The 3-Pare Challenge

These last few months have felt like a whirlwind. It's not necessarily because I'm too busy, but rather because I'm too busy with too many different things. I'm notorious for overcommitting myself. I habitually say "yes" to all sorts of awesome and unique opportunities. I learned that the more unique opportunities we say "yes" to, the more unique opportunities avail themselves to us. These are inherently good things. They allow us to use our giftedness, passion, influence, relationships, experience, and resources to make a difference. At the heart of it, I'm just saying yes to fantastic things for earnest reasons.

One problem. There can be too much of a good thing. I've spent the past 15 years having too much of a good thing(s). Whenever I hit that point, I eventually recognize that a) I'm completely burned out, b) I'm not able to give my best, and c) not all of these endeavors are the right place for me to be in this season.

Several years ago, my friend Dan could sense I was significantly overwhelmed by all I had placed on my plate. In an effort to help me, he challenged me to pare down my plate by getting rid of three things. He gave me a week to do it. I immediately said no, but he's not a take-no-for-an-answer type of guy. He demanded I let go of three things. Reluctantly, I obliged. I stepped away from three things that I genuinely cared about. One was a board position, the other was a volunteer opportunity, and the third was an extra initiative at work. I hated letting them go (they are good things, after all), but I knew deep down Dan was right.

Fast forward a few weeks, and we received a call that would change our lives forever. We were about to become parents to twin baby boys. I was going to become a father! I met Finn and Pax a few days later. Life moves fast, and I'm grateful Dan forced me to pare down my life. Never in a million years would I imagine that's how it would all play out.

This is another season where I need to execute the 3-pare challenge. I just came up with that name....I can't tell if I love it or hate it. Either way, three things must go. My family, my clients, my team, and my ministries depend on it. More than that, I need it to stay healthy. As before, I have no idea what I need to pare. None of it will be easy, but when I figure it out, I know it will be the right thing.

What about you? Do you need to practice the 3-pare challenge? What three things can you let go of. Not so you can make less impact, but rather make more impact on the remaining stuff and stay healthy in the process. I hope you give it a shot. It's scary, but worth it.

When Responsibilities Collide

As expected, I received a ton of pushback after my credit card post a few days ago. The number one response I get whenever I discuss this topic is the following: people just need to be responsible with credit cards. Another version: Credit cards can be a useful and beneficial tool IF they are used responsibly. What does it mean to be "responsible?" Here's the definition:

Responsible: having an obligation to do something, or having control over or care for someone, as part of one's job or role.

This makes a lot of sense. When we use a credit card, we need to be responsible by making payments on time and paying back what we've borrowed. We have an obligation to do so. I'm tracking. I believe the vast majority of Americans understand this responsibility. When people pull out the plastic and swipe it, they are well aware of the obligations and responsibilities at play. 

Life is full of responsibilities. Paying the credit card bill is a biggie. There are a bunch of other critical responsibilities on the table as well:

• Pay the mortgage/rent

• Put groceries on the table

• Clothe our growing kids

• Maintain and fuel our vehicles

• Health insurance and co-pays for medical services

• Ensure we have working utilities such as water and electricity

So many responsibilities!

When life is going well, we find the balance between the many obligations in our household. Shelton, food, clothing, transportation, medical care, and a long list of other needs (plus hopefully some wants). 

But what happens when life doesn't go smoothly? What happens when the car breaks down and we need to repair it? What happens when a kid gets sick or breaks an arm? What happens when the furnace goes out and it's too cold in our house? What happens when we lose a job and the income associated with it?

The moment we face tensions in life, our responsibilities collide. People don't get behind on their credit card bills because they are being irresponsible. Rather, it's because they ARE trying to be responsible. If we have the choice between eating and not eating, we're pulling that credit card out. If the furnace is broken and our family is getting cold, we're using whatever means possible to get it working again. If the car breaks down and it's the only way we're able to get ourselves to work, you better believe we're getting that repair done. If the landlord or mortgage company starts asking for their monthly payment (or else!), we sure as heck will step up and make that payment. 

In those moments, we have choices to make. Difficult, painful, and often embarrassing choices. And as I always say, credit cards are the path of least resistance. Not to be irresponsible with debt, but to be responsible for providing our family's basic needs. 

Does that context change your perspective? I hope so. But if not, I still love you and am grateful for your willingness to read each day. 

A Bad Mow Is Better Than No Mow

As I got home yesterday afternoon, something drew my eye to my backyard. What I saw wasn't pretty. The grass was short and gray, but the weeds were tall and green. It looked like an absolute disaster. I'd show you a picture, but not even I'm willing to incriminate myself that badly. To sum it up, the state of my yard was a perfect combination of traveling for 8 of the last 12 weeks, long stretches of brutal heat, and a significant lack of available time on my part. I'm not proud of it, but realize how I got here.

Truth is, I've had some windows to make progress on the yard and similar projects. However, these windows would not have allowed me to do it well. So instead of choosing done, I decided to wait for perfect.....which never came. Last night, though, Pax and I mowed the yard together. He had a blast and worked hard, but he's a terrible mower, just like his brother. It doesn't look great today, but it looks WAY better than before we mowed it. A bad mow is better than no mow.

