A Moment to Celebrate

I sit here on the heels of a whirlwind week that includes two speaking engagements, four coaching sessions, consulting work for several commercial clients, a bunch of Northern Vessel happenings, and seemingly endless kid activities. Admittedly, I often fail to stop and celebrate the wins. However, today, I'm taking a deep breath and sitting in the moment for a bit.

It's so easy to just keep going, failing to mark the moments. I'm as guilty of this as anyone. Even when I encourage other people to celebrate the wins, I'm busy not celebrating the wins. Therefore, I'm screeching to a halt today, intentionally forcing myself to recognize and celebrate the week that's been.

It feels weird. It always feels weird. Perhaps that's why I struggle to do it much of the time. There's something very raw about truly reflecting and celebrating the good things that have happened. My default mode is to keep on trucking, aggressively pursuing the next wins that I'll inevitably not celebrate, either.

Not today, though. Today, we celebrate. I encourage you to do the same!

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Interest Rates Over Grandkids

Before I begin, it's worth noting that the woman referenced in this post gave me permission to share this story. I would never intentionally hurt or demean anyone. She hopes it will serve as a good example for someone else in similar shoes.

About a year ago, a woman contacted me. I had never met her before, but she is an avid Meaning Over Money podcast listener. She said she felt like she already knew me, yet it was still awkward for her to reach out to a complete stranger for advice.

Here was her situation. She and her husband live across the country from their daughter and grandkids. After much discussion, everyone (her, her husband, her daughter, and her son-in-law) agreed they wanted the grandparents to relocate to be closer to the grandkids. This detail is important; everyone wanted this outcome. However, more than two years after making this decision, they still hadn't made the move. Why? "We can't afford it."

"Why can't you afford it?" I asked.

They have a 2.9% interest rate on their house, and if they sold it to move closer to family, they would lose this favorable mortgage. Based on the information she provided, this mortgage equates to approximately $1,500/month in value (compared to a market mortgage). However, there's another pertinent fact that needs to be mentioned: They CAN afford it. Their finances are in good shape. They've done well. They are well positioned.

When I asked her to clarify, she responded, "Well, I suppose we can afford it, but it would be a bad decision to sell. It would be stupid to walk away from that rate."

I wasn't trying to be a jerk, but I asked her if she could put a value on her grandkids. "Of course not! Family is priceless!"

"From what you're sharing, it sounds like your family is worth less than $1,500/month to you."

She stared at me for a while, contemplating what I had just insinuated. She IS putting a price tag on her family, and right now, they are less valuable than walking away from a $1,500/month mortgage benefit. "Wouldn't it be a bad financial decision?" she asked.

The moment we make all our decisions around money is the moment we've turned ourselves into robots. Sometimes, the best financial decision isn't the best decision, and sometimes the best decision isn't the best financial decision. That's why we call it Meaning Over Money. Meaning! Always meaning!

Nearly a year has passed since that original conversation, and she recently reached out. While it took another year of contemplation, she and her husband decided to sell the house (abandoning their attractive mortgage) and move closer to their daughter and grandkids. She regrets it took this long to make the right decision, but I reminded her of how many beautiful years they have ahead of them.

Please don't let black-and-white numbers come between you and the meaning you are called to pursue. Meaning and money oftentimes overlap, but when they don't, we have to choose meaning.

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Just a Teacher / A Teacher!

Sometimes, gold lands in our lap! Last week, I wrote about how all jobs can be "weird and cool" if we're willing to look deep enough. My main point was that all jobs matter, and we can each find meaning in our work if we're willing to focus on the good, not dwell on the bad.

I received about 10 e-mails about this post, but for reasons you're about to see, two stood out to me. The first included the following excerpt: "There's nothing weird and cool about my job. I'm just a teacher." Ouch! This is really sad. This person can't introspectively look at their job and find the meaning, the blessing, the weird, and the cool.

Here's an excerpt from the second e-mail: "I'm a teacher, and so much about my job is weird and cool!" This person proceeded to name what makes their job "weird and cool.":

• Getting to hang out with teenagers who have endless energy.

• The childlike wonder her students have when looking at the world.

• Being able to walk alongside young people during some of their most formative moments.

• Watching kids form their dreams, then encouraging them to pursue them.

• Forming relationships that have the possibility of lasting for years/decades.

• Getting a fresh group of kids each year, guaranteeing it never gets monotonous.

• Having summers off, which provides an opportunity for lots of travel.

• Going to sporting events and other activities to cheer on her kids.

"I'm just a teacher" to "I'm a teacher!" Can you imagine how different the day-to-day, week-to-week, and month-to-month lives of these two individuals are? One is looking through the glass of optimism and joy, while the other sees their work world through misery and pessimism.

