Unlocking a Life of Meaning

As a financial coach, I love helping people with money…….but probably not for the reasons you’re expecting. I honestly don’t care that much about money. In fact, I find it somewhat boring. The catch: money is never about money! Money is just paper and coins which can be traded for things and experiences. Through the lens of life, however, it’s much, much more. Every financial decision we make – whether it be the purchase of a home or a trip through your favorite fast-food drive-thru – there’s so much more going on. Excitement, nervousness, guilt, pride, fear, lust, joy, jealousy, contentment, love, resentment, just to name a few.

Whenever I’m coaching, teaching, or speaking, it’s never really about money. It’s about so much more. After meeting with hundreds of families over the years, I’ve concluded there are really three things we need to do in order to have a healthy relationship in the area of life we call “personal finance.” To unlock a life of meaning, we need to create impact on others, pursue work that matters, and redefine the role of money.

Creating Impact on Others

If you spend any time reading, watching, or listening to the countless personal finance gurus, you’re going to hear a lot about me, me, me, and (surprise) me. Truth be told, always looking out for me, myself, and I is an empty and sad endeavor. If all we’re trying to do is better our own family’s life, we miss out on something far greater.

One has not truly lived (or loved) until he/she has made an impact on someone else. Not necessarily change the world, but to change someone’s world. One gesture, one gift, one word........that’s all it takes to possibly change the trajectory of someone’s life forever. For many of these mini-miracles (as I’ve been calling them since just now), we may never know the impact we make. But sometimes, when we’re really fortunate, we learn about how something seemingly small has turned into something so very big. To me, this is the absolute best gift from God. Once you experience this, you realize there’s no other way to live life. Creating impact is no longer something we do……it’s who we are. That, my friends, can unlock a meaningful life!

“Creating impact is no longer something we do……it’s who we are.”

Pursuing Work That Matters

We live in a culture that prides itself in celebrating Fridays, dreading Mondays, spending money on things to mask the stress and frustration we feel towards our work, and the pursuit of an earlier-the-better retirement. What if we have it all wrong?

In my various money-related interactions with people, I often ask the following questions: “When do you want to retire? What do you want to do in retirement?” 80% of the time the answer to the first question is “as soon as possible.” 50% of the time the answer to the second question is “I still want to work, but I want to do something I enjoy.” If you spend half your waking hours at work, and if you want to quit working as soon as you can, is it possible to be living a life of meaning? Probably……but not likely. If you answer the second question with “I still want to work, but I want to do something I enjoy”, doesn’t that insinuate you’re spending half your waking hours doing something you don’t enjoy?

The pursuit of work that matters is intimidating. Change is hard and change is scary! It certainly don’t make it easier when the world says “be grateful for the job you have”, or “you need to take care of your family….you can’t take that risk”, or “your job isn’t that bad….it could be worse.” Those words echo in our soul and they can cut deep. Here’s the complicating factor: work that matters to us is a deeply personal question. What’s right for one person may be totally wrong for another. All work is meaningful work, but not all work is meaningful to you or to me.

It’s tough to live a life of meaning when you feel lukewarm-at-best about your job, regardless of how awesome the other areas of your life are. However, when we do get this right (better late than never!), it gives our life meaning in a way we’ve never experienced before.

“It’s tough to live a life of meaning when you feel lukewarm-at-best about your job, regardless of how awesome the other areas of your life are.”

Redefining the Role of Money

The third facet to living a life of meaning is redefining the role of money. Note I didn’t say “more” money……but rather redefining the role money plays in our life. We need to shift the role money plays in our life from being a measuring stick of success to a tool we can use to impact others and live more intentionally.

Our culture tells us – in countless ways – money equals happiness. And if some money will make us happy, then a lot of money will make us really happy. Thus begins the cycle. So many of us say to ourselves “once I get promoted and make $___, I’ll be happier.” Once that amount of income is attained, happiness doesn’t come. So we say to ourselves “I was wrong. The amount is actually $___ (i.e. more than I thought last time). Once I make that amount, then I’ll be happy.” Once that amount of income is attained, we still aren’t happy…..and the cycle continues.

