What is Enough?

A couple just told me $525,000 isn’t enough money to make ends meet in their town. They were dead serious. It took every ounce of me to keep my composure in that moment. As a point of reference, the median household income of their city is around $85,000. In other words, they make 6x the median income……and are whining about it not being enough to make ends meet. To further exemplify the absurdity of their statement, they are in the top 1% of ALL Americans. Yet, it’s “not enough.”

I asked them a very simple question, “what’s enough?”

They couldn’t answer the question, but they both agreed it’s more than the $525,000 they are currently making.

I have a client who has a combined household income of around $80,000. On the heels of this crazy $525,000-is-not-enough conversation, I reached out to this other couple and asked the same question. Their response: “it would be nice to make a bit more, but we have all we need.”

If you live with a posture of want, there’s no such thing as enough. You’re setting yourself up to lose battle after battle after battle. If you live with a posture of contentment, you’ve already won the war.

Don't Let Your Memory Become a Nightmare

In yesterday’s post, I talked about the idea of investing in memories and not dwelling on the cost. The key point was that memories will last forever, while you soon won’t even remember what you paid for them. Two readers quickly pointed out this perspective seemed a bit negligent. That it’s irresponsible to recklessly pursue memories at the risk of impairing one’s financial life.

I’m really glad they pointed this out to me! I couldn’t agree more. I was perhaps too casual or too presumptuous that people are avoiding self-sabotage in the process. I of all people should know better than to make this assumption. I work with people every day who make decisions that will haunt them for years or decades to come.

Whenever we make a financial decision, it has to fit within the broader context of our life. When I made the choice to fly to Dallas and sit courtside at a Mavs game, contextually I knew I could intentionally budget for it while still finding my balance between needs, wants, giving, and saving. If this opportunity would have presented itself 10-15 years earlier, I don’t think I could have said the same thing. Back then, a similar decision could potentially have knocked me off balance, or incentivized me into debt. When we make those types of choices, we create a scenario for ourselves where our memories turn into nightmares.

Each summer, Sarah makes the case for us to buy a small condo in a popular nearby lake community. She dreams about all the memories we can create there, as well as all the family time we would get to share together. She makes some very good arguments….and it sounds amazing. However, we then have to consider how it fits into the context of our broader life. Unfortunately, choosing to purchase this condo today would have deep negative ripple effects that could quickly turn into a nightmare.

Memories matter, but not when they haunt us for months or years to come. Choose wisely and choose carefully. When you do, those memories will be beautiful….and priceless!

I Don't Even Remember the Cost

Ten years ago, my buddy Nick was about to have his first child. In a moment of panic, he called me and said we need to fly to Dallas to watch Dirk Nowitzki play before the baby arrives (insinuating this could be his last chance to make that dream a reality). I immediately said yes, but added one condition: “we’re only going to do this if we sit courtside.”

Nick’s next question was obvious, “well how much will those seats cost?”

Me: “no idea, but it doesn’t matter.”

He reluctantly said yes! We quickly bought our plane tickets, hotel room, and game tickets. Then, we waited. He and I shared an amazing experience that weekend. Lots of good food, sights, and of course a Mavs game with a courtside view. Our seats were along the sideline in the direct path to the locker room. So to end our experience, Nick fist-bumped the entire team as they exited the court. Jason Terry, Vince Carter, Jason Kidd, Shawn Marion, Lamar Odom…….and yes, Dirk Nowitzki!

To this day, I don’t remember what we paid for those seats, or what the trip cost for that matter. But those memories, shared experiences, and stories will last a lifetime. It’s a small but powerful example of investing in memories. My stuff will eventually die in a landfill, but these memories are forever.

The Power of Not Stopping

My business partner recently confessed he hates our podcast cover art. Shocked at his statement, I responded, “what do you mean you hate it? You made it!!!” I thought I had him! He’s going to insult his own baby? His response to my response was, “I didn’t think we’d make it past 20 episodes, so I just threw something together quickly.” Wow…..!!!! How dare he!

19 months after starting the podcast, we’re more than 170 episodes in and we’re just getting started. On the outside, it seems like we have it all together, brimming with confidence. It couldn’t be further from the truth. There are so many times we want(ed) to quit. After all, quitting would be easier. Sometimes it’s hard to keep going when the going gets tough. Perhaps we’re just too stubborn to quit. We fail at something, so we try something new. We fail at that, so we again go back to the drawing board.

