A Heavy Anchor

A huge shout-out to the couple that granted me permission to share this story. I pray good comes from it, and that my harsh-ish words can move the needle in their marriage!

Picture this. I'm sitting face-to-face with a couple. They are stressed, frustrated, and borderline depressed. The tension in the marriage is palpable. You could cut the desperation with a knife. Finances are killing them! Specifically, a lack of income is killing them.

Oh yeah, I should probably add one more piece of information to the picture: Their monthly take-home income is $22,000. Yeah, you heard that correctly. $22,000/month......every month. And according to them, there's simply not enough money to keep the train on the tracks. Or, as they put it, "It costs a lot just to survive these days!"

At one point in the conversation, I pointed out to them that just their monthly housing cost (plus utilities) rivals what most people in their town make in a month. They looked at me like I had an alien growing out of my forehead. Again, I tried to put into perspective just how much money they make. They continued to stare at the alien apparently bursting from my face. I explained that the client I met with earlier in the day (who coincidentally lives 1/4 of a mile from them) has a total take-home income of about $7,000/month (and is thriving!). The wife looked like she was either going to have an aneurysm and/or hop over the table to stab me.

I don't know about you, but most people don't even dream about making $22,000/month take-home. In fact, most people probably wouldn't even know what to do with that type of income. Yet here I was, talking to a couple who were lamenting that $22,000 isn't enough monthly income to even survive.

I was getting nowhere. I asked them how much money they made early in their marriage; "Probably $4,000/month." Well, that's a bit different from their current situation. "But the world has changed a lot since then." Fact check: That was seven years ago.

Here's the harsh truth. Unless we're willing to live with humility and contentment, there's no amount of income that can satisfy us. The problem with more is that every time we get more, more is still more.

I offered a few suggestions for how this couple could create financial margin. In some families' situations, it can be challenging to open up much-needed margin. This family, however, has a treasure trove of options for swiftly and materially lightening the tension in their finances. Want to know where they landed? The husband is going to pick up some extra work on the side (nights and weekends) to see if they can make a few thousand more per month.

Here's my promise to them. If they stay on this course, we'll be talking a few years from now. They will be making $25,000-$30,000 per month, yet feel just as broke, stressed, and resentful as they do now......if their marriage survives.

They deserve better than this. You deserve better than this. We all deserve better than this. Don't let the curse of more pull you down.....it's one of the heaviest anchors ever created.

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We, Not Me

I received quite the lashing after yesterday's post. In short, I made the argument that the brutal statistics about how most businesses fail have less to do with the risk of owning a business and more to do with the business owner’s competency in running a business. We can be the most gifted person in the world at our craft, but if we don't know how to run a business, we're toast. One of the primary responses I received was that it's not easy for business owners to know how to do everything.

That's my point! Yes, thank you! Running a business is extremely difficult. However, instead of throwing our arms in the air and playing victim, we need to take accountability, show humility, and have a heart to grow. It's not about "just be better," but instead growing in the areas we need to grow.

There is another thing, though. Business owners often act as though they are on an island, and everything rides on their ability to individually figure it out. Business ownership can be lonely, but luckily, it doesn't have to be. While I've been hungry to grow in my skills as a business owner, I've also had the mindset that I need to bring people around me to fill in my gaps (of which I have many!).

So, today, I want to give you a little glimpse into my world and the people I've intentionally (and sometimes unintentionally) surrounded myself with to succeed (and hopefully thrive) in business:

• Paige and Alyssa, my former and current assistants, who have helped me create structure in my days and have joyfully taken on many tasks that I'm frankly terrible at. These two changed my life!

• Jordan, who has been my right-hand at all things graphic design for many years.

• Tom, for being a trusted business mentor, willing to answer all my stupid questions in my early years.

• Carlos, who taught me about pricing methodologies and helped me create a suitable work environment that's free from my most detrimental distractions.

• Michael and Ashley, who helped me learn bookkeeping and standard business accounting practices.

• Travis, who intensively taught and fueled my new passion for unit economics.

• Cole, who brings his passion for audio and video to bring the Meaning Over Money Podcast to life. He's also the person who believed in me more than anyone.

• TJ, who taught me the art and science of unreasonable hospitality.

• Rebekah, who pushed (shoved!) me to be more professional in my marketing practices and relationship-building.

• My corporate clients, who repeatedly push me out of my comfort zone and force me to view business concepts through different lenses.

• Doug, who helps me understand and navigate the U.S. tax system in ways I never even imagined. This one changed my entire world.

• Parker, who has excellently and creatively recorded dozens of hours of my professional speaking events.

It would have been lonely doing it alone, but luckily, I didn't have to. If you're like me, you have lots of gaps (the code word for things we suck at!). Yes, learn, develop, and grow. But while you're at it, don't be afraid to bring people into the fold that can help you bring your dream to life. Besides, road trips are more fun with someone in the other seat!

