I Stole Her Generosity

Sarah and I operate our finances with a high level of intentionality. Each month for the past 15 years, we've negotiated and executed a budget (in fact, as I was writing this paragraph, she interrupted me and reminded me of a few items we need to add to this month's budget). The budget accounts for every dollar of income coming in that month, segregated into various spending, saving, and giving categories. When we encounter a possible expenditure of $100+, we discuss it. Well, with one exception: giving. We are very intentional about our normal giving budget, but not so much with the irregular giving. The one-offs. The spur of the moment. The little nudges. The instinctual gifts. If either of us feels called to give, regardless of the person, cause, or amount, we have the green light. If we don't have enough money in that month's giving budget to cover it, we have a separate bucket of money we can pull from. "Just be generous" is the operating model.

It took Sarah several years to embrace this principle. For the longest time, she felt anxious about unilaterally making these types of decisions. Eventually, though, she started owning it; she even looped the kids into the fold. When the nudge came to give, she gave. No hesitation, no second-guessing. Just be generous. It's been one of the coolest parts of our life together.

I recently stole her generosity, though. It was Thanksgiving Day. We were in a grocery store picking up some ingredients for our big meal. It was Sarah, me, the boys, and our two nieces. As we stood in the checkout lane, Sarah noticed two firefighters standing in front of us. They were in full uniform, with a cart full of food. Sarah leaned over to me, "We should buy theirs to thank them for their service today." Amazing idea! For whatever reason, though, I stalled out on her. "It's going to be weird trying to pay for someone in front of us. We would definitely do it if they were behind us." "That's okay," she replied, and the moment passed.

Wow. I whiffed. There's no reason we shouldn't have purchased their cart of food. Zero reason. Zilch. I don't know what sidetracked me, but I failed Sarah and those two firefighters. Sarah had a beautiful idea (or nudge), and I sabotaged her. I felt pretty lousy about it. As we were pulling away from the store, I said, "I really regret that. I failed. I'm so sorry."

"Just be generous" is a beautiful model to live by. I highly recommend it! Pull out the stops. There's something amazing that happens when we prioritize someone else's needs over our own wants. It transforms the way we view and handle our money. However, just like I did on Thanksgiving, you'll make mistakes. You whiff. You'll miss the moment. While that sucks, the good news is there will be another moment the next hour, next day, or next week. The moments are all around us. Just be generous.

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Listening to Those Nudges

After my Grandma's funeral on Saturday, I hopped in the car and bee-lined a two-hour drive to the airport so I could board a flight to Mississippi. I'm hanging out in a dry ice plant in SW Mississippi for the next few days, trying to add value to one of my clients.

I spent yesterday grinding in the office, which was extremely productive. As lunchtime approached, I realized I had no vehicle, and there wasn't anything within walking distance. Thus, I pulled out my rarely-used DoorDash app to save me.

When using digital platforms, I tip cash if I have it on me. Call me a conspiracy theorist, but tipping cash is the only way to ensure 100% of that tip ends up in the hands of its intended target. Luckily for me, I had about $50 in my pocket.

That was the setup, and here's the story. I waited about 20 minutes for my food to arrive. During that time, I felt a nudge. It was a nudge to lean heavy on the tip. My entire order was $10, so what does a heavy tip mean? $5? $10? More? As time passed, I felt a continued nudge to lean even heavier; by the time the driver was pulling up with my delicious Taco Bell, I felt oddly convicted I needed to give the entire $50 stack to the driver.

I long ago learned to listen to these types of nudges, no matter how crazy they may seem. Some may call it intuition, while others may refer to it as the Holy Spirit. I'm not in the judging business.....I'm in the listening business. In our family, we respond to nudges, and today, Mr. Taco Bell DoorDash was the target of a nudge.

I eagerly waited for the delivery car to peek above the hill. As he pulled up, I noticed a few things. He was driving an incredibly beat-up truck......nearly falling apart. His wife (or girlfriend) was sitting in the passenger seat. Her name was the registered Dash driver, but they were clearly out making runs together. When he hopped out of the truck to bring my food, he was extraordinarily polite. I noticed a big cross on his T-shirt. He handed me my food, said, "God bless," and quickly turned toward his hanging-on-by-a-thread truck.

I shouted that I had a tip for him. He turned back toward me. "Oh, thank you much," as he re-approached me. I handed him the cash. "Are you serious? You have no idea! I don't even know........thank you, thank you!"

Nudges, man! I don't know what the story is, but I know there's a story. I'll probably never know the full context of what it meant, and that's ok. My job isn't to piece it all together, but rather to play the tiny role I was called to play. I peacefully went to bed last night, knowing I listened to that nudge.

Listen to those nudges. Yes, they can be weird. Yes, they can be uncomfortable. Yes, they can challenge us. But they exist for a reason. Stretch yourself and lean into them. Generosity always wins!

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Author Unknown

I've had a great few days in Houston, spending time with one of my clients. The days have been long but rewarding. I'll be in their office again today and tomorrow, returning home late Monday night. I'm grateful for the opportunity to add value to their business, and I am glad we could get creative with our schedules.