It reminds me of the wise words of my business partner, Cole. "Done is better than perfect." It's a motto he lives by. I also try to implement it in my life, but in cases like my recent yard debacle, I whiffed. This concept applies to many areas of life. 80% is always better than a future (but not likely) 100%.

Budgeting is much the same. Even if we screw up a few categories, we're way better off than had we thrown caution to the wind. It's better to miss the target by a measurable margin than to throw our hands in the air and dismiss the mission altogether.

If we have a few dozen financial transactions to categorize, even knocking down a portion of them is better than waiting until we can do them all. In the meantime, more transactions will stack up, making completing the task progressively harder and more intimidating. Next thing we know, we're so far behind that we just give up. In an effort to get it perfect, we self-sabotage and fail to get it done at all. This is a common problem encountered by clients. As a solution, I suggest they find small 5-minute blocks throughout the week and knock out small pieces. It doesn't lead to a perfect outcome, but they make steady progress along the way, allowing for the possibility of being done. This can be a massive win.

Insert whatever financial topic you want here. Budgeting, investing, saving, or giving. Or insert whatever non-financial topic you want here. Writing that book, the house projects, the old friend you've been meaning to reconnect with, or the fun hobby you're excited to crush. We can wait until the perfect time (which probably won't come), or make imperfect progress. I've learned this lesson the hard way enough times.....I'm ready to just be done.

The Long Tail of Impact

We live in an instant-gratification society. If we do something, we want to see immediate results. If we work hard, we want that promotion now. When we put our product into the world, we want people to buy it today. When we make a financial investment, we want quick returns.

On the flip side, not seeing quick results can be demoralizing. We may think we're doing the right thing, but nothing happens.....yet. The problem is we don't wait for the yet. We're so busy trying to get the high of gratification that we fail to see the forest through the trees.

In the wise words of my friend TJ, we need to be "aggressively patient." We can't do things expecting immediate results. Rather, we must do things because it's the right thing to do......then trust good will come from it. Like this blog. By the time November 14th comes around (the one-year anniversary of my daily writing), I'll have invested somewhere between 150-200 hours of my time. I will have published the equivalent of three full non-fiction books. What will come of it? I have no idea, but I trust it's already happening. I may never know the impact this blog is having, and that's ok. It's not really about me. It's about sharing whatever I have to offer the world, then trusting it's going where it needs to go.

I had a blast-from-the-past interaction last week. It was someone I hadn't talked to in nearly a decade. He reached out to me asking if we could chat. I was excited to catch up and learn about where life had taken him over the last 10 years. He talked about some monumental shifts he made in his life and career. I congratulated him and told him how happy I was for him.

"You don't remember, do you, Travis?" Remember what?!?! He went on to share about a conversation we had over coffee more than a decade ago, where I encouraged him and gave him some advice about possible next steps and perspective. He said my words that day gave him the confidence to do what he knew deep down he needed to do. Fast forward a decade, he's built an amazing company where he employs more than 200 people. I had no idea! He shared how he's living his best life and goes home every day, fulfilled by what he accomplished.

Truth is, I don't remember that conversation he and I shared all those years ago. I totally believe I said what he said I did......that sounds an awful lot like me. It was a sweet moment getting to hear about how my small investment in him yielded such wonderful fruit. This is the opposite of instant gratification. It's the long tail of impact. We do little things every single day that may be making a difference, but it may take months, years, or even decades to see the fruit of it....if ever.

Cool idea to think about, eh? Keep investing!

The Path of Least Resistance

As a kid, I was fascinated by the section in science class where they showed images of how rivers changed shape over time. As sediment is carried and eventually dropped, the speed and direction of the water flow shifts, carving a different path into the earth. The water constantly follows the path of least resistance.

Human behavior is much the same way. Whenever we have an array of options in front of us, we're likely to select the path of least resistance. We can get out of bed, drive to the gym, and get a workout in......or just stay in bed for another hour. The path of least resistance. We can prepare lunch the night before work.....or we can just grab a sandwich at the deli next to our office. The path of least resistance.

This is one of the many reasons I suggest clients cancel their credit cards. This suggestion is often met with eye-rolling and a staunch defense that includes something like "I'm always responsible with it." These comments are typically combined with defenses revolving around the benefit of points, the fact they pay them off every month, the perception they are safer, and the fact they are building credit.

One problem. Eventually, the path of least resistance will come into play. Two families in my life are living this reality as we speak. I've suggested for years that both these families cancel their credit cards. One family doesn't even use them....hasn't for years. It's "just in case," and that's what I'm afraid of.

As I always say, credit cards seem like our friend.....until they become our worst nightmare. Fast forward a few years, and both families are facing financial challenges. It's a combination of medical, auto, house, and job-related situations. Both of these families handle their money relatively well. They've made good decisions and are going in the right direction. One problem, though. They still have active credit cards. Just like the sediment in rivers, financial challenges will cause us to seek the path of least resistance. After all, pain hurts. Stress sucks. Tension puts a strain on relationships. There's a simple way around all that. It's the path of least resistance. Out comes the credit card.

We're going to use it just this one time, though. Well, maybe just the things we need. Then it shifts to putting everything on there because seeing our savings dwindling is scary. But just this month. Next month we'll get on top of things and back to normal. Except the path of least resistance didn't actually make this better. It just dropped more sediment, causing us to push deeper into the path of least resistance. Fast forward a few months, and our reality looks much different. We went from the family who said, "credit cards are great if we use them responsibly," to another statistic. Tens of thousands of dollars in expensive debt, in the snap of your fingers.

