Silver Lining to the Memory Loss

I discovered something wild yesterday while I was working in my home office. I stumbled upon a random and mysterious yellow envelope. It had been sent through the Postal Service, but I didn't recognize it. I eagerly but nervously opened it, only to discover it housed 13 handwritten cards addressed to me.

Unreal! The cards were from high school students who attended a talk I gave on December 4th. Turns out, I received this package of cards during the stretch when I was suffering cognitive function decline and short-term memory loss as a result of a neck injury. In fact, I didn't piece this together until yesterday, but I actually gave this talk the morning of the day when my cognitive function deteriorated. I remember this talk well, but I don't recall much about a family event I attended later that evening.

As I read through the cards yesterday, I couldn't help but think how this was such beautiful timing. I've had an absolutely brutal week. It was the kind of week where one can start questioning if they are actually in the right place. Is this where I belong? Am I doing the right things? Is this where I'm meant to be?

As I opened the first card and read the generous words, those doubts I had been carrying were immediately swept away. In an instant, I was jolted back to reality, a reality where I recognize I'm exactly where I'm called to be. Following meaning is a treacherous endeavor. It sometimes means turning our backs on comfort, status, material gain, and an easier path. In its place can be uncertainty, risk, pain, frustration, and heartache.

I've been on all sides of this coin: the good, the bad, and the ugly. I've experienced comfort, status, material gain, and an easier path. I've also performed a drastic 180-degree turn and ran headfirst into uncertainty, risk, pain, frustration, and heartache. I don't claim to be a know-it-all here, but I can confidently testify that despite being the hardest seven years of my life, it's been the most rewarding, fulfilling, and impactful seven years of my life. Knowing what I know now, I'd never go back to "the old way."

I hope some of you have similar stories. If so, please share them with others. In a world that pushes one way to see the world, these stories can be powerful. On the flip side, if you don't have any of these stories, perhaps now is a great time to create them. It's not supposed to be easy, but it is supposed to be rewarding.

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E

As I sit here, my brain is completely blank. I've gotten 6 hours of sleep, combined, over the past two nights. I'm absolutely fried. The tank is on E. I have so many ideas, yet at the same time, nothing is coming out. All I can seem to think about is how important sleep is and how detrimental a lack of it can be.

The word we always use is "balance." Balance, balance, balance. Everything is about balance. I used to aggressively pursue balance, but eventually, after years and years of failure, I realized balance is a myth. Balance is something that works well on paper, but terribly in real life.

Now, I can admit that getting 6 hours of sleep over two nights is never a good thing. You got me on that one. However, setting my extreme example aside, it never feels like life is balanced. Rather, it's a perpetual swinging of the pendulum from one side to the other. We're either unbalanced one way, or unbalanced the other way.

There's nothing wrong with this. In fact, I'd argue it's a healthy and normal rhythm of life. It doesn't mean we shouldn't try to maintain a healthy lifestyle; instead, it means we should simply give ourselves more grace while we try to figure it out. Every day, week, month, and season is different, and each deserves its own rhythm. We should try to embrace it for whatever it is, wherever that pendulum falls.

I'm sure my life will be perpetually unbalanced one way or another, but I hope to go easy on myself as I navigate that journey the best I can. For now, though, I'm gonna try to get some shut-eye.

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3 Men, 3 Mindsets

Today's post is inspired by a recent piece written by my great friend, Gary Hoag. If you're a longtime reader of this blog, you probably know that Gary is the inspiration and encouragement behind this blog. If you didn't know that, now you do! In either case, you should totally subscribe to Gary's daily writings.

An excerpt from Gary's recent article:

"A story is told of a visitor to London during the time of the construction of St. Paul's Cathedral, the architect of which was Sir Christopher Wren. The visitor stopped at the construction site and asked some of the workmen what they were doing. One said, 'I am working to get money to keep my family.' Another said, 'I am working here because it is the kind of work I have been trained to do.' A third man said, 'I am helping Sir Christopher Wren build a great cathedral.'"

Three different men, three different mindsets. All things being equal, I think we can assume that all three of these men were doing similar work and earning similar wages. However, they might as well have been living on different planets. Each of these men woke up in the morning, got dressed, commuted to work, and started their workday. All three of their daily routines might have also looked similar to one another.

What happened when they got to the worksite, though, is where everything changed. Sure, they were performing the same work, but the mindset behind said work changes everything.

• One man was there because work is a necessary evil.

• One man was there to put his training and skills into practice.

• One man was there to make an impact.

Three men, three mindsets.

