Break the Mold

Michael Jordan will forever be my favorite NBA player, but Steph Curry will confidently sit next to him on my Mount Rushmore of all-time favorite players. I absolutely love Curry, and my social media algorithms also know it. This was evidenced last night when I stumbled upon a gem of a video.

@crowmovie3 #fvp #foryou #basketball #stephencurry #iloveyou ♬ original sound - Crow movie

Despite wreaking havoc on some of the best teams in the country during March Madness (experts thought it was an anomaly), Curry was disrespected before, during, and after the draft. He didn't fit the mold. Nothing he did fit within the bounds of commonly held beliefs about how basketball could and should be played. They tried to put him in a box.

Curry didn't care. He didn't conform. He didn't try to be someone he wasn't. He didn't stay in the box. He simply became more of what he already was. Then, he changed the game of basketball forever. He broke the mold!

While none of us will be slinging logo threes in our day job, we have a lot to learn from Curry. Society and the prevailing culture are quick to tell us how the world works, the way things are supposed to be done, and what is (and isn't) possible. Much of my week is spent trying to help people break free from universally believed truths. These toxic ideas are pervasive and are holding people back en masse.

Our clients, podcast listeners, and blog readers often reach out to share stories. One story that's on repeat is the story about how they will share some of their decisions with friends/family/etc., only to be told they are stupid, weird, naive, or some other insult. Whenever this happens, I congratulate them. This is how we know we're on the right track. They are breaking the mold!

My decisions and ideas get insulted almost daily at this point. I was recently sitting with a group of guys when one of them said something terribly offensive to me. It was concerning me continuing to make a fraction of the income I used to when the opportunity to return to a higher income is still on the table. The other two guys agreed with this person, but were shocked and disappointed he would say something like that to my face. They asked if I was mad, and I responded that it was the ultimate compliment. I couldn't have loved it more.

Break the mold. Please break the mold. Let's collectively break the mold so much that it ultimately becomes the new mold. That's what it looks like to bend the culture.

Better Late Than Never

We published our 306th episode of the Meaning Over Money podcast yesterday. On Monday, we'll begin publishing full video episodes on our YouTube channel. Yes, it took 306 episodes and nearly three years to publish on YouTube. Even more sad is the fact our producer and Meaning Over Money co-founder, Cole Netten, is a filmmaker. This is literally his wheelhouse. Ouch! Better late than never, though.

The truth is, we've had a lot of life happen in the last three years. Cole bought a house, had two kids, and has shepherded his business to entirely new heights. My life hasn't been any less crazy. My business has evolved a ton, we launched Northern Vessel Coffee, I joined multiple boards, launched my speaking career, started contributing meaningful time to a client in Texas, and have experienced significant life change while transitioning our twin boys into their school years.

It's been a lot. Every now and then, Cole and I will lament that we're not as far along with the podcast as we'd like. We know we can reach more people and make a more significant impact, but the above reasons have diverted our attention (and time). On the flip side, we've made the choices we've made.....and we own the outcomes of those choices.

Along the journey, there were two paths we could have taken. We could have elected to wait until everything was just how we wanted it. The perfect studio. A full suite of marketing strategies across all social media platforms. Fully produced video. The possibilities are endless. If that was the route we selected, we'd still be waiting to launch the podcast.

Instead, we chose the second path: putting one foot in front of the other. It's not always pretty. It can get messy. We're leaving something on the table. But we're moving forward. 300+ episodes later, and we're still (slowly) building momentum. According to Listen Notes, we're in the top 3% of podcasts that have ever existed. That's pretty cool for a couple guys who have failed forward every step of the way.

Now, please allow me to flip it around back to you. I encourage you to NOT wait until everything is just right. Instead, whatever it is you're supposed to do, simply put one foot in front of the other. It won't always be pretty. It will surely be messy. You'll undoubtedly leave something on the table in the process. However, you'll make a difference. You'll create impact. You'll navigate (perhaps slowly) toward success. Better late than never!

Life is Short

In the span of 24 hours, I received news of three people passing away far too soon. They were in their 40s, 50s, and 60s. It was sad, and it hit a little too close to home. In the aftermath of these tragic developments, I was talking to a friend about it, and they shared a commonly-believed sentiment. I'll paraphrase: Each of these people worked their entire adult lives and died before they had a chance to actually enjoy life.

When we hear stories like this, a common takeaway is that it's proof we should hurry up and race toward retirement so we can milk a "life we actually enjoy" for as long as possible.

These types of stories impact me profoundly, but in the opposite way. It doesn't prove we should race faster to the retirement finish line. Rather, it's proof that we should live a life worth living.....today. Life is indeed short. I'm not trying to race to some finish line so that I can live my remaining years in relaxation. I'm trying to live each day, week, and month to the fullest. Not at some arbitrary point in my future, but today.

I've always had a morbid sense that I'm going to pass away too soon. I'm not sure where that thought comes from, and I'm not entirely sure if it's healthy or not. Regardless of its origin or implications, it has done one thing. It's reiterated the importance of living with meaning, generosity, and impact today. Not someday. Not when I meet certain markers or hit particular milestones. Today. This week. This month. This year.