Podcast analytics can be hard to come by, but there’s one site that attempts to put it into perspective. Of the roughly 2.98 million podcasts that exist (which may also approximate how many have ever existed), they say we’re in the top 3% of all-time. We’re no Joe Rogan, that’s for sure. I think this statistic tells us more about everyone else than it does about us. To me, this is a measure of persistence. Most people quit, but we didn’t. We hope to produce amazing content for an ever-growing global audience for years to come, but that dies the moment we give up. Translation: we aren’t giving up…..even when it gets hard. The mission is too important to let our discomfort get in the way.

There’s at least one area of your life where this concept needs to be applied, and you know exactly which one. Go for it! I promise it will be worth it.

No Longer Interested

Many people have this blog delivered to their inbox each morning. It’s free to subscribe and you should totally do it! The platform I use to distribute it provides me with a lot of insights and data. How many people are opening the e-mail, what links they are clicking, what other articles they are reading. So. Much. Data.

However, there can be a downside to all this info. A few days into this new blog format, I noticed someone unsubscribed. This was of course someone who doesn’t know me and doesn’t realize how valuable all this content is, right!?!? haha! I clicked into it and saw the name of a close friend. Wait, a close friend unsubscribed? It wasn’t enough to just ignore my e-mails and maybe come back down the road if/when they’re curious? Nah, they took an intentional step to rid me and my content from their life. Ok, now I’m just being dramatic.

When they unsubscribed, the chosen reason was, “no longer interested.” Double ouch!

I learned long ago that many people in my life don’t much care for my work or my perspective. For a while, it hurt. I was confused. Why wouldn’t they care about what I have to offer? Well, they just don’t….and that’s ok! About twice per week someone will say to me, “sorry, I don’t listen to your podcast.” My response is always, “that’s ok…..I don’t follow you to work, either.”

Many of my close friends don’t read, listen, or watch ANY of my content. My own wife doesn’t even listen to the podcast. On the other hand, we have listeners all over the world and we periodically rise up the charts in Italy and Belize (no idea why!).

All we can do is share our passions, ideas, and gifts with the world, and let the chips fall how they may. When we have the courage to do so, the right people will find us. Our people. The audience we were meant to serve. If you’re one of them, I’m grateful for you. If you’re not, I’m still grateful for you and hope you’ve found your people.

The world deserves what you have to offer!

It's All Going to the Landfill

Nearly every possession you currently own will end up in a landfill before too long. It’s sad, but true. Even crazier is that some of our more expensive items (technology and clothing) will likely end up there in a matter of years.

I’m not demeaning possessions. Rather, when we stop and think about this idea, it has the power to shape our decisions and behaviors. It doesn’t stop me from buying things, but it does force me to consider the opportunity cost. Namely, the opportunity to spend on things that won’t end up in a landfill. In the words of my dear friend Gary Hoag, “invest in mission and memories.” That’s why generosity, travel, and experiences are my family’s biggest categories. While the computer I’m typing this on will soon end up in the landfill, these other things will live forever.

The Power of Scarcity

I’m a World Cup fanatic. I don’t watch a lot of soccer year-round, but at the same time, I’m on record believing the World Cup is the greatest sporting event in the world. Country vs. country, so little margin for error, and billions of people watching. The stakes are so high. However, there’s one other ingredient that helps create World Cup magic. Scarcity. It only happens once every four years and only 32 countries qualify. In other words, it’s a huge deal!

Scarcity plays a huge role in all our lives. Think about the things you get most excited about. Common answers may include births, weddings, graduations, and big vacations. A common thread between all of these is scarcity. They are inherently special because they are scarce. Even the anticipation of these events can be as fun and fulfilling as the experience itself.

Sarah and I will be traveling to Asia in early 2023, which will be the first time traveling abroad in nearly three years. The anticipation of this trip will be higher than ever. Not just because it’s a trip abroad, but because of how scarce they have become. I used to travel abroad 5-8 times per year, every year. Those trips were always fun, but they lacked scarcity. Now, however, I have a huge anticipation for what’s to come.

Too much of a good thing isn’t necessarily a good thing. This is a trap we’ve fallen into when it comes to our finances. Many of us indulge, indulge, indulge, then indulge some more. Then when I’m meeting with a client in a coaching setting, I can tell the lack of scarcity has ruined it for them. They successfully turned something special into something normal. It’s sad when it happens, but it’s an easy trap to fall into. When we remove scarcity, we can rob ourselves of what makes it special.

Fortunately, if we have an awareness and intentionality about our decisions, we control what stays scarce and what becomes normalized. Embrace scarcity!