Given how tired I am, I was running short on writing inspiration. That's when I opened my blog inspiration folder in my Notes app. It's stocked full of thoughts, ideas, and concepts for future brainstorming. But something in particular caught my eye. It was just a few sentences, but I can't figure out where it came from. I did a terrible job notating the context of this one. Here's what my note said:

"Accepting generosity, accepting appreciation, and accepting recognition are all related. As difficult as it can be to accept them, rejecting them can be a symptom of false humility and reminds me of one of my favorite quotes - "Humility is nothing but truth, and pride is nothing but lying." St. Vincent de Paul. Accept generosity, appreciation, and recognition when they're true and pure."

Did I write this? It's something I believe, but the sentence structure is a bit different than my style. Did Gary Hoag write this? It definitely seems like something he'd say, but I can't find any matches on his daily blog. Did Ryan Schon write this? This St. Vincent de Paul quote is embedded in Ryan's Twitter bio! But if he wrote it, I can't figure out where I pulled it from. Did I pull it out of a book? If so, there's zero chance I'll figure it out. Oh well, it shall remain a mystery.

Regardless of the source, there's so much beauty, power, and wisdom in this text. Many may find it convicting. Oddly enough, it's much, much easier to be generous than to accept the generosity of others. I know so many giving-minded people who are incapable of accepting gifts (physical or otherwise). They insist on being only on one side of the giving ledger. That's called pride, perhaps leaking into arrogance.

This is one of the many things Gary Hoag taught me nearly a decade ago. I can't be a truly generous person until I learn to sincerely receive generosity from others. After all, receiving generosity is an act of generosity in itself; you're giving the other person the opportunity to be a blessing. Rejecting the gift is the same as stomping out their generous spirit, which is a form of anti-generosity.

I think many people will struggle with this idea today. Good! Let's be challenged. Allow this to push your comfort zone. Doing so is essential in this journey toward a more generous life. Have an amazing day!

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Heartbreak. Joy. Impact.

What makes you angry? What breaks your heart? What makes you sad? What puts a knot in your stomach? What gets you fired up?

These are some of the questions I ask people when they are interested in giving, but don't know where to start. One of my biggest principles in cultivating generosity is making gifts we can emotionally connect to. This is an overlooked aspect of people's giving, which I believe can change everything. Once we connect our giving with our emotions and passions, it unlocks a gear we never knew we had.

I'm writing about this today because something transpired under my roof this weekend. On Saturday afternoon, Finn decided he was going to get the mail. Then, something caught his eye. "Dad, you got something from the children's hospital. It must be a bill." I explained it's probably not a bill, but rather the hospital asking for help. That sparked his interest, so without further ado, he tore open the envelope. He spent the next hour reading, inspecting, and re-reading the documents. He was fixated on this letter. It talked about caring for kids and making sure their families are taken care of.

Fast forward a few hours later, and we were on the couch watching the annual CyHawk football game featuring our Iowa State Cyclones vs. the Iowa Hawkeyes. As much as I don't like the Hawkeyes (sorry, Hawk friends!), they have one of the most beautiful traditions in all of sports. After the conclusion of the first quarter, every person in the stadium - fans, players on both sides, refs, coaches, stadium employees - stop everything, turn their attention to the next-door children's hospital towering above, and wave at all the kids and families in the windows. It's a special moment each and every time. I turn into a puddle just writing about it, and I suspect you'll be the same if you watch this ESPN story.

As the wave began, both my kids were curious about what was happening. Finn especially took an interest in this. The cameras zoomed in on the kids at the windows, wildly waving at the stadium crowd with huge smiles on their faces. Some kids were bald from their treatment regimen, while others were in beds. Finn looked at the kids on the TV, then down to the pictures of kids in the hospital letter he had been reading.

Something clicked inside him. He looked sad, almost introspective. Then, without a word, he walked out of the living room toward his bedroom. He returned a few seconds later with a baggie of cash. "Dad, can I send my giving money to the kids' hospital?"

"You bet, bud. We absolutely can." We filled out the giving form, he delicately placed his $16 into the provided return envelope, and he wrote them a note explaining his gift. He had so much joy doing this. Later today, I'll drive him to the post office so he can personally drop the envelope in the mailbox.

Heartbreak. Joy. Impact. Finn is starting to get it.

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A Silent Echo

Happy first Saturday of the college football season! Regardless of who your team is (yes, even you, Hawkeye fans), I hope you enjoy your season and make tons of fun memories. In a few hours, my family will pack up the car and drive to Ames to cheer on our Iowa State Cyclones.

Each year, this day reminds me of a beautiful gift my family received from a friend four seasons ago. As the football season was approaching, our friends unexpectedly and generously gifted my family Iowa State season tickets. That year was full of memories, fun, and the infamous Brock Purdy / Breece Hall duo. It was an amazing gift, and one that I will tell people about until the day I die.

A pic from that very first game, four seasons ago.

That's the thing about generosity; it's a silent echo. Whether we see it or not, its impact reverberates through people's lives long after it occurs. The following year, we purchased our own season tickets. Throughout the season, we blessed a handful of families with our tickets. Families that had never been to a college football game before. Families that couldn't afford tickets. Families who, for whatever reason, weren't going to connect all the dots and make it to a game. Each time we gifted our tickets, it was a tribute to our friends who made that original gift. A silent echo.

