Bad Moments, Not Bad Days

I recently wrote about how structure is so crucial to my life. Without it, I lose productivity, meaning, and sanity. I mentioned that I even create structure around "the habits that connect to particular actions." I'm about to share a story about this, and I promise the payoff will be worth it.

I have a specific habit sequence when I drive my 350Z:

• I always walk out of the house with my work bag.

• I set my bag on the ground on the driver's side of the car.

• I start the car and push the button to lower the convertible top.

• I reach down, pick up my bag, and swing it over to the passenger seat.

• I shut my door and back out of the driveway.

It's clockwork to the degree that it takes zero mental energy to execute. My mind is often already preoccupied with the day ahead. Yesterday, though, my habit sequence was broken.....and I paid the price. Since the ground was wet, I set my bag in a different spot. Also, frustratingly, my convertible top wouldn't open. Since it didn't open, I didn't have the mental trigger to reach down for my bag to swing it across. I put the car in reverse and started backing out. However, after just a few feet, I hit a bump.

I knew it immediately; I ran into my bag. Crunch! In an instant, I knew I was about to suffer some brutal consequences. I swiftly pulled my laptop out of my bag and opened the lid: I was met with a multi-color screen full of cracks. It was ruined! The same for my second monitor: ruined.

Long story short, the only thing I damaged on my computer is the screen, which will cost me $100 out of pocket due to AppleCare insurance. But I burned a morning trying to navigate the situation. It was as big a mess as I could have imagined......and one I didn't need.

The thing I always think about is the difference between a bad day and a bad moment. It's so easy to let a bad moment spiral into a bad day (or days). In the past, I probably would have allowed this mess to spiral me for a week. Now, however, I have so many things on my plate and people relying on me. I can't afford to have a bad day. Instead, I choose to have a bad moment. I largely rallied and was able to take care of business for the remainder of the day.

One contributing factor to bad moments vs. bad days is the amount of meaning we carry in our lives. If I'm in a season where I don't feel meaning in my work, relationships, or other endeavors, even a harmless, annoying/inconvenient moment can spiral into a bad day. Today, however, I feel tremendous meaning in my life. Therefore, when the bad moments strike, I'm more easily able to let the moment be a moment, then find a way to navigate into a good day with abad moment.

I don't feel convicted about this today. Rather, I'd love to hear your thoughts. How do you respond to this story and message? I'd love to hear your input! Jokes at my expense are permitted.

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Just Take a Step

You never know what will happen by simply taking a step. Some steps are insignificant. Some steps move us forward. Some steps hinder our progress. Some steps change everything. Here's the problem: We rarely know which is which.

In the fall of 2015, I received a phone call from a guy I barely knew. His name was Gary Hoag (yes, the same Gary I often talk about in my writing). I had only met him one time at that point, but I was excited to speak to him again. Long story short, he called to ask if I would be interested in joining him in some international ministry. The next step would be for Sarah and me to fly to Asia to interview with the board. I had never been to Asia. I had lots of emotions. I was excited, anxious, and overwhelmed. What should I do?!?!

I took a step. I booked plane tickets and we boarded a plane for Asia. Some steps change everything; this step changed everything. Ten years later, I still call these people family. I've experienced the highest of highs and the lowest of lows with these people. I've seen the best of humanity, and the worst of humanity. I've seen the overwhelming awesomeness of God, and the absolute brokenness of our world. I've seen things I can never unsee.....for better or for worse. Through it all, we've done it together. Grateful doesn't even begin to describe how I feel about this group of people.

All because I took a step. One simple step. That step could have meant nothing. It could have been insignificant. It could have been as forgettable as any step. We never know which is which. But this particular step changed everything.

We humans are so good at saying no, justifying inaction, and normalizing the status quo. Sometimes, though, we just need to take a step. No, we won't know where our steps will lead. No, we don't know if it will impact us. No, there's no certainty our lives will be better for it. However, there's no way for us to experience life-changing steps without first being willing to simply take a step.

Taking a step is one of the hardest things about the human experience. It's risky. It's scary. It's uncertain. All true, but it can also be beautiful. Today, I challenge you to take a step. I don't know what your step is, but I think you do. There's something you know you need to step into. It could be nothing.....or it could change everything.

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Block By Block

Yesterday was a special day for me. Nobody knew it was a special day, but I felt it from front to back. Pax has really come alive these past few days, actively engaging with the various leaders we're spending time with. Yesterday alone, Pax spent time with leaders from five different countries and was exposed to six different languages. Every once in a while, he would give me a look. It was a look that communicated some combination of impressed, curious, and excited. He was like a sponge. His eyes are opening to the world, and his curiosity is palpable.