Here’s the secret. God tells us this. Behavioral scientists tell us this. Our miserable friends, family, and coworkers (unknowingly) tell us this. No amount of money can make us happy! No level of income, no sum in your bank account. It’s not to say money is bad….because it’s not. We can do a lot of fun, generous, and memorable things with money……but we can’t buy happiness. The moment we think money is going to make us happy is the moment we’ve lost.

What’s the alternative? If we truly understand money can’t make us happy, it changes the decisions we make in life. It allows us to freely use our money to impact others. It changes the way we make career decisions, thereby freeing us to pursue work that matters. It allows us to spend intentionally on the things that add value to our life rather than what the culture (and our friends/family) tell us we should be spending on to create so-called happiness. Understanding this very simple and profound concept changes everything. Once it does, we can begin to have a healthy relationship with money. Instead of wanting more, more, and more, we start to want less. Not wanting to have less, but to simply “want” less. This changes our heart and opens up so much meaning in our life.

“We need to shift the role money plays in our life from being a measuring stick of success to a tool we can use to impact others and live more intentionally.”

Creating impact on others. Pursuing work that matters. Redefining the role of money. I firmly believe if we can achieve these three things, our lives will be bursting with meaning. That is my dream for myself, my dream for my children, my dream for my clients, and my dream for you.

Someday

Photo by Nicholas Barbaros on Unsplash

When working with coaching clients, I usually ask two questions pretty early in the relationship. 1) “When do you want to retire?”, and 2) “What do you want retirement to look like?” On the first question, 90% respond with a variation of “as soon as I can….that’s why we’re hiring you.” For the second question regarding what they want retirement to look like, there are three answers I most often hear. Some say they want to travel, some say they want to relax, and MANY say they want to continue working, but do “something I enjoy.”

I totally get the travel and relax answers, though I have a totally different opinion on the topic. As it pertains to that third answer, I have a dumb question. Why would we spend the next 10-20 years working at a job we can’t wait to leave (reminder, 90% say they want to retire ASAP) so we can later go work at a job we enjoy? Let’s think about that for a moment……..

Ok, I’m back. We’re going to live a life where we celebrate Friday, dread Monday, painfully gut through the majority of our waking hours, go spend money on things to mask the discontentment, and repeat that process again for the next 500-1,000 weeks? That’s insanity, but we’ve been wired to think that’s just how the world should work. Instead, why aren’t we aggressively pursuing that “something I enjoy” career today rather than waiting 10-20 more years?

Six months ago, I had an amazing career. I was doing something I had always dreamed of. It was an awesome 15 years of relationships, experiences, and growth. But God gave me a new dream, and a new vision. I’ve had pieces of this dream in the back of my mind for many years. I would tell people about how “someday” I was going to do something about it. When? “Once I retire from this career……maybe at 50, or 55, or 60.” See, I did it too!!

Life is so short. We only have one shot at this life. You’re only going to be 35-years-old once….and 40…..and 45……and so on. We can’t go back, we can’t get a do-over. If you only get to live this life once, what are you doing wasting it on something that doesn’t fill you, simply waiting for it to end?

“If you only get to live this life once, what are you doing wasting it on something that doesn’t fill you?”

Is it a money thing? I get it. That’s scary! Money always seems to have a grip on us. We are told money is so important, it’s a measuring stick for success, it buys things that makes us happy. Why do we think the money matters so much? Behavioral scientists have been proving for years money doesn’t make us happy. What’s one of the primary drivers of happiness, according to the science? Work that matters! I could have let money stop me……..spoiler, it almost did. But I finally got over my own pride and my own materialism to do what I knew deep in my heart was right. My family voluntarily chose a 90% income decrease (90%!!!) for me to step into this new career. Two things came from that.

