Simplify, Simplify, Simplify

One of the biggest myths in the personal finance space is the idea that in order to be financially successful, one must have sophisticated or complex finances. In most cases, the opposite is true. Simple wins.

I recently sat down with a couple to help them understand their financial structure. However, it took me a while to understand it before I could even help them understand it. Money was coming and going every which way, and they had bank accounts coming out of their ears. They practically needed a treasure map to adequately interpret the lay of the land.

When I explained to this couple how I structure my personal finances and how I coach other families to do it, they looked shocked. How in the world can it be that simple?!?! After having a similar conversation with two more people yesterday, I thought I'd share it with a wider audience. Want to know just how simple this can be? I'll show you the base structure for day-to-day finances that works fantastically for most couples:

• ONE Joint Checking Account. This is the account to which all income flows in, and all expenses flow out. Each person has a debit card tied to this checking account.

• ONE Emergency Fund. This is a savings account tied to the above checking account. The purpose of this money is to save us in the event of an emergency. It may not earn much interest, but the money can be accessed at a moment's notice, when life punches.

• Sinking Funds. A few named savings accounts are used to save for specific categories. Car, house, travel, and medical are common categories. These are future expenditures that cannot always be absorbed via the monthly budget (such as the $1,600 car repair bill I experienced yesterday). Sinking funds can be housed at the same institution as the two accounts above, but they don't have to be.

That's it. Seriously, if all you have are those accounts, you're positioned to be more successful than 90% of people out there. It's the introduction of credit cards, multiple checking accounts, and random, unpurposeful savings accounts that complicate things. In my professional experience, every layer of complexity that gets stripped away brings people closer to their money.....and ultimately, their goals.

I suspect I'll take some heat for this one, but after working with hundreds of families and diving into the behavioral science of these concepts, I'll die on this hill. Simplify, simplify, simplify. There's no way to outsmart simple. When we spend less time thinking about what goes where and more time on trying to live a meaningful life, the finances become the easiest thing in the world.

You don't have to fully buy into this idea, but I challenge you to simplify one thing in your finances this month. If it makes your life better or easier, simplify one more next month. Repeat. I don't think you'll regret it.

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Ridiculous or Not

One of my friends caught wind of something "ridiculous" my wife spent money on. I'm not sure whether he heard it from his wife or from me, but he's right: Sarah's purchase did fall into my definition of "ridiculous."

"Why would you let her spend money on x thing that you don't even agree with? I would have just said no."

Are any spouses seething yet? Good, let the anger soak in for a moment.

Here was my two-fold response:

First, I don't "let" her do anything. Our financial decisions are joint, and she has just as much say as I do. I don't give her an allowance like a child. She negotiates for what she believes is important when we construct our monthly budget.

Which brings me to my second point. If it's important to her, it's important to me......period. Even if I think something is ridiculous (and I often do with Sarah!), that doesn't matter. If it moves the needle for her, I must support her in that. Therefore, when it's important to her, it's important to me. Something fun happens when we take that posture: It gets reciprocated. I promise I spend money on things that Sarah thinks are absolutely ridiculous, too. But just like me, she supports my ridiculousness because it's important to me.

Yes, we should have financial unity in marriage. I'll 100% die on that hill. It's critical to a successful marriage and to successful household finances. That doesn't mean both spouses will value every expenditure equally. Some expenditures will be more your thing, and others will be more your partner's thing. That's okay! That's what makes you a team, and that's what it looks like to sacrifice for each other.

So, yes, I suspect Sarah will continue to desire "ridiculous" purchases. I'll support her every step of the way. If it's important to her, it's important to me.

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Allergic to Numbers

Allergies are common in today's society. Some people are allergic to food. Some people are allergic to pollen. Some people are allergic to medications. My wife, Sarah, is allergic to numbers. Strange, I know! If it involves numbers, counting, dollars, or math, she's out. She's been this way since the day I met her, and I suspect will be the same until the day she dies.

Yesterday, I received the following text from her:

That's right. Numbers. Math. Dollars. This text was her first communication for the negotiation of March's budget. Each month, for the last 200 months, Sarah and I have negotiated a budget for our household. Yes, she's allergic to numbers, but that doesn't exclude her from the process. Yes, I make 99% of our family's income, but that doesn't exclude her from the process. Yes, I'm a professional in this area, but that doesn't exclude her from the process.

I create a draft budget, she reviews it, she provides initial feedback, and then we negotiate. Once the budget is final, we both commit to honoring said budget until the completion of the month. Then, we do it again next month. This is what a team looks like. We each have roles in the process, but we both must be accountable and engaged.

One of my clients recently said they have no idea how they even lived their lives before budgeting became a fixture in their marriage. That resonated with me. If it weren't for Sarah and I's discipline in this area of our lives, there's zero chance we'd be anywhere close to where we are now. Frankly, I'm not sure we'd even have a marriage. The tension that finances have on marriages is massive. In fact, financial tension is the number one cause of divorce in America. That's wild....and sad! My running joke (not joke) with clients is that "Sarah and I have enough issues that we can't afford money to be one of them."