As the day progressed, I could see him gaining more confidence. He asked more questions, volunteered to help out, and approached people whom, just a few days prior, he seemed intimidated by. Block by block.

"Dad, when can we go to Mongolia?" Those words are music to my ears. His view of the world is expanding. He's starting to see a bigger picture forming. He's beginning to think about people outside his own little bubble. Block by block.

A few of the men said they were going to swim out into Lake Huron, where there's a large sand bar a few hundred feet out. It's an intimidating lake that's more akin to an ocean. Water as far as the eyes can see, with waves caused by the recent storm continuously crashing on shore. Pax, having grown in his confidence and trust in this diverse group of leaders, eagerly and excitedly jumped in with us. Block by block.

Will this week change Pax's life? Maybe, but probably not. However, what he's experiencing during his time here is a key building block in a broader journey. It's uncomfortable, but fulfilling. It's nerve-wracking, but exciting. Man, I'm proud of that little guy. We still have a few days left, and I'm excited to watch both boys add a few more blocks.

Perhaps this message is for your kids.....or maybe it's for you. Block by block. Every experience (especially the ones that put us out of our comfort zone) is an opportunity to add a block. Subject yourself to new, interesting, and challenging experiences. Put yourself out there. Find new ways to serve. Engage with people who are different than you. Embrace new cultures. Every single block makes us better.

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Loaded Freighters

After a full day of meetings in eastern Michigan yesterday, we spent the evening walking alongside Lake Huron just a stone's throw from Canada. Pax and I threw the football (while he was running imaginary routes around the seagulls), Finn looked for fossils along the beach, the adults engaged in conversation, and we all enjoyed the beautiful sunset. One of the highlights was watching the freighters work through the narrow channel between the U.S. and Canada. These massive vessels are the length of two to three football fields, yet navigate confidently through the choppy waters.

I noticed something interesting while watching these vessels. One of them was fully loaded. I can't even imagine how much weight it was carrying, but the sheer scale was amazing. It sat fairly deep in the water, and its pace was slow. I suspect it takes a massive amount of fuel to propel it, and turning is probably a tricky endeavor.

The second freighter appeared empty. It sat higher in the water and moved quickly. The vessel seemed more nimble and likely required less fuel to propel it through the water.

I think that's a fitting analogy for how we live. Some of us are loaded freighters, weighed down with so many material possessions. Our lives are full of stuff and financial obligations. There's a heftiness to it. We move more slowly and we're less nimble. It takes more fuel (i.e., money) to propel us through life as we try to carry all this weight.

Other people, though, live life like an empty freighter. Their lives are simpler and more prudent. Since they float higher on the water, they are more nimble and can more easily pivot when desired. They require far less fuel to propel them through life. The empty freighters of life often live with far more margin and need fewer resources to maintain the status quo.

I remember a time when I lived like a loaded freighter. It gets tiring after a while! While the various freight I carried was kinda cool, the perpetual weight grew tiring. Eventually, I looked in the mirror and asked myself what I was doing. Was it really worth carrying around all this weight? What if I didn't have this pulling me down? What decisions could I make if I unloaded some of it? What pivots would life allow if I could be more nimble?

The answers to those questions changed everything. In a very short period of time, we shifted from living like a loaded freighter to an empty freighter. We felt freer, decisions felt easier, and we were able to pivot in ways I only previously dreamed about. It changed my life, and I've watched similar decisions change countless other families' lives as well. There's something oh so beautiful about unloading the freight. It might not seem like much on the surface, but below the water, it makes all the difference in the world!

Perhaps it's time to unload some of the freight.

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Willful Discomfort

Can we all agree that life can be uncomfortable? Regardless of how much comfort we try to pursue, discomfort will find us. Don't agree? Last time I checked, none of us make it out alive. Discomfort is coming, but the who, what, when, where, why, and how are still up in the air.

Last night, I had the blessing of spending time with a group of people ranging from long-time friends, to acquaintances, to first-time encounters. The conversation went deep. I heard several profound stories that rocked me to the core.

Something interesting dawned on me by the time the night concluded. Every one of these amazing stories had one thing in common: willful discomfort. While life will inevitably become uncomfortable at times, every person in that room willfully subjected themselves to discomfort along their journey. Not only that, but this willful act of discomfort had a direct connection with the beauty that subsequently unfolded.

