Kyle Has the Secret

I have a friend named Kyle. I don't see Kyle all that much, but we go on a boat ride together once every summer. He's the kind of guy you can't not like. He's generous, gracious, and just a lot of fun to talk to. He's the kind of guy who has a working knowledge of far more topics than any one person should have. Anyway, I was thinking about my most recent boat ride with Kyle.

Kyle is at the age where retirement is at the forefront. Society tells him he should retire. His age tells him he should retire. His peers probably tell him he should retire. His bank account also likely tells him he should retire. He's had a lengthy and successful career. By all accounts, he should be retiring.....but he's not. Instead of pursuing a life of leisure, he continues to wake up each morning and head to the office. Counter-cultural, I know.

So, as we're cruising into the sunset on his boat, I asked him about the retirement elephant in the room. He gave me the most beautiful answer. I won't quote him, as I don't remember his exact words, so I'll paraphrase. In short, Kyle told me that his life is better because of his work. Not because of the money that comes from the work, but because of the actual work itself. He said he could easily retire, financially speaking, but he doesn't want to. His work is too valuable to him. His newfound passion was investing his time, energy, experience, and wisdom into the younger generation. His eyes light up when he talks about the young professionals developing their careers. He speaks of the fulfillment he gets pouring into them and helping them grow.

Imagine a world where your life would be worse off if you didn't have your work. That sounds like a perverted Twilight Zone episode in today's culture. It's so far-fetched that most people wouldn't believe you if you told them.

We live in a society filled with jealousy. Jealousy over houses, cars, celebrity, status, power, partners.....and the list goes on. If you really want something to be jealous of, you should be jealous of Kyle. He's unlocked something truly special. He's living a significantly meaningful life. I have good news, though! What Kyle has isn't reserved for the fortunate few. It's an opportunity we each have in front of us.....if we're willing to pursue it.

Sometimes, it's easy. Other times, it's one of the hardest things we'll do. But in either case, it's worth it. I can't speak to how easy or hard it was for Kyle to find it, but I know he doesn't take it for granted. He knows what he found, and he embraces it as he should. For this reason, I deeply admire Kyle and pray I can navigate my journey to be where he is when I'm his age.

Work that matters. Always work that matters.

Knowing When to Say “No”

If you're someone with variable income (wage, commission, bonuses, solopreneur, freelancer, or business owner), there's an obvious upside. When you work more or produce more, you make more. Work more hours, get a larger paycheck. Sell more widgets, get a better commission/bonus. Serve another client, get another revenue stream. There's a direct correlation between your work and your compensation.

There's a shadow side to this, of course. It can be extremely difficult to say "no." If we have the potential to make a sell, we're inclined to do it. If we have the opportunity to grab some overtime hours, we're inclined to do it. If we have the opportunity to take on a new project, we're inclined to do it. While each of these scenarios means we'll likely make more money, there's a very real cost to it. It can cost us our time, stress, energy, physical/mental health, and opportunities to be with our loved ones. But it’s so hard to say “no”!

All these factors combine for one difficult journey. This is the battle millions of people face each day. And to be honest, many of us are losing the battle. This has been an ongoing conversation between Cole and me in our office for several years. We're both freelancers with wives who stay at home. Translation: there's a constant underlying pressure to provide financially. At the same time, we feel the responsibility to be present for our families and play other critical roles inside and outside our homes.

Last night, we went trick-or-treating with Cole's family. We had a great time despite the weather feeling like we were in the dead of winter. As we were walking from house to house, Cole revealed that he said "no" to a highly lucrative shooting gig for earlier that day. It was a hefty sum of cash for a single day's work. It's also worth noting that Cole loves that work. However, he said "no." He wanted to prioritize spending time with his family in preparation for their Halloween celebrations.

In years past, I'm not sure he would have declined such a gig. For this reason, I really admired his decision. This is a consequence of excellence. The better you serve people, the more people want to be served.....and are willing to pay more for the privilege. It's a constant battle, but a good battle.

Each of us must make our own choices along the journey. Saying "yes" is important. It's how we financially provide for our families, as well as add value to others. It's using our gifts and time to make a difference in this world. Saying "yes" is a noble endeavor. However, are we willing to say "no" when needed? Are we able to create boundaries to protect what's most important? Are we able to walk away from money when other things are more important?

