The Dreaded B-Word

I talk about budgeting every single day. It’s a cornerstone of my coaching. It’s not because I especially love budgeting, but rather because of how important it is. It’s so important, in my perspective, that we need to get that right if we want to achieve the other financial goals in our life. People will often tell me they do great without a budget. That may be partially true, but they also don’t know what they don’t know. From my experience, they are driving a 5-speed transmission but only think it has 3 gears. 3rd gear feels really fast if you’ve never experienced a 4th or 5th gear. Something very powerful is unlocked when budgeting is done right.

I get it, the idea of budgeting is terrible. Most people (fairly) assume budgeting will suck the fun out of their life. That’s simply how budgeting is approached by the vast majority of our financial world. Stop spending, be responsible, cut back. We treat it as a crash diet. I think we’re missing the point. The objective of a budget isn’t to spend less, but rather to spend better. It’s a way to live out our values. So through the lens of “spend less”, yeah, I’d hate budgeting, too. But through the lens of “spend better”, budgeting gives us life. It’s a tangible way to execute our hopes, dreams, values, and principles.

Last week, one of my 6-year-olds approached me and asked, “Daddy, when is the end of the month?” When I asked him why, he responded, “because I want to go to Chuck-E-Cheese and thought we could put Chuck-E-Cheese in the new budget.” “Yeah, bud, let’s put it in the budget next month. That will be a lot of fun. What else should we put into the budget?”

Even at 6, he’s realizing this money stuff shouldn’t suck. It shouldn’t rip the fun and enjoyment out of life. It shouldn’t hinder our ability to live a quality life. He’s already learning that it’s a way that we can intentionally plan for fun things and live out our family’s values.

As this week begins, I encourage you to look at money through the lens of “spend better”, not “spend less.”

Hopping Into the Delorean

Nearly every time I start working with a new client, they make the statement, “I wish someone would have shown this to me when I was younger.” This comes out of the mouths of people in their 50s, 40s, 30s, and even late 20s. Almost without fail, people have this moment when they realize how much better their financial life or career would be had they implemented some of these ideas earlier in life. My moment came when I was 28 years old. I was still pretty young, but I had already made multiple life-altering financial mistakes. If only I could get a do-over!

Unfortunately, none of us can hop into our Delorean, accelerate to 88 MPH, and tell our younger selves the secrets of a better way. On the other hand, we actually do! We all have young people in our lives who we love. I think about my youth group kids, nieces, friends’ children, and other friends who are (much) younger than me. “I wish someone would have shown this to me when I was younger.” We may not be younger, but these other people are! Each of us has an opportunity to help shift the life trajectory of the young people in our lives. Even just one little conversation could be transformational for their journey. Words are free and words are powerful.

I’ll leave you with one story. Several years ago, I was paddling a canoe in the Minnesotan wilderness with a young man I had just met the day before. We used that opportunity to get to know one another. We talked about sports, family, passions, dreams, and probably a whole lot more. I really enjoyed that time with him, but I don’t have any significant memories of that particular conversation.

About 12-18 months later, out of the blue, I received a thank you card in the mail. It was from that same young man! in it, he explained how that conversation in the canoe changed his life. I shared ideas, encouragement, and advice that would go on to fundamentally shift the way he perceived his money and career. The rest is history, as they say. To me, it was a casual conversation. To him, it was so much more. I love that guy and I’m so proud of him! He’s now like a little brother to me and one of the great blessings of my life is to watch him thrive. Words are powerful and words are free.

Hop into the Delorean and bless those young people in your life! It will change their lives…..and possibly yours as well!

The Relentless Pursuit of Better

My guy Alex Prins was just featured on the Creatives POV podcast. As a general rule of thumb, if someone I know is on a podcast, I’m listening. Having been in that world for some time now, I know there’s something about that particular medium that brings a bit extra out of people. Perhaps it’s the intimacy of a podcast setting, or the storytelling nature of the format, but people usually share some interesting tidbits about their life that I didn’t already know. Alex’s episode was no different.