I was on a cruise a few weeks ago. That was an awesome week.

I was out of state at a client's office last week. The days were long, and the nights were short. That was an awesome week.

I'm serving clients and attending board meetings this week. It's an awesome week.

I'll be creating a ton of content and hosting some difficult meetings next week. That will be an awesome week.

We have a mini spring break trip in a few weeks (plus March Madness). That will be an awesome week.

Life is short. Don't waste today in hopes of tomorrow. Don't destroy your working years in pursuit of an accelerated retirement. Don't disregard the blessings of hard work and struggle while glorifying a life of leisure. Life is short. Squeeze meaning from all of it.

Be Unreasonable

Last week, I attended some leadership meetings with my Texas client. On one of the days, we heard a presentation from a third-party consultant specializing in sales and culture. He brought up a point that struck me as interesting. He discussed how some organizations (especially the military) create their own language. Special terminology, new words, relevant acronyms, etc. The reasoning behind this has multiple layers:

• Using a shared language that everyone understands helps create clarity.

• It drives simplicity and efficiency.

• It helps people and teams lean into the mission at hand.

• It builds connections and relationships between the people who are in the know. 

As he was explaining this concept, I had one idea that kept popping up in my brain. It's a book called Unreasonable Hospitality. This book is the foundation for how we operate Northern Vessel. TJ, our founder, is the embodiment of this concept. He talks about the book constantly, and as a result, these concepts cloud every conversation we have (which is nearly daily). 

Now, the combination of these two ideas. I'm coining a new phrase and want you to be part of it. This is my formal invitation for you. Be unreasonable. Be unreasonable in the pursuit of meaning. Be unreasonable in the generosity we show others. Be unreasonable in our efforts to make a difference in someone's life. Be unreasonable in bucking the gravitational pull of our culture in exchange for something better. Be unreasonable. 

I'd like to think of myself as an unreasonable guy. Much of the time, I nail it. However, I've recently witnessed cracks in my unreasonableness. I'll call them deficiencies. But as I settle into this new phrase, Be Unreasonable, it will be at the forefront of each aspect of my life and business. I need to create unreasonableness in the areas I'm bleh.

I want to be unreasonable with you. If you spend part of each day reading this blog, just know I don't take that for granted. I feel a tremendous weight (in a good way) each day when I sit down to write. I deeply desire to give you something special. I want to provide you with a little 400-500 word gift that can make you smile, make you think, make you grow, and/or make you want to change this world. 

My challenge, if you choose to accept it, is to be unreasonable with people in your life. The act of being unreasonable will look different for everyone, but I encourage you to find yours. Have fun with it. Make people look at you cross-eyed. Make yourself into the weird one. Bend the culture, ever so slightly, with your circle of influence. Just be unreasonable. 

Lessons From Archie (Moonlight) Graham

Warning: This post is going to be abnormally vague for my writing. I typically try to operate with transparency and vulnerability. Today's post is a bit different. The heart behind it is completely vulnerable, but the actual idea will remain in the shadows. A few reasons: 1) I'm not ready to unveil it just yet, and 2) I want you to think about your journey, not mine.

Last night, I began embarking on a new, exciting, and terrifying journey. I'm beyond pumped for it, but it's excruciatingly uncomfortable. So much so that I didn't really sleep last night. Ideas, fears, and what-ifs were spinning around my head, and I couldn't turn it off. My anxiety and fear were in full force.

This is the tension with discomfort. Even when we know we need to do something, it's hard to follow through when the discomfort is evident. It reminds me of this scene from Field of Dreams.

Archie (Doc) Graham had one dream: get an at-bat in the big leagues. There's a lot to the story, but after hitchhiking his way to Dyersville, IA, to Ray Kinsella's farm-turned-ballfield, young Archie was living his dream. There he was, in full uniform, playing ball with some of the legends of the game. Then, the twist.

Ray's daughter Karin fell off the bleachers while eating a hot dog, causing her to choke and go unconscious. Sensing the panic, Archie turned his attention to the bleachers and jogged across the field toward the young girl. As he approached the edge of the field, he stopped. In that moment, Archie knew exactly what he needed to do. Simultaneously, he also knew how uncomfortable this moment was. He paused, and maybe even hesitated. You can cut the tension with a knife.

Then, after coming to terms with the discomfort, young Archie stepped across the line and into his destiny. He knew the sacrifice he was making by taking that step, but he also saw the bigger picture. What waited on the other side of his discomfort was something even better. He saved the young girl, and her feuding family. Despite giving up so much at that moment, you could see the peace and contentment in his eyes as he said his goodbyes and eventually disappeared into the outfield.

That movie gives my eyes allergies every time I watch it. It also holds sentimental value for me, as I lived just six miles from where it was filmed. I just wish I was old enough to have an awareness and appreciation for it back then. As we journey through life, we will encounter those Archie Graham moments. We'll walk right up to the line, then stop, because crossing it could possibly be one of the most uncomfortable and scary things we can do. It's ok to pause. Pausing doesn't define us. It's what we do after the pause that matters. Will you step across that line and into your destiny, or turn back?

I want to be like Archie.