My heart breaks for what these families are now dealing with.

It's Like Riding a Bike

"It's like riding a bike." I use that phrase all the time. It's one of the most tried and true principles of human behavior. I've been saying this phrase for years, but it took on a new life a few years ago when my boys were learning to ride a bike. There was lots of anger, tears, blood, and frustration. Then, like the flip of a switch, they knew how to ride a bike.....and the rest is history.

Our church has a tradition of rallying all the volunteers for a team huddle 30 minutes before the first service. There, someone shares a few announcements and a short message/story, then closes in prayer. It's a great way to start the day. I had the privilege of doing yesterday's message. To my surprise, several people approached me afterward to compliment me on it (including our head pastor, whom I deeply admire). I've given this mini-message lots of times, but don't usually get that much feedback.

Here's the kicker: I was asked to do the message about 90 seconds before the huddle started. The person who was supposed to do it couldn't, so the leader asked me to step in. I was happy to do it and exhilarated with the idea of creating a message in under two minutes. It was one of the highlights of my day.

That's not naturally who I am, though. 10 years ago, the mere idea of talking in front of 50 people, in any capacity, would have made me vomit. Five years ago, I could have done it, though I would have done so with a fair amount of anxiety and would have needed a few days to prepare myself. Two years ago, I could have done it with an hour's notice. Today, I can figure it out in less than 90 seconds and go into it excitedly. It's like riding a bike. Truly. Repetition matters. Repetition of speaking in front of an audience and repetition of creating. When I write seven blogs and record two podcasts every week, finding ideas and bringing them to life becomes second nature. At first, it was tough, but now it's just what I do. It's like brushing my teeth in the morning. Or getting dressed. Or maybe, just maybe, it's like riding a bike.

I believe in this principle so much, and it applies to many areas of our life. I see it with my clients all the time. I ask them to do things well outside their comfort zone and expertise. At first, it's difficult. Then, after more repetition, something clicks, and it becomes second nature. It's like riding a bike! Whether it's budgeting, investing, communicating with your spouse, building a new skill, creating that new business, or putting your ideas into the world, you're just a handful of repetitions away from an entirely new reality. A reality where you confidently step into the areas that are important to you. It's like riding a bike.

Tailgating Economics Don't Have to Make Sense

I've always been fascinated by college football tailgating. Growing up in NW Illinois, college sports weren't really a thing. It was Bulls, Bears, Cubs, Sox, and Blackhawks. That's it. It wasn't until I was a freshman at Iowa State that I was exposed to the spectacle of tailgating.

Hundreds of thousands of people gathered in thousands of individual set-ups, circling a single stadium. If the game starts at 11AM, people start tailgating at 7AM. If the game starts at 2PM, people start tailgating at 7AM. And if the game starts at 6PM, people start tailgating at 7AM. There's busses, RVs, food, music, games, beverages, and even big-screen TVs broadcasting other games.

Needless to say, people spend an enormous amount of time, energy, and money to fulfill their tailgating endeavors. It's nothing short of astounding the lengths people will go to enhance their tailgate. I get exhausted just from

Seeing some people’s tailgates, and I'm not even the one investing the time, energy, or money. But they sure are fun!

I love asking people about their tailgates, which are as unique as fingerprints. Each group has its own traditions, food, games, rhythms, schedules, and habits. The key word there is tradition. Whenever you ask someone about their tailgate, their face lights up, and they share how, when, and why it all started (usually many years ago). Some people will tell you they've been doing the same thing in the same location for decades.

If we're honest, the economics of tailgating don't make sense. Many people I know spend as much on tailgating each fall as most families spend on travel year-round. It can be expensive! It's not for everyone, but it's for many. People aren't ever going to justify the math on tailgating, but they will tell you as confidently as the grass is green, it's worth it. This is where the whole meaning over money concept comes into play. Not everything is about money. For some, they simply choose this because it matters.

At the heart of it, it's about something deeper. It's about people. Friends, family, co-workers, neighbors. It's an investment in relationships. It's a way to share experiences and create memories.

I'm grateful for anyone who has ever invited me to their tailgate. It's an opportunity I never take for granted. It's not something I ever aspire to recreate with our own family (especially at the scale many do it), but man, it sure is fun. I have many fond memories of sharing those experiences with people I care about. If that's you, just know I'm grateful!

My Cyclones may have lost yesterday, but the memories I created will last a lifetime.

The Painful (Yet Beautiful) Cost of Parenting

Today is a big day! Not only is it one of the biggest college football games of our season (Iowa at Iowa State), but it’s Northern Vessel’s official launch party for our new canned cold brew partnership with We Will Collective (Iowa State’s NIL collective). We’ll be setting up a tent alongside We Will, where our entire Northern Vessel team will be there to celebrate the launch, eat good food, and have a fun time together. Many friends, former Iowa State athletes, and other big names will also be stopping by the tailgate to say hello and grab some cold brew (35,000 cans fresh off the line!). Word on the street is President Trump and several other 2024 presidential candidates will also be floating around the premises.

