Scared of the Medicine

As yesterday unfolded, I kept coming up with new ideas for today's post. I have so many things to write about. I could write about this, or maybe that. What about that really cool thing that happened? Oh, wait, what about this other thing? Needless to say, my brain melted.

Considering I publish every day, I have plenty of time to unpack these stories in the coming days/weeks. One thread seemed to weave through each of my ideas, though: Failure.

On the whole, we humans are terrified of failure. We're scared enough that we go to great lengths to avoid it. We'd rather not pursue something we want out of fear that we might not get it. See the irony in that? We regularly accept a 0% chance of success in xyz goal because not even trying feels better than trying and failing.

Here's the wild part about failure. Failure isn't the manifestation of a loss. It's not some finality that ends the story. Rather, failure is the admission price to success. Failure isn't losing.....it's a necessary step toward the victory we seek.

Yesterday, I watched the product of failure. In multiple situations, I saw pain turn into glory, fear into joy, and terror into confidence. My kids get sick of me talking about the pursuit of failure; I celebrate it. I applaud them each time they give something their best shot and subsequently fall flat on their face. It's never fun in the moment, but that's where our character and grit are built. Not only do I not shield my kids from failure, but I put them in situations to fail.

I want to unpack this idea more in the coming days, but until I do, just know that we've had a LOT of failure over here in the Shelton household. And that, friends, is where the beauty comes from. I can't wait to share those stories soon!

Here are three questions for you to sit on today:

1. Where have you let fear of failure hold you back from doing something that mattered?

2. When have you shielded your kids from potential failure?

3. How might these situations played out differently if instead of trying to avoid failure, we chased it?

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Blind Spots, In Action

Yesterday's post was on the spicier side, not because of my words, but because of the overarching subject matter. Several of my friends reached out yesterday (in love) to suggest I stay clear of these types of topics and instead keep my focus on my core mission. If you stuck with me and you're back today, I hope you'll see how it all fits together.

"Our blind spots are killing us. They are killing our relationships, our personal growth, and our success." Those were some of my parting words in yesterday's post. Despite clear evidence right in front of us, we humans tend to see only what we want to see.

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Many years ago, one of my young friends was struggling to land a good job. He was extraordinarily bright, charming, and driven. In his words, he was "overqualified" for all the jobs he was applying for, thus resulting in him being repeatedly turned down for job opportunities. In a fun little twist of circumstances, my team was hiring, and I thought he might be a good fit. I invited him to apply, and he eagerly obliged.

The interview was a disaster. While he was, in fact, a bright, charming, and driven young man, he came across as arrogant, condescending, and entitled. He presented himself as a know-it-all, made terrible eye contact, and overall, lacked professionalism.

Needless to say, he didn't get hired. The entire situation was a dumpster fire. On the heels of this debacle, he again lamented to me about how he's simply too "overqualified" for most jobs, and he's a victim of his elevated abilities. When I shared some feedback from the interview process, he immediately dismissed me, seeing only what he wanted to see. If he could overcome his blind spots, he would have easily been able to develop his interview skills, allowing his true giftedness an opportunity to flourish.

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In the past few years, I've met with countless young couples who are struggling with their finances. As we work through the numbers and their personal financial situations, they offer their perspective on what's happening: "The Boomers have ruined our economy, and it's nearly impossible for our generation to succeed. The entire system is stacked against us, and nobody gives a s#$t." The exact words of one of these disgruntled people.

Translation: they are victims of overarching systemic issues. Inflation, high housing prices, a tough job market, stagnant wages.....the list goes on. While I'm not arguing that these things do or don't exist, I think there's more to the story.

Here's what I uncovered. Their financial lives were comprised of a series of terrible and destructive decisions. They've structured their lives in such a way that they constantly back themselves into financial corners. However, since they only see what they want to see, they are blind (and defiant) to these dynamics. If they could overcome their blind spots, they could easily gain control of their finances and set themselves free from the misery that's been bestowed upon them.

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Lastly, I'll share the story of Sam. Like millions of Americans, Sam is in tens of thousands of dollars of consumer debt...$59,000 to be exact. Credit cards, car loans, student loans. Everything he's been told his whole life indicates he's screwed, and there's no way out. A debt-filled life is inevitable. I walked him through a simple but effective process that would free him from all this debt within 24 hours. "Impossible!" The black-and-white numbers said it was doable, but he saw only evidence of the doomed nature of his life. If he could overcome his blind spots, he could transform his life.

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These blind spots are so very real. They aren't just costing us dollars and cents; they are costing us our freedom, our dreams, our callings, and our meaning. Please don't allow your blind spots rob you of what could otherwise be something truly special.

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Massive Blind Spots

Before I dive in, I need to clarify one thing. This post is NOT political. In fact, my goal is for you not to know which side of the fence I sit on by the time you finish this piece. Please remember this as you continue.

