The Secret Sauce
I try to suss this out during prospective client consultations. I used to be terrible at it. Then, I started seeing patterns. Eventually, it became a talent. It's the secret sauce. Want to know what it is? Humility. Specifically, how much humility will prospective clients be bringing into this coaching relationship?
When someone lacks humility, the ceiling is quite limited. With a high level of humility, there's nothing that can stop them. That's it, that's the secret sauce. If you ever want to know what sets some people apart from others, it's humility. I would even double down on that statement and say that not only is humility the gateway to unlocking success, but a lack of humility can actually self-destruct the entire coaching relationship, bringing it to an early and disappointing end.
I've been on both sides of these relationships, and I've lived on both sides of humility. I remember, in my early 30s, entering into a mentor/mentee relationship (I was the mentee) where I had very little humility. I thought I knew everything. I thought I already had it all figured out. I wasn't coachable. My lack of humility effectively ensured that I would learn nothing from this brilliant person who was generously volunteering his time to me. Sure enough, it was a waste of time for both of us......100% caused by my lack of humility.
On the flip side, I've had other mentor/mentee relationships (again, as the mentee) where I approached it with deep humility. I essentially took the approach that I knew nothing and that anything they said must be seriously considered. Want to know what happened? I grew a ton! I learned so much. In fact, I probably learned more in that relationship than I did in four years of business school, combined.
Humility, the secret sauce. It sounds so cliché and exaggerated, but after coaching people for more than a decade, I can positively testify that humility is the key that unlocks most doors. Meanwhile, a lack of humility has the power to shut and lock already-open doors.
I had a lack of humility yesterday. I approached a certain conversation as if I already knew everything. I was annoyed and somewhat offended by how the other person was talking to me. Don't they know what I'm capable of?!?! I didn't say anything out loud, but in my head, I was screaming. I could feel the lack of humility in my soul at that moment. I hated that feeling! I never reacted or got defensive outwardly, but it's definitely something I need to work through inside me today.
You know what's worse than not having humility? Needing to have the humility to admit you need humility so that you can actually find humility. Without humility, I'll become an arrogant jerk. With humility, though, I'll be able to make a significantly greater impact. Humility must win out. Humility HAS to win. Humility is critical. It's the secret sauce.
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