Speaking of Forever Homes
Yesterday's post caused quite a stir! The mere idea of the Hedonic Treadmill causes many to get uncomfortable. It's an unsettling notion that we're all subject to certain psychological phenomena and triggers. We'd like to believe that we're 100% in control and rational in all that we do, but scientifically speaking, we're not.
Two readers specifically commented on my forever home reference. "Forever homes are real!" exclaimed one person. Another person frustratingly reiterated to me that it's okay to buy a forever home.
First, yes, forever homes are real.
Second, yes, it's okay to buy a house.
We have a major problem, though! A forever home is only a forever home because of our current context. As soon as our context changes, so too does the framing of our forever home. One of my friends is living in their fourth "forever home." Another friend is in the process of moving into their second "forever home."
This is peak Hedonic Treadmill. The second family mentioned above currently lives in one of the top 20 houses I've ever been in. It's stunning! Some houses are well located. Some houses are big. Some houses are nice. This one is all three. It's simply immaculate! When they purchased it five years ago, it was THE definition of their "forever home." In fact, using the phrase "forever home" allowed them to justify making some questionable decisions to buy the house in the first place. After all, if they are going to die in this house and invest in it for the long run (i.e., forever), it's okay to squint while making dangerous decisions, right?
That's one of the reasons why the phrase "forever home" is used so frequently in our culture. The mere phrase shifts the narrative in our brains, giving us just the right amount of excuses to do something we probably shouldn't.
Today, though, they feel differently about it. Five years after purchasing it, this house no longer meets their needs. They need more space (five bedrooms in the main living area aren't enough for them and their three kids). They need a bigger pool. It needs a "better guest house." The theater room feels outdated. It lacks amenities for proper hosting.
With all that in mind, they are in the closing process of their next "forever home." By "forever," what they really mean is they are about to make some more questionable decisions, and due to the Hedonic Treadmill, they will soon again redefine their version of a "forever home."
I'm not trying to pick on my friends. They aren't dumb. They aren't naive. They aren't mock-worthy. They are human. They are quite human. Here's my point in sharing their story. There is no end to the Hedonic Treadmill. We can't outrun it. There's never enough. It's impossible to reach a certain level and then say, "There we go, we're good now." If we don't catch ourselves, we'll be chasing it until our dying breath.
It's okay to take the off-ramp. We can elect not to play the Hedonic Treadmill game. We can't entirely avoid the Treadmill, but we can decline to play the game.
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