All work matters. Your work matters! Regardless of what you're doing today, your work matters. You might make the same dollar amount regardless of your mindset (I would argue even that's up for debate), but there's no doubt which mindset will drain our tank and which mindset will satiate something deep within us. Same paycheck, drastically different experience.

We can talk all we want about our work not having to have meaning, but considering we spend half our waking hours at work, feeling meaning in our work makes a world of difference in our journey. It has the power to turn terrible into okay, okay into good, and good into great. It puts an extra pep in our step, makes the tough moments worthwhile, and juices up the wins. Regardless of what work I'm performing, I want to be more like the third man. "I am helping Sir Christopher Wren build a great cathedral."

Meaning is a choice. Apathy is a choice. Impact is a choice. Misery is a choice. Choose wisely.

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A Question From Mr. Clear

In doing some research for a potential project, I stumbled upon a Tweet yesterday afternoon. James Clear, the author of the best-selling phenomenon book, Atomic Habits, asked a profoundly meaty question:

This falls in line with my ongoing messaging about budgeting: "It's not about spending less, but rather spending better." We need to lean harder into the things that add value to our lives while simultaneously turning our backs on the things that don't. That's the recipe for finding more meaning in our money.

When I see families exhausted and frustrated by their finances, it almost always includes their unintentional spending on things that don't actually matter to them. Consequently, they don't have the resources to spend on things they actually care about. It's the ultimate emotional drain.

However, when we can be laser-focused on what actually matters to us, blocking out all the noise around us, it oftentimes feels like we got a raise. Further, life just feels better when our resources go toward valuable things. There's no worse feeling than spinning our tires by spending all our hard-earned income on stuff that doesn't move the needle in our lives.

I'll answer Mr. Clear's questions, but after I do, I challenge you to answer them for yourself.

What single expense in my life delivers the least amount of happiness per dollar spent?

• This might be an unpopular opinion in my house, but some of our streaming services. If it were up to me, we'd justhave YouTubeTV and Netflix.....that's it. However, because x show is on y platform, we subscribe to y platform. And z show is on b platform, we subscribe to b platform. In my mind, this is one of the least effective categories in our budget.

• If this is true, I should probably engage Sarah about this and see how important it is to her (and how important it is for me to push back on).

What single expense in my life delivers the most amount of happiness per dollar spent?

• Dining out, and there's not a close second. I so cherish the time our family spends dining out, whether it's a quick meal with the kids or a date night with Sarah.

• The other one I was debating was Travel, but on a dollar-for-dollar basis, dining out offers a far higher return.

• If this is true, it would argue that we should consider increasing our dining out category each month. I think we skimp on this one far too often.

Your turn.

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A Nasty Coke Habit

One of my friends recently threw an interesting question at me. He has a Coke habit. No, not kind of coke…..he has the Coca-Cola variety of habit. Every single workday, he buys a bottle of Coke from the vending machine when he gets to work. $2.50/bottle. This habit drives his wife nuts. First, why does he need a bottle of Coke every day?!?! Second, if he's going to buy a bottle of Coke, why does he need to buy it from a vending machine?!?!

I'm going to set aside any health-related considerations and focus solely on the economic/behavioral factors. Why does he need a Coke each day? Well, why do I drink a cup of black coffee every day? Why does my buddy Evan eat a little cup of yogurt (with chocolate chips) each day? Why does my son Finn eat popcorn every day after school? Because some habits help us create an enjoyable rhythm to life. A familiarity. A comfort. None of these things are needs; they are wants. For me, there's nothing more enjoyable than savoring a steaming mug of black coffee shortly after I wake up. It's a staple habit of my day. Regardless of the cost, this small, repeatable habit adds significant value to my life. My friend's bottle of Coke falls into that same camp. It gives him something to look forward to. 

But what about the vending machine? Why wouldn't he just buy a case of bottles at Costco, then bring one to work each day? After all, that would make a lot more economic sense. He couldn't justify himself (to the ire of his wife), but I immediately spotted it. The ritual of buying his drink means way more than he realizes. The walk to the machine, the conversation he has with his friend while at the machine, the sound of clicking quarters, watching the bottle tumble down to the chute, and extracting the ice-cold bottle from the little door. Further, this little ritual isn't simply a ritual; it's a trigger. The moment he practices his ritual is a proverbial switch flipping in him. That's the moment he shifts from his personal self to his professional self. It's game time! He's ready to tackle the day.

Without realizing it, he long ago established a trigger that lets him turn on the engine. He's amazing at his job, and I would argue that this practice has played a positive role in his journey. By my math, he spends north of $600/year on this "dumb habit," as his wife refers to it. In my opinion, though, it might be one of the best financial investments in his life. A simple joy, a tangible trigger, a moment of normalcy. I'm not a pop drinker, but I think it's pretty dang cool. 