This is the tension between meaning and money. It's a delicate dance, but I hope you win more times than you lose. Never forget the meaning. Always meaning over money.

Finding Purpose in Crappy Work

After giving a talk yesterday, one of the young men in the audience asked a fantastic question. He asked how one would pursue work that matters if they didn't have the financial means to take care of themselves while trying to pursue it.

I have two answers for this. First, pursuing work that matters typically doesn't require us to be poor. It requires that we're honest with ourselves about what meaningful work might look like.....then pursue it. The goal shouldn't be more money, but rather enough money. That's where people unintentionally hold themselves back. Several of my friends are on the edge of leaving their jobs to go full-time in their dreams. However, one thing is holding them back. They want to make "as much" in their new job as they do in their current job before transitioning. This is the consequence of anchoring. They are anchoring expectations to a specific number....an arbitrarily high number. Instead, they should be targeting enough. Enough to pay the bills. Enough to keep the train on the tracks. Enough to keep building their dream.

Sometimes, though, we have a dream that, for whatever reason, doesn't pay the bills right away. Maybe it's nothing.....until it's everything. Maybe there's a building process that requires us to start at zero. We aren't able to make the jump just yet. How do we survive the "nothing" stage? This is where crappy work can come into play. It's work that doesn't necessarily provide us with meaning. We don't wake up every day excited for what we're about to do. It just kinda sucks....but it pays the bills.

This can be the beauty of crappy work. Many of us have had or are in crappy jobs. You know exactly what I'm talking about! Without purpose or a plan, these jobs will suck the life out of us. Day in and day out, we put our time into a job that doesn't fill our tank. However, one tweak has the power to change everything. If we know what we're striving for, and have a plan, this crappy work can become the fuel to make it happen. If the income derived from this less-than-satisfying job can be put towards the dream, this crappy job suddenly feels a lot less crappy. We're building toward something.

I remember my first taste of this concept back in high school. I was getting up at 4AM on Sundays for an 8-hour shift at a cheese factory. It was anything but enjoyable. However, the income I made at that job served a bigger purpose at the time. I remember having very specific plans, which gave purpose to an otherwise purposeless high school job.

Some of you are there right now. You might be in a crappy job, but at the same time, know where you ultimately want to be. I want you to get there. But in the meantime, that crappy job may be the world's biggest blessing. Harness that for good! You deserve it.

The Sunday Scaries

Happy Sunday! Depending on what time of day you're reading this, your mood could be vastly different. Studies show that 4PM on Sunday is the most depressing hour of the week. The fun weekend is almost complete, and now our brain is shifting its attention to tomorrow. And considering 70% of Americans dislike or hate their job, the mere thought of Monday makes most people cringe. Some refer to it as the Sunday Scaries.

Whether we know about the 4PM on Sunday statistic or not, we know about the Sunday Scaries. It's all around us. We either feel it, know someone close to us who feels it, or see it manifest in our culture. The concept that Monday sucks is ubiquitous in our society. It leaks out through our cultural pores. Movies, music, TV, social media. Dread and Mondays go together like peanut butter and jelly. I often think about the song, Migraine, by Twenty One Pilots. Check out this verse:

Thank God it's Friday, 'cause Fridays will always

be better than Sundays, 'cause Sundays are my suicide days.

I don't know why they always seem so dismal.

Thunderstorms, clouds, snow, and a slight drizzle.

The Sunday Scaries stick with us, too. I was talking to a friend last night when she made a specific reference to her Sunday Scaries. Hers are not caused by what she will do on Monday, but rather what she used to do on Mondays decades ago. That's right. She used to dread Mondays so much that it's tainted the mere idea of Mondays decades later. That's how engrained the Sunday Scaries can be.....almost like it gets into our blood.

Here's the good news. We CAN reverse this curse. If 70% of Americans dislike or hate their job, that means 30% like or love their job. And if they do, so can you! I hope you get to a point in life where Monday is your favorite day of the week. A life where weekends are fun, but Mondays are full of promise, meaning, and impact. That reality does exist. I promise you that.

However, there's a catch. There's always a catch. In order to attain it, we typically must stop pursuing more. More money, more stuff, and more status. It doesn't mean we'll be poor or have little; rather, it means we're chasing after something different....something better. Work that matters.

