Small Habits Add Up

A few years ago, one of my friends on Facebook proclaimed that she successfully read 25 books in that calendar year. 25 books!?!? That seemed absolutely absurd to me. My immediate reaction was to DM her and ask the secret of her ways. She explained how simple it was. "I read 20 pages every morning." Great. What else? "That's it. 20 pages a day." Skeptically, I pulled out my calculator and did the math. If the average book is 300 pages, it will take 15 days to finish an entire book at 20 pages per day. That's two per month.....or 24 per year. Boom! I was shook.

On January 1st, I started a "do 1 more" pushup challenge with a bunch of other guys. The rules are simple. On the first of the year, do one pushup. On the second day of the year, do two pushups. And so on.....each day, do one more. By New Year's Eve, you'd do 365 pushups to end the year. If the plan is followed, you'd have completed approximately 67,000 pushups throughout the entire year. I fizzled out due to a shoulder injury, unfortunately (somewhere around day 45). I'm looking forward to trying again in 2024.

I also think about my dream of writing a book. The idea seems unattainable and far-fetched. After all, that's a TON of writing! Where will I find the time and the energy to write an entire book? Similar to the two examples above, small steps can produce tremendous results. This blog is a great example. On the heels of yesterday's one-year anniversary of publishing this blog daily (365 posts in 365 days!), my assistant, Alyssa, completed a project of aggregating all the posts into a single source document. What she found was staggering. It summed up to more than 156,000 words. 156,000!!! Considering the average non-fiction book is 50,000 words, we just published the equivalent of three entire books in a single calendar year. That's absurd! Well, there goes my false notion that writing a book is unattainable. I literally and unknowingly just did it.....three times in one year.

Small habits add up. This concept applies to most things in life. Financial goals, career goals, creative goals, content goals.....lots of goals! Paying off debt is the same concept. Saving up for a car is the same concept. Giving away a million dollars is the same concept. Feeding 100,000 hungry children is the same concept. Saving up for retirement is the same concept. Being promoted from entry-level to the C-suite is the same concept. Most things worth accomplishing require this concept to fully materialize.

Small habits, consistently applied for long periods of time, lead to massive results. It's a universal truth, and it's accessible to each of us. Figure out what yours are, and let's get started!

Gary Was Right

On September 13th, 2022, I had the privilege of enjoying a coffee with my close friend, Gary Hoag. I don't see Gary often, but he was in my city for a speaking engagement that would unfold later that day. As is typical with Gary and I, we bounced from topic to topic, trying to squeeze every drop out of our limited time together. Since Gary is a prolific writer, I began interrogating him about his writing habits and practices. I confessed to him that I was struggling to write 2-3 articles per month, citing a lack of time and ideas. Gary gave me the most Gary-like advice: "Write every day." Ok, so I'm supposed to write every day.....but how often do I publish an article? "Publish every day." 

Uh, I think Gary missed my initial problem. I had neither the time nor the ideas to write and publish even 2-3 articles per month. "Write every day." He could tell I looked a little overwhelmed by this idea, so he added, "It will change you." 

Well, today is the one-year anniversary of beginning that journey. From November 14th, 2022, to November 14th, 2023, I wrote and published one article per day. Wow, what a journey! Here's what writing 365 articles in 365 days has taught me:

• We all have way more in us than we believe. What often feels impossible can be achieved by simply putting one foot in front of the other. 

• Ideas can come from every area of our life....even the most mundane and insignificant nuances of our day. 

• Creativity can happen anywhere. I've written posts in tents, planes, grocery stores, forests, hospitals, truck stops, and highway shoulders. 

• Writing is really just the art of learning how to think. When we write, it forces us to think through a subject in an entirely different way. We're better for it. 

• Our pain, while often feeling like a stain on the fabric of our past, has the power to shine a light on someone else's darkness. Pain isn't wasted, but rather repurposed for future good. 

• Technology makes our world small. So many beautiful relationships have been born from this blog. Many of you started as strangers, but are now family. 

• When my ideas aren't formed well enough (or even when they are), I'll get called out. When I do, I have two choices: a) take offense, or b) allow it to be an opportunity to learn. I pray I always take the latter. I've learned so much from you all!

• Creating content (whether audio, video, or writing) is one of the best ways to leave a legacy to the next generation. While every post is written for you and for me, each one is really a breadcrumb for my kids to someday find. 

• Writing each day reminds me of how much meaning and purpose I have in my life. I'm so very grateful for that. Every day is special. 

Gary, you were right. It changed me. Wow. It really worked. 

Just Do the Opposite

I took my family to the Iowa State basketball game yesterday. It's great to have basketball back! I didn't decide to buy tickets until the night before because, well, I just love impulsive decisions. When it was time to buy, I headed directly to the SeatGeek app. Were there still tickets left at the box office? Maybe. Were there other third-party apps with better prices? Perhaps. But I always buy from SeatGeek. They've attained my unwavering loyalty because they chose to do the opposite of what other companies do. It all comes down to one little toggle switch. "Show prices with fees."

There's nothing worse than purchasing a product or service, only to get crushed with added fees once you get to the checkout screen. Lots of industries do this, but none worse than event tickets (well, Airbnb is the new worst, but we'll save that one for another day). It's a demoralizing endeavor. With SeatGeek, on the other hand, I don't have to worry about that. What I see is what I get. And for that, they are always my #1 go-to. Some people say, "Well, their fees are still high." I don't care, frankly. What's of interest to me is how much, in total, I'm paying for my tickets. Combine that feature with a few other key features (such as dependability, large selection, transfer execution, and seat location mapping), and they become my absolute go-to.