As I’m listening, all I could think about was Alex’s relentless pursuit of better. At every step of his young career, he could have said, “yeah, this is good enough.” Then, he could have promptly taken his foot off the gas and coasted for as long as possible. That could be a safe, comfortable, secure, and very normal way to approach his career. Truth is, it would have eventually made him miserable. Had he taken the easy way, he may have settled for an industry he wasn’t meant for. Or, he could have locked into a comfort zone and merely tolerated the work, constantly dreaming about the day when he could finally retire and “enjoy his life.” Either act would have equated to him sacrificing meaning and purpose for indifference and mediocrity.

To be honest, Alex has no idea how hard this path will be for him. It will most certainly be brutal at times. There will surely be days when he wishes he would just settle into “normal.” On the other side of the coin, Alex has no idea how amazing this journey is yet to become. He has 40-50 good years left in him, so he’s only midway through the first quarter of the game.

If Alex came to me tomorrow to tell me he’s joining the circus, I wouldn’t be surprised and I probably wouldn’t doubt him. He’s one of those people who practice the relentless pursuit of better. That’s never a straight line, and rarely goes how we think it should. It’s exciting, terrifying, and sometimes messy. It won’t always be pretty, but it will always be worth it.

Investing in Memories: Reader Edition

I often talk about the idea of investing in memories. I cover it in my speaking, podcast, and in this blog (including HERE, HERE, HERE, and HERE). Investing our resources in memories, I believe, is one of the keys to living with meaning. Our stuff ends up in a landfill, but our memories last a lifetime.

With that in mind, something fun happened this past week. Three different readers shared a recent situation in their life pertaining to this very topic. One took their grandkids to a fairly expensive event, one attended the NFC championship game, and one splurged for Hamilton tickets on Broadway while in NYC. I absolutely loved hearing each of these stories. All three included a similar sequence of events:

• The price tags gave them sticker shock

• It wasn’t something they would normally do

• There was some anxiety about the decision

• They went for it!

• It was amazing

• Zero regrets

• “I will remember that forever”……..or some variation of that comment

Beautiful stuff! I’m so glad they said “yes” to memories. What memories have you invested in lately? If you haven’t, what are you waiting for!?!? Make some plans, big or small, and go for it!

Creating Margin for Impact

I talk a lot about the idea of creating margin in our finances. We do this to provide peace, flexibility, and contentment. However, there’s a piece missing from the typical narrative of margin. All these positive consequences of creating margin are about me, me, and me. One of the hidden benefits of creating margin in our own lives is the opportunity to lift others up. When we live with financial margin, we can provide financial assistance to the struggling single mother. When we live with time margin, we can serve in our local church or a local non-profit. When we live with career margin, we allow ourselves the ability to say “yes” to new opportunities to put our talents to use.

Herein lies the problem. We humans don’t do a great job living with margin. Some of the highest earners I know give very little in the form of generosity. It’s not that they are greedy, selfish people. Rather, despite their high incomes, they’ve created a life for themselves with little margin. Some of the most servant-hearted people I know don’t serve. It’s not because they don’t care. Rather, despite their passion to help others, they are simply too busy to make it happen. Some of the most talented people I know don’t use their gifts outside of their primary vocation. It’s not that they don’t want to make a difference. Rather, despite their hyper self-awareness of their gifts, they’ve overcommitted to their jobs and there’s simply no more energy or time in their lives to use the gifts elsewhere.

Put another way, our ability to be generous and impactful is far less tied to our resources and talent than our willingness to create margin in our lives. Margin = service. Margin = impact. Margin = love.

Wanna Be Like Mike

When I was a kid, I remember watching and re-watching an epic Gatorade commercial featuring Michael Jordan. Here’, I’ll jog your memory:

Everyone wanted to be like Mike, and so did I! After all, he IS the GOAT! Eventually, though, I realized I probably wouldn’t be all that much like Mike. My growth spurt stopped at 5’9”, I entered my 40s, and my jumper is a tad (ok, a ton) rusty. I suspect my NBA dreams died before they had a chance to flourish. I’ll take that one up with my therapist.

I have so many fond memories of that Mike, but today I’m talking about a different Mike. This Mike is a high school teacher with a passion for young people. He spends his livelihood equipping teens to be good stewards with their money and careers. He’s a connector, a leader, and an encourager. The last part is where I want to focus today. Mike is a masterful encourager. I’ve seen it with his students and I’ve experienced it first-hand. This guy went from stranger, to acquaintance, to friend, to brother in a matter of about six months. Every time I see him, he’s exploding with energy, has an insightful idea for me to consider, and somehow lifts me up. Even a 30-second interaction with him makes my day better.