First, we are happier today than we’ve ever been in our lives. We live each and every day with meaning and joy. I worked a 14-hour day last week and I was upset with myself that I couldn’t work more. Every day is an adventure, and I actually celebrate Mondays. When I wake up each morning, I can’t wait to get my day started so I can create, contribute, and use whatever opportunities God gives me to serve others. It is a profound feeling I so badly wish others could experience.

Second, knowing how much fire and energy I have towards my work, I wouldn’t be surprised to wake up one day to find that my income is comparable to the one I left behind. Who am I to judge God’s blessings and the value of my own work? I don’t know how that will play out over time, but I now know it was foolish of me to mentally condemn myself to a low income from here on out.

If it’s not money for you, is it the fact you’d be “throwing away” your career? Believe me, I had those thoughts, too. It took me 12 years to get the position I had always dreamed of…..only to leave that position three years later. One could argue I “threw it away”, but I don’t look at it that way. I got so much out of it. That career prepared me for the next step in my journey. Back in January, on a long-haul flight to Asia, I told my wife Sarah I was going to write. See, I’ve wanted to be a writer my entire life. But here I was, 37-years-old, and I hadn’t written anything my entire adult life. I told her it would probably be a train wreck, but I was going to give it the ol’ college try. So I started writing, and the words flew off my computer keys. It felt so natural……I was really confused. How did writing feel so natural when I hadn’t written for nearly 15 years? Then it hit me: I write all the time! In the 15 years I’ve spent working in commercial real estate, my job was to communicate. I wrote every single day. It just looked different. I spent 15 years writing to my clients, to my colleagues, and to our investment committees, which absolutely prepared me for the next step in my journey. Nothing worthwhile is ever thrown away. Every experience, every struggle, and every skill I acquired in my 15-year real estate investing career is meaningful to me as I step into this new chapter. I’m so grateful for those 15 years and everything that came with it.

So back to my original question. If you’re saying to yourself “someday, I’m going to do _____”, why not now? I’m not saying I have everything figured out – far from it – but I can tell you I’m so grateful I decided to do at 38 what I always told myself I would do at 50, or 55, or 60. Life is too short for regret! When will you step into your someday?

“Life is too short for regret! When will you step into your someday?”

Seasons of Need

Photo by Kat J on Unsplash

“Someday, I want to be the one on the other side of the table. I want to be the one giving.” This – and a few different variations of it – have come out of the mouths of several people I’ve worked with over the past three months. These are people who are experiencing some tough life situations. Job losses, medical emergencies, divorces, mental illness, legal situations, you name it. Life can be brutal! When it hits us, it feels like a wild haymaker punch we didn’t even see coming. It can leave us feeling breathless, disoriented, and oftentimes helpless.

But here’s the thing: EVERYONE goes through it. Not at the same time, not in the same way, and not in the same areas of life. But we ALL go through seasons where life knocks the wind right out of us. We usually forget that, because when we’re going through our own junk, many of the people around us have it pretty good (or so it appears). As a result, it can leave us feeling even more down and even more lonely. Truth is, each one of us just went through something heavy, or are currently going through something heavy, or will soon be going through something heavy. None of us can escape it. There’s no amount of money, or title, or status, or race, or gender, or anything else that can protect us from it. In some ways, that’s a really depressing thought. On the other hand, it should tell us that we’re never alone!

When people I’m working with blurt out some variation of “someday, I want to be the one on the other side of the table”, I often respond with something like “heck yeah you will!”, or “like you were last year when you did (cool amazing thing) for (that one person)?” I sometimes laugh on the inside when people make these declarations about wanting to be the person on the other side of the table. I don’t laugh because it’s funny…..far from it. I laugh because I can immediately think about situations in the past when these very people have made profound differences in other people’s lives. They just forget about it in this moment of need. The current feeling of helplessness blinds them to the fact they’ve always been the person on the other side of the table…….until this very moment when they weren’t.

