Chicken or Egg?

I recently stumbled upon a heated online conversation on a social media platform. The original poster posed a question: "If so many people are struggling right now, why are there so many people with brand-new vehicles parked in their driveways?" It seemed counterintuitive, as these new vehicles are presumably evidence that people are doing well.

Let's just say the comments were lively. Hundreds of people chimed in, positively confirming that most people are, in fact, doing great. The commenters believed they, individually, were simply part of the small share of people who are struggling, while everyone else is thriving.

I have news to break to them (and anyone else who will listen). Those brand-new vehicles sitting in people's driveways aren't evidence that people are doing great. Rather, those same vehicles are one of the primary culprits for why people are struggling so much. People's vehicles are putting them into a financial grave, month after month.

I recently met with a successful-looking couple who, from the outside, appear to have it all put together. They are fit, their kids are cute, their house is immaculate, they have good jobs, and they both drive new vehicles. The subject of the conversation? How they can stay financially afloat and not lose everything. Truth be told, their monthly finances didn't contain many red flags. Lots of normal, but not outlandish spending allocations. However, there were two major red flags.....and both were parked in their garage:

• His vehicle: $1,100/month payment

• Her vehicle: $850/month payment

Total vehicle payments of $1,950. In my brain, that's called a mortgage payment. Two thousand bucks for vehicles!?!? Both assured me that 1) they can afford them, 2) they are perfectly reasonable vehicles, and 3) everyone else has at least as nice vehicles as they do.

They aren't alone. This is a dynamic I see every single week in my coaching work. I've met with hundreds of families, and vehicle tension is the leading contributor to financial pain, suffering, tension, stress, and destruction. Not a lack of income, student loan debt, a failure to budget, or limited financial literacy. Vehicles. Vehicles are literally milking an entire society dry.

Many people who read this piece will roll their eyes at me. This topic often draws the ire of those who digest my content daily. That's okay, though, as this message needs to be shared over and over and over. I so badly want people to live a quality of life, and if I can get them to make different decisions in this vehicle department, I strongly believe it will have a direct positive impact on their quality of life.

We need more humility. We need more patience. We need to care a whole lot less about what others think. That's the ticket to some beautiful things in our lives. Please don't allow a vehicle to play a significant role in your journey. It can play a role, but not a leading role. You deserve better; much, much better!

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“Is This Heaven?”

"Is this heaven?"

"No, it's Iowa."

We watched Field of Dreams during a recent family movie night. I've been waiting 10 years to show this one to the boys, and man, it didn't disappoint! I was a little nervous that they would find it boring or too slow-moving, but they both gave it a 10/10.

After the movie, I asked them what they liked most about the movie. Pax already had the answer on the tip of his tongue: "How he wanted to play catch with his dad at the end."

I about melted! That is also my favorite scene. I remember watching that scene when my kids were just babies. I melted then, too, knowing I had two little boys swaddled next to me, and someday, I might get to play catch with them.

A simple act of catch. Two gloves, a ball, the sound of birds chirping, and a silent understanding that this moment matters. It's the perfect illustration of the beauty of life.

We're about to go on two family vacations in the weeks to come, and all I can think about is how badly I want to live in the moment and maximize the experiences I get with our little family.

Every little moment counts. Life doesn't have to offer these big, massive events for us to savor the beauty of the moment. Even the small things, the mundane things, the uneventful things can trigger experiences and create memories that will go to the grave with us.

Don't look past the opportunity to create moments and memories with your kids. Time goes too fast, and we don't want to let too much time pass before we realize some of the most amazing opportunities of our lives stand before us in the present.

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Discouraged, But Not Destroyed

I often discuss the importance of sinking funds. If you're new to the concept, a sinking fund is a named savings account with a specific purpose. Funding said savings account is baked into the rhythm of a monthly budget, slowly building up over time for its eventual use. These types of accounts work great for lumpy expenses:

• Car Maintenance

• Medical Expenses

• Travel Costs

• House Repairs

• Kids Activities

• Vet Bills

Here's how to know if something in your life would make for a great sinking fund. If a certain expense could smack you in the face out of nowhere and, in doing so, immediately sabotage your finances, that would make a great sinking fund.

This brings me to my day. In a few hours, I will load my car onto a tow trailer and sit next to a tow-truck driver for a 4.5-hour trek back home. The cost for this marvelous tow / Uber ride? $750. Yeah, it's gonna suck. I drove my 350Z to the cattle ranch this week, and as I was nearing my destination, I heard some unpleasant sounds coming from the engine. There's a chance my engine is toast.....there's a chance it isn't. We'll have to wait until after my $750 tow to find out. It's a mess. I'm frustrated. I'm discouraged. The good news, though, is that I've been funding my car maintenance sinking fund each month for the past 21 years.

Today could have wrecked my finances. It could have imploded us and caused tremendous tension in my marriage. Instead, thanks to the sinking fund, it's just going to be really, really frustrating. We have about $1,400 in our sinking fund ready for such an occasion. I'm grateful we had the discipline to fund this sinking fund each month, even when more enjoyable options were on the table.

Sinking funds are game-changers. In fact, many coaching clients tell me that setting up sinking funds was one of the biggest decisions they made during their ongoing financial journeys. Perhaps it's time to set one up today.....

