But Would You Live For Them?
I was having drinks with a handful of guy friends recently. There were four of us in total. We discussed all the normal-type things: Family, work, sports, faith, and upcoming travel plans. The conversation evolved to a bit of a morbid topic, triggered by a recent news story about a family that was attacked by a random assailant.
"I would die for my family," exclaimed one of my friends. One by one, each of my friends said the same thing. As a husband and father, they would die for their family. Noble. I agreed with them about this sentiment. If push came to shove, I would sacrifice myself for my family.
However, I asked a follow-up question. "Yeah, but would you live for your family?"
They looked at me, puzzled. For the ten minutes before this topic, each of them shared about how miserable they were in their respective careers and lives. All three of these guys are massively successful, as defined by the world, but each secretly lives in misery.
Each one of these men has achieved something in their lives, and in an effort to retain the comfort, stability, and ease of this new lifestyle, they continuously make choices to maintain the status quo. In other words, they are drowning in their own pool of comfort. In the sports world, it's called "playing not to lose."
None of them is actually living (their words), and their lives are struggling as a result. There's tension in their marriages and tension in their parenting. Their careers suck. Time keeps ticking too fast, but at the same time, not fast enough to finally get to this retirement finish line they fantasize about. They are depressed but mask it in normalcy. The life they are living isn't actually living. It's a form of delayed dying.
I think most people would willfully die for their family, but many won't actually live for their family. Here's the modern-day recipe for a day in the life:
Wake up and get ready.
Spend 8-10 hours at a job you tolerate or dislike.
Come home grumpy and disgruntled.
Spend a few precious hours with family.
Count down the days until the weekend arrives.
Savor the weekend, which might include spending time with friends/family, going on a trip, and/or buying something fun.
By Sunday afternoon, begin the dread of the Sunday Scaries.
Wake up on Monday and repeat.
That's a comfortable life. That's a normal life. That's a predictable life. But is it living? Most people, when confronted with this question in an honest setting, will say "no."
Here are a few questions I ask myself:
Am I pursuing work that matters when I wake up each morning?
Am I seeking comfort or pushing myself out of my comfort zone?
Am I actively serving God and serving others?
Am I giving sacrificially?
Am I embracing the adventure or playing it safe?
Am I proud of what I model for my kids?
I think most of us would die for our family, no doubt! That's the sign of loyalty, love, and honor. But would you live for them? Are you willing to truly live?
My three friends desperately need a shift. They know it and I know it. It will take courage and the willingness to disregard society’s expectations. They can do this…..and so can you.
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