When "Skin in the Game" is Anything But

One of my favorite topics to engage in with teens and parents alike is the idea of getting through college debt-free. As you can imagine, this can be on the controversial side of the conversational spectrum. However, it’s something I believe in deeply, and I have countless examples of clients, friends, and youth group kids successfully navigating that journey. It’s one of my favorite wins to acknowledge and celebrate.

Whenever these conversations come up with parents, I get all types of responses. Please understand that I respect every parent’s opinion on the topic. They are the parents of their children and they have the right (and obligation) to lead the best they can. I will absolutely support people with whatever decisions they make with their families. In these conversations, there’s one comment I hear more than any other. They explain that their kids will take out student loans because they want their kids to “have skin in the game.” This is spoken through the lens that paying for their children’s college is an entitled approach in which their kids are not motivated to do the right thing, whereas the student acquiring student loan debt helps to align interests.

I’m all for having “skin in the game.” In fact, it’s one of the hallmarks of my coaching when walking families through the college planning process. That said, here’s what I always try to explain to parents about student loans. Having your kids sign up for student loans is the furthest thing from skin in the game as you can get. Why? Because when an 18-year-old is going to college with student loans, all that’s required of them is to sign a few pieces of paper…..then go have fun. There’s no real sacrifice, and worse, no real awareness or accountability along the way.

The student loans actually remove skin from the game. To college students, student loan debt feels like magical money falling from the sky. It enables them to go to college, pay rent, get three square meals per day, and maybe even a little pocket money……..just because. No amount of work or sacrifice goes into this. It’s the easiest form of money they will experience in their entire lives.

It isn’t until later that the reality of this debt starts to set in. By later, I mean AFTER they finish the thing they were supposed to have skin in. I call this, “the moment.” The moment when the degree is in hand, they’ve been settled into their first job for a handful of months, and are in the process of transitioning into a full adult existence…..then the letter arrives in the mail. Many of you know the letter I’m talking about! It’s the letter that comes approximately six months following graduation, communicating the commencement of student loan payments. This letter can be sobering. I owe how much!?!? My monthly payments are what?!?! For how many years?!?! This is the moment where many emotions can come flooding in. Guilt, frustration, defeat, resentment, worry, and anger.

All the while, they thought things were alright. College was being paid for, the money was always available, and they lived a solid college career. Yeah, they knew they would have some student loan debt after they graduated. But this much!?! This is the moment. I’ve walked alongside far too many people who had recently experienced this moment. Almost without fail, I hear the same thing from them. “I wish I would have known this is what it would end up being. If I had, I would have made some different decisions.” Ouch.

Parents, skin in the game is good. No, it’s awesome! Congrats to you for wanting that for your children. My appeal to you is to not use student loan debt as that skin.

* Please pass this along to any parents who need this encouragement today. We can shift the futures of the next generation, one family at a time!

It's (Not) Just an Exercise

Today is one of my favorite days of the year. No, not because it’s NBA playoff time (though that helps!). It’s the final session of my high school money class. During our time together, we’re going to do one of my favorite exercises, which is meant to help them understand what young adult life looks like. Until now, they have very little income, very few bills, and very little need to be fully intentional with their finances. That will surely change within the next handful of years. In the exercise, I give them a theoretical young adult monthly income, a handful of known monthly expenses, and ask them to create a full monthly budget for the life they want to live. The energy is always high, they complete the exercise with optimism, and it ends up being a referendum on their values/interests.

Then, it gets fun (for me, at least). After completing this budget, I ask them to draw pieces of paper from a hat. Each piece of paper has a dollar figure on it, representing the monthly debt payments they’ve put into their life through the choices they’ve made. Student loans, car loans, and credit cards. I explain to them that many decisions will be made between now and when they start this theoretical budget. For every decision they make, there’s a consequence (positive or negative), and these consequences will impact our life (financial and otherwise) for years to come.

The next step of the exercise is for them to do the same budget process as before, but this time factor in the monthly debt payment they pulled out of the hat. This is where the mood changes. I can see the stress on their faces build as they try to make the numbers work with this new reality of debt. Many of their wants/hobbies get removed, their giving shrinks, and they must find ways to get creative with housing and other basic needs. Needless to say, the tone shifts from optimistic to frustrated and overwhelmed.

While this is an innocent exercise for them, it’s the reality for millions of adults. Many of us have made decisions that resulted in negative consequences for years/decades to come. Myself included! While we can’t go back and magically undo any of them, each day presents an opportunity to make different decisions for our future selves. More importantly, we all have younger people in our lives who still have a chance to avoid many of the painful outcomes we’ve experienced. Let’s encourage and equip them! They deserve it.

The Psychological Impact of Sunk Costs

I thought you deserve an update on my NBA play-in game ticket debacle. After literally everything working against me, I had two tickets to last night’s 8-seed play-in game (which cost a total of $550)…..and nobody to go with me. As the week played out, I continually debated what to do about the situation.

So here’s where I was a few days ago. Due to the trainwreck that is the Minnesota Timberwolves organization, ticket prices plummeted for an event they should have increased for. That will happen when one of your best players punches another player, and a different player punches a wall and breaks his hand. As a result, I had two tickets worth a total of $250….down $300 from when I originally purchased them. Whenever I discussed this situation with people, their collective reaction was something along the lines of “Obviously you have to go, otherwise you lost $300.”

