Getting Back Into His Cage
Note: This is a sensitive story, but fortunately for countless readers, I've been granted permission to share it here.
A man asked to meet with me. Mid-40s. Married. Three children. Above-average household income. Average house. Pretty standard lifestyle: not too bougie, but also not perceived as frugal.
Here's the short version of the situation. He's beyond stressed. Finances are causing tremendous friction in his marriage. His wife wants to stay home with the kids, but they can't make it work. He's embarrassed. He feels like a failure. He's miserable. He hates his job. He wakes up each day dreading what's about to happen. He can't leave, though, as his current income exceeds other known options. His mental health is eroding quickly. Dark thoughts are starting to seep in. His breaking point might be approaching.
As our conversation progressed, I started asking him probing questions to identify the true stress points. For several minutes, nothing he said alarmed me.....all normal stuff. Then, we found it.
"Tell me about the vehicles. Do you have any vehicle debt?"
"My truck payment is around $1,300, and my wife's SUV is $800 per month."
There it is! $2,100 per month on vehicle payments alone. All of this pain, suffering, misery, and struggle, only to boil it down to a few key decisions. I challenged him on these decisions.
"Our vehicles aren't nearly as nice as some of our friends and family."
"I'm a truck guy. I can't help that I like nice trucks."
"I want my wife to be safe. We need something reliable."
I have a rhetorical question for you. Do you believe the three sentiments above merit wrecking one's entire life, marriage, financial structure, and mental health? The answer is a resounding NO!!! Of course it's not, but millions of Americans live in this reality daily.
Everything he and his wife have ever dreamed of lives on the other side of these vehicles. These vehicles are cages! They've been snared in the trap. They unknowingly locked themselves in a life they don't want to live. The cage might not have metal bars, but it might as well. I made my case for a different set of decisions, trying to illuminate what an alternate reality could look like: their dream life. However, it requires them to destroy the cages.
After the meeting, I walked outside with him, shook his hand, and watched him get back into his cage. I gotta admit, it was a pretty sweet truck. Clean, fresh wax, enormous in stature. But a cage, nonetheless.
We all have cages. It might not look like a truck, but it's something. My challenge to you today is to look at yourself in the mirror and identify your cage. Something that is (or could) hold you back from living the life you deserve to live. It's an uncomfortable exercise, and not always as obvious as it seems. I've had my share of cages over the years, and I suspect you do, too.
Smash the cage.
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