Losing Track

Most people have a stark understanding of the rhythms of their week. They can feel it in their souls. What makes me say this? The vast majority of people have a little internal clock that counts down to Friday. There's an anticipation that builds all week, culminating with a euphoric feeling as Friday afternoon approaches. Then, as the weekend wears on, the opposite happens. As the weekend fun ticks on, a little sense of dread starts building, particularly on Sunday afternoons. Some call it the Sunday Scaries. But in any event, most people have a good feel for their weeks.

While I know this feeling intimately, that's not how I experience life today. My day-to-day and week-to-week experiences are quite different, and borderline disorienting. If I were to put a checkmark in the "con" category of pursuing work that matters, one might be this: Every day feels the same.

No, every day doesn't look the same. I do different things each day, and my work varies widely. However, my perspective of my days and weeks doesn't deviate. I can't tell weekdays from weekends. I can't discern the night before a work day and the night before a day off. I don't have an internal clock that says tomorrow should be Friday, or a sense that Monday is approaching. Every day feels exactly the same to me.

On one hand, this is an awesome feeling. I look forward to each and every day, regardless of whether it's a work day or a vacation day. I wake up with a bold sense of anticipation and excitement.

On the other hand, I lose track of time. I never remember if tomorrow is a work day or a weekend. I wake up most mornings not immediately knowing if I'm supposed to work or relax. It's surreal.

I never really thought much about this feeling until a client brought it up. He explained a similar concept in his life, and up to that moment, I just thought I was the only crazy person who felt this way. Now, I'm beginning to understand there's an entire group of people who experience this surreal dynamic to their rhythms.

For as weird and disorienting as this feeling is, I decided I'm going to chalk it up as a win. After all, if we're looking forward to each day, regardless of what degree of work or play it entails, that should tell us something about the life we're pursuing.

Does this resonate with you? Can you relate? I'm curious how people respond to this idea. Am I crazy? Does this even sound appealing? Please react to this and share what's on your mind. I hope you have a great start to your week. Wait, it is Monday, isn't it?

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You Didn’t Put a Ring On It

Two years ago, one of my clients made a dramatic shift in her career when she accepted a new job in a new industry. Her career started in the field she studied in college, but seven years later, she felt called to move in a different direction.

These last two years have been fantastic for her, but she again feels called in a different direction....into yet another completely new industry. The feelings of guilt are growing. She's developing a self-consciousness about this development. Is she a traitor? What will her friends and family think? Shouldn't she be using her degree? Wouldn't it be better to stay in one place?

Here's my feedback to her: "You didn't put a ring on it. You aren't married to a specific job or a particular industry. Do what you gotta do."

Then, she turned the tables on me. "Travis, how do you know you want to do what you're doing for the rest of your life?"

The truth is, I don't. I might be doing the exact same thing 20 years from now......or I might make another drastic shift in 20 months. I have no idea, and that's exciting! All I know is that I'm exactly where I need to be today, and tomorrow, I'll endeavor to do the same.

All we have is the present. We can't go back and redo what's already happened, and we can't yet influence the future. Today is what we have to work with, so we might as well honor it by following our calling.

Not only do I think my client is making the right decision, but I wish more people were as bold as she is. So many people would be blessed and live with far more meaning if they were honest with themselves and brave enough to follow their unique calling (even if their calling seems crazy to others).

You didn't put a ring on it, so please don't treat it like you did. It's okay to make a shift. Don't live with the regret of wondering what would have happened had you actually followed that calling.

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Downshifting

I shared this with a few readers already, but yesterday's post was one of the rare instances where I dreaded hitting the "publish" button. I knew the backlash would be swift and severe, and I was right. Within just a few hours of the post going live, I received at least 30 messages.....and nearly all of them were negative. You can read yesterday's post HERE, but in the event you don't want to, I'll summarize:

• Yesterday was the 20th anniversary of starting my career.

• I'm almost 44 years old.

• I'm only 1/3 through my career. Translation: I implied that my career will stretch (God willing) into my early-to-mid 80s.

• I don't believe in the world's made-up concept of retirement. It encourages us to remove ourselves from the game and live for ourselves just when we're entering our peak impact years.

• I think we all deserve better than to coast out our remaining days like a bunch of spoiled slugs. You have so much more in you!

Most of the negative feedback revolved around the idea that some people who are retired still work, volunteer, be productive, and use their skills. If that's you, I applaud you. But I also have some news for you: You're not actually retired. See, I think culture has created a perverted definition of the word "retirement." We generally define retirement as one or more of the following things:

• No longer working full-time (i.e. working less than the traditional 40-hour week).

• No longer working at a job that sucks (i.e. "I'm doing something I love now").

• No longer getting paid for the work (i.e. volunteering).

All three of those are still work. Part-time work is still work. Meaningful or enjoyable work is still work. Volunteer work is still work. Therefore, if you "retired" and now fall into one or more of these categories, you didn't retire; you just quit your job and shifted your career to something new.

