The Silent Dream Killer

Cole and I recently recorded the debt section of our upcoming video course, Meaning Over Money. This was some pretty fire content and I can’t wait for the course members to experience it when we launch next month. In it, I refer to debt as the silent dream killer. Debt doesn't quietly sneak into our house when we’re sleeping at night. Rather, we invite it in, roll out the red carpet, welcome it with open arms, and tell it to stay as long as it wants.

Debt is the financial version of instant gratification. I want that car NOW…..so of course I’ll agree to pay $400/month for the next five years. I want that vacation NOW……so I’ll just put it on the credit card and worry about it later. I want that bigger house NOW……sure my mortgage payment will go up, but I can afford it. I want to upgrade my furniture and appliances NOW…….and the store has a really sweet 0% interest offer. Every act of financial instant gratification has one inevitable outcome: tomorrow’s me will have to pay the price for something yesterday’s me enjoyed. This sounds fine until we realize tomorrow will someday be today, and today will turn into yesterday. There will come a time after we get back from that trip, after the new-car smell wears off, after our house fever subsides, when we’ll still have to pay for the decision we made in the past. Over time, decision by decision, it starts to erode our freedom. The tension and pressure slowly builds. Not all at once, but more like the analogy of boiling a frog. Little by little, our dreams start to die. But we don’t make these decisions knowing it’s going to crush our dreams and our freedom. That’s not how it works…….which is why I call it the silent dream killer. It’s sneaky.

As I was writing the content for our Meaning Over Money course, I was reminded of a story I hadn’t thought about in a while. In early 2019, on the heels of making my decision to step away from my career and into my new pursuit, a few people started to take notice. A woman in my life, who was watching some of the decisions I was making and was aware of my expertise in coaching, approached me and asked if we could talk. She confided in me that her husband makes $300,000/year at his job, and she makes another $100,000. They were in their early 40s and have had a stellar income for many, many years. I wasn’t sure where this conversation was headed, but then it turned on a dime and her face started to change. She shared how her dream in life was to stay at home with her kids, but her husband’s $300,000 income alone wasn’t enough to support their family. Think about that! They couldn’t afford to drop from being in the top 1% of income earners in America……all the way down to the top 2% of income earners. They couldn’t pay the bills only making $300,000!!! That’s the negative power of debt, in action! She didn’t hate her job, but she so desperately wanted to live out her purpose of being a stay-at-home mom. She started sobbing. She felt trapped, hopeless, and helpless. On the surface, they were living the dream. Beautiful home, luxury cars, Instagram-worth vacations……they had it all! But every day she woke up sad, unfulfilled, and increasingly resentful. She would have given up all of the stuff and status in a heartbeat, but her husband and the culture around them saw it different.

When I think about her story, I get sad. I remember the look on her face, the desperation in her eyes. I started thinking more about her in the days following our recent recording session. So I reached out to her. I wanted to know how she’s doing. I went into that conversation with a lot of hope and optimism, but it was quickly squashed. One year has gone by since she vented to me about her situation. Since then, it’s only gotten worse. She’s grown to hate her job……and her anger and resentment towards her husband has magnified. On most days, she cries on the drive between daycare drop-off and the office. She says it feels like her dream is slipping away one day at a time. Her and her husband are in counseling, but she said it feels hopeless and divorce appears to be a possible (if not likely) outcome. In her words, her husband cares more about what others think of him (and the title below his name on his business card) than he does about her. He justifies it by saying he’s only trying to provide his family the best life possible, but all the while his marriage is dying and his wife’s spirit is draining.

This story feels heavy to me. It impacts me deeply. I wish I could say it’s an extreme story, or a rare story…..but unfortunately it’s not. I hear different versions of this story every single day. The details are different, the incomes are different, the dreams are different, and the decisions looks different. But one thing is consistent from story, to story, to story: the debt….the silent dream killer.

Here’s the important takeaway. If this particular family wants something better, something different, something awesome, they can have it! The decision is 100% theirs. And they can make that decision today! All they need to do is make one very difficult, very counter-cultural, very impact decision. It’s not easy, but it is simple. You and I also get to make that very same decision! Every one of us has a choice to make, and it’s 100% on us to make that choice. We aren’t victims of our income, or our education, or our circumstances, or the way we were raised, or anything else. Those things may make our journey a little harder or a little easier, but they cannot stop us from walking towards the light.

Some of us need to downsize our house (or apartment). Some of us need to downgrade our car. Some of us need to sell some toys. Some of us need to stop caring what others think. Some of us need to take a few less vacations. Some of us need to stop confusing our identity with our job title. Some of us need to take a step back and realize “providing for my family” does not mean providing them with all the stuff we never had growing up.

So, who’s with me? Who’s ready to make the hard choice? Who’s ready to kick the silent dream killer out of the house and replace it with a life full of meaning and impact?

Here's to the Next 49 Years

As I was scrolling through Facebook yesterday, I received a notification about memories “on this day.” These memories are usually populated by pictures of my kids, looking cute……or videos of my kids, doing something that will surely draw blood. Yesterday’s was different. It was the picture of 801 Grand, the signature building in the Des Moines skyline. It was a picture I took, exactly one year ago, as I walked out of that building for the very last time after a pretty amazing 15-year career. I remember that moment like it was yesterday. So many emotions running through my mind. I had just said my very last goodbye. It was Kristin, a very dear friend who I’d worked closely with for the better part of a decade. As I said that goodbye, I nearly lost it. It took every ounce of me to get into that elevator and make it out of the building in once piece. I spent the next 3 days in an absolute daze. It felt disorienting, scary, nostalgic, and exciting……and maybe a little bit of oh-crap-what-did-I-just-do. Wow, one year flew by fast!!!

These last 365 days have been wild, not to mention the COVID-19 quarantine life that’s shaken up everything we consider normal. As I reflect on this last year of entrepreneurship, I thought it would be worthwhile to jot down some of the lessons I’ve learned through the journey. And if I wasn’t self-conscious enough about my shortcomings, I’ll just go ahead and broadcast them to the world! So here we go:

• The minute we think we have everything figured out is the moment we’ve lost the game. Life changes so fast, and the world of business ownership simply magnifies that. By the time I hit the one-year mark in my career journey, I thought I would be engaging in speaking engagements on a weekly basis. Instead, I haven’t spent time in a group larger than ten in two-and-a-half months and I suddenly find myself pulling all-nighters in front of a camera recording our new financial video course for young adults (www.meaningover.money). Didn’t see that one coming!

• It’s so easy to undervalue our own work. Call it imposter syndrome, call it lack of confidence, call it whatever you want. We simply do a terrible job adequately valuing ourselves when we’re forced to put a price on our work. I was sitting around the table with a group of peers and I made a random comment about the value of my work being worth way more than I charge. A woman interrupted me and asked “how much is your work worth, then?” I said “probably double”…….to which she responded “then you should be charging double!” I laughed off this feedback, but the group continued to badger me about it. Fast forward 24 hours, I was meeting with a potential client and I quoted them a price that was nearly double what I had been previously charging. They called it “a bargain”. Wow, talk about eating a slice of humble pie! Today, my coaching rates are nearly triple what some of my earliest clients paid. I wish I would have learned this lesson earlier, but some of those earlier clients are pretty glad I didn’t!

• Speaking of people badgering me, here’s the next lesson I learned: I can’t do it alone! Business ownership, especially as a solopreneur, can be super lonely. Here’s the good news…..nobody said we have to do it alone! Luckily I had the self-awareness early on to know there’s no way I could do this by myself. So I found awesome people and surrounded myself with them. I hired my good friend Ryan to help me with creative and design elements…….things I hate doing, and frankly suck at. I hired an accountant to help me navigate bookkeeping and taxes. I hired a business coach (BizLab) who could help me unlock my potential in ways I never knew were possible. That was a game-changer! Last but not least, I rented co-work office space at Blue Bean where I was able to find a community of bright, driven, encouraging peers. These people have changed my life! They started as acquaintances, which turned into collaborators, which morphed into family. These people make me better and I’m so grateful to have a work family…..even if their work is totally different than my work. We don’t have to do it alone, and I’m grateful for that!

• Entrepreneurship is exciting…..and scary! Will we have enough money to pay the bills this month? Will people really trust me? With a million different options, which path should I focus on? Should I stick with coaching, maybe lean into speaking, or finally start that podcast, maybe write something that exposes the core of me, or accept a crazy, or accept an out-of-the-blue offer to create a bangin’ video course from a young, hungry filmmaker? We live in a culture, in a time, where there are no boundaries and no limits. Wow, that’s exciting…..and scary! I wake up every day excited to find out what life will throw at me!

• Speaking of scary, here’s my last lesson: financial insecurity while following your dreams is 100,000% better than living with financial security doing something that doesn’t inspire you. The difference between like and love isn’t incremental. It’s the difference between climbing a flight of stairs and climbing Everest. Comfort is overrated. I deeply desire to be uncomfortable, and this season has given me a triple helping of discomfort. But I can say with absolute certainty that I’d never in a million years exchange this life for financial security. My gut told me this was true, but the last 365 days has proven it over, and over, and over. When we create impact on others, pursue work that matters, and redefine the role money plays in our life, it unlocks a truly meaningful life. And once you taste it, nothing can ever again satisfy that thirst.

As I was contemplating my career change just over a year ago, I made a comment to a trusted friend: “I only have 50 good working years left in me.” He thought it was a joke, but it wasn’t. I truly believe if we’re doing exactly what we’re supposed to do, there’s nothing that can stop us from wanting to do it, including some arbitrary retirement age placed upon us by society. I love spending time with my family, and doing cool hobbies, and traveling, and watching sports, and eating amazing food, and experiencing all the amazing culture this planet has to offer……but I also love my work! If that’s true, then a life without life-giving, passion-filled work would likely feel empty. So as I look back and celebrate this last year, I’m grateful, humbled, and inspired by everything that’s happened……..here’s to the next 49 years!

“Please Don’t Steal My Blessing”

A while back, a close friend asked me if it's wrong he was the one who ended the "pay it forward" streak at Starbucks. In other words, someone decided to be generous by anonymously paying for the next person's coffee and an unknown number of people subsequently did the same thing…….until my friend broke the streak by not paying for the person behind him.

Does that mean my friend is selfish? Greedy? Less generous than the people ahead of him? Many of you were probably nodding your head up and down as you read those questions. I see it differently. I believe he was the only person in the story (besides the original giver) who acted with love and selflessness.

