A-, At Worst

Last week, I wrote a piece called "B-, At Best." In it, I was heavily critical of myself after a recent speaking engagement. I recognize that I'm probably too hard on myself, and many of you pointed out that I'm probably too hard on myself, but truth is truth. I could have done better. I could have done MUCH better!

A few days ago, I had another speaking engagement. This time, however, I felt different about my performance: A-, at worst. I think it was a highly successful event, and I couldn't have been much happier with how I conducted myself.

There's an elephant in the room, though. The elephant in the room is the fact that I couldn't have crushed this most recent performance if I hadn't been willing to risk failure during the preceding talk. I don't think I needed that B- to propel me, but whatever happened on that fateful B- performance day equipped, fueled, and propelled me to achieve what I just did. Everything builds on everything.

We can't be afraid to fail! So often, I watch people stand idly while their dreams pass them by, simply because they are scared of failure. There's nothing that feels worse than failure- that is, until much further down the road, when we feel the agony of regret. Sometimes, enduring failure is the prerequisite for achieving success. Everything builds off everything. Thus, we need to keep moving forward. Always forward.

Therefore, whenever I look at myself and feel like a giant turd of failure, I recognize it's all part of the game. I can't make a positive impact on this world without experiencing the pain of defeat, and neither can you.

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B-, At Best

I had a speaking engagement yesterday. I've been excited about this one for a while now. My official grade for my performance: B-, at best. It's been a while since I spoke, and the content was oriented differently from my last few gigs, and I wasn’t as crisp as I wanted. Needless to say, I was disappointed with myself. Perhaps I'm too harsh a self-critic (which I'm told often), but I know what I'm capable of.....and that wasn't it.

Do I regret it? No. Do I wish I could undo it? Certainly not. I have a lot of woulda, shoulda, coulda's, but it would be wrong of me to wish it away. After all, even a B- has the potential to make an impact on someone. I pray that someone in that room was positively impacted by what I had to say. So even if I'm disappointed with my performance, it doesn't mean it's a loss.

I think about this often, as far too many times I've harshly judged myself and questioned whether I should or shouldn't have tried to do xyz thing. However, every time I do, I come back around to this realization that not doing it would have done zero good for this world, and doing it, even at a B- level, has the potential to move the needle.

This is one of the hardest pills for me to swallow. In a journey filled with failure (or perceived failure in some cases), I'm constantly reminded that showing up and doing the work is the prerequisite to impact. I wish everything I did were as put together as a Hollywood film and wrapped up in a pretty little bow, but that's not how life works.

We have a choice to make: 1) Play it safe and stay out of the game, essentially removing the risk of failure, or 2) Get on the field and scrap it up, knowing that the risk of failure goes hand in hand with the possibility of positive impact.

I wholeheartedly recommend option number two.

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My Favorite Part About Storms

I encountered one of the most intense storms of my life last night. I'm not sure it was THE most intense storm I've ever seen, but it was most certainly the most intense one that I physically endured. In the 30 feet from the curb to the house, I was drenched to the point that one would have thought I jumped into a swimming pool. At the same time, I narrowly avoided a tree branch plummeting toward my head. All in all, it was one of the wildest 30 seconds of my life. Finn had an eyewitness view of the whole thing, of course, and he was equally thrilled and terrified. Ask him about it sometime!

You know the best about storms? They eventually pass. In a matter of 45 minutes, the storm subsided, and everything felt peaceful again. You would have never known that just minutes prior, it was a violent and dangerous mess, wreaking havoc on anyone and anything in its path.

It felt like a perfect analogy to life. Violent and dangerous storms approach us all through life, sometimes causing great damage. However, just like last night's storm delivered by Mother Nature, life's storms also eventually pass. I've been in many proverbial storms this year, and some of you have, too! Some of you might be sitting in the heart of the storm as we speak. If so, I'm so sorry! It's absolutely terrible, and you are no doubt experiencing much pain, but please know that this storm shall pass, too.

After the rain stops and the winds die down, the sun will begin to peek out from behind those clouds. Damage will most certainly be done, but you'll start to see beauty again. You may never fully understand why you had to endure it in the first place, but unforeseen blessings will start to appear. Not the blessings you wanted, but perhaps the blessings you needed.

That's my favorite part about storms. They will eventually pass, and in their wake, unexpected beauty will emerge. Please don't forget that while you're sitting in the eye of that storm. I hope you have a great day, storm or no storm.