This is a very typical way of looking at the situation, but not the right way. This is where the idea of sunk costs comes into play. There’s no way around it, I already spent $550 on these tickets. There’s no undoing that or wishing it away. That’s referred to as a sunk cost….the price that has already been paid for something. What I originally paid for the tickets is absolutely irrelevant to the decision in front of me. It happened and the money is already gone from my bank account.

I had two primary choices in front of me. I could sell the tickets for $250, or I could keep the tickets, add $50 of fuel costs to the equation, and road trip to the game. Put in those terms, going to the game would cost me $300 and not going to the game would give me $300. This decision has to be made without regard for the original $550 of sunk costs. Do I want to stay home and have $300 or pay $300 to go to the game? It’s a much different decision when we look at it that way.

Let’s be honest, it’s hard to think this way. The moment I decide to sell these tickets, I solidify the financial and emotional loss of my mistake. However, what if I didn’t want to go to the game now? Stubbornly thinking with my pride would have cost me $300 for an experience I didn’t want. This is the same psychological warfare that causes us to stay in toxic relationships, hold onto bad financial investments, and stay in crappy jobs. We’ve put so much into them (time, money, energy, love, etc.) and we don’t want to realize the loss. However, we need to disregard the sunk costs. Instead, we need to ask ourselves what the cost/upside is from today. If we’re in a terrible relationship, for example, we can choose to either a) leave and move on to a better life (recognizing the past 6 weeks, 6 months, or 6 years may have been garbage), or b) linger in misery, hoping to rectify a bad situation and justify the misery experienced the past 6 weeks, 6 months, or 6 years. The sunk costs often mess with us, resulting in us inadvertently causing further harm/pain. I know I’ve fallen for that trap before!

So what did I do about the tickets? After much consideration, I decided $300 is still a worthwhile price to pay for a memorable experience and to check off a bucket list item. My buddy TJ even came with me! It was fun gifting him a ticket and sharing that experience together. Considering we didn’t get home until the middle of the night, additional thoughts/reflections on the experience will have to wait for another day. Have a great Saturday!

The Chicken and Egg of Hospitality

Yesterday, I woke up to the pleasant surprise of my friend TJ having an op-ep published in the Des Moines Register. In it, he makes a case for genuine, servant-hearted hospitality. Not service, but hospitality. This is a topic that’s near and dear to TJ’s heart. I know this because I talk to him maybe 4-6 times per week and it comes up in approximately 100% of our conversations. It’s at the core of everything he does as a business owner (and as a person, frankly).

On the heels of this article being published, I quickly jumped into the social media comments…..that’s where all the good stuff happens, right?!?! I didn’t find as much ridiculous nonsense as I had expected, but this little gem jumped off the screen:

“Maybe if they paid better with benefits and customers weren’t dicks people would want to go back to ‘Hospitality’”

At my core, I understand where this person is coming from. I’ve personally witnessed disgusting behavior from retail management and customers alike. It feels ugly out there. Stores are short-staffed and their teams are underpaid, under-trained, under-appreciated, and under-cared for. It can be a recipe for disaster.

On the flip side, however, this idea feels a bit like a chicken-and-egg scenario. Does hospitality need to be earned, as this commenter is implying? If management only paid better and customers only acted better, then maybe retail employees would be willing to show hospitality. Really? I don’t think hospitality is something to be earned. I think it’s something that should be offered from the base level of human dignity and respect. It comes from a place of gratitude, humility, and a desire to meet another’s needs.

Here’s where the chicken-and-egg situation comes into play. The businesses in my world that show the most hospitality are often the ones that experience the most success, treat their staff with respect, pay fairly (or even generously), and have far fewer unhappy or abusive customers. Is genuine hospitality shown in these businesses because these things happened, or did these things happen because hospitality was shown? Do businesses treat people well because they are successful, or are they successful because they treat people well? Chicken, or egg?

It’s a question worth thinking about. I know where I stand, but I’ll let you decide for yourself.

It Will Change You

It wasn’t long ago that I struggled to create written content for this blog. For three years, I would maybe publish 1-3 posts per month. That is if I published anything at all. The most I ever published in a single month was 7 posts (which felt like a massive accomplishment). I simply didn’t have enough content or enough time to do more than 3 posts most months.

Fast forward to September 2022. I was having a coffee with my friend and mentor, Gary Hoag. I was asking him some questions in preparation for introducing him as a keynote speaker for the event we were hosting that night. I wanted to mention his blog, as it’s a major part of his life and ministry. In this conversation, it was revealed to me that he’d published daily for approximately 13 years. That’s more than 4,600 consecutive days!!!! What?!?! Oh yeah, and he’s also one of the busiest people I know and travels the world monthly. Yet, here he is cranking out tons of amazing content. Of course he has a bunch of future posts in the tank and pre-scheduled, right? Nope! He writes each post daily. As he was explaining this to me, all I could think about was how crazy this friend of mine was (not the first time I’ve thought that about Gary!). Then, he added, “Writing daily will change you.”