Home Alone: Thanksgiving Edition

Home Alone is on my Mount Rushmore of holiday movies. It’s a classic! I think what makes it particularly special for me was the fact I was the same age as Kevin McCallister when it came out. I always pictured myself in Kevin’s shoes. Eating tons of junk food, watching R-rated movies, and beating up bad guys with gruesome handmade booby traps!

Well, my wish came true on Thanksgiving! But instead of sledding down the stairs, target shooting Starting Lineup figures with a BB gun, and rummaging through Buzz’s personal belongings, I was curled up on the couch in the fetal position while my family was in Kansas City celebrating with loved ones. I was left home alone, but in the worst of ways. I’m glad they still went and enjoyed their time together, but wow I missed them! There were some lonely moments and stretches of self-loathing. Instead of eating turkey and pumpkin pie, I was enjoying saltines and Gatorade. Instead of playing with my kids and nieces, I was in and out of consciousness while in a constant state of agony.

It’s days like that when I’m reminded how important our health is. We take it for granted when we’re well, but we’re desperate to have it back when we lose it. When it comes to our finances and habits, I’m not sure my family invests in health as much as we should. As I always say, we need to align our budget and behaviors with our values. If I really value health, I’m not sure there’s a true alignment. It can be a humbling moment when we realize we’re living out of alignment. I think it’s time to make some changes!

Two questions for you to think about today:

1) In what ways do you invest in your health?

2) What parts of your budget and behavior don’t align with your values?

Black Friday Doesn't Have Feelings

Some people worship at the alter of Black Friday.

Some people think Black Friday is evil.

I disagree with both. Black Friday doesn’t have feelings…..it’s just another day. Well, I guess this particular day has some pretty big sales and encourages us to spend money, but so what?!? There’s nothing wrong with scoring a sweet Black Friday deal. Did you need it? Who cares! That’s not what matters.

What matters is we’re financially responsible, our spending fits within the context of our broader plan, we don’t make decisions that will hurt our future selves, and we don’t end up with feelings of guilt/resentment.

Last year, I impulsively purchased a foot massager on Black Friday. I didn’t know I “needed” a foot massager until I had one. I keep it under my desk and it’s awesome. Ridiculous, I know. But I already had money set aside in the budget for such occasion, it looked cool, turns out I really enjoy it, and it was worth every penny of my heavily discounted purchase price. #winning

What should you do on Black Friday? Whatever you want! Don’t let others shame you or jam their values and perspectives down your throat. After all, Black Friday doesn’t have feelings. It’s just a day.

Thankful For What We DO Have

The act of being thankful focuses our eyes on what we do have, not what we don’t have. When we’re thankful, we think of the friends and family we do have, not the ones we don’t have. When we’re thankful, we think of the job and opportunities we do have, not the ones we don’t have. When we’re thankful, we think of the house, vehicle, and possessions we do have, not the ones we don’t have. When we’re thankful, we think of the gifts, skills, and passions we do have, not the ones we don’t have.

It’s so easy to set our minds on all the things we don’t have, which causes us to lose perspective of what we do have. Whenever we walk with a posture of gratitude, we can think less about what we don’t have, and more about what we do have. Doing so breeds humility and contentment.

I’m grateful for what I have…..every bit of it. But it’s those selfish days or moments when I think about what I don’t have that can sour me. Today, I choose gratitude. Tomorrow, I hope to choose gratitude as well. Each day we have a choice. Let’s choose gratitude every day. Happy Thanksgiving, all!!

If Only We Were Rich

Do you ever look around and notice people in your life who are rich? Man, if only we were rich like them! The things we could buy….the things we could do. Life would be so much better if we were rich. It must be nice to be rich like them…..

…..but then I take a step back and remember two things:

1) Having a $40,000/year income puts us in the top 1% income earners in the world.

2) Having just $5,000 to our name puts us in the top half of the richest people in the world.

Wait, we are rich! We’re just so busy comparing ourselves to even richer people that we’ve lost perspective along the way. Comparison can rot us from the inside-out. Let’s be grateful for what we have, not jealous of what we don’t have.

This post was written for me. Travis, remember this.

Old Habits Die Hard

“I’m sorry, but old habits die hard.” These were frustrated words proclaimed by a client during a recent coaching meeting. This quote was thrown out during a somewhat tense conversation about a few of his questionable decisions and repeat offenses. I wasn’t asking him to perform brain surgery….these were simple adjustments in behavior.