I have a memory seared into my brain. I was having a beer with a friend one Sunday afternoon. The sun was shining, the birds were chirping, and we were enjoying a cold drink on a patio. All the while, he looked miserable. His eyes looked tired, borderline lifeless. He was suffering from the Sunday Scaries. I asked him point blank if all his stuff and bank accounts were worth it. He half-heartedly nodded his head yes, but he looked unsure. Fast forward many years, and he still has that same look in his eyes.

Sunday Scaries are a choice. I choose a life without them. How about you?

It Doesn’t Have to Make Sense

I love, love, love when people make decisions that fly in the face of our prevailing culture. Decisions that make people scratch their heads. Decisions that cause our loved ones to question our sanity. Decisions that lead others to talk behind our backs.

One of my friends recently made such a decision. As he was living out the final years of his career, he decided to make a drastic shift. He was perched at the helm of a fairly prestigious position at a notable institution, presumably set to coast out the remaining few years of his career in comfort before riding off into the sunset.

Today, he's settling into a new career at a new organization. Instead of coasting in comfort, he's diving head-first into discomfort. He could have taken an easy path toward the finish line, but he's choosing the road less traveled. This was a significantly counter-cultural decision, which was not lost on him as he contemplated his next steps.

Does he regret it? Did he make a mistake? Did it blow up in his face? I recently had the opportunity to ask him about it. He couldn't be happier! He's challenged in entirely new ways and, in a sense, starting over. This is the irony of pursuing meaning. In one hand, there is comfort, ease, and security. In the other hand, there is discomfort, challenge, risk, and stress.......oh yeah, and meaning! Meaning rarely comes with the prior, and almost always comes with the latter.

I hope I have his courage when I reach that point in my career. The world says to coast to the finish line (as quickly as possible). My friend said, "Nah, I prefer meaning." Well, he probably didn't actually say that, but in my mind, that's what he said.

I can't wait to see how the next chapter in his story is written! It doesn’t have to make sense. The best stories rarely do.

It’s About More Than the Product

Though I'm firmly cemented in the dot com generation (and live fully into all of the stereotypes), there's nothing better to me than a good old-fashioned newspaper. Sitting down with a paper and a coffee is my definition of relaxation. After a two-year hiatus, I recently decided to subscribe to a print newspaper. In my opinion, the Wall Street Journal is the most well-rounded, unbiased publication on the market. Therefore, that was my paper of choice.

The first day of delivery was glorious! Unlike the last time I subscribed, it showed up right at my doorstep (instead of me having to play Where's Waldo around a 3-house radius). I had my paper. I had my coffee. I had my relaxation. I was one happy man.....for a few days.

Then, something happened. I quickly realized the paper was getting delivered at 8:30 or 9:00 AM, significantly later than desired. Not only did I not get to read it while relaxing before work, but I didn't even have the opportunity to take it with me. To make matters worse, the weekend edition gets delivered one day late. I wake up on Saturday morning to enjoy my weekend reading, only to realize there is none. I'm already at church by the time they deliver it on Sunday. Therefore, I don't even see the weekend edition until Sunday afternoon.

Ok, rant over. Sorry, didn't mean to cry a river there. Here's where I'm going with this. The Wall Street Journal is a wonderful paper. I very much enjoy the Wall Street Journal. It's worth every penny I pay for it. HOWEVER, it's about more than the product. Even if the product is amazing (like the WSJ), the other aspects of the relationship matter just as much. Despite having a significantly superior product (my opinion) at a reasonable price (also my opinion), it's simply not worth it if they don't deliver it promptly.

It makes me think about Apple. I love Apple products. While Apple makes some of the best products in the world, it's about more than the product. From the unique layout and structure their retail stores, to the streamlined user-interface experience, to the unparalleled customer service. Did I mention the packaging?!?! Have you ever unboxed an Apple product? That experience alone is amazing. Apple understands it's about more than the product. Apple understands you need a world-class product AND excellence in all the other areas around it.

I think about this idea a lot. While we're trying to be excellent, work hard, and make an impact, what are we missing? Do we deliver good work but show up late every day? Are we good to work with but terrible to work for? Do we get our work done quickly, but it's full of errors? Do we make stellar choices on our big financial decisions but squander it away on all the little ones? Do we have a glaring blind spot amidst otherwise excellent work?

Something to think about today.

