"I Did It!!!"

One of the main topics I teach in our high school money class is how it’s possible for every single person to graduate from college debt-free. Not surprisingly, this is a very controversial idea. Our culture teaches us that we are either a have or a have-not, and our student loan fate rests in which one we are. I think this toxic belief is one of the primary reasons why much of our society is crippled with a ton of student loan debt.

Since I’ve been teaching these ideas for more than 10 years, I’ve accumulated many stories…..both good and bad. Here’s one that’s all too common. Many years ago, a young lady in my class was stunned and excited to hear that she could potentially go to college debt-free. She asked if I would meet with her and her mom to discuss it further. Of course, I’d love to do that! She comes back to class a week later, looking a bit down. When I asked her how she was doing, she replied, “I told my mom about what we talked about last week. She said you are a liar and it’s not possible to go to college without debt.” Needless to say, the family declined my invitation to discuss ideas on how to make it happen. Fast forward a handful of years and this young lady graduated college with $65,000 of student loan debt.

Now, I’ll share a different kind of story. Several years ago, there was a young man who attended the class. He, too, got excited about the idea of not having student loan debt. He really internalized the idea that he could go to college debt-free. He explained to me that his family already told him they wouldn’t be helping him in any way. It was 100% on him to pay for his college and living expenses. Yet, he was intent on graduating college…..and doing it without debt. He chose the same college as the young lady above. I haven’t seen or talked to this young man since he graduated high school. Last week, I received a random text from him that read, “I did it!!!!!” I had no idea what he was talking about, so I asked him to clarify. He went on to explain how he will be graduating college next month…..with zero debt! He was beyond proud of this accomplishment, and even more excited for what his future holds. He did it, indeed!

Same class, same college choice, similar backgrounds…..vastly different outcomes. The difference? One believed it could be done and the other didn’t. You could argue he put in the work and she didn’t, but that’s not exactly fair. He did indeed put in the work…..he worked so hard. But she’s the type of person who would have put in the work as well……had she believed the mission was possible.

Our mind is a crazy thing. The stories we tell ourselves have the power to propel…..and the power to sabotage. It’s amazing what can happen when we believe.

Not All Days Are Created Equal

Sometimes, life feels repetitive. The same rhythm, the same routine, the same responsibilities, the same drives. Even when these things align with your values and mission, the repetitiveness can make us weary at times. But not all days are created equal. Some days just stand out. Some days are different. A special event, meeting someone new, reconnecting with an old friend, starting a new project. These types of days are special, but they wouldn’t be special if it weren’t for the “normal” days. It’s kind of like a vacation. A vacation is a vacation because not every day is a vacation. If every day were a vacation, a vacation wouldn’t be a vacation. Can we make up a new term and just call it the “vacation paradox”?

Today is one of those special days. Easter Sunday. For us, it’s an Easter egg hunt, church, special food, time with our nieces, and extra play time with the boys. Whatever your day looks like, I hope you enjoy it. Don’t take it for granted, but also don’t overlook the importance of the “normal” days. Without them, this special day wouldn’t be special.

Short and sweet today. Enjoy your special day…..and the not-so-special days. Happy Easter, everyone! See you tomorrow.

The Many Shapes and Sizes of Sacrifice

On the heels of yesterday’s post, a handful of people reached out asking about the idea of sacrifice. The joy piece is simple and self-explanatory. The sacrifice piece, however, can be a bit trickier. Sacrifice looks different for everyone. For my youth group students, giving $20 may be a sacrifice. To a few of my clients, though, a $10,000 gift wouldn’t be a sacrifice at all.

Looking at it from a broader level, sacrifice comes in many forms. Let’s go back to the person who could give $10,000 and it not be sacrificial. That same person could volunteer to serve at the very same organization for a day and it would be a huge sacrifice.

I stumbled into an interesting situation yesterday. I was in a text exchange with my friend, Bailey, who is coming back to see her family this weekend. Somewhere in there, I thought it would be a fun idea to bring her family a 64-ounce bottle of Northern Vessel cold brew latte to enjoy at their Easter brunch. Then, my brain went one step further. What if I bought bottles for a whole bunch of families to enjoy at their Easter celebrations? Fast forward a few hours and my day went from getting a lot of pressing work tasks done to becoming a Northern Vessel DoorDash Santa Claus. It was a really fun day and I thoroughly enjoyed blessing these families. Pure joy in my book!

It was only a few hundred dollars, which came from our giving fund. We plan for things like this, so that piece in and of itself wasn't necessarily sacrificial. The sacrifice was the fact I gave up much of my workday to make it happen. There was a very real cost to this, as I was up until about 2AM this morning doing the work items I was supposed to be doing when I was delivering bottles. No complaints from me…..it was so worth it! The sacrifice was what made it that much sweeter.

