The Power of Scarcity

I’m a World Cup fanatic. I don’t watch a lot of soccer year-round, but at the same time, I’m on record believing the World Cup is the greatest sporting event in the world. Country vs. country, so little margin for error, and billions of people watching. The stakes are so high. However, there’s one other ingredient that helps create World Cup magic. Scarcity. It only happens once every four years and only 32 countries qualify. In other words, it’s a huge deal!

Scarcity plays a huge role in all our lives. Think about the things you get most excited about. Common answers may include births, weddings, graduations, and big vacations. A common thread between all of these is scarcity. They are inherently special because they are scarce. Even the anticipation of these events can be as fun and fulfilling as the experience itself.

Sarah and I will be traveling to Asia in early 2023, which will be the first time traveling abroad in nearly three years. The anticipation of this trip will be higher than ever. Not just because it’s a trip abroad, but because of how scarce they have become. I used to travel abroad 5-8 times per year, every year. Those trips were always fun, but they lacked scarcity. Now, however, I have a huge anticipation for what’s to come.

Too much of a good thing isn’t necessarily a good thing. This is a trap we’ve fallen into when it comes to our finances. Many of us indulge, indulge, indulge, then indulge some more. Then when I’m meeting with a client in a coaching setting, I can tell the lack of scarcity has ruined it for them. They successfully turned something special into something normal. It’s sad when it happens, but it’s an easy trap to fall into. When we remove scarcity, we can rob ourselves of what makes it special.

Fortunately, if we have an awareness and intentionality about our decisions, we control what stays scarce and what becomes normalized. Embrace scarcity!

Home Alone: Thanksgiving Edition

Home Alone is on my Mount Rushmore of holiday movies. It’s a classic! I think what makes it particularly special for me was the fact I was the same age as Kevin McCallister when it came out. I always pictured myself in Kevin’s shoes. Eating tons of junk food, watching R-rated movies, and beating up bad guys with gruesome handmade booby traps!

Well, my wish came true on Thanksgiving! But instead of sledding down the stairs, target shooting Starting Lineup figures with a BB gun, and rummaging through Buzz’s personal belongings, I was curled up on the couch in the fetal position while my family was in Kansas City celebrating with loved ones. I was left home alone, but in the worst of ways. I’m glad they still went and enjoyed their time together, but wow I missed them! There were some lonely moments and stretches of self-loathing. Instead of eating turkey and pumpkin pie, I was enjoying saltines and Gatorade. Instead of playing with my kids and nieces, I was in and out of consciousness while in a constant state of agony.

It’s days like that when I’m reminded how important our health is. We take it for granted when we’re well, but we’re desperate to have it back when we lose it. When it comes to our finances and habits, I’m not sure my family invests in health as much as we should. As I always say, we need to align our budget and behaviors with our values. If I really value health, I’m not sure there’s a true alignment. It can be a humbling moment when we realize we’re living out of alignment. I think it’s time to make some changes!

Two questions for you to think about today:

1) In what ways do you invest in your health?

2) What parts of your budget and behavior don’t align with your values?

Black Friday Doesn't Have Feelings

Some people worship at the alter of Black Friday.

Some people think Black Friday is evil.

I disagree with both. Black Friday doesn’t have feelings…..it’s just another day. Well, I guess this particular day has some pretty big sales and encourages us to spend money, but so what?!? There’s nothing wrong with scoring a sweet Black Friday deal. Did you need it? Who cares! That’s not what matters.

What matters is we’re financially responsible, our spending fits within the context of our broader plan, we don’t make decisions that will hurt our future selves, and we don’t end up with feelings of guilt/resentment.

Last year, I impulsively purchased a foot massager on Black Friday. I didn’t know I “needed” a foot massager until I had one. I keep it under my desk and it’s awesome. Ridiculous, I know. But I already had money set aside in the budget for such occasion, it looked cool, turns out I really enjoy it, and it was worth every penny of my heavily discounted purchase price. #winning

What should you do on Black Friday? Whatever you want! Don’t let others shame you or jam their values and perspectives down your throat. After all, Black Friday doesn’t have feelings. It’s just a day.

Thankful For What We DO Have

The act of being thankful focuses our eyes on what we do have, not what we don’t have. When we’re thankful, we think of the friends and family we do have, not the ones we don’t have. When we’re thankful, we think of the job and opportunities we do have, not the ones we don’t have. When we’re thankful, we think of the house, vehicle, and possessions we do have, not the ones we don’t have. When we’re thankful, we think of the gifts, skills, and passions we do have, not the ones we don’t have.

It’s so easy to set our minds on all the things we don’t have, which causes us to lose perspective of what we do have. Whenever we walk with a posture of gratitude, we can think less about what we don’t have, and more about what we do have. Doing so breeds humility and contentment.

I’m grateful for what I have…..every bit of it. But it’s those selfish days or moments when I think about what I don’t have that can sour me. Today, I choose gratitude. Tomorrow, I hope to choose gratitude as well. Each day we have a choice. Let’s choose gratitude every day. Happy Thanksgiving, all!!

If Only We Were Rich

Do you ever look around and notice people in your life who are rich? Man, if only we were rich like them! The things we could buy….the things we could do. Life would be so much better if we were rich. It must be nice to be rich like them…..

…..but then I take a step back and remember two things:

1) Having a $40,000/year income puts us in the top 1% income earners in the world.

2) Having just $5,000 to our name puts us in the top half of the richest people in the world.

Wait, we are rich! We’re just so busy comparing ourselves to even richer people that we’ve lost perspective along the way. Comparison can rot us from the inside-out. Let’s be grateful for what we have, not jealous of what we don’t have.

This post was written for me. Travis, remember this.

Old Habits Die Hard

“I’m sorry, but old habits die hard.” These were frustrated words proclaimed by a client during a recent coaching meeting. This quote was thrown out during a somewhat tense conversation about a few of his questionable decisions and repeat offenses. I wasn’t asking him to perform brain surgery….these were simple adjustments in behavior.

Though my perspective of these changes being “simple” is correct, so too are his words. Old habits do indeed die hard. We can’t repeat the same behaviors and processes for decades then suddenly make a 180-degree shift overnight. That’s now how human behavior works. It took years to establish these harmful behaviors, so it’s going to take several months (at a minimum) to re-wire them into healthy behaviors.

I don’t say all this to demean my friend. In fact, he’s in the perfect spot. He has a keen self-awareness of his behavioral pitfalls, he’s taking steps to create new structure around it, he’s persistent, he knows his “why”, and he’s giving himself grace along the way. This is all we can ask for. I know he’s going to win. Why? Because he’s playing the long game. Get a little better each month, and do it for the right reasons. He’s definitely going to fail along the way. After all, old habits die hard. But this is more about the journey than the destination.

If you’re in your 30s, 40s, or 50s (or older), it’s never too late. It’s going to take some time and intentionality, but you, too, can re-wire these behaviors to create a healthy relationship with money. If you’re in your 20s, you probably haven’t had a chance yet to fall deeply entrenched into bad financial behaviors. What an opportunity for you! This is the beauty of getting this money stuff right when you’re young. It’s so much easier to create healthy habits and behaviors when you’re fresh in the adulting game, preventing you from having to dig out and re-wire further down the road when it’s significantly harder to do so.

What’s one financial habit you can start/stop during this season of life? Pick one thing and try to get a little better each day/week/month.

** If you want to learn more about creating healthy habits around money, check out my recent appearance on the Happily Every Habits podcast and connect with host Jason Harwood’s content. This guy is awesome and he knows his stuff!

The Chicken and Egg of Networking

When the term “networking” is used, I usually get a queasy feeling about it. Perhaps it’s just me, but in my world the term is generally used in the context of meeting people for the purpose of selling something or creating some other form of financial gain.