When I’m feeling fatigued, doubtful, or defeated, Mike seems to pop out of nowhere with the best encouragement. He often seems like my biggest cheerleader, but I suspect others would say the very same thing about him. That’s why I wanna be like Mike. He has a gift, and he uses it to make this world a better place. In some ways, I feel like I do some of these things, too……but someday I hope to do them as well as Mike does. That’s the impact people like Mike can have. Their mere presence in other people’s lives has the power to multiply that very spirit of love and generosity. What a gift!

When I used to wanna be like Mike, it meant hitting a soul-crushing buzzer-beater over Craig Ehlo’s dome. Today, when I wanna be like Mike, it means I want to make an impact on those around me, creating a multiplying and lasting difference in this world.

Slow Down or Get Burned

We recently made a bad decision in one of my businesses. It’s not a life-threatening mistake, but it was serious enough to cause some heartburn and consequences. We haven’t made many bad decisions in the past, but this one was a doozie. In the moment I kind of knew there would be regrets, for one specific reason. We rushed to make a decision and did so under pressure.

Us humans rarely make good decisions when we’re under duress or facing time constraints. It’s a concept I talk to clients about all the time, yet here I was falling for the same trap. This topic is so, so, so important. Think back to the financial and career decisions you regret. Were you under stress or experiencing pressure to make a quick decision? The answer is probably “yes” in most cases. Common examples of bad financial decisions revolve around the following situations:

• When we’re faced with a car accident or significant repair needs, which often leads us to quickly buy a vehicle we can’t afford.

• When we’re house shopping and the seller’s agent tells us there are a few other offers on the table already, forcing us to make a snap decision.

• When we experience a major medical or relational situation, resulting in us making impulsive financial decisions to self-medicate the pain.

• When someone offers us a job but they need to know by the end of the day.

One of my primary objectives when working with clients is getting them to slow down, take their time, and be intentional about their decisions. It’s a simple concept, but it’s easier said than done when life is moving fast and feeling chaotic. There are probably 10-20 decisions made (or not made) each year that have the power to significantly alter our financial journey. If we can slow down and get those right (or at least not get them wrong), our future selves will be grateful.

Have an awesome and intentional day!

"They Only Care About Money"

I thoroughly enjoyed watching the AFC and NFC title games yesterday, especially the AFC game. The way the Chiefs won was as equally euphoric as the Bengals loss was crushing. Sometimes I get so overwhelmed by these moments that I can’t sleep when lay my head on the pillow. Last night was no different. I had so many thoughts running through my head.

“They only care about money.” These are words that are often spoken about professional athletes…..and most other wealthy people. Perhaps it’s our culture’s way of demeaning someone who has something we don’t, but we love to put a superficial, materialistic label on people who have achieved financial success. Truth is, I think we have it backward. Instead of looking at them through the lens of only caring about money, perhaps we should consider their massive success (financial and otherwise) is because they actually care so much. After all, when we’re talking about the top of the top of the top echelon of achievers, the allure of money can’t propel one to get to that level. Money isn’t a motivator, but rather a product of the motivation put into action.

This was on full display immediately following the Chiefs/Bengals game. Players on both sides were sobbing. Some were sobbing from the devastation of defeat, while some were sobbing from utter joy. But we’re collectively going to label them as only caring about money?

We see contracts, cars, clothes, houses, and commercials, but rarely see the tens of thousands of hours of practice, studying, and repetition that got them here. We see their masterful achievements, but we don’t see the sacrifice behind closed doors. We see the fame, but we didn’t see everything they went through before they were household names.

Instead of demeaning successful people, maybe we should learn from them. Instead of criticizing them, maybe we should be inspired by them. Instead of telling ourselves they only care about money, maybe we should realize their financial success may be a result of how much they truly care about their craft.

