Say No to Guilt

Do you ever make financial decisions out of guilt or societal pressure? If yes, that means you're human. If no, that means you're lying......or a robot. It happens to all of us at times. Throughout the course of our day-to-day lives, we face thousands of decisions, big and small. We run into situations where we might want to make one particular decision, but the walls of guilt and/or pressure start to close in.

Tipping is one area that's becoming increasingly difficult for people to navigate. It seems like everyone and everything wants a tip. I was recently solicited for a tip from a machine that was fully automated. What do you mean the robot wants a tip?!?!?

In a recent survey conducted by Talker Research, it was discovered that Americans are spending $283/year on guilt-driven tipping in 2025, which happens an estimated 4.2x per month. $283/year is nearly $24/month. We each spend an average of $24/month on tips, solely dictated by the guilt and pressure!

As the owner of a coffee shop, I'm acutely aware of this tension. On one hand, I completely get why people are growing weary of the systematic and manufactured pressures to tip. On many occasions, it does feel like we are getting set up and manipulated.

On the other hand, I embrace the idea of our team being handsomely rewarded for excellence and hospitality. I want them to crush it, but I want them to earn it! I want them to add so much value to that experience that people want to freely and generously tip them (no guilt!).

Where I personally land on this topic is to never be influenced by guilt or pressure when tipping. When I'm at a coffee shop or most other service providers, I demand excellence. When excellence is delivered, I tip exceedingly well. Even when the service is poor (which is now a common occurrence), I tip something. I know my opinion is controversial to many, but I'm still a tipping purist at heart. I believe tipping is an intimate form of generosity, grace, and an opportunity to reward and incentivize excellence. I'm all-in on tipping.

My Meaning Over Money business partner, Cole, has a different perspective. He's beyond tired of our tipping culture and is quick to hit "no tip" in many situations. For example, if the establishment isn't in the food and beverage industry, no tip. If it's a food and beverage establishment and he has to order at a counter or walk up to grab his own food or drink, no tip. If the employee isn't polite and friendly, a much lower tip. Similar to me, but in the completely opposite way, Cole doesn't feel guilt, either. He is sincere in his actions and doesn't lose sleep over it.

While I disagree with Cole's tipping principles, I fully approve and affirm his endeavor to make guilt-free and pressure-free decisions. That's an important part of living with meaning in our finances. Nothing good comes from guilt, so let's strive to remove it from our day-to-day habits.

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Deeper Than We Think

I received a bevy of criticism after yesterday's post. To summarize, I shared the story of a friend who is continually scared to spend money on wants because, all his life, he has been told that spending on things we don't need (especially expensive things) is "irresponsible." I challenged him to buy a $500+ ticket to watch his favorite team play in person for the first time ever.

The criticism:

• "You're encouraging people to be irresponsible!"

• "You should be telling people to save money not waste it."

• "Good luck retiring someday."

Do you see the irony in this? I write a piece about how a grown man who has done a wonderful job with finances is terrified to spend money on anything fun because all he's been told his whole life is that spending on wants is "irresponsible," then immediately receive a string of responses telling me that he's being irresponsible (and I'm as equally irresponsible for egging him on).

This stuff runs deep, guys! In our culture, we tend to hear the stories about people who are out there recklessly spending; it's almost become a joke. They are certainly out there! Part of the reason we talk about it is that it's so public. We often see the public side of these decisions: big, shiny, new, exotic, and fancy purchases plastered all over social media.

However, those who suffer on the other side of this coin typically suffer in silence. They often feel guilty, sometimes embarrassed, about not being able to spend money on wants. Years and years of criticism are taking their toll. Those words heard when they were children and teenagers sound as loud in their heads today as they did when first spoken.

A few encouragements today:

• If this is you, you're not alone. Find a way to break through, even if just something small. A start is a start.

• If you have influence over someone, and I suspect you do, encourage them to spend some of their resources onwants. Not all.....some.

• Lean into YOUR values. Don't spend money just to spend money. Find what matters most to you, and invest those dollars there.

• Enjoy the process!

• Have an awesome day.

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Book It

I was having a coffee with a friend. Let's call him Bill. Bill is in his 40s, humble, disciplined, and by all accounts, financially successful. His family floats somewhere in the middle class. They don't lack, but at the same time, they don't live a showy life. Bill's family is what I'd refer to as a fairly normal suburban American family.

Bill is terrified to spend money on things that matter to him. If he needs it (truly needs it), it's no big deal, done. However, whenever something veers into the want camp, especially if the price tag exceeds $100, he cowers. His hesitancy isn't caused by a lack of resources or difficulty prioritizing expenditures. He and his wife have made great financial decisions and don't need to worry about drastic negative consequences.

Rather, his mental and emotional roadblock stems from childhood. For decades, he heard the same message: "Don't spend money on things you don't need." "Don't be irresponsible." Thus, Bill views spending money on wants as taboo.

Bill loves his favorite sports team. LOVES them! During my recent conversation with Bill, he confessed that he's never actually seen his team play in person. Why? It's a want....and wants are irresponsible.

