The Next Peak, Not THE Peak

Last night, I had a fun exchange with Meaning Over Money co-founder, Cole Netten. Since we rarely see each other anymore, most of our conversations happen on the phone after our kids go to bed (utterly exhausted, I might add). As we discuss upcoming content and the recording/editing schedule, he mentions he's heading to KC in the morning.

Intrigued, I asked him to share more about the trip. He explains he's shooting the MNF post-game press conference for ESPN. What?!?! He'll be chilling with Patrick Maholmes, Andy Reid, and countless other Chiefs players in the press room! If that's not cool enough, he said he has a second job earlier in the evening. "Taylor Swift Duty." Progressively more intrigued, I asked him to clarify. His job is to camp inside the stadium and get a shot of her when she enters. It sounds like she might not be in attendance, so that piece may not materialize. What a cool and unique opportunity, though!

He capped off this portion of the conversation by saying, "This might be the peak." I couldn't disagree more with him, and I immediately said that. He just turned 30 last week, he's still honing his craft, and his experience/relationships are just now taking shape. He's not anywhere close to his peak. This might be a peak, but it's not THE peak. In fact, I'd argue this most recent peak is closer to his floor than it is to his eventual peak (which likely won't be attained for a few more decades).

In some ways, it reminds me of the stock market. It's easy to look at a chart and think to ourselves, "Wow, it's really high! This feels like the peak." That may be true, but it's not THE peak. It's just the next peak. The image below is a great example of that concept. In 2007, the US stock market was at an all-time 140-year high. It felt like the peak as it was happening. It was, indeed, a peak. But it wasn't THE peak. It was just the next peak. Fast forward 16 years from that bougie-feeling all-time high, and we're now approximately 3x higher!

This is Cole's career! He hasn't even sniffed his potential yet. He's shooting for ESPN at Arrowhead Stadium, capturing clips of one of the best football players to ever live, standing watch to get a shot of one of the greatest musical performers to ever live, and he hasn't even scratched the surface of his potential. This isn't the end. This is the beginning. He's 30 years old. He still has 40-50 good years left in his epic career.

The same goes for you! I hope you're crushing it. I hope you're hitting new peaks. I hope every step is a step worth celebrating. But just remember. It's not THE peak. It just the next peak. Your best is yet to come! Hold on and enjoy the ride.....it's going to be fun!

Throwing Away Our Influence

A few years ago, one of my friends said something ridiculously inappropriate to me. They crossed a line, and the entire thing was quite awkward. I ultimately brushed it off and tried not to take personal offense to it. As I told Cole about this exchange, his immediate reaction was, "If someone said that to me, I would have _______ (I won't repeat his words here)."

Truth is, I agreed with Cole's undisclosed words. A significant portion of me wanted to respond and possibly lash out. However, there was another consideration at play. Had I reacted the way I wanted, I would have thrown away my influence in this person's life. I had, and continue to have, a lot of positive influence on this person's journey. Looking back, I'm so glad I didn't throw it away over some words that likely wouldn't have helped.

I also think about a lunch I shared with a trusted friend. He expressed his disappointment in me for not speaking out on various topics. As he put it, "You have a lot of influence with people, and you're wasting it." I understood what he was saying but disagreed with his overarching premise. Yes, I have some influence with people.....and I'm grateful for that. However, I only have influence in the areas I have influence. Many people respect me for my perspectives on work, money, and behavioral science. They likely don't care about my perspective on other various topics. I, of course, have opinions on many topics and issues, but that's not what people are looking for when they seek out our content. Each time I spout off on a topic unrelated to my core competencies is an opportunity to throw away influence in someone's life. In my view, that's selfish and short-sighted. My own feelings and impulses can't outweigh the opportunity to add value to people's lives.

The timing of this post isn't random. I was again reminded of the importance of not throwing away our influence because yet another person in my life just threw away theirs. It's someone I used to have a deep respect and admiration for. Unfortunately, they've slowly shifted their online presence to something far more unsavory. It's also entirely incongruent with the core competencies that so many people seek them out for. In other words, they are throwing away their influence, including mine, for unrelated and ridiculous reasons. Far too many people are doing this. It's sad. People are falling like flies. Good people with important perspectives/insights to share.

As our world gets progressively crazier, this is the challenge before each of us. We all possess two powerful things: 1) influence in the lives of others and 2) a platform to share it. Every day, we must make a choice. Are we going to use our influence and platform for good? Or will we let our emotions get the best of us and use our platform to throw away our influence? Choose carefully. There is no undo button.

It’s WHEN, Not IF

For most families, finances are generally ok......IF unforeseen issues don't pop up. That's the problem. We tend to live life as though it's an IF, but it's not. It's a WHEN. Unforeseen issues will absolutely rear their ugly head, but we won't know when, where, or how much. And WHEN they do, they can wreak havoc on our finances. 

Take this recent client story, for example. In a three-day stretch, this couple experienced a hat trick of crazy:

• Hit a deer with their car

• Coyotes attacked their dog

• Backed into their garage door

All that in three days!!! Wow. It wasn't an IF, but rather a WHEN. And WHEN happened to be an already busy week in the middle of November. They never saw it coming. They never anticipated a single one of these issues, never mind all three. They had enough life going on that they didn't need this to weigh them down. 

But they were prepared! This is the beauty of getting right with our finances. Instead of destroying their financial life and creating a ton of relational stress in their marriage, it was a mere bump in the road. An ugly bump, but a bump. Here's how/why they were able to navigate this week without it crushing them:

• They have a strong emergency fund for WHEN (not IF) life happens. 

