Happy Birthday!

Happy Birthday! No, I'm not talking about Frosty. I never really understood that part (3 times!) when Frosty blurted out "Happy Birthday" to himself. Also, was his memory wiped each time his magic hat was removed? Anyway, enough with the Frosty tangent.

Today is a big day. I love Christmas. I love the movies, lights, foods, decor, traditions, and music.....all of it. It's the one time of year I feel the intentional nudge to slow down. But today is another big event. It's Jesus's birthday! Amidst all the typical Christmas celebrations and traditions this time of year, in our house we try to always point the focus back to the real meaning of Christmas: Jesus.

He may be the only human in history who, instead of receiving gifts, brought the gift.....the ultimate gift. He was born among us so he could sacrifice himself for us. If you're a Christian, please don't let this get lost in all the fun and celebration today. As for us, we'll have a typical Christmas day. Presents, movies, food, and NBA games (of course!). But we'll also take a moment to place a few candles in cupcakes (or Little Debbie tree cakes based on what I'm seeing in our pantry) and sing Happy Birthday to the one worth celebrating. It's a fun little way to pause, remember, and refocus on what this season is all about.

Merry Christmas, everyone! I hope you have the most wonderful day.

We Can’t Have Special Without Boring

Let's be honest. Most days are normal (i.e. boring). We wake up in the same place, eat the same food, do the same things, see the same people.....and repeat. I'm not knocking it, as I'm a creature of habit, but it's true. Yesterday, though, was a different day. I enjoyed some coffee on the couch with the family, knocked out some year-end business admin work, played Madden with Pax, went to Northern Vessel for some delicious drinks, took the kids outdoor ice skating, went snail shopping (weird development), grabbed take-out pizza, and finished the night by watching the Grinch.

Not all days are created equal. Something about yesterday really got to me. While most days fly by and are gone before I know it, I found myself savoring the little moments yesterday. It felt different. It felt special.

It would be easy to wish every day to be like yesterday; it can't be. The normal of life is what makes those special days special. If every day were special, then no day would be special. That's why we shouldn't overlook or demean our normal, day-to-day life. It's the normal that creates the special. That's why going out to a nice restaurant is special.....because it's not normal. If we went to a nice restaurant every night, it would just be called dinner.

This, in part, is what makes the Christmas season so meaningful. We wait, and wait, and wait, all year, until it finally arrives. It's the anticipation. It's the wait. It's the scarcity. Then finally, it's here!

Merry Christmas Eve, everyone! I hope you have a special day filled with special memories. And remember, these types of days are only special because of the normal life we get to live. Embrace the normal and be grateful for it. That's what lays the foundation for the special.

Have an amazing day!

Expensive vs. Priceless

We had a debacle in our house last night. When I arrived home from work, I walked into a disaster. Pax had lost his most treasured possession. You know, that one toy that brings a kid comfort. Most of us had one. It's the toy he always has with him when he's home. THE toy. Well, it was gone. We practically tore the house apart trying to find it. Alas, we did eventually find it.....in the most ridiculous place. His carelessness almost bit him.

The entire situation got me thinking about something. We live in a culture that tells us to covet, protect, and respect the expensive things in our lives. Cars, phones, jewelry, new shoes....the list could go on and on. We must take care of them.....with our life! Why? Because they are expensive. Expensive things must be honored. After all, money is the most important thing, right?

Conversely, there are things in our life that are priceless. Photos, videos, mementos, sentimental items, sensitive documents, etc. These things aren't necessarily worth much money, which is the problem. Since they aren't expensive, we sometimes value them differently. We don't protect and respect these things the same way. We're a bit loose with our handling and care of them. But it's impossible to replace them, no matter the cost.

I don't know about you, but I'd much rather have something expensive stolen, lost, or broken than lose a cheap but priceless item. This almost happened to us last week. We had a scare with Finn's new glasses. For a brief moment, it appeared he had lost them. Replacing them woudl have cost $400-$500. It was frustrating for sure, but I would much rather lose those glasses than lose one of my priceless items.

I frequently hear stories from people about how xyz priceless item was destroyed. Things happen, and sometimes our priceless items are tragically lost. However, I propose that one of the reasons this happens is because we're spending more time protecting and respecting the expensive things in our lives than the priceless things. We simply overlook them, and then lousy luck takes them out.

Pax's situation was a humbling reminder that we need to keep our priorities straight and realize what's most important. I've fallen short in this area at times, and I bet you have, too. One of my next steps is to inventory the priceless things in my life. I suspect there are gaps in how I care for and protect some of these possessions. Once I recognize where some of my deficiencies might be, it's time to correct them. I hope you do the same.

Expensive things can be replaced, for a price. Priceless things can't, no matter the price.