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Several years ago, I was sharing a meal with one of my mentors. Being the generous and loving man he is, he offered to pay for my meal. Me, as I always tended to do, tried to pay for his instead……and when unsuccessful, tried to have it split. You've seen it before. A handful of friends having a fun dinner at a restaurant. Lots of storytelling, laughing, and sharing memories about the good 'ol days. Then the bill arrives and there's suddenly this awkward little scrum where a couple guys look like they're hand fighting, trying to be the one to grab the bill out of the waiter’s helpless and nervous hands. The more aggressive one (or perhaps the one with the longer arms) snags the bill and proudly slams his card in the little black jacket. Meanwhile, the other guy is still trying to snatch the bill out of his buddy's hands, insisting he should be the one to pick it up.

You're probably smiling at the thought of this scenario, as you've witnessed it first-hand and it's kind of funny to watch. While I was busy trying to do the same thing to my mentor, he said something to me I will never forget. "When you refuse someone's generosity, you're robbing them of the opportunity to be a blessing. Please don’t steal my blessing!" At the time, I was just starting to learn what it means to be truly generous. I was learning that giving was one of the most Godly and life-giving things I could ever do with my money. I reveled in finding opportunities to be a blessing to others. In doing so, I became prideful and falsely believed generosity needed to flow one way and one way only: away from me and towards someone else. So here I was, in the stage of life trying to model and encourage generosity to others, while simultaneously robbing those very people of the opportunity to be generous. Talk about sabotaging my own mission!!

Since that conversation, I’ve really tried to do better. I’ve tried to change my heart, and for the most part I have. When someone gives me a gift, my gut still tells me to push back. After all, I don’t “need” it. Then I quickly remember…..they aren’t giving me a gift because I “need” it. Rather, they are giving me a gift because they see an opportunity to be a blessing and show love to me. Even when my gut says “no”, my heart and my response says “thank you.” I’m thankful for their generous spirit. I’m thankful for the love they are showing me. I’m thankful for their selflessness. As a matter of practice, I’ve made a vow to never again rob someone of their opportunity to be a blessing. When a youth group kid offers to buy me lunch (perhaps a lot of money for them and not much to me), I say “thank you.” When a colleague offers to buy my coffee, I say “thank you.” When we’re out to dinner with another couple and they offer to buy our meal, I say “thank you.” Generosity doesn't flow one way. In order to be truly generous, we need to be humble enough to accept other’s generosity with love and gratitude.

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So, back to "pay it forward" streaks at Starbucks. When someone in front of us pays for our drink, why don't we simply receive their gift, be thankful, and enjoy our free drink? Some would argue we are returning the favor by paying for the next person. Math says otherwise. If our $4 coffee is paid for by a stranger but we "pay for" the next person's drink, we still paid the same $4 we were already going to pay. We just trick ourselves into believing we paid for someone else. Why do we do this? I think there are two primary reasons. First, some people feel guilty not paying for the next person's drink. They think to themselves, "if they paid for me, I should probably pay for someone else……plus I don't want to be the one to break this streak." Guilt-driven giving is the opposite of generosity. Second, and I believe more relevant to most, many people simply aren't willing to receive a blessing from someone else. We think "I don't need this gift", or "someone else could use it more than me." So by telling ourselves we are "paying it forward", what we're really doing is deflecting the blessing and making ourselves feel like we've actually exhibited generosity. There’s another word for this: PRIDE.

The reality is my friend is the only person in the string who actually had the humility to accept the blessing. There may have been 100 people before him that "paid it forward", but he had the humility and gratitude to receive the blessing and simply enjoy it. Does that make him greedy? No way! I think it makes him loving. Loving enough to receive a blessing with humility and to put his pride aside. It's not to say my friend isn't generous. Perhaps next time in Starbucks he will pay for someone else's drink, or maybe he'll pay the light bill for a struggling neighbor, or maybe he'll give his car away to a single mother at church. Who knows what he'll do, but when he does it, I hope the person on the other end of the gift humbly receives the blessing and simply enjoys it with a spirit of gratitude. I sincerely hope they don't steal his blessing.

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I wrote the above piece more than a year ago, but didn’t know what I wanted to do with it. Fast forward to today, it just feels like the right time to talk about this. This piece also raised to the top of my mind based on something that recently happened to me.

In this wild season of life, amidst all the quarantining, amidst small business closing their doors, amidst people losing jobs left and right, generosity matters more than it ever has. Though my wife and I have cut back our budget significantly to help navigate these stormy waters (as I also recommend to my clients), we’ve simultaneously doubled our giving. There are so many new and unique ways to show people generosity in this season! And so many groups of people who could use some extra love right now! Countless ways to give to countless numbers of people……what a time to be alive!!!

In light of this, my wife and I have been experimenting with new and fun ways to bless others. One of these ways, which was triggered by a sermon I heard from my friend Aaron Vis, is to show intentional love to grocery store employees. Grocery stores have become the backbone of our communities during this crazy season, and their employees have become newfound heroes. I solicited friends in my social media circle to give me names of grocery store employees so I could bless them in some small way. I collected their names, found their Venmo handles, and started giving gifts. It was fun! Dropping little notes of encouragement (along with money) into their Venmo account. One of them responded: “OMG. Travis, you didn’t have to do that at all! But thanks! I appreciate it! This virus thing has been crazy.” To be honest, this was the highlight of my day. There was nothing that could top the feeling of having an opportunity to be a blessing, acting on it, and having the recipient receive it with love and humility.

A few days later, a different recipient refunded my gift and included a message saying they appreciate the gesture……but don’t need it. They sent the gift back to me! I have to be honest, this one upset me. I wasn’t giving them a gift because they needed it. I was giving them a gift because I wanted to give them a gift! I WANTED to bless them. I so badly wanted to bless them. Pride got in the way, and they rejected the gift. This one still bums me out..

Now maybe good will still come from this. Maybe my gesture truly did mean something to them. But I didn’t want to make a gesture….I wanted to give a gift. It’s like me giving an awesome new toy to my son, him ripping the wrapping paper off the gift, marveling at the fact he’s holding this awesome toy, handing it back to me, and telling me he appreciates the gesture. I wanted him to open the toy and play it! I wanted him to enjoy it! I didn’t want him to give me a tip-of-the-hat for my gesture. But yet, so many of us do this when people try to show us generosity.

It’s hard to change, but we can do it! Every time someone gives you a gift, please think about this article, suppress your gut instinct to deflect it, and simply receive their gift with love and humility. When you do, it will change you and it will change them. Every time you do this, it will shed a little bit of your pride and replace it with humility. For the giver, at the very least it will make their day. Something greater is at stake, however. For the giver, this one simple gift, given with love and received with love, could unlock a life of generosity they never knew they had inside them. Please don’t steal that from them. Please don’t steal their blessing.

"I Lost My Job....Now What?"

Amidst all the Coronavirus memes, toilet paper rantings, and day-in-day-out inconveniences of the self-quarantine, there are a lot of people struggling financially. Millions upon millions of Americans are losing their jobs. Regardless of what you think about the seriousness of COVID-19, the media’s portrayal of it, or our government’ handling of it, the reality is people are hurting. Some medically, some financially, and some both.

A few weeks ago, as we were just starting to experience the front end of this thing, I wrote a piece called “Prepare, Hope.” In it, I laid out five things all of us need to do in order to navigate these rough waters, financially speaking. In case you don’t want to read it, here’s the cliff notes version: leave your investments alone, make sure you have a healthy emergency fund, don’t make any major financial decisions, make sure everyone in your household is covered by health insurance, and don’t stop your generosity.

Those five pieces of advice are just as relevant today as they were a few weeks ago when I first wrote about them. However, some of you are losing incomes and/or losing jobs. If that’s you, the five pieces of advice above simply aren’t good enough. You need more! So if you’re asking “I lost my job….now what?”, here are some practical next steps to give yourself an opportunity to bridge the gap between this negative situation and your brighter tomorrow:

Get rid of the guilt

Losing a job can be utterly demoralizing. It makes us feel like a failure and strips us of a piece of our identity. We walk around through life feeling like we’re making the right decisions and have some sense of security, until it’s all stripped from us. Please don’t beat yourself up over this, unless you successfully predicted a guy in China would eat a bat that would cause a global pandemic, essentially destroying the travel, tourism, entertainment, and food/beverage industries overnight, all the while reducing demand for most products and services to zero while the world self-quarantines. If you saw all that coming, then yes you should be beating yourself up. If you didn’t, then you’re human just like the rest of us. As I often say, we can only control what we can control. Unfortunately, we can’t control the gut-wrenching decisions our employers have to make. Hear me out: this isn’t your fault! I know people who were absolutely crushing it in their careers two weeks ago…..and now don’t have a job. If you feel guilt, or regret, or blame for your Coronavirus-induced job loss, please work through it and get to a place where you acknowledge there’s nothing you could have done differently.

File for Unemployment

“Unemployment” feels like a four-letter word to a lot of people. It feels like a hand-out. It feels like cheating. Please hear me: it’s not! This is what the program was designed for. This is why employers pay a tax specifically for this. It’s meant to protect people who lose their job. Don’t think of it as a hand-out, but rather a hand-up. We need to humble ourselves to do what’s best for our family, and for most of us that means immediately filing for unemployment as soon as we lose our job. A lot of people are asking the question “do I even qualify for unemployment?” Here’s my advice: just apply! So many people are sharing false information, half-baked knowledge, and bad assumptions. The best way to know if you qualify for unemployment is to apply for unemployment. Each industry and each job has its own unique set of circumstances. Also consider there is new legislation being discussed and negotiated all the time. Just apply! The worst they can do is tell you “no.” If you lose your income, immediately file for unemployment and figure out what benefits you are eligible to receive.

Contact your landlord or lender

If you’ve lost a meaningful amount of income as a result of this pandemic, reach out to your landlord (if you rent) or your lender (if you own) and ask for relief. Most lenders are showing a lot of grace and mercy to their borrowers. They don’t want to kick you out of your house any more than you want to be kicked out. Call them and just be honest. Be humble and don’t go into the conversation expecting anything. Be grateful and courteous. A common outcome for these situations is lenders waiving 2-3 months of payments, and simply tacking them onto the end of the term. So they aren’t giving you a free pass…..just some temporary relief to get your financial life back on track.

Landlords are more hit-and-miss, as they too are typically subject to their lender’s decisions. But similar to lenders, landlords don’t want to evict you any more than you want to be evicted. Contact them as soon as possible, be humble and honest with them, and ask for some grace. Landlords, I implore you to step up and do what you can! This is your chance to play the role of the hero. Be the hero today and watch it come back around to you ten-fold after all this mess clears up. Show mercy and give whatever grace you can afford to financially stomach. We’re all in this together.