"Book it!" I exclaimed. "Buy a ticket and go." Not only that, but I encouraged him to buy a high-quality ticket. The good seats! I took it one step further. He wasn't allowed to spend less than $500 on the ticket. The mere thought of this idea made him sweat. Not only was I asking him to spend money on a want, but to do it in a big way.

Bill actually followed through! He bought the ticket for his team's first game of the year. Not only that, but he bought an amazing ticket. Fast forward several weeks, and the game arrived. That was last night.

It was a night to remember for Bill. It was everything he dreamed of these last four decades, and more. What about the money? Shockingly (to him, not to me), he doesn't feel like spending that money will negatively impact him, nor does he feel "irresponsible."

I couldn't love this more. It might seem like a silly hurdle to overcome, but this is a crippling problem for millions of people. Sometimes, you just need to book it. It's important that we practice the art and science of spending money on wants. For some, it comes naturally, but for others, it's one of the biggest roadblocks of our lives. If we can learn to do this freely, but within reason, it can unlock so much meaning in our lives.

Book it. Just book it. Try me on this one.

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Loaded Freighters

After a full day of meetings in eastern Michigan yesterday, we spent the evening walking alongside Lake Huron just a stone's throw from Canada. Pax and I threw the football (while he was running imaginary routes around the seagulls), Finn looked for fossils along the beach, the adults engaged in conversation, and we all enjoyed the beautiful sunset. One of the highlights was watching the freighters work through the narrow channel between the U.S. and Canada. These massive vessels are the length of two to three football fields, yet navigate confidently through the choppy waters.

I noticed something interesting while watching these vessels. One of them was fully loaded. I can't even imagine how much weight it was carrying, but the sheer scale was amazing. It sat fairly deep in the water, and its pace was slow. I suspect it takes a massive amount of fuel to propel it, and turning is probably a tricky endeavor.

The second freighter appeared empty. It sat higher in the water and moved quickly. The vessel seemed more nimble and likely required less fuel to propel it through the water.

I think that's a fitting analogy for how we live. Some of us are loaded freighters, weighed down with so many material possessions. Our lives are full of stuff and financial obligations. There's a heftiness to it. We move more slowly and we're less nimble. It takes more fuel (i.e., money) to propel us through life as we try to carry all this weight.

Other people, though, live life like an empty freighter. Their lives are simpler and more prudent. Since they float higher on the water, they are more nimble and can more easily pivot when desired. They require far less fuel to propel them through life. The empty freighters of life often live with far more margin and need fewer resources to maintain the status quo.

I remember a time when I lived like a loaded freighter. It gets tiring after a while! While the various freight I carried was kinda cool, the perpetual weight grew tiring. Eventually, I looked in the mirror and asked myself what I was doing. Was it really worth carrying around all this weight? What if I didn't have this pulling me down? What decisions could I make if I unloaded some of it? What pivots would life allow if I could be more nimble?

The answers to those questions changed everything. In a very short period of time, we shifted from living like a loaded freighter to an empty freighter. We felt freer, decisions felt easier, and we were able to pivot in ways I only previously dreamed about. It changed my life, and I've watched similar decisions change countless other families' lives as well. There's something oh so beautiful about unloading the freight. It might not seem like much on the surface, but below the water, it makes all the difference in the world!

Perhaps it's time to unload some of the freight.

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The Discomfort in Comfort

During the same conversation that sparked yesterday's post about the willful pursuit of discomfort, one of my friends shared something interesting. He pointed out that there's an irony in our culture's pursuit of comfort—specifically, the pursuit of material comfort (stuff and status). The more we pursue material comfort, the more uncomfortable we actually become.

Here's how this plays out. I'll pretend I just purchased an expensive car. To pull the trigger, I probably had to spend some cash on the down payment. That cash expenditure results in me having less cash in the bank, which is a form of discomfort. Second, I now have a large monthly car payment, reducing my available monthly take-home income, which is a form of discomfort. Now that I own this nicer car, I need more expensive insurance coverage. This added expenditure is a form of discomfort.

Now that I'm driving around in an expensive car, I'll probably keep my head on a swivel, ensuring nobody gets close to it. I'll park in the back of every lot, be careful where I'm going, and constantly keep my eyes out for trouble/damage. This added attention and vigilance is a form of discomfort.

Now that I spend a larger chunk of my financial resources on this car, there are other ripple effects. I'll probably need to make one (or more) of the following choices:

• I'll have less discretionary income for travel or other fun purchases (leading to immediate pleasure discomfort).

• I'll have less money to save for future needs (leading to near-term or mid-term financial discomfort).

• I'll have less money to save for retirement (leading to long-term financial and life discomfort).

• I'll have less money to give (leading to internal discomfort).

Yes, the new and fancy car is comfortable....very comfortable! However, the consequence of pursuing this new version of material comfort is several other forms of discomfort. That's ironic, and sad!

I don't usually chat with people while they're living in the honeymoon phase of their comfort-driven decisions. Rather, I typically spend time with them after they've experienced the shadowy, discomfort-laden side of these decisions. It's not always pretty on that side.

Pursuing comfort is rarely what we're actually seeking. Instead, pursue meaning. Violently pursue meaning. That will occasionally lead you to spend money on things that can make you comfortable, but more often than not, it will lead you in some surprising directions. Please don't allow your pursuit of material comfort lead you into these unintended consequences. Life is too short to deal with that!