Sunburns vs. Landfills

I ran into a friend at church on Sunday who I hadn't seen in a while. As we were standing next to each other in the coffee line, he noted, "My wife quoted you the other day." Intrigued, I had to hear more. He shared how they were contemplating going on a tropical getaway after the holidays. The trip would cost a nice chunk of change, so it was anything but a no-brainer decision. Ultimately, though, they pulled the trigger. Why? "Meaning over money!" Yes! I love this!

When we buy a car, we have a car. When we buy a phone, we have a phone. When we buy a shirt, we have a shirt. But trips are weird. When we buy a trip, we have nothing. There's literally nothing to show for it. The money is gone, and we are empty-handed upon our return. Some may perceive this as the world's biggest ripoff.

However, let's fast-forward a decade. That car is in a landfill. That phone is in a landfill. That shirt is in a landfill. All our junk is in a landfill. But the trip? We still have nothing, but we have everything. The memories are priceless. The memories will last a lifetime. Nothing can take away our memories. Over time, the stories and photos will be passed down to the next generation. Meanwhile, our junk will be fully decomposed and turned into dust.

In the battle of sunburns vs. landfills, I'll take the sunburns every single time. Yeah, there are probably a few things I'd love to have that will someday be in a landfill, but investing in memories will always take precedence.

Memories over stuff. Sunburns over landfills. Meaning over money. I hope you go on that trip!

The Journey, Not the Destination

I returned home last night after being on the road for 16 of the last 17: KC to Houston to Minneapolis to Midland. I'm beat! It's been a great couple of weeks, but I'm ready to be home for the holidays.

As I've been traveling these past few weeks, combined with the reflection that naturally comes with the Thanksgiving holiday, I can't help but think about how weird this journey called life can be. It's full of twists and turns, ups and downs, with countless roadblocks and pleasant surprises along the way. When we're young, we're naive enough to think we're in control of the journey. We plan our steps and hilariously (in hindsight) believe it will go just as we anticipate.

Truth is, the journey is messy. It can be a struggle filled with pain, suffering, waiting, and frustration. If there's one thing for sure, our journey will go nothing like we originally anticipated. In some ways, this is sad. After all, our dreams are huge and important. But herein lies the beauty of life. All the stumbling blocks, detours, and pain are what make this journey rich.

None of the work, mission, or fun I participated in these last 17 days was even a thought in my head just five years ago. Heck, most of this didn't exist just one year ago. That's the beauty of the journey.

Just like a long road trip in the car, we must have a target destination in mind. That shows us the direction we should be driving. However, what happens between the origin and the destination makes the trip. It's about the journey, not the destination. When cruising down the highway, we might see something off in the horizon that looks interesting. So we decide to explore. Maybe it's cool, and maybe it sucks....but we don't know until we check it out. But regardless of the outcome, it likely adds to the experience. Then, as we get back on the road, Google Maps helps us reorient and continue toward our intended destination. We can always program a new intended destination, but until we do, we'll continue to journey in our planned direction, enjoying the little detours along the way.

I promise you I'm not making good time on the road trip of life, but these detours and side missions sure add a richness to the experience. It would be easy to lament not getting to my destination quicker. If that were my measuring stick, I suppose you could call me a massive failure. Yes, the destination is important, but it just may be the least important piece to all of this. It's about the journey, not the destination.

I hope you have an awesome journey today!

Hold Onto Your Traditions....Loosely

All week, I've been excited to watch Planes, Trains, & Automobiles, the best Thanksgiving movie ever created. Watching it on Thanksgiving night is one of my favorite traditions! As such, I became progressively more excited as Thanksgiving night neared. But then, in a sick twist, my sister-in-law disgustingly suggested we watch a different movie. But never fear, Travis, it's "kinda like Planes, Trains, & Automobiles." It wasn't. Not even close. With the snap of her fingers, my dream died. If you've never seen the greatest Thanksgiving movie ever created, here's a little taste of what you (and now I) missed.

Needless to say, I was bummed. After all, it's a tradition! Despite having my little dream crushed, it was a great Thanksgiving day. Lots of food (thanks to my sister-in-law’s ridiculous abilities), lots of backyard football (with limited injuries), lots of live sports on TV (go Cyclones!), and lots of fun. But no John Candy causing mass chaos while simultaneously melting our hearts.

Traditions add a richness to our life. They take otherwise regular days and events, and turn them into something special. I'm a tradition guy. Sometimes, after doing something just once, I'll declare it a tradition. Whoa, this pizza place is great! It's our new family tradition to come here!

But just as important as traditions are, we can't rigidly live our lives in a way that we're enslaved to them. Our traditions serve us, not the other way around. Sometimes, we need to be flexible with our traditions. Other times, we need to let an old tradition fade away. When we do, it doesn't demean the tradition. It doesn't cheapen what the tradition means (or meant) to us.

This was a hard lesson for me. I found myself mourning the loss of some traditions, and the whiffing of others. It turned something that was supposed to add richness to my life, and morphed it into a negative.

