I was recently hanging out with a group of Millennials and Gen Xers when one of them started talking about her parents' European cruise. As she was describing it, it sounded pretty fun! Bouncing from country to country, different cultures, varying cuisines, beautiful landscapes. What's not to like?!?! However, perhaps I was being dense, but I wasn't immediately picking up the point of her story. That is, until she ended it with this bomb: "They are spending my inheritance!!!!"
Excuse me, what?!?! A grown independent woman is venting about how her parents are on a cruise, lamenting that they are spending her future money. I was stunned by this, and part of me was bracing for the verbal backlash she was about to get from the others in the group (please go easy on her, friends!!!).
Well, I was apparently too dense to pick up on that next part as well. Most people in the group agreed with her! Several people shared stories about how their inheritance is being eaten up by their parents' financial decisions.
If you know me, you know I don't believe in financial inheritances to begin with. However, that's just my personal perspective, and people can do what they want. That said, my personal opinion doesn't prevent me from saying what I'm about to say next: We don't have the right to count other people's money and bank on receiving anything from anyone. We're not entitled to anything in this life.....especially gifts received upon someone's passing. I find that mindset to be disgustingly abhorrent.
I've watched this mindset play out for years in my professional work. It can be destructive in people's lives. For example, if someone KNOWS they will eventually receive a large financial gift as an inheritance, it can often be psychologically debilitating. When we know how the story ends (i.e., I'm going to receive a huge sum of money), it undercuts our need and motivation to figure it out ourselves. This can be a crippling force in our lives. I can't even express to you how hard it is to coach couples that have known upcoming windfalls. It's hard enough to change habits when there's much riding on it, never mind when there's an offramp to easyville dangling in our future. I get it; nobody is going to pull out the mini violins for people who will one day receive millions. But when you see it as often and up close as I do, it's sad! I have so much empathy for those folks. They've been unknowingly robbed of something so important in life.
Today's takeaway is two-pronged:
To the younger generation: Don't expect anything. Live your lives as if you'll receive nothing. Figure it out. Work hard. Be disciplined. Practice delayed gratification. Save for the future. Know that you need to carve your own path. You can do it!
To the older generation: Please don't psychologically cripple your children. Don't dangle carrots that will hinder their growth and eradicate their aspirations. Don't give them an offramp to easyville. If you want to give, consider giving earlier, while you're still alive, during a season where your generosity can genuinely help them. That could be a true blessing.
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