Earning the Right: Part 2

In yesterday’s post, I discussed the importance of making enough money to pay the bills. If we earn “enough,” we get the right to do it again next month. For this reason, money isn’t irrelevant in the meaning over money dynamic. Earning enough money affords us the opportunity to continue walking down the path of meaning in our day-to-day lives. My inbox has been flooded with responses. The most prevalent feedback is from people who “feel bad” about charging for their work when they love it so much. They would probably do it for free if they could. But that’s the problem. To continue serving others with their beautiful gifts, they must charge enough to keep the financial train on the tracks. Therefore, charging a reasonable price for their work is a good and noble thing. If we believe this, it changes everything!

Today’s post is a different angle on this “earn the right” concept. It’s one thing to charge people for your work, but another for people to want what you’re selling. Just because you say something is worth $x, it doesn’t mean it is. The tell is whether people want to pay you what you say it’s worth. If they do, it is….if they don’t, it’s not. Again, this is an earned privilege. We must add more value to the customer than what we charge them. If we do that, they will likely be happy. That’s only the first half of the equation, though. Let’s say someone trusted us enough to exchange their hard-earned money for our product/service. The next question is, did we earn the right to serve them again? It’s one thing to try something once, but it’s an entirely different thing to go back again, and again, and again. That requires us to add value, exceed expectations, treat them well, and build trust…..then repeat.

Later today, I’ll be delivering a talk in Los Angeles. It’s a slightly different version of the talk I did in June for the same organization. I’m also scheduled to do it a third time in January. I’m tremendously grateful for the opportunity, and I don’t take it for granted. I know for a fact this wouldn’t have happened had I not earned the right to do it again. If I performed poorly the first time, or was difficult to work with, or simply wasn’t perceived as “worth it,” I wouldn’t be here. They know that and I know that. Every time I step up to the plate, whether it’s a talk, a podcast, a blog post, or a coaching meeting, I’m giving it my best in hopes of earning the right to do it again. If I publish crappy blog posts, you’ll stop reading. If I produce lame podcast episodes, listeners will unsubscribe. If I deliver a bad talk, I won’t get invited again. And if I don’t serve my coaching clients well, they will fire me (and rightfully so!).

Every day, we must earn the right to serve them again.

Earning the Right: Part 1

The idea that "money doesn't matter" is naive at best, and misleading at worst. Even in the world of Meaning Over Money, it doesn't mean meaning=100 and money=0. Here's why. At the end of the day, we need to feed our families. We live in a world that requires us to financially care for ourselves. Failing to do so has some pretty dire consequences.

As such, living a life full of meaning, but failing to provide the basic needs for our family, flat-out doesn't work. It's a recipe for disaster. Yeah, I'm all about the pursuit of meaning. However, if we can't figure out how to pay the bills in the process, we lose the right to pursue this path. Completely disregarding money isn't the answer.

Three factors are at play when building a sustainable, meaningful life. We must combine our skills, with our passions, in a way that's profitable. Skills and passion without profit is a hobby. Passion and profit without skills will lead to failure. Skills and profit without passion will result in a job we merely tolerate (or worse). But if we can combine all three? That's a beautiful situation. When I say "profitble," I'm not suggesting we need to be Jeff Bezos or Elon Musk. Rather, I'm suggesting we make enough.

Enough. What does "enough" even mean? To me, it means earning the right to do it again. When I make enough this month, I earn the right to serve those who I wish to serve again next month. This is so important, and this is why so many entrepreneurs, freelancers, and solopreneurs fail. They don't fail because they are bad at their craft. They fail because they didn't earn the right to keep doing their craft.

The meaning over money angle comes into play in the curation of our lifestyle, which determines what enough is. Suppose we lean too much into the materialistic side of things. More debt, more expenses, more obligations. In that case, we raise the financial bar so high that we don't have a chance to combine skills, passions, and profit in a way that's enough. Therefore, our desire for stuff ultimately overpowers our pursuit of meaning. I see this happen again, and again, and again.

So next time you find yourself struggling to charge what you're worth or creating a revenue from your skills and passions, just remember you're not being selfish or greedy. You’re trying to earn the right to continue doing it. If you don't, you rob yourself and those who you serve. So, you charging what is fair and just is a noble, good thing. It's the prerequisite to the path of meaningful work. Don't be scared of that....embrace it!