There is No Impact Without Failure

During yesterday’s keynote address at a high school FBLA conference, I stressed the importance of failing. We live in a culture that tells us to avoid failure. Even parents protect their children from failing these days. Not only do I dislike this mindset, but I actually think we should pursue failure. In my talk, I shared two primary reasons why failure is important on our journey:

1. There’s nothing worth doing that doesn’t involve the risk of failing. I jokingly mentioned there was still a chance I would botch my talk and completely humiliate myself. However, there was one surefire way I could have avoided the risk of failure. I could have simply stayed home, which would be much safer and ensured nothing bad could have happened to me. On the flip side, staying home also meant I had a zero percent chance of making an impact. You can’t have one without the other.

2. When we fail, we learn. Failing is never fun, but it stretches us and helps us grow. When we put ourselves in uncomfortable situations and force ourselves to figure it out, we will absolutely fail from time to time. Simultaneously, we’ll also learn, adapt, and stretch ourselves. That’s exactly why something that may be uncomfortable at first eventually becomes comfortable. In the absence of failure, there’s an absence of growth.

I’ll leave you with the wise words of the GOAT, Mr. Air Jordan. “I’ve missed more than 9,000 shots in my career. I’ve lost almost 300 games. And 26 times I’ve been trusted to take the game-winning shot and missed. I’ve failed over and over and over again in my life, and that is why I succeed.”

Delayed Gratification

Later today, I’ll be delivering the keynote address at a Future Business Leaders of America conference. It will be comprised of 150-300 high school students interested in pursuing business careers. I’ll be talking about three myths I believed when I was younger, and why overcoming them can be transformational for their journey.

One topic I’ll bring up is delayed gratification. As humans, especially as young adult humans, we want what we want…..and we want it now. We also live in a culture that is tailored to give us the instant gratification we desire. Unfortunately, the important things in life rarely provide instant gratification. It’s a slow burn of patience, discipline, persistence, and maybe a bit more patience.

As I reflect back on some of my successes, it dawned on me just how patient I was (even if it didn’t feel like it at the time):

• I offered financial coaching as a free ministry for more than six years before someone paid me to do it. Those years allowed me the opportunity to serve people well, learn my craft, carve out my approach, and discern my desired client base.

• I gave 95 talks before someone paid me to speak. I suspect the first 30+ were terrible! Every repetition allowed me to get comfortable on the stage, try new techniques, and find my voice.

• We’ve produced nearly 200 podcast episodes and haven’t made a single penny in revenue. That’s more than 60 hours of free content, available to the world. Maybe someday we’ll decide to create an income from the podcast, but until then our goal is to find our audience, add a ton of value to people’s lives, and start to bend the culture when it comes to work and money.

Patience isn’t easy, but it does get easier if we remember our why. My why is to make the deepest and broadest impact possible over the next 40 years. When I remind myself of this, it’s far easier to remain patient and keep my eyes focused on what truly matters (and what doesn’t).

The Problem With More

We have a “more” problem in our culture. In nearly every facet of our lives, it becomes about having, getting, making, and doing more, more, and more. The problem with more is that every time we get more, more is still, well, more.

Once we set ourselves down the path to more, there’s no natural endpoint. It’s an infinite game with no real winners. No matter the job we possess, there’s always one that pays more. No matter the phone we buy, there’s always a shinier, faster one coming out next week. No matter the restaurant we go to, there’s always something trendier. No matter the vacation we take, there’s always something more exotic.

Then, there are cars and houses. People can’t get enough when it comes to their vehicles. Newer, bigger, sleeker vehicles with enough high-tech features to launch a man to the moon. Then, the mother of all more, our houses. When people are looking to buy a house, one popular phrase they throw into the mix is “our forever home.” Every time this is proclaimed, I’m quick to say, “no, it’s not.” Why? Because more is always more. Inevitably, in most cases, these “forever homes” become former homes in just a handful of years, as the goal post of what satisfies shifted upwards mere months after moving into the so-called “forever home.”

This is the problem with more. There’s no way to psychologically combat this very human quirk. However, we do have a choice on the table: step out of the madness and choose not to participate in the pursuit of more. It’s a simple, yet profound idea that can fundamentally transform people’s lives. It changed mine, it’s changed countless families I work with, and it can change yours.