Not All Heroes Wear Capes

I've had quite the run in the last two days. In a matter of 48 hours, here's who I had the privilege of spending time with:

• A former police officer who now dedicates his life to helping other officers and first responders who are dealing with depression and suicidal thoughts.

• A few high school teachers who have a passion for teaching their students about work, business, and professionalism. Their mission is to raise up the next generation of leaders by giving them the tools to enter the workforce with the skills, confidence, and momentum. 

• A pastor who has dedicated his life to serving others. His Sundays are spent preaching, but the other six days of the week are spent leading his team and counseling people who are hurting. 

• A business owner who started his company out of frustration from watching people get taken advantage of and ripped off. 

• A missionary with a heart to provide free medical care to people who may not have access to doctors or the necessary technology.

• A single mom who is raising four small children while also working a full-time career to pay the bills.

In other words, I met with a hero, a hero, a hero, a hero, a hero, and another hero. None of them wore capes. There were no masks. I couldn't tell, but I didn't see any utility belts being sported. They were all disguised as normal people just trying to do their jobs. 

Heroes are all around us, but not even the heroes know they are heroes. That's actually what makes them heroes. They aren't trying to get notoriety, praise, or compliments. And they certainly aren't trying to get rich. They are just using their gifts and passions to serve others with excellence, day in and day out. 

Maybe you're a hero and don't even know it. I hope you are, and I thank you for your service. You probably don't get enough credit for your heroism, so please consider this my formal "thank you" to start your day. I hope I'm not the only one who gives you the credit you deserve. 

Not all heroes wear capes. Please don't forget that today.

Here to Serve

Inspiration comes from the darndest places. As I was sitting here contemplating what to share today, I received a text from my often-discussed corporate client in Texas. As usual, they have interesting developments brewing and like to bounce scenarios and questions off me for my input. Some of their questions require quick and simple answers, while others require many hours of detailed contemplation and analysis. This request was of the quick and simple variety.

I told them to respond with any follow-up questions they might have, as I'm just preparing today's blog and can help however needed. One of the gentlemen jokingly responded that I should "write about people who constantly ask you to do things that you have given them the tools to do themselves and how annoying that is."

That's precisely what I will do, but I will pull a 180 on him. There is nothing annoying about this exchange whatsoever. In fact, it's a privilege and an honor. The fact my insights and expertise are desired and valued is something I never take for granted. Further, the opportunity to add value to their decision-making and overall business is a tremendous blessing. No part of me is even remotely annoyed by this. I should be sending him a thank you card for allowing me the opportunity and blessing to serve him. I'm beyond grateful.

We are here to serve. Simply put, this is the base calling in our life. We can, of course, choose to ignore it, refuse it, or turn our back on it. From the moment we wake up until we go back to bed, our day is a never-ending string of serving opportunities. Our spouse, kids, co-workers, clients, customers, neighbors, and even strangers. Nearly every interaction in our life is an opportunity (or, dare I say, duty?) to serve others.

Think about the people in your life you're attracted to. No, not that kind of attraction. The kind of attracted that you want to be in their presence. The kind that makes you want to spend time with them. The kind that makes you want to be more like them. Chances are this person is a servant. Chances are one of the primary attributes that make you (and probably others) attracted to them is their willingness and heart to serve others.

I could most certainly wake up each day with the objective of getting what I want for myself. That option is on the table. In fact, I know a lot of people who live this way. This is just one man's opinion, but that feels like an empty-calorie type of life. It might taste good for a bit, but it's anything but satiating.

The posture of service, on the other hand, is an immensely fulfilling way to live. We might not always get what we want by continually serving others, but we actually get something better: meaning, impact, and purpose. That's the irony of service. We get fed by feeding others.

“Wow, That’s Embarrassing”

A young business owner recently reached out to me. He wanted to chat over coffee. Never turning someone down for a coffee, I immediately agreed. We talked about life, work, family, and business. He revealed some of his goals and dreams, and surprisingly commented, "I'd like to be successful like you one day." He followed that up by talking about how he'd like to "make bank" to drive nice cars, sport luxury watches, and build the house of his dreams. There's a reason I shared his comment and this context.....you'll see in a moment. Toward the end of the conversation, he asked if I'd be willing to mentor him.

As we worked our way out the door and into the parking lot, we shared a few more pleasantries before parting ways. We were standing next to an older Nissan Altima with a massive ugly dent on the driver-side doors. As it caught his eye, he pointed and quipped, "Wow, that's embarrassing."

After we shook hands, he walked to his car, and I got into the heavily dented Altima. Part of me wanted to take a lap past his car to give him another glance at this embarrassing dent, but I refrained. I still don't know if he eventually realized he was insulting me.....maybe one day I'll ask him (or send him a picture of me posing next to my car like a magazine model).

The brutal dent is the result of an accident I experienced about 18 months ago. I was coming home from a negotiation meeting where my Northern Vessel business partners and I were hammering out the details of our ownership structure. A young teen driver was driving right next to me in the left lane, when he decided to change lanes without looking. He was scared and embarrassed, but everything turned out ok.

