It's Why You Play the Game

Coming into today, only one time in 151 opportunities has a #16 seed beat a #1 seed in the NCAA tournament. Enter Fairleigh Dickinson University. I just witnessed them take down #1 Purdue in stunning fashion. Last season, FDU’s coach and starting backcourt were at the Division 2 level. FDU didn’t actually qualify for the NCAA tournament. Rather, they got in based on a technicality that prohibited their conference champion from being eligible. On the other side of the coin, Purdue finished the season ranked #3 in the country and has regularly been in discussion as a legit title contender. Based on history (1 out of 151), FDU had a 0.7% chance to win the game. Yet, here we are! That’s why you play the game.

“Whether you think you can, or you think you can't – you're right.” I love that Henry Ford quote. There’s so much truth in it. Just yesterday, I read an article about how Purdue’s coaching staff and players were upset by a “disrespectful” comment recently made by FDU’s coach. "The more I see Purdue, the more I think we can beat them.” Wow, how dare a coach actually believe in his team…..the disrespect!!!! FDU entered the NCAA tournament on a technicality, with a coach and players fresh from Division 2, with history showing they had a 0.7% chance of winning, and shocked the world.

Whether you think you can, or you think you can’t - you’re right. This doesn’t just apply to March Madness. It carries into every area of our life. Nothing worth doing is easy. FDU had two options coming into this game: 1) recognize they had nearly zero chance to win the game, just be happy being there while conceding an inevitable defeat, or 2) believe they have a chance, give it everything they got, and see how the cards fall. I think they choose door #2.

Whatever it is in your life, I hope you choose door #2 as well. It might not go your way. You might not succeed. You might fail. You might come up short of your goal. Or your dreams might just come true. There’s only one way to find out. It’s why you play the game.

"I Get To Go to Work"

Years ago, a friend shared with me his dream of someday transitioning into a different career. This thing was his passion. Over the years, he was working jobs he didn’t necessarily love, but they paid the bills. Simultaneously, he worked on his craft as a side hustle and eventually returned to school (part-time while he worked full-time) to pursue his dream career.

Fast forward, he made it! He recently started a job in the field he dreamt about all those years back. When I asked him how it was going so far, his wife quickly chimed in. She shared how he randomly exclaimed one day, “I get to go to work!!!” He didn’t have to go to work…..he was blessed with the opportunity to do his work. It wasn’t an obligation….it was a privilege. He didn’t dread it…..he looked forward to it.

He just unlocked a whole new level of meaning in his life. It wasn’t an accident. He didn’t stumble into it. It was an intentional choice, that required a lot of work and sacrifice, with very real consequences. He made a decision very few would have. He could have taken a simpler, easier, more predictable path. Instead, he chose meaning. Many in today’s culture would have told him to make as much money as he can, and hoard as much of it as possible, so he can retire sooner rather than later (you know, so he can finally enjoy his life). Instead, he chooses to live with joy, today. He’s not working now so he can enjoy life someday. He’s choosing to enjoy life…..period.

I couldn’t be more excited for them, and I’m grateful for the example he’s living by. I hope others see how he’s living and ultimately decide to take a similar path. The path of meaning, purpose, impact, and joy.

When Nothing Is Beneath Us

Yesterday, I spent about 10 hours at a client’s office working on a big project they contracted me to do. It’s fascinating work and it allows me to use a lot of the skills I developed during my prior career. The work challenges me, pushes me to get creative, and puts me in positions where I need to fight through roadblocks and frustrations. Overall, it’s been tremendously rewarding and I’ve learned a ton.

All that said, there was a two-hour stretch where the work was anything but satisfying. It was borderline the most monotonous work imaginable. In some regards, I wouldn’t wish that work on my worst enemy. It was mentally taxing, repetitive, and quite tedious. One little mistake would have massive ramifications, while at the same time, it felt like watching paint dry. All the while, however, all I could think about is something my dad taught me when I was a teenager. No work is beneath us. It doesn’t matter how “important” we become or how many layers get added between us and the bottom, nothing is beneath us.

Now of course many people would disagree with this approach……and it shows. When work is beneath us and we look down on it (and possibly those doing it), we create or perpetuate a toxic culture. The opposite is true, as well. When leaders are actively engaging in work that’s theoretically beneath them, it changes the dynamic of a team and an organization. It takes us from “Do as I say, not what I do” to “Follow my example.” I was blessed to have several co-workers and leaders in my past career who also modeled this the right way. The more I think about it, the more grateful I am for them.