So here’s my big takeaway today: sacrifice is always contextual to the giver. It’s not a one-size-fits-all. Sometimes it takes creativity and out-of-the-box thinking to create sacrificial giving opportunities. You won’t always get it right, but generosity is always a fun thing to fail forward in. Happy giving!

It is Good

I keep wanting to introduce today’s blog by wishing everyone a “Happy Good Friday,” but that seems a bit off. It doesn’t feel good and it doesn’t seem worth celebrating……that shall come on Sunday. Today is always a tricky day for me. It feels intense, somber, and introspective.

Last night, I had the privilege of attending a Passover dinner (Seder meal) with a youth group student I’m mentoring. This particular event is the culmination of a class our youth group kids have the option of taking during their high school career. It’s always an honor to be part of something this special. I was truly grateful for the opportunity to share this experience with my mentee.

The emotions of the night always hits me in different ways in different years. Last night, I kept thinking about the idea of generosity. At its core, the Bible is a series of books centered around generosity, culminating with the ultimate gift. As my friend Gary Hoag so simply puts it, generosity is a beautiful combination of two things: joy and sacrifice. Our gifts should be made with a cheerful heart and require us to sacrifice. Years ago, I was exploring the concept of sacrificial generosity with Gary and he asked me a simple, but powerful question. “Does your giving require you to give up something important to you?” At the time, my answer was a clear “no.” It wasn’t until later that I realized what it really meant to experience true sacrifice in my giving.

Easter and Good Friday are just that: joyful and sacrificial. As last night’s group explored the details, chronology, and context of Jesus’ final hours, it felt anything but joyful. It was painful, gut-wrenching, and hard to imagine. But it’s the very definition of the word sacrifice. He sacrificed everything……for us. The ultimate gift.

The joy? That comes next. When they rolled away the stone to reveal an empty tomb, that’s when everything changed. Disbelief and confusion quickly turned into belief and joy. He is risen. A joy unlike any other joy.

Joy and sacrifice, the building blocks of generosity. Whether you’re a Christian or not, I hope you take a few moments today to think about this definition of generosity. Maybe you have joy in your giving….awesome! Maybe you have sacrifice in your giving….. awesome! I promise you something, though. If you combine the two, everything changes and there’s no going back.

Good Friday may not be the most joyous of holidays, but man, it is good.

Enjoying the Little Moments

Yesterday, while in the middle of a coaching session, the tables were turned on me. The client is a very successful business owner who is notoriously hard on herself. The conversation morphed into a discussion about how, on multiple occasions, she stopped to enjoy the little moments throughout the month. A client of hers reached a milestone. A testimonial where someone shared how much my client impacted their life. A staff member who had a breakthrough. A day when she was able to step away from the business to enjoy time with her family. Awesome little moments.

She said, “I tried to stop and just enjoy these little moments. Just soaked them in. And so should you.” So should I?!?! She nailed me. She knows me very well. That’s what happens when you spend enough time with someone. I’m not perfect. I know that and she knows that. She’s so right. In the hustle and bustle of work and life, it’s easy to just move past the moment and move on to the next thing. I do it ALL. THE. TIME.

It made me reflect on how many little moments I just let pass me by. I think back to launching our podcast. We recorded four episodes in that first sitting, then edited, then published……then we both went about our busy days. I’m not sure we took even 5 minutes to acknowledge how awesome that was. Last week was our podcast’s two-year anniversary. Neither Cole nor I recognized it or talked about it. I didn’t even talk to him or see him that day. Unless he reads this, I’m not even sure he remembered. What a shame for him and I to let that little moment pass us by.

Here’s my commitment. I’m going to try to enjoy the next little moment. Big or small, busy or not, I’m going to take a moment to soak it in. How about you? Will you try to join me by celebrating your next little moment?

How Much Lemonade Can You Make?

I’m a big believer that good can always come from bad situations. Turning lemons into lemonade, right? But what happens when there are just too many lemons? I suppose we should keep making lemonade, but how much lemonade can you make?

As I read the ridiculous paragraph I just wrote, I can’t help but think about how overwhelming some seasons are. Sometimes I expect it. Schedules get tight. Travel starts landing on the calendar. Deadlines overlap. You can see it coming from a mile away…..and it lives up to the hype. Other times, they sneak up on you. A few things take longer than you expect. Distractions throw you off your game. You’re exhausted after a busy streak, causing you to lack focus and energy. You’re busy cleaning up messes from other less-than-ideal circumstances. Your kid breaks his arm……

There are times in life when disappointing others seems like my vocation. I whiff on texts, fail to deliver on commitments, and generally feel like a bad friend. This feels like one of those seasons of life. Just yesterday, multiple people told me I let them down. They are right….I did let them down. All I could do was apologize, ask for forgiveness, and commit to doing better.

