Ridiculous or Not

One of my friends caught wind of something "ridiculous" my wife spent money on. I'm not sure whether he heard it from his wife or from me, but he's right: Sarah's purchase did fall into my definition of "ridiculous."

"Why would you let her spend money on x thing that you don't even agree with? I would have just said no."

Are any spouses seething yet? Good, let the anger soak in for a moment.

Here was my two-fold response:

First, I don't "let" her do anything. Our financial decisions are joint, and she has just as much say as I do. I don't give her an allowance like a child. She negotiates for what she believes is important when we construct our monthly budget.

Which brings me to my second point. If it's important to her, it's important to me......period. Even if I think something is ridiculous (and I often do with Sarah!), that doesn't matter. If it moves the needle for her, I must support her in that. Therefore, when it's important to her, it's important to me. Something fun happens when we take that posture: It gets reciprocated. I promise I spend money on things that Sarah thinks are absolutely ridiculous, too. But just like me, she supports my ridiculousness because it's important to me.

Yes, we should have financial unity in marriage. I'll 100% die on that hill. It's critical to a successful marriage and to successful household finances. That doesn't mean both spouses will value every expenditure equally. Some expenditures will be more your thing, and others will be more your partner's thing. That's okay! That's what makes you a team, and that's what it looks like to sacrifice for each other.

So, yes, I suspect Sarah will continue to desire "ridiculous" purchases. I'll support her every step of the way. If it's important to her, it's important to me.

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