Yeah, I'm bummed we missed out on one of my favorite Thanksgiving traditions last night, but it didn't hinder my day. I cherish this tradition, but I also hold it loosely. You best believe I'll be excited to try again next year, though! In the meantime, our family may have a few new traditions to add to the mix.

Enjoy those traditions, but hold onto them loosely.

The Prerequisite of Gratitude

I don't have everything I want.....and that's a good thing! In order to be grateful for what we do have, there must be things we don't have. The lack of something is the prerequisite of gratitude. If we have anything and everything we want, it's impossible to feel genuine gratitude. This is why people with seemingly unlimited resources often seem so discontent.

Today, as I reflect on the things I'm thankful for, I'll be grateful that I don't (and can't) have everything I want. Do I still want some of these things? Absolutely! Will I be excited if I ever get them? 100%! But until I do, or if I don't, it won't make me any less grateful for all the wonderful blessings in my life. I cherish each and every one of them.

As you stuff yourself with yummy food, watch sports, play in the backyard, or dive into whatever traditions your family engages in, take a moment to reflect on the beauty of not having all that you want. It's the prerequisite of gratitude.

Happy Thanksgiving, everyone!

".....Then What Was It All For?"

I had a brief but impactful conversation with a client today. He and his wife are considering making a questionable financial decision. They have been intentional about living a debt-free life, and as a result, they live a truly remarkable life. Sacrifice after sacrifice, they've chosen the road less traveled. They could easily have a bigger house, better vehicles, fancier trips, and an overall bougier lifestyle. However, they elected to stay disciplined.

As luck would have it, a piece of land recently went on sale. Not just any land, but a property adjacent to their family's land. This parcel is a bucket list piece of real estate for them. The kind of property they envision someday building a house and eventually passing down to their children.

There's a catch. They can't afford to wave their magic wand and write a check for the whole property. Ideally, they could in due time, but the sellers of this particular property aren't going to wait around for them. It's now or likely never. Knowing this, they have two options: 1) pass on the opportunity, or b) use debt to secure the transaction.

As you probably know, I'm not a fan of debt. I've been personally debt-free since 2016, and have no intention of going back. However, in my friend's situation, it actually makes sense. Given the rare opportunity, the fact they have so much margin in their financial life, and the overall economics of the transaction don't impair their family's life, it makes all the sense in the world.

However, he's conflicted. He doesn't love the idea of procuring debt for this. He goes back and forth about what the right decision is. On one hand, he thinks he needs to keep saving and avoid the debt. On the other hand, he may not get this type of opportunity again.

After bouncing back and forth while thinking out loud, he concludes with this: "If I don't pull the trigger on this, then what was it all for?" This single comment perfectly summed up the tension between meaning and money. Yes, he wants to make wise financial choices. He's done that! He's made so many sacrifices for his family's future. He and his wife have done tremendous work over the past five years. Everything they've done up to this moment has prepared them for such a moment.

His comment echoes so much truth. ".....then what was it all for?" If he's not willing to choose meaning now, all his past wise financial decisions were pointless. Staying out of debt, living below their means, and intentionally maintaining a lower-than-necessary lifestyle. In my opinion, each of these decisions, magnified over years, has brought them to this place where they can make this powerful decision without impairing their financial life. That's a gift! That's a blessing! That's the reward for their good work.

They should buy the land. Meaning over money. Always meaning over money.

The Possibility of Moments

I'll be speaking to a group of 500 kids later today, and another 500 tomorrow. As usual, the nerves are running high. The nerves aren't present because of my fear or intimidation, but rather because of how much I care. I feel a deep sense of responsibility to make a difference during this talk. Each person will be in that room for a reason, and the potential exists for each of them to leave better than they arrived. I feel the weight of that.

While these sorts of talks are what I do, it may be the only time I'll have the chance to interact with many of these individuals. What an opportunity, and what a responsibility!

Life is funny like that. Every day, we venture in and out of moments. Sitting at a stoplight. Interacting with the cashier at our local convenience store. A casual conversation at a co-worker's desk. A meeting with a client. Hanging out with our kids. Mingling in the lobby before church service. Moment after moment after moment.

Each moment contains a unique and fleeting opportunity to make an impact. Not necessarily a change-the-world type of impact, but a move-the-needle-in-the-right-direction type of impact. Will we seize the moment or squander the opportunity? Or worse, will we leave them worse than we found them?

I used to struggle living in the moment. While in the middle of a conversation, I'd be glancing around the room, anticipating who I needed to talk to next. I'd feel distracted, anxious, and impatient. Then, something happened. I realized that each interaction with someone was a special moment to savor. It was an opportunity for good. It was then that I immediately started working on trying to become more present. Fast forward a few years, and I started hearing comments from people about this. A youth group kid told me, "When we're talking, you make me feel like I'm the only person in the room. You really listen to me." Wow! I worked so hard to get to that point, and in some situations, I actually achieved it.