• They are adequately insured to protect against significant liabilities falling on their plate. 

• They have sinking funds specifically for key categories (pets and home maintenance, in this case).

• They have margin in their monthly budget, allowing them to reallocate income to meet unforeseen needs, WHEN necessary. 

They are a wonderful case study of what it looks like to get this money stuff right. It didn't happen by accident. I began working with them in the spring to bring intentionality, preparedness, and acceleration to their financial life, but they have spent years building a strong foundation. Nothing here was good luck. I don't think anyone can accuse them of good luck after the crazy week they just had. 

They focused on getting their money right, so they don't have to dwell on their money when life hits hard. They practiced proactivity in the past, which resulted in them not having to practice reactivity in the present. It's not making money our number one priority, but rather putting intentional focus on financial matters so that we can continue to push money down on our priority list of life. It's living with financial margin, which prevents any single life situation from knocking us down. It's called humility and contentment. 

That's what it looks like to live meaning over money. 

When Six Doesn't Equal a Half Dozen

We live in a culture where everything is black and white. There's an absolute wrong, and an absolute right. The personal finance world is no different. It doesn't help when one of the biggest personalities in the financial space treats everything like you're an absolute idiot if you don't do exactly what he thinks you should do.

This is one of the reasons why so many people make poor financial choices. It's not that they are being negligent or dismissive, but rather because they are being given out-of-context financial advice from people with completely different situations. Context always matters.

I will regularly give seemingly conflicting financial advice to clients. Here's an example. One of my clients wondered if they should pause their 401(k) contributions while trying to pay off credit card debt. They absolutely should. Given their situation, not pausing these contributions would prolong this very painful debt payoff process by approximately 18 months. The very next day, I strongly recommended a different client not pause their 401(k) contributions while trying to pay off debt. The dynamics of their situation were far different, thus merited a completely different decision process.

Other times, decisions on the table seem like a six-of-one, half-dozen-of-another type situation. The decision can be seemingly inconsequential. Mathematically, that may be true. Behaviorally and psychologically, however, is an entirely different story.

Here's one scenario. One of my clients is a successful business owner. And like most business owners, taxes are a constant frustration. Each month, when they pay themselves from the business, they also take a chunk of cash and set it aside for taxes. They have a bunch of money sitting in their business checking account, and another block sitting in their tax savings account. Problem: they just realized they've undersaved for taxes and will owe more than they've already saved. This is causing a tremendous amount of undue stress.

If they had pulled more for taxes, they would be sitting with more money in their tax savings and less in their business checking account. Six of one, half dozen of another, right? It shouldn't be a problem.....but it is! Emotionally, it feels like a loss. Even though they are in the exact same financial situation either way, the psychological impact of having to "owe more money" for taxes is weighing on them.

Their solution was simple:

1) Immediately move a lump sum of cash from their business checking to their tax savings. That act alone relieved some stress.

2) Increase future monthly contributions into their tax savings account, to a degree that they will likely have excess after paying taxes.

While that's probably not the right choice for many people, this is an extremely wise decision for them. They understand their emotional and psychological quirks and have elected to manage accordingly.

As you venture through life, I encourage you to look through the lens of context. What's right for one family may not be right for you. Know yourself, understand the mission, and do what's best.

The Possibility of Moments

I'll be speaking to a group of 500 kids later today, and another 500 tomorrow. As usual, the nerves are running high. The nerves aren't present because of my fear or intimidation, but rather because of how much I care. I feel a deep sense of responsibility to make a difference during this talk. Each person will be in that room for a reason, and the potential exists for each of them to leave better than they arrived. I feel the weight of that.

While these sorts of talks are what I do, it may be the only time I'll have the chance to interact with many of these individuals. What an opportunity, and what a responsibility!

Life is funny like that. Every day, we venture in and out of moments. Sitting at a stoplight. Interacting with the cashier at our local convenience store. A casual conversation at a co-worker's desk. A meeting with a client. Hanging out with our kids. Mingling in the lobby before church service. Moment after moment after moment.

Each moment contains a unique and fleeting opportunity to make an impact. Not necessarily a change-the-world type of impact, but a move-the-needle-in-the-right-direction type of impact. Will we seize the moment or squander the opportunity? Or worse, will we leave them worse than we found them?

I used to struggle living in the moment. While in the middle of a conversation, I'd be glancing around the room, anticipating who I needed to talk to next. I'd feel distracted, anxious, and impatient. Then, something happened. I realized that each interaction with someone was a special moment to savor. It was an opportunity for good. It was then that I immediately started working on trying to become more present. Fast forward a few years, and I started hearing comments from people about this. A youth group kid told me, "When we're talking, you make me feel like I'm the only person in the room. You really listen to me." Wow! I worked so hard to get to that point, and in some situations, I actually achieved it.

This is the possibility of moments. Even if our day is full of hundreds of seemingly meaningless interactions, each one has the potential to mean something. Life feels different when we get chance after chance after chance to make a positive impact. We don't need to cure cancer. Sometimes we just need to make someone smile, show them we care, or let them know they are heard. Any one of those moments may be just what they needed.

Live the next few days with this perspective and see if it makes your life richer. It sure did mine, and I hope it will for you, too!

Small Habits Add Up

A few years ago, one of my friends on Facebook proclaimed that she successfully read 25 books in that calendar year. 25 books!?!? That seemed absolutely absurd to me. My immediate reaction was to DM her and ask the secret of her ways. She explained how simple it was. "I read 20 pages every morning." Great. What else? "That's it. 20 pages a day." Skeptically, I pulled out my calculator and did the math. If the average book is 300 pages, it will take 15 days to finish an entire book at 20 pages per day. That's two per month.....or 24 per year. Boom! I was shook.