Though my perspective of these changes being “simple” is correct, so too are his words. Old habits do indeed die hard. We can’t repeat the same behaviors and processes for decades then suddenly make a 180-degree shift overnight. That’s now how human behavior works. It took years to establish these harmful behaviors, so it’s going to take several months (at a minimum) to re-wire them into healthy behaviors.

I don’t say all this to demean my friend. In fact, he’s in the perfect spot. He has a keen self-awareness of his behavioral pitfalls, he’s taking steps to create new structure around it, he’s persistent, he knows his “why”, and he’s giving himself grace along the way. This is all we can ask for. I know he’s going to win. Why? Because he’s playing the long game. Get a little better each month, and do it for the right reasons. He’s definitely going to fail along the way. After all, old habits die hard. But this is more about the journey than the destination.

If you’re in your 30s, 40s, or 50s (or older), it’s never too late. It’s going to take some time and intentionality, but you, too, can re-wire these behaviors to create a healthy relationship with money. If you’re in your 20s, you probably haven’t had a chance yet to fall deeply entrenched into bad financial behaviors. What an opportunity for you! This is the beauty of getting this money stuff right when you’re young. It’s so much easier to create healthy habits and behaviors when you’re fresh in the adulting game, preventing you from having to dig out and re-wire further down the road when it’s significantly harder to do so.

What’s one financial habit you can start/stop during this season of life? Pick one thing and try to get a little better each day/week/month.

** If you want to learn more about creating healthy habits around money, check out my recent appearance on the Happily Every Habits podcast and connect with host Jason Harwood’s content. This guy is awesome and he knows his stuff!

The Chicken and Egg of Networking

When the term “networking” is used, I usually get a queasy feeling about it. Perhaps it’s just me, but in my world the term is generally used in the context of meeting people for the purpose of selling something or creating some other form of financial gain.

First, I’m not against selling and I’m not against people gaining financially. As a business owner, I understand the importance of earning an income to care for my family and earning the right to serve my clients again next month. But when we treat networking as transactional, it smells funny and looks bad. People can feel it. I meet people all the time where I can immediately tell their motive is to get something from me. Not a great way to establish a relationship. No part of me wants to do business with them.

To me, networking feels like a chicken and egg scenario. For many, the purpose is to get something from the other person…..let’s call that the chicken. Meeting someone so that you can do business with them. The alternative: creating a genuine relationship with someone because relationships matter. Some relationships are deeper than others, but a genuine relationship adds value to our life regardless of the intimacy level. Sure, it may be good to someday do business with someone, but the relationship should take precedent.

Here’s the irony. The people who AREN’T primarily seeking to make money through networking are the ones who ultimately make money. We want to do business with people we know and trust…..you know, the people we have genuine relationships with. This is the egg. Doing the right thing for the right reasons. Creating a genuine relationship with someone. Knowing them, caring about them, understanding their needs, finding ways to add value to their life. That’s when business is at its finest.

Chicken or egg….I hope you’re the egg today.

Work From Rest, Not Work For Rest

I have an amazing assistant named Paige. To be more precise, she’s my future former assistant. She’s leaving our company to pursue a bigger passion, and she will be dearly missed. I couldn’t be more excited for her and I try to be her biggest encourager every step of the way. But, man, I’m going to miss her.

A while back as we were wrapping up a team meeting on a Friday afternoon, she added a closing statement. “Remember to work from rest, not work for rest.” I thought a lot about this idea after our conversation. I think it’s a beautiful way to put work and life in perspective.

For many, work is a necessary evil. We grind it out all week, counting down the days and hours until the weekend arrives. Once there, we need that rest to heal from the brutal week we’ve just experienced…..before begrudgingly heading into the following week which may be just as brutal. I’ve been there! Sometimes the anticipation of the approaching weekend was the only thing getting me through the slog of my work responsibilities. I think most people can relate to this. This is what it means to work for rest.

The alternative, as Paige puts it, is working from rest. Rest isn’t an escape from our work, it’s a preparation to eagerly jump back into the work. This is a sweet spot to be. We enjoy our work all week, look forward to resting on the weekend, then get excited to do it again the following week. If it sounds counter-cultural, it’s because it is. Not many people live this existence, though we each have the ability to access it in our own lives.

This weekend we have a handful of family events planned. It will be fun and it will be restful. Then, I’ll be excited and ready to do the good work in store for me the following week. Working from rest, not working for rest.

The Why Behind the Why Behind the Why

When I’m having a conversation with people, especially in a coaching setting, I repeatedly ask the question, “why?” I sound like my 6-year-olds, I know. I find that when “why?” is asked, we continually get closer to the truth.