By now, most people have probably heard about and watched the video footage from the horrific incident that took place last week in Minneapolis. Just to be clear, what I'm talking about is a situation where an ICE agent shot and killed a woman in a vehicle. Regardless of your leanings, this incident was tragic. Many lives have and will be ruined as a result of this event.

Once again, this is another story that has ripped the country in half. Anger, resentment, vengeance, and all sorts of negative feelings are stirring all around us. Immediately after the story broke, people made up their minds about the "truth." Without knowing anything, people already knew what happened......and coincidentally, the "truth" about what happened aligns perfectly with their prevailing beliefs.

In the following days, more information and video footage of the event surfaced. All this new information filled in the gaps and provided more clarity on the truth. Something interesting happened, though. Despite having even more information, people were as split as ever about the "truth." One person could watch all the video footage and conclude one "truth," and another person could watch all the video footage and conclude a completely different "truth." To one person, the footage proves the shooting victim was 100% innocent, and it's an open-and-shut case of corrupt and evil law enforcement. To another person, the very same footgate proves the law enforcement agent was 100% innocent, and it's an open-and-shut case of the natural consequences of domestic terrorism.

How can we all watch the exact same video footage and reach polar-opposite verdicts? Because we humans ultimately see what we want to see. If we want to see corrupt law enforcement, we'll see corrupt law enforcement. If we want to see domestic terrorism, we'll see domestic terrorism. We'll absorb the facts and details that support our already-held beliefs while disregarding, dismissing, or minimizing the facts that may be contrary to what we want to believe.

I shared this idea with a handful of friends over the past few days. Every single person, without fail, explained to me that I was wrong and tried to convince me that their perspective was the absolute "truth"......and these were people on polar opposite sides from each other. See the irony here?

Life is full of nuance. If all we do is look for the facts to support what we already want to be true (which, again, is a subconscious phenomenon), we're doomed. We're doomed on a relational level, we're doomed on a personal growth level, and we're doomed on a success level. Our blind spots will crush us, either drip by drip or quite violently.

I certainly don't always get this right, but man, I try to be aware. Very few things in life are 100%/0%….the truth typically lives somewhere in the middle. We all have massive blind spots. I encourage you to find yours, and in the meantime, I'll continue seeking mine.

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The “Normal” Way

Things are done a certain way. In nearly every area of our lives, there's a "normal" way to do something. Is it the right way? Is it the best way? Is it the most beneficial way? Doesn't matter! It's the normal way, and that's all that matters. Get in line, stay in line, and don't rock the boat!

This is a concept we often talk about at Northern Vessel. We ask ourselves what the "normal" way is, then obsessively explore if there's a better way. In many circumstances, this has drawn much criticism (and sometimes hate). However, bucking "normal" can also be the gateway to something much, much better.

We put that idea to the test again this week as we try to re-imagine what a coffee shop drink experience could and should be. We've been in the lab drumming up something truly weird and (possibly) exceptional, and we'll be testing it at a bigger scale soon. Nobody's seen this yet, so I thought I'd give you a little peek:

A coffee shop iced beverage served in a can. You order your drink, the barista handcrafts it in front of you, and it's served in a sealed can. Want to drink it immediately? Simply pop the top and enjoy (with or without a straw). Want to enjoy it during an upcoming meeting? Toss it in your bag or purse and pop the top once you get to your destination. So simple, so effective, so not "normal." Is this a great idea? I’m not sure, but I suspect we’ll find out soon.

So many things in our lives fall into this bucket. The way we approach our careers. The way we handle our finances each month. The way we perceive generosity. The way we invest. The way we engage (or don't) with debt. There's the "normal" way, then there's the, in my strong die-on-the-hill opinion, a better way. A simpler, more effective, not so "normal" way.

A few years ago, I met with a young lady who was struggling in her career. The "normal" path wasn't satisfying her. She was doing everything she was taught to do when navigating a career, but it felt empty. She confessed to me her real dream. It was a weird dream. Then, she added, "But that's not how we're supposed to do things."

"Who cares!?!?" I asked her. It's her journey, and she's the only one who would ultimately eat the consequences of her actions (for better or worse). I told her that while her dream was in fact "not normal," that's exactly why she should pursue it. And pursue it she did! She's now more than two years into a very non-traditional career path, and she's loving every moment of the wild ride. It's not easy, and it's most certainly not always fun, but it's the most rewarding adventure she's ever been on. This only happened because she was willing to challenge the "normal" way.

You do countless things because it's the "normal" way. Which ones do you need to look more closely at to determine if there's actually a better way?

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They Can’t All Be Winners

Having published on this blog for nearly 1,200 consecutive days, I regularly get asked one particular question:

"How do you manage to have great ideas every day?"

Answer: I don't.

The truth is, not all days can be winners. I've really struggled writing the past few days. The ideas aren't flowing. The vibe isn't hitting. It doesn't feel natural.