Contact your Federal student loan servicer

If you have Federal student loans and you lose income, immediately reach out to the company who services your loan (i.e. who you make your payments to) and ask for relief. All Federal student loan borrowers have the right to stop making payments through September 30th, 2020. If you haven’t lost any income, I don’t recommend you take this step…..it’s only delaying your eventual payoff (which I hope is soon!). However, if you’ve lost a meaningful amount of income and you’re feeling the financial stress, make the call and get these payment suspended through September. My tip of the cap goes to our Federal government for making this one happen! Thank you!

Cut back your budget

If you’ve lost income, it’s time to go on red-alert lockdown. Any spending that’s not absolutely necessary needs to stop. Food, transportation, and shelter. Everything else needs to go…..not forever, but for the season. You need to cut things back as far as you can to ease the pressure as much as possible. Hopefully you have an emergency fund available, in which case lowering your expenses will allow the emergency fund to last longer. Let’s say your monthly budget is $5,000 and your basic needs account for $3,000 of it. Let’s also say you have an emergency fund of $10,000. If you keep the same lifestyle, your emergency fund is enough to cover 2 months of living expenses. If you cut back to just the basic needs, your emergency fund can last you a bit more than 3 months. That extra month could make all the difference in the world!

Find near-term income

I know I’m probably playing the role of Captain Obvious here, but if we lose our job and we we don’t have a robust emergency fund to bridge the gap for several months, we need to quickly replace the lost income. Unemployment is a band-aid, not a cure. The cure is finding income that fills in the gap. Now this doesn’t need to be the job of your dreams. It just needs to be income. There’s a time and a place to find the job of your dreams, but right now the goal is to make it through all this pandemic mess. We need to have the utmost humility in this season of life. Grocery stores are hiring, big-box stores are hiring, delivery services are hiring. Start asking around in your social circles. Someone who knows someone in your circle is hiring. If you take the approach of “there are no jobs”, then you’re right…..there will be no jobs for you. However, if you take a proactive and positive approach, you will absolutely find work.

Re-assess what’s most important

Many of us have been working traditional jobs we don’t really enjoy because the world tells us we need something “secure”, and “safe”, and “reliable.” Whether we believe it or not, there’s no such thing as security. No job is secure, no job is safe, and no job is reliable. We’re all replaceable. I used to have a very “important”, high-profile job. I was extremely valuable to the organization and helped make them a lot of money. You know what happened when I left? They replaced me in two days and didn’t miss a beat. We are all replaceable. So here’s a question: if we truly understand no job is “secure”, or “safe”, or “reliable”, why are we making career decisions based around this false belief? If we finally come to terms with the fact there’s no such thing as security, that should free us up to pursue what we’re truly meant to do. What a liberating feeling!!

During this season of life, I beg you to explore what you’re truly meant to do in this life. You’ve already been forced out of your old career, so why not use this as an opportunity to reinvent yourself? We still need to find short-term income to get us through this mess, but we can also start to develop skills, relationships, and opportunities to propel ourselves into the next season of life so we can live it with purpose, with passion, and with meaning. I hope some of you join me in this pursuit, as there is nothing better. Let’s get through the scary, and move into the awesome. As with all terrible things, this too shall pass. The only question is what you’ll be doing after the clouds dissipate and the rough waters smooth out. For many of you, this new-found curse of unemployment will ultimately be the turning point in life. Many of you will look back and say it was the best thing to ever happen to you. I pray that for each and every one of you.

God bless each and every one of you. I’m sorry for what you’re going through, but also believe your future is better than your past. If there’s anything I can do to help, please don’t hesitate to reach out. We’re in this together!!!

The Moment

Last October, I wrote a piece titled “Seasons of Need.” For obvious reasons, it feels relevant more now than ever. Violently and unexpectedly, so many people have suddenly landed in a season of need. The world feels like it’s burning all around us.

Someone in my life recently lost their job. Someone I really care about. This is someone who was trying to do all the right things, make good decisions, and build a firm financial foundation for their future family. Someone who had been working hard, had just started a newer, better, more promising job. Then we welcomed a global pandemic to the party and everything exploded.

My wife and I do all of our giving through a special checking account creatively called "Giving Account." On our printed checks (yeah those still exist!), just below our name and just above our address is a line that reads "Proverbs 3:27." I won't make you go look it up.....the scripture says "Do not withhold good from those to whom it is due, when it is in your power to act."

That scripture isn't a cute quote we burn into a piece of wood and hang above our doorframe. It's not even something we do. It's who we are! We are called into a life of generosity. Joyful, sacrificial, God-honoring generosity.

Since this is who I am, I did the first thing that came to mind when I learned about my friend’s sudden job loss. I Venmo'd them rent money. It wasn't even a real consideration….we simply acted. I texted my wife with the idea and within 15 seconds she responded "Yes I'm in support." 15 seconds! I love that about her. The whole process from idea to execution took no more than 90 seconds. Sarah and I aren’t heroes, and I don’t want you to think that. Please, please, please don’t think that. We are simply doing what God has asked us to do: show His love through generosity.

In a conversation that now makes me cringe, I was talking to my mentor Gary Hoag about generosity. Mind you, he wasn’t my mentor at this point…….in fact, this conversation happened less than 24 hours after I first met him. Gary asked me “do you think you’re generous?” I confidently (and perhaps arrogantly) answered “yeah, I do.” “Why?” “Because we give 12% of our income.” “What makes 12% generous?” “Because it’s more than 10%!” See, very cringey.

Gary paused for an uncomfortable period of time (or maybe it was just me who was uncomfortable), probably trying to decide how aggressive to be with this young guy he had just met. I don’t remember his exact words and it would be unfair for me to try to put words into his mouth all these years later, but the takeaways of that conversation were profound and life-changing. In short, Gary (who is one of the world’s brightest minds on Christian generosity) explained God isn’t keeping score. He’s not tallying dollars and keeping a ledger of our giving. Instead, he’s looking at our heart. When I asked Gary what it means to truly give sacrificially, he turned it back around on me with a question: “Does your giving hurt? Do you feel like you’re really giving up a lot to give what you’re giving?” It was an easy answer for me, “no.” Our 12% giving didn’t hurt. For us, it meant we saved a little less and maybe (maybe) went on one less trip per year. Thinking about it, it wasn’t a sacrifice at all. It was giving out of surplus. It may have been joyful (so very, very joyful!), but it definitely wasn’t sacrificial.

After this conversation, I talked to my wife and we agreed to immediately double our giving. Again, she’s pretty awesome in that way. That’s when our giving started to feel like a sacrifice. All sacrifice brings pain, but this is a pain I dream others have a chance to experience. The pain of working really hard, giving up something you feel is important to you, turning around to bless someone else instead, thanking God for giving you that opportunity, and trusting He will continue to meet your needs. It sounds ridiculous when I type it out and re-read it, but in practice it is the most life-giving, faith-growing, rewarding, exciting, and loving thing we can do with the money He’s blessed us with.

Back to my friend. When they unexpectedly received a Venmo notification on their phone about the gift we had just made, it led to the following text exchange:

“I can’t accept that money from you!!!”

“Of course you can!”

“At least allow me to provide something of value for you.”

“We’re in this together. All of us. We all have seasons of need. I’ve had several. This is yours.”

“I am so humbled. I don’t know what to say aside from thank you so very much.”

They were wrong on one thing…..when they asked to provide me something of value. Who says they haven’t already? Relationships matter. In fact, there is nothing more valuable than relationships. What’s not valuable in this equation is money. Money is just some paper and coins. But money is never about money……it’s always about something far greater. Given joyfully and sacrificially, God WILL use it to change the world.

The timing of this post is not a coincidence. There are a lot of hurting people right now. A lot of people experiencing a season of need. We all go through seasons of need, but if this isn’t yours, perhaps it’s time for you to get in the game. Ramp up your giving to your local church. Ramp up your giving to organizations doing amazing work. Find people around you who are hurting, and simply step in with joyful and sacrificial generosity.

“Do not withhold good from those to whom it is due, when it is in your power to act.” We live in a world full of pain, suffering, and fear right now. Each of us may not single-handedly change the world, but God can use us to change someone’s world. And if we all band together and change a few someone’s worlds, the world will most assuredly be changed. This, my friends, is the moment! Will you join me?

Prepare, Hope

The last 24 hours have been surreal. The NCAA formally decided to host the NCAA Tournament without fans, the NBA suspended its season indefinitely, the World Health Organization officially declared COVID-19 a pandemic, and trading in the stock market was halted for the second time in a week. First and foremost, I’m not a doctor. I don’t even play one on TV. I’m over here in my little corner of the world trying to figure out how to navigate this situation for my family. As of right now, I don’t have clarity on that but have been actively seeking wise counsel from my friends in the medical world.

However, I do have a lot of insights and opinions as it relates to how we should be approaching our finances. I’ll let you decide how much value you want to attribute to them. These are my opinions and my opinions alone. If I were you, I’d strongly consider what I have to say, strongly consider what others have to say, and use the collective insights to make the best possible decisions for your family.

I have one overarching fear. We’ve had 11 years of up. 11 years of growth. 11 years of good. That’s an absurd amount of time to be on a winning streak. This unthinkable run does have consequences, though. Specifically, if you’re under the age of 35, you’ve never experienced what economic turmoil looks like first-hand. You’ve never felt the sharp pain of watching your investments evaporate into thin air, or lived through the fear of waking up every day wondering “will I still have a job by the end of the day?” You haven’t watched your peers, one-by-one, experience a financial collapse. You haven’t felt the harsh consequences of debt (and there’s a lot of debt!).

I don’t say all this to incite panic or worry. Rather, I want us to look at this issue directly in the eyes, prepare ourselves, and navigate the rough waters that are likely in store. As the saying goes, “Prepare for the worst, hope for the best.” That’s what we’ll do. With that being said, let’s dive in!

INVESTMENTS

As of this morning, the stock market (S&P 500) is down 25% in just over three weeks. Wow, that’s scary! However, let me frame it up a bit differently. After this huge 25% decrease, the stock market is sitting at values not seen since……well, February 2019. Yes, you read that correctly. We are sitting at the same place we were just over a year ago. We’re also double where we were before the last stock market crash and nearly 4x as high as we were at the bottom of the last recession. Perspective matters! In its 150-year history, the U.S. stock market has provided an average 9% return to its investors. That’s not a 9% return during the good times. That’s a 9% return through all the times, good and bad. That 9% includes two world wars, the assassination of a president, 9/11, the tech bubble burst, 29 recessions, and countless other tragedies. The point: our country’s stock market is resilient, and over a long period of time (15+ years), poses far less risk than most believe. In fact, if you’ve put your money in the stock market and left it for 15 years at any point in the last 150 years, you’ve NEVER lost money. There are a few instances of losses over a 10-year period, but the stock market has never lost money over a 15-year period.