I didn’t know what he meant at the time, but I would soon find out. It was shortly thereafter that I decided to start publishing The Daily Meaning 7 days per week. Considering I struggled to post even 1-3 times per month, the idea of posting 365 days per year sounded insane. Many trusted people in my life advised me not to do it. But I had a little Gary on my shoulder, repeating the phrase, “It will change you.”

Today marks the 150th consecutive day of publishing this blog. Gary was right! It has changed me in so many ways. I no longer write if/when a good idea strikes me and I have ample time to do it. Instead, I write every single night because hundreds of people are expecting to open their e-mail to find a new post tomorrow morning. After you do that enough times, it’s amazing how the time and the ideas magically start to appear. That rhythm, habit, responsibility, and opportunity has profoundly changed me in so many ways.

This post isn’t really about writing a blog. This post is about something in your life that feels so close, but yet so far. Something you really want to do, but it’s too scary to actually pursue. It’s something you want to be, but imposter syndrome prevents you from allowing yourself to go for it. The rhythm, habit, responsibility, and opportunity. These things are so powerful. Here’s my promise to you (if you decide to actually go for it): it will change you!

Can't Win 'Em All

On Saturday, I was struck with a brilliant idea. Ok, maybe it wasn’t brilliant……but in my head it was! The Minnesota Timberwolves were a near lock for the 9th seed in the NBA’s Western Conference, meaning they would host a home play-in game on Wednesday night. Considering this is a borderline bucket list item for me, the idea of road-tripping to this game excited me. That’s when my second brilliant idea surfaced. My buddy, Keaton, is a Minneapolis resident and a huge Timberwolves fan. It was then and there that I decided to buy fantastic seats for that game and gift my friend an awesome experience. He said he was in, I bought the tickets, and I rearranged my schedule. Investing in memories, notching off a bucket list item, and giving an awesome gift to a friend…….such a cool situation! Brilliant, right?!?!

Second tier, front row, mid-court…….

What happened next is where it all came crumbling down. The Timberwolves go on to win their final two games and other teams lost theirs. Translation: the Wolves moved up in the standings and weren’t going to host this game in Minnesota. Huge bummer! All is not lost, fortunately, as I’ll get a refund because the game got canceled…..or so I thought. The ticket system considered this game “play-in game #1.” Little did I know, but if the Wolves lose this first game (played last night), they would play a second play-in game on Friday night at home. Well, I knew that part. The part I didn’t know is that Friday’s home game would now be considered “play-in game #1.” In other words, I may still have two expensive tickets to Friday night’s game……which my friend can’t attend.

Meanwhile, the Timberwolves are a mess. One of their best players punched a teammate during a huddle in the season finale, resulting in a one-game suspension (for last night’s game), and another player, in anger, punched a wall at halftime and broke his hand (out indefinitely). Did I mention they were playing at the Lakers, where Lebron and AD are getting hot at the right moment? Not looking so good for the Wolves……which means it might not look so good for me. How’d it all play out? Last night’s game was an overtime thriller, with the Lakers pulling it out. Therefore, it looks like I have two expensive tickets for a game I can’t take my friend to. Ouch.

Brilliant idea, horrible outcome. I never would have known had I not tried. I don’t regret it at all and I would do it again in a heartbeat. Oh well, nothing worth doing is ever easy or perfect. I’ll definitely do something dumb like this again in the future, and that one may work out to be one of the best outcomes ever……or it too could blow up in my face, again. You can’t win ‘em all.

Green Egg & Ham

I ran into my friend, Abby, yesterday and asked her about her Easter weekend. She mentioned her family had smoked ham and a ton of other food. Then, she added, “They smoked it on a green egg smoker.” This launched into an entirely different conversation, leading another person to laugh about the fact someone would make a smoker in the form of a green egg. Who does that? Why would they do that? What’s the point of doing that?

I quickly pointed out there may be one very simple reason why someone would create a smoker in the form of a green egg. We’re talking about how the ham was smoked on a Big Green Egg smoker. Had it been any other smoker, the conversation would have simply gone, “smoked ham.” But here we were, a bunch of amateur non-meat smokers going on and on about a green egg smoker. Geniuses, I tell you!

Between my businesses and my clients’ businesses, I think about this idea a lot. What makes you/me/them stand out? What makes people pause, tilt their heads, and ask questions? What draws people to you? We may not have something as quirky as a green egg to smoke meats on, but we do have something. Here’s the irony. We often try to smooth out our uniqueness to fit in with the crowd. If the Big Green Egg did that, they would just be a regular ‘ol smoker. Instead, we should embrace what makes us different from others and lean into that thing.

Just the other day, I was meeting with a couple. They asked me an interesting question, to which I gave them an honest answer. The wife responded, “I think you’re the only person who would have ever given us that answer……..*pause*………..and we expected you would say something like that.” To be honest, it would be easier if I would just mold myself to be more like everyone else, giving the same advice. After all, I don’t always enjoy the pushback and criticism. It can be exhausting at times. But I need to be genuinely me and not be scared to do so. It’s a battle at times, but a battle worth fighting.

