The Daily Meaning

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Growth, Impact, Relationships, Entrepreneurship Travis Shelton Growth, Impact, Relationships, Entrepreneurship Travis Shelton

Every Game Is the Super Bowl

I recently received a text from a friend who had just visited Northern Vessel for the first time. She said she was greeted excitedly by the team as she walked in, intentionally walked her through the menu with a smile, and made a killer drink for her. What she didn't know was that we had actually closed a few minutes before she walked in the door. The barista eventually shared that we were closing, but she was free to hang out and enjoy her drink if she desired.

She was blown away. Not only did she receive what she called "the best service of my life," but it was willfully and excitedly delivered even as the shop was closing. This is exactly what we try to accomplish! We're 100% open until five minutes after closing. No cleaning, no sweeping, no trash.....nothing. You won't see any closing-related tasks happening around you, as those are subtle visual triggers that you're no longer welcome. That's anti-hospitality. Using a sports analogy, every game is the Super Bowl. This customer may only ever come in one time, and if that's true, we want to make sure she has a world-class experience. Every customer is the most important customer....period. No, we don't always nail it, but man, we try!

I remember 5-6 years ago when TJ would pop up at grad parties, weddings, and city streets with his little coffee cart, slinging drinks to whoever would give this stranger a shot. He was bootstrapping his dream, desperately trying to eke out a meager living. Something caught my eye when I first met him, though. He treated every interaction like it was the Super Bowl. Every customer who walked up to his cart might as well have been the most important person in the world. That commitment slowly but surely earned him the right to serve more and more people.

Thinking back to those humble (and difficult) days makes what he's built over the last few years all the more special. Just yesterday, we were privileged with the opportunity to serve more than 500 drinks at our shop. That's 80 drinks per hour, or one drink every 45 seconds, for a fun-packed six-hour stretch. As I watched our team work, it provided me with so much joy to see how each team member treated every customer like they were the most important person in the room. Did we nail it 100%? Probably not, but man, we tried! I received countless comments and texts from friends who were thoroughly impressed with the hospitality of our staff. I couldn't be prouder or more grateful!

While I suspect most people reading this probably don't own or run a service-based company, this principle transcends all boundaries. When we approach life, work, and relationships like every game is the Super Bowl, it unlocks something far grander than we could have ever imagined. Give it a try!

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Relationships, Parenting, Travel, Meaning Travis Shelton Relationships, Parenting, Travel, Meaning Travis Shelton

Memory Hacking

Out of the blue, while at dinner, Finn piped up, "Thank you so much for today, Mom and Dad. Today was one of my favorite days ever." Wow! That was so sweet for him to say. If I'm being honest, yesterday didn't feel particularly special.

Between my travels, Sarah's travels, and Finn and Pax's travels, we haven't all been together as a family much lately. We're just now entering the part of summer where we'll get a lot of quality time together. Simultaneously, however, I have a behavioral quirk. As much as I try, I can't seem to shut off my motor when I'm at home. My wheels are always turning, and I go stir-crazy. I'm not proud of this, but I have come to recognize it for the problem it is.

With Sarah and the boys arriving back home around lunch yesterday, combined with me simultaneously finishing up a big client project and the fact that it was 100+ degrees outside, we decided to do a little memory hacking. We didn't have the time or budgeted funds for a major trip, so we decided to engineer a little staycation. We rented a hotel room in a different part of our metro and dedicated the day to making new memories.

  • We stopped at Northern Vessel to pick up some CBLs and visit with the team.

  • We shopped at the mall (the first time the boys have ever done that). Finn bought a new Minecraft Lego set, and Pax purchased a pair of football pants. Both were pleased with their decisions.

  • We spent hours in the hotel pool (between stints in the hot tub).

  • We shared a wonderful meal at a Mexican restaurant adjacent to our hotel (family style, of course).

  • We ended the night with ice cream.

Out of the blue, while at dinner, Finn piped up, "Thank you so much for today, Mom and Dad. Today was one of my favorite days ever." Wow! That was so sweet for him to say. If I'm being honest, yesterday didn't feel particularly special. Nothing exotic, nothing wild, nothing expensive. Just a lot of intentionality. The kids felt it. They had a blast and showed much gratitude. Boy, we needed that.....I needed that.

Today, we'll leave the hotel and head directly to a local waterpark for day two of our little staycation. We're all excited; hopefully, many more memories will come.

Whatever is on your agenda today, I hope you find a way to engage in some memory hacking. It doesn't have to be extravagant or profound. Intentionality is the key ingredient. Cheers to a great day and lots of memories.

____

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Growth, Relationships, Parenting Travis Shelton Growth, Relationships, Parenting Travis Shelton

More Chapters To Be Written

As with everything in life, there were only two options: 1) Let our new reality destroy us (which it almost did), or 2) Keep moving forward.

Father's Day, 2016. That was an epic day for me. After nearly five years of waiting to become a father, I was about to spend Father's Day as an actual dad.....unreal! It was a moment I had dreamt about my entire life, and now it was here! My son was born three days before Father's Day, the perfect timing! Everything was lining up just right.

Did I say Father's Day 2016 was epic? Let me rephrase that. It was an epically bad day.....one of the worst days of my life! When I woke up on Father's Day, I wasn't a father. Just two days prior, Sarah and I lost our son, Asher. In a stretch of just 48 hours, I went from the highest of highs to the lowest of lows. Instead of spending Father's Day 2016 celebrating the miracle of life, I remember sitting in my typical front-row seat at church, head buried in my hands. Those 60 minutes in that church seat on Father's Day 2016 are some of the most painful and profoundly memorable moments of my life.

As with everything in life, there were only two options: 1) Let our new reality destroy us (which it almost did), or 2) Keep moving forward. We chose to keep moving forward. It was a mess, but with a lot of support and healing, we navigated through that season of life.