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The Secret Sauce

I try to suss this out during prospective client consultations. I used to be terrible at it. Then, I started seeing patterns. Eventually, it became a talent. It's the secret sauce. Want to know what it is? Humility. Specifically, how much humility will prospective clients be bringing into this coaching relationship?

When someone lacks humility, the ceiling is quite limited. With a high level of humility, there's nothing that can stop them. That's it, that's the secret sauce. If you ever want to know what sets some people apart from others, it's humility. I would even double down on that statement and say that not only is humility the gateway to unlocking success, but a lack of humility can actually self-destruct the entire coaching relationship, bringing it to an early and disappointing end.

I've been on both sides of these relationships, and I've lived on both sides of humility. I remember, in my early 30s, entering into a mentor/mentee relationship (I was the mentee) where I had very little humility. I thought I knew everything. I thought I already had it all figured out. I wasn't coachable. My lack of humility effectively ensured that I would learn nothing from this brilliant person who was generously volunteering his time to me. Sure enough, it was a waste of time for both of us......100% caused by my lack of humility.

On the flip side, I've had other mentor/mentee relationships (again, as the mentee) where I approached it with deep humility. I essentially took the approach that I knew nothing and that anything they said must be seriously considered. Want to know what happened? I grew a ton! I learned so much. In fact, I probably learned more in that relationship than I did in four years of business school, combined.

Humility, the secret sauce. It sounds so cliché and exaggerated, but after coaching people for more than a decade, I can positively testify that humility is the key that unlocks most doors. Meanwhile, a lack of humility has the power to shut and lock already-open doors.

I had a lack of humility yesterday. I approached a certain conversation as if I already knew everything. I was annoyed and somewhat offended by how the other person was talking to me. Don't they know what I'm capable of?!?! I didn't say anything out loud, but in my head, I was screaming. I could feel the lack of humility in my soul at that moment. I hated that feeling! I never reacted or got defensive outwardly, but it's definitely something I need to work through inside me today.

You know what's worse than not having humility? Needing to have the humility to admit you need humility so that you can actually find humility. Without humility, I'll become an arrogant jerk. With humility, though, I'll be able to make a significantly greater impact. Humility must win out. Humility HAS to win. Humility is critical. It's the secret sauce.

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I Like I Like Car

If I had to put my finger on it, my generosity journey began 12-13 years ago, in my early 30s. While I was actively giving at that point, I wouldn't have called myself a giver. It was something I did, but not who I was. Then, due to a series of interesting events, my eyes began to open to genuine generosity; joyful and sacrificial generosity. While I don't remember all the particular moments and experiences that triggered the generosity journey within me, I do remember stumbling upon a YouTube channel called I Like Giving.

I Like Giving was a story-driven channel, focusing on profound acts of generosity. I was inspired and humbled by each of their videos. More than anything, it opened my eyes to the tremendous power of creative and out-of-the-box giving. However, there was one I Like Giving video that moved the needle deep within me. It was called I Like Car, a story of a woman who gave away all $5,000 of her saved resources to help a widow. She needed this $5,000 to buy a car, but she decided the widow needed it more than she did. What unfolded next was amazing.....check it out HERE.

Fast forward more than a decade, and I was sitting in a board meeting yesterday. The group started talking about a mutual friend of ours. This wasn't an out-of-bounds conversation, as this particular friend is intertwined with our ministry. Then, it happened. One of my colleagues referenced how our mutual friend was once a recipient of a fun gift. In fact, there's a cool video on YouTube about it. It's called I Like Car.

Me:................. (while screaming on the inside)

Wait, that random video that helped inspire my entire life more than a decade ago was about a person I now call a friend?!?! I couldn't believe it. As soon as our board meeting concluded, I opened YouTube to check for myself. Sure enough, there was my friend on the receiving end of a beautiful gift. And not only was she on the receiving end of a gift, but I, too, was on the receiving end of the same gift. That video helped transform my life in ways I cannot even describe. My friend's living example of joyful and sacrificial generosity sparked something in me that she will never know.

I know we live in a small world, but it's not every day that we realize someone in our life played a major role in our journey years before we would formally meet. Amazing!

I'm not even sure what the takeaway is today; I just needed to share that story! But since I brought it up, perhaps you should check out the video yourself. It helped shift my heart around giving all those years ago, and maybe it can do the same for you today, too!

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Rich

I recently met with a new client. Right on cue, I opened the couple's spreadsheet and prepared to cast it onto the TV affixed on the wall. As I was about to start talking, the husband interrupted. "No matter what your spreadsheet says, we're rich."

You better believe I was interested in what he had to say! He proceeded to share how amazing their life is:

• Awesome marriage

• Healthy kids

• Safe neighborhood

• Annual vacation

• Work they each enjoy

• Great friendships

• Engaged at church

In short, regardless of how much wealth or income they have, they've already made it.

