Anti-Protection
Pax and a friend started their car-washing business yesterday on a blistering 108-degree heat-index day. I'm not sure how much actual work they got done, but they seemed content with how the day played out and were excited to get started. When I picked him up from his buddy's house, he said, with his little red face, "I'm so thirsty!"
"I have an idea," I exclaimed. I told him I needed to stop to get gas, and when I did, he could go in by himself and buy whatever drink he wanted.
"I don't want to spend the money I just made," he said. "On me. I'm buying, bud. Whatever you want."
"That's okay, I don't need anything."
This wasn't about wanting or not wanting a drink. He was nervous about the idea of going into the story by himself, picking something out, then engaging one-on-one with the cashier. I knew this; he knew this. I wasn't going to let him dodge it, though.
"You got this, man. You don't even have a choice. You go get yourself a fun drink. Set your drink on the counter, hand him the cash after they give you a price, receive your change, and thank them before leaving. Easy!"
"My legs hurt. I don't think I can go in."
"I'm not letting you chicken out on this. You'll be so glad you did this. Here's the cash, go take care of business!"
He slowly and anxiously walked from the gas pumps to the front door and reluctantly let himself in. Three minutes later, though, he came out looking like a new man. He had a huge smile on his face, along with an ice-cold Gatorade.
It reminded me of a recent conversation I had with a buddy. During this chat, my friend explained that his job as a dad is to protect his kids from getting into uncomfortable situations. As a father, he wants to make sure he absorbs the discomfort for them.....as a sign and product of his love.
I don't think that's loving; I think it's crippling and enabling. As parents, we need to be anti-protection. We need to meter out the discomfort. We need to put our kids in situations that make them nervous. Not set them up to get hurt or create lifelong trauma, but to face little fears when the stakes are lower, allowing them to grow and collect wins.
That was a big moment for Pax yesterday. He reluctantly faced a fear, and I have a feeling he'll be much more confident next time he's in a similar situation. Be the anti-protection your kids need. They don't need to live in a manufactured, make-believe bubble. They need to be tested with real-life situations. Seize those fun little opportunities and watch them grow.
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