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Non-Negotiables

"What are your daily non-negotiables?" This was a question I recently asked a client. He just looked at me funny. Turns out, this is a concept I often discuss with myself in my own head, but not with actual humans.

Daily non-negotiables. These are the things we are going to do each day, no matter what else is happening. Moreover, they are so important to us that we intentionally structure everything else around them to keep them from becoming negotiable.

I'll give you mine:

• No eating between dinner and noon the following day. Intermittent fasting, regardless of the situation. No matter how tasty the breakfast looks, eating before lunch is a no-no.

• 10,000+ steps per day. No excuses. If it's 10PM and I only have 3,000 steps under my belt, well, I better start walking.

• Write, edit, and publish a blog daily—1,400 days in a row. Regardless of sickness, location, energy level, or circumstance, a blog must be published.

• Track my expenses. This one only takes 1-3 minutes, but every single day I will open my budgeting app and allocate whatever expenses have synced into the app. I've followed some version of this for more than 15 years. 90 seconds per day can change your life.

• Take my kids to school. If I'm in the state, I'm taking my kids to school. Years ago, my assistant and I decided I would never schedule a meeting or appointment before 9AM. Taking my kids to school is a sacred act.

• Tell Sarah I love her during every goodbye. Even if I'm mad. Even if I'm upset with her. "I love you," every single time.

• Pray with the kids at bedtime. Some variation of the four of us will pray each night, though Finn insists he prays every single night.

I think we can tell a lot about ourselves by looking at our non-negotiables in black-and-white. Those types of lines in the sand show us who we are, but more importantly, who we are trying to become. There are a few items NOT on my list that I wish were, so either I need to add them, or it's unlikely I will create a trajectory toward them.

Today's encouragement is simple. Define your non-negotiables. What are your proverbial lines in the sand? Make a list; write them down. A few questions to ask yourself:

• Do you like what you see?

• What do your non-negotiables say about who you are, and more importantly, who you are trying to become?

• What items need to be added to your non-negotiable list?

Then, act.

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In Accordance With Our Abilities

Yesterday was a coaching-heavy day for me, having met with four different couples. They ranged in age from 22 to 47, in take-home income from $4,000/month to $32,000/month, in debt from hundreds of thousands to no debt at all, and in belief from atheists to devout Christians. I talked about similar topics with each of them, and my advice was similar. However, one thing differed from client to client: I challenged them in accordance with their abilities.

For one couple, I encouraged them to dig in to pay off $1,000 in September. For another, I encouraged them to pay off $10,000. Similar conversations, different challenges. See, the couple I challenged to pay off $1,000 of debt would have broken had I pushed them to pay off $10,000. They don't yet have the ability (discipline, habits, conviction, and income) to make this happen. On the flip side, I would have done a disservice to the couple I challenged to pay off $10,000 had I only pushed them to pay off $1,000. Their current abilities are far beyond paying down $1,000.

One of the biggest criticisms I get on the podcast and the blog is that my ideas are too big, too drastic, too unrealistic, and too countercultural. I don't wholeheartedly disagree.....for some. That's the challenge of creating content for a wide swath of people. Some days, readers and listeners might absorb the content and think to themselves, "Duh, Captain Obvious!" Other days, an idea I share might spark something powerful within them that can possibly change the trajectory of their journey.

I'm in the seed-planting business. I plant seeds. I plant seeds and hopefully earn the right to water them. Sometimes, the seeds might never germinate. Sometimes, the seeds might sprout, but eventually not take. Then, other times, the seeds grow into something truly beautiful. On rare and special occasions, I get to actually see those moments when the seeds sprout, blossom, and eventually grow into something amazing. I never take those moments for granted. But whether I see it or not, I'm still in the seed-planting business.

Each of us is called to engage in accordance with our abilities. Today, that might be small. It might not feel like a big deal. It might even feel meaningless. However, as we grow, become disciplined, and gain experience, our abilities can grow. Then, we can push ourselves even more, which in turn helps us grow more. And the cycle continues.

Please don't compare yourself with other people. The only thing you should compare is how well (or not) you are harnessing your current abilities. That's it. That's the secret. Just you, your abilities, and a desire to grow in them.

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“It’s Not My Fault”

There's one phrase that's banned in our house: "It's not my fault." If this phrase is ever muttered, instant consequences. Swift and harsh consequences.

