Don’t Let the Kids Feel It

Today was (hopefully) the last of a string of dentist appointments for one of our kids. It's been an expensive few months. We're grateful for our medical sinking fund, but it's starting to put some pressure on our monthly budget.

Today's post isn't a sob story about our recent medical costs. Instead, it's about something often associated with expensive times in life. When these situations arise, it's common to discuss them verbally. Communication is good. Conversation is good. Discourse is good. All good.....with one exception. We need to ensure the kids don't feel it.

We parents, whether intentionally or unintentionally, are placing immense guilt on our children. Kids feel the weight of this burden. They carry it perpetually. "Do you know how much this is costing us?" "Wow, that appointment was expensive." "We're paying a lot of money for you to ____."

These single, seemingly innocent comments can have a detrimental effect on our kids. I have clients who share stories about remarks made by their parents 25 years ago, and as a result, they've refused to accept any help or aid from them ever since. These are deep wounds. Kids, turned teens, turned adults who feel like they are a burden to their own parents. Their parents probably haven't even thought twice about their seemingly innocent comment since the moment it left their mouth 25 years ago, yet it's impacting their relationship decades later. That's how powerful the weight of this guilt feels to our kids.

While I will openly discuss finances with my kids (to varying degrees), I will never openly discuss how an activity/expense tied to them impacts us. We need to let our yes be yes, and our no be no. Sports and school activities are a prime example of this. It's common for parents to say yes to something, but then perpetually hold it over their kids' heads. I know parents aren't doing it to be intentionally hurtful. Rather, they do it as an incentive or an act of accountability for the child to follow through. But I also know the damage it's causing to our young people.

Don't share that burden with them. Share it with each other. Share it with a friend. Share it with me. Just don't share it with them. They aren't yet able to process something like that in a healthy way. Let them remain kids. Say no if you need to say no, but please don't say and then hang it over them. Future you will be grateful for this choice when your kids haven't carried that unknown guilt for decades.

You got this, parents! It's not easy, but it's worth it.

Beware the Guilt Monsters

I recently gave a gift to someone, an acquaintance. It was a cool gift. It was a thoughtful gift. It was an impactful gift. It was a somewhat impulsive gift. As I usually do with giving, I will keep the details of this one confidential. For the sake of this piece, let's say it costs around $300. In any event, this gift significantly moved the recipient. It's unique, personal to them, totally unexpected, and meets them exactly where they need to be met. Huge win! (Side note: This gift made me happier than any personal use of this money could have possibly derived.)

Then, something else happened. Someone heard about this gift and hit me with, "It's not fair that you only gave to them." Ah, yes, this is where the guilt monsters come out to play. You know about the guilt monsters, don't you? They are the little comments, actions, and reactions that often circle moments of fortune or generosity. Sometimes, they are levied intentionally, while other times, it's bit more subconscious. Either way, it's a subtle way for people to say, "What about me?"

Guilt is a terrible boss. If we give in to the guilt monsters, two things can happen:

1. It alters our giving behavior to the point where we make gifts we wouldn't otherwise make, primarily to stave off the guilt monsters. 

2. It impairs our giving behavior by making it easier not to give than to give. After all, the guilt monsters won't come out to play if we simply refuse to be generous. 

Both of these outcomes are bad! In the first scenario, gifts are made to reduce guilt (instead of maximizing impact). In the second scenario, giving decreases or stops altogether. 

It's imperative that we tune out the guilt monsters. They aren't stopping, that's for sure. In fact, as you venture deeper into your generosity journey, it will only increase. To be frank, it sucks. There's no other way around it. On the flip side, however, the guilt monsters are a great indicator of where our giving shouldn't go. Whenever someone puts guilt on us, it should be an immediate red flag that they aren't in a healthy position to receive generosity. Good to know! It sucks, but it just helps us better fine-tune where our gifts should and shouldn't be made. 

One last thought on the guilt monsters. At some point, after ignoring the guilt monsters long enough, they don't seem to pester us as much. They realize their guilt monstering (I just coined the verb) doesn't work, so they need to guilt someone else. 

Don't let the toxic words, actions, and reactions of others break your generous spirit. If anything, let it embolden you. Double down on your giving. Nah, strike that. Triple down on your giving! Serve those who you are called to serve, do it with a joyful heart, use whatever you have to make an impact, and never lose sight of the meaning. 

Don’t Fall for the Facade

We had a wonderful Easter church service yesterday morning. It's always a special day, and we're grateful for the opportunity to celebrate. It was fun crossing paths with many friends who were also there to celebrate the big day. Based on what they saw, most people probably believed we were having an amazing Easter Sunday. They would have been terribly wrong. It was a facade. We were in the midst of one of the worst days of our parenting lives. We were absolutely miserable. Grateful, but miserable.

When I say facade, I'm not referring to an intentional act of deception. Rather, people don't know what they don't know—a half-truth of sorts. We weren't trying to be disingenuous; we were just trying to live life. Meanwhile, some people who saw us appearing to be having a great day were also having a harder day than was visible on the surface.

That's the dilemma - and danger - of facades. We watch everyone's perfectly curated lives, very well knowing how imperfect things are behind our home's front door. It can be demoralizing. Self-talk creeps in. Doubt can take over. We begin asking ourselves why our life sucks so badly compared to our friends, family, co-workers, and neighbors.

Social media only escalates this dynamic. Social media allows us the opportunity to perfectly and intentionally curate what gets shared with the world. It puts this entire concept on steroids, blasts it out to hundreds or thousands of people, and then gets further juiced by the positive reinforcement of likes and comments.