So what does that mean for you? What decisions should you make in light of today’s crazy situation? In short, nothing. Assuming you’re invested in diverse, low-cost, stock index funds, you should do absolutely nothing. Stay the course! If you’re currently making periodic investments into these same index funds, whether its via paycheck deductions into a 401(k)/403(b), or by you manually investing into IRAs or taxable accounts, continue to do it. Stay the course! It feels yucky at the moment, but in the long run you will be so grateful you stuck to the plan.

EMERGENCY FUND

There is so much uncertainty in our global economy right now. China is isolated from the world. Italy just went into total shutdown mode. Airlines are shutting down portions of their fleet. Public events (large and small) are being canceled altogether. So many weird things. The system is being stressed right now, and it’s hard to tell how it all plays out. One thing is for sure, this amount of stress is going to result in some casualties. Some companies will go under, some jobs will be cut, and overall business activity will slow as COVID-19 becomes a more tangible reality in our communities. It would be irresponsible for me to make any specific predictions on who will be impacted and how, but the writing is on the wall that some people are going to be materially impacted, economically-speaking. I would also caution you to not look at the situation and say “I don’t work in the ‘insert name’ industry, so I won’t be impacted.” That’s short-sighted. If there’s this much stress on the system, we will all feel it. Let’s use the travel industry as an example. If people from the travel industry lose their jobs, they may not be able to make their rent/mortgage payments (negatively impacting landlords, financial institutions, and taxing authorities), they may not have a lot of money to buy things (hurting businesses in their community), and there will be more competition for available jobs (lower pay and more stress for prospective employees in other industries). Lots of possible ripple effects.

With that in mind, we would all be wise to make sure we have our emergency funds topped off during the season ahead. Having cash available could be the difference between paying the bills or not paying the bills. If you already have a healthy emergency fund (say 3-6 months of expenses), awesome! Make sure that cash stays available for immediate withdrawal. If you have the ability to increase your emergency fund in the near-term, you may want to do that as well. If you’re actively paying off debt (awesome, by the way!), you may want to push pause on that effort and instead place that money into your emergency fund. You may want to trim back some of the extras in your budget to find additional cash for your emergency fund. I would NOT advise anyone to sell stock index fund investments in order to raise cash for their emergency fund. If at all possible, please leave that money alone. We don’t want to voluntarily sell those investments in the middle of a 25% decline. Hopefully you never need to use any of this cash, but it will be there for you in the event rough waters do hit your family. When all the smoke clears and you’ve successfully navigated this mess, then that money will still be available to do whatever you were previously going to do with it (pay off debt, go on that trip, replace your car, etc.).

MAJOR DECISIONS

I’ll say this very clearly……this is NOT a good time to be making major financial decisions. If you’re thinking about buying a home, purchasing a new car, retiring imminently, or taking any other action that results in a material change to your finances, I simply wouldn’t do it. These are all great things, and I want them to happen for you, but I don’t want them to turn your life into a nightmare. My best advice is to be patient, let this season pass, and then make these awesome decisions with more clarity, full confidence, and less fear. Some of you might be thinking “well I can get a great deal if I act now.” These are also the same people I mentioned above that weren’t old enough to live through the Great Financial Crisis. Today, in this moment, some major decisions can make sense. But what happens tomorrow or next week when your world gets unsuspectedly turned upside-down? This is when fear sets in and we start to snowball bad decision after bad decision. Please don’t put yourself at risk for something like this. If you have house or car fever today, it may be time to take a cold shower. Those houses and cars will still be there for you when all this calms down, and probably at a really good price!

HEALTH INSURANCE

As I reiterate often with my clients, not having health insurance is never an option. This was true 10 years ago, it was true yesterday, it is true today, and it will be true 10 years from now. Without health insurance, we are one bad day away from absolute financial ruin. Please don’t allow yourself to be unnecessarily vulnerable to this risk, especially when the issue at hand is a global pandemic! If you’re 26 or younger and on your parents’ health insurance plan, great! If you have health insurance through your employer, great! If you’re uninsured today, not so great! If that’s you, one of the most affordable and efficient options is a health sharing program. I’m a big believer in these programs and actually use one myself. My family uses Medi-Share and I can’t say enough good things about them. Here’s an article that explains what health sharing programs are, and it even compares a few of the larger programs. I’m not affiliated with this blog, but I think you’ll find this information useful. We don’t need the Rolls Royce of health insurance plans, but we do need something. Look at it like auto insurance. We don’t rely on our auto insurance to pay for our oil changes, or brake pads, or alternators. No, we rely on our auto insurance to protect our financial life when we wrap our car around a light pole. It protects us against the really bad stuff. Our health insurance should be the same way. Find a plan that offers you enough protection that one bad day won’t blow up your life, but affordable enough for you to work it into your monthly budget.

GIVING

If you give generously, and I really hope you do, please do not let fear deter you from giving. Based on many of my words above, the need for joyful, generous givers may be more important in the months ahead than it has been for the last decade. There are people hurting and they will continue to need people like you and I to step in and show God’s love through our generosity. There are a lot of places in our financial life to cut back on, but I don’t think generosity should be one of them. The moment we stop giving (or materially pull back our giving) is the moment we start living in fear and making it all about us. If you’re a person of faith as I am, this is a great season to test your trust in God and his provision in your life. If we can be generous and selfless through a season of uncertainty and nervousness, just picture how much we can grow in our faith in the season ahead!

Those are my five key takeaways today. Stay the course on investing, keep as much cash in your emergency fund as possible, push pause on any major decisions, make sure you have health insurance, and keep being generous. If there are other topics or questions on your mind, please ask them in the comment section below. I will either address them in the comments, in a private exchange with you personally, or in a subsequent blog post. Lastly, please share this with people in your life so they too can get prepared for the season ahead. Now let’s go from here and make sure we’re taking care of our family! After all, money is never about money.

“Those are my five key takeaways today. Stay the course on investing, keep as much cash in your emergency fund as possible, push pause on any major decisions, make sure you have health insurance, and keep being generous.”

The Pull of More

Sarah’s three love languages: quality time, words of affirmation, and resorts on the ocean.

I just had an ugly conversation with my wife. She was mad, she was upset, and she was tired. There were definitely some other issues at play, but it all came bursting out in four all-too-understandable words, “I miss the money!” She went on to tell me how she misses being able to “buy whatever I want.” Or “just go to Mexico.” Honestly, I feel her. I have these types of feelings every so often, and it can be frustrating and humbling. I’d be lying if I said I was immune to jealousy, materialism, and comparison. We are all human and nobody can be fully immune to it…….even people who teach it and talk about it every day. It can be a surreal experience coaching families with $30,000/month (yes, per month) take-home incomes. These types of conversations can be somewhat disorienting. But here’s what I know to be true from my own experience and from the experiences of my coaching relationships: money NEVER causes happiness, and some people would give up all the money in the world to have a sense of meaning, purpose, and impact. Some of these wealthy families do have a high level of meaning, impact, and purpose, but it’s not caused by the money. Side note: I’m not singling out my wealthy clients, as I have many clients making $40,000/year battling the same considerations.

So yeah, this stuff can be disorienting. Money can twist us up in all types of ways, and the second I let my guard down is the moment I fall right back into that trap. There are lots of things that can trigger me. Stick-shift convertible sports cars, exotic vacations, a beautiful house, high-tech gadgets. I crave all these things! It’s also hard when I’ve tasted so many of these cool things. Travel to dozens of countries, business-class flights, ridiculous restaurants, some of the most beautiful hotels in the world. So cool! However, I can also take a step back and ask myself what’s most important. Would I trade a life of passion for these things? Absolutely not! There’s nothing in this world money can buy that would deter me from living each and every day with the purpose and meaning I’ve been called to pursue. I don’t want to leave you thinking I’m married to a materialistic wife who hates our life. That couldn’t be further from the truth. As the conversation went on and we hashed through it, she concluded “I don’t want our old life back. I don’t want you to give up this career. I’m just having a bad day. I love our life now. I’m just having a bad day.”

I don’t blame her. I have these types of days, too. Certain experiences, or conversations, or social media posts can trigger these types of feelings. Materialism has a hold on us, and I’m not just referring to Sarah and I. I’m referring to all of us. We live in a culture here in the US that’s built around materialism. That’s a fact of life. So the answer is not to simply expect the culture to change, but rather to navigate the culture in a healthy way. Here are a few simple steps we can take to help us work through it without losing our way:

Trip to Mexico on 12-hours notice after the loss of our first child. Feels weird to think about that. Side note: Smiles were a rare occurrence on this trip, but breakfast on a balcony overlooking the ocean did it for her!

1. Surround yourself with like-minded people who also desire to navigate this journey of life without falling into the materialism trap. If you’re married, I hope the person sleeping on the other side of your bed is one of them! If not, we have some trouble coming our way. Aside from our spouse, find friends who also see the bigger picture and have a commitment to a life of meaning rather than the pursuit of more. Don't search for perfect people, as there aren’t any……they are just as messed up as you and me. Find people with a fire for purpose, a commitment for better, and the honesty to hold you to a higher standard.

2. Maintain distance from people who will pull you deeper into the materialism trap. We all have them in our lives! Friends, co-workers, family, neighbors. You know, the people who care way too much about what others think. The people who believe there’s a direct correlation between how much you spend and how much fun you can have. The people who every time they get something new (car, house, gadget, etc.), they are already dreaming of the next upgrade. The people who judge others for making humble decisions around their spending habits. I’m not saying we shouldn’t be friends these types of people. Not at all. Instead, I’m suggesting we give them a little less time and a lot less influence in our day-to-day lives. A wise man once said we become the average of the five people we spend the most time with. I think that applies here.

3. Don’t feel guilty or defeated when you get a materialistic urge. It just makes you human. Instead, we need to process it by asking ourselves two key questions. What triggered that feeling and why? Something we saw, or experienced, or heard? Understanding what stimuli is triggering these emotions is so important, as then we’ll have some control on how many triggers we’re potentially exposing ourselves to. It’s also important to understand why we were triggered. Is it our desire to be accepted? Or as a way to outwardly portray our career/financial success? Or perhaps our way of masking a lack of confidence? Or maybe we just simply want to do what others are doing? If we can understand the answer to the “why” question, we can have a better self-awareness to our own deficiencies and stop subconsciously masking them with spending. Knowing the answer to these two questions (what and why) can make all the difference in the world!