On January 1st, I started a "do 1 more" pushup challenge with a bunch of other guys. The rules are simple. On the first of the year, do one pushup. On the second day of the year, do two pushups. And so on.....each day, do one more. By New Year's Eve, you'd do 365 pushups to end the year. If the plan is followed, you'd have completed approximately 67,000 pushups throughout the entire year. I fizzled out due to a shoulder injury, unfortunately (somewhere around day 45). I'm looking forward to trying again in 2024.

I also think about my dream of writing a book. The idea seems unattainable and far-fetched. After all, that's a TON of writing! Where will I find the time and the energy to write an entire book? Similar to the two examples above, small steps can produce tremendous results. This blog is a great example. On the heels of yesterday's one-year anniversary of publishing this blog daily (365 posts in 365 days!), my assistant, Alyssa, completed a project of aggregating all the posts into a single source document. What she found was staggering. It summed up to more than 156,000 words. 156,000!!! Considering the average non-fiction book is 50,000 words, we just published the equivalent of three entire books in a single calendar year. That's absurd! Well, there goes my false notion that writing a book is unattainable. I literally and unknowingly just did it.....three times in one year.

Small habits add up. This concept applies to most things in life. Financial goals, career goals, creative goals, content goals.....lots of goals! Paying off debt is the same concept. Saving up for a car is the same concept. Giving away a million dollars is the same concept. Feeding 100,000 hungry children is the same concept. Saving up for retirement is the same concept. Being promoted from entry-level to the C-suite is the same concept. Most things worth accomplishing require this concept to fully materialize.

Small habits, consistently applied for long periods of time, lead to massive results. It's a universal truth, and it's accessible to each of us. Figure out what yours are, and let's get started!

Gary Was Right

On September 13th, 2022, I had the privilege of enjoying a coffee with my close friend, Gary Hoag. I don't see Gary often, but he was in my city for a speaking engagement that would unfold later that day. As is typical with Gary and I, we bounced from topic to topic, trying to squeeze every drop out of our limited time together. Since Gary is a prolific writer, I began interrogating him about his writing habits and practices. I confessed to him that I was struggling to write 2-3 articles per month, citing a lack of time and ideas. Gary gave me the most Gary-like advice: "Write every day." Ok, so I'm supposed to write every day.....but how often do I publish an article? "Publish every day." 

Uh, I think Gary missed my initial problem. I had neither the time nor the ideas to write and publish even 2-3 articles per month. "Write every day." He could tell I looked a little overwhelmed by this idea, so he added, "It will change you." 

Well, today is the one-year anniversary of beginning that journey. From November 14th, 2022, to November 14th, 2023, I wrote and published one article per day. Wow, what a journey! Here's what writing 365 articles in 365 days has taught me:

• We all have way more in us than we believe. What often feels impossible can be achieved by simply putting one foot in front of the other. 

• Ideas can come from every area of our life....even the most mundane and insignificant nuances of our day. 

• Creativity can happen anywhere. I've written posts in tents, planes, grocery stores, forests, hospitals, truck stops, and highway shoulders. 

• Writing is really just the art of learning how to think. When we write, it forces us to think through a subject in an entirely different way. We're better for it. 

• Our pain, while often feeling like a stain on the fabric of our past, has the power to shine a light on someone else's darkness. Pain isn't wasted, but rather repurposed for future good. 

• Technology makes our world small. So many beautiful relationships have been born from this blog. Many of you started as strangers, but are now family. 

• When my ideas aren't formed well enough (or even when they are), I'll get called out. When I do, I have two choices: a) take offense, or b) allow it to be an opportunity to learn. I pray I always take the latter. I've learned so much from you all!

• Creating content (whether audio, video, or writing) is one of the best ways to leave a legacy to the next generation. While every post is written for you and for me, each one is really a breadcrumb for my kids to someday find. 

• Writing each day reminds me of how much meaning and purpose I have in my life. I'm so very grateful for that. Every day is special. 

Gary, you were right. It changed me. Wow. It really worked. 

Just Do the Opposite

I took my family to the Iowa State basketball game yesterday. It's great to have basketball back! I didn't decide to buy tickets until the night before because, well, I just love impulsive decisions. When it was time to buy, I headed directly to the SeatGeek app. Were there still tickets left at the box office? Maybe. Were there other third-party apps with better prices? Perhaps. But I always buy from SeatGeek. They've attained my unwavering loyalty because they chose to do the opposite of what other companies do. It all comes down to one little toggle switch. "Show prices with fees."

There's nothing worse than purchasing a product or service, only to get crushed with added fees once you get to the checkout screen. Lots of industries do this, but none worse than event tickets (well, Airbnb is the new worst, but we'll save that one for another day). It's a demoralizing endeavor. With SeatGeek, on the other hand, I don't have to worry about that. What I see is what I get. And for that, they are always my #1 go-to. Some people say, "Well, their fees are still high." I don't care, frankly. What's of interest to me is how much, in total, I'm paying for my tickets. Combine that feature with a few other key features (such as dependability, large selection, transfer execution, and seat location mapping), and they become my absolute go-to.