This is a topic I write and talk about a lot, but it never goes out of style. Here's one example from my own life. Just over six years ago, Sarah and I made the radical decision that I would leave my 15-year career, our family would take a 90% pay cut, and we'd start over with a completely different life. All the material comforts our world had to offer were staring us in the face, and we turned the other way. Culturally, what we did was stupid. Mathematically, what we did was stupid. Comfort-wise, what we did was stupid.

However, with the benefit of six years of hindsight, that willful discomfort was easily the best decision I've ever made in my life. It might have also been one of the toughest things I've ever done, but that's a story for a different day. That single act of willful discomfort transformed our family, our lives, and the impact we've been able to make. Many decades from now, when I look back on my life and the thousands of key decisions I made, I will surely pinpoint that decision and a few other ridiculous acts of willful discomfort as the turning points of my life.

Sure, discomfort will find all of us.....eventually. However, what I'm suggesting today is that we should each willfully pursue discomfort. Find it, welcome it, and embrace it. When we're willing to stare at discomfort in the face and not allow it to deter us, everything is on the table. That's living!

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Time and Attention

We are in the midst of family adventures. I always wonder if my kids (almost nine) will be "too cool" for some of the ridiculous ideas I manufacture in my brain. Perhaps that day will come, but not yet! Again and again, our adventures are met with awe, wonder, and excitement (or in Pax's case, random public griddy dances).

It never ceases to amaze me how the simplest and least complex activities and experiences move the needle with kids. Even a random trip into a convenience store can spark smiles and memories. I find that these interesting little experiences spur me on to come up with even more little experiences.

The truth is, they compound. Every little experience builds on the last. It becomes one long story that weaves through time and space. Today will be full of new adventures and memories, and as a parent, I want to harness this opportunity to truly enjoy it. I know it won't last forever, so we might as well not take it for granted.

I often hear from clients who are frustrated and disenchanted by not having enough money to give their kids "special experiences." Don't let money be the deciding factor. Money can buy experiences, but experiences aren't conditioned upon money. Further, the amount of money we spend doesn't directly correlate with the memories that are created. Sometimes, the cheapest memories are more valuable than the most expensive ones.

Don't let money be the elephant in the room. Time is your most valuable resource. Whether you have money to invest in your experiences or not, invest your time and attention. Diligently and consistently invest your time and attention into these precious opportunities. That’s the secret sauce to opening an entire new world for our children. They could take or leave the money, but they deeply crave our time and attention. Therefore, let’s invest it well!

Have an awesome day! Please go create some cool memories.

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It’s Just the Way It’s Done

Do you ever find yourself doing things a certain way simply because that's just the way it's done? Maybe it's just the way others do it. Or maybe it's just the way you've always done it, for whatever reason. But in any event, we often get stuck in a certain autopilot groove, for better or worse. 

I think about this a lot, especially when I assess my own rhythms of life. My first time thinking about this topic was when I started spending meaningful time in Asia. As expected, their culture is so much different from ours. As I watched closely, I realized some of their cultures, customs, and rituals are awesome. And if that's true, why don't we model some of our behaviors similarly? Probably because we simply do it the way we do it. Over time, I started adopting non-traditional habits and customs into my own life.

My second profound moment was when I left the corporate world after 15 years. I started asking myself questions like, "What is a workday?" "What is a work week?" "What is a vacation?" 

After six years of obsessing about these questions, I've landed in some interesting places:

• I never start work before I've been able to hang out with my kids and drive them to school. 

• I never take a meeting before 9 AM. 

• I work at the office every Thursday night.

• If my kids ask me to do something with them during a workday, I’ll try to engineer my day around it.

• I typically do my most meaningful work on Saturday afternoons. 

• I regularly travel during the week for non-work purposes, but find ways to integrate my work into it. 

• I work in four different offices (sometimes all in the same day), depending on context and situations. 

• I regularly work at night after Sarah and the kids go to bed.

• I regularly have non-work meetings with interesting people about peculiar subjects that seem incongruent with my work.

All this to say, after a lot of intentionality, I've successfully managed to stave off nearly every trope about what a day, week, and trip should look like. I'm NOT suggesting you model your life after mine. Far from it! Actually, you doing that would be counter to my entire point here. What I'm suggesting is that each of us should look in the mirror, ask ourselves if we could rip up the script and redesign our day-to-day and week-to-week lives, what would it look like? Your answer is going to be much different than mine......and that's a good thing!

Try me on this one. Put it to the test. Even just a few small tweaks to "normal" could make a massive difference in your life!

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On Brand

On the heels of yesterday's post about bougie purchases, I ran into a friend today mere hours after he had read that post. He shared a few thoughts about the post, then asked me about a recent bougie purchase I've made. I told him that I recently purchased Twenty One Pilot concert tickets for my family right around Finn and Pax's ninth birthday; they weren't cheap!