I call it downshifting. Blog reader Randy is "retired," except he's not. He merely downshifted his pace and transitioned into different roles. He's actually making more impact in this season of his career than ever before.

Blog reader Dave may soon be in the same camp. He'll "retire" in the world's eyes, but he's not actually retiring. Instead, he'll probably downshift and focus more time on other work. Similar to Randy, he'll make far more impact in the next season than he has in all his years prior.

My friend Julie "retired" a year ago, but she did nothing of the sort. Though a "retirement" party was thrown in her honor, she merely left that job, downshifted, and transitioned into different work. Knowing her, she'll probably even upshift again at some point.

Ironically, much of the criticism I received yesterday was from people who aren't actually retired, but rather fall into this weird and twisted definition the world has set before us. Each one of them is and will make more impact in this next season of their downshifted careers than ever before. And for that, I applaud them for their service and commitment to serving others.

Yes, true "retirement" is an option. We can bask in comfort and live the remainder of our years for ourselves. The other option is to stay in the game. Downshift. Transition. Focus. Create impact. Pursue meaning.

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1/3 Through the Race

Today marks the 20th anniversary of starting my career: June 6th, 2005. Just a few days after graduating with a finance degree from Iowa State University, I packed up my dumpy little apartment and moved into an equally dumpy little apartment in suburban Kansas City.

I spent the next four years growing my career in institutional commercial real estate investing before being involuntarily relocated to Des Moines, Iowa, during the Great Financial Crisis. It was a scary and frustrating time, but I was so grateful for the opportunity to keep a job when everyone around me was losing theirs. I was hurt, but blessed.

I spent the next ten years continuing my commercial real estate journey, eventually leading me to work primarily with European and Middle Eastern clients. Those were some special years, and I grew tremendously through them.

However, during the back half of that decade, I felt this lingering pull to make a dramatic shift and dedicate my life to something different. That was a hard decision, though, as I was making more money than I ever imagined I would. Ultimately, I had to choose meaning over money, and in June 2019, I started my financial coaching business.

These last six years have been absolutely wild. It started as financial coaching for families, but quickly grew to include business consulting, podcasting, writing, speaking, and Northern Vessel. I'm so grateful for all of it. It's been the honor of a lifetime.

Today, I'm almost 44 years old. As I reflect on the past 20 years, I realize I'm about 1/3 through my career. So much has happened already, but I can't even fathom what's about to happen in the next 40 years of this career. Here's one thing I do know, though. Whatever happens in the next chapter will dwarf the impact I had in the first 20 years of my career. No matter how much good happened in the past, the future will surely be brighter.

How do I know that? Here's how. 44-year-old Travis has more experience, skills, insights, relationships, influence, and resources than the Travis who existed over the prior 20 years. As such, there's almost zero chance I don't make a bigger impact this next season than the last. Everything builds on everything.

The irony of this situation is that our culture will soon cheer me on to retire and ride off into the sunset. It will tell me that I can afford to quit work and start "enjoying life." So many people I know are leaving the game before even reaching their peak impact years. They raced to this made-up 21st-century concept called retirement, where they will now coast out the remainder of their lives in comfort. Instead, they could literally be changing the world by engaging in the world with everything they have to offer.

Don't get me wrong; I'm all for freedom of choice. Everyone has the right to do whatever they want with their life. I don't have a right to tell people what they should or shouldn't do. However, I'm going to use whatever influence I have, and the example I have the opportunity to model, to show that each of us has so much more to offer this world than the world is giving us credit for.

Whatever impact you made in the past pales in comparison to what you can do from here on out. Prove it.

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Unbusy

Well, summer is here! The kids just finished second grade and look forward to a fun summer. Countless people have asked me a very common question: "Do you have a busy summer planned?"

We have an unbusy summer planned. I feel like life is already too busy and can easily get out of control. Summers are just the same. Busy, busy, busy. Our strategy is simple, though. We are going to spend the summer unbusy.

Sure, we have a few trips planned and there are some activities here and there. However, most days are completely wide open.......by design. Busy does not mean valuable. Busy does not mean good. Busy does not mean meaningful.

In fact, I'd argue being unbusy can be even more meaningful. I so much cherish the slow, spontaneous moments of an unbusy summer. The out-of-the-blue bonfires, the impulsive trips to eat ice cream, the spur-of-the-moment basketball challenges, the on-a-whim drive-in theater adventures, the spontaneous opportunities for generosity. Those are the most special memories in our house. Unbusy, but flexible.

Just yesterday alone, I played Pax one-on-one in basketball, cooked steaks with Finn, and shared some cruising time in the convertible with Pax. These memories are priceless, yet free or almost free. It's not about some grandiose adventure that costs several days and many thousands of dollars. It's about slowing down enough when it counts so that we can be present. Small but powerful moments.

I'm used to the following conversation:

Friend: "What do you have going on this weekend?"

Me: "Absolutely nothing. We don't have anything planned."

Friend: "Those are good sometimes."

Me: "We try to make that every weekend."