Want to know my opinion? They are 100% right. They are rich. They live such a beautiful life. Sure, they'd like to handle their money better (which is why they hired me), but that's a consolation prize to the game they are actually playing. They know what matters most, and they are playing to win!

It's one of the most fun ironies about money. When we define success as more money, stuff, and status, we'll spend our best years chasing. Conversely, when we define success as more meaning, we'll naturally feel more financially successful as our material contentment grows.

They are rich. The best kind of rich. They don't need the world to define a shallow and materialistic scoreboard for them. They have a better scoreboard, and they are crushing it. The world might not see it that way, but they don't seem to care what the world thinks.

Neither should you.

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…..For Me

Whoa, I really stepped on a landmine with yesterday's post. I received countless e-mails and texts from people about my young friend's "irresponsible" coffee habit. To summarize, I have a young friend who recently gave up her six-times-per-week coffee shop visits. Making this sacrifice saves her $150/month, which sounds great......on the surface. Ultimately, though, she gave up one of the most important things in her life while blindly keeping a $675/month car payment that she couldn't care less about. The entire point of the piece was to suggest that we ought to thoughtfully look at our big rocks before willfully giving up smaller things that matter so much to us.

The hate came rushing in! To summarize at least a dozen people's responses to my article: Going to coffee shops is a waste of money.

That's it. Buying fancy coffee drinks at coffee shops is a terrible use of money. It's reckless, irresponsible, and foolish. There are a million better uses for that money than buying dumb coffee. That's the narrative.

Please allow me to rephrase the response I received from people: "Going to coffee shops is a waste of money.....for me."

The same can be said about countless other things:

• Golf is a waste of money......for me.

• Fancy restaurants are a waste of money.....for me.

• Hunting and fishing equipment is a waste of money.....for me.

• Sports and concert tickets are a waste of money.....for me.

• Spa treatments are a waste of money.....for me.

• Vacations are a waste of money.....for me.

• High-end fitness studios are a waste of money.....for me.

I have great news for you today. It doesn't matter what other people think you should do with your money. They have different values than you. They have different priorities than you. They have different beliefs than you. They have different standards than you.

When I look at the list of possible expenditures above, some appear awesome and some are a waste of money.....for me. If you discern the same list, you're going to have different answers.....for you. That's the beauty of pursuing meaning in our lives. It looks different for everyone. As soon as someone tries to tell you what should matter and what shouldn't, they've lost credibility to speak into your decision-making.

I don't care what expenditures you value and which ones you don't. My biggest care is that you know what's important to you, pursue it aggressively, and know what's not important to you, and avoid it just as aggressively. Whether you love or hate coffee, act accordingly. Whether you love or hate vacations, act accordingly. Whether you love or hate ____, act accordingly. That's where the rubber meets the road in finding more meaning in our money. Please don't fall for the trap of living other people's values. Your values are awesome enough.

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In a Snap

I have a story you've probably never heard. It's a story that took place more than eight years ago, but at the same time, it might as well have been eight days ago. It's a story that rocked me to the core then, and its implications still linger today.

After adopting our two little men (we brought them home on their one-month birthday), we knew we wanted to become parents again. We felt it in our souls. It wasn't a matter of if, but when. After the boys' first birthday, we decided to fire up the adoption process once again.

As our boys approached the 18-month-old mark, we found out we would soon be blessed with twin baby girls. We were ecstatic in ways I could never even express in words. In so many ways, this was the ultimate answer to our prayers.

Then, it happened. After a sequence of truly tragic events, we lost our daughters. To say we were gutted would be the understatement of a lifetime. At the same time, though, we still needed to love and parent those cute little boys at home. It was the loneliest and most numbing island either of us had ever been on. Mourning a tragic loss while also trying to be grateful for what God has already blessed us with. It felt like a paradoxical whipsaw.

In a snap, our lives changed forever. We were so broken by what happened that we closed the door on future children. I've since come to terms with all that happened, and I'm truly grateful for my two little men. Being their dad is one of the greatest joys of my life.

It's crazy how much life can change in a snap! One minute our world looks a certain way, then BOOM, it will never be the same again. These thoughts are always on my mind when I'm meeting with coaching clients. It's one thing to manage our life, work, and finances under the assumption that life is one way, but does our plan work if life changes in a snap?

This is where so many people get burned. Their lives are engineered for things to work so long as their reality remains similar to what it is today. What about the snap!?!? What will we do if our lives change in a snap? Can we navigate the choppy waters? Will we be able to pivot? Do we have the margin necessary to keep the proverbial train on the tracks?

I don't share my little sob story to garner pity. Rather, I want to illustrate that life can (and does) change in a snap. My biggest encouragement for you today is to prepare your lives for the snap. Where do you need to create margin? Where is your life currently too rigid and in need of flexibility? What shifts would you be able to make if everything blows up in your face?

I hope your life significantly lacks these negative in-a-snap moments, but let's not bank on it.