This is a conversation I have with many of my clients. Whatever their respective industry is, I challenge them to "just do the opposite." The natural response is, "This is how it's done." That may be true, but it doesn't mean it's the best way. Doing the opposite is a scary proposition, though! It feels safer and more comfortable just doing what everyone else does. Then, if we fail, we can just chalk it up to bad luck (or some other force outside of our control). On the other hand, if we do the opposite and ultimately fail, we're likely to blame ourselves and point our finger at those specific decisions. These are the scariest of decisions, but also the most impactful.

This is one of the biggest things we got right in our Northern Vessel coffee business. So many of our successes directly result from doing it completely opposite of the normal way. That's also led to a few failures, but it's been an overwhelming success on the whole.

This is also what I attribute much of our podcasting success to. Currently, our Meaning Over Money podcast is ranked in the top 3% of podcasts worldwide (according to ListenNotes). The idea was simple. Cole and I made a list of all the things we hate about normal podcasts, then committed to doing the opposite. It was a beautifully simple plan.

Though I tout these two examples of getting it right, I've whiffed so badly in other areas of my business. If only I had listened to my own advice....

When Rules Are About More Than Rules

I love breakfast: fried eggs (sunny side up), toast/bagels, crispy bacon.....I could go on. I started intermittent fasting earlier this year to improve my health and sleep. The rules were simple. After I ate my last meal of the day, I'd start a 16-hour timer. When the timer expired, I'd begin eating again. It worked out to a 10AM-6PM eating window, then fasting between. Overall, I could see a significant improvement in my health, primarily driven by two main factors. First, I never realized how much I snacked at night out of boredom. That ended when I stopped consuming calories at 6PM. Second, I often enjoyed a bourbon at night after the kids went to bed. That also ended when I stopped consuming calories at 6PM. While I really enjoyed this habit, I didn't realize how much one drink impacted my sleep until I stopped.

However, I noticed something about this fasting practice. I found myself counting down and dwelling on the timer. I would rush dinner, so I could start the timer, so I could eat breakfast earlier. There was something mentally unhealthy about this rhythm. Therefore, I tweaked the rule. No more timers. Instead, I started eating dinner at a reasonable time (but not militant about when), then I wouldn't eat until after 12PM the next day. This is the practice I have today. I don't break this rule. No snacking or drinks after dinner. No calories before noon. No excuses.

It wouldn't significantly harm me if I cheated every now and then. It wouldn't hinder my progress. It wouldn't negate the good work I'm doing. However, one cheat is the gateway drug for the next. One creates two, and two creates twenty. The moment it's ok to cheat once is the moment cheating becomes normalized. I spent all last week in Midland, Texas, working at a client site. Each morning, as I'm walking from my hotel room to my truck (I have a big ol' truck in my Texas identity!), I stop at the breakfast buffet to grab a black coffee. It's the hardest part of my day. The eggs, bacon, biscuits, and gravy!!! I've walked by that same buffet maybe 30-40 mornings this year, but haven't taken a single bite of food. This discipline has propelled me in so many ways this year. It's a rule that's about more than a simple rule.

I'm a long-winded writer. One of the reasons I started this blog was to learn how to share a good idea in a compact package. As such, I had a very clear rule with myself. No article could be more than 500 words, period. There are days when I spend 30 minutes trying to condense a finished post from 520 words down to 500. I could easily click "publish" at 520 words, but that's the gateway drug to longer posts. First, it's 520, then 540, then 600. It's a rule that's about more than a simple rule.

Set rules. Honor them. Grow.

Pain, Joy, then Pain Again

Have I ever mentioned how much I appreciate our readers? As much as I love putting ideas into the world, getting feedback from our readers is at the top of my list of coolest things ever. Each morning, when I get to the office and open my e-mail, there’s already a handful of responses from that morning’s post. If you want to join the fun, simply hit “reply” on the e-mail or leave a comment on the webpage.

Yesterday, I received a pretty awesome story from a reader that is an absolute must-share. He was responding to the post about my friend’s “$10,000 is my limit” comment, which was a reference to the maximum financial gift he would give someone in his life.

Here’s the story. This reader recently attended an estate planning workshop. At some point, the leader advised the audience to “Give beyond the point where it hurts, to the point where it makes us feel good.” This is a concept I talk about often. You know, the whole joy and sacrifice concept. If our giving doesn’t hurt, it’s not truly generous. The next part of his story is where he got me. The leader subsequently offered the reader a personal evaluation of his family’s giving. I’m going to quote my friend’s quote of this man’s quote: “You’ve given beyond the point where it hurts, to where it feels good, and now to a place where it hurts again.” Yes! And this is exactly where my friend wants to be. Heaping spoonfuls of joy and sacrifice.

If you’ve walked down the road of joy and sacrifice like my two friends above, you know exactly what they are talking about. If not, you may think we’ve all lost our minds. In a way, we have. We’ve thrown away society’s rules and norms. We’ve disconnected money and happiness. We’ve experienced, whether intentionally or accidentally, the pure joy that comes from sacrificial giving.

If you think buying a boat is fun, just wait until you lift up that struggling family experiencing immense financial struggle and barely putting food on the table.

If you think the new iPhone is cool, you should see how cool it is to send an exhausted couple on a little weekend getaway to recharge and experience some little luxuries they don’t get in their everyday life.

If you think it’s touching to watch your kids open up a mountain of presents from under the tree on Christmas morning, imagine what it would feel like to provide the resources for strangers to have a warm holiday meal (and a few gifts) who may not otherwise get to experience that part of the holiday season.