Friend: ........

Unbusy. Those who know me well know how much I've struggled with busy in my life. I have a bit of a reputation....spanning decades. However, this is one area of unbusy I've been able to dial in. My family will not fall into the culture of busy. It's worn as a badge of honor in our society, but I reject that. Unbusy is the plan. We'll fight for that each day and each week this summer, and we'll absolutely fail at times, but we'll give it our best shot.

I hope some of you will join us in the pursuit of an unbusy summer.

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Symptoms vs. Afflictions

My kids have brutal seasonal allergies. Just a few weeks ago, Pax's eyes were nearly swollen shut when he got out of bed. He also had the sniffles and the sneezes.....he was a mess!

When Sarah saw him, she didn't say to me, "Travis, we need to treat his swollen eyes." No, of course not. No amount of eye drops would have fixed that problem. She said, "We need to do something about his allergies." This is intuitive, of course, and any other approach would be laughable. We don't address the symptoms; we address the affliction. The disease, the sickness, the root cause. In Pax's case, he didn't have a case of swollen eye syndrome. He had seasonal allergies, and one of the symptoms was swollen eyes.

In yesterday's post, I shared about how three of my friends are secretly miserable. In the post, I talked about how many of us are willing to die for our family, but at the same time, aren't willing to actually live for our family.

I highlighted what a day in the life often looks like for people stuck in a misery loop. Part of this loop involved a feeling of discontentment with one's work. However, I didn't specify if the misery is caused by work or if the misery felt at work is caused by a broader issue. This is a classic example of symptoms vs. afflictions. Which causes which?

The truth is, it varies from person to person. In the case of my three friends, two of them have work that is an affliction. It's toxic for them. They are doing the wrong jobs for the wrong reasons. It's eating them from the inside out, which is leaking into other areas of their lives.

The third man, however, is a different story. The misery he feels at work is a symptom of a broader issue. Notice how when I laid out a series of questions I ask myself about whether I'm actually living, only one of the six questions involved work. The other five questions revolved around other aspects of life. In the case of this particular man, he was violating several other questions, and the misery he experienced at work was a symptom.....not the affliction. In fact, he could have the best job in the entire world, and he'd probably still feel miserable. That's what it looks like when we're not actually living.

Perspective matters, and in the case of our work, we need to realize that our mindset and attitude impact our experience. If we're not actually living, there's no amount of job changes that will make us feel meaning in our work. Therefore, it's imperative that we pursue meaning in ALL areas of our lives. If we’re not right, we need to look inside for the affliction instead of treating every external symptom like it’s the problem.

I shared my post and some of your feedback with my three friends. It didn't solve their issues, but it certainly opened up some new dialogue. Thanks so much for that! These three men deserve to actually live, which may or may not involve different work. But that's why it's so important to recognize the difference between afflictions and symptoms in our lives. Acknowledge symptoms and treat afflictions.

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But Would You Live For Them?

I was having drinks with a handful of guy friends recently. There were four of us in total. We discussed all the normal-type things: Family, work, sports, faith, and upcoming travel plans. The conversation evolved to a bit of a morbid topic, triggered by a recent news story about a family that was attacked by a random assailant.

"I would die for my family," exclaimed one of my friends. One by one, each of my friends said the same thing. As a husband and father, they would die for their family. Noble. I agreed with them about this sentiment. If push came to shove, I would sacrifice myself for my family.

However, I asked a follow-up question. "Yeah, but would you live for your family?"

They looked at me, puzzled. For the ten minutes before this topic, each of them shared about how miserable they were in their respective careers and lives. All three of these guys are massively successful, as defined by the world, but each secretly lives in misery.

Each one of these men has achieved something in their lives, and in an effort to retain the comfort, stability, and ease of this new lifestyle, they continuously make choices to maintain the status quo. In other words, they are drowning in their own pool of comfort. In the sports world, it's called "playing not to lose."

None of them is actually living (their words), and their lives are struggling as a result. There's tension in their marriages and tension in their parenting. Their careers suck. Time keeps ticking too fast, but at the same time, not fast enough to finally get to this retirement finish line they fantasize about. They are depressed but mask it in normalcy. The life they are living isn't actually living. It's a form of delayed dying.

I think most people would willfully die for their family, but many won't actually live for their family. Here's the modern-day recipe for a day in the life:

• Wake up and get ready.

• Spend 8-10 hours at a job you tolerate or dislike.

• Come home grumpy and disgruntled.

• Spend a few precious hours with family.

• Count down the days until the weekend arrives.

• Savor the weekend, which might include spending time with friends/family, going on a trip, and/or buying something fun.

• By Sunday afternoon, begin the dread of the Sunday Scaries.

• Wake up on Monday and repeat.

That's a comfortable life. That's a normal life. That's a predictable life. But is it living? Most people, when confronted with this question in an honest setting, will say "no."

Here are a few questions I ask myself:

• Am I pursuing work that matters when I wake up each morning?

• Am I seeking comfort or pushing myself out of my comfort zone?