The same goes for you. Don't water down your gifts or what makes you unique. People can go anywhere for the ordinary……they come to you for you. Whether that’s through the lens of you as an employee, friend, family member, or business owner, the world deserves to get the full and real you.

"I Did It!!!"

One of the main topics I teach in our high school money class is how it’s possible for every single person to graduate from college debt-free. Not surprisingly, this is a very controversial idea. Our culture teaches us that we are either a have or a have-not, and our student loan fate rests in which one we are. I think this toxic belief is one of the primary reasons why much of our society is crippled with a ton of student loan debt.

Since I’ve been teaching these ideas for more than 10 years, I’ve accumulated many stories…..both good and bad. Here’s one that’s all too common. Many years ago, a young lady in my class was stunned and excited to hear that she could potentially go to college debt-free. She asked if I would meet with her and her mom to discuss it further. Of course, I’d love to do that! She comes back to class a week later, looking a bit down. When I asked her how she was doing, she replied, “I told my mom about what we talked about last week. She said you are a liar and it’s not possible to go to college without debt.” Needless to say, the family declined my invitation to discuss ideas on how to make it happen. Fast forward a handful of years and this young lady graduated college with $65,000 of student loan debt.

Now, I’ll share a different kind of story. Several years ago, there was a young man who attended the class. He, too, got excited about the idea of not having student loan debt. He really internalized the idea that he could go to college debt-free. He explained to me that his family already told him they wouldn’t be helping him in any way. It was 100% on him to pay for his college and living expenses. Yet, he was intent on graduating college…..and doing it without debt. He chose the same college as the young lady above. I haven’t seen or talked to this young man since he graduated high school. Last week, I received a random text from him that read, “I did it!!!!!” I had no idea what he was talking about, so I asked him to clarify. He went on to explain how he will be graduating college next month…..with zero debt! He was beyond proud of this accomplishment, and even more excited for what his future holds. He did it, indeed!

Same class, same college choice, similar backgrounds…..vastly different outcomes. The difference? One believed it could be done and the other didn’t. You could argue he put in the work and she didn’t, but that’s not exactly fair. He did indeed put in the work…..he worked so hard. But she’s the type of person who would have put in the work as well……had she believed the mission was possible.

Our mind is a crazy thing. The stories we tell ourselves have the power to propel…..and the power to sabotage. It’s amazing what can happen when we believe.

Not All Days Are Created Equal

Sometimes, life feels repetitive. The same rhythm, the same routine, the same responsibilities, the same drives. Even when these things align with your values and mission, the repetitiveness can make us weary at times. But not all days are created equal. Some days just stand out. Some days are different. A special event, meeting someone new, reconnecting with an old friend, starting a new project. These types of days are special, but they wouldn’t be special if it weren’t for the “normal” days. It’s kind of like a vacation. A vacation is a vacation because not every day is a vacation. If every day were a vacation, a vacation wouldn’t be a vacation. Can we make up a new term and just call it the “vacation paradox”?

Today is one of those special days. Easter Sunday. For us, it’s an Easter egg hunt, church, special food, time with our nieces, and extra play time with the boys. Whatever your day looks like, I hope you enjoy it. Don’t take it for granted, but also don’t overlook the importance of the “normal” days. Without them, this special day wouldn’t be special.

Short and sweet today. Enjoy your special day…..and the not-so-special days. Happy Easter, everyone! See you tomorrow.

The Many Shapes and Sizes of Sacrifice

On the heels of yesterday’s post, a handful of people reached out asking about the idea of sacrifice. The joy piece is simple and self-explanatory. The sacrifice piece, however, can be a bit trickier. Sacrifice looks different for everyone. For my youth group students, giving $20 may be a sacrifice. To a few of my clients, though, a $10,000 gift wouldn’t be a sacrifice at all.

Looking at it from a broader level, sacrifice comes in many forms. Let’s go back to the person who could give $10,000 and it not be sacrificial. That same person could volunteer to serve at the very same organization for a day and it would be a huge sacrifice.

I stumbled into an interesting situation yesterday. I was in a text exchange with my friend, Bailey, who is coming back to see her family this weekend. Somewhere in there, I thought it would be a fun idea to bring her family a 64-ounce bottle of Northern Vessel cold brew latte to enjoy at their Easter brunch. Then, my brain went one step further. What if I bought bottles for a whole bunch of families to enjoy at their Easter celebrations? Fast forward a few hours and my day went from getting a lot of pressing work tasks done to becoming a Northern Vessel DoorDash Santa Claus. It was a really fun day and I thoroughly enjoyed blessing these families. Pure joy in my book!

It was only a few hundred dollars, which came from our giving fund. We plan for things like this, so that piece in and of itself wasn't necessarily sacrificial. The sacrifice was the fact I gave up much of my workday to make it happen. There was a very real cost to this, as I was up until about 2AM this morning doing the work items I was supposed to be doing when I was delivering bottles. No complaints from me…..it was so worth it! The sacrifice was what made it that much sweeter.

So here’s my big takeaway today: sacrifice is always contextual to the giver. It’s not a one-size-fits-all. Sometimes it takes creativity and out-of-the-box thinking to create sacrificial giving opportunities. You won’t always get it right, but generosity is always a fun thing to fail forward in. Happy giving!