I firmly believe ownership is one of the most important characteristics we can possess. Conversely, a lack of ownership is one of the most toxic. I've watched the positive and negative consequences in my own life, and I see it daily in others. When we take ownership, we (eventually) win. When we don't, we lose.

It's so easy to blame someone else or something else for things not going our way. It's convenient when we blame external forces for our personal failings. We're the victim. It's outside of our control. We have a natural and easy culprit to point our fingers at, allowing ourselves to skate away guilt-free.

On the flip side, when we continually take ownership, we can't help but grow and yield better results. Yeah, my teammate made a crappy pass, but I should have caught it. Yeah, my intern gave me faulty data, but I should have confirmed it. Yeah, it was a freak accident that my iPad wouldn't turn on, but I should have had a backup outline for my talk in front of 2,000 people. Yeah, my car breaking down was an unforeseen expense, but I should have created more margin in my finances for such an event.

Each one of us will encounter dozens of things each day that aren't exactly our fault. What we do with those will determine our eventual fate. If we simply say "it's not my fault," that's the gateway to loserville. However, if we're willing to take ownership every step of the way, we'll win. It won't feel pretty, and we might end up with some egg on our face, but we can at least walk with dignity and eventually find success. This applies to finances, work, business, relationships, and pretty much every other area of life!

Let's remove "it's not my fault" from our vocabulary. It doesn't serve anyone well, especially us, when it leaves our mouths. Take ownership, eat it, absorb the loss, and go on to conquer.

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Full-Circle Dinners

I began doing financial coaching about 10 years ago, starting as a personal ministry. I knew I could help people, and I knew people needed help, so I used whatever giftings God gave me to serve people in that area of life.

During one of my first coaching sessions, I told the couple that when they got out of debt, we would go out for a celebratory dinner at any restaurant in the metro they wanted, my treat. I thought it was a great little impulsive idea, so I repeated the same line to every couple I coached. These couples had tens or hundreds of thousands of dollars of consumer debt. Student loans, car loans, credit cards, medical debt….so much debt! Over the years, I've had dozens of debt-free dinners, my treat. We've done fancy steakhouses, old-school Italian, swanky French, and countless others. Those dinners are so much fun, and they're a great way to memorialize the hard counter-cultural work people have done on this financial journey. Dozens of times, I've been able to raise a glass and toast these couples' beautiful achievements.

During one of those earliest coaching meetings, I also said something else, tongue-in-cheek. The debt-free dinner is at any restaurant they choose, my treat. Then, someday, when they become millionaires, we'll go to any restaurant I want, their treat. It was more of a half-joke than anything; my attempt to bring humor and optimism to the otherwise heavy conversation. Think of it as a seed planted. After all, these were often couples buried in debt, struggling with finances, and feeling the tension in their marriage because of it. The mere idea of becoming millionaires felt far-fetched......but what if? I don’t actually think reaching this arbitrary status is some important endeavor, but it grounds people in optimism. What if?

Years later, I'm starting to receive phone calls from current and former clients:

"It's time to schedule our millionaire dinner. Where are we going, Travis?"

"Travis, what's your favorite restaurant? It's almost time for our million-dollar dinner?"

Or this text I recently received: "I'm not sure how it happened, but we did it! This doesn't even feel real, but it looks like we owe you a fancy dinner."

Progress often feels slow in the moment. However, after a while, we'll have that little moment where we look down the mountain from which we climbed, only to realize that we've made far more progress than we ever thought possible.

Step by step, day by day, decision by decision, sacrifice by sacrifice. Nothing is easy, but it can be simple. The key is stepping back far enough to recognize that small steps (eventually) yield profound progress. These full-circle dinners are a beautiful reminder of that for me. What once was full of pain, tension, and suffering can slowly blossom into something that never seemed fathomable. We ought not forget that, especially on the hard days when success feels anything but possible.

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81 Years of “Boring”

My family enjoyed a Shelton family tradition last night: Nutty Bars in Okoboji. Okoboji is one of our favorite places in the world, and Nutty Bars are woven into the fabric of the Okoboji experience. To give you some context, Nutty Bars are small blocks of vanilla Blue Bunny ice cream with a wooden stick inserted, dunked in chocolate, and rolled in crushed peanuts. Simple, classic, delicious.

Finn’s very first bite of Nutty Bar, age 3.