I have a few similar habits in my life, and perhaps you do, too. Whatever they are, I encourage you to not unfairly judge them as "wastes" or "irresponsible." Each of us needs to find a rhythm that allows us to experience normalcy, meet a simple want, and act as a trigger to something even more important in the journey. 

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Blind Spots, In Action

Yesterday's post was on the spicier side, not because of my words, but because of the overarching subject matter. Several of my friends reached out yesterday (in love) to suggest I stay clear of these types of topics and instead keep my focus on my core mission. If you stuck with me and you're back today, I hope you'll see how it all fits together.

"Our blind spots are killing us. They are killing our relationships, our personal growth, and our success." Those were some of my parting words in yesterday's post. Despite clear evidence right in front of us, we humans tend to see only what we want to see.

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Many years ago, one of my young friends was struggling to land a good job. He was extraordinarily bright, charming, and driven. In his words, he was "overqualified" for all the jobs he was applying for, thus resulting in him being repeatedly turned down for job opportunities. In a fun little twist of circumstances, my team was hiring, and I thought he might be a good fit. I invited him to apply, and he eagerly obliged.

The interview was a disaster. While he was, in fact, a bright, charming, and driven young man, he came across as arrogant, condescending, and entitled. He presented himself as a know-it-all, made terrible eye contact, and overall, lacked professionalism.

Needless to say, he didn't get hired. The entire situation was a dumpster fire. On the heels of this debacle, he again lamented to me about how he's simply too "overqualified" for most jobs, and he's a victim of his elevated abilities. When I shared some feedback from the interview process, he immediately dismissed me, seeing only what he wanted to see. If he could overcome his blind spots, he would have easily been able to develop his interview skills, allowing his true giftedness an opportunity to flourish.

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In the past few years, I've met with countless young couples who are struggling with their finances. As we work through the numbers and their personal financial situations, they offer their perspective on what's happening: "The Boomers have ruined our economy, and it's nearly impossible for our generation to succeed. The entire system is stacked against us, and nobody gives a s#$t." The exact words of one of these disgruntled people.

Translation: they are victims of overarching systemic issues. Inflation, high housing prices, a tough job market, stagnant wages.....the list goes on. While I'm not arguing that these things do or don't exist, I think there's more to the story.

Here's what I uncovered. Their financial lives were comprised of a series of terrible and destructive decisions. They've structured their lives in such a way that they constantly back themselves into financial corners. However, since they only see what they want to see, they are blind (and defiant) to these dynamics. If they could overcome their blind spots, they could easily gain control of their finances and set themselves free from the misery that's been bestowed upon them.

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Lastly, I'll share the story of Sam. Like millions of Americans, Sam is in tens of thousands of dollars of consumer debt...$59,000 to be exact. Credit cards, car loans, student loans. Everything he's been told his whole life indicates he's screwed, and there's no way out. A debt-filled life is inevitable. I walked him through a simple but effective process that would free him from all this debt within 24 hours. "Impossible!" The black-and-white numbers said it was doable, but he saw only evidence of the doomed nature of his life. If he could overcome his blind spots, he could transform his life.

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These blind spots are so very real. They aren't just costing us dollars and cents; they are costing us our freedom, our dreams, our callings, and our meaning. Please don't allow your blind spots rob you of what could otherwise be something truly special.

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Win the Moment

Two nights ago, we held our annual State of the Union meeting for our Northern Vessel Coffee team. It was great to gather everyone in the room together. We shared laughs, enjoyed food, discussed friction points, and cast a vision for the year to come. In short, our 2026 strategy is boring: No major changes. No shiny objects. No distractions. We're simply going to lock in and endeavor to become more excellent at every aspect of our business.

The idea of "no shiny objects" came up a few times. In the past, we've always had some audacious idea in the works; something to look forward to. Some were massive successes, and others were epic failures. This year, however, there is no such shiny object.

I felt moved in the moment and shared something with the team. For me, there is something better than a shiny object: the moment. Every single person we have the privilege of serving creates a moment—a brief moment of their life for us to make a positive impact. A moment of encouragement. A moment of laughter. A moment of mourning. A moment of being seen. A moment of support. A moment of something.

My best advice and encouragement for the team is to "win the moment." Our team is blessed with the opportunity to create thousands of moments. Each offers the possibility for us to "win the moment." Not "win" in the sense of competition or achievement, but rather, making a difference for good. It's hard to fully explain what I mean, but a Google review came in yesterday that sums it up so beautifully:

"The best part of our day." Our team won the moment. They created something special out of what could have otherwise been a mere transaction. This person didn't merely buy coffee; they shared an experience.