It is Good

I keep wanting to introduce today’s blog by wishing everyone a “Happy Good Friday,” but that seems a bit off. It doesn’t feel good and it doesn’t seem worth celebrating……that shall come on Sunday. Today is always a tricky day for me. It feels intense, somber, and introspective.

Last night, I had the privilege of attending a Passover dinner (Seder meal) with a youth group student I’m mentoring. This particular event is the culmination of a class our youth group kids have the option of taking during their high school career. It’s always an honor to be part of something this special. I was truly grateful for the opportunity to share this experience with my mentee.

The emotions of the night always hits me in different ways in different years. Last night, I kept thinking about the idea of generosity. At its core, the Bible is a series of books centered around generosity, culminating with the ultimate gift. As my friend Gary Hoag so simply puts it, generosity is a beautiful combination of two things: joy and sacrifice. Our gifts should be made with a cheerful heart and require us to sacrifice. Years ago, I was exploring the concept of sacrificial generosity with Gary and he asked me a simple, but powerful question. “Does your giving require you to give up something important to you?” At the time, my answer was a clear “no.” It wasn’t until later that I realized what it really meant to experience true sacrifice in my giving.

Easter and Good Friday are just that: joyful and sacrificial. As last night’s group explored the details, chronology, and context of Jesus’ final hours, it felt anything but joyful. It was painful, gut-wrenching, and hard to imagine. But it’s the very definition of the word sacrifice. He sacrificed everything……for us. The ultimate gift.

The joy? That comes next. When they rolled away the stone to reveal an empty tomb, that’s when everything changed. Disbelief and confusion quickly turned into belief and joy. He is risen. A joy unlike any other joy.

Joy and sacrifice, the building blocks of generosity. Whether you’re a Christian or not, I hope you take a few moments today to think about this definition of generosity. Maybe you have joy in your giving….awesome! Maybe you have sacrifice in your giving….. awesome! I promise you something, though. If you combine the two, everything changes and there’s no going back.

Good Friday may not be the most joyous of holidays, but man, it is good.

Enjoying the Little Moments

Yesterday, while in the middle of a coaching session, the tables were turned on me. The client is a very successful business owner who is notoriously hard on herself. The conversation morphed into a discussion about how, on multiple occasions, she stopped to enjoy the little moments throughout the month. A client of hers reached a milestone. A testimonial where someone shared how much my client impacted their life. A staff member who had a breakthrough. A day when she was able to step away from the business to enjoy time with her family. Awesome little moments.

She said, “I tried to stop and just enjoy these little moments. Just soaked them in. And so should you.” So should I?!?! She nailed me. She knows me very well. That’s what happens when you spend enough time with someone. I’m not perfect. I know that and she knows that. She’s so right. In the hustle and bustle of work and life, it’s easy to just move past the moment and move on to the next thing. I do it ALL. THE. TIME.

It made me reflect on how many little moments I just let pass me by. I think back to launching our podcast. We recorded four episodes in that first sitting, then edited, then published……then we both went about our busy days. I’m not sure we took even 5 minutes to acknowledge how awesome that was. Last week was our podcast’s two-year anniversary. Neither Cole nor I recognized it or talked about it. I didn’t even talk to him or see him that day. Unless he reads this, I’m not even sure he remembered. What a shame for him and I to let that little moment pass us by.

Here’s my commitment. I’m going to try to enjoy the next little moment. Big or small, busy or not, I’m going to take a moment to soak it in. How about you? Will you try to join me by celebrating your next little moment?

How Much Lemonade Can You Make?

I’m a big believer that good can always come from bad situations. Turning lemons into lemonade, right? But what happens when there are just too many lemons? I suppose we should keep making lemonade, but how much lemonade can you make?

As I read the ridiculous paragraph I just wrote, I can’t help but think about how overwhelming some seasons are. Sometimes I expect it. Schedules get tight. Travel starts landing on the calendar. Deadlines overlap. You can see it coming from a mile away…..and it lives up to the hype. Other times, they sneak up on you. A few things take longer than you expect. Distractions throw you off your game. You’re exhausted after a busy streak, causing you to lack focus and energy. You’re busy cleaning up messes from other less-than-ideal circumstances. Your kid breaks his arm……

There are times in life when disappointing others seems like my vocation. I whiff on texts, fail to deliver on commitments, and generally feel like a bad friend. This feels like one of those seasons of life. Just yesterday, multiple people told me I let them down. They are right….I did let them down. All I could do was apologize, ask for forgiveness, and commit to doing better.

At the Omaha YP Summit that I spoke at a few weeks ago, I attended a few other talks. One of them was about preventing burnout. It was in the same ballroom I would later be speaking in, so it was a good opportunity to see how the room felt. To be honest, though, I just needed to hear a talk about burnout. In the talk, one thing in particular caught my ear. It was a concept called a Kanban board. Here’s how I understood it (which may or may not be a proper or full definition of its full powers). You make a board with three sections (left to right): To-do, in-progress, and done. Then, you unload every single thing in your brain that needs to get done. Personal, work, ministry…..everything. Drop all these items in the to-do section of the board. Then, each day, decide which items get moved over to the in-progress section, and execute only those items. Attack those items aggressively, and give no thought/stress/worry/energy to the items in the to-do section. Those items will have to wait for another day. Execute, then repeat.