I was recently talking to a fellow business owner about our anticipation of enjoying some Nutty Bars. “Their business is boring. They’ve literally been doing the same thing for 100 years. They haven’t innovated once.” He scoffed at the Nutty Bar stand……he might as well have insulted my sons!

81 years, actually. They’ve been doing the same thing for 81 years….since 1945. In a world where businesses come and go as often as we change underwear, 81 years is pretty amazing. And they don’t seem to be slowing down. Every time I’m there, hundreds of people are coming or going. I wish I knew more about their business, but they no doubt sell thousands of Nutty Bars each day.

The Nutty Bar stand practices something vitally important in business. They simply offer a consistently excellent product for an attractive price. Simple, consistent, excellent, and more valuable than it costs…..all four components are important. They’ve created a machine that puts smiles on hundreds of thousands of people’s faces, and I suspect they’ve been handsomely rewarded financially for that.

We don’t have to come up with a world-changing idea to be successful or impactful. Instead, we just need to find a way to implement the Nutty Bar formula in our own lives. Stay simple, be excellent, remain consistent, and add more value than we charge. Whether we’re business owners, self-employed, or employees, these values are the building blocks for a fruitful and impactful journey.

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The Gear For Growth

Today is a big day in my world. I'll be attending the Global Leadership Summit in Chicago, IL. For me, this is my Super Bowl! This is the 12th consecutive year that I'll attend this world-class event, and I look forward to it every year.

I know 30-year-olds who believe they already know everything. I know 70-year-olds who behave like they still have much to learn. And everyone in between. Here's what I've discerned over the years: The most successful people I know are the ones who have a gear for growth. They take the posture of a lifelong learner, and never outgrow the ability, willingness, or humility to learn from others.

No matter how many Summits I attend, I know that I'm going to learn something that will forever change the trajectory of my life. It's happened every time, and I suspect these next few days will be no different. The same applies to books, podcasts, or other forms of content. Each piece of content has the power to help us grow.....if we're willing to have that gear.

It's only when we turn off the gear (or fail to turn it on in the first place) that we stagnate. And when we stagnate, we regress. And when we regress, we and those whom we have the privilege of serving suffer.

The more I've learned these past 12 years, the more I realize how much I have yet to learn. I don't even think I've scratched the surface, and I believe I owe it to those around me to become better.....in all the ways.

Therefore, today is going to be amazing. I pray that something smacks me square in the face and transforms a piece of me that needs to change. Please pray for me in that, too. On the flip side, I pray you turn on that gear for growth as well; and once it's on, you keep it on. We're never too old, too wise, too smart, too experienced, or too accomplished to learn from others. Today is a great day to learn.

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The Moment I Knew

One of my commercial clients is comprised of three young, talented, hungry owners. They are brilliant at their craft, but not accomplished business owners.....yet. In the midst of trying to grow their newish business, they lost a key client. Many of their aspirations for near-term growth skidded to a halt, replaced by a sudden need to piece together a few deals to stay afloat.

One of them recently reached out with a question. I immediately called them back and happened to catch them while they were driving across the state for a work project. One of the owners said something to me that quickly caught my attention. They recently purchased a mobile Starlink unit so they have high-speed internet in their vehicle on road trips. Why? "While we're on the road, the two people who aren't driving spend time contacting and pitching everyone. Old clients, warm prospects, cold prospects.....everyone."

That's the moment I knew they were going to be just fine. Being brilliant at our craft isn't enough. Often, it takes a mastery of our craft combined with a relentlessness and humility to just go for it. What makes these three individuals unique is that they are impervious to failure. They could have 1,000 doors violently slam in their face, only to knock on the 1,001st door with full confidence that it will be a "yes."

I wish I had that same relentlessness gear they do. I've been thinking a lot about that conversation, and it's forced me to look in the mirror with my own attitude and approach. For as successful as I feel like I've been, I can't help but wonder what things would look like if I developed a gear like these three have. It's an interesting thought experiment, and it pushes me out of my comfort zone. Maybe you need a similar nudge today. A nudge to develop a relentlessness and motor to keep going, regardless of how many shut doors you encounter. Something to think about as you go about your day. Have an awesome one!

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Competition, On Steroids

One of my favorite aspects of NYC is how much competition pushes businesses to get better and be better. It's competition, on steroids. If you, as a business, don't find some form of excellence, there are a half dozen businesses that do the exact same thing within a 3-minute walk. It's the ultimate equalizer, forcing everyone to pursue excellence, or else.

