100% Ours

Tempers were flaring, f-bombs were tossed like hand grenades, and the occasional tears arose. This was the scene of a recent sit-down I had with a struggling couple. The subject matter: the income differential between the two spouses. More specifically, how the couple makes financial decisions given their income differential.

Here's the high-level summary of the situation:

• Husband makes 70% of the income, and the wife makes 30%.

• The husband handles the day-to-day finances.

• The husband's income pays for the family's needs, and the wife's income pays for the wants (travel, dining out, entertainment, etc.).

• The husband spends anything he wants, but gives his wife "an allowance." After all, she only makes 30% of the family's income.....so this is generous (his words, not mine).

• Every time there's an argument, the husband throws out the trump card: "I make more than twice as much as you, so I get to make the call."

As the conversation unfolded, the husband realized I must have had a look of disgust on my face at the words coming out of his mouth. He seemed surprised. After all, he knew that I was the breadwinner in my marriage. As such, I would naturally align with him, right?

By my records, I made 98.5% of our family's income in 2025. Translation: My marriage is far more unbalanced than his. With that context in mind, I explained to them (mostly him) that their way of handling finances is beyond toxic. They are keeping score with money and using it as a weapon. Further, their dumb idea of allocating her income to wants meant that if she ever wanted to take a different job or stay at home, she would be solely responsible for ripping all enjoyment and adventure from the family. Gross.

I may make 98.5% of my family's income, but our income is 100% "ours." Not mine. Not mostly mine. Ours. Everything Sarah and I make is viewed as a collective pot for us to manage together. Yes, I do the day-to-day finances. Yes, I createthe first draft of the monthly budget. Yes, I have more financial expertise than her. However, she ALWAYS has a 50/50 say in all we do. In fact, early in my marriage, I promised myself that I would never get more monthly personal spending money than she does. She would always get the same as me....or more on some occasions.

Something powerful happens when couples view money as a collective pot. It allows a full integration of life and decision-making. This income isn't for this, and that income isn't for that. It's just money in and money out. We're both called to different work in our lives, and in this season, my work provides 98.5% of our income. That doesn't make her less valuable or less impactful. It just means my work pays more. Sarah is impacting the world in different ways; important ways.

Whatever income dynamic you have in your marriage, I strongly (STRONGLY!!!) encourage you to adopt a "100% ours" mentality. You're a team, not a competition. Be in this together, side by side.

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Got a Secret to Tell Ya

Today is your lucky day, as I got a secret to tell ya. Ready for it? Okay, here goes. You know all the people in your life who look wealthy? They probably aren't. In fact, most people who look wealthy are far from it. I've worked with hundreds of families over the years, and this is a common and predictable theme.

They might have a lifestyle that suggests they are wealthy, but, in a fun twist of irony, these perceptions they create are among the factors that keep them from actually being wealthy. Cars, houses, clothes, trips, toys, technology, clubs....each of these externally facing expenditures puts pressure on finances (never mind the debt). Translation: In an attempt to look wealthy, people often sabotage the finances that might lead them to actually become wealthy.

I have a bonus secret for you! You know all the people around you who are just living normal underwhelming lives? A good chunk of those families are actually wealthy. They don't care what you, me, or anyone else thinks of them. They don't need to show off. They don't need to portray a certain image. They simply take care of their business and keep their heads down. These also happen to be the most generous people, too, as they don't feel the need to selfishly spend all the money on themselves.

Next time you see one of your friends, family, co-workers, or neighbors and think to yourself, "man, I wish I were as wealthy as they are," you might already be. You might think you want their financial life, but if you were to see what's on the other side of that curtain, it might make you grateful for the life you do have.

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Under Our Noses

Do you ever feel like you don't have much, if any, financial margin in your month-to-month life? I've felt that way at times, and I regularly meet people who believe the same.

I could tell countless stories about this idea, but instead, I'll share one specific encounter I recently had that perfectly sums up today's point. Here's the context:

• Husband and wife, both late 30s.

• Three young children.

• Monthly take-home income of around $9,000.

• They have a mortgage and one medium-sized car loan.

• Constant frustration and tension in the marriage since there isn't margin to do the things they really care about.

We spent about an hour going through their budget. Sure enough, there really isn't any margin once everything is accounted for. Or is there?

What I often find is that even when people don't believe they have margin, they actually do have margin right under their noses. It's sneaky. Category by category, I whiteboarded all the components of margin I saw in their financial life.

• $800 worth of dining out each month.

• $175 worth of streaming services each month.

• $500 worth of combined personal spending each month.

• $500-$750 worth of travel each month.

So while finances feel tight and there doesn't appear to be margin, they DO have margin. However, they've just chosen (whether consciously or subconsciously) to use that margin to fill the above-referenced categories. In total, they had approximately $2,200/month of actual margin.