This is also an ever-increasing problem when it comes to money. I regularly hear people put certain families on a pedestal, essentially viewing them as the pinnacle of success. They drive the best cars, live in the biggest houses, wear the nicest clothes, go on the fanciest trips, and have the perfect kids. You know who I'm talking about! I get an interesting perspective in my work. I get an intimate, up-close perspective of what really goes on behind the curtain. Here's what I can tell you. Looks can be oh-so deceiving. That perfect family that you unfairly compare yourself with? All is not what it seems.

Behind the appearance of wealth and success is often stress, turmoil, financial tension, growing debt, lack of career freedom, and marital strife. I'm not saying this to demean any family. I have so much empathy for these families. I'm not trying to knock them off some perceived pedestal. Instead, I want to encourage you to stop comparing yourself to someone else's half-truth facade. There's more going on than you know, and it's probably not as rosy as it appears.

On the other hand, perhaps we should try living with a little less facade. I'm not advocating that we air all our dirty laundry to every listening ear, but maybe we can be a bit less curated and a little more authentic. Let's be ok with our imperfections. Our lives aren't perfect, but neither is theirs.

Your Far-Fetched Life

When I started publicly sharing ideas, stories, and insights, I never anticipated the amount of active pushback I'd receive. Perhaps I was naive, but I missed the mark by a mile on that one. Whenever you share ideas publicly, you (knowingly or unknowingly) open the door for reciprocating feedback from the public.

The feedback ranges from encouraging to discouraging, serious to humorous, and loving to hateful. If I had a nickel for every time someone told me to "go eff yourself," I'd have a lot of nickels. My favorite all-time comment was when someone said my wife was going to have an affair and leave me for her CrossFit trainer. That would be sad, so let's hope something like that doesn't happen. Luckily, Sarah doesn't do CrossFit....

However, one common piece of feedback stings a bit. It doesn't sting because it hurts me, or I take offense to it. Rather, it stings because I feel terrible for people who feel that way. It's when people tell me these ideas of meaning over money are "far-fetched," "out of touch," or "unattainable." It's not that they don't want to prioritize meaning over money, but they don't believe it's even a possible path. Thus, they must concede to a life of chasing money and throwing away decisions that provide meaning.

I don't feel any anger toward these people. More than anything, I have empathy. I wish I could shake them and show them first-hand how much better their lives could be. I wish I could be like one of the ghosts on A Christmas Carol who can teleport the person to their alternate reality and peep at what it looks like. I want them to see, touch, and feel it with their own eyes, hands, and hearts.

I don't believe what I believe simply because I've lived it in my own life. A sample size of one is too small to rely on, and it would be foolish for me to believe my way is the right way. Instead, I've been privileged to watch hundreds of people follow a similar path. Friends, clients, podcast listeners, blog readers, social media DMs, and people who approach me at my speaking events. Hundreds!

Like the countless clients who made drastic 180-degree shifts in their careers to aggressively pursue meaning when they knew it would likely result (at least initially) in far less money.

Like the young man in New Zealand who DM'd me out of the blue to tell me he discovered the podcast, binged 70 episodes in two weeks, and it changed his life, career, and marriage—not because of me, but because of meaning.

Like YOU, the blog readers, who generously and repeatedly share profound stories about choosing meaning when seemingly everyone advises you to do the opposite. People see what you're doing. You're l bending the culture.

You are normalizing a "far-fetched" life, one decision, one story, one impactful act, and one meaningful day at a time.

Tyler Joseph Cuts Me Again

Much to my delight, Twenty One Pilots released another single this week. This song, Next Semester, has a 90s punk rock beat (think Blink 182). That's not necessarily my style, but Tyler Joseph has a way of creating powerful experiences in unexpected ways. Next Semester is a deeply powerful and emotional song that cuts to the core of what many of us experience along our journey: mistakes, fear, anxiety, doubt, and regret. Also, like many of their songs, there's a strong lean into faith.

One lyric repeated multiple times is, "Can't change what you've done. Start fresh next semester." This one cuts to the core, as most of us carry many regrets. We've done things we wish we could undo....but we can't. That's a deeply depressing and frustrating reality.

However, Tyler's next words are the key element: "Start fresh next semester." While we can't change the past, every day is an opportunity to carve a new path—a continual second chance.

The lyrics and emotion of the song cut through me in so many ways. I think about all the mistakes I've made in my life—deep, painful, and life-altering mistakes. Decisions I wish could be erased or reversed. I think most of us have similar feelings about moments in our past.

I also think about my coaching work. When I meet couples face-to-face and discuss deeply personal topics such as money, marriage, and careers, many regrets and past mistakes rise to the surface. These past events have a habit of taking hold of us and influencing our behavior, perspective, and decisions (often in toxic ways).

These elephants in the room can sabotage us every step of the way. I don't mean to sound overly dramatic, but they can be haunting....and destructive. For this reason, it's imperative that we confront our guilt and regrets head-on.

First, we can't play the woulda, coulda, shoulda game. We can't what-if our way into a healthy place. Unless we have a Delorian (call me if you do!), the past is 100% cemented in time. We must reckon with the reality that we can do nothing about it.

Second, and more importantly, we can choose to step into a different, better, and brighter future. Remember, making no choice is still making a choice. Something will happen to us tomorrow, whether proactively or reactively.....whether actively or passively….whether good or bad. It won't stay the same. Tomorrow's coming, and it's going to alter our path one way or another.

Once we accept this idea, we can embrace a better future we most certainly deserve. This, right here, is where people's lives change. I've seen it play out in hundreds of people's lives. Whether it's debt, a dead-end career, living month-to-month, stuck in a bad relationship, or failing to get a needed education, better is out there for you.