Combine that with the fact that rent and overhead expenses are so high, business owners must set the bar very, very high. In all my years of visiting NYC, it's a dynamic I've watched play out in long-form time-lapse. If I go into a business that clearly doesn't practice excellence, I know they will be gone the next time I visit. On the flip side, when I see businesses demonstrate excellence, there's a chance they will be around during subsequent visits. I took my kids to businesses that I first checked out nearly 20 years ago. In one of the most competitive environments in the world, that's quite the achievement! Excellence always wins!

At Northern Vessel, we've long talked about the need for excellent coffee shops to open in our city. We NEED other businesses to be excellent, as it will force us to maintain our focus on the pursuit of excellence. In just the past few weeks, three separate shops have opened in our city, each presenting itself as competition. We don't view them as enemies; we view them as the bar. Will these shops practice excellence? Will they put their foot on the gas and pull business away from us? Only time will tell. Regardless, it will require us to lean harder and harder on excellence, making us better every step of the way. We view that as a win, not a loss.

Competition isn't bad; it makes us better......if we're up for the challenge. I think customers and businesses would be better served if we had an environment that more closely resembled NYC: forced excellence. Get awesome, or get dying. Competition is a beautiful thing, so long as we're up for the challenge. As customers, we should cheer for this sort of environment, mandating that businesses serve us better and better. As business owners, we should embrace the opportunity to serve people better. Everyone wins when competition heats up.

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Culture, One Bite at a Time

I received an interesting text after yesterday's post. "What's the point?" Very mysterious! I couldn't resist. "What's the point of what?" I responded to an old friend. "What's the point of spending money on travel and, more importantly, spending money on food while traveling? It seems wasteful."

Oh, now we're talking! What's the point? I think each person will have a different answer to this question, but my answer is simple: Culture. I'm obsessed with learning about and experiencing other people's cultures. Whether it's cultures here in America or in some of the most distant places on this planet, cultures fascinate me so much.

Why? It's hard for me to put my finger on it, but when I experience other cultures and learn who they are, it helps me better understand who I am. That may sound counterintuitive, but it makes sense in my head. I have my own culture, cultivated from my background, experience, and surrounding forces. It doesn't feel like culture because it's just called life. But to an outsider, it's culture. Therefore, when I experience other cultures, it helps put context around the world I'm not living in, and in turn, the world I do live in. Understanding cultures also helps us live with more empathy, compassion, and connection.

Food is a central part of culture. What we eat and how we eat it is deeply embedded in our respective cultures. One of the best and simplest ways to learn about culture is to eat what they eat. Their flavors. Their traditions. Their styles. Their habits. The same principles apply when I'm eating a cannoli in Little Italy as when I'm served fermented horse milk in Mongolia. Culture. History. Context. I love it! And through that process, it helps me learn about their story, my story, and our collective story. There's value in that.

I encourage everyone to travel and eat. Immerse yourself in someone else's culture, whether it's the state next door or somewhere on the other side of the globe. But travel, eat, grow. Embrace every opportunity you have to experience someone else's culture, and never take those moments for granted. One experience, one bite at a time.

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Anti-Protection

Pax and a friend started their car-washing business yesterday on a blistering 108-degree heat-index day. I'm not sure how much actual work they got done, but they seemed content with how the day played out and were excited to get started. When I picked him up from his buddy's house, he said, with his little red face, "I'm so thirsty!"

"I have an idea," I exclaimed. I told him I needed to stop to get gas, and when I did, he could go in by himself and buy whatever drink he wanted.

"I don't want to spend the money I just made," he said. "On me. I'm buying, bud. Whatever you want."

"That's okay, I don't need anything."

This wasn't about wanting or not wanting a drink. He was nervous about the idea of going into the story by himself, picking something out, then engaging one-on-one with the cashier. I knew this; he knew this. I wasn't going to let him dodge it, though.

"You got this, man. You don't even have a choice. You go get yourself a fun drink. Set your drink on the counter, hand him the cash after they give you a price, receive your change, and thank them before leaving. Easy!"

"My legs hurt. I don't think I can go in."

"I'm not letting you chicken out on this. You'll be so glad you did this. Here's the cash, go take care of business!"

He slowly and anxiously walked from the gas pumps to the front door and reluctantly let himself in. Three minutes later, though, he came out looking like a new man. He had a huge smile on his face, along with an ice-cold Gatorade.