My challenge to them was to look in the mirror and sincerely ask themselves what they wanted to do with that margin. It's okay to do what they are already doing, but it's not okay to whine about it and feel like a victim. If they are a victim of anything, it's of their own choices. Therefore, let's make sure we're making rock-solid choices.

I didn't share this with them to guilt them or embarrass them. Rather, I wanted them to see just how truly blessed they are. Second, I wanted them to embrace this opportunity to add the most value to their lives.

After multiple conversations, they reoriented where some of their monthly cashflow was going. This month, they don't feel nearly as stressed. They don't feel like victims. They don't feel like they are on the outside of their dreams, looking in. They recognize the margin they do have, and they are embracing the opportunity to harness it well. Beautiful!

It's a fantastic exercise. I encourage you to try it for yourself!

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He Gets It….For Now

My 9-year-old son Pax was ecstatic! After a grueling few hours of work on a random Saturday afternoon, he received a cash deposit into his bank account. His new total balance: $107. This is the most money he'd ever possessed at one time. Typically, he squanders it as fast as he receives it. It's not uncommon for his account balance to hover between $0 and $2. But today, he has more than a hundred bucks.

While in the midst of his celebration, I ask him if he's planning to use it for anything in particular. "There's not really anything I want right now. So, no."

"Congrats, you're wealthy now!" I said.

"Having more than $100 makes me wealthy?"

"No, it's not about how much you have. You not wanting more than you have makes you wealthy. That's called contentment."

Granted, we just passed Christmas. He received some fun gifts, and he's still riding that high. I'm sure it's merely a matter of time before his materialistic instinct kicks in again. In the meantime, though, I want to stress these principles to him. These aren't principles for little kids; they are principles for humans.

If we always want more, we're never wealthy. If we can control our desires and ensure that our wants never exceed our resources, we're wealthy. This is a universal truth, regardless of age, education, or income.

I know families who make $400,000/year that are poor, and I know families who make $80,000/year who are wealthy. The mindset dictates everything. My family's income is lower than it was seven years ago when I left my prior career, but we're wealthier than ever before. We're not beholden to our wants, desires, and physical aspirations.

Are there material things we want? Absolutely! We'd love to purchase different cars (which we probably will soon). We'd love a small condo in our favorite lake town. I'd love to eat at Michelin-starred restaurants every month. I'd love to make a half-dozen international trips each year. I'm not immune to these human wants, but they don't drive me. They don't dictate my position in life. They don't define me.

I hope Pax sits on this idea for a while. I hope he savors the fact that he's not in a constant state of want. Then, at some point, I hope he finds something really, really cool that he wants to spend the money on. I hope he thoroughly enjoys it and knows that it was the absolute best use of his funds and adds a ton of value to his life. That's another valuable lesson. But for now, he's wealthy.

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Terrible Reasons

One of my clients recently gave me the surprise of a lifetime. After making so much progress, primarily due to their sacrifice and discipline, they arrived at a coaching meeting with a new priority: purchasing a new car. And not just any car, but a $75,000 vehicle they absolutely can't afford. When I asked them what drove this recent development, one of the spouses responded, "All of our family and friends are buying new vehicles. We make good money, so we think we deserve to buy something nice, too."

That's a terrible reason to buy a new vehicle! First, I don't know the financial situation of any of their friends or family, but assuming they follow general demographic trends, they can't afford these vehicles, either. I've seen more $1,000/month vehicle payments than I care to admit, and I can testify that they are more common than most people would believe.

Just because our friends and family are making insane decisions, it doesn't mean we should follow suit. This awesome young couple is doing so well with their finances, and their impulses to keep up with the Joneses have the potential of erasing 18 months of hard-fought progress.

This is the battle we all face. Every day is a gauntlet of more. A gauntlet of comparison. A gauntlet of jealousy. A gauntlet of social media highlight reels. And every day, we must stay strong and stick to our knitting.

Sarah's vehicle has 220,000 miles, and mine has 150,000. We're about due for some new purchases. However, those purchases cannot come at the expense of our integrity, our peace, and our plan. We have specific goals for our lives, and we're not about to let a materialistic urge set us back. Instead, we're taking intentional steps each month to prepare for a vehicle transition. I can promise it's not a $75,000 transition, though. We know the budget we need to hit to thread the needle of getting what we need.....for a cost we can afford to pay in cash. It won't be the flashiest vehicle on the lot, but it will allow our family to continue down the path we're called to walk. It will allow us to walk in peace. It will allow us the margin to fight the battles that life throws at us. That, friends, is a win. Not a sexy win, but a massive, life-giving win.

Don't let the urge for more knock you off the path toward better. Don't unwind years of progress for a fleeting feeling of euphoria. It's not worth it. It's never worth it.

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A Little Man’s Lesson of More

We have a firm rule in our house: No video games during the week. The boys love playing video games, but it's not allowed during the school week. Between Friday night and Sunday afternoon, though, they can get video game time. One game they recently discovered is Fortnite; they are loving that game.