As this season approached, we cringed as we looked at our calendar. I'll be out of the country for one game. I'll have to miss two other games for speaking engagements. There's also Finn and Pax's basketball games, which are still TBD. Needless to say, it's not looking great to attend Cyclone games this season.

Then, the proverbial lightbulb turned on over our heads. While it was hard to justify buying season tickets when we probably won't make many games, we decided to look at it through a different lens. Knowing our availability is limited, these tickets weren't primarily entertainment; they were generosity. We purchased them largely to bless families. We want people to create their own memories and curate stories that will be shared for years. A silent echo.

One friend buys another friend tickets once, and the silent echo carries for years. There's no telling how many people will ultimately benefit from the impact made back in 2021. Dozens? Hundreds? What about the people that we bless? They may, in turn, be inspired to bless others along their journey as well.

The silent echo is multiplication, not addition. It compounds over time. It's beautiful and powerful. I'm probably more excited to give these tickets away than I am to attend myself (ssshhhhh, don't tell my kids I said that). Knowing that we get to help other people create lifelong memories is one of the greatest blessings we can receive.

Today, though, I'm going to make some memories with my boys. They are beyond excited, and hopefully, the Cyclones will put on a good show. Happy college football Saturday, everyone!

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It’s Never Too Soon

"When is the right time to start giving?"

"Now"

"When will we have enough so we can start giving?"

"Right now."

"How much do we need to start thinking about giving?"

"Whatever you have now."

One of the most common misconceptions about generosity in our culture is this false and toxic notion that we must achieve xyz goals before we turn on the giving spigot. We treat the topic as though giving is something relegated to rich people. And someday, if you become rich, perhaps you might give away a tiny portion of your riches, too.

Knowing this, I guess it shouldn't surprise me that I received criticism for a recent blog post explaining how my kids spend, save, and give equally—1/3, 1/3, and 1/3. Or, as one friend put it, "Why are your kids giving 33% when they hardly make any money?"

Here's my honest and most sincere answer: Because we're called to give, period. Our ability to give isn't dependent upon our net worth or income, whether we have everything we want, or whether we have attained a certain lifestyle. We should give because we are human. We should give because it's a central part of being loving. We should give because it's part of having a healthy relationship with money.

It reminds me of a famous quote. "It's possible to give without love, but it's impossible to love without giving."

Most people miss out on the beauty and life-changing consequences of giving, just so they can check the box on a few more wants each month. It's such a superficial, short-sighted, and empty way to live.

Whenever I think of this dynamic, I picture different people in my life. It's one of the curses and blessings of having worked with so many families. I think about couples with nearly every material possession they could ever desire, yet very little giving. On the flip side, I think about couples who live very modest lives, yet give beyond belief. The couples who have everything actually have very little. And the couples who appear to have very little actually have everything. It's a paradox that I'll never get over.

It's never too soon to give. My biggest encouragement is to just start. You don't need a well-thought-out strategy. You don't need sophisticated tools. You don't need to get your taxes sorted. You don't need have every giving opportunity fully vetted. Sometimes, you just need to give, then give again, and keep giving. You won't always get it right, but you'll most certainly change your life (and probably a few others along the journey).

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Period.

As we were on our way to the science center yesterday, my family enjoyed a quick lunch at a downtown patio. Toward the end of our meal, a young woman approached us, looking distressed. "I'm sorry, and I'm really embarrassed to even ask, but I could really use some help. Do you have a few dollars you could give me?"

I quickly grabbed my wallet to see what I had. Not surprisingly, my cash was limited. I only had a single twenty-dollar bill on me. I pulled the bill out, handed it to her, and wished her a good day. She was shocked by the gift, thanked me multiple times, and then continued on her way.

This sparked a fun conversation with the kids. What was she going to do with the money? Did she really need it? Why did she need it? I answered every question with "I don't know." Then, after I unsuccessfully answered all their questions, I finished with this: "Our job is to be loving and generous.....period. That's what God asks us to do. What she does with that money is between her and God."

I can already see the criticism for this approach. Did she even need the money? Was she scamming me? Was she going to use it for something irresponsible? What if I just wasted that money?!?! I could easily have a cynical perspective like that. Part of me does if I'm being honest. However, my job is to be loving and generous.....period. It reminds me of one of my favorite stories I've shockingly only shared once before on this blog:

C.S. Lewis and his friend were walking down the street. Along the path, they see a homeless man. Lewis immediately reached into his pockets, pulled out all the cash he had on him, and handed it to the man. As they walked away, his friend said, "You shouldn't have done that. He's just going to squander it on tobacco and alcohol." Mr. Lewis looks at his friend and replies, "Well, that's what I was going to do with it."

We need to be less cynical and more loving.

We need to be less judgy and more generous.

Yes, we're going to make mistakes. Yes, our gifts may sometimes be squandered. Yes, we'll get taken advantage of.

But our call is to be loving and generous.....period.