This is a conversation I have with many of my clients. Whatever their respective industry is, I challenge them to "just do the opposite." The natural response is, "This is how it's done." That may be true, but it doesn't mean it's the best way. Doing the opposite is a scary proposition, though! It feels safer and more comfortable just doing what everyone else does. Then, if we fail, we can just chalk it up to bad luck (or some other force outside of our control). On the other hand, if we do the opposite and ultimately fail, we're likely to blame ourselves and point our finger at those specific decisions. These are the scariest of decisions, but also the most impactful.

This is one of the biggest things we got right in our Northern Vessel coffee business. So many of our successes directly result from doing it completely opposite of the normal way. That's also led to a few failures, but it's been an overwhelming success on the whole.

This is also what I attribute much of our podcasting success to. Currently, our Meaning Over Money podcast is ranked in the top 3% of podcasts worldwide (according to ListenNotes). The idea was simple. Cole and I made a list of all the things we hate about normal podcasts, then committed to doing the opposite. It was a beautifully simple plan.

Though I tout these two examples of getting it right, I've whiffed so badly in other areas of my business. If only I had listened to my own advice....

When Rules Are About More Than Rules

I love breakfast: fried eggs (sunny side up), toast/bagels, crispy bacon.....I could go on. I started intermittent fasting earlier this year to improve my health and sleep. The rules were simple. After I ate my last meal of the day, I'd start a 16-hour timer. When the timer expired, I'd begin eating again. It worked out to a 10AM-6PM eating window, then fasting between. Overall, I could see a significant improvement in my health, primarily driven by two main factors. First, I never realized how much I snacked at night out of boredom. That ended when I stopped consuming calories at 6PM. Second, I often enjoyed a bourbon at night after the kids went to bed. That also ended when I stopped consuming calories at 6PM. While I really enjoyed this habit, I didn't realize how much one drink impacted my sleep until I stopped.

However, I noticed something about this fasting practice. I found myself counting down and dwelling on the timer. I would rush dinner, so I could start the timer, so I could eat breakfast earlier. There was something mentally unhealthy about this rhythm. Therefore, I tweaked the rule. No more timers. Instead, I started eating dinner at a reasonable time (but not militant about when), then I wouldn't eat until after 12PM the next day. This is the practice I have today. I don't break this rule. No snacking or drinks after dinner. No calories before noon. No excuses.

It wouldn't significantly harm me if I cheated every now and then. It wouldn't hinder my progress. It wouldn't negate the good work I'm doing. However, one cheat is the gateway drug for the next. One creates two, and two creates twenty. The moment it's ok to cheat once is the moment cheating becomes normalized. I spent all last week in Midland, Texas, working at a client site. Each morning, as I'm walking from my hotel room to my truck (I have a big ol' truck in my Texas identity!), I stop at the breakfast buffet to grab a black coffee. It's the hardest part of my day. The eggs, bacon, biscuits, and gravy!!! I've walked by that same buffet maybe 30-40 mornings this year, but haven't taken a single bite of food. This discipline has propelled me in so many ways this year. It's a rule that's about more than a simple rule.

I'm a long-winded writer. One of the reasons I started this blog was to learn how to share a good idea in a compact package. As such, I had a very clear rule with myself. No article could be more than 500 words, period. There are days when I spend 30 minutes trying to condense a finished post from 520 words down to 500. I could easily click "publish" at 520 words, but that's the gateway drug to longer posts. First, it's 520, then 540, then 600. It's a rule that's about more than a simple rule.

Set rules. Honor them. Grow.

Pain, Joy, then Pain Again

Have I ever mentioned how much I appreciate our readers? As much as I love putting ideas into the world, getting feedback from our readers is at the top of my list of coolest things ever. Each morning, when I get to the office and open my e-mail, there’s already a handful of responses from that morning’s post. If you want to join the fun, simply hit “reply” on the e-mail or leave a comment on the webpage.

Yesterday, I received a pretty awesome story from a reader that is an absolute must-share. He was responding to the post about my friend’s “$10,000 is my limit” comment, which was a reference to the maximum financial gift he would give someone in his life.

Here’s the story. This reader recently attended an estate planning workshop. At some point, the leader advised the audience to “Give beyond the point where it hurts, to the point where it makes us feel good.” This is a concept I talk about often. You know, the whole joy and sacrifice concept. If our giving doesn’t hurt, it’s not truly generous. The next part of his story is where he got me. The leader subsequently offered the reader a personal evaluation of his family’s giving. I’m going to quote my friend’s quote of this man’s quote: “You’ve given beyond the point where it hurts, to where it feels good, and now to a place where it hurts again.” Yes! And this is exactly where my friend wants to be. Heaping spoonfuls of joy and sacrifice.

If you’ve walked down the road of joy and sacrifice like my two friends above, you know exactly what they are talking about. If not, you may think we’ve all lost our minds. In a way, we have. We’ve thrown away society’s rules and norms. We’ve disconnected money and happiness. We’ve experienced, whether intentionally or accidentally, the pure joy that comes from sacrificial giving.

If you think buying a boat is fun, just wait until you lift up that struggling family experiencing immense financial struggle and barely putting food on the table.

If you think the new iPhone is cool, you should see how cool it is to send an exhausted couple on a little weekend getaway to recharge and experience some little luxuries they don’t get in their everyday life.

If you think it’s touching to watch your kids open up a mountain of presents from under the tree on Christmas morning, imagine what it would feel like to provide the resources for strangers to have a warm holiday meal (and a few gifts) who may not otherwise get to experience that part of the holiday season.

Here’s my challenge to you. If you’re already giving sacrificially, double down. Give to the point where it starts hurting again. If you’re in the camp where we sound like a bunch of lunatics, give it a shot. You can always stop if it’s not as amazing as I suggest.