Fortnite has a very specific business model. The actual game is 100% free. Anyone can play the game as much as they want at zero cost. Then, the game developers will continuously release little extras for purchase: skins, accessories, music, etc. There's always something new, and as you can imagine, it's only available for purchase for a limited time (gotta create that urgency!).

Recently, Finn discovered a skin that he really, really, really, really wanted to buy. "It's only $6, Dad!!!" I immediately knew this was a great teaching moment. I explained to him that he's 100% able to buy it with his own money, but I added a word of caution. I told him that while this item seems cool to him today, he'll want something else almost immediately.

"You're always going to want something else."

"No, Dad, this is the only thing I want. This is it. I won't be buying anything else."

Again, I explained the problem with more. Every time we get more, more is still, well, more. There's no such thing as enough. He said he understood, but insisted that he'll be content after this purchase.

Fast forward to next weekend, and Fortnite introduced additional items for purchase. Would you believe that Finn desires one of these new items even more than the one he purchased a week ago?!?! Turns out, he's human.

I explained this concept again and reminded him of what I told him last week. He said he completely understands, but he's serious this time, "I won't want anything else after I buy this one. Seriously, Dad!"

The curse of more infects us when we're young and sticks with us until we die. It's not a matter of wiping it clean or pretending it doesn't exist. Instead, the mission ought to be to recognize it in ourselves, stay cognizant, and manage it well. This isn't the end of the story for Finn, just as it isn't the end of the story for you or me. Each day is its own battle. Every day presents new opportunities for us to overcome our desire for more, or to succumb to it. It's a sick and twisted game that's thrust upon us by both our culture and our own wiring.

As for little Finny, I suspect it's going to take a few more failures for him to recognize this element within himself. We'll keep battling!

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A Time and a Place

"Context matters," as I often say. Sure, it's easy (and fun) to paint everything with a broad brush and portray everything as concrete and definitive, but that's a lazy approach.

Do you use DoorDash? DoorDash gets a terrible rap. First, we're too lazy to make our own food. And now, we're too lazy to pick up the food we're going to eat because we're too lazy to cook in the first place?!?! And we're going to pay an arm and a leg for the privilege of doing so?!?!

Context matters!

A few nights ago, I jumped in my car and headed toward the cattle ranch. I hadn't ridden in a car for longer than 15 minutes since Black Friday, and every time I experienced these short little commutes, it felt like needles being shoved down my spine. A few nights ago, I gutted out a 3-hour drive. It was miserable, to say the least.

By the time I got to my hotel, I just wanted to lie in bed. At the same time, though, I also wanted a big platter of meat. I was as equally hungry as I was tired. I had zero energy left to leave the hotel, and zero pain tolerance left to sit down at a restaurant. Enter DoorDash. I found a nearby barbecue restaurant that was more than happy to send a big platter of meat to my hotel room. I suspect this item probably costs $20-$25 in the restaurant, but my bill? Including fees and tip, I paid $40. An hour later, I was lying in bed eating a giant platter of barbecue.

Best 40 bucks I've ever spent! Could I have saved $15 by going to the restaurant myself? Absolutely!!! Mathematically speaking, would that have been a wise financial decision? You bet! Contextually, would that have been a good decision? No way!!! I made the absolute right decision that night, and I have zero regrets pulling the DoorDash trigger.

Context matters in all we do. We should stop painting everything with a broad brush, and properly assess each decision for what it truly is. Simply saying DoorDash is stupid, lazy, and evil is a fool's errand. Instead, it needs to be put into context with the situation at hand. While I don't typically get food through DoorDash, the times I do are huge blessings to me.

Please don't listen to criticism from people who aren't privy to the context of your situation. If we allow every broad brush to paint our decisions and beliefs, we'll rob ourselves of the nuance that can make all the difference in the world.

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Life Happens

Wanna know how often a typical family's monthly budget goes exactly as planned? Maybe 10% of the time if I'm being honest. This is a conversation I frequently have with clients as they begin their budgeting journey. There's usually this moment within the first few months of the process where my client feels defeated; a failure of sorts. In their mind, a budgeting win means that every category gets nailed right on the head.

Life doesn't happen on paper, unfortunately. It's messy. It's sudden. It's imperfect. We can have the world's best budget to start the month, but life has other plans. Success doesn't mean nailing the budget just as we've outlined it. Rather, success is our ability to track, be aware of our changing reality it in real-time, and make the necessary adjustments along the way to account for life happening in hopes of landing on even footing by the time the month concludes.

This month is a great example for my household. Due to my back injury, we're going to face significantly more out-of-pocket medical expenses than planned. Given the stress we've been under, we'll likely also blow past our planned dining out budget. Now, we can't just throw our arms up in the air and play the victim card; nobody wins under that scenario. Instead, we must take accountability for the life that's happening, first by being fully aware of its impact, and second by making the necessary adjustments.