At the Omaha YP Summit that I spoke at a few weeks ago, I attended a few other talks. One of them was about preventing burnout. It was in the same ballroom I would later be speaking in, so it was a good opportunity to see how the room felt. To be honest, though, I just needed to hear a talk about burnout. In the talk, one thing in particular caught my ear. It was a concept called a Kanban board. Here’s how I understood it (which may or may not be a proper or full definition of its full powers). You make a board with three sections (left to right): To-do, in-progress, and done. Then, you unload every single thing in your brain that needs to get done. Personal, work, ministry…..everything. Drop all these items in the to-do section of the board. Then, each day, decide which items get moved over to the in-progress section, and execute only those items. Attack those items aggressively, and give no thought/stress/worry/energy to the items in the to-do section. Those items will have to wait for another day. Execute, then repeat.

Just the mere act of unloading everything from my brain to the board was a relief. However, I’m still thinking of items I missed, and the execution has been iffy. I’m still working on finding my rhythm, but it’s already starting to feel better. I’ll probably write a follow-up post about how the process is going, so stay tuned. In the meantime, I’d love to hear your thoughts, ideas, and recommendations for keeping the train on the tracks.

I’m tired of making lemonade, and I’m sure some of you are, too. Just know you aren’t alone. Let’s walk this messy road together. Have an awesome day!

Walking the Line Between Guilt and Growth

Welcome to the unexpected third installment of the unexpected three-part series about parenting and money. Thanks to Pax’s broken arm and a lot of reader feedback, this has turned into a fantastic discussion. Over the past few days, I’ve received a lot of questions and wonderings from parents. Many share a situation relevant in their life, then ask if it’s perpetuating guilt or growth. In short, there are a lot of parents doing a lot of good parenting…..in less-than-ideal circumstances. I thought it would be worthwhile to share one common example, as it carries a lot of parallels to many different scenarios we as parents may find ourselves in.

Scenario: A teen driver gets a few speeding tickets, which inevitably results in the family’s auto insurance rates going up.

Healthy Option: Make the teen pay for some or all of the incremental insurance cost. This allows them to take ownership of the situation and models the adult reality that actions have tangible consequences. Growth can happen here and the teen feels some level of organic, external pain.

Neutral Option: The parents pay for most or all of the incremental cost and you never again bring it up in conversation as a way of reminding them of what it’s costing you. Mistakes were made, costs were incurred, and we all move on. There’s neither growth nor guilt.

Toxic Option: The parents pay for all of the incremental cost and periodically (or frequently) bring it up to the teen. It gets brought up whenever there’s conflict, the next time they make a mistake, when you want to illustrate how much you do for your kids, or when you need/want something from them. You “help” your teen by paying this cost, but then turn around and use it as a weapon to manipulate, control, and push guilt on them.

There are a million similar-but-different situations we encounter in our parenting journey, from the time our kids are toddlers to the time they are caring for us in our old age. All we can do is the best we can do, each step of the way. Parents, I feel for you. Life comes fast and it doesn’t stop. To make it even harder, every time we figure out this whole parenting thing, our kids develop into the next stage and the rules change once again. It’s a wild ride, but a beautiful ride.

You got this!

"Daddy, When Does the New Month Start?"

I was expecting a lot of feedback after yesterday’s post, and I was not disappointed. Some people had some questions. Some people shared their own experiences and how it’s negatively impacted them for literally decades. Some people had mixed feelings about my advice. Some people, who use money as a weapon with their kids, defended using money as a weapon with their kids. Lastly, some people interpreted the post as me advocating that we as parents not talk to our kids about money. This is where today’s post comes in.

I absolutely think we should talk to our kids about money. Yesterday’s post was about not using money as a weapon to make kids feel guilty. What does it look like to talk to our kids about money in a healthy way? First, it needs to be contextual to their age. When my kids were 3-4, we simply talked about what money is and what it’s for. At five, we practiced what it looks like to separate our money into buckets for spending and giving. Then, we’d literally hop in the car to a) stop at church so the kids can give, then b) stop at Target so the kids could buy a toy. Pretty simple stuff. To be honest, we don’t talk about money a lot in our house. I bring it up once in a while when there’s a relevant way to tie it into the conversation/activity. The conversations usually revolve around generosity, fun experiences we can do together, things we’re saving for, and the status of our budget. We always talk about ideas, not numbers……they are 6, after all. I sometimes wonder if these conversations have any impact on them. But once in a while, they say some very insightful things. For example, here’s a recent conversation I had out of the blue with one of our 6-year-olds:

Finn: “Daddy, when does the new month start?”

Me: “In a few days, bud. Why do you ask?”

