Being True

I had back-to-back-to-back coaching meetings last night; I loved every minute of it. Something struck me as I was wrapping up my third meeting. All three couples I met with have distinctly unique journeys. Their stories are so different from one another. The paths taken, the decisions made, the dreams being pursued. Many overlapping conversations and topics weave in and out of these coaching relationships, but it's fun to see how every family's DNA looks different.

What's interesting to me is that the specific journey someone pursues does not define their meaning and happiness. There aren't inherently meaningful paths and non-meaningful paths. Rather, what separates the people who have meaning from those who don't is whether or not they truly embrace the journey they are signing up for. Do they believe in it? Are they being true to themselves? Are they honoring the spirit of their callings?

If the answers to those above questions are "yes," there's a high likelihood they are finding meaning in the journey, win or lose. On the flip side, if someone doesn't truly buy into their own journey, even the achievement of success can still result in feelings of emptiness.

It's an interesting concept to watch play out in families all around me......and in my own home. I often look in the mirror and sincerely ask myself if I'm where I'm supposed to be. For the last seven years, most days the answer has been an overwhelming "yes!" When that happens, regardless of the outcome, I go to bed feeling content and satisfied with the journey.

However, there are occasions when I have to look at myself in the mirror and acknowledge I might be doing the wrong thing for the wrong reasons. It's a humbling pill to swallow, but the sooner I can swallow it, the sooner I can rectify it and reposition myself where I'm supposed to be. While it's true that I'm getting better at not putting myself in bad positions, the real growth in my life is having the courage and wherewithal to more quickly remedy the times when I do.

When I think about the three couples I had the honor of spending time with last night, all I can think about is how well they are doing at this. All unique. All different. All interesting. Each honoring their best path, while turning a blind eye to the path that conventional wisdom tells them they should pursue.

Life is always going to be hard, so we might as well be true to ourselves and our callings while living it out. It makes the tough times palatable and the sweet times sweeter.

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Reps Matter

Tuesday night was Finn and Pax's school Christmas concert. It also happens to be the first meaningful event I can remember over the last week, thanks to my recent injury (finally experiencing some improvement!). About an hour before the show, I asked the kids if they were nervous. For context, in years past, they would get extremely anxious singing in front of hundreds of people. Their responses were interesting:

Finn: "No, not really."

Pax: "No, not at all."

Dang! That's a huge shift for them. When the actual performance started, Pax looked like he owned the stage. He was clearly into it. A big smile, enthusiastic dancing, and engaged singing. Finn also looked comfortable, and carried himself with confidence and ease. Very odd, considering how I know these events have played out in the past.

Afterward, I asked Pax about it. In short, he's used to being on stage performing music with his rock band 4-5 times per year. When he's on that rock stage, he's one of only five people, and the audience can hear every unique noise he makes. Translation: all those rock band live performance reps made last night seem like a walk in the park.

Reps matter. Whether it's performing in front of people or handling our finances, every rep gets us a bit closer to where we want to be. It reminds me of something I heard years ago that still lives rent-free in my head. We can't just decide to do something excellently. First, we need to do it poorly, which creates the opportunity to do it mediocre, which creates the opportunity to do it well, which creates the opportunity to do it excellently. The reps matter so much!

I stress this point with my clients over and over. They aren't going to magically be good with money. It takes the absorption of the base knowledge......AND the reps. The more reps they can get, the quicker they will advance into excellence.

Grace. We need to give ourselves grace. No matter the discipline we're picking up, we need to give ourselves grace to fail at first. Remember, doing something poorly is the gateway to doing it better next time. If we stick with it while giving ourselves grace, we just might one day find ourselves on the other side of excellence.

Don't be afraid to do something poorly, as it's the gateway to eventually doing it excellently. The reps always matter!

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Coffee, Milk, Sugar, and ___

My apologies for not responding to the flood of messages I've received from this week's posts. It's been challenging to reply in my current physical condition, but I'm grateful for all the comments and insights, and I look forward to going through them soon!!

I received an interesting text on the heels of my recent post about how we need to think about impact, not inputs. In the post, I discussed my chiropractor through two different lenses. On one hand, his $50 fee for a 7-minute adjustment means I'm paying him $240/hour for his time. I think that's a lame way to look at life. On the other hand, you could view the $50 as an investment toward having a functional body to increase your quality of life. Impact, not inputs.

Here's the text message I received after publishing that article: "That thought process may work for some things, but not most. At the end of the day a coffee is a coffee. There's no way to spin that one. You're buying a commodity, simple as that."

Ouch! Is that true? Is a coffee a coffee? TJ, my Northern Vessel co-owner, and I talk about this often! Here's how we think about it. We're not actually a coffee company. We're a hospitality company that happens to serve coffee. Hospitality is the core of what we do. It's our blank canvas. And the coffee is our paint.

If we're really going to boil this down, a typical coffee drink is just some ratio of three inputs: coffee, milk, and sugar. Three commodities blended into a finished commodity-ish product. There are hundreds of places to get a latte in every city, never mind the cheaper and more convenient coffee alternatives we have in our own homes. If what my friend is saying is true, why would people tirelessly wait in a line 30 people deep at a shop that arguably has the highest prices in the state?

Let's just pretend we have the best drinks in the city. Even then, the high prices combined with the massive lines would surely dampen our customer flow if people were simply there to buy a coffee, a commodity.

Which brings us back to my original thesis. We're not a coffee company. We're a hospitality company that sells coffee. What we sell is an experience, a feeling, a community. We want to offer people an experience that could be the highlight of their day. We hope the coffee is amazing, too, but it goes so much deeper than that.