What this looks like for Sarah and me is a combination of things:

• A reallocation of the dollars we had already planned to spend. Some of our discretionary spending will be reallocated to the increased categories. We may also temporarily reduce the recurring savings we push toward a few of our sinking funds.

• An additional allocation of funds from emergency savings. We don't typically touch our emergency fund (that's why it's called an emergency fund), but that's what it's for. It exists for exactly this purpose.

• A deferral of a few other priorities. There are some decently important obligations in our lives, but for at least this month, those priorities must move down the list.

These newfound expenses don't deem December a failed month for us, but how we respond will. It's not ideal, and it's tremendously frustrating, but that's life. Life happens. Life always happens. It's just our job to adapt along the way.

Whether you're having the world's best budgeting month, or the worst, success or failure isn't determined until you decide how to handle it. It'll never be perfect, but you don't have to give up control.

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Coffee, Milk, Sugar, and ___

My apologies for not responding to the flood of messages I've received from this week's posts. It's been challenging to reply in my current physical condition, but I'm grateful for all the comments and insights, and I look forward to going through them soon!!

I received an interesting text on the heels of my recent post about how we need to think about impact, not inputs. In the post, I discussed my chiropractor through two different lenses. On one hand, his $50 fee for a 7-minute adjustment means I'm paying him $240/hour for his time. I think that's a lame way to look at life. On the other hand, you could view the $50 as an investment toward having a functional body to increase your quality of life. Impact, not inputs.

Here's the text message I received after publishing that article: "That thought process may work for some things, but not most. At the end of the day a coffee is a coffee. There's no way to spin that one. You're buying a commodity, simple as that."

Ouch! Is that true? Is a coffee a coffee? TJ, my Northern Vessel co-owner, and I talk about this often! Here's how we think about it. We're not actually a coffee company. We're a hospitality company that happens to serve coffee. Hospitality is the core of what we do. It's our blank canvas. And the coffee is our paint.

If we're really going to boil this down, a typical coffee drink is just some ratio of three inputs: coffee, milk, and sugar. Three commodities blended into a finished commodity-ish product. There are hundreds of places to get a latte in every city, never mind the cheaper and more convenient coffee alternatives we have in our own homes. If what my friend is saying is true, why would people tirelessly wait in a line 30 people deep at a shop that arguably has the highest prices in the state?

Let's just pretend we have the best drinks in the city. Even then, the high prices combined with the massive lines would surely dampen our customer flow if people were simply there to buy a coffee, a commodity.

Which brings us back to my original thesis. We're not a coffee company. We're a hospitality company that sells coffee. What we sell is an experience, a feeling, a community. We want to offer people an experience that could be the highlight of their day. We hope the coffee is amazing, too, but it goes so much deeper than that.

We received this comment on an Instagram post yesterday:

"The coffee is amazing but I would stop here even if it wasn't because of how I feel when I walk in and how I feel when I leave." I don't know this woman, but her beautiful sentence stabs me right in the heart and synthesizes thousands of hours of work we've put into this. I'm so touched by her words, and I'm grateful she gave our team an opportunity to brighten her day.

Every single product or service we buy or sell, WITHOUT EXCEPTION, must be viewed through the lens of impact, not inputs. It goes so much deeper, and that depth is what turns business from something seemingly boring and sterile to life-giving beauty.

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How Much Is a Crack Worth?

My neck is starting to get better, thanks to my chiropractor. I'm finally able to turn my head to the side (though with much pain). A conversation I had with a friend sparked today's post. Here's what he said: "I can't believe you'd pay a chiropractor 50 bucks for something he can do in 5 minutes. What a rip-off!!!"

That's an interesting perspective. What is a chiropractor worth? My treatment did cost $50, and he did, in fact, only take 7 minutes to perform the adjustment. That means I effectively paid him $430/hour for his time. Is a chiropractor $430/hour?

Trick question; it's irrelevant. I don't pay a chiropractor for his time; I pay him for the impact he has on my life. I don't care if it took him 7 minutes or 70 minutes; I walked out of his office with more function and comfort than when I walked in. So yes, it's 100% worth $50 to me!

This is the problem with so much of how we look at business and culture. We try to judge everything and everyone by the lowest common denominator. How long did it take them? How much did the inputs cost? What are the business's overhead costs? What's the embedded profit per item, and in my skewed opinion, is it reasonable? How many years of education/training did it take for them to perfect their craft? It's all rubbish. None of it means anything.

Once in a blue moon, a prospective client will ask me to break down the number of hours I plan to spend on them to justify the price of my coaching package. In that moment, I immediately know they aren't the right client for me. I'm selling them life change, not my time. The moment they try to boil it down to my time on a per hour basis, I know it's not a good fit.

You probably live on both sides of this. As a consumer, you make hundreds of purchase decisions every week. Instead of trying to boil something down to its lowest common denominator, simply ask yourself if the outcome of purchasing this product is worth the price. It's that simple. In my case, it's not asking if paying my chiropractor $430/hour is a reasonable price, but rather, if $50 is worth my ability to function in life. Yes, please take my money, Mr. Chiropractor!!!!!