"$10,000 is My Limit"

I recently had a conversation with a friend, and I can't shake it. He's a hard-working man, a grinder by every meaning of the word. I'm not sure how we got there, but he mentioned giving a $1,000 gift to someone in his life. This sparked a long and winding conversation about generosity, grace, gratitude, and faith. 

Until that moment, I didn't even know he was a faithful man. I hadn't known him that long, and this was our first conversation about things deeper than the usual surface-level topics. 

I don't know what shocked me more. Some of his stories about generosity, or his telling of how selfish, greedy, and self-serving he was in his younger days. And wow, he had some wild, unsavory stories about his younger years. But today? He speaks with a passion about generosity, helping others, and trying to live with faith. He mentioned concepts such as:

• Everything we have belongs to God.

• Giving makes us better people.

• The joy that comes from serving others. 

• Holding our money loosely and having faith. 

He had me on the edge of my seat. I wanted more! I wanted to hear more about how he used to be, what changed, and who he is today. 

One thing became glaringly evident: giving is part of his DNA. This is the beautiful thing about life, faith, and redemption. Regardless of who we are today, tomorrow can be different. That message hits a little too close to home for me. In my early-to-mid 20s, I was most certainly on a path to becoming a world-class selfish, materialistic, greedy jerk. But then, I changed. In some ways, the change was overnight, but in other ways, it happened over the course of years (or decades). 

One of my favorite moments during this conversation was when he shared his philosophies and practices around giving. At one point, he looked at me dead-eyed and clarified, "I have limits, though." Now he had my interest. Limits? What does that even mean? Luckily, I didn't have to ask. He continued, "$10,000 is my limit. That's the most I would just give to someone." 

A $10,000 gift is all he would just give to someone? Coward! What a penny-pincher! Ye of little faith. Haha! Just kidding. Wow! I loved how he laid out the boundary, and then immediately explained how the boundary is something utterly absurd that most people will never be able to relate to. Such a fun conversation!

Here's the good news for you. You can be just like my friend. Finding the humility, joy, faith, and growth in acts of generosity. Regardless of where you are or where you came from, you can experience the life-changing power of giving.

I have more good news. You don't have to give $10,000 to be like my friend. We aren't called to give as much as the next person. Instead, we're called to give from what we have, not what we don't have. Joy and sacrifice, sacrifice and joy. 

That Expensive Bed Sure Was Cheap

I moved into my first big-boy apartment when I was a sophomore in college. It was an exciting and scary time. After all, I was entering a life where I would have to cook for myself. Yikes! One of my favorite memories during that process was going bed shopping at Sam's Club with my parents. I needed a bed, and Sam's Club had affordable options for a young college kid. It was a match made in heaven! I think we paid $200 for it, box spring included!

Little did I know, but that bed would journey with me for quite some time. I would eventually lug it with me to eight apartments/houses covering three different states. Besides my $236,000 of debt, it was the second-worst thing Sarah married into. It was garbage when we got married, and it hung around for another six years. After an illustrious 17-year run, I finally retired the bed when Sarah and I moved into our first house. In all reality, I was going to move into that house with Sarah or the bed, but not both.

After some research, we decided to buy a fancy SleepNumber bed. Coming off a $200 bed that lasted for nearly two decades, the idea of spending thousands on a bed seemed absurd. Was it a waste of money? Were we overdoing it? Was there a more practical option? Should we have kept the old bed? Well, Sarah made sure the last option was off the table.

In hindsight, it was one of the biggest bargains in our life. Sure, at $3,000, it was expensive.....very expensive. But when I think about cost vs. value, it was the world's biggest no-brainer. I've spent approximately 1/3 of my life in that bed in the last eight years. If my numbers are accurate, I've spent 15,000-20,000 hours in that bed so far.....which equates to 625-833 full days. Wow! It's been a glorious 625-833 days, I might add. If I threw our bed into the trash today, I would have paid $0.15-$0.20 per hour of use. Again, it was the bargain of a lifetime!

I'm not sure spending the first three minutes of your day watching me obsess about a bed is your best use of time, but this isn't really about a bed. This is about looking at our lives through a different lens. This is about turning things on their head and finding a better way to perceive money. There's always a different angle to explore. There's always a unique consideration to factor in when making decisions. When we do, we make different decisions......better decisions. Taking it a step further, we can do so with more clarity, conviction, and confidence. That's when we stop dwelling on the money, and start focusing on the meaning.

Caring Enough About Money

In my keynote talk, I spend a healthy amount of time discussing the science of money and happiness. In short, once our needs are met, money won't make us much happier. I go down several roads to make this argument, concluding that more money isn't the answer. 

There's a dilemma here, though. If more money, more stuff, and more status can't make us happier, should we disregard money altogether? There's an entire segment of our population who falls into this camp. These people simply don't care about money. It manifests differently in each person, but some common characteristics may include:

• Burning through your bank account via spending and perpetually having little-to-no money.

• Living an extremely frugal and/or minimalist lifestyle.

• Periodically giving away all of their resources.

• Inconsistent work patterns.

However, I want to focus on a different characteristic. It's the act of undercharging or being willfully underpaid for your work. This practice usually comes at the intersection of not caring about money and absolutely loving their work. You probably know someone in your life who fits this profile. They are incredibly passionate about their work, but don't have much in terms of resources. Our immediate response to these types of people is to think, "They are following their passion, so of course they don't make much money." 

I've done lots of business with these types of people. They are amazing people doing amazing work, but grossly undercharging. In fact, I used to be one of them! When I started my company in 2019, I charged about 1/4 of what I currently charge for my coaching services. This was a combination of not caring about money, loving my work so much, and perhaps a lack of confidence in some regard. 