We received this comment on an Instagram post yesterday:

"The coffee is amazing but I would stop here even if it wasn't because of how I feel when I walk in and how I feel when I leave." I don't know this woman, but her beautiful sentence stabs me right in the heart and synthesizes thousands of hours of work we've put into this. I'm so touched by her words, and I'm grateful she gave our team an opportunity to brighten her day.

Every single product or service we buy or sell, WITHOUT EXCEPTION, must be viewed through the lens of impact, not inputs. It goes so much deeper, and that depth is what turns business from something seemingly boring and sterile to life-giving beauty.

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Prepare, Prepare, Prepare…..Then Watch

This week was a tale of extremes for Northern Vessel. Wednesday (the day before Thanksgiving) was easily the best day we've ever had. Not only did we eclipse our previous best sales day, but we crushed it by 25%. On the flip side, yesterday was one of the worst days in the history of the company. It occurred in the middle of a 10-inch snowstorm that crippled our metro.

The truth is, we didn't directly cause either of these outcomes. Rather, we've spent three years building, tweaking, iterating, and failing our way forward to a better operation. Who we are today is a reflection of thousands and thousands of reps. In fact, the record day we set a few days ago was done with just three people behind bar, and it didn't feel hectic for the team at all. They've trained for this. They are ready for this. They crushed this.

Coming back around to yesterday's disaster, that's life. We're never promised good fortune in our journeys. Yesterday was supposed to be one of our top days of the year. Instead, we served only a handful of people, likely lost money, and closed early.

That's why it's so important that we stop obsessing over the outcomes. The outcomes will be the outcomes. The more important factor at play is how we prepare ourselves and set ourselves up for success. All we can do is all we can do, and let the chips fall how they may. Or, as one wise friend once told me, "You can't control 99% of what happens around you, so just focus 100% of your energy on the 1% you can control."

I'm obsessed with this concept. I rarely judge myself on point-in-time results or short-term outcomes. Everything I do has a 10-year fuse in mind. Every decision and action is for the sole purpose of being better off 10+ years from now, almost completely neglecting the present. This is one of the reasons why my life (and business decisions) look odd to some.

I can't recommend this approach more. Prepare, prepare, prepare.....then watch. Don't judge yourself based on short-term results. Keep the long-term vision in mind. Keep moving forward. Don't be too discouraged or too excited. Just keep pushing. The rest will take care of itself.....eventually.

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You Aren’t For Everyone…And That’s Okay

I'll never forget it. About a year ago, I met with a prospective coaching client who was interested in hiring me to help them with their finances. The consultation went fine, but the real fireworks happened the following week. I sent the couple an e-mail outlining pricing options. I had a lengthy waiting list, but if they are interested in proceeding, I'd be happy to add them to the queue.

The husband responded via e-mail: "Your pricing might be the biggest bunch of horses*** I've ever seen. There's no way I'd ever pay that. I'm surprised anyone does."

Turns out I wasn't for him....and that's okay. I wasn't offended. I didn't get upset. The truth is, I need some people to look at what I offer, what it costs, and to respond with disgust. After all, I already had a waiting list. If we're for everyone, we're actually for no one.

That's the beautiful part about business. We don't need everyone to value us, which is a good thing, because many won't. We can choose to get upset by that, or we can double down on our efforts to pour into those who do value us. There are an estimated 133 million households in the United States. Of that, I only need about 30 to value my coaching services.

Northern Vessel is the same way. I recently spoke with a fellow business owner. He pointed out that, in his opinion, we might be nearing the top end of our growth. He's nervous about our future and believes we've already saturated our exposure (in part because of our recent growth trajectory and in part because of our high prices). The truth? In a metro of 750,000 people, we serve approximately 3,000-4,000 different people each month. That's 1/2 of 1% of the population. Think about that! Having the privilege of serving 1 out of every 200 people in our city makes us an overwhelming success. Northern Vessel isn't for everyone....and that's okay. But when we look at it through a different lens, we realize the upside is practically unlimited.

The same applies to you. You aren't for everyone. Did you recently get rejected by a potential love interest? You weren't for them. Did you recently get turned down for a job? You weren't for them. Did you recently strike out in a pitch at work? You weren't for them. Did someone insult your business? You weren't for them. Did you get turned away by a prospective college? You weren't for them.

It's so easy to get bogged down by all the "no's" and forget about the "yes's." When we do that, we inadvertently focus more of our attention on the people who aren't for us than the people who are.

Whoever you are and whatever you're about to do today, you aren't for everyone. Some people will roll their eyes at you or disregard what you have to offer. It sucks, but you aren't for everyone.....and that's okay.

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Running Out of Excuses

Twenty years ago, it seemed like the entire world was a barrier to entry. Lines of communication were closed (or unknown), information was locked (or expensive), and tools were available to only those with particular access.

Today, however, the world looks different. We can pull a device out of our pocket and have immediate access to almost every person on the planet, some of the best information in the world is free, and tools are abundant.

In just the past 24 hours, here's what I was able to do at zero cost:

• Reached out to a major celebrity via IG to ask for a moment of their time.

• Watched a YouTube video about how to fix something on my car.

• Downloaded and played an audiobook for my kids at bedtime.

• Found a free Excel tool that will help me solve a fairly complex problem I'm helping a client battle.

• Received some tax insights from ChatGPT ahead of a conversation I'll be having with my accountant.