It will be an absolutely fantastic event…..and I’ll miss most of it. Bummed doesn’t even begin to describe how I’m feeling right now. This is the type of thing we’ve envisioned since relaunching Northern Vessel in November 2022. This is the next step of TJ’s dream, and being able to support him is one of the greatest privileges of my life. Yet, I’m going to miss the majority of it.

Why? Finn and Pax have a parks and recreation soccer game this morning. They really want to play, and just as important, they want their dad there to cheer them on. I remember back when I dreamed of one day becoming a father. I made a promise to myself that I would make every one of my kids’ games, concerts, or other events if I had the power to do so. I also think back to my own childhood and remember fondly that my parents rarely missed a game. They didn’t have to be there, but they somehow sacrificed to always be present. If my memory serves me correctly, my mom only missed two basketball games in my entire 5th-12th career (in one, I scored 47 points, and in the other, I was carted out of the gym on a stretcher with temporary paralysis). I always loved having my parents there and want my kids to have the same thing (not the life-flash-before-their-eyes injury part, though…..that’s a story for a different day).

Can we parents all agree that this isn’t easy? In the chaos of life, it’s hard enough to keep my head on straight with the everyday things in my life…..never mind all the extracurricular activities. And the crazy part is, we’re not even into the thick of it yet. We have a few first graders just now getting into sports and other activities.

I’m very torn today. I’m mourning the loss of missing this important event. However, the decision was pretty simple. Many years ago, I made that commitment to myself to be present when I eventually became a father. This is where we find out if I was just talking the talk, or if I’ll walk the walk.

Oh yeah, Go Cyclones!

Failure Isn't Forever

Earlier this week, I shared a heartbreaking story of a man who spent so much time and energy working for more money (so he could give his family a higher standard of living and have more time with his kids), only to realize years later that he missed his kids' childhoods. He feels a deep regret about the path he took. He now recognizes the irony of his situation. He thought he was doing what was needed to have more time with his family, but those actions were the very thing robbing him of a life with his family.

I received dozens of messages after publishing that post. Some people shared their sadness, others expressed parallels in their own lives, and many just appreciated the reminder of what's most important. One message stood out, though. It was from a friend whom I deeply admire. She asked that I share it with this man (which I did), and then I asked if I could share it with all of you (which she happily agreed). Here's what she said:

"As a daughter of a man who has never acknowledged he messed up, and has always been absent, please tell this man he is not too late, and he can still be present for their adulthood. He can turn the story around right now. First job interviews! Weddings! Babies! There's so much they will need him for. I hope he knows that!"

Wow! As someone who has made my fair share of mistakes and failings, I needed to hear that....and maybe you do, too. Failure isn't forever. It's a moment in time. It's something that happens, not who we are. It's an opportunity to grow....or give up. It's a chance to bounce back.....or shrivel.

There's a power in knowing our past failures don't define our future. We do have to reconcile with our past, but it doesn't mean we don't get a second chance. We can't change the past, but we can (and should) change the future.

Friend, I'm grateful for you sharing these powerful and personal words. I know it hasn't been an easy journey, but I'm always inspired by how you use your story to impact others. This man needed to hear your words, and many readers also need to hear them. But If I'm being honest, I really, really needed to hear them.....maybe that's why they cut so deep.

What Country Am I In?

I often experience something that, until a recent conversation with my friend Claire, I thought was normal. It happened again this morning. Whenever I wake up in a hotel room, I often don’t know what country I’m in. There’s an immediate moment of confusion before getting my bearings. Is that normal? Since sharing this with Claire, I’ve told several other people about these situations. Turns out I am, in fact, weird.

Whenever this happens, roughly half the mornings I wake up in hotel rooms, I think about how funny life is. I grew up in a small farm town in NW Illinois. For me, going to South Dakota was exotic. And one time we went to Florida! Wow, that might as well have been a different planet. When I left home for college and ventured four hours west to Ames, Iowa, that was a scary and treacherous endeavor.

When I started my real estate career, the idea I would travel to different cities around America was wild. For me, it was exhilarating. My first business trip was to Denver, Colorado, to visit Sterling Point Apartments in Littleton. Sure, Denver isn’t the most exotic city in the world, but it might as well have been Hong Kong or London for me. I loved everything about that experience.

Fast forward a decade, and my clients were primarily in Europe and the Middle East. At the same time, I joined the board of an organization in SE Asia. Between those two endeavors, I traveled abroad many times a year. On one occasion, we visited 8 Middle Eastern countries on an 8-day trip (see where I get my hotel wake-up quirk?). For as weird as that travel initially felt, it soon became normal. When Sarah and I first visited Hong Kong in early 2016, it felt intimidating. Today, Asia feels like a second home. I love everything about it. The people, the food, the culture, the history….all of it.

All this is a testament to how small our world is today. Between the technological advances in communication and travel, it’s never been easier (or cheaper) to connect with people on the other side of the world. We shouldn’t take that opportunity for granted. I was recently on a podcast in Australia. Towards the end of the episode, I made a half-joke (but serious) comment to host Joe Stephan about needing to fly to Australia to meet him for dinner. The fact that it’s even possible is wild. Technology allows me the opportunity to create a relationship with this stranger, and a different kind of technology allows me to visit him if I’m up for the adventure. What a world we live in!!!

Sure, we have some problems in our modern world. But let’s never take for granted all the good that comes with it. We can use our resources and technology for evil, or we can use it to create beautiful relationships, far-reaching impact, and priceless memories. Don’t let this opportunity slip through your fingers.