Shiny objects are fun (and oftentimes euphoric), but choosing to win the moments of life is far more satiating and lasting than any of that. That's my encouragement today. Whatever you're doing today or this week, win the moment. The opportunities are right there in front of you; it only requires us to step into them.

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Terrible Reasons

One of my clients recently gave me the surprise of a lifetime. After making so much progress, primarily due to their sacrifice and discipline, they arrived at a coaching meeting with a new priority: purchasing a new car. And not just any car, but a $75,000 vehicle they absolutely can't afford. When I asked them what drove this recent development, one of the spouses responded, "All of our family and friends are buying new vehicles. We make good money, so we think we deserve to buy something nice, too."

That's a terrible reason to buy a new vehicle! First, I don't know the financial situation of any of their friends or family, but assuming they follow general demographic trends, they can't afford these vehicles, either. I've seen more $1,000/month vehicle payments than I care to admit, and I can testify that they are more common than most people would believe.

Just because our friends and family are making insane decisions, it doesn't mean we should follow suit. This awesome young couple is doing so well with their finances, and their impulses to keep up with the Joneses have the potential of erasing 18 months of hard-fought progress.

This is the battle we all face. Every day is a gauntlet of more. A gauntlet of comparison. A gauntlet of jealousy. A gauntlet of social media highlight reels. And every day, we must stay strong and stick to our knitting.

Sarah's vehicle has 220,000 miles, and mine has 150,000. We're about due for some new purchases. However, those purchases cannot come at the expense of our integrity, our peace, and our plan. We have specific goals for our lives, and we're not about to let a materialistic urge set us back. Instead, we're taking intentional steps each month to prepare for a vehicle transition. I can promise it's not a $75,000 transition, though. We know the budget we need to hit to thread the needle of getting what we need.....for a cost we can afford to pay in cash. It won't be the flashiest vehicle on the lot, but it will allow our family to continue down the path we're called to walk. It will allow us to walk in peace. It will allow us the margin to fight the battles that life throws at us. That, friends, is a win. Not a sexy win, but a massive, life-giving win.

Don't let the urge for more knock you off the path toward better. Don't unwind years of progress for a fleeting feeling of euphoria. It's not worth it. It's never worth it.

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A Blank Canvas

Happy New Year, everyone! I don't know why, but this day gives me so much hope, optimism, and excitement each year. I've felt that way since I was a little kid, and that feeling never fades. I think what excites me so much is that it always feels like a blank canvas.

It's a clean slate, a fresh start, a new beginning. That canvas is so crisp, so clean, so empty. We are the artists. The brushes and paints are in our hands. What will we do with that opportunity? Will we continue to fall into the same traps as before? Will we fall prey to the ongoing pressures of our world? Will we take the path of least resistance and simply keep doing what we've always done?

Or, will we decide to carve a new path, a different path? Will we etch out a new storyline that has the potential to fundamentally transform our lives forever?

I feel the constant tension between continuing down the exact same road I'm on and having the courage to pivot. I see the hope and promise of what could be, but am I brave enough to go for it?

The same goes for you. You have a blank canvas in front of you. Today is day #1. This is where it begins. What masterpiece will you create with the blank canvas that lies before you? I can't wait to find out.

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Those Things Are Cool, But….

Christmas is my favorite time of the year. It always has been, and I hope it always will be. There are so many things to like!

• I like the songs.

• I like the lights and decorations.

• I like the food.

• I like the trees.

• I like the snow.

• I like the traditions.

• I like the movies.

So many things to like!! Those things are cool, but for me, it's Jesus. I enjoy every part of Christmas, but as I've grown older, it's the celebration of our faith that I love most.

It's so easy to get lost in all the trappings of our culture's definition of Christmas; it can be intoxicating. But if you're a Christian, it's important to slow down and recognize the focal point of our annual celebration.

Whatever you're doing today, I hope it's a beautiful experience! Merry Christmas, everyone!

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Wanted: More “Jerk” Friends

What was intended to be a tongue-in-cheek homage to one of my friends yesterday turned into something bigger than I ever imagined. I received countless texts, e-mails, and phone calls about it. People shared stories about how "jerk" friends in their lives have made a huge impact on them. People shared stories about times they had to step in and be the jerk to someone they loved. A few people shared about how they would take a bullet for their jerk friends. Then, someone said this:

"I wish I had some jerk friends in my life. I think my life would have turned out different if I did. Everyone around me just always affirmed whatever I wanted to do. Hope you know how lucky you are to have some "jerks" in your life."