So yeah, those two hours royally sucked! But there was something special about it, too. Doing the hard work, grinding through something difficult, knowing I’m doing the right thing for the right reasons. I hope I don’t have to spend too much time doing tasks like that, but I’ll do whatever is needed to achieve the goal. It’s a constant reminder that nothing is truly beneath us.

Upending Our Lives

In a light-hearted text exchange with a friend, he suggested I write a blog post about “not stressing out while trying to upend our lives.” I think that comment may have been rhetorical, but you get a post anyway! When we take the road less traveled, abandon comfort, and risk all that we perceive as normal, stress is sure to follow. I can’t even explain the amount of stress I’ve experienced since leaving my prior career. The bills will be paid this month, but what about next month? What about the month after that? I have a bunch of client contracts expiring soon……will they keep me around or move on? Will Northern Vessel continue to perform at a high level? When will the next paid speaking gig come? Will anyone want to sponsor our podcast? Yeah, this stuff is EXTREMELY stressful.

With all that being said, I’ll take this stress every single day of the week over a different kind of stress. Many of you know exactly what I’m talking about. The stress of waking up every day with a feeling of dread or mere tolerance for what you’re about to do. The stress of knowing your job security and compensation is in the hands of a collection of people that could simply cut you at a moment’s notice. The stress of doing tasks you simply don’t believe in or see value in. The stress of wanting something different, but being too scared or overwhelmed to go after it. That’s the kind of stress that will eat one’s soul.

I’ll take my stress any day of the week. It can be daunting, overwhelming, and crushing at times……but it’s tied to meaning, purpose, and impact. We absolutely upended our lives when we made our shift nearly four years ago. Neither Sarah nor I would claim it was easy…..but we’ll both testify to our graves that it was worth it. A whole lot of stress, combined with a whole lot of meaning!

Ode To Sleep and the Power of Patience

As a child of the 90s, I grew up on music videos. Even today, though I don’t listen to a lot of music, I love watching music videos. For the last few years, my absolute favorite music video has been “Ode To Sleep” by Twenty One Pilots. If you don’t know the song, and you probably don’t, you can check out the video HERE.

Aside from it being an amazing song, the concept of the video is what draws me in. It opens with Tyler and Josh performing a live show in front of just 12 people. It’s a grainy video shot in what appears to be a mix between a middle school cafeteria and a set piece from the movie Saw. This is two years into the band, and after all that grinding, they are giving 110% energy to just 12 people. The video immediately jumps forward 19 months, where they are performing the same song in front of 300 people. Again, 110% energy! Then, it jumps again. This time, 20 months into the future. This time, however, they are playing in front of 20,000 people…..with the same 110% energy. I get emotional every time I watch it.

They played for 2 years for the privilege of performing in front of 12 people…..but they kept going. They believed in themselves and the mission, and they did the hard work. Fast forward another 2.5 years and they were one of the biggest performers in the world. It was nothing…..until it was everything. If they were gauging success based on worldly numbers, they would have quit long before they had the opportunity to impact millions of people. I’ve seen them perform in person three times now, and can confidently say they are one of the best live performers in the entire world. It’s an experience unlike anything.

Though most of us won’t one day become international music sensations, we too have something in common with Twenty One Pilots. Success isn’t a predictable straight line. It oftentimes sometimes seems like nothing…..until it’s everything. You may be getting frustrated with something in your world. A project you’re working on. The promotion that should have come a few years ago. The business you started. The child you and your spouse so desperately desire to conceive. It’s so hard! Sometimes we just want to quit……quitting would be easier.

I’ve been thinking about that as it relates to our podcast. We’re 200+ episodes and 60+ hours of content in. We’ve been grinding for two years. And for whatever reason, our audience has exploded in the last few weeks. Hundreds of downloads per day. New episodes and old episodes alike. We’re getting DMs from people all over the world. We hit the top charts in other countries. It’s quite weird, to be honest. Like Twenty One Pilots and so many other things in life, it’s nothing…..until it’s everything. We don’t measure success in the numbers, and I’m glad we don’t. If we had, we would have given up a long time ago. We’re chasing something more important than numbers: impact.

Whatever you’re working on, please don’t stop. The world deserves to experience it, and you deserve to share it with the world. Sometimes it’s nothing…..until it’s everything.