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Accountability, But With Grace

A few days ago, I shared my It's Gotta Come From Somewhere principle. When we screw up our budget (when, not if), we can't give yourselves a free pass, nor can we take the path of least resistance by robbing our savings, throwing it on a credit card, or melting away our cushion. Instead, once we blow our budget, our immediate mission is to reallocate cash from a different category to fill the gap.

One nuance I don't think I delivered properly was the importance of giving ourselves grace in the process. Don't beat yourself up. Don't linger on the failure for days, weeks, or months. Don't let it define you. Don't get into constant fights about it with your spouse. Forgive yourselves (and each other!) and move on.

It doesn't have to be one or another. We don't have to choose between dealing with the consequences OR giving ourselves grace. Instead, we should deal with the consequences of our mistakes WHILE giving ourselves grace. Grace does not mean the absence of consequences and accountability, just as the presence of consequences and accountability does not mean the absence of grace.

I work with couples who still can't get over $1,000 mistakes they made nine years ago. Nearly a decade later, they still beat themselves and each other up over it. They've long ago dealt with the consequences of their mistakes, but haven't found a way to offer grace yet.

I'll say something profoundly obvious and simple: We can't live a truly meaningful life if we're dwelling on past financial mistakes. Let's say you made a $1,000 screw-up 12 months ago, and you've been carrying it with you. What you're essentially telling yourself is that your happiness and fulfillment are worth a mere $1,000. I don't think that's true, and you probably don't, either, but your attitude toward the mistake says otherwise.

Here's my challenge for you today. Think about your past financial mistakes, regrets, and screw-ups. Think about each one of them. Which ones weigh on your conscience? Which ones linger within you? Please find a way to give yourself grace and move on. You can't undo what's happened in the past, but you can CHOOSE to stop letting it impair your present.

Accountability, yes. Consequences, yet. But always grace, too.

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It’s Gotta Come From Somewhere

As the month winds down, Sarah and I realized we bombed a few of our budget categories. Specifically, we totally botched the kids, dining out, and entertainment categories. Part of this was due to the kids' birthday, but another part was just negligence. We fell asleep at the wheel.

It's not ideal, but it's also not the end of the world. With that said, there's still no free pass. As I tell all my coaching clients, "It's gotta come from somewhere." It's okay to whiff on categories every once in a while, but when we do, the money has to come from somewhere. Dipping into savings, tapping credit cards, or further depleting our checking account balance aren't great answers. Instead, it comes down to reallocating money in the budget.

Let's say we overspend on a handful of categories by $500. There's only so much income coming in this month. In other words, we need to figure out where we can find $500. In our particular situation, it's going to come from an important savings goal we established a few months ago. Instead of setting money aside for this particular item, we need to reallocate that cash in our budget to subsidize our mistakes. It hurts, but it's pure.

That sucks, and that's the point! When we don't allow ourselves free passes to be negligent or irresponsible, it provides an added layer of accountability. I hate that we screwed this up, in part, because I hate the consequence of not being able to set money aside for an important purchase. On the flip side, we need this level of accountability so we'll be better next time.

And we WILL do better next time. These things are too important for us to continuously screw up. We made a mistake. We fixed the mistake. Now, we must do it better in October so we can achieve our goal. It's simple, but powerful.

Don't give yourself a free pass. When you screw up, it's gotta come from somewhere. Don't allow yourself to live without consequences or accountability; that's a recipe for disaster! Short-term disaster. Medium-term disaster. And most importantly, long-term disaster.

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Investing In Two Little Banditos

Amidst one of the most challenging stretches of my last five years, I was able to carve out a few days to travel to Chicago with my family. The goal? Attend a Twenty One Pilots show for Finn and Pax's ninth birthday. It cost money, time, rest, and several other not-insignificant sacrifices. It, along with many other things, has added a tremendous amount of pressure to my life.

All that being said, it was so good to lock in a new memory with my kids. We had a blast at the concert (their third Twenty One Pilots concert to date). There's nothing like watching their excitement build, then experience the payoff, one song after another. They screamed, sang, laughed, and reacted with awe. It was amazing.

There are a lot of things I could have used with this money, time, and bandwidth, but I'm glad I invested all of that into making memories with the kids.

That's the tension we face each day. There's always something that needs our money. There's always an obligation that needs our time. There's always a pressure that requires our bandwidth. There's always something that needs some of our something. If we're not careful, we'll get so lost in the needs that we forget about the other important things in life.

Last night, though, the other important things got addressed in my life. I'm grateful for that, and hopefully, it will provide memories that last a lifetime.

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It’s Just Money: SAHM Edition

I took some heat for yesterday's post about the phrase "It's just money." A few fun responses include, "You're again advocating for irresponsibility," and "It must be nice to not care about money."