• Am I actively serving God and serving others?

• Am I giving sacrificially?

• Am I embracing the adventure or playing it safe?

• Am I proud of what I model for my kids?

I think most of us would die for our family, no doubt! That's the sign of loyalty, love, and honor. But would you live for them? Are you willing to truly live?

My three friends desperately need a shift. They know it and I know it. It will take courage and the willingness to disregard society’s expectations. They can do this…..and so can you.

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Feel a Way, Man

"Tell me about your work." I was sitting face-to-face with a stranger, a man I had just met 30 minutes prior. He solicited me for some advice, and we were just getting to know each other. We chatted about family, sports, backgrounds, hobbies....all the normal stuff. Then, I changed the subject: "Tell me about your work." His eyes instantly lit up, and a huge smile landed on his face as if there was an awakening inside him.

"My work makes me feel a way, man! Does that even make sense?"

Oh man, I connected so deeply with that. My work makes me feel a way, too, man! He proceeded to explain how much joy, fulfillment, satisfaction, and meaning he gets from his job. The job: A janitor at a well-known business. I couldn't have loved that more!

We live in a society that glorifies self-employment, entrepreneurship, and advanced degrees. Meanwhile, I was sitting with a man who was neither self-employed nor formally educated. He is working a nine-to-five at a mediocre-paying job, and he's thriving!

This is how it's supposed to be. Who am I, or anyone else, to tell him what work matters and what work doesn't? Heck, people should be jealous of him. This man truly loves his life......all of his life. He wakes up excited for work, thrives in his job, and then goes home to a family he loves. He pursued work that matters, and he's living his best life.

The advice he sought from me wasn't how he could make $x more money or build more wealth, but rather how to make the best use of his family's current resources. Contentment and a desire to do the right thing. Again, I admire him so much!

Do you feel a way about your work? Most people do, but it's feeling a way that they wouldn't wish on their worst enemy. Most people feel pretty crappy about their job or, worse, numbness.

I feel a way about my work. I get a little giddy just thinking about what I get to do. Nearly every single day of my week is eagerly anticipated. Not every moment of every day, but nearly every day. I feel a way about my work that makes me sad to realize that a day will come when I won't get to work any longer. I hope that day doesn't come for many more decades, but that's not entirely in my control.

I hope you can relate to my new janitor friend. I hope you can look at yourself in the mirror and say, "My work makes me feel a way, man!" If this makes you cringe or feel like punching this guy (or me) in the face, it might be a sign. Amazing is out there, and all it requires is for us to seek it out. Yes, we can linger in our current situation and simply ride it out. That option is on the table, but I think people deserve better than that. I think everyone deserves to feel a way, man.

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Mission and Memories…and One More Thing

Many years ago, during a double dinner date in Hong Kong, my friend Gary Hoag said something that has permanently stuck with me:

"There are two things worth investing in. Mission and memories."

I didn't realize it back then, but those words would rock my world from that point forward. If I were to summarize my day-to-day, week-to-week, month-to-month, and year-to-year decisions, 90% of what I do would fall into one of those two buckets. Mission and memories. 

This week, I get to experience both with Gary. Today kicks off a series of meetings and adventures in Medellín, Colombia, beginning with a tour of some coffee farms. Over the coming hours, I'll be laboring in the coffee fields, trying to gain a better understanding of what a day in the life of a Colombian coffee farmer looks like. I couldn't be more excited for this, and I hope I take away something profound and impactful for the greater mission. 

Gary and I were able to link up at the Houston airport before our flight to Medellín.

While Gary lives in the U.S., I've seen him more often abroad than in America. We've traveled the world together, spoken together, worshipped together, camped together, fished together (though what I did barely resembled fishing), and written books together. We've traversed the Great Wall of China together, explored the vastness of the Mongolian wilderness together, scaled Hong Kong's Victoria's Peak together, and meandered through the night markets of Thailand together. 

Memories, memories, memories. And, oh, the mission! Each one of those memories is rooted in mission. Deep, meaningful mission. But do you see the other common thread running through all this? Relationships. We weren't meant to do this alone. Mission and memories aren't for us to prove we're good enough to do it ourselves. In fact, it's the opposite. There's a multiplication effect that happens when we integrate our relationships with mission and memories. One plus one does not equal two; it often equals something far greater than we can imagine. 

There's no telling what impact we can have if we bring others into the fold. This week's mission isn't for me to hoard all to myself. This isn't something I get to individually endeavor, and then tell everyone how cool I am. One person can move the needle, but a group working together for a shared cause can change the world. I can't wait to share more about the vision and invite you to join me.

I don't know how today's post will land, but regardless of what your weekend looks like, I hope you internalize (and incorporate) Gary's words as I did: "There are two things worth investigating in. Mission and memories." Oh yeah, and bring someone else along as well!