First, I’m not against selling and I’m not against people gaining financially. As a business owner, I understand the importance of earning an income to care for my family and earning the right to serve my clients again next month. But when we treat networking as transactional, it smells funny and looks bad. People can feel it. I meet people all the time where I can immediately tell their motive is to get something from me. Not a great way to establish a relationship. No part of me wants to do business with them.

To me, networking feels like a chicken and egg scenario. For many, the purpose is to get something from the other person…..let’s call that the chicken. Meeting someone so that you can do business with them. The alternative: creating a genuine relationship with someone because relationships matter. Some relationships are deeper than others, but a genuine relationship adds value to our life regardless of the intimacy level. Sure, it may be good to someday do business with someone, but the relationship should take precedent.

Here’s the irony. The people who AREN’T primarily seeking to make money through networking are the ones who ultimately make money. We want to do business with people we know and trust…..you know, the people we have genuine relationships with. This is the egg. Doing the right thing for the right reasons. Creating a genuine relationship with someone. Knowing them, caring about them, understanding their needs, finding ways to add value to their life. That’s when business is at its finest.

Chicken or egg….I hope you’re the egg today.

Work From Rest, Not Work For Rest

I have an amazing assistant named Paige. To be more precise, she’s my future former assistant. She’s leaving our company to pursue a bigger passion, and she will be dearly missed. I couldn’t be more excited for her and I try to be her biggest encourager every step of the way. But, man, I’m going to miss her.

A while back as we were wrapping up a team meeting on a Friday afternoon, she added a closing statement. “Remember to work from rest, not work for rest.” I thought a lot about this idea after our conversation. I think it’s a beautiful way to put work and life in perspective.

For many, work is a necessary evil. We grind it out all week, counting down the days and hours until the weekend arrives. Once there, we need that rest to heal from the brutal week we’ve just experienced…..before begrudgingly heading into the following week which may be just as brutal. I’ve been there! Sometimes the anticipation of the approaching weekend was the only thing getting me through the slog of my work responsibilities. I think most people can relate to this. This is what it means to work for rest.

The alternative, as Paige puts it, is working from rest. Rest isn’t an escape from our work, it’s a preparation to eagerly jump back into the work. This is a sweet spot to be. We enjoy our work all week, look forward to resting on the weekend, then get excited to do it again the following week. If it sounds counter-cultural, it’s because it is. Not many people live this existence, though we each have the ability to access it in our own lives.

This weekend we have a handful of family events planned. It will be fun and it will be restful. Then, I’ll be excited and ready to do the good work in store for me the following week. Working from rest, not working for rest.

The Why Behind the Why Behind the Why

When I’m having a conversation with people, especially in a coaching setting, I repeatedly ask the question, “why?” I sound like my 6-year-olds, I know. I find that when “why?” is asked, we continually get closer to the truth.

I was recently meeting with a client who expressed an interest in buying a new house. They already live in a very nice house, in a very nice part of town, in a very solid school district. This intrigued me, so I started the process of unearthing the truth:

“Why?”…..”We need something bigger to comfortably fit our family.” They already have a 4-bedroom house and they are pregnant with their second child. I knew we weren’t deep enough yet.

“Why?”…..”We also want to be in a safer neighborhood.” They already live in a notoriously safe neighborhood in a notoriously safe town. We still weren’t there.

“Why?”…..”We’ll enjoy living in the new house more than our current house.” Ok, now we’re getting somewhere. We still needed to go deeper.

“Why?” This is the part where I was expecting them to go down the material side of things. After all, that pool and theater room were indeed pretty sweet!!! “Because we earned it.” Oh, now we’re cooking!

With the fourth “why?”, we finally broke through and the truth was approaching. After a few minutes, it was revealed that the husband’s father had always equated one’s success with their house. People who had bigger, nicer houses were obviously more successful. Therefore, buying a better house would be an external symbol of how successful they had become. That was their real “why.”

My role here wasn’t to criticize their prospective decision to buy this house, but rather for them to understand their true motives and be honest about it…..then make the best decision for their family. This was a profound discussion for them and provided an opportunity for self-reflection and introspection.

They eventually decided to purchase a different house, but armed with new insights about why they were really doing it, they ended up purchasing a different house. I think they won. We always win when we understand the why behind the why behind the why.

It's the Same 10 Miles Either Way

I was recently meeting with a client who drives a very average car. Seven years old, 120,000 miles, nothing fancy. When I asked him why he hadn’t made the choice to buy something nicer (because that’s what most people naturally do), he responded, “it’s the same 10 miles either way. Driving this car lets me do all the other things I want to do when I’m not driving those 10 miles.”

There’s so much truth in his dry but poignant response. Regardless of what vehicle he drives, he still has the same commute, on the same roads, over the same period of time, each and every day. Now it’s true people won’t admire his vehicle and give him a virtual pat on the back for being “successful”, but he gains something so much more powerful.

His singular decision to drive with humility has unlocked so many opportunities for him. There are only two ways to drive a newer, fancier vehicle: 1) large monthly payments over the course of several years, or 2) a large chunk of up-front cash. Both have consequences….inescapable consequences.

For this particular family, their choice has resulted in better family vacations, contributions to their children’s college fund, the wife staying at home with the kids (one of her aspirations), an appropriately funded retirement, and limited financial stress/tension.

Sure it’s the same 10 miles each day, but to this family, their counter-cultural decision changes everything!

Give Away All the Fruit Snacks

A while back, my 5-year-old son, Pax, came into the house and asked Sarah if he could get a package of fruit snacks for himself and also give one to his neighbor friend. Sarah immediately said yes, and that was that. A bit later, Pax comes tearing through the house, grabs another package of fruit snacks, and starts to run out the door. Sarah asked what he was doing, and he said he was getting one for another neighbor friend. Sarah, focusing primarily on the thought of how this will further erode our quickly dwindling grocery inventory (#growingboys), admonished Pax and said he shouldn’t be giving away more fruit snacks.

First, I need to clarify something: Sarah is a generous person with a loving heart. But in this situation, she viewed it as more of a grocery situation than a giving situation. When I got home and she told me this story, I felt terrible for Pax. All these years, we continually talk about giving, giving, and more giving. It’s one of the primary values of our family and we discuss it frequently. Then once he has an opportunity to put these ideas into practice, he gets in trouble for it. Ouch! After discussing this with Sarah, she agreed with my perspective and felt bad for how she handled herself.

I pulled Pax aside and said, “hey man, I heard you gave away two packages of fruit snacks to your friends!” He looked at me sheepishly, as if he’d done something wrong, and nodded his head up and down. I quickly explained to him how Mom didn’t mean it that way, and he indeed did a very good thing. I told him I’d be extremely proud of him if he decided to give away all the fruit snacks. We can never be too generous, and his decision to get a second package of fruit snacks was a sign of love (not neglegence). After a few minutes, his spirits were lifted. He confidently walked into the pantry, grabbed a handful of fruit snacks, and took them out to the other neighbor kids who had since joined the game.

Two lessons:

1) The words and actions shared with our kids make far more impact than we’d like to admit. It can be a humbling journey as a parent.

2) You can never give away too many fruit snacks!

This Job Serves a Purpose (Even if it Sucks)

A dear friend recently reached out with a confession: she’s kinda embarrassed about her current job. Instead of telling people her job title, she tries to simply tell them the company she works for. If forced to share her role, she’ll lead with what she used to do. Admittedly, her current role isn’t the best use of her skills and passions. I know that and she knows that.

However, I reminded her of a few things to keep in mind:

1) Her job doesn’t define her. It’s not her identity. It’s not what determines her value.

2) All jobs matter! When we boil it down to its simplest form, all jobs allow us to serve someone and add value through our good work. Even if we don’t particularly enjoy our work, we can at least know we’re adding value and making the lives of others better.

3) Life is about seasons. This particular role is just for a season, and it too shall pass. If approached in that way, all parts of our life (the good and the crappy) can be used as a bridge to get us from where we are to where we want to be. This job is the perfect bridge for her! This is undoubtedly setting the table for what’s to come.

