosity. In it, I used the example of leaving a large cash tip on a DoorDash order, mentioning that I typically try to tip cash to ensure the person receives the entire tip. Remember that?

Well, I just stumbled upon a disturbing discovery. There's a video circulating the interwebs, captured by a Ring door cam. A DoorDash driver approaches a house to drop off the food order. The customer, just like in my post linked above, attempts to hand the delivery driver a cash tip. "Ignore it. You keep that," responds the driver. "Why?" asks the confused customer. "Because I didn't see you tip on the app, and I put a little card in there. So please keep it. I'm sorry." The video clip ends with a still photo of the note the driver left for her: "Lucky for you I didn't bother the food but next time consider tipping your driver."

Door dasher leaves a nasty note in her food because she thought she wasn’t going to tip pic.twitter.com/th5NSNc7cq

— FadeHubb (@FadeHubb) January 8, 2024

Wow. Just wow. There's a lot going on here. First, it's shocking how entitled the driver is to think that a) a tip is 100% mandatory, and b) it merits threatening the safety and cleanliness of the customer's food. That's an audacious move.....dare I say disgusting?

But there's something else I want to hone in on here. It's interesting that the driver's first instinct upon seeing no explicit tip being left on the app is the assumption there is zero tip whatsoever. That doesn't happen by accident. It's probably the byproduct of hundreds of times when no tip was left. That's actually pretty sad.

From the comfort of our home, we're jumping on our $1,000 cell phones to order food that will be hand-delivered to our door, where we'll meet the driver (in our jammies), so we can enjoy a completely stressless and effortless meal. And we're not even leaving a tip!?!? We're collectively venturing into selfish narcissist territory.

And all the while, I'm over here unknowingly risking someone spitting in my food, all because I want to bless drivers with large cash tips? No, I'm not defending this driver's gross behavior and disgusting threats. I hope she ate a big slice of humble pie that night and subsequently tried to make amends for her actions.

What I'm suggesting today is that we have an opportunity on our hands. We have an opportunity to consistently pour out so much generosity into this world that the (figurative and literal) DoorDash drivers get excited when they don't see a tip added on the app. A world where instead of sending threatening letters, they are handing out thank-you notes.

I know a lot of people will vehemently disagree with this, and I respect that. I'm here to push boundaries and move needles, and that gets uncomfortable sometimes. I hope you'll join me by leaning hard into this endeavor. Generosity always wins! Together, we can start to bend our culture. Reminder, even a 1% bend is still progress. Let's go!

Seriously, though, did that dude spit in my Taco Bell last month? Maybe someday I'll find out......

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Flipping Tipping On Its Head

Tipping has developed a bad reputation over the last few years; some of it deserved. It seems like everyone, eyes wide with envy, is chasing the almighty tip dollars. Everyone is asking for tips these days! People are burned out, and in many ways, I don't blame them. Example: I was recently asked to tip at a self-serve kiosk with ZERO employees. Who am I tipping, the machine?!?!

However, I also believe the tipping pendulum is at risk of swinging back too far. With people fed up with open-hand tip requests, many are cutting back and/or ceasing tips altogether. I don't think this is the right approach, either.

So, today, I have a proposal to make you. Instead of viewing tipping as some entitlement hand-out baked into the already-high price of goods and services, let's reframe it as giving. The opportunity to tip is an opportunity to practice generosity. I'm not suggesting every single tip request merits a generous tip, but rather, we should welcome the opportunity to reward excellence with intentional generosity.

I approach tipping as the training ground and experimental lab of generosity. Have you ever left an obscenely high tip for someone? It will rock your world. Have you ever been served by someone who was clearly having a stressful day, only to see their face change upon receiving an outsized tip? It will make your day. Have you ever given a thoughtful tip to someone who oftentimes doesn't receive a tip at all? It's life-giving.

No, you don't have to tip. Yes, it would be cool if employees were paid more. No, you shouldn't be made to feel guilty. Yes, it's ridiculous that every single role is now requesting tips. Despite all that, I still believe each of us has the influence to use these little opportunities to move the needle in people's lives and in our culture. Further, embracing these little moments will also add value to our own lives. It will brighten our day, make us smile, and give us something to think about.

Join me. Let's reframe tipping in our lives. Let's lean hard into generosity and make some people's days. It might be one of the coolest things you do all day.

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