Immediately after the accident, I was in a tizzy about fixing the damage ASAP. I caught myself feeling this way and wondered why. I quickly realized it was because some part of me cared about what others thought (like the young man who thought my car was embarrassing). However, I quickly came to my senses and remembered I don't actually care about things like that.

Still, I took my car to the shop for an estimate and submitted it to insurance. Instead of having me send my car to the shop and pay for the work, the insurance company just sent me a check and called it "closed."

After I deposited the check, I had a decision to make. I could either a) repair the cosmetic damage and make sure people have a proper perspective of who I am, or b) do something else with the money. I ultimately chose to give the money away. My car looked like crap, but a bunch of kids got fed. I call that a win.

For the last 18 months, I've elected to keep the dent as a reminder of what's most important. Some see embarrassment, but I see beauty.

The Randomness of Impact

Okay, campers, rise and shine, and don't forget your booties, 'cause it's cold out there today. It's cold out there every day. What is this, Miami Beach?...............That's right, woodchuck-chuckers - it's GROUNDHOG DAY!

Groundhog Day is one of my all-time favorite movies. I've probably seen it 50-100 times over the last 30 years. To this day, I can't put my finger on why I love it so much. Maybe it's the fantasy of the concept. Maybe it's the humor. Maybe it's the nostalgia. Maybe it's the colorful characters (Bing!).

Regardless of the reason, it just stuck with me. It's not the best movie in the world. Heck, it's not even Bill Murray's best movie. But it stuck! That's the wild part about putting our ideas and art into the world. The one we think will be a hit can flop, and the ones we don't give much thought to can stick.

If I had a dollar for every podcast episode or blog I felt self-conscious about but absolutely stuck, I'd have a lot of dollars! There are some days when I second-guess hitting "publish." There are some days I prepare myself to feel embarrassed by my work. There are some days I feel like I'm just letting you down. But oddly enough, those days are often the ones that garner the most replies, shares, and conversation.

Self-talk is a thief. It can be the one thing that robs the world of something special. One doubtful moment can steal the impact you were meant to have on someone else.

It's like hockey. Not all shots are going into the net, but the more shots we put up, the better our chance of scoring. That's one thing I've learned about publishing two podcast episodes and seven blog posts per week. Not all of them will score......but some will! The secret is having the courage to keep showing up each day. Shot, after shot, after shot. Some will miss, but some will result in a glorious goal!

Don't lose hope when your shots aren't going into the net. Rather, know it's just the frustrating process of creating impact. Your purpose is far too great to let a couple of missed shots take you out of the game. Keep going…..you got this!

BING!

You Are Where You Are

When I’m sitting with someone and begin talking about their finances, one of the first things they reveal is a regret they haven’t done better. This usually comes out as frustration from past mistakes, a track record of unintentionality, a comparison to someone doing better financially, or an acknowledgment that they have some knowledge gaps regarding money. We all carry some combination of this. Money is a deeply personal topic, and most of us have some wounds (or scars).

I always have the same message. We are where we are. None of us are where we wish we were, but we also can’t jump into our Delorian to go back in time for a do-over. While that’s a sad reality, it can also be freeing. If there’s literally nothing we can do about the past, we have the opportunity to put 100% of our focus on the present and future.

I’m waking up in Los Angeles today, on the heels of a talk I gave last night. It’s a gang prevention program for parents and teens, with each night having a different topic. This is the third cohort I’ve worked with in this program, and the focus of my talk is helping families get a better grasp and perspective on their finances. You might be wondering what my ideas and topics have to do with gang prevention, and I wouldn’t blame you. One of the reasons young adults join gangs is the pressure to help their financially struggling family. The objective of my talk is to help families alleviate some of their financial tension (through better stewardship), so their kids don’t feel the financial pressure to go down the gang route.

After my talk, three separate people approached me and voiced their frustration with themselves over past (and current) financial decisions. My response: “You are where you are. Tomorrow is a new day, and I believe you can move the needle in the right direction.” We went on to discuss a few nuances specific to their individual journeys. I wanted them to leave that room with optimism, confidence, and most importantly, grace (to their past selves). They are where they are, but the future is wide open.

Wherever you are, no matter your mistakes, and regardless of what others around you are doing, you got this! Maybe you’re deeply in debt. Maybe you’ve failed to invest in your future. Maybe you’re living in a house/apartment you can barely afford. Maybe you bit off more than you can chew with your choice of vehicle. Maybe you messed up at work and lost your job. You are where you are. There’s no way around that. But today is a special day. Today is the day you have the opportunity to unwind past decisions, reassess where you’re trying to go, and make new decisions. There’s no day like today!

Why Not You?

I've been an Iowa State Cyclone football fan since first stepping on campus 24 years ago. Confession: It's not always easy. We don't usually have stellar teams, and when we do, they end up underperforming expectations. Such was the case a few years ago when we were blessed by friends who purchased season tickets for our family.

While that season was full of amazing family memories and new traditions, the actual on-field performance was frustrating. We had a talented squad, tons of hype, and seemingly all the tools to get into the top 10. We had a four-year starter at quarterback, and he had a ton of weapons around him (including starting NY Jets running back Breece Hall). However, it wasn't meant to be.