While it never feels great to be in a rut, it forces us to make a decision:

1. We can shelf it and wait until it's perfect (which will probably never come).

2. We can ship it....period.

Shelving our creativity doesn't serve anyone. It robs others of your gifts while simultaneously robbing you of growingthrough the struggle. On the flip side, pushing through, no matter how it feels, helps us develop skills, habits, and discipline.

I wake up every day knowing that I MUST produce. No excuses. No justifications. No outs. While that might feel like a lot of pressure, it's actually freeing. The expectation isn't perfect. Rather, the expectation is impact. Nothing I produce will be 100% flawless, but my prayer is that someone will be moved. That's it. There's a freedom in that. There's beauty in that.

I know many people who read this feel a similar tension about an area of their life. It's a tension that lingers in the air. It can feel immensely frustrating. It often holds us back from moving forward in the areas we're called to step into. It makes us hesitate. We relent. We doubt ourselves. We wonder if we're good enough.

You are. You are good enough. Your work is worthy. Please don't be afraid to step into that thing. You'll win. Those whom you serve will win. The world will be a better place. You got this.

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One Day at a Time

Did you know that 90% of New Year's resolutions fail? It's actually worse than that. Studies show that 23% of New Year's resolutions fail within the first 7 days of the year! 43% fail within the first 30 days. By mid-February, more than half of New Year's resolutions are already dead.

I despise New Year's resolutions. It's not that I don't appreciate the sentiment behind them. I spent years starting (and failing) New Year's resolutions, too. The problem isn't in the idea; the problem is the execution.

Here's the problem. A New Year's resolution doesn't take anything more than some empty, albeit well-intentioned, words. It's a verbal declaration....with nothing behind it.

"I'm going to become a bodybuilder."

"I'm going to lose 75 pounds."

"I'm going to write a book."

"I'm going to be a better parent."

"I'm going to stop drinking."

All of these are good things, but in the general-ness of the proclamations, there's no real meat to them. There are no natural next steps that would actually bring these resolutions to life. They are wishlists. They are hopes. They are dreams.

Here's what I suggest as an alternative. Set a new habit. Pick something; something achievable. If you really want to lose 75 pounds, set one habit that will move you closer to it. Walk 10,000 steps per day. Don't eat after dinner. Cut out soda. Pick a small habit that, when repeated daily, will move you closer to your goal.

Finances are the same way. "I want to pay off $80,000 of student loans." I love the goal (or resolution), however, that statement alone won't unlock that potential outcome. Instead, what's needed are some simple, repeatable habits. Budget every month. Track spending every month. Find a way to bring in extra income. Intentionally make larger payments on one debt. Pick one or two "want" categories to cut back on each month. Paying off $80,000 of debt is a huge challenge, but it's also achievable. Most people aren't doing it, but you don't have to be most people.

Those are just a few examples. Don't set resolutions this year.....you'll surely fail. Instead, pick one or two small but repeatable habits that will naturally lead you closer to where you want to go. Then, once these habits become a standard practice in your life, you can add new habits or intensify the existing ones. That, I'm confident to say, is a fool-proof way to succeed.

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A Blank Canvas

Happy New Year, everyone! I don't know why, but this day gives me so much hope, optimism, and excitement each year. I've felt that way since I was a little kid, and that feeling never fades. I think what excites me so much is that it always feels like a blank canvas.

It's a clean slate, a fresh start, a new beginning. That canvas is so crisp, so clean, so empty. We are the artists. The brushes and paints are in our hands. What will we do with that opportunity? Will we continue to fall into the same traps as before? Will we fall prey to the ongoing pressures of our world? Will we take the path of least resistance and simply keep doing what we've always done?

Or, will we decide to carve a new path, a different path? Will we etch out a new storyline that has the potential to fundamentally transform our lives forever?

I feel the constant tension between continuing down the exact same road I'm on and having the courage to pivot. I see the hope and promise of what could be, but am I brave enough to go for it?

The same goes for you. You have a blank canvas in front of you. Today is day #1. This is where it begins. What masterpiece will you create with the blank canvas that lies before you? I can't wait to find out.

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Swapping Now for Most

As I continue to reflect on the year that's been and what's to come, I'm repeatedly reminded of a quote that always hits home for me: "Discipline is choosing between what you want now and what you want most." This quote is often credited to President Abraham Lincoln, and while I'm not sure that's true, whoever said it was a genius.

We, humans, do a really, really good job of choosing what we want now, knowing (consciously or subconsciously) that it will cost us what we want most. Debt is a great example of this. We use debt to get the things we want now, and the payments we eventually have to make will cost us something grander in the long run. Career choices are the same. We often choose jobs based on what they pay us right now, failing to consider the trajectory or other open doors a lower-paid role could provide.

We can even boil it down to something as simple as that donut sitting on the table. Yeah, slamming that treat (or three) would be really appealing right now, but does that action help me get to where I'm trying to go with my health and fitness in the long run?