I hope that first teacher can develop a new perspective.....or seek out a new job. They deserve far more than to feel this way.....and those students deserve better, too.

That second person? I want to hook up an IV and have her energy and passion injected right into my bloodstream. I couldn't love her perspective more. Our perspective matters so much. If we view our work through the lens of misery, we're most definitely going to find it. But if we view our work through the lens of meaning, joy, weird, and cool, we'll most likely find that, too!

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“I Love Living”

"I love living!" she exclaimed.

These were the unexpected words of a young lady at my table at last night's business dinner. She's in her early 20s, young in her career, and works in human resources at an oil services company. She has a zest for life that's as encouraging as it is contagious. I've only known her for a few days, but she approaches life and work with a zeal that's hard to quantify.

A few days ago, I wrote about how most of us have jobs that are weird and cool......if we're willing to look at a deeper level. So often, we bog ourselves down by dwelling on all the parts of our work and life that are less than enjoyable. The good gets overshadowed by the crappy; the exciting is clouded out by the mundane.

Yet, here's this young lady who excitedly sprints at life as if today might be the last day. She finds excitement where other people find "normal." Instead of approaching the unfamiliar and uncomfortable with caution and anxiety, she welcomes it as if it could possibly be the next best thing.

Can you tell I love this?!?! In a world full of weird and cool, she's embracing it with open arms. Maybe she'll be doing HR work 20 years from now. Maybe she'll be doing something totally different. Maybe she'll have found a dozen something differents between now and then. Either way, I hope she doesn't lose this joyful and optimistic spirit. I think all of us could learn a thing or two from her approach to life.

"I love living!" So simple. So profound. I want to keep feeling that way each time I wake up in the morning....and put my head on my pillow at night. Life can be pretty weird and cool if we let it.

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Deep Thoughts From the Jet

In a scenario I never scripted and would never have seen coming, I occasionally travel to work sites on one of my client's private jets. It's always a surreal experience, and one I'll never fully get used to. Last night was one such occasion. Over time, I've become casual friends with the pilots, and I'm always fascinated by their job. I ask them countless questions and, in some ways, I feel like a little kid in the way I approach them.

When did you realize that's what you wanted to do? What does one do to actually become a private jet pilot? What kinds of people do you meet? What does the work schedule look like? How is the pay structured? What do you do between dropping us off at an airport and picking us up several days later? So many questions!!!!

Every time I talk to these guys, I'm reminded of a universal concept that lives rent-free in my head: There are so many weird and cool jobs out there! I think I have a weird and cool job, but I'm not alone! So many people are out there living out weird and cool jobs.

My friend Kevin teaches leadership to teens by dragging them into some of the harshest and most beautiful wilderness in the world. That's a weird and cool job!

My Meaning Over Money business partner Cole is a filmmaker who helps people tell their stories through video, while also moonlighting for ESPN to capture video of Taylor Swift as she enters Arrowhead Stadium on MNF. That's a weird and cool job!

My friend Teresa owns a meat market in my neighborhood and refers to herself as "your local meat dealer." That's a weird and cool job!

My friend Anna, a former NCAA basketball player and WNBA draftee, trains high school female post players. That's a weird and cool job!

My friend Kevin works in the Pentagon. I don't even know what he does, but he works in the freaking Pentagon! That's a weird and cool job!

My friend Ryan was a Disney child actor, turned rock musician, turned youth pastor / worship leader. That's a weird and cool job!

My friend Dan is a landscaping ninja. He turns ordinary yards into works of art. That's a weird and cool job!

I could go on and on and on. It's so easy for us to fall into a rut at work and sow the seeds of discontent. However, we have two other, far better options:

1. Find and appreciate what makes your job weird and cool. No matter what you do, there's something about it that sets it apart. Some part of your day-to-day work is fascinating in its own right. Find it!

2. If you can't find it and can honestly testify that your work has little redeeming value, maybe it's time for a change. After all, there are so many weird and cool jobs out there. So much is within reach....if we're willing to pursue.

Whatever you do, don't sit in misery. Don't allow life to pass you by while you sit idly in an existence you hate. Life is too short, and your journey is far too valuable for that. Find your weird and cool.

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$106 and a Whole Lot of Meaning

The story of Rocky is one of my favorite Hollywood tales of all time. Heck, it's one of my favorite stories - period - of all time. In the early 1970s, Sylvester Stallone was a poor, unknown actor living in NYC. Eventually, he decided to move across the country and become a poor, unknown actor living in Los Angeles. By poor, I mean poor poor. He had no car, only $106 to his name, and eventually had to sell his dog to pay the bills. Yeah, that variety of poor.