Finn: “Can we put some money in the budget to go to the new Mario movie?”

Me: “Of course! There’s definitely money in there for that.”

Finn: “Enough for popcorn, too?”

Me: “Yeah man, we’ll get popcorn, too!”

They know we have a plan. They know there’s money specifically set aside for certain categories. They know money can be used for many different things….including generosity and fun experiences. They know it’s finite. They also know we respect and follow the budget. There have been plenty of times when we’ve said “no” because there wasn’t any money left for that category this month. It doesn’t mean we’re poor or don’t love them. Rather, we’re modeling what it looks like to be disciplined and God-honoring with our finances. So when the topic of money comes up in our house, it’s never about there “not being enough”, but rather creating priorities and sticking to a plan. If done well, this will prevent kids from developing a scarcity mindset, or on the other hand, becoming entitled and spoiled. Kids absorb this like a sponge…..both the good and the bad.

We all carry financial baggage with us from our childhoods. It’s too late for all of us adults…..we can’t go back and undo it. But we have a chance to give our kids better. One conversation, one example, one action at a time.

Don't Let Your Kids Wear It

As the parents of twin boys, our household motto for the last six-and-a-half years has been, “hurt, not injured.” We have a lot of hurts. Bruises, cuts, bumps, and blood…..almost daily. LOTS of hurts. Fortunately, we’ve avoided injury, until now. A few nights ago, Pax took a nasty fall while climbing out of a bunk bed. It was probably the least violent thing he did all day, but it was immediately clear something was wrong with his arm. Sarah and the boys were out of state while I was at home, so she was bearing the brunt of it without me, in an unfamiliar geographic area, having never dealt with anything like this before. There weren’t urgent care facilities nearby, so she took him to the emergency room. A lengthy wait and a few x-rays later, it’s revealed that Pax fractured two bones in his forearm. They secured the arm and splinted it (buying some time until we can see a specialist here locally), then eventually made it back to their Airbnb around 2:00 AM. It was a long night for all.

As with any medical situation in this country, the conversation quickly turns to health insurance. A few keywords get me a bit anxious: x-rays, emergency room, and specialist. We intentionally carry a health insurance plan with a very high deductible, and have done so for nearly a decade. We’ve definitely come out on the winning side of this decision, but this incident may tip the scales back the other way. There’s no doubt this incident will cost us many thousands of dollars.

I didn’t share this story to garner sympathy. We’re a family blessed with good health and a solid run without incident. Rather, it’s about what comes next. Yesterday, I had a conversation with Sarah about something we need to be very intentional about. We can NEVER discuss the financial implications of this around either of the boys. Doing so can be destructive and long-lasting. I’m far from the perfect parent and I can use all the advice people are willing to give, but this is one area that I’m 100% confident in. We can’t let our kids wear the pressure, stress, and guilt of financial implications…..ESPECIALLY when it involves them. If we were to tell Pax that his mistake cost us thousands of dollars, he may carry that guilt for decades.

Some parents use money as a weapon, always reminding kids of what something costs. Whether it’s the cost of a medical bill, an activity they pay for, a growing grocery budget, or a gift they purchased them. Each of these has negative implications. Every time we as parents do this, all our children hear is how much of a burden they are. One exception. If there’s a decision to be made and your child shall be part of that conversation, the cost should absolutely be discussed. That’s a healthy and valuable thing to do. Where it turns toxic and destructive is when we’re talking about something that’s already happened or something that will happen in the future that can’t or won’t be altered.

So this is my advice to all parents. Don’t let your kids wear it. Yes, I wish this never would have happened. Yes, I’m extremely frustrated by the inevitable bill. Yes, this absolutely sucks. But I never want Pax to feel the financial weight of it. That’s a burden for Sarah and me to shoulder. We’ll get through it, we’ll pay for it, and Pax will be back to his superhero ninja self in no time!

You Just Never Know

Just a handful of years ago, I was at a high school girls' basketball game cheering on some of my youth group kids. They were playing against one of their biggest rivals, which is always a fun game to watch. It was one of those years where their rival had a really solid team, led by a uniquely talented player. I remember watching that game and thinking, “I bet she’ll have some success at the next level.” My suspicions were right, but I was also so wrong. Not only would she “have some success.”, but she would go on to become the best women’s basketball player in the world. Caitlin Clark, man! Dare I say she’s literally transforming the game? It’s absolutely unbelievable. I never thought I’d see the day when I’d put a women’s basketball game on my calendar and DVR so I wouldn’t miss it…..and for it to be my most hated team, nonetheless. It’s like a Yankee fan getting excited to cheer on the Red Sox. It just doesn’t happen. But here we are! You just never know.