It reminded me of a recent conversation I had with a buddy. During this chat, my friend explained that his job as a dad is to protect his kids from getting into uncomfortable situations. As a father, he wants to make sure he absorbs the discomfort for them.....as a sign and product of his love.

I don't think that's loving; I think it's crippling and enabling. As parents, we need to be anti-protection. We need to meter out the discomfort. We need to put our kids in situations that make them nervous. Not set them up to get hurt or create lifelong trauma, but to face little fears when the stakes are lower, allowing them to grow and collect wins.

That was a big moment for Pax yesterday. He reluctantly faced a fear, and I have a feeling he'll be much more confident next time he's in a similar situation. Be the anti-protection your kids need. They don't need to live in a manufactured, make-believe bubble. They need to be tested with real-life situations. Seize those fun little opportunities and watch them grow.

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Outgrowing Your Structure

I recently met with a couple who are becoming progressively more frustrated with their finances. This seems counterintuitive, though, as they are making far more money than they ever have before. Why, then, are they getting frustrated? It's pretty simple: The current complexity of their life has outgrown their financial structure.

Translation: The way they used to handle finances worked well then, but not so much anymore. It was easy to wing it and be more casual when there was less income and fewer obligations. However, life is getting more complicated, and the old way of doing things seems inadequate at best, destructive at worst.

It reminds me of a similar situation we're having at Northern Vessel. Nearly four years in, it's safe to say our business looks a little different than it once did. During a recent team dinner (celebrating one of our team members who left to pursue a new dream), it was time to pay the bill. TJ couldn't be there, so it was on me to pay. Unfortunately, I forgot to ask TJ for the debit card. At the last second, Jack swooped in to pay the bill, somehow having TJ's card in his wallet.

That's right, we literally have only one debit card. The entire company has been operating with one debit card and one checkbook. We have tens of thousands of dollars in monthly expenses, yet the entire operation rests on one debit card and one checkbook. We've outgrown our structure, and we're experiencing the consequences.

Whether it's the family I mentioned above or a company like Northern Vessel, we must iterate on the structure as we grow. What once worked might not be adequate in the new season of being. Taking the "this is the way we've always done it" approach is a surefire way to end up in a bad place. Therefore, we need to give ourselves permission to evolve, adjust, and continue to find better ways to handle ourselves.

Some of you are handling your family's finances the same way you did when you were young, single, broke, and fresh out of college. Except now, you have a spouse, kids, a house, and multiple incomes. It might be time to update the structure! For some of you, simply upgrading the way you do things might be the ticket to significantly better outcomes. It doesn't matter if you've done it the same way for 20 years.....it might be time to adjust.

Never be scared to make changes. As life becomes more complicated, find ways to simplify and find order amidst the chaos. You'll thank yourself later!

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There Are No Secrets

After a recent public speaking engagement, during the customary Q&A session, someone asked an interesting question: "I heard you've written and published your writing more than twelve hundred days in a row. First, is that true? If so, what are your secrets?"

Every day since November 14th, 2022. Pushing nearly 1,400 days now. It hurts my head to think about that. It doesn't feel real; it doesn't feel possible.

The secret is there are no secrets. As I've learned about writing, and the same goes for almost any discipline, the only way to write is to write. The only way to publish is to publish. What is required of me is to sit down in front of a screen and create.

Follow-up question: "Do you write a bunch at once and batch it for the next several days?"

No batching. One piece of writing per day, every day, no exceptions. There's something wild that happens inside us when we eliminate the excuses and just commit to the craft. It strips away any and all shortcuts and shortcircuits that could potentially sabotage the habits we're trying to create. I write because I write because I write. At some point, these habits become as normalized and as common as brushing our teeth or tying our shoes. It's just what we do.

Here's another way to think about it, back to my comment above about how it doesn't feel real or possible to write nearly 1,400 days in a row. The good news is I didn't have to write 1,400 pieces. I just had to write one. Then another one. Then another. I'm writing one today. Then tomorrow, I'll write one, too. The only one that matters is the next one. There's a freedom in that! Whatever we're trying to accomplish, just worry about the next one. After that one is done, we can worry about what lies on the other side of that one.

So many people have so many dreams. But those dreams seem daunting, maybe even impossible. You don't need to accomplish all those dreams in one fell swoop. You only need to accomplish the next thing that's sitting in front of you. Then, move on to the next.