Here’s my challenge to you. If you’re already giving sacrificially, double down. Give to the point where it starts hurting again. If you’re in the camp where we sound like a bunch of lunatics, give it a shot. You can always stop if it’s not as amazing as I suggest.

"$10,000 is My Limit"

I recently had a conversation with a friend, and I can't shake it. He's a hard-working man, a grinder by every meaning of the word. I'm not sure how we got there, but he mentioned giving a $1,000 gift to someone in his life. This sparked a long and winding conversation about generosity, grace, gratitude, and faith. 

Until that moment, I didn't even know he was a faithful man. I hadn't known him that long, and this was our first conversation about things deeper than the usual surface-level topics. 

I don't know what shocked me more. Some of his stories about generosity, or his telling of how selfish, greedy, and self-serving he was in his younger days. And wow, he had some wild, unsavory stories about his younger years. But today? He speaks with a passion about generosity, helping others, and trying to live with faith. He mentioned concepts such as:

• Everything we have belongs to God.

• Giving makes us better people.

• The joy that comes from serving others. 

• Holding our money loosely and having faith. 

He had me on the edge of my seat. I wanted more! I wanted to hear more about how he used to be, what changed, and who he is today. 

One thing became glaringly evident: giving is part of his DNA. This is the beautiful thing about life, faith, and redemption. Regardless of who we are today, tomorrow can be different. That message hits a little too close to home for me. In my early-to-mid 20s, I was most certainly on a path to becoming a world-class selfish, materialistic, greedy jerk. But then, I changed. In some ways, the change was overnight, but in other ways, it happened over the course of years (or decades). 

One of my favorite moments during this conversation was when he shared his philosophies and practices around giving. At one point, he looked at me dead-eyed and clarified, "I have limits, though." Now he had my interest. Limits? What does that even mean? Luckily, I didn't have to ask. He continued, "$10,000 is my limit. That's the most I would just give to someone." 

A $10,000 gift is all he would just give to someone? Coward! What a penny-pincher! Ye of little faith. Haha! Just kidding. Wow! I loved how he laid out the boundary, and then immediately explained how the boundary is something utterly absurd that most people will never be able to relate to. Such a fun conversation!

Here's the good news for you. You can be just like my friend. Finding the humility, joy, faith, and growth in acts of generosity. Regardless of where you are or where you came from, you can experience the life-changing power of giving.

I have more good news. You don't have to give $10,000 to be like my friend. We aren't called to give as much as the next person. Instead, we're called to give from what we have, not what we don't have. Joy and sacrifice, sacrifice and joy. 

That Expensive Bed Sure Was Cheap

I moved into my first big-boy apartment when I was a sophomore in college. It was an exciting and scary time. After all, I was entering a life where I would have to cook for myself. Yikes! One of my favorite memories during that process was going bed shopping at Sam's Club with my parents. I needed a bed, and Sam's Club had affordable options for a young college kid. It was a match made in heaven! I think we paid $200 for it, box spring included!

Little did I know, but that bed would journey with me for quite some time. I would eventually lug it with me to eight apartments/houses covering three different states. Besides my $236,000 of debt, it was the second-worst thing Sarah married into. It was garbage when we got married, and it hung around for another six years. After an illustrious 17-year run, I finally retired the bed when Sarah and I moved into our first house. In all reality, I was going to move into that house with Sarah or the bed, but not both.

After some research, we decided to buy a fancy SleepNumber bed. Coming off a $200 bed that lasted for nearly two decades, the idea of spending thousands on a bed seemed absurd. Was it a waste of money? Were we overdoing it? Was there a more practical option? Should we have kept the old bed? Well, Sarah made sure the last option was off the table.

In hindsight, it was one of the biggest bargains in our life. Sure, at $3,000, it was expensive.....very expensive. But when I think about cost vs. value, it was the world's biggest no-brainer. I've spent approximately 1/3 of my life in that bed in the last eight years. If my numbers are accurate, I've spent 15,000-20,000 hours in that bed so far.....which equates to 625-833 full days. Wow! It's been a glorious 625-833 days, I might add. If I threw our bed into the trash today, I would have paid $0.15-$0.20 per hour of use. Again, it was the bargain of a lifetime!

I'm not sure spending the first three minutes of your day watching me obsess about a bed is your best use of time, but this isn't really about a bed. This is about looking at our lives through a different lens. This is about turning things on their head and finding a better way to perceive money. There's always a different angle to explore. There's always a unique consideration to factor in when making decisions. When we do, we make different decisions......better decisions. Taking it a step further, we can do so with more clarity, conviction, and confidence. That's when we stop dwelling on the money, and start focusing on the meaning.

Caring Enough About Money

In my keynote talk, I spend a healthy amount of time discussing the science of money and happiness. In short, once our needs are met, money won't make us much happier. I go down several roads to make this argument, concluding that more money isn't the answer. 

There's a dilemma here, though. If more money, more stuff, and more status can't make us happier, should we disregard money altogether? There's an entire segment of our population who falls into this camp. These people simply don't care about money. It manifests differently in each person, but some common characteristics may include:

• Burning through your bank account via spending and perpetually having little-to-no money.

• Living an extremely frugal and/or minimalist lifestyle.

• Periodically giving away all of their resources.

• Inconsistent work patterns.

However, I want to focus on a different characteristic. It's the act of undercharging or being willfully underpaid for your work. This practice usually comes at the intersection of not caring about money and absolutely loving their work. You probably know someone in your life who fits this profile. They are incredibly passionate about their work, but don't have much in terms of resources. Our immediate response to these types of people is to think, "They are following their passion, so of course they don't make much money." 