You Have Two Choices Today

It's scientifically proven that 4PM on Sunday afternoon is the most depressing hour of the week. We've had a fun weekend, had lots of good food, spent time with people we care about, and haven't thought too much about work. But the weekend is winding down, and we realize tomorrow is quickly approaching. Considering 70% of Americans dislike or hate their jobs, the reminder of tomorrow is a sobering moment! Thus, 4PM is the most depressing hour of the week.

As you begin your Monday, you have two choices. First, you can choose misery. I get it. You don't like your job, you don't feel adequately paid, your boss is a jerk, you don't feel like you're making a difference, and/or it bores you to death. Most people can relate to some combination of those feelings. Your mere presence at work feels depressing. You'd rather be anywhere but there. You count down the time, find ways to distract yourself, and do whatever it takes to numb the feelings until it's time to go home. That's option 1.

Here's the second option. You can choose to be grateful for your work. Whatever you're getting paid, you can be grateful for the opportunity to make a living today. Instead of dwelling on how much the job sucks, you can consider the value you add to other people's lives. Your customers, your co-workers, and your bosses. You can think about the broader mission you're helping to accomplish, and the lives being impacted.

It's about whether the glass is half full or half empty. Our perspective of the glass can be a massive driver of how we feel about our jobs. If we believe our work is good, even if the job kinda sucks, it will provide some level of fulfillment. A slight shift in perspective can change everything. Alternatively, we can dwell on the negative and spin ourselves into a hole of pity and misery. This is where many live.....and I've been there! These are the choices you have today. Two choices with two vastly different outcomes.

Taking a step back, you have bigger choices to make. Do you really want to wake up in that same job tomorrow? If not, you have a different sort of choice to make. Remember, not making a choice is still a choice. If you really hate your work, today is a great day to start finding something different. Put yourself out there. Risk getting ignored. Risk having a bad interview. Risk getting turned down. Risk starting a new job that also sucks. Risk it, because the risk is worth it.

But today? Today, you have two choices. You can approach your day with a positive attitude, and possibly have a good, fulfilling, productive day. Or you can approach your day with misery, all but guaranteeing a terrible, empty, and exhausting day.

I encourage you to choose optimism.....then get about the business of finding something that better suits you. You deserve it!

Have Your Cake and Eat It, Too

Meaning doesn't pay the bills, or so I'm told. When I advocate for pursuing meaning over money, I typically receive criticism. I get called privileged, naive, short-sighted, and sometimes stupid.

However, I think there's a misunderstanding about this entire meaning vs. money conversation. We don't have to choose between meaning and money. I'm just asking people to choose meaning. If we choose money, there's a chance we find it. If we choose meaning, we will absolutely find it.....and we may even find some money along the way. Here's why. When we pursue meaning, we're likely pouring our blood, sweat, tears, gifts, passions, and energy toward something we believe in. If that's true, we can't help but have some level of success.

This is a significantly better outcome than waking up each day to tolerate or despise what we're about to do. In other words, most people who pursue meaning will ultimately make more money (in the long run) than those who simply chase the money. It's one of the greatest ironies of work and money. Choosing meaning does NOT condemn us to a life of poverty. Choosing meaning does NOT mean we're neglecting our family. Choosing meaning does NOT mean we're going to live a difficult life. I'd argue the opposite, actually.

There's a reason I brought this topic up today. Just this week, two of my clients experienced major job shifts. In an effort to pursue meaning, both accepted jobs that better align with their values and definitions of meaning. Oh yeah, they both received $20,000+ annual increases from what they previously made. So they both have more meaningful work AND make more money doing it.

Fear. Fear is typically the biggest obstacle in pursuing meaning. Change is hard. A known terrible is still better than a likely (but uncertain) good. It's like drinking semi-rotten milk. It tastes awful, and the alternative is probably much better, but there's also a chance it could be completely rotten. People would rather sip on their tolerable semi-rotten milk, and know what they're getting, than take a small risk that it could be worse. That's the funny thing about us humans. We fear a negative outcome far more than we get excitable for a positive outcome. The fear of the unknown is always worse than the reality of the known.....even when the known absolutely sucks.

I'm thrilled my clients were willing to take that chance. They had the courage and the conviction to make a drastic change, and they are mightily blessed because of it. They wake up each day excited for what they're about to do AND make more money for their families. It's a beautiful outcome to a very intentional decision. The decision to simply choose meaning. I couldn't love it more!