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“They Are Spending My Inheritance!!!”

I was recently hanging out with a group of Millennials and Gen Xers when one of them started talking about her parents' European cruise. As she was describing it, it sounded pretty fun! Bouncing from country to country, different cultures, varying cuisines, beautiful landscapes. What's not to like?!?! However, perhaps I was being dense, but I wasn't immediately picking up the point of her story. That is, until she ended it with this bomb: "They are spending my inheritance!!!!"

Excuse me, what?!?! A grown independent woman is venting about how her parents are on a cruise, lamenting that they are spending her future money. I was stunned by this, and part of me was bracing for the verbal backlash she was about to get from the others in the group (please go easy on her, friends!!!).

Well, I was apparently too dense to pick up on that next part as well. Most people in the group agreed with her! Several people shared stories about how their inheritance is being eaten up by their parents' financial decisions.

If you know me, you know I don't believe in financial inheritances to begin with. However, that's just my personal perspective, and people can do what they want. That said, my personal opinion doesn't prevent me from saying what I'm about to say next: We don't have the right to count other people's money and bank on receiving anything from anyone. We're not entitled to anything in this life.....especially gifts received upon someone's passing. I find that mindset to be disgustingly abhorrent.

I've watched this mindset play out for years in my professional work. It can be destructive in people's lives. For example, if someone KNOWS they will eventually receive a large financial gift as an inheritance, it can often be psychologically debilitating. When we know how the story ends (i.e., I'm going to receive a huge sum of money), it undercuts our need and motivation to figure it out ourselves. This can be a crippling force in our lives. I can't even express to you how hard it is to coach couples that have known upcoming windfalls. It's hard enough to change habits when there's much riding on it, never mind when there's an offramp to easyville dangling in our future. I get it; nobody is going to pull out the mini violins for people who will one day receive millions. But when you see it as often and up close as I do, it's sad! I have so much empathy for those folks. They've been unknowingly robbed of something so important in life.

Today's takeaway is two-pronged:

• To the younger generation: Don't expect anything. Live your lives as if you'll receive nothing. Figure it out. Work hard. Be disciplined. Practice delayed gratification. Save for the future. Know that you need to carve your own path. You can do it!

• To the older generation: Please don't psychologically cripple your children. Don't dangle carrots that will hinder their growth and eradicate their aspirations. Don't give them an offramp to easyville. If you want to give, consider giving earlier, while you're still alive, during a season where your generosity can genuinely help them. That could be a true blessing.

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Enjoy the Suck

If all goes well, by year-end, one of my clients will have paid off approximately $50,000 of consumer debt in about 18 months. Two vehicles and a collection of student loans; normal stuff! They don't realize it yet, but their lives are about ready to shift into an exciting and unprecedented new realm. Nothing will ever be the same.

Whenever I bring up the idea of paying off debt to couples, most people say some variation of, "I don't want to throw away x years of my life." Translation: the only way to pay off debt is to not spend money on fun, and not spending money on fun is akin to wasting life and living in misery. Therefore, the juice isn't worth the squeeze. They would rather just enjoy life while they can, and kick the can down the road.

I've watched dozens (or hundreds) of families turn their backs on a significantly better life simply because they don't want to endure a season of sacrifice. The long-term implications of those decisions are catastrophic.

I have a little secret for you. Making sacrifices for a season to achieve a goal doesn't have to be a soul-sucking, fun-hating, misery-inducing journey. Sarah and I spent 4.5 years paying off $236,000 of crappy debt. It was the first 4.5 years of our marriage. And to be honest, the life we lived was pretty dang awesome. Did we make sacrifices? Oh yeah, brutal sacrifices. However, those sacrifices didn't define our quality of life or the meaning we experienced. Our standard of living sure suffered, but the quality of life was outstanding. We enjoyed the suck!

Today, when I look at young couples like my client mentioned above, I can't help but smile, knowing something they don't yet know. What lies on the other side of cleaning up this debt mess is a life they never knew existed. I can testify that this young couple hasn't stopped living life. In fact, I think they enjoy the suck, too! They have threaded the needle of making massive sacrifices while also enjoying their young marriage. In a few years, they will thank their former selves for paying the price for their freedom.

Enjoy the suck! Whatever sacrifice current you needs to make for future you to have a better life, do it! Don't wait. Life can be hard now or life can be hard later.......choose your hard. Sarah and I chose to enjoy the suck early. My young friends chose to enjoy the suck early. What will you choose? There's no better time to go for it than today.

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Exhibit #975

I talk often about the hidden psychological forces that influence our daily habits and decision-making. These hidden forces play a much larger role in our lives than we'd like to admit, and most people won't admit it. Today, I'd like to talk about Exhibit #975. Is it really #975? Not sure....I'm just guessing at this point!

I recently stumbled upon a social media video in which a woman asked, "If you were offered a free vacation, but you weren't allowed to post any photos of the vacation on social media, would you still go?" She continued by saying that she would feel that a trip without social media photos would be "a waste," and thus would decline.

My first reaction to her question was, "Of course I’d go! In fact, I'd prefer not to share a single photo of my trip! Double win!"

I saw lots of similar remarks in her comments. However, the vast majority of people agreed with her. If you can't post photos of your trip on social media, what's the point? Thousands of people chimed in, arguing that there's not much of a point in going on a vacation if you can't share content from it. Many people said they'd rather pay to go on the same trip so they can post whatever they want.