I was recently meeting with a client who expressed an interest in buying a new house. They already live in a very nice house, in a very nice part of town, in a very solid school district. This intrigued me, so I started the process of unearthing the truth:

“Why?”…..”We need something bigger to comfortably fit our family.” They already have a 4-bedroom house and they are pregnant with their second child. I knew we weren’t deep enough yet.

“Why?”…..”We also want to be in a safer neighborhood.” They already live in a notoriously safe neighborhood in a notoriously safe town. We still weren’t there.

“Why?”…..”We’ll enjoy living in the new house more than our current house.” Ok, now we’re getting somewhere. We still needed to go deeper.

“Why?” This is the part where I was expecting them to go down the material side of things. After all, that pool and theater room were indeed pretty sweet!!! “Because we earned it.” Oh, now we’re cooking!

With the fourth “why?”, we finally broke through and the truth was approaching. After a few minutes, it was revealed that the husband’s father had always equated one’s success with their house. People who had bigger, nicer houses were obviously more successful. Therefore, buying a better house would be an external symbol of how successful they had become. That was their real “why.”

My role here wasn’t to criticize their prospective decision to buy this house, but rather for them to understand their true motives and be honest about it…..then make the best decision for their family. This was a profound discussion for them and provided an opportunity for self-reflection and introspection.

They eventually decided to purchase a different house, but armed with new insights about why they were really doing it, they ended up purchasing a different house. I think they won. We always win when we understand the why behind the why behind the why.

It's the Same 10 Miles Either Way

I was recently meeting with a client who drives a very average car. Seven years old, 120,000 miles, nothing fancy. When I asked him why he hadn’t made the choice to buy something nicer (because that’s what most people naturally do), he responded, “it’s the same 10 miles either way. Driving this car lets me do all the other things I want to do when I’m not driving those 10 miles.”

There’s so much truth in his dry but poignant response. Regardless of what vehicle he drives, he still has the same commute, on the same roads, over the same period of time, each and every day. Now it’s true people won’t admire his vehicle and give him a virtual pat on the back for being “successful”, but he gains something so much more powerful.

His singular decision to drive with humility has unlocked so many opportunities for him. There are only two ways to drive a newer, fancier vehicle: 1) large monthly payments over the course of several years, or 2) a large chunk of up-front cash. Both have consequences….inescapable consequences.

For this particular family, their choice has resulted in better family vacations, contributions to their children’s college fund, the wife staying at home with the kids (one of her aspirations), an appropriately funded retirement, and limited financial stress/tension.

Sure it’s the same 10 miles each day, but to this family, their counter-cultural decision changes everything!

Give Away All the Fruit Snacks

A while back, my 5-year-old son, Pax, came into the house and asked Sarah if he could get a package of fruit snacks for himself and also give one to his neighbor friend. Sarah immediately said yes, and that was that. A bit later, Pax comes tearing through the house, grabs another package of fruit snacks, and starts to run out the door. Sarah asked what he was doing, and he said he was getting one for another neighbor friend. Sarah, focusing primarily on the thought of how this will further erode our quickly dwindling grocery inventory (#growingboys), admonished Pax and said he shouldn’t be giving away more fruit snacks.

First, I need to clarify something: Sarah is a generous person with a loving heart. But in this situation, she viewed it as more of a grocery situation than a giving situation. When I got home and she told me this story, I felt terrible for Pax. All these years, we continually talk about giving, giving, and more giving. It’s one of the primary values of our family and we discuss it frequently. Then once he has an opportunity to put these ideas into practice, he gets in trouble for it. Ouch! After discussing this with Sarah, she agreed with my perspective and felt bad for how she handled herself.

I pulled Pax aside and said, “hey man, I heard you gave away two packages of fruit snacks to your friends!” He looked at me sheepishly, as if he’d done something wrong, and nodded his head up and down. I quickly explained to him how Mom didn’t mean it that way, and he indeed did a very good thing. I told him I’d be extremely proud of him if he decided to give away all the fruit snacks. We can never be too generous, and his decision to get a second package of fruit snacks was a sign of love (not neglegence). After a few minutes, his spirits were lifted. He confidently walked into the pantry, grabbed a handful of fruit snacks, and took them out to the other neighbor kids who had since joined the game.

Two lessons:

1) The words and actions shared with our kids make far more impact than we’d like to admit. It can be a humbling journey as a parent.

2) You can never give away too many fruit snacks!

