“Mom, Can You Take Me To Wal-Mart?”

Finn steps into Sarah's SUV after a long day of 3rd-grade life. He heaves his bookbag over his shoulder, then slings his coat. It's finally time for him to relax, grab a snack, and do his typical Finny things. This day, though, he requested a detour: "Mom, can you take me to Wal-Mart?"

As you can imagine, Sarah was quite confused by this out-of-nowhere request. Naturally, she asked him why. "Because I want to buy you a birthday gift with my money."

Wow. Just wow. After Sarah squeegied her melted heart off the floor, she happily obliged. As they roamed the aisles of Wal-Mart, Finn made sure Sarah maintained a healthy distance (so as not to spoil her surprise). He took his time, weighed his options, and then eventually made his selection.

Now, the even more adult part: making the purchase. With Sarah still removed from the scene, Finn approached the check-out line in what must have resembled the grocery store scene from Home Alone. Finn pulled out his wallet, inserted his debit card, and entered the PIN he had spent much time memorizing. Boom! Little Finn had completed his mission!

It wasn't until 24 hours later that the rest of the family learned what he spent his hard-earned money on:

Well done, Finny, well done! He's not always a little gentleman, but when he does, he gentlemans well.

Parents, keep having discussions with your kids about money. Working, spending, saving, and giving. All of it matters. It will rarely go exactly the way you hope it will, but in the long run, you'll see little glimmers of promise. That pretty little necklace Finn bought for his mom is one of those glimmers. He worked hard, earned money, managed it well, enjoyed some wants for himself, and used some to buy his mom a present. Proud of that little dude.

Keep going. Don't give up. This next generation is counting on us to prepare them to leave the world better than they found it. Let's teach them well and lead by example.

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Grocery Carts and Little Signals

Several years ago, I ran into a colleague at the grocery store check-out line. This colleague was well known in the community as a generous person. This struck me as odd, as my gut feeling toward him was that he was a complete jerk. Perhaps I was being too judgmental.

A few minutes after our brief encounter, I walked out of the store and into the parking lot. Though there were many cars, it felt quiet out there. As I approached my car, I realized my colleague was parked directly beside my car. When he pulled away, I discovered that he left his grocery cart immediately behind my car! There was a grocery cart return station 20 feet from our cars, but he decided to just haphazardly disregard his cart out in the open?!?!

Ever since that day, I've thought a lot about how people handle themselves with grocery carts. In my mind, a person's decision in that moment can be an interesting glimpse into their character. How we treat people and the world around us when nobody is looking is telling.

Since that original grocery cart incident, my obsession with watching people's grocery cart decisions has sparked so many new stories. After nearly 10 years of thinking too much about this topic, I can confidently say that people who haphazardly disregard grocery carts make terrible friends. Conversely, you know who I love to spend time with? The people who not only return carts to the return station, but also slide the cart all the way into the preceding cart, thereby making the worker's job that much easier. Those people are the best!

In a world with so much noise, I think it's important to pick up on the little signals of life. It's easy to put on a loving face when the lights are shining and people are looking, but how do we treat others when there's no attention to be gained or reputation to protect? Those are the moments that tell us everything we need to know.

I don't know about you, but engaging with people behind the scenes, in life's smallest moments, is one of my favorite things in the world. I love how, after I interact with someone, my kids ask, "Do you know that person?!?!" No, bud, we should just be loving to everyone, whether we know them or not. Those are my moments. That's when I feel most alive and most capable of moving the needle in my day-to-day life.

Today's takeaways:

• Love people well.....especially when no one's watching.

• Find meaning in the small moments.

• Spot the little signals that tell you about someone's character.

• Put your shopping cart away.

• Don't hang out with people who don't.

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No Questions Asked

I receive this question from time to time, but several people asked it on the heels of my recent post about impulsive generosity. In short, here's the question: "How do you be impulsively generous if you're also budgeting?"

On the surface, the idea of being impulsively generous seems incongruent with the notion that every dollar of our income should be planned before the month begins. If all of our money is already accounted for, how in the world are we supposed to give like this?!?!

When I teach this concept (and implement it in my own household), there are three key ingredients that bring it to life:

1) Budget for impulsive giving. While the majority of our family's giving is routed through our donor-advised fund, we have a separate budget category called "other giving." This is a catch-all category designed to give impulsively. In other words, even before the month begins, we have money allocated toward impulsive giving.

2) Create a sinking fund for impulsive giving. In addition to our monthly allocation toward impulsive giving, we have a sinking fund category for the same purpose. We call it our "giving fund." Whenever there's extra money left over in our "other giving" category in a given month, this cash is scraped into our giving fund, where it waits for a good home.

3) The no-questions-asked rule. In our marriage, the only category either of us has a green light to blow past our budget is impulsive giving. If Sarah feels called to give, she gives......period. Same for me. If we don't have any "other giving" money left this month, and our giving fund is depleted, we figure it out. We move money around. We reallocate a portion of our personal spending, or dining out, or entertainment. We make some additional sacrifices to realign the numbers. But at the end of the day, it's an infinite green light.

Impulsive generosity will rock your world. It will gut you in ways you never fathomed. It will rewire your brain and the way you think about money. It will humble you. It will help you take the focus off yourself and instead place it on others. It will erode your materialism and boost your contentment. Impulsive generosity will unlock a new gear in you that you never knew existed.

