Standard of Living vs. Quality of Life

One of my friends recently decided to downgrade his living situation. It was a difficult and humbling decision, but the right one for his current stage of life. In our discussion, he lamented how it's going to be hard having a lower standard of living. Reading between the lines, I could tell what he was really saying was that his life would inevitably become worse as a result of this decision. Embedded in his perspective is the belief that a higher standard of living increases happiness and a lower standard of living decreases happiness. While culture generally believes this to be true, I couldn't disagree more.

I think we're talking about two separate topics here: standard of living and quality of life. They are not the same!

Standard of living: "the degree of wealth and material comfort available to a person or community."

Quality of life: "the standard of health, comfort, and happiness experienced by an individual or group."

Sure, a higher standard of living can increase one's quality of life. If it's 90 degrees outside, having AC (vs. not having AC) leads to both a higher standard of living and quality of life. This is a true statement. Let's add a wrinkle. Let's say the introduction of AC requires the individual to take on a large loan with $400 monthly payments. Yes, the AC still cools the air and increases the standard of living, but did it improve the quality of life? This is where the rubber meets the road. There's a cost to every benefit. In this hypothetical, the person needs to give up something to increase their standard of living. Maybe they will give up their dining out, or their ability to buy clothes, or a trip they've been saving for, or they need to trade more of their time for additional income.

This tension point is where my friend is on his journey. The cost of his high standard of living is impairing his quality of life. He's had to make dramatic sacrifices in other areas of his life and endure undue stress just to maintain his higher standard of living, resulting in a lower quality of life.

Conversely, my current life is a reflection of the opposite. Today, I have one of the lowest standards of living in my 20-year adult life, but the highest quality of life in my 20-year journey. Our financial life is simple. We live in a simple house (which we rent), we drive simple cars, and we have simple monthly wants. This structure opens up the doors for us to travel as we please, give generously, say "yes" to weird things, and engage in work that matters. Standard of living and quality of life are correlated, but often inversely, ironically.

As you think about your situation, take an inventory of the various aspects of your life that enhance your standard of living, and ask yourself if they increase your quality of life. You might be surprised by the answers.

Taking Advantage of THOSE Moments

One of my friends/clients just experienced a significant moment in his life. It's one of THOSE moments, which come in various shapes and sizes. Some are the result of skill, some luck, and others a combination of the two. Each of us will experience a handful of these opportunities in life.....some more, some less. This situation is the first real moment in my friend's young journey. In his case, it looks like a large sum of money coming his way. It's one of THOSE moments!

Here's the problem with these types of moments. When they happen, they often feel overwhelming. The moment feels large, the opportunity great, and the responsibility weighty. These types of moments open up so many paths, but many of those paths are fruitless endeavors. Sadly, in all my years walking alongside people in this area of money, most people will throw away these types of moments. Most of these moments get squandered. Not intentionally, usually. If handled right, these moments can materially alter our lives. If handled poorly, at best, they turn into nothing burgers; at worst, they sow the seeds of eventual regret and resentment. 

As I was talking to my friend yesterday, I reminded him that, if done right, this moment has the power to change his life, as well as the lives of others. It's an amazing opportunity for him, and I encouraged him in his decision-making process. What path will he take? Only time will tell. 

I've had a handful of THOSE moments in my life. Most of the time I've gotten it right, and I attribute much of where I am today to those critical decisions. Although the thousands of decisions we make each day matter, some carry more water than others. THOSE moments can have a monumental impact on our journey. Here are some examples of what I'm talking about:

• Receiving a sum of money or inheritance.

• The opportunity to say "yes" (or "no") to a major job/career opportunity.

• Declining to pursue significant materialistic endeavors (especially early in the journey).

• Doing that ridiculously generous act, even if it doesn't seem to make logical sense. It will change you from the inside out.

• Getting on that plane, even though what's on the other side of the flight is scary, unknown, or uncomfortable. 

• Starting that business that you're afraid will fail.

Each of us will have a handful of THOSE moments in our lifetime, and how we respond will likely shape the trajectory of our life. It's a scary but empowering thought. I pray for clarity and confidence as you experience yours. 

It Depends On How You Look at It

A few years ago, I was having a casual conversation with a fellow husband/father. We were talking about marriage and parenting, when we went down an interesting rabbit trail. He commented on how he and his wife hadn't been on an actual date in more than five years. Five years!?!? In short, he said they couldn't justify spending money on a babysitter. Between the babysitter, drinks, and dinner, a date night "is just too expensive to justify." So they don’t.

He quickly turned the tables on me by asking about our babysitter rhythm. I told him we spend about $200-$300/month on babysitting, which usually includes a few date nights. He looked at me as though I just went to the casino and threw my life savings on red. How irresponsible of me!!! He busted my chops a bit and couldn't believe someone "financially responsible" would throw away money like that.

