Sooner
One of my buddies just shared that his daughter will turn 16 later this year. Huge milestone! I asked a natural follow-up question. "What are you all doing about the car situation?" He smiled, then responded, "We told her a few weeks ago that if she wants a car, she'll need to buy one."
Excuse me, what?!?! You told your 15-and-a-half-year-old daughter a few weeks ago that if she wants a car, she'll need to buy one? The shock you sense in my tone isn't from them asking her to buy a car. Rather, it's the fact they didn't telegraph this message to her until six months before the big day. That's brutal! She's totally set up to fail.
In my 10+ years working with teens, I recognized something. Teens spend far less time stressing about the known issues in their lives than the unknowns. And to me, not knowing what's going to happen when they turn 16 is quite the unknown. Therefore, my biggest advice to parents is to communicate the plan, whatever it is, early. The sooner the better!
When my kids turned 9, Sarah and I told them they would be responsible for purchasing their own vehicles when they turned 16. At 9.....one month into third grade. Is that early? Yeah, it is. But it gives us years to discuss, share ideas, encourage, and create a plan. We also shared one other part of the plan. Whatever they save, we will match. If they save $5,000, we will give them $5,000. If they save $8,000, we will give them $8,000. The message: Discipline and delayed gratification get rewarded. Flat-footedness will lead to bad outcomes. Money, vehicle. No money, no vehicle
Just a few days ago, at not yet 10 years old, Pax asked me if he could set up a car fund and start contributing a portion of his earnings into it. Yeah, bud!!! That's a great idea! We'll do that. He says he wants a truck....a Ford F-150. For what reason, I may never know. But the little man is thinking. He might change his mind 10 more times, but having these conversations early allows the conversations to commence.
Whatever timing you think might be appropriate for these money conversations, go sooner. Engage with them. Start conversations. Allow time to process, plan, and execute. There's freedom in this type of margin. And frankly, it's fun to hear how their brain processes it along the way. Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to visualize my little man cruising around in a Ford F-150.
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