Depending on the study, 45%-55% of Millennials and Gen Z care about their vacations looking good on social media. Some even select their travel destinations solely for the aesthetics of the soon-to-be social media posts. In other surveys, approximately 20% of people admit to posting photos to boast, while another 10% admit to posting photos to incite jealousy from their friends, family, and colleagues. Here’s another fun one. 75% of people say they get annoyed when friends and family post vacation photos, yet even so, 75% of those annoyed people will do the same by posting their own photos. It’s a social media arms race of vacation photos!

We, humans, are a weird bunch. Now, regardless of what side of the aisle you land on with this question, this is another piece of evidence illustrating just how much we're being influenced by culture. You and I might not be struck by this particular ridiculous affliction, but we're struck by some other, equally ridiculous afflictions. Somewhere, deep down in our psyche, we're being manipulated by a combination of our culture and our subconscious.

Maybe it's the vehicles we're buying. Maybe it's the houses we're living in. Maybe it's the clothes we're wearing. Maybe it's the clubs we're joining. Maybe it's the technology we're using. I'm not suggesting that we ought to stop being impacted by these forces. If we're human, it's inescapable. Instead, what I'm suggesting is that we become aware of it in our own lives. Once we have awareness, we can take it into account in our decision-making process and make better choices.

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An Accidental Insult

I recently ran into an acquaintance at a local bookstore near my house. To be more specific, I ran into this acquaintance at the local bookstore twice within a month. During our second encounter, this person said to me, "Thanks for supporting this small business." Ugh!

I couldn't hate that phrase any more. "Support." The mere idea that I "support" that bookstore would be an insult to the shop's owner. I don't go to that bookstore to "support" them. I go there because they are excellent at what they do. The shop has a great vibe, the selection is always vast and ever-changing, the owner treats me like family, and the prices are too appealing to pass up. I've purchased hundreds of books from them, and God willing, I'll purchase several hundred more.

The mere idea that I "support" them is an insult, an accidental insult. They don't get my business out of pity, guilt, or some sense that if I don't go there, they won't make it. Instead, they served me extraordinarily well and earned the right for me to come back. Each time I visit, they re-earn the right again. That's how excellence works. They don't lather the pity, guilt, or emotional heartstrings on social media to get people in the door. They just pursue excellence in what they do and let the experiences speak for themselves.

Please remember this when you consider telling someone to "support" a small business. In that message is the presumption that their business isn't good enough without you or other people going there out of pity or guilt. Here's an alternative. If you know a small business that practices excellence, tell that to people. Shout from the rooftops how amazing a business is and how their lives will be better if they engage with said businesses. That's beautiful. It's pure, honest, and deserving. Always point back toward excellence, then let those businesses earn the right for your friends and family to go back again.

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And the World Shall Be Better

I received a fun little surprise yesterday when I opened my e-mail account. I was met with a piece of writing by one of my best friends, Dan. In his message, he shared that he's long been contemplating sending a monthly e-mail to a large group of people.....with yesterday's e-mail being the first. He vulnerably shared what prevented him from doing it until now:

"But if I'm honest, fear held me back.

• What if it's not good enough?

• What if nobody reads it?

• What if people think less of me?

The more I thought about it, the more I realized those aren't the right questions. The answers to those questions will always be changing. They're dependent on opinions, circumstances, and things we can't control."

Dan is a tremendously impactful and influential man. His experience, wisdom, and gifts have changed countless lives (mine included!!!). However, now that I think about it, outside of random texts, I've never seen his influence in written form. I liked it!!! Strike that, I loved it!

Dan is one of those people I envision never being scared, never backing down, never faltering. He's stronger than me. He's wiser than me, too. So when I see his vulnerable words about fear, it struck a chord in me. It's a topic I write about often, and Dan is evidence that even the strongest of us are sometimes afflicted by it.

But the fact that Dan is facing this challenge and opportunity of writing head-on tells me that his influence in the world is about to multiply. Thousands of people who haven't had the privilege of being impacted by Dan now have the opportunity to learn, grow, and be encouraged by Dan's gifts and insights.

Dan decided to step through the fear.......and the world shall be better.

Dan is a special dude, for sure! But everyone reading this has something to offer, too. In many cases, our impact and influence are just on the other side of stepping out of our comfort zone. It's on the other side of our fears. It's on the other side of doing the hard thing. Like Dan, many of you probably have things you've been considering for a long time. Today, please allow Dan's action to inspire your action. Step into what you're called to do.....and the world shall be better.

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D, R, or Not Important

I recently received an interesting first-time e-mail from a blog reader: "I've been reading your blog religiously for more than 2 years now and I still can't tell your politics. I feel like I know your values but you never tip your hand about politics. Is that intentional?"

I think this is a very insightful observation, and yes, it's intentional. We live in a culture that defines people by the letters "D" and "R." Many people define themselves with these designations. It almost becomes people's entire identity and personality. It's interesting to me that for many Americans, the letter they attach to themselves has more bearing on their life than their chosen faith.