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On Brand

On the heels of yesterday's post about bougie purchases, I ran into a friend today mere hours after he had read that post. He shared a few thoughts about the post, then asked me about a recent bougie purchase I've made. I told him that I recently purchased Twenty One Pilot concert tickets for my family right around Finn and Pax's ninth birthday; they weren't cheap!

He looked at me for a few seconds, then responded, "Seems on brand."

"On brand." He's so right. Knowing me, it didn't surprise him that I dropped a good chunk of money for Twenty One Pilot concert tickets. In his perspective, that's exactly the sort of bougie thing my family would do. In other words, our version of bougie tightly aligns with our family's values and interests.

I also heard from a handful of readers about their version of bougie, and in every single situation, it seemed "on brand." That's a great tell! When our behaviors align with our values, we can be confident that we're making decisions that add value to our lives.

Where many people go astray is when they make culture-driven decisions that don't actually align with their values. They do things because that's what other people are doing. From the cars they buy, to the clothes they wear, to the neighborhoods they live in, to the trips they take. Without even realizing it, we allow the prevailing culture to dictate how we use our precious resources.

So, when my buddy called my bougie decision "on brand," I took that as the ultimate compliment. Whatever you're up to, whatever you're spending money on, whatever you're investing time/energy into, ask yourself the question, "Is this on brand?" If the answer is "yes," do it with confidence!

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Bougie to Thee, Not to Me

One of the most interesting aspects of my coaching business is having an opportunity to see behind the curtain of hundreds of people's financial lives. What's coming in, what's going out, and how all the pieces fit together. Most intriguing, though, is getting a front-row seat to how people perceive money. With that context in mind, I have a question for you today: What is bougie?

To start, here's the formal definition of the word: "relating to or characteristic of a person who indulges in some of the luxuries and comforts of a fancy lifestyle." In other words, bougie can be used in reference to an expenditure that's a bit (or a lot!) over-the-top; something that transcends fulfilling a mere want, and into a completely different category.

Here's another fun part of my coaching. Nobody agrees on what is considered bougie, and people rarely admit that their own decisions, actions, or purchases are bougie. Translation: Bougie is something above us that other people are partaking in.

Let me share some real-life coaching examples with you, and you can decide for yourselves. Are the following expenditures bougie?

• $25,000 for a trip to Disney

• $2,500/month on groceries

• $90,000 for a family vehicle

• $1,500/month on dining out

• $2,000/month on clothing

• $1,800/month on beauty treatments/procedures

• $1,000+/month on pets

• $5,000/month on housing (in a non-high-cost-of-living city)

• $600/month on work lunches

• $2,000/kid for Christmas gifts

These are all real-life examples I've encountered just in the past 12 months. What's your gut reaction? For each of these items, my suggestion that they are a form of "bougie" was met with shock or confusion. For those who made these decisions, these were run-of-the-mill want decisions.....even borderline "needs" in their minds. What say you?

Again, this is what makes behavioral science so interesting to me. Never underestimate our ability to shape our perspective of a broad reality based on our own narrow purview (or specific desires).

I'm not necessarily criticizing people for their decisions. After all, it's their journey, and they will reap the consequences of their choices (for better or for worse). My role isn't to tell them what to do, but rather, help them understand what they are really trying to achieve, and execute it with excellence. Where my criticism lies is how we humans so often tell ourselves a story to fit our own narrative. We can take something bougie and turn it into a mere want, then take this mere want and turn it into a need. We're so good at this (me included!).

I think the most important thing we can each do is be honest with the person we see in the mirror. Name things for what they are. Recognize bougie for bougie, a want for a want, and a need for a need. Then, through that honesty, make the best decision for our journeys. When we do, we'll make crisper decisions and go all-in on things that actually add value to our lives.

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Planning For Imperfection

Shhhhhhh, please don't tell my wife I'm sharing this story. However, if you know her, you know what I'm about to say is 100% true! Sarah has an interesting approach to time and logistics. If she needs to be at an event that begins in 20 minutes, she will walk out of the house at such time that if everything goes PERFECTLY, she will arrive at the event exactly on time.....and not a minute earlier. Do you know how often things go perfectly? Zero. She hits a few extra stop lights, forgets something and needs to run back in the house, construction creates a traffic backup, or she ends up parking further away. Things never go perfectly, and as a result, she's inevitably late to nearly everything. While it hasn't ended our marriage (yet), it's a maddening way to approach life. Things NEVER go perfectly.

No, I'm not seeking marriage counseling today. Rather, I think Sarah's example is a perfect representation of what happens when we plan as if things will go perfectly. When that's the baseline assumption, bad outcomes are inevitable.

This brings me to a more serious version of this phenomenon. Many families operate their finances as if everything will go perfectly. They structure their standard of living, monthly costs, and lifestyle choices all the way up to their current income. As long as things stay good and steady, the train will remain on the tracks. However, you probably already know that life doesn't usually go perfectly. Things happen. People lose jobs, kids get sick, the engine in our car dies, the furnace breaks down in the middle of winter. Life happens!