He looked at babysitters as a needless cash drain. My perspective was a bit (ok, a lot) different. When we hire a babysitter, we aren't paying a young adult money to watch our kids. We are investing in our marriage. We are providing ourselves the opportunity to spend time together, one-on-one or with friends, and create memories aside from our children. It also allows us to recharge and get on the same page to be better spouses and parents. In other words, that babysitting money has an incredible return on investment!

Much of personal finance is a variation of this concept. It depends on how you look at it. Me walking into a Starbucks to order myself a burnt coffee = wasteful spending. Me meeting a youth group kid at Starbucks, their favorite coffee shop = an investment into my relationship with them. Me spending $60 on a monthly massage that I don't need = throwing away money. Me spending $60 on a monthly massage that helps recharge and eliminate aches = priceless. Me hiring an assistant isn’t cheap, and it takes money out of my pocket. Me hiring an assistant allows me more time and mental/emotional capacity to serve people better and unlock greater potential in our business.

Money is NEVER about money.....it's always about something bigger. If we can move past the dollars and cents and understand the real reason we do the things we do, we make better choices. It all depends on how you look at it.

Even the Best Struggle

I received a phone call from a highly successful business owner earlier last week. This is someone who founded and runs a business many people would know. By all accounts, this company is wildly successful and holds a strong position in the culture. I know this person through a mutual friend, and we periodically have meandering conversations about business, behavioral science, and ridiculous ideas.

On this particular call, we went down the road of the day-to-day struggles of running a business. I'll remind you again this person runs a highly successful business. During the chat, he blurted out, "Every day seems hard. I often wonder if I'm cut out for this." What?!?! This is a highly respected business leader. If he isn't cut out for this, then I'm screwed!

That was yet another reminder of such a wise lesson: this isn't supposed to be easy! If I ever get to the point where it feels easy, it means one of a few different things: 1) I'm lying to myself, 2) I'm not pushing myself enough, or 3) I'm leaving impact on the table. It reminds me of a conversation I once had with an old boss. He, too, was highly successful in his career. I asked him when he finally got comfortable in his role. His answer disappointed and frustrated me. "Never." "Never?". "Every time I came close to being comfortable, it was time for me to take on new responsibilities and learn new things. So I never felt comfortable."

I'll always remember that conversation. Sometimes, in my own self-doubt, I'll look around the room of highly successful people and remember most of them are likely feeling some version of this as well. It helps to humanize people and also give ourself some grace along the way. This is an experience I get to share nearly daily with coaching clients. Many of them have a notable level of accomplishment and achievement in their respective fields, yet I get to see what's behind the curtain. Behind the curtain, they are just like you and me: self-doubting, mistake-making, outcome-fearing humans.

Even the best struggle. If they aren't perfect, maybe it's ok if you aren't, either. Let's face the day head-on and with confidence. When the challenge presents itself, do the best you can, learn, push yourself, and be better next time. Oh yeah, and along the way, don't be afraid to show your humanity to those around you. Vulnerability doesn't make you weak; it makes you real.

The Silence is Deafening

Yesterday was my quarterly visit to the sensory deprivation chamber. I always look forward to these days, as my time spent in this little metal coffin is some of the most relaxing and refreshing times I get. 10 inches of water, 1,000 pounds of salt, 96-degree water, no light, no sound, 90 minutes of nothing.

The inside of my little chamber of nothingness

These floats can make for a very profound experience. Yesterday was profound, indeed, but not for the right reasons. I stepped into that tank feeling quite heavy, with so many weighty things on my mind. For a while, I entered my desired zone of nothingness. Then, suddenly and for unknown reasons, the heaviness hit me like a runaway truck. There I was, lying in this pod, with absolutely nothing to distract me from my own mind. It was pitch black and completely silent, but in that moment, it felt bright, and the silence was deafening. I don't know how long I experienced this, but it was some of the loudest moments I've had in quite some time.

I ultimately had to get out of the tank early. The weird part of this type of experience is you don't know if you've been in the tank for 90 seconds or 90 minutes. After getting out, I discovered I still had 20 minutes left. I spent that time sitting on a little chair in the chamber room, trying to gather my composure from the week I just experienced.

The point of this post isn't to throw myself a pity party or to spin up guesses as to why I was such a mess today. Rather, it's to expound on the rarity of silence and nothingness. In a modern world full of stimulation and distractions, we rarely have an intimate moment with our thoughts. I crave those moments, even if it's uncomfortable. I need those moments, even if it's easier to avoid them. Though the process can be complicated, there's something special and powerful about gaining clarity. I felt quite overwhelmed in those moments, but left feeling marginally recharged and confidently tasked with my next steps. I'll call that a messy win! I encourage you to find your time of nothingness as much as possible, even if you have to lay in a little metal coffin.

*As I re-read my post above, I don't necessarily see how this connects with Meaning Over Money. However, I felt a strong nudge to post this today. So I'm going to trust that nudge and hope it falls into the right hands.