Therefore, I'm quite pleased that this blog reader has been reading my content for years, but still cannot paint me into a political box. Here's my favorite part of her e-mail, though. She feels like she knows my values. Yes!!! My values. Values matter so much more than letters, candidates, and bumper stickers. Every day, I seek to communicate my values, ideas, and perspectives. That's one of the reasons why so many people come back again and again. I DON'T jam politics down people's throats. Now, some people might ascertain my leanings based on certain shared perspectives, but it's not a concrete correlation.

Why? Why don't I share my political leanings more openly? In our culture, we decide whether we fully agree or fully disagree with what someone says the moment we know the letter in front of their name. Even if it's the best idea ever, we despise it if the person has the wrong letter. And even if it's the worst idea ever, we love it if the person has the right letter. Therefore, I opt out of that stupid game and instead allow people to judge my values, ideas, and perspectives on their own merits.

I propose we chop up the letters. Nobody needs to know what letter sits before each of our names. D or R? More like not important. I don't care what letter you wear. I care about the ideas you bring to the table. If you bring good ideas, I'm in. If you bring dumb ideas, well, probably not. Politics shouldn't need to play a factor.

I'm so glad my new blog reader friend shared her observation with me. I'm grateful she noticed, and I hope others do, too. You are more than your politics, far more! In fact, I'd argue that almost everything about you is more important than your politics. Please remember that, and let's create a world where people know more about our values, ideas, and perspectives than the letter we wear.

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A Reminder From Waterlooville

One of my hobbies is watching the web activity on my website. I always find it fascinating to understand who is reading my blog, and from where. It boggles my mind that we've had readers from at least 101 different countries this year alone. After enough posts, I start to forget what I wrote about in the past. Therefore, when I see the names of blog posts pop up in the live web feed, they sometimes catch my eye. For example, I recently saw someone from Waterlooville, UK, read a post titled How Many Apples Are In a Seed? Waterlooville?!?! I went straight to Google Maps. Waterlooville is a town of 35,000 people, approximately 60 miles southwest of London, right along the southern coast of the UK.

The fact that someone from Waterlooville took time out of their day to read some of my words blows my mind. I never take this for granted, and I sincerely hope something I say means something to someone. Perhaps this person was moved by my post in some small way.

Speaking of the post, the title made me raise an eyebrow. What in the world was that one about?!?! I clicked to find out for myself. Oh yeah, I remember that one!!!! It was a post from April 2024 about the importance of simply planting seeds, using UCONN coach Geno Auriemma as the example. Reading it brought back good memories, but it also reminded me of an idea I think about over and over and over.

We oftentimes don't know what impact we're making. Instead, our job is simply to plant seeds. We plant, plant, plant, water, water, water.......then wait. Some of our seeds will die. Some will sprout, but ultimately not make it. Then, sometimes, our seeds will not only sprout, but grow into something far more beautiful than we'd ever imagine. The tough part is we don't know which ones are which. Therefore, all we can do is keep planting, keep watering, and trust God to sort it out. I loved the message then, and I love it now.

Distant friend in Waterlooville, it would be fun to meet you someday. I wish you well. I hope your life is full of meaning, impact, and joy, planting seeds every step of the way. Please keep up the good work!

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A Cheap (Little Man) Date

When I talk to friends, I hear many stories about how they take their kids to these extravagant events and expensive activities. All of it sounds fun, very fun. It's what they say next that causes me to scratch my head: "We just want to give our kids a good summer." In these conversations, the messaging is clear: spending money = a good summer; not spending money = a bad summer. They don't outright say that, but it's intertwined into the fabric of the conversation.

Again, I'm not opposed to any of it. In fact, there are a few things I'll do with my kids this summer that will probably cost some money. However, I try to NEVER define the quality of our time together by how much or how little it costs. Last night was a great example. The boys wanted to make a fire in the backyard, roast some marshmallows, toss the football around, and watch a movie. That was their definition of a fun night with dad. And all it cost us was a few pieces of wood and a couple of marshmallows. More importantly, it cost my presence. I needed to put down the work, get rid of the phone, and simply focus on them. Frankly, that can sometimes be harder than blindly spending money. Time and attention are precious resources, but it's the currency of childhood.

After a busy weekend, I asked the boys what their favorite things were. For context, we did a lot of fun activities and attended kid-friendly events that I would have loved when I was their age. I had no idea how they would respond to my question. After thinking about all the fun we had during the weekend, Pax responded, "playing football in the front yard with you." Wow. That one got me.

Parents, don't feel like the best way to your children's heart (and their wonder) is to spend money and do crazy things. Nothing wrong with those things! Do some cool things! But remember, doing those things isn't a prerequisite to creating lifelong memories and providing a good life. The good life starts with our attention, time, and love. The rest is just noise.

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A Different Person

I ran into a close friend yesterday who had been following the blog over the last week while I was in Colombia. He asked a very interesting question: "How do trips like that impact you?"

In short, I sincerely believe I return from those types of trips as a different person. When we leave our personal bubbles and allow ourselves to be uncomfortable, it stretches us in ways that are hard to fully communicate.

Those types of experiences challenge everything we know to be true, everything we take for granted, and every bias we use to engage the world around us. Those types of experiences also call into question who we are as people, what our place in the world is, and how we can best serve the greater good. So yeah, I don't think it's hyperbole to say that we return as different people after trips like that.