Just four months later, we were blessed with our twin sons, Finn and Pax, and life has never been the same. Despite the pain and suffering we've endured, I consider myself so blessed. I have nothing but gratitude, though I'd be lying if I said I don't still feel the pain of that prior loss. It's all part of the story.

Think about your favorite book or movie. I'm willing to bet the protagonist wins in the end. Victory, happiness, love, or defeating the bad guys. The hero always wins....eventually. However, if you open the book to almost any page in the middle, there's struggle, challenge, pain, suffering, and tension. The protagonist is fighting their battles, trying to achieve what will eventually end happily ever after.

While real life isn't "happily ever after," it does resemble a book. Wherever we're at in life, there are still more chapters to be written. Some of you are dealing with tremendous pain and suffering right now. I'm so sorry! But more chapters are still to be written.

I have clients facing unprecedented challenges and tension in their lives (financial and otherwise). I constantly remind them this is just one chapter of a beautiful story. And like all protagonists seeking their victory, this is their middle chapter, tension-building, gut-wrenching moment. This is where they have a choice: 1) Let their new reality destroy them, or 2) Keep moving forward.

Wherever you're at today, choose door #2. Keep moving forward. Remember that whatever you're experiencing in this season of life is just one of many chapters still to be written.

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Generosity, Relationships Travis Shelton Generosity, Relationships Travis Shelton

The No Lending Rule

Sarah and I have a rule in our marriage that's so engrained into our being that I forget it's considered weird. We will NEVER lend money to someone. Nobody. No amount. For any reason. There's not a single exception we would ever make to this rule.

Sarah and I have a rule in our marriage that's so ingrained into our being that I forget it's considered weird. We will NEVER lend money to someone. Nobody. No amount. For any reason. There's not a single exception we would ever make to this rule.

Many people would call this selfish on our part. "Why wouldn't you help a friend or family member who needs help?!?!" First, I'd argue that lending money to people who are struggling isn't a form of help; it's a quick way to put an even heavier burden on them. Think about it. There's a reason someone needs money, and it probably involves them not having money. And if they are asking for (or receiving) money from you, it means they've probably already tapped other sources of debt. Translation: They are hurting!

It's so sad to see the pain in someone's eyes as they share about how their relationship with a loved one became impaired over a $20, $50, or $100 debt. Entire families have been ruined over a few hundred bucks. In Sarah's and my opinion, our relationships are worth far more than that (priceless, even!). In a recent study, it was reported that 33% of Americans were owed money from a friend or family member. The same study also reported that almost half of respondents say the debt has caused negative consequences to the relationship. Therefore, Sarah and I would NEVER lend money to a friend or family member.

Back to us being selfish (tongue in cheek). There's no amount of money I wouldn't give someone as a GIFT. If someone in my life needs something, I got them. If someone is hurting, I'll provide. If someone is facing a struggle, I'll write the check. On one condition, though. It's a GIFT. No paybacks. No guilt. No strings attached. They must lovingly receive the gift as a gift.....period.

If someone demands that they give something in return, here's what I say. "Down the road, after you've recovered from this situation, you're going to encounter someone who is hurting. Bless them. Help them. Serve them." That's called community. That's actual love.

Today, I'm begging you to NEVER lend money to a friend or family member again. Don't risk the relationship over some stupid money. Also, don't leave them hanging. If someone in your life is hurting, step into the gap and share some of what you have. No paybacks. No guilt. No strings attached. Be a true blessing to them. You might just change their lives, and in turn, eventually change other people's lives through them. It's the circle of generosity rippling through our communities.

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Relationships, Meaning Travis Shelton Relationships, Meaning Travis Shelton

Unbusy

Well, summer is here! The kids just finished second grade and look forward to a fun summer. Countless people have asked me a very common question: "Do you have a busy summer planned?"

We have an unbusy summer planned. I feel like life is already too busy and can easily get out of control. Summers are just the same. Busy, busy, busy. Our strategy is simple, though. We are going to spend the summer unbusy.

Sure, we have a few trips planned and there are some activities here and there. However, most days are completely wide open.......by design. Busy does not mean valuable. Busy does not mean good. Busy does not mean meaningful.

In fact, I'd argue being unbusy can be even more meaningful. I so much cherish the slow, spontaneous moments of an unbusy summer. The out-of-the-blue bonfires, the impulsive trips to eat ice cream, the spur-of-the-moment basketball challenges, the on-a-whim drive-in theater adventures, the spontaneous opportunities for generosity. Those are the most special memories in our house. Unbusy, but flexible.

Just yesterday alone, I played Pax one-on-one in basketball, cooked steaks with Finn, and shared some cruising time in the convertible with Pax. These memories are priceless, yet free or almost free. It's not about some grandiose adventure that costs several days and many thousands of dollars. It's about slowing down enough when it counts so that we can be present. Small but powerful moments.

I'm used to the following conversation:

Friend: "What do you have going on this weekend?"

Me: "Absolutely nothing. We don't have anything planned."

Friend: "Those are good sometimes."

Me: "We try to make that every weekend."

Friend: ........

Unbusy. Those who know me well know how much I've struggled with busy in my life. I have a bit of a reputation....spanning decades. However, this is one area of unbusy I've been able to dial in. My family will not fall into the culture of busy. It's worn as a badge of honor in our society, but I reject that. Unbusy is the plan. We'll fight for that each day and each week this summer, and we'll absolutely fail at times, but we'll give it our best shot.

I hope some of you will join us in the pursuit of an unbusy summer.


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Careers, Meaning, Impact, Relationships Travis Shelton Careers, Meaning, Impact, Relationships Travis Shelton

But Would You Live For Them?

"I would die for my family," exclaimed one of my friends. One by one, each of my friends said the same thing. As a husband and father, they would die for their family. Noble. I agreed with them about this sentiment. If push came to shove, I would sacrifice myself for my family. However, I asked a follow-up question. "Yeah, but would you live for your family?"