But Sylvester believed in himself. He wrote a script about a down-and-out, underdog boxer named Rocky Balboa. When he shopped it to the movie studios, they loved it! They offered him $25,000. He had one condition, though: He would star in it. "Absolutely not!" the studios said. The financial offers for the script increased, on the condition that he would sell it and move on. This was a winning script, and some of Hollywood's premier actors were already being eyed to portray this Rocky Balboa character. Still, Sylvester refused. The offers kept going up... and Sylvester kept refusing. Eventually, the offers would get as high as $360,000 (more than $2M in today's dollars).

As Sylvester tells the story, he was already used to being poor, so he wasn't going to sell his dream of becoming an actor for a juicy bag of cash. He wasn't just talking the talk.....he was walking the walk. He had a hundred bucks to his name and was barely putting food on the table, while simultaneously turning down massive, life-changing money.

We all know how the story ends. Finally, one of the studios decided to green-light the movie with Sylvester at the helm and as the star. They gave him a total budget of $1M, which was embarrassingly low, even back then. It was a massive gamble, and it easily could have ruined his barely-existent career. He hired his friends and family to fill roles, used cheap equipment, and found other creative ways to save money. Ultimately, the film grossed north of $200M and won three Oscars, including Best Picture. The rest, as they say, is history.

The world is full of what-ifs when it comes to the intersection of work, meaning, and money. If Sylvester Stallone had simply taken the bag, we might never know his name. Rocky probably wouldn't be what it is today in our culture. Sylvester might have failed at his dream of becoming an actor. Sure, he would have become instantly wealthy, but the rest would have been erased from history. What if?

How many other what-ifs exist out there? How many people quit or sold out instead of aggressively pursuing meaning? Some of the greatest gifts ever given to society have come on the heels of people choosing meaning over money. Some of the greatest gifts society has been robbed of have come after people chose money over meaning.

It's a story worth thinking about. No, most of us won't become as rich and famous as Sylvester, but his story and his mindset are something we can all learn from and internalize. Always meaning over money.

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An Unplanned Social Experiment

Through my own failure, I accidentally ventured into an unexpected social experiment. As mentioned in a previous post, we recently took an unplanned 5-month hiatus from the Meaning Over Money Podcast (SPOTIFY / APPLE). I'm happy to report that we're back! Episode 441 was published this week, and I'm excited for what's in store.

Back to our little experiment. Since we haven't been publishing new episodes, there was nobody captaining the ship, so to speak. No new content. No marketing. No direct influences. However, our 440-episode catalog remained in cyberspace on all major podcasting platforms. In other words, we have an unobstructed, uninfluenced data set about what people were listening to over the past few months. And since we haven't even mentioned the podcast since March, all podcast activity is purely organic.

I pulled the data yesterday to see what episodes were most downloaded over the past 90 days, and the top 10 were far above the most popular pieces of published content we have. I'll share them in order below, but I think it gives a fairly accurate glimpse into what's on people's minds. A finger on the cultural pulse. Here they are, in order:

1. 362 - Cole and Travis Talk Life and Money: Lifting the Lid on What's Really Happening Under Roofs

2. 306 - Simple Steps to Set Up A Taxable Investment Account: It's Easier Than You Think!

3. 287 - Controlling Dining Out Without It Controlling You

4. 403 - Just Buy the Shoes: A Guilt-Free Blueprint to Overcome Financial Hoarding

5. 433 - More Is Never Enough: How the Curse of More Can (and Will) Hunt Us Down

6. 410 - Life Insurance 101: A Little Morbid But a Lot Important

7. 418 - How to Have a Midlife Crisis That's Not a Midlife Crisis

8. 270 - "I Regret Buying a House": What to Do When You Realize You Made the Wrong Decision

9. 234 - Stop Focusing On the HOW: Embracing the WHAT and WHY will direct our HOW

10. 241 - Congrats on NOT Getting the Job: Why Not All Promotions Are Good Promotions

As you can see from the episode numbers, this isn't the result of recency bias. In fact, two of the top 10 episodes were published more than three years ago. That leads me to believe people are searching for keywords related to these topics and stumbling into our content along the way.

As I scan this list of topics, it closely correlates with many of the conversations I’ve been having with families through my work. I can think of at least a handful of families when I see each of these topics, each trying to navigate this crazy journey between work, money, and meaning. Here’s my encouragement today. Whatever you’re dealing with, you’re not alone. Whatever struggles you’re battling, you’re not a failure. Whatever issues you’re trying to manage, it’s not just a “you” thing. This is all part of the human experience. Everyone is trying to navigate their own junk, despite how it might appear on their social media highlight reel. Keep moving forward, and don’t be scared to talk to others.

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Too Much Generosity?

"How much is too much?"

I received this question after a recent post about generosity. How much is too much generosity? Can one be too generous? People have even called my advice on generosity "reckless." Can generosity be reckless?