You also live on the side of the seller. Everyone is selling something. Whether you're a business owner or an employee for a company or organization, you're selling something. I strongly encourage you to spend less time focusing on the features and benefits of your product/service and more time on the impact your product/service will have on someone's life. People don't care as much about features and benefits nearly as much as they do about how their life will be better as a result of purchasing from you. Tell them. Show them. Shine the light on impact. That's ultimately what people want......and what people need.

Is my chiropractor worth $430/hour? I don't know, but I can confidently tell you that $50 is a steal of a deal for me to be upright and functioning. Impact. Always impact.

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It’s All a Game

Social media went wild a few days ago when someone posted a video while walking around a Target store. Specifically, he was shopping for Christmas trees. One particular tree was priced at $122.50, but underneath, it read, "Reg. $175 | Save $52.50."

Oh wow, this is a great deal, he thought! Then, he spotted something else. Each physical tree box had a little white sticker on the exterior. When he peeled back the sticker, it read "$120."

To summarize, Target is telling its customers that this tree regularly sells for $175, but it's going to sell it to you today for a screaming deal at $122.50. Meanwhile, the company that manufactured the tree is stating on the box that the tree should cost $120.

The collective was furious. Theft, fraud, immoral, ripping us off, evil corporations......the list goes on. Needless to say, people were upset. I, however, feel differently about it. I call it marketing. Target (or insert any other retailer here) can say whatever it wants and price it whatever it wants. It's our job, as consumers, to decide if said price is worth the value it brings to our lives. If Target wanted to price that tree for $10,000, they are free to do so. They probably wouldn't sell many (or any!), but that's what the free market allows. On the flip side, they are also free to price them for $25. Doing so would likely result in an immediate sell-out, but again, that's their business. If they wanted to say that the tree is regularly $500, I suppose they could have done that, too. To me, that's the entire business model of Kohl's.....IYKYK. Companies have been employing these tactics for decades......maybe centuries!

Today, as we experience Black Friday, the official start of the Christmas season, I encourage you to ignore the noise. Try to push aside all the mixed messages you're receiving from companies. Everything that's communicated to you is to achieve one goal: Motivate you to purchase their product.

But when we look at every opportunity through the lens of cost vs. value added, we can make a clear and confident decision. I don't care whatsoever what a product normally sells for. All I care about is whether $x price is worth the y value a potential purchase will add to my life.

Don't be fooled. Don't be discouraged. Don't be manipulated. Don't be influenced. If we go into these types of environments knowing their motivations and the tactics they might use to trigger our actions, we'll make wiser, more prudent decisions.

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An Actually Positive TikTok Challenge

Whenever the phrase "TikTok challenge" is mentioned, anything that comes next is going to be disgusting. Two cars crashing through our Northern Vessel shop doors is great evidence of that.

Today, however, I want to share an actually positive TikTok challenge with you. As I was scrolling through my feed recently, I stumbled upon an awesome little clip. A parent, on the backside of the camera, asked their child, in camera view, a simple question: "What did you get for Christmas last year?"

The kid had a deer-in-headlights look. You could see his little brain working overtime to process this question. After about five seconds, nothing. He couldn't think of a single gift he received last Christmas.

The parent then asked another question: "Where did we go on vacation this year?"

The boy's eyes lit up, and he quickly started listing off all the adventures they went on and memories they made. His little mouth couldn't keep up with his brain. It was almost like he was reliving those memories in real time.

Interesting, isn't it? I've now seen dozens of these videos pop up in my feed, each with similar results. Kid after kid after kid went blank when asked about receiving physical gifts, but then immediately lit up with excitement when asked about experiences and memories.

Experiences over things. This is one of the hallmark principles of living a meaningful life. There's certainly nothing wrong with stuff. We all have some stuff in our lives. Cool stuff. But the stuff isn't what will ultimately provide us with meaning. It's the experiences and memories that add a richness to life that's unparalleled. Yeah, the science proves this to be true. Over and over, science has proven this. However, I'm not asking you to even trust the science. Trust the faces of your kids. They will tell you everything you need to know.

Happy shopping!

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The $10 Fast-Food Burger

$10 for a fast-food burger?!?!

As I was on my way home from the cattle ranch last night, I knew I needed to stop somewhere for food. I had decision fatigue after a long week, so my brain wasn't working very well. Then, I saw it. There was a Hardee's approaching on my right. I hadn't been to Hardee's in more than a decade, so it seemed like a decent opportunity to break that sad streak.

"I'll have a Frisco burger. A double, please."

As I processed my payment and collected my receipt, it dawned on me that I had just purchased a fast-food burger for $10. $10? What in the world!

A few minutes later, I hopped back in my car with my overpriced fast-food burger. Probably not a wise decision on my part, but it was quick and it was food. Oh well, I can't win 'em all. Then, something changed. I opened the wrapper and took a bite. Whoa! For being a fast-food burger, that's one heck of a fast-food burger! It was delicious.