It’s true, she doesn’t have the best job in the world right now. But I gotta tell you, this young lady is amazing. She just started a side business, she has a few side jobs that align with her passions, she’s married to an awesome man, and she’s about to become a mom. In my book, she’s doing a wonderful job and she’s right where she needs to be. I have a feeling we’ll all look back a few years from now and marvel at how it all came together so beautifully.

Cheers to this season of life…..and the better season that’s coming!

Welcome to The Daily Meaning

Well hello there! Long time, no see. While things have been a bit (ok, a LOT) quiet on the blog front, there’s been a lot of things going on. In addition to my ongoing coaching, I’ve been writing for a few regional and international publications, I co-authored my first book, I’ve guested on a bunch of podcasts, I started doing more public speaking, and we’re more than 170 episodes into our Meaning Over Money Podcast. It’s been a lot, but it’s been awesome!

Through all this, two things have become clear:

1) I really miss publishing on my own blog!

2) I have a strong desire to produce short-form content that’s quicker and easier to digest. Most of the content I produce is longer in form. 1,000+ word articles, 60-minute podcast interviews, 15-minute Meaning Over Money episodes, etc.

With those two things in mind, I’ve been developing something that I’m excited to introduce to you today. Welcome to The Daily Meaning, a series of short-form blog posts that will be published multiple times per week.

My goal is to produce short but powerful content that will give you something to think about each morning, which will be delivered right to your inbox if you’re a subscriber. If you’re not a subscriber and you’re viewing this article on the website, you can quickly sign up for free (below if you’re on a phone/tablet or to the right if you’re on a computer). The content will vary from day to day, but it will aim to educate, entertain, or inspire. I hope you find it valuable to your own journey, and perhaps worth sharing with someone in your life.

Your feedback is always appreciated, and I hope this creates a productive dialogue in the days, weeks, months, and years to come. Thanks for being part of this! It means the world to me.

40 is the New 0, Revisited

What’s up, fam!?  It’s been a hot minute since publishing a blog post, if 9 months can be considered a hot minute.  As always, life throws unexpected curveballs.  One such curveball was the release of our podcast, Meaning Over Money.  Just like that, we’re more than 40 episodes in.  

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A while back, I published a piece titled “40 is the New 0”, which was a reflection on my friend Dan turning 40.  Since that time, I met a similar fate by hitting the big four-oh.  I’m typically not fazed by birthdays, and they usually seem inconsequential to me (16, 18, and 21 not withstanding).  This one got me, though.  Much to my despair (then eventually delight), my wife threw me a surprise 40th birthday party in July.  Lots of my favorite people were there, and we had a blast.  A few minutes in, there was this moment when I walked into my friend’s garage and saw a big banner reading “Happy 40th Travis.”  Honestly, this was the moment it hit me…..“oh crap, I’m 40!”  It was a surreal moment, and one that hit me harder than I would have ever anticipated.  Fortunately for me, I recovered quickly and have acclimated to my new next-decade status.

As I reflect on that day, I can’t help but think about the blog post I wrote about my friend Dan turning 40.  When I see the number, it feels old.  However, I then take a step back and realize I’m just getting started.  Looking through the lens of my working adult life, I’m 17 years in, with hopefully another 50 good working years left in me.  In other words, I’m only about 25% done with my career.  25%!!  Using a basketball analogy, the first quarter just ended and I’m preparing for the second quarter to begin.  In my basketball career, it always seemed to take me a bit to get into the flow of the game.  I was always a starter, so I usually played the first 6-7 minutes.  Sadly, I rarely shined during this stint.  Coach would take me out towards the end of the first quarter where I’d get a breather and hop back into the game a few minutes into the second quarter.  That second quarter stint is where I would shine.  I don’t know why, exactly.  Maybe I had worked out my nervous energy, or had adapted to what the defenders were throwing at me, or just finally worked my way into the rhythm of the game.  But for whatever reason, my best production was always after the first quarter.

So here I am in life, coming out of the huddle between the first and second quarter.  That first quarter felt pretty good.  I spent 15 years in commercial real estate, investing on behalf of clients all over the world.  I found my faith, and developed ways to use my unique gifts to serve the Kingdom.  I’ve been married for 11 years, most of them good (full transparency: those early years sucked!).  I’ve been a high school youth group leader for the last 8 years…..talk about a humbling experience!  I’ve been on boards for many non-profits.  I’ve spent the past five years parenting my two little boys, Finn and Pax (again, humbling!).  And lastly, I’ve spent the past two years building my company.  What started with a desire to walk alongside families one-on-one has expanded into speaking, writing, a video course, YouTube, and now podcasting.  It’s been a wild ride.  Just like my basketball days, this first quarter felt bumpy as I was trying to get acclimated to the game.  I had nervous energy, I was trying to adapt to what life was throwing at me, and was trying to work myself into the rhythm of the game.  

So here I am, starting the second quarter of my career.  Just like basketball, I believe this is where I will start to shine!  How does 40-year-old me compare to that energetic, wide-eyed 23-year-old kid who graduated college and thought he was going to take over the world?  

• Today’s me has far more self-awareness than that young guy ever did.  In fact, I don’t think that young guy knew who he was at all. 

• Today’s me has far more skills than that young guy.  That’s what happens after nearly two decades of repetition, hundreds of books, endless podcasts, dozens of conferences, and other types of training. Looking back, I’m not sure what skills that young guy even had.

• Today’s me has far more experience than that young guy.  Skills are important, but pale in comparison to experience.  The only thing that can give us experience is, well, experience.  Failing over and over and over.  Encountering new situations, new problems, new opportunities, new challenges, new battles, new fears, and new (you fill in the blank).  Experience changes us, and that young guy had none.

• Today’s me has far more relationships than that young guy.  That’ll happen when you work alongside others, play alongside others, travel alongside others, serve alongside others, mentor others, and be mentored by others.  Quality relationships are a foundation for a fulfilling life.  I’m not sure how many that young guy had, but wow, today’s me is beyond blessed with relationships that make life worth living.  

• Today’s me has far more resources than that young guy.  This one is probably obvious.  Coming out of college, I had three things to my name:   1) a few thousand dollars, 2) a car I couldn’t afford, and 3) a mountain of debt.  In other words, not only did he have no resources, he actually had negative resources.  Today’s me is blessed with lots of resources thanks to making some very counter-cultural financial decisions in my late 20s after experiencing the profound pain caused by the Great Financial Crisis.  

• Today’s me has far more influence than that young guy.  Frankly, I’m not sure that young guy had any influence.  He couldn’t influence his way out of a wet paper sack.  Today’s me is just in a different place.  Influence seems to be woven into all the areas of life, from my coaching, to speaking, to social media, to the various forms of content we produce, to the many organizations who reach out for advice, to the boards I have the privilege of serving, and to the countless young people I have the honor of mentoring.  

With all that being said, I can’t pass up on this opportunity to criticize, ridicule, and call out the FIRE Movement (never let a good opportunity go to waste!).  If I were to follow all these FIRE pharisees, I would be at the point in life where I’m trying to finish out my selfish pursuit to hoard enough money to wind down this stupid working stuff.  Lean FIRE, Fat FIRE, Barista FIRE…..or whatever other dumb hoarding statuses we should be achieving.  Pack it in and go ride off into the sunset, where I would coast out the remaining years of my life by milking off the assets I’ve been selfishly hoarding all these years.  To me, this sounds like one of the most pathetic and selfish lives we can live.  

What’s the alternative, you ask?  The alternative is to embrace this opportunity.  To realize today’s you probably has more self-awareness, more skills, more experience, more relationships, more resources, and more influence than you’ve ever had before.  And time!  So much time.  Most of us today will likely live into our 90s, meaning the majority of people reading this still have many decades left.  You have two choices on what to do with it.  One path would be to continue to race towards the retirement finish line, where you can live a selfish life of leisure, enjoying the fruits of your hoarding labor.  The other path is to embrace the opportunities and challenges ahead, knowing the impact you’ve made in the prior season of life will pale in comparison to what’s coming.  Each and every one of us has the power to change this world.  But that power comes with a choice:  use it confidently and boldly, or sheepishly and selfishly walk away. 