I don't think you can be too generous. Sure, basic needs must ultimately be paid, but beyond a simple roof over our heads, food on the table, and adequate clothing, everything else is excess. If we look at every expenditure in our financial lives with true honesty, I suspect 70%-80% of our spending is some combination of want and need-extended.

Therefore, back to the original question. How much is too much? I don't think there is such a thing as too much generosity. Generosity, as Jesus defines it, is both joyful and sacrificial. The mere fact that we're asking if it's too much is a good sign we've ventured into "sacrificial" territory. For me personally, when I start questioning my own sanity, that's typically when I realize we're being adequately sacrificial. Then, if we can bear it, we push a little harder. It's a slow and steady ratchet of discomfort, pushing the needle on "how far is too far?"

Instead of asking how much of our resources we should give, I suggest we flip the script and ask how much we should keep. The moment we start to make ourselves uncomfortable on this topic is the point when we unlock a new type of joy and meaning in our lives. Instead of feeling a void from not having the things we believed we wanted, we receive the profound joy of knowing someone gets what they needed. It's life-changing.

I understand this is a spicy take for the culture we're living in. I'm not even suggesting that everyone make a hard 180-degree turn today. Rather, I encourage you to noodle on this idea. Sit in it. Come back to it now and again. Then, take one step in the direction of sacrificial generosity. Not a leap. Not some monumental shift. Nothing drastic. A step; one tiny step. Then maybe another.

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Ingratitude: Don’t Let It Poison You

I've developed a fun tradition over the years. I regularly stay at a handful of specific hotels while traveling for business. Every time I check out, I gift the hotel's morning staff a bottle of Northern Vessel CBL.

I'm proud of the product we've created, and I find it to be a fun little way to bless people who would never expect it. As time passed, the hotel staff started lighting up when they saw me, suspecting there might be a bottle of CBL to enjoy. They have always been grateful and gracious with me. It's been a true joy. Then, something happened......

One of my regular hotels experienced some staffing turnover. A few visits ago, I met a new woman at the desk during my check-out. When I gifted her a bottle, she simply said, "Okay, I'll put it in the fridge." No reaction, no thank you. Well, that's okay, I justified to myself. She doesn't know me or anything about NV. No big deal. On the following visit, the same woman was at the desk. As I checked out, I gave her a bottle. "Oh, it's you again. I'll put it in the back," she said with an emotionless face, then she just turned around and walked away.

Nothing snuffs out the joy of generosity like ingratitude. I was discouraged in the moment. However, that doesn't invalidate my gift. The recipient's reaction shouldn't be the ultimate measuring stick of our act. Rather, it's an output, a signal. The spirit behind the gift should always remain the key input.

Guess how many more times I'll drop a bottle of CBL at that hotel. Somewhere between zero and maybe I'll consider it. Feeling the cloud of ingratitude doesn't make me want to be less generous, but it does make me reconsider the targets of my generosity. Generosity should never be stifled, just redirected.

As such, I'll find new recipients for my giving. I'll seek to serve those who want to be served. I'll eagerly look for the grateful, while simultaneously avoiding those who exhibit ingratitude. That's not a punishment or vindictiveness. It's my attempt to be a good steward with what I've been blessed with.

Many of you have had your joy of generosity snuffed out by ingratitude. Maybe it was a friend. Maybe it was a family member. Maybe it was a stranger in need. Maybe it was your church. The pain of ingratitude can run deep.....and it can linger. There's no way around that, but it doesn't have to dampen our desire to be joyfully and sacrificially generous. Generosity always wins. Sometimes, though, we need to change it up. Keep giving. Always keep giving.

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Know Thyself

I'm a firm believer in having a brutally honest self-awareness of our own personal foibles, triggers, and weaknesses. For example, I know I can't gamble in any form. I dabbled in sports gambling when I was in college, and within just a few days, I realized it could easily get away from me. Thus, I haven't even considered gambling a single cent in approximately 25 years. I have a keen self-awareness of this nuance, and I act accordingly. I don't believe that makes me weak; rather, it makes me wise.

Some things in our lives are just unhealthy for us.....period. It doesn't mean those things are unhealthy in nature, but for whatever reason, they are unhealthy for us. Again, that doesn't make us weak; it makes us self-aware....and hopefully wise.

Here's another weakness of mine. This button right here:

This button lives on the summary page of every blog e-mail that gets sent into the world. For the last 1,400 days, this button has lived on my phone screen. And for the last 1,400 days, I know this button as the source of much heartache. With a simple click, I could unearth the names of those three people who no longer value this blog enough to receive it each day.

There's nothing like clicking on this button to realize one of the closest people in your life just went out of their way to terminate your work from entering their life. It sounds dramatic, I know! But for whatever reason, this one little button has the power to create unprecedented pain and suffering in my life.