Even Robots Know My Weaknesses

There’s nothing quite like the pain of having to listen to your own voice or watch yourself on video. Every word, motion, tone, and nuance gets put under a microscope. And not just any microscope, but an unfair, distorted, and brutally critical microscope. Can we all just admit it sucks to watch and listen to ourselves?

When we started producing content for Meaning Over Money, I played a strong role in the editing process. Cole eventually kicked me out of that role, citing my need to trust him and his need to not deal with me. But those days of editing were telling for me. Watching myself and listening to myself helped me clearly see where my deficiencies were. I learned so much from that experience, and it honestly helped me get better every step of the way. Though I don’t watch or listen to all my own content anymore, I do absorb most of it at some point. A funny thing happened along the way. Now, when I’m absorbing my own content, it’s not me. It’s just some other guy who I’m experiencing as a consumer. It almost feels like a different person. It sounds weird - and it is - but it’s helped me become constructively critical instead of toxically critical.

Here’s the thing with our weaknesses. We may not always know them, but everyone around us does. If you’re ever brave enough, ask someone to share what yours are. It can be a brutal experience, but just like my story above, it can help us grow. A few nights ago, I was messing around with ChatGPT and trying to generate some ideas. Out of curiosity, I fed it my most recent blog post and asked it to “tell me how I can improve it.” The following is what the AI robot spit back out at me:

Here are a few suggestions on how you can improve the text:

1. Use more active voice: The text is written in passive voice in certain parts. Use more active voice to make the text more engaging and direct.

2. Use specific examples: The text could benefit from more specific examples of how the author's skills, experience, influence, and relationships from their previous career have helped them in their new career. This will make the text more relatable and convincing.

3. Be more concise: The text can be made more concise by eliminating unnecessary details and focusing on the main points.

4. Use transitions: The text may flow more smoothly if you use transitions between paragraphs and sections to guide the reader through the story and the author's thought process.

5. Be more specific in the end: The end of the text is a bit generic, it could be more specific if the author provides some tips or examples of how someone else can take the same approach to their own career shift.

Keep in mind that these suggestions are based on the text you provided, and the final decision on how to improve it is yours. These are just suggestions that you can use to make your text more engaging and effective.

Ouch! My gut reaction was, “What do you know? You’re just a stupid robot!” Then, I looked back and forth between its feedback and my article. If I’m being honest with myself, that feedback was 100% accurate. The truth hurts, but we have two options: 1) ignore it and be defensive, or 2) accept it and use it to grow.

I don’t always choose route #2, but my prayer today is to do it more consistently each day.

Confronting Fear Head-On

I’m scheduled to deliver two talks this week. One is at a high school youth group and the other is a keynote address at a high school leadership conference. I couldn’t be more excited about these opportunities. They also kick off a series of speaking engagements I have lined up for the spring.

Confession: public speaking is my biggest fear. Ironic, I know. Several years ago, I had a strong desire to combat my fear of speaking. I knew I would be doing some level of public speaking in my career, and didn’t want to bomb, so I looked for opportunities to speak to other audiences as practice. I was a mess the first time I spoke on stage. Vomit was involved…..and sweating….and shaky hands……and stuttering. Did I mention it was a mess? I hope no footage exists of that first one.

Then I did it again, then again, then again. Each time, I performed a little better and I was a bit less terrified. Before I knew it, it went from my biggest fear to something I get excited about. For me, there’s nothing quite like the rush of knowing I have 30 minutes of people’s attention to possibly make an impact. Equal parts responsibility and opportunity. I still get nervous, and I’d definitely still call public speaking my greatest fear (well maybe #2 after snakes).

I don’t do it as much as I should, but I’m a big believer in confronting fear head-on. I have a list of things I’m scared to do, and hopefully I’ll get the courage to attack each one soon. I’ll end by sharing one. I don’t do well being in the wilderness, especially if it involves being wet and cold. I’ve addressed this fear somewhat through a men’s ministry trip I take each fall to the Boundary Waters. I used to be terrified of that trip. But now, I actually enjoy it (sort of). That means it’s time to step it up. Sometime soon, I’m going to do a solo trip into the wilderness. Just me, a canoe, whatever is in my pack, and three days of isolation. Just typing that scares me to death. That’s a good sign I should probably get to planning.

What about you? What fears do you want to confront?