““Each and every one of us has the power to change this world. But that power comes with a choice: use it confidently and boldly, or sheepishly and selfishly walk away.””

Sadly, most people will choose to walk away.  After all, the idea of living a life of leisure while coasting through as much of life as we can sounds awfully appealing.  Travel, golf, beaches, and all the other stereotypically better-than-work activities.  There are days where that even sounds appealing to me.  But then I remember something.  True fulfillment, true joy, and true happiness aren’t products of leisure.  They are products of meaning, which can only come from creating impact on others and pursuing meaningful work.  

Rest is great!  Sitting on the beach?  Love it!  Taking time off to relax with friends and family?  So good!  Traveling to fun places?  Not much better than that!  But we weren’t meant to make these things the center of life.  We were meant to do good work……and find ways to incorporate these rejuvenating endeavors into our life.  

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I can already see the hate mail coming, and I know what 80% of them will say:

“You need to enjoy life, Travis!” – Yeah, life is awesome!  Doing meaningful work makes life better…..much better!  In fact, I would argue the juxtaposition of hard work and rest creates a beautiful illustration of what it looks like to live a life of meaning.  Work without rest will result in fatigue, burnout, and eventually failure.  That doesn’t mean work is bad!  Alternatively, rest without work will result in loss of meaning, erosion of creativity, and a drain in our spirit.  Once in a while, my wife and I will go out for an amazing meal.  We spend weeks looking forward to it, anticipating what the experience will be like, and finally savoring the moment together. Part of what makes it special is it’s not an everyday occurrence.  If we had that meal every day, eventually it would taste like peanut butter and jelly sandwiches.  Rest is much the same.  When we work hard and pour ourselves into creating impact on others, that rest feels so much sweeter.  If that rest becomes life itself, it loses its sweetness.  It would become the lifestyle equivalent of peanut butter and jelly sandwiches.  

“Travis, the goal isn’t to stop working…..it’s to do work I enjoy” – Awesome!  I love that, but why does that require you to grind for years (or decades) at a job you hate, selfishly hoarding money along the way?  Why don’t you pursue that meaningful work tomorrow?  Or better yet, today!?!?  Behavioral scientists have proven over and over money doesn’t cause happiness once our basic needs are met.  If that’s true, why are we diving head-first down the path of hoarding?  If we’re faced with a decision between meaning and money, we should ALWAYS choose meaning.  Instead, most of us pursue money, falsely believing meaning is on the other side of the money.  Believe me, I’ve tried!  I’ve been to the other side of the mountain, and I’ve returned to tell you there’s no meaning over there.  In fact, it can be a sad and desolate place.  I need to be real, though.  It can be a sad and desolate place filled with big houses, fancy cars, high-tech gadgets, and extravagant travel, but a sad and desolate place nonetheless.  This sounds like an impossible contradiction, but some of you know exactly what I’m talking about.  You’ve been to the other side of that mountain as well.  Welcome back!

“!#&# you, Travis!!!” – Noted.

“It’s possible to have both meaning and money.” – Yes, you’re correct.  But here’s a secret.  You can’t have both by pursuing money.  When you pursue money, you may actually win and end up with money….but there will be a gaping hole in your heart where the meaning should live.  However, you can have both if you pursue meaning.  Often, when we pursue meaning, the money will follow.  Why?  Because when we pour our heart, our soul, our energy, and our time into something we deeply care about, it’s much more likely we will succeed.  I call it doing the right thing for the right reasons.  Just pursue the meaning and let God sort it out.  When we do that, so much richness can be experienced in life.  I can take or leave the riches, but the richness is what I crave.  

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One last thought for my Christian friends.  There’s no scenario where true Christianity and FIRE can coincide.  By definition, FIRE is seizing control of your life (and finances), become independent, and requires you to selfishly hoard (i.e. not be generous) in order to get there.  By definition, Christianity is relinquishing control of your life (and finances), remain dependent upon Him, and requires you to generously pour yourself into the world every step of the way.  If we are giving joyfully and sacrificially, there’s no way for us to ever reach FIRE.  

As I wrap up my reflection on turning 40, I hope I’ve either inspired, empowered, encouraged, offended, or infuriated you.  I’m ok with any of these outcomes, but I hope it moved you, nonetheless.  More than anything, I pray you find your meaning, and use however many years God blesses you with to pursue meaning work and create impact on others.  

Hey Money Hoarders, There's the Door (Next to the New PS5)

I’ve been watching something really fun (and sad) play out on social media over the last week. With the recent release of the new PS5 (and it's $400/$500 price tag), I can’t go 20 minutes without seeing a personal finance guru talk down to people who have or want to buy one.

“If you invest that $500 in the stock market, it would be worth $16,000 by the time you turn 65”….blah blah blah

“Instead of wasting your time playing video games, you should be reading business books and building your empire”…..blah blah blah

“You should deposit that money in your emergency fund where it will give you security instead of buying something that will be in a landfill 8 years from now”……blah blah blah

“Instead of buying a Sony Playstation, you should buy shares of Sony so you can make money off all the other suckers who are buying PS5s”….blah blah blah

Maybe this is a sign I should better select who I follow on social media? Yikes, we’ll save that one for another day.

Back to the PS5. Am I going to buy a new PS5? Probably not. Or at least not right now…..maybe sometime down the road. But here’s the important part about what I just said: my answer is only applicable to me, in November 2020. Personal finance is just that, personal. For me, it’s not worth the price..…right now. However, it’s not about the price tag of a PS5. I could afford a PS5, but right now there’s probably something else I’d like to do with that money. We’re planning to take the family to Thailand sometime soon (c’mon COVID, you’re killing me!). That will easily cost $3,000 for the plane tickets. I’d like for my wife to have the opportunity to start regularly getting her nails done again sometime soon. I’d like to spend a couple hundred more per month going on date nights. So it’s not about the money. It’s about what’s important to my family, and in what priority.

Oh yeah, and also, since when did we start making all of our life decisions around math? I’m a finance guy. If I made all of my life decisions based around how much wealth not buying ____ product or not having ____ experience, I’d have WAAAY more money than I do now. I’d also be considered a hoarder.

I’m kind of a broken record on this, but it’s worth mentioning. In order to have a healthy relationship with money, we need to be able to save, give, AND spend. All three are important. We live in this crazy culture that says saving is wise, giving is good, and spending is irresponsible. I think that’s toxic thinking. We NEED to be able to spend if we want to have a healthy relationship with money. For you, that might mean a sweet new PS5. Or some new clothes. Or a memorable trip. Or that watch you’ve had your eye on. Or that fun dinner with your friends or family. But you get to choose.

I was once in a coaching meeting with a 40-something couple. The wife said “I know this is irresponsible, but we spend about $2,000/month going out to dinner.” Then, her smile was washed away by a look of guilt. Before forming an opinion on this crazy-sounding expense, I asked if we could push pause on that specific topic and come back around to it after we’ve gone through the rest of their financials.

Here’s where we landed. I encouraged them to continue spending this money each month, for the following reasons:

• Going out to nice dinners with friends brought a lot of joy to them and they enjoyed treating their friends and family to these fun experiences. It was also valuable together time away from the kids.

• They didn’t really care much about cars, stuff, or travel. Those expenses were intentionally low in their life.

• They were extremely generous and were continuing to give more and more.

• They were saving for future needs/wants and had prepared well.

• They didn’t have any debt and lived with a lot of margin.

• Spending this money on going out to eat truly added value to their lives!

It’s not what I would have done. It’s probably not what you would do. But it was the right thing for them. Personal finance is always personal. Had this family not spent on restaurants or aggressively pursued generosity, they could have easily turned into hoarders. After discussing this idea, they actually admitted hoarding is in their family background and they can see how their wiring could easily push them down that hole.