Playing the Long Game

Last night was one of the greatest days in sports: the NBA Draft. I know, I know, you probably think that sounds ridiculous. I may be in a rare camp with that opinion, but I love the NBA. I especially love the NBA Draft. It's one of those moments where we have the opportunity to watch, in real-time, as young men experience their dreams coming true. They have likely been working for 15+ years, pouring out their blood, sweat, and tears, all leading up to this very moment. It's a beautiful thing!

While most of us probably won't get drafted by a professional sports team, I think we have something to learn from these young men: the value of the long game. What these players have been working for all these years is the opposite of instant gratification. Rather, they poured their souls into their craft, often behind the scenes, in hopes of one day achieving their ultimate goal. There are so many parallels between this and our lives. In a world that says we need to be instantly rewarded for every single act, this idea of delayed gratification flies in the face of our culture.

The best things in life often require the greatest amount of patience. We work, work, work, and work some more, then one day, we get what we finally deserve. It's not always fun, and it can sometimes get frustrating.....painfully frustrating. But that's what work that matters requires of us. We must do the right thing for the right reasons, repeat, and remain patient. Then one day, we get to reap the harvest. It's hard, but simple.

This principle is relevant in all areas of work, money, relationships, and pretty much every area of life. So every time you find yourself getting frustrated at the lack of results, remember some people wait decades to reap the harvest. Your harvest may be just around the corner!

Congrats on Not Getting the Job

One of my clients recently applied for a new job. It was an incredible job: higher status, more responsibilities, higher salary, a bigger bonus, better benefits......the whole nine yards. He didn't get it. He was in the final three, but lost out to someone else.

On the heels of this news, I sent him a text congratulating him on not getting the job. I'm so glad he didn't get it. It would have been a terrible job for him. Let me take a step back. He loves his current job. He wakes up every day excited for what he's about to do, loves his co-workers, has the flexibility for his family to live the life they live, believes in the mission, and makes a good living doing it. He's living his absolute best life, and his family has a great rhythm in how their life is structured.

So why did he apply for this new job, then? Frankly, he applied because that's what we're supposed to do. We're supposed to move up, make more money, garner more status, and manufacture a higher standard of living. Deep down, he knew he was already in the right place, but this was such a good opportunity!!!

After he received my unexpected congratulatory text, he immediately called me to process it. I explained to him how this new job, while paying better, would have negatively impacted many areas of his life. Less balance, more travel, a shift to work he doesn't enjoy, the loss of his work community, and a lot less flexibility to do the things his family enjoys doing.

His not receiving this job may be one of the best things that ever happened to him. He has a beautiful life, and money almost came before meaning. In hindsight, he's glad it didn't. The extra money would have been nice, but at what price?

There's absolutely nothing wrong with more money, but I believe you deserve better. So much better! I think you deserve to wake up every day excited for what you're about to do. Not because it's fun (it's often not), but because it matters. If it comes at the expense of a few fewer dollars, so be it. You deserve better than to put a price tag on your life. Your life is worth so much more than an annual salary or a status tied to your name.

Have a fantastic day!

Removing the Option

I'm a broken record on this topic, but credit cards aren't our friend. Every time the words "it's a tool," "just need to be responsible," or "we pay it off every month" are uttered, I know how the story will eventually end. Family, after family, after family, after family is literally being destroyed by these things, and it's getting hard to stomach. Credit cards work really, really well...... until the moment they become our worst nightmare.

Every time I say such slanderous words, I get mocked and ridiculed. To some extent, I get it. My sentiment flies in the face of society, and I look like a complete weirdo. But if you could see the things I see, have the conversations I have, and provide the shoulder to cry on that I provide, I think you'd have a much different perspective.

There's one sentiment that I share over and over again with families. If you allow credit cards to be an option, you WILL use the option. It's the path of least resistance.....until it becomes THE resistance. It's the remedy that immediately solves your problems.....or so it seems. It's the action that takes your stress level from a 90 to a 10.....for a while. Credit cards are a great band-aid, but a lousy tourniquet.

If I could make one general recommendation to every single person who reads this article, it would be to remove credit cards from your life. Perhaps you're the exception who can use them well.....but probably not. That's the problem with exceptions; everyone thinks they are the exception. That's what happens with so many of the people in my life. They believe they are being wise, strategic, and resourceful. Then, it catches up to them. Not immediately. It may take 2 years, or 5 years, or 10 years, or even 20 years. But when it does, watch out! It's a curse I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy.

If credit cards are an option, we WILL use the option. For that very important reason, I couldn't recommend more that we remove the option altogether. I removed the option from my life more than 10 years ago. Had I not, I most assuredly would have used the option at some point. Life is messy, life is hard, and life is unpredictable. But if the option isn't on the table, we must find other, much better options.

Avoid Life-Altering Mistakes

In my ten years as a youth group leader, there's one piece of advice I levied on my young friends more than any other. Well, maybe the third most: 1) Love God, 2) Love others, and 3) Don't make life-altering mistakes.