Test it. You'll see....

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The Cure for Self-Pity

If you've been following along the past 30 days, you know that this hasn't exactly been the most magical holiday season of my life. Between my Black Friday neck injury and the constant sickness that's worked its way through my family, we cancelled nearly every meaningful holiday event on our schedule. This trend continued on Christmas Eve and Christmas Day, with Sarah being completely bedridden with the flu. She was able to get up long enough to open presents yesterday morning, but that's about it.

Needless to say, our annual holiday traditions were knocked off-balance. Instead of the four of us attending Christmas Eve service and enjoying dinner at a local Chinese restaurant, we shifted gears. The boys and I attended an earlier Christmas Eve service, and after taking an informal vote, we ended up dining at our favorite local pizzeria.

Our lives were in such disarray that I felt more like Scott Calvin taking Charlie to Denny's on Christmas Eve than anything that resembled a happy little family.

I gotta be honest, it's all been terrible. This was easily the hardest holiday season of my life. In some ways, I woke up this morning with a feeling of mourning about what never was. It was all so dang hard.

One thing I realized about 10 years ago is that while I can't necessarily change all the circumstances happening to me, I can change the circumstances happening to others. Generosity always wins, and there's no cure for self-pity better than finding ways to practice generosity.

Every time we were faced with tough circumstances over the past few weeks, I'd try to find ways for our family to practice unreasonable generosity. It was especially fun bringing the kids into the fold, allowing them to be at the center of the gifts. They were able to observe people's reactions when something unexpected happened. They saw the smiles, the tears, the laughs, the gasps, and the thank-you's.

While I still feel a cloud of sadness about all that's happened recently, I can rest comfortably knowing that, even though my own personal circumstances felt terrible, we were able to move the needle in other people's lives along the way. We got over ourselves and our own self-pity, and showed love and compassion to people who might have needed it as much as we did. We may never fully know the impact we had in these moments, but it's not our job to know. Our job is to give, trust, give, trust, and give some more. We'll let God sort out the rest. I hope you do the same.

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Let the Truth Be the Truth

Taylor Swift is one of the most polarizing figures in the world. She's beloved beyond belief......and hated beyond belief. While she's not my cup of tea when it comes to music, having been to one of her live shows about a decade ago, I have to admit she's probably one of the best live performers in the world. Her concerts are spectacles.

Her recently completed Eras tour is among the most successful in music history. Taylor and her team performed 149 shows in 51 cities on five different continents. After all the number-crunching was completed, it solidified its status as the highest-grossing tour in history (approximately $2 billion). The craziest part of all this is that not a single show was cancelled (sickness, injury, fatigue, or any other factor). The fans counted on her to show up, and she delivered night in and night out, regardless of how she was feeling or other life circumstances.

I recently saw something that stopped me in my tracks. It was an excerpt from a new documentary about her tour. I'll set the stage. Taylor, known for taking care of people around her, gathered her on-stage dance team. She handed out handwritten cards to everyone, then asked one of the men to read his aloud, noting that everyone's card said the same thing.

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The man reads aloud: "We've traveled the world like we set out to do. We've dazzled the crowds, but missed family, too. My full gratitude doesn't come from a bank, but here's (bleep) dollars, just to say thanks."

When he read the bleeped number, you could see everyone in the room shudder; hands to mouths, knees wobbly, eyes bulging. What did he say?!?!

After diving into the comments and finding some lip-reading experts, it was generally concluded that the number he read aloud was $750,000. Each dancer in that room was given $750,000!!!! Not their pay, their bonus. They've already been paid what they signed up for. This extreme act of generosity was unprecedented.

In total, it's reported that Taylor Swift gave away $197 million in bonuses over a few days. $750,000 to dancers, $100,000 to truck drivers, and so on. Just like that, Taylor gave away nearly $200,000,000 (out of her own pocket) above and beyond what her team was already paid for their jobs. Unreal!

As is usually the case with social media, the trolls came out to play:

• "It just proves she screwed the fans with her high ticket prices."

• "She should have given a lot more, considering how rich she already is."

• "All her merch proves she's just greedy."

• "She's just flaunting her money at this point."

• "She only gave away 10% of the profit....she's a cheap ass!" (It's worth noting that the bonuses were 10% of the $2B of revenue, not profit. Her profit was significantly lower after factoring in all the costs.

People can say whatever they want, but Taylor Swift clearly cares deeply about people. Her fans (she didn't miss a single show!), her crew ($197 million in bonuses!), and the people closest to her (she has a reputation for being ultra-loyal). Yet, regardless of what she does, people will hate her relentlessly.

None of us will ever be Taylor Swift, but she demonstrates an important concept. Just let the truth be the truth. Be generous. Show love. Treat people extraordinarily well. Recognize those who help us on our journey. Let the truth be the truth, and the rest will sort itself out.

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Extravagant With a Capital "E"

One of the (very few) perks to being completely debilitated is having the time to scroll and read. Bad news: My short-term memory has been very poor, and I don't retain much of what's happening around me. Good news: I sometimes have the wherewithal in the moment to text message myself good ideas.