Life is funny like that. So many things in our journey can feel like that. Maybe not to the Caitlin Clark level, but to some degree of special. In the rare moments when I stop to think about all we’ve been through and all that’s happened, I have to shake my head in disbelief. Never in a million years did I even dream about some of these things. Last night was one of those nights. Our coffee company, Northern Vessel, just partnered with the Iowa Cubs (AAA affiliate of the Chicago Cubs) to become the official coffee of the team and stadium. They even asked our founder, TJ, to throw out the first pitch at the season opener. It was a surreal experience to enjoy the game with the Northern Vessel crew while sipping on a Northern Vessel coffee. If you would have asked me even one year ago, I never would have imagined any of this being part of my life. You just never know.

I think there’s a common thread between Caitlin Clark, Northern Vessel, my journey, and your journey. We just have to keep moving forward. In the midst of it, it never feels sexy, or glamorous, or even worth it. We just put one foot in front of the other, do the right things for the right reasons, doing the hard work. Maybe it clicks, and maybe it doesn’t. Many things don’t click…..but some do. But we’ll never know until we do the work. This is what I love about stories like Caitlin Clark’s. You just never know.

It's Never Too Late (or Too Early)

Young adults have an amazing opportunity when it comes to getting control over their finances. So many things are working in their favor:

• Their financial life is probably the simplest it will ever be. Maybe not as many debts or other entanglements…..yet. Maybe not married……yet. Maybe not a homeowner……yet. Maybe not settled into a higher standard of living…..yet. Life typically gets more complicated as we age, so in theory young adults are living their simplest life.

• They haven’t yet developed deeply-seeded bad habits. Sure, there may be bad habits present. However, they haven’t had years (or decades) to become engrained into their life.

• They have so much time on the other side of getting their finances right. Let’s just say it takes a 24-year-old young professional 12 months to get their finances in order. That still gives them 50+ good years to thrive on the other side of the hard work. What an opportunity!

These are the reasons I love working with young adults. So much opportunity! On the flip side, the inverse of this is why I love it so much when older clients get their finances right. Their lives are more complex, they have to battle deeply-seeded bad habits, and they have less time on the other side of the transformation. All these factors combine for one inevitable outcome: a massive reason to celebrate and acknowledge a stunning win.

I have one client who is on the precipice of achieving a significant win. The win in and of itself is special. But what makes it even more special is the fact they spent multiple decades doing it the wrong way. They dug a deep hole, financially, relationally, mentally, and emotionally. Then, they decided to reverse course! After nearly two years of sacrifice, intentionality, and unity, they are nearing a point where their lives are fundamentally changing. Never again will they have to deal with what they dealt with for the last two decades. Everything can and will be different from here on out. It’s a weird idea to wrap their head around.

Their biggest roadblock to beginning this journey was the feeling it was too late for them. They were too old and too deep in their mess…..so why bother? The moment they believed it wasn’t too late was the moment they knew it was time to act. They wish they would have started earlier, but they are where they are.

It’s never too late…..or too early. If there’s something in your life that’s “too late,” no it’s not. Sure, it would have been nice to start 1 year, 5 years, or 10 years ago. You can’t go back in time, but you can start now.

Generous Tomorrow, Generous Today

A very common line of thinking I observe with people is this notion of building wealth today…..then being generous down the road (*if/when/after they achieve a yet-to-be-determined level of wealth, income, or other financial achievements to be named at a later date). It’s spoken as if building wealth or reaching a certain status is a prerequisite to generosity. While I disagree with this sentiment, I do think there is one prerequisite to generosity: having a pulse. Tall bar, I know. If we’re breathing, we should be generous…..period. Not IF we have a certain net worth. Not WHEN we’ve achieved a certain lifestyle. Not AFTER we’re attained a certain income. Generous today, wherever you are.

For this reason, I was absolutely delighted when I recently spent some time with a couple I had just met. I was completely enthralled by this conversation. I had spent a total of 15 minutes with them in my entire life, and I was ready to be their biggest cheerleader. Then, the wife said something that pushed me over the top. I’m paraphrasing, but she said something to the tune of, “we want to be generous tomorrow……..AND generous today.” YES!!! I about jumped out of my chair. This couple gets it, and their heart to serve others is contagious.

Somewhere along the road, our culture determined generosity is something we do IF/WHEN/AFTER we’ve achieved a specific set of milestones. Until then, we should live for ourselves and pursue the path toward “building wealth.” Instead of building up wealth through hoarding, what if we all took a page out of this couple’s playbook to build up others through generosity? As sure as the sky is blue, I believe it would change our culture from the inside out.

The sick, the poor, the abused, the hurt, the hungry, the cold, the vulnerable, the old, the young, and the lonely. They are here today. Luckily, so are you. Luckily, so am I. Let’s make a difference…..today.