“Just Keep Going”

Early last week, I accomplished a big win. Well, it wasn’t actually a huge win, but it felt like it to me. There was a singular moment when I realized I was finally caught up and didn’t feel like I was chasing anymore. It was the first time I had experienced this feeling in more than seven weeks. It felt like a massive weight off my shoulders. I even sent Sarah and text informing her of my win. Being all too familiar with my plight, she was equally happy for me. I was beyond excited, ready to embrace my new status of not feeling the overwhelming weight I normally carry with me.

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Just seven hours later, the party stopped. I opened my laptop to see an odd black thing on the screen. When I went to wipe the debris off my screen, I quickly realized the black thing was actually inside my screen. I frantically rebooted my computer to see if that would help, but it only got worse. The screen has been black ever since. From that moment on, I’ve been navigating logistical, technological, and scheduling issues. Needless to say, I’m back to feeling overwhelmed and frustrated.

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We both call each other “kid”……long story.

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I had a moment with Sarah the next day. I was venting to her about how frustrated and tired I was. We’ve been married long enough that Sarah knows nothing she says at that moment will actually help me. Instead, she gave me a big hug and whispered into my ear, “just keep going.” Oddly enough, it did help. She’s right, I had no other choice. I just need to keep going.

Today’s post may not seem inspirational or encouraging on the surface, but maybe it is. Just keep going! You may be facing something that has two options: 1) give up and quit, or 2) just keep going. I’m encouraging you to keep going. Not despite the fact it’s hard, but especially because it’s hard. When things get difficult, that’s the moment we need to accelerate through it, not let off the gas and putter our way to the other side.

Someone is having a worse week than me. For that, I’m sorry. You deserve better and your better is coming. Just keep going, though. You’ll be on the other side of it soon enough!

Words Are Free

I often refer to a Gallup statistic that 70% of Americans dislike or hate their job. This number is staggering, but always consistent with what I experience out in the world when I’m meeting with families. In fact, it feels rare when someone actually says, “yeah, I like my job.”

There are many reasons for not liking your job. The work, the organization, the mission, the hours, the co-workers, the pay……so many different factors. However, there’s one factor that overwhelmingly drives people’s relationship with their work. Their boss. I hesitate to call them leaders, because most of them they aren’t. They are just that, bosses. if you give someone the perfect work, organization, mission, hours, co-workers, and pay, they will still dislike or hate their job if their boss sucks.

Multiple times in just the last week, people have shared stories about how their boss didn’t say something. When the boss didn’t give them credit for a recent win. When the boss didn’t advocate for them. When the boss didn’t recognize their hard work and contribution. When the boss didn’t communicate something important that should have been talked about. In each of these cases, a few simple words would have made a world a difference. It’s a shame, too, as words are free. It doesn’t cost us anything to open our mouth and speak on behalf and in benefit of others.

Raising someone else up doesn’t lower us. But yet, so many of us aren’t using our words to lift others up. And in the process, we are putting up walls, pushing people away, and forcing them to look elsewhere for what they are seeking. Let’s use today as an opportunity to use our free words to make an impact. At home, at work, in public, and wherever else you find yourself.

"What If I Don't Have $20,000?"

A few days ago, I wrote about a concept I call the “pile of cash test.” In it, I explained how a client of mine used this test to alter their decision from buying a $35,000 car with debt to buying a $20,000 car with cash. I received a lot of feedback from that piece, but a handful of people were quick to ask the question, “what if I don’t have $20,000?” One person was sincere in their question, but several were insinuating it is a dumb idea because debt is the only realistic way to buy a vehicle.

I thought it would be worthwhile to answer the question. If you don’t have $20,000, yes, I’m suggesting you don’t buy a $20,000 car. The point isn’t to figure out the best way to buy a $x vehicle, but rather to figure out what vehicle we can buy with $x of available cash. This idea brings a lot of criticism, I know.

First, I’m not suggesting we buy a pile of junk. Many people do that, to their demise. I’m an advocate for buying a reliable car that will require as little ongoing maintenance work as possible. Yes, a car is going to have issues and require maintenance. But it’s amazing how many people will make $800 monthly payments for 7 years just to avoid the occasional $1,000 repair bill. This is a very common justification for expensive, debt-fueled purchase decisions.