UnGuilty Pleasures

I have a confession to make. I despise the term “guilty pleasure.” I know it’s a ubiquitous phrase in our culture, but do you ever stop to think about what it really means? At its core, calling something a guilty pleasure insinuates that you shouldn’t be doing it. It’s something you enjoy, but know it’s wrong (or wrong-ish). If anything, we should call adultery and stealing guilty pleasures.

I’m reminded of my hatred of this phrase because a client recently referred to getting her nails done as a guilty pleasure. Another client referred to golfing as a guilty pleasure. And a third person recently said her morning coffee at a local coffee shop is a guilty pleasure. None of these things are inherently bad. In fact, they may be quite good. The question isn’t about right and wrong, but rather right for YOU and wrong for YOU. For many of my friends, spending money on golf is the absolute best use of their personal spending money. For me, it would be counter-productive. Why would I want to blow my money on something that will just upset me and make me want to break something (which will cost me more money)? That doesn’t sound like a good value.

Instead, perhaps we can rebrand guilty pleasure into “unguilty pleasure.” These are purely wants, but add value to our lives. By definition, then, they are important. Yes, wants can be important. One of mine is a monthly massage. About two years ago, after spending years believing massages are something I could neither afford nor justify, I signed up for a membership at a local massage studio. Each month, I pay a fee and get a massage. In hindsight, it’s one of the best expenditures I’ve made in years. I always look forward to my appointment, and it adds value to my life. I don’t feel guilty about this. It’s not for everyone, but it is absolutely for me.

Today, I have two homework assignments for you. First, please remove the phrase “guilty pleasure” from your vocabulary. You deserve better than to do something you feel guilty about or perceive it as a bad decision. Second, lean hard into the following question: “What’s one want in my life that would make my life better?” Don’t filter your answer through the lens of needs and wants. It’s a want....you don’t need it. Let’s make that clear. It’s purely a want. Filter it through the lens of whether it adds value to your life. If it does, go for it! No guilt, no second-guessing, and no regret.

Enjoy those unguilty pleasures!

Savor the Glimpses

Have you ever accomplished something you worked hard on, but didn't get the gratification of seeing if/how your work even made a difference? Whew, I'm so glad I'm not alone. Much of what we do involves trust. We put in the work, do the grind, endeavor to do something that matters, and trust it will mean something to someone. When I used to make Casey's pizzas in high school, I would put in the work and trust someone would enjoy their slice. When I used to rake sand traps at the golf course, I trusted someone would appreciate the fact they were clean and kept. When I invested in relationships with my youth group kids, I trusted my influence was impacting their lives. When I managed billion-dollar real estate portfolios for my clients, I trusted my work would provide them with peace of mind and returns that exceeded their expectations.

It's common to do work and never really know if our actions make an impact. It's the trust that carries us through. Well, for many, it's the paycheck. The paycheck carries them through. Sometimes, though, we're blessed with a little glimpse into what our work is genuinely doing. This week, my friends in Los Angeles asked if I'd be willing to go speak again. Not once, but two more times (once in October and once in January). They said my previous events received such positive feedback from their audiences that it was a must-have to bring me back. Wow, that really touched me. It was a small glimpse into the impact I'm making.

I don't get these glimpses often, but I'm beyond grateful when I do. I once received a DM from a stranger in New Zealand who said our podcast changed his life and marriage. Wow! My friend, Chi-Chung, wrote a post on social media last week, describing how a cup of coffee and my blog are the first two things he does to start his day. He even added that I'm one of his "favorite bloggers." Wow! I recently received a handwritten note from a former client detailing how our coaching relationship changed their life forever. Wow!

These moments don't always happen, so cherish them when they do. We don't do what we do to get a pat on the back, but man, those pats feel good when they come. These little moments remind us why we do what we do. We don't need these reminders daily, but they are much needed when we're having a bad day/week. When we want to give up, these little glimpses can provide the energy and motivation to keep moving forward.

On the flip side, this may be our reminder to give other people their own glimpses. I probably don't reach out to say "thank you" enough. I probably don't share enough about how someone impacted my journey. I probably don't shine a light on people's amazing work enough. Let this be our call to action. And by "our," I mean mine.

"Travis, I Think I Messed Up."

I come to you today with a heartbreaking story. A man recently reached out to me after discovering some of our content. He said he was embarrassed to share it, but thought "maybe good can come from it." While the story is heartbreaking (my words, not his), it's all too common in our culture. "Travis, I think I messed up." That's how his message started.

In short, here's the situation. This man is approaching 50 years old, lives in the suburbs of a major US city, has two teenage kids, and has a lucrative career. His approach to work and money was simple. Make as much money as quickly as possible, so he can spend more time with his family and provide them with the life they "deserve."

Year after year, decade after decade, that's exactly what he did. He worked hard, provided financially, and raced toward this perceived finish line where he'll be able to spend more time with his family and give them the riches they deserve. One problem. In just two short years, he'll be an empty-nester.

As he so clearly and painfully puts it, "I missed it. I missed being a dad." While he was busy providing materialistic goodies for his family and endeavoring to create future freedom to spend more time with them, he simply wasn't present. He literally missed their childhoods. Today, instead of priceless memories, he has deep regret.