My first trip out of the country was at age 26; to England and Ireland. Despite both of those countries being Westernized and English-speaking, that trip profoundly changed me. My small little mind couldn't believe how big the world was, yet at the same time, how small it was. That trip showed me that no matter what I thought I knew, I actually knew nothing. Fast forward twenty years, and I think I've been to upwards of 40 countries. Each trip, each location, and each experience changed me in a different way.

How did this trip change me? My takeaways are pretty clear:

• Even the biggest, most audacious dreams are possible. We don't get to decide what's possible. Only God can decide.

• Time is but a number. No matter how long or short something will theoretically take, reality doesn't care about projections. It will happen when it's supposed to happen.

• People don't have to be world-changers to change the world. Some of the largest impacts come from the smallest, most humble beginnings.

• Life is so, so fragile. We can't take our days for granted. Any day could be THE day.

• There are a lot of dark forces in the world, darker than we often see with the naked eye or while stuck in our bubbles.

• Relationships are the key to everything. I've known this, but this trip was another reminder of the sheer power and beauty of relationships.

• Everyone has a role. Each person on our team brought specific, non-replicable roles to the table. None of us could have filled the others' roles. Regardless of your role, it matters. Don't judge. Don't compare. Don't minimize yourself.

It's going to take me a few weeks to fully process everything that happened on this trip. However, it's safe to say that I'll never be the same after it. I'm a different person. God willing, a better person.

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Home is Home

I woke up in my own bed this morning. My head is still spinning after returning from a trip of a lifetime. It included three of the most surreal days of my life. I'm not even sure people would believe the stories if I told them. I am blessed beyond belief, and eternally grateful for every person I interacted with during my time in Colombia.

But I missed my wife. And I missed my boys. I missed our life together. No matter how good it is to see the world and endeavor to make an impact beyond ourselves, it's equally as good to return home. I'm looking forward to football in the backyard, movie snuggles on the couch, morning coffee with Sarah, video games with the boys, delicious drinks from my coffee shop, pizza at our nearby joint, and the normal work I'm blessed to do for those I'm blessed to serve. Home is amazing. Home doesn't need to be fancy, exotic, expensive, or luxurious. Home just needs to be home. Home needs to be the place where we can let go of all the stress and burden we carry on our shoulders, and engage those we love most in the simplest of ways.

I'm exhausted, but satisfied. Excited, but weary. Encouraged, but drained. Tired, but energetic. Heartbroken for the things I've seen, but hopeful for the same. My body fat percentage has probably jumped a few points after all this amazing Colombian food, but I'm looking forward to locking back into my habits and practices. I'll miss my Colombian friends, but will welcome my American friends. Both sides of the equation are needed otherwise appreciate the other. I needed to be reminded of that this week. I've carried many heavy burdens these last few months, and this trip no doubt jarred some perspective into me. The job is not complete. In fact, it's only beginning.

Home is an amazing place. We ought not take it for granted. I can't wait for my next trip to Colombia, but in the meantime, I'm going to appreciate home all the same. On a related note, I'm probably going to get a knee-drop to the chest by a stinky little boy any moment now and nearly die from the pain. I'm really looking forward to that. I miss those errant and reckless 9-year-old knees knocking the wind right out of my lungs. I hope you have a great day, and please, please, please never take home for granted. It should be a special place for us all.

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Kristian, I Want to Play a Game

Yesterday was my final full day in Colombia. I woke up in a hotel connected to a shopping mall in a city called Neiva. After a productive morning of meetings, we packed our bags and headed into the mall for lunch. I gotta tell you, the energy in that mall was electric! Literally thousands of people were there shopping, eating, drinking, playing, and conversing. It reminded me of America’s vibrant mall culture in the late 90s. Safe to say I was digging it!

After realizing that almost every other restaurant and food court was absolutely slammed, the team selected a quieter little restaurant within the mall. Immediately after being seated, we started scanning the menu. 

I have a rule when I travel abroad. I won’t eat anything that I am familiar with or can readily get in America. One of the best ways to learn someone’s culture and build relationships is through shared experiences with THEIR cuisine. 

“Kristian, I want to play a game.” Kristian is the husband of our team leader. He and I had some fun bonding time this week, and I knew our time was coming to an end (which is always sad). I explained to him that I wanted him to order me whatever he was going to order for himself, and not tell me anything about it. I wanted to be surprised, then enjoy. No limits, no rules. 

Every time each of us sits down at a restaurant, we bring our biases, fears, and experiences to the table. Subconsciously, our minds tell us to find something familiar, something comfortable. I would do it, too! But when we treat it as a game and make ourselves uncomfortable by throwing away the rule book, amazing things can happen. 

After a bit, the server delivered the most beautiful-looking dish to me. As was the case with nearly every meal I had in Colombia, it was amazing and it offered a great opportunity to bond over the experience. Kristian won the game, but I was the real winner for having such a special opportunity to learn more about Colombian culture and further build those relationships. 

Nearly every meal this week was a game, an opportunity, a blessing. Yes, this post is about food. But food is never really about food. It’s about connection, experiences, memories, and relationships. Most of us probably won’t be visiting another country this week, but here is my challenge. Next time you have a chance to experience a meal with someone (even your spouse or your children), seize the opportunity to step out of your comfort zone and create a unique memory together. You may or may not like the dish you’re served, but those memories, experiences, and relationships will persist for decades!