4. Consider the broader context. In a vacuum, sure, we would all like to have a nicer house, a cooler car, a more exotic vacation, and the newest technology. But we don’t live in a vacuum, we live in a wild and crazy world. There’s a give-and-take to everything. Every time we start to desire something, we need to figure out where it fits in the overall scheme of our life. Many people are selling their dreams and their happiness for a nicer car, or a bigger house. It’s about priorities. If your absolute top priority is to switch careers, or start a business, or stay at home with your kids, your spending decisions need to reflect this priority. We can’t say our dream is to stay at home with our kids, then turn around and purchase a $50,000 car. However, if you’re living a meaningful life creating impact on others, pursuing work that matters, and you understand money is not the source of happiness, then buying that car (without debt) could be an ok decision in your life. It’s all about understanding your true priorities/values and making sure your spending decisions align with them.

5. Know it’s ok to have nice things! As long as your spending decisions align with your broader priorities, and you’re doing it for the right reason(s), then you can do it in a healthy way. Later this year, we’re planning to spend some time in Thailand with our kids. We want to go on an adventure, expose our kids to new cultures/foods, explore with them what real diversity looks like, and create memories that will last a lifetime. This trip will cost money, but it falls at the top of our priority list and closely aligns with our priorities and values. Therefore, we will have to make sacrifices in other areas of life to ensure this gets to happen. Then when it happens, we will do it with joy, with excitement, and most importantly, without guilt!

I love my wife, and I honestly love how she’s able to be that raw and honest about something as toxic as materialism. As I told her in this conversation, it’s not going away. It’s something we’ll have to navigate for the rest of our lives. However, if we navigate it well, the quality of our life will be so grand and so meaningful, and in hindsight, we’ll be so grateful we didn’t fall into the trap.

The Choice

I didn’t set out to plagiarize my close friend and mentor Dr. Gary Hoag’s amazing book, The Choice, when I started writing this post……but here we are. Sorry, Gary! Rather, I was contemplating a text I received from a friend this morning. After some back-and-forth regarding a few of my recent blog posts, I asked him a question: “Which topics/components do you think resonate with people?” He responded with “There’s a desire to make a difference, but a feeling that you have to either get paid to work for the man, or make a difference and be a struggling artist type.”

As I’m sitting in my office pondering these words, I look down and spot my copy of Gary’s book sitting before me (see, Gary, I am reading your stuff!!!). Two simple words in big, bold white letters, “The Choice”, scream right off the cover of the book and into my periphery. We make choices every day. We choose what to wear, what to eat, who to spend our time with, what podcasts to listen to, and what NBA superstar jersey we’re going to buy our toddlers next (just me?). But there seems to be this HUGE choice that lingers over all of us, every single day. The choice of what to do with the majority of our waking hours. The choice of how we are going to use our talents and passions to make an impact. The choice of where our life’s energy will go. Such a huge choice!

As I’m considering my buddy’s words about this choice, I thought back to a very intense conversation I had with Gary over FaceTime last year. I was teetering back-and-forth on the idea of leaving my awesome career to do something totally crazy. It was one of those days where the self-talk was thick. “What are you doing!?!” “You’re going to fail!” “Don’t be irresponsible, you can never make a living doing what you want to do.” Every insult possible was hurled my way…..by my own mean self. I did what I always do when the self-talk ramps up……I engage a trusted mentor. This was one of those I-remember-exactly-where-I-was-when-it-happened kind of moments. I distinctly remember shouting at Gary - in my doubt and frustration - “Yeah, but what I’m thinking about doing hasn’t even been legitimized. There’s no proof this will actually work.” Gary smiled and responded (too) calmly, “Only God gets to decide what’s legitimate.” Thus I started chewing on the slice of humble pie Gary was serving up, piping hot!

One of Gary and I’s many Asian adventures!!

Fast forward several months, I left my career, took a 90% pay cut, and set out to build a new career. Nine months later, I’m able to support my family financially, the business is growing, and I’m already dreaming about what’s next. I often think back to that conversation with Gary and his virtual slap in the face. He was right! Had I not listened to him, and instead listened to my self-talk and the culture around us, I would have made a different choice. I would have chosen “normal”, safe, predictable, and comfortable. Instead, I chose uncertainty, impact, trust, and purpose.

Here’s an interesting thing about this choice, specifically the two options laid out by my friend. We don’t actually have to choose between “getting paid” and “making a difference.” Though I took a 90% pay cut, there’s a legit chance I eventually get to the point where I make as much (or more) in my new career than I did in my old career. If I’m pouring out my passion, using my gifts, serving people well, making an impact, and truly setting out to make the difference I know God is asking me to make, there’s no reason the income can’t follow. That doesn’t drive my decisions and ultimately I don’t really care, but that’s a reality we often don’t think about. It’s not an either/or type of choice. Rather, it’s an “I trust God” or “I don’t trust God” type of choice…….and an “I value money” or “I value meaning” type of choice. Whether we realize it or not, we make these choices every day, as not making a choice is still making a choice.

If I were still at my old job, this week I would have received a pretty sizable bonus. Out of respect for my former employer I won’t disclose what it would be…….but it’s a LOT! A former co-worker asked me a few days ago if this “lost bonus” gives me any regrets. Honestly, no. That money would be nice and could do a lot of cool things, but today my life is awesome and I get to dedicate each and every day to doing cool things. It’s honestly an unfair exchange, in my favor. Giving up a large chunk of money to violently pursue what I know to be God’s calling in my life. Knowing what I know today, in hindsight, it was the easiest decision I ever made.

So as I try to land this plane, here are my top three takeaways about this choice:

• Every day is a new opportunity to make a choice.

• Not making a choice is still making a choice.

• Find a few amazing mentors in life that will build you up, be real with you, encourage you when you need it most, and help you make better choices. We can’t do it alone…..and luckily we don’t have to!

What choice will you make?

The Road to Nowhere

One of the side effects of being so open about my debt and career journey (recent podcast episode) is the amount of feedback I receive. So much of the feedback is positive, but not all. Some people, perhaps out of jealousy, or self-talk, or their own debt/career frustrations, offer a lot of criticism and skepticism to my story. These little nuggets of negativity (er, constructive feedback), often start with “but". Here are a few common ones regarding our $236,000 debt journey:

• “but I don’t have a high income like you did.”

• “but we aren’t able to sell one of our cars like you did.”

• “but we can’t leave our house and live in a tiny apartment like you did.”

• "but you didn’t have kids.”

• “but you had two incomes.”

• “but the cost of living is higher where we live.”

• “but we can’t just stop spending….we need to enjoy life.”

These statements may or may not be factually true (fact check below), but one thing is certain: The road to nowhere is paved with lots of “buts”. You can have progress, or excuses, but you can’t have both! At some point, if we want to win, we have to set the excuses aside and get about the business of finding a way. There’s always a way! We also need to stop comparing someone else’s situation to our own. When I share my story, it’s just that…..my story. It’s not the absolute blueprint for success, but rather the blueprint that best suited our specific situation and our life.

“The road to nowhere is paved with lots of “buts”. You can have progress, or excuses, but you can’t have both!”

Instead of making excuses why we can’t make this decision or that decision, we need to start asking ourselves what decisions we can make. If you think you can or cannot win, you’re right. So how about we start to believe we can……and make it happen! We need to find deep and meaningful sacrifices that work for our situation. We need to decide there’s no amount of pain we won’t endure for the sake of a better tomorrow. Now having been on both sides of the debt spectrum, I feel even more convicted in my previous statement. Knowing what I know now, I would have intensified the pain even more in order to get to the other side of the debt.

It was a long and grueling 4.5 years to pay off our $236,000 of debt, but doing so changed us. It showed contentment like we had never known before. It taught us money couldn’t buy happiness…..because we had no money and we were pretty dang happy. It showed us anything is possible if we do it together and care enough to make it happen. It showed us what true freedom looked like, which emboldened us to draw a line in the sand and say “never again” to debt. Lastly, it taught us to dream…..and dream big. And not only dream big, but to be crazy enough to believe these dreams are possible.

Look at all that stupid debt!

Here’s the reality of the “but” statements above:

• Our income wasn’t all that high during our debt payoff season, as I was still young in my career and the country was still working its way out of the recession.

• Selling one car really sucked, but it was a defining moment where we made a choice that no sacrifice was too big to fix this mess. I never want to do the single car thing again, but I’m so glad we did it then!

• The only thing stopping you or me from moving from a house to an apartment is pride. Any other excuse is a lie. I went from a new, 4-bedroom house in KC to a 600 square foot, 1-bedroom apartment (80s vintage everything) in Des Moines. Very humbling!

• We didn’t have kids at the time, fair point. But we do have two toddlers today and it that didn’t keep me from leaving my career and taking a 90% pay cut. No excuses here!

• We did have two incomes, but one of them was a limited-benefits, near-minimum-wage childcare job. We weren’t exactly rolling in the dough with that second income. But Sarah worked hard in that job and it meant a lot to us! Fast forward to my drastic career shift in 2019, I was the sole breadwinner of the house since Sarah stays at home with the kids…….but we weren’t going to let that be an excuse.

• The cost of living in Des Moines is lower than some cities and higher than some cities, but it’s not the reason we win or lose. There are people winning financially in expensive cities and losing financially in cheap cities.

• Spending can be fun, but it can’t make us happy. You can choose to keep spending, or you can choose a better life. Or maybe you can choose a better life, which could include more spending down the road. Think of it as one year, or two years, or however many years……for the rest of your life! We spent 4.5 years sacrificing, which is followed by 60 years of freedom. I’ll have the six decades of awesome, please!

The road to nowhere may be paved with “buts”, but the road to freedom is paved with sacrifice and a deep desire for better. So maybe it means selling a vehicle. Maybe it means downsizing your home. Maybe it means giving up travel for a season. Maybe it means picking up some extra income. Whatever it looks like in your life, just do it! It’s just one season, and I promise you every subsequent season of life will be better for it!

More than anything, here’s what I want you to take away from this piece. You can do it!!!! There is nothing that can stop you if you want it bad enough. Don’t let anyone or anything hold you back! You got this! For each of us, there comes a fork in the road where we must decide what’s more important: Our stuff or our dreams? Comfort or happiness? Pride or freedom? I made my choice! What about you?

“For each of us, there comes a fork in the road where we must decide what’s more important: Our stuff or our dreams? Comfort or happiness? Pride or freedom?”

"Throwing Away" a Career

Sometimes people tell me one of the reasons they don’t want to follow their dream is because they don’t want to “throw away” the career they’ve spent so much time and so much energy building. There is a mentality that this singular, specific job is what matters. It’s not, and as long as we think it is, we miss the bigger picture. What matters is the experience, the skills, the relationships, and the growing you’ve achieved during your time at the job. Nobody can take away any of those things from you. They can take away your desk, and your computer, and your telephone, and your paycheck, but they cannot take away the growth you’ve experienced during your tenure.