As I was digging more into the science of money and happiness, coaching families and businesses, and trying to navigate my own business journey, I had an epiphany. I still held firm that money isn't all that important, but with one caveat. While we shouldn't dwell on the money, we need to care enough about money to continue our journey. 

Put another way, we need to financially earn the right to serve those who we wish to serve. When we do, we get to serve them again next time. If we don't, we may lose the right. This is one of the biggest pitfalls people can fall into. If they care too little about money, they may face financial pressures that will prevent them from living out their mission. 

I've seen too many brilliant people get knocked out of the game because they disregarded their finances. There's a bit of sad irony in there. They cared so little about money that they found themselves in a place where they dwelled on the money (out of the need to survive). 

No, don't obsess about money. But spend some time getting it right. Earn your right to keep serving those who you wish to serve. You deserve it, and the world deserves you!

You Know the Names

Sometimes, when I write, I expect a huge response.....and get crickets. Other times when I write, I have muted expectations....and the post goes viral. The latter happened a few days ago when I wrote about an unnamed business that operates with a high level of self-unawareness. They alienate their potential customer base on social media, they treat their patrons like dirt, they don't invest in their staff, and they do a handful of other disrespectful and self-destructive practices. Whether you know this particular business or not, you absolutely know someone like them in your own life. My call to action was simple: Stop investing your dollars and time into these businesses that don't deserve it, and start investing in the ones that do.

On the heels of that post, dozens of people have reached out to ask what business I was talking about. My response was simple. If they could guess, I'd let them know. If not, it will forever remain a secret. After thinking about it, people have guessed countless businesses in or around my city. Some I've been to, and some I haven't. What's interesting, though, is the collection of businesses being suggested by people. For many of them, I would absolutely include them on this list. That tells me most people are just as aware as me as to how poorly some businesses are treating people. Yet, we continue to give them business.

I'm so happy people are pondering this idea through the lens of their own life. As fate would have it, we're thinking about the same businesses. The businesses people are bringing up are some of the same ones that have continually let me down. That overlap should tell us something. This is the opportunity we have. Nothing will happen if I just stop patronizing some of these businesses. I'll undoubtedly stop either way, but my specific influence won't move the needle. However, several of you have guessed the same collection of businesses in our town. Translation: Together, we CAN move the needle.

I'll continue not to name names, but here's a little insight. Whatever business you think I'm talking about, you're right. Deep down, you know who they are. Maybe not the exact one, but you know exactly who they are in your own world. My opinion isn't important, but yours is.

Just in the last few weeks, I've added two more businesses to my blacklist. On one hand, this is sad. I want to like and patronize these businesses, but they've lost the right to serve me. That sucks. On the other hand, that means there's more time and money to invest in other businesses. That's a huge win and a big opportunity (for both me and these prospective businesses).

Let's continue to expect better from the businesses around us. Serving people is a privilege, not a right. Make businesses earn the right, and allow them the opportunity to re-earn the right to do it again. That's a beautiful relationship!

Recovering Alcoholics Don’t Live Above Bars

Over the past few weeks, I've spent time with several friends who are celebrating various sobriety milestones. Drugs, alcohol, and tobacco, to name a few. Each of their stories is remarkable in its own way. They involve pain, consequences, and redemption. Woven through each of these amazing stories are some general truths. One such truth is that the disease is never entirely gone. Each day, they risk relapsing. To combat this, everyone must set clear and non-negotiable boundaries about what they do, where they go, and who they interact with. Or, as one close friend in recovery puts it, "Recovering alcoholics don't live above bars." 

Let's shift gears to one of my clients. This couple spent the majority of their adult lives deeply in debt. They were especially susceptible to credit cards. However, after having their life, work, and marriage nearly ruined, they had enough. Rock bottom was hit, and I was called into the situation. 

What this couple did was nothing short of remarkable. They committed to a plan, practiced discipline, executed with aggression, and slowly (but surely) paid off every single penny of debt. Just the credit card debt alone was $75,000. Crazy, I know! They achieved a massive accomplishment, and their life transformed in many ways. 

Amid their debt payoff journey, I repeatedly begged them to cancel their credit cards. It was a point of contention between us, but I would gladly die on that hill. I'm not usually this firm with clients, but I could feel the risk. Here's what happened. While I was pleading with them to cancel the credit cards, they had other voices speaking into their life:

• "You'll be fine if you're just responsible with them."

• "Don't pass up on the free points."

• "Just pay them off each month." 

• "Just keep the lower interest rate ones."

• "If you cancel them, it will hurt your credit score."

Perhaps you know where this is headed. This couple continued to carry these little pieces of plastic with them. The same pieces of plastic that nearly ruined their life and sabotaged their marriage. The same little cards that caused so much pain and suffering. They were the equivalent of recovering alcoholics living above a bar. 

About 18 months after paying off all that debt, they hit a rough patch. Stress in the marriage, a few minor emergencies, and a few desires that needed to be scratched. Within months, they ran their credit cards back up to $50,000. Utter devastation. There's no happy ending here.....yet. That may come in the future, but today, it looks like a lot of pain, suffering, and relational stress. 

What's the takeaway? I think it's two-fold. First, we need to identify our weaknesses and protect ourselves from them. That may mean canceling credit cards, freezing our credit, or avoiding stores (or websites) that overly tempt us. Second, love people enough to be honest with them. This couple's loved ones absolutely screwed them. Let's be better for the people we love! They deserve it.