My Meaning Over Money business partner, Cole, often asks me how so many people can continue to live this way without consequences. It feels like there are no negative repercussions to planning for perfection. "Soon enough," I respond. It's only a matter of time for many. Eventually, life catches up, and the imperfection creates a gaping chasm in people's lives.

Fortunately for many, we've ridden an unprecedented wave of positive since the 2008 recession. Things have been uncharacteristically good for an uncharacteristically long period of time. However, it feels like we're starting to turn a weird corner. The problem, though, is that it doesn't impact you until the moment it does. Everything is perfectly fine......until it's your worst nightmare.

This nightmare has recently struck several people I know. For years, these families have enjoyed the fruits of positivity. Life has been good, really good! The bad news: they were planning for perfection. All it took was one job loss to knock them completely off course. Instead of being able to navigate the tricky situation that life threw at them, their lives are in turmoil. Selling houses, spouses leaving dream jobs to secure other income streams, pulling kids out of activities, whipping out the credit cards.

I'm not condemning them. In fact, I have so much empathy for them. It didn't have to be this way, though. Instead of planning for perfection, we should plan for imperfection, knowing that life will hit us. Moderate the lifestyle, create more monthly margin, stay out of debt, keep a healthy cash savings. Allow for life to happen......because it will.

Most of us still have time to recalibrate for imperfection before life hits us. Let's seize this opportunity!

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My Time vs. Their Time

I had an epiphany shortly after hiring my first assistant. Her name is Paige, and she's pretty awesome. If I remember correctly, she was only 19 years old at the time, but I always perceived her as far wiser than her age. When it came time for me to pay her after the first month, I asked her to submit her hours. I reviewed her log and felt thoroughly confused. "Paige, I don't think you gave me all your hours."

She confirmed that, yes, all hours were included. When I shared that it felt like she did far more work than that, she gave me the most Paige response ever: "It just takes you three times as long to do these tasks as it does me."

Ouch! But she was right! My objective in hiring Paige was to offload the tasks that I hate and/or suck at. Turns out, those tasks fell in line with what she enjoyed and was good at. Thus, she was far more efficient than I could ever dream of being. She consistently performed tasks at roughly 1/3 the time it would have taken me.

This is where my epiphany came in. The hourly rate I was paying her was more about my time than her time. For example, let's say I was paying Paige $30/hour. While that was the sticker price for her time, the real cost for Paige's services was $10/hour of my time. If I paid her $30 for one hour of her time that would have taken me three hours to perform, I was only paying $10/hour for the time I was buying back.

This line of thinking is applied to every aspect of my life. I don't care what the total cost or cost per hour for a service is. Instead, I ask myself how much it costs in relation to my time. Oil changes are a good example. I could easily change the oil in my car and save a bunch of money. However, by the time I buy oil and filters, successfully (eventually) drive my car up the ramps, empty the oil, change the filter, pour in the new oil, check the oil level, and finish topping it off, the actual cost savings per hour of my time is very low. Translation: That expensive oil change service is extremely cheap.

Just think of the possibilities with this concept. How many decisions would you make differently if you framed them through this lens? Plumbing, carpentry, electrical, landscaping, mechanical work, cleaning, laundry......the list could go on forever. Now, I'm not suggesting we should contract out every single task in our lives. Rather, I encourage you to look at your own personal situation through the lens of how much something costs/saves per hour of YOUR time, and see where the chips fall.

Warning: This way of thinking might just change everything.

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They’re All Right

Everyone around me is having babies: former youth group kids, clients, and people on my team. Given my station in life as someone who discusses all things money, I'm repeatedly asked the same question: "How much do kids cost?"

During one such conversation, my young friend said she's heard all sorts of anecdotes about how much it costs to raise children. Some people told her it costs very little, while others say it costs an arm and a leg. My response: "They're all right."

If someone thinks it costs little to raise kids, it will.

If someone thinks it costs a ton to raise kids, it will.

Kids cost what we decide to spend on them.

Raising kids is like spending a long weekend in Las Vegas. It's possible to do it affordably, and it's possible to spend a million dollars. The choice is yours.

I've worked with hundreds of families, and I have a few children of my own. You wouldn't believe the level of cost variability families experience when raising children. Even with children raised in the same city, the differences are stark.

For example, I know a family that spends $5,000-$7,000/month on their children. They would testify this is simply the cost of raising kids. I know another family that spends $200/month on their children. This couple would testify that their kids have more than enough. Kids cost what we spend on them.

In our household, we have two categories for our kids in the budget. First, "Kids." This includes anything explicitly spent for them: clothes, babysitting, fun outings, chore wages, furnishings, etc. It's a catch-all for all things kids. The second category, introduced in second grade, is "Kids Activities." This is a sinking fund that gets funded each month to be used for their lumpy activities: rock band, basketball, football, camps, etc.

The Kids category has ranged from $300-$700/month. It started at $700 for diapers and formula for newborn twins, then down, and is now back up to $400 per month. The Kids Activities category is a constant $600/month. Both of these categories are intentional, conscious, and negotiated choices between Sarah and me. We aren't victims. We are the authors. If we don't like it, we change it.