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¿Por Qué?

One of our Palmful of Coffee team members is named Alejandra, from Colombia. Early 20s, ministry background, trained and formally educated coffee expert, with a deep passion for all things coffee. She is a true scholar of the art and science of coffee production, from the plant to the cup. Her role in Palmful of Coffee is to create, uphold, and maintain standards for the quality, treatment, and execution of the coffee collection process. In other words, she's the primary driver of operational excellence. She and I have spent a lot of time together over the past few days and engaged in many (interpreter-assisted) conversations. Eventually, I noticed a trend. After I would talk, she would respond, "¿Por qué?"

Translated into English: "Why?" I'd share a few more thoughts. "¿Por qué?" again.

I joked with her that I knew "¿Por qué?" was coming. She apologized. I told her that I absolutely love it. Before I could share my perspective on her curiosity, she said that she has a deep desire to understand what's really going on, where people's hearts truly are, and why things are the way they are. I couldn't have said it better myself!

Her "¿Por qué?" question took us from the truth to the truth behind the truth. The why behind the why. The real truth. The reason behind the reason. That one question takes conversations and understandings from surface-level to something much, much deeper. I'm so glad she asked, as she prompted me to share much deeper meaning behind some of my actions. Without her curiosity, I suspect I would have let it remain at a surface level. I gave her the reason, but she wanted the reason behind the reason.

"¿Por qué?" "Why?" Regardless of the language we're speaking, this simple but powerful question has the power to force us to a deeper level. Obviously, this applies to relationships, but it also applies to ourselves. When was the last time we stopped to ask ourselves "Why?" or "¿Por qué?"

What's the reason behind the reason? Why are we REALLY making this decision? Why do we REALLY care about this? What hidden motivations are REALLY at play? If we can go one or two levels deeper with ourselves, as Alejandra did with me, we'd be so much better off. We would quit playing games with ourselves, telling the person in the mirror one thing while actually being guided by something (or someone) different. We'd stop making decisions based on others' opinions and judgments and start making them based on what's truly best for our own callings and families. The reason behind the reason is always the reason. We need to listen to that.

I wish I had half as much wisdom in my early 20s as Alejandra does. Good thing it's never too late! I need to keep asking "¿Por qué?" more often, and I encourage you to do the same. Have a great day!

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Palmful of Coffee

115 years ago, a Christian missionary in the Mizoram region of India asked a simple question that would unknowingly create a ripple effect spanning generations. He recognized that the people in this region were some of the poorest he had ever seen. It was a community in a continual and profound state of need. Scarcity was the norm, and dependency from the outside was a given.

Everyone has something to give, he taught them. "What do you have?" he asked. Rice. While people had very little, most people had rice. Through his teachings, the villagers began to shift their mindset. Instead of dwelling on what they didn't have, people started focusing on what they did have. And in this region, families had rice. The women prepared the meals for their families while the husbands worked the farms. Each time the women prepared a meal, they set aside a handful of rice. Then, on Sunday, the women would bring the rice to church and give it on behalf of their families.

What seemed like an innocent and small gesture turned into a tidal wave. The church used this rice to care for the disabled, widowed, and elderly, as well as fund ministry. Before long, the church grew exponentially. More people jumped into this new way of living, coined Bhufai Tham (Handful of Rice), and it changed everything. They were no longer as dependent upon support from outsiders. They now care for each other like never before, and the number of Christians has exploded. 115 years later, that church is still thriving. Generations of people share the story of how they were raised with the principles of Bhufai Tham.

Four years ago, my friend and mentor, Gary Hoag, stumbled into a conversation with a pastor that would spark an entirely new movement. However, instead of India, it was Malawi, and instead of rice, it was maize. Similar to the folks in northeast India, many people in Malawi live in a perpetual state of need. People are hungry, and there's a strong dependence on the West. Again, Gary echoed the question, "What do you have?" Maize, people had maize. His team, in coordination with collaborators throughout Malawi, launched Palmful of Maize.

A curriculum was developed to teach children in churches and schools about generosity and the principles of giving what they have. Every home has a bag of maize. To apply what they have learned, every child brings a palmful of maize to church on Sunday. To spread the impact, each child is challenged to encourage friends to do it, too. What happens with the maize? 80% is used to care for people (Mercy), 10% to spread the Gospel (Mission), and 10% for the growth of the church (Management). Within months, communities started meeting their own needs. Instead of having a scarcity mindset and living in a state of dependency, the vision has empowered local generous giving.

To give you a sense of the impact, Malawi has about 20 million people, of whom about 9 million are children. In just three years, this curriculum has been directly taught to 1.1 million children throughout the country, with another 2.3 million children being exposed to it. That equates to 1/3 of the children in the country! In just three short years, these principles and practices have already begun to bend the culture of Malawi. Gary and his team made a video to illustrate the impact, and the word spread globally.

Three years ago, on the other side of the world, in Colombia, a woman named Esther heard about it and started praying. She wanted to see a similar vision spread among Colombia's indigenous coffee farmers (producers of some of the best coffee in the world). She and members of Gary's team mapped out a proposal and floated it by a foundation, but it gained no traction. It just sat there, but Esther kept praying.