This Job Serves a Purpose (Even if it Sucks)

A dear friend recently reached out with a confession: she’s kinda embarrassed about her current job. Instead of telling people her job title, she tries to simply tell them the company she works for. If forced to share her role, she’ll lead with what she used to do. Admittedly, her current role isn’t the best use of her skills and passions. I know that and she knows that.

However, I reminded her of a few things to keep in mind:

1) Her job doesn’t define her. It’s not her identity. It’s not what determines her value.

2) All jobs matter! When we boil it down to its simplest form, all jobs allow us to serve someone and add value through our good work. Even if we don’t particularly enjoy our work, we can at least know we’re adding value and making the lives of others better.

3) Life is about seasons. This particular role is just for a season, and it too shall pass. If approached in that way, all parts of our life (the good and the crappy) can be used as a bridge to get us from where we are to where we want to be. This job is the perfect bridge for her! This is undoubtedly setting the table for what’s to come.

It’s true, she doesn’t have the best job in the world right now. But I gotta tell you, this young lady is amazing. She just started a side business, she has a few side jobs that align with her passions, she’s married to an awesome man, and she’s about to become a mom. In my book, she’s doing a wonderful job and she’s right where she needs to be. I have a feeling we’ll all look back a few years from now and marvel at how it all came together so beautifully.

Cheers to this season of life…..and the better season that’s coming!

Welcome to The Daily Meaning

Well hello there! Long time, no see. While things have been a bit (ok, a LOT) quiet on the blog front, there’s been a lot of things going on. In addition to my ongoing coaching, I’ve been writing for a few regional and international publications, I co-authored my first book, I’ve guested on a bunch of podcasts, I started doing more public speaking, and we’re more than 170 episodes into our Meaning Over Money Podcast. It’s been a lot, but it’s been awesome!

Through all this, two things have become clear:

1) I really miss publishing on my own blog!

2) I have a strong desire to produce short-form content that’s quicker and easier to digest. Most of the content I produce is longer in form. 1,000+ word articles, 60-minute podcast interviews, 15-minute Meaning Over Money episodes, etc.

With those two things in mind, I’ve been developing something that I’m excited to introduce to you today. Welcome to The Daily Meaning, a series of short-form blog posts that will be published multiple times per week.

My goal is to produce short but powerful content that will give you something to think about each morning, which will be delivered right to your inbox if you’re a subscriber. If you’re not a subscriber and you’re viewing this article on the website, you can quickly sign up for free (below if you’re on a phone/tablet or to the right if you’re on a computer). The content will vary from day to day, but it will aim to educate, entertain, or inspire. I hope you find it valuable to your own journey, and perhaps worth sharing with someone in your life.

Your feedback is always appreciated, and I hope this creates a productive dialogue in the days, weeks, months, and years to come. Thanks for being part of this! It means the world to me.

40 is the New 0, Revisited

What’s up, fam!?  It’s been a hot minute since publishing a blog post, if 9 months can be considered a hot minute.  As always, life throws unexpected curveballs.  One such curveball was the release of our podcast, Meaning Over Money.  Just like that, we’re more than 40 episodes in.  

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A while back, I published a piece titled “40 is the New 0”, which was a reflection on my friend Dan turning 40.  Since that time, I met a similar fate by hitting the big four-oh.  I’m typically not fazed by birthdays, and they usually seem inconsequential to me (16, 18, and 21 not withstanding).  This one got me, though.  Much to my despair (then eventually delight), my wife threw me a surprise 40th birthday party in July.  Lots of my favorite people were there, and we had a blast.  A few minutes in, there was this moment when I walked into my friend’s garage and saw a big banner reading “Happy 40th Travis.”  Honestly, this was the moment it hit me…..“oh crap, I’m 40!”  It was a surreal moment, and one that hit me harder than I would have ever anticipated.  Fortunately for me, I recovered quickly and have acclimated to my new next-decade status.

As I reflect on that day, I can’t help but think about the blog post I wrote about my friend Dan turning 40.  When I see the number, it feels old.  However, I then take a step back and realize I’m just getting started.  Looking through the lens of my working adult life, I’m 17 years in, with hopefully another 50 good working years left in me.  In other words, I’m only about 25% done with my career.  25%!!  Using a basketball analogy, the first quarter just ended and I’m preparing for the second quarter to begin.  In my basketball career, it always seemed to take me a bit to get into the flow of the game.  I was always a starter, so I usually played the first 6-7 minutes.  Sadly, I rarely shined during this stint.  Coach would take me out towards the end of the first quarter where I’d get a breather and hop back into the game a few minutes into the second quarter.  That second quarter stint is where I would shine.  I don’t know why, exactly.  Maybe I had worked out my nervous energy, or had adapted to what the defenders were throwing at me, or just finally worked my way into the rhythm of the game.  But for whatever reason, my best production was always after the first quarter.