Our quarterback's name was Brock Purdy. On a personal level, I thought he was a class act....a top-notch character. But as a player, it felt like he hit his ceiling in his sophomore year. So when it was announced he would try to make an NFL roster, I thought it was pretty far-fetched. The San Francisco 49ers selected him with the very last pick in the draft, which is commonly referred to as "Mr. Irrelevant." That was pretty cool, though! I never expected him to get drafted, yet there he was.

But would he ever even take a snap? Due to a few unfortunate injuries, he rose from third on the depth chart to eventually starting by default. And he won. Then he won again. And again. He just kept winning. By the end of the regular season, he was getting Rookie of the Year mentions and was solidly their starter for the playoffs. Again, he shined in the playoffs.....until he experienced a sad season-ending injury.

As this season approached, would he be physically ready to play? Even if he was, would he be their starter? Yes, he was ready, and yes, he did get the starting job. Then he just continued winning.....so much so that he was in the league MVP conversation for most of the season.

Last night, he became an NFC champ, and he's leading his team to the Super Bowl, where he'll face a KC Chiefs dynasty that's making their 4th Super Bowl appearance in 5 years.

Not many people (me included) believed in Brock Purdy. Yet, here he is. Here's the question I have today. Why not Brock Purdy? Better yet, why not me? Or better still, why not you?

Here's one thing I do know. If Brock Purdy didn't believe in himself, he wouldn't be here. He had the entire world trying to give him a participation trophy, but he knew something we didn't.

I think about people like him a lot. Why not them? Why not me? Why not you? It reminds me of a famous quote: "Whether you think you can or can't, you're right."

Whatever your thing is, just go for it! Sure, you might fail....or you might not. It could be nothing....or everything. Why not you?

The Powerful Undercurrent of Culture

Culture is a weird thing. We notice it when it's spectacular, we notice it when it's terrible, but otherwise, we typically don't think much about it. Nearly every aspect of our life is ruled or influenced by culture. We don't usually consider it because it just exists. We watch those who come before us, and we absorb the culture. Once we've absorbed it, we continue to pass it along to others. 

Holding the door open for others, saying please and thank you, yielding to the person who got to the intersection first, and leaving a tip for the server. These are all cultural rules we've learned, absorbed, and passed on, whether we realize it or not. 

Much of our culture has been established, passed down, and slowly evolved for generations. In other situations, however, culture must be created. When we opened the doors at Northern Vessel 14 months ago, we had a choice to make. We could allow the prevailing culture to take over or intentionally curate our own culture. We chose the latter. We spent (and still spend) more time with our staff talking about culture than on drink preparation. The culture is everything. The culture begins with the staff. Once they portray the culture, it's absorbed and passed along to others. 

Speaking of, we also needed to establish the culture of a Northern Vessel guest. Where do you order? Where do you wait for your order? How do you use the space to best suit your style and needs? Where do you get water? Where do you put your dirty dishes? All of these are small components of culture. In the first few weeks, I and a few others planted ourselves in the guest area, practicing the desired culture for others to absorb. Within a matter of days, guests had absorbed the culture and were passing it along to others. Today, between our amazing staff and hundreds of loyal guests, the culture is deeply seeded.

Cruise ships have an interesting dilemma. It's like a wild science experiment. Put 5,000 guests (from all over the world speaking many different languages) on a boat simultaneously, lock them there for a week, send them packing simultaneously, and then do it again. We aren't talking about slowly building the culture of a coffee shop for hundreds of people over the course of months. It's creating a culture for 5,000 people in a matter of hours. What a challenge!!!

Royal Caribbean executes it brilliantly:

• They lean into their staff (3,000+ of them!?!?) to drive culture. It all starts with them. They are highly trained.

• Communication, communicaiton, communication. From signage, to the PA announcements, to the programming on the in-room TVs, they are constantly communicating desired outcomes. 

• They leverage their loyal, returning guests. They are grateful for returning business, but also know these guests will pass along the culture.

No matter our role(s) in life, we have two choices: intentionally curate and/or bend culture, or simply absorb the prevailing culture (for better or worse). 

This Can’t Be Everything

We had another amazing day at sea yesterday, which included a few hours in port in Falmouth, Jamaica. Lots of food, lots of swimming, and lots of adventures. This trip has been THE definition of relaxation (well, except for everything that goes into caring for two first graders). It's been absolutely wonderful, and I'm so very grateful for our opportunity to go on this trip together.

As I was in the hot tub yesterday afternoon, I overheard a group of twenty-somethings next to me. They, too, were thoroughly enjoying their cruise. One asked the others, "Wouldn't it be great just to live like this all the time?" They all agreed and started fantasizing about a life of perpetual relaxation, endless drinks, and a non-stop flow of delicious food.

I agree with them about how amazing this experience is, but I couldn't disagree more about making this life. This isn't life. This is something we do once in a while. This is a treat. It's a reward. It's a little luxury. But it's not a life. This can't be everything.

I can't wait to jump back on a cruise ship again one day, but I would never want it to be my life. There are too many more meaningful and impactful things we must accomplish. We can't live a life solely for ourselves. That's a purposeless and empty existence.