In a matter of 30 seconds, my posture shifted from "I just made a bad choice" to "Please, take my money, Hardee's."

It was a classic case of price vs. value. On the surface, the price seemed expensive. However, once I was able to rationally compare the price to the value, it felt fair.....more than fair.

For as often as I write about the importance of always comparing cost vs. value, I almost fell into the trap of judging something solely based on price. That delicious cheeseburger was a fantastic reminder to always keep this concept in perspective.

It's a small and silly example, but that cheeseburger is a great metaphor for our day-to-day lives. We come and go, making decision after decision. If we're not careful, we can easily make choices based on price, ignoring the value. I'm guilty of it, and I'm sure you are, too. So, this weekend, as you venture out into the world, always remember to weigh the value as you're making decisions; you'll thank yourself for doing so.

Oh yeah, and maybe swing into Hardee's for a Frisco burger!

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Impact, Not Features

I was talking to a friend about her business. She has a unique business model and sells an even more unique product. On the surface, it's not really my jam. I'm not particularly interested in this field, and it doesn't resonate with me on any emotional level. However, my role wasn't to love her product, but rather to add value to her business in helping her see things more clearly. 

I asked her to explain the product. She began sharing about all the features and what a customer would get for the money. Interesting, indeed, but how much does it cost? When she told me the price, I immediately grimaced. Ouch, that feels expensive! I asked her to shift gears. Instead of telling me what a customer would get, I wanted her to explain how it would impact someone's life. Oh, now I was interested! She shared some really interesting perspectives about how a customer's life would improve because of this product. Then, she added, "And they will be able to use it for the rest of their lives." 

In that moment, her product's questionable price felt like the world's biggest bargain. You mean to tell me that for only $____, my life will be positively impacted in XYZ ways and it will be so for the rest of my life?!?!? Sold! Where do I sign up? I was hooked. In just five minutes, this went from a product I have no genuine interest in to one I NEED in my life. I’m completely enthralled by what she’s doing!

If you're a business owner, take note of this paradigm shift. However, I don't want to expound on this from a seller's perspective. Instead, I want to flip the script and focus on the buyer's experience. As consumers, we too often get bogged down by the features and benefits of a product. We look at the price and compare it to the features, then walk away. If we were wise, we would instead look at products and services through the lens of impact. 

How will this product or service impact my life? What difference will it make in my journey? How will it make my life easier? How will it make me more productive? How will it improve my health? How will it increase my longevity? What joy will it add to my day-to-day life? 

My experience is that when we look at prospective purchases through this lens, it completely transforms how we measure cost/benefit. What might have otherwise felt expensive can quickly become a bargain. Conversely, what might have otherwise felt cheap can quickly become a ripoff. 

I feel like most of my personal purchases fall into what culture would classify as "wasteful." However, each one is specifically curated to maximize the impact on my life. I don't buy much for myself, but when I do, the value it adds to my life far outweighs the cost.....even if the cost might seem higher. 

As consumers, we should focus far more on impact, and much less on features. If we can make that mental shift, we can begin playing an entirely different game. 

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Midlife Crisis: Year 2

Today is a sad day in the Shelton household. Today is the day when my 350Z (aka my midlife crisis, as my friend Emma calls it) gets stored away for the winter. This was my second full season owning this car, and it was a fun one! I've written about this car a handful of times, but here’s my original post about buying this car after a 17-year wait.

I thought it would be fun to take stock of my experience so far. As I often write about, it's not about spending less, but spending better. In the case of buying a fun car, it's certainly not "spending less." However, does it fall into the category of "spending better?" The best way to do that is to assess the value it adds to my life and contrast it with the cost.

First, the value. It's safe to say that owning a fun little stick-shift convertible has added a tremendous amount of richness to my life. I love using this car as my daily commuter for about half the year. Road trips are a blast. Going on little crank-up-the-music around-town cruises with the boys is an amazing experience. I so much enjoy having this car in my life.

Now, the cost. This is always the wild card, and one area where most people will self-sabotage. When it comes to fun things we WANT, never underestimate our human ability to squint at the cost and justify anything (even the most insanely destructive decisions).

I paid $9,000 for this car. It was 18 years old with approximately 70,000 miles on it. Fantastic deal! However, there are lots of other costs to operate a vehicle. Here's a full breakdown of my first two years of costs:

• Sales Tax: $450

• Tags: $250

• Tows: $220

• Repairs & Maintenance: $3,079

• Insurance: $1,584

• Winter Storage: $1,000

This means my total operating costs over my first 24 months were $6,583 (or $274/month).

Lastly, we need to take depreciation into consideration. Every time drive our vehicles, we're eroding the value. We can generally assume we'll lose 15% of a vehicle's value each year. I had two things going in my favor when I purchased this car. I was buying a used car that had already experienced significant depreciation ($9,000 purchase price on a car that originally sold for $30,000+). I also bought it at a great price. The $9,000 price felt a little light compared to what I thought I would need to pay.