So here’s the question: should you buy a PS5? Maybe. Maybe not. It really depends on why you’re doing it, how much value it will add to your life, and whether you’ve made wise decisions to be able to afford it in a healthy way.

I was recently talking to a former youth group kid. He’s a typical broke college student. Crappy apartment, eating ramen, donating plasma for some extra cash. He told me he ordered a new PS5. I responded, “whoa, how did you afford that?” Inside, I was afraid he was going to say “I just put it on my credit card.” Instead, his response caught me off-guard. He explained how way back when, probably 5-6 years ago, he took my youth group money class when he was a sophomore in high school. I was teaching about how one way to make bigger purchases affordable (like cars, college, tech) is to break it up into a monthly savings plan. He said shortly after that, he decided to start saving $10/month and would probably use the money to buy “video game stuff.” Fast forward to today, that $10/month had accumulated to around $600……which just so happens to be enough to buy a new PS5.

This young person grasped onto a really important financial concept, understood what would add value to his life, had the discipline to save every month, had even more discipline to not blow that money somewhere along the road, and today he was rewarded with a pretty cool purchase. Yeah, I’d say that guy did some good work! And I’m so glad he didn’t other people in his life convince him it was “irresponsible” to buy it. This was an amazing lesson for him, and it will surely help propel him to bigger and better things down the road. I’m proud of him!

So for everyone out there admonishing people for buying PS5s, or going on a trip, or going to a fun restaurant, or buying some new clothes, calm down. You can continue to hoard if you want, pursuing more wealth and an ever-earlier retirement. That’s cool. As for me and the people I have the privilege of serving, we’ll continue down our “irresponsible” road of living a balanced, healthy, meaningful life.

40 is the New 0

A few weeks ago, one of my close friends turned 40. I’m not one to buy guy friends birthday cards, but c’mon it’s 40!! So I bought him a card and started writing. I’m totally paraphrasing here…..mostly because I can’t remember the exact words I wrote. I had bad news and good news for him. The bad news: he’s old. I have the creative freedom to tell him things like that since I’m quickly running up on that milestone as well. He’s nearing half a century old. He’s been living his adult life longer than he lived his pre-adult life. But here’s the good news: he will soon be wrapping up the 40 least impactful years of his life. Yes, you read that correctly. Those were the 40 least impactful years he’ll ever have. During those 40 years, he had a cool childhood, crushed the high school sports game, went on to play collegiate athletics, got married, found a career, had kids, found a better career, raised kids, all the while growing in his faith and his relationships. But yet those were the 40 least impactful years of his life.

As I think about his journey and his life, I can’t help but think about my own. After all, I too am nearing the big four-oh mark. And as I sit here in my late 30s - not “old” like him - I can’t help but think about how amazing the future looks. In a lot of ways, everything we’ve been through is just a training for everything we’re yet to do. All the experiences, all the learning, all the successes, all the failures. Each one building on top of the last. Day by day, block by block. The time goes by so fast! I don’t know about him, but I feel like I was playing high school basketball just last month. I feel like I was moving into that college dorm room just last week. And I feel like I was starting my first adult job just yesterday. It just goes by so dang fast.

So here he is, beginning his 40th year. Today, he has more relationships, more experience, more knowledge, more resources, more wisdom, more confidence, and more purpose than at any point in his life. His starting spot for the next 40 years will be better than any other time in the history of his life. That’s a perspective we don’t often talk about. We live in a culture that says we should be racing to the finish line known as retirement. We should run as fast as we can. Do whatever we need to do to accelerate the process and fall over that finish line so we can start to live the life we want. In fact, there’s an entire movement bubbling up in our culture around this concept. It’s called FIRE, which stands for “Financial Independence Retire Early.” On the surface, what they advocate for is really good: financial independence. Making good financial decisions, getting out of debt, and living with margin so our finances aren’t a burden in our day-to-day life. But the problem is it gets twisted around and taken to another level by glorifying retirement…..and even worse, the-earlier-the-better. I spend a lot of time in the personal finance social media world……and see a lot of this content. I cringe often, as I know so many people are going to be so disappointed when they hoard, hoard, and hoard, only to realize one day no amount of money or “independence” will truly make them happy. There’s something so important missing from the equation: meaning. Just last week, I stumbled upon a young lady’s social media account where she talked about scheduling a retirement date in her calendar 8 years from now……she’s 29 today. Her singular focus is to save (er, hoard) as much money as possible for that next 8 years and hang up the briefcase at the old age of 37. Don't worry, though, she said she still wants to maintain some hobbies to keep her occupied once she retires. Even sadder, there were dozens of people dropping comments to applaud her, encourage her, and celebrate her goal. She obviously gets to do what she wants, and I certainly don’t have the relational equity in her life to try to directly influence her. My prayer for her is that she finds something that inspires her, angers her, and fuels her towards a deeper meaning and a mission worth pursuing. If not, we will all suffer, as we won’t get to experience all the amazing influence and impact she could have had on this world. It will be stolen from us, and from her, and repackaged as an idealized life of leisure. And our culture will rejoice.

We often hear stories about the old man who worked his whole life, only to die 8 months after he retired. We look at that story and we use it to perpetuate this notion that “we need to hurry up and retire so we can enjoy life, or else we miss our chance.” But what if we have it backwards? What if this man’s passing wasn’t a terribly-timed coincidence, but rather the consequence of losing meaning? After all, these stories aren’t rare…..they repeat over, and over, and over. Someday, I believe some really smart scientists are going to prove my notion correct, and it’s going to shake our understanding of our retirement culture to the core. After all, this is America….and we’re all trying to achieve the American dream: grind away at a career we can tolerate, procure a bunch of nice stuff, retire as soon as possible, and live a life of leisure with whatever time we have remaining.

As for my “old” 40-year-old friend, he’s just getting started. The game is just beginning. Never before has he had more more relationships, more experience, more knowledge, more resources, more wisdom, more confidence, and more purpose than he has today. The last 40 years are going to be a joke compared to what’s in store for him and the impact he’ll surely make on this world. I look forward to writing the follow-up piece to this when he turns 80, where we can assess whether I was right or wrong. I’ll still be the young guy in my late 70s, mind you! Until that day comes, I’m going to keep doing what he’s doing. I’m going to wake up every day, full of purpose and meaning, excited to do what I’m about to do today, and do it every day until I physically or mentally can’t do it anymore. It won’t be perfect, and there’s going to be pain, and I’m most certainly going to fail, but I wouldn’t want it any other way. The next 40 years are going to be awesome! After all, 40 is the new 0, as they say.

The Silent Dream Killer

Cole and I recently recorded the debt section of our upcoming video course, Meaning Over Money. This was some pretty fire content and I can’t wait for the course members to experience it when we launch next month. In it, I refer to debt as the silent dream killer. Debt doesn't quietly sneak into our house when we’re sleeping at night. Rather, we invite it in, roll out the red carpet, welcome it with open arms, and tell it to stay as long as it wants.

Debt is the financial version of instant gratification. I want that car NOW…..so of course I’ll agree to pay $400/month for the next five years. I want that vacation NOW……so I’ll just put it on the credit card and worry about it later. I want that bigger house NOW……sure my mortgage payment will go up, but I can afford it. I want to upgrade my furniture and appliances NOW…….and the store has a really sweet 0% interest offer. Every act of financial instant gratification has one inevitable outcome: tomorrow’s me will have to pay the price for something yesterday’s me enjoyed. This sounds fine until we realize tomorrow will someday be today, and today will turn into yesterday. There will come a time after we get back from that trip, after the new-car smell wears off, after our house fever subsides, when we’ll still have to pay for the decision we made in the past. Over time, decision by decision, it starts to erode our freedom. The tension and pressure slowly builds. Not all at once, but more like the analogy of boiling a frog. Little by little, our dreams start to die. But we don’t make these decisions knowing it’s going to crush our dreams and our freedom. That’s not how it works…….which is why I call it the silent dream killer. It’s sneaky.