I was having drinks with a handful of guy friends recently. There were four of us in total. We discussed all the normal-type things: Family, work, sports, faith, and upcoming travel plans. The conversation evolved to a bit of a morbid topic, triggered by a recent news story about a family that was attacked by a random assailant.

"I would die for my family," exclaimed one of my friends. One by one, each of my friends said the same thing. As a husband and father, they would die for their family. Noble. I agreed with them about this sentiment. If push came to shove, I would sacrifice myself for my family.

However, I asked a follow-up question. "Yeah, but would you live for your family?"

They looked at me, puzzled. For the ten minutes before this topic, each of them shared about how miserable they were in their respective careers and lives. All three of these guys are massively successful, as defined by the world, but each secretly lives in misery.

Each one of these men has achieved something in their lives, and in an effort to retain the comfort, stability, and ease of this new lifestyle, they continuously make choices to maintain the status quo. In other words, they are drowning in their own pool of comfort. In the sports world, it's called "playing not to lose."

None of them is actually living (their words), and their lives are struggling as a result. There's tension in their marriages and tension in their parenting. Their careers suck. Time keeps ticking too fast, but at the same time, not fast enough to finally get to this retirement finish line they fantasize about. They are depressed but mask it in normalcy. The life they are living isn't actually living. It's a form of delayed dying.

I think most people would willfully die for their family, but many won't actually live for their family. Here's the modern-day recipe for a day in the life:

  • Wake up and get ready.

  • Spend 8-10 hours at a job you tolerate or dislike.

  • Come home grumpy and disgruntled.

  • Spend a few precious hours with family.

  • Count down the days until the weekend arrives.

  • Savor the weekend, which might include spending time with friends/family, going on a trip, and/or buying something fun.

  • By Sunday afternoon, begin the dread of the Sunday Scaries.

  • Wake up on Monday and repeat.

That's a comfortable life. That's a normal life. That's a predictable life. But is it living? Most people, when confronted with this question in an honest setting, will say "no."

Here are a few questions I ask myself:

  • Am I pursuing work that matters when I wake up each morning?

  • Am I seeking comfort or pushing myself out of my comfort zone?

  • Am I actively serving God and serving others?

  • Am I giving sacrificially?

  • Am I embracing the adventure or playing it safe?

  • Am I proud of what I model for my kids?

I think most of us would die for our family, no doubt! That's the sign of loyalty, love, and honor. But would you live for them? Are you willing to truly live?

My three friends desperately need a shift. They know it and I know it. It will take courage and the willingness to disregard society’s expectations. They can do this…..and so can you.

____

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Growth, Entrepreneurship, Relationships Travis Shelton Growth, Entrepreneurship, Relationships Travis Shelton

A Terrible Daughter

You can't have excellence without standards, and you can't have growth without excellence. Standards > Excellence > Growth. Therefore, everything begins with standards.

I spent yesterday meeting with approximately 50 leaders from all over Colombia, discussing the importance of organizational standards. Standards in transparency, communication, governance, and financial responsibility, to name a few. It was a wonderful day, and I learned so much from the various leaders (each with his/her own perspective and discipline).

At one point in the meeting, my friend Gary asked our guests to stand and share their opinions on why these standards matter. One particular woman, a middle-aged attorney, said something that struck me. I wrote it down, as it was something I wanted to sear into my brain. As with most of my meetings here, my involvement is facilitated through translators, and we're blessed to have three amazing translators with us. (Side note: I'm constantly in awe of how these three women navigate this craft so well!). Here's what this guest said that knocked me off my feet:

"Disorder is the daughter of improvisation. Without standards comes chaos, and eventually failure."

Standards mean everything! I regularly write about the importance of being excellent. Whether you're trying to thrive in your career or successfully run your business, the key is excellence. Excellence, excellence, excellence. However, excellence is born from standards.

Or, as I visually represented to our Colombian team later in the day, you can't have excellence without standards, and you can't have growth without excellence. Standards > Excellence > Growth. Therefore, everything begins with standards. If we try to be excellent without having standards, we've failed before we even start. If we try to grow without being excellent, it's like a house built on sand.....it will eventually collapse.

What are your standards? This is a question we must each ask ourselves. Whether it's in the operation of our family's finances, our careers, our parenting, our marriages, or our businesses, it all begins with standards. My friend TJ says it best: "We don't rise to the level of our aspirations. We fall to the level of our standards." If you tell me what your standards are, I'll tell you what your ceiling is.

My clients who set rock-solid standards will inevitably thrive. Yes, they will be met with stress, tension, turmoil, and unwanted surprises; that's life! However, when standards are established, and then met, success (as dictated by their standards) is nearly inevitable.

My encouragement today is to think about your standards. What standards have you set in the way you approach the various aspects of your life? I can tell you my life is thriving in the areas where I set high standards.....and struggling in the areas where I failed to set standards. I need only look in the mirror to reflect the harsh reality of this principle. Standards mean everything.

I'm so grateful for all my Colombian friends and the memories we made yesterday in Medellín. There are days we will take the to grave with us….yesterday was one of those days for me. After 14 straight hours of meetings, mission, and memories, we ended the night with a little impulsive decision to jump into the rooftop hot tub at our hotel (in the rain, nonetheless). This is the view that concluded our day.

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Impact, Meaning, Relationships Travis Shelton Impact, Meaning, Relationships Travis Shelton

Mission and Memories…and One More Thing

"There are two things worth investing in. Mission and memories." I didn't realize it back then, but those words would rock my world from that point forward.

Many years ago, during a double dinner date in Hong Kong, my friend Gary Hoag said something that has permanently stuck with me:

"There are two things worth investing in. Mission and memories."

I didn't realize it back then, but those words would rock my world from that point forward. If I were to summarize my day-to-day, week-to-week, month-to-month, and year-to-year decisions, 90% of what I do would fall into one of those two buckets. Mission and memories. 