This is the possibility of moments. Even if our day is full of hundreds of seemingly meaningless interactions, each one has the potential to mean something. Life feels different when we get chance after chance after chance to make a positive impact. We don't need to cure cancer. Sometimes we just need to make someone smile, show them we care, or let them know they are heard. Any one of those moments may be just what they needed.

Live the next few days with this perspective and see if it makes your life richer. It sure did mine, and I hope it will for you, too!

Gary Was Right

On September 13th, 2022, I had the privilege of enjoying a coffee with my close friend, Gary Hoag. I don't see Gary often, but he was in my city for a speaking engagement that would unfold later that day. As is typical with Gary and I, we bounced from topic to topic, trying to squeeze every drop out of our limited time together. Since Gary is a prolific writer, I began interrogating him about his writing habits and practices. I confessed to him that I was struggling to write 2-3 articles per month, citing a lack of time and ideas. Gary gave me the most Gary-like advice: "Write every day." Ok, so I'm supposed to write every day.....but how often do I publish an article? "Publish every day." 

Uh, I think Gary missed my initial problem. I had neither the time nor the ideas to write and publish even 2-3 articles per month. "Write every day." He could tell I looked a little overwhelmed by this idea, so he added, "It will change you." 

Well, today is the one-year anniversary of beginning that journey. From November 14th, 2022, to November 14th, 2023, I wrote and published one article per day. Wow, what a journey! Here's what writing 365 articles in 365 days has taught me:

• We all have way more in us than we believe. What often feels impossible can be achieved by simply putting one foot in front of the other. 

• Ideas can come from every area of our life....even the most mundane and insignificant nuances of our day. 

• Creativity can happen anywhere. I've written posts in tents, planes, grocery stores, forests, hospitals, truck stops, and highway shoulders. 

• Writing is really just the art of learning how to think. When we write, it forces us to think through a subject in an entirely different way. We're better for it. 

• Our pain, while often feeling like a stain on the fabric of our past, has the power to shine a light on someone else's darkness. Pain isn't wasted, but rather repurposed for future good. 

• Technology makes our world small. So many beautiful relationships have been born from this blog. Many of you started as strangers, but are now family. 

• When my ideas aren't formed well enough (or even when they are), I'll get called out. When I do, I have two choices: a) take offense, or b) allow it to be an opportunity to learn. I pray I always take the latter. I've learned so much from you all!

• Creating content (whether audio, video, or writing) is one of the best ways to leave a legacy to the next generation. While every post is written for you and for me, each one is really a breadcrumb for my kids to someday find. 

• Writing each day reminds me of how much meaning and purpose I have in my life. I'm so very grateful for that. Every day is special. 

Gary, you were right. It changed me. Wow. It really worked. 

When Rules Are About More Than Rules

I love breakfast: fried eggs (sunny side up), toast/bagels, crispy bacon.....I could go on. I started intermittent fasting earlier this year to improve my health and sleep. The rules were simple. After I ate my last meal of the day, I'd start a 16-hour timer. When the timer expired, I'd begin eating again. It worked out to a 10AM-6PM eating window, then fasting between. Overall, I could see a significant improvement in my health, primarily driven by two main factors. First, I never realized how much I snacked at night out of boredom. That ended when I stopped consuming calories at 6PM. Second, I often enjoyed a bourbon at night after the kids went to bed. That also ended when I stopped consuming calories at 6PM. While I really enjoyed this habit, I didn't realize how much one drink impacted my sleep until I stopped.

However, I noticed something about this fasting practice. I found myself counting down and dwelling on the timer. I would rush dinner, so I could start the timer, so I could eat breakfast earlier. There was something mentally unhealthy about this rhythm. Therefore, I tweaked the rule. No more timers. Instead, I started eating dinner at a reasonable time (but not militant about when), then I wouldn't eat until after 12PM the next day. This is the practice I have today. I don't break this rule. No snacking or drinks after dinner. No calories before noon. No excuses.

It wouldn't significantly harm me if I cheated every now and then. It wouldn't hinder my progress. It wouldn't negate the good work I'm doing. However, one cheat is the gateway drug for the next. One creates two, and two creates twenty. The moment it's ok to cheat once is the moment cheating becomes normalized. I spent all last week in Midland, Texas, working at a client site. Each morning, as I'm walking from my hotel room to my truck (I have a big ol' truck in my Texas identity!), I stop at the breakfast buffet to grab a black coffee. It's the hardest part of my day. The eggs, bacon, biscuits, and gravy!!! I've walked by that same buffet maybe 30-40 mornings this year, but haven't taken a single bite of food. This discipline has propelled me in so many ways this year. It's a rule that's about more than a simple rule.

I'm a long-winded writer. One of the reasons I started this blog was to learn how to share a good idea in a compact package. As such, I had a very clear rule with myself. No article could be more than 500 words, period. There are days when I spend 30 minutes trying to condense a finished post from 520 words down to 500. I could easily click "publish" at 520 words, but that's the gateway drug to longer posts. First, it's 520, then 540, then 600. It's a rule that's about more than a simple rule.