Therefore, knowing this about myself, it's a button I'm unwilling to press. That doesn't make me weak; it makes me wise. For all I know, the three people who went out of their way to rid me of their digital life a few days ago could have been my wife, sister-in-law, and best friend. Who knows!?! Not me! I always know how many people receive and read my blog each day, but I couldn't tell you who they are. I allow that to remain a mystery to me (aside from the thoughtful e-mail replies I receive), and instead, simply focus on writing what I'm called to write.

Know thyself. There are things in your life that are unreasonably tempting, troubling, and risky for you. Things that might not be inherently bad or wrong, but bad or wrong for you. Have the self-awareness to recognize them and the humility to make the right decisions. Often, these little decisions free us up to live the life we're called to live. A life full of much more meaning and a lot less turmoil. Free yourself! Be wise! A few simple decisions could unlock the better you deserve.

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What Would 17-Year-Old Me Think?

A friend recently asked me a profound question: If 17-year-old you could see what your life looks like right now, what would he think?

Ohhhhhhhh! That's a deep one, isn't it? I try to put myself in 17-year-old me's shoes. What would he think about 45-year-old me if he could get a little glimpse?

I've thought a lot about this question, but from two different angles. First, there's me as I stand today. Writing, podcasting, speaking, consulting, coaching, owning a coffee company. Lots of flexibility. Lots of responsibilities. Lots of ministry work. A heightened focus toward generosity. Would 17-year-old me love that? I don't know.

Then I think about the same question, but with 17-year-old me seeing 35-year-old me. I had a job with status, a much higher income, a significantly nicer house, a trajectory toward much wealth, first-class travel, 5-star hotels, and bouncing all over the Middle East for work. Would 17-year-old me love that? I have a feeling he would....very much so.

To a 17-year-old, comparing a 35-year-old and 45-year-old me might have been an unfair fight. I honestly think 17-year-old me would have been allured by the money, stuff, and status of 35-year-old me. There's a sexiness about it.

But if I could sit that young guy down and share heart-to-heart, man-to-man, I'd explain to him the power and beauty of aggressively pursuing meaning. I would show him how much more rewarding and fulfilling this life is. I'd admit to him that the money, stuff, and status are pretty fun, but ultimately, not the secret to happiness. I'd also admit this life is a much harder life than the alternative, but with discomfort comes meaning; with pain comes beauty. I so badly wish I could talk to that young man. If I had the chance, yeah, I do think he'd think 45-year-old me's life is pretty awesome.

What about you? What would 17-year-old you think about your life right now?

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Want Now vs. Want Most

My kids are afflicted with the same disease many of us suffer from: the instinct to choose what we want now over what we want most. I'll give you a recent example. There's something Pax really wants to buy. He talks about it all the time, and it would really mean something to him to get it. That's what he wants most.

Here's where the problem comes. A few nights ago, after helping me unload and organize our most recent Northern Vessel coffee shipment, he had $22 in his account. He's nearly halfway to his goal! Unfortunately, there are a few other smaller things he wants now, and said smaller things happen to cost around $20. Therefore, he was begging me to stop at the store so he could buy this thing he doesn't really care about... but it's within instant gratification's reach.

Over and over and over again, he sacrifices what he wants most for what he wants now. After explaining this concept to him, I strongly encouraged him to resist the urge to buy what he wants now, knowing he can buy what he wants most soon enough. He made the right choice for now, but his human desire for instant gratification will surely heat up again.

Does this sound familiar? We humans do it all the time! We so badly want to go on that trip, but it feels so far away and hard to attain. So instead of saving that cash and getting closer to making the trip happen, we blow it on dinner and drinks. We have our eye on a particular watch. It's not outlandishly expensive, but it will take some work to save up. However, we just want to scratch the itch of buying a watch, so we'll buy several cheaper watches that we probably won't wear or appreciate. These are two recent examples from the hundreds of versions of this I see play out in my coaching.

I'm certainly not immune to it, and I suspect you aren't, either. Write it down. What do you want most? Name it. What things do you want now? Write those down, too. Call them out. Now, look at the two lists and compare them. If it's true that what you want most is what you want most, act like it. Make decisions around it. Choose wisely. Each step of the way should revolve more around what we want most than what we want now. These could be more material things, but truthfully, they are often priceless, meaning-laden things in our lives that are far more valuable than money. Choose those. Always choose those.

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Injury Timeout

My apologies to the daily readers who expected an e-mail in their inbox at 6AM this morning. I had some fun topic ideas for today, but last night didn't go as expected. Our family was in the midst of a ridiculously fun experience (concert and fireworks on the lake) when I suffered a freak accident. I sustained a scary (but hopefully not serious) head injury. Fortunately, it was toward the end of the night. Unfortunately, everything after that is a blur. Needless to say, I simply didn't have the capacity to formulate my thoughts and produce an article.