People also seem to have the mindset their old career was a total waste of time if their new career sends them in a different direction. Even if your dream is a total one-eighty from your prior career, you wouldn’t be where you’re at had you not attained that priceless experience, those valuable skills, those meaningful relationships, and all that growth. Take me, for example. I’ve wanted to be a writer for as long as I can remember. Early last year, at 37-years-old, I was sitting on a plane with my wife lamenting the fact I hadn’t written in nearly two decades. Her response: “well, then write.” Wow, that was obvious…..and blunt. My response was something along the lines of “well I’m probably going to be terrible since I haven’t written in so long…..blah, blah, blah.” So I spent the next few hours writing. What’s odd about that experience is the words flew out of my brain and onto the screen with very little effort. It felt really good! I was dumbfounded. How could I not write for nearly 20 years and then have it feel so natural?

Then it hit me! Everything I was telling myself was a lie. I write all day, every day. E-mail after e-mail after e-mail. Report after report after report. It may not be creative writing, but it’s writing nonetheless. Fast forward to when I decided to “start writing.” I opened a blank Word document and it was as if the floodgates had opened. I didn’t think I had it in me to just sit down and write, but all of this experience and acquired skill came flowing out. As I venture into this season of life, I love those little moments where I realize how something I’ve been doing for 10, 15, or 20 years will become immediately relevant to my current journey, but in a new way.

When I think about this topic, so many people come to mind. However, none more so than my friend Anna DeHamer (formerly Prins). Anna was a basketball player who was tremendously gifted in both height (6’7”) and talent. She was the 2009 Colorado Gatorade Player of the Year, was named All-American honorable mention both her junior and senior year, amassed a 106-4 high school record, and won three consecutive state titles (**season-ending injury mid-freshman year prevented the possibility of an even more absurd fourth title). She went on to play Division I basketball at Iowa State University, where she became one of the biggest rivals of Brittney Griner (women’s basketball legend!). Anna went to the NCAA Tournament four times, making it as far as the Sweet 16. As her collegiate career came to an end, she was blessed further by being selected as the 23rd overall pick in the WNBA draft.

I don’t say all this to brag about Anna. In fact, she’ll probably cringe when she reads this (she’s overly humble like that!). I tell all this to you because of what comes next. Anna walked away from basketball. Here’s a woman who spent her entire life building a basketball career. All the accolades, all the fans, all the achievements……..to eventually get drafted into the most prestigious league in the world…….and she walked away. I didn’t know Anna personally during this season of her life, but I suspect the world looked at her as if she was crazy. Basketball had blessed Anna for more than a decade, and there was more possible blessing to come, but she had a new dream. She wanted to get married, settle down, and become a teacher. And that’s exactly what she did. She “threw away” her basketball career, left the limelight and the identity the world put on her due to her basketball prowess, and she set out to pursue a new dream.

Anna got married to her now-husband Ryan and found a job as a third-grade teacher. She took all her life experience from sports, and education, and life, and channeled it into the lives of malleable young people who wanted and needed a role model. She taught them, she encouraged them, and she helped make them better people. She was living out her new dream, and life was good. Several years into her teaching career, she started to feel a nudge for something different, and a new dream started to take form.

In another decision that’s considered counter-cultural in our world, Anna “threw away” her teaching job to start her own company where she offers professional basketball training (www.hammerbasketball.com). Today, Anna trains young basketball players to elevate their game and their character to a higher level. Pretty different than teaching third grade, but the skills she gained from her teaching career have directly impacted her new career. Teaching kids, encouraging them, helping them be better people. Totally different……but not. Some might look at her journey and say she “wasted” all that time teaching if this basketball training is ultimately where she’s supposed to be. Conversely, I would propose she’d never be where she is today without first teaching third grade. Those experiences shaped her in very profound ways, ultimately making her a better basketball trainer. That’s what’s fun about work that matters. It’s not linear, it’s not clear, and it’s not obvious. But when we look back, it all makes perfect sense. Basketball prodigy, turned third-grade teacher, turned professional basketball trainer for young people. Nobody could have seen that coming, but hindsight truly is 20/20. Anna is exactly where she needs to be, and it wouldn’t surprise me if someday she “threw away” something else in the pursuit for her highest and best purpose. I’m proud of my friend Anna, and her journey is an inspiration to me each and every day.

“That’s what’s fun about work that matters. It’s not linear, it’s not clear, and it’s not obvious. But when we look back, it all makes perfect sense.”

An Open Postcard to My Kids

To fully understand the context, this was written on 4/9/2019, on a bumpy plane ride, in the waning hours of a 22-hour work day. I was weary, excited, overwhelmed, scared, anxious, and probably half-awake. Despite all that, it’s my favorite thing I’ve ever written…..and it’s finally time to share.

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I travel a lot. Personal. Professional. Missional. I love traveling, but man do I ever miss my family when I’m gone!! I love the food, the hotels, and the sights…..but I miss the hugs, the giggles, and the snuggles. Seeing new things always gives me a rush, but nothing is compared to the rush of getting my kids out of bed each morning.

When I became a parent, I knew I would still be traveling a lot. I was ok with that, but I also wanted to find a way to show my kids they are always a priority. Since the very first time I had to leave those cute little babies, I have made a conscious effort to get them a postcard from each and every city I’ve visited. I always write on the card to tell them how much I miss them, and perhaps share a funny story about something that happened to me on the trip. They are too young to understand these postcards right now, but someday I hope they come to cherish these little cardboard time capsules.

Tonight, I find myself on the way home from Fort Lauderdale. This trip wasn’t particularly eventful, aside from it being a day trip and I’ve been up since 3AM. What sets this trip apart is the fact I’m planning to resign from my career tomorrow. Stepping away from a job I’ve had for nearly 15 years. Walking away from the only thing I’ve known in my entire adult life. Not leaving some crappy, meaningless job. I’m leaving an amazing job that is probably one of the coolest jobs in the world. A job that I could only dream about back in my college days as an aspiring investment professional.

As I began writing on their postcard, I realized I have far too many words for this little cardboard square to handle. There are so many things I want to tell them tonight…….

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Finn and Pax,

I took a day trip to Fort Lauderdale today. I didn’t think you’d even notice I left, but Mom told me Pax was really upset that I wasn’t home this morning. Something about him sitting on the stairs pouting and shouting nonsense. This story was equal parts hilarious and sad….I just wish I had a video clip of it!

This is a special trip for me. Not special like all my Middle East trips, Southeast Asia trips, NYC trips, or the ones where I get to experience once-in-a-lifetime events. Special because tomorrow I am going to leave my job.

I wish I could tell you that adults don’t get scared. I wish I could tell you everything always works out exactly the way we think it will. I wish I could tell you it’s always easy to make the decision you know in your heart is right. Unfortunately, that’s not the case. Most things worth pursuing in this life are going to be scary, it’s not going to go exactly how you think it will, and it’s not going to be easy. Honestly, though, that’s what makes life awesome!

If I were to make a different decision tomorrow, life would probably look a lot different for us. Money would never be an issue for us. We would never go without. We could buy you everything the world says you deserve. We could go on amazing and exotic vacations. We could live the life so many believe is the recipe for happiness and the definition of success.

But here’s the truth: you deserve better than all of this. You deserve better than a big house, fancy cars, a private education, mountains of gifts, and exotic vacations. Here’s what you deserve:

• You deserve a father who is fully present, fully patient, and fully loving. I will never be perfect, but I promise to be the best version of me I can be.

• You deserve to see what it looks like for a man to boldly follow God’s calling in his life, no matter how scary or counter-cultural it may seem.

• You deserve to learn money doesn’t buy happiness, but rather happiness comes from love, faith, and contentment.

• You deserve to witness what it looks like to follow your dreams, live with passion, and trust that God is ultimately in control.

• You deserve to see (and feel) first-hand what sacrificial generosity in the face of financial uncertainty looks like.

• You deserve to experience what a united mom and dad team can accomplish if they honor God and honor each other.

• You deserve the freedom and encouragement to find your gifts, talents, and passions, and learn how to use them to serve God’s kingdom.

• Lastly, you deserve someone in your life who will model these behaviors and decisions with their actions, not just their words.

Someday when you’re old enough, I hope you’re proud of me. I hope you see how God worked through this decision and this situation. I hope a time comes in your life – a scary and important time – when you too get to make a decision that will forever change the trajectory of your life. Not a decision for the pursuit of worldly wealth, or power, or respect, but rather a decision for the pursuit of God, your dreams, and your passions.

I love you guys, and believe it or not, you inspire me more than I will ever be able to inspire you. Thank you for that!

Daddy

“If I were to make a different decision tomorrow, life would probably look a lot different for us. Money would never be an issue for us. We would never go without. We could buy you everything the world says you deserve. We could go on amazing and exotic vacations. We could live the life so many believe is the recipe for happiness and the definition of success. But here’s the truth: you deserve better than all of this. ”

Unlocking a Life of Meaning

As a financial coach, I love helping people with money…….but probably not for the reasons you’re expecting. I honestly don’t care that much about money. In fact, I find it somewhat boring. The catch: money is never about money! Money is just paper and coins which can be traded for things and experiences. Through the lens of life, however, it’s much, much more. Every financial decision we make – whether it be the purchase of a home or a trip through your favorite fast-food drive-thru – there’s so much more going on. Excitement, nervousness, guilt, pride, fear, lust, joy, jealousy, contentment, love, resentment, just to name a few.

Whenever I’m coaching, teaching, or speaking, it’s never really about money. It’s about so much more. After meeting with hundreds of families over the years, I’ve concluded there are really three things we need to do in order to have a healthy relationship in the area of life we call “personal finance.” To unlock a life of meaning, we need to create impact on others, pursue work that matters, and redefine the role of money.

Creating Impact on Others

If you spend any time reading, watching, or listening to the countless personal finance gurus, you’re going to hear a lot about me, me, me, and (surprise) me. Truth be told, always looking out for me, myself, and I is an empty and sad endeavor. If all we’re trying to do is better our own family’s life, we miss out on something far greater.

One has not truly lived (or loved) until he/she has made an impact on someone else. Not necessarily change the world, but to change someone’s world. One gesture, one gift, one word........that’s all it takes to possibly change the trajectory of someone’s life forever. For many of these mini-miracles (as I’ve been calling them since just now), we may never know the impact we make. But sometimes, when we’re really fortunate, we learn about how something seemingly small has turned into something so very big. To me, this is the absolute best gift from God. Once you experience this, you realize there’s no other way to live life. Creating impact is no longer something we do……it’s who we are. That, my friends, can unlock a meaningful life!

“Creating impact is no longer something we do……it’s who we are.”