In a surprising twist, I received about a half-dozen messages from one particular group of people: Stay-at-home moms and husbands of stay-at-home moms. I didn't necessarily connect these dots when I wrote yesterday's post, but these folks sure did. I'll summarize their takeaway: It's nearly impossible for a family to decide to become a one-income household without implementing the "It's just money" mindset.

Think about that. In more than 90% of situations (by my estimation), a family will end up worse off financially by electing to have one spouse stay at home instead of paying for childcare and having the second spouse work a paid job. In other words, the only way to make the decision for one spouse to stay at home is to acknowledge that other factors are more important to them than having more resources.

Each respondent shared their personal versions of this story. Every version was different, but all included one key theme: Sacrifice. In order to connect the financial dots, every single-income family must decide what gets sacrificed. For some, it's vacations. For others, it's dining out and lifestyle. Some people give up the possible opportunity to retire earlier. Others live in more conservative houses or drive older vehicles.

Regardless of each family's version of sacrifice, the math equation is the same. If a family chooses to have one spouse stay at home with the kids, they will inevitably have less material wealth than had they made the opposite decision. It's just money. I love it!

I can relate to all of these families, as Sarah and I made a similar decision to be a one-income household when we became parents. It hasn't always been easy, financially speaking, but we would have made the same decision 100 times out of 100. It's the biggest no-brainer for us in the world. As a finance guy, I understand the opportunity costs of such decisions, and if I let the materialistic side of me win, we would be much better off financially. However, it's just money. Sacrifices must be made. Values must win out. Meaning must prevail.

Whatever you're up to in this season of life, I hope you're able to feel confident and convicted about meaning prevailing over money. This isn't about me forcing my values on you, but rather, it's about encouraging you to let YOUR values supersede your materialistic instincts so you can live your most meaningful life. Your future self will thank you so much for that gift!

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It’s Just Money

Some of my business partners and I were engaging in an intense conversation. We have some huge decisions ahead of us, and there's a lot on the line. There are so many considerations: risk, upside, impact, mission, and potential pitfalls. In the midst of this debate, I made a controversial suggestion that involved me shifting a large portion of the risk from the company to my personal financial shoulders.

One of my partners expressed concern for my personal finances and the potential negative implications of implementing such an idea.

"It's just money," I responded.

No, I don't want to be irresponsible with what I've been blessed with; that's poor stewardship. However, at the same time, my top priority in life is NOT to accumulate more money, stuff, and status. Ultimately, my mission is to further the mission. And in the case of this particular debate, if it requires me to risk my own personal finances to ensure the long-term success of the mission, then so be it.

This type of attitude is the product of two things:

• The realization that money will not and cannot make us happy. Money can do a lot of things, but our happiness, satisfaction, and fulfillment cannot be driven or defined by how much money we accrue in our bank accounts.

• There's nothing more powerful than a mission that matters. When we believe in something and the impact it can have on people, that's the pinnacle of living.

It's just money.

That phrase can save us from a lot of heartbreak. It's so easy to let financial mistakes and failures beat us down. We think about it and say to ourselves, "I wish I wouldn't have done that!" Ultimately, though, what did it really cost you? Yeah, a few hundred dollars is a few hundred dollars. Yeah, a few thousand dollars is a few thousand dollars. It's not nothing. It might have some heft to it. However, life is about so much more than money.

Please don't let money be the driving force behind your perspective. Don't let money make you sad.....and don't let money make you happy. Don't let money define you as a failure......and don't let money define you as a winner. Don't let money guide you into decisions you otherwise wouldn't feel proud making. Don't let money distract you from your mission.

Yes, let's be good stewards. Yes, let's try to make wise choices. And YES, always stay true to the mission. It's just money.

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Lessons From a Linebacker

Our family attended a local high school football game last night. It was the two public schools in our town, facing off against one another in the annual rivalry game. Both schools are some of the largest in the state. There were an estimated 10,000-12,000 in attendance at the stadium. Yeah, not the high school football I grew up with. 

One of the highlights was watching Finn and Pax's flag football coach, who is a player on one of the teams. He's a good kid. The boys loved playing for him, and I thought he seemed like a great young man. 

Here's what I know about his particulars:

"Hi, I'm Travis. I'm Finn and Pax's dad."

"Nice to meet you. I'm Dawson."

"What year are you?"

"I'll be a junior."

"What position do you play?"

"I play linebacker."

Short, sweet, clear. 

We were excited to see if he would be at the game. We checked the program: "Dawson, Junior, LB, #6." We found our guy on the sideline! We knew he was in the house, but would he play?

As the defense stepped onto the field for the first time, he trotted out. He's starting! We were excited to see him. Would he get much action? Then, it began…..

Tackle.

Another tackle.

Crushed the quarterback.

The crowd is wildly yelling his name.

Another tackle.

He was one of the most hyped guys on the sidelines, wildly cheering on his teammates and amping up the crowd. 

They put him in at running back.

He scores a long touchdown.

More tackles.

He seemed to live in the heart of the action on nearly every snap.

Crushed another guy.