Just the mere act of unloading everything from my brain to the board was a relief. However, I’m still thinking of items I missed, and the execution has been iffy. I’m still working on finding my rhythm, but it’s already starting to feel better. I’ll probably write a follow-up post about how the process is going, so stay tuned. In the meantime, I’d love to hear your thoughts, ideas, and recommendations for keeping the train on the tracks.

I’m tired of making lemonade, and I’m sure some of you are, too. Just know you aren’t alone. Let’s walk this messy road together. Have an awesome day!

Walking the Line Between Guilt and Growth

Welcome to the unexpected third installment of the unexpected three-part series about parenting and money. Thanks to Pax’s broken arm and a lot of reader feedback, this has turned into a fantastic discussion. Over the past few days, I’ve received a lot of questions and wonderings from parents. Many share a situation relevant in their life, then ask if it’s perpetuating guilt or growth. In short, there are a lot of parents doing a lot of good parenting…..in less-than-ideal circumstances. I thought it would be worthwhile to share one common example, as it carries a lot of parallels to many different scenarios we as parents may find ourselves in.

Scenario: A teen driver gets a few speeding tickets, which inevitably results in the family’s auto insurance rates going up.

Healthy Option: Make the teen pay for some or all of the incremental insurance cost. This allows them to take ownership of the situation and models the adult reality that actions have tangible consequences. Growth can happen here and the teen feels some level of organic, external pain.

Neutral Option: The parents pay for most or all of the incremental cost and you never again bring it up in conversation as a way of reminding them of what it’s costing you. Mistakes were made, costs were incurred, and we all move on. There’s neither growth nor guilt.

Toxic Option: The parents pay for all of the incremental cost and periodically (or frequently) bring it up to the teen. It gets brought up whenever there’s conflict, the next time they make a mistake, when you want to illustrate how much you do for your kids, or when you need/want something from them. You “help” your teen by paying this cost, but then turn around and use it as a weapon to manipulate, control, and push guilt on them.

There are a million similar-but-different situations we encounter in our parenting journey, from the time our kids are toddlers to the time they are caring for us in our old age. All we can do is the best we can do, each step of the way. Parents, I feel for you. Life comes fast and it doesn’t stop. To make it even harder, every time we figure out this whole parenting thing, our kids develop into the next stage and the rules change once again. It’s a wild ride, but a beautiful ride.

You got this!

"Daddy, When Does the New Month Start?"

I was expecting a lot of feedback after yesterday’s post, and I was not disappointed. Some people had some questions. Some people shared their own experiences and how it’s negatively impacted them for literally decades. Some people had mixed feelings about my advice. Some people, who use money as a weapon with their kids, defended using money as a weapon with their kids. Lastly, some people interpreted the post as me advocating that we as parents not talk to our kids about money. This is where today’s post comes in.

I absolutely think we should talk to our kids about money. Yesterday’s post was about not using money as a weapon to make kids feel guilty. What does it look like to talk to our kids about money in a healthy way? First, it needs to be contextual to their age. When my kids were 3-4, we simply talked about what money is and what it’s for. At five, we practiced what it looks like to separate our money into buckets for spending and giving. Then, we’d literally hop in the car to a) stop at church so the kids can give, then b) stop at Target so the kids could buy a toy. Pretty simple stuff. To be honest, we don’t talk about money a lot in our house. I bring it up once in a while when there’s a relevant way to tie it into the conversation/activity. The conversations usually revolve around generosity, fun experiences we can do together, things we’re saving for, and the status of our budget. We always talk about ideas, not numbers……they are 6, after all. I sometimes wonder if these conversations have any impact on them. But once in a while, they say some very insightful things. For example, here’s a recent conversation I had out of the blue with one of our 6-year-olds:

Finn: “Daddy, when does the new month start?”

Me: “In a few days, bud. Why do you ask?”

Finn: “Can we put some money in the budget to go to the new Mario movie?”

Me: “Of course! There’s definitely money in there for that.”

Finn: “Enough for popcorn, too?”

Me: “Yeah man, we’ll get popcorn, too!”

They know we have a plan. They know there’s money specifically set aside for certain categories. They know money can be used for many different things….including generosity and fun experiences. They know it’s finite. They also know we respect and follow the budget. There have been plenty of times when we’ve said “no” because there wasn’t any money left for that category this month. It doesn’t mean we’re poor or don’t love them. Rather, we’re modeling what it looks like to be disciplined and God-honoring with our finances. So when the topic of money comes up in our house, it’s never about there “not being enough”, but rather creating priorities and sticking to a plan. If done well, this will prevent kids from developing a scarcity mindset, or on the other hand, becoming entitled and spoiled. Kids absorb this like a sponge…..both the good and the bad.

We all carry financial baggage with us from our childhoods. It’s too late for all of us adults…..we can’t go back and undo it. But we have a chance to give our kids better. One conversation, one example, one action at a time.