It makes me think about a situation in our own life. Many years ago, Sarah and I paid off $236,000 of debt. That’s a topic for another conversation, but it’s something cool we did. I totally recommend it. Not stupidly finding yourself in $236,000 of debt, but rather getting out of whatever debt you are in. IT. CHANGES. EVERYTHING! When we’re free from the debt and that burden isn’t weighing us down, we can actually look up and see past our own junk. When our debt was finally paid off in mid-2012, Sarah was working four 10-hour days per week at a daycare. She got Fridays off, which made for some pretty cool 3-day weekends. About five months after becoming debt free, we saw there was someone in our life that was really struggling to make childcare work financially and logistically. Sarah decided to do something pretty amazing: she volunteered to provide free childcare for this family every Friday. For 99 Fridays (nearly 2 years), Sarah volunteered her day off to provide free childcare to a family who needed it. I’m still proud of Sarah for that gesture!

Fast forward five years. Sarah and I are now parenting two infants. Sarah was staying home with the kids (our big “why” for getting out of debt, by the way), I was traveling a fair amount as my career was heating up, I was a youth group leader, I was on a handful of boards (including one internationally), and it felt like the walls of life were closing in. We were flat-out struggling to figure it all out. Sarah comes home one day and said to me “there’s a lady at church who wants to watch our kids for free every Friday so I can get some rest and get some things done.” Wow, talk about life coming full circle! We were in a season of need, and someone unknowingly met that need in the exact same way we meet another family’s need five years earlier. My first question to Sarah was “do we even know this family?”, to which Sarah responded “no, but she seems really nice.” Perhaps it’s a testament for how overwhelmed we were at the time, but we humbly and gratefully (and quickly) said “yes.” It was exactly what Sarah (and our marriage) needed. We are so grateful for the love and generosity this family showed to what was then considered strangers. We are strangers no more. Today, I work alongside the mom, I’ve led mission trips with the dad, and I have a very special bond with their teenage daughter who loved on my kids way back when they were just little nuggets. They are some of the most loving and most generous people we know, and I’m so grateful to have them in our family’s life!

We all go through seasons of need and seasons where we can serve those in need. I pray you have the heart, humility, and self-awareness to embrace both sides of that coin. If you are in a positive season of life, be on the lookout for people who you can lovingly serve. Conversely, if you’re in a tough season of life, be willing to let others walk alongside you to help you onto your feet. After all, the sooner you get back on your feet, the sooner you’ll be able to play the role of the loving servant again.

If you have any stories where you’ve been on either side of need, I’d love to hear! Please share in the comments. Also, if you found this post valuable, would you mind sharing it with someone who may also find it valuable? I think there are people who need to hear this message today!

“We all go through seasons of need and seasons where we can serve those in need. I pray you have the heart, humility, and self-awareness to embrace both sides of that coin. ”

What I learned From Jiro

I had it on my watchlist for more than 8 years, but I finally watched the Netflix Documentary Jiro Dreams of Sushi. This film was a fascinating look into the best sushi chef in the world. When the film was shot in 2011, Jiro was 85 years old. The film chronicles his journey and attempts to explain why he has been set apart from his peers. It still boggles my mind how one man and one restaurant can create so much distance between themselves and the competition when all the other chefs have access to the same fish and the same rice. Simple ingredients, complex results. Having been awarded three Michelin stars, there is no argument about his greatness. In the opening minutes of the movie, he has a few insights that are worth sharing. “Once you have decided your occupation, you must immerse yourself in your work. You have to fall in love with your work. Never complain about your job. You must dedicate your life to mastering your skill. That is the secret of success and is the key to being regarded honorably.”