I recently had a buddy run a marathon. Running 26.2 miles boggles my mind, so I asked him how he approaches it. "It usually takes me about 40,000 steps to complete it. It's too overwhelming to think about 40,000 steps, so I just try to focus on the next step. If I can stay focused and use good technique for the next step, eventually, the next step will be the 40,000th step. It just kinda happens."

The next step. The next step is all that matters. That's the secret. There are no secrets. Just one foot in front of the other, whether literally or figuratively. Have a great day!

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Pax: Make Good Choices

It's the middle of the night. We had a marathon night with the kids (and our nieces). An awesome night, full of fresh memories and new experiences. I'm dead tired; the brain is shutting down. Pax is lying next to me. "Dad, you still need to write your blog, don't you?"

"Yeah, bud, I do. Any ideas?"

"I've never written a blog before, so I don't know what to write about."

"Well, I want to help people and encourage them."

"Tell them to have a good day and make good choices. You always tell me to make good choices, so maybe you can tell them that."

Make good choices. Such a simple, yet difficult idea. None of us ventures into our days planning to make poor choices. We don't wake up in the morning looking to sabotage our lives or impair our futures. Yet, we regularly find ourselves doing just that. Why? I think much of this stems from our human desire for instant gratification. We willfully do things to get what we want now, at the expense of what we want most.

I'm sure you can relate. You have a list of things that are important to you, yet through the course of life, you make little decisions in the present that push those important things further into the future.

Make good choices. I love that it was the first idea that came to his little mind when he thought about the blog. Ironic, though, as he frequently makes bad choices. I guess that makes him just like you and just like me. Despite wanting to make good choices, he can't help himself at times. None of us is ever going to get it fully right, but perhaps we can endeavor to make more good choices than poor ones today. Here's my rule of thumb for good choices: Would 10 years from now me approve of this choice? If so, it's probably a good choice. If not, well, perhaps I should reconsider.

Have a good day and make good choices, as Pax would say.

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Pursue Failure?!?!

In yesterday’s post, I talked about the concept of “pursuing failure.” I think about this idea so much that I forget how weird and controversial this topic is. First, let me clarify. I don’t advocate pursuing intentional, known failure. That would run afoul of another frequently discussed concept on this blog: the relentless pursuit of excellence.

We should strive to be excellent at everything we do. We should strive to achieve every dream, goal, and objective we aspire to. Here’s where the failure part comes into play. If we’re willing to shoot higher, dream bigger, and get uncomfortable, failure is inevitable. Anyone can avoid failure. The only prerequisite for avoiding failure is to refrain from doing difficult things. Therefore, if we never fail at anything, it’s likely a sign that we’re not pushing ourselves hard or far enough.

I’m leaning into things that are so ridiculous and audacious that failure is almost inevitable. Even if I’m as excellent as I can possibly be, there’s almost no way to fully avoid failure. Sometimes, soul-crushing, publicly embarrassing failure. It’s a tremendously uncomfortable concept to wrestle with, but once we come to terms with that reality, it presents us a critical fork in the road: play it safe or go for it. After years of basking in the play-it-safe camp, I took a hard turn and realized life is better lived in the go-for-it camp. Does it always go well? No, not at all. Sometimes, it feels like a big ball of flames. Other times, however, it’s glorious.

The bigger question we have to ask ourselves is what regrets our future selves will or will not have. When I look back on some of my biggest failures over the past decade, I definitely wish I could get some do-overs or second chances. However, I don’t think I’ll look back with regret. Conversely, I have some deep regrets for the things I was too scared, too safe, too timid to pursue. I’ll never get those opportunities back, but I don’t have to make those same lame decisions in the future.

Therefore, when I talk about pursuing failure, that’s exactly what I’m talking about. Pursue big things with a posture of excellence, and let the cards fall how they may. Sometimes we will achieve glorious wins, and sometimes we’ll suffer humiliating failures. We can’t have one without the other.

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Humiliation Ritual

Two nights ago, many of us witnessed a humiliation ritual known as the World Cup. Team USA was publicly and brutally embarrassed by Belgium on the world's grandest stage. For the rest of their lives, those players will forever be associated with the frustrating and unforgettable events that unfolded that night.

They aren't alone, though. For the past few weeks, hundreds of players representing their countries have subjected themselves to a similar humiliation ritual on equally grand stages. The World Cup isn't for the weak of heart. It brings the greatest joys and the darkest lows.