He looked at me for a few seconds, then responded, "Seems on brand."

"On brand." He's so right. Knowing me, it didn't surprise him that I dropped a good chunk of money for Twenty One Pilot concert tickets. In his perspective, that's exactly the sort of bougie thing my family would do. In other words, our version of bougie tightly aligns with our family's values and interests.

I also heard from a handful of readers about their version of bougie, and in every single situation, it seemed "on brand." That's a great tell! When our behaviors align with our values, we can be confident that we're making decisions that add value to our lives.

Where many people go astray is when they make culture-driven decisions that don't actually align with their values. They do things because that's what other people are doing. From the cars they buy, to the clothes they wear, to the neighborhoods they live in, to the trips they take. Without even realizing it, we allow the prevailing culture to dictate how we use our precious resources.

So, when my buddy called my bougie decision "on brand," I took that as the ultimate compliment. Whatever you're up to, whatever you're spending money on, whatever you're investing time/energy into, ask yourself the question, "Is this on brand?" If the answer is "yes," do it with confidence!

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When the Beauty Arrives

In July 2024, I wrote a piece titled 'Beauty From the Pain' about a friend who was experiencing profound turmoil in her life. The post was about the reality that while painful moments are absolutely terrible while in the midst of them, beautiful things often transpire from them. I ended the piece with this: "Someday, preferably sooner than later, I hope my friend sees how much beauty came from this season of her life. She deserves it! Whatever pain you're experiencing, just know that a beautiful chapter will soon be written. Keep pressing on. You deserve it, too."

A few days ago, 55 weeks after writing that piece, that same friend sent me the most amazing update about her journey. After so much hurt, unknown, and self-doubt, she's about to enter a brand new season of life, full of optimism and opportunity. And just as predicted, the very things that caused her so much pain last year will now be used as tools to help her thrive in this next chapter. Beauty from the pain!

This is one of the things that makes life so hard. Despite feeling like our lives are flashing before our eyes, those tumultuous seasons seem to linger. It feels like we're stuck in quicksand, trapped in our own circumstance. However, if we can see it through and KNOW there is beauty on the other side of this pain, it could give us the extra boost of energy and motivation we need.

Whatever pain you're going through today, know that the end is near, and beauty is waiting on the other side. We won't know what form that beauty will come in, but it sure will be fun to find out!

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Wednesdays

I'm often accused of having an exciting life. I meet with fascinating people, am engaged with a multitude of different endeavors, and visit interesting places (both here and abroad). On the surface, I can see how people would believe I lead an exciting life. The truth is, however, my life is quite boring. I live a tremendously boring life with some exciting moments sprinkled in. If you don't believe me, you should ask Sarah!

One of the talks at the Global Leadership Summit this week was about how the best leadership is boring. Sure, there are exciting moments and opportunities, but if you were to follow even the most "exciting" leaders around in their day-to-day lives, it's probably pretty boring! The exciting 5% are the highlights, while the boring 95% is where the deep, meaningful, and impactful work gets done in what can feel like the mundane.

And boring is good! I crave boring. I cherish the boring. I love the routines, daily disciplines, and rhythmic schedules. They keep me grounded. They give me peace. They allow me to focus my most creative energies on serving people well. Sure, I love the weird and interesting things I get to do in my life, and I'll never take any of that for granted, but boring is good!

After this talk, Walker Hayes jumped onto the stage with his guitar. Please forgive me, but I had no idea who Walker Hayes is. I've never heard the name before, but from the roar of the audience, I was in the minority (as evidenced by his 1.3M followers on IG). Anyway, Walker comes onto the stage and shares his reflections on the first few talks of the day. Specifically, he shared about how, on the surface, his life as a traveling musician and songwriter is exciting. However, he admitted that his life, too, is also fairly boring.....and that's a good thing. Then, he played a song about it, titled Wednesdays. I encourage you to click the link above or click play on the embedded video below to check it out. So beautiful.

Whatever your day looks like today, whether boring or exciting, I hope it's a beautiful one!

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Your Ideal Reset

My family recently had its annual summer vacation. We take several random trips throughout the year, but this is our sixth year taking this specific trip. It's the highlight of our family's summer, and an event most highly anticipated by all four of us.

Including travel days, we were gone for eight days. If you ask Sarah, she would say that a few more days would be perfect. If you ask me, two to three fewer days would be perfect. Even while having the best time in the world, I start going stir crazy by day six. It's not that I take it for granted or don't love it, but by that time, my mind and body are ready to get back to work.

