Rules and Exceptions

Like most households, our house has rules. We put our laundry down the chute. We brush our teeth before bed. We say our prayers at bedtime. Speaking of bedtime, the kids have an 8:45 PM bedtime this school year. Those are rules. Firmly held, but not perfectly held rules.

There are exceptions, though. If the Bears or Chiefs are playing in primetime, the kids can elect to stay up through the game (which probably means a 10:45 PM bedtime). It's a clearly defined exception to a clearly defined rule.

Exceptions can be good things, but not everything can be an exception. Exceptions are where people often come off the rails. Once we open the door to exceptions, our human nature does the mental and emotional gymnastics to carve out all sorts of exceptions. That's why having clearly defined exceptions to clearly defined rules is important.

"Dad, can we stay up late?"

"Are the Bears or Chiefs playing?"

"No, we just wanna stay up."

"No, you know the rules."

Having clear boundaries makes saying "no" easier, but it also makes the exceptions feel special. Also, this really isn't about children's bedtimes. Every aspect of our lives follows this same structure. Rules and exceptions.

When it comes to handling our finances, we need to give ourselves rules. Firm, clear rules. We need structure, boundaries, and definition. Then, we need exceptions. I've said it before, but Sarah and I have one green light to blow through our budget: Giving. If one of us identifies a giving opportunity and we've already expended our allocated giving for the month, we give anyway. No questions asked. No hassle. No issues. We just give.....period. That's a predetermined exception.

But clarity around the exception matters. It would be so easy to take that one simple exception and extrapolate it to other categories. Running low on dining out this month? Oh, that's okay; we'll just make an exception. We're almost out of kids money. No worries, we'll just make an exception. Next thing you know, you've overspent your budget by $900 and yet again failed in that area of life.

This is why rules matter. In our house, if we spend all of our grocery money in a given month, that's it. No exceptions. That can cause frustrating moments, but we aren't going to die. Instead, we dive deeper into the pantry and freezer. We get creative. We find a way. Two important things happen when we honor this firmly established rule: 1) We show ourselves that everything is going to be okay, and 2) We remind ourselves how much it sucks and that we don't want to repeat that mistake again.

Rules and exceptions. Be clear with both. Be firm with both. And remember, you're the author of both, so author rules and exceptions that actually add value to your life.

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