Set rules. Honor them. Grow.

Caring Enough About Money

In my keynote talk, I spend a healthy amount of time discussing the science of money and happiness. In short, once our needs are met, money won't make us much happier. I go down several roads to make this argument, concluding that more money isn't the answer. 

There's a dilemma here, though. If more money, more stuff, and more status can't make us happier, should we disregard money altogether? There's an entire segment of our population who falls into this camp. These people simply don't care about money. It manifests differently in each person, but some common characteristics may include:

• Burning through your bank account via spending and perpetually having little-to-no money.

• Living an extremely frugal and/or minimalist lifestyle.

• Periodically giving away all of their resources.

• Inconsistent work patterns.

However, I want to focus on a different characteristic. It's the act of undercharging or being willfully underpaid for your work. This practice usually comes at the intersection of not caring about money and absolutely loving their work. You probably know someone in your life who fits this profile. They are incredibly passionate about their work, but don't have much in terms of resources. Our immediate response to these types of people is to think, "They are following their passion, so of course they don't make much money." 

I've done lots of business with these types of people. They are amazing people doing amazing work, but grossly undercharging. In fact, I used to be one of them! When I started my company in 2019, I charged about 1/4 of what I currently charge for my coaching services. This was a combination of not caring about money, loving my work so much, and perhaps a lack of confidence in some regard. 

As I was digging more into the science of money and happiness, coaching families and businesses, and trying to navigate my own business journey, I had an epiphany. I still held firm that money isn't all that important, but with one caveat. While we shouldn't dwell on the money, we need to care enough about money to continue our journey. 

Put another way, we need to financially earn the right to serve those who we wish to serve. When we do, we get to serve them again next time. If we don't, we may lose the right. This is one of the biggest pitfalls people can fall into. If they care too little about money, they may face financial pressures that will prevent them from living out their mission. 

I've seen too many brilliant people get knocked out of the game because they disregarded their finances. There's a bit of sad irony in there. They cared so little about money that they found themselves in a place where they dwelled on the money (out of the need to survive). 

No, don't obsess about money. But spend some time getting it right. Earn your right to keep serving those who you wish to serve. You deserve it, and the world deserves you!

Taking Inventory of Readers’ “Bargains”

A while back, I wrote a piece about some of the expenditures in my life that feel like bargains, but are probably head-scratchers to others. Monthly massages, Christian education, and Apple computers are a few of my examples. At the end of the post, I solicited your feedback. I wanted to know what items you spend money on that may feel like a ripoff to many, but a bargain to you.

Let me just say, you didn't disappoint! I immediately received feedback from dozens of readers. Today's post is a sampling of reader feedback. I know these are great examples because my gut reaction to several is, "Wow, what a ripoff!" That's when we know we're going in the right direction. That's also the point. What's valuable to me is different than what's valuable to you. Translation: We need to stop listening to what other people say and stop living their values. Without further ado, here's your feedback:

• Flying across the country just to attend a concert from a favorite musician.

• Taking kids skiing in Colorado, or as he put it, "spending hundreds of dollars to freeze and fall." 

• Taking spouse's parents on a trip to Europe.

• Flying to NYC just to go to a Broadway show.

• A monthly Regal Cinema pass for unlimited movies. This person explained how they were so poor growing up that a trip to the movie theater was a special, once-per-year treat. 

• Pedicures (mentioned by both men and women!).

• Golf membership.

• One NFL game per season.

• Professional house cleaning once per week.

• Bouncing from new car lease to new car lease.

• Lip injections. Not necessarily to look better, but to feel better about themselves. 

• Motorcycles.

• A lake house. 

• First-class airfare for every flight they take. 

• Gun collection.

• Star Wars collectibles.

• Extremely expensive gym membership ($500+ per month for a single person).

• Professional music lessons for their kids.

• Dance program for their kids (IYKYK).

• Multiple plane vacations per year.

One person even mentioned my financial coaching services. I loved this answer and in no way take offense to it. He's absolutely right. Many people think what I do is a ripoff. I remember once having back-to-back consultations. During the first one, the husband told me my services were the biggest ripoff he'd ever heard of. He continued to say you'd have to be stupid to hire me. It was a feel-good moment, I tell ya. In the very next meeting, the couple said it seemed like a huge bargain and asked when we could start. Both couples made the right decision. 

This is the beauty of having our own interests, values, and motivations. For as much as I'd like to roll my eyes at some of the above items, my opinion doesn't matter. What matters is whether or not these items add value to that person's life. 

Whatever you do, I hope you lean into your unique interests and values (while aggressively disregarding the rest). It will surely add a richness to your life!