I've done lots of business with these types of people. They are amazing people doing amazing work, but grossly undercharging. In fact, I used to be one of them! When I started my company in 2019, I charged about 1/4 of what I currently charge for my coaching services. This was a combination of not caring about money, loving my work so much, and perhaps a lack of confidence in some regard. 

As I was digging more into the science of money and happiness, coaching families and businesses, and trying to navigate my own business journey, I had an epiphany. I still held firm that money isn't all that important, but with one caveat. While we shouldn't dwell on the money, we need to care enough about money to continue our journey. 

Put another way, we need to financially earn the right to serve those who we wish to serve. When we do, we get to serve them again next time. If we don't, we may lose the right. This is one of the biggest pitfalls people can fall into. If they care too little about money, they may face financial pressures that will prevent them from living out their mission. 

I've seen too many brilliant people get knocked out of the game because they disregarded their finances. There's a bit of sad irony in there. They cared so little about money that they found themselves in a place where they dwelled on the money (out of the need to survive). 

No, don't obsess about money. But spend some time getting it right. Earn your right to keep serving those who you wish to serve. You deserve it, and the world deserves you!

You Know the Names

Sometimes, when I write, I expect a huge response.....and get crickets. Other times when I write, I have muted expectations....and the post goes viral. The latter happened a few days ago when I wrote about an unnamed business that operates with a high level of self-unawareness. They alienate their potential customer base on social media, they treat their patrons like dirt, they don't invest in their staff, and they do a handful of other disrespectful and self-destructive practices. Whether you know this particular business or not, you absolutely know someone like them in your own life. My call to action was simple: Stop investing your dollars and time into these businesses that don't deserve it, and start investing in the ones that do.

On the heels of that post, dozens of people have reached out to ask what business I was talking about. My response was simple. If they could guess, I'd let them know. If not, it will forever remain a secret. After thinking about it, people have guessed countless businesses in or around my city. Some I've been to, and some I haven't. What's interesting, though, is the collection of businesses being suggested by people. For many of them, I would absolutely include them on this list. That tells me most people are just as aware as me as to how poorly some businesses are treating people. Yet, we continue to give them business.

I'm so happy people are pondering this idea through the lens of their own life. As fate would have it, we're thinking about the same businesses. The businesses people are bringing up are some of the same ones that have continually let me down. That overlap should tell us something. This is the opportunity we have. Nothing will happen if I just stop patronizing some of these businesses. I'll undoubtedly stop either way, but my specific influence won't move the needle. However, several of you have guessed the same collection of businesses in our town. Translation: Together, we CAN move the needle.

I'll continue not to name names, but here's a little insight. Whatever business you think I'm talking about, you're right. Deep down, you know who they are. Maybe not the exact one, but you know exactly who they are in your own world. My opinion isn't important, but yours is.

Just in the last few weeks, I've added two more businesses to my blacklist. On one hand, this is sad. I want to like and patronize these businesses, but they've lost the right to serve me. That sucks. On the other hand, that means there's more time and money to invest in other businesses. That's a huge win and a big opportunity (for both me and these prospective businesses).

Let's continue to expect better from the businesses around us. Serving people is a privilege, not a right. Make businesses earn the right, and allow them the opportunity to re-earn the right to do it again. That's a beautiful relationship!

Recovering Alcoholics Don’t Live Above Bars

Over the past few weeks, I've spent time with several friends who are celebrating various sobriety milestones. Drugs, alcohol, and tobacco, to name a few. Each of their stories is remarkable in its own way. They involve pain, consequences, and redemption. Woven through each of these amazing stories are some general truths. One such truth is that the disease is never entirely gone. Each day, they risk relapsing. To combat this, everyone must set clear and non-negotiable boundaries about what they do, where they go, and who they interact with. Or, as one close friend in recovery puts it, "Recovering alcoholics don't live above bars." 

Let's shift gears to one of my clients. This couple spent the majority of their adult lives deeply in debt. They were especially susceptible to credit cards. However, after having their life, work, and marriage nearly ruined, they had enough. Rock bottom was hit, and I was called into the situation. 

What this couple did was nothing short of remarkable. They committed to a plan, practiced discipline, executed with aggression, and slowly (but surely) paid off every single penny of debt. Just the credit card debt alone was $75,000. Crazy, I know! They achieved a massive accomplishment, and their life transformed in many ways. 

Amid their debt payoff journey, I repeatedly begged them to cancel their credit cards. It was a point of contention between us, but I would gladly die on that hill. I'm not usually this firm with clients, but I could feel the risk. Here's what happened. While I was pleading with them to cancel the credit cards, they had other voices speaking into their life:

• "You'll be fine if you're just responsible with them."

• "Don't pass up on the free points."

• "Just pay them off each month." 

• "Just keep the lower interest rate ones."

• "If you cancel them, it will hurt your credit score."

Perhaps you know where this is headed. This couple continued to carry these little pieces of plastic with them. The same pieces of plastic that nearly ruined their life and sabotaged their marriage. The same little cards that caused so much pain and suffering. They were the equivalent of recovering alcoholics living above a bar. 

About 18 months after paying off all that debt, they hit a rough patch. Stress in the marriage, a few minor emergencies, and a few desires that needed to be scratched. Within months, they ran their credit cards back up to $50,000. Utter devastation. There's no happy ending here.....yet. That may come in the future, but today, it looks like a lot of pain, suffering, and relational stress. 

What's the takeaway? I think it's two-fold. First, we need to identify our weaknesses and protect ourselves from them. That may mean canceling credit cards, freezing our credit, or avoiding stores (or websites) that overly tempt us. Second, love people enough to be honest with them. This couple's loved ones absolutely screwed them. Let's be better for the people we love! They deserve it.