As I was writing the content for our Meaning Over Money course, I was reminded of a story I hadn’t thought about in a while. In early 2019, on the heels of making my decision to step away from my career and into my new pursuit, a few people started to take notice. A woman in my life, who was watching some of the decisions I was making and was aware of my expertise in coaching, approached me and asked if we could talk. She confided in me that her husband makes $300,000/year at his job, and she makes another $100,000. They were in their early 40s and have had a stellar income for many, many years. I wasn’t sure where this conversation was headed, but then it turned on a dime and her face started to change. She shared how her dream in life was to stay at home with her kids, but her husband’s $300,000 income alone wasn’t enough to support their family. Think about that! They couldn’t afford to drop from being in the top 1% of income earners in America……all the way down to the top 2% of income earners. They couldn’t pay the bills only making $300,000!!! That’s the negative power of debt, in action! She didn’t hate her job, but she so desperately wanted to live out her purpose of being a stay-at-home mom. She started sobbing. She felt trapped, hopeless, and helpless. On the surface, they were living the dream. Beautiful home, luxury cars, Instagram-worth vacations……they had it all! But every day she woke up sad, unfulfilled, and increasingly resentful. She would have given up all of the stuff and status in a heartbeat, but her husband and the culture around them saw it different.

When I think about her story, I get sad. I remember the look on her face, the desperation in her eyes. I started thinking more about her in the days following our recent recording session. So I reached out to her. I wanted to know how she’s doing. I went into that conversation with a lot of hope and optimism, but it was quickly squashed. One year has gone by since she vented to me about her situation. Since then, it’s only gotten worse. She’s grown to hate her job……and her anger and resentment towards her husband has magnified. On most days, she cries on the drive between daycare drop-off and the office. She says it feels like her dream is slipping away one day at a time. Her and her husband are in counseling, but she said it feels hopeless and divorce appears to be a possible (if not likely) outcome. In her words, her husband cares more about what others think of him (and the title below his name on his business card) than he does about her. He justifies it by saying he’s only trying to provide his family the best life possible, but all the while his marriage is dying and his wife’s spirit is draining.

This story feels heavy to me. It impacts me deeply. I wish I could say it’s an extreme story, or a rare story…..but unfortunately it’s not. I hear different versions of this story every single day. The details are different, the incomes are different, the dreams are different, and the decisions looks different. But one thing is consistent from story, to story, to story: the debt….the silent dream killer.

Here’s the important takeaway. If this particular family wants something better, something different, something awesome, they can have it! The decision is 100% theirs. And they can make that decision today! All they need to do is make one very difficult, very counter-cultural, very impact decision. It’s not easy, but it is simple. You and I also get to make that very same decision! Every one of us has a choice to make, and it’s 100% on us to make that choice. We aren’t victims of our income, or our education, or our circumstances, or the way we were raised, or anything else. Those things may make our journey a little harder or a little easier, but they cannot stop us from walking towards the light.

Some of us need to downsize our house (or apartment). Some of us need to downgrade our car. Some of us need to sell some toys. Some of us need to stop caring what others think. Some of us need to take a few less vacations. Some of us need to stop confusing our identity with our job title. Some of us need to take a step back and realize “providing for my family” does not mean providing them with all the stuff we never had growing up.

So, who’s with me? Who’s ready to make the hard choice? Who’s ready to kick the silent dream killer out of the house and replace it with a life full of meaning and impact?

Here's to the Next 49 Years

As I was scrolling through Facebook yesterday, I received a notification about memories “on this day.” These memories are usually populated by pictures of my kids, looking cute……or videos of my kids, doing something that will surely draw blood. Yesterday’s was different. It was the picture of 801 Grand, the signature building in the Des Moines skyline. It was a picture I took, exactly one year ago, as I walked out of that building for the very last time after a pretty amazing 15-year career. I remember that moment like it was yesterday. So many emotions running through my mind. I had just said my very last goodbye. It was Kristin, a very dear friend who I’d worked closely with for the better part of a decade. As I said that goodbye, I nearly lost it. It took every ounce of me to get into that elevator and make it out of the building in once piece. I spent the next 3 days in an absolute daze. It felt disorienting, scary, nostalgic, and exciting……and maybe a little bit of oh-crap-what-did-I-just-do. Wow, one year flew by fast!!!

These last 365 days have been wild, not to mention the COVID-19 quarantine life that’s shaken up everything we consider normal. As I reflect on this last year of entrepreneurship, I thought it would be worthwhile to jot down some of the lessons I’ve learned through the journey. And if I wasn’t self-conscious enough about my shortcomings, I’ll just go ahead and broadcast them to the world! So here we go:

• The minute we think we have everything figured out is the moment we’ve lost the game. Life changes so fast, and the world of business ownership simply magnifies that. By the time I hit the one-year mark in my career journey, I thought I would be engaging in speaking engagements on a weekly basis. Instead, I haven’t spent time in a group larger than ten in two-and-a-half months and I suddenly find myself pulling all-nighters in front of a camera recording our new financial video course for young adults (www.meaningover.money). Didn’t see that one coming!

• It’s so easy to undervalue our own work. Call it imposter syndrome, call it lack of confidence, call it whatever you want. We simply do a terrible job adequately valuing ourselves when we’re forced to put a price on our work. I was sitting around the table with a group of peers and I made a random comment about the value of my work being worth way more than I charge. A woman interrupted me and asked “how much is your work worth, then?” I said “probably double”…….to which she responded “then you should be charging double!” I laughed off this feedback, but the group continued to badger me about it. Fast forward 24 hours, I was meeting with a potential client and I quoted them a price that was nearly double what I had been previously charging. They called it “a bargain”. Wow, talk about eating a slice of humble pie! Today, my coaching rates are nearly triple what some of my earliest clients paid. I wish I would have learned this lesson earlier, but some of those earlier clients are pretty glad I didn’t!

• Speaking of people badgering me, here’s the next lesson I learned: I can’t do it alone! Business ownership, especially as a solopreneur, can be super lonely. Here’s the good news…..nobody said we have to do it alone! Luckily I had the self-awareness early on to know there’s no way I could do this by myself. So I found awesome people and surrounded myself with them. I hired my good friend Ryan to help me with creative and design elements…….things I hate doing, and frankly suck at. I hired an accountant to help me navigate bookkeeping and taxes. I hired a business coach (BizLab) who could help me unlock my potential in ways I never knew were possible. That was a game-changer! Last but not least, I rented co-work office space at Blue Bean where I was able to find a community of bright, driven, encouraging peers. These people have changed my life! They started as acquaintances, which turned into collaborators, which morphed into family. These people make me better and I’m so grateful to have a work family…..even if their work is totally different than my work. We don’t have to do it alone, and I’m grateful for that!

• Entrepreneurship is exciting…..and scary! Will we have enough money to pay the bills this month? Will people really trust me? With a million different options, which path should I focus on? Should I stick with coaching, maybe lean into speaking, or finally start that podcast, maybe write something that exposes the core of me, or accept a crazy, or accept an out-of-the-blue offer to create a bangin’ video course from a young, hungry filmmaker? We live in a culture, in a time, where there are no boundaries and no limits. Wow, that’s exciting…..and scary! I wake up every day excited to find out what life will throw at me!

• Speaking of scary, here’s my last lesson: financial insecurity while following your dreams is 100,000% better than living with financial security doing something that doesn’t inspire you. The difference between like and love isn’t incremental. It’s the difference between climbing a flight of stairs and climbing Everest. Comfort is overrated. I deeply desire to be uncomfortable, and this season has given me a triple helping of discomfort. But I can say with absolute certainty that I’d never in a million years exchange this life for financial security. My gut told me this was true, but the last 365 days has proven it over, and over, and over. When we create impact on others, pursue work that matters, and redefine the role money plays in our life, it unlocks a truly meaningful life. And once you taste it, nothing can ever again satisfy that thirst.