We're running out of excuses. The barriers to entry are shrinking. The cost of doing business is eroding. The gatekeepers are dying. The communication gaps are closing. "I don't know how to do that" is an excuse that carries far less water than it used to.

I'm watching creative and motivated people all around me build meaningful and sustainable businesses with little to no cost. They simply have no excuses.....and they don't want any.

I don't come from the YouTube generation, but I learned a valuable lesson from my business partner, Cole, a few years ago while we officed together. Every time he got stumped, he simply opened YouTube and searched his question. Within five seconds, he was watching a video that addressed his exact question. Equipment issue? YouTube. QuickBooks confusion? YouTube. Marketing predicament? YouTube. A lack of communication skills? YouTube. He was a kid with big dreams, and YouTube was his playground.

We're running out of excuses. Part of me hates this, as it gives me nowhere to hide. If I'm perpetually stuck on something, that's on me. Everything I need to succeed in xyz area of my life/business is at my fingertips for little to no cost. I kinda liked it better when I could just make an excuse for not doing something. Today, though, it's put up or shut up. The days of excuses are passing us by.

Despite part of me hating this, the other part of me looks at this and says to myself, "There's nothing that can stop us!" If that's true, what are we waiting for?!?! We're running out of excuses, so we might as well get creative and put our foot on the gas.

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Letting Go

As several readers pointed out, I left a major plot hole in yesterday's post about coaching my son's basketball team. To summarize, the post was a text I originally wrote (but didn’t publish) in December 2024. It was extremely self-critical and laid bare my heartbreak at realizing that my dream of coaching my kids in basketball was a failed experiment. I ended the piece with the following words: "Tough decisions need to be made. Ultimately, I owe it to everyone (including myself) to make the right decision."

Sunday was Pax's first game of the season. I played the role of a supportive parent, NOT his coach. As I wrote in December, the right decision is the right decision, even when it's not the decision we want to make.

When I decided to step away from coaching, I asked Sarah and a few others to hold me accountable to that decision. I'm glad I did, as I nearly changed my mind a half-dozen times over the past 10 months. Every ounce of me wanted to coach, even though I knew I needed to step away. Even a slight breeze could have pushed me to change my mind if I had allowed it.

Letting go is the hardest thing in the world. It reminds me of something a pastor once told me: "If everything God tells you to do is what you already wanted to do anyway, that's not God. That's you living for your own selfish desires and using God to justify it." Ouch.

Every ounce of me wanted to coach this year, but I knew deep down that letting go was the absolute right decision. Well, how did it go? Mixed results, to be honest. I was sitting in the front row of the bleachers at mid-court. Three separate times, I had to get up and leave. I paced back and forth behind the bleachers, watching from a little further behind. As Sarah would attest, I'm a quiet watcher as a fan. I never say a word. No yelling. No instruction. No verbal reactions. No anything. But inside of myself, I'm a mess. Sunday was no different. Every ounce of me wanted to be in coach mode, but Pax needed me to be a fan.

The right thing is the right thing, even when it's not what we want. There are so many things I'd change in my life if I could wave my magic wand, but unfortunately, I don't have such a wand. Therefore, I'm stuck trying to make the best decisions possible. Sometimes they benefit me, sometimes they don't. Sometimes I like them, sometimes I don't. Sometimes they make my life more comfortable, but usually they don't.

Sometimes, it's not about us. It's about doing the right thing for the right reasons.....period. While I will deeply miss coaching this season, Pax has a great coach, fantastic teammates, and a renewed energy toward the game. While I'll selfishly hurt, I will endeavor to be the best fan I can be to that little guy. He deserves that from me. Letting go is so hard, man.

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Not Going to the Grave With Me

Every so often, I feel the need to ask for Sarah's opinion before publishing a blog or podcast. Either the content is too sensitive, or I feel a tinge of doubt. Last December, when I presented something to Sarah, her response was, "Please don't post this. I think you'll regret it." I canned it. For the past 10 months, it's just been sitting in my drafts.

However, due to the passage of time, inspired by yesterday's post about not taking things to the grave, and by the beginning of Pax's basketball season yesterday, I'm ready to send it into the world. I'm still uneasy about it, and Sarah would still probably advise against publishing it, but at the same time, I feel like someone needs to hear this today. I believe some good can/will come from it. With all that said, here's the piece I originally wrote on 12/19/2024:

I used to be a good basketball coach. It was one of my biggest passions in life, spanning eight seasons from my late teens to my late 20s. For decades, I've dreamed about one day being my kids' basketball coach. After I actually became a parent and my boys started growing, I formulated a few goals. Through coaching, I wanted to spend more valuable time with my kids, invest in my kids and their friends, for my kids to learn to love the game, and add more meaning to our lives. This is my fourth year coaching my kids, and the first in a non-parks-and-recreation setting. I've come to a few realizations recently:

• I'm not as good a coach as I used to be. I have theories as to why.

• It hasn't produced more valuable time with my kids. More time, yes; more valuable, no.

• My involvement hasn't caused my kids to learn to love the game more (they struggle with the boundary between parent and coach)

Further, coaching hasn't been good for my health. I torment myself and second-guess everything I do. I spend hours (or days) after every practice or game, woulda, coulda, and shoulda'ing myself. I feel like a constant failure, always frustrated at myself for letting people down (especially the kids). Even when things feel good or seem good from the outside, I'm still a mess. Even when I should feel joy or fulfillment, I only feel disappointment in myself. 