This week, I get to experience both with Gary. Today kicks off a series of meetings and adventures in Medellín, Colombia, beginning with a tour of some coffee farms. Over the coming hours, I'll be laboring in the coffee fields, trying to gain a better understanding of what a day in the life of a Colombian coffee farmer looks like. I couldn't be more excited for this, and I hope I take away something profound and impactful for the greater mission. 

Gary and I were able to link up at the Houston airport before our flight to Medellín.

While Gary lives in the U.S., I've seen him more often abroad than in America. We've traveled the world together, spoken together, worshipped together, camped together, fished together (though what I did barely resembled fishing), and written books together. We've traversed the Great Wall of China together, explored the vastness of the Mongolian wilderness together, scaled Hong Kong's Victoria's Peak together, and meandered through the night markets of Thailand together. 

Memories, memories, memories. And, oh, the mission! Each one of those memories is rooted in mission. Deep, meaningful mission. But do you see the other common thread running through all this? Relationships. We weren't meant to do this alone. Mission and memories aren't for us to prove we're good enough to do it ourselves. In fact, it's the opposite. There's a multiplication effect that happens when we integrate our relationships with mission and memories. One plus one does not equal two; it often equals something far greater than we can imagine. 

There's no telling what impact we can have if we bring others into the fold. This week's mission isn't for me to hoard all to myself. This isn't something I get to individually endeavor, and then tell everyone how cool I am. One person can move the needle, but a group working together for a shared cause can change the world. I can't wait to share more about the vision and invite you to join me.

I don't know how today's post will land, but regardless of what your weekend looks like, I hope you internalize (and incorporate) Gary's words as I did: "There are two things worth investigating in. Mission and memories." Oh yeah, and bring someone else along as well!


____

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Generosity, Behavioral Science, Relationships Travis Shelton Generosity, Behavioral Science, Relationships Travis Shelton

Riddle Me This

For the first time in my life, I stumbled into someone (on TikTok of all places) discussing a topic I've spent far too much time thinking about. It's a topic I've had opinions on for decades, and finally, it's part of the public discourse!

For the first time in my life, I stumbled into someone (on TikTok of all places) discussing a topic I've spent far too much time thinking about. It's a topic I've had opinions on for decades, and finally, it's part of the public discourse!

Let's pretend you and a friend go out for dinner. The intent was for each person to pay for their own meal. When the bill comes, though, the server communicates that they have a no-split policy. You decide to pick up the tab for the table, and your friend will pay you back. You can replace this scenario with countless others, but this is a simple way to frame this up.

The next day, your friend asks how much you owe him/her. The exact amount owed is $27.65. What amount do you communicate with your friend?

  • A. $27.00

  • B. $27.65

  • C. $28.00

Take a second and think about what you would tell your friend.

I believe each answer is a tell, and I'm about to unload this deep, dark thought I've been carrying for decades.

If your friend owes you $27.65 and you tell them they owe you $27.65, this is a tell that you live by the letter of the law. You want everything above board, no gray area. You want to ensure you don't feel indebted to the other person, even by a few cents. Or……it just might mean you’re an accountant and anything but two full decimals is akin to blasphemy.

If your friend owes you $27.65 and you tell them they owe you $28.00, this is a tell that you want to ensure nobody takes advantage of you. After all, you're the one who stepped up and took one for the team by buying for the table. $28 is a nice round number, and it's only fair this is their tab. Besides, it's only 35 cents!

If your friend owes you $27.65 and you tell them they owe you $27.00, this is a tell that you live with a spirit of generosity....even in the smallest and most unseen ways. It's a generous act to round down what they owe you, giving them a slightly better number than yours. It's also an act of generosity to make it a simple number. It's a small, real-time act that shows you have their back.

This isn't a profound or earth-shattering concept today, but perhaps it will make you look in the mirror. What would you tell your friend? Also, you're welcome for now permanently possessing the curse of constantly and intently watching how other people answer this question. It's telling.

____

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Growth, Relationships, Entrepreneurship Travis Shelton Growth, Relationships, Entrepreneurship Travis Shelton

Must Be Nice

"Must be nice." Ah, gotta love that phrase. "Must be nice" is a politer way to say "You got lucky" or "I'm jealous." It's also a phrase that signals the beginning of the end. The mere utterance of these words signals that your inputs are detached from your outputs. Using this phrase means outcomes are not correlated with executon. Mentioning this phrase means you've lost before you've even had a chance to play the game.

These words were said to me on Saturday afternoon on the heels of the Downtown Des Moines Farmers' Market. My friend saw our huge line as he passed through the market and had some "feedback" for me afterward. He gave me permission to write about it, so that took away some of the sting. In short, though, he attributed our long lines to good fortune. Right place, right time.

He's not alone in this sentiment, and this doesn't just apply to Northern Vessel. If you've built something that matters (whether it be a business or career), there are countless people in your life who are sopping with jealousy. Or, in the words of one of my business owner clients, "Travis, you're the only person in our lives we can even talk to about this stuff. You're the only one who will genuinely celebrate with us." He, too, gets lots of "It must be nice" comments. Jealousy is everywhere.

The truth is, it does feel nice. It feels wonderful to create something that matters. However, ahead of that niceness is a ton of blood, sweat, tears, pain, suffering, failure, and growth.

In this conversation, my friend asked what I attributed our success to. I think there are a lot of reasons for it, and they all revolve around inputs, not outputs. While most people believe in obsessing about the outputs, we believe in obsessing over the inputs and merely measuring the outputs.

Here are some of our inputs:

  • We're obsessed with finding the right people. It's extremely difficult to get hired at NV. TJ's standards and expectations are brutally high.

  • Financially, we believe in paying our team ridiculously well. TJ hasn't given me permission to share specifics (yet!), but we created a compensation structure for the farmer's market that boggles the mind. Interests are aligned, and our team is incentivized to crush it.