There are a million variables related to raising children, each with its own cost structure. As parents, it's not our job to say "yes" to any and every opportunity to spend money. Just because someone wants something, it doesn't mean we're required to oblige. I'd argue what's best for our children is to learn boundaries, embrace contentment, and for their parents NOT to be weighed down by massive levels of financial stress and pressure (caused, in part, by the obscene amount they are spending on their children). I've watched parents divorce due to the financial tension that was partially caused by them trying to "be good parents" by saying yes to everything their children want. It's sad.

Kids cost what we spend on them, so we might as well be intentional. If we don't decide what to spend, society will do it for us.

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Steaks Have a Price?

Yesterday's post set off quite the unexpected storm of commentary: steak, steak, and more steak. Steaks weren't the main point of that post, but it hit home for many. To summarize, I was trying to make the point that our personal opinions of what something should cost mean nothing. Instead, the herd determines market value, and it's our individual responsibility to decide if we accept said price.....or not. Everything else is just noise.

Yesterday's comments can be placed into one of two camps. First, about a half-dozen people shared they, too, struggle to pull the trigger on nice cuts of meat.

• "Too rich for my blood."

• "I need to stick with chicken breast and hamburger right now."

• "It's not worth it."

• "Maybe if the prices eventually fall."

This group of people is price-sensitive to the cost of steaks. They would like to buy steak, but when they look at it through their own personal lens, they don't see enough value for the cost.

The second camp is on the polar opposite side of the discussion. In their opinion, no cost is too much for a good piece of meat:

• "There's always room in the budget for steak."

• "It's a luxury I'm not willing to give up."

• "Nobody better touch my steaks!"

• "Steaks have a price?"

Then, there's one other guy. I ran into a man at a local retailer yesterday, and he was excited to see me. He is an admitted cheapskate. He compares fuel prices at various gas stations and picks the cheapest pumps. He only buys generic brands. He only spends "25 bucks, max" on pants. He rarely goes out to eat. My point: he's frugal. Here's what he said about steaks: "I eat 1-2 steaks per week, and I NEVER look at the price. I find a steak I want to eat.....and I buy it. I refuse to look at the price. It's one of my small joys in life."

In a fun way, this steak conversation perfectly illustrates my broader point. We're all different. We each have a complex set of values, perspectives, and characteristics. And yes, these values, perspectives, and characteristics funnel into our relationship with money. The price of a steak is the price of a steak. However, what we do with that information is dramatically different for each of us. It doesn't matter what the actual cost to produce a steak is, or what we think it shouldcost. The herd decides the price, and we individually need to react accordingly.

Now, take out the word "steak" and replace it with literally any other item in our life. A coffee, a MacBook, a house, a pair of Nike's, a new Honda Accord, a house cleaner, or my financial coaching services, to name a few. It doesn't matter what anyone else thinks these things are worth because you're not them. Instead, our job is to block out all the noise around us, accept the price of something for what it is, and decide if the value of said item (to us) exceeds the price we would pay.

So simple, yet so challenging to execute. However, if we can lock in on this idea and do it well, it makes our lives so much richer.

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The Market Value of Water

Social media is abuzz right now after leaked documents show a particular pair of Nike shoes costs $16/pair to manufacture, including all materials and labor. The selling price for said shoe? $180/pair. That's an 11x markup, or stated in terms of gross margins, 91% gross margin.

"They are screwing us!" shouted one commenter. Another irate Nike fan exclaimed, "Now we know they aren't worth near $180!"

Question: What is the correct market value of this pair of Nike's? What's the proper price that should be charged?

Answer: Whatever people are willing to pay.

How much these shoes cost to manufacture means absolutely nothing when it comes time to set a selling price. The actual market value of the shoes is solely determined by how much money people are willing to spend on them.

Let's go simpler. What is the market value of a bottle of water? The question is too vague; it needs more context.

What is the value of a bottle of water attained in your home? $0. Fresh, clean water is prevalent in nearly every home in modern America. Nobody would pay a dime for a bottle of water in their home.

What is the value of a bottle of water purchased at a gas station? As low as $1. Options are prevalent, and consumers have walk-away power.

What is the value of a bottle of water purchased outside a major sporting event? Probably $2-$3. There aren't as many options as in a gas station, but consumers still have walk-away power.

What is the value of a bottle of water purchased inside a major sporting event? Probably $5-$6. You are a captive audience and have limited walk-away power. Either you want water, or you don't. You can fork over the $5-$6 or go thirsty.

See the crazy dynamics of these relationships? The exact same water can range from $0 to $6, depending on context. Context always matters! Nearly every product on earth can and should be viewed through this lens. Its market value is not based on what it costs to make or what it "should" cost (in the eyes of particular people). Instead, the market value is whatever people are willing to pay.

Sure, our individual opinions matter in terms of our own personal go/no-go decisions, but our individual opinions have zero bearing on the market value of xyz item. The crowd determines the price, not us individually. I frequently talk to my favorite meat dealer friend, Teresa, about this. The price of steaks is bonkers right now. I have a hard time personally justifying them often. However, my opinion matters none, as the broader crowd has decided they are eagerly willing to pay far more for nice cuts of meat. That doesn't make the crowd wrong, or me right. It just is.

On the flip side, I will bring Teresa wheelbarrows of money for her awesome ground beef, beef patties, marrow bones, beef sticks, and sourdough loaves. They aren't necessarily cheap, either, but they are wonderful and I'm willing to pay the piper because they add much value to my family's life. We love it!