He now sees the irony of his approach. In his effort to get more time with his family, he was absent. He thought more money was the needed ingredient to create time with his family. Now he realizes more time was the secret to more time. It was right there in front of him, and he missed it.

Now, he has a lot of resources. He'll be able to retire in a few years and do whatever he wants. That sounds great....the American dream! Except what he wants more than anything is to spend time with his kids. Unfortunately, they are heading to college soon, creating their own lives, starting their own careers, and building their own families.

Money isn't the answer. Money can't create meaning. Money can't provide us with something that fills us up and delivers deep fulfillment. The sad truth is that money is often the thing that pulls us away from the meaning. It robs us of what we're genuinely looking for.

He wanted me to share this story with you today, hoping that even one person heeds his example. If so, it won't be for nothing. I feel for this man, and I feel for so many others who fall into this trap. Don't fall for it. You deserve better than this. Please don't let this man's story be for nothing. I know I won't.

"Tacky Place, Tacky Owner"

We recently passed the 9-month mark since opening Northern Vessel's brick-and-mortar location. To say it's been a whirlwind would be a gross understatement. We're equally shocked and grateful for what's transpired in this short time. 

One of our greatest honors is the opportunity to serve thousands of people. Some are friends, some are strangers, and some are strangers who become friends. It's an opportunity and responsibility we never take for granted. Our customers are so generous to us. They post about us on social media, share our content with their circles, and bring friends/family into the shop to try it out. They also leave us reviews on various platforms. 

Since opening our doors in November 2022, we've received 104 Google reviews. The breakdown is interesting, to say the least:

• 5-Star: 100

• 4-Star: 2

• 3-Star: 0

• 2-Star: 1

• 1-Star: 1

The sole 1-star review was left by someone before we even opened our doors. We were in the final stages of installing our equipment and furniture, hoping to open our doors soon. They were upset we weren't open for business yet.....and decided to punish us accordingly. Shame on us! 

The sole 2-star review was made a month ago. It was an interesting experience for everyone involved, staff and customers alike. Nothing particularly bad happened, but this customer's behavior made people uncomfortable. A few hours later, the following review popped up on Google. 

At least the coffee was decent, though. And can we please let the record show that TJ shall forever be known as “tacky?” Let’s put that on a t-shirt!

You can't win 'em all. Some people simply won't be happy with you. For this small minority of people in our lives, we have two options: 1) Try, try, and try (likely unsuccessfully) to make them happy, or 2) Do the right thing for the right reasons and let the cards fall how they may. I used to pursue option #1 in most situations. Surprise (!!), it never seemed to work. It took me far too long to realize these people aren't actually desirous to be satisfied, but rather to find reasons to be upset. There's always something to be mad about! As such, my efforts were futile, and I continually beat my head against the wall in an attempt to achieve the impossible feat. 

Now, however, I focus my attention and energy on the second option: do the right thing for the right reasons and let the cards fall how they may. I still don't make everyone happy, but I go to bed most nights knowing I did the right thing. This approach isn't easy, and I doubt it will ever be. 

Whatever the relevant application in your life, I hope you find this idea useful. We can't win 'em all, so let's keep focus on where our attention is most needed and best applied. Don't let the unattainable expectations of the few hinder your ability to serve those who you wish to serve.

A Clean Slate

If you're like many Americans, August can be a brutal month for your finances. It's a wild cocktail of end-of-summer travel, experiences with friends, back-to-school expenses, and the transition from summer to fall clothes. When all these factors combine forces, it's easy to implode our monthly budget.

This past week, I met with frustrated family after frustrated family, each feeling guilty and defeated by a busted budget and sudden financial stress. It's an easy mistake to make, and it happens to the best of us. Here's the good news if you're a family who budgets healthily. Somewhere between 1 and 30 days from now, we get a clean slate. Even when we mess up, the month eventually concludes, and a new one begins.

This may feel like splitting hairs, but it can make a huge psychological difference. Something powerful happens when we wipe the slate clean at regular intervals. Mistakes will happen (they always do), but they don't define us.....and they certainly don't need to haunt us.

This clean slate perspective can work wonders for us. My wife and I regularly have financial months we'd like to forget. Once the month wraps up, we take inventory of what happened and simply move on. With every passing month comes the opportunity to learn, adjust, and try again. This is our 168th monthly budget since getting married. We've had many bad months in there, but we've learned every step of the way. Some months are amazing, while others end with us counting down the days until the slate is wiped clean. But every time, we eventually get to start afresh.

On the flip side, even when we nail our finances in a given month, the clean slate provides us yet another opportunity to bring our dreams to life. There's a pool of money to account for this month, and therein lies the opportunity for us to live out our values through our budget. Sarah and I have a handful of fun priorities this month, ranging from future international travel, to generosity, to the kids. As we put the budget together, it's been fun to see these aspirations come to life. And next month, we get to do it again.

We don't need to budget forever......just until we die. #dadjoke. Budgeting isn't something we have to do, but rather something we get to do. It's a blessing, not a curse. It's an opportunity, not an evil. It doesn't tell us what to do.....we tell it what we're going to do. It's a beautiful tool to plan our dreams, then put one foot in front of the other to make them come alive.

Embrace the clean slate. Make the most of it. Use this opportunity to live out your values. You won't regret it.