Finance Bros and Tax Refunds

March is my favorite time of year. Warmer weather, March Madness, and arrogant finance bros on social media belittling people for getting tax refunds. “You just gave an interest-free loan to the government!!!” “What was the opportunity cost of those lost paychecks!?!?” “Screw the man!!!”

Yes, getting a tax refund means you paid more to the government throughout the year than you owed. Yes, that’s actually your money. Yes, you could have had a little more in your paycheck each month. All those things are true. Do you know what’s really scary, though? When you’re on the other side of the math and you get a surprise $2,000 bill from the government that you weren’t prepared for. That’s the reality for a lot of people. So many of my clients have experienced those types of situations in their past that they have some version of tax season PTSD.

The pendulum has been swinging the wrong direction in recent years. Many people, out of guilt or fear of making a “mistake”, are having too little withheld each month, resulting in them coming out on the negative side of tax return roulette. Never underestimate the power an unexpected debt to the Federal government can have on someone’s financial momentum. Wow!

So what’s the answer? Grossly over-withholding from our paychecks to create a massive tax refund each year? No, I don’t think that’s the answer, either. I’m suggesting most people would be well suited to get a modest refund each year that’s enough to pay their tax professional…..plus a little more. $500, or $1,000, or whatever you’re comfortable with. Here’s the key, though. Once that money comes in, do NOT treat it as a bonus. It’s deferred income, it’s your money. Put that money in your budget, be intentional with it, and let it add value to your life. If you feel like you’re flying blind each year and your tax refund status feels like a complete crapshoot, that’s a tell you need a trusted tax professional in your corner. I think EVERYONE should have one.

For all the finance bros that are earning a little interest on that money instead of “giving an interest-free loan to the government,” I hope you enjoy the $36 of interest you earned on it this year. Maybe even take the fam (and that roll of cash) to Chic-fil-a to celebrate! But when you do, please don’t demean everyone else for getting a tax refund. They are just trying to do good, keep the ship afloat, and not be on the receiving end of negative surprises. Happy tax season, y’all!

"But What Certifications!?!?"

I’ve shared this story with a handful of people, each of which who voiced their displeasure for me not blogging about it yet. So, here goes! A while back I met a couple who was potentially interested in pursuing a coaching relationship with me. When I asked them how they found me, they explained how multiple people in their lives have shared how their work with me has been transformational in their life. I’m always grateful for these stories, though I always feel like I get too much credit.

Needless to say, this couple came in hot and were excited about what a potential coaching relationship could do for them. The conversation was going great. They shared about their lives and aspirations, and I shared about my background and what coaching would/could look like. Then, it took an unexpected turn.

“What are your coaching credentials or certifications?”

“I don’t have any.”

“You have to have something! Did you go to school for this?”

“No”

“How do you know what you’re doing?”

“I’m not saying I do. Those other people said I do.”

“I’m not sure we can hire someone without any actual credentials”

“That’s totally ok. I don’t want you to do anything you don’t fully believe in. You have to be 100% comfortable and confident going into this, otherwise, it won’t work.”

Other than this being somewhat humorous, why am I sharing this? I think we often undervalue ourselves. We rely on a piece of paper, a title, or some letters behind our names to determine the value we offer the world. I’m not saying these things don’t matter. Rather, I’m saying what you already have to offer the world DOES matter. You don’t need someone else’s permission to make an impact. Not everyone will want what we have to offer, but lucky for us, we have neither the need nor the time to work with everyone. Our job is simply to serve those who wish to be served.

The world is full of people who are gifted at something. You’re probably one of them. There are countless skill sets that can be used to serve people in unique ways. You probably have one. There are millions of people who have unmet needs, just waiting to get a hand-up. You probably know some.

We don’t need permission. We need action.

**Side note: This couple DID decide to hire me and we’ve laughed (multiple times) about this story. They are killing it, by the way!!!

To Be Or Not To Be (Your Own Boss)

Yesterday, an interesting and unexpected topic came up in my high school money class. A few students mentioned wanting to someday start their own businesses. This is when another student made a few counter-cultural comments. She expressed her confusion about why so many people want to run their own businesses, citing their typical lack of enjoyment and lack of skillsets in the area of actually running the business. Many students were quick to defend the be-your-own-boss concept, citing freedom and control as primary reasons.

This is the moment the questioning student called foul, fairly pointing out that the whole “freedom” argument seems to be one of the few reasons people use to justify their decision to be their own boss. She smells what I oftentimes smell. Today’s culture says being your own boss is THE definition of success. There’s even a mantra that says “stop making other people rich” by quitting your job and becoming your own boss. I think this trend is far overblown….and quite toxic. It causes people to feel guilty about pursuing traditional employment. Today’s narrative is that working a traditional job is enslaving one’s self and limits your ability to have financial success. Both of these are brutal lies. Some of the happiest and most successful people I know have traditional jobs.