Knowing When to Say “No”

If you're someone with variable income (wage, commission, bonuses, solopreneur, freelancer, or business owner), there's an obvious upside. When you work more or produce more, you make more. Work more hours, get a larger paycheck. Sell more widgets, get a better commission/bonus. Serve another client, get another revenue stream. There's a direct correlation between your work and your compensation.

There's a shadow side to this, of course. It can be extremely difficult to say "no." If we have the potential to make a sell, we're inclined to do it. If we have the opportunity to grab some overtime hours, we're inclined to do it. If we have the opportunity to take on a new project, we're inclined to do it. While each of these scenarios means we'll likely make more money, there's a very real cost to it. It can cost us our time, stress, energy, physical/mental health, and opportunities to be with our loved ones. But it’s so hard to say “no”!

All these factors combine for one difficult journey. This is the battle millions of people face each day. And to be honest, many of us are losing the battle. This has been an ongoing conversation between Cole and me in our office for several years. We're both freelancers with wives who stay at home. Translation: there's a constant underlying pressure to provide financially. At the same time, we feel the responsibility to be present for our families and play other critical roles inside and outside our homes.

Last night, we went trick-or-treating with Cole's family. We had a great time despite the weather feeling like we were in the dead of winter. As we were walking from house to house, Cole revealed that he said "no" to a highly lucrative shooting gig for earlier that day. It was a hefty sum of cash for a single day's work. It's also worth noting that Cole loves that work. However, he said "no." He wanted to prioritize spending time with his family in preparation for their Halloween celebrations.

In years past, I'm not sure he would have declined such a gig. For this reason, I really admired his decision. This is a consequence of excellence. The better you serve people, the more people want to be served.....and are willing to pay more for the privilege. It's a constant battle, but a good battle.

Each of us must make our own choices along the journey. Saying "yes" is important. It's how we financially provide for our families, as well as add value to others. It's using our gifts and time to make a difference in this world. Saying "yes" is a noble endeavor. However, are we willing to say "no" when needed? Are we able to create boundaries to protect what's most important? Are we able to walk away from money when other things are more important?

This is the tension between meaning and money. It's a delicate dance, but I hope you win more times than you lose. Never forget the meaning. Always meaning over money.

Riddle Me This

What's something we take for granted when we have it, then desperately crave it when we don't?

It's relatively affordable to keep, but very expensive to get back.

Though we know it's important, we'll trade it away for things that feel even more important.

Do you have a guess?

Our health. We have an interesting relationship with health in our culture. On one hand, we're obsessed with fad diets, drinking plenty of water, and getting exercise. These are multi-billion-dollar industries, after all. On the other hand, we simultaneously sabotage ourselves when it comes to actually being healthy. We're so busy with the rigors of life, parenting, activities, and trying to make money that we're high on stress, lacking in sleep, and strained every which way. We make a few good decisions, then make a bunch of bad ones. Then, make a few more good ones, followed by a bunch more bad ones.

For the record, I'm not talking down to you. I'm one of the worst offenders. Coincidentally (or not!), my health has been terrible lately. Frequent migraines, a lack of sleep, and a sickness that's come and gone for several weeks now. I'm not living my best life.....far from it. It would be easy for me to blame a bug my kids brought home from school, or simply bad luck, but there's no doubt my decisions have played an influential negative role. I take my health for granted when I have it, but I'm desperate to get it back when it leaves. That's where I'm at right now.

At the same time, many people in my life are dealing with significant health issues. Scary times. Life-altering situations. I feel for them so much. Like me, they may have taken health for granted when they had it.......but now want nothing more than to get it back.

It's humbling. It's scary. It's a wake-up call. Regardless of what endeavors we pursue in life (and many are amazing), we ought not lose sight of our health. There's no amount of money, status, or accomplishment that's worth losing our health over. If we have all the money in the world but can't live a respectable quality of life due to our health, what do we really have?

It's a sobering reminder. Many people have learned this lesson the hard way.....sometimes too late. Maybe we don't have to. Maybe we can use this as a reminder to reset our priorities and values to focus on the right measuring stick.

We should invest in our health. The word "invest" probably has many meanings here. We can literally invest money into a healthier lifestyle. But we need to invest our time, energy, and discipline into being intentional with our health. The best news is those things are free! Talk about a positive return on investment! This will be one of my top focuses in the weeks and months to come. I said it, and now I need to live it.

Stay healthy, friends!

The Meaningless Meaning

Do you have any silly little habits, traditions, or activities in your life that don't have much meaning, yet provide a lot of meaning? Here's an example. Last night was the draft for our 12th annual fantasy NBA basketball league. Our 12-person league is comprised of friends, colleagues, and friends and colleagues of friends and colleagues. Some of these people have been my friends for decades, while others I've never actually met in person. This silly little league is a mainstay in my life each year from late October through mid-April.