How long does it take me to create the first draft of the budget? Probably 10 minutes. How long does it take for Sarah and me to negotiate the final budget? Probably another 10 minutes. How long does it take me to track our budget each month? Probably 30-40 total minutes throughout the month. Therefore, approximately 60 minutes per month is the difference between living in constant tension, friction, and unknown vs. watching all our dreams come true, with unity.

It's a small price to pay for unquestionable, uncapped upside.

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Managing the Puzzle Pieces

A few days ago, Sarah and the boys came home from a shopping trip. They went to the store to pick up a fun item that, in my opinion, would cost around $25. However, when they came home, they immediately said it had cost $110 instead. Whoa. That's a big delta between expectation and reality.

Sarah must have picked up on my lack of a good poker face. Translation: I had the look of disgust on my face. That wasn't my intention, but the cat was out of the bag. She immediately began throwing out next steps:

• Take it back.

• Subsidize this unnecessary purchase with her own personal spending money.

• Make the kids save up and pay for a portion of it.

I quickly refused all of these options. Instead, I said we should keep this item and manage the monthly Kids spending category accordingly. This purchase, in and of itself, isn't a bad thing. Rather, what happens next will dictate that. That's the beauty of budgeting. Sarah can spend whatever she wants on whatever category she wants......as long as we don't overspend the categories. Therefore, even though she spent a TON on this item, it can still fit within the broader context of our budget. There's a cost. There's a consequence. Perhaps it means not buying the kids a pair of shoes. Perhaps itmeans we do a few less extra treats. Perhaps we go to one less kid's event. It's not about refraining from spending on "wants," but managing the puzzle pieces well.

Every category should be managed this way. Set a dollar amount, then live. Don't guilt yourself. Don't starve yourself of a purchase. Don't live in constant regret. Don't second-guess your partner. Set the budget, then manage the puzzle pieces accordingly. One of the best gifts I can give my wife is to entrust her to manage the pieces however she feels best. I don't question her purchases. I don't criticize her purchases. If she's managing the pieces well and we're staying on track, she's winning; we're winning.

Spouses, this might be what the doctor ordered to reduce financial tension in your marriage. We don't have to look over each other's shoulders. We don't have to question. We don't have to criticize. We don't have to live in fear every time an Amazon box shows up at the door.

1. Negotiate the budget each month. Set category-by-category targets.

2. Live your life.

3. Manage the pieces to fit life within the parameters you set.

4. Trust each other.

5. Track your spending along the way.

6. Know where you landed.

7. Repeat.

There's a freedom in not having to care about every expenditure our partner makes, trusting that by the end of the month, the targets set in the original budget have been honored.

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The Little Things Are the Big Things

Growing up in the 90s west of Chicago, I was obsessed with the Chicago Cubs. In fact, I made at least one trip to Wrigley Field per year for 20 consecutive years. I love that place. And in the 90s, there was no better place to sit than the right field bleachers. There was nothing like the moment Sammy Sosa made his dramatic run-out to start the game. The fans, including me, would lose their minds.

Despite being a huge Sammy Sosa fan, he always drove me nuts. He wanted to hit a home run on every pitch. Without fail, every single swing was an attempt to club the ball 500 feet, which resulted in so many strikeouts. It's hard to blame him, though, as he was one of the best long-ball hitters ever. However, I couldn't help but think that maybe his swing-for-the-fences-on-every-pitch approach did more harm than good.

A blog reader recently shared a story about how someone in his life wanted “a big plan." Caveat: No budget. A budget is too small. He was looking for something bigger. Budgets are like singles or doubles......he wanted to hit that home run (or maybe a grand slam!).

This resonated with me, as I've seen this play out with clients before. The budget can seem so small, so insignificant. But just like in the case of Sammy Sosa, I can't help but think how much more effective people could be by focusing on the small things, too. I'll take it a step further. Sometimes, the small things are the big things.

A while back, I started working with a couple that made $500,000+ per year. The income was rolling in! When we started working together, they requested that we skip the entire budgeting component of my coaching. And by "requested," I mean they insisted. Reluctantly, but with warning, I obliged.

Fast forward six months, and the couple was displeased with their progress. They set some big goals (home run swings) and went into it with a lot of confidence, yet six months in, they hadn't achieved much (several strikeouts). That's when I reintroduced the budgeting idea to them. In their minds (and words), budgeting was something "poor people had to do." I laughed and explained that not only is budgeting for high earners, but it's actually more important for high earners to budget than lower earners.

Fortunately, and probably for a lack of alternatives, they decided to trust the process for a season. In just the first month, they made more progress toward their very large goal than in the six prior months combined. Why? Because they focused on the little things. Sometimes, the little things are the big things.

I know I beat a dead horse on this topic, but it's so, so important. When we do the small things well, it unlocks the big things. When we focus on getting singles and doubles, we'll score far more runs (and incur far fewer strikeouts) than had we just swung for the fences every pitch.