While we're on the subject, I can't wait to get back home and back to work. It's going to be wonderful. I have so many thoughts, ideas, and dreams that are ready to be unleashed. Stuffing it all down while I continue to live a life of leisure would be the selfish thing to do.

So I'm going to enjoy the heck out of these last few days, be excited to get back into the swing of work and life, and maybe even plan another vacation for the not-too-distant future.

Find ways to get away, relax, and live in temporary leisure. It's healthy for us, and it's a ton of fun. Go book that trip! But also know it's not everything. It can't be everything. We must find meaning and purpose, and lean into them each day.

Perhaps My Wife Should Leave Me

I recently stumbled into an online message board where people submit their monthly budgets for the broader group to provide feedback.

One person's budget included investing 55% of his monthly take-home income to "build wealth." The group loved it! "Way to go!" "Keep up the good work." "Your future is bright." He was lauded and applauded. Hundreds of comments poured in, ranging from congratulations to requests for advice.

Another person shared how he and his wife each bought new luxury cars and live in a mini-mansion in a prestigious gated community. The group loved it! "You earned it." "Enjoy the spoils of your labor." "That's a sign that you're a success." Some people put them on a pedestal. Some people wanted to know their secrets to winning. Others were jealous, but hopeful to one day be there as well.

Then there was another person. This was a middle-class family with an average income and a normal lifestyle. What caught my eye were a few giving categories in his budget. "Church giving," "xyz org giving," and a category that was clearly meant for people in need. He didn't highlight this in his post, but I did the math: his giving totaled approximately 18% of his monthly take-home income.

Do you think he was applauded like the two families above? Haha, of course not! He was utterly skewered. When I saw his budget, I knew exactly what the comments would look like. "You're an idiot." "Bible-beating moron." "Gullible sheep." Some people accused him of neglecting (or even abusing) his family. Some suggested his wife should leave him to find someone to care for his kids, not someone else's kids. 90% of the commenters agreed he was irresponsible and dumb.

I don't know what was going through that original poster's head as he saw the negative comments stream in. But if they know the secret I know, I hope they just sat back and smiled. Generosity always wins. Always. It's true that when we give money away, we have less money. That's a mathematical fact. This family will most likely have less money in the months, years, and decades to come. But they will be richer.....far richer. They will have more joy, more peace, more impact, more contentment, and more meaning. It's a trade-off. We can have the money, or we can have what really matters.

While getting absolutely destroyed by the commenters on that board, my prayer is that someone else was watching. Someone who knows deep down that generosity is the way. Someone who experiences our culture pushing him downstream, but has the urge to swim upstream. I hope this person was inspired by this man's post. Not just inspired, but enough to take action and eventually become the butt of everyone else's jokes.

I may be an idiot. I may be a "Bible-beating moron." I may be a gullible sheep. I may be neglecting my family. Perhaps my wife should leave me. Or maybe I just know a secret: generosity always wins.

Build-A-Memory

Yesterday was a big day in our house. Finn cashed in on a Christmas gift by creating his own Build-A-Bear stuffie. He was beaming, as any new stuffed animal father would be. It's safe to say that he'll be talking about this for years to come.

Do you know how much it costs to buy a Build-A-Bear stuffed animal? Far more than a stuffed animal should cost. In many cases, 3-4x what you'd typically pay for a similar stuffed animal. It's wild.

However (and this is a big however), you aren't really buying a stuffed animal. Sure, you walk out of the store with a cute little stuffie. But that's not what you're actually buying. Build-A-Bear is in the memory-selling business. Every part of the experience (from the moment you walk into their store until the moment you walk out) is a curated experience to create a lasting memory. From the selection of the body, filling it with stuffing, to the little heart-insertion ceremony, to the accessorization, each part of the sequence builds upon the prior.

People can criticize Build-A-Bear all they want, but that company understands something vitally important. Their value proposition is far more than the physical object they are selling. That's why they can sell so many units at a staggering price. They know who they are, they know who they serve, they how to serve them, and they know what they are selling them.

My wife recently had a similar experience. My gift to her was one of those necklaces you design, and they literally fuse it onto your body. It doesn't come off. It's permanent. The only way to remove it is to cut it off. She chose a simple chain with three birthstones: September (the month Finn and Pax were born), October (the month they became part of our family), and June (the month their adoption was finalized in court). Similar to the stuffie, Sarah's necklace cost more than you'd anticipate. Also similar to the stuffie, this company understands they aren't in the necklace-selling business. They are in the legacy business. They help women create pieces that will theoretically be attached to them for the rest of their lives. There's a special sentiment in that process. That's what people are really buying.

What are you really selling? We're all selling something. We all wake up each morning and do something with our time. Those actions and that work can provide something meaningful. Maybe you sell coffee like my friend TJ. Or maybe you train basketball players like my friend Anna. Or maybe you sell insurance like my friend Ben. Or maybe you raise your kids like my wife Sarah.

Whatever you do, look one layer deeper. What are you really selling? Instead of coffee, TJ really sells smiles and hospitality. Instead of training, Anna helps young ladies develop confidence. Instead of insurance, Ben really sells peace of mind. Instead of "just staying home" (I hate that phrase!), Sarah is molding the next generation of leaders.