The film makes it very clear Jiro wasn’t a perfect person, or a perfect father, or a perfect husband. However, Jiro did manage to achieve something many of us have not. He found his dream, he pursued it aggressively, and he lived it out. At 85 years of age, he proclaimed he had no intention of retiring. I love this about him. Work wasn’t a means to an end. Rather, work was the means AND the end. Not just any work, but work that matters. Work was a place where Jiro could live out his passion, release his creativity, and make a difference in people’s lives. He wasn’t saving the world, but it is clear he was adding value to the world. People from all over the globe were flying to his tiny restaurant simply to taste his creations. Regardless of whether or not you view this as a noble endeavor, Jiro lived his dream, used his gifts, and created happiness in the lives of others. When I’m 85-years-old, I too hope I wake up every day and get the opportunity to do work that matters, serve others well, and loudly proclaim I have no intention of retiring.

I hope you similarly find your passion and pursue it with reckless abandon!

““Once you have decided your occupation, you must immerse yourself in your work. You have to fall in love with your work. Never complain about your job. You must dedicate your life to mastering your skill. That is the secret of success and is the key to being regarded honorably.””

— Jiro

Radical Generosity

We are on our way to the mountains! Packed up, in the car, driving west, heading for Colorado. It also happens to be Finn and Pax’s third birthday!

A friend of a friend – a man we’ve never actually met – owns a handful of hotels in the Rocky Mountains. He generously and graciously offered my family a free week’s stay at any of his properties. How amazing is that?!?! One stranger offering another stranger an unconventional and extravagant gift. Except we aren’t strangers……we’re all brothers and sisters in Jesus. This is what we do. We use our unique gifts, talents, and resources to bless others. Not because we expect something in return, but because we are blessed with the opportunity to serve and love one another in unique and profound ways. I would argue there’s nothing better than blessing someone else, especially the person who has nothing to offer you in return.

You may be saying to yourself, “that’s great for the guy who owns hotels…….but I don’t own hotels and I’m certainly not wealthy.” Here’s the great news: we all have something to give! Whether we’re rich or poor, old or young, in school or in the workforce, creative or not-so-creative, the boss or the employee, we all have something to offer! We are called to serve each other and give in accordance to our abilities. What that looks like will vary from one person to the next. It’s not about the dollars……it’s about the heart. It’s about wanting to make a difference in someone’s life. It’s about wanting to live out – in the 21st century – what Jesus modeled in the first century.

So while I’m enjoying time with my family this week, I’ll be thinking about this generous man who blessed us in such a wonderful way. I am so grateful for his gift and his generous heart. I’ll also be using this time to think about new and fun ways I can use my unique gifts, talents, and resources to love others well. I already have a few ideas up my sleeve, but I hope this time of relaxation and rejuvenation will spark even better ideas in my soul. I’m really looking forward to that!

What are some ways you can use your unique gifts, talents, and resources to love others well in your world? I’d love to hear your ideas!

Parenting: Failing Forward

Have you ever been in a situation where you flat-out knew you were underqualified? Where you were in way over your head, and your only goal is to get through it without melting down? Where you were painfully self-aware of your shortcomings but perhaps those around you weren’t, so in addition to surviving, you also hoped nobody would find out how just how big of a fraud you really are? I hope I’m not the only one.

No, I wasn’t joking!

I’ve felt like that as a parent. No, I’m not talking about a specific situation that stands out in my mind. I honestly mean the entire last 3 years of my life. Becoming a parent is easily one of the most humbling things you’ll ever go through. I know there are a lot of parenting “experts” out there. We all know some. You know, the ones who have been parents for two days and somehow already have more parenting knowledge in their little toe than their own parents ever had (ironic considering their parents presumably raised at least one child from birth to adulthood).

Let’s set those “experts” aside for now – perhaps for further discussion in the future – and focus on the rest of us that perhaps don’t have everything figured out. Shortly after becoming a parent for the first time, I started to tell people this whole parenting this is WAY cooler than I had ever imagined and WAY harder than I had ever imagined. My twin boys are approaching three-years-old and that proclamation holds just as much truth today – perhaps more – than when it first came out of my mouth. This parenting stuff is hard! Or as my wife puts it, “we have the world’s most demanding bosses.” Every day is a new test in patience, leadership, and grace. For example, what is the best course of action when one kid decides to finger paint the living room walls with the other kid’s feces? No leadership book is going to give you a catchy, Instagrammable quote that explains how best to tackle this situation known as poopgate. Rather, each and every situation is a new test and a new way to be humbled.