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Our Bellies (and Minds) Deceive Us

In the middle of a client meeting, I brought up the couple's rampant overspending on dining out. To provide some context, for the past few months, this couple had overspent their monthly dining out budget by hundreds of dollars. In fact, just the prior month, the couple spent $1,000 on this category (vs. their $500 budget). Considering the couple was struggling to meet their financial goals, this category was clearly becoming an elephant in the room. When I mentioned the overspending, one spouse jumped in: "What do you mean we overspent on dining out?!?! We hardly ever go out to eat!"

The second spouse added, "Yeah, we maybe go out to eat once per week. And when we do, it's usually just fast food."

"If that's true, how do you explain the $1,000 you spent last week?" I asked.

"We didn't. No way. Zero chance."

That's when I pulled out the transaction log. 42 transactions were allocated to dining out. I don't know about you, but 42 card swipes at restaurants over a 30-day window doesn't feel like "hardly ever go out to eat."

They were stunned. 42 times!?!? We scanned the list. Yep, yep, yep, yep. All those happened......it just didn't feel like it in the moment. A quick meal here. A pit stop on the way home from practice there. It doesn't take much for a $500 dining out budget to accidentally balloon to $1,000, or $1,500, or even $2,000. The moment we lose intentionality and discipline, all bets are off.

I told this couple not to feel guilty; it happens to the best of us! I think we've all been there before. The important part isn't feeling bad about it, but rather developing an awareness of our gaps.

Want to know what happened next? The couple became quite aware of their dining out spending. Month after month, they locked in on the desired number. With fewer trips out to eat, they made sure to enjoy them more. They chose wisely, carefully. And they started meeting some of their other financial goals! Huge win!

Our bellies (and our minds) can deceive us. I'm the world's biggest fan of dining out, but we must be intentional and practice discipline. The same goes for all the areas in our monthly budget. It's never about spending less, but spending better. Find your better.

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A Question From Mr. Clear

In doing some research for a potential project, I stumbled upon a Tweet yesterday afternoon. James Clear, the author of the best-selling phenomenon book, Atomic Habits, asked a profoundly meaty question:

This falls in line with my ongoing messaging about budgeting: "It's not about spending less, but rather spending better." We need to lean harder into the things that add value to our lives while simultaneously turning our backs on the things that don't. That's the recipe for finding more meaning in our money.

When I see families exhausted and frustrated by their finances, it almost always includes their unintentional spending on things that don't actually matter to them. Consequently, they don't have the resources to spend on things they actually care about. It's the ultimate emotional drain.

However, when we can be laser-focused on what actually matters to us, blocking out all the noise around us, it oftentimes feels like we got a raise. Further, life just feels better when our resources go toward valuable things. There's no worse feeling than spinning our tires by spending all our hard-earned income on stuff that doesn't move the needle in our lives.

I'll answer Mr. Clear's questions, but after I do, I challenge you to answer them for yourself.

What single expense in my life delivers the least amount of happiness per dollar spent?

• This might be an unpopular opinion in my house, but some of our streaming services. If it were up to me, we'd justhave YouTubeTV and Netflix.....that's it. However, because x show is on y platform, we subscribe to y platform. And z show is on b platform, we subscribe to b platform. In my mind, this is one of the least effective categories in our budget.

• If this is true, I should probably engage Sarah about this and see how important it is to her (and how important it is for me to push back on).

What single expense in my life delivers the most amount of happiness per dollar spent?

• Dining out, and there's not a close second. I so cherish the time our family spends dining out, whether it's a quick meal with the kids or a date night with Sarah.

• The other one I was debating was Travel, but on a dollar-for-dollar basis, dining out offers a far higher return.

• If this is true, it would argue that we should consider increasing our dining out category each month. I think we skimp on this one far too often.

Your turn.

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100% Ours

Tempers were flaring, f-bombs were tossed like hand grenades, and the occasional tears arose. This was the scene of a recent sit-down I had with a struggling couple. The subject matter: the income differential between the two spouses. More specifically, how the couple makes financial decisions given their income differential.

Here's the high-level summary of the situation:

• Husband makes 70% of the income, and the wife makes 30%.

• The husband handles the day-to-day finances.

• The husband's income pays for the family's needs, and the wife's income pays for the wants (travel, dining out, entertainment, etc.).

• The husband spends anything he wants, but gives his wife "an allowance." After all, she only makes 30% of the family's income.....so this is generous (his words, not mine).

• Every time there's an argument, the husband throws out the trump card: "I make more than twice as much as you, so I get to make the call."

As the conversation unfolded, the husband realized I must have had a look of disgust on my face at the words coming out of his mouth. He seemed surprised. After all, he knew that I was the breadwinner in my marriage. As such, I would naturally align with him, right?

By my records, I made 98.5% of our family's income in 2025. Translation: My marriage is far more unbalanced than his. With that context in mind, I explained to them (mostly him) that their way of handling finances is beyond toxic. They are keeping score with money and using it as a weapon. Further, their dumb idea of allocating her income to wants meant that if she ever wanted to take a different job or stay at home, she would be solely responsible for ripping all enjoyment and adventure from the family. Gross.