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I Won't Be Stealing His Blessing

Finn finished the rest of how mowing duties last night. I feel weird saying that about a seven-year-old, but here we are. He loves mowing, and I'm more than happy to let him do it. It's also a great opportunity for me to teach him about the connection between hard work and money. After we came into the house, with sweat dripping off his face, he was eager to receive the rest of his pay.

As he divided up the money into three components (spending, saving, and giving), he turned to me and said, "Dad, I'm going to use my giving money to buy you a new battery so you can fix your watch." I've been wearing a broken watch for a few months now. I have other watches, but this one is my favorite. Unfortunately, though, the battery died. So, at this point, it's for aesthetics only.

I was blown away by his thoughtful generosity. Sarah was also moved by his gesture and said, "Finny, that is so thoughtful of you! Very sweet. But Dad can use other money to fix his watch."

The moment came and went. Finn seemed excited about his idea, and we quickly moved on to the next part of our evening. Sarah and I didn't discuss this after the fact, but I wasn't a fan of her comment. She meant well, and her intent was pure, but she inadvertently stole (or attempted to steal) his blessing.

See, Finn didn't want to buy me a new battery because I NEEDED it. Rather, he wanted to show love through generosity.....period. I need to accept this gift. Robbing people of their blessing is an act of anti-generosity. It's counter to everything we try to teach.

It reminds me of a recent text message I received: "What's your Venmo?" I kind of knew what was coming, but then again, I really didn't. But I had a suspicion about what it could be about. I didn't ask this person for money. I didn't want this person to send me money. I didn't feel like I deserved any money. However, I don't steal people's blessings. My personal rule is to NEVER steal someone's attempt to practice generosity. I gratefully shared my Venmo handle, only to receive a gift mere minutes later. I excitedly and sincerely thanked this person for the gesture. It means a lot that they would do that, even if I didn't NEED it. It was an act of thoughtful love. I wasn't about to rob that from them.

Back to Finn. Yes, I'm going to let him fix my watch. The only way to become generous is to practice generosity. If I'm trying to raise my kids to become loving, generous men, why would I rob them of opportunities to be generous? I won't. I will gratefully receive Finn's thoughtful act of generosity. I hope it adds yet another spark to his generosity journey.

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Inflicting Impact

I spent Monday trying to get to Houston WHILE a hurricane was pummeling the city (smart move, I know). Nearly every flight was canceled that day, but United re-booked me for a later flight that actually got me there safely. As I boarded my Denver-to-Houston flight, I chatted with a young man (maybe 16 or 17) trying to get home to Houston from a mission trip. Unfortunately, he was the victim of eight flight cancellations over the prior 18 hours. He looked beat up yet oddly optimistic. 

As we boarded the plane, he eagerly awaited his coveted exit row seat. "I've never sat in the exit row before!" Then, as he approached his seat, he disappointingly found a middle-aged man sitting there. They both had tickets for the same seat. The flight attendant quickly swooped in to sort out the confusion. After checking her records, the flight attendant informed the middle-aged man he had unknowingly been upgraded to first class. As he began to vacate his row, the middle-aged man looked at the kid and said, "Why don't you take my seat. Enjoy it!" "Are you for real?" asked the young man. "Thank you, thank you, thank you!" The young guy had a massive smile on his face as he turned around and excitedly walked to the front of the plane. 

For the middle-aged man, this probably would have been his 120th time sitting in first class. He knew that. Deep down, I think a little light bulb went off for him, realizing a first-class seat would probably move the needle for the young man. I call this "inflicting impact." Using whatever resources we're blessed with to do the most good. All we have is all we have. It's so easy to get jealous of what a friend, family member, or co-worker has. But that doesn't do us any good. Further, when we dwell on what we don't have, we lose sight of what we do have. Once we become fully aware and present in what we do have, it's our responsibility to manage it well and maximize impact. In the case of that flight, this man used his upgrade to bless someone far more than he would have benefited from it. He inflicted impact with something he had. 

It was such a small gesture, yet I have a feeling that young guy will be sharing his wild story about how that one time he was on a mission trip and got eight flights canceled while trying to fly home in a hurricane, and some stranger generously let him sit in first class. That epic tale will be told for years!!!! Better yet, that sequence of events may even inspire that young man to unlock his own generosity in the days, weeks, and months to come. It's silly and far-fetched to think about, but that middle-aged man may have changed the trajectory of that young man's life. I know, I know, I'm a hopeless romantic……

……but what if?

Inflict impact. Use whatever you have, big or small, to move the needle for others. 

Keeping the Relationship Pure

Relationships and generosity, two of the most meaning-filled things in life. Typically, these two dynamics run parallel to one another. After all, both are a manifestation of love and compassion. They run parallel until, well, they don’t. Once in a while, a situation arises where the two can collide. 

My phone rings. Weird, it’s from a friend I haven’t spoken to in years. Let’s call them the Smiths. “Travis, we need your help,” exclaimed Mr. Smith. What unfolded in the subsequent minutes was a story about friendship. Not just any friend, but the Smiths’s nearest and dearest friends. Long story short, this family (a couple with a few young kids) was going through a significant financial struggle. Life was hitting hard, and it was beginning to take a toll on everyone involved. This situation moved the Smiths deeply. They felt an overwhelming calling to step in and serve their friends in some way. However, the magnitude of their ideas would potentially alter their relationship with their friends. 