As I was contemplating my career change just over a year ago, I made a comment to a trusted friend: “I only have 50 good working years left in me.” He thought it was a joke, but it wasn’t. I truly believe if we’re doing exactly what we’re supposed to do, there’s nothing that can stop us from wanting to do it, including some arbitrary retirement age placed upon us by society. I love spending time with my family, and doing cool hobbies, and traveling, and watching sports, and eating amazing food, and experiencing all the amazing culture this planet has to offer……but I also love my work! If that’s true, then a life without life-giving, passion-filled work would likely feel empty. So as I look back and celebrate this last year, I’m grateful, humbled, and inspired by everything that’s happened……..here’s to the next 49 years!

“Please Don’t Steal My Blessing”

A while back, a close friend asked me if it's wrong he was the one who ended the "pay it forward" streak at Starbucks. In other words, someone decided to be generous by anonymously paying for the next person's coffee and an unknown number of people subsequently did the same thing…….until my friend broke the streak by not paying for the person behind him.

Does that mean my friend is selfish? Greedy? Less generous than the people ahead of him? Many of you were probably nodding your head up and down as you read those questions. I see it differently. I believe he was the only person in the story (besides the original giver) who acted with love and selflessness.

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Several years ago, I was sharing a meal with one of my mentors. Being the generous and loving man he is, he offered to pay for my meal. Me, as I always tended to do, tried to pay for his instead……and when unsuccessful, tried to have it split. You've seen it before. A handful of friends having a fun dinner at a restaurant. Lots of storytelling, laughing, and sharing memories about the good 'ol days. Then the bill arrives and there's suddenly this awkward little scrum where a couple guys look like they're hand fighting, trying to be the one to grab the bill out of the waiter’s helpless and nervous hands. The more aggressive one (or perhaps the one with the longer arms) snags the bill and proudly slams his card in the little black jacket. Meanwhile, the other guy is still trying to snatch the bill out of his buddy's hands, insisting he should be the one to pick it up.

You're probably smiling at the thought of this scenario, as you've witnessed it first-hand and it's kind of funny to watch. While I was busy trying to do the same thing to my mentor, he said something to me I will never forget. "When you refuse someone's generosity, you're robbing them of the opportunity to be a blessing. Please don’t steal my blessing!" At the time, I was just starting to learn what it means to be truly generous. I was learning that giving was one of the most Godly and life-giving things I could ever do with my money. I reveled in finding opportunities to be a blessing to others. In doing so, I became prideful and falsely believed generosity needed to flow one way and one way only: away from me and towards someone else. So here I was, in the stage of life trying to model and encourage generosity to others, while simultaneously robbing those very people of the opportunity to be generous. Talk about sabotaging my own mission!!

Since that conversation, I’ve really tried to do better. I’ve tried to change my heart, and for the most part I have. When someone gives me a gift, my gut still tells me to push back. After all, I don’t “need” it. Then I quickly remember…..they aren’t giving me a gift because I “need” it. Rather, they are giving me a gift because they see an opportunity to be a blessing and show love to me. Even when my gut says “no”, my heart and my response says “thank you.” I’m thankful for their generous spirit. I’m thankful for the love they are showing me. I’m thankful for their selflessness. As a matter of practice, I’ve made a vow to never again rob someone of their opportunity to be a blessing. When a youth group kid offers to buy me lunch (perhaps a lot of money for them and not much to me), I say “thank you.” When a colleague offers to buy my coffee, I say “thank you.” When we’re out to dinner with another couple and they offer to buy our meal, I say “thank you.” Generosity doesn't flow one way. In order to be truly generous, we need to be humble enough to accept other’s generosity with love and gratitude.

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So, back to "pay it forward" streaks at Starbucks. When someone in front of us pays for our drink, why don't we simply receive their gift, be thankful, and enjoy our free drink? Some would argue we are returning the favor by paying for the next person. Math says otherwise. If our $4 coffee is paid for by a stranger but we "pay for" the next person's drink, we still paid the same $4 we were already going to pay. We just trick ourselves into believing we paid for someone else. Why do we do this? I think there are two primary reasons. First, some people feel guilty not paying for the next person's drink. They think to themselves, "if they paid for me, I should probably pay for someone else……plus I don't want to be the one to break this streak." Guilt-driven giving is the opposite of generosity. Second, and I believe more relevant to most, many people simply aren't willing to receive a blessing from someone else. We think "I don't need this gift", or "someone else could use it more than me." So by telling ourselves we are "paying it forward", what we're really doing is deflecting the blessing and making ourselves feel like we've actually exhibited generosity. There’s another word for this: PRIDE.

The reality is my friend is the only person in the string who actually had the humility to accept the blessing. There may have been 100 people before him that "paid it forward", but he had the humility and gratitude to receive the blessing and simply enjoy it. Does that make him greedy? No way! I think it makes him loving. Loving enough to receive a blessing with humility and to put his pride aside. It's not to say my friend isn't generous. Perhaps next time in Starbucks he will pay for someone else's drink, or maybe he'll pay the light bill for a struggling neighbor, or maybe he'll give his car away to a single mother at church. Who knows what he'll do, but when he does it, I hope the person on the other end of the gift humbly receives the blessing and simply enjoys it with a spirit of gratitude. I sincerely hope they don't steal his blessing.

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I wrote the above piece more than a year ago, but didn’t know what I wanted to do with it. Fast forward to today, it just feels like the right time to talk about this. This piece also raised to the top of my mind based on something that recently happened to me.

In this wild season of life, amidst all the quarantining, amidst small business closing their doors, amidst people losing jobs left and right, generosity matters more than it ever has. Though my wife and I have cut back our budget significantly to help navigate these stormy waters (as I also recommend to my clients), we’ve simultaneously doubled our giving. There are so many new and unique ways to show people generosity in this season! And so many groups of people who could use some extra love right now! Countless ways to give to countless numbers of people……what a time to be alive!!!

In light of this, my wife and I have been experimenting with new and fun ways to bless others. One of these ways, which was triggered by a sermon I heard from my friend Aaron Vis, is to show intentional love to grocery store employees. Grocery stores have become the backbone of our communities during this crazy season, and their employees have become newfound heroes. I solicited friends in my social media circle to give me names of grocery store employees so I could bless them in some small way. I collected their names, found their Venmo handles, and started giving gifts. It was fun! Dropping little notes of encouragement (along with money) into their Venmo account. One of them responded: “OMG. Travis, you didn’t have to do that at all! But thanks! I appreciate it! This virus thing has been crazy.” To be honest, this was the highlight of my day. There was nothing that could top the feeling of having an opportunity to be a blessing, acting on it, and having the recipient receive it with love and humility.

A few days later, a different recipient refunded my gift and included a message saying they appreciate the gesture……but don’t need it. They sent the gift back to me! I have to be honest, this one upset me. I wasn’t giving them a gift because they needed it. I was giving them a gift because I wanted to give them a gift! I WANTED to bless them. I so badly wanted to bless them. Pride got in the way, and they rejected the gift. This one still bums me out..

Now maybe good will still come from this. Maybe my gesture truly did mean something to them. But I didn’t want to make a gesture….I wanted to give a gift. It’s like me giving an awesome new toy to my son, him ripping the wrapping paper off the gift, marveling at the fact he’s holding this awesome toy, handing it back to me, and telling me he appreciates the gesture. I wanted him to open the toy and play it! I wanted him to enjoy it! I didn’t want him to give me a tip-of-the-hat for my gesture. But yet, so many of us do this when people try to show us generosity.