I may make 98.5% of my family's income, but our income is 100% "ours." Not mine. Not mostly mine. Ours. Everything Sarah and I make is viewed as a collective pot for us to manage together. Yes, I do the day-to-day finances. Yes, I createthe first draft of the monthly budget. Yes, I have more financial expertise than her. However, she ALWAYS has a 50/50 say in all we do. In fact, early in my marriage, I promised myself that I would never get more monthly personal spending money than she does. She would always get the same as me....or more on some occasions.

Something powerful happens when couples view money as a collective pot. It allows a full integration of life and decision-making. This income isn't for this, and that income isn't for that. It's just money in and money out. We're both called to different work in our lives, and in this season, my work provides 98.5% of our income. That doesn't make her less valuable or less impactful. It just means my work pays more. Sarah is impacting the world in different ways; important ways.

Whatever income dynamic you have in your marriage, I strongly (STRONGLY!!!) encourage you to adopt a "100% ours" mentality. You're a team, not a competition. Be in this together, side by side.

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Under Our Noses

Do you ever feel like you don't have much, if any, financial margin in your month-to-month life? I've felt that way at times, and I regularly meet people who believe the same.

I could tell countless stories about this idea, but instead, I'll share one specific encounter I recently had that perfectly sums up today's point. Here's the context:

• Husband and wife, both late 30s.

• Three young children.

• Monthly take-home income of around $9,000.

• They have a mortgage and one medium-sized car loan.

• Constant frustration and tension in the marriage since there isn't margin to do the things they really care about.

We spent about an hour going through their budget. Sure enough, there really isn't any margin once everything is accounted for. Or is there?

What I often find is that even when people don't believe they have margin, they actually do have margin right under their noses. It's sneaky. Category by category, I whiteboarded all the components of margin I saw in their financial life.

• $800 worth of dining out each month.

• $175 worth of streaming services each month.

• $500 worth of combined personal spending each month.

• $500-$750 worth of travel each month.

So while finances feel tight and there doesn't appear to be margin, they DO have margin. However, they've just chosen (whether consciously or subconsciously) to use that margin to fill the above-referenced categories. In total, they had approximately $2,200/month of actual margin.

My challenge to them was to look in the mirror and sincerely ask themselves what they wanted to do with that margin. It's okay to do what they are already doing, but it's not okay to whine about it and feel like a victim. If they are a victim of anything, it's of their own choices. Therefore, let's make sure we're making rock-solid choices.

I didn't share this with them to guilt them or embarrass them. Rather, I wanted them to see just how truly blessed they are. Second, I wanted them to embrace this opportunity to add the most value to their lives.

After multiple conversations, they reoriented where some of their monthly cashflow was going. This month, they don't feel nearly as stressed. They don't feel like victims. They don't feel like they are on the outside of their dreams, looking in. They recognize the margin they do have, and they are embracing the opportunity to harness it well. Beautiful!

It's a fantastic exercise. I encourage you to try it for yourself!

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Life Happens

Wanna know how often a typical family's monthly budget goes exactly as planned? Maybe 10% of the time if I'm being honest. This is a conversation I frequently have with clients as they begin their budgeting journey. There's usually this moment within the first few months of the process where my client feels defeated; a failure of sorts. In their mind, a budgeting win means that every category gets nailed right on the head.

Life doesn't happen on paper, unfortunately. It's messy. It's sudden. It's imperfect. We can have the world's best budget to start the month, but life has other plans. Success doesn't mean nailing the budget just as we've outlined it. Rather, success is our ability to track, be aware of our changing reality it in real-time, and make the necessary adjustments along the way to account for life happening in hopes of landing on even footing by the time the month concludes.

This month is a great example for my household. Due to my back injury, we're going to face significantly more out-of-pocket medical expenses than planned. Given the stress we've been under, we'll likely also blow past our planned dining out budget. Now, we can't just throw our arms up in the air and play the victim card; nobody wins under that scenario. Instead, we must take accountability for the life that's happening, first by being fully aware of its impact, and second by making the necessary adjustments.

What this looks like for Sarah and me is a combination of things:

• A reallocation of the dollars we had already planned to spend. Some of our discretionary spending will be reallocated to the increased categories. We may also temporarily reduce the recurring savings we push toward a few of our sinking funds.

• An additional allocation of funds from emergency savings. We don't typically touch our emergency fund (that's why it's called an emergency fund), but that's what it's for. It exists for exactly this purpose.

• A deferral of a few other priorities. There are some decently important obligations in our lives, but for at least this month, those priorities must move down the list.

These newfound expenses don't deem December a failed month for us, but how we respond will. It's not ideal, and it's tremendously frustrating, but that's life. Life happens. Life always happens. It's just our job to adapt along the way.

Whether you're having the world's best budgeting month, or the worst, success or failure isn't determined until you decide how to handle it. It'll never be perfect, but you don't have to give up control.

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What Am I Missing?