The reality is we will all make mistakes.....lots of them! If I think hard enough, I can think of a dozen I've made in just the last few days. All mistakes have consequences, but not all consequences are created equal. There are mistakes, and there are life-altering mistakes. It's imperative we know the difference.

I forgot to prepare the coffee pot before going to bed the other night. Consequence: I had a slightly grumpy wife the following morning. There was a consequence, but not a significant consequence. I once forgot my wedding anniversary. To clarify, I knew my anniversary was coming up, and I even bought Sarah a gift, but on the actual day, I forgot it was our anniversary. Again, consequences.....but not significant. If I were to cheat on my wife, that would also be a mistake. However, that mistake would have much more dire consequences. A life-altering mistake with possible life-altering consequences. Not all mistakes are created equal, but sometimes we humans do a poor job of doing these types of mental calculations.

Whether we're a teenager or a full-fledged adult, we need to understand the difference.....whether it's life, work, relationships, or even money. No matter what we're doing, the goal shouldn't be to stop making mistakes. Mistakes go hand-in-hand with progress. We can't move forward in life without making mistakes. The goal should be to avoid life-altering mistakes. It's easier said than done, but it gets a whole lot more manageable when we're intentionally trying to achieve this goal.

In the hundreds of families I've spent time with talking about work and money, a common thread amongst most of them is that a few life-altering mistakes have taken the wind out of their sails. These mistakes didn't feel like mistakes at the time, but that's how the worst mistakes often develop. The decisions seem innocent and, sure, there's probably some risk, but what are the chances that will happen?!?! If there's one thing certain about humans, it's that we underestimate the probability of the downside occurring and equally underestimate the severity of said downside if it actually does happen.

I wish I could give you some concrete advice on how to do this better. Truth is, it's hard. But I'll give it a shot:

1. Before making a decision, sincerely ask yourself what the true downside could be.

2. Once you know the downside, be honest with yourself about how possible it actually is.

3. Understand the consequence in your specific life if the downside happens. Will it bruise you, scratch you, cut you, gash you, or amputate you?

4. Don't rush your decision. A rushed decision is a regretful decision.

5. The moment you know you've made a mistake, acknowledge that you made a mistake and immediately shift gears.

6. Meaning over money....always meaning over money

Happy decision-making, all!

11. Be Aggressively Patient

Yesterday was TJ's (Northern Vessel business partner) 30th birthday. To commemorate the day, he wrote and published "30 Lessons for 30 Years," a reflection on his journey to date. It was a fun list, full of wisdom and insights. Included was a phrase he talks about often: "Be aggressively patient."

He and I have bonded over the mantra over the past few years, which perfectly sums up his career. It's the idea that we need to patiently focus on the long term while giving everything we have in the near term to keep moving forward. It's about trust, belief, work ethic, and personal responsibility. The story of Northern Vessel goes back approximately five years, when TJ was living in Los Angeles. He was inspired by the combination of LA's coffee culture and organizations that practiced top-tier hospitality. Shortly thereafter, upon moving back to Iowa, Northern Vessel was born.

TJ's Northern Vessel story is one of the examples I excitedly detail in my keynote talk. Why? Because it's the perfect representation of failure, patience, aggression, redemption, and success. The Northern Vessel that I'm involved in today is actually the 4th iteration of the company, each coming on the heels of a failure and subsequent shift. The company even folded after the previous fail, but TJ eventually brought it back to life in late 2022 when he opened his brick-and-mortar location. Today, Northern Vessel is experiencing a whirlwind of success. The staff is world-class, the culture is phenomenal, the vibe in the shop feels vibrant, and each week is better than the last. Every single step of the way, he's been aggressive.....and patient. He wouldn't be where he is without the aggression, and he wouldn't be where he is without the patience. Lesser people would have long ago given up on their dream. But not TJ. Not when the "be aggressively patient" mantra is always at the center of his purview.

All he's been through in the last five years is merely the warmup for what's next. To many, 30 seems old. It's not. He's still a baby (I'm still a baby at 41, for the record). He's five years in and has another 50 years to get this right. If I can use a basketball game as the analogy, he's only a few minutes into the first quarter.....he hasn't even broken a sweat yet! If he spent four years getting his legs under him and one year experiencing meteoric success, what does that say about the next 50 years? We're about the find out, and I'm grateful to be on this journey with him.

There's nothing better than doing life with people who focus on being aggressively patient. There's a fire in them, but also a peace. They run extremely hard, but enjoy the journey. They celebrate the big wins, and the small. They never lose sight of where they are going, or where they came from. Always aggressive, always patient!

Fatherhood and the Need to "Provide"

When I left my previous career, I did so with twin 3-year-olds and a wife who stayed home with them. Translation: we had a lot of mouths to feed, and I was the sole income for the family. A few days after announcing my resignation, a colleague pulled me aside. He was a few years older than me, also a husband and father. I thought he would congratulate me or perhaps wish me well in my future endeavors. Instead, he laid into me. He went on and on about how I needed to provide for my family. I was well aware of my responsibilities, as I had been thinking about it for months.