Can't change what you've done. Let go of the regret. The past is the past.

Start fresh next semester. Tomorrow is a new day. Make it the beginning of something beautiful.

Creativity is a Renewable Resource

18 months ago, while enjoying a coffee with my close friend and mentor, Gary Hoag, I confided that I was struggling with my writing. Specifically, I struggled finding the time and the ideas to publish 2-3 pieces per month. His advice was simple and absurd: "Just write every day." Ah yes, why didn't I think of that!?!? I don't have time or ideas to write 2-3 times per month, so let's go ahead and write 30 times per month. Does this sound as crazy to you as it did to me? To be honest, I'd probably jump off a cliff if Gary suggested it. For that reason, and perhaps combined with a momentary lapse in judgment, I took his advice.

Today is my 500th article published in 500 days. It feels weird even typing that. 238,000 words sent into cyberspace, hoping to move the needle in someone's life. It started with a handful of people already subscribed to my previous blog (plus a few new pity follows from friends and family). Fast forward 500 days and the addition of many new faces, and The Daily Meaning has been e-mailed 62,000 times (plus however many people have stopped by the website to read it). Wow…just wow!

Out of curiosity, I just Googled, "What is a normal open rate for e-mail newsletters?" Depending on the source, anything between 15%-25% should be viewed as "good." In other words, if 1,000 e-mails are sent, it would be a success if 150-250 of them are opened. Not you guys, though….. you're built differently. Of the 62,000 e-mails that have been sent, approximately 70% have been opened. What!?!? I noticed this trend early on, and it's boggled my mind ever since. To say I'm grateful would be the world's biggest understatement. Releasing this blog into the world each morning, and the engagement you show in return, is one of the biggest joys of my life. I never take that opportunity (and responsibility) for granted.

If there's one lesson I've learned from this crazy endeavor, it's this: creativity is a renewable resource. In the past, I would have tightly held my "good ideas" while seeking the perfect time to release them into the world. It was a form of hoarding, in some sense. But it does no good stuck in my brain. On the flip side, sharing our creativity is an act of generosity. It allows the opportunity to make a difference and add value to people's lives.

Something else happens when we release our creativity into the world. It's like pruning a shrub. After we prune a shrub, there's less plant remaining; we took something away. In short order, however, it grows faster, fuller, and better. Creativity is much the same way. When we share something with the world, we're initially left with less. However, the act of sharing spurs our creativity to grow faster, fuller, and better. It's the ultimate renewable resource.

Yes, you're creative. Whether you're a traditional creative (artist, photographer, musician, etc.) or someone who views yourself as "not a creative person," you ARE creative. You have something to share. Something that matters. Something that will add value to other people's lives. Share it. Just share it. It's a renewable resource.

The Drink That Satiates

When I was a kid, I distinctly remember an advertising battle between Coke and Pepsi. The rivalry ran so deep that they would openly bash one another in their TV and print ads (at least that's how my questionable childhood brain remembers it). Anyway, one of the nuances I remember playing out was this back-and-forth debate about taste tests. Despite Coke being the overwhelmingly favorite drink of consumers, Pepsi continually (and oddly) produced results showing they were preferred in taste tests.

Here's where things get interesting, and it has to do with one particular word: "taste." Pepsi would win taste tests, yet people would buy Coke. Why? People don't taste pop; they drink it. Pepsi's taste was more appealing (dare I say sexy?), but it wasn't satiating. The surface-level appeal works great as long as you're just tasting it......but that's not how the product is consumed.

Happiness is the same thing. It tastes great. It's extremely appealing....even sexy. We violently pursue it with our actions and behaviors (often counterproductively). But just like Pepsi, it's not satiating. And like our pop-drinking experience, we're not in the tasting business. We don't taste life.....we drink it….we live it.

This is why, in my humble but convicted opinion, we often live with a void in our lives. We do everything we can to fill this void with happiness, but happiness is fleeting. I drove my new (to me) 350Z for a bit yesterday. It was only 36 degrees out, but I rolled the top down and cranked up the Twenty One Pilots. It made me happy. It was pure fun. It was also fleeting. That's not to demean the experience or treat it as if it doesn't matter. Rather, it's fair to recognize money, stuff, and status cannot satiate us. They can provide a momentary jolt of happiness (tastes great!), but it doesn't fill the void.

It's okay to taste the Pepsis of life. They taste good! They're appealing. They're fun. Absolutely nothing wrong with that! On the flip side, we need to recognize those things can never and will never satiate. They aren't the prescription for what ails us. They aren't the solution to fill the void.

Instead, what we're really searching for meaning and fulfillment. We're looking for something that motivates us to get out of bed and gives us the opportunity to make a difference. That idea takes a few different forms. First, generosity. Generosity fills our tanks unlike any material self-satisfying purchase can. Generosity always wins, and the giver is often the biggest beneficiary of the gift. Second, we need to pursue work that matters. Not work that pays a ton. Not work that gives us status. Not work that's fun. Not work that's easy. Work that matters. Using our gifts and passions to make a difference. Be productive. Add value to others. It’s simple, but powerful.

That's the Coke of life. It's not as appealing or sexy, and it doesn't give us that instant jolt, but man, it satiates! Drink up!

Smooth Out Your Lumpy Stuff

A few days ago, I wrote about my recent car maintenance frustrations. It was a bit unexpected, but I received a wave of messages from people asking for more insight on how to execute this concept. 