It reminds me of a conversation I had a few years ago with a former colleague. This dude is seriously successful by the world's standards. He has a fancy job with a fancy title, and the compensation package to go with it. His family lives in a big house, drives beautiful cars, travels to exotic locations, and lives a lifestyle that makes their social media followers drool.

He and I were talking about an upcoming trip I was taking to the Boundary Waters with some of my closest friends. I shared how much some of those guys meant to me and how much impact those trips have on me. Then, he said something that shocked me: "I don't have a single friend like that. To be honest, I'm not sure I have any friend I would call that type of friend."

"Why not?" I asked.

"I don't have time. Work is just too busy. Has been for years. I kind of had to let the friend thing go."

This guy might be wealthy, but is he rich? As a society, I think we need to think long and hard about this question. What is rich? Is it money? Is it stuff? Is it status? I'll die on the hill and say "no" to all of those. Wealth is wealth, but rich is something entirely different altogether. Wealth sits in a bank account and looks impressive on social media. Rich runs through our veins and into our souls. Rich creates a depth to our lives that no money, stuff, or status could ever replicate.

I don't care if you're wealthy or not, but I deeply desire you to live a rich life. If you want a hint on where to start, look at the people you surround yourself with. Find people who move the needle in your life, and vice versa. Invest in them. Embrace them, and never take them for granted. Regardless of what life throws at you, those people will add a richness to life that nothing can take away.

Merry Christmas Eve, all. I hope you have a wonderful and blessed day!

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My Friend Is a Jerk

My family has been eagerly anticipating an upcoming trip to Asia. It will be Finn and Pax's first time to Asia, and showing them that region of the world is one of the biggest excitements of my life. In fact, most people don't know that our family was slated to partially relocate to Asia several years ago. Our plan was to split our year between the U.S. and Asia. We sold our house, significantly downsized, and rented a townhome that would be easy to maintain in our absence. All that remained was to purchase our plane tickets. Then, COVID struck a week later, and unraveled our best-laid plans. Oh well, such is life.

Back to our upcoming trip. Needless to say, I'm beyond excited for this trip. But then, my family got uninvited. My friend, who is clearly a jerk, told me I'm not allowed to come now. Can you believe the audacity?!?! I was pretty frustrated with him. I was excited to see him, my other friends, and the amazing culture we would engage with. However, he had to pull a jerk move and crush my hopes and dreams.

He added (paraphrased): "I love you too much to allow you to make this decision for yourself. You need to take care of yourself and your health. There will be lots more trips for us in the future. But you need to sit this one out. I'm not going to force you to make this difficult decision, so I'm making it for you."

He's referring to my recent neck injury and the devastation it's caused to my life. I've regained my cognitive function and my short-term memory, but life is still challenging physically. His biggest worries are how the 36-hour travel days, endless time in vehicles, and constant grind this trip will risk the recent progress I've made. He's not wrong........unfortunately.

While I don't love his jerk move, I love how well he loves me. We need people like this in our lives. People who will love us well enough to NOT tell us what we want to hear. People who will love us well enough to NOT allow us to hurt ourselves. People who will love us well enough to NOT sit back idly while we make stupid decisions.

There have been countless studies done about the science of happiness. Money makes us really, really happy......until our needs are met. Then, once our needs are met (plus a little more), money doesn't move the needle too much. The studies show that three things definitely do, though:

• Work that matters

• Generosity

• Meaningful relationships

Meaningful relationships. Man, I can't even explain how much my friends mean to me. I'd give up every penny in my life for those I'm closest to. There are a handful of people in my life who will joyfully be the biggest jerks in the world in order to save me from myself. That's love. That's meaning. That's happiness. I'm eternally grateful for each of them!

I'm so brutally upset that I have to miss this upcoming trip with my family, but I need to do what's right, regardless of how frustrating it is. I hope you have some jerk friends who will do this for you, too.

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Plan D

With most of our holiday plans cancelled due to my recent health issues and Pax's flu bug, I've been trying to think creatively. Yesterday morning, while we were watching some football highlights from the day before, I had an idea. I realized our Iowa State Cyclones men's basketball team had a home game later in the day. Ticket prices have been wild this season, though! Since the Cyclones are ranked #4 in the country, the get-in price to most games has been $75/person.

Then, it dawned on me. Yesterday's game was being played under unique circumstances:

• We were 39-point favorites against the opponent (i.e., it probably wouldn't be a "good" game).

• It's a Sunday night right before Christmas (i.e., many people probably can't go).