"Travis, you need to provide for your family!!!"

"Yeah, I know. That's exactly what I'm planning to do." 

"But you said you are going to take a huge pay cut."

"I am.....so what?"

"Your family deserves better, and you're taking that away from them."

Ah, now I get it. By better, he means more. By more, he means money. By money, he means comfort. By comfort, he means a higher standard of living. As a husband and a father, I deeply desire to "provide" for my family, but perhaps we need to define the word "provide." When it comes to husbands and fathers, we often get pigeonholed as someone whose role is to provide financially. Give our kids what we didn't have, or better than we had, or the opportunities they deserve, or [insert another ridiculous notion here]. 

Don't get me wrong, I do believe in providing financially. It's a big responsibility and one I don't take lightly. However, that's just part of the role. In addition to providing financially, husbands and fathers also need to provide physically, emotionally, mentally, spiritually, and with our presence. If we're dumping boatloads of money onto our family but fail in these other areas, we've lost. Society says we've won, but we've lost. It reminds me of two stories:

I once had a youth group kid whose dad was an uber-successful businessman. Financially, they had everything they could ever want. The houses, cars, clothes, technology, and trips. They had a life many envied. But one day, she told me, "I don't really know my dad. He lives in my house, but I rarely see him. Some days I just wish we were a normal family and I could have a dad." Ouch. So sad.

When my kids were babies, while having dinner with Sarah, I was patting myself on the back for better navigating my life/work schedule so I could be home more. After all, we had two babies! I was expecting her to affirm what I had just said, but she threw me a curveball instead. "You're here, but you aren't here." Ouch. So sad.

Getting the money stuff right is important, but not when it sabotages the other areas. Yes, let's financially take care of our families. But don't let the pursuit of more, in the name of "providing," get in the way of being a true provider. Happy Father's Day to all you dads and grandpas out there. Go, provide for your families......in all the ways!

Empty Pantries and Rolexes

I had a fantastic week working in Midland, TX. The days were long and I missed my family, but I’m so glad I had the opportunity to make the trip and do work that matters. As I was flying home last night, I inadvertently found myself eavesdropping on a conversation happening immediately behind me. It was a man, probably in his 40s, talking to another man. They started talking about where they grew up, but the discussion quickly shifted to the first man’s childhood. He shared the harrowing story of poverty and how he and his siblings never knew if there would be a meal at night. The pantry was often empty, and he and his siblings would often find small jobs to bring in a little extra money to contribute to the family. I really felt for this man. I know there are a lot of people who go through similar experiences, and all are heartbreaking to me.

Fast forward an hour, and the two men start talking again. The same man again shares about his life. This time, the conversation is drastically different. He’s talking about his toys and trips. The spoils of his work. He’s an oil field guy, so there’s no doubt he grinds in his career. Work hard, play hard, as they say. What he said next perked my ears. “A few years ago, I bought a Rolex. I always wanted a Rolex, so I decided to get one. $15,000. But after wearing it once, I realized I didn’t really like it. So I just threw it in a drawer. Been sitting there for maybe 10 years. Oh well.”

As he was sharing this story, all I could think about was how $15,000 would have changed his family’s life when he was a kid with an empty pantry and an empty stomach. Granted, he probably doesn’t own a Delorean to go back in time*…..but he kind of does. There are so many people struggling today. Struggling in the same way he once struggled. Kids who go to bed hungry every day, probably in his own town. How much impact could he make with $15,000? Probably a ton! Instead, there’s $15,000 (plus appreciation) just sitting in a junk drawer in his kitchen.

I’m not demeaning this man. In fact, he’s pretty normal. Maybe not the Rolex part, but in the way he’s lost perspective as more resources came into his life. I see it daily and walk alongside countless families fighting that same battle. Some are winning, and some are losing. It’s so easy to lose sight of where we came from. We whine about how our 5-bedroom house isn’t big enough, yet that dumpy 1-bedroom apartment 20 years ago was just fine. We’re adamant that we need to drop $10,000+ to stay on-site at Disney World to “get the full experience,” but we were happy as clams to sit on the floorboards of the no-A/C van, listening to our parents’ lame music for 10 straight hours, on a family road trip to Mount Rushmore when we were kids. Here’s the cool part, though. It’s never too late. We are one or two decisions from drastically and suddenly shifting the trajectory of our life (and maybe someone else’s). Don’t allow money to let you lose perspective.

*Side note: I heard the other day that if Back to the Future was made today, Marty McFly would go back to 1993. Let that sink in……

Say "Yes", Then Enjoy the Ride

I've spent all week amidst the oilfields of West Texas. 105 degrees, sunny, strong winds, and a culture far removed from my normal day-to-day life. I've been on-site with a client, working on some fun but intense projects. It's been a series of 12-hour work days capped off by a delightful meal before returning to the hotel. It's been a challenging week, but it's been a rewarding week. I never anticipated this is where I'd spend a week of my life in June 2023, but life is funny like that. There were a million reasons it wouldn't happen, but one thing led me to this place: "Yes." In December, I had a coffee with a man who runs an up-and-coming company. This is where he asked me to do some work for them. I didn't really know what to say, as the work was a lot different than most of my other client and content creation work. However, it sounded fascinating, it was an opportunity to exercise some of the skills I put on a shelf after leaving my last career, and I knew it would be immensely challenging. I was correct on all accounts.