A study conducted in 2012 found that, on average, the ideal length for a vacation is eight days. That's when we achieve maximum satisfaction before the law of diminishing returns kicks in. If you're not familiar with the law of diminishing returns, think about a delicious apple pie. That first slice is amazing! The second slice is also pretty fantastic! The third slice, though? That third slice starts to make us feel a little lethargic. What about the fourth slice? The fourth slice makes us queasy. What about the fifth? We're in a coma. Somewhere between the first slice and the second slice is peak satisfaction, which begins to diminish after that until we become worse off.

Vacations are the same. After a certain amount of time away, we achieve our peak satisfaction from our trip. Then, the law of diminishing returns kicks in. In my particular situation, I hit that point around day six. I NEED to get back into life and rhythm. I NEED to serve people again. I NEED to re-engage with my company.

The law of diminishing returns is one of the key reasons I vehemently disagree with the notion of early retirement. For those who believe that a life of leisure is the prescription to happiness, the law of diminishing returns has some bad news for you. In practice, a life of leisure eventually becomes empty and unfulfilling.....like that fourth and fifth slice of delicious apple pie. Too much of a good thing can become a very bad thing.

The alternative, though, can be beautiful. A mix of work and play, time on and time off, serving people well before getting a reset, pushing hard and then resting. It's a give and take. We don't have to grind ourselves into a pulp so that we can eventually take our ball and go home. My biggest encouragement is for people to find a permanently sustainable rhythm that you never want to retire from. How amazing would that be!?!?

What about you? What's your ideal vacation timeline? Sarah votes for 10 days. I vote for 5 or 6. The data says 8. What say you?

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Blood Money

I've received countless thoughtful responses to yesterday's post about my friend who turned down his dream job because it would require him to effectively take a $850/month pay cut. His dream, calling, and aspirations were sitting right in front of him, and all he had to do was say "yes." He said "no." Money overcame meaning. He knows that, and he also recognizes that the societal pressures all around him were the driving force for his ultimate decision.

One reader took exception to my analysis and aggressively came to the defense of my friend. "You're a finance guy, Travis. You know the math. If your friend invests $850 each month for the next 25 years, that's $1,000,000. That's how he gets to create generational wealth. He'd be stupid to throw away that opportunity."

The math is correct. $850 contributed per month, at a 9% annual return, for 25 years (300 months), would result in about $950,000. He's absolutely right.

You know what I call that? Blood money. If my friend throws away his dreams, calling, and aspirations for the next 25 years (from age 42 to 67) and instead hoards all of this excess money, he'll end up $1M richer. Last time I checked, he only gets one life. One chance. One opportunity. One shot at this. And he's going to exchange the 25 most productive years of his life for a million dollars?!?!? Blood money!

If you know me (whether personally or through the blog/podcast), you know that I'm a big believer in investing. I teach it, advocate for it, encourage it, and help people execute it. I'm a staunch believer in the power of long-term investing. However, NEVER at the expense of meaning and impact. If our investing prevents us from living a meaningful life or it's at the expense of making an impact on others, it defeats the purpose.

Money for money's sake is like losing the game in the first quarter, but not yet knowing you lost. It's the kind of loss that sneaks up on us and blindsides us just as we thought we were about to win.

Sure, my friend could elect to invest $850/month for the next 25 years by turning down his dream. It will result in a million dollars. That's real money. Alternatively, he could live with meaning and follow his dream, calling, and aspirations, and undoubtedly live an amazing life. Not 25 years from now when he has a ton of money, but today. Today. Tomorrow. Next week. Next month. Next year. Always.

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No Countdowns

We tend to look at lives as some form of long-term countdown. We perceive ourselves (and our loved ones) as 90 years old, then count backwards. I'm 30, I have 60 years left. I'm 50, I have 40 years left. I'm 70, I have 20 years left. For whatever reason, we put this arbitrary date on our proverbial calendar, then measure our time against that.

One of my friends recently found out his wife has "One to three months" left to live. In their 30s, their internal clock probably said they had 60 more years left in the countdown. Then, at the snap of a finger, their countdown is reduced to 30-90 days.

There are no countdowns. All we have is today, plus whatever tomorrow brings. There's a tension in that unknown, as we must embrace today for all it is while also preparing for the future in our imagination. We might be gone tomorrow......or still here at 90.

I've mentioned several times on this blog that I've always had a feeling that my time would come sooner rather than later. It's not a comforting feeling, but it has helped me think a lot about this topic.