Data shows the average household in America spends $400 per month on vehicle loan payments. But there’s a catch! That’s the average per household…..including all the households with no car payments. I decided to do a little data digging of my own. Of the last 75 families I’ve met with, at the beginning of our coaching relationship they had an average monthly car payment of $320/month. So it was a bit lower than the national average. This is where it gets interesting. 51% of these families had ZERO car debt. Zilch! Wait, it is possible to go without car debt!?!? If you take those families out of the equation, that means the average household monthly car payment for those who had car debt was $650/month! Yikes!

This immediately brings two interesting points to the surface:

1) Many people do choose to live without car debt. Doing so, which often requires sacrifice and humility, opens up so many doors with that excess cash. More than half of the people I meet with have made this possible…..even before starting their coaching relationship with me. I can testify how much freedom and momentum these families have as a result of these decisions.

2) For the people who choose to live with car debt, it’s crushing them! I regularly see $1,000+ payments for single vehicles and households with $1,500+ of combined car payments. This puts a stranglehold on their excess income and prevents them from doing things that truly matter to them.

I think you deserve better than to use your precious resources to constantly fund a car payment. For some of you, true freedom may lie just on the other side of a few sacrificial decisions. I promise you it’s worth it!

Protecting Yourself From Yourself

In a recent meeting, someone told me about how they invest in their company’s stock from each paycheck. This in and of itself isn’t worth writing about…..lots of people do this. What she said next is what drew me in. “I really don’t know if this is the best investment, but it makes sure I don’t spend it on something else. I know it’s there.” This is one of the countless ways people play games with themselves to achieve something. Or as I like to call it, “protecting yourself from yourself.”

As I meet with people, lots of versions of this story are told. Lots of interesting ideas, ranging from practical to absurd. Lots of people automate their savings/investing as if it were a utility bill. One friend pays extra on their mortgage instead of saving for their next house to ensure they can’t repurpose that money for a different use. One client loves buying shoes, but knows she could easily overdo it in the shoe-shopping department. Therefore, she only buys a pair of shoes if she accomplishes certain goals in her business. Another client knows they struggle to spend money on themselves (to an unhealthy extent). So we’ve created a structure so that every time they spend money on their kids, they also spend a certain amount on themselves. Another friend, due to some bad (really bad!) childhood experiences growing up, struggled to spend money on dining out. They budgeted for it, but never spent it. I helped them negotiate a ridiculous rule where if there is any unused money in their dining out budget at the end of each month, they have to give it to one of their in-laws. They really don’t want to give money to their in-laws, so they miraculously started spending it each month. Over time, they’ve not only gotten comfortable spending it, but actually learned to enjoy it.

I have a few of my own. In my pursuit to become a more generous person, I recognized the allure investing had on me. Knowing how investing works, how powerful it can be, and frankly just liking the process of it, I knew it could potentially inhibit my giving journey. Therefore, we negotiated a rule in our house about a decade ago. Never again would we invest more than we give. We have to give at least as much as we invest. No exceptions. This one simple decision has transformed the way we approach finances, investing, and generosity. It was a simple decision, with simple implementation, with powerful results. Protecting myself from myself.

What are some ways you protect yourself from yourself? I’d love to hear your ideas, whether they are practical or absurd.

Pile of Cash Test

Several years ago, I was meeting with a coaching client who wanted to buy a new vehicle. When the conversation heated up, it quickly went in the direction of buying a very nice, very new, $35,000 vehicle (this was back when $35,000 was a lot for a new vehicle). They were dead-set on using a car loan to make this happen. When I attempted to convince them to make a cheaper choice and pay with cash instead of locking themselves into another sequence of expense payments, I made the argument that using debt is altering their decision-making process. In short, they wouldn’t be buying this much of a vehicle if they weren’t using debt. They aggressively disagreed with my thesis. In their opinion, they were simply using debt as a tool to make the best mathematical decision. According to them, they would make the exact same decision with cash, but they are outsmarting the system by doing it this way.

This is the moment I issued my always-favorite “pile of cash” test. I challenged them to go to the bank, withdraw the money, and set it on their table. If they could look at all this money and honestly tell themselves they would exchange it for this vehicle if the “smarter” option of financing it wasn’t on the table, then go ahead and use debt for the purchase. So they did! They went into their bank, awkwardly asked for $35,000+ in cash, and walked out several pounds heavier (looking like a suspicious drug deal was about to go down).

What happened next, you ask? When they looked at the cash and thought about it, they realized there was no way they could justify using this much money to buy the vehicle. The entire idea of debt was psychologically impairing their judgment. A few days later, they purchased a used $20,000 vehicle with cash, put $15,000 back in the bank, and felt at peace with their decision. I hear them tell this story often….it was a big turning point in their story.