Sack.

Another sack on the next play.

He's a madman!

I turn to Google. The moment I typed in his name, a series of articles popped up about how he was named all-state as a sophomore (a sophomore!) and is a returning leader on one of the best teams in the state. I had no idea!!!!

All this from a kid who just casually told me he's going to be a junior and plays linebacker. He could have told me all about his accolades and status. He could have let me know who he is. He could have made sure I knew he was the man. Instead, he was just him. He was a player on the football team, and he was coaching my kid. I respect him so much for this. He was a wonderful coach, and my kids still talk about him all the time. Did I mention I respect the heck out of this kid?

I think we can all take a page out of Dawson's playbook. Let our actions speak for us. Be humble with our mouths and impactful with our actions. Less talking, more walking. Proud of you, Dawson. You got a supporter in me, and a couple little boys over here that you've impacted more than you know. Grateful for the way you carry yourself; people are watching.

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Never Offend For Sport

After a quiet morning on the e-mail front, I received a deluge of feedback in the afternoon regarding yesterday's post. I knew it was coming, but it was more aggressive than anticipated. I certainly knew I would receive backlash, which is part of the reason I haven't published about that topic much until now. However, after a few engaging conversations with friends, I felt the nudge to suck it up and engage in the topic.

Two ideas come to mind when I think about receiving backlash:

1. A wise mentor once told me, "Travis, you're always going to offend someone, so just make sure it's the right someones." Dang!!!! It's true, though. We will inevitably offend people along the journey, one way or another. It's a when, not if. If that's true, we might as well offend people by being truthful to ourselves.

2. I never offend for sport. It breaks my heart when I offend people. I never set out to offend or hurt people. I try to make sure that when I speak, my intentions are pure. If I'm going to say something that could possibly be received as offensive, I'm going to do it with a mission in mind. In situations like yesterday's post, the mission is to challenge people to think about a certain topic through a particular lens.

In a time when offending people seems to be a game, sport, and hobby, I recommend we try a different strategy. No, we'll never completely avoid being offensive to some people at some times. There's no way to avoid it. However, we can take a different approach. Aim for sincerity and let the chips fall where they may.

I hope you regularly feel challenged by my posts. I hope I give you something to think about. I hope it even inspires you from time to time. I never intend to offend. However, if I do offend you, please know that's never my mission. I never want to offend for sport.

Have an awesome day!

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Where Should It Go?

In yesterday's post, I posed a question. I challenged each reader to consider, with a completely clean slate, where their assets should go when they die. If you could draft a plan with no preconceived notions, where would the assets go? Oh yeah, I also gave three caveats:

1. We're talking about who gets it AFTER your spouse. Pretend your spouse is also gone.

2. Your kids are grown, and they no longer depend on your financial care.

3. You have something of substance left when you pass.

I've asked hundreds of people this question, and more than 9 out of 10 will say something along the lines of "equally split between my kids." Why? Because.

Well, where should it go? First, I need to clarify one thing. Your assets should go wherever you choose for them to go. The decision is 100% yours. Not mine. Not your family members'. Not your lawyer's. Yours and yours alone.

With that said, I want to share some thoughts to get you thinking today.

I've always loved the phrase, "fair is not equal and equal is not fair." We aren't obligated to give the same amount to each of our beneficiaries. There might be various reasons why one would give more to one child than the next. Don't allow pressure, guilt, or obligation guide you.

On a related note, I think we need to revisit the notion that all money is a blessing, and if all money is a blessing, more money is an even bigger blessing. The truth is, money has the ability to cripple us, enable us, self-destruct us, and zap any and all forms of meaning right from our souls. I watch it play out on a weekly basis. There's nothing that can crush the ambition of some people like the arrival of money.

If you're planning to give money to someone, consider giving it while you're still alive. There might be a season of your beneficiary's life that's better suited or more needed for such a gift. Besides, how beautiful would it be to see it with your own eyes!?!?

I have a tough question for my fellow Christian friends. If everything we have belongs to God (a core principle of our faith), why would we give all our assets to our family when we die? If everything we have is His, but yet our last act on this planet is to ensure our family retains His assets, does that seem aligned with the God's ownership principle?

I'll share my family's plan. When Sarah and I pass away, nearly everything will be given to our charitable trust to be given away. Our two little men, who will hopefully be strong, faithful men by then, will be entrusted to manage the giving of the money during their lifetimes. Further, I pray the example we set for our kids will inspire them to follow suit when they pass away, entrusting their children with a similar responsibility.

Again, you need to 100% make your own decision on this matter. But I hope I gave you something to think about today.

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Where Does It Go?

Let's dabble in the theme of death again, shall we? An interesting question was recently brought up in a group conversation. "Where do you want your money to go when you die?"

Everyone around the table quickly and instinctively answered:

• "Evenly between my kids."

• "Split between my kids."

• "To my kids. Evenly, of course."