Don't Let Your Kids Wear It

As the parents of twin boys, our household motto for the last six-and-a-half years has been, “hurt, not injured.” We have a lot of hurts. Bruises, cuts, bumps, and blood…..almost daily. LOTS of hurts. Fortunately, we’ve avoided injury, until now. A few nights ago, Pax took a nasty fall while climbing out of a bunk bed. It was probably the least violent thing he did all day, but it was immediately clear something was wrong with his arm. Sarah and the boys were out of state while I was at home, so she was bearing the brunt of it without me, in an unfamiliar geographic area, having never dealt with anything like this before. There weren’t urgent care facilities nearby, so she took him to the emergency room. A lengthy wait and a few x-rays later, it’s revealed that Pax fractured two bones in his forearm. They secured the arm and splinted it (buying some time until we can see a specialist here locally), then eventually made it back to their Airbnb around 2:00 AM. It was a long night for all.

As with any medical situation in this country, the conversation quickly turns to health insurance. A few keywords get me a bit anxious: x-rays, emergency room, and specialist. We intentionally carry a health insurance plan with a very high deductible, and have done so for nearly a decade. We’ve definitely come out on the winning side of this decision, but this incident may tip the scales back the other way. There’s no doubt this incident will cost us many thousands of dollars.

I didn’t share this story to garner sympathy. We’re a family blessed with good health and a solid run without incident. Rather, it’s about what comes next. Yesterday, I had a conversation with Sarah about something we need to be very intentional about. We can NEVER discuss the financial implications of this around either of the boys. Doing so can be destructive and long-lasting. I’m far from the perfect parent and I can use all the advice people are willing to give, but this is one area that I’m 100% confident in. We can’t let our kids wear the pressure, stress, and guilt of financial implications…..ESPECIALLY when it involves them. If we were to tell Pax that his mistake cost us thousands of dollars, he may carry that guilt for decades.

Some parents use money as a weapon, always reminding kids of what something costs. Whether it’s the cost of a medical bill, an activity they pay for, a growing grocery budget, or a gift they purchased them. Each of these has negative implications. Every time we as parents do this, all our children hear is how much of a burden they are. One exception. If there’s a decision to be made and your child shall be part of that conversation, the cost should absolutely be discussed. That’s a healthy and valuable thing to do. Where it turns toxic and destructive is when we’re talking about something that’s already happened or something that will happen in the future that can’t or won’t be altered.

So this is my advice to all parents. Don’t let your kids wear it. Yes, I wish this never would have happened. Yes, I’m extremely frustrated by the inevitable bill. Yes, this absolutely sucks. But I never want Pax to feel the financial weight of it. That’s a burden for Sarah and me to shoulder. We’ll get through it, we’ll pay for it, and Pax will be back to his superhero ninja self in no time!

You Just Never Know

Just a handful of years ago, I was at a high school girls' basketball game cheering on some of my youth group kids. They were playing against one of their biggest rivals, which is always a fun game to watch. It was one of those years where their rival had a really solid team, led by a uniquely talented player. I remember watching that game and thinking, “I bet she’ll have some success at the next level.” My suspicions were right, but I was also so wrong. Not only would she “have some success.”, but she would go on to become the best women’s basketball player in the world. Caitlin Clark, man! Dare I say she’s literally transforming the game? It’s absolutely unbelievable. I never thought I’d see the day when I’d put a women’s basketball game on my calendar and DVR so I wouldn’t miss it…..and for it to be my most hated team, nonetheless. It’s like a Yankee fan getting excited to cheer on the Red Sox. It just doesn’t happen. But here we are! You just never know.

Life is funny like that. So many things in our journey can feel like that. Maybe not to the Caitlin Clark level, but to some degree of special. In the rare moments when I stop to think about all we’ve been through and all that’s happened, I have to shake my head in disbelief. Never in a million years did I even dream about some of these things. Last night was one of those nights. Our coffee company, Northern Vessel, just partnered with the Iowa Cubs (AAA affiliate of the Chicago Cubs) to become the official coffee of the team and stadium. They even asked our founder, TJ, to throw out the first pitch at the season opener. It was a surreal experience to enjoy the game with the Northern Vessel crew while sipping on a Northern Vessel coffee. If you would have asked me even one year ago, I never would have imagined any of this being part of my life. You just never know.

I think there’s a common thread between Caitlin Clark, Northern Vessel, my journey, and your journey. We just have to keep moving forward. In the midst of it, it never feels sexy, or glamorous, or even worth it. We just put one foot in front of the other, do the right things for the right reasons, doing the hard work. Maybe it clicks, and maybe it doesn’t. Many things don’t click…..but some do. But we’ll never know until we do the work. This is what I love about stories like Caitlin Clark’s. You just never know.

It's Never Too Late (or Too Early)

Young adults have an amazing opportunity when it comes to getting control over their finances. So many things are working in their favor:

• Their financial life is probably the simplest it will ever be. Maybe not as many debts or other entanglements…..yet. Maybe not married……yet. Maybe not a homeowner……yet. Maybe not settled into a higher standard of living…..yet. Life typically gets more complicated as we age, so in theory young adults are living their simplest life.

• They haven’t yet developed deeply-seeded bad habits. Sure, there may be bad habits present. However, they haven’t had years (or decades) to become engrained into their life.