Today's post is one such good idea. I stumbled upon a fun little video that perfectly exemplifies one of my favorite concepts. When it comes to giving, it's not enough to give just enough. When done with the right heart and for the right reasons, giving should be extravagant. It should be sacrificial. It should create a moment. The following video clip is just that:

@globalmindapparel ♬ original sound - Global Mind Apparel

I know many of you won't watch this video, so please allow me to describe. A little boy and his father walk into a shoe store. The boy is in the middle of basketball season and needs a new pair of shoes. His dad said he could buy anything that costs less than $75. Shoe after shoe after shoe disappoints him, as he can't find anything for less than $75.

Disappointed, he starts walking toward the exit. This is where the story picks up. A young lady notices what's happening and decides to catch him as he's leaving. After hearing his story, she tells the boy that he can pick out any shoe in the store and she'll buy it for him.

After looking around, the boy picks up a $175 pair of LeBron's. The dad hesitated, citing the high price. The young lady insisted, stating:

• She knows what it's like to not have enough.

• There's no point in having money if you can't bless others.

• Why should she be in this store to buy her 10th pair of shoes when there's someone who can't even afford their first pair?

This young lady could have taken the gift in a few different directions. She could have said she'd make up the difference between the actual cost and the $75 budget that the dad could afford. Or she could have offered to buy a more reasonably priced pair of shoes. Instead, she decided to be extravagant in her generosity. Any pair he wanted.....period.

She created a moment. It's these types of stories that can change both parties. For her, that act of joyful and extravagant giving may have unlocked something in her. Perhaps that was the catalyst that sent her down a journey of generosity. For that boy, who knows what seed she just planted in him. Maybe 25 years from now, he'll be a multi-millionaire spreading generosity all around him, citing the impact a young woman once had on his life when he was just a boy. Every gift, even a $175 pair of shoes, has the potential to change someone's world.

I encourage you to look for moments like this. Extravagant moments. Special moments. Generosity that will move the needle in someone's journey. If even a pair of shoes can create that, just imagine how much possibility is on the table!

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Small Gifts, Huge Punch

I was blessed with a massively thoughtful gift yesterday. It's the kind of gift that blindsides you and may seem small on the surface, but it packs a punch. It's one of those gifts that remind us how intentionality, creativity, and thoughtfulness carry far more weight than dollars ever could.

To set the table, two nights ago I received an out-of-the-blue text from a friend: "I just left something for you at {your office}. Enjoy." Oh, interesting. I'm excited to see what this is!

The following morning, upon walking into the office, I was handed a little box. Inside was a beautiful note affixed to a unique little surprise. It wasn't necessarily an expensive surprise. It wasn't acquired through privilege, status, or wealth. It was assembled purely out of thoughtfulness and creativity. Ah, the best kind of gifts!

I texted her my deepest gratitude, to which she responded with something that stabbed me right in the heart (if that saying can be used in a positive tone):

"You are very welcome. You have blessed me in so many profound ways that you are probably not even aware of. My life is significantly better because of some fundamental things I've learned from you over the years. It brings me immense joy to have been presented with an opportunity to do something unexpected for you."

Just her text meant more to me than anyone will ever understand. It knocked me right off my feet. All I want to do is be generous to others. I rarely know the impact, if any, I'm having along the way. So when I receive something like this, it's like hooking an IV directly to my soul.

Small gifts, huge punch. Between her texts and thoughtful gift, I was overwhelmed with gratitude. I think that's the opportunity each of us has every morning when we get out of bed and step into the world. The only thing standing between us and world-changing impact is a little intentionality, creativity, and thoughtfulness. It doesn't have to break the bank. It doesn't require us to possess a certain status. It's not reserved for the wealthy.

No matter who you are, where you are, or what you are, you already possess the tools to alter this world for good, one interaction at a time. That's the most encouraging thought I'll share all week, but at the same time, it's also the scariest; what a responsibility! Seize yours today.

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Screwing Up My Own Recipe

Today's post is inspired by one of our readers from Guatemala, who emailed me regarding yesterday's post. Turns out, most of us totally botched the recipe I laid out yesterday. And by most, I'm including myself. In fact, I botched it hard! So hard, in fact, that I ended up being a victim of an out-of-state involuntary relocation because my finances didn't provide the margin for me to make my own choices.

Just in case you all somehow think I'm some financial wiz kid who has always got it right, here are some of the costly decisions I made between the ages of 16 and 27 (i.e., all the ways I violated and brutalized the recipe I laid out in yesterday's post):

• I had my first car loan at age 15. Fifteen! It was a pretty sweet Camaro that I painted Carolina Blue.

• Instead of choosing any number of in-state colleges, I elected to pay 4x as much as necessary to attend an out-of-state school.

• I signed up for my first credit card one month into college, effectively delinking my income from my spending. I never carried a balance, but using a credit card no doubt had a psychological impact on my spending.

• During my second year of college, I sold my reliable, paid-off car and purchased a $19,000 Acura Integra. Very sweet car, but to this day, it's the most expensive car I've ever purchased. Think about that. The car I bought 24 years ago, with a poor college kid's income, was the most expensive car I've ever purchased. Just wow!

• I bought my first house two years after graduating from college. I felt the cultural pressure to move quickly and shoot high, and I certainly met the mark on both.

• My giving was approximately zero. And by zero, I'm not sure it ever even crossed my mind! That young Travis was selfish!

• I kept up with the Jonses the best I could. I didn't know if I would win the race, but I was sure giving it my best effort.