The Self-Unaware Slide

I'm thinking about a local business. You may know this business, but if not, you most certainly know one like it. They sell a good product, but they are struggling. The odd part is they don't understand why they are struggling. It's a head-scratcher to them. It's complete self-unawareness, and I'll explain why. 

I mentioned they have a good product, and their prices are spot-on (low enough to feel like a good value and high enough their margins are probably solid). If both of those statements are true, they should be successful, right? This is the funny thing about business. The tangibles need to be there, but so do the intangibles. And this business, unfortunately, lacks several intangibles:

• They treat their customers poorly.

• They get into online spats with critical voices.

• They don't invest in their staff.

• They constantly post politically charged content on social media, alienating 40%-50% of their potential customers. 

It's easy to accuse people of "not supporting small business," but perhaps we business owners need to look in the mirror. Maybe our problem isn't external, but internal. Maybe we are the problem. Maybe it's the person staring at us in the mirror. With a bit of self-awareness (and humility), perhaps this business could turn the tables and absolutely thrive. 

I don't personally patronize this business anymore, for the above reasons. I always leave feeling like crap. I'm treated as though I'm intruding on their space and not really welcome. It's an unsettling feeling, and I eventually just decided to stay away. It's too bad, as I desire their products. 

On the flip side, there are businesses I can't wait to go back to. Despite some of their prices being higher than I would prefer, I leave feeling good. They treat people fantastic, they have a posture of gratitude, and their top desire is to serve well. They have the intangibles. It's funny how these small businesses aren't playing the victim role and declaring people "don't support small business." They are too busy crushing it to think about that. There's a self-awareness about the way they handle themselves. 

If you're a business owner, heed these words. Please don't take it as criticism, but rather encouragement. I want you to thrive and prosper. I want you to be successful and build a larger following. This is the opportunity before you. Seize it!

If you're not a business owner, you're surely a customer. You only have so much time and money to spend. Be sure to spend it at businesses that earn it. Reward those who treat you well, and punish those who don't. When we vote with our dollars, disrespectful businesses have two choices: a) get better, or b) fizzle out. But it's their choice. 

This is the opportunity (and responsibility) before us customers. If we do our jobs right, our respective cities will be filled with thriving, servant-hearted businesses that desire to add value to our lives. I, for one, am up for the challenge! Are you?

Kyle Has the Secret

I have a friend named Kyle. I don't see Kyle all that much, but we go on a boat ride together once every summer. He's the kind of guy you can't not like. He's generous, gracious, and just a lot of fun to talk to. He's the kind of guy who has a working knowledge of far more topics than any one person should have. Anyway, I was thinking about my most recent boat ride with Kyle.

Kyle is at the age where retirement is at the forefront. Society tells him he should retire. His age tells him he should retire. His peers probably tell him he should retire. His bank account also likely tells him he should retire. He's had a lengthy and successful career. By all accounts, he should be retiring.....but he's not. Instead of pursuing a life of leisure, he continues to wake up each morning and head to the office. Counter-cultural, I know.

So, as we're cruising into the sunset on his boat, I asked him about the retirement elephant in the room. He gave me the most beautiful answer. I won't quote him, as I don't remember his exact words, so I'll paraphrase. In short, Kyle told me that his life is better because of his work. Not because of the money that comes from the work, but because of the actual work itself. He said he could easily retire, financially speaking, but he doesn't want to. His work is too valuable to him. His newfound passion was investing his time, energy, experience, and wisdom into the younger generation. His eyes light up when he talks about the young professionals developing their careers. He speaks of the fulfillment he gets pouring into them and helping them grow.

Imagine a world where your life would be worse off if you didn't have your work. That sounds like a perverted Twilight Zone episode in today's culture. It's so far-fetched that most people wouldn't believe you if you told them.

We live in a society filled with jealousy. Jealousy over houses, cars, celebrity, status, power, partners.....and the list goes on. If you really want something to be jealous of, you should be jealous of Kyle. He's unlocked something truly special. He's living a significantly meaningful life. I have good news, though! What Kyle has isn't reserved for the fortunate few. It's an opportunity we each have in front of us.....if we're willing to pursue it.

Sometimes, it's easy. Other times, it's one of the hardest things we'll do. But in either case, it's worth it. I can't speak to how easy or hard it was for Kyle to find it, but I know he doesn't take it for granted. He knows what he found, and he embraces it as he should. For this reason, I deeply admire Kyle and pray I can navigate my journey to be where he is when I'm his age.

Work that matters. Always work that matters.

Driving in the Fog

Have you ever driven your car in a dense fog? It's a white-knuckle experience. You're a bit (or a lot) on edge, progress is much slower, you might get lost, and you feel exhausted when you reach your destination. Or worse, you end up in an accident because you couldn't see where you were going. Driving in the fog is the worst!

Most everyone over the age of 16 can relate to my example. There's a financial version of this. It's called living without a budget. Living life without a budget is the equivalent of driving in the fog. You're a bit (or a lot) on edge, progress is much slower, you might get lost, and you feel exhausted when you reach the destination. Or worse, you end up in a financial mess because you couldn't see where you were going.

This analogy makes me think of one particular client. An awesome couple in their early 40s. When we started meeting, they were highly reluctant to budget. After all, they had done "just fine" for the 17 years before meeting with me. But by "just fine," they really meant average at best. They were stressed, tired, often got lost, and progress was slow. They even got into a few financial accidents. That's what happens when we drive in the fog. After much coaxing, I convinced them to give this budgeting thing a shot. Here's what happened:

After 1 month: They thought it was stupid and frustrating.