Sarah and I have been creating, following, and tracking monthly budgets since we got married. Given we've been married for 15 years, that means we've done this 180 times now!

I'll die on the hill that BOTH spouses need to be involved in the budgeting process. However, that doesn't mean both spouses need to create and track it. Oftentimes, one spouse will be more inclined (interest-wise or skill-wise) to do the heavy lifting. In the case of my household, I married someone who is allergic to numbers. Therefore, in order to protect Sarah's health, I take the lead on all things numbers-related.

With that said, this doesn't give her an out from dealing with the finances. Rather, it just means she plays a different role. When it comes time to create our monthly budget, I never dictate it to her. It's never, "Hey Sarah, here's our budget for the month." That would be a terrible way to do it (though it's how most marriages work, unfortunately).

Instead, I always create the first draft of the budget and give it to her for feedback. Early in our marriage, I'd ask her, "How does this look?" This type of question typically led to a natural answer: "Good." Shoot, that's not what I needed!

Then, I quickly realized I needed to take a different approach. For the last 14+ years, I've asked a different question: "What am I missing?" Sarah loves telling me what I missed! Thus, I get lots of feedback from her. She's getting her hair done, we have family member birthdays, turns out the kids keep growing and need new clothes, what about that appliance we agreed to buy a few weeks ago?!? A simple question with a handful of responses can turn a good budget into a great one. We don't always have a great budget, but more often than not we do.

Just a slight tweak in our framing can change the entire dynamic of the conversation. Sarah will never claim to be interested in finances or strong with numbers, but she's been a great partner in our effort to create, follow, and track our monthly budgets. It hasn't been perfect, but it's been good. And oftentimes, good is the gateway to unlocking our hopes, dreams, aspirations, and callings.

I can't stress enough how powerful budgeting can be in a marriage. Powerful for the relationship, powerful for the finances, and powerful for the journey. After doing this for 15 years together, I can confidently testify that we would be nowhere near where we are today without these practices.

What about you? Is it time to get your spouse involved? If your spouse is the one already doing it all, perhaps it's time for you to get involved? Marriage is meant to be a team, finances included. Please allow money to be a unifying force in your marriage, not a source of tension as is often the case. You deserve better!

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A Good Ol’ Fashioned Audit

Never underestimate our human instinct to practice the status quo. It's so much easier to keep doing what we're doing, even when doing something different would be in our best interest.

Nowhere is this concept more applicable than when I'm meeting with new clients. While my client might have been doing the same things for the past decade, I challenge every category in their budget. It can be a startling moment for people. Yeah, I understand you've been paying $25/month for xyz service for the past 15 years, but does it add more value today than it's costing you?

You wouldn't believe how many expenditures in our lives fall into the camp of not being as valuable today as they once were. Yet, we keep them around out of habit (and the path of least resistance). Here's one example. One of my clients is paying $80/month for a service. Upon asking them about it, they said it's something they've paid for about 12 years......so, naturally, it should stay. I asked a few more challenging questions. Turns out, they don't utilize the service nearly as much as they used to. Meanwhile, the price is nearly triple what it used to cost. If they are using it half as much as they used to, and it costs three times as much as before, it's only 1/6 as valuable to their lives as it once was. Through that lens, it became the world's easiest cancel.

After going through this exercise across their entire financial life, this couple managed to cut nearly $400/month of expenditures without giving up much value. Overall, huge win! A good ol' fashioned audit can be a breath of fresh air.

As the year comes to a close, I challenge you to perform a good ol' fashioned audit on your finances. Seriously consider what's adding value, and what's not. It's not about spending less, but rather ensuring that you're getting as much value (or more) than you're paying. Some cheap expenditures are rip-offs, while some expensive expenditures are bargains. It's an interesting exercise, and one I think you'll be grateful for engaging with. Happy hunting!

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Everything and Nothing

I was casually reviewing the finances of a young couple a few weeks ago; all normal stuff. Item by item, we checked off my list. Then, we got to savings. "How much do you have in savings?"

"We have $25,000 in our savings account."

"What is that account used for?"

"It's used for everything. We just throw money in it whenever we have extra, and that savings account is used for everything."

"By everything, do you mean nothing?"

***Uncomfortable laughter arose from both spouses.***

I want to share a massive behavioral science hack when it comes to saving. If you just blindly and arbitrarily dump money into a savings account that's intended for everything, it's actually used for nothing. Why? Because when something is for everything, then every penny spent on something is another penny that can't be spent on something else. We become paralyzed; everything becomes nothing.

The natural next step is that we simply become hoarders. If our savings account is for everything, then there's no amount of money that's enough. After all, everything is a lot of money.....infinite money. Thus, we simply hoard.

Then, if we're hoarding money into an "everything" savings account, there's a series of opportunity costs:

• We don't actually save for our future needs in life.

• We feel guilty for spending money on wants.

• We don't get around to investing for our future.

• We don't even get close to opening up our generosity.

Everything stalls at the blind saving.