Every experience in life is worthy of learning, though, right? Every interaction, circumstance, and experience is potential content for learning, growth, and, of course, writing. So, what does any of this have to do with anything?

I think life is just so dang delicate. One minute we can be having the most beautiful time with our loved ones, and the next, we're in the midst of a scary situation. Just like that. A snap of the fingers. One second fine, the next, anything but fine.

This will resonate with many, as our lives are filled with these moments where everything changes. A diagnosis. A text message. A boom. A dreaded phone call. News we never saw coming. We're in the midst of a normal, mundane day, then mere seconds later, we're living a nightmare.

That's what came to mind as I've been trying to rally from last night's scary accident. Don't take anything for granted. Be grateful for all of it. Embrace the moment. It's all special, and it's all fragile.

See you tomorrow with some new ideas! I have a lot of fun stuff in store.

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Want To Isn’t Enough

This year's Global Leadership Summit was amazing. I loved spending time with my friends, and I soaked up the wisdom from many awesome talks. There was one other difference, too. This was the first year in quite a while that I didn't carry a tinge of jealousy toward the speakers on that stage. See, for more than a decade, I've dreamed of one day being on that stage, delivering a talk in front of nearly a half-million people.

Something happened this past year, though. Despite wanting that more than anything, I've realized that I'm not willing to do what it will take to reach that level. The work, dedication, and sacrifice to become a world-class speaker are too great considering some of my other values, dreams, and callings. I mourned that loss for a while, but ultimately, I made peace with it.

It's one thing to want something, but something entirely different to be willing to make it happen. It's an unreasonable wish to want something that we're not willing to earn. Therefore, I can't be jealous. I have no right to be jealous. They put in the work, paid the dues, and made the appropriate sacrifices; I didn't. I do believe there's a world where I could get there, but again, that world would be incongruent with my other values, dreams, and callings.

I still love speaking. I have a handful of professional speaking gigs on the calendar for the coming months, and I'll be tremendously grateful for each. However, I'm trying to do it in a way that aligns with my other values, dreams, and callings. That's where I hope to find my contentment.

I think it's important that we put both sides of the equation on the table. In one hand, place our hopes, dreams, and aspirations. In the other hand, place the work, discipline, and cost that it would take to achieve those things. Are you willing to do what it takes? If so, just do it! If not, admit it. Be willing to acknowledge the reality of your choices, then make peace with it. It makes a big difference!

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They’ll Hate You Either Way

The ten best people I know in this world are hated. When I say "best people," I mean I look at the way they live their lives and truly believe they attempt to live beyond reproach. They love their families. They are passionate about making a difference in this world. They are beyond generous. They live with joy. They lift people up; they don't tear people down.

Yet, despite being beloved by many, they are ruthlessly hated by some. People despise them. They are hated privately, sometimes publicly. Some individuals would pay money to see them hurt....or worse.

One of the biggest lessons I've learned this year is that you WILL be hated. Regardless of how much good you try to do, impact you try to make, or people you try to lift up, you will absolutely be hated. You will be hated for what you believe. You will be hated for what you don't believe. You will be hated for what you say. You will be hated for what you don't say. Heck, you might even be hated for completely falsified and made-up reasons.

Now, you might be thinking this is an oddly pessimistic and downtrodden post. However, there's a flip side to this. If it's true that you will 100% be hated by some, you might as well just live the life you're called to live. If it's inevitable that some will despise you, you might as well be despised for living in truth. If enemies will surely come your way, you best make the biggest impact you can along the way.

I've long ago conceded that despite my best efforts, many people on this planet hate my guts. I often disagree with the reasons they hate me, and some of it is indeed falsified and manufactured, but there's nothing I can do about it either way. Therefore, whenever someone asks me how I can share controversial and countercultural ideas day after day on the blog and podcast, my answer has gotten simpler: People are going to hate me either way, so I might as well make sure it's the right people for the right reasons.

Again, I'm not saying this to be a Debbie Downer. I don't need pity, and this isn't my attempt at self-loathing. Instead, it's my call to action for some of you to get out of the stands and onto the court. I know you're scared of what people will think of you. I felt the same way for years! Unfortunately, they are going to hate you anyway, regardless of whether you pursue your callings and attempt to make an impact on this world. Therefore, you might as well go for it! What do you have to lose?

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Wealthier Than We Think

I recently read something that was tremendously thought-provoking for me, and perhaps you'll agree, too:

"When I was 20, I wanted to be a millionaire. Now that I'm a millionaire, I want to be 20."

I remember when I had no money, lots of debt, limited resources, little influence, a tiny apartment, a second-hand couch, a $100 mattress, and big dreams. That young guy really wanted to make something of himself, and he was far more materialistic than I'd like to admit.

Fast forward more than two decades, and I would give away every single dollar and possession to be that young again. To put it another way, I would consider time far more valuable than any amount of money, wealth, or resources.