I believe this is one of the many reasons most small businesses fail. So many people start their own businesses out of a sense of need. They think that’s what they are supposed to do. Being your own boss is HARD….and we can be the worst bosses in the world. In my years coaching businesses, there’s a general truth that I can almost count on. Business owners are brilliant at their craft, but far from it on the business side of things. Many business owners wish they could offload the whole “run the business” piece of their life and focus on what they do best. That seems an awful lot like what people do in their traditional jobs.

I love small business. It’s rewarding, it’s hard, and it’s exciting. I can’t imagine doing anything else at this point in my life. However, at the same time, I recognize it’s not for everyone. I wish we, as a culture, would stop elevating it as the be-all-end-all for everyone. It’s not. For many, their traditional job will be their very best life…..and they shouldn’t feel one ounce of shame for that. Embrace it, enjoy it, and do your good work!

* We published a podcast episode about this topic almost two years ago. It’s titled 016 - The Toxic Notion Everyone Should Aspire to Be Their Own Boss. You can find it on APPLE, SPOTIFY, or wherever you get your podcasts.

"But I Care!!!!"

I’m on the board of directors for multiple organizations, or as a few of my mentors call it, “too many.” For me, there’s something special about non-profit organizations. It brings together a collection of people with different skills and different experiences, each willing to donate a ton of time with absolutely zero to gain in return. There’s something pure about it, but at the same time, it’s oftentimes excruciatingly chaotic.

In a recent meeting, we were in a heated discussion about something. I don’t even remember what it was about, but the general tone of the conversation was about how it didn’t really matter so we should just move on. In the midst of the back-and-forth, my friend Alexa shouted out, “But I care!!!” Truer words have never been spoken. Alexa does indeed care…..a lot! She’s one of those people who pours herself into the various things she works on. She cares deeply, and none of her care involves herself. She’s truly a selfless servant who simply believes in the mission.

I don’t always agree with Alexa’s perspectives, but man do I respect her. I could completely disagree with something she says, but her conviction and passion alone are sometimes enough to sway me. Over the years, I’ve found that organizations with Alexas thrive, while organizations without Alexas oftentimes just muddle along. This world needs more Alexas. Passion, focus, selflessness, and generosity.

There are no prerequisites to be an Alexa. It’s not a certain education, experience level, set of relationships, or skill set. All that’s needed is a deep desire for better and a strong belief in the mission. If someone has that, it’s enough to drive change.

Find yourself an Alexa, or better yet, be an Alexa.

Coming Full Circle in Omaha

I had an awesome time speaking at the Omaha YP Summit, the country’s largest young professionals conference. Nearly 1,600 people gathered from Omaha (and beyond) to connect, grow, learn, and have fun. I felt really good about my talk and was tremendously encouraged by the feedback.

The day opened with a talk by Ben Nemtin. Ben is widely considered one of the best public speakers in the world. I’ve been familiar with Ben since way back in the early days of my career, and some of you may as well. Ben and his buddies became a news sensation when they set off across America in an RV, checking items off their bucket list. Their agreement with each other was every time they crossed something off, they needed to help a stranger cross something off their list. Needless to say, this became a huge story. They went on to have their own show on MTV called The Buried Life.

I was young in my career when all this was happening. The next part is where I feel a bit sheepish. I have vivid memories of looking down on them, thinking what they were doing was silly. In my head was some version of, “grow up, get a job, and make some money.” After all, that’s what culture says to do……and that’s exactly what I was doing.

Fast forward nearly 20 years, and I’m sitting just off stage, watching Ben share his story with this huge audience. I absolutely loved Ben’s talk. He was funny, moving, and inspirational. Here’s the full-circle moment. The guy who looked down on Ben all those years ago (me!) was the same guy who was about to deliver a somewhat parallel talk in just a few hours. My talk had so many overlaps that I weaved pieces of Ben’s story into it. I was even able to work in a ridiculously stupid joke about me speaking after Ben. “I’m not sure in what world Taylor Swift would open for a high school garage band, but here we are.” That one got some good laughs, but they may have been pity laughs. Nevertheless, I loved being able to expand on some of Ben’s ideas in my talk.

As I reflect on the full-circle moment, I can’t help but think how badly I missed the mark earlier in my career. Ben knew something I didn’t. I’m not wishing away my prior career or saying having a normal job/career is bad. Far from it. I’m referring to the attitude I had toward the mere idea of living for meaning. That regret I feel is the exact reason I want to share this Meaning Over Money message with the world. I want people to hear a different perspective, know it’s an option, and decide for themselves. Wherever you are on your journey, it’s never too early or too late to pursue the meaning.