  • In turn, the work is a grind! It's like going to battle. Our team goes into market days knowing they will be wreckedby the time we're done. My hope is they look back on that experience and say, wow, that was awesome!

  • Unreasonable hospitality. It's not good enough to quickly serve a coffee. Anyone can serve a coffee. But can you make people feel a certain way while doing it? The experience is everything.

  • Constant obsession with getting better and more efficient. "Good enough" isn't good enough. Every team member has the green light to propose ideas for "better."

I pray you get rid of the phrase "It must be nice" from your life, and keep all the "It must be nice" people at arm's length. Whatever you're into, obsess about the inputs and measure the outputs. Keep going! "Nice" is coming.

____

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Career, Meaning, Relationships Travis Shelton Career, Meaning, Relationships Travis Shelton

The Flourless Cake

Perhaps this is an unpopular opinion that will be met with a violent backlash, but this seems like a flourless cake.

Have you ever baked a cake? I've baked a few in my life, and fortunately, it was under the watchful eye of my mom. As a kid, I remember using her cookbook to determine the exact ingredients in the exact ratios. My favorite ingredient was the sugar, of course. After all, that's what made the cake actually taste good. If I had my way, I probably would have elected to replace the gross-tasting flour with even more sugar. If sugar is what makes it taste good, then why not let the sugar dominate!?!? Can you imagine how bad that all-sugar, no-flour cake would have tasted? It would have been a disaster.

During a recent conversation with a client, I asked both spouses what they wanted. They both shared a similar answer. In short, their objective in life was to retire as early as possible (late 40s or early 50s) and spend more time with family.

Curious about where this was going, I asked, "And what else?"

The husband looked confused, so he cleared the air: "Nothing else. We're just going to spend time with friends and family."

Wanting to be sure I understood, I asked one more follow-up: "But nothing else?"

"Nope, we're going to relax and just spend our time with friends and family. Travel, too.....probably with family"

Perhaps this is an unpopular opinion that will be met with a violent backlash, but this seems like a flourless cake. Relaxing and spending time with loved ones is the sugar. It tastes good! It's fun. It's enjoyable. It gives life flavor. But if all we're adding to the batter is sugar, like my childhood baking example above, that's going to be one disaster of a cake.

Work. Purpose. Impact. Service. These are the flour. They don't always taste as good as the sugar, but they are what make a cake a cake. They balance out the ingredients to create something beautiful.....something delicious.

Just as we shouldn't have a flourless cake, we also shouldn't have a sugarless cake. While it might come out of the oven actually looking like a cake, it probably tastes dull and bland. Nobody wants that cake, either! We gotta have the sugar, too!

Our obsession with and idolization of retirement is turning us into a bunch of flourless cakes. We glorify a life of leisure so much in our culture that we forget to add all the ingredients to the bowl in healthy ratios.

My goal isn't to turn an entire generation into a bunch of work-obsessed robots. Rather, I deeply desire for people to see the good in their work. Further, if people understood how much value work adds to their lives, they would quit racing to the finish line (i.e., retirement) and instead pursue work that actually matters to them. Lots of sugar for taste, a healthy amount of flour to give it body, in a ratio that makes it light and fluffy. That sounds like an absolutely delicious cake!

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Entrepreneurship, Relationships Travis Shelton Entrepreneurship, Relationships Travis Shelton

Getting It Right, Not Being Right

Neither of us is in the business of being right…… we're in the business of getting it right. The best idea wins, period.

TJ and I have had many intense Northern Vessel conversations over the past three weeks. We've faced (and continue to face) many challenges. All in all, though, these are good things. In just 2.5 years, we've already outpaced our year-seven projection. This is an amazing blessing, but that sort of blessing comes with many trials. TJ and I have an interesting relationship. I've been somewhat of a mentor figure to him over the years, which turned into a big brother / little brother type situation, turned best friends, as well as business partners. On top of that, in my new role as head of operations, I report to him as my boss. It can be tricky!

On this surface, this might seem like a recipe for disaster. That's a lot of landmines to maneuver. However, our dynamic works very well together. It's not due to luck. Rather, a few important dynamics make all the difference in the world. First, we both care deeply about the mission. Ultimately, even when we disagree, we're on the same team and have the organization's best interest in mind. The second, though, is the most important. It's a line in the sand he and I drew more than two years ago, and it's at the center of everything we do. In fact, TJ brought it up yesterday during a particularly intense conversation. 

Neither of us is in the business of being right…… we're in the business of getting it right. The best idea wins, period. This steadfast boundary changes everything. It's not about ego, one-upping the other, or winning a debate. The only thing that matters is getting to the best possible outcome, regardless of our path to get there. Sometimes, he's right. Sometimes, I'm right. Sometimes, neither of us is right. However, we usually get to the right place, and through our trust in one another to be in the business of getting it right, we end up in a far better place for it. 

In my opinion, this is the only mode to operate life. It can sometimes be humbling, even embarrassing, but everyone wins when the best outcome is reached. I see this in my coaching all the time! If one spouse is in the business of being right, the couple won't ultimately reach its potential. This dynamic is usually caused by arrogance, pride, or stubbornness. It's destructive to both the finances and the marriage. On the flip side, if both spouses are in the business of simply getting it right (regardless of who is more right), they will absolutely crush it. I've seen this play out over and over and over, spanning more than a decade with some couples. 

As you navigate your day, be in the business of getting it right, not being right. I promise it will change your life....and your relationships!

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Meaning, Relationships Travis Shelton Meaning, Relationships Travis Shelton

Tears Of

The last few days have been packed with financial coaching meetings. Lots of tears. Tears of loss, pain, suffering, sorrow, joy, achievement, regret, and celebration. Lots of tears for lots of reasons. There's a lot of life happening all around us. And yes, these were financial coaching meetings.