The Smiths are an interesting couple. They carry themselves with humility and discretion. They have a modest house, older cars, and simple clothes…..very much a middle-class lifestyle. Behind the scenes, though, they are extremely blessed financially. Not many people know this, and they like it that way. It allows them to live a normal life, give ridiculously generously, and teach their kids right. 

Being the loving, compassionate, servant-hearted, and generous people they are, they had a wild idea. With the snap of their fingers, they could make their best friend’s financial struggle disappear. Doing so, though, created risk. Would their friends even accept the gift? Would their friends feel guilty? Would their friends feel like they owe them? Would their friends view them differently? There were a million ways adverse outcomes could arise from this well-meaning intention. 

That’s when my phone rang. “Travis, we need your help.” After discussing the situation, we came up with a creative way for them to anonymously help their friend without risking the relationship. Or, in the words of the Smiths, “keep the relationship pure.” We crafted a plan to facilitate a gift that would meet this family in their darkest hour.

Fast forward a few weeks, their friends received the financial miracle they never even imagined would come. It was a life-altering experience……for both couples. The recipient of radical, anonymous generosity felt so grateful, blessed, seen, and cared for. The giver of the radical, anonymous generosity felt a meaning in their life they have never expereinced before, especially with money. To put a cherry on top, the relationship remains pure.

Generosity always wins. Oh yeah, it also changes lives. Will you let generosity change your life today?

His Greatest Hook Shot

A few days ago, I stumbled upon a news story on my social media feed. However, much to my shock, it wasn't a recent news story. It's actually five years old, but since it's new to me, perhaps it's new to you, too!

It was about Kareem Abdul-Jabbar. In case you aren't familiar with him, I'll give you the cliff notes version. Kareem is regarded as one of the best basketball players who ever lived. He was a fixture of the 1970s and 1980s NBA, primarily known for his signature sky hook. He's a 6x champion, 19x all-star, 6x MVP, and second all-time leading scorer in NBA history. It's safe to say he won a lot of hardware! For many, his face belongs on the basketball Mt. Rushmore.

The news article I saw wasn't about his on-the-court efforts. Rather, it was something he did off the court, long after he last laced up his sneakers. In 2019, Kareem reportedly sold a bunch of the previously-mentioned hardware, including his championship rings and MVP trophies. As a reminder, these items are iconic in the sports world....and practically priceless. Yet, he woke up one morning and decided to sell them to a bunch of strangers. In total, he collected about $2.8M for parting ways with these artifacts.

Why in the world would he do that?!?!? This is where the story gets good! He elected to sell these pieces of memorabilia so he could donate the proceeds to at-risk youth. Upon being questioned about this decision, he said: "When it comes to choosing between storing a championship ring or trophy in a room, or providing kids with an opportunity to change their lives, the choice is pretty simple. Sell it all. Looking back on what I have done with my life, instead of gazing at the sparkle of jewels or gold plating celebrating something I did a long time ago, I'd rather look into the delighted face of a child holding their first caterpillar and think about what I might be doing for their future. That's a history that has no price."

Kareem has every reason in the world to covet, cherish, and possess these trinkets of his success. Yet, he took the most counter-cultural and anti-materialistic approach possible: he sold it and blessed people.

Mission and memories. That's what I think of when I learn about these types of acts. Nobody can take away his athletic feats or accomplishments. Millions of people (mostly Lakers fans) will take to their graves the way Kareem made them feel. A trophy or ring doesn't define it....it already happened! So, the natural next step is to lean into the mission part. He used what he had to move the needle in other people's lives.

While we probably don't have trophies or championship rings worth millions lying in our nightstands, we all have something to give. Possessions are just things. Sure, they are cool. Sure, they are fun. But they are still just things. Meanwhile, mission and memories are forever.

It’s Not About Looking Down

I was recently at lunch with a few friends. Both are successful in their own right, but one is considered uber-successful by most accounts. I don't know specifics, but I suspect he has tens of millions of dollars.

When our server delivered the check, I told the guys I'd like to pick up lunch for the group. They both thanked me for the gesture, and we went about our business. However, as we were standing in the parking lot, the successful-but-not-tens-of-millions-successful guy approached me and asked, "Why did you buy our lunch? We didn't need you to do that....especially (other guy)."

Correct, neither of them "needed" my generosity. They are both financially blessed, and money is certainly not an issue. I didn't show them generosity because they "needed" it, but rather because I wanted to bless them.

Giving isn't about assessing where we stand on some superficial hierarchy compared to a potential recipient of our gift. That's a cheap and shallow way to perceive giving. Rather, giving should be about the act of blessing someone.....period. Whether it's a financial gift or some other form of service/sacrifice, it should be done with a sincere heart and pure motives.

I absolutely believe in giving to people in need. I believe in that deeply. However, it's not about looking down. It's about looking outward. It's about putting others before ourselves and being willing to serve others with whatever we have to share. I'm so grateful I'm able to buy my friends lunch. It was an honor to do so!

Here's my encouragement for you today. When you give, don't do so through some arbitrary scorecard. Just give. Just share. Just bless others. Don't look down.....look outward.