As I continue to set goals and lay down parameters for the new year, I'm constantly thinking about what I want now vs. what I want most. Does XYZ decision help me get what I want now, or does it help me get what I want most? I don't always like the answer, unfortunately. There are a few things I need to give up now in order to get what I want most. My assistant and I chatted about that yesterday, and to be honest, it's humbling.

While these can be tough pills to swallow, I take solace in realizing that much of my life today is the product of past me choosing most over now. The freedoms we get to live have a direct correlation with the sacrifices Sarah and I made early in our marriage. I can tell you with 100% certainty that some of those decisions way back when felt utterly gut-wrenching. However, fast-forward 10-15 years, and I can testify that our life is 10x better because of it.

Therefore, no matter how much some of these now vs. most decisions can suck, choosing most ALWAYS pays off in the end. Bank on that, and do what you need to do.

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What’s Next?

Not sure if you noticed or not, but we have a new year starting in a few days! New Year's Eve and New Year's Day are always two of my favorite days of the year. They always seem to spark a few things in me:

1. Much-needed reflection about the year that's been.

2. Visioning about the year that's to come.

I live so much in the moment that I rarely take time to reflect on what's happened or what's to come. I'm hyper-fixated on what's right in front of me, and other things tend to get lost in the mix.

My life and businesses have taken so many twists and turns in 2025 that I'm practically living in a different world at the end of the year than I was at the beginning. With that comes the need to ask myself the tough questions. Later today, I'll meet with my assistant, Alyssa, to discuss what next year should/could look like. I have some tough decisions to make. Exciting decisions to make. Sacrificial decisions to make. Life-giving decisions to make. Gut-wrenching decisions to make.

In many ways, I think 2026 could be my best year yet. At the same time, though, it's likely to be the most challenging year yet. There's one condition, though. The only way this potential can be unlocked is if I'm willing to make the decisions that need to be made. Am I willing to get uncomfortable? Am I willing to pay the price? Am I willing to make the appropriate sacrifices? We shall see, and I'll be sharing more details with you soon.

Let's turn the mirror around. What about you? I encourage you to take some time in the next few days to take stock of what's been, look ahead to what could be, and challenge yourself to make the necessary decisions to unlock it. Staying right where we are is always the simplest and most comfortable path. It takes literally no effort to just keep doing what we're already doing. However, my gut tells me there's something in life you know you need to do. This is a great time to draw your line in the sand.

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Prerequisite

One of my buddies has been excitedly spouting off about how amazing his new investment strategy is. I'm not going to demean this type of investment in this post, specifically, but it's relevant for me to note that I despise everything about it. While many people love it, I think it's hot garbage.

"What makes you like it so much?" I asked him.

"Well, I don't understand all the particulars, but it sounds like it should get me a really good return!"

"How does it make you money?" I responded.

"I'm not exactly sure, but I heard it has something to do with ______."

"How much have you invested in it?"

"About $20,000, and I'll put another $700 into it every month going forward."

Again, I think this product is one of the biggest piles of trash on the market. I wouldn't invest my worst enemy's money into it. However, that's not the point. We can agree to disagree. My problem with the entire situation is that my buddy is investing in something he doesn't understand. He was literally clueless......which is the issue. Understanding the product should be a prerequisite to investing in it. That should be the bare minimum. Even if we don't know all the ins and outs, we must be able to explain it at a moderate level.

I constantly beat on the drum of simplicity, and this topic falls into that camp. If we're doing things with our money that we don't understand, that, by definition, isn't simplicity. There have been lots of investment opportunities cross my desk that, on the surface, seemed attractive. However, if I can't understand it, I pass. If I can't explain to someone else how it works, I'm out. Life is too short to get over our skiis and not fully understand what we're getting ourselves into.

Perhaps that means we need to simply say "no." Alternatively, it might mean it's time to educate ourselves. Here's one fun example. One of my clients is a soon-to-be first-time homebuyer. She doesn't know much about the process, and is intimidated by the mortgage component. Wanting to embrace this idea of understanding what we're doing with our money, she's been absorbing information in an attempt to better understand it. She recently fed her draft loan documents into ChatGPT and asked it to explain them to her like she's twelve. Brilliant! It triggered lots of good follow-up questions and considerations. By the time she closes, she'll have a solid basic understanding of what she's getting into. A prerequisite, if you will.

Whatever funky stuff you come across in your life, I strongly encourage you to pass if you don't understand it (or sincerely spend the time and energy to educate yourself). Life is too short, and if it sounds too good to be true, it probably is.

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Speaking of Reps

I've spent the past week trying to clean up the messes caused by my recent neck injury and cognitive issues. Needless to say, I dropped a lot of balls along the way. It feels overwhelming trying to figure out what balls were dropped and what obligations were broken. It feels messy and embarrassing, to say the least.

I noticed something interesting, though. Despite whiffing on so many things, I somehow kept my 1,100+ days writing streak alive. Even though my brain felt totally broken, I still managed to write, (semi) edit, and publish articles every day during that miserable stretch.