Sell what matters.

What’s Your Non-Resolution?

In yesterday's post, I disparaged the idea of New Year's resolutions, referring to them as a shinier version of a wish. Instead, I proposed that we ought to set a target outcome, and then focus 100% of our attention on the small things that contribute to achieving said objective. I used the idea of paying off a bunch of debt. Instead of simply saying, "I'm going to pay off $18,000 of debt this year," I walked through the small things that will actually lead to this goal being accomplished. 

After ranting about that topic yesterday, it begs the question, what do you want to achieve this year? What are your non-resolutions? What are a few things that matter to you? What are your objectives? I'd love to hear what's on your mind. Everyone has their own unique set of goals and objectives, and I'm infinitely fascinated by each person's. If you're willing, I'd be honored if you hit reply to the e-mail (if you're a subscriber) or hit the comment button if you're on the website, and tell me what yours are.

But if I'm going to ask you yours, I suppose I should share mine! Here are a few of the things I'd like to accomplish in 2024:

• Continue to build my coaching/speaking/consulting business to the point that its income consistently pays for my family's monthly budget. Over the past 4.5 years (more so in the early years), I’ve needed to supplement our income through other investments and businesses. 

• Increase our blog readership by 1,000+ new readers. If you're ever inclined, it would mean the world to me if you share the blog (or specific posts that move the needle for you). 

• Increase our podcast listenership by 2x. 

• Publish a book (more on this to come soon).

• Speak at approximately four national conferences.

Each of these five goals feels daunting, but focusing on the small behaviors, habits, and actions, can lead to big things. Ultimately, I just want to make a difference in people's lives. I want to have an impact on this world. I'm not sure I'll change the world, but I do believe I can make a positive difference in the journeys of people who will most certainly go on to change the world. That's my dream. That's my why. That's what gets me out of bed each morning. 

What about you? What's on your agenda for 2024?

What He Said!

When I open my laptop to start writing each day, I often don't know what the blog will be about. And sometimes, the creativity doesn't just automatically stream from my fingers. I suppose that will occasionally happen if I'm committed to writing 365 days per year. Today is one of those days. So I did the first thing I always do when I need to find a spark: scroll social media. I never know what I will see, but I 100% know I'll be inspired by something I come across. And man, was today's ever inspirational!

As I was flipping through Twitter (sorry, I can't call it X), I saw something my guy Elliott Frey shared. It was a postgame interview with Arizona defensive player Martell Irby, who had won the Alamo Bowl moments prior. Here's the video. It's only 2 minutes long, and I couldn't recommend it enough.

🥲 pic.twitter.com/qvCTChNTSU

— no context college football (@nocontextcfb) December 29, 2023

This clip sums up nearly everything I believe in. It's an absolutely beautiful witness and testimony of the pursuit of meaning. These 114 seconds are packed with so much:

• Faith

• Persistence

• Redemption

• Gratitude

• The importance of community

• Humility

• Living in the present

• Work ethic

• Love

• Determination

• Patience

I feel like this is where I should elaborate on his words, providing context and adding value.....or maybe throw in something witty. Truth is, there's nothing I can add to make this better. I don't know Martell. Scratch that, I don't even know anything about Martell other than what these two minutes told me. But I can tell you one thing: This man's gravitational pull makes you want to be around him. It's contagious. It's vulnerable, and it's genuine. It's all about meaning. 

So instead of trying to find something clever or valuable to say, I just have one thing: What he said!

The Slavery of Comfort

Several years ago, one of my friends created a product that I believed was revolutionary. He found the solution for a widespread problem, created a product that addressed it perfectly, and was on the precipice of introducing it to the world. He had so much passion and heart for this idea. He even referred to it as a calling. One problem: He didn't have the time to invest in the launch and implementation. Well, that wasn't the problem, exactly. The problem was how to create the time. The short version of the story is that he needed to scale back or quit his day job. Translation: he needed to take a temporary pay cut to fully make the transition.

His family lived a very comfortable life. Nice house, nice cars, and all the other things that go hand-in-hand with a comfortable life. Taking a pay cut was a tricky proposition, as living a life as comfortable as his is not cheap.

Seeing how special this new opportunity was and how badly he desired it, I had a novel idea for him. Cut back on the lifestyle. There were several ways he could have achieved it. Downgrade his cars. Buy a different house. Spend less on luxuries. He hated these ideas. He was adamant that all of these ideas were non-starters for his family. He even added, "We're not being called to sell our house or cars." Ah, yes, I forgot about the part where God tells us to aggressively pursue comfort! My bad.

You can probably guess what happened next. His dream died. He latched onto his comfortable life and let his calling whither away. He remained in a job that he largely disliked. He continued to wake up each morning merely tolerating what he was about to do. But hey, at least his life was comfortable. At least he retained all the symbols and signals that tell the world he's wealthy and successful.

He, like millions of Americans, is a slave of comfort. It's one of the ultimate ironies. The more comfortable we are, the more entrapped in our comfort we become. We will give up nearly everything for comfort. We give up our dreams, callings, financial freedom, mental health, and even our relationships.