• They have so much time on the other side of getting their finances right. Let’s just say it takes a 24-year-old young professional 12 months to get their finances in order. That still gives them 50+ good years to thrive on the other side of the hard work. What an opportunity!

These are the reasons I love working with young adults. So much opportunity! On the flip side, the inverse of this is why I love it so much when older clients get their finances right. Their lives are more complex, they have to battle deeply-seeded bad habits, and they have less time on the other side of the transformation. All these factors combine for one inevitable outcome: a massive reason to celebrate and acknowledge a stunning win.

I have one client who is on the precipice of achieving a significant win. The win in and of itself is special. But what makes it even more special is the fact they spent multiple decades doing it the wrong way. They dug a deep hole, financially, relationally, mentally, and emotionally. Then, they decided to reverse course! After nearly two years of sacrifice, intentionality, and unity, they are nearing a point where their lives are fundamentally changing. Never again will they have to deal with what they dealt with for the last two decades. Everything can and will be different from here on out. It’s a weird idea to wrap their head around.

Their biggest roadblock to beginning this journey was the feeling it was too late for them. They were too old and too deep in their mess…..so why bother? The moment they believed it wasn’t too late was the moment they knew it was time to act. They wish they would have started earlier, but they are where they are.

It’s never too late…..or too early. If there’s something in your life that’s “too late,” no it’s not. Sure, it would have been nice to start 1 year, 5 years, or 10 years ago. You can’t go back in time, but you can start now.

Generous Tomorrow, Generous Today

A very common line of thinking I observe with people is this notion of building wealth today…..then being generous down the road (*if/when/after they achieve a yet-to-be-determined level of wealth, income, or other financial achievements to be named at a later date). It’s spoken as if building wealth or reaching a certain status is a prerequisite to generosity. While I disagree with this sentiment, I do think there is one prerequisite to generosity: having a pulse. Tall bar, I know. If we’re breathing, we should be generous…..period. Not IF we have a certain net worth. Not WHEN we’ve achieved a certain lifestyle. Not AFTER we’re attained a certain income. Generous today, wherever you are.

For this reason, I was absolutely delighted when I recently spent some time with a couple I had just met. I was completely enthralled by this conversation. I had spent a total of 15 minutes with them in my entire life, and I was ready to be their biggest cheerleader. Then, the wife said something that pushed me over the top. I’m paraphrasing, but she said something to the tune of, “we want to be generous tomorrow……..AND generous today.” YES!!! I about jumped out of my chair. This couple gets it, and their heart to serve others is contagious.

Somewhere along the road, our culture determined generosity is something we do IF/WHEN/AFTER we’ve achieved a specific set of milestones. Until then, we should live for ourselves and pursue the path toward “building wealth.” Instead of building up wealth through hoarding, what if we all took a page out of this couple’s playbook to build up others through generosity? As sure as the sky is blue, I believe it would change our culture from the inside out.

The sick, the poor, the abused, the hurt, the hungry, the cold, the vulnerable, the old, the young, and the lonely. They are here today. Luckily, so are you. Luckily, so am I. Let’s make a difference…..today.

Finance Bros and Tax Refunds

March is my favorite time of year. Warmer weather, March Madness, and arrogant finance bros on social media belittling people for getting tax refunds. “You just gave an interest-free loan to the government!!!” “What was the opportunity cost of those lost paychecks!?!?” “Screw the man!!!”

Yes, getting a tax refund means you paid more to the government throughout the year than you owed. Yes, that’s actually your money. Yes, you could have had a little more in your paycheck each month. All those things are true. Do you know what’s really scary, though? When you’re on the other side of the math and you get a surprise $2,000 bill from the government that you weren’t prepared for. That’s the reality for a lot of people. So many of my clients have experienced those types of situations in their past that they have some version of tax season PTSD.

The pendulum has been swinging the wrong direction in recent years. Many people, out of guilt or fear of making a “mistake”, are having too little withheld each month, resulting in them coming out on the negative side of tax return roulette. Never underestimate the power an unexpected debt to the Federal government can have on someone’s financial momentum. Wow!

So what’s the answer? Grossly over-withholding from our paychecks to create a massive tax refund each year? No, I don’t think that’s the answer, either. I’m suggesting most people would be well suited to get a modest refund each year that’s enough to pay their tax professional…..plus a little more. $500, or $1,000, or whatever you’re comfortable with. Here’s the key, though. Once that money comes in, do NOT treat it as a bonus. It’s deferred income, it’s your money. Put that money in your budget, be intentional with it, and let it add value to your life. If you feel like you’re flying blind each year and your tax refund status feels like a complete crapshoot, that’s a tell you need a trusted tax professional in your corner. I think EVERYONE should have one.

For all the finance bros that are earning a little interest on that money instead of “giving an interest-free loan to the government,” I hope you enjoy the $36 of interest you earned on it this year. Maybe even take the fam (and that roll of cash) to Chic-fil-a to celebrate! But when you do, please don’t demean everyone else for getting a tax refund. They are just trying to do good, keep the ship afloat, and not be on the receiving end of negative surprises. Happy tax season, y’all!