Today, Kelly Blue Book says the estimated private party value of my car is approximately $8,800, meaning I've lost approximately $200 of value from my original purchase price.

Let's put the two pieces together:

• 24 months of operating costs: $6,583

• 24 months of depreciation: $200

• Total 24-month cost of ownership: $6,783 ($283/month)

So, I'll ask myself that question again. Was it worth it? So much richness added to our lives, and it costs us $283/month for the privilege. Yeah, this might be the greatest bargain of my lifetime. It's not about spending less, but spending better. Turns out, this is one version of my better.

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A Good Ol’ Fashioned Audit

Never underestimate our human instinct to practice the status quo. It's so much easier to keep doing what we're doing, even when doing something different would be in our best interest.

Nowhere is this concept more applicable than when I'm meeting with new clients. While my client might have been doing the same things for the past decade, I challenge every category in their budget. It can be a startling moment for people. Yeah, I understand you've been paying $25/month for xyz service for the past 15 years, but does it add more value today than it's costing you?

You wouldn't believe how many expenditures in our lives fall into the camp of not being as valuable today as they once were. Yet, we keep them around out of habit (and the path of least resistance). Here's one example. One of my clients is paying $80/month for a service. Upon asking them about it, they said it's something they've paid for about 12 years......so, naturally, it should stay. I asked a few more challenging questions. Turns out, they don't utilize the service nearly as much as they used to. Meanwhile, the price is nearly triple what it used to cost. If they are using it half as much as they used to, and it costs three times as much as before, it's only 1/6 as valuable to their lives as it once was. Through that lens, it became the world's easiest cancel.

After going through this exercise across their entire financial life, this couple managed to cut nearly $400/month of expenditures without giving up much value. Overall, huge win! A good ol' fashioned audit can be a breath of fresh air.

As the year comes to a close, I challenge you to perform a good ol' fashioned audit on your finances. Seriously consider what's adding value, and what's not. It's not about spending less, but rather ensuring that you're getting as much value (or more) than you're paying. Some cheap expenditures are rip-offs, while some expensive expenditures are bargains. It's an interesting exercise, and one I think you'll be grateful for engaging with. Happy hunting!

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A Heavy Anchor

A huge shout-out to the couple that granted me permission to share this story. I pray good comes from it, and that my harsh-ish words can move the needle in their marriage!

Picture this. I'm sitting face-to-face with a couple. They are stressed, frustrated, and borderline depressed. The tension in the marriage is palpable. You could cut the desperation with a knife. Finances are killing them! Specifically, a lack of income is killing them.

Oh yeah, I should probably add one more piece of information to the picture: Their monthly take-home income is $22,000. Yeah, you heard that correctly. $22,000/month......every month. And according to them, there's simply not enough money to keep the train on the tracks. Or, as they put it, "It costs a lot just to survive these days!"

At one point in the conversation, I pointed out to them that just their monthly housing cost (plus utilities) rivals what most people in their town make in a month. They looked at me like I had an alien growing out of my forehead. Again, I tried to put into perspective just how much money they make. They continued to stare at the alien apparently bursting from my face. I explained that the client I met with earlier in the day (who coincidentally lives 1/4 of a mile from them) has a total take-home income of about $7,000/month (and is thriving!). The wife looked like she was either going to have an aneurysm and/or hop over the table to stab me.

I don't know about you, but most people don't even dream about making $22,000/month take-home. In fact, most people probably wouldn't even know what to do with that type of income. Yet here I was, talking to a couple who were lamenting that $22,000 isn't enough monthly income to even survive.

I was getting nowhere. I asked them how much money they made early in their marriage; "Probably $4,000/month." Well, that's a bit different from their current situation. "But the world has changed a lot since then." Fact check: That was seven years ago.

Here's the harsh truth. Unless we're willing to live with humility and contentment, there's no amount of income that can satisfy us. The problem with more is that every time we get more, more is still more.

I offered a few suggestions for how this couple could create financial margin. In some families' situations, it can be challenging to open up much-needed margin. This family, however, has a treasure trove of options for swiftly and materially lightening the tension in their finances. Want to know where they landed? The husband is going to pick up some extra work on the side (nights and weekends) to see if they can make a few thousand more per month.

Here's my promise to them. If they stay on this course, we'll be talking a few years from now. They will be making $25,000-$30,000 per month, yet feel just as broke, stressed, and resentful as they do now......if their marriage survives.

They deserve better than this. You deserve better than this. We all deserve better than this. Don't let the curse of more pull you down.....it's one of the heaviest anchors ever created.

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Never Enough Income

Do you ever think to yourself that xyz issues would be solved with more money? If only I made $1,000 more per month! If only I made $2,000 more per month! There are so many financial priorities, and it never seems like there's enough money to go around. First, yes, if our basic needs are not yet financially met, more money will absolutely help close some critical gaps. What I'm about to talk about is the scenario in which basic needs are met, but other financial desires are at play.