After 2 months: They weren't fans, but it gave them some clarity.

After 3 months: They felt in control, but still made some mistakes.

After 6 months: It transformed the way they handle money in their marriage.

After 12 months: It accelerated their progress five-fold, and they actually started to enjoy the process.

After about 18 months, I asked them to reflect on their journey. Here's what the husband said: "I don't know how I ever lived without one, and I can't image not having one again."

Budgeting in and of itself doesn't change our lives. Instead, budgeting is the mechanism by which we harness our hard-earned money and use it for what matters most. Paying off debt, giving, buying a house, sending our kids to college, retirement, transitioning careers, that dream vacation, ________ (your important thing here).

Budgeting isn't something we have to do, but something we get to do. It's not something that happens to us, but something that happens for us. It's a tool that allows us to remove the fog and cruise on the open highway. You'll never regret it once you try it!

Taking Inventory of Readers’ “Bargains”

A while back, I wrote a piece about some of the expenditures in my life that feel like bargains, but are probably head-scratchers to others. Monthly massages, Christian education, and Apple computers are a few of my examples. At the end of the post, I solicited your feedback. I wanted to know what items you spend money on that may feel like a ripoff to many, but a bargain to you.

Let me just say, you didn't disappoint! I immediately received feedback from dozens of readers. Today's post is a sampling of reader feedback. I know these are great examples because my gut reaction to several is, "Wow, what a ripoff!" That's when we know we're going in the right direction. That's also the point. What's valuable to me is different than what's valuable to you. Translation: We need to stop listening to what other people say and stop living their values. Without further ado, here's your feedback:

• Flying across the country just to attend a concert from a favorite musician.

• Taking kids skiing in Colorado, or as he put it, "spending hundreds of dollars to freeze and fall." 

• Taking spouse's parents on a trip to Europe.

• Flying to NYC just to go to a Broadway show.

• A monthly Regal Cinema pass for unlimited movies. This person explained how they were so poor growing up that a trip to the movie theater was a special, once-per-year treat. 

• Pedicures (mentioned by both men and women!).

• Golf membership.

• One NFL game per season.

• Professional house cleaning once per week.

• Bouncing from new car lease to new car lease.

• Lip injections. Not necessarily to look better, but to feel better about themselves. 

• Motorcycles.

• A lake house. 

• First-class airfare for every flight they take. 

• Gun collection.

• Star Wars collectibles.

• Extremely expensive gym membership ($500+ per month for a single person).

• Professional music lessons for their kids.

• Dance program for their kids (IYKYK).

• Multiple plane vacations per year.

One person even mentioned my financial coaching services. I loved this answer and in no way take offense to it. He's absolutely right. Many people think what I do is a ripoff. I remember once having back-to-back consultations. During the first one, the husband told me my services were the biggest ripoff he'd ever heard of. He continued to say you'd have to be stupid to hire me. It was a feel-good moment, I tell ya. In the very next meeting, the couple said it seemed like a huge bargain and asked when we could start. Both couples made the right decision. 

This is the beauty of having our own interests, values, and motivations. For as much as I'd like to roll my eyes at some of the above items, my opinion doesn't matter. What matters is whether or not these items add value to that person's life. 

Whatever you do, I hope you lean into your unique interests and values (while aggressively disregarding the rest). It will surely add a richness to your life!

Finding Our Blind Spots

I took my kids to their annual wellness check-ups yesterday. Considering blood draws and flu shots were involved, it was a train wreck. However, this won't be a rant on the futile attempts to get needles jammed into my kids' arms. It's what happened before the needle-stabbing incident that got me thinking.

We started with a simple eye test. You know the exercise. Cover one eye and read progressively shrinking lines of letters on the back wall. Pax was first up. He boldly and proudly read aloud each letter and finished with a big smile. Next, it was Finn's turn. As he read the letters, Pax, the doctor, and I all looked at each other in bewilderment. He didn't get a single one right. At first, I thought he was just clowning with us (which is totally a Finn thing to do). Then, he switched eyes and exclaimed, "Now, my good eye." Wait, what!?!? Good eye?!?! When I asked him what he meant, he responded, "This is my good eye, and this is my bad eye." Again, what!?!? He went on to nail every single letter on every single row. It was a humbling parenting moment, but up until today, I didn't know he had a "bad eye." Humbling....very humbling.

That brings me to the topic of blind spots. There are things in life we don't know. And the problem is, we don't know what we don't know. That's why they are blind spots. Turns out, one of my figurative blind spots is Finn's literal blind spot. Ouch. We have some work to do!

We all have blind spots, which can span many different areas of our lives. When sitting with a client, I can quickly pick up on their financial blind spots. Everyone has them, but there's one characteristic that determines what happens next: humility. If someone has humility, they can recognize, face head-on, and remedy their blind spots.....which often leads to some pretty transformational results. If they don't, they will most certainly carry their blind spot into the future.....which can lead to some dark places.

I used to have a blind spot with debt. My old way of thinking almost ruined my life. I used to have a blind spot with investing. My old way of thinking would have significantly hindered my progress. I used to have a blind spot with the connection between money and happiness. My old way of thinking likely would have led me down a dark and materialistic road.

I'm sure I still have plenty of blind spots, but I'm always willing to expose them and face them head-on....even if it hurts. It's uncomfortable in the moment, but we're so much better for it in the long run.

What are your blind spots? What areas of your life secretly hold you back from living a better life? Here's a scary but effective way to find out: Ask those closest to you...if you dare. They know. They know all too well......