Multiplication, Not Addition

My head is still spinning from last night's debate. Perhaps yours is, too. Therefore, I thought a little palette cleanser would be welcomed today.

Amidst all the craziness that hit my social media feeds last night, this little gem popped up. Gold. Pure gold. Check it out! This is one you have to see for yourself. My words can't properly frame up how this situation played out. So, if you didn't click the link above, here's another chance!

We’re not crying, you are 🥹 pic.twitter.com/7Wiv2QUuqM

— New York Red Bulls (@NewYorkRedBulls) March 25, 2024

Generosity isn't addition. When we give, it's not making a dollar-for-dollar, hour-for-hour, or act-to-act impact. It multiplies. It transcends the original gift, oftentimes spiraling into something much, much bigger than initially intended. This player thoughtfully shared his jacket with one kid, ultimately blessing all the kids. One simple act of generosity multiplied into something much bigger than him.

That's the opportunity in front of each of us. We can use our resources to add to our own pot, or we can multiply them by sharing. It's an important choice, and, for me, it's an easy choice. Multiplication is always more powerful than addition. Generosity always wins.

Putting THEIR Money Where MY Mouth Is

One of my clients recently received an unexpected $2,000 (after-tax) bonus. Excited about this newfound money, they quickly commenced negotiations about where this money should go. There were several options on the table:

• New furniture

• Disney World

• New hunting equipment

• Revamp the wardrobe

• Invest it into retirement

• Pay down the car loan

• Plus a handful of others

When our next meeting rolled around, making a final decision was the top priority. I stood at the whiteboard, jotting down every idea mentioned. After all ideas were exhausted, I added one more: "Give it away."

Instant pushback! They explained they needed this money, pointing at the lengthy list drawn out on the whiteboard as evidence. They "needed" this money. That word was mentioned at least a dozen times, which is exactly why I wanted to open this alternate door.

The fact they "needed" it, in their words, is the exact reason they "needed" to give it away. They've lost perspective. That's not an indictment on them; we all do! It's so easy to get caught up in our own situations that we lose sight of the big picture. They've done a great job. They are doing a great job. They will continue to do a great job. They are blessed. They will be just fine.

Generosity always wins. And by always wins, I'm referring to everyone involved. The recipient wins, as a need is met. The giver also wins. Psychologically and emotionally, there is no better use for money than to give it to someone who has nothing to offer us in return. That single act sets off a chain reaction deep down within us, leading to meaning, fulfillment, and contentment.

Contentment. That's important here. As I've highlighted (er, beat a dead horse) in multiple recent posts, we live in a culture of more. More money, more stuff, more status, more more. It has a weighty gravitational pull. Even for those who most staunchly oppose such culture (I'd put myself in that camp), it's a hard gravitational pull to avoid. We're all human, after all. However, there is one thing that can combat the materialistic pursuit of more: contentment. And one of the most significant contributors to contentment? Generosity! Generosity is exactly what the doctor ordered! It's almost like we've been created to give!

This is one of the main reasons I so badly wanted this family to give the $2,000 away. They need contentment. They need to jump off the hamster wheel of more. They need perspective. And you know what? They did it! They decided to test out my "absurd theory" (their words) and give this whole generosity thing a try. They pondered who, how, and where to give it, made a plan, and executed!

Their response: "It was transformational. I don't know why or how, but it was. We just feel different."

Yes! It is different. It's one of those things you can't quite put your finger on, but once you know, you know. Contentment through generosity.

They looked at each other, smiled, and one excitedly said to the other, "Let's do it again."

A Prescription For Generosity

The last few days have been quite stressful on my end. Between work obligations, travel, pain experienced by people I care about, our recent NV debacle (again), and sickness, my stress level is at 100. Needless to say, I was a mess yesterday. There's a partial cure for this type of stress, though: Generosity! Knowing I was hurting, I did exactly what I knew would help alleviate what ails me. I looked for opportunities to be generous. 

Throughout the day, I stumbled upon two opportunities to bless someone. Each was fun. Each made a difference (I hope). Each helped make me feel better. I've spent years thinking about why generosity oddly helps alleviate all sorts of troubles. Here's what I've come up with:

• When we give, we turn our focus from ourselves to someone else. 

• Science has proven that giving makes us happy.

• When we give, it's a subconscious signal that we have enough....and we'll be ok.

• Giving is a reminder of a broader calling.

No, my problems didn't magically go away. As I'm writing this, I'm still stuck with the same set of circumstances. Nothing is fixed. However, I feel peace and calm. I feel content. I see the bigger picture. It's a mess, but a purposeful mess. 

Give generosity a try. This is my formal prescription for you. When you're having a sucky day, find an opportunity to be generous. When you're stressed or overwhelmed, give. When it all feels like too much, take a moment to serve someone else. It makes a difference. 

Today is a new day! I hope it's better for me, and I hope it's better for you, too. Either way, it's also an amazing opportunity to bless someone. Keep your eyes open and your purpose clear. Have a great day!