Life is so much simpler when we frame everything through the lens of cost vs. value......to us. It's worth it to me because _____. It's not worth it to me because _____. Keep it simple, and know what the value of something is to YOU.

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Bohemian Rhapsody and Umbrellas

"Dad, can you take me to buy an umbrella?"

"Uh, sure, Finn, we can do that. Why do you want an umbrella?"

"Every man needs an umbrella."

I didn't have a comeback for that, but if the little man wants an umbrella, I'll take him to buy an umbrella. This is what I call closing the loop. First, we work. The work results in money. Part of the money is given. Some of the money is spent. Repeat. Work = money = generosity/spending.

So, if Finny wants to spend some of his money on an umbrella, that's how we're going to close this loop. Truthfully, he's worked hard this summer. Lots of mowing and other odd jobs. Hot, sweaty, sucky jobs. He doesn't always love the work, but he appreciates what it stands for.

So, when ol' Finn wants to jump in the car and go to the umbrella store, we ride! He was so proud of his new umbrella, but as we walked out of the store, he asked another question. "Is there anywhere I can buy a Queen CD?" Yes, an 8-year-old wanted to buy a 70s album.......in CD form. As a matter of fact, I did know a place where we could potentially score a Queen CD. Fifteen minutes later, we were rocking out to some Bohemian Rhapsody.

Closing the loop is so important, and on that day, Finn closed the loop in style!

Work = money = generosity/spending.

Work = money = generosity/spending.

Work = money = generosity/spending.

And the repetition continues.

Parents, keep at it. It won't always go perfectly (I'll talk about Pax another day....). Some loops will be effective, and some will flop. Some loops will be rewarding, and some will be a drag. But the loops matter, and the kids are learning (even when it doesn't seem like it).

Go create some loops with your kids today!

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A Dollar For a Dollar

One of my clients confessed to me that one of their budget spending categories adds almost zero value to their life. I'm not even going to share which category it is, as it's not important.....use your imagination.

Why, then, do they even spend money on x category? There's no real rhyme or reason other than they've always spent money on it, and everyone else does, too. When I pressed them on why they continue to spend this money even though it adds little to no value to their lives, they responded, "Well, it's not much money, so why does it matter?"

It's true. We're not talking about a ton of money here. Maybe $50 per month. However, there's a broader implication here. The problem isn't that they are spending $50 on this particular category. The problem is that every dollar we spend on one thing is a dollar we don't get to spend on something else. That's when I flipped the script on them. "If you could add $50 to any category in your budget, what would it be?"

Both of their eyes lit up. One immediately shouted, "Personal spending!" The other rebutted, "Travel or dining out."

See the difference? They had zero emotional energy when discussing this random $50 spent on a lame category in their budget, but when we looked at it through the lens of a dollar for a dollar, they lit up. This is the real friction of opportunity cost.

I spent many hours per week helping families recognize the true opportunity cost in their financial lives. It's wild how many of us mis-spend our money on something that matters not, when there are so many other uses that would move the emotional needle for us.

Maybe it is only $50, or $100, or even $10. If you're spending money on something that doesn't matter to you, reframe it through the lens of what you could be doing with it that would matter. Then, do it!

Here's my challenge for you today. Find some amount of money in your monthly spending that's not adding much (or any) value to your life. Then, rip it away from that lame category and repurpose it into a better category that you actually care about. Sure, it might not change your financial world, but it will absolutely move the needle in more ways than one.

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Driving Your (or Their) Future

We're sticking on the topic of cars again today, courtesy of an e-mail I received from blog reader Randy. Specifically, Randy pointed out how these modern-day mortgage-sized vehicle payments aren't just a curse to our month-to-month finances, but their impacts compound over time. He's so, so right about that, and his observation reminds me of a story from a few months ago.

I'll set the stage. I was meeting with a 30-year-old couple. They make a good income and live a normal life, but they have an issue. There's not enough margin in their monthly budget to save for retirement. In short, they are fearful that they won't have enough money to retire one day.

Upon reviewing their budget, I confirmed they don't, in fact, have much margin in their month-to-month cashflow. I also confirmed they have zero saved for retirement. Oh yeah, and one other fact: The husband's monthly vehicle payment was approximately $1,200. Curious, I asked them about this glaring number in their budget. The husband told me they've had a vehicle payment in this range since getting married five years ago.....but they can "easily afford it." By the way, this doesn't include the wife's car payment.

I'll summarize:

• A $1,200 vehicle payment is normal to them, as evidenced by having one for at least five years (spanning three different vehicles).

• Their $1,200 vehicle payment is "easily affordable."

• They live month-to-month.

• To date, they haven't had enough margin to save for retirement.

This situation isn't isolated to this couple. Without even realizing it, millions of Americans are putting themselves in a similar situation. To create urgency, I shared a visual with them. What if they stopped the vehicle payment cycle by selling this vehicle, purchasing an affordable vehicle with cash, and began investing that $1,200/month payment?