While I spend much of my professional time helping families prepare for the long run, I also beat on the drum of living with meaning TODAY. If all we do is live for today, we might end up sabotaging our future selves. On the flip side, if all we do is live for the future, we might never actually live with true meaning. Again, the tension.

In a world with no countdowns, the answer feels obvious to me. Simply live with meaning. Live with meaning today, live with meaning tomorrow, and hopefully, God willing, continue living with meaning when we're 90. If we're living with meaning, everything else will eventually sort itself out. It's not about how much we spend, save, or invest. It's not really a mathematical conversation at all. Instead, let's look past the money and aggressively pursue meaning for meaning's sake. In a world with no countdowns, meaning is the thread that holds it all together.

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A Hole Full of Water

Yesterday, I had the privilege of swimming with my kids. If you're a parent of small children, you know exactly what I'm talking about. Never underestimate the power of a hole full of water. There's something magical about it for kids. For hours, and hours, and hours, and hours, the boys swam, jumped, and splashed around. We dove for toys, did handstands, practiced our cannonballs, made hurling football catches, and plenty of other silly games.

To me, this represents the simplicity of life. Life doesn't require massive outlays of money, elaborate plans, and exotic destinations. Often, it just requires a hole full of water. Perhaps not literally a hole full of water, but a figurative hole full of water. The simple things are the best things. The simple things are the most valuable things. That principle applies to adults just as much as it does to kids.

Think about your purest moments of peace. Do they revolve around some elaborate and expensive endeavor? I suspect most people's answers will be a hole full of water type answer.

My hole full of water is a cup of black coffee in the morning, a long walk with a good podcast playing in my ears, and watching a movie at night with kids positioned against both my hips. Those are my holes full of water. Simple, pure, inexpensive, and priceless.

What are your holes full of water? Whatever they are, keep going back to those wells.

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Empty Soul, and Tons of Regret

As I was scrolling social media last night, I stumbled upon something that stopped me in my tracks. It was a distraught-looking middle-aged man staring into the bathroom mirror, with the following text plastered across the screen: "30 years of service to a job, and all you have to show for it is an empty house, empty soul, and tons of regret." I'm not going to share the post, as my thoughts aren't as much about this particular man as they are about the broader phenomenon.

I've seen this look on too many faces. I've heard these words from too many mouths. So many people (especially men) are suffering in silence.

One of the root causes of this phenomenon is our perspective on work:

1. We generally view work as a necessary evil. We expect work to suck, then just like clockwork, it sucks.

2. If work sucks, then the objective becomes the race to someday quit working (i.e., retirement).

3. If work is supposed to suck and our goal is to get to the finish line as quickly as possible, we unintentionally create a self-fulfilling prophecy in the selection of our job(s).

4. When we spend half of our waking hours at work, and said work is soul-sucking, then there's probably not a lot of gas left in the tank for the things we do actually care about. Thus, those things also suffer. Our relationships, our hobbies, and our passions.

5. When we finally "win" the race and get to retirement, we realize this life of leisure wasn't actually the answer after all. That brings on an entirely new level of pain and emptiness.

6. Enter the regrets.

The solution to this is unbelievably simple, yet so very difficult. It's called aggressively and violently pursuing meaning each and every day. Every day matters. Weekend days matter. Work days matter. Holidays matter. Vacation days matter. Young days matter. Middle-aged days matter. Older days matter.

But if we live our lives as if half our waking hours don't matter because we at least have the rest, the pain starts to bleed into all the days. Instead, what if all the days mattered? What if we found just as much meaning in our job as we did in our home life? What if our work provided a similar richness that our weekends provide?

It's simple. It's difficult. It's attainable. It's worth it.

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It’s NEVER Too Late

A few readers have recently accused me of being fatalistic in my two recent posts about rich vs. wealthy. The first post is HERE, and the second post is HERE. In short, I made the argument that there's a massive difference between being wealthy (all about money) and being rich (nothing about money). I followed it up by saying it's possible to have both, but the irony is the journey to both requires us to pursue rich (meaning), not wealthy (money). Meaning over money, if you will. When we pour our blood, sweat, tears, and passions into something, there's a strong likelihood we'll have some form of financial success.

Here's what one reader said about my two posts: "I feel like you're telling people that once they pick a road, they are screwed. That's it. That's your fate."

First, I totally understand how someone could read into my words and think that. I'm always grateful for the back-and-forth with readers; that's what gives this daily blog a soul!

Here's where I land on this topic. Not only do I disagree with the notion that once you pick a path, you're screwed, but I would double (er, triple!) down on the idea that it's NEVER too late to choose rich. It's NEVER too late to opt into meaning. It's NEVER too late to aggressively pursue work that matters.

