Don’t Hoard the Pain
I recently had a seemingly casual, professional-level conversation with a stranger. The intent of the conversation was for me to share some insights and advice for this man's young business. However, mere minutes into the conversation, we somehow meandered onto the topic of something deeply personal for him. I could tell it was a sensitive, all-too-relevant topic in his life, filled with much pain and suffering, so our conversation quickly shifted from business to this unexpected direction.
Sometimes, we go through things in life that are deeply painful. Experiences that forever change the trajectory of our lives. Moments we wish we never had to endure, but will never be able to forget. Pain that perpetually lingers, ranging from a dull ache to a knife-like stabbing.
Here's a principle I try to honor in my own life. Don't hoard the pain. It's so easy to lock all that pain up, pretend it doesn't exist, and simply mask it from the world. After all, it's usually easier not to talk about it. We bury it deep in a proverbial junk drawer, hoping it somehow just goes away.....but it doesn't.
Therefore, don't hoard the pain. Don't keep it all to yourself. We can't undo the pain. We can't jump into a DeLorean and change the past. We can't lessen the blow it dealt in our lives. Therefore, share it. Use it. At least allow some good to come from it. The damage has already been done, irreversibly, so we might as well find a way to harness it for good.
Back to my business meeting. This man's pain is all too familiar for me. He's experiencing something I, too, have experienced in a profoundly destructive way. This young man and I spent most of our conversation talking about this topic. All the pain, suffering, and turmoil I've experienced in my own life - what was once bad can be repurposed for good. I was able to share some insights and encouragement with this young man. I didn't hoard my pain. Instead, I found a way to create good from something that has been nothing but destructive in my life. Those little moments are special. Turning something so terrible into something potentially impactful is priceless. It was a beautiful conversation, and I hope I have the privilege of spending time with him again soon.
Don't hoard your pain. What's done is done. Now, even out the ledger by using it for good. Use it to make a positive impact in this world. You suffered so someone else might be allowed to suffer less...or perhaps not have to suffer alone. Not all heroes wear capes, and most heroes don't have origin stories stemming from roses and sunshine. Allow your pain to fuel your impact.
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