• The college students are on break (i.e., many other people probably can't go, either).

I jumped on my ol' trusty, SeatGeek, to see what tickets were available. You wanna know what I found?!?! Courtside tickets for $65/person!! $65/person for third row?!?! I asked Pax if he wanted to go, and he lit up.

Seven hours later, as the game was about to start, and we were settled into our section waiting for the game to begin, Pax looked at me and exclaimed, "Best! Seats! Ever!" He had never experienced something like that before, and he had the time of his life. He was even shown on ESPN's broadcast! Despite being in a ridiculous amount of pain from my recent neck injury, it truly was a special time together. I wouldn't have given up that time for anything.

As we were pulling into the driveway later in the evening, I said, "I'll remember that one forever, bud." "Me, too, Dad. That was the coolest night ever."

My plan A this season fell apart. My plan B for this season fell apart. My plan C for this season fell apart. A part of me wants to just give up. It's too difficult! I'm in too much pain. I'm mourning the loss of what I was most hoping for. It feels like too much. However, quitting sucks. We're moving on to Plan D, and so far, Plan D has been pretty fun.

Whatever life is throwing at you, keep moving forward. You might not end up right where you had hoped, but you just might end up somewhere as cool as it was unexpected.

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Next Man Down

Three weeks ago today, I wrote a piece about the importance of savoring the holiday season. In the last paragraph, I included the following sentence: "I'm excited for this holiday season, but as always, I'm nervous I'll find a way to screw it up." That was a tremendously foreshadow-y quote, considering that my life was dramatically altered just hours after I published that piece. That's when my neck injury escalated, my cognitive impairment developed, and I began a multi-week journey to simply regain a sense of "normal."

I arrived back home last night after spending the week at a client site in Nebraska. I was tremendously grateful for the opportunity to get back to work after being essentially incapacitated for two weeks, and it was awesome to get myself back up and running. Fortunately, my remaining brain fog and level-9 pain subsided by Monday night, and I was able to battle through a level-5 slog for the remainder of the week. All in all, I'm so appreciative of the week I had and the work completed.

Less than 20 minutes after arriving home last night, one of my little guys vomited on me. He missed the last two days of school this week with the flu (he looks pitiful), and he's in a world of hurt.

Needless to say, we're limping into Christmas. We were supposed to spend this weekend enjoying the holiday spirit in downtown Chicago: cancelled. Their cousins were supposed to visit while I was away: cancelled. Other fun Christmas-themed events: cancelled.

We have two options:

1. Complain about how sour the lemons taste

2. Make lemonade

I don't know what the coming days will look like in the Shelton household, but we'll refocus and find different ways to create fun memories and enjoy our time together.

Is your holiday season going perfectly like a Hallmark Christmas movie? If so, soak it all in! Enjoy the good fortune. Make the most of it. And for the other 80% of you who might be living in a Lifetime Christmas movie, embrace it for whatever it is. Pivot, adjust, make the best of your "unique" opportunity. Know you're not alone.....despite what everyone else's perfect social media feed might say.

Happy pre-Christmas weekend, everyone! Hope you have an awesome day!

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Rudderless

I recently saw a heartbreaking video of a 40-year-old man who claims that he has wasted his entire life. He goes on to explain that his entire adult life has been spent just jumping from one shiny object to another, and after 20 years, he has nothing to show for it.

While I felt tremendous empathy for him, it made me think about the millions of people who share similar feelings about their own lives. When I think about this cohort of individuals, one word comes to mind: rudderless.

We live in a culture that says we should do anything and everything we want in the moment. As long as it feels good and "makes us happy," we should go for it. I think this is some of the most toxic and short-sighted advice known to man.Making decisions to get what we want right now is often a sure-fire way to ensure we don't get what matters most later.

I think some people would argue I make a lot of crazy decisions in life.....and I wouldn't argue with them. Here's the framework by which I assess my own decisions:

• Where am I trying to end up?

• Will this particular choice get me closer to or further away from where I'm trying to go?

• Am I willing to pay the cost of this decision?

All three of these questions matter. If we don't know where we're trying to go, we don't even know what direction we're trying to steer the boat. If we don't know if xyz decisions will move us closer to or further away from the destination, we have no true rudder to keep us pointed in the right direction. If we're not willing to do what it takes to make it happen, we shouldn't kid ourselves.

Truly focusing on these questions can be an eye-opening endeavor. There are so many shiny objects that come across my periphery. I so badly want to say yes to many of them! However, if I'm being honest with myself, many of these shiny objects can and would pull me away from where I'm trying to go. They would feel really, really good in the moment, but they would hinder the path I'm on.