This isn't me wishing away my life and lamenting the natural aging process. Rather, it's a recognition that each one of us is far wealthier than we realize. However old we are, 20-years-from-now us would likely give up anything and everything to be exactly where we are today.

Just as I'd give up everything to be 25 again, 65-year-old me would give up everything to be 45-year-old me again. That means I'm far wealthier than I give myself credit for.

Don't waste today. Don't forget how wealthy you are. Maybe not wealthy with money or resources, but wealthy with time.

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Pizza, Pigeons, and Ice Cream

We concluded our amazing family trip to NYC yesterday, returning home satisfied and exhausted. During the car ride home from the airport, I asked the boys to name their favorite things from the trip. Pax jumped in quick and decisively:

• $1.50 pizza slices from a little place called Mr. Pizza.

• Ice cream (lots and lots of ice cream)

• Visiting the Statue of Liberty

• Playing on the beach (Coney Island)

Finn piped in next:

• Pizza

• Feeding the pigeons

• Riding the subway

• Coney Island roller coaster

I've written on many occasions about the idea that memories don't discriminate based on price. We, parents, love to assign value to activities, memories, and experiences based on how much they cost. I see it all the time in my coaching, and frankly, I'm occasionally guilty of it myself.

During our trip, we dined at some of the most famous restaurants in the city and even took in a Broadway show. The Broadway show was easily the most expensive thing we did, with a total price tag of $600. The boys enjoyed the show, but it didn't even come up when inventorying their top moments. I'll re-summarize their favorites:

• $1.50 pizza slices from Mr. Pizza: $1.50 (duh!)

• Ice cream: $6-$12....several times

• Statue of Liberty: $22/person

• Feeding the pigeons: Free

• Subway: $3/person

• Coney Island Roller Coaster (The Cyclone!): $10/person

• Coney Island Beach: Free

No, it wasn't a cheap trip. Flights, hotels, parking, transportation.....it added up. However, we parents need to give ourselves a break. We don't need to go all-in on fancy, elaborate events. The simplest ideas often win out. The most insignificant moments become the memories. The unexpected happenings between activities create the shared experiences.

In a moment of conviction, I asked Sarah if she regretted spending $600 on the Broadway show. "Not at all! I'm so glad we went." I'm glad one of us feels that way, and perhaps one day the boys will look back fondly at that experience as well. But in the meantime, I'm going to savor that trip....mostly the small little moments. So many beautiful little moments.

It's worth a reminder again today. We don't need to live for the big, elaborate, fancy, costly moments in life. Sure, those are cool; they have value. But we ought not miss the value and beauty in the simple, the small. Have an awesome day!

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Ellis Island: The Pursuit

Our family toured the Statue of Liberty and Ellis Island yesterday. While the Statue of Liberty was a spectacle to see up close, Ellis Island deeply moved me. From the late 1800s to the mid 1900s, Ellis Island was the focal point of immigration into the United States. In total, more than 12 million people entered the country through that facility. To put its importance into context, nearly 80% of the approximately 1 million U.S. immigrants in 1903 entered the country through Ellis Island.

What moved me most at Ellis Island were all the personal testimonies of some of the 12 million people who entered the U.S. to start a new life. Like this one from Elizabeth Friedman, a 1914 immigrant from Russia: "When we got on the boat and closer to Ellis Island, we saw the Statue of Liberty. And we just hugged each other and cried." I can't even imagine the number of emotions that were going through that family as they waded into their new lives.

This next one moved me as well, but for a different reason. It was a 1985 interview quote from Sam Birnbaum, a Polish Jewish man who immigrated in 1907. "From the first minute that I got here I realized that I am in a country where I am a free man....I have a fighting chance to make a living. That means everything. I didn't realize it as much as I do now, but at that time it was a big thrill."

Here's what I love about his quote. He didn't talk about how all his dreams have been granted, and he'll get everything he wants. Instead, he celebrated his newfound freedom and acknowledged that he has "a fighting chance to make a living." He had hope and a desire to pursue the journey.

Another woman had a quote that reminded me of Mr. Birnbaum. If I remember correctly, it was a woman who immigrated from China in the early 1930s. "Before I came, I read the Declaration of Independence. There was one sentence that said 'life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.' I have the right to pursue happiness?!?! Wow, it changed my life."

She didn't say that her life was magically better or that all her problems were solved. She reveled in the idea that she now had the freedom and right to pursue happiness. She was ready for the journey.