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"I Think I'm a Flourless Cake"

I received an e-mail with the following subject line: "I think I'm a flourless cake." It was a callback to a recent blog post, where I used an analogy of baking a cake with all sugar and no flour, you know, because sugar tastes awesome and flour tastes gross. In my illustration, this is the equivalent of living a life that heavily overweights leisure and relaxation (the sugar) vs. work and impact (the flour). Just as a cake baked with all sugar would be disgusting, so too is a life built primarily around leisure and fun. The sugar is what makes life taste good, but the proper ratio of flour is what makes it moist and delicious.

The writer of this e-mail explained to me how much my flourless cake analogy struck him. It was almost as if I was staring into his soul. He said his family and personal life are amazing, but he hates his job. He's one of those people who craves Fridays and hates Mondays. But that's ok, he thinks to himself, as his crappy work situation doesn't define him.

This has led him to the point, like so many others, of glorifying retirement in the pursuit of far more sugar and much less flour. After all, sugar tastes good and flour tastes gross. In his mind, if he can just make as much money as quickly as he can, so he can invest as much money as quickly as he can, he can retire as early as he can. Boom, problem solved.

Enter my recent blog post, a "wake-up call," as he puts it. Is swimming in misery for the sake of expediting a retirement really the most meaningful approach to life? Until recently, he believed so. But then, as he thought about what actually makes life meaningful, this idea of merely living a life of leisure sounds equally unappealing. His twisted perspective is setting himself up to endure many more years of misery, followed by a meaningless life of leisure.

What's the solution? Here's what he said. "Maybe you're right. Maybe I need to just live a meaningful life right now. It's hard to quit racing toward retirement, but maybe I'm defining success in the wrong way."

A meaningful life isn't defined by money, stuff, status, or a retirement age. It's defined by having the right ratio of sugar and flour. It's waking up each day knowing today is going to matter, and going to bed at night excited for what's to come tomorrow. Not just two days per week, but every day.

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(Not) Doing It For Free

I casually ran into one of our Northern Vessel baristas yesterday, which is always a treat. In our conversation, I congratulated her on an amazing day at the farmer's market. I applauded her hard work, contagious vibe, killer hospitality, and ridiculously fun paycheck. She thanked me and shared how much fun she had. She said she wishes she could do it every day. Regarding the rewarding payday, she said she's grateful......but she loves it so much she'd "do it for free."

That's a tell! I laughed at her response and told her I know exactly what she means. I couldn't love this response more! The best work is the work we'd do for free if we could, but at the same time, we get to provide for our family while doing it. That's what it looks like to thread the needle of work that matters.

She never implied that it wasn't work......it was brutally hard work (my words, not hers). She was grinding non-stop, serving up hundreds of drinks per hour. Every interaction was a new opportunity, a new responsibility, to create a special experience for that specific customer. Each guest walked into that moment with their own mood, baggage, experiences, and expectations. For many, it was the first time they ever interacted with our brand. My friend, acting as the caretaker of the brand, was the lynchpin in how that person felt about us after they left our little booth. That's hard work! But it's meaningful work!

I'm so grateful for my friend. I 100% believe she would do it for free if she could, but fortunately, she doesn't have to. It actually makes me want to pay her even more. People who pursue (and find) work that matters are needle-movers. When we find our work that matters, our blood, sweat, tears, and passions are about to be put on the table, and as a result, everyone wins.

I pray my friend continues to feel that way about her work, and I pray each of you pursues and finds work that makes you feel the same. It's available to each of us, and it's far sweeter than we can even imagine. Work that matters matters. My friend deserves that.....you deserve that.

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Sometimes, You Get Both

I often beat the drum of pursuing meaning over money. I'm a broken record. It's a hill I'll die on. I have a podcast called Meaning of Money, for crying out loud. This idea is woven into my core, and I want to dedicate my life to helping others see it and practice it.

Yesterday, I shared the story of a client who excitedly accepted a job because it provided his family with a huge income boost. This increase in monthly resources allowed this family to do a lot of good stuff, financially speaking. However, a deep regret set in just a few months later, realizing they had made a big mistake.

Let me be clear. This couple's mistake was not the fact they accepted a job that increased their family's income. The mistake was choosing money over meaning. When we prioritize money over meaning, we lose. Maybe not right away, but at some point.

Today, I want to clarify one important point. We don't have to choose between meaning and money; we just have to pursue meaning. Pursuing meaning does NOT mean we are opting for a life of financial struggle. In practice, the pursuit of meaning often provides both meaning AND money. Sometimes, you get both.

If we pursue money, we might just find it. I know countless people who have dedicated their lives to the pursuit of wealth. Many of them have found it. You know what else they found along the way? Loneliness, brokenness, misery, emptiness, and oftentimes, a life they merely tolerate. The resulting wealth provided by this lifestyle acts as a self-medicating relief, masking the pain with comfort.

On the flip side, if we pursue meaning, we WILL find it. Meaning comes in all shapes and sizes, and is as unique as each of us is. People who pursue meaning live with a different attitude and approach to life. There's something about them; you can see it in their eyes. In addition to finding meaning, these people also often find money. Why? When someone is pursuing a life full of purpose, meaning, and impact, pouring their blood, sweat, and tears into something, they can't help but have some level of financial success. This is the irony of pursuing meaning.