The last few days have been packed with financial coaching meetings. Lots of tears. Tears of loss, pain, suffering, sorrow, joy, achievement, regret, and celebration. Lots of tears for lots of reasons. There's a lot of life happening all around us. And yes, these were financial coaching meetings.

That's the thing about money. Money is NEVER about money. It's always about something bigger. Sure, we can make it about dollars and cents, black and white, smart and dumb, responsible and foolish, rich and poor. Most of the world views money that way, after all. However, doing so sells people short. People's lives are worth so much more than stacks of cash and materialistic possessions.

While I don't believe money is important, handling it well is. It's intertwined into every area of our lives. Our relationships, aspirations, careers, parenting, hobbies, passions, and daily lives. Thus, the tears. I might sit in a room with spreadsheets on a screen and number scribbled on a whiteboard, but we're not really talking about money. Money might come up, but it’s never really about the money. We're talking about the most important nuances of people's lives, which happen to, for better or worse, intersect with finances.

This is the tension with a meaning over money lifestyle. We can't put money on a pedestal and worship it above all else. Doing so is toxic, unhealthy, and unfulfilling. On the flip side, we can't irresponsibly disregard money altogether. Doing so is a surefire way to reap chaos and destruction in a life meant for meaning.

So what's the answer? In my opinion, we should endeavor to steward our resources well, postured in humility, contentment, and generosity, to live a life rich with meaning, purpose, and impact. Everything else is just noise.

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Relationships, Parenting, Meaning Travis Shelton Relationships, Parenting, Meaning Travis Shelton

The Kids Don’t Care

I recently spent time with a couple who are struggling. Both spouses have great jobs, and their combined income is much higher than the average family's. However, they are stressed, burned out, and frustrated with life. Between their jobs and other commitments, they barely have time for their kids. By the time they all get home at night and eat dinner, they're lucky to have 30 minutes with the kids before bedtime. They feel like spectators in their own lives, watching their kids being raised by other people.

I recently spent time with a couple who are struggling. Both spouses have great jobs, and their combined income is much higher than the average family's. However, they are stressed, burned out, and frustrated with life. Between their jobs and other commitments, they barely have time for their kids. By the time they all get home at night and eat dinner, they're lucky to have 30 minutes with the kids before bedtime. They feel like spectators in their own lives, watching their kids being raised by other people.

I mostly listened, taking it all in. It pained me to hear how discontent they are with their lives. The part about rarely seeing their kids was especially brutal. Then, I asked what seemed like an obvious question to me: "Well, why do you do it?"

"Our kids deserve a good life."

In their opinion, all of this hard work, long hours, stressful weeks, and the amazing income it all provides was worth it because it allowed them to provide their kids with a high standard of living which they "deserved.". This family is checking all the boxes: the house, the cars, the clothes, the trips, the activities, the clubs. Their kids are livin' the life!

My response: "The kids don't care!"

This is a hard pill for most parents to swallow, but the kids don't give a rip about any of it. We may think they do, and they may say things that lead us to believe they do, but they don't! What kids care about is having their parents present. A healthy household, engaging relationships, active discipline, a shoulder to lean on, someone to show them love, and the opportunity to make memories. They don't care about money, stuff, or status.

I've interviewed hundreds of people about their childhood. The feedback I've heard has ranged from "My childhood was a nightmare" to "I had the best childhood in the world." Do you know what doesn't factor into these opinions? Standard of living. Nobody says, "My childhood sucked because we were lower class," and nobody says, "My childhood was great because we were rich." Their standard of living and financial status always come up (because I ask), but there's practically zero correlation between money and childhood happiness.

There is one consistent theme, though. How present and engaged their parents were meant everything. Regardless of wealth or standard of living, kids who had present and engaging parents consistently reflect fondly on their childhoods. Translation: They don't care about money.

If what I just said is true, we parents have a choice to make. We can either continue down the road of "providing a good life," recognizing we're actually doing it for ourselves (and not our kids), or we can choose meaning over money and truly invest in our children. This is a tough pill to swallow for many, but one worth considering.

I'll end with the good news! No matter how much (or little) income you make or wealth you possess, you already have the tools to give your children everything they want!

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Relationships, Meaning Travis Shelton Relationships, Meaning Travis Shelton

A Shared Experience Double Date

While this may seem like a random or inapplicable topic for this blog, I think it's highly impactful. It's really about creating and curating memories, moments, and experiences. It's about building relationships and adding richness to life.

Sarah and I went on a double date with another couple last night. I've been excited about this date for a while, and it didn't disappoint. However, I was caught off guard early in the night. The husband, a regular reader of this blog, announced he wanted to do this date "Shelton Family Style." This was a reference to a post I wrote 19 months ago about the power of actually shared experiences. Whenever my family goes out to eat, no matter the restaurant, we eat family style. We order a handful of items from the menu and share them with the entire family. It's a practice I picked up in Asia, and it's transformed our dining experiences.

Last night, though, I didn't expect that to happen. It's not a normal American custom to eat family style at most restaurants. Even when my friend said he wanted to do it, I didn't fully believe him. Each of us ordered something different, and I fully expected Sarah and I to share like we always do. However, as soon as the food arrived, I realized my friend was serious. We spent the next few minutes sliding blocks of food onto extra plates and divvying it up. Then, we dug in!

It was amazing! Each of us experienced four different entrees. It was part of the conversation. What we liked (almost everything), what we didn't (almost nothing), and why. We all received variety. We shared that experience together. By the time we finished, I had become an even bigger fan of that restaurant, as I experienced excellence across the board. It was a significantly memorable experience, and one I'm so grateful to have shared with my friends.

While this may seem like a random or inapplicable topic for this blog, I think it's highly impactful. It's really about creating and curating memories, moments, and experiences. It's about building relationships and adding richness to life.

Yes, we could simply stick to the normal ways of doing things; there's nothing wrong with that. Or, we can take a chance, get a bit uncomfortable, and try something that just might transform the experience. I'm so grateful my friends pushed the idea last night, and perhaps today, you can find your own ways to lean into similar ideas with people in your life. Share experiences, make memories, and create moments.