Here's my suggestion. Open a series of savings accounts. Name them. Give each a purpose. Needs savings. Wants savings. Then, in your monthly budget, specifically allocate money to them. Actually fund them. If you say you're going to save $500 in your Travel Fund savings account this month, move $500 into your savings account this month.

Once that happens, it's technically already been spent: travel. Therefore, there's no doubt what that money is to be used for. It's sitting in a dedicated savings account specifically for you to enjoy on a trip. No guilt. No second-guessing. No doubts. It's already been saved. Now, enjoy! The same goes for every other category. Be specific. Be intentional. Don't psych yourself out. Honor the promises you made to yourself.

This one little hack can transform our relationship with money. I encourage you to give it a shot!

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Accountability, But With Grace

A few days ago, I shared my It's Gotta Come From Somewhere principle. When we screw up our budget (when, not if), we can't give yourselves a free pass, nor can we take the path of least resistance by robbing our savings, throwing it on a credit card, or melting away our cushion. Instead, once we blow our budget, our immediate mission is to reallocate cash from a different category to fill the gap.

One nuance I don't think I delivered properly was the importance of giving ourselves grace in the process. Don't beat yourself up. Don't linger on the failure for days, weeks, or months. Don't let it define you. Don't get into constant fights about it with your spouse. Forgive yourselves (and each other!) and move on.

It doesn't have to be one or another. We don't have to choose between dealing with the consequences OR giving ourselves grace. Instead, we should deal with the consequences of our mistakes WHILE giving ourselves grace. Grace does not mean the absence of consequences and accountability, just as the presence of consequences and accountability does not mean the absence of grace.

I work with couples who still can't get over $1,000 mistakes they made nine years ago. Nearly a decade later, they still beat themselves and each other up over it. They've long ago dealt with the consequences of their mistakes, but haven't found a way to offer grace yet.

I'll say something profoundly obvious and simple: We can't live a truly meaningful life if we're dwelling on past financial mistakes. Let's say you made a $1,000 screw-up 12 months ago, and you've been carrying it with you. What you're essentially telling yourself is that your happiness and fulfillment are worth a mere $1,000. I don't think that's true, and you probably don't, either, but your attitude toward the mistake says otherwise.

Here's my challenge for you today. Think about your past financial mistakes, regrets, and screw-ups. Think about each one of them. Which ones weigh on your conscience? Which ones linger within you? Please find a way to give yourself grace and move on. You can't undo what's happened in the past, but you can CHOOSE to stop letting it impair your present.

Accountability, yes. Consequences, yet. But always grace, too.

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It’s Gotta Come From Somewhere

As the month winds down, Sarah and I realized we bombed a few of our budget categories. Specifically, we totally botched the kids, dining out, and entertainment categories. Part of this was due to the kids' birthday, but another part was just negligence. We fell asleep at the wheel.

It's not ideal, but it's also not the end of the world. With that said, there's still no free pass. As I tell all my coaching clients, "It's gotta come from somewhere." It's okay to whiff on categories every once in a while, but when we do, the money has to come from somewhere. Dipping into savings, tapping credit cards, or further depleting our checking account balance aren't great answers. Instead, it comes down to reallocating money in the budget.

Let's say we overspend on a handful of categories by $500. There's only so much income coming in this month. In other words, we need to figure out where we can find $500. In our particular situation, it's going to come from an important savings goal we established a few months ago. Instead of setting money aside for this particular item, we need to reallocate that cash in our budget to subsidize our mistakes. It hurts, but it's pure.

That sucks, and that's the point! When we don't allow ourselves free passes to be negligent or irresponsible, it provides an added layer of accountability. I hate that we screwed this up, in part, because I hate the consequence of not being able to set money aside for an important purchase. On the flip side, we need this level of accountability so we'll be better next time.

And we WILL do better next time. These things are too important for us to continuously screw up. We made a mistake. We fixed the mistake. Now, we must do it better in October so we can achieve our goal. It's simple, but powerful.

Don't give yourself a free pass. When you screw up, it's gotta come from somewhere. Don't allow yourself to live without consequences or accountability; that's a recipe for disaster! Short-term disaster. Medium-term disaster. And most importantly, long-term disaster.

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A Little Discretion Goes a Long Way

If you know me, you know I LOVE food! I have a soft spot in my heart for unique and memorable dining experiences. I deeply treasure the financial investment in a good meal at a restaurant.

At the same time, I feel like so much of my coaching work is spent trying to encourage families to tone down their dining out spending. It's not that I'm against dining out (obviously), but sometimes a family's dining out spending is actually detrimental to their broader objectives.

For example, let's say a family is trying to pay off a bunch of debt or commit to investing. For multiple reasons, there's just not enough margin in the budget to make meaningful progress in these goals. Therefore, we scan their budget to find ways to free up margin. Here's how one of those recent conversations played out. About three-quarters of the way down the budget, we find this: "Dining Out: $800." This is a single-month number for two parents and two under-10 kids.

This is the moment where I point out that perhaps $800 is a bit heavy.

"But we hardly even go out to eat. We maybe go out once per week. I don't think we can cut this category."