Pursuing Work That Matters

We live in a culture that prides itself in celebrating Fridays, dreading Mondays, spending money on things to mask the stress and frustration we feel towards our work, and the pursuit of an earlier-the-better retirement. What if we have it all wrong?

In my various money-related interactions with people, I often ask the following questions: “When do you want to retire? What do you want to do in retirement?” 80% of the time the answer to the first question is “as soon as possible.” 50% of the time the answer to the second question is “I still want to work, but I want to do something I enjoy.” If you spend half your waking hours at work, and if you want to quit working as soon as you can, is it possible to be living a life of meaning? Probably……but not likely. If you answer the second question with “I still want to work, but I want to do something I enjoy”, doesn’t that insinuate you’re spending half your waking hours doing something you don’t enjoy?

The pursuit of work that matters is intimidating. Change is hard and change is scary! It certainly don’t make it easier when the world says “be grateful for the job you have”, or “you need to take care of your family….you can’t take that risk”, or “your job isn’t that bad….it could be worse.” Those words echo in our soul and they can cut deep. Here’s the complicating factor: work that matters to us is a deeply personal question. What’s right for one person may be totally wrong for another. All work is meaningful work, but not all work is meaningful to you or to me.

It’s tough to live a life of meaning when you feel lukewarm-at-best about your job, regardless of how awesome the other areas of your life are. However, when we do get this right (better late than never!), it gives our life meaning in a way we’ve never experienced before.

“It’s tough to live a life of meaning when you feel lukewarm-at-best about your job, regardless of how awesome the other areas of your life are.”

Redefining the Role of Money

The third facet to living a life of meaning is redefining the role of money. Note I didn’t say “more” money……but rather redefining the role money plays in our life. We need to shift the role money plays in our life from being a measuring stick of success to a tool we can use to impact others and live more intentionally.

Our culture tells us – in countless ways – money equals happiness. And if some money will make us happy, then a lot of money will make us really happy. Thus begins the cycle. So many of us say to ourselves “once I get promoted and make $___, I’ll be happier.” Once that amount of income is attained, happiness doesn’t come. So we say to ourselves “I was wrong. The amount is actually $___ (i.e. more than I thought last time). Once I make that amount, then I’ll be happy.” Once that amount of income is attained, we still aren’t happy…..and the cycle continues.

Here’s the secret. God tells us this. Behavioral scientists tell us this. Our miserable friends, family, and coworkers (unknowingly) tell us this. No amount of money can make us happy! No level of income, no sum in your bank account. It’s not to say money is bad….because it’s not. We can do a lot of fun, generous, and memorable things with money……but we can’t buy happiness. The moment we think money is going to make us happy is the moment we’ve lost.

What’s the alternative? If we truly understand money can’t make us happy, it changes the decisions we make in life. It allows us to freely use our money to impact others. It changes the way we make career decisions, thereby freeing us to pursue work that matters. It allows us to spend intentionally on the things that add value to our life rather than what the culture (and our friends/family) tell us we should be spending on to create so-called happiness. Understanding this very simple and profound concept changes everything. Once it does, we can begin to have a healthy relationship with money. Instead of wanting more, more, and more, we start to want less. Not wanting to have less, but to simply “want” less. This changes our heart and opens up so much meaning in our life.

“We need to shift the role money plays in our life from being a measuring stick of success to a tool we can use to impact others and live more intentionally.”

Creating impact on others. Pursuing work that matters. Redefining the role of money. I firmly believe if we can achieve these three things, our lives will be bursting with meaning. That is my dream for myself, my dream for my children, my dream for my clients, and my dream for you.

Someday

Photo by Nicholas Barbaros on Unsplash

When working with coaching clients, I usually ask two questions pretty early in the relationship. 1) “When do you want to retire?”, and 2) “What do you want retirement to look like?” On the first question, 90% respond with a variation of “as soon as I can….that’s why we’re hiring you.” For the second question regarding what they want retirement to look like, there are three answers I most often hear. Some say they want to travel, some say they want to relax, and MANY say they want to continue working, but do “something I enjoy.”

I totally get the travel and relax answers, though I have a totally different opinion on the topic. As it pertains to that third answer, I have a dumb question. Why would we spend the next 10-20 years working at a job we can’t wait to leave (reminder, 90% say they want to retire ASAP) so we can later go work at a job we enjoy? Let’s think about that for a moment……..

Ok, I’m back. We’re going to live a life where we celebrate Friday, dread Monday, painfully gut through the majority of our waking hours, go spend money on things to mask the discontentment, and repeat that process again for the next 500-1,000 weeks? That’s insanity, but we’ve been wired to think that’s just how the world should work. Instead, why aren’t we aggressively pursuing that “something I enjoy” career today rather than waiting 10-20 more years?

Six months ago, I had an amazing career. I was doing something I had always dreamed of. It was an awesome 15 years of relationships, experiences, and growth. But God gave me a new dream, and a new vision. I’ve had pieces of this dream in the back of my mind for many years. I would tell people about how “someday” I was going to do something about it. When? “Once I retire from this career……maybe at 50, or 55, or 60.” See, I did it too!!

Life is so short. We only have one shot at this life. You’re only going to be 35-years-old once….and 40…..and 45……and so on. We can’t go back, we can’t get a do-over. If you only get to live this life once, what are you doing wasting it on something that doesn’t fill you, simply waiting for it to end?

“If you only get to live this life once, what are you doing wasting it on something that doesn’t fill you?”

Is it a money thing? I get it. That’s scary! Money always seems to have a grip on us. We are told money is so important, it’s a measuring stick for success, it buys things that makes us happy. Why do we think the money matters so much? Behavioral scientists have been proving for years money doesn’t make us happy. What’s one of the primary drivers of happiness, according to the science? Work that matters! I could have let money stop me……..spoiler, it almost did. But I finally got over my own pride and my own materialism to do what I knew deep in my heart was right. My family voluntarily chose a 90% income decrease (90%!!!) for me to step into this new career. Two things came from that.

First, we are happier today than we’ve ever been in our lives. We live each and every day with meaning and joy. I worked a 14-hour day last week and I was upset with myself that I couldn’t work more. Every day is an adventure, and I actually celebrate Mondays. When I wake up each morning, I can’t wait to get my day started so I can create, contribute, and use whatever opportunities God gives me to serve others. It is a profound feeling I so badly wish others could experience.

Second, knowing how much fire and energy I have towards my work, I wouldn’t be surprised to wake up one day to find that my income is comparable to the one I left behind. Who am I to judge God’s blessings and the value of my own work? I don’t know how that will play out over time, but I now know it was foolish of me to mentally condemn myself to a low income from here on out.

If it’s not money for you, is it the fact you’d be “throwing away” your career? Believe me, I had those thoughts, too. It took me 12 years to get the position I had always dreamed of…..only to leave that position three years later. One could argue I “threw it away”, but I don’t look at it that way. I got so much out of it. That career prepared me for the next step in my journey. Back in January, on a long-haul flight to Asia, I told my wife Sarah I was going to write. See, I’ve wanted to be a writer my entire life. But here I was, 37-years-old, and I hadn’t written anything my entire adult life. I told her it would probably be a train wreck, but I was going to give it the ol’ college try. So I started writing, and the words flew off my computer keys. It felt so natural……I was really confused. How did writing feel so natural when I hadn’t written for nearly 15 years? Then it hit me: I write all the time! In the 15 years I’ve spent working in commercial real estate, my job was to communicate. I wrote every single day. It just looked different. I spent 15 years writing to my clients, to my colleagues, and to our investment committees, which absolutely prepared me for the next step in my journey. Nothing worthwhile is ever thrown away. Every experience, every struggle, and every skill I acquired in my 15-year real estate investing career is meaningful to me as I step into this new chapter. I’m so grateful for those 15 years and everything that came with it.

So back to my original question. If you’re saying to yourself “someday, I’m going to do _____”, why not now? I’m not saying I have everything figured out – far from it – but I can tell you I’m so grateful I decided to do at 38 what I always told myself I would do at 50, or 55, or 60. Life is too short for regret! When will you step into your someday?

“Life is too short for regret! When will you step into your someday?”

Seasons of Need

Photo by Kat J on Unsplash

“Someday, I want to be the one on the other side of the table. I want to be the one giving.” This – and a few different variations of it – have come out of the mouths of several people I’ve worked with over the past three months. These are people who are experiencing some tough life situations. Job losses, medical emergencies, divorces, mental illness, legal situations, you name it. Life can be brutal! When it hits us, it feels like a wild haymaker punch we didn’t even see coming. It can leave us feeling breathless, disoriented, and oftentimes helpless.

But here’s the thing: EVERYONE goes through it. Not at the same time, not in the same way, and not in the same areas of life. But we ALL go through seasons where life knocks the wind right out of us. We usually forget that, because when we’re going through our own junk, many of the people around us have it pretty good (or so it appears). As a result, it can leave us feeling even more down and even more lonely. Truth is, each one of us just went through something heavy, or are currently going through something heavy, or will soon be going through something heavy. None of us can escape it. There’s no amount of money, or title, or status, or race, or gender, or anything else that can protect us from it. In some ways, that’s a really depressing thought. On the other hand, it should tell us that we’re never alone!

When people I’m working with blurt out some variation of “someday, I want to be the one on the other side of the table”, I often respond with something like “heck yeah you will!”, or “like you were last year when you did (cool amazing thing) for (that one person)?” I sometimes laugh on the inside when people make these declarations about wanting to be the person on the other side of the table. I don’t laugh because it’s funny…..far from it. I laugh because I can immediately think about situations in the past when these very people have made profound differences in other people’s lives. They just forget about it in this moment of need. The current feeling of helplessness blinds them to the fact they’ve always been the person on the other side of the table…….until this very moment when they weren’t.

It makes me think about a situation in our own life. Many years ago, Sarah and I paid off $236,000 of debt. That’s a topic for another conversation, but it’s something cool we did. I totally recommend it. Not stupidly finding yourself in $236,000 of debt, but rather getting out of whatever debt you are in. IT. CHANGES. EVERYTHING! When we’re free from the debt and that burden isn’t weighing us down, we can actually look up and see past our own junk. When our debt was finally paid off in mid-2012, Sarah was working four 10-hour days per week at a daycare. She got Fridays off, which made for some pretty cool 3-day weekends. About five months after becoming debt free, we saw there was someone in our life that was really struggling to make childcare work financially and logistically. Sarah decided to do something pretty amazing: she volunteered to provide free childcare for this family every Friday. For 99 Fridays (nearly 2 years), Sarah volunteered her day off to provide free childcare to a family who needed it. I’m still proud of Sarah for that gesture!