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Travel, Generosity, Relationships Travis Shelton Travel, Generosity, Relationships Travis Shelton

The Tale of Two Women

Due to our own (multiple) failings, my family found ourselves in a precarious position a few days ago.

Due to our own (multiple) failings, my family found ourselves in a precarious position a few days ago (the same day my other mistakes physically crushed me). We made reservations for our family to spend the day at a fun pool/beach resort in Cozumel called Paradise Beach.

We hurriedly packed up our gear in the morning and whisked ourselves off the ship and into a cab. Upon arriving at the resort, we needed to pay the second half of our $200 admission fee. This is where the problems began compounding:

  • I had enough cash to get us a cab back to port (plus some tips), but no debit cards.

  • Sarah also left her wallet on the ship.

  • I just got a new iPhone and haven't yet loaded my cards into ApplePay.

  • Sarah accidentally left her phone on the ship!

We were 0-4 in having access to our bank accounts. Oh crap!

I'm a fairly resourceful guy, so I had no doubt I'd find a way.....somehow. To me, it was going to be simple. The resort had free wifi, so my plan was to see if any other arriving tourists would help me by paying my $100 fee and I would immediately Venmo them $150. Win/win! The first couple dropped their heads as I approached them. The second gave me the "no" gesture with their hands. The third was a woman and her husband, clearly an American couple coming from a cruise ship.

I approached this couple and explained the situation. About halfway through, she cut me off, "I'm sorry, I'm not going to do that. I don't trust you." She could clearly see my concerned family standing ten feet away, but she was cold and defiant. A big part of me wanted to lash out at her response, but that wasn't going to do any good.

At that very moment, a different woman approached me. She worked for the resort. She and I began troubleshooting to see how we could resolve the situation. She was fighting FOR me, not against me. We tried a few ideas to no avail. Finally, once we approached our fourth idea, it worked. I was able to give her payment information, and my family subsequently enjoyed our lovely day at the resort. She could have easily disregarded me, but she didn't. She was so gracious and patient when we needed an advocate. It was beautiful.

Every day, we venture into the world, in and out of situations, and we have two choices. First, we can be like the first woman. We can be distrustful or think only of ourselves, disregarding people who don't serve our desires. We can let other people deal with their own problems, making sure we simply get what we deserve. Second, we can be like the second woman. We can look for ways to give a hand-up to people and add value to their days. We can advocate FOR people and be a positive presence in their journeys.

It's a choice. Every day. Every interaction. Every situation. Choose wisely. Oh yeah, and since I'm biased, choose to be like woman #2. You’ll help make the world a better place.

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Relationships, Meaning Travis Shelton Relationships, Meaning Travis Shelton

The Power of Uncomfortable Memories

Some memories are easy to say "yes" to. They are appealing, instantly satisfying no-brainers. They ooze with awesomeness, and we can't wait to reach for them. Then, there are the others.

Some memories are easy to say "yes" to. They are appealing, instantly satisfying no-brainers. They ooze with awesomeness, and we can't wait to reach for them. Then, there are the others.

We boarded our cruise ship yesterday, eager to escape the -30-degree wind chills that have been wreaking havoc on the Midwest for weeks. Yet, as we boarded the ship, the temps were a shockingly low 45-degree wind chill. I was freezing and tired when we finally entered our stateroom, ready to relax. Then, I heard the magical words: "Dad, let's go swimming!"

Oh boy. These kids came to go swimming, and 45-degree temps weren't going to stop them. Reluctantly, I changed into my trunks, and we spent the next two hours doing something more closely resembling the polar bear plunge than Caribbean cruise swimming. We sipped Shirley Temples and played like it was our only chance to swim for months. We bounced back and forth between the hot tub and the pool, not letting the weather dictate our itinerary (nor caring about the fact our feet were completely numb). Memories were made......lots of memories were made.

We'll likely make a ton of new memories together on this trip, but I have no doubt spending the afternoon swimming in 45-degree temps will be seared in for years (or decades).

There's something special about uncomfortable memories. Those memories where we're pushed just outside our comfort zone, resulting from our willingness to stretch ourselves into saying "yes" to things our impulses tell us to decline. In fact, if I were to list out my top 20 memories of all time, 15 of them would probably be the result of a "yes" decision I can't believe I made. If I had only trusted my gut and said "no" like any sane person should, each one of those special memories would be wiped from my being (as well as any impact they had on my growth and development).

My call to action today is to say "yes" to uncomfortable opportunities. Even if every ounce of you is screaming "no," just say "yes." You don't even have to know what you're doing it, other than to know something good will come from it. Something good always comes from it!


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Growth, Relationships Travis Shelton Growth, Relationships Travis Shelton

Stepping On Landmines

Every story about financial pain, struggle, or failure starts with a singular moment where the person made a mistake or experienced a misfortune.

I had a tremendously fun talk in Los Angeles last night. It was a great opportunity to reconnect with old friends and meet some new ones. I had some wonderful chats with people before and after the event, plus some great Q&A immediately following my talk. A common thread was woven into so many of these stories, which is a similar thread I experience in my day-to-day talking with people about money. Every story about financial pain, struggle, or failure starts with a singular moment where the person made a mistake or experienced a misfortune. I call it stepping on landmines.

Here's an example. A buddy shared the story about how he's in a really tough financial situation. He started with his present, then worked his way backward. The story culminates at the beginning, where he steps on his first landmine. He purchased a car he couldn't afford with a monthly payment nobody should afford. That was a landmine. That singular decision set up and set off a chain reaction that spiraled him to where he currently sits.

Story after story after story, each being triggered by the first landmine. The problem with landmines is that once we step on one, it becomes easier and more likely we'll step on another. After all, we don't make the best decisions under duress.