It’s funny how we play little psychological tricks on ourselves when it comes to money. Many of them are small and silly, but sometimes, like this couple, they can profoundly impact us on our journey.

Gaining Control When It's Simple(r)

I recently met with a new 22-year-old coaching client. There’s something special about working with young people. They have big dreams, a ton of passion, and the energy to match it. They also have something else many of us more senior people don’t have: simplicity. Many young adults don’t have spouses, kids, houses, or weighty financial entanglements……yet. Instead, they have small bank accounts, a few assets, and a lot of time in front of them.

We, humans, are really good at making our lives progressively more complicated. These young adults will inevitably make their lives more complicated in due time, as well. However, I’m blessed with the opportunity to help some of them gain control of their finances where they stand today. This is a huge win, as it’s always easy to learn a new concept when it’s simple. Simple is good. As we parsed through his very short list of financial considerations, I knew something he doesn’t yet know. This is going to be a really easy process for him. Far easier than for most.

Many people come to me in their 40s, when life is anything but simple. Yes, someone at that stage can absolutely gain control and learn how to handle their finances better…..and I’m so excited for them when they do! Everyone can do it! But it’s trickier. There are more pieces to wrangle, less time to do it, and it’s tougher to gain control. That’s the beautiful part about being young. When you’re young, you have the opportunity to learn this stuff when it’s easy…..so that you can grow into it when life inevitably gets more complicated.

Today’s message is two-fold. First, it’s never too late or too early to gain control. your life is likelier simpler today than it will be in the future. So take control now and grow into your future life! Second, encourage the young people in your life to lean into these topics now, when they are young and life is simple. If they do, their future selves will feverishly thank their younger selves for the generous and sacrificial act.

A Tottler

Q: What do you call a half of a tater tot?

A: A Tottler

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This was the ridiculous joke I was met with when I walked into a coffee shop yesterday and saw my friend, Meagan. To be honest, I didn’t walk through those doors with the intent of joking around. I started the week a bit stressed, determined to start the day by kicking butt. Enter Meagan. She just carries herself differently. She may have the weight of the world on her, but she always finds time for a laugh and a smile. If you were to meet her on the street, the first thing you’d say to yourself is, “there’s something different about her……something I want to be more like and be around more often.” She’s one of those friends I haven’t seen in years, then all of a sudden I see her many times per week. It’s been a true blessing to reconnect with her and play a role in each other’s lives.

I may be nearly two decades older than her, but I find myself learning from her approach to life. I’m one of those people who visibly wear their stress on their sleeves. I’m also one of those people who says “yes” to too many things, resulting in self-inflected stress and pressure. People like Meagan are a constant reminder to keep the bigger picture in focus, even when it feels heavy around us. No matter how stressed and overwhelmed we are, there’s always time for a laugh, a story, a coffee with a friend, and yes, even a dumb joke about baby tater tots.

Controlling What We Can Control

The world is a mess right now. War, political infighting, ongoing cultural battles, a faltering economy, and inflation……just to name a few components of said mess. It’s easy to feel like crap about it. We turn on the TV, only to feel angry, defeated, and helpless. When this happens, we often turn our attention to all the things we have no control over.

I talk to people every day who feel victimized and defeated by all that’s going on around us. They carry with them a sense of hopelessness and helplessness. I don’t fully blame them if I’m being honest. I can feel like that at times, too. However, we have to separate how we feel about it from what we do about it.

The way I see it, we have two choices to make. The first option is to raise the white flag and admit defeat.

• “I’ll never be able to get out of this debt”

• “I’ll be stuck in this job forever”

• “It’s impossible to make ends meet”

• “I’ll never be on the same page with my spouse”

• “Our government is making it impossible for me to get ahead”

• “Why bother trying when our country is imploding anyway?”

• “There’s no point in saving if I could be dead tomorrow”

These are all comments I hear on the regular. Each of them allows us to justify to ourselves to simply not try. After all, it’s not our fault…..so it’s not our responsibility to fix it.

Then, there’s the second choice we can make. We can let go of everything we can’t control, and lock into the things we can control. Getting control of the money I DO have. Paying off a little bit of debt this money…..then a little bit next month. Going to work and giving it everything I have each day. Grabbing a second (or third) income if I’m trying to close the income gap. Spending intentional time with my spouse to create unity and a shared vision. Choosing to make a positive impact on the people around me.