I'm not advocating we say "yes" to every single opportunity that comes our way. I know first-hand how poorly that can go for us. However, I suggest that maybe we need to be more willing to say "yes." Sometimes we need to say "yes" enough times before we truly understand where we need to say "no." Some of the best parts of my life are things I likely would have said "no" to.

If you're anxious about saying "yes" to something, ask yourself one crucial question: "I am stuck if I do this?" In most cases, there's no real risk to saying "yes." I could have done one project for this company, realized it wasn't for me, then quickly got out. No harm, no foul. That option was on the table. Instead, I'm in Texas meeting new people, learning new things, and adding value to others in a different way. It's wonderful, and I'm grateful for the opportunity!

I'm excited to see my family later tonight, but I'll also be excited for my next trip to one of this company's various locations. Life is a fun journey full of twists, turns, and uncertainties. I heard we'll never get out alive. If that's true, let's say "yes" more often and enjoy the ride.

No Good Deed: The Rest of the Story

Yesterday, I shared the story of a crappy flight experience where I tried to be generous and do the right thing, but quickly paid a harsh price for said generosity. If you haven't read that post yet, I highly recommend you do before reading the rest of this article. During this horrendous experience, I did the one thing that could possibly help me keep my sanity: I started writing. The frustration I experienced while sitting in my plane seat happened while we were experiencing a severe delay in taking off. So as I'm writing, the pilot announced the flight would be delayed for "at least 1 hour" as maintenance crews fix a broken part. They then asked us to get off the plane and await further instructions. That's when I wrote the majority of yesterday's article.

I have a confession for you. Yesterday's post wasn't the whole story. As I was lamenting the situation to myself and in my writing, I stated, "All we can do is put our best foot forward and hope good will come from our actions (whether we see it or not)." Today's post is about what happened next.

After a lengthy delay, we all got back on the plane......well, most of us. Given the severity of the delay, many people were going to miss their connecting flights and had to make alternative arrangements. Thus, there were far fewer people on the plane. Due to a minor miracle (and much luck), I had an entire row to myself. For this, I was extremely excited!!!! As we were getting ready to take off, the mom behind me (the one who leered at me as if I was a child molester) engaged me and thanked me for being so kind to their little girl. They revealed to me how they were on day two of flight cancellations and hadn't slept in two nights. This fact would most certainly explain why the dad was so irritable, or as I referred to him yesterday, "belligerent." As the conversation continued, they realized I was the one who gave up my seat so they could all sit together as a family. They expressed their gratitude for this gesture, especially for how exhausted and distraught their last few days have made them. In short, this was a good family, with the best intentions, clearly struggling, but majorly grateful for my small generous act.

Remember my comment from yesterday? "All we can do is put our best foot forward and hope good will come from our actions (whether we see it or not)." Doing the right thing is always the right thing. We can never go wrong with being generous. I meant those words when I said them yesterday, but I'm so grateful for the swift and forceful reminder of how important our generosity, humility, and empathy is. It always matters.

No Good Deed

Yesterday, while waiting to board a flight, I heard my name called over the loudspeaker. Since I suspected I wasn't lucky enough to get upgraded to first class, I knew it wouldn't be a wonderful moment of my day.

I sauntered up to the counter, where they informed me there was a family who wanted to sit together. I wait for the punchline. To make that happen, they want me to change seats. Doing so required me to go from an aisle seat to a window seat. They weren't telling me.....they were asking me. 100% my choice. Should I stay in the seat I want, or should I move so a handful of strangers can sit where they want while I get jammed against the window?

I certainly didn't want to move from the aisle to a window, but in my mind, it was the right thing to do. I understand what it's like to travel with kids; as I thought about it, it felt like moving was the right and generous thing to do. Fast forward 30 minutes, I'm sitting in my new and downgraded window seat......right in front of the family who consolidated into my old seat. And as luck would have it, their toddler was sitting directly behind me, where she repeatedly and continually kicked, punched, and slammed the back of my chair. To top it off, the parents were quite rude. The dad was somewhat belligerent and acted like a complete jerk. At one point, I turned around to say hello and engage with the cute little girl, which was met with harshness from the parents (perhaps assuming that I was a predator attempting to prey on their little girl). Overall, it was an incredibly frustrating experience.

No good deed goes unpunished, as they say. If I'm being candid, the whole thing felt pretty crappy. I wouldn't take it back, though. Doing the right thing is always the right thing. We can never truly lose if we're pursuing generosity. All we can do is put our best foot forward and hope good will come from our actions (whether we see it or not). I made a sacrifice so a family could sit together. They did sit together, which was probably better than not sitting together, and it turns out I'm still alive and healthy.