Nothing is Thrown Away

Nearly four years ago, I stepped away from my 15-year career in commercial real estate. It was an awesome career, and to be honest, I miss it some days. Everyone assumes I walked away from it disillusioned and angry, but I didn’t. There is probably an alternate reality where I happily spend another 10-15 years in that role.

After my resignation was announced, I received a LOT of feedback from my colleagues. Mostly good, a few bad, and a lot of curiosity about my thought process and next steps. A few people made a comment that stuck with me for months, “you’re throwing away your career.” Ouch!

At the time, even I wondered if I was throwing something away. After all, I built up skills, experience, influence, and relationships over more than a decade. But then, something happened. Sarah and I were on a long flight home from a trip to Asia. I shared with her my dream of writing, but also confessed I hadn’t written for maybe 17 years. It was going to be a train wreck of a process, but I would give it the ol’ college try. I spent a large portion of that 16-hour flight writing on my laptop. To my shock, the words flowed from the tips of my fingers and onto the screen. What the heck!?!? How could I feel this comfortable writing if I hadn’t written in nearly two decades? That’s when it hit me! In my career, a big chunk of my job was to communicate with my overseas clients…..over e-mail. You know, writing…..

Nothing is wasted. Not my skills, experience, influence, or relationships. I didn’t throw any of it away. It all matters. I may have left that previous career, but all those other things came with me. I get to keep those forever. I get to use all the things I acquired and apply them to the next chapter in my journey. I laugh sometimes when pieces of my old career intersect with my new career. Once I started to be aware of it, I noticed it happening daily. So much of what I did and learned in my previous career helps me each and every day. I’m grateful for that.

Someone needs to hear this today. If you make a big shift in your life, you aren’t throwing something away. You’re merely taking it with you and applying it to the next thing that matters. Your previous impact will be the springboard to your upcoming impact. You got this!

Giving What You Have: PTO Edition

In multiple posts, I’ve mentioned the words of my wise friend, Gary Hoag. “Give what you have, not what you don’t.” This simple saying has changed my perspective on life, as it has for countless others. When the topic of generosity comes up, people are quick to highlight all the things they don’t have. But everyone has something to give. We just have to each recognize what we’re blessed with and decide to share it with others.

This idea hit full speed today as I was chatting with a friend. My friend has been dealing with significant and scary medical issues. I’m sure it’s taken a toll emotionally, mentally, physically, and financially. It’s been a brutal journey and there’s no way around it. This situation has caused my friend to miss a lot of work recently. Luckily she has PTO (personal time off - i.e. paid vacation time), which has been a blessing. Unfortunately, her bank of PTO hours is waning, and more time off will most certainly be needed. Knowing this, their family has been preparing the finances to take unpaid time off to navigate the weeks ahead.

Recognizing this and also caring for their friend/colleague, her co-workers decided to step up. In a very creative idea, they volunteered to donate some of their own PTO time to their struggling friend, meaning their sacrifice allows her to get additional time off without losing her pay. I couldn’t have loved this story more! These people have zero obligation to her, surely have their own issues at home (financial or otherwise), and could have just kept doing what they were doing. But they didn’t! They had something to give, and gave it!

Such a beautiful model of what generosity looks like. They gave what they had, not what they didn’t. I hope you find some creative opportunities this week to share what you have.

The Joneses Don’t Know They Are The Joneses

Most of us know the saying, “keeping up with the Joneses.” It’s become the motto of modern-day American materialism, referring to the never-ending pursuit to keep up with the spending lifestyles of our neighbors, friends, and colleagues. The house we live in, the car we drive, the school our kids go to, where we go on vacation, the clubs we belong to……the list goes on and on. This phenomenon is a significant contributor to people’s decisions. We all like to say and pretend it doesn’t impact us, but I’ve spent enough time with clients to know we’re being naive if we think that way.

Here’s how powerful of a force The Joneses are in our lives. When we buy a house, we’re not just committing to a certain down payment and monthly mortgage payment. When we select our house, or more specifically, our neighborhood, we’re committing to a lifestyle. This singular decision about what street or neighborhood to move to has the potential to fundamentally change the way we live our lives. That’s a terrifying thought, but it’s as true as the sky is blue.