Sometimes, you get both. Life is a crazy adventure, opportunities abound. When we steadfastly endeavor to live a life rich in meaning, there's no telling what opportunities are around the next corner. Sometimes, you get both.

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Instant Regret

"I think I made a huge mistake." Not the text I expect at 1AM on a random weeknight. It was from a client.

A few months prior to that random late-night text, my client had a big decision to make. The husband had just received an offer for a job that would pay $21,000 MORE than his current job, a jump that would take him from $82,000/year to $103,000/year. That's real money! This seemed like a no-brainer decision to both him and his wife. After all, this new opportunity would equate to approximately $1,300 more in their monthly take-home budget. This was big time for them!

I had my doubts, and I'll share why. His current job, the lower-paying one, filled his tank. He found tremendous meaning in this job, and he had deep connections with his co-workers. In short, he loved what he was doing. This new job, though, meant more money for his family. This new opportunity also fell into his field of expertise, but he was 50/50 on whether this specific role was the best use of his gifts and passions. But the money!!!

They thanked me for my insights and decided to sleep on it for a few nights. Ultimately, the new opportunity (and the financial rewards that came with it) were too attractive to turn down. They excitedly accepted the job, and a new chapter began.

"I think I made a huge mistake." I immediately texted back, inquiring what had happened......though deep down, I already knew. Though the bigger paychecks were awesome, he was miserable in this new role. His community was gone, the role wasn't as fulfilling, and his new boss was a jerk. This was the worst-case scenario for him. What did his wife think of the whole thing? While she was glad to have more money coming in, she wasn't a huge fan of him coming home grumpy at night, watching him struggle, and him always being tired. To put it bluntly, this wasn't the man she knew.

When I asked about how the new financial situation has impacted their life, the wife responded, "It feels like blood money. I'd give it all up if we could just go back to the way things were."

Things rarely go well when we make decisions based on dollars and cents. Yes, money has to play a role. But when we put money over meaning, we usually lose. Fortunately, this couple quickly learned this lesson and are seeking ways to navigate a different journey. I pray they do, and I'll do anything I can to help them. But their story is a cautionary tale for us all. More money is always appealing, but not at the expense of a fulfilling and meaningful life.

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Anatomy of a Midlife Crisis

After writing about my 2006 350Z here, here, and here, one of our daily readers recently requested an update. In short, how am I enjoying my midlife crisis after one year?

The term midlife crisis is officially defined as "A period of intense self-doubt and questioning that can occur in middle-aged individuals, typically between 40 and 60 years old. It's often characterized by feelings of dissatisfaction with one's life, a desire for change, and a sense of nostalgia or a longing to recapture youth."

First, I think the term midlife crisis is silly. I used to believe the hype, but I've come to understand something. "Midlife crises," if done well and for the right reasons, are anything but crises. In fact, they are the opposite. As I've watched them play out in other people's lives, and in my own, there's no "crisis" in play. Rather, it's a form of ultra-delayed gratification by responsibly purchasing something many years down the road instead of impulsively and destructively making a similar decision at a younger age. In my case, 17 years after I initially wanted to (and almost did) purchase it. This delayed gratification turned the same decision from a potentially destructive force in my life to a mere footnote.

With that context in mind, I want to share a reflection on the first year of owning my "midlife crisis." First, yes, it's been amazing. My family and I have created so many memories with it, and it adds a lot of value to my day-to-day. Here's what the first year cost for all that richness:

• Purchase Price: $9,000

• Tax and Tags: $605

• Repairs: $789

• Tows: $220 (which led to the above repairs!)

• Insurance: $816 ($68/month)

• Winter Storage: $500

So, after my initial purchase, I spent a total of $2,930 during the first year. In other words, it feels like the steal of the century. I've had a lot of people question and criticize the purchase, but in my mind, it was the biggest no-brainer imaginable. Luckily, I don't care too much what other people think. Otherwise, I'd spend my time, and a whole lot more money, doing far more ridiculous things that I don't even care about.

Here's my message today. Do what adds value to your life. Forget what other people think, expect, or say. If something will add tons of value to your life, amazing. Also, don't forget that you don't have to break the bank or damage your finances to do cool things. Get creative, have fun, and carve your own path.

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She Did It

11 years ago, during a run-of-the-mill youth group discussion, a young lady told me her dream was to be a stay-at-home mom one day. Her face lit up when she made this declaration; so confident, so excited. She was a gifted athlete who would eventually go on to play at the D-1 level in college, and then transition into a very successful young career in the professional world. All the while, though, her stay-at-home mom dream persisted.

Last week, I received a text message out of the blue: "Today was my last day of work!!! Tomorrow, I'll be officially working my dream job of full-time stay at home mom. YAY!"

So beautiful! I haven't had a chance to chat with her verbally yet, but I can't wait for that conversation. I'm so happy for her. I'm so excited for her. I'm so proud of her.