• I used debt for everything, all the way down to my wife's engagement ring. By the time my company shut down and I was involuntarily relocated, my debt had ballooned to $236,000.

• Meaning? What's that?!?! My goal was to make as much money as possible, enjoy said money, and invest the rest effectively so I would have even more money to enjoy later.

In other words, I lived a "normal" life and fell right into the hands of our culture's toxic perspectives. I was the epitome of our modern materialism.

There was always hope for me, and fortunately, I eventually became humble (and humbled!) enough to change. Regardless of where you are or what mistakes you've made (or still making), there's always hope for you, too! It's never too late to make meaningful shifts. A few chapters of your story have already been written, but great books aren't defined by the beginning. In fact, the best stories get progressively better as the adventure unfolds, and your story is no different. Here's to the next chapter!

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Exercise the Muscle

During my 10-year stretch as a youth group leader, I taught hundreds of high school students about generosity. It was always one of my favorite topics to engage students with! In one of my favorite talks, I discussed a concept I like to call "exercising the giving muscle."

Think of it like doing the bench press. You wouldn't just walk into the gym and randomly decide to start throwing around 300-pound reps. It would kill you! Instead, you start small. Maybe it's 100 pounds, then 150 pounds. You graduate to 200 pounds, then slowly build your way up to 250 pounds. Each time you exercise those muscles, you get a bit stronger, allowing you to lift more next time.

Giving is much the same way. Inside each of us is a proverbial giving muscle, and like the bench press, we need to start slow. You probably don't wake up randomly one day thinking you're going to give a car away. Every journey of generosity has a beginning.

Early in my journey, I remember how I would constantly scan the horizon, looking for an opportunity to exercise my little baby giving muscle. One of my favorite and game-changing reps came at a local coffee shop. Sarah and I were in line at the register, waiting to order our customary Saturday morning drinks. Two women were at the counter ordering in front of us. I could tell they were tourists.....and I could tell something was wrong. After a bit of eavesdropping, I gathered that they had accidentally left their purses back at the hotel. They were frustrated with themselves, conceding they would need to run back to the hotel before getting their coffee.

"I got you," I said. They looked at me, confused. "We're going to buy your drinks. We got you." We're talking maybe ten bucks. This wasn't some heroic act.....it was just a few lattes. One of the women started tearing up, moved with emotion by our act of generosity. Reminder, it was literally only ten bucks.

That moment moved me. Through my simple act of exercising my giving muscle, I realized how even small acts of generosity have the potential to move the needle in people's lives. That was a big turning point for me. If $10 can move someone like that, what about $100? What about $1,000? What about $______?

That moment stuck with me for years, constantly reminding me that every gift matters. Every act of generosity has the potential to make an impact. My call to action with the high school students was to exercise that muscle. Buy lunch for a friend. Take a peer out for coffee. Surprise a teacher with a fun little gift. Hold the door open for a stranger. Clean the locker room after practice so the coaches or managers don't have to. Exercise that muscle!

That's a good call to action for each of us today as well. Whether big or small, find ways to exercise the giving muscle today!

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I Like I Like Car

If I had to put my finger on it, my generosity journey began 12-13 years ago, in my early 30s. While I was actively giving at that point, I wouldn't have called myself a giver. It was something I did, but not who I was. Then, due to a series of interesting events, my eyes began to open to genuine generosity; joyful and sacrificial generosity. While I don't remember all the particular moments and experiences that triggered the generosity journey within me, I do remember stumbling upon a YouTube channel called I Like Giving.

I Like Giving was a story-driven channel, focusing on profound acts of generosity. I was inspired and humbled by each of their videos. More than anything, it opened my eyes to the tremendous power of creative and out-of-the-box giving. However, there was one I Like Giving video that moved the needle deep within me. It was called I Like Car, a story of a woman who gave away all $5,000 of her saved resources to help a widow. She needed this $5,000 to buy a car, but she decided the widow needed it more than she did. What unfolded next was amazing.....check it out HERE.

Fast forward more than a decade, and I was sitting in a board meeting yesterday. The group started talking about a mutual friend of ours. This wasn't an out-of-bounds conversation, as this particular friend is intertwined with our ministry. Then, it happened. One of my colleagues referenced how our mutual friend was once a recipient of a fun gift. In fact, there's a cool video on YouTube about it. It's called I Like Car.

Me:................. (while screaming on the inside)

Wait, that random video that helped inspire my entire life more than a decade ago was about a person I now call a friend?!?! I couldn't believe it. As soon as our board meeting concluded, I opened YouTube to check for myself. Sure enough, there was my friend on the receiving end of a beautiful gift. And not only was she on the receiving end of a gift, but I, too, was on the receiving end of the same gift. That video helped transform my life in ways I cannot even describe. My friend's living example of joyful and sacrificial generosity sparked something in me that she will never know.

I know we live in a small world, but it's not every day that we realize someone in our life played a major role in our journey years before we would formally meet. Amazing!

I'm not even sure what the takeaway is today; I just needed to share that story! But since I brought it up, perhaps you should check out the video yourself. It helped shift my heart around giving all those years ago, and maybe it can do the same for you today, too!

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Where Should It Go?