It's a humbling experience that's tough to even type. However, I'm committed to transparency and providing ideas that may add value to other people's journeys. Here's where I'm going today. I need to face my reality head-on. As much as I want to be a coach—an excellent coach—it's probably not the best decision. As I look toward the season ahead, if I'm being 100% honest with myself, I need to play the role of supportive dad. Any other decision would be detrimental to me and others. Again, it's embarrassing to even type this.....especially because of how much I love those boys.

This is how we grow, though. If we continually linger in places and roles we're not meant to be in, everyone loses. We lose by suffering on this side while missing out on something far more beautiful on the other. Other people also suffer from being on the receiving end of our lack of excellence. Lastly, other individuals who are better suited and called to these positions miss out on the opportunity.

I preach this concept all the time when it comes to our work and careers. If I believe in these principles (I do) and also believe they apply to other areas of life (I do), I need to humble myself and make the right decision. Unfortunately, the right decision isn't always the most enjoyable one. We have one more week of basketball left this season, and I will give it everything I have. Then, tough decisions need to be made. Ultimately, I owe it to everyone (including myself) to make the right decision.

The same applies to you, in all areas of your life. 

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We, Not Me

I received quite the lashing after yesterday's post. In short, I made the argument that the brutal statistics about how most businesses fail have less to do with the risk of owning a business and more to do with the business owner’s competency in running a business. We can be the most gifted person in the world at our craft, but if we don't know how to run a business, we're toast. One of the primary responses I received was that it's not easy for business owners to know how to do everything.

That's my point! Yes, thank you! Running a business is extremely difficult. However, instead of throwing our arms in the air and playing victim, we need to take accountability, show humility, and have a heart to grow. It's not about "just be better," but instead growing in the areas we need to grow.

There is another thing, though. Business owners often act as though they are on an island, and everything rides on their ability to individually figure it out. Business ownership can be lonely, but luckily, it doesn't have to be. While I've been hungry to grow in my skills as a business owner, I've also had the mindset that I need to bring people around me to fill in my gaps (of which I have many!).

So, today, I want to give you a little glimpse into my world and the people I've intentionally (and sometimes unintentionally) surrounded myself with to succeed (and hopefully thrive) in business:

• Paige and Alyssa, my former and current assistants, who have helped me create structure in my days and have joyfully taken on many tasks that I'm frankly terrible at. These two changed my life!

• Jordan, who has been my right-hand at all things graphic design for many years.

• Tom, for being a trusted business mentor, willing to answer all my stupid questions in my early years.

• Carlos, who taught me about pricing methodologies and helped me create a suitable work environment that's free from my most detrimental distractions.

• Michael and Ashley, who helped me learn bookkeeping and standard business accounting practices.

• Travis, who intensively taught and fueled my new passion for unit economics.

• Cole, who brings his passion for audio and video to bring the Meaning Over Money Podcast to life. He's also the person who believed in me more than anyone.

• TJ, who taught me the art and science of unreasonable hospitality.

• Rebekah, who pushed (shoved!) me to be more professional in my marketing practices and relationship-building.

• My corporate clients, who repeatedly push me out of my comfort zone and force me to view business concepts through different lenses.

• Doug, who helps me understand and navigate the U.S. tax system in ways I never even imagined. This one changed my entire world.

• Parker, who has excellently and creatively recorded dozens of hours of my professional speaking events.

It would have been lonely doing it alone, but luckily, I didn't have to. If you're like me, you have lots of gaps (the code word for things we suck at!). Yes, learn, develop, and grow. But while you're at it, don't be afraid to bring people into the fold that can help you bring your dream to life. Besides, road trips are more fun with someone in the other seat!

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More To the Story

Statistics show that 20% of businesses fail within the first year, 50% fail within the first five years, and (depending on the source) 65%-80% fail within the first ten years. You've probably heard some iteration of these numbers. The broad consensus upon seeing this data is to conclude that business ownership is simply an uber-risky endeavor. That theory makes sense, and the numbers would seem to point in that direction, but I don't think that tells the full story.

Many years ago, I remember watching someone close to me. This person was brilliant at their craft. "Gifted" is a word I would use to describe them. However, I also witnessed something else. When this person decided to start businesses, they would fail over and over and over and over. I couldn't wrap my head around it. How could this person be so good at what they do, but fail so miserably in business? Ah, I know what it is! Businesses are just really, really risky. As the years passed, I gained a different understanding of the truth. This person, while extraordinarily gifted at their craft, was terrible at the various business disciplines necessary to succeed in the marketplace.

Over time, I've developed a new theory. While businesses are far from risk-free, I believe the data on business failures has more to do with the competency of business owners' running-a-business skills than anything. Gifted at their craft, yes, but somewhere between bad and terrible at running a business is the norm.

If I look back on my own experience as a business owner, I can think of a half-dozen times when I almost lost my businesses. These situations weren't because running a business is risky, but rather, because I made poor decisions that almost caught up with me. It was ME, I was the problem.

Northern Vessel is a great example. Before I got involved, TJ failed multiple times, including the complete shutdown of the company. It wasn't because running a coffee company is inherently risky, but because TJ lacked the knowledge and experience to make wise business decisions. While Northern Vessel has grown into something far more prominent and successful than we ever could have imagined, we almost lost the company a few times in the past three years. We made a series of poor decisions that nearly wrecked the ship. That wasn't because running a coffee company is risky, but because we screwed up and it almost caught up with us.

We don't know what we don't know, and that's okay. However, it doesn't give us an excuse to throw our hands up in frustration and proclaim, "Running a business is just too risky." We need accountability, ownership, humility, and a willingness to learn. Being a master of our craft isn't enough. Without developing a better understanding of how to run a business, we'll inevitably waste our giftedness and drive our sanity into the ground.