First, what's the purpose of a sinking fund? A sinking fund is another name for an account funded over time for a specific future expense. These expenses don't happen every month, but you know they will happen at some point. It's not a matter of IF, but WHEN (and how much). I call them "lumpy" expenses. The goal is to smooth out the lumpy by slowly and steadily funding them over time, eliminating (or significantly reducing) the stress experienced when situations arise. Common sinking fund categories include car, house, travel, medical, giving, and kid activities. Each of these categories has a habit of sneaking up on us. When they do, these sudden and unexpected expenses sabotage our disposable income.....zapping our ability to make progress in other areas.

Here's a step-by-step of the mechanics:

1. Set up a separate savings/checking account for your desired category and name it accordingly. Most credit unions will let you set up multiple accounts, but most banks won't (with the exception of Wells Fargo). If your bank doesn't, I recommend CapitalOne's 360 Performance Savings.

2. Allocate money in your budget for this category. The amount can be steady or vary by month, but it must be included in the budget. 

3. Just like you pay your electric bill, you pay your sinking fund. Whatever dollar amount you budget gets transferred to the sinking fund. I prefer to automate these transactions.

4. When expenses arise for a particular sinking fund category, use your primary checking account to pay the expense. 

5. Immediately after paying for the expense, instruct your sinking fund to send that amount back to your checking account, essentially reimbursing your checking account from the sinking fund. 

6. Repeat. 

I'll share an example of my car fund from this month. For 19 years, I've budgeted (and automated) a monthly transfer from my primary checking account into my car fund. We currently budget $250/month. After March's $250 contribution (completed on 3/6), our car fund balance was $2,487. Then, we got hit with a hat trick of car bills: $806 for brakes on my main car, $356 for known issues with my new car, and $218 for the unknown issue with my new car. I budgeted $250, but got hit with $1,380 of actual expenses.....ouch! This situation would have crushed our budget had we not had a sinking fund. Instead, I simply reimbursed my checking account from my car fund for each, resulting in a total monthly car fund expense of $250 (the original planned contribution). It took something extremely lumpy and made it smooth. It went from a potential disaster to a minor inconvenience. Below is an image of how we executed it in our budget. 

Setting up these extra accounts and steps may appear to make things more complex, but you'll quickly see how truly simplifying (and freeing) it can be! Best of luck smoothing out your lumpy stuff!

Maximize Your Life, Not Your Income

Career shifts are scary. They are an act of trust. We're leaving something familiar and transitioning to the unknown. When considering a career shift, conventional wisdom says we need to build up our future income until it meets or exceeds our current income, then jump ship. This advice is repeatedly and confidently bestowed by one of our culture's most prominent financial gurus.

I couldn't disagree more with this strategy. It's a form of anchoring. Whether we're currently making $50,000 or $500,000, we're told that's the hurdle. That's the threshold for success. We need to recreate this level of income in our new chapter of life. Why? What's the point? So we can live the very same lifestyle? So we can continue making the same amount of financial progress? Regardless of the answer, the point of this idea is to maximize our income. Culture is fine if we want to change jobs, but only if we continue to make as much money as possible.

Again, I couldn't disagree more. Instead of maximizing our income, I believe we should maximize our lives. When I left my prior career nearly five years ago, our family took a 90% pay cut (when we had twin two-year-olds). That was one of the scariest things we've ever done. Not only did we not follow conventional wisdom, we blatantly disrespected it. People were quite unhappy with this decision. People who love me dearly. People who were terrified for our family's fate.

When Sarah and I made that switch, not only could we not maintain the same lifestyle and financial progress as before, but we literally didn't make enough income to pay our monthly bills. It took seven months to claw our way to a place where our monthly income was enough to pay for our basic needs. Again, that was terrifying!

The only reason we could physically, mentally, spiritually, emotionally, and relationally do this is because we weren't trying to maximize our income. We were trying to maximize our life. And maximize we did! It was the hardest thing we've ever done but also the most rewarding. It allowed us to live with meaning, create impact, and unlock a richer life.

As I'm writing this, I'm thinking about several friends who desperately want to make career shifts. They are passionate and brilliant at their craft. They will surely change the world. Their future is brighter than the sun. Just one problem, though. They are falling for the lie. They have been led to believe their new income must match their current income before making the shift. They don't. That's ridiculous. Each of them could make the shift today, and their lives would immediately benefit (as would the lives of those whom they would subsequently serve with their gifts and passions). They don't even need to take a 90% pay cut. For most, it's 10%, 20%, or maybe even 30%. Small price to pay for a life of meaning and impact.

If you're reading this, you know who you are! Do it! This is your time!

The Kids Feel It

There's one statistic that lives rent-free in my head. I've mentioned it multiple times on this blog, in the podcast, and in my keynote talk. According to a Gallup poll, 70% of Americans dislike or hate their job. It's actually higher than 70% since they recommissioned the study post-COVID, but 70% is a nice round number and rolls off the tongue. 7 out of 10 Americans!!! It's bonkers. It's also normalized in our culture. Not only is it ok to perpetually hate our work, but we believe that's how it's supposed to be.

Do you know who doesn't find it acceptable? Our kids. In fact, they profoundly feel the impact of our work. We parents might think our kids are isolated from the realities of our work, but that's a naive notion.

I first became aware of this dynamic when I began my tenure as a youth group leader. Without fail, kids would constantly bring up their parents' work (and rarely in a good way). When this happened, the conversation didn't revolve around how it impacted the parent. Instead, it was about all the ripple effects impairing the family. The parent is always in a bad mood. The parents were stressed and fighting. A parent is always working and doesn't have time for their kids. So many deeply woven implications.

This post, however, was inspired by a different sort of conversation I recently had. I was talking to a seven-year-old. It was a silly, meandering conversation, as often happens with first-graders. Then, this little boy randomly dropped a different sort of comment as his smile vanished. "My mom is really stressed at work. I don't like seeing her like this all the time. I just wish she would get a new job."