I regularly tell 40-somethings that today is a great day to change their lives and take drastically different paths. Sure, they might have been chasing money, stuff, and status for two decades now, but they still have so much time left. It's NEVER too late.

I regularly receive messages from blog readers and podcast listeners who say something along the lines of (paraphrased), "I used to pursue money, but now I pursue meaning." Here's one thing all of these messages had in common. Almost every single person who switched their priority from being wealthy to being rich said they are so glad they did. Nobody ever says they regret pursuing the meaning and wish they would go back to pursuing money. Interesting!

In summary, after my unexpected three-part series, here's where I land on the topic:

• Being rich ALWAYS surpasses being wealthy.

• You can have both, but the path to both requires the pursuit of meaning.

• It's NEVER too late to change your mind and take a different path.

Regardless of whether you're 17 or 87, you still have time. Make that precious time count!

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Yes, You Can Have Both, But….

One of my friends was livid at yesterday's post. In it, I discussed the difference between being wealthy and being rich. Being wealthy has everything to do with money, and being rich has nothing to do with money. I concluded the piece with this: "I'll die on the hill a million times that rich far exceeds wealthy every day of the week."

My friend, a very wealthy man, told me that my perspective on this topic is "small-minded" and "narrow." In his words, "Why choose one when you can have both?"

He's absolutely right......in the most wrong of ways. By his own admission, based on my definition of rich, he's poor. But now that he has wealth, he's going to find richness. However, in his mind, wealth is the key to subsequently finding richness. He couldn't be further from the truth. I'll save the gut-wrenching stories and gory details for confidentiality's sake, but he'll be the first to admit that his life lacks joy, meaning, and purpose. There's a lot of brokenness and pain caused by his steady pursuit of wealth.

His original point is right, though. You can be both wealthy and rich. It's not one or the other. However, there's an irony here. The only way to get both (in most cases) is to simply pursue richness. His own testimony is the cautionary tale of what happens when we try to pursue wealth. We just might find it, but it's not all that it's cracked up to be. Plus, the journey to get there often involves actions, decisions, and behaviors that sabotage our ability to have a rich life.

On the flip side, the pursuit of a rich life becomes more about the journey than the destination. It involves actions, decisions, and behaviors that lead to more meaning, purpose, and impact. Here's the irony. When we aggressively live with meaning, money often follows. That's not some prosperity gospel-type stuff, but rather a reality: when we pour our blood, sweat, tears, and passions into something that matters deeply to us, it's hard not to find some level of success. The journey toward meaning often intersects with excellence and impact, which translates into some form of compensation.

I'm not suggesting we have to choose between meaning and money......but I am 100% suggesting we ought to violently pursue meaning. Then, we let the chips fall how they may.

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Rich vs. Wealthy

There are two families in this story.

Family A has a household income of $550,000. They live in a big house in a gated community, drive luxury vehicles, and belong to a few exclusive local country clubs. They wear nice clothes, send their kids to private school, and are generally viewed as "successful."

Family B has a household income of $85,000. They live in a modest house, drive 8-year-old cars, and don't belong to any clubs. They wear forgettable clothes, send their kids to public school, and probably aren't viewed as much of anything.

Which family would you like to be?

From a money, stuff, and status perspective, Family A has it going on in all the right places. They've made it! They are living the American Dream, and I suspect many people look up to them as the model for where they would like to be someday.

From a money, stuff, and status perspective, Family B leaves a lot to be desired. They are living the most normal lives imaginable. I'm not sure anyone looks at them and envies their lives. Nobody is modeling their lives after them, saying to themselves, "Someday, I'd like to be where they are!"

Family A is wealthy, but Family B is rich.

Here's what we don't see. Family A, while having all the visible attributes of success, is struggling. There's a lot of financial tension in the marriage. Neither spouse particularly likes their jobs. Vacations are an act of escapism, but at the end of the trip, a feeling of dread sinks back in. From a day-to-day, week-to-week perspective, "joy" isn't a word that would describe their lives. They are busy, busy, busy, but that only adds to the stress.

Family B, on the other hand, is rich. While they don't have the material wealth that our society would deem successful, they live with so much peace and meaning. Every time I sit down with them, I'm inspired to be more like them. More purpose, more love, and more contentment. Their marriage is amazing, they feel almost no financial tension, and they both wake up each day excited for the good work they're about to do. They are rich!