In yesterday's post, I posed a question. I challenged each reader to consider, with a completely clean slate, where their assets should go when they die. If you could draft a plan with no preconceived notions, where would the assets go? Oh yeah, I also gave three caveats:

1. We're talking about who gets it AFTER your spouse. Pretend your spouse is also gone.

2. Your kids are grown, and they no longer depend on your financial care.

3. You have something of substance left when you pass.

I've asked hundreds of people this question, and more than 9 out of 10 will say something along the lines of "equally split between my kids." Why? Because.

Well, where should it go? First, I need to clarify one thing. Your assets should go wherever you choose for them to go. The decision is 100% yours. Not mine. Not your family members'. Not your lawyer's. Yours and yours alone.

With that said, I want to share some thoughts to get you thinking today.

I've always loved the phrase, "fair is not equal and equal is not fair." We aren't obligated to give the same amount to each of our beneficiaries. There might be various reasons why one would give more to one child than the next. Don't allow pressure, guilt, or obligation guide you.

On a related note, I think we need to revisit the notion that all money is a blessing, and if all money is a blessing, more money is an even bigger blessing. The truth is, money has the ability to cripple us, enable us, self-destruct us, and zap any and all forms of meaning right from our souls. I watch it play out on a weekly basis. There's nothing that can crush the ambition of some people like the arrival of money.

If you're planning to give money to someone, consider giving it while you're still alive. There might be a season of your beneficiary's life that's better suited or more needed for such a gift. Besides, how beautiful would it be to see it with your own eyes!?!?

I have a tough question for my fellow Christian friends. If everything we have belongs to God (a core principle of our faith), why would we give all our assets to our family when we die? If everything we have is His, but yet our last act on this planet is to ensure our family retains His assets, does that seem aligned with the God's ownership principle?

I'll share my family's plan. When Sarah and I pass away, nearly everything will be given to our charitable trust to be given away. Our two little men, who will hopefully be strong, faithful men by then, will be entrusted to manage the giving of the money during their lifetimes. Further, I pray the example we set for our kids will inspire them to follow suit when they pass away, entrusting their children with a similar responsibility.

Again, you need to 100% make your own decision on this matter. But I hope I gave you something to think about today.

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Make It Hurt a Little

Yesterday was a great day for Cyclone fans all over the world, as the football team won its second consecutive Cy-Hawk game against our rival, the Hawkeyes. I'd like to say I enjoyed watching the game, but to be honest, it was a stressful and miserable endeavor from start to finish. That game is always tough to watch, but I was excited about the outcome.

The catch: I watched it from home. I had been eagerly anticipating being there in person with our season tickets, but by Friday, I knew we needed to simplify our weekend and watch it from home. I have a huge talk coming up, and I really needed more rest and more prep time.

When one of my friends found out I was staying home, he had a question: "How much did you get for those tickets?!?! That's the most valuable game of the year!"

"I gave them away."

His face immediately formed a look of disgust. "Why would you just give them away?!?! You could have gotten at least $600 for them!!!"

"Because I wanted to," I replied. The truth is, there was no amount of money I could have received for those tickets that would have provided me with as much joy as giving them to another family. That family was able to make memories, share an experience together, and be part of something truly awesome. It was priceless!

Giving is more valuable than money, every single time. Sure, we could make it a math equation. If I give away $1,000, I have $1,000 less to spend on xyz. That math is correct. That math is real. However, the simple math fails to encapsulate the greater beauty of giving. Whenever we give, it changes something inside of us. It shifts our perspective from "me" to "them." It forces us to look outside ourselves. It requires we think about ourselves less, and other people more.

Would an extra $400-$600 come in handy? Absolutely, it would! It was very tempting, too! The selfish and self-serving side of me really wanted to hit the cha-ching button on those tickets. However, we needed to remain pure in our intent with our season tickets: Make memories with our kids and bless other people. Mission accomplished.

Giving is more valuable than money. If you agree, fist bump to you! If you don't, would you please consider putting me and this idea to the test? Consider blessing someone in a big way this week. Make sure it requires tangible sacrifice on your part. Make it hurt a little. Then, see what happens. It's beautiful!

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Bohemian Rhapsody and Umbrellas

"Dad, can you take me to buy an umbrella?"

"Uh, sure, Finn, we can do that. Why do you want an umbrella?"

"Every man needs an umbrella."

I didn't have a comeback for that, but if the little man wants an umbrella, I'll take him to buy an umbrella. This is what I call closing the loop. First, we work. The work results in money. Part of the money is given. Some of the money is spent. Repeat. Work = money = generosity/spending.

So, if Finny wants to spend some of his money on an umbrella, that's how we're going to close this loop. Truthfully, he's worked hard this summer. Lots of mowing and other odd jobs. Hot, sweaty, sucky jobs. He doesn't always love the work, but he appreciates what it stands for.

So, when ol' Finn wants to jump in the car and go to the umbrella store, we ride! He was so proud of his new umbrella, but as we walked out of the store, he asked another question. "Is there anywhere I can buy a Queen CD?" Yes, an 8-year-old wanted to buy a 70s album.......in CD form. As a matter of fact, I did know a place where we could potentially score a Queen CD. Fifteen minutes later, we were rocking out to some Bohemian Rhapsody.

Closing the loop is so important, and on that day, Finn closed the loop in style!

Work = money = generosity/spending.

Work = money = generosity/spending.

Work = money = generosity/spending.

And the repetition continues.