Here's the math. If this couple invests $1,200/month from age 30 to age 65 and does absolutely nothing else investing-wise, they would end up with approximately $3.5M by age 65. How much work would this require? 10 minutes to set up an investment account and automate it. Then, nothing. Zero work. Zero effort. Zero brain damage. They could lose their login credentials and come back 35 years later to find $3.5M chillin' in their account. Yes, it's that simple. Compounding.

What if instead of investing, we were talking about the compounding impact of generosity? My kids recently participated in a day of service to prepare packages for Meals From the Heartland. This ministry packages and distributes meals all over the world, feeding millions of hungry people. Each serving costs approximately $0.29. $1,200 invested in this initiative would fund 4,100 meals in a single month. Looking at the bigger picture, that's 49,200 meals per year! From age 30 to 65, that's 1.7 MILLION meals. Nearly 2 million meals!!! How many lives is that?!?! You could literally change the world! Compounding.

But yeah, that truck is pretty sweet! It's got heated seats, fancy cameras, a massive engine, and turns all the heads while sitting at the stoplight. People will surely know you're successful now!

Decisions compound. Choose wisely.

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Anatomy of a Midlife Crisis

After writing about my 2006 350Z here, here, and here, one of our daily readers recently requested an update. In short, how am I enjoying my midlife crisis after one year?

The term midlife crisis is officially defined as "A period of intense self-doubt and questioning that can occur in middle-aged individuals, typically between 40 and 60 years old. It's often characterized by feelings of dissatisfaction with one's life, a desire for change, and a sense of nostalgia or a longing to recapture youth."

First, I think the term midlife crisis is silly. I used to believe the hype, but I've come to understand something. "Midlife crises," if done well and for the right reasons, are anything but crises. In fact, they are the opposite. As I've watched them play out in other people's lives, and in my own, there's no "crisis" in play. Rather, it's a form of ultra-delayed gratification by responsibly purchasing something many years down the road instead of impulsively and destructively making a similar decision at a younger age. In my case, 17 years after I initially wanted to (and almost did) purchase it. This delayed gratification turned the same decision from a potentially destructive force in my life to a mere footnote.

With that context in mind, I want to share a reflection on the first year of owning my "midlife crisis." First, yes, it's been amazing. My family and I have created so many memories with it, and it adds a lot of value to my day-to-day. Here's what the first year cost for all that richness:

• Purchase Price: $9,000

• Tax and Tags: $605

• Repairs: $789

• Tows: $220 (which led to the above repairs!)

• Insurance: $816 ($68/month)

• Winter Storage: $500

So, after my initial purchase, I spent a total of $2,930 during the first year. In other words, it feels like the steal of the century. I've had a lot of people question and criticize the purchase, but in my mind, it was the biggest no-brainer imaginable. Luckily, I don't care too much what other people think. Otherwise, I'd spend my time, and a whole lot more money, doing far more ridiculous things that I don't even care about.

Here's my message today. Do what adds value to your life. Forget what other people think, expect, or say. If something will add tons of value to your life, amazing. Also, don't forget that you don't have to break the bank or damage your finances to do cool things. Get creative, have fun, and carve your own path.

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More Trapped Than Ever

I recently had the opportunity to meet up with an old friend. This friendship goes way back to our business school days. I remember our last semester of college when we each received offer letters from two different companies for the same dollar amount: $42,000 per year. I remember how we went out for a drink to celebrate. $42,000?!?! We thought we struck gold. Fast forward a few months, we were both working our respective jobs, and it did, in fact, feel like we struck gold. That felt like so much money to us formerly broke college kids.

20 years have passed since that moment. Today, we're a lot less single, our families have grown, and our black hair is a bit more gray. You know what else has changed? His income. In a recent conversation, he shared that his household income now exceeds $500,000 per year. A half million dollars! That's a far cry from the $42,000 he started making.

Here's where the story gets, er, "good." Knowing what I do for a living, he had a direct question for me (and graciously asked if I would write about it). While he's grateful for his current income, he and his wife struggle to make ends meet with this income. You heard that correctly. $500,000 per year doesn't seem like enough income to care for his family.

Let me re-frame this conversation. He once felt rich making $42,000 per year. Now, making $500,000 per year, he feels broke. Yes, inflation plays a role, but not as much as you'd think. Looking at historical inflation calculator, $42,000 in 2005 is worth approximately $69,000 today. $69,000 is still a mile away from $500,000. Well, it must be the fact he's married with kids. Sure, that plays a role, but an extra adult and a few small humans don't fill a $431,000 per year hole. What else could it be......?

I pointed out a few observations about his current life, such as:

• The mini-mansion he lives in.

• The three high-end cars in his garage (financed, of course).

• The country club he belongs to.

• The infinite spending on dining and entertainment.

• Countless extravagant trips (which get plastered onto social media)

• The massive pool in his backyard.

• The lake house.

• The two boats at said lake house.

His response: "Yeah, we're living our dream life! We have everything we've always wanted."

And yet, he's more trapped than ever. This is the American dream, turned nightmare. This is the path so many people are on. It feels good. It provides adrenaline. Dopamine flows like a river. It seems like a trophy collection of success. But at the end of the day, we're building our own cage, bar by bar.

You might think, "This guy sounds like a real idiot!" The truth is, he's absolutely brilliant. He's a respected leader, a pioneer of sorts. He's accomplished things many may never dream of. Unfortunately, though, he's cursed by being a human. We humans are flawed beings, and materialism is one of those many flaws. He found the world's way early in life, latched on, and never let go.