I don't know this kid's parents. I've never met them. But the look on his face spoke volumes. A few more comments were solemnly shared about this situation, and then the conversation suddenly shifted back to fart jokes and superheroes.

Parents, our kids deserve better than this. We can try to hide our work reality from our children, but it leaks into every area of life. This makes sense. If we spend half our waking hours living somewhere between mere tolerance and absolute disgust, it inevitably shows through.

There's one other consequence. If 70% of us parents dislike or hate our job, and if it truly does leak into the other areas of life (which our kids see and feel), it creates a generational implication. We are raising our children to believe work is an inherently bad thing, a necessary evil. It's something we have to do, and it sucks. It's supposed to suck. I'm watching this dynamic play out in real-time with youth group kids, former youth group kids, and fellow parents. Our culture is completely polluted by the idea that work is bad. It's a shame.

This piece isn't my condemnation of parents. Rather, it's a rallying cry. Your kids deserve better. But first, you deserve better!

Not All Roses and Sunshine

I'm sad to report it's not been all roses and sunshine here in Nissan 350Z-ville. I wish I could tell you I've been happily cruising around in my sweet new (to me) ride for the last few weeks, but that hasn't been the case. 

Shortly after bringing the car home from Texas, I took it to my trusted mechanic to address some known issues (and inspect it for the unknown). It was a mixed bag of results, but all was well....or so I thought. I reunited with the car the following day, excited to run my list of errands (top down, of course). 

Less than one hour after picking it up, something happened.....and by something, I mean the car wouldn't start. Oh crap! I pulled into the post office to check my PO box. Two minutes later, I couldn't get the car to start. It was dead dead. Crap crap! After some failed troubleshooting, my mechanic hired a tow truck to make the drive of shame to his shop (where it would have to sit over the weekend before getting a formal diagnosis). 

Long story short, a little piece of rubber in the clutch wore out. The car is 18 years old, and I suppose that's what happens to things after nearly two decades of life. This little piece of rubber, the size and shape of a Lifesaver, notifies a sensor that the clutch is pressed and it's ok to start the car. When the dumb little Lifesaver broke, my car didn't think I had the clutch engaged. Thus, it wouldn't even turn over. 

I'm glad it was a minor issue, but it wasn't cheap. The entire process took six days (it was hard to get a new Lifesaver) and $200 (including the tow). Ouch! 

This isn't a sob story—far from it. I'm blessed to have this car, and we sign up for this when we own vehicles. It's not all roses and sunshine. Things happen; life happens. I'm talking about cars, but I'm talking about far more than cars, too. Things happen; life happens.

Since there's nothing we can do to stop life from happening, we have two choices:

1. Allow life to beat us up, rip us apart, and cause us much stress and turmoil. 

2. Anticipate life happening and be prepared to soften the blow(s).

In the financial world, this looks like sinking funds. I don't know when my car will break, or how much it will cost, but I know it's coming. Therefore, for the last 19 years, I've allocated money in my monthly budget for car repairs. Then, I literally move it to a special savings account for that purpose only. I uncreatively call that account "car fund." Subsequently, when (not if) my car breaks, the money is already set aside to pay for it. 

It turned my expensive week from a potential disaster to a minor inconvenience. It's not all roses and sunshine, but it doesn't have to feel like a downpour. What area(s) of your life do you need a sinking fund? They can change everything!

Elon Musk Today, Homeless Tomorrow

I had a great time catching up with an old friend yesterday. She had some questions about her new-ish business, and I was honored to spend some time with her. I was highly intrigued to hear about her journey of starting, growing, and evolving her young business. Regardless of what kind of business someone starts, I find that we business owners often experience similar situations.

Being a business owner can be brutal. So much weight is placed on their shoulders, there's very little security, and every time they think they have it figured out, the rules change. There's also something I like to call the "Elon Musk today, homeless tomorrow" phenomenon. Almost to a T, business owners connect with this idea. One day, we'll wake up and think we're going to take over the world like Elon Musk, and the next day, we'll wake up and wonder if we'll be homeless by sunset.

That sounds crazy, but if you're a business owner, you probably know exactly what I'm talking about. That's how volatile it can be (or at least feel). Some months, we feel like we have everything figured out, and the next, we wonder if we'll have enough income to meet our financial needs. It can be the most stressful, frustrating, mind-melting thing in the world.....

.....and it's awesome! There's something beautiful about having to figure it out each day, week, and month. If we perform, we get to feed our family. If we don't, well, we don't. There's a purity in that. A simplicity. As a society, we like to look at business owners and judge them as "lucky," "rich," and "lazy." None of those are true, in most cases. Whenever someone tells me they want to become a business owner so they can "have more flexible hours and be home more," I chuckle. Most people have no idea what business owners go through.

That said, this isn't a request for sympathy. This is what business owners sign up for; it comes with the territory. It's part of the package. Nobody is holding a gun to their head, forcing them to take this path. It's a choice. A challenging, exciting, and terrifying choice. They could always go get a job....that option remains on the table. Therefore, I have no sympathy for fellow business owners. On the flip side, I have a ton of respect and admiration for them.

Elon Musk today, homeless tomorrow. If this phrase resonates with you, please know you aren't alone. Also, I encourage you not to wish away the stress, tension, and uncertainty. Yes, it can be brutal. But it's also what gives your journey richness. Plus, the highs aren't high if there aren't lows to contrast them. Embrace the journey.....all of the journey.

You probably won't be Elon Musk.....but you probably won't be homeless, either. Somewhere in between is a beautiful story just waiting to be written.