Putting the Pieces Together

What does it mean to win with money? I could ask 20 people and get 20 different answers. We all view it through a different lens. We each possess different skills, and we each have our shortcomings. Some things we'll get right, and other things may be more of a challenge. We don't have to nail every aspect, but it's important to remove any glaring deficiencies. Most families thrive in some areas and struggle in others. 

However, I recently met with a couple who inspired me to write about this topic. I've worked with this couple for over a year, but this meeting was particularly inspiring. They are a younger-ish couple, both teachers. In my mind, they've cracked the code on personal finance. No, they aren't geniuses in any one area, but they are doing good in pretty much every area. I'll summarize:

• They have unity, a shared vision, and joint ownership of their finances.

• They budget intentionally each month, leaning into their unique values.

• They have an emergency fund to protect them for WHEN life punches.

• They spend money on wants that add value to their life.

• They utilize sinking funds to save for future purchases/expenses.

• They give joyfully and sacrificially.

• They paid off all their non-mortgage debt.

• They invest with discipline, simplicity, and effectiveness.

• They have cheap term life insurance policies that will replicate each person's respective income in the event of a tragic event. 

• They are in the process of setting up wills.

• They both pursue work that matters, and find meaning and fulfillment in their careers.

• They are creating financial margin to provide flexibility for future decisions and lifestyle shifts.

They are the total package! No, it's not because they have massive incomes and unlimited resources. Reminder, they are both teachers. They are normal people, making normal money, living a normal life. Except it's not a normal life. It's an extraordinary life.

What's their secret? Intentionality, discipline, humility, contentment, and consistency. That's it. Good choice after good choice after good choice. Oh yeah, and that whole unity, shared vision, and joint ownership thing. They are doing it together. There is no "mine" and "yours." Everything is "ours." For better or worse. 

Yes, this is an opportunity for me to brag about this amazing couple. However, there's more to it. I hope you find encouragement in it. We ALL have the power to get better in the areas of money. The only thing stopping us is us. It's not easy, but it's so, so worth it. Get 1% better today! Then, get 1% better tomorrow. One day at a time. You got this!

Ace Ventura Spitting Wisdom

The laces were in! That Ray Finkle, man. Ace Ventura was one of the first adult comedies I ever saw as a kid. I was 13 years old, at a sleepover, and we somehow got our hands on this newly released VHS starring an unknown actor named Jim Carrey. The opening scene with the package delivery remains one of the funniest intros in movie history! Needless to say, this immediately became, and decades later, remains one of my all-time favorite comedies. 

I could probably find a way to tie Ace Ventura to Meaning Over Money, but I’ll spare you. Instead, I want to discuss a statement I recently heard from Jim Carrey:

“Imagine struggling with being homeless and someone comes with a camera in your face to give you a meal and you have to take it. Imagine that feeling. Please, stop doing that. If you go to help someone, do it with kindness and not your ego.

In a world with cameras in every pocket, it’s our natural inclination to capture and share everything. But let’s not blame the technology, though. For centuries - long before cell phones and cameras were invented - we humans have operated all areas of our lives with ego. If that’s true, why would our giving be an exception?

I can’t get on social media without some person or organization boasting about a gift they just made for some cause. Have you ever seen a GoFundMe page? Call me weird, but I obsessively watch the donation ticker that announces everyone’s gifts. If you aren’t familiar with the concept, when you make a gift on GoFundMe, it blasts the news of your gift to the main page for all to see, where it boldly displays your name and how much you gave. However, it’s worth noting that when you make a gift, you get to choose if your name is displayed or is classified as “anonymous.” Any guess as to how many people give anonymously? By my numerous tallies, only about 5%-7% of gifts are anonymous.

Here’s a question I’ll challenge you with today. If you make a gift and publicly broadcast said gift, is it likely your motives are pure? I’d argue the answer is “no.” I’ve pondered this a lot in my own giving journey. Several years ago, realizing I am a human, I conceded I’m not immune to this, either. I quickly concluded that I needed to eliminate anything that would taint the spirit of my giving….especially the possibility of earning favor, influence, affirmation, or pats on the back. Therefore, almost all my giving is done quietly and anonymously, so much so that some organizations don’t even know where their gifts are coming from. This shift has been a transformational experience. 

Here’s where I want to land this plane (er, errant Ray Finkle field goal attempt). I firmly believe there’s no endeavor in life more meaningful than giving with pure motives. Don’t believe me? There’s only one way to find out! 

* After finishing this piece, I feel incomplete and somewhat unsettled. There is more to discuss on this topic than my 500 words will allow, so perhaps treat this one as an appetizer. Have a blessed day!

How Many Apples Are In a Seed?

Check out this awesome clip!

@uconnwbb these two 🥹 #uconnwomensbasketball #bleedblue ♬ original sound - UConn Women’s Basketball

This touching moment involves UCONN's Coach Geno Auriemma and Nika Muhl. Nika just wrapped up her UCONN basketball career and was drafted into the WNBA just a few weeks ago. This is easily the best thing I've seen all day!

I often refer to the idea of planting seeds. A quick word search of my blog archives reveals that I've discussed this concept in 14 prior posts. When I see a video clip like this and can feel the relationship this player and coach share, it strikes me as a quintessential example of planting seeds. 