Any parent that tells you they have it all figured out is either a) drastically overconfident, b) a mythical superhero, or c) a liar. I used to navigate life with the illusion that I will get this parenting thing figured out and all will be set right in the world. All you experienced parents out there know just how naive that notion was.

So this is my way of saying I have no idea what I’m doing…..and chances are, neither do you or your parents. All we can do is do our best. Sometimes that will be good enough, but sometimes it won’t. When it’s not, we need to own it. We need to admit our shortcomings and try to do better next time. If you’re reading this and still live under your parents’ roof, here is my request for you: give them some grace, too. They need it, and they deserve it. We may have grown up viewing our parents as superheroes, but they are really just failing their way forward like the rest of us. They just happen to have some authority in your life. But here’s the other thing: nobody on this planet loves you as much as your parents do. When they make a decision that upsets you, know they are simply doing what they genuinely believe is best for you. It may be, or it may not be, but know their decision is coming from a place of love.

“If you’re reading this and still live under your parents’ roof, here is my request for you: give them some grace, too. They need it, and they deserve it. ”

I know I’m going to make some good decisions and bad decisions as a parent. My goal is to make as many good decisions and as few bad decisions as possible. My deepest desire is for my kids to look back and know that every decision was made out of love. They may not see it in the moment, but I hope that becomes clear one day. After all, my job is not to raise good kids. My job is to raise strong, faithful adults who will change the world in their own unique way. I’m underqualified for the job, but I’m going to give it my all!

New Beginnings

For nearly two decades I’ve wanted to run a website and publish my writing. I’m not sure what has stopped me in the past. Perhaps it was the busy of life, or not having anything to say, or believing nobody cared what I had to say, or maybe because I was simply lazy or scared. As the saying goes, the best time to start was 20 years ago…..and the second-best time to start is now!

This website is one of the many new beginnings my family has experienced in this season of life. About three months ago, I stepped away from an amazing career in institutional commercial real estate investing. It was a dream job, it paid well, it was fun, and it allowed me to see the world. But God gave me a new dream. Today, I wake up each and every day with a burning desire to help people win with money. Not so they can become wealthy and swim around in their pools of money like Scrooge McDuck, but rather so they can live out the life God has called them to live. For some it means changing careers to joyfully use their gifts and passions for a purpose, for others it means staying home with their babies, for some it means to open up the floodgates of generosity, and for many it simply means to ease the tension money and finances have put on their day-to-day life.

I’ve found a few ways to serve others with these gifts. The first is through offering professional financial coaching for families looking to improve their financial life. Some people are doing ok and looking to do good, while others are doing good and looking to do great. These are people with purpose, with passion, and with the dedication to create real change so they can live the life God has called them to live. Each and every one of them are heroes in my book! This professional part of my life will also involve speaking, workshops, podcasting, and writing.

I’ve also been blessed with an opportunity to serve my local church – The Ridge in Ankeny, IA (suburban Des Moines) – by launching a formal financial ministry. In this ministry, we hope to raise up a team of leaders who can help people honor God with their finances. Through teaching, speaking, coaching, and workshops, we want to serve the people of our church with love, compassion, and truth. Check out this link to learn more about what we’re doing at The Ridge.

This brings us here, to this blog. Every time I push something into the world, whether it be on FB, IG, or Twitter, I ask myself one simple question: “why am I doing this?” If the answer is anything but “to entertain”, “to educate”, or “to inspire”, I simply hit delete and move on with my life. I want to add value in all that I do, and never want it to become about me. So with this blog, I hope to entertain, educate, and inspire those who desire to live a better life. A life with purpose. A life they will one day look back on and be proud of. If you are one of those people, I hope you find value in this blog and continue to read, engage, and share.

Thanks, and here’s to new beginnings!