“Never Tell Me the Odds”

"Never tell me the odds," quipped Han Solo after C-3PO warned him about the ultra-low probability of surviving an asteroid field. This is one of my all-time favorite Star Wars quotes, and it's one of the things I like most about Han Solo. He didn't care if the cards were stacked against him; he was just crazy enough to believe he would succeed.....and he did.

Oakland University took a page out of Han Solo's playbook last night by knocking off one of the all-time great college basketball programs, Kentucky. It was a massive upset and a joy to watch. Wrapped up in all the craziness was one specific Oakland player who knocked down a mind-melting ten (10!!!) threes. Oakland had no business beating Kentucky, yet here we are! Nobody must have told them the odds!

I think we should all have a little Han Solo in our DNA. We live in a world that tells us we can't. We're provided a million excuses and justifications for why it won't work. Even if we're able to get our hopes up, there's a friend or family member who is more than happy to add a discouraging remark. "Don't get your hopes up." "In your dreams." "Only if you're lucky." "You need to think more practical." "Enjoy it while it lasts."

One of the biggest complaints I hear from clients is their frustration with not receiving sincere, genuine, unselfish encouragement and support from their loved ones. People in our lives either don't believe we can do it or are jealous of the mere idea that it's possible. Therefore, it's in people's self-interest to dissuade us from following through on our dreams.

Pay off those student loans. Get that dream career. Start that business. Bring one spouse home with the kids. Stop living month-to-month. Send those kids to college without debt. I think you CAN do it. Strike that. I think you SHOULD do it. No, strick that again. You WILL do it.

When I look at my life, I think about C-3PO telling me the ridiculous odds of this actually coming true. I think the same thing about so many of my clients. Some of these people in my life are doing mind-boggling things that I have difficulty comprehending. There's one common thread with all these people: They were crazy enough to believe it could be done. That's the Han Solo in their DNA. They didn't care if other people believed in them. They chose to move forward anyway....and they did!

Oakland didn't want to know the odds. I didn't want to know the odds. Hopefully you don't want to know the odds, either. Just go make it happen. There are a million reasons you can't. There are a ton of excuses for not. Or maybe, just maybe, you do it anyway. If you need someone to believe in you and cheer you on (because others won't), count me in!

Never From a Coach’s Mouth

Today's post was inspired by a text exchange with my friend Ashley. It was regarding a trending news story about the Long Beach State men's basketball program. If you aren’t familiar, it's a doozy. Their 62-year-old head coach, Dan Monson, has been at the helm of their basketball program for the last 17 years. However, this was a tough season for the 49ers. They were predicted to finish near the top of the conference standings, but headed into the conference tournament ranked 5th (with a 5-game losing streak under the belt).

Wanting to do what's right, Coach Monson approached the athletic department ahead of the conference tournament and said he would resign if they didn't perform better in the tourney. No need, said the athletic director, as the decision to fire him had already been made. Ouch! His job was already dead, but he didn't know it yet. He entered the conference tournament as a lame-duck coach......and they won it all! their reward? A trip to the big dance. It's an amazing story, and we'll see what their next chapter looks like when his 15-seed team faces the 2-seed Arizona Wildcats later today.

While I couldn't love this story more, what Ashley said next is what got me worked up. She highlighted the fact you never hear a coach say, "Only x more years until I retire." So true! How many coaches can you count at or above the traditional retirement age? Tons! Many of us have played for a coach, at some level, who was well into his/her 70s. Older coaches are so common that the seasoned, grizzled veteran coach has been a TV and movie trope for decades.

I have a theory about why. No, it's not because they make boatloads of money (most don't, anyway). No, it's not because of the excellent benefits (many have little to no benefits). No, it's not because it's a simple and easy job (it's anything but!). Here's my theory. Coaches don't choose coaching for the money; they choose it for the meaning. Therefore, they aren't trying to race to the finish line. It's about the journey, not the destination. They wake up each day with a sense of purpose and anticipation for what's to come. When we live in this manner, our life is better WITH work than WITHOUT. It adds a richness to our life. Coaches know this!

While I'm not advocating we all quit our jobs and become coaches, I do think we could learn something by watching how coaches navigate their lives and careers. They are far from perfect, and they experience stress, turmoil, tension, and an often brutal schedule/lifestyle. But you'll rarely see a coach count down to the retirement finish line. If anything, you'll hear statements like, "I'll do it for as long as I can," or "I hope I can do this for at least x years." Passion, meaning, fulfillment, and impact.

Pay attention to this dynamic as you watch and enjoy the games in the coming days. Oh yeah, and go Cyclones!

Catch That Breather

Warning: I'm about to share some financial advice that will deeply offend some financial people. 

If you're still reading this, you've been warned. I take no responsibility for any level of annoyance or disgust you're about to experience.

I recently met with a couple in the middle of a butt-kicking financial journey. They got themselves into a pretty deep hole, and now they're digging out. It's been a slog of an endeavor, but they're making fantastic progress. However, they are flat-out tired. I can see it in their eyes. It's the financial version of seeing a basketball hunched over during a dead ball, clutching his shorts and panting heavily. You can clearly see the tank is empty. They've left everything they had on the court. That's this couple!

Anyway, I could sense they were about ready to break (which is a terrible outcome!). Therefore, I took extreme measures in our last meeting. I encouraged them to stop paying debt next month. Yes, completely stop. No debt payoffs, no saving, no investing.....nothing "responsible." Instead, aside from their needs, minimum debt payments, and giving, they will use ALL of their extra income for "irresponsible" things. Dining out, travel, personal spending, and maybe a few fun things for their house. Totally irresponsible!