I recently read back through my writing from that period. Wild, as I don't remember much about any of that. It's also fascinating to read the thoughts that came out of my significantly impaired mellon. In some ways, it felt like me, but in other ways, I might as well have been reading the words of a stranger.

Immediately after getting back on my proverbial feet, I wrote a piece titled "Reps Matter." In it, I talked about the power of simply giving ourselves reps in life. Reps allow us the margin to grow in our craft. It's the gateway that takes us from doing something terribly to eventually doing it excellently.

As I reread the words that came out of my impaired mind over the first 10 days of this month, I couldn't help but smile at how giving myself so many reps (1,100 articles in 1,100 days) prepared me to produce content even when I was at my worst. It's wild how that happened!

This isn't about me, though. Rather, this is my way of offering an extra dose of encouragement today. Whatever the discipline is you're seeking to grow in, just give yourself reps. Reps, reps, and more reps. You'll eventually hit your ceiling, whether that be "sufficient," "skilled," or "world class." To some degree, the only thing stopping you is you. Therefore, each of us must decide whether we're willing to get out of our own way and give it the reps it deserves.

I don't know what this is in your unique world, but I have a feeling you do. Get those reps!

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Rudderless

I recently saw a heartbreaking video of a 40-year-old man who claims that he has wasted his entire life. He goes on to explain that his entire adult life has been spent just jumping from one shiny object to another, and after 20 years, he has nothing to show for it.

While I felt tremendous empathy for him, it made me think about the millions of people who share similar feelings about their own lives. When I think about this cohort of individuals, one word comes to mind: rudderless.

We live in a culture that says we should do anything and everything we want in the moment. As long as it feels good and "makes us happy," we should go for it. I think this is some of the most toxic and short-sighted advice known to man.Making decisions to get what we want right now is often a sure-fire way to ensure we don't get what matters most later.

I think some people would argue I make a lot of crazy decisions in life.....and I wouldn't argue with them. Here's the framework by which I assess my own decisions:

• Where am I trying to end up?

• Will this particular choice get me closer to or further away from where I'm trying to go?

• Am I willing to pay the cost of this decision?

All three of these questions matter. If we don't know where we're trying to go, we don't even know what direction we're trying to steer the boat. If we don't know if xyz decisions will move us closer to or further away from the destination, we have no true rudder to keep us pointed in the right direction. If we're not willing to do what it takes to make it happen, we shouldn't kid ourselves.

Truly focusing on these questions can be an eye-opening endeavor. There are so many shiny objects that come across my periphery. I so badly want to say yes to many of them! However, if I'm being honest with myself, many of these shiny objects can and would pull me away from where I'm trying to go. They would feel really, really good in the moment, but they would hinder the path I'm on.

This is one of the most humbling aspects of the human experience. To say "no" to the things we want now in exchange for the things we want most is one of the most challenging tasks we're assigned in life.

I'm not saying I always get it right, but when I look back at my last 25 years of life, I've succeeded more times than I've failed. I hope you feel the same, but if not, you still have so many more good years left in you to right the ship. Stabilize your rudder, make the difficult decisions, and move yourself closer to where you need to go. It rarely feels worth it in the moment, but it ALWAYS feels worth it in the end.

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Showing Them the Beauty of Work

We received another huge blast of snow yesterday morning here in the Midwest. After adding the new accumulation to our already high total snowfall, this season's snowfall has already eclipsed all of last winter.....and it's not even Christmas yet!

As the snow started to wane, I asked my 9-year-old boys if they wanted to make some money. They love projects. They love opportunities to go above and beyond. They grabbed their little shovels and began scooping. While we had about seven inches on the ground, the snow was extra light and fluffy, almost movie-like, so it wasn't a heavy lift. They made progress quickly.

After ripping out our driveway and sidewalks, I asked the kids if they wanted to do the neighbor's property, too. They both eagerly nodded their heads and began to scoop.

After the second house was done, I asked them if they wanted to do the next house. They nodded yes again, but not quite as eagerly. They began to scoop.

After the third house was done, I asked if they wanted to do the next house. They hesitated, then said yes. They scooped.

After the fourth house was done, I asked if they wanted to do the next house. After brief consideration, they both said no. Four houses, not bad!

They knew scooping other people's houses was a kind and generous thing to do, but they also knew I would pay them more money. By the time they finished, their little backs were sore, their faces frigid, and their bank accounts a little fuller.

I'm such a believer in giving our kids opportunities to step into work. Not forced, but encouraged. I want them to continually see that serving others is a good thing, and that serving others is a great way to earn money.

It's a win/win/win/win. When our neighbors discovered that their property has been cleared by someone, they were probably grateful. My kids felt delighted with a hard day's work. They received handsome compensation for their efforts. I was able to teach them, once again, about the importance of hard work and serving others.

If you're a parent, find opportunities for your kids to say yes to work. Use the natural rhythm of life (like snow) when possible. Find a problem for them to solve. Or even bolder, create a problem for them to solve. Make something up, if necessary! Just give them opportunities to step into service and work. Don't beat them with it. Don't guilt them. Don't shame them. Show them how truly good it is to serve others and work hard. It might not seem like it's making a difference now, but 20 years from now, it will be beautifully clear!