Fast forward five years. Sarah and I are now parenting two infants. Sarah was staying home with the kids (our big “why” for getting out of debt, by the way), I was traveling a fair amount as my career was heating up, I was a youth group leader, I was on a handful of boards (including one internationally), and it felt like the walls of life were closing in. We were flat-out struggling to figure it all out. Sarah comes home one day and said to me “there’s a lady at church who wants to watch our kids for free every Friday so I can get some rest and get some things done.” Wow, talk about life coming full circle! We were in a season of need, and someone unknowingly met that need in the exact same way we meet another family’s need five years earlier. My first question to Sarah was “do we even know this family?”, to which Sarah responded “no, but she seems really nice.” Perhaps it’s a testament for how overwhelmed we were at the time, but we humbly and gratefully (and quickly) said “yes.” It was exactly what Sarah (and our marriage) needed. We are so grateful for the love and generosity this family showed to what was then considered strangers. We are strangers no more. Today, I work alongside the mom, I’ve led mission trips with the dad, and I have a very special bond with their teenage daughter who loved on my kids way back when they were just little nuggets. They are some of the most loving and most generous people we know, and I’m so grateful to have them in our family’s life!

We all go through seasons of need and seasons where we can serve those in need. I pray you have the heart, humility, and self-awareness to embrace both sides of that coin. If you are in a positive season of life, be on the lookout for people who you can lovingly serve. Conversely, if you’re in a tough season of life, be willing to let others walk alongside you to help you onto your feet. After all, the sooner you get back on your feet, the sooner you’ll be able to play the role of the loving servant again.

If you have any stories where you’ve been on either side of need, I’d love to hear! Please share in the comments. Also, if you found this post valuable, would you mind sharing it with someone who may also find it valuable? I think there are people who need to hear this message today!

“We all go through seasons of need and seasons where we can serve those in need. I pray you have the heart, humility, and self-awareness to embrace both sides of that coin. ”

What I learned From Jiro

I had it on my watchlist for more than 8 years, but I finally watched the Netflix Documentary Jiro Dreams of Sushi. This film was a fascinating look into the best sushi chef in the world. When the film was shot in 2011, Jiro was 85 years old. The film chronicles his journey and attempts to explain why he has been set apart from his peers. It still boggles my mind how one man and one restaurant can create so much distance between themselves and the competition when all the other chefs have access to the same fish and the same rice. Simple ingredients, complex results. Having been awarded three Michelin stars, there is no argument about his greatness. In the opening minutes of the movie, he has a few insights that are worth sharing. “Once you have decided your occupation, you must immerse yourself in your work. You have to fall in love with your work. Never complain about your job. You must dedicate your life to mastering your skill. That is the secret of success and is the key to being regarded honorably.”

The film makes it very clear Jiro wasn’t a perfect person, or a perfect father, or a perfect husband. However, Jiro did manage to achieve something many of us have not. He found his dream, he pursued it aggressively, and he lived it out. At 85 years of age, he proclaimed he had no intention of retiring. I love this about him. Work wasn’t a means to an end. Rather, work was the means AND the end. Not just any work, but work that matters. Work was a place where Jiro could live out his passion, release his creativity, and make a difference in people’s lives. He wasn’t saving the world, but it is clear he was adding value to the world. People from all over the globe were flying to his tiny restaurant simply to taste his creations. Regardless of whether or not you view this as a noble endeavor, Jiro lived his dream, used his gifts, and created happiness in the lives of others. When I’m 85-years-old, I too hope I wake up every day and get the opportunity to do work that matters, serve others well, and loudly proclaim I have no intention of retiring.

I hope you similarly find your passion and pursue it with reckless abandon!

““Once you have decided your occupation, you must immerse yourself in your work. You have to fall in love with your work. Never complain about your job. You must dedicate your life to mastering your skill. That is the secret of success and is the key to being regarded honorably.””

— Jiro

Radical Generosity

We are on our way to the mountains! Packed up, in the car, driving west, heading for Colorado. It also happens to be Finn and Pax’s third birthday!

A friend of a friend – a man we’ve never actually met – owns a handful of hotels in the Rocky Mountains. He generously and graciously offered my family a free week’s stay at any of his properties. How amazing is that?!?! One stranger offering another stranger an unconventional and extravagant gift. Except we aren’t strangers……we’re all brothers and sisters in Jesus. This is what we do. We use our unique gifts, talents, and resources to bless others. Not because we expect something in return, but because we are blessed with the opportunity to serve and love one another in unique and profound ways. I would argue there’s nothing better than blessing someone else, especially the person who has nothing to offer you in return.

You may be saying to yourself, “that’s great for the guy who owns hotels…….but I don’t own hotels and I’m certainly not wealthy.” Here’s the great news: we all have something to give! Whether we’re rich or poor, old or young, in school or in the workforce, creative or not-so-creative, the boss or the employee, we all have something to offer! We are called to serve each other and give in accordance to our abilities. What that looks like will vary from one person to the next. It’s not about the dollars……it’s about the heart. It’s about wanting to make a difference in someone’s life. It’s about wanting to live out – in the 21st century – what Jesus modeled in the first century.

So while I’m enjoying time with my family this week, I’ll be thinking about this generous man who blessed us in such a wonderful way. I am so grateful for his gift and his generous heart. I’ll also be using this time to think about new and fun ways I can use my unique gifts, talents, and resources to love others well. I already have a few ideas up my sleeve, but I hope this time of relaxation and rejuvenation will spark even better ideas in my soul. I’m really looking forward to that!

What are some ways you can use your unique gifts, talents, and resources to love others well in your world? I’d love to hear your ideas!

Parenting: Failing Forward

Have you ever been in a situation where you flat-out knew you were underqualified? Where you were in way over your head, and your only goal is to get through it without melting down? Where you were painfully self-aware of your shortcomings but perhaps those around you weren’t, so in addition to surviving, you also hoped nobody would find out how just how big of a fraud you really are? I hope I’m not the only one.

No, I wasn’t joking!

I’ve felt like that as a parent. No, I’m not talking about a specific situation that stands out in my mind. I honestly mean the entire last 3 years of my life. Becoming a parent is easily one of the most humbling things you’ll ever go through. I know there are a lot of parenting “experts” out there. We all know some. You know, the ones who have been parents for two days and somehow already have more parenting knowledge in their little toe than their own parents ever had (ironic considering their parents presumably raised at least one child from birth to adulthood).

Let’s set those “experts” aside for now – perhaps for further discussion in the future – and focus on the rest of us that perhaps don’t have everything figured out. Shortly after becoming a parent for the first time, I started to tell people this whole parenting this is WAY cooler than I had ever imagined and WAY harder than I had ever imagined. My twin boys are approaching three-years-old and that proclamation holds just as much truth today – perhaps more – than when it first came out of my mouth. This parenting stuff is hard! Or as my wife puts it, “we have the world’s most demanding bosses.” Every day is a new test in patience, leadership, and grace. For example, what is the best course of action when one kid decides to finger paint the living room walls with the other kid’s feces? No leadership book is going to give you a catchy, Instagrammable quote that explains how best to tackle this situation known as poopgate. Rather, each and every situation is a new test and a new way to be humbled.

Any parent that tells you they have it all figured out is either a) drastically overconfident, b) a mythical superhero, or c) a liar. I used to navigate life with the illusion that I will get this parenting thing figured out and all will be set right in the world. All you experienced parents out there know just how naive that notion was.

So this is my way of saying I have no idea what I’m doing…..and chances are, neither do you or your parents. All we can do is do our best. Sometimes that will be good enough, but sometimes it won’t. When it’s not, we need to own it. We need to admit our shortcomings and try to do better next time. If you’re reading this and still live under your parents’ roof, here is my request for you: give them some grace, too. They need it, and they deserve it. We may have grown up viewing our parents as superheroes, but they are really just failing their way forward like the rest of us. They just happen to have some authority in your life. But here’s the other thing: nobody on this planet loves you as much as your parents do. When they make a decision that upsets you, know they are simply doing what they genuinely believe is best for you. It may be, or it may not be, but know their decision is coming from a place of love.

“If you’re reading this and still live under your parents’ roof, here is my request for you: give them some grace, too. They need it, and they deserve it. ”

I know I’m going to make some good decisions and bad decisions as a parent. My goal is to make as many good decisions and as few bad decisions as possible. My deepest desire is for my kids to look back and know that every decision was made out of love. They may not see it in the moment, but I hope that becomes clear one day. After all, my job is not to raise good kids. My job is to raise strong, faithful adults who will change the world in their own unique way. I’m underqualified for the job, but I’m going to give it my all!

New Beginnings

For nearly two decades I’ve wanted to run a website and publish my writing. I’m not sure what has stopped me in the past. Perhaps it was the busy of life, or not having anything to say, or believing nobody cared what I had to say, or maybe because I was simply lazy or scared. As the saying goes, the best time to start was 20 years ago…..and the second-best time to start is now!

This website is one of the many new beginnings my family has experienced in this season of life. About three months ago, I stepped away from an amazing career in institutional commercial real estate investing. It was a dream job, it paid well, it was fun, and it allowed me to see the world. But God gave me a new dream. Today, I wake up each and every day with a burning desire to help people win with money. Not so they can become wealthy and swim around in their pools of money like Scrooge McDuck, but rather so they can live out the life God has called them to live. For some it means changing careers to joyfully use their gifts and passions for a purpose, for others it means staying home with their babies, for some it means to open up the floodgates of generosity, and for many it simply means to ease the tension money and finances have put on their day-to-day life.

I’ve found a few ways to serve others with these gifts. The first is through offering professional financial coaching for families looking to improve their financial life. Some people are doing ok and looking to do good, while others are doing good and looking to do great. These are people with purpose, with passion, and with the dedication to create real change so they can live the life God has called them to live. Each and every one of them are heroes in my book! This professional part of my life will also involve speaking, workshops, podcasting, and writing.

I’ve also been blessed with an opportunity to serve my local church – The Ridge in Ankeny, IA (suburban Des Moines) – by launching a formal financial ministry. In this ministry, we hope to raise up a team of leaders who can help people honor God with their finances. Through teaching, speaking, coaching, and workshops, we want to serve the people of our church with love, compassion, and truth. Check out this link to learn more about what we’re doing at The Ridge.

This brings us here, to this blog. Every time I push something into the world, whether it be on FB, IG, or Twitter, I ask myself one simple question: “why am I doing this?” If the answer is anything but “to entertain”, “to educate”, or “to inspire”, I simply hit delete and move on with my life. I want to add value in all that I do, and never want it to become about me. So with this blog, I hope to entertain, educate, and inspire those who desire to live a better life. A life with purpose. A life they will one day look back on and be proud of. If you are one of those people, I hope you find value in this blog and continue to read, engage, and share.

Thanks, and here’s to new beginnings!