The Self-Unaware Slide

I'm thinking about a local business. You may know this business, but if not, you most certainly know one like it. They sell a good product, but they are struggling. The odd part is they don't understand why they are struggling. It's a head-scratcher to them. It's complete self-unawareness, and I'll explain why. 

I mentioned they have a good product, and their prices are spot-on (low enough to feel like a good value and high enough their margins are probably solid). If both of those statements are true, they should be successful, right? This is the funny thing about business. The tangibles need to be there, but so do the intangibles. And this business, unfortunately, lacks several intangibles:

• They treat their customers poorly.

• They get into online spats with critical voices.

• They don't invest in their staff.

• They constantly post politically charged content on social media, alienating 40%-50% of their potential customers. 

It's easy to accuse people of "not supporting small business," but perhaps we business owners need to look in the mirror. Maybe our problem isn't external, but internal. Maybe we are the problem. Maybe it's the person staring at us in the mirror. With a bit of self-awareness (and humility), perhaps this business could turn the tables and absolutely thrive. 

I don't personally patronize this business anymore, for the above reasons. I always leave feeling like crap. I'm treated as though I'm intruding on their space and not really welcome. It's an unsettling feeling, and I eventually just decided to stay away. It's too bad, as I desire their products. 

On the flip side, there are businesses I can't wait to go back to. Despite some of their prices being higher than I would prefer, I leave feeling good. They treat people fantastic, they have a posture of gratitude, and their top desire is to serve well. They have the intangibles. It's funny how these small businesses aren't playing the victim role and declaring people "don't support small business." They are too busy crushing it to think about that. There's a self-awareness about the way they handle themselves. 

If you're a business owner, heed these words. Please don't take it as criticism, but rather encouragement. I want you to thrive and prosper. I want you to be successful and build a larger following. This is the opportunity before you. Seize it!

If you're not a business owner, you're surely a customer. You only have so much time and money to spend. Be sure to spend it at businesses that earn it. Reward those who treat you well, and punish those who don't. When we vote with our dollars, disrespectful businesses have two choices: a) get better, or b) fizzle out. But it's their choice. 

This is the opportunity (and responsibility) before us customers. If we do our jobs right, our respective cities will be filled with thriving, servant-hearted businesses that desire to add value to our lives. I, for one, am up for the challenge! Are you?

Kyle Has the Secret

I have a friend named Kyle. I don't see Kyle all that much, but we go on a boat ride together once every summer. He's the kind of guy you can't not like. He's generous, gracious, and just a lot of fun to talk to. He's the kind of guy who has a working knowledge of far more topics than any one person should have. Anyway, I was thinking about my most recent boat ride with Kyle.

Kyle is at the age where retirement is at the forefront. Society tells him he should retire. His age tells him he should retire. His peers probably tell him he should retire. His bank account also likely tells him he should retire. He's had a lengthy and successful career. By all accounts, he should be retiring.....but he's not. Instead of pursuing a life of leisure, he continues to wake up each morning and head to the office. Counter-cultural, I know.

So, as we're cruising into the sunset on his boat, I asked him about the retirement elephant in the room. He gave me the most beautiful answer. I won't quote him, as I don't remember his exact words, so I'll paraphrase. In short, Kyle told me that his life is better because of his work. Not because of the money that comes from the work, but because of the actual work itself. He said he could easily retire, financially speaking, but he doesn't want to. His work is too valuable to him. His newfound passion was investing his time, energy, experience, and wisdom into the younger generation. His eyes light up when he talks about the young professionals developing their careers. He speaks of the fulfillment he gets pouring into them and helping them grow.

Imagine a world where your life would be worse off if you didn't have your work. That sounds like a perverted Twilight Zone episode in today's culture. It's so far-fetched that most people wouldn't believe you if you told them.

We live in a society filled with jealousy. Jealousy over houses, cars, celebrity, status, power, partners.....and the list goes on. If you really want something to be jealous of, you should be jealous of Kyle. He's unlocked something truly special. He's living a significantly meaningful life. I have good news, though! What Kyle has isn't reserved for the fortunate few. It's an opportunity we each have in front of us.....if we're willing to pursue it.

Sometimes, it's easy. Other times, it's one of the hardest things we'll do. But in either case, it's worth it. I can't speak to how easy or hard it was for Kyle to find it, but I know he doesn't take it for granted. He knows what he found, and he embraces it as he should. For this reason, I deeply admire Kyle and pray I can navigate my journey to be where he is when I'm his age.

Work that matters. Always work that matters.

Driving in the Fog

Have you ever driven your car in a dense fog? It's a white-knuckle experience. You're a bit (or a lot) on edge, progress is much slower, you might get lost, and you feel exhausted when you reach your destination. Or worse, you end up in an accident because you couldn't see where you were going. Driving in the fog is the worst!

Most everyone over the age of 16 can relate to my example. There's a financial version of this. It's called living without a budget. Living life without a budget is the equivalent of driving in the fog. You're a bit (or a lot) on edge, progress is much slower, you might get lost, and you feel exhausted when you reach the destination. Or worse, you end up in a financial mess because you couldn't see where you were going.

This analogy makes me think of one particular client. An awesome couple in their early 40s. When we started meeting, they were highly reluctant to budget. After all, they had done "just fine" for the 17 years before meeting with me. But by "just fine," they really meant average at best. They were stressed, tired, often got lost, and progress was slow. They even got into a few financial accidents. That's what happens when we drive in the fog. After much coaxing, I convinced them to give this budgeting thing a shot. Here's what happened:

After 1 month: They thought it was stupid and frustrating.