**Speaking of bucket lists, I’m just going to name one of mine. I deeply desire to become a world-class professional speaker. I’m certainly not there, but I’m better than I used to be. With more than 100 attempts under my belt, I’d certainly hope so! Today was a big step for me. I’ve never felt more prepared or more comfortable on a stage. I went to bed last night satisfied, grateful, and content. Thanks, Omaha, for a great day!

First Things First

Whenever I post a video clip on social media (like this one) about the importance of pursuing meaning, I know I will get at least one reply of the following (paraphrased): “That’s a privileged thing to say. Some people are just trying to make ends meet.” I have three thoughts about this:

1) Yes, I couldn’t agree more. LOTS of people are struggling. First things first, we need to support our family. Life is about seasons, and some seasons are about simply getting by. It’s not fun, and the work may not provide a ton of meaning, but taking care of our family is critically important. I applaud everyone who is doing this. It’s difficult, noble work.

2) Embedded in these comments is a common belief that we have to choose between meaning and money. I’m not suggesting that at all. For many - dare I say most - you can have more meaning AND as much money. I’m not suggesting we choose less money. Rather, I’m suggesting we simply choose meaning.

3) Most people who are absorbing my content are doing okay to good when it comes to their finances. By taking these sorts of positions, they get to excuse themselves from having to make this decision. In other words, if you can’t make this decision, there’s not really a decision to make.

I recently spoke with a man who reads this blog. I’ve never met him in real life, but he reached out about his story. He said his family decided to pursue meaning in late 2022 when an interesting job opened up. He reluctantly took a 25% pay cut because he truly believed in the work. He said adjusting financially was challenging, but life was so much more fulfilling due to this switch. Fast forward several months and he gets unexpectedly promoted to a new position that pays more than the job he left. Wow!

I’m not suggesting everyone will experience the same thing this man did, but I thought the story was worth sharing. First things first, we need to care for our family. But once we do, meaning. Always meaning.

Facing Fears Head-On

I didn’t really sleep last night. I couldn’t get my brain to shut off after delivering my talk at the DSM Small Business Success Summit. The event was good, I think my talk went well (haven’t watched the film yet), and I received a lot of positive and powerful feedback afterward. What made the day so odd is what happened next. I drove home, changed into casual clothing, and immediately started preparing for my next talk (which is tomorrow). Only this time, the audience will likely be 10x the size.

Needless to say, it’s been a wild week for someone whose biggest fear is public speaking. Well, second biggest fear. My biggest fear is falling into a pit of snakes…..but let’s just hope that never happens. Many years ago, I decided I needed to face this fear of speaking head-on. It’s been a choppy process. When people ask if I like speaking, the answer is “I hate doing it, but love having done it.” I say that somewhat tongue-in-cheek, but there’s also some truth to it. The anxiety of the build-up is excruciating, but the delivery and feeling of accomplishment I get when I’m done is tremendous. It has become one of my favorite things in life.

If I’m being honest with you, which is what you signed up for by subscribing to this blog, imposter syndrome hit me hard yesterday. I’m surrounded by all these gifted speakers and here I am, some dude whose biggest fear is public speaking, feeling like I’m the only one who didn’t belong. That’s not true, of course, but why let common sense and rational thinking get in the way of a frothy panic?

Facing our fears isn’t a singular moment in time. It’s not like in the movies. It’s a long process that takes intentionality, persistence, and patience. I get a little better every time I step onto the stage. I hope to one day be a world-class speaker. But first, I have to be a bad speaker, then an ok speaker, then a good speaker, and so on. I’m trying to earn my way up, one repetition at a time.

Facing your fears sucks, but it’s also amazing.

What is Success?

Later today, I’ll be speaking at the DSM Small Business Success Summit. My talk is called What is Success?: Aligning Your Mission with Your Meaning. In it, I’m going to challenge people to throw out the traditional and cultural measuring sticks of success (sales, margins, profits, growth, etc.), and replace them with what really matters. Not what matters to me but rather what matters to them. What really matters.

This idea stems from two different places. The first is something I write and podcast about often. The behavioral science of money and happiness. If money can’t make us happy (after our needs are met), why are we using money to define success? I think it’s partly because most people sincerely (and mistakenly) believe “more’ is the answer, and partly because financial metrics are easy to track and easy to compare. It makes for a very useful and universal measuring stick.

Second, when I’m meeting with business owners and business leaders, I like to dive deep into what really matters to them. Once we get past the first few layers, we quickly discover it’s not really about money at all. Money may play a role, but what they are seeking is far deeper than money. So instead of chasing the money as a way to get to those things, why not just pursue those other things directly? It’s a powerful concept that has the power to change us and the way we live.

What about you? What do you really want? If you were to redefine what success means to you, what would it look like?