In January 2025, during a periodic Zoom call, Gary Hoag and I were chatting about faith, work, and family. Knowing I'm strongly tied to coffee, he mentioned this idea in passing and said he would send me some information. A few days later, I received a PDF about the vision, "Palmful of Coffee." Nobody knew this, but I kept that document open on my laptop screen for weeks. Every few days, I'd re-read it. I couldn't shake it. By April, during another one of our periodic Zoom calls, Gary asked me if I had a chance to read the proposal. He shared that the team had come together, but they still needed the resources to bring it to life.

"I'm in!" I blurted out, interrupting Gary's update. I already knew I was called to do this, but I didn't realize until many weeks later that my abrupt "I'm in!" outburst set the wheels in motion for the adventure of a lifetime. I told Gary that if resources were the key roadblock, I would personally ensure they were taken care of. I didn't know how, but if financial resources were the bottleneck preventing Esther's vision from coming to life, I needed to trust God and step into it. Two days later, the initiative was green-lit, and I had a plane ticket to Medellin, Colombia.

Last May, I spent three days with Gary, Esther, and 12 others, including coffee farmers, pastors, and other influential workers representing all three regions of Colombia's coffee triangle. Hour by hour and day by day, the vision came to life. Similar to India and Malawi, we will endeavor to create a give-what-you-have culture amongst Colombia's indigenous coffee farmers. A culturally contextual Sunday School curriculum will be created and slowly rolled out throughout the country, teaching children and families these same principles. Palmfuls of coffee will be collected and used to care for people, spread the Gospel, and grow the church. Or, as one of my indigenous Colombian friends said, "Return dignity to the coffee farmers."

May 2025 - Our team! We spent a day working on a local coffee farm just outside Medellin. It was absolutely beautiful!

As previously mentioned, I personally vouched for the resources: $150,000 over three years (approximately $50,000 per year). This month marks the end of year 1. Investing nearly every ounce of our family’s financial margin in this endeavor for the past 12 months has been one of the greatest challenges and greatest joys in Sarah and my marriage. It's forced us to make difficult decisions and live a very different life. We don't regret any of it, as we are blessed to sow seeds of generational change. The first version of the curriculum has been created and is presently being piloted by a handful of churches in one region of Colombia. I have the distinct honor of attending the final sermon of our new curriculum and the annual coffee harvest celebration in a Colombian village later today and tomorrow.

I've never been more excited about anything in my life. I regularly talk about the idea of pushing ourselves outside of our comfort zone and being part of something bigger than ourselves. That's what this represents for me. This is also my invitation to you. Would you partner with us? Would you say "yes" to being part of something bigger than you and me? Are you interested in setting wheels into motion that could have a ripple effect for generations?

If so, would you consider making a financial gift toward this vision? I think it would be amazing for this Daily Meaning community to rally together to achieve something that will transform this world! It will be part of our collective legacy forever.

If you want to get in the game and make a financial gift, you can do so HERE. Gary's organization, Global Trust Partners (registered 501(c)(3)), is facilitating the financial management of Palmful of Coffee, and as such, all gifts are tax-deductible. After you click the link above, just tick the box "Palmful of Coffee Colombia" to designate your gift.

If you want to learn more about Handful of Rice, you can watch a short video HERE.

If you want to learn more about Palmful of Maize, you can watch a short video HERE.

If you have any questions or want more information, please e-mail me at thedailymeaning@gmail.com.

Thanks in advance for your consideration and partnership. This is going to be a beautiful journey together!

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No Clue

A few days ago, one of my business partners asked me for my guidance on an important topic. "No clue," I responded. I wasn't trying to be dismissive, but I literally had no clue. "I have no value to add to this conversation." I wasn't trying to play stupid.....I was stupid. However, I think this is the way we all should handle more things in life.

We aren't - can't - be experts in all things. If we're experts in all things, then we're likely experts in nothing. The reason I'm able to speak with such conviction in xyz areas of life, finances, or business is that I'm equally as willing to admit shortcomings in others. I know what I know, and I don't know what I don't know. The key is being willing and able to recognize what we don't know. And on the topic at hand with my business partners, I had no true value to add.

If we're being pure with this concept, it should apply to all areas of life: business, work, friendships, and even marriage. My wife asks me dozens of questions per day. Either I have a convicted answer for her.....or I don't. "I don't know" is a perfectly acceptable answer, and Sarah has grown accustomed to me shooting her straight, one way or another. Sometimes, she's surprised by the things I say "I don't know" to, and vice versa. But as a husband, I owe it to her to be honest not only with her, but with myself. If she and I collectively don't know the answer to a question, it's our responsibility to seek outside counsel.

Following this process, regardless of the topic, allows us to grow and succeed. The alternative approach can lead to some pretty harsh realities. I can't even fairly convey how many people I meet who live with sincere conviction on all sorts of topics they have no business being convicted about. When that happens, poor, questionable, and dangerous decisions get made. Decisions that have far-reaching and long-lasting implications.

It's a pretty simple takeaway today. Be willing to say "no clue." Have the humility to admit you don't know something, then the added humility to seek out the answer from someone who does. The most successful people I know don't know all the answers; they have the humility and wherewithal to know when they don't.