Knowing When to Say “No”

If you're someone with variable income (wage, commission, bonuses, solopreneur, freelancer, or business owner), there's an obvious upside. When you work more or produce more, you make more. Work more hours, get a larger paycheck. Sell more widgets, get a better commission/bonus. Serve another client, get another revenue stream. There's a direct correlation between your work and your compensation.

There's a shadow side to this, of course. It can be extremely difficult to say "no." If we have the potential to make a sell, we're inclined to do it. If we have the opportunity to grab some overtime hours, we're inclined to do it. If we have the opportunity to take on a new project, we're inclined to do it. While each of these scenarios means we'll likely make more money, there's a very real cost to it. It can cost us our time, stress, energy, physical/mental health, and opportunities to be with our loved ones. But it’s so hard to say “no”!

All these factors combine for one difficult journey. This is the battle millions of people face each day. And to be honest, many of us are losing the battle. This has been an ongoing conversation between Cole and me in our office for several years. We're both freelancers with wives who stay at home. Translation: there's a constant underlying pressure to provide financially. At the same time, we feel the responsibility to be present for our families and play other critical roles inside and outside our homes.

Last night, we went trick-or-treating with Cole's family. We had a great time despite the weather feeling like we were in the dead of winter. As we were walking from house to house, Cole revealed that he said "no" to a highly lucrative shooting gig for earlier that day. It was a hefty sum of cash for a single day's work. It's also worth noting that Cole loves that work. However, he said "no." He wanted to prioritize spending time with his family in preparation for their Halloween celebrations.

In years past, I'm not sure he would have declined such a gig. For this reason, I really admired his decision. This is a consequence of excellence. The better you serve people, the more people want to be served.....and are willing to pay more for the privilege. It's a constant battle, but a good battle.

Each of us must make our own choices along the journey. Saying "yes" is important. It's how we financially provide for our families, as well as add value to others. It's using our gifts and time to make a difference in this world. Saying "yes" is a noble endeavor. However, are we willing to say "no" when needed? Are we able to create boundaries to protect what's most important? Are we able to walk away from money when other things are more important?

This is the tension between meaning and money. It's a delicate dance, but I hope you win more times than you lose. Never forget the meaning. Always meaning over money.

A Guaranteed Return on Investment

What if I told you there was an investment that is guaranteed to make a positive return? Not only that, but said investment returns would be sky-high with unlimited upside! You want in on this investment opportunity? This isn't a scam. This isn't some Ponzi scheme. This is the real deal! It's the investment into relationships. Relationships are one of the few things in life that have a guaranteed, massive upside return.

These last few days have made me reflect on this idea. I flew to Las Vegas on Friday to meet a client who invited me to join their family to experience the new U2 show at The Sphere. Wow, incredible experience. You better believe there's a blog post coming about that, so I won't dive down that rabbit hole today. But more importantly, we had a wonderful time together, making memories, sharing experiences, and investing in our relationship. I love this family and care deeply about them. I'm also honored and grateful they would invite me on such an adventure. It's an experience I won't soon forget, with people that are increasingly important in my life. I treasure everything about this!

Yesterday, as my friends hopped on a plane to head home, I connected with my friends John and Jamy, who live near Vegas. John and I go back about seven years, when I met him on a trip to Mongolia. Turns out, he actually lived pretty close to me......yet I met him on the other side of the world while camping with him in a Mongolian ger. It's a small world, after all! Since then, John has been a friend, mentor, and fellow board member for an awesome organization in SE Asia. I'm tremendously grateful for my relationship with John and his wife, Jamy. Here's a picture we took on a beautiful, scenic walk yesterday. You can see the Vegas Strip in the background. It was cold and windy, but the conversation was killer.

Like all investments, relationships require us to contribute something. We can't get something for nothing. It takes our investment of time, energy, love, vulnerability, and sometimes money (like this fun trip to Vegas!). We must be intentional with our investment and be sure to consistently contribute. We only reap what we are willing to sow.

And also, like all investments, there's risk involved. The risk of our investment being one-sided. The risk of getting let down. The risk of being hurt. The risk of being betrayed. The risk of not being treated well. However, knowing the upside of relationships, these risks are so worth it. Some of those risks will come to fruition. It won't be perfect. It will be messy. But it's still always worth it.

I couldn't be more grateful for all the wonderful relationships in my life. The old ones and the new ones. The personal ones and the professional ones (and the ones that blur the line). The deeper ones and the not-yet-so-deep ones. All of them.

Keep investing!

Life Isn’t Fair

"It's not fair" is the most accurate and most debilitating statement we can make.

It's accurate because it's absolutely true. Very few things in life seem fair. We've all been dealt a different hand, experience different things, and reap different outcomes. If there's one sure thing in this world, it's that life isn't fair. The lazy bum in the next cubicle who gets promoted before you. The less talented player who made the starting lineup. The freak car maintenance issue that unexpectedly set you back a few grand….right after you finally got back on your financial feet. The person with less experience who got the job because their Uncle Joe is friends with the hiring manager. We're struck daily with the "it's not fair" curse. Yeah, it's frustrating…..sometimes depressing.

I've had many versions of this in my life, but no greater or more painful than infertility. Sarah and I spent year after year trying to become parents, only to eventually find out we're unable to biologically have children. All the while, friends and family seemed to be birthing kids left and right. One of my closest friends had three kids while we were trying to become parents. Three separate births! I'll let you do the math on that, but that's a loooooong time. It wasn't fair. Even people around us who DIDN'T want kids were having kids. Ooopsie! Some people seemed to have kids simply by looking at each other…….or so it felt for us on our little infertility island.