The Hidden What-If Cost

Yesterday, I shared a meal with a friend. He's a young guy who reminds me of how I was around 20. Like me at 20, he loves investing. And, like me at 20, he prefers to do it irresponsibly and overconfidently. Ah, so many similarities between us. Part of me wants to shake him out of it, but then again, I don't think anyone was going to shake me out of my ridiculous ways back when I was his age.

He revealed to me how he's lost a good chunk of change through his investing practices. Not "lost" as in the market is going down but will eventually come back up. Rather, lost as in, poof, it's gone. It's a lot of money to him, but he did have a good comeback for me. "Travis, you always talk about how we shouldn't do things that financially endanger us or our family. This doesn't put me in danger, and I don't have a family yet."

He makes a good point. He may be out thousands of dollars, but he won't go without food or shelter. He's a single guy with limited financial overhead. However, here's where I want to land this plane. I pointed out to him there's a far more significant consequence at play. It's the hidden what-if, commonly known as opportunity cost. Said another way, it's what he could have done with that money instead of what he chose.

Out of respect for him, I won't use his actual numbers. Let's pretend he made some investing choices that cost him $5,000. Or you could insert a different choice here. Maybe you spent it gambling. Perhaps you decided to have a wild night at the club, or that impulsive trip to _______, or pulled the trigger on that motorcycle you've had your eye on.

Sure, $5,000 less in your pocket may not ruin your life. That's a fair point. But the hidden cost? The opportunity cost is what you could have done with this $5,000 instead of losing it on risky investments. In the case of my friend, I used an apples-to-apples comparison. Since he's trying to make money by investing, I shared an alternative scenario. If invested the right way (broad low-cost index funds with a lot of patience), that $5,000 would be worth nearly $250,000 by the time he turns 65. So, correct, his loss didn't ruin his life......but the cost was quite steep.

We can insert other opportunity cost scenarios here, too. How many hurting families could we have helped with $5,000? How many hungry children could we have fed with $5,000? How much education could we have attained with $5,000? How much quicker could we replace our aging car with $5,000? How many amazing memories could we have created with $5,000? The list goes on.

Yes, it's only $5,000. But it's $5,000!!!! Whenever we make decisions, we must look beyond the direct costs. An opportunity cost assessment will show us our best choice. Follow that one!

Getting Rid of the "Just"

I recently had coffee with my friend Angie, and she said something that struck me deeply. She was sharing about some amazing developments in her career and how much peace/confidence/excitement she has as she's entering this new season. As she shared her newfound perspective and momentum, one of the contributing factors was giving herself more credit than she used to. As she put it, "getting rid of the 'just.'" "I'm just a ______." I just do _______." This "just" syndrome stemmed from comparing herself to what others do and what our culture defines as successful.

Can you relate? Wow, I sure could. I can think of countless conversations I've had with people where "I just _____" came into the fold. Shortly after having kids, I remember someone at a party asking my wife, Sarah, what she does for a living. "I just stay at home." Another client responded to a similar question: "I'm just a teacher." While having a drink with a friend, he stated, "I just cut grass."

I'm not innocent, either. I've uttered my fair share of "just" statements over the years, especially since leaving my prior career. It's amazing how much of our identity we subconsciously pull from our title, status, and other superficial nuances of life. After leaving my previous career, I felt a bit naked. I didn't think my work defined me....until I left. When someone asked what I do for a living, I'd start by telling them what I used to do. What!?!? I left a career to do something I'm called to do, I'm excited to do it, and I'm already making a difference doing it, but yet I'm telling people what I used to do?!?! That was a rude awakening for me.

Wherever you insert "just" into your life, please get rid of it. Your work, gifts, relationships, influence, and impact aren't "just." They matter deeply to a whole lot of people. As I often say about my own work, "I may not change the world, but I'm most certainly going to help change some people's lives.......and they may change the world."

Every single one of us has the opportunity to positively impact people's lives around us. Family, friends, co-workers, customers, and even strangers on the street. What an opportunity!!! However, to live to our full potential, we need to get rid of "just," as my friend Angie beautifully says. Thanks, Angie, for the fantastic perspective. I think you just impacted a lot of people with that little slice of wisdom!

Yes, Your Work Matters. Yes, Even Yours

A young man recently contacted me via social media with a profound question. He stumbled upon a video clip from our Meaning Over Money podcast where I talked about how all work matters because it adds value to others. When he heard this, he started to question his own career choices. It's not because he hates his job.... it's the opposite, actually. And it's not because he doesn't make a decent living.... it's the opposite, actually. His pondering came from a place where he needed to know if his work actually adds value to others.

He's a video game streamer. Yes, he plays video games for a living. He plays while people watch him on the internet. He livestreams his play on Twitch and TikTok, and publishes the full videos on YouTube after the fact. He's 22 and made "around $200,000 last year."

What do you think? Does his work matter? Does it actually add value to people's lives? Do you believe what he does is silly and a waste of time? Do you feel like he's wasting his life away? Do you think it's ridiculous someone like him can generate nearly a quarter million dollars per year? If I were to survey each of you, I suspect there would be a wide array of answers. Answers ranging from "he's a loser" to "he's my new hero."