Three powerful things will happen when they follow through with this ridiculous-sounding plan:

1. They will get a much-needed break. They are exhausted, and this one-month progress break will be the equivalent of a coach giving their star player a short breather. This break will give them the energy to get back on the court and finish the game strong. 

2. They will experience first-hand that it was not wants that hurt them in the past, but a lack of intentionality. On the flip side, when they experience a month chock-full of fun want spending while simultaneously keeping the financial train on track, it will show them that wants aren't the problem. It's all about intentionality. This experience will change them!

3. These things won't inherently make them happy. They will be fun, but they won't move the satisfaction needle as much as those progress months do. This will further embolden them to get back on the court and take care of business once and for all. 

"Irresponsible" spending only. No progress. No wise moves. No debt payoffs. No saving. No investing. Just fun things. Just because. This is the break they need. This is just what the doctor ordered to propel them to that next level. 

If you can relate to this couple, perhaps you need a break. Maybe you need to catch that breather. It's ok if you do. Even Jordan needed one every now and then. 

The Tension Brings Clarity

I had a fun e-mail exchange with a friend regarding my recent car-related posts. He shared how "liberating" life has been since becoming debt-free four years ago. However, his next comment is what got me. Since he was a new and now-committed member of the debt-free club, buying a truck would be a different experience. This now meant he "could not even consider" buying a truck without having the cash in hand. This changes everything! He added that while he had the cash to buy whatever truck he wanted (impressive move!), he ultimately decided to spend $10,000 less on his purchase (humble move!).

When we refuse to use debt to purchase vehicles, it creates a very palpable tension. It's hard to save a big chunk of money for vehicles. It's a long, thankless, and often unrewarding task. That's precisely the point, though. That process brings with it a tension that must be reckoned with. When it's finally time to pull the trigger on that new ride, we're faced with the reality of parting ways with so much of our hard-earned cash. That tension is brutal...and the cost high!

That tension also brings clarity. To explain this dynamic, I'll use the opposite example. Let's say my friend was truck shopping with the intent of using debt (you know, the normal way). He finds what he's looking for, falls in love with it, and needs to make a decision. He has two options in front of him: a $40,000 truck and a $50,000 truck (I made those prices up). The $50,000 truck is clearly better. It has all the bells and whistles....and a bigger engine! After doing the math, he realizes the $50,000 vehicle will "only" cost him $150/month more than the other. Considering that the $50,000 vehicle is superior and he likes it more, $150/month seems like an absolute no-brainer! See, there's no tension in the decision-making process. It's a number on a piece of paper. $150. That's not a needle-mover in many people's lives. We won't talk about the fact it's $150/month for the next 84 months.....that's for future him to worry about. Current him gets the nice truck right now!!! Again, no tension.

On the other hand, he's living in a new reality where debt is not an option. He has the same decision in front of him: buy the $40,000 or $50,000 truck. This time, however, there's a difference. Since he's writing a check no matter what vehicle he buys, he's faced with the proposition of trading an extra $10,000 of his hard-earned money for the nicer truck. It's ok if he chooses that one, but he will immediately have $10,000 less in his bank account. There's the tension!

The tension brings clarity. When faced with that tension, we almost always make better, clearer decisions. He knew exactly what he was getting, exactly what he was paying for it, and would face the consequences immediately. Tension and clarity!

He clearly and confidently chose the $10,000 cheaper option. That tension is a beautiful thing.

Pot, Meet Kettle

Today, I have the pleasure of sharing a funny (to me) story from a recent conversation with a buddy. Fortunately for you, he gave me his blessing to share it. I appreciate that he doesn't take himself too seriously.

After learning about my recent 2006 Nissan 350Z purchase, my friend shared his less-than-savory opinion about it. Specifically, he called it a "boujee move" and added, "It's a bad look for you, Travis." Translation: I'm a hypocrite for buying such a fancy luxury, and it feels a bit over the top.

These comments were the most pot-calling-the-kettle-black moments of my year. Why? This guy can out-boujee anyone. Here's the thing, though. Most people who are boujee don't know they are boujee. In his mind, he lives a bare-bones lifestyle. He only buys things he "needs." You know, like new luxury vehicles (gotta have reliable transportation!), mini-mansions (good school districts are key!), a stylish wardrobe (dress to impress!), and country club memberships (it's networking!). Need, need, need, and need.

On the other hand, my extra car is a boujee waste of money, according to him. He even went a step further and called it "irresponsible." This is where the conversation took a turn for the hilarous, and why I wanted to write about it. As we debated whether this 350Z was boujee, I pointed out that my family's three cars, combined, are worth less than half of his truck. He drives a $60,000 truck, and our three vehicles are worth a combined $25,000! Further, his truck payment is $1,400/month, and we haven't made a vehicle payment in 12 years.

Do you see the irony here? This is how we get so twisted up in our culture when it comes to money, stuff, and status. He sincerely believes he's living a conservative, responsible life. Meanwhile, he truly believes I made a "boujee move" with this car.

This is one of the many reasons I never use other people to measure my decisions. Our culture is pervasive, and its impacts are contagious. Instead, I will continue to lean into meaning every step of the way while wholeheartedly bucking the societal trends and pressures of what we're supposed to do. I hope you find your own unique ways to do the same. Don't worry about what others think. Stay true to your path and lean into your values. You will most certainly screw up along the way, but you'll do so while going in the right direction.....your direction.

What Goes Around Comes Around

When we first became parents, it was amazing how many people rallied around and supported us. The love we experienced in that season was unparalleled. I don't always remember the particulars (life was intense....and a blur), but I remember how it felt. I vividly recall the outpouring of generosity from so many people. Generosity always wins, and during that stretch of life, we were on the receiving end of so much beautiful generosity. I hope someday my kids will understand just how loved they were from the very beginning.