I’ll close with bad news and good news. Bad news: there are very few things in life we have much control over. Good news: we can spend the vast majority of our time, if we choose, on those few things. Every moment we spend worrying about what we don’t control is one less moment we have to spend on things we do control.

I hear ya on how bad things feel right now. It often feels like an unmitigated disaster. But today I’m choosing to let go of all the noise around me and simply focus on what I can control.

What We're Really Buying

We think we’re buying a car, but we’re often buying status. We think we’re buying plane tickets, but we’re really buying memories. We think we’re buying a college degree, but we’re really buying credibility. We think we’re buying an app or software, but we’re really buying time and efficiency. We think we’re buying a babysitter when we go on a date night, but we’re really investing in our marriage.

I was thinking about this idea recently while sipping on a Spanish Latte at our coffee shop, Northern Vessel. As I’m enjoying my drink, and watching other people enjoying theirs, I realize none of us really paid for coffee. We paid for hospitality and a feeling. We can get a cup of coffee anywhere, and I often do. I make coffee at home each morning and I frequent many different copy shops around my metro. Each one offers a different experience. Some offer a bland experience, some offer a bad experience, and some offer something worth investing in. Yes, the coffee matters. Nobody wants to pay for bad coffee. However, at the heart of it, especially when done well, it’s not really about the coffee. It’s about how the experience, staff, and product make us feel.

When we walk into a business and are met with a smile and warm welcome, it matters. There’s nothing more demoralizing than walking into some business and immediately feeling like we’re inconveniencing them. It makes me not want to buy their product. Why? Because we’re really not just buying the product…..there’s something more.

The message behind this post is two-fold. First, as a consumer, we should take a moment when we’re about to make a purchase and ask ourselves what we’re really buying. I’m about to buy new bikes for my kids. They like riding bikes, they need new bikes, and they will benefit from having new bikes. But if I ask myself my own question, I have a different answer. The nighttime and summer rides I share with my boys are sacred to me. It’s a chance to spend meaningful time with them, explore, get exercise, teach them about pushing themselves, and create memories. In other words, these bikes are priceless. Through that lens, these bikes may be the biggest bargain I pay for all year.

Second, we should think about this idea from the perspective of a business owner, employee, or whatever role you play in your work. We aren’t just selling products. We are offering something much deeper. Whenever someone purchases my services, listens to our podcast, reads this blog, or listens to me speak, it’s not about the product. Instead, it’s about how they feel and experience it…..meeting that deeper need. Everything in my career changed when I learned this lesson many years ago. You have your own version of this in your work. Really embrace that and use your opportunity for impact. Even something as simple as a cup of coffee has the power to make a difference. Just imagine the opportunity in front of you!

As you start your day, please take a moment to think about this idea through the various aspects of your life and work. It can be a game-changer!

What Do You Collect?

We, humans, love to collect. According to psychologists, people collect for different reasons. Some collect out of a sense of nostalgia. Others collect as a way to shape or reflect their identity. Some people are allured to the hunt. Others find value in things that will remain even after they pass away. Another fun theory is that collecting is “a way for a man to attract potential mates by signaling his ability to accumulate resources.” Ah, to think all those baseball cards I accumulated when I was 8 years old would later land me a wife……thanks, Ryne Sandberg rookie cards!!!

I love asking people about their collecting habits. They are as unique as fingerprints. Everyone seems to have their own thing, for their own reasons. My friend Gary collects license plates from all the countries he travels to. They are a reminder of the memories made and relationships created. A few of my friends collect vintage video games, which remind them of their childhood wonderment when they were first introduced to 8-bit gaming. A few of my friends collect Star Wars memorabilia because, well, they just really love Star Wars. Some of my friends collect guns and/or cars, partly because they enjoy using them and partly because they are fascinated by the engineering.

When I was younger, I collected sports cards, Michael Jordan memorabilia, and CDs. Over time, my collecting habits died out. When I ask myself why they died, I think part of it was because I became busy with other things, combined with the fact my life became more transient by moving all over the place. It’s hard to collect when you don’t take the time and don’t have a place to store things. I did dabble in watches, and I do buy a fair number of books, but there’s nothing in my life that I would call “my thing.”

I think I need something….but don’t know what. Please help me brainstorm. What do you collect? Why do you collect it? How has it added value to your life? I want to hear from you. Please drop a note in the comments below!