Parents, keep at it. It won't always go perfectly (I'll talk about Pax another day....). Some loops will be effective, and some will flop. Some loops will be rewarding, and some will be a drag. But the loops matter, and the kids are learning (even when it doesn't seem like it).

Go create some loops with your kids today!

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The No Lending Rule

Sarah and I have a rule in our marriage that's so ingrained into our being that I forget it's considered weird. We will NEVER lend money to someone. Nobody. No amount. For any reason. There's not a single exception we would ever make to this rule.

Many people would call this selfish on our part. "Why wouldn't you help a friend or family member who needs help?!?!" First, I'd argue that lending money to people who are struggling isn't a form of help; it's a quick way to put an even heavier burden on them. Think about it. There's a reason someone needs money, and it probably involves them not having money. And if they are asking for (or receiving) money from you, it means they've probably already tapped other sources of debt. Translation: They are hurting!

It's so sad to see the pain in someone's eyes as they share about how their relationship with a loved one became impaired over a $20, $50, or $100 debt. Entire families have been ruined over a few hundred bucks. In Sarah's and my opinion, our relationships are worth far more than that (priceless, even!). In a recent study, it was reported that 33% of Americans were owed money from a friend or family member. The same study also reported that almost half of respondents say the debt has caused negative consequences to the relationship. Therefore, Sarah and I would NEVER lend money to a friend or family member.

Back to us being selfish (tongue in cheek). There's no amount of money I wouldn't give someone as a GIFT. If someone in my life needs something, I got them. If someone is hurting, I'll provide. If someone is facing a struggle, I'll write the check. On one condition, though. It's a GIFT. No paybacks. No guilt. No strings attached. They must lovingly receive the gift as a gift.....period.

If someone demands that they give something in return, here's what I say. "Down the road, after you've recovered from this situation, you're going to encounter someone who is hurting. Bless them. Help them. Serve them." That's called community. That's actual love.

Today, I'm begging you to NEVER lend money to a friend or family member again. Don't risk the relationship over some stupid money. Also, don't leave them hanging. If someone in your life is hurting, step into the gap and share some of what you have. No paybacks. No guilt. No strings attached. Be a true blessing to them. You might just change their lives, and in turn, eventually change other people's lives through them. It's the circle of generosity rippling through our communities.

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The Many Paths to Neither-ville

I have to admit, my recent piece titled Givers, Receivers, Neithers, and Eithers has quickly become one of my favorite things I've ever written. You had a lot to say about this one, too, and I loved reading your perspectives, insights, encouragement, and criticism. Many of you suggested that there are more than four camps of people, citing specific examples. Upon processing, I still believe there are only four camps.

Here's something interesting, though. Each example someone brought up was valid. I agree with and affirm every one. However, these examples weren't different camps, but rather various paths to Neither-ville.

Here's how I described Neithers in my prior post: "Neithers, the most common group in America, believe in personal responsibility, independence, and autonomy. They believe people ought to help themselves, but if they don't (or can't), there's someone else responsible for stepping in. Neithers closely associate their hard work with their money, and have a desire to use said money to progress their family's interests (security, wealth, comfort, lifestyle, or status). Neithers are proud to make it on their own. They'd rather suffer harsh consequences than take a handout from someone. "I don't need help" is a common phrase Neithers would think or say."

Based on my verbiage, the primary reason for Neithers being Neithers is a core belief in personal responsibility, independence, and autonomy. That's 100% true, and I'll die on that hill. However, that's not the only path to Neither-ville; there are many paths! That's why our collective aggregation toward Nither-ville is so pervasive.

With that said, here's a more complete list of how people find their way into the Neither camp:

• Greed. This one is fairly obvious. If we genuinely believe what we have is ours, and having more is better than having less, we develop a natural predisposition to be a Neither. This typically aligns with people whose mission is to "build wealth" or keep up with the Joneses.

• Hoarding. This one is similar to greed, but with a purer intent. For various reasons (typically involving childhood experiences), some people develop a scarcity mindset and a subsequent predisposition to hoard financial assets. For these people, there's never enough to be enough, thus giving becomes nearly impossible.

• Fear. Similar to hoarders, fear-based people often experience financial trauma in their childhoods, resulting in a perpetual fear that everything will be taken away at any minute. This creates much friction when generosity is in play.

• FIRE. There's an entire segment of our population that subscribes to FIRE (Financial Independence Retire Early). These people are racing to retirement, and any act of generosity delays their frantic pace toward the coveted end of their careers. Thus, generosity gets left in the dust.

• Narcissism. For some, everything really is about them, and when that happens, it becomes nearly impossible to look outside of themselves to see the bigger picture. Narcissists struggle to give, as giving rarely serves their self-interests.

• Bubbles. Some people, at no fault of their own, live in a bubble. They have their own problems and are unaware of the plight of others. In their mind, they "need" the resources just as much (or more) than others, thus opting to hold the resources for themselves.

As a recovering Neither, I can confidently attest that everyone can move out of the Neither camp and into the Either camp. Whatever your hurdles, just know there's so much beauty on the other side of this.

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Givers, Receivers, Neithers, and Eithers

We got a problem. I know that's not correct grammar, but it sounds better. We got a problem!

Worldwide, we've developed twisted perspectives on generosity. Notice how I said worldwide. This isn't an us problem or a them problem. It's an our problem. I've witnessed this problem first-hand in more than 30 countries, with each culture carrying its own version of twisted.