After 2 months: They weren't fans, but it gave them some clarity.

After 3 months: They felt in control, but still made some mistakes.

After 6 months: It transformed the way they handle money in their marriage.

After 12 months: It accelerated their progress five-fold, and they actually started to enjoy the process.

After about 18 months, I asked them to reflect on their journey. Here's what the husband said: "I don't know how I ever lived without one, and I can't image not having one again."

Budgeting in and of itself doesn't change our lives. Instead, budgeting is the mechanism by which we harness our hard-earned money and use it for what matters most. Paying off debt, giving, buying a house, sending our kids to college, retirement, transitioning careers, that dream vacation, ________ (your important thing here).

Budgeting isn't something we have to do, but something we get to do. It's not something that happens to us, but something that happens for us. It's a tool that allows us to remove the fog and cruise on the open highway. You'll never regret it once you try it!

Taking Inventory of Readers’ “Bargains”

A while back, I wrote a piece about some of the expenditures in my life that feel like bargains, but are probably head-scratchers to others. Monthly massages, Christian education, and Apple computers are a few of my examples. At the end of the post, I solicited your feedback. I wanted to know what items you spend money on that may feel like a ripoff to many, but a bargain to you.

Let me just say, you didn't disappoint! I immediately received feedback from dozens of readers. Today's post is a sampling of reader feedback. I know these are great examples because my gut reaction to several is, "Wow, what a ripoff!" That's when we know we're going in the right direction. That's also the point. What's valuable to me is different than what's valuable to you. Translation: We need to stop listening to what other people say and stop living their values. Without further ado, here's your feedback:

• Flying across the country just to attend a concert from a favorite musician.

• Taking kids skiing in Colorado, or as he put it, "spending hundreds of dollars to freeze and fall." 

• Taking spouse's parents on a trip to Europe.

• Flying to NYC just to go to a Broadway show.

• A monthly Regal Cinema pass for unlimited movies. This person explained how they were so poor growing up that a trip to the movie theater was a special, once-per-year treat. 

• Pedicures (mentioned by both men and women!).

• Golf membership.

• One NFL game per season.

• Professional house cleaning once per week.

• Bouncing from new car lease to new car lease.

• Lip injections. Not necessarily to look better, but to feel better about themselves. 

• Motorcycles.

• A lake house. 

• First-class airfare for every flight they take. 

• Gun collection.

• Star Wars collectibles.

• Extremely expensive gym membership ($500+ per month for a single person).

• Professional music lessons for their kids.

• Dance program for their kids (IYKYK).

• Multiple plane vacations per year.

One person even mentioned my financial coaching services. I loved this answer and in no way take offense to it. He's absolutely right. Many people think what I do is a ripoff. I remember once having back-to-back consultations. During the first one, the husband told me my services were the biggest ripoff he'd ever heard of. He continued to say you'd have to be stupid to hire me. It was a feel-good moment, I tell ya. In the very next meeting, the couple said it seemed like a huge bargain and asked when we could start. Both couples made the right decision. 

This is the beauty of having our own interests, values, and motivations. For as much as I'd like to roll my eyes at some of the above items, my opinion doesn't matter. What matters is whether or not these items add value to that person's life. 

Whatever you do, I hope you lean into your unique interests and values (while aggressively disregarding the rest). It will surely add a richness to your life!

Finding Our Blind Spots

I took my kids to their annual wellness check-ups yesterday. Considering blood draws and flu shots were involved, it was a train wreck. However, this won't be a rant on the futile attempts to get needles jammed into my kids' arms. It's what happened before the needle-stabbing incident that got me thinking.

We started with a simple eye test. You know the exercise. Cover one eye and read progressively shrinking lines of letters on the back wall. Pax was first up. He boldly and proudly read aloud each letter and finished with a big smile. Next, it was Finn's turn. As he read the letters, Pax, the doctor, and I all looked at each other in bewilderment. He didn't get a single one right. At first, I thought he was just clowning with us (which is totally a Finn thing to do). Then, he switched eyes and exclaimed, "Now, my good eye." Wait, what!?!? Good eye?!?! When I asked him what he meant, he responded, "This is my good eye, and this is my bad eye." Again, what!?!? He went on to nail every single letter on every single row. It was a humbling parenting moment, but up until today, I didn't know he had a "bad eye." Humbling....very humbling.

That brings me to the topic of blind spots. There are things in life we don't know. And the problem is, we don't know what we don't know. That's why they are blind spots. Turns out, one of my figurative blind spots is Finn's literal blind spot. Ouch. We have some work to do!

We all have blind spots, which can span many different areas of our lives. When sitting with a client, I can quickly pick up on their financial blind spots. Everyone has them, but there's one characteristic that determines what happens next: humility. If someone has humility, they can recognize, face head-on, and remedy their blind spots.....which often leads to some pretty transformational results. If they don't, they will most certainly carry their blind spot into the future.....which can lead to some dark places.

I used to have a blind spot with debt. My old way of thinking almost ruined my life. I used to have a blind spot with investing. My old way of thinking would have significantly hindered my progress. I used to have a blind spot with the connection between money and happiness. My old way of thinking likely would have led me down a dark and materialistic road.

I'm sure I still have plenty of blind spots, but I'm always willing to expose them and face them head-on....even if it hurts. It's uncomfortable in the moment, but we're so much better for it in the long run.

What are your blind spots? What areas of your life secretly hold you back from living a better life? Here's a scary but effective way to find out: Ask those closest to you...if you dare. They know. They know all too well......