What Am I Missing?
Sarah and I have been creating, following, and tracking monthly budgets since we got married. Given we've been married for 15 years, that means we've done this 180 times now!
I'll die on the hill that BOTH spouses need to be involved in the budgeting process. However, that doesn't mean both spouses need to create and track it. Oftentimes, one spouse will be more inclined (interest-wise or skill-wise) to do the heavy lifting. In the case of my household, I married someone who is allergic to numbers. Therefore, in order to protect Sarah's health, I take the lead on all things numbers-related.
With that said, this doesn't give her an out from dealing with the finances. Rather, it just means she plays a different role. When it comes time to create our monthly budget, I never dictate it to her. It's never, "Hey Sarah, here's our budget for the month." That would be a terrible way to do it (though it's how most marriages work, unfortunately).
Instead, I always create the first draft of the budget and give it to her for feedback. Early in our marriage, I'd ask her, "How does this look?" This type of question typically led to a natural answer: "Good." Shoot, that's not what I needed!
Then, I quickly realized I needed to take a different approach. For the last 14+ years, I've asked a different question: "What am I missing?" Sarah loves telling me what I missed! Thus, I get lots of feedback from her. She's getting her hair done, we have family member birthdays, turns out the kids keep growing and need new clothes, what about that appliance we agreed to buy a few weeks ago?!? A simple question with a handful of responses can turn a good budget into a great one. We don't always have a great budget, but more often than not we do.
Just a slight tweak in our framing can change the entire dynamic of the conversation. Sarah will never claim to be interested in finances or strong with numbers, but she's been a great partner in our effort to create, follow, and track our monthly budgets. It hasn't been perfect, but it's been good. And oftentimes, good is the gateway to unlocking our hopes, dreams, aspirations, and callings.
I can't stress enough how powerful budgeting can be in a marriage. Powerful for the relationship, powerful for the finances, and powerful for the journey. After doing this for 15 years together, I can confidently testify that we would be nowhere near where we are today without these practices.
What about you? Is it time to get your spouse involved? If your spouse is the one already doing it all, perhaps it's time for you to get involved? Marriage is meant to be a team, finances included. Please allow money to be a unifying force in your marriage, not a source of tension as is often the case. You deserve better!
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