• "50% to one kid and 50% to the other."

All four people had the exact same answer, without thought or hesitation. "Why?" I asked the group.

• "Isn't that what everyone does?"

• "Because that's what I'm supposed to do, right?"

• "I never thought about that question."

• "Are there other options?"

Nobody had a good reason. By default, we instinctively believe that splitting our assets evenly between our children is the best and correct path for each of us. But why?!?!? Nobody really seems to know.

I have lots of thoughts on this topic.......which I will share in due time. Today, though, I want you to ask yourself the same two questions:

• "Where do I want my money to go when I die?"

• "Why?"

Caveats to this question:

• Unless we're a mixed family, it's almost a given that our first beneficiary is our spouse. My question applies to the next level, after your spouse. Assume you're both gone.

• Assume your children are grown. This isn't an I-die-while-my-kids-are-young type question. Kids are grown and independent adults (i.e., they no longer depend on your financial care).

• You have something to give. Don't assume you'll have nothing. Let's pretend there's something of substance left when you pass.

Please take five minutes to think about this topic today. Really think about it. Throw all preconceived notions out the window and start from scratch. You have a blank canvas and can paint any picture you want. What does it look like? Please feel free to share your answers with me…..or keep it to yourself for now. If you want to share, you can hit “reply” to this e-mail or drop a comment at the bottom of the webpage. Then, tomorrow, I'll send part two your way (including my own perspective).

Have an amazing day, full of meaning and impact! Also, don't die. Not yet. There's still so much good work to be done.

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My 8, Her 1

I was having a perfectly normal yet good day yesterday. I was stressed by some time-sensitive endeavors, but it was a good day. Probably an 8 out of 10. The weather was nice, the sun was shining, and I was eager to serve those whom I had the privilege of serving. Then, it happened. I was in the pharmacy to pick up some treats for my kids when I crossed paths with a young lady (probably 17-18 years old). To say she was rude and disrespectful would be a gross understatement. She was borderline inappropriate with how she behaved.

My gut reaction was to be snippy with her, possibly fire back with a little smart comeback. However, I restrained myself and tried to simply be polite with her. Inside, though, I was seething. Would my dark thoughts prevail, or would I handle myself in a way I'd be proud? My good side ultimately prevailed, and I handled myself with respect and dignity. I was courteous with her despite her harsh attitude.

Fast forward five minutes, and I walked toward the checkout. Who's in front of me? The rude young lady. She was there to purchase just one item: a pregnancy test. Oh boy. I think it's safe for me to assume she was having an epically stressful day. She might have been in the midst of a 1 out of 10 day.

We have a principle at Northern Vessel that's foundational to how we conduct ourselves. Our guests NEVER have to earn our hospitality. Every person that walks through our doors deserves dignity and respect.....period. Even if they are having a 1 out of 10 day, our mission is to serve them at the highest level. Taking this approach in business and life requires us to put our guard down and be willing to make the first move. It requires us to approach situations with humility and vulnerability, even when it might blow up in our face.

When we're having an 8, 9, or 10-type day, there are countless people around us who are having a 1, 2, or 3-type day. Do we deserve to be treated like dirt? Of course not! However, what an opportunity we each have to be a steadying presence in people's lives when they are at their worst. Even when we want to lash out or match their negativity, we have an opportunity to lift their day, even for just a moment. It's not much, but to someone having a 1 out of 10 day, it could mean everything.

I'm really glad I handled myself well in front of that young lady. I hope she's alright. I've been thinking about her a lot, and I pray she's surrounded by loving, caring, and honest people.

Whatever type of day you have today, I hope you muster the strength to show class and dignity to everyone......especially those who don't seem to deserve it. They may need it more than anyone.

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Being Stupid

Yesterday morning, I was sitting at church, minding my own business, when out of nowhere, the man giving the message anonymously told a story about me! I was shocked, to say the least. He's a friend of mine, so it was an honor for him to even think about me in this regard.

To summarize, he shared examples of people who made decisions that led others to call them "stupid." In my case, he shared how I had a high-paying job that would have essentially ensured I'd be financially set for life. Then, in an attempt to serve more people in different ways, be more present with my family, and be a better father, I quit my job to start my own little business. This decision resulted in people all around me (including some extremely close to me) telling me I was "being stupid."

I gotta admit, having some of your closest friends and family call you "stupid" is a hard pill to swallow. At the same time, though, we shouldn't endeavor to gain the approval of others. It's our journey to live, and we're the ones who must live with the consequences of our own actions.

Over the last six years since making that decision, I've had many people call me stupid for many different decisions. It's unsettling when people around us make counter-cultural choices, and it challenges us in our soft spots. We've all been on that side of the equation. Just last week, I found myself getting jealous of a friend for doing something I don't personally (yet) have the courage to try. Instinctively, I wanted to call him "stupid," but truthfully, that was my own insecurity creeping in.