None of this was by accident, though. She didn't luck into it. Good fortune didn't strike her. She and her husband worked for it. They planned for it. They sacrificed for it. This has been the plan for so long, and now, they get to reap the rewards for all the discipline and dedication that led them to this moment. I'm so happy for this couple, these new parents, and this dream career my friend is about to pursue.

Our culture says it's not possible. Our culture says we're all victims of bad timing and tough economic conditions. Our culture says a single-income life is unattainable....especially for young people. Yet, dedicated, disciplined, and sacrificial couples are doing it all the time. It IS possible.....if we're willing to pay the price to make it happen.

I'm grateful my young friends are willing to pay this price, and they will undoubtedly thank their younger selves for bringing this dream to life.

Whatever your version of this is (whether being a stay-at-home parent or some other dream), do it. Don't let other people or our prevailing culture rob you of your hope, aspirations, and dreams. Fight for it. Stay persistent. Pay the price. Make it happen.

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The Flourless Cake

Have you ever baked a cake? I've baked a few in my life, and fortunately, it was under the watchful eye of my mom. As a kid, I remember using her cookbook to determine the exact ingredients in the exact ratios. My favorite ingredient was the sugar, of course. After all, that's what made the cake actually taste good. If I had my way, I probably would have elected to replace the gross-tasting flour with even more sugar. If sugar is what makes it taste good, then why not let the sugar dominate!?!? Can you imagine how bad that all-sugar, no-flour cake would have tasted? It would have been a disaster.

During a recent conversation with a client, I asked both spouses what they wanted. They both shared a similar answer. In short, their objective in life was to retire as early as possible (late 40s or early 50s) and spend more time with family.

Curious about where this was going, I asked, "And what else?"

The husband looked confused, so he cleared the air: "Nothing else. We're just going to spend time with friends and family."

Wanting to be sure I understood, I asked one more follow-up: "But nothing else?"

"Nope, we're going to relax and just spend our time with friends and family. Travel, too.....probably with family"

Perhaps this is an unpopular opinion that will be met with a violent backlash, but this seems like a flourless cake. Relaxing and spending time with loved ones is the sugar. It tastes good! It's fun. It's enjoyable. It gives life flavor. But if all we're adding to the batter is sugar, like my childhood baking example above, that's going to be one disaster of a cake.

Work. Purpose. Impact. Service. These are the flour. They don't always taste as good as the sugar, but they are what make a cake a cake. They balance out the ingredients to create something beautiful.....something delicious.

Just as we shouldn't have a flourless cake, we also shouldn't have a sugarless cake. While it might come out of the oven actually looking like a cake, it probably tastes dull and bland. Nobody wants that cake, either! We gotta have the sugar, too!

Our obsession with and idolization of retirement is turning us into a bunch of flourless cakes. We glorify a life of leisure so much in our culture that we forget to add all the ingredients to the bowl in healthy ratios.

My goal isn't to turn an entire generation into a bunch of work-obsessed robots. Rather, I deeply desire for people to see the good in their work. Further, if people understood how much value work adds to their lives, they would quit racing to the finish line (i.e., retirement) and instead pursue work that actually matters to them. Lots of sugar for taste, a healthy amount of flour to give it body, in a ratio that makes it light and fluffy. That sounds like an absolutely delicious cake!

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Back Against the Wall

There's an interesting theme I've noticed over the years. I think about this often, and it was brought up to me by a friend yesterday. When successful business owners or entrepreneurs are interviewed about their origin stories, they don't usually say, "Yeah, life was pretty good, and I was really content where I was, but I threw it all in the trash so I could start over and significantly increase the stress and risk in my life."

Rather, it's usually something more along the lines of, "I lost my job, my girlfriend broke up with me, and I was living in a dump, so I figured, 'why not give it a shot?'" I might have exaggerated that a bit, but there's usually an inflection point of pain that precipitated the career move.

Why is that? Why is it that people who built something amazing didn't start until life punched them in the face? That's a rhetorical question, as I have my own theory: OK is the worst place to be. When we're OK, we're just good enough not to want to rock the boat of life. OK means we're probably not overly miserable, overly impoverished, or overly hungry for better.

I'd argue that OK robs us of a thirst for meaning. OK allows us to say, "It could be worse," and then take steps to prevent "worse" from happening. Sure, I might not be happy, but at least I'm not miserable! Thus, we hold on to "not miserable" like our life depends on it.

On the flip side, I'm watching person after person who experienced profound pain, loss, suffering, and uncertainty pursue a much different path. A scary path. An unknown path. A non-linear path. It's the hardest thing they've ever done, yet at the same time, they report it's the most meaningful they've ever lived.

It's also funny how this group of people wouldn't wish away their painful inflection points, as that would mean wiping their eventual decision to pivot in life. Looking back, the worst thing they ever experienced led to the best.