I'm just going to call that a win. A small and somewhat crappy win. But a win nonetheless!!

The One Place....Yeah, That One

Question of the day: What’s that one place you want to travel to more than any other? Most people know the answer to this question, and you probably do, too.

A while back, I was talking to a client when the topic of travel was brought up. They revealed to me their absolutely biggest bucket list item is to travel to ________ (the place isn’t important….insert your imagination here). They’ve always dreamt of it, and they talk about it all the time, but they have no plans to ever do it. It’s not a money issue. The trip honestly wouldn’t cost too much money in the context of their financial situation. It just felt too big to actually be real.

In the conversation, I reminded them how they’ve spent many multiples of this trip in restaurants, clothes, toys, and other miscellaneous “want” categories over the last few years alone. In short, they’ve willingly (but accidentally) abandoned their biggest bucket list item in exchange for a lot of things they really don’t care about.

Then, I asked another question. “When are you going? Pick a day.” “It’s not that simple, Travis.” But it is. It is that simple. It’s that stinkin’ simple. We visually mapped it out on the whiteboard. They have the vacation time, they have the flexibility, and they certainly have the desire. We illustrated that if they were to save $_____ for the next 5 months (completely doable!!), the trip is paid for. Just like that!

Last night, I received a screenshot of a hotel reservation. They are doing it!!! They’ve waited 15 years to take this trip, and all it took was a little nudge and a lot of intentionality.

What’s your one place?

Work That Matters Matters

On Saturday, I had the pleasure of spending the morning with our Northern Vessel Coffee team at the Des Moines Farmer’s Market. This market is one of the top markets in the country and welcomes more than 20,000 visitors every Saturday morning. Being invited to participate in the market this year was a huge win and honor for the business, and an opportunity we don’t take lightly.

When the idea rose to the surface, two of our full-time guys immediately stepped up and said they wanted to take ownership of it. This is a tremendous amount of work! The brewing, the prep, the transportation, the setup, the actual market, the teardown, and the part where they do it again next week (for 25 more weeks). The operation is primarily run through those two guys, but a third person (my job this week) is needed to help keep the train on the tracks by making sure they have ice, cups, lids, kegs, and everything else constantly stocked. After all, the market is pure madness and they can easily go two hours without even a 10-second break. They ended up killing 14 kegs of our signature oat milk cold brew lattes.

One thing is clear. Those two guys were ground to a pulp by the time it was over and we had finally loaded all our gear back into the truck. Here’s the thing, though. They were living their best life. The entire time, they served people well and did it with a passion you could read on their faces. Their work matters to them. It matters deeply. I see it in the shop, and I see it at the market. The entire team, and these two guys in this particular scenario, are driven to excellence and believe in the mission. They aren’t serving coffee…..they are adding value to people’s lives. They are injecting joy, hospitality, community, and yes, some tasty coffee, into people’s day.

This is the beautiful part about work. All work matters, but not all work matters to you or to me. We are each called to identify, pursue, and embrace work that matters to each of us. Not fun work. Not easy work. Not simple work. Not status-driven work. Not lucrative work. Not glamorous work. Work that matters. Work that moves the needle in our lives. Work that we’re excited to do when we wake up in the morning and feel fulfilled in when we’re going to bed later that night.

My favorite moment was towards the end of the day. The market had closed and we were nearly done packing up the Truck with all our gear to take back to the shop. The two guys, beat red from a combination of the sun and five hours of straight grind, looked at each other and smiled. They had just done something special, together, had the time of their lives doing it, and felt a sense of fulfillment for what just happened. Work that matters, man! Work that matters.

Embrace the Training Wheels

I spent some time with a young man recently who is trying to gain the courage and confidence to make a big financial decision. He wants to invest, but the dollar amount feels heavy. It’s a huge responsibility, and he wants to get it right. Is he taking too much risk? Is he possibly putting himself in a bad spot? Is this a wise move? He’s saved up for a long time, so this is a big deal to him. It was $200. Yes, two hundred George Washingtons. This was a massive deal for him, but for you and me, it was yesterday’s trip to the grocery store.

I loved this about him. I loved how he desperately wanted to get it right. To him, in his season of life, in the context of where he’s at, $200 is a ton of money. I admire his desire to learn, grow, and live up to the responsibility. While it may have only been $200, this will surely set the tone for what’s to come in his journey. These are the training wheels of stewardship. If he learns to handle a little, he’ll eventually be prepared to handle more. Herein lies the problem with so many people in today’s culture. They never learned how to handle it when it was only $200, thus they are woefully unprepared to handle it when it’s many multiples of that.