We obviously can't go back and unstep on our own landmines. I have many I wish I could undo. If we can't necessarily unwind our past landmines, what's the point? I have two points on this.

First, simply being aware of this phenomenon will allow us to be vigilant when the NEXT landmine approaches. We don't have to step on it. Instead, we can have the spatial awareness that we're nearing a landmine, but this time, sidestep it. Doing so frees us from the potential consequences, including the increased susceptibility of stepping on another. Just a few key decisions like this have the potential to radically shift our lives forever.

Second, we can help others around us avoid their own. In addition to the landmine stories, I shared some beautiful conversations with other people yesterday. These are people I care about deeply. With whatever insight and influence I had to offer, I was able to shine a light on a few upcoming landmines in their lives. It would be so wonderful if they were able to avoid them. If one thing I said helps one person take a different path, it was a monumental day. That's the opportunity each one of us has today. If we can help one person avoid one landmine, we've changed their world....possibly forever.

I hope you find that encouraging today, because I sure do! Have a great day!

____

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Relationships, Meaning, Career Travis Shelton Relationships, Meaning, Career Travis Shelton

Here

It's been nearly two days since we watched it, and I can't get it out of my head. At its core, the movie is a reflection on so many of the ideas shared in this blog.

Sarah and I recently stumbled upon a fascinating film. I was scrolling through Netflix while Sarah vetoed movie after movie. Nothing sounded good to her, and she wanted me to know that. Eventually, frustrated by her unwillingness to commit, I picked something and said, "This is the one! We're going to watch it, and we're going to enjoy it." It indeed was the one.

The movie is called Here. Released last year, it stars Tom Hanks and Robin Wright, and was directed by Robert Zemeckis (the creator of Back To The Future and Forrest Gump). It's one of the most unique films I've ever watched. For example, the entire movie is set at a single camera position, and the screen never fades out; one continuous shot for 1 hour and 45 minutes. See, fascinating!

Photo Credit: IMDB

It's been nearly two days since we watched it, and I can't get it out of my head. At its core, the movie is a reflection on so many of the ideas shared in this blog:

  • The pursuit (or not) of meaningful work.

  • How deeply our relationships are woven into the quality of our life.

  • The cultural and financial pressures to abandon our dreams.

  • The struggle and joy that comes with parenting.

  • The impacts (both positively and negatively) our sacrifices make in our journey.

  • The haunting power of regret.

  • The fleeting nature of time.

  • Our inescapable need for meaning and fulfillment.

  • The relational and emotional impact of debt and financial tension.

  • Our human desire to establish roots.

  • The beauty of the simplest and most mundane parts of our lives.

  • The humbling reality of our own mortality.

  • The miracle of forgiveness and redemption.

  • The bonding qualities of sharing a meal together.

  • The importance of celebrating major milestones in life.

It was simultaneously the saddest and most joyful thing I've watched in a while. I can't help but reflect on my own journey as a man, a husband, and a father. Life is indeed fleeting, and I ought not waste it.

If you enjoy this blog, I highly recommend you check out this film on Netflix. I can't promise you'll like it, but I can promise it will make you think. I hope you have a wonderful day, filled with beauty in both the big things and the small things.


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Relationships Travis Shelton Relationships Travis Shelton

Lessons From the Barkley Saga

"You're hurting yourself." "That isn't market." "There's no need to do that." I never take offense to these comments; I get it! What we do can largely be considered stupid and/or irresponsible. But ultimately, I believe that if you treat people like owners, they will behave like owners—culture matters.

"Wouldn't it be fun if our baristas could make six figures?"

This was one of the many insane ideas we discussed in the early days of planning Northern Vessel's launch. This counter-cultural idea was founded on a core belief TJ and I shared: Just treat people well. What that meant to us was to continually find ways to align interests, reward performance, incentivize winning behaviors, and create a culture of gratitude. Over the past few years, these driving principles have led to some pretty wild ideas and structures. I've faced much criticism from friends and mentors whenever these ideas arise.

"Why would you give up that much upside?"

"You're hurting yourself."

"That isn't market."

"There's no need to do that."

I never take offense to these comments; I get it! What we do can largely be considered stupid and/or irresponsible. But ultimately, I believe that if you treat people like owners, they will behave like owners—culture matters. When our people win, we win. And when our people win big, we win big. It doesn't have to be a fixed pie. We don't have to live our lives (and our businesses) with a scarcity mindset.

Speaking of, I've been thinking about the whooping the Chiefs received at the hands of the Eagles last night. Wow! Never in a million years did I see that coming. After the game, I was reminded of a seemingly innocent scene from HBO's Hard Knocks last summer. It's a brief phone conversation between Giants GM Joe Schoen and star Giants running back Sequon Barkley.

I'll set the scene. Mr. Schoen doesn't want to proactively offer Barkley a large contract at the risk of overpaying him, so he calls Barkley to let him know that he should "test the market." Translation: We're willing to pay you decent money, but not a penny more than we need to.

Mr. Schoen goes on, "If you really wanna be a Giant for life, and you're interested in staying here and coming back, just see what your market is and then have (your agent) come back to us, and we'll see if we can come to an agreement." Translation: If you're as loyal to us as you say you are, you'll sacrifice some money for the privilege of being here, and accept whatever we eventually offer you.

When I saw that clip, I knew there was zero chance he was going to return to the Giants. They violated the Just Treat People Well principle, and there was no turning back. Trust was broken. Interests were unaligned. He tested the market, as instructed, and eventually signed with the Eagles, where he thought he could help them reach the Super Bowl. Fast forward just a handful of months, and Barkley and the Eagles just became Super Bowl champions.

Most of us probably won't ever be an NFL GM (outside of the latest Madden installment), but this situation proves a valuable lesson. Just treat people well. Others don't have to lose for us to win. Align interests. Live with a culture of gratitude. People matter. Strike that.....people matter more than anything.


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