To be continued.....

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The Gatekeepers Are Dead

In the last few months, I've heard an array of mirroring comments from people in my life:

• I wish I could start a podcast.

• I wish I could publish a book.

• I wish I could record an album.

• I wish I could start a business.

For generations, we lived in a world of gatekeepers. If you wanted to publish a book, you'd need a publisher to say "yes" to you and offer to publish it. If you wanted to be a radio or TV personality, you'd need a network to sign you. If you wanted to record an album, you'd need a label to discover you. If you wanted to start a business, well, there were a ton of barriers to entry. Gatekeepers were abundant, and our culture required permission to enter.

The gatekeepers are dead! Sure, publishers, networks, and labels still exist, but they no longer have the power to gatekeep like they once did. Yes, you need their permission if you want to access their particular platforms. However, due to advancements in technology and a massive cultural shift, we are no longer at the mercy of these gatekeepers.

If you want to start a podcast, start it! If you want to publish a book, publish it! If you want to record an album, record it! If you want to start a business, start it! The cost and friction points to initiate any of these endeavors are so low.

You can start a podcast on your phone today for free. If you wanted to, you could use your phone as the recording device, and Spotify For Creators (free!) as your distribution platform. Within seconds, your podcast could be on every meaningful podcast platform in the world.....for free! Zero gatekeepers!

If you want to publish a book, Amazon's self-publishing platform allows you to do it for free! No up-front cost, no minimum inventories. If someone orders a copy, Amazon fires up the printing machine, sends the customer the printed copy, and keeps a chunk of the revenue as compensation. Zero gatekeepers!

I know 12-year-olds who are starting creative businesses that are now making more than the median U.S. adult. I once had a high school youth group kid who made twice as much as I did! Zero gatekeepers!

None of these are easy endeavors, but nobody said it should be easy. This isn't about hard or easy, but rather, why we're waiting for permission from the gatekeepers. Spoiler alert: Permission isn't coming. The gatekeepers aren't what's coming between us and our callings. Instead, we're coming between us and our callings. We're too much in our own heads, using no-longer-existing gatekeepers as the excuse.

So many of you have dreams of one day doing xyz. Whatever that endeavor is, just do it! Don't wait for the gatekeepers.....they are dead. There's no better day than today to give yourself permission.

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Rock Bottom

There's a saying I've been using for the last decade: "Okay is the worst place to be." There's nothing worse than being okay in xyz area of life. Okay isn't good enough to thrive, but also not bad enough to change. Slotting ourselves in the okay lane is a first-class ticket to stagnation....and eventual slow-burn failure.

I see this play out over and over again with people and money. People who are doing okay are the ones who will end up in the worst places. For better or worse, rock bottom is the blessing of all blessings. Hitting rock bottom is typically the catalyst that triggers massive change. You know who doesn't hit rock bottom? People who are doing okay.

There's one particular area of Northern Vessel that we've done okay with for the past three years on the operational side. Never good, never bad. However, it's one area I've been standing on my soapbox, yelling about how we need to step up our game. Since we've been stuck in okay land, there's no chance of making meaningful change. Something awesome happened this week, though. We hit rock bottom! We finally reaped the consequences of not handling ourselves with excellence. We screwed up, and we're paying the price. Okay quickly turned to rock bottom, and guess what (!?!?), we're ready to make some meaningful changes. As always, rock bottom will allow us to transform this aspect of our business and thrive like never before.

I never root for people to fail. However, I feel terrible for all the people in my life who live in the land of okay. I want so much better for them, but okay is their worst enemy. I never celebrate people's rock bottoms, but I rejoice in the transformation that's on the table when it does come.

I don't wish for you to experience a rock bottom, but I believe you deserve far better than just okay. I don't know what area of your life I'm talking about here, but you do. You absolutely do. Don't settle for okay, and please don't wait for rock bottom to be your wake-up call. Rock bottom will certainly wake us up, but let's not require that outcome before stepping up our game.

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Grateful For That Kid

Yesterday's post highlighted the inevitable reality that someday, future us will become current us. What seems old to us today will eventually feel young. Included in my post was a cautionary tale from an old friend who is learning this harsh reality in real time. The post ended with the following: "Yes, you're younger today than you will be someday. At the same time, however, 20 years from now you'll still be younger than you will be someday. Current you is always the youngest version of you. Please help yourself help yourself. Your future self will thank you."

In a fun little twist of fate, I had a related conversation with a client just hours after yesterday's post was published. This client, mid-40s, is in the process of making a huge life transition. Culturally, it's an odd decision. However, it's one this couple has earned through two decades of discipline and wise decisions. Here's an exact quote from the husband: "I'm very thankful for 23-year-old me."

I'm sure 23-year-old him had no idea what his life would look like in his mid-40s, yet at the same time, he respected future him enough to make some powerful, delayed-gratification decisions. Now, decades later, he's about to reap what he sowed. It's such a beautiful example of this concept.

40-something-year-old him isn't as young as 23-year-old him, but 40-something him is the youngest he'll ever be. And now, also being a 40-something, I too realize that being in our 40s often feels like being in our 20s. We feel young. We feel healthy. We know who we are. We know what we value. Life can be pretty dang awesome.

Now, this couple will spend the next season of their lives creating an entirely new reality that will forever transform their family. All because that 23-year-old kid had enough awareness and respect for his future self to live with wisdom and discipline.