This is one of the most humbling aspects of the human experience. To say "no" to the things we want now in exchange for the things we want most is one of the most challenging tasks we're assigned in life.

I'm not saying I always get it right, but when I look back at my last 25 years of life, I've succeeded more times than I've failed. I hope you feel the same, but if not, you still have so many more good years left in you to right the ship. Stabilize your rudder, make the difficult decisions, and move yourself closer to where you need to go. It rarely feels worth it in the moment, but it ALWAYS feels worth it in the end.

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Celebrate

Last night was our Northern Vessel team Christmas party. In all the chaos of the holiday season, it was fun to slow down and celebrate the awesome year we've had together. Lots of laughs. Lots of stories. Lots of optimism for what's to come.

At the same time, however, it's been a brutal few weeks for me. Between the neck injury, basement flood, loss of memory for nearly a week, perpetual neck and back pain, and the loss of lots of income due to my incapacitation, it doesn't necessarily feel like a time to celebrate. However, I celebrated. Regardless of how much crap I've gone through recently, there's always something to celebrate.

More than anything, I'm just trying to approach life through the lens of gratitude. It's so easy for me to wallow in my own self-pity, but if I'm really honest with myself, I'm blessed beyond belief. Last night, I chose to celebrate.

My pain is somewhat overwhelming at the moment, so I'm going to keep this short. I know you probably have your fair share of junk, baggage, and pain following you around. For whatever truth lies in that statement, just know I have a ton of empathy for you. At the same time, I bet you have countless things to be grateful for. Whatever that is, celebrate it. Don't gloss over the fact that you have so many blessings in your life.

Let's celebrate this season. When things are great, celebrate. When things feel absolutely terrible, celebrate. Always celebrate. I don't know what the next few weeks have in store for me, but even if I'm completely bedridden, I'm gonna celebrate. I hope you do the same.

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Coffee, Milk, Sugar, and ___

My apologies for not responding to the flood of messages I've received from this week's posts. It's been challenging to reply in my current physical condition, but I'm grateful for all the comments and insights, and I look forward to going through them soon!!

I received an interesting text on the heels of my recent post about how we need to think about impact, not inputs. In the post, I discussed my chiropractor through two different lenses. On one hand, his $50 fee for a 7-minute adjustment means I'm paying him $240/hour for his time. I think that's a lame way to look at life. On the other hand, you could view the $50 as an investment toward having a functional body to increase your quality of life. Impact, not inputs.

Here's the text message I received after publishing that article: "That thought process may work for some things, but not most. At the end of the day a coffee is a coffee. There's no way to spin that one. You're buying a commodity, simple as that."

Ouch! Is that true? Is a coffee a coffee? TJ, my Northern Vessel co-owner, and I talk about this often! Here's how we think about it. We're not actually a coffee company. We're a hospitality company that happens to serve coffee. Hospitality is the core of what we do. It's our blank canvas. And the coffee is our paint.

If we're really going to boil this down, a typical coffee drink is just some ratio of three inputs: coffee, milk, and sugar. Three commodities blended into a finished commodity-ish product. There are hundreds of places to get a latte in every city, never mind the cheaper and more convenient coffee alternatives we have in our own homes. If what my friend is saying is true, why would people tirelessly wait in a line 30 people deep at a shop that arguably has the highest prices in the state?

Let's just pretend we have the best drinks in the city. Even then, the high prices combined with the massive lines would surely dampen our customer flow if people were simply there to buy a coffee, a commodity.

Which brings us back to my original thesis. We're not a coffee company. We're a hospitality company that sells coffee. What we sell is an experience, a feeling, a community. We want to offer people an experience that could be the highlight of their day. We hope the coffee is amazing, too, but it goes so much deeper than that.

We received this comment on an Instagram post yesterday:

"The coffee is amazing but I would stop here even if it wasn't because of how I feel when I walk in and how I feel when I leave." I don't know this woman, but her beautiful sentence stabs me right in the heart and synthesizes thousands of hours of work we've put into this. I'm so touched by her words, and I'm grateful she gave our team an opportunity to brighten her day.

Every single product or service we buy or sell, WITHOUT EXCEPTION, must be viewed through the lens of impact, not inputs. It goes so much deeper, and that depth is what turns business from something seemingly boring and sterile to life-giving beauty.

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When the Brain Isn't Braining

My neck and back injury has only gotten worse as the week progressed, reaching a point yesterday where it started impacting my cognitive ability. My brain doesn't seem to be braining right now. It's a surreal experience to be aware, in the moment, that the brain isn't firing on all cylinders. The amount of pain and discomfort I have in my neck is overwhelming my system.