"It's not fair." It's debilitating because it's an excuse to give up. If something isn't fair, we're doomed to fail. The cards are stacked against us and defeat is imminent. Giving up is the easy thing to do, and it's what is expected of us. In our culture, we're told to simply not try if something is unfair. So we don't try, we ultimately lose, and we get to blame it on how unfair it was in the first place. It becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy. This is debilitating! The fact it's not fair isn't a predictor of outcomes, but it is a predictor of actions. That’s sad.

While Sarah and I were wallowing in our misery, we made an important choice. We couldn't turn off the pain or the hurt, but we could control what we could control (much to my dismay, making babies was not within our control). After mourning the loss of never being able to have biological children, we made the decision to adopt. It was a scary and unknown path for us, but we felt called to walk down that road. We certainly weren't in control, but we were able to progress what we could progress…….then trust.

So many things in life fall into this same camp. Most aren't as crappy as infertility, fortunately. We have two choices: give up and become a victim of this unfair world, or just keep moving. Please keep moving. Always keep moving. Never stop moving.

Intensity vs. Diversity

Does it ever feel like there are too many needs and not enough money? You're not alone! There are lots of priorities vying for our money. We may need to buy a car soon. We'd love to purchase a house one day. We want to buy an engagement ring for the love of our life. That trip to Europe looks pretty fun. We have a medical procedure coming up in a few months. So many things!

How do we juggle all these priorities when there's more need than money? There are two primary lines of thinking: intensity and diversity. Intensity is just that, intense. It's the strategy by which we focus on one particular goal until we achieve it, then shift our focus to the next one. Diversity is the opposite. It's recognizing there are several priorities in life, and then spreading the dollars over each one. We make less progress on any given goal, but we're making progress on several. 

Let's use an illustration. Let's say we have $2,000/month of discretionary income. Also, here are the upcoming needs/wants:

• Car: $10,000 (needed by year-end 2024)

• Engagement Ring: $4,000 (proposing in the spring)

• Travel: $2,000 (needed by year-end)

• House Down Payment: $20,000 (not urgent)

• Medical: $500 (needed in January)

If we take a more diverse approach, we might allocate $400/month to each of these sinking funds. We'll slowly make progress on each. However, we'll fall short of the necessary timing on a few. 

If we take the intensity approach, we'll focus 100% of the funds on the next item on the list. It might look something like this:

• November: $500 to medical (done) and $1,500 to travel

• December: $500 to travel (done) and $1,500 to engagement ring

• January: $2,000 to engagement ring

• February: $500 to engagement ring (done) and $1,500 to car

• March, April, May, and June: $2,000 to car

• July: $500 to car (done) and $1,500 to house

• Aug+: $2,000 to house

We can refer to this as cashflow mapping. This is a common exercise we do to help clients prioritize, plan, and execute their goals. There's also a third option. I call it the hybrid approach. Instead of diversifying or putting 100% focus on the next item, we determine what monthly saving is needed to hit each goal by the deadline. Let's use the $10,000 car as an example. Instead of going all-in on the car in early 2024, we recognize we have 14 months to hit the $10,000 goal. This equates to approximately $715/month. So, instead of crushing the car with absolute intensity, we can meter it out while attacking other goals at the same time. 

This is a helpful tool to add to your arsenal. Definitely try it sometime, especially when the needs start stacking up. It can give us a lot of clarity and much more control. Personalize it to your needs and lean into your values. And as always, meaning over money! Always meaning over money.

Finding Purpose in Crappy Work

After giving a talk yesterday, one of the young men in the audience asked a fantastic question. He asked how one would pursue work that matters if they didn't have the financial means to take care of themselves while trying to pursue it.

I have two answers for this. First, pursuing work that matters typically doesn't require us to be poor. It requires that we're honest with ourselves about what meaningful work might look like.....then pursue it. The goal shouldn't be more money, but rather enough money. That's where people unintentionally hold themselves back. Several of my friends are on the edge of leaving their jobs to go full-time in their dreams. However, one thing is holding them back. They want to make "as much" in their new job as they do in their current job before transitioning. This is the consequence of anchoring. They are anchoring expectations to a specific number....an arbitrarily high number. Instead, they should be targeting enough. Enough to pay the bills. Enough to keep the train on the tracks. Enough to keep building their dream.

Sometimes, though, we have a dream that, for whatever reason, doesn't pay the bills right away. Maybe it's nothing.....until it's everything. Maybe there's a building process that requires us to start at zero. We aren't able to make the jump just yet. How do we survive the "nothing" stage? This is where crappy work can come into play. It's work that doesn't necessarily provide us with meaning. We don't wake up every day excited for what we're about to do. It just kinda sucks....but it pays the bills.

This can be the beauty of crappy work. Many of us have had or are in crappy jobs. You know exactly what I'm talking about! Without purpose or a plan, these jobs will suck the life out of us. Day in and day out, we put our time into a job that doesn't fill our tank. However, one tweak has the power to change everything. If we know what we're striving for, and have a plan, this crappy work can become the fuel to make it happen. If the income derived from this less-than-satisfying job can be put towards the dream, this crappy job suddenly feels a lot less crappy. We're building toward something.

I remember my first taste of this concept back in high school. I was getting up at 4AM on Sundays for an 8-hour shift at a cheese factory. It was anything but enjoyable. However, the income I made at that job served a bigger purpose at the time. I remember having very specific plans, which gave purpose to an otherwise purposeless high school job.

Some of you are there right now. You might be in a crappy job, but at the same time, know where you ultimately want to be. I want you to get there. But in the meantime, that crappy job may be the world's biggest blessing. Harness that for good! You deserve it.