So here I am in life, coming out of the huddle between the first and second quarter.  That first quarter felt pretty good.  I spent 15 years in commercial real estate, investing on behalf of clients all over the world.  I found my faith, and developed ways to use my unique gifts to serve the Kingdom.  I’ve been married for 11 years, most of them good (full transparency: those early years sucked!).  I’ve been a high school youth group leader for the last 8 years…..talk about a humbling experience!  I’ve been on boards for many non-profits.  I’ve spent the past five years parenting my two little boys, Finn and Pax (again, humbling!).  And lastly, I’ve spent the past two years building my company.  What started with a desire to walk alongside families one-on-one has expanded into speaking, writing, a video course, YouTube, and now podcasting.  It’s been a wild ride.  Just like my basketball days, this first quarter felt bumpy as I was trying to get acclimated to the game.  I had nervous energy, I was trying to adapt to what life was throwing at me, and was trying to work myself into the rhythm of the game.  

So here I am, starting the second quarter of my career.  Just like basketball, I believe this is where I will start to shine!  How does 40-year-old me compare to that energetic, wide-eyed 23-year-old kid who graduated college and thought he was going to take over the world?  

• Today’s me has far more self-awareness than that young guy ever did.  In fact, I don’t think that young guy knew who he was at all. 

• Today’s me has far more skills than that young guy.  That’s what happens after nearly two decades of repetition, hundreds of books, endless podcasts, dozens of conferences, and other types of training. Looking back, I’m not sure what skills that young guy even had.

• Today’s me has far more experience than that young guy.  Skills are important, but pale in comparison to experience.  The only thing that can give us experience is, well, experience.  Failing over and over and over.  Encountering new situations, new problems, new opportunities, new challenges, new battles, new fears, and new (you fill in the blank).  Experience changes us, and that young guy had none.

• Today’s me has far more relationships than that young guy.  That’ll happen when you work alongside others, play alongside others, travel alongside others, serve alongside others, mentor others, and be mentored by others.  Quality relationships are a foundation for a fulfilling life.  I’m not sure how many that young guy had, but wow, today’s me is beyond blessed with relationships that make life worth living.  

• Today’s me has far more resources than that young guy.  This one is probably obvious.  Coming out of college, I had three things to my name:   1) a few thousand dollars, 2) a car I couldn’t afford, and 3) a mountain of debt.  In other words, not only did he have no resources, he actually had negative resources.  Today’s me is blessed with lots of resources thanks to making some very counter-cultural financial decisions in my late 20s after experiencing the profound pain caused by the Great Financial Crisis.  

• Today’s me has far more influence than that young guy.  Frankly, I’m not sure that young guy had any influence.  He couldn’t influence his way out of a wet paper sack.  Today’s me is just in a different place.  Influence seems to be woven into all the areas of life, from my coaching, to speaking, to social media, to the various forms of content we produce, to the many organizations who reach out for advice, to the boards I have the privilege of serving, and to the countless young people I have the honor of mentoring.  

With all that being said, I can’t pass up on this opportunity to criticize, ridicule, and call out the FIRE Movement (never let a good opportunity go to waste!).  If I were to follow all these FIRE pharisees, I would be at the point in life where I’m trying to finish out my selfish pursuit to hoard enough money to wind down this stupid working stuff.  Lean FIRE, Fat FIRE, Barista FIRE…..or whatever other dumb hoarding statuses we should be achieving.  Pack it in and go ride off into the sunset, where I would coast out the remaining years of my life by milking off the assets I’ve been selfishly hoarding all these years.  To me, this sounds like one of the most pathetic and selfish lives we can live.  

What’s the alternative, you ask?  The alternative is to embrace this opportunity.  To realize today’s you probably has more self-awareness, more skills, more experience, more relationships, more resources, and more influence than you’ve ever had before.  And time!  So much time.  Most of us today will likely live into our 90s, meaning the majority of people reading this still have many decades left.  You have two choices on what to do with it.  One path would be to continue to race towards the retirement finish line, where you can live a selfish life of leisure, enjoying the fruits of your hoarding labor.  The other path is to embrace the opportunities and challenges ahead, knowing the impact you’ve made in the prior season of life will pale in comparison to what’s coming.  Each and every one of us has the power to change this world.  But that power comes with a choice:  use it confidently and boldly, or sheepishly and selfishly walk away. 