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Being True

I had back-to-back-to-back coaching meetings last night; I loved every minute of it. Something struck me as I was wrapping up my third meeting. All three couples I met with have distinctly unique journeys. Their stories are so different from one another. The paths taken, the decisions made, the dreams being pursued. Many overlapping conversations and topics weave in and out of these coaching relationships, but it's fun to see how every family's DNA looks different.

What's interesting to me is that the specific journey someone pursues does not define their meaning and happiness. There aren't inherently meaningful paths and non-meaningful paths. Rather, what separates the people who have meaning from those who don't is whether or not they truly embrace the journey they are signing up for. Do they believe in it? Are they being true to themselves? Are they honoring the spirit of their callings?

If the answers to those above questions are "yes," there's a high likelihood they are finding meaning in the journey, win or lose. On the flip side, if someone doesn't truly buy into their own journey, even the achievement of success can still result in feelings of emptiness.

It's an interesting concept to watch play out in families all around me......and in my own home. I often look in the mirror and sincerely ask myself if I'm where I'm supposed to be. For the last seven years, most days the answer has been an overwhelming "yes!" When that happens, regardless of the outcome, I go to bed feeling content and satisfied with the journey.

However, there are occasions when I have to look at myself in the mirror and acknowledge I might be doing the wrong thing for the wrong reasons. It's a humbling pill to swallow, but the sooner I can swallow it, the sooner I can rectify it and reposition myself where I'm supposed to be. While it's true that I'm getting better at not putting myself in bad positions, the real growth in my life is having the courage and wherewithal to more quickly remedy the times when I do.

When I think about the three couples I had the honor of spending time with last night, all I can think about is how well they are doing at this. All unique. All different. All interesting. Each honoring their best path, while turning a blind eye to the path that conventional wisdom tells them they should pursue.

Life is always going to be hard, so we might as well be true to ourselves and our callings while living it out. It makes the tough times palatable and the sweet times sweeter.

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Reps Matter

Tuesday night was Finn and Pax's school Christmas concert. It also happens to be the first meaningful event I can remember over the last week, thanks to my recent injury (finally experiencing some improvement!). About an hour before the show, I asked the kids if they were nervous. For context, in years past, they would get extremely anxious singing in front of hundreds of people. Their responses were interesting:

Finn: "No, not really."

Pax: "No, not at all."

Dang! That's a huge shift for them. When the actual performance started, Pax looked like he owned the stage. He was clearly into it. A big smile, enthusiastic dancing, and engaged singing. Finn also looked comfortable, and carried himself with confidence and ease. Very odd, considering how I know these events have played out in the past.

Afterward, I asked Pax about it. In short, he's used to being on stage performing music with his rock band 4-5 times per year. When he's on that rock stage, he's one of only five people, and the audience can hear every unique noise he makes. Translation: all those rock band live performance reps made last night seem like a walk in the park.

Reps matter. Whether it's performing in front of people or handling our finances, every rep gets us a bit closer to where we want to be. It reminds me of something I heard years ago that still lives rent-free in my head. We can't just decide to do something excellently. First, we need to do it poorly, which creates the opportunity to do it mediocre, which creates the opportunity to do it well, which creates the opportunity to do it excellently. The reps matter so much!

I stress this point with my clients over and over. They aren't going to magically be good with money. It takes the absorption of the base knowledge......AND the reps. The more reps they can get, the quicker they will advance into excellence.

Grace. We need to give ourselves grace. No matter the discipline we're picking up, we need to give ourselves grace to fail at first. Remember, doing something poorly is the gateway to doing it better next time. If we stick with it while giving ourselves grace, we just might one day find ourselves on the other side of excellence.

Don't be afraid to do something poorly, as it's the gateway to eventually doing it excellently. The reps always matter!

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Coffee, Milk, Sugar, and ___

My apologies for not responding to the flood of messages I've received from this week's posts. It's been challenging to reply in my current physical condition, but I'm grateful for all the comments and insights, and I look forward to going through them soon!!

I received an interesting text on the heels of my recent post about how we need to think about impact, not inputs. In the post, I discussed my chiropractor through two different lenses. On one hand, his $50 fee for a 7-minute adjustment means I'm paying him $240/hour for his time. I think that's a lame way to look at life. On the other hand, you could view the $50 as an investment toward having a functional body to increase your quality of life. Impact, not inputs.

Here's the text message I received after publishing that article: "That thought process may work for some things, but not most. At the end of the day a coffee is a coffee. There's no way to spin that one. You're buying a commodity, simple as that."

Ouch! Is that true? Is a coffee a coffee? TJ, my Northern Vessel co-owner, and I talk about this often! Here's how we think about it. We're not actually a coffee company. We're a hospitality company that happens to serve coffee. Hospitality is the core of what we do. It's our blank canvas. And the coffee is our paint.