Here's what I told him. Of course his work is adding value to others. Otherwise, thousands of people wouldn't pay him to be a member of his community, and people wouldn't spend tens of thousands of hours watching his videos. At the heart of it, he's an entertainer. He's funny, engaging, and shockingly enjoyable to watch. He provides people with laughs and light-hearted content when they come home from a tough day. But it goes deeper than that. He's creating genuine community. Not just for himself, but for thousands of people who follow him. When you spend even a few minutes watching his channel, it's clear there's a core group of people who know and care about each other. He created that. He took an interest (video games), and widely available tools (his computer and a few social media platforms), and combined it with his gifts (humor, engagement, and empathy), to create something that matters. Something that adds value to our culture. Something that gives people a place to belong.

Yeah, his work matters. It sure does matter. It matters a ton to a lot of people. It doesn't matter what you or I think of his work. To the people he serves, he's adding a ton of value. His work matters. That's why it's his work, and not yours/mine. It's the beauty of work that matters. We each have the opportunity to carve our own path. This young man did it in his own unique way, and we each get to do the same.

C.S. Lewis Makes a Good Point

One of my favorite C.S. Lewis stories revolves around a night he and his friend were walking down the street. Along the path, they see a homeless man. Lewis immediately reached into his pockets, pulled out all the cash he had on him, and handed it to the man. As they walked away, his friend said, "You shouldn't have done that. He's just going to squander it on tobacco and alcohol." Mr. Lewis looks at his friend and replies, "Well, that's what I was going to do with it."

I think this story illustrates the imperfection of humanity and our ability to show grace through it. While it's true that we are called to be good stewards of our resources, some things are bigger than money. In this case, dignity. Lewis recognized the humanity in this homeless man and chose to show him dignity. It's a sharp but beautiful story that has helped shape my heart around generosity.

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Yesterday afternoon, the boys and I were riding bikes after school when we approached a homeless man getting some reprieve from the sun. My gut instinct was to ignore him, but I knew he deserved far more dignity than that. Eventually, the boys and I approached him. I asked if he could use some cash, then gave him everything I had in my pocket (+/- $17). He was beyond grateful for this unsolicited gift, which led to a fun conversation. The man shared a few pieces of his story, we chatted about his day, he asked the kids about their favorite bible verses, and he asked if there was a thrift shop nearby where he could pick up a few supplies. Before leaving, I asked if he needed anything. He said it would be amazing if I could help him find a phone charger. I told him I could absolutely make that happen, and I would be back later to drop it off.

When we got home, Pax headed straight for the pantry. Sarah, seeing him out of the corner of her eye, said, "Pax, no food right now. I'm making dinner." Pax, quick to defend himself, responded, "This isn't for me, Mom. I'm making Ben a snack bag. I don't want him to be hungry tonight." He gets a grocery sack from under the sink, then fills it with beef sticks, peanuts, granola bars, almonds, animal crackers (can't forget the animal crackers!), and apples. "Dad, do you have the charger ready? We should go take this to him right now."

Wow. This is from a first-grader. While most of us adults are busy assessing the merit, use, and deservingness of a potential gift, this little boy is busy showing love, compassion, and action. I'm always proud of my kids, but this moment was a bit more special. C.S. Lewis makes a good point, but Pax already knew it in his heart. Generosity always wins.

"I Want to Be a ____"

About once a month, one of my kids will update his proclamation of what he wants to be when he grows up. Recent examples include a firefighter, basketball player, mowin' man, podcaster, and "in Twenty One Pilots."

Sometimes their ideas are practical, and sometimes they are absurd. However, I have one guiding rule as I try to parent these little men: don't kill their dreams. So often, I see parents criticizing, downplaying, demeaning, and even mocking their children's dreams. I've witnessed many of my youth group students have an amazing aspiration, only for it to be zapped away by their well-intentioned parents.

Sure, sometimes these dreams and ideas may be far-fetched. But it's not our job as parents to squeeze the life out of their dreams. Rather, it's our job to support, encourage, teach, and walk alongside them. They will eventually find their right path.....if we don't emotionally and mentally beat it out of them.

I get how this happens. We want our kids to succeed. We want them to be in a position where they can take care of themselves. We don't want to see them suffer. In the process, though, we're doing more harm than good. In an attempt to protect them from failing, we're preventing them from winning. We're trying to ensure they have money, while simultaneously robbing them of meaning. We're trying to steer them onto the "normal" path, when maybe their path needs to be anything but normal. I know many young men who were forced into college by their loving parents, only to hate it, get depressed, then drop out. They beat themselves up and feel as though they are just giant losers. Then, they will usually find the path that truly suits them. Once they do, their creativity, work ethic, and drive comes alive. It's like a light switch.

Who knows, maybe I'll read this post years down the road and consider my past self wrong......but I doubt it. I suspect my kids will do their fair share of failing as the years roll by. It will hurt them, but it will also hurt me to watch. However, that's where the beauty lies. From failure comes pain. From pain comes growth. From growth comes impact. From impact comes meaning.

I'll be there to walk alongside them, encourage them, and support them when they need me. I hope they never let go of their crazy dreams. I hope their dreams grow with them. I hope their dreams are so big that others will laugh and shake their head. Whatever those dreams are, I hope they are uniquely their dreams.....not mine. I hope they stay true to themselves and aggressively pursue whatever path that entails.

Parents of adults, what are your thoughts? Any wisdom to share? Would love to hear about your wins and losses in this department.