I was thinking about my own journey recently as I was writing a check to contribute more equity to Northern Vessel. Within about four months of being open, we had outgrown our space. After a handful of owner meetings, we decided to renovate the space to make it more efficient, better align with the realities of our business model, and create more customer seating. A few things struck me as I was writing out the check: 1) we’re so blessed to be in a position where this is even a need, 2) Sarah and I are blessed to be in a position where we can financially do this, and 3) how intense this would have been for 19-year-old Travis who had very sweaty palms when attempting to make even a small stock market transaction.

The only reason I was able to do what I just did was because I had embraced the training wheels and slowly grew into it. That’s the opportunity I have, that’s the opportunity this young man has, and that’s the opportunity you have. Each day is an opportunity to get a little bit better, gain competence and confidence, and grow our capacity to take on more in the future. It sometimes feels like a slow journey, but you’ll be there before you know it! Embrace those training wheels!

Losing Together

Here’s the scenario. We have a married couple, with combined finances, and a shared vision. By all accounts, this is an amazing couple. They love each other deeply and genuinely love being married to one another. In the course of living life, one spouse makes a financial mistake. I’m not talking about buying a jar of chunky peanut butter when your spouse wanted creamy. I’m talking about a mistake that will inevitably cost the family nearly $1,000.

This recently played out with one of my clients. It’s not an uncommon scenario, though. Life moves fast and we make hundreds of decisions each day…..often under stress, unknowns, and time constraints. There are a lot of ways this type of situation can play out, but here’s how it often does. The mistake-making spouse, out of a feeling of guilt and obligation, chooses to personally eat this cost. For a family that practices the use of personal spending, this individual will elect to pay for it out of their personal spending (either upfront or over time). The other spouse, also possibly upset about the situation, is more than happy to let the other person eat it. After all, it is their fault, and they should pay for their mistake.

It’s easy to go down that route, but I can tell you with utmost certainty, that it’s a toxic way to handle it. I would know because Sarah and I have done it…..multiple times. However, at some point in the journey, I realized we were missing the point. We should win together AND lose together. When one of us succeeds, we both succeed. If that’s true, then when one of us fails, we both should fail…..together. It’s not about keeping score, punishing the other spouse, or being vindictive. It should be about rallying around each other, taking care of business, learning a valuable lesson, and putting it in the rear-view mirror.

Coincidentally, we had a terrible (but fun) moment in our house yesterday. I opened the mail to find a $100 speeding ticket triggered by an automated speed camera. After examining the facts of the matter, I realized it was clearly Sarah who is the criminal. She was visibly upset when I told her about it, but her go-to response WASN’T to immediately try to eat it herself. Instead, she asked when it’s due and started pondering where it will come from in the budget. I’m frustrated with her, and she feels guilty, but we’ll eat it together and quickly put it in the rearview mirror. That’s how it should work.

It won’t be her last mistake, and unfortunately, I’ll probably make my fair share as well. We’ll continue losing together, and hopefully, you do, too.

My Small Business Doesn’t Deserve Your Business

As anticipated, I’ve taken a fair amount of heat for my posts about small businesses (HERE and HERE). Perhaps they missed the preface where I clarified that I, myself, am a small business owner. My family’s survival rests solely on the fate of my small businesses. So when someone calls me a “big box retail shill”, it’s a bit confusing. Oh well, it comes with the territory.

The narrative that keeps getting pushed is this idea that small businesses deserve for you, me, and other people to patronize their companies simply because they are a local small business. Every week, another local small business sadly closes its doors. With it comes a myriad of social media posts, lamenting how nobody supports small businesses. I couldn’t disagree more, as I interact with successful small businesses every day. Businesses that have served the community well for years or even decades. If people don’t support small businesses, why have these businesses found so much success and longevity?

Small businesses, you don’t deserve anyone’s business. My small business doesn’t deserve anyone’s business. Each day, we small businesses must earn the right to serve people well, then re-earn the right to do it again. The formula is fairly simple. We need to offer a good product, at a good value, and do it with a good attitude.

If you don’t sell a good product, there’s no point for people to patronize your business. The product has to be needed or wanted, and have some level of uniqueness compared to other options. It doesn’t have to be a life-changing product, but it has to be quality. If I open a fax machine store in 2023, I don’t think I’d be in business long. The product matters.

If you have a good product, but it’s priced at a level where it costs more than the value it adds, it’s a hard sell. The pricing structure has to make sense. If you’re selling a cup of coffee for $15, not many people will find value for the price. Us business owners must find a way to offer our good products at a price that provides margin between cost and value. In that margin comes the opportunity to make people’s lives better.

If you have a good product and it offers a good value, but you don’t sell it with a good attitude, people will simply choose to shop elsewhere. On many occasions, I’ve purchased a great product at a great price, but was treated with indifference (or even annoyance). Personally, I’d rather buy a lesser product or get a lesser value than be treated like garbage. I could list off a dozen businesses in my town that don’t treat people well (and thus have lost my business). How we sell our products/services matters.

If we do all three of those things, we’ll likely thrive. If we don’t, we’ll possibly be the next story about how a small business closed its doors. It’s a hard endeavor, but worth it.