First, please allow me to illustrate how I see it. Each of us can be placed into one of four camps: Givers, Receivers, Neithers, and Eithers. 

Givers recognize they have achieved some level of financial success (with varying definitions) and feel some combination of opportunity or responsibility to give. When this perspective is combined with action, they become givers. However, Givers often struggle to receive because, well, they are givers. They are blessed. They are "successful." Therefore, they perpetually live on the giving side of the ledger.

Receivers recognize they fall on the lower end of the economic scale. They see how people all around them are better off, leading them (whether voluntarily or begrudgingly) to categorize themselves as receivers of generosity. This generosity might be formal (governmental or private programs) or more casual (gifts or favors from people in their circles and community). Notice how I didn't call them takers. Sure, there are takers in this camp, but takers are the minority. Most receivers have humility (and sometimes shame) with their status as receivers. 

Neithers, the most common group in America, believe in personal responsibility, independence, and autonomy. They believe people ought to help themselves, but if they don’t (or can’t), there's someone else responsible for stepping in. Neithers closely associate their hard work with their money, and have a desire to use said money to progress their family's interests (security, wealth, comfort, lifestyle, or status). Neithers are proud to make it on their own. They'd rather suffer harsh consequences than take a handout from someone. "I don't need help" is a common phrase Neithers would think or say.

Finally, we have Eithers. Eithers are a rare breed, both in America and abroad. Eithers are hard to pin down. They might be upper-class, middle-class, or lower-class. On one hand, they recognize they are blessed in some way. Perhaps not as much as their friend, neighbor, or family member, but blessed nonetheless. This mindset compels them to act with generosity. On the other hand, they live with a posture of humility and understand they need to be willing recipients of generosity from others. It might be during a hard season of life, in a particular area of life, or simply to allow others the gift of being a blessing.

Eithers are weird! One minute, they are trying to make ends meet, and the next, they are openly giving to someone else. This could even happen on the same day. Talk about giving/receiving whiplash! It's like the widowed single mom from yesterday's post. She struggles at times, and finances can feel tight, but at the same time, she lives with joyful, open-handed generosity. 

Eithers are awesome!!! While they are a rare breed today, I dream of a day when Eithers comprise the majority of society; an army of Eithers! Love, generosity, humility, community, joy, contentment, and meaning. I think Eithers have it figured out!

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Enough

At what point in your life is it time to start giving financially?

Is it a certain income? 

Is it once you meet xyz financial goals?

Is it a certain standard of living?

Is it a certain level of stability or security?

I’m going to share a few stories, all related to the same topic:

I recently met with a 40-something couple that makes an annual household income of $380,000. They have a heart to give, but they don’t feel ready yet. According to them, they might be ready to start giving once the husband receives his next promotion. Until then, there’s just not enough margin. 

I recently met with a 20-something couple that has $50,000 in consumer debt. They have a heart to give, but don’t feel ready yet. According to them, they might be ready to start giving once they are debt-free. Until then, it doesn’t feel like the "responsible" thing to do.

I recently met with a couple who have two teenagers at home. They have a heart to give, but don’t feel ready yet. According to them, they might be ready to start giving once the kids are done with college. Until then, they need to save those resources.

I recently met with a 30-something couple who run tremendously successful businesses. They have a heart to give, but don’t feel ready yet. According to them, they will start giving once they feel more secure. Until then, they need to hoard more assets to create a better sense of security.

I recently met with a widowed single mom who has a limited income. Resources are tight, but giving is at the center of her family’s life. According to her, “As long as my kids are fed, I have enough.”

One is not like the other. I’m playing the role of Captain Obvious here, but the widowed single mom has the lowest standard of living of the bunch……and it’s not even close. In fact, several of the other families make more in a month than this woman makes in a year. The disparity is stark. Here’s a less intuitive observation. This widowed single mom with a low income lives her life with more freedom and joy than each of the other families. Why? One key word: “Enough.” Contentment. Humility. If her kids have enough food to eat, she has enough. And if we have enough, we certainly have something to give. 

Do you have a roof over your head? Do you have enough food to eat? If the answer to these two questions is “Yes,” you have something to give. No qualifiers, no “buts,” no justifications. Yes, your something will be different than someone else’s something, but something is still something.

Here’s a reality, though. There’s always a reason not to give today, and tomorrow, there will be another reason not to give. There’s always a reason not to give, and if we’re not careful, we’ll qualify, “but,” and justify our way out of generosity until the day we die. YOU have something to give. Not someday. Not after you attain a certain income, meet certain goals, achieve a certain standard of living, attain a certain level of stability or security, or reach a certain age. Today. Now. Always. 

This is the true path to freedom and joy. It feels ironic, but it's the best irony of them all.

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Riddle Me This

For the first time in my life, I stumbled into someone (on TikTok of all places) discussing a topic I've spent far too much time thinking about. It's a topic I've had opinions on for decades, and finally, it's part of the public discourse!

Let's pretend you and a friend go out for dinner. The intent was for each person to pay for their own meal. When the bill comes, though, the server communicates that they have a no-split policy. You decide to pick up the tab for the table, and your friend will pay you back. You can replace this scenario with countless others, but this is a simple way to frame this up.

