The Many Paths to Neither-ville
I have to admit, my recent piece titled Givers, Receivers, Neithers, and Eithers has quickly become one of my favorite things I've ever written. You had a lot to say about this one, too, and I loved reading your perspectives, insights, encouragement, and criticism. Many of you suggested that there are more than four camps of people, citing specific examples. Upon processing, I still believe there are only four camps.
Here's something interesting, though. Each example someone brought up was valid. I agree with and affirm every one. However, these examples weren't different camps, but rather various paths to Neither-ville.
Here's how I described Neithers in my prior post: "Neithers, the most common group in America, believe in personal responsibility, independence, and autonomy. They believe people ought to help themselves, but if they don't (or can't), there's someone else responsible for stepping in. Neithers closely associate their hard work with their money, and have a desire to use said money to progress their family's interests (security, wealth, comfort, lifestyle, or status). Neithers are proud to make it on their own. They'd rather suffer harsh consequences than take a handout from someone. "I don't need help" is a common phrase Neithers would think or say."
Based on my verbiage, the primary reason for Neithers being Neithers is a core belief in personal responsibility, independence, and autonomy. That's 100% true, and I'll die on that hill. However, that's not the only path to Neither-ville; there are many paths! That's why our collective aggregation toward Nither-ville is so pervasive.
With that said, here's a more complete list of how people find their way into the Neither camp:
Greed. This one is fairly obvious. If we genuinely believe what we have is ours, and having more is better than having less, we develop a natural predisposition to be a Neither. This typically aligns with people whose mission is to "build wealth" or keep up with the Joneses.
Hoarding. This one is similar to greed, but with a purer intent. For various reasons (typically involving childhood experiences), some people develop a scarcity mindset and a subsequent predisposition to hoard financial assets. For these people, there's never enough to be enough, thus giving becomes nearly impossible.
Fear. Similar to hoarders, fear-based people often experience financial trauma in their childhoods, resulting in a perpetual fear that everything will be taken away at any minute. This creates much friction when generosity is in play.
FIRE. There's an entire segment of our population that subscribes to FIRE (Financial Independence Retire Early). These people are racing to retirement, and any act of generosity delays their frantic pace toward the coveted end of their careers. Thus, generosity gets left in the dust.
Narcissism. For some, everything really is about them, and when that happens, it becomes nearly impossible to look outside of themselves to see the bigger picture. Narcissists struggle to give, as giving rarely serves their self-interests.
Bubbles. Some people, at no fault of their own, live in a bubble. They have their own problems and are unaware of the plight of others. In their mind, they "need" the resources just as much (or more) than others, thus opting to hold the resources for themselves.
As a recovering Neither, I can confidently attest that everyone can move out of the Neither camp and into the Either camp. Whatever your hurdles, just know there's so much beauty on the other side of this.
____
Did someone forward you this post? We're glad you're here! If you'd like to subscribe to The Daily Meaning to receive these posts directly in your inbox (for free!), just CLICK THIS LINK. It only takes 10 seconds.