The Easiest Super-Hard No of My Life
I'm not one to turn down a ridiculous opportunity to share experiences and make memories. If someone invites me to have lunch with them in Hong Kong, I'm probably saying "yes." I'm not sure when or where I developed this attitude toward life, but those closest to me know I'm up for nearly any crazy idea. This has served me extraordinarily well 90% of the time, but those closest to me will also testify that I can sometimes hurt myself the other 10% of the time. I overcommit, burn out, and sabotage other pieces of both my life and my family's.
You should have seen the look on my face when I received a text from my dear friend Gary Hoag, inviting me and our friend Chi-Chung to join him in Milwaukee for the first game of the World Series. Free tickets to one of the decade's hottest sporting events (get-in price of $2,300), a short 5-hour drive, a few days with good friends I don't see enough, and the promise of countless lifelong memories. I couldn't say "no," right?
Well, I said "no." Much to my surprise, it was the easiest, super-hard "no" of my life. In fact, I didn't wrestle with it. I didn't ponder it. I didn't do the normal thing where I desperately try to figure out how to make it while sabotaging as few other areas of my life as possible. It was a quick but grateful "no."
The game was last night. Yesterday was also a special day for my family. It was the 10-year anniversary of the day we brought the boys home for the first time. In the adoption world, it's called a "gotcha day" (though we don't use that phrase in our house). We simply call it "adoption day," and it's one of the most special days of our family's year. This is also Pax's biggest sports weekend of the year, a lacrosse tournament in KC. I also haven't seen the boys in 8 days because of all my travels. Needless to say, I need to be with my family this weekend.
It was an extremely hard "no," but an easy "no." I don't know if all this sounds trite, but this is a big step for me. I'm notorious for not being able to say "no" when I need to. I crave the adventure, experiences, and memories. I want to do everything, seize the day, and squeeze every ounce of meaning I can out of this life. This week, though, I wisely realized all that needs to happen in KC with my family. That's where I belong this weekend.
I received a photo of Gary and Chi-Chung enjoying a few iced coffees together. I wanted to be jealous for not being there, but I wasn't. Those two men are right where they belong, creating memories together. And I'm right where I belong, creating memories with my family. Gary, Chi-Chung, and I will have many more opportunities to make memories together and share ridiculous, pinch-me experiences, but I'm learning that real wisdom is knowing when to say "no" to the hard things when needed.
Meaning. Meaning when we get to say "yes." Meaning when we have to say "no." Always meaning.
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