““Each and every one of us has the power to change this world. But that power comes with a choice: use it confidently and boldly, or sheepishly and selfishly walk away.””

Sadly, most people will choose to walk away.  After all, the idea of living a life of leisure while coasting through as much of life as we can sounds awfully appealing.  Travel, golf, beaches, and all the other stereotypically better-than-work activities.  There are days where that even sounds appealing to me.  But then I remember something.  True fulfillment, true joy, and true happiness aren’t products of leisure.  They are products of meaning, which can only come from creating impact on others and pursuing meaningful work.  

Rest is great!  Sitting on the beach?  Love it!  Taking time off to relax with friends and family?  So good!  Traveling to fun places?  Not much better than that!  But we weren’t meant to make these things the center of life.  We were meant to do good work……and find ways to incorporate these rejuvenating endeavors into our life.  

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I can already see the hate mail coming, and I know what 80% of them will say:

“You need to enjoy life, Travis!” – Yeah, life is awesome!  Doing meaningful work makes life better…..much better!  In fact, I would argue the juxtaposition of hard work and rest creates a beautiful illustration of what it looks like to live a life of meaning.  Work without rest will result in fatigue, burnout, and eventually failure.  That doesn’t mean work is bad!  Alternatively, rest without work will result in loss of meaning, erosion of creativity, and a drain in our spirit.  Once in a while, my wife and I will go out for an amazing meal.  We spend weeks looking forward to it, anticipating what the experience will be like, and finally savoring the moment together. Part of what makes it special is it’s not an everyday occurrence.  If we had that meal every day, eventually it would taste like peanut butter and jelly sandwiches.  Rest is much the same.  When we work hard and pour ourselves into creating impact on others, that rest feels so much sweeter.  If that rest becomes life itself, it loses its sweetness.  It would become the lifestyle equivalent of peanut butter and jelly sandwiches.  

“Travis, the goal isn’t to stop working…..it’s to do work I enjoy” – Awesome!  I love that, but why does that require you to grind for years (or decades) at a job you hate, selfishly hoarding money along the way?  Why don’t you pursue that meaningful work tomorrow?  Or better yet, today!?!?  Behavioral scientists have proven over and over money doesn’t cause happiness once our basic needs are met.  If that’s true, why are we diving head-first down the path of hoarding?  If we’re faced with a decision between meaning and money, we should ALWAYS choose meaning.  Instead, most of us pursue money, falsely believing meaning is on the other side of the money.  Believe me, I’ve tried!  I’ve been to the other side of the mountain, and I’ve returned to tell you there’s no meaning over there.  In fact, it can be a sad and desolate place.  I need to be real, though.  It can be a sad and desolate place filled with big houses, fancy cars, high-tech gadgets, and extravagant travel, but a sad and desolate place nonetheless.  This sounds like an impossible contradiction, but some of you know exactly what I’m talking about.  You’ve been to the other side of that mountain as well.  Welcome back!

“!#&# you, Travis!!!” – Noted.

“It’s possible to have both meaning and money.” – Yes, you’re correct.  But here’s a secret.  You can’t have both by pursuing money.  When you pursue money, you may actually win and end up with money….but there will be a gaping hole in your heart where the meaning should live.  However, you can have both if you pursue meaning.  Often, when we pursue meaning, the money will follow.  Why?  Because when we pour our heart, our soul, our energy, and our time into something we deeply care about, it’s much more likely we will succeed.  I call it doing the right thing for the right reasons.  Just pursue the meaning and let God sort it out.  When we do that, so much richness can be experienced in life.  I can take or leave the riches, but the richness is what I crave.  

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One last thought for my Christian friends.  There’s no scenario where true Christianity and FIRE can coincide.  By definition, FIRE is seizing control of your life (and finances), become independent, and requires you to selfishly hoard (i.e. not be generous) in order to get there.  By definition, Christianity is relinquishing control of your life (and finances), remain dependent upon Him, and requires you to generously pour yourself into the world every step of the way.  If we are giving joyfully and sacrificially, there’s no way for us to ever reach FIRE.  

As I wrap up my reflection on turning 40, I hope I’ve either inspired, empowered, encouraged, offended, or infuriated you.  I’m ok with any of these outcomes, but I hope it moved you, nonetheless.  More than anything, I pray you find your meaning, and use however many years God blesses you with to pursue meaning work and create impact on others.