If we're really going to boil this down, a typical coffee drink is just some ratio of three inputs: coffee, milk, and sugar. Three commodities blended into a finished commodity-ish product. There are hundreds of places to get a latte in every city, never mind the cheaper and more convenient coffee alternatives we have in our own homes. If what my friend is saying is true, why would people tirelessly wait in a line 30 people deep at a shop that arguably has the highest prices in the state?

Let's just pretend we have the best drinks in the city. Even then, the high prices combined with the massive lines would surely dampen our customer flow if people were simply there to buy a coffee, a commodity.

Which brings us back to my original thesis. We're not a coffee company. We're a hospitality company that sells coffee. What we sell is an experience, a feeling, a community. We want to offer people an experience that could be the highlight of their day. We hope the coffee is amazing, too, but it goes so much deeper than that.

We received this comment on an Instagram post yesterday:

"The coffee is amazing but I would stop here even if it wasn't because of how I feel when I walk in and how I feel when I leave." I don't know this woman, but her beautiful sentence stabs me right in the heart and synthesizes thousands of hours of work we've put into this. I'm so touched by her words, and I'm grateful she gave our team an opportunity to brighten her day.

Every single product or service we buy or sell, WITHOUT EXCEPTION, must be viewed through the lens of impact, not inputs. It goes so much deeper, and that depth is what turns business from something seemingly boring and sterile to life-giving beauty.

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Prepare, Prepare, Prepare…..Then Watch

This week was a tale of extremes for Northern Vessel. Wednesday (the day before Thanksgiving) was easily the best day we've ever had. Not only did we eclipse our previous best sales day, but we crushed it by 25%. On the flip side, yesterday was one of the worst days in the history of the company. It occurred in the middle of a 10-inch snowstorm that crippled our metro.

The truth is, we didn't directly cause either of these outcomes. Rather, we've spent three years building, tweaking, iterating, and failing our way forward to a better operation. Who we are today is a reflection of thousands and thousands of reps. In fact, the record day we set a few days ago was done with just three people behind bar, and it didn't feel hectic for the team at all. They've trained for this. They are ready for this. They crushed this.

Coming back around to yesterday's disaster, that's life. We're never promised good fortune in our journeys. Yesterday was supposed to be one of our top days of the year. Instead, we served only a handful of people, likely lost money, and closed early.

That's why it's so important that we stop obsessing over the outcomes. The outcomes will be the outcomes. The more important factor at play is how we prepare ourselves and set ourselves up for success. All we can do is all we can do, and let the chips fall how they may. Or, as one wise friend once told me, "You can't control 99% of what happens around you, so just focus 100% of your energy on the 1% you can control."

I'm obsessed with this concept. I rarely judge myself on point-in-time results or short-term outcomes. Everything I do has a 10-year fuse in mind. Every decision and action is for the sole purpose of being better off 10+ years from now, almost completely neglecting the present. This is one of the reasons why my life (and business decisions) look odd to some.

I can't recommend this approach more. Prepare, prepare, prepare.....then watch. Don't judge yourself based on short-term results. Keep the long-term vision in mind. Keep moving forward. Don't be too discouraged or too excited. Just keep pushing. The rest will take care of itself.....eventually.

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You Aren’t For Everyone…And That’s Okay

I'll never forget it. About a year ago, I met with a prospective coaching client who was interested in hiring me to help them with their finances. The consultation went fine, but the real fireworks happened the following week. I sent the couple an e-mail outlining pricing options. I had a lengthy waiting list, but if they are interested in proceeding, I'd be happy to add them to the queue.

The husband responded via e-mail: "Your pricing might be the biggest bunch of horses*** I've ever seen. There's no way I'd ever pay that. I'm surprised anyone does."

Turns out I wasn't for him....and that's okay. I wasn't offended. I didn't get upset. The truth is, I need some people to look at what I offer, what it costs, and to respond with disgust. After all, I already had a waiting list. If we're for everyone, we're actually for no one.

That's the beautiful part about business. We don't need everyone to value us, which is a good thing, because many won't. We can choose to get upset by that, or we can double down on our efforts to pour into those who do value us. There are an estimated 133 million households in the United States. Of that, I only need about 30 to value my coaching services.

Northern Vessel is the same way. I recently spoke with a fellow business owner. He pointed out that, in his opinion, we might be nearing the top end of our growth. He's nervous about our future and believes we've already saturated our exposure (in part because of our recent growth trajectory and in part because of our high prices). The truth? In a metro of 750,000 people, we serve approximately 3,000-4,000 different people each month. That's 1/2 of 1% of the population. Think about that! Having the privilege of serving 1 out of every 200 people in our city makes us an overwhelming success. Northern Vessel isn't for everyone....and that's okay. But when we look at it through a different lens, we realize the upside is practically unlimited.