Coach Geno is 70 years old, and for the last 40 of them, he has been at the helm of UCONN's women's basketball team. When I see the bond he shares with Nika and the impact he's clearly had on her life, I can't help but wonder how many seeds he's planted over the years. 

This past weekend, while at a generosity conference, a speaker began talking about planting seeds. Oh, you know I was leaning forward for this one! She cut into an apple and started picking out seeds. "You can count how many seeds are in an apple, but you can't count how many apples are in a seed." 

That's one of the most powerful ideas I've ever heard. Planting a seed is one thing, but the ripple effects are another. Let's say we plant ten seeds, and only one takes hold and grows (into an apple tree, of course). That tree will produce hundreds or thousands of apples, each filled with numerous seeds. Eventually, some of those new seeds will take hold and grow trees as well......and the cycle continues. From a single seed comes an immeasurable number of apples. A single act of planting a seed could result in multiple generations of impact. Beautiful!

Back to Coach Geno and Nika. He planted seeds, and some (or tons) prospered.....including Nika. Now, she will spend the next 60+ years planting her own seeds, and some of them will prosper as well. Call me sentimental, but this is a profoundly moving illustration of living a life of service to others. 

Our call to action is simple: plant seeds. What happens after we plant is largely out of our control. However, know that good WILL come from your generosity. And when it does, the impact may span much wider and deeper than you'll ever know. 

Dents, Dings, and Impact

I recently had a curious exchange with a friend:

Him: "I got into a fender bender a few days ago."

Me: "Oh man, I'm so sorry."

Him: "No, it's kinda a good thing."

Me: "Uhhhhhh, why's that?"

Him: "I'm going to take a page out of your playbook and use it as an opportunity to do good."

Oh, wow! His comments were a reference to a blog post I wrote a few months ago about a car accident I experienced. Instead of fixing the damage, I elected to use that money to feed children in need. Now, every time I get into my car and see the horrendous-looking dent across the driver's side of my vehicle, it's a reminder of what's most important. 

I received a lot of feedback from that post, ranging from eye-rolling, to warnings that my damaged car is a "bad look" for me, to inspiration. Just in the past week, two separate people have mentioned the idea of doing something similar IF they are ever put in a similar position. 

I didn't know I had this dream, but I have a new dream: driving down the street and seeing a plethora of slightly damaged vehicles that are unrepaired because people chose generosity over image. It's a ridiculous idea with impactful results. 

This, of course, isn't really about damaged cars. Rather, it's about the idea of looking in the mirror and being honest with ourselves. What really is most important? Is it your lifestyle? Your image? Your fun? Your comfort? Or perhaps making a difference? Lifting people up? Blessing others? Creating impact? Be honest with yourself. I hope you choose the latter set of answers (or something that resembles it), but whatever your answer is, I encourage you to align your behavior to it. 

If your mission is for one spouse to stay home, you can't buy a new house and then claim you can't afford to shift one spouse out of the workforce.

If you desire to increase your giving, you can't purchase a new car and then claim you don't have enough margin to make it work. 

If you feel called to start a business, you can't insist on maintaining your current lifestyle while crying foul for being unable to financially navigate the journey.

Whatever your mission is, I hope you endeavor to align your behaviors to it. That's where meaning can be found. It's probably going to be a harder path, but nothing worthwhile comes without toil. In fact, the toil is what makes it all that much sweeter. 

I hope you have a wonderful day.....full of fender benders. Just kidding. Well, maybe just a little scratch. Again, just kidding. Or am I.....?

Small, Tiny, Unexpected, Amazing Wins

Parents, do you ever wonder if all your hard work is paying off? Seriously, it usually seems like our words are in one ear, out the other. Are they even listening? Are they even watching? Is it moving the needle? Am I completely screwing them up without even realizing it?

Then, out of the blue, when you need it most, you get the tiniest but most amazing win.

That happened to us yesterday. We were in the middle of a tough stretch. Finn didn't want to get dressed for church, and Pax stormed out of the room after I beat him at checkers. It was a mess. Pax recovered quickly, but Finn was spiraling.

Sensing this situation was heading in a bad direction, Pax took matters into his own hands. He walked into his bedroom, grabbed his wallet, and returned to the living room where Finn was melting down. I didn't know what he was doing, so I just kept my mouth shut and watched as a curious third party.

"Finn, I'll buy you a donut at church today," he said, reaching into his wallet to find a $1 bill. Finn wasn't in an emotional place to receive the gift, but I was so proud of Pax!

Pax is starting to understand the purpose of money. He's figured out that it's best used (and more fun) to make a difference in others. This isn't the first time I've seen this behavior from him, and I hope it won't be the last.

Money isn't easy to come by for a 7-year-old, so it's pretty sweet to see him proactively and excitedly try to use it to bless his twin brother (who was treating him poorly, by the way). I won't say he "gets it," but he's showing signs of starting to get it. As his parent, I'm definitely going to encourage the heck out of him. The seeds have been planted, and now we water.

Parents, keep your eyes open for the small, tiny, unexpected, amazing wins. We need them. Sometimes, that's the one thing that gives us enough energy to keep going. Small wins are still wins, and small wins will eventually turn into big wins. Keep watering!