Being wealthy is not the same as being rich. One has everything to do with money, and the other has nothing to do with money. I've had the opportunity to be both wealthy and rich, and I'll die on the hill a million times that rich far exceeds wealthy every day of the week. That's the essence of meaning over money. When we aim to live a wealthy life, we might just find what we're looking for. When we aim to live a rich life, though, we'll inevitably find deep meaning and impact to the degree many people will never understand.

I wish you much richness.

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Everything Is Temporary

As humans, we tend to possess a fatalistic view of life. We treat many (or most) decisions, whether big or small, as permanent. The cars we buy, the houses we live in, the jobs we take, the hobbies we pick up, the clubs we join, the people we associate with.....and the list goes on.

One of my friends recently shared how he's miserable in his job but doesn't know what to do.

Another friend just moved into what he's calling his "forever home."

A former youth group kid is beating himself up over what major to select in college, as that single decision will cement his career path.

One of my clients is frustrated after selling a car she couldn't afford and buying a car she can afford. To her, this simply feels like her new reality.

Another client is in the midst of a brutal season of paying off debt. The budget is tight, and most dollars are going to the bank. It feels like this season will last forever.

No matter our situation, everything is temporary.

That job you have? You'll either leave it for something else or retire from it. It's temporary.

That forever home? You'll either let the hedonic treadmill push you into a new "forever home," downsize into something smaller, or die. It's temporary.

Your college major? You'll either use it, or you won't. Or maybe you will for a while, then do something else. It's temporary.

That crappy car you're driving during this season of life? If you take care of your business, you'll soon be driving something better. It's temporary.

Does it suck paying off debt every single month? Eventually, you'll be free from the mess and you'll live in a completely new (and debt-free!) reality. It's temporary.

There's so much freedom in knowing that everything we do is temporary. No decision is forever. No reality is everlasting. No suffering is perpetual. To me, as a Christian, the only forever that exists is what happens after I die; the rest is just noise. So, today, remember that. No matter how high or how low you feel, everything is temporary. If that's true, it should give you tremendous freedom to simply live a meaningful life, unafraid of this false (and inaccurate) sense of forever. Carpe Diem!

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Always the Long-Term

I still can't over how my convertible survived my stupidity and the flash flood I subjected it to. Two days removed from floodgate, everything seems to be working. The stereo, speakers, automatic seats, dashboard controls.....everything! Unbelievable! Not only that, but the car is 19 years old. So today, a huge shout-out to the engineers at Nissan who created something nearly two decades ago that could withstand all that life would throw at it. I think it's truly remarkable!

It makes me think about a concept TJ and I discuss often as we build Northern Vessel. Whenever a decision needs to be made, we filter it through the lens of the following question: Which option is better for the firm 10 years from now? It's always about the long-term for us. That may not always sound fun, but in my experience, it ALWAYS yields the best outcomes. However, in order for that principle to carry forward, we must be willing to accept delayed gratification.

Here's one example where we didn't follow this principle. In December 2023, we thought it would be fun (and financially advantageous) to run a crazy gift card special for the Christmas season. For a 15-day window, we ran a buy-one-get-one special on $20 gift cards. For every $20 gift card purchased, customers would receive a $20 gift card for free. We had some strategic reasons for pulling the trigger on such an insane idea. One of the reasons was to boost cashflow for some upcoming projects. In just 15 days, we sold nearly $30,000 of gift cards......and gave away another $30,000 of gift cards.

While that cashflow influx (and the other ancillary benefits of getting thousands of NV gift cards in stockings and under trees) was nice, it was a decision that benefited us more in the short term than the long term. Fast forward 19 months, and we're just now starting to run on a net positive monthly gift card variance. When we made that decision, we failed to consider which decision would be better in the long term.

I'd like to think those Nissan engineers who spent lots of time, energy, and money designing and building a car that would thrive in the long term. Sure, they could have cut corners and boosted gross margins by producing a slightly cheaper vehicle, but they chose the long-term. As a customer, I'm so grateful for that. Today, I tip my cap to those engineers from 20+ years ago who considered the long term and saved my bacon two decades later.

It's so hard to view life through this lens. After all, the sexier and more enjoyable decision is almost always the one that benefits us more in the short term. Signing up for car payments vs. investing monthly. That Chipotle burrito vs. paying down debt. Focusing on our core products vs. grabbing whatever income streams we can find. Obsessing about excellence vs. trying to drum up more customers. Hitting the fast-food drive-thru vs. making a healthy meal at home. Taking a high-paying job we don't care about vs. a lower-paying job we might love.

If we were wise, every decision would be framed through the lens of what benefits us more 10 years from now. We might not like the answer (today), but our future selves will thank us soon enough!

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