The same applies to you. You aren't for everyone. Did you recently get rejected by a potential love interest? You weren't for them. Did you recently get turned down for a job? You weren't for them. Did you recently strike out in a pitch at work? You weren't for them. Did someone insult your business? You weren't for them. Did you get turned away by a prospective college? You weren't for them.

It's so easy to get bogged down by all the "no's" and forget about the "yes's." When we do that, we inadvertently focus more of our attention on the people who aren't for us than the people who are.

Whoever you are and whatever you're about to do today, you aren't for everyone. Some people will roll their eyes at you or disregard what you have to offer. It sucks, but you aren't for everyone.....and that's okay.

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Running Out of Excuses

Twenty years ago, it seemed like the entire world was a barrier to entry. Lines of communication were closed (or unknown), information was locked (or expensive), and tools were available to only those with particular access.

Today, however, the world looks different. We can pull a device out of our pocket and have immediate access to almost every person on the planet, some of the best information in the world is free, and tools are abundant.

In just the past 24 hours, here's what I was able to do at zero cost:

• Reached out to a major celebrity via IG to ask for a moment of their time.

• Watched a YouTube video about how to fix something on my car.

• Downloaded and played an audiobook for my kids at bedtime.

• Found a free Excel tool that will help me solve a fairly complex problem I'm helping a client battle.

• Received some tax insights from ChatGPT ahead of a conversation I'll be having with my accountant.

We're running out of excuses. The barriers to entry are shrinking. The cost of doing business is eroding. The gatekeepers are dying. The communication gaps are closing. "I don't know how to do that" is an excuse that carries far less water than it used to.

I'm watching creative and motivated people all around me build meaningful and sustainable businesses with little to no cost. They simply have no excuses.....and they don't want any.

I don't come from the YouTube generation, but I learned a valuable lesson from my business partner, Cole, a few years ago while we officed together. Every time he got stumped, he simply opened YouTube and searched his question. Within five seconds, he was watching a video that addressed his exact question. Equipment issue? YouTube. QuickBooks confusion? YouTube. Marketing predicament? YouTube. A lack of communication skills? YouTube. He was a kid with big dreams, and YouTube was his playground.

We're running out of excuses. Part of me hates this, as it gives me nowhere to hide. If I'm perpetually stuck on something, that's on me. Everything I need to succeed in xyz area of my life/business is at my fingertips for little to no cost. I kinda liked it better when I could just make an excuse for not doing something. Today, though, it's put up or shut up. The days of excuses are passing us by.

Despite part of me hating this, the other part of me looks at this and says to myself, "There's nothing that can stop us!" If that's true, what are we waiting for?!?! We're running out of excuses, so we might as well get creative and put our foot on the gas.

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Letting Go

As several readers pointed out, I left a major plot hole in yesterday's post about coaching my son's basketball team. To summarize, the post was a text I originally wrote (but didn’t publish) in December 2024. It was extremely self-critical and laid bare my heartbreak at realizing that my dream of coaching my kids in basketball was a failed experiment. I ended the piece with the following words: "Tough decisions need to be made. Ultimately, I owe it to everyone (including myself) to make the right decision."

Sunday was Pax's first game of the season. I played the role of a supportive parent, NOT his coach. As I wrote in December, the right decision is the right decision, even when it's not the decision we want to make.

When I decided to step away from coaching, I asked Sarah and a few others to hold me accountable to that decision. I'm glad I did, as I nearly changed my mind a half-dozen times over the past 10 months. Every ounce of me wanted to coach, even though I knew I needed to step away. Even a slight breeze could have pushed me to change my mind if I had allowed it.

Letting go is the hardest thing in the world. It reminds me of something a pastor once told me: "If everything God tells you to do is what you already wanted to do anyway, that's not God. That's you living for your own selfish desires and using God to justify it." Ouch.

Every ounce of me wanted to coach this year, but I knew deep down that letting go was the absolute right decision. Well, how did it go? Mixed results, to be honest. I was sitting in the front row of the bleachers at mid-court. Three separate times, I had to get up and leave. I paced back and forth behind the bleachers, watching from a little further behind. As Sarah would attest, I'm a quiet watcher as a fan. I never say a word. No yelling. No instruction. No verbal reactions. No anything. But inside of myself, I'm a mess. Sunday was no different. Every ounce of me wanted to be in coach mode, but Pax needed me to be a fan.

The right thing is the right thing, even when it's not what we want. There are so many things I'd change in my life if I could wave my magic wand, but unfortunately, I don't have such a wand. Therefore, I'm stuck trying to make the best decisions possible. Sometimes they benefit me, sometimes they don't. Sometimes I like them, sometimes I don't. Sometimes they make my life more comfortable, but usually they don't.

Sometimes, it's not about us. It's about doing the right thing for the right reasons.....period. While I will deeply miss coaching this season, Pax has a great coach, fantastic teammates, and a renewed energy toward the game. While I'll selfishly hurt, I will endeavor to be the best fan I can be to that little guy. He deserves that from me. Letting go is so hard, man.

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