It's not something we do because of the money. We each pitch in $50 and pay out the top half of the league, but that's just meant to keep people accountable. There's no good reason to participate in this league outside of enjoying basketball and camaraderie with the other league members. That's one of the beautiful things about it. It's a simple and innocent activity in a world that feels anything but simple and innocent.

There's an irony in these types of activities in our lives. There's no meaning to it, yet it produces meaning. These types of opportunities are all around us, but they are easy to miss. In the rigors of life, we often overlook them or avoid them because they seem somewhat pointless. After all, there's no tangible value to them. But we need to look deeper. It's not really about a make-believe sports league where we can live out our wannabe GM life. Instead, it's about community, investing in relationships, sharing experiences with others, and enjoying a sport we've grown up playing and watching. That, in my book, is meaningful.

I think about my friend who collects Star Wars memorabilia. I think about my friends who play in a bowling league. I think about my colleagues who are ritualistic about their weekly trivia night. I think about my client who rebuilds antique guns. I could give dozens more examples of people who get meaning from seemingly meaningless things. These things are unique, quirky, simple, innocent, and oh so meaningful.

What about you? Do you have any meaningless things in your life that actually provide meaning? I'd love to hear your versions of this!

As an aside, the image below is me showing off the amazing team I built in last night's draft. Now you know who to cheer for!

Don’t Wait Alone

Yesterday, our church celebrated its 25th birthday. The service was a series of stories, testimonials, and interviews with people who have been part of our church over the years. Awesome day! Through it all, the concept of family and community kept coming up. This felt fitting, as the people in our church are family to us. We've experienced so much life in the 12 years of being part of our church, which flooded my mind as I sat there.

One particular memory stood out. It's a story that I don't often share. I had an inkling to write about it, but I was unsure. Then, something happened. Or rather, someone happened. My friend Suzanne was on stage sharing about her journey. She ended her story with three powerful words: "Don't wait alone."

---

Sarah and I started trying to have a child when we were right around 30. We had been married for a few years at that point. Those first few years of marriage were spent traveling, paying off debt, enjoying being together, and learning how to be husband and wife. Then, the day came when we knew it was time to have a child. It's a pretty simple process, or so my fifth-grade science class taught me. Our reality was anything but simple.

After about nine unsuccessful months, we started getting worried. That began a brutal series of medical consultations, tests, procedures, and suffering. We were in our early 30s, facing a fork in the road. The fork wasn't medical...it was community. We were surrounded by countless people who loved us dearly, yet we were suffering in silence. This was our fork. We could either a) continue to bear this weight alone (while people would likely talk behind our back), or b) allow others to carry some of this weight and be there to support us. We chose the latter. We chose transparency.

What came from that experience was absolutely life-changing. We were in the midst of the most painful season of our lives, yet experiencing the beauty of true community. We suffered, but we weren't alone. Every step of the way, people were there to pick us up when we couldn't.

One of the most powerful moments of my life was sitting through service on Father's Day, just two days after losing a child that would have made me a dad. It was arguably the worst day of my life. I could have stayed home and hid, but I needed my church family.

Family cuts both ways. On the one hand, they are there to mourn with you, but on the other hand, they are there to celebrate with you, too. Just four months later, we became parents to two beautiful baby boys. Our church family was right beside us, celebrating like it was their own. I couldn't believe how happy everyone was. It was almost like these children were theirs......and in a way, they were. It's a true love I hope my kids someday recognize.

"Don't wait alone." You got that so right, Suzanne.

Today is the 7-year anniversary of bringing those two little 4-week-olds home. It’s typically called “gotcha day” in the adoption world, but we just call it the day we became a family. We will celebrate by sharing pictures, videos, and stories with the boys. Oh yeah, and maybe some treats. Below is the first photo taken after bringing the kids home on that crisp October 23rd morning.

The Sunday Scaries

Happy Sunday! Depending on what time of day you're reading this, your mood could be vastly different. Studies show that 4PM on Sunday is the most depressing hour of the week. The fun weekend is almost complete, and now our brain is shifting its attention to tomorrow. And considering 70% of Americans dislike or hate their job, the mere thought of Monday makes most people cringe. Some refer to it as the Sunday Scaries.

Whether we know about the 4PM on Sunday statistic or not, we know about the Sunday Scaries. It's all around us. We either feel it, know someone close to us who feels it, or see it manifest in our culture. The concept that Monday sucks is ubiquitous in our society. It leaks out through our cultural pores. Movies, music, TV, social media. Dread and Mondays go together like peanut butter and jelly. I often think about the song, Migraine, by Twenty One Pilots. Check out this verse:

Thank God it's Friday, 'cause Fridays will always

be better than Sundays, 'cause Sundays are my suicide days.

I don't know why they always seem so dismal.

Thunderstorms, clouds, snow, and a slight drizzle.

The Sunday Scaries stick with us, too. I was talking to a friend last night when she made a specific reference to her Sunday Scaries. Hers are not caused by what she will do on Monday, but rather what she used to do on Mondays decades ago. That's right. She used to dread Mondays so much that it's tainted the mere idea of Mondays decades later. That's how engrained the Sunday Scaries can be.....almost like it gets into our blood.