Knowing When to Walk Away

As you probably know, I love Mondays. Mondays are my favorite day of the week. I’m coming off a fun weekend where I played with the kids, probably watched some sports, stayed up too late, and made some fun memories. And my reward? I get to wake up at the start of a new week, with endless possibilities in front of me, knowing I have five days to do good work and make a difference in this world. Sincerely, Monday mornings are the best!

Last night, I was chatting with Sarah on the couch. We talked about summer plans, current events, and happenings at church and work. As that conversation came to an end, I asked her for a blog idea for today’s post. She referred to my love of Mondays, then said I should do a post about “knowing when to walk away” when it comes to work. I asked her to elaborate, so she listed off a few thoughts:

• Being present with family

• Setting healthy boundaries with work hours

• Taking time to enjoy relaxing things

• Not bringing work home

Can we just pretend Sarah was referring to people in general and not specifically to me? Yeah, I didn’t think so. She’s right. She knows she’s right and I know she’s right. I struggle with this a lot. In my prior career, I brought home a lot of stress and carried it with me. In my current career, I carry with me an ever-present desire to do more good work. I absolutely love what I do……and sometimes, without proper boundaries, that can be a problem.

Sometimes I get this right, but often I don’t. I never realized there was a shadow side to loving your work. It shouldn’t be something to be scared of, though. Rather, it’s something to harness, be aware of, and approach with intentionality. We aren’t magically going to get it 100% right, but we can get 1% better each day. Day by day, situation by situation.

Sarah likely wouldn’t have suggested this topic if she thought I was doing a wonderful job, so I still have my work cut out for me. On the bright side, I’d rather have this problem than carry stress, dread, and misery with me every day. What say you?

We Ruin Them Young

Last night at youth group, we opened registrations for the money class I teach each year. This will be the 9th year hosting the class, and we’ve taken 175 high school students through it over the first eight years. Walking alongside these kids is always one of the highlights of my year. One of my favorite parts about the class is a scholarship program we developed in conjunction with it, where students who go through it have the opportunity to apply for a scholarship when they are seniors. To date, we’ve granted $48,000 in scholarships thanks to a number of generous financial partners who have chosen to bless our youth in this way.

After announcing the class, a few students approached me with questions, comments, and stories. I’ve done this long enough to know these stories will be told, but they never cease to amaze me. One student shared that she, at 17 years old, already has a $350/month car payment. Another student shared about her college plans, which will result in more than $100,000 of student loan debt. That’s her number, not mine. That’s a literal number she, her parents, and the college have discussed and somehow have gotten comfortable with. This is for a bachelor’s degree, mind you. Both of these kids, even before exiting minor status, have already made significant, life-altering financial decisions. Rather, I should say their parents allowed them (at best) or encouraged them (at worst) to make these choices.

These young adults don’t know what they don’t know. They are making decisions today that won’t present their true impact until years down the road. These are the scenarios that may someday result in resentment and anger toward their parents. The parents likely mean well, and the kids trust their parents, but I’ve seen this story play out enough times to know where they’re heading. I regularly meet with clients who have to process these situations from earlier in life and hopefully offer forgiveness to their parents. These deep wounds come up meeting, after meeting, after meeting. Many of these parents don’t even know there is deep-seated anger. After all, they were trying to help their kids and sincerely believed they were serving them well.

As I try to close out today’s post, I’m not sure what the takeaway is. Maybe it’s that we adults and parents just need to do better. Whether we have kids or not, there are young people looking at us. What we do and what we say has the potential to make a profound impact on their life. Let’s use that influence for good.

Fun is Free

In a recent post, I advocated for people not reactively cutting fun spending from their life. I argue these things can be important and we shouldn’t always be so quick to gut them. As he often does, my friend Randy hit “reply” on the e-mail and shared his insights with me. He reminded me that we don’t need to spend money to enjoy life. He’s so right!

There are a lot of fun things money can buy, but there’s not a direct correlation between cost and fun. Cost doesn’t equal fun. Fun equals fun. It reminds me of last year’s spring break trip with my family. We drove to a nearby city, stayed in a hotel, ate a bunch of good food, and took the kids to see/do a ton of fun things. When we got home, I asked the kids what their favorite part of the trip was. They both had the same response: “swimming with Daddy.” They were referring to the time we spent in the dumpy indoor pool at the hotel. You know, one of the few things on our trip that didn’t cost money.