No, we can't go back in time and get a do-over. I don't see any DeLoreans sitting in my driveway. However, regardless of how old you are, you're the youngest you'll ever be. You still have a chance to help your future self live the life they deserve. Please don't let them down.

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The Secret Sauce

I try to suss this out during prospective client consultations. I used to be terrible at it. Then, I started seeing patterns. Eventually, it became a talent. It's the secret sauce. Want to know what it is? Humility. Specifically, how much humility will prospective clients be bringing into this coaching relationship?

When someone lacks humility, the ceiling is quite limited. With a high level of humility, there's nothing that can stop them. That's it, that's the secret sauce. If you ever want to know what sets some people apart from others, it's humility. I would even double down on that statement and say that not only is humility the gateway to unlocking success, but a lack of humility can actually self-destruct the entire coaching relationship, bringing it to an early and disappointing end.

I've been on both sides of these relationships, and I've lived on both sides of humility. I remember, in my early 30s, entering into a mentor/mentee relationship (I was the mentee) where I had very little humility. I thought I knew everything. I thought I already had it all figured out. I wasn't coachable. My lack of humility effectively ensured that I would learn nothing from this brilliant person who was generously volunteering his time to me. Sure enough, it was a waste of time for both of us......100% caused by my lack of humility.

On the flip side, I've had other mentor/mentee relationships (again, as the mentee) where I approached it with deep humility. I essentially took the approach that I knew nothing and that anything they said must be seriously considered. Want to know what happened? I grew a ton! I learned so much. In fact, I probably learned more in that relationship than I did in four years of business school, combined.

Humility, the secret sauce. It sounds so cliché and exaggerated, but after coaching people for more than a decade, I can positively testify that humility is the key that unlocks most doors. Meanwhile, a lack of humility has the power to shut and lock already-open doors.

I had a lack of humility yesterday. I approached a certain conversation as if I already knew everything. I was annoyed and somewhat offended by how the other person was talking to me. Don't they know what I'm capable of?!?! I didn't say anything out loud, but in my head, I was screaming. I could feel the lack of humility in my soul at that moment. I hated that feeling! I never reacted or got defensive outwardly, but it's definitely something I need to work through inside me today.

You know what's worse than not having humility? Needing to have the humility to admit you need humility so that you can actually find humility. Without humility, I'll become an arrogant jerk. With humility, though, I'll be able to make a significantly greater impact. Humility must win out. Humility HAS to win. Humility is critical. It's the secret sauce.

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Screwing Up My Own Recipe

Today's post is inspired by one of our readers from Guatemala, who emailed me regarding yesterday's post. Turns out, most of us totally botched the recipe I laid out yesterday. And by most, I'm including myself. In fact, I botched it hard! So hard, in fact, that I ended up being a victim of an out-of-state involuntary relocation because my finances didn't provide the margin for me to make my own choices.

Just in case you all somehow think I'm some financial wiz kid who has always got it right, here are some of the costly decisions I made between the ages of 16 and 27 (i.e., all the ways I violated and brutalized the recipe I laid out in yesterday's post):

• I had my first car loan at age 15. Fifteen! It was a pretty sweet Camaro that I painted Carolina Blue.

• Instead of choosing any number of in-state colleges, I elected to pay 4x as much as necessary to attend an out-of-state school.

• I signed up for my first credit card one month into college, effectively delinking my income from my spending. I never carried a balance, but using a credit card no doubt had a psychological impact on my spending.

• During my second year of college, I sold my reliable, paid-off car and purchased a $19,000 Acura Integra. Very sweet car, but to this day, it's the most expensive car I've ever purchased. Think about that. The car I bought 24 years ago, with a poor college kid's income, was the most expensive car I've ever purchased. Just wow!

• I bought my first house two years after graduating from college. I felt the cultural pressure to move quickly and shoot high, and I certainly met the mark on both.

• My giving was approximately zero. And by zero, I'm not sure it ever even crossed my mind! That young Travis was selfish!

• I kept up with the Jonses the best I could. I didn't know if I would win the race, but I was sure giving it my best effort.

• I used debt for everything, all the way down to my wife's engagement ring. By the time my company shut down and I was involuntarily relocated, my debt had ballooned to $236,000.

• Meaning? What's that?!?! My goal was to make as much money as possible, enjoy said money, and invest the rest effectively so I would have even more money to enjoy later.

In other words, I lived a "normal" life and fell right into the hands of our culture's toxic perspectives. I was the epitome of our modern materialism.

There was always hope for me, and fortunately, I eventually became humble (and humbled!) enough to change. Regardless of where you are or what mistakes you've made (or still making), there's always hope for you, too! It's never too late to make meaningful shifts. A few chapters of your story have already been written, but great books aren't defined by the beginning. In fact, the best stories get progressively better as the adventure unfolds, and your story is no different. Here's to the next chapter!

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The Recipe

Okay, wise guy, Travis. What's the recipe? It's funny how the feedback rolled in from yesterday's post. Everyone 40 years old and above applauded my post, while everyone under the age of 40 cursed me. To frame it up, I wrote about a juxtaposition I experienced yesterday. While waiting for a client to join a Zoom meeting, I saw a social media video of anearly 30-something ranting about how his generation has been absolutely screwed out of a decent life. Then, two minutes later, I met with an early 30-something couple that's absolutely crushing it. What's the difference? Decisions compound. Good decisions compound our lives in a positive way, and bad decisions compound our lives in a negative way.

The biggest question I received since yesterday is what a series of good compounding decisions looks like in a real-life situation. The below sequence of events, in rough chronological order, is my idealized version of this recipe. Everyone's unique story will most certainly differ from this.