I feel like half my days are spent encouraging people to do "stupid" things. So many people are teetering on the edge of making life-altering decisions, but the cultural pressure from people around them often holds them back. After all, nobody wants to be "stupid."

There's a shadow side to all this. At some point along the journey, the same people who initially thought we were stupid start to see the positive side of these seemingly crazy decisions. In some situations, without even saying a word, we begin to inspire other people to make their own "stupid" decisions. Stupidity is contagious, I guess.

This is the role we each have the opportunity of playing. Our decisions and choices may draw the ire of people all around us, but so too does the product of our actions. Someone has to break the mold.....why not you?

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Curating Your Life

Do you ever wake up and ask yourself, "How did I end up here?!?!" It's remarkable how life can move so quickly at times that we unintentionally end up in places we didn't intend to be. The previous sentence can be taken positively or negatively, but this phenomenon tends to impact us more on the negative side, as it's much easier to accidentally end up somewhere we don't want to be than somewhere we do want to be.

This concept applies to so many areas of our lives:

• What we spend money on.

• Who we have relationships with.

• The work we find ourselves in.

• What we do with our time.

Every once in a while, I have a "What am I doing?!?!" moment. I recognize that I somehow got off course and ended up somewhere I never intended to be. As soon as that happens, I try to be extraordinarily intentional about changing course back in a direction I desire to be.

Last week, in the middle of a client meeting, I thought to myself, "This couple has curated their life better than anyone I know!!!!" They don't make more money than the average family. They aren't living some exotic lifestyle. They don't have flashy jobs. They are normal people living normal lives, but with one catch: They are living the exact life they curated for themselves. Where they live, where they work, who they hang out with, how they spend their time, and how they structure their family life. It all seems so intentional.

The cool part about this family is that I've watched this slowly come together over the course of a decade. I've known the husband for ages, so having a front-row seat to his inspiring example of intentional living has been a treat.

No, they aren't wealthy. No, life hasn't gone perfectly. In fact, they would be the first to admit it's been a messy ride. However, through the noise, they've been able to maintain an intentionality toward their unique definition of ideal life.....and they've pursued it with discipline.

A big part of this is rejecting society's conventional wisdom for how we ought to live, and instead choosing to stay laser-focused on our values. Again, this applies to time, money, work, relationships, and more. Forget what everyone else is doing; just be you!

One key sign you're doing it well is if someone accuses you of being weird. Many of my family's decisions and actions get called out for going against the grain. I'm never offended by such comments, as they only affirm that we're living the life we're called to live. My kids are starting to see some of this, making random comments every now and then. I love that, and I want them to know the importance of curating a meaningful life with intention and discipline.

What about you? What actions have you taken to curate your most meaningful and ideal life? Conversely, what decisions, made today or in the near future, would get you closer to living the life you know you're meant to live?

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Every Game Is the Super Bowl

I recently received a text from a friend who had just visited Northern Vessel for the first time. She said she was greeted excitedly by the team as she walked in, intentionally walked her through the menu with a smile, and made a killer drink for her. What she didn't know was that we had actually closed a few minutes before she walked in the door. The barista eventually shared that we were closing, but she was free to hang out and enjoy her drink if she desired.

She was blown away. Not only did she receive what she called "the best service of my life," but it was willfully and excitedly delivered even as the shop was closing. This is exactly what we try to accomplish! We're 100% open until five minutes after closing. No cleaning, no sweeping, no trash.....nothing. You won't see any closing-related tasks happening around you, as those are subtle visual triggers that you're no longer welcome. That's anti-hospitality. Using a sports analogy, every game is the Super Bowl. This customer may only ever come in one time, and if that's true, we want to make sure she has a world-class experience. Every customer is the most important customer....period. No, we don't always nail it, but man, we try!

I remember 5-6 years ago when TJ would pop up at grad parties, weddings, and city streets with his little coffee cart, slinging drinks to whoever would give this stranger a shot. He was bootstrapping his dream, desperately trying to eke out a meager living. Something caught my eye when I first met him, though. He treated every interaction like it was the Super Bowl. Every customer who walked up to his cart might as well have been the most important person in the world. That commitment slowly but surely earned him the right to serve more and more people.

Thinking back to those humble (and difficult) days makes what he's built over the last few years all the more special. Just yesterday, we were privileged with the opportunity to serve more than 500 drinks at our shop. That's 80 drinks per hour, or one drink every 45 seconds, for a fun-packed six-hour stretch. As I watched our team work, it provided me with so much joy to see how each team member treated every customer like they were the most important person in the room. Did we nail it 100%? Probably not, but man, we tried! I received countless comments and texts from friends who were thoroughly impressed with the hospitality of our staff. I couldn't be prouder or more grateful!

While I suspect most people reading this probably don't own or run a service-based company, this principle transcends all boundaries. When we approach life, work, and relationships like every game is the Super Bowl, it unlocks something far grander than we could have ever imagined. Give it a try!

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