I want to share a story. It’s a story of four families. These four families are amongst a larger group of friends and neighbors. Through various odd circumstances and connections, I’ve had the privilege of spending time with these families in one way or another. Through conversations with the first couple, it becomes clear the pressure of keeping up with their neighbors adds a level of stress to their marriage. Then when I talk to another couple, they admitted some of their credit card debt is attributed to expensive meals and trips with their neighbors. Then when I interact with the third couple, they get frustrated by “having” to go to certain events (accompanied by a high cost). Lastly, the fourth couple admitted to making a few questionable vehicle purchases out of fear of negative judgment.

Here’s the kicker. Each of these families gets frustrated by trying to keep up with The Joneses (i.e. their neighbors), but to their neighbor, THEY are The Joneses. By trying to keep up with each other, they in turn become the thing each other is trying to keep up with. It’s irony at its finest.

Here’s the good news: every family has the power to hop off the Joneses train. It’s scary to be the first family to jump off, but doing so may give the second family the courage to do it as well. Once the second family does, it allows the entire Joneses structure to crumble.

Think about your own circle. Do you need to be the first of the Joneses to jump off the train?

"Excellence is Always Its Own Reward"

For the last few years, I’ve been in a book club of sorts with a handful of close friends. We all serve together on the board of directors of an international organization. While we may be geographically scattered around the world, technology allows us to come together to accomplish good work, encourage one another, and build meaningful relationships. This group has sincerely been one of the great joys of my adult life.

Every few weeks, we’ll get on a Zoom call and discuss the most recent reading. The meeting times are always inconvenient, as everyone has to make a sacrifice due to dramatically different time zones. However, it’s always valuable and it fills my tank. We’re currently reading From Strength to Strength, by Arthur C. Brooks. The book focuses on how we can find success, happiness, and deep purpose in the second half of our life.

As I was preparing for last night’s meeting, one quote stuck out to me. “Devote the back half of your life to serving others with your wisdom. Get old sharing the things you believe are most important. Excellence is always its own reward, and this is how you can be excellent as you age.”

I have to admit something. As the youngest member of this group, I initially treated the content as something I would someday apply to my life, when (far down the road) I started to age. However, I’m starting to recognize this book is indeed talking about me, too. The signs are there….I just don’t always like to admit it. Where I sit today, there’s nothing more fulfilling to me than serving others with my wisdom. Whether it’s public speaking, one-on-one coaching, podcasting, partnering in businesses, or being a youth group leader, nothing provides more satisfaction than serving others with whatever wisdom I have to offer. Some people think I’m an idiot and wouldn’t listen to a word I said if I was the last person on earth. Others pay me a pretty decent sum for my wisdom. Life is funny like that. We serve those who wish to be served.

As much as I’d like to believe I’m still a wide-eyed kid fresh out of college, I’m not. I don’t mourn what I’m not….I celebrate what I am. Today, I’m someone who serves others with my wisdom. Sometimes it pays well…..often it pays nothing. That’s not the point. Excellence is always its own reward!

No Thank You to No Spend Months

In the personal finance space, it’s popular to practice “no spend months.” The idea is simple. Pick a month, don’t spend anything other than needs that month, save some the cash, and just like that, you’ve magically made your financial life better. Some of the biggest money “experts" advocate for this type of thing, but I couldn’t disagree with it more.

The message behind no spend months is clear: spending money on wants is irresponsible, unimportant, and hurtful. Therefore, when we can muster the energy and discipline to not spend money on wants, our life improves.

Alternatively, I argue that spending money on wants is important. Not ALL the wants, but some wants. You know, the ones that actually add value to your life. If we have a healthy relationship with our money, we’re able to find a balance between spending, saving, and giving. Too many people are being told spending is bad, leading them down the road to hoarding. It’s tragic and destructive, and it needs to stop. No spend months are like a crash diet. Sure, we see immediate and seemingly impressive progress. But once we stop the diet, we’re likely to binge and catapult ourselves back to where we started…..or worse.

When you buy your Starbucks drink today, or grab a deli lunch with a friend, or snag a new pair of shoes, or hit the theater to check out the latest movie, I hope it adds value to your life. I hope you enjoy it, feel no guilt or regrets, and give yourself a fist bump for enjoying some of what God has blessed you with. That’s so much healthier than a ridiculous no spend month.