It’s hard to change, but we can do it! Every time someone gives you a gift, please think about this article, suppress your gut instinct to deflect it, and simply receive their gift with love and humility. When you do, it will change you and it will change them. Every time you do this, it will shed a little bit of your pride and replace it with humility. For the giver, at the very least it will make their day. Something greater is at stake, however. For the giver, this one simple gift, given with love and received with love, could unlock a life of generosity they never knew they had inside them. Please don’t steal that from them. Please don’t steal their blessing.

"I Lost My Job....Now What?"

Amidst all the Coronavirus memes, toilet paper rantings, and day-in-day-out inconveniences of the self-quarantine, there are a lot of people struggling financially. Millions upon millions of Americans are losing their jobs. Regardless of what you think about the seriousness of COVID-19, the media’s portrayal of it, or our government’ handling of it, the reality is people are hurting. Some medically, some financially, and some both.

A few weeks ago, as we were just starting to experience the front end of this thing, I wrote a piece called “Prepare, Hope.” In it, I laid out five things all of us need to do in order to navigate these rough waters, financially speaking. In case you don’t want to read it, here’s the cliff notes version: leave your investments alone, make sure you have a healthy emergency fund, don’t make any major financial decisions, make sure everyone in your household is covered by health insurance, and don’t stop your generosity.

Those five pieces of advice are just as relevant today as they were a few weeks ago when I first wrote about them. However, some of you are losing incomes and/or losing jobs. If that’s you, the five pieces of advice above simply aren’t good enough. You need more! So if you’re asking “I lost my job….now what?”, here are some practical next steps to give yourself an opportunity to bridge the gap between this negative situation and your brighter tomorrow:

Get rid of the guilt

Losing a job can be utterly demoralizing. It makes us feel like a failure and strips us of a piece of our identity. We walk around through life feeling like we’re making the right decisions and have some sense of security, until it’s all stripped from us. Please don’t beat yourself up over this, unless you successfully predicted a guy in China would eat a bat that would cause a global pandemic, essentially destroying the travel, tourism, entertainment, and food/beverage industries overnight, all the while reducing demand for most products and services to zero while the world self-quarantines. If you saw all that coming, then yes you should be beating yourself up. If you didn’t, then you’re human just like the rest of us. As I often say, we can only control what we can control. Unfortunately, we can’t control the gut-wrenching decisions our employers have to make. Hear me out: this isn’t your fault! I know people who were absolutely crushing it in their careers two weeks ago…..and now don’t have a job. If you feel guilt, or regret, or blame for your Coronavirus-induced job loss, please work through it and get to a place where you acknowledge there’s nothing you could have done differently.

File for Unemployment

“Unemployment” feels like a four-letter word to a lot of people. It feels like a hand-out. It feels like cheating. Please hear me: it’s not! This is what the program was designed for. This is why employers pay a tax specifically for this. It’s meant to protect people who lose their job. Don’t think of it as a hand-out, but rather a hand-up. We need to humble ourselves to do what’s best for our family, and for most of us that means immediately filing for unemployment as soon as we lose our job. A lot of people are asking the question “do I even qualify for unemployment?” Here’s my advice: just apply! So many people are sharing false information, half-baked knowledge, and bad assumptions. The best way to know if you qualify for unemployment is to apply for unemployment. Each industry and each job has its own unique set of circumstances. Also consider there is new legislation being discussed and negotiated all the time. Just apply! The worst they can do is tell you “no.” If you lose your income, immediately file for unemployment and figure out what benefits you are eligible to receive.

Contact your landlord or lender

If you’ve lost a meaningful amount of income as a result of this pandemic, reach out to your landlord (if you rent) or your lender (if you own) and ask for relief. Most lenders are showing a lot of grace and mercy to their borrowers. They don’t want to kick you out of your house any more than you want to be kicked out. Call them and just be honest. Be humble and don’t go into the conversation expecting anything. Be grateful and courteous. A common outcome for these situations is lenders waiving 2-3 months of payments, and simply tacking them onto the end of the term. So they aren’t giving you a free pass…..just some temporary relief to get your financial life back on track.

Landlords are more hit-and-miss, as they too are typically subject to their lender’s decisions. But similar to lenders, landlords don’t want to evict you any more than you want to be evicted. Contact them as soon as possible, be humble and honest with them, and ask for some grace. Landlords, I implore you to step up and do what you can! This is your chance to play the role of the hero. Be the hero today and watch it come back around to you ten-fold after all this mess clears up. Show mercy and give whatever grace you can afford to financially stomach. We’re all in this together.

Contact your Federal student loan servicer

If you have Federal student loans and you lose income, immediately reach out to the company who services your loan (i.e. who you make your payments to) and ask for relief. All Federal student loan borrowers have the right to stop making payments through September 30th, 2020. If you haven’t lost any income, I don’t recommend you take this step…..it’s only delaying your eventual payoff (which I hope is soon!). However, if you’ve lost a meaningful amount of income and you’re feeling the financial stress, make the call and get these payment suspended through September. My tip of the cap goes to our Federal government for making this one happen! Thank you!

Cut back your budget

If you’ve lost income, it’s time to go on red-alert lockdown. Any spending that’s not absolutely necessary needs to stop. Food, transportation, and shelter. Everything else needs to go…..not forever, but for the season. You need to cut things back as far as you can to ease the pressure as much as possible. Hopefully you have an emergency fund available, in which case lowering your expenses will allow the emergency fund to last longer. Let’s say your monthly budget is $5,000 and your basic needs account for $3,000 of it. Let’s also say you have an emergency fund of $10,000. If you keep the same lifestyle, your emergency fund is enough to cover 2 months of living expenses. If you cut back to just the basic needs, your emergency fund can last you a bit more than 3 months. That extra month could make all the difference in the world!

Find near-term income

I know I’m probably playing the role of Captain Obvious here, but if we lose our job and we we don’t have a robust emergency fund to bridge the gap for several months, we need to quickly replace the lost income. Unemployment is a band-aid, not a cure. The cure is finding income that fills in the gap. Now this doesn’t need to be the job of your dreams. It just needs to be income. There’s a time and a place to find the job of your dreams, but right now the goal is to make it through all this pandemic mess. We need to have the utmost humility in this season of life. Grocery stores are hiring, big-box stores are hiring, delivery services are hiring. Start asking around in your social circles. Someone who knows someone in your circle is hiring. If you take the approach of “there are no jobs”, then you’re right…..there will be no jobs for you. However, if you take a proactive and positive approach, you will absolutely find work.

Re-assess what’s most important

Many of us have been working traditional jobs we don’t really enjoy because the world tells us we need something “secure”, and “safe”, and “reliable.” Whether we believe it or not, there’s no such thing as security. No job is secure, no job is safe, and no job is reliable. We’re all replaceable. I used to have a very “important”, high-profile job. I was extremely valuable to the organization and helped make them a lot of money. You know what happened when I left? They replaced me in two days and didn’t miss a beat. We are all replaceable. So here’s a question: if we truly understand no job is “secure”, or “safe”, or “reliable”, why are we making career decisions based around this false belief? If we finally come to terms with the fact there’s no such thing as security, that should free us up to pursue what we’re truly meant to do. What a liberating feeling!!

During this season of life, I beg you to explore what you’re truly meant to do in this life. You’ve already been forced out of your old career, so why not use this as an opportunity to reinvent yourself? We still need to find short-term income to get us through this mess, but we can also start to develop skills, relationships, and opportunities to propel ourselves into the next season of life so we can live it with purpose, with passion, and with meaning. I hope some of you join me in this pursuit, as there is nothing better. Let’s get through the scary, and move into the awesome. As with all terrible things, this too shall pass. The only question is what you’ll be doing after the clouds dissipate and the rough waters smooth out. For many of you, this new-found curse of unemployment will ultimately be the turning point in life. Many of you will look back and say it was the best thing to ever happen to you. I pray that for each and every one of you.

God bless each and every one of you. I’m sorry for what you’re going through, but also believe your future is better than your past. If there’s anything I can do to help, please don’t hesitate to reach out. We’re in this together!!!