**This is me doing my best to keep a straight face**

I happen to live in a family with two parents and two under-10 kids, and live in the same town they do.

I didn't do a good job of keeping my straight face, and they could see my skepticism. "It costs at least $120 just to go to xyz restaurant. Going out to eat is ridiculously expensive these days!"

It was ironic they used xyz restaurant as an example, as my family just visited xyz restaurant the prior week.

"Well, I took my family to xyz restaurant last week, and our total bill was $45."

"That's impossible!"

We compared notes. When my family goes to this restaurant, we order three entrees and eat family style; plenty of food! We also get water. No appetizers, no desserts. When they go to this restaurant, they each order a full adult entree.....which is beyond overkill for their family. But first, they start with an appetizer or two. Everyone also gets a "fun drink," as my kids call them. Lastly, they might get some desserts to polish off the night.

A little discretion goes a long way. Please don't hear me condemning their dining experience. I'm all for going all-in on dining. However, it's a party foul to use no discretion, spend $120 for what could have been accomplished with $45, call it a need, and subsequently whiff on your goals. Sometimes, we need to have boundaries.

For those of you interested, my family's monthly dining out budget averages $250 these days. It's rarely glamorous, but it does provide a margin for multiple outings with my family each month, plus a date night. We could definitely push this number higher, but for now, it allows us to knock out some other goals. There's a season for everything.

A little discretion goes a long way. Please don't allow "normal" to sweep you away and rob you of your goals that matter most.

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Our Eyes Deceive Us

One of my favorite parts about creating content is the fact it will, in theory, live forever. Every once in a while, I'll receive an e-mail, DM, or text from someone who recently stumbled upon something I published years ago. Those are always fun days for me. A few days ago, I had a similar experience when I ran into a close friend at an event.

"Travis, I can't believe you and Sarah spent $1,000/month on travel! That seems like a lot. An irresponsible a lot."

He was referring to episode 240 of our Meaning Over Money Podcast, which was published two years ago. His wife recently listened to the episode and now thinks they should budget $1,000/month for travel. Translation: He's semi-angry at me for causing his wife to want more travel money.

"And you think $1,000 is too much?" I asked him.

He confirmed that, yes, $1,000 is a stupid and reckless amount to spend on travel.

"It's funny you would say that, considering you and your wife easily spend 2-3x that amount."

He was confused. I could tell he wanted to be defensive, but he was waiting for what I had to say next.

"You just went to Disney, right? Let's do some mental math and figure out how much that trip cost."

About 90 seconds later, we landed on a total rough number: $13,000.

"And you and your wife went to a resort a few months ago, right?"

We did some more quick math: $5,000.

"What other trips have you taken in the last 12 months?"

He comes up with a handful of other trips, some small and some medium-ish.

It was a fun exercise. After about 10 minutes, we tallied what felt like a complete prior-12-month travel number: $41,000.

His eyes got pretty big. $41,000 on travel over a 12-month period! Put into monthly terms, that's about $3,400/month, every month, for the entire year. Remember, this conversation started with him believing my family's $1,000/month travel budget was irresponsible.

No, he wasn't trying to be a hypocrite. No, he wasn't trying to be a jerk to me. The truth is, our eyes deceive us. Our brains are wired in such a way that we easily lose context depending on how something is framed. In his financial life, things are framed through the lens of no budgeting, impulsive trips, and rampant credit card use. Therefore, no thought goes into their travel. They decide they want to go, they just go, they spend whatever they spend, then they pay it off upon returning.

$1,000/month feels like a lot of money because it happens every month. In his world, it looks more like $0, $0, $0, an unknown trip cost, $0, another unknown trip cost, $0, $0, yet another unknown trip cost, etc. It's a lot of zeroes and a lot of unknowns, which add up to $41,000 in no time.

Two key takeaways today: 1) We must continually strive to view things through a proper lens. Context always matters. 2) We need to be intentional, thoughtful, and disciplined with our finances. The absence of either creates chaos and leakage, but the presence of both leads to less stress, more peace, and a greater sense of meaning. Happy travels!

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Just Until You Die

One of my clients is absolutely crushing it! Husband and wife, mid-30s, two small children. They got on the same page, started budgeting, paid off a ton of debt, unlocked generosity, pursued work that matters, and are aggressively living their values. They are in a position to fire me at any time! Mission accomplished.

During a recent meeting, they asked me a curious question: "When did you and Sarah decide you were good enough at your finances to quit budgeting?"

I just stared at them; I was floored. Part of me was trying to figure out if they were joking, but once I realized they were serious, I composed myself before mustering a response: "Budgeting isn't something you have to do forever......just until you die."

Truthfully, once budgeting becomes a steadying force in our financial lives, it's impossible to envision life without it. I can't even fathom going a single month without a planned and executed budget. That would feel weirder than wearing only a Speedo to work. It's unconscionable! There's no reality, no wealth, no income, and no situation that would prevent Sarah and me from budgeting. It doesn't matter if I make $10 or $10M this month, there will be a budget.