Busyness and Happiness: Round 2

One of my favorite parts about writing this daily blog is the slew of messages I wake up to each morning from readers. Some thank me for the content, others disagree with my points, and many provide their own perspective. A few days ago, I wrote about the connection between busyness and happiness. My new friend, Randy, shared some thoughts about the topic via e-mail. While technology can be used to isolate people and do harm, it also has the power to bring people together like at no other time in history. I met Randy through this blog and I’ve learned so much from him through our many e-mail interactions. Randy, I’m grateful for you!

Randy’s first point to me: If we fill our lives with things that provide meaning, it creates joy and energizes us rather than deplete us. I’ve thought a lot about this since his e-mail hit my inbox. This is indeed true in my life. Even when I’m on the busier side of the spectrum, if the busyness comes from intentionally meaningful things, it does energize me and provides so much joy. It’s those days/weeks when my schedule is filled with less-than-meaningful things where I feel burned out.

Randy’s second point: if we want something done, ask a busy person, as they know where their free time is. Randy recognizes this one can be a double-edged sword, but it’s so true at its heart. Busy people tend to be the ones who get things done. On one hand, we don’t want to put a new responsibility on someone’s already-busy shoulders. On the other hand, it’s not our job to be their gatekeeper. The opportunity at hand may be just what they are looking for. It’s not our job to pre-judge it or make the decision for them. How many potentially world-changing things don’t exist today because someone pre-judged the other person’s decision and robbed them of an opportunity to say “yes”? I’ve experienced both sides of this. I’ve had people make my decision for me by withholding an opportunity that could have been powerful. I’ve also had people present something to me with, "I know you’re busy, but……”, then it led to something that positively changed my life forever.

Like most things in life, work, and money, this stuff isn’t black and white. If it were, it would be boring! Instead, we’re left with a world of possibilities and a lifetime to figure it out. While we do, it’s a pleasure to have people like Randy to journey with. Have a wonderful day, everyone!

Self-Inflicted Wounds

It’s a practice as predictable as it is sad. We humans are really good at creating self-inflicted wounds in our financial lives. I’ll use an example. Let’s say Joe’s been working really hard at his job for the past few years. Blood, sweat, and tears, hoping to soon get that promotion so he can create some margin in his financial life. Finally, the day arrives! He gets that promotion, which comes hand-in-hand with a nice pay increase. After so much work and waiting, he finally gets to create some financial traction with his newfound margin. However, he also “needs” a new car. A week later, he’s driving a shiny new car with a fat payment to go with it. It’s ok, though….it was a need. And just like that, his newfound margin is gone. If you were to ask Joe, he didn’t have a choice. He “needed” a car, and he likes it a lot, so he successfully solved the problem. What Joe calls a win, I call a self-inflicted wound.

Fast forward 6 months, Joe’s back to feeling the same financial tension he did before the promotion. In an effort to improve his life, he sabotaged his quality of life. While he doesn’t see it that way, his words, demeanor, and stress say differently.

Fast forward a few more years, Joe climbs another rung on the career ladder. After all those blood sweat, and tears, he gets to create some margin in his financial life. Finally, the day arrives…..and it’s as sweet as he thought it would be. He’s proud of his accomplishment, and he deserves a house worthy of his new success. He doesn’t necessarily “need” it, but he can afford it and it will surely make his life better. And just like that, his newfound margin is gone. If you were to ask Joe, this makes his life better. What Joe calls a win, I call a self-inflicted wound.

Fast forward a few months, Joe’s back to feeling the same financial tension he did before the most recent promotion. Again, in an effort to improve his life, he sabotaged his quality of life. The stress builds, the burden feels heavier, and the pressure heightens.

This is the new American way. Every opportunity we have to increase our quality of life and create margin, we find ways to create self-inflicted wounds. Fast forward a few more promotions, Joe will be making several multiples of what he used to make but feel the same level of stress, pressure, and burden. This is why so many people making $300,000, $400,000, or $500,000 feel the same financial tension they did when they were making $40,000. We aren’t trying to hurt ourselves….we’re trying to improve our life. Ironically, however, we sabotage the very thing we’re trying to create.