I think we take for granted just how special our opportunity here in America is. We aren't guaranteed anything, but we live in a place where anyone can pursue their dreams, their aspirations, their callings. We're given the right to pursue the journey, to give it everything we've got. As I read testimonial after testimonial, I couldn't help but think about how entire family trees were fundamentally altered by the pursuits of these brave and ambitious immigrants. It boggles my mind to think about it. And if those folks were willing to step up to the plate with their newfound opportunities, why aren't we? For many of us, it's time to step into this beautiful opportunity before us. Not the promise of some set outcome, but the freedom to pursue the journey for better.

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“They Are Spending My Inheritance!!!”

I was recently hanging out with a group of Millennials and Gen Xers when one of them started talking about her parents' European cruise. As she was describing it, it sounded pretty fun! Bouncing from country to country, different cultures, varying cuisines, beautiful landscapes. What's not to like?!?! However, perhaps I was being dense, but I wasn't immediately picking up the point of her story. That is, until she ended it with this bomb: "They are spending my inheritance!!!!"

Excuse me, what?!?! A grown independent woman is venting about how her parents are on a cruise, lamenting that they are spending her future money. I was stunned by this, and part of me was bracing for the verbal backlash she was about to get from the others in the group (please go easy on her, friends!!!).

Well, I was apparently too dense to pick up on that next part as well. Most people in the group agreed with her! Several people shared stories about how their inheritance is being eaten up by their parents' financial decisions.

If you know me, you know I don't believe in financial inheritances to begin with. However, that's just my personal perspective, and people can do what they want. That said, my personal opinion doesn't prevent me from saying what I'm about to say next: We don't have the right to count other people's money and bank on receiving anything from anyone. We're not entitled to anything in this life.....especially gifts received upon someone's passing. I find that mindset to be disgustingly abhorrent.

I've watched this mindset play out for years in my professional work. It can be destructive in people's lives. For example, if someone KNOWS they will eventually receive a large financial gift as an inheritance, it can often be psychologically debilitating. When we know how the story ends (i.e., I'm going to receive a huge sum of money), it undercuts our need and motivation to figure it out ourselves. This can be a crippling force in our lives. I can't even express to you how hard it is to coach couples that have known upcoming windfalls. It's hard enough to change habits when there's much riding on it, never mind when there's an offramp to easyville dangling in our future. I get it; nobody is going to pull out the mini violins for people who will one day receive millions. But when you see it as often and up close as I do, it's sad! I have so much empathy for those folks. They've been unknowingly robbed of something so important in life.

Today's takeaway is two-pronged:

• To the younger generation: Don't expect anything. Live your lives as if you'll receive nothing. Figure it out. Work hard. Be disciplined. Practice delayed gratification. Save for the future. Know that you need to carve your own path. You can do it!

• To the older generation: Please don't psychologically cripple your children. Don't dangle carrots that will hinder their growth and eradicate their aspirations. Don't give them an offramp to easyville. If you want to give, consider giving earlier, while you're still alive, during a season where your generosity can genuinely help them. That could be a true blessing.

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Enjoy the Suck

If all goes well, by year-end, one of my clients will have paid off approximately $50,000 of consumer debt in about 18 months. Two vehicles and a collection of student loans; normal stuff! They don't realize it yet, but their lives are about ready to shift into an exciting and unprecedented new realm. Nothing will ever be the same.

Whenever I bring up the idea of paying off debt to couples, most people say some variation of, "I don't want to throw away x years of my life." Translation: the only way to pay off debt is to not spend money on fun, and not spending money on fun is akin to wasting life and living in misery. Therefore, the juice isn't worth the squeeze. They would rather just enjoy life while they can, and kick the can down the road.

I've watched dozens (or hundreds) of families turn their backs on a significantly better life simply because they don't want to endure a season of sacrifice. The long-term implications of those decisions are catastrophic.

I have a little secret for you. Making sacrifices for a season to achieve a goal doesn't have to be a soul-sucking, fun-hating, misery-inducing journey. Sarah and I spent 4.5 years paying off $236,000 of crappy debt. It was the first 4.5 years of our marriage. And to be honest, the life we lived was pretty dang awesome. Did we make sacrifices? Oh yeah, brutal sacrifices. However, those sacrifices didn't define our quality of life or the meaning we experienced. Our standard of living sure suffered, but the quality of life was outstanding. We enjoyed the suck!

Today, when I look at young couples like my client mentioned above, I can't help but smile, knowing something they don't yet know. What lies on the other side of cleaning up this debt mess is a life they never knew existed. I can testify that this young couple hasn't stopped living life. In fact, I think they enjoy the suck, too! They have threaded the needle of making massive sacrifices while also enjoying their young marriage. In a few years, they will thank their former selves for paying the price for their freedom.

Enjoy the suck! Whatever sacrifice current you needs to make for future you to have a better life, do it! Don't wait. Life can be hard now or life can be hard later.......choose your hard. Sarah and I chose to enjoy the suck early. My young friends chose to enjoy the suck early. What will you choose? There's no better time to go for it than today.

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