Out of curiosity, I asked several of my clients for their perspectives on this topic. For people who have been budgeting for six months or less, they were 50/50. About half said they couldn't imagine not budgeting, while the other half said they could stop tomorrow. I expected this answer, as these habits aren't yet fully engrained, nor are the results obvious. For people who have been budgeting for at least one year, 100% of them said it's an absolute non-negotiable in their life and marriage. There WILL be a budget, and life is better for it.

Budgeting is one of those weird things that feels weird and foreign if you've never done one, but once it's fully integrated into your life, it would feel weird and foreign to not have one. If you're someone who feels like budgeting would be weird or foreign......or lame, restricting, fun-killing, soul-sucking, boring, tedious, or difficult, perhaps today is the day to give it a shot.

If it feels too intimidating or you don't know where to start, hit reply to this e-mail, drop a comment below, or e-mail me at thedailymeaning@gmail.com. I'd love to answer your questions or provide you with some additional resources. It's not nearly as hard as you might think, and it's most definitely more powerful than you'd ever believe.

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While the Sun Is Shining

Here's a little game we play in our financial coaching meetings. For whatever topics we're discussing (whether debt payoff, saving, giving, or investing), we run the numbers and determine, "If you do $x every month for y months, you'll meet your goal by _____ date."

This math is straightforward......and linear. One problem, though. Life isn't straightforward or linear. It's anything but either of those. Today's reality could disappear in a heartbeat, only to be replaced with a drastically different set of circumstances.

This is where it gets murky. Oftentimes, people want to know how little they can do each month to accomplish a goal by a certain date. In other words, if everything goes perfectly and life doesn't alter a bit, what is the least sacrificial path to achieve the desired goal? I think this is a recipe for disaster. After all, nothing goes perfectly, and whether we acknowledge it or not, our lives will be altered multiple times in the months and years to come.

Instead of taking this approach, I encourage people to make hay while the sun is shining, as the saying goes. We don't know what tomorrow will bring, so why not maximize the impact of today's reality? If you have extra money to throw at your debt over the next several months, throw it. If you have increased resources to contribute to your investments, harness them. If you're able to make more progress on your savings in the near term, embrace it. We don't know what will happen tomorrow!

A natural question spawns from this idea: "Well, what happens if we get too far ahead of our desired goal?"

This is a fantastic problem to have. It does NOT mean that we get greedy or selfish and turn ourselves into a hoarder. Instead, it gives us freedom and flexibility. If we make hay while the sun is shining (i.e., get more aggressive in the near term), we will inevitably have less pressure on us in the future. In other words, getting quicker momentum in the near term allows us the ability to downshift our intensity in the longer term. This could mean different career decisions, more money for generosity, and less financial pressure. This is a beautiful byproduct of making hay while the sun is shining.

There's no reason to arbitrarily put more pressure on our future selves. That's one reason not to go into debt or saddle ourselves with undo expenses. On the flip side, making hay while the sun is shining is also a tremendous way to combat the inevitable pressure our future selves will face. My clients who embrace this opportunity report significantly higher levels of satisfaction, peace, and freedom. It changes EVERYTHING.

I'll share some real-life examples in a future post (including from my own life), but in the meantime, I encourage you to ask yourself what area of your life you need to make hay while the sun is shining. Instead of doing as little as possible to eventually meet your goal, what can you do today to lighten the load for future you?

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A Dollar For a Dollar

One of my clients confessed to me that one of their budget spending categories adds almost zero value to their life. I'm not even going to share which category it is, as it's not important.....use your imagination.

Why, then, do they even spend money on x category? There's no real rhyme or reason other than they've always spent money on it, and everyone else does, too. When I pressed them on why they continue to spend this money even though it adds little to no value to their lives, they responded, "Well, it's not much money, so why does it matter?"

It's true. We're not talking about a ton of money here. Maybe $50 per month. However, there's a broader implication here. The problem isn't that they are spending $50 on this particular category. The problem is that every dollar we spend on one thing is a dollar we don't get to spend on something else. That's when I flipped the script on them. "If you could add $50 to any category in your budget, what would it be?"

Both of their eyes lit up. One immediately shouted, "Personal spending!" The other rebutted, "Travel or dining out."

See the difference? They had zero emotional energy when discussing this random $50 spent on a lame category in their budget, but when we looked at it through the lens of a dollar for a dollar, they lit up. This is the real friction of opportunity cost.

I spent many hours per week helping families recognize the true opportunity cost in their financial lives. It's wild how many of us mis-spend our money on something that matters not, when there are so many other uses that would move the emotional needle for us.

Maybe it is only $50, or $100, or even $10. If you're spending money on something that doesn't matter to you, reframe it through the lens of what you could be doing with it that would matter. Then, do it!

Here's my challenge for you today. Find some amount of money in your monthly spending that's not adding much (or any) value to your life. Then, rip it away from that lame category and repurpose it into a better category that you actually care about. Sure, it might not change your financial world, but it will absolutely move the needle in more ways than one.

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