It's wild how much we take for granted the "normal" in our lives. Normal gets a bad wrap because normal can feel boring. However, boring is good. I so badly wish I could have "normal" right now. I wish I could just be me, just living my life. I would give literally anything to be normal again.

All around me, I'm watching folks experience the loss of normal: layoffs, terminal illness diagnoses, loss of family members, and other painful moments. If you're living your normal life today, big props to you. Please don't overlook that or take it for granted. Your normal, despite its challenges and shortcomings, is still awesome.

I pray for normal in my life. I pray to feel better. I pray to be up and about. I pray for my brain to start braining. This isn't a sob story, or a call for pity. Rather, it's an opportunity to shine the light on how we shouldn't take normal for granted. We shouldn't wish it away. We shouldn't demean it in comparison to someone else's.

I hope to write to you tomorrow with a fresher head and more complete thoughts, but for today, this is probably the best I got. I hope you have a great (and normal!!!!) day.

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Memories Don’t Discriminate

Earlier this week, Sarah and I took the boys to see Elf in the movie theater. It was one of those cool theaters where they serve you dinner during the movie. The real magic happened the night before, though, when we shared the news of this upcoming family outing. Both boys immediately screamed in excitement and jumped wildly around the kitchen. Blood-curdling screams of euphoria. Eardrum-piercing screams of joy. To go watch a 20+ year-old movie they've seen a dozen times.

Memories don't discriminate. Those boys reacted as if we were surprising them with a trip to Disney, except our surprise cost $80, not $8,000. I know I beat on this drum often, but I don't think there are enough reps to appropriately make this point. Memories are memories because they are memories. We need not spend tons of money to create them. Financial resources are NOT the prerequisite to memories. Memories don't discriminate.

We're living in a time where more and more people feel frustrated and defeated. Families are struggling financially. The tension is tightly wound. It can sometimes feel like it's all too much.

I hate that for everyone living in that reality. At the same time, however, I want to encourage parents to create memories regardless of financial resources. Sure, expensive memories are expensive, but affordable memories are affordable. At the end of the day, however, memories don't discriminate. Years down the road, your kids won't remember how much (or how little) a memory cost their parents. All they will know is how the memory made them feel.

As such, create, create, create. Use whatever creativity and resources you do have to create the coolest memories possible for your family. Don't give up or feel defeated. Drive around and look at Christmas lights. Go get hot chocolates and watch the carolers. Open Netflix and snuggle up to a holiday classic on the couch. Make tree ornaments or gingerbread houses. Volunteer together at a local shelter or food pantry. Find a big hill to sled. Just make memories! Memories don't discriminate.

Regardless of where you stand financially this season, you have an opportunity to make this the best Christmas season ever, abounding in memories and experiences. Make it happen, and enjoy the ride!

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Forced Simplicity: Flood Edition

In the midst of trying to regain normal functionality in my neck and back, our family was hit with a devastating event yesterday. While the kids were getting ready for school, I ran down to my home office to address a quick client issue. As I walked down the stairs, I was met with a flooded basement. Wow. Just wow.

Over the next 30 minutes, Sarah, the boys, and I frantically moved every item out of the impacted rooms. Let's just say it was a disaster! Some of the items were in tubs, but not all. A LOT of things were completely soaked.

Yeah, the entire thing is absolutely gutting. It's miserable to say the least. However, Sarah and I are trying to find the silver lining in a terrible situation. Remember how I recently wrote about my newfound interest in minimalism and the pursuit of simplicity? Well, this brutal flood experience is forcing us to simplify.

Whether we like it or not, we are now forced to purge stuff as a result of the water damage. Sarah spent the better part of the day going through all the boxes and tubs that were exposed to the water. It was ultimately a beautiful exercise. Lots of stuff got tossed, even more will be donated to other kids/families, and some we'll keep. Fast forward to next week, and our lives will inevitably be simpler.

While Sarah and I were lamenting the horror of the entire situation, we both acknowledged that the basement will never be the same after this.....and that's a great thing. Simplicity, even when forced, can be a great thing.

I can't say I appreciate all this happening to us, but as I always try to remember, blessings come from even the worst of situations. I've already begun the process of simplifying my life, and now, Sarah just might buy into it as well. It's going to be a long process to get back to normal, but I fully believe we'll be better for it.

While I don't wish any bad upon you, when (not if) it strikes your household, I pray you find (and embrace) the silver lining in it. We can't avoid pain altogether, but we can commit to using a piece of it for good.

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