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….So You Don’t Have To

I ran into a blog reader at a coffee shop yesterday. He said he felt conflicted about my recent post revolving around my preparations to ensure my family is financially cared for if I meet an untimely death. On one hand, he respects the fact that I'm trying to make sure my family is taken care of if/when I’m gone. On the flip side, though, he doesn't like that I "always think about money."

In a lot of ways, I get it. If one of our loved ones passes away, there's a deep and profound pain from the loss. Money doesn't matter. In fact, we'd happily give away every single cent we have if it meant we could bring that person back. But we can't. What's done is done. Then, after the initial shock, pain, and horror of loss starts to subside, the next wave of pain hits us: the financial consequences. The loss of income. The funeral expenses. The medical bills. The unknowns about where the money is, what's owed to who, and what ongoing bills need to be addressed. This is a level of stress that only those who have been through it can properly put into context just how heavy it can be.

Back to my friend's comment about me always thinking about money. I actually don't think about money all that much. I don't advise people to think about money all that much. Instead, I'm an advocate for thinking about the money.....so we don't have to think about the money. We address the needs and elephants in the room before life happens; then we can simply live and enjoy life.

This isn't about obsessing about money. Actually, the opposite. It's putting ourselves in a position that we never have to obsess about money. Think about it. The people who are locked in with their finances generally aren't constantly thinking, talking, or obsessing about money. Conversely, the people who don't take the reins on money are often the ones who are constantly thinking, talking, and obsessing about money.....for all the wrong reasons. It gets stressful. The pressure builds. They can cut the tension with a knife! When we don't think about money to some degree, we eventually land in a place where money is all we can think about.

I don't want you to think about money all the time. Heck, I don't even want you to think about it much at all. But in order to get there, we need to think about it and get it right now.....so you don't have to then.

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If Something Happens

I try not to bring it up to Sarah too often, but sometimes it's necessary. If something terrible happens to me, what are her next steps? This is a relevant topic in our household right now due to some potentially risky travel on my calendar this summer. We don't want to live scared, yet at the same time, we can't live naively.

If something happens to me, Sarah needs to be fully equipped with the information, skills, and game plan to enter that new season of life. Frankly, I hate working on this stuff. It gives me a queasy feeling every time I do. However, it's one of the ways I say "I love you" to Sarah and the boys. I owe it to them to be financially prepared for that outcome. They will already have enough hurt on their plates, so we can at least take the financial piece out of the equation.

Today, I want to share a few important components that I believe all families should work through as part of this process. You know, just in case.....

1. An archive of all online passwords. We use an encrypted password app.

2. Securing adequate life insurance coverage that will effectively replace the deceased spouse's income and allow the family to stay afloat. So many people are underinsured.

3. A list of dollar amounts and institution names for all financial assets (and debts). Checking, savings, investments, etc.

4. A repository of all key physical documents (car titles, property deeds, birth certificates, etc.). In our case, it's a safe deposit box at a bank.

5. A collection of other financial documents/policies, such as life insurance, home/auto insurance, disability insurance, wills, etc.

6. Instructions for how the surviving spouse should attack the situation if something were to happen. Having an established roadmap is a huge step. Here's an example from mine. Step 1: Call the life insurance company. Step 2: Deposit the life insurance proceeds *here*. Step 3: Start taking monthly withdrawals of $x from this pool of money to provide for the family.

7. Bring in a trusted friend or family member who will help the surviving spouse get this sorted. Our loved ones don't need to do it alone! I already notified my person and gave him a heads up.

8. Recommendations for companies that might be good resources to help walk alongside the family to manage some of these financial pieces.

These types of actions aren't the product of paranoia or fear, but rather responsibility and care. I won't be here forever, and while I hope I have many more decades on this planet, I want my family to be okay if it happens too soon. I love them so much.

There's no need to get all morbid about this, but it's worth discussing with your spouse. Make a plan, set it aside, live a meaningful life, and hope you don't have to use it for a long time.

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One Thing We Owe Them

During a recent group conversation, someone said something that surprised me. "My company doesn't pay me enough for me to give my best effort."

I tried not to let my eyeballs pop out of my skull, and assumed others were doing the same. Turns out, I was wrong. Instead, everyone else in the group affirmed this person's perspective. The general consensus was that if a company expects us to work hard, they should pay us more. What does "more" mean? Not sure, but it's more than whatever we're being paid today!

The last time I checked, employment is a two-way agreement. We agree to do our job, and in exchange, the company agrees to compensate us to whatever level agreed upon. Both parties have the freedom to exit the relationship, but there's an inherent understanding.

We don't owe our employers loyalty. We don't owe them our dignity. We don't owe them a boundaryless relationship. We don't owe them the right to abuse us. We don't owe them perpetual employment. But we DO owe them our best work. No matter what we're being paid, we owe the person or entity that pays us our best work in exchange for whatever compensation we've agreed on.

We might not like the compensation structure. That's fair....and valid. We have every right to pursue other opportunities. To go find an employer who will pay us more, treat us better, and/or offer a healthier culture. All of that is great, and I 100% encourage it. However, in the meantime, we still owe them that one thing: Our best work while we're being compensated.

I don't feel like this is a spicy take, but I could be surprised. Let me know. What do you think? Please hit "reply" to this e-mail or drop a comment on the webpage below. We don't owe them much, but I do believe we owe them that one thing. Let's be excellent! Let's honor these relationships.

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