• As a teenager, learn the art of spending, saving, and giving while NOT using credit cards. 90% of us don't get this one.

• Buy that first car with cash. It's probably not going to be your dream car, but it will be an awesome experience!

• When graduating high school, carefully choose that next step. If attending college, intentionally choose a college that you can afford; NO student loan debt. Every one of us has options to attend a college or trade school without debt. This is where most Americans' negative compounding begins.

• Find a job that roughly meets the following two criteria: pays the bills and leads you closer to the field/work you're called to do. It doesn't have to be the dream job, but you also don't have to willfully sign up for 30 years of misery, either.

• Secure housing that accounts for less than 25% of your take-home pay. Creativity might be needed for this one, but success on this item unlocks so many options!

• Don’t rush to buy a house! Young adults don’t know what their life could/should look like, so an early house purchase is rarely a blessing.

• DO NOT jump to upgrade the vehicle. A workable vehicle is a workable vehicle.

• Once in a grown-up job, carve out a lifestyle conservative enough to allow for fun, saving, giving, and investing. It might not be much, but work each of those into your monthly practices.

• Learn to budget well. A well-executed budget unlocks so many doors!

• Save a healthy emergency fund (3+ months of expenses).

• Consistently increase the amount going into your investments.

• Make giving a priority.

• Find the right partner. The wrong partner will cause so much heartache and trouble. Find someone who aligns with your values.

• Find your why, and aggressively pursue it with everything you've got. Clearly defining this will enable you to intentionally plan your finances to align with this vision.

• Don't be afraid to turn your back on the normal way of doing things. Keeping up with the Joneses is a great way to end up stressed and miserable, like so many around us.

• Endeavor to stay out of debt. Outside of your primary residence, there's no reason for any of us to borrow money on anything. See, counter-cultural. This principle will change your life!

• Find meaning in all of it; the exciting and the mundane, the large and the small.

Controversial? Perhaps. Effective? Absolutely.

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Compounding Decisions

One of my clients was running late to a Zoom coaching meeting yesterday. Since I had a few minutes to burn, I decided to scroll social media. Within 30 seconds, I stumbled upon a brutal rant from an early 30-something. This man, self-identifying as a younger millennial, went scorched earth about the older generations and how they set up the younger generations for utter failure. In his words, he and everyone his age (and younger) are essentially screwed.

• Can't make enough money to survive.

• Will never buy a house.

• Can't afford to get married.

• Not enough resources to raise children.

• Zero chance of retiring.

Limited incomes, heavy debt burdens, and spiraling monthly expenses were highlighted as contributing factors to the misery. Each of these problems were somehow pinned on the older generations. I could almost hear a little baby violin playing in the background.

Here's the irony. My client, who was running a few minutes late, is the exact same age as the jaded victim from the social media post. One difference, though. This couple is absolutely crushing it! Through intentionality, consistency, humility, sacrifice, and a strong work ethic, this couple has carved out a beautiful life for their family. Make no mistake, it was no accident. This couple has had a vision for the past decade, and they've executed well. It wasn't always easy, and it was rarely sexy, but here we are.

When I spend time with this awesome couple, I'm reminded of a principle that's a universal truth in money and elsewhere: decisions compound. When we make good decisions, the implications of those decisions compound into the future. When we make poor decisions, the implications of those decisions also compound into the future.

Back to the man from the social media post. I was so fascinated by his rant that I checked out some of his other content. Sure enough, I found example after example of how his poor decisions have compounded on him. Here's a summary:

• He chose to go to a small private school to play a sport. Tuition was sky high.

• The sky-high tuition caused him to sign up for more than $100,000 in student loans.

• Immediately after college, he purchased a new car. He's since traded in for 2-3 different new cars. The negative equity rolled from each, resulting in today's car payment of nearly $1,000/month.

• In order to pay his quickly rising monthly obligations, he signed up for the first reasonably paying job he could find. He hates it, but it pays the bills....barely.

• In part because of how much he hates his work, he goes on lots of vacations. He can't always afford them, but the credit cards help him connect those dots. That's okay, though, as he'll pay them off in a few months.

• Things are increasingly tight, so it's difficult to save anything for retirement.

His decisions have compounded. Each one leads to the next. The pressure builds. If he were to ask me for advice, here's what I'd tell him: "Start making some key positive decisions. Move the needle. Let it compound. Make another. Watch it compound more. Keep fighting the good fight. Eventually, the compounding will be your best friend instead of your worst enemy."

Today's decisions will eventually compound for future you. Make sure it compounds in the direction you desire.

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Exercise the Muscle

During my 10-year stretch as a youth group leader, I taught hundreds of high school students about generosity. It was always one of my favorite topics to engage students with! In one of my favorite talks, I discussed a concept I like to call "exercising the giving muscle."

Think of it like doing the bench press. You wouldn't just walk into the gym and randomly decide to start throwing around 300-pound reps. It would kill you! Instead, you start small. Maybe it's 100 pounds, then 150 pounds. You graduate to 200 pounds, then slowly build your way up to 250 pounds. Each time you exercise those muscles, you get a bit stronger, allowing you to lift more next time.

Giving is much the same way. Inside each of us is a proverbial giving muscle, and like the bench press, we need to start slow. You probably don't wake up randomly one day thinking you're going to give a car away. Every journey of generosity has a beginning.