His mission, if he chooses to accept it, is to get out of the cage he's trapped in. Do you need a similar mission?

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More Hunting, More Fishing

I'm not a big hunter or fisherman. It's never really been my thing, but living in the Midwest, it is for many of my friends. This is where today's story begins.

When I met with a newish client, heaviness was hanging in the air. You could cut the tension with a knife. Eventually, though, I couldn't let it linger any longer. Then, it came out. The husband was frustrated that they didn't have the resources for him to be more active with his passions: hunting and fishing. And by resources, I mean money and time.

I tried to play it cool, but I knew exactly where that conversation needed to go. In short, it wasn't that this couple lacked resources. Instead, they were allocating their resources to things that didn't matter to them. In a matter of minutes, I pointed to more than $2,200/month of expenditures that didn't seem consistent with who I knew them to be. Just one of those expenses was a $1,600/month truck payment. $1,600!!!

He didn't actually seem to care much about his truck, yet he was willfully paying what's practically a mortgage payment for the privilege of having it. He was initially defensive when I pointed out his behavioral misalignment. His words said he cared about a certain set of values, but his budget said he cared about a different set of values. Eventually, though, he saw it!

Very few of these expenses actually mattered to them, but these costs were absorbing a good chunk of their financial margin (making it feel impossible for him to invest in hunting and fishing). Not only that, but the husband would regularly work overtime to make enough income to pay all the bills.....thereby reducing the amount of time even available to invest in hunting and fishing.

With the wave of their magic wand (i.e., humility), they quickly unwound several of their financial commitments, including selling the truck with the ridiculous payment. Almost overnight, they were able to invest their time and money into things that actually mattered to them.....including the husband's love of hunting and fishing.

Always, always, always spend YOUR values. Please don't care what anyone else is doing. Find out what matters most to you, lean hard into that, and ignore all the other noise. Life is so much more fulfilling when we focus our resources where they matter most.

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Excellence Is All Around Us

Do you know how much time, money, and energy we spend on businesses and people who are anti-excellent? Too much, too much, and too much. It's not that we don't appreciate excellence, but rather, we seem to be obsessed with this notion of "supporting" businesses and people out of a twisted sense of pity, guilt, and obligation.

There's an irony in our behavior. While we're busy tolerating mediocrity (or worse), excellence is all around us. It would be one thing if all there were were subpar businesses and people. Luckily, though, that's not the case. Wherever you reside, excellence is all around you!

In just the past few days, I had lunch at a killer pizza joint (excellence!), spent time with an amazing educator who is finding new ways to drive impact with teens (excellence!), purchased 30 pounds of high-quality meat from my favorite meat market (excellence!), spent several hours with our Northern Vessel baristas (excellence!), had a date night at the newly crowned "best brewpub in America" (excellence!), got a haircut by my always amazing barber (excellence!), picked up a few new reads at my favorite little bookstore (excellence!), and watched my kids be instructed by their rock band teacher (excellence!).

I could have easily spent my time, energy, and money "supporting" other businesses, but to what end? To encourage mediocrity? To artificially prop up someone who hasn't earned it?

Here's how I look at it. We only have so much money, time, and energy to go around. Every dollar, hour, and calorie we spend on one thing is a dollar, hour, and calorie we don't get to spend on another. If that's true, then we each have a series of critical choices before us each day.

I'm not asking you to choose winners and punish losers. I'm merely suggesting we should expect excellence, encourage excellence, demand excellence, receive excellence, and reward excellence. Doing so has a powerful impact on the world around us. It forces businesses and organizations to either become more excellent, or fizzle out. It's simple. It's profound. It's impactful.

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No Free Lunch

Sarah and I are considering a decision that would increase our monthly expense load. It's a want - absolutely not necessary - but it may add a ton of value to our family's life.

"But what are we going to give up?" I asked Sarah. In a vacuum, this decision is a no-brainer for us. Unfortunately, though, we don't live in vacuums. We live in the real world where you can't just magically increase your expenses and have no consequences. And no, "We'll just make more money" isn't an acceptable answer.

If we add a meaningful expense, what are we willing to sacrifice to make it happen? Sarah had some suggestions:

• Cut personal spending

• Reduce travel fund contributions

• Cut back on our kids budget

• Scale back dining out

Something has to go, and it's probably going to be something that matters to us. That's how this money stuff works. Every decision requires a counter-decision. We can have fun things, but we can't have all the fun things.

I firmly believe most families would make drastically different decisions if they embraced this concept. If we live a life where we just add, add, add, and add, that's called delusion. It's also the gateway to a disastrous inflection point at somepoint in the near future. It WILL catch up with us one way or another. We'll either end up deeply in debt, completely lacking the resources for a dignified retirement, rob us of our freedom, or cost us what we want most.

This is peak personal responsibility. This is where the rubber meets the road. Yes, make decisions that lead to cooloutcomes. Yes, give yourself the freedom to invest in memories and experiences. But whenever you do, be willing to have the hard conversation about what you're willing to give up to make it happen. There's no free lunch, and that's a good thing!

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