Fast forward seven years, and one of those generous individuals is about to have a baby. I'll never forget the generosity this person showed us when we became parents. This person impacted our family far more than they will ever know. Their love, support, and actions have created ripple effects that will span decades.

One of the beautiful things about generosity is that it's not a one-way street. What goes around comes around. Sometimes, we're on the giving end of generosity; other times, we're on the receiving end. It's essential to do both and be both. In fact, I would argue it's impossible to truly be generous without being able to accept generosity from others.

What goes around comes around. The tables are turning, and we're about ready to switch seats. When that happens, I hope we can show this growing family the same level of love, support, and generosity they showed us. They created ripple effects in our lives, and we have the opportunity to do the same in theirs. Not because we owe them, not because it's some form of payback, but because we love these people, and generosity always wins.

This is the most enjoyable part about generosity. What goes around comes around. When it does, we get to experience what true community looks like. There have been seasons in life when I needed the support and generosity of others, and there have been seasons when others needed our support and generosity. We don't perpetually live in one or another as much as we meander back and forth. Or, as often happens, we simultaneously live on both sides of this coin. A constant state of need and a constant state of generosity.

My encouragement today is to live on both sides of this equation. Be generous. Always be generous. Serve others with whatever you have to give. At the same time, always be willing to accept generosity from others. It will change you. It will change them. It will create genuine community. It will form lifelong bonds. It may also cause ripple effects that will span for decades. Generosity always wins!

Have To vs. Get To

I'm still thinking about the conversation I shared with the young woman I mentioned in yesterday's post. One of the things that struck me about her story is how much meaning and impact she's making in her work. She's a legit hero. Her eyes lit up when she talked about her work, yet at the same time, she admitted the utter frustration she feels when her income immediately goes toward debt payments.

See the tension there? Her work has so much meaning, yet her financial situation has changed her relationship with it. She's literally changing people's lives, but the income she's receiving from it is helping her barely hang on financially.

This is a tension I felt earlier in my career. Despite loving what I was doing, I woke up in the morning knowing I had to go to work. My job, and the paycheck it would provide, was my only lifeline to making my debt payments and living to fight another day. I was grateful for the job, but in some ways, it felt like I had nothing to show for all my hard work. That's a very helpless and defeating feeling. But there's a purpose behind it.

Then, something happened. When our $236,000 of debt was gone (4.5 long years later), I woke up feeling different. For some odd reason, my job got better. I felt more positive about it. I found excitement toward the work. I became better at what I did. Literally nothing about my job changed. I'm the one who changed. After a few weeks, I realized what it was. For all those years, I HAD TO go to work. Now, I GET TO go to work. It was a choice, and that choice changed everything!

Feeling like we have a figurative gun to our head is the worst feeling in the world. Even the best job will feel like garbage if we believe we don't have a choice. On the flip side, there's no better feeling than knowing we are going to work today solely because we want to. There's freedom in that. There's meaning in that.

My relationship with work forever changed that day. I promised myself that if one day I didn't want to go to that job anymore, I wouldn't. Little did I know, I'd have to follow through with that promise just seven years later when I left that career to begin what I do now. It was the hardest decision I ever made, but also the easiest (ironic, I know). I GET TO do what I do, and I never take that for granted. It doesn't mean it's easy (it's not). It doesn't mean it's always fun (it's not). But, boy, I can testify there's nothing more fulfilling or rewarding than waking up every day knowing I'm doing exactly what I'm supposed to do.

I hope you wake up with the same feeling. If not, I invite you to find it. It's out there.....I promise.

My Three Promises

I recently had the pleasure of spending time with a young adult in a decent amount of debt—car, student loans, credit cards—you know, the normal stuff! It was my first time meeting her, and I thoroughly enjoyed spending that time with her. 

Much of our time was spent formulating a plan to get out of debt and creating financial momentum to do so. The problem with so many people who are in debt, including Sarah and me when we first got married, is that the situation feels too heavy. The minimum payments feel too intense, the disposable income too little, and the mountain seemingly insurmountable. 

After laying out the plan, I made her three promises. These are the same three promises I make to all my clients beginning a debt payoff journey, and they are the same three promises I'll make you today if you find yourself in debt. 

1. Paying off debt is very simple. We list the debts in our desired payoff order (I prefer the smallest balances first). Each month, we pay the minimum amount due on each debt. Then, we take any remaining extra income and pay down the next debt in our sequence. Repeat this process each month, moving to the next debt each time one is paid off. It's simple!

2. Paying off debt is very hard. It can be a grind. Month after month after month. It's a thankless endeavor, and there's nothing enjoyable about it. At some point, it becomes a mental game. Can we stay focused? Can we stay disciplined? Can we keep our emotions at bay? There are so many other things we'd rather do with this money each month. Are we willing to make the necessary sacrifices? It's hard!

3. Paying off debt is so, so worth it. It's impossible to explain the amount of peace, freedom, and satisfaction we experience upon paying off our debt. It may have felt like we were carrying 100 pounds on our shoulders, but after paying it off, it feels like we actually shed 500 pounds. It literally changes everything! That moment of debt-payoff freedom becomes a significant inflection point in our lives, and we realize things will never be the same again. It's so worth it!

I lived this journey personally, and I've walked alongside dozens of families in their own journeys. Don't overcomplicate things.....it's very simple. Don't let someone tell you it will be easy.....it may be one of the hardest things you ever do. Don't underestimate the impact it will make in your life....it's will change everything!  

Not only CAN you do it, you SHOULD do it. Strike that. You WILL do it. You got this!