And all it took was for their backs to be put against the wall. I don't feel bad for people who were put in absolutely terrible gut-wrenching back-against-the-wall positions. I feel bad for the people who have experienced a lot of OK without the pain. Perhaps it's time some of us put our own backs against the wall and use it as an opportunity to live the life we're meant to live. I’m not saying everyone should turn their lives upside down and abandon their jobs, but for those of you silently suffering in the discontent of OK (you know who you are), I’m talking to you!

Whether you're OK, living in deep meaning, or have your back against the wall as we speak, keep fighting for it! It's worth it. I hope you have an amazing day!

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More Hunting, More Fishing

I'm not a big hunter or fisherman. It's never really been my thing, but living in the Midwest, it is for many of my friends. This is where today's story begins.

When I met with a newish client, heaviness was hanging in the air. You could cut the tension with a knife. Eventually, though, I couldn't let it linger any longer. Then, it came out. The husband was frustrated that they didn't have the resources for him to be more active with his passions: hunting and fishing. And by resources, I mean money and time.

I tried to play it cool, but I knew exactly where that conversation needed to go. In short, it wasn't that this couple lacked resources. Instead, they were allocating their resources to things that didn't matter to them. In a matter of minutes, I pointed to more than $2,200/month of expenditures that didn't seem consistent with who I knew them to be. Just one of those expenses was a $1,600/month truck payment. $1,600!!!

He didn't actually seem to care much about his truck, yet he was willfully paying what's practically a mortgage payment for the privilege of having it. He was initially defensive when I pointed out his behavioral misalignment. His words said he cared about a certain set of values, but his budget said he cared about a different set of values. Eventually, though, he saw it!

Very few of these expenses actually mattered to them, but these costs were absorbing a good chunk of their financial margin (making it feel impossible for him to invest in hunting and fishing). Not only that, but the husband would regularly work overtime to make enough income to pay all the bills.....thereby reducing the amount of time even available to invest in hunting and fishing.

With the wave of their magic wand (i.e., humility), they quickly unwound several of their financial commitments, including selling the truck with the ridiculous payment. Almost overnight, they were able to invest their time and money into things that actually mattered to them.....including the husband's love of hunting and fishing.

Always, always, always spend YOUR values. Please don't care what anyone else is doing. Find out what matters most to you, lean hard into that, and ignore all the other noise. Life is so much more fulfilling when we focus our resources where they matter most.

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Gratitude, Always Gratitude

If you are a Christian reading this on Easter Sunday, I hope this is a wonderful day of celebration for you and your family. As I think about what this day means to me, it's quite clear: Gratitude, always gratitude. Gratitude for the most amazing gift that we could ever have been given. Gratitude for the life I'm blessed to live. Gratitude for the forgiveness I've received.

Gratitude is the only mode of operation we should have in life. Sure, we could easily point to all the junk, sorrow, and pain we've experienced in this life. We can call foul on all the terrible things that have happened to us. All of that would be fair, and well deserved. It's so easy to blame others, be a victim, and wallow in our own suffering. Oh, believe me, I've been there!

But gratitude is the only way. We can dwell on all the things we don't have......or we can be grateful for what we do have. You will NEVER have everything you want. You will NEVER feel like it's enough. You will NEVER end up where you want. However, everything you do have is something to be grateful for. Everything in front of us is a gift.

If gratitude is at the center of our lives, there's nothing that can knock us out of the game. Bad fortune, profound loss, and unjust circumstances are surely headed our way at some point in the future, but if we center our lives around gratitude, it will never be enough to take us down.

However you're celebrating Easter today, choose gratitude. Always gratitude. Happy Easter!

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Tears Of

The last few days have been packed with financial coaching meetings. Lots of tears. Tears of loss, pain, suffering, sorrow, joy, achievement, regret, and celebration. Lots of tears for lots of reasons. There's a lot of life happening all around us. And yes, these were financial coaching meetings.

That's the thing about money. Money is NEVER about money. It's always about something bigger. Sure, we can make it about dollars and cents, black and white, smart and dumb, responsible and foolish, rich and poor. Most of the world views money that way, after all. However, doing so sells people short. People's lives are worth so much more than stacks of cash and materialistic possessions.

While I don't believe money is important, handling it well is. It's intertwined into every area of our lives. Our relationships, aspirations, careers, parenting, hobbies, passions, and daily lives. Thus, the tears. I might sit in a room with spreadsheets on a screen and number scribbled on a whiteboard, but we're not really talking about money. Money might come up, but it’s never really about the money. We're talking about the most important nuances of people's lives, which happen to, for better or worse, intersect with finances.

This is the tension with a meaning over money lifestyle. We can't put money on a pedestal and worship it above all else. Doing so is toxic, unhealthy, and unfulfilling. On the flip side, we can't irresponsibly disregard money altogether. Doing so is a surefire way to reap chaos and destruction in a life meant for meaning.

So what's the answer? In my opinion, we should endeavor to steward our resources well, postured in humility, contentment, and generosity, to live a life rich with meaning, purpose, and impact. Everything else is just noise.

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