Your Values, Not Mine
One of my clients asked me what I think about a particular decision they are making. Here's how I responded (paraphrased, as I definitely don't remember word for word):
"On a personal level, you don't want or need my opinion. We are on totally opposite sides of this decision; we couldn't be further apart from each other. However, what I think doesn't matter. This decision clearly aligns with your values and what's most important to you, and therefore, that's most important to me. It doesn't matter what I or anyone else thinks of this decision. This is your life, your journey."
The topic? They are considering buying a very, very, very, very nice house. And with that many "very"s, I'm talking about one of the nicest houses I've ever seen in my life. Considering I'm content living in this 80-year-old, one-bathroom house we currently rent, we couldn't be further apart.
This is where nuance MUST come into play. Do you know how successful I'd be walking alongside people if all I did was try to jam my values down their throats? When it comes to money and work, very few things are black-and-white. Instead, it's all different shades through different lenses. What's right for one is wrong for another. What's wise for someone is dumb for another.
This is the problem with most people's financial advice: It's portrayed through their personal lens as right and wrong. You shouldn't buy coffee. You should only buy the nicest coffee. You shouldn't go out to eat. You should only eat at fancy steakhouses. You shouldn't drive a nice car. You shouldn't drive a used car. You shouldn't travel. You shouldn't care about anything other than travel. You should, should, should, should.
Whenever we try to tell other people what to value, we've lost the plot. Instead, it should be about ideas. There are ideas, principles, practices, and habits that are proven to work well. Once we're able to digest those things, we can pursue our values through those lenses.
To my client who is considering buying a tremendously nice house, that's cool. It's not my type of cool, but it is theirs! After walking alongside them, seeing their heart, and understanding what moves their needle, it's probably the right decision for them. Context matters. It always matters.
Therefore, don't listen when other people tell you what you should or shouldn't value. They are them; you are you. We're all different. Embrace your uniqueness, and approach your work and finances accordingly.
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