Here's the good news. We CAN reverse this curse. If 70% of Americans dislike or hate their job, that means 30% like or love their job. And if they do, so can you! I hope you get to a point in life where Monday is your favorite day of the week. A life where weekends are fun, but Mondays are full of promise, meaning, and impact. That reality does exist. I promise you that.

However, there's a catch. There's always a catch. In order to attain it, we typically must stop pursuing more. More money, more stuff, and more status. It doesn't mean we'll be poor or have little; rather, it means we're chasing after something different....something better. Work that matters.

I have a memory seared into my brain. I was having a beer with a friend one Sunday afternoon. The sun was shining, the birds were chirping, and we were enjoying a cold drink on a patio. All the while, he looked miserable. His eyes looked tired, borderline lifeless. He was suffering from the Sunday Scaries. I asked him point blank if all his stuff and bank accounts were worth it. He half-heartedly nodded his head yes, but he looked unsure. Fast forward many years, and he still has that same look in his eyes.

Sunday Scaries are a choice. I choose a life without them. How about you?

The Many (Noble) Roles of Businesses

Businesses get a bad rap. For whatever sick and twisted reasons, businesses get pigeonholed as soulless entities whose sole role is to take advantage of people while extracting as much money from them as humanly possible. This is absolute nonsense, of course. Businesses don't thrive by taking advantage of people. They thrive by adding value to people's lives, which earns them the right to add more value to more people's lives. The more people they serve, the more financial success they can achieve. 

While it's true that one objective for most businesses is to make a profit, that's just one of many roles. If you were to interview most business owners, many roles and objectives would be mentioned:

• Provide valuable jobs for their employees.

• Add value to their customers' lives. 

• Engage in fulfilling work.

• Make an impact on this world.

• Give back to the local community. 

• Build something they can be proud of. 

• The list goes on and on.....

I was reminded of this last night while attending a trunk or treat event a few blocks from my house. As we were surrounded by hundreds (or thousands?) of people, I got a bit sentimental while taking it in. This event was planned, executed, and made possible by the countless businesses who raised their hand and stepped forward. 

Each "trunk" was funded, set up, staffed, and represented by a business. They could have easily slapped their business name on a sign and plopped a big tub of candy on a table for kids to grab. Few did that. Instead, most businesses picked a theme, decorated like crazy, and got creative with their treats. One of my friends went full-out Ghostbusters (uniforms included!). Another friend did a shark attack schtick. Then a handful of other friends went all-out Ninja Turtles. Not only did they pass out candy, but they arranged for the pizza shop across the street to deliver five pizzas every 30 minutes so they could hand out slices to all the kids and parents. Ninja Turtles handing out pizza at a trunk or treat!!!! It was brilliant, and it made people smile. 

That's what business means to me. Turning a profit is the act serving those who we wish to serve, then re-earning the right to do it again next month. There's nothing evil in that. In fact, it's a noble endeavor. The world is a better place when it's full of businesses that add value to people's lives. 

My life is better when that local restaurant is there to serve my family a tasty meal.

My life is better when that real estate agent is there to help me buy or sell a property.

My life is better when my chiropractor is there to snap my body back into place.

My life is better when the grocery store up the street from my house sells fresh food.

My life is better when that coffee shop is willing to make me a drink.

Businesses have many roles, and they are all valuable. 

A Novel Concept

Yesterday, I met with someone who I completely disagree with on a specific topic. Oh yeah, and he disagrees with me. We actually met to talk about this very topic. There was no hate, no animosity, and no tension. Just a productive conversation. Novel concept, I know.

We each shared why we believe what we do and why we disagree with the other person's perspective. It was engaging, educational, and perhaps even fun. I learned a lot from his insights, and he said the same about mine. When we closed the conversation, I don't think either of us had changed our minds. However, we both walked away with a better understanding of the other person's perspective and some things to ponder.

While I don't know if I'll ever fully agree with his viewpoint, I definitely view it differently now that I have additional context and perspective. This will help me grow, think clearer, and become more well-rounded. That's a huge win in my book. Further, I'm grateful this person trusted me enough to be willing to go there with the conversation. I greatly respect him for that.

I'm staying intentionally vague with the exact topic of our conversation because this idea applies to most areas of life. I think we've lost the ability to live with those we disagree with. Our polarized culture says we need to toss them aside and steer clear. After all, they aren't like us. They are the bad guys. They must be ignored. They must be stopped. I'm not a fan of this mentality.....even though it can be an easy go-to.

Instead of treating them like enemies, we should embrace them as friends. Despite our differences, most of us have far more in common than we have conflicting. There's a richness to life when we can learn from and engage with people we don't see eye to eye. I'm grateful for these relationships in my life. I hope you have some in yours as well!