Worse, the entire idea of comfort is a moving target. What's comfortable today will seem blah tomorrow. I have friends who now live in their third "forever" home. Or the couple who built the house of their dreams (6 bed / 5 bath), only to sell it 18 months later, after becoming pregnant (because that house "won't be big enough for a family of four"). There's always something newer, faster, shinier, bigger, and more comfortable. It doesn't end.

Unfortunately, every aspect of our society tells us to pursue comfort above all else. We're slaves to it. It traps us. We can have comfort or progress, but we can't have both.

My strongest encouragement is to choose discomfort. It will change you....and you will change others.

When Moments Are Frozen in Time

One of my favorite parts of the holiday season is ripping through our go-to Christmas movie lineup:

• Elf

• Home Alone

• Home Alone 2

• Christmas Story

• Christmas Vacation

• Rudolph

• Frosty

• Probably a few more I'm forgetting.....

These are movies I've seen dozens of times. When I'm watching them, I find myself obsessing about the tiny little details. Funny little accidents that probably weren't even planned. Some coincidence that happened while filming, and for whatever reason, it ended up in the final cut. 

The scene in Elf when Will Farrell is gallivanting around NYC, engaging with strangers on the street. All of that was ad-libbed with actual strangers in the street. Totally raw, totally unexpected. But now, it's a moment frozen in time. 

Another of my favorites is in Home Alone, when Kevin's mom is in Paris, talking to the Chicago Police Department on the phone. It's a ridiculous scene where the police transfer her back and forth between each other. When the man is talking to her, he's munching on a donut. Mid-conversation, a piece of the donut falls off and lands on his old-school phone receiver. Then, you can hear it plopping on the desk. I don't know why, but that silly little moment is seared into my memory bank.....and it's frozen in time. 

That's a parallel for much of our lives. These little moments in life, while seemingly insignificant, can become seared into someone's memory. It reminds me of a note I received in the mail a few years ago. It was from a young man who wanted to tell his story about becoming debt-free and experiencing a life transformation. In it, he cited a conversation he and I shared in a canoe on a lake in the Boundary Waters as a moment that would become a turning point in his journey. He explained that my advice, encouragement, and confidence in him made a huge difference, ultimately leading him to make some life-altering decisions.

Here's the thing. While I remember sharing an experience with him in the canoe that day, I don't remember that particular conversation. I completely believe it happened, and his retelling sounds like something I would say, but that specific conversation doesn't ring a bell for me. But for him, it meant the world. 

That's the power of moments that are frozen in time. We've all been on both sides of it. Similar to my young friend, I've shared stories with people about how XYZ conversation made a huge impact on my life. A moment that was seared into my memory. Yet, they didn't specifically recall it. 

Remember this. As we're weaving our way in and out of people's presence each day, we never know when a moment will be created that will be frozen in time. We may not even know it's happening, but it is! What a crazy opportunity that gives us! All we need to do is be present, be uplifting, and be genuine. The rest will take care of itself. 

Under the Fold

Yesterday was a wild day. I partnered with our local high school to host three workshops on pursuing meaningful work. The idea stemmed from a talk I recently gave at a local middle school. The concept is simple, but powerful. To find meaningful work in our lives, we need to combine our gifts with our passions in a way that's profitable. I illustrate this by using a Venn diagram. Here's what it looks like:

After the second workshop, a young lady approached me. She thanked me for coming, said she needed to catch her ride, and then handed me a folded sheet of paper. "I took notes while you were talking and have some feedback for you. I included my e-mail address in case you want to talk more about it."

I was instantly overcome by anxiety. I was so shocked by my sudden anxiety that it caused even more anxiety. Wow! This young lady, 25 years my junior, sweetly thanked me for coming and handed me a note, and I'm overcome with anxiety!?!? What the heck is that all about?

After reflecting on it, I think it's a testament to the insane culture we live in. A culture where people constantly crap on each other, hurl insults like they are going out of style, and all news is bad news. Therefore, my immediate gut reaction was that this young lady probably blasted me. I feel immensely guilty for feeling that way, but it's an interesting situation to ponder. It took me about 40 minutes to actually read the note. All the while, it was sitting in front of me while I wondered what it contained under the fold.

So what was in the note? She again thanked me for coming and gave me some constructive feedback about one of my perspectives. I want to share one point she made, which struck me as profound. "Meaning isn't something automatically found in a thing or person. It's added once we give it the attention and work that symbolizes value in our lives."

In other words, meaning isn't inherent. It's not something that either exists....or doesn't. We must create meaning. If we have the wrong attitude, nothing will have meaning. On the flip side, even the most seemingly unmeaningful task can have meaning if we have the right mindset. To sum up her feedback, meaning is created, not found.

I applaud this young lady for a) her courage to share constructive feedback with a complete stranger, b) the humility and tact with which she shared her thoughts, and c) her wisdom and perspective on this weighty topic.

I was nervous to see what was under the fold, but I'm so very grateful for it. It will undoubtedly influence what and how I communicate a few of these topics going forward, and I'll be better for it. Don't be afraid to look under the fold in your life. It's always nerve-wracking and often uncomfortable to receive feedback, but it's always worth it.