As I reflect back on my life, there’s a very low correlation between money and fun. Sure, I’ve done some really fun things that cost a lot of money. Sitting courtside at a Dallas Mavs game = a ton of fun! Traveling to Asia = so much fun! But if I’m really honest with myself, most of the fun I experience in my life is either free or very cheap. Getting ice cream cones with the family. Going on bike rides. Shooting hoops at the park with the boys. Grabbing a drink or coffee with a friend. Having a Netflix date with Sarah.

Simple is good, and simple can be fun. When we realize we don’t need money to enjoy life or have fun, it gives us freedom and it forces us to think creatively. In that creativity comes joy, fun, and memories. I always enjoy the occasional splurge on some luxury fun, but most of the time, I really love soaking in the simple joys that make life worth living.

One of Those Days

Yesterday was one of those days. You know what I’m talking about. Anything that could go wrong, did go wrong. I didn’t accomplish one single thing I set out to do. Meetings ran long, traffic delayed me every step of the way, two of my clients are dealing with sudden and profound financial emergencies, I let someone down, a few unexpected tasks drained hours of my time, and to top it off, I stopped by the office late in the day to discover water damage from the prior night’s storm. Wow!

I love my life, but some days are just flat-out brutal. It’s enough to make me want to give up at times. I won’t, of course, but the thought does cross my mind from time to time. Perhaps you had one of those days recently. Maybe today is one of them! You aren’t alone. For better or worse, there are countless others also having utterly terrible days. I’m going to handle today like I always try to handle the day after a disaster:

1. Remind myself today is a new day, a fresh start. It doesn’t have to be like yesterday.

2. Turn off my phone to eliminate all distractions…..I need solid focus more than ever right now.

3. Get a quick win on an easy task to create some momentum.

4. Pursue one of my most important tasks to move the needle on progress.

5. Apologize to anyone I might have let down yesterday. This one is critical for me.

6. Find at least one hour to do something with nothing at stake. Watch a ridiculous YouTube video, read an article about the NBA, or maybe listen to a podcast about some random topic I know nothing about.

7. Reflect back on the prior day and identify blessings in disguise. There’s a silver lining in even the worst disaster.

8. Get some quality time with my kids to reset perspectives and priorities.

Is this what I always do? No. Sometimes I just writhe around in a blanket of self-pity with an overwhelming feeling of defeatedness. Is defeatedness even a word? Grammarly is telling me no, but I’m going to go with it. I don’t always rally well, but if someone asked me to help them get through their situation, this is the advice I’d give them. Maybe I should take my own medicine…..

So Much Opportunity

Due to some very, very strange circumstances with his last employer, one of my close friends suddenly found himself out of a job. It would have been easy for him to play his tiny pity violin, and maybe he did for a few days, but violin pity music doesn’t pay the bills. He did the first thing he needed to do: look for a new job.

To be honest, this hasn’t always been his strong suit. Pursuing new jobs sits on his priority list just ahead of a root canal and spending a half day at the DMV. It’s not what he wants to do, but it’s the boat he’s in at the moment. He recently applied for three completely different opportunities, each with its own schedule, skill set, and responsibilities. Much to his surprise, he got all three!! One is a short-term project and the other two are consistent jobs. If he were to be honest, none of the three excite him all that much. However, they will pay the bills and help keep the financial train on the track while his family figures out what’s next. Having this income will reduce financial stress/tension and hopefully prevent the negative implications that inevitably come from that.

There’s a lot of opportunity out there…..so, so much opportunity. Every time I hear someone say “there’s nothing available”, I just roll my eyes. In today’s digital world with social media, remote work, flexible jobs, and entrepreneurial opportunities abound, there’s no excuse for not finding something. And by something, I’m not necessarily referring to the job of your dreams. I’m talking about something that will work…..for now….until the next thing presents itself. If you’re in the need for income, go find it. Think creatively, make some calls, and apply for some positions. The worst that can happen is a “no.” As I often mention to my young friends, there’s no limit to the number of “no’s” we get to experience. So what if we receive 10,000 “no’s.” It just means a “yes” is right around the corner. The “no’s” are the entry price to get to the “yes’s.” Let’s get going!

** This isn’t just for people looking for work. If you’re reading this, chances are there’s something in your life you want to do, but don’t want to deal with the “no’s.” I promise you it’s worth it! It may not feel like it while you’re in the thick of it, but at some point, you’ll absolutely be grateful for your former self gutting through it.