Early in my journey, I remember how I would constantly scan the horizon, looking for an opportunity to exercise my little baby giving muscle. One of my favorite and game-changing reps came at a local coffee shop. Sarah and I were in line at the register, waiting to order our customary Saturday morning drinks. Two women were at the counter ordering in front of us. I could tell they were tourists.....and I could tell something was wrong. After a bit of eavesdropping, I gathered that they had accidentally left their purses back at the hotel. They were frustrated with themselves, conceding they would need to run back to the hotel before getting their coffee.

"I got you," I said. They looked at me, confused. "We're going to buy your drinks. We got you." We're talking maybe ten bucks. This wasn't some heroic act.....it was just a few lattes. One of the women started tearing up, moved with emotion by our act of generosity. Reminder, it was literally only ten bucks.

That moment moved me. Through my simple act of exercising my giving muscle, I realized how even small acts of generosity have the potential to move the needle in people's lives. That was a big turning point for me. If $10 can move someone like that, what about $100? What about $1,000? What about $______?

That moment stuck with me for years, constantly reminding me that every gift matters. Every act of generosity has the potential to make an impact. My call to action with the high school students was to exercise that muscle. Buy lunch for a friend. Take a peer out for coffee. Surprise a teacher with a fun little gift. Hold the door open for a stranger. Clean the locker room after practice so the coaches or managers don't have to. Exercise that muscle!

That's a good call to action for each of us today as well. Whether big or small, find ways to exercise the giving muscle today!

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Rewriting History

What movie completely changed the way that you see the world? Have you seen any movies that fundamentally changed you? For me, there's one particular movie that messed me up in so many ways. Memento. This film was released 25 years ago and now sits at the #57 slot in IMDB's top-rated movies of all time list.

I don't want to share too much about it, as I suspect far less than half of our readers have seen it. If that's you, go watch it immediately! I just checked, and you can stream it for free on Amazon Prime. The entire concept of the movie is mind-blowing in and of itself, but at its heart is a concept that has long resonated with me: Our very human ability (and inclination) to rewrite history.

I recently spent time with a couple that is struggling. They've always struggled with finances, and money-related stress seems to be playing on repeat in their marriage. Every week, every month, every year. Stuff happens, and they can't get control of it.

Something interesting happened during the conversation. When I asked them to share what sequence of events led them to where they are today, they weaved together a peculiar story. It was a gut-wrenching story of misfortunes, unfairness, and bad breaks. Here's what makes their story peculiar to me. I knew this couple for the entirety of this 10-year stretch they were speaking about, and my recollection is much, much different than the story they shared with me. In my version of the story, each season of misfortune was triggered by a tremendously poor decision on their part. Yes, the pain and suffering they experienced aligns with my recollection, but the causes of said turmoil were a completely different story.

In my opinion, this couple rewrote their history. They didn't do it to lie or manipulate. Rather, their engineered story stems from an attempt (consciously or subconsciously) to soften the feelings of regret and resentment. It sounds wild, but I think each of us has a predisposition to do the same. It doesn't necessarily make us liars, but there's a certain risk in this behavior.

If we rewrite our history to soften our own personal responsibility, it creates the potential for us to repeat our own troubling past. When we don't face reality on reality's terms, we're apt to make the same mistakes again. When we don't force ourselves to experience the consequences of our own actions, it enables us to make more harmful decisions in the future.

This couple in front of me had a choice. They could face reality on reality's terms......or believe the rewritten history. If they continue to believe their rewritten history, there's very little chance they can overcome their behavioral and financial hurdles and end up in a good place. However, if they face reality head-on and commit to doing it differently going forward, there's no limit to the amount of beauty they can experience together.

I speak this concept as if it's easy. It's not. It's simple, but far from easy. However, some of the simplest things in the world are the most powerful. This is one of them.

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A Lesson From 10-Years-Ago Mr. Beast

Mr. Beast. He's the #1 YouTuber of all time. With 443 million subscribers, nobody has dominated the platform quite like him. He's a billionaire and a household name worldwide. Love him or hate him, people cannot deny the influence he's had over the past several years.

I don't regularly consume his content, but the video he posted yesterday quickly grabbed my attention. It's a video he recorded, uploaded, and scheduled 10 YEARS AGO. That's right. A video was published that had been in the YouTube queue for a decade. Here it is, in case you're interested in watching the three-minute clip.

I'm enthralled by this video, but for a different sort of reason. In it, he states that as of the time of recording, he had 8,000 subscribers. He's oozing with confidence, but at the same time, the appearance of so much doubt. He goes on record stating that if he doesn't have at least one million subscribers by the time this video is published, he will have failed. That's a pretty audacious goal, but in hindsight, it's funny (reminder: 443 million subscribers and the biggest YouTuber of all time). But I continue to be struck by the doubt in his voice.

It doesn't have to be one or the other. The majority of the most successful people I know possess both confidence and doubt. They are confident in the vision and their ability to execute, but at the same time, doubt is always on the mind. The fear of failure, impostor syndrome, and a lingering feeling that they are moving beyond their abilities.

I'm not going to self-label myself a success, but I can testify to having these very feelings. I wake up each day oozing with confidence about what I'm about to do, but at the same time, a constant and varying feeling of inadequacy. Can you relate?

I don't think we have to choose one or the other. In fact, I think the combination of both is healthy. If all we have is confidence, we can become arrogant, uncoachable, and stuck in our ways. If all we have is doubt, we hinder our ability to execute on the vision and are more likely to give up in the presence of challenges.

I hope you have a ton of confidence with your mission......but do so with humility and a coachable heart.

It's okay to have doubts, but take the appropriate steps to walk with confidence while you progress down the path.

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