Why would players put themselves in those positions? The "greatest joys" part! The only way to attain the grandest of achievements is by risking failure. As I love to say, failure is the admission price to success. Almost nobody who wins the trophy has done so without first being subjected to soul-crushing humiliation. It comes with the gig.

Despite that, most of us non-footballers will spend our entire lives trying to avoid failure at all costs. Why? Because failure sucks. It's easier to live a life without risking failure than to put ourselves out there and ultimately be subjected to that twisted ritual.

If failure and embarrassment are terrible things and we ought to avoid them at all costs, why do soccer players spend their entire lives trying to make a team that will likely cause much pain and suffering? Because the pursuit of meaning MUST involve the risk of failure. It's a prerequisite.

Last time I checked, none of us will get out alive. Therefore, let's live. Be uncomfortable. Pursue failure. Stretch in ways that will most certainly result in some form of pain or embarrassment. It never feels good in the moment, but one day, we'll be talking about how it was all worth it.

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The Fork After the Fork After the Fork

While having coffee with a buddy last week, he brought up an interesting idea. He was talking about one of his college student sons. This particular son is still trying to determine where/how he will start his career. My friend mentioned that he's at a fork in the road. Several options are on the table. None of those will likely be THE option, but once he decides on this fork, another fork will open.

I thought that was such a beautiful metaphor for life. If we think about it, every aspect of life offers us forks in the road. Then, after we make a decision, we're presented with another series of forks to choose from. Where we are now at x area of life (whether it be career, school, relationships, parenting, etc.) is the product of each fork we chose. Some forks produce positive results, some neutral results, and some disastrous results.

Whether it's my financial situation or current career setup, I can trace my path backward through each decision at each fork. For the most part, I'm pleased with the decisions I made. However, there are most certainly forks I chose that were harmful to my life. Purchases I made. Debts I accepted. Investments I made out of pride. Clients I said "no" to. Clients I said "yes" to.

When I look back at my forks and watch others work through their forks, I don't think the goal is to completely avoid missteps. Rather, when we misstep, we have the level-headedness and wherewithal to make a wise choice at the next fork. It's so easy to compound mistakes. The compounding can happen for a number of reasons, whether it's that we're in a heightened state of stress, chasing to get on the other side of the ledger, or denying we made a poor choice to begin with. Needless to say, it's imperative that we approach each fork for whatever it offers. Reality on reality's terms.

In a way, I think viewing life through the lens of forks makes it easier, more approachable. Instead of having a million options before us, we can narrow it down to a handful of key options. Then, after confidently making a decision, we can move on to the next. Approaching our decisions this way allows us to act with intentionality and under control.

I'm currently at a fork in the road on many fronts, and perhaps you are, too. If so, I hope you embrace each opportunity for whatever it is. Then, once you do, you approach the next fork in the same way. Let's get back to basics and simplify the tasks before us.

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Leaning Into Your Failures

I had lunch with a hungry young college guy yesterday. He's a finance major, exploring what he wants to do with this degree. I met with him at the recommendation of his high school business teacher, who is a buddy of mine. It was fun spending time with him, and I wish him a ton of success and meaning in the season ahead.

He asked me one specific question that I thought was gold. In reference to trying to bolster his resume and find more internship opportunities, what things should he specifically be trying to highlight? That's when he gave me a little gold nugget. He and a buddy used to have a t-shirt company in high school.

By the phrase "used to," I gathered it ultimately failed.....he confirmed that notion. Perfect! Talk about that! Use that! I've interviewed hundreds of college business students over the years, and I frankly couldn't care less about grades, clubs, or awards. I wanted to know about real-life experience. It's fun and easy to talk about things we've succeeded in. However, it's an entirely different story when it comes to the times we've crashed and burned. I want to hear about those!

My advice to this young man was simple. Share what you did. Explain why you believed you failed. Communicate what you learned from it and took away from that experience. That's the gold. That's the real beauty of the journey. We often learn and grow far more from the failures than we do from the wins.

I'd rather hire or work with someone who has failed two dozen times than someone who has never put themselves in a position to fail in the first place. Failure builds character; it derives humility. Allow that character and humility to shine. Own it. Embrace it. USE IT!

Please don't ignore or hide your failures. Understand how they made you better and grew you into the person you are today. Then, use them to be better than ever. Advice for a college kid, advice for you, advice for me.

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