I recently had this conversation with a client. This couple makes more money than ever before, yet at the same time, there doesn't seem to be enough. How can that be?!?! How is it possible to make twice as much as we once did, yet still not have enough?

Here's why. There's never enough income. Our human instinct is to conceptualize how making x more dollars per month would magically fix it all. From my experience, however, that line of thinking is futile. People who make $75,000 think more is the answer. People who make $150,000 think more is the answer. People who make $300,000 think more is the answer. People who make $700,000 think more is the answer. Believe it or not, but I've worked with people who make $3M per year who think more is the answer.

There's never enough income. I know it's a depressing thought, but I have good news. While we can't fight our way to success by driving our income upwards, there is one thing we can control. I once heard it said this way: "Wealth is the difference between what we have and what we want." In other words, if our wants keep going up and up, there's never enough money to satisfy the craving for more. On the flip side, if our wants are kept in check (i.e., contentment), what we have is enough.....more than enough.

This is the very reason why families who make $60,000 can feel wealthy while families who make $400,000 can feel financially stressed. It's not about what they make; it's about what they want.

In my 20 years as an adult living in the real world, I've learned that my financial well-being is far more influenced by my contentment (or lack thereof) than by how much money I make. It’s a humbling reality!

What about you? Are there areas of your life that you could/should want less? Is your hunger for more eroding your contentment? What steps would you need to take to widen the gap between what you have and what you want? It's a worthwhile endeavor, and fortunately for all of us, one we can absolutely control.

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Collecting?

A friend recently asked me what I collect. In response, I just stared at him. My brain was churning, but nothing was registering. Collecting....collecting....collecting. What do I collect? I couldn't think of anything. I don't collect anything?!?!

I used to collect baseball cards. I used to collect video games. I used to collect watches. I used to collect Chicago Bulls memorabilia. I used to collect DVDs. I used to collect CDs. Today, though, I can't think of a single thing I collect. Is that weird? It feels weird to me, but at the same time, I can't think of anything I would want to collect.

It feels odd to me that I used to collect lots of things, but now collect nothing. I have some theories on why I don't collect things anymore, but I'll save those theories for another day.

What about you? What do you collect? What moves the needle for you? Why? What does it do for you? How does it add meaning to your life? I'm genuinely fascinated by this topic. I want to learn what others are doing.....and why. I feel like i might be missing something in my own life, but I'm not sure what.

Please hit reply if you receive this blog via e-mail, or please comment below if you are reading on the website. I can't wait to learn more about this topic, and your perspectives on it.

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…..For Me

Whoa, I really stepped on a landmine with yesterday's post. I received countless e-mails and texts from people about my young friend's "irresponsible" coffee habit. To summarize, I have a young friend who recently gave up her six-times-per-week coffee shop visits. Making this sacrifice saves her $150/month, which sounds great......on the surface. Ultimately, though, she gave up one of the most important things in her life while blindly keeping a $675/month car payment that she couldn't care less about. The entire point of the piece was to suggest that we ought to thoughtfully look at our big rocks before willfully giving up smaller things that matter so much to us.

The hate came rushing in! To summarize at least a dozen people's responses to my article: Going to coffee shops is a waste of money.

That's it. Buying fancy coffee drinks at coffee shops is a terrible use of money. It's reckless, irresponsible, and foolish. There are a million better uses for that money than buying dumb coffee. That's the narrative.

Please allow me to rephrase the response I received from people: "Going to coffee shops is a waste of money.....for me."

The same can be said about countless other things:

• Golf is a waste of money......for me.

• Fancy restaurants are a waste of money.....for me.

• Hunting and fishing equipment is a waste of money.....for me.

• Sports and concert tickets are a waste of money.....for me.

• Spa treatments are a waste of money.....for me.

• Vacations are a waste of money.....for me.

• High-end fitness studios are a waste of money.....for me.

I have great news for you today. It doesn't matter what other people think you should do with your money. They have different values than you. They have different priorities than you. They have different beliefs than you. They have different standards than you.

When I look at the list of possible expenditures above, some appear awesome and some are a waste of money.....for me. If you discern the same list, you're going to have different answers.....for you. That's the beauty of pursuing meaning in our lives. It looks different for everyone. As soon as someone tries to tell you what should matter and what shouldn't, they've lost credibility to speak into your decision-making.

I don't care what expenditures you value and which ones you don't. My biggest care is that you know what's important to you, pursue it aggressively, and know what's not important to you, and avoid it just as aggressively. Whether you love or hate coffee, act accordingly. Whether you love or hate vacations, act accordingly. Whether you love or hate ____, act accordingly. That's where the rubber meets the road in finding more meaning in our money. Please don't fall for the trap of living other people's values. Your values are awesome enough.

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