The next day, your friend asks how much you owe him/her. The exact amount owed is $27.65. What amount do you communicate with your friend?

• A. $27.00

• B. $27.65

• C. $28.00

Take a second and think about what you would tell your friend.

I believe each answer is a tell, and I'm about to unload this deep, dark thought I've been carrying for decades.

If your friend owes you $27.65 and you tell them they owe you $27.65, this is a tell that you live by the letter of the law. You want everything above board, no gray area. You want to ensure you don't feel indebted to the other person, even by a few cents. Or……it just might mean you’re an accountant and anything but two full decimals is akin to blasphemy.

If your friend owes you $27.65 and you tell them they owe you $28.00, this is a tell that you want to ensure nobody takes advantage of you. After all, you're the one who stepped up and took one for the team by buying for the table. $28 is a nice round number, and it's only fair this is their tab. Besides, it's only 35 cents!

If your friend owes you $27.65 and you tell them they owe you $27.00, this is a tell that you live with a spirit of generosity....even in the smallest and most unseen ways. It's a generous act to round down what they owe you, giving them a slightly better number than yours. It's also an act of generosity to make it a simple number. It's a small, real-time act that shows you have their back.

This isn't a profound or earth-shattering concept today, but perhaps it will make you look in the mirror. What would you tell your friend? Also, you're welcome for now permanently possessing the curse of constantly and intently watching how other people answer this question. It's telling.

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Just Notice

I met a friend for lunch yesterday at one of my favorite Mexican restaurants. I wouldn't say I'm one of their top customers, but I do make it in around once per month.

It's one of those order at the counter and they bring it to you type of places. While trying to order my meal, I struggled to find my desired entree on the menu (evidence that I'm not there too frequently). Just then, the woman behind the counter said, "I think you're looking for #14." Caught off-guard, I scanned the menu board to find item #14, only to discover it's exactly what I was looking for.

"Wait, how did you know that's what I was looking for?!?!"

"When you walked in, my dad told me you would be ordering a #14, and he already started preparing it for you."

First, am I really that predictable!?!? Wow!

Second, I was shocked they noticed me to that degree. I didn't know they even recognized me, and not only did they recognize me, they knew what I wanted even before I opened my mouth.

That single exchange tremendously moved the needle for me. Their actions didn't cost them anything, and yet, made all the difference in the world. In one simple act, they just seared in my loyalty, which will inevitably result in hundreds more dollars in revenue from me in the near future.

Just notice. It's a spectacularly simple strategy to move the needle in your endeavors. All it takes is a little intentionality, some care, and a desire to be more excellent. Whatever you're about to do today, just notice. It may seem like nothing to you, but it could be everything for someone you encounter.

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Driving Your (or Their) Future

We're sticking on the topic of cars again today, courtesy of an e-mail I received from blog reader Randy. Specifically, Randy pointed out how these modern-day mortgage-sized vehicle payments aren't just a curse to our month-to-month finances, but their impacts compound over time. He's so, so right about that, and his observation reminds me of a story from a few months ago.

I'll set the stage. I was meeting with a 30-year-old couple. They make a good income and live a normal life, but they have an issue. There's not enough margin in their monthly budget to save for retirement. In short, they are fearful that they won't have enough money to retire one day.

Upon reviewing their budget, I confirmed they don't, in fact, have much margin in their month-to-month cashflow. I also confirmed they have zero saved for retirement. Oh yeah, and one other fact: The husband's monthly vehicle payment was approximately $1,200. Curious, I asked them about this glaring number in their budget. The husband told me they've had a vehicle payment in this range since getting married five years ago.....but they can "easily afford it." By the way, this doesn't include the wife's car payment.

I'll summarize:

• A $1,200 vehicle payment is normal to them, as evidenced by having one for at least five years (spanning three different vehicles).

• Their $1,200 vehicle payment is "easily affordable."

• They live month-to-month.

• To date, they haven't had enough margin to save for retirement.

This situation isn't isolated to this couple. Without even realizing it, millions of Americans are putting themselves in a similar situation. To create urgency, I shared a visual with them. What if they stopped the vehicle payment cycle by selling this vehicle, purchasing an affordable vehicle with cash, and began investing that $1,200/month payment?

Here's the math. If this couple invests $1,200/month from age 30 to age 65 and does absolutely nothing else investing-wise, they would end up with approximately $3.5M by age 65. How much work would this require? 10 minutes to set up an investment account and automate it. Then, nothing. Zero work. Zero effort. Zero brain damage. They could lose their login credentials and come back 35 years later to find $3.5M chillin' in their account. Yes, it's that simple. Compounding.

What if instead of investing, we were talking about the compounding impact of generosity? My kids recently participated in a day of service to prepare packages for Meals From the Heartland. This ministry packages and distributes meals all over the world, feeding millions of hungry people. Each serving costs approximately $0.29. $1,200 invested in this initiative would fund 4,100 meals in a single month. Looking at the bigger picture, that's 49,200 meals per year! From age 30 to 65, that's 1.7 MILLION meals. Nearly 2 million meals!!! How many lives is that?!?! You could literally change the world! Compounding.

But yeah, that truck is pretty sweet! It's got heated seats, fancy cameras, a massive engine, and turns all the heads while sitting at the stoplight. People will surely know you're successful now!

Decisions compound. Choose wisely.

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