Don’t Miss the Big Rocks

One of my friends wants to get right with her money. She's sick of working so hard, yet feeling so little progress. She makes good money, but there never seems to be enough. She might as well be a hamster in a wheel. She's running fast, but not going far.

Here's another fact about my friend. She loves coffee! By "love," I mean it's one of her favorite things in the world. If she were to be honest, there are few things in life more enjoyable than going to her favorite coffee shop, spending time with the staff and other customers, and enjoying a good coffee drink. 

With that context in mind, here's what happened. She recently confessed to me that she stopped buying coffees. Her tone was simultaneously proud and depressed. Proud that she's able to save money on coffee, but depressed that she just sacrificed her favorite thing in the world. 

The sacrifice isn't immaterial, though. At about $6.50 per day, approximately six days per week, that's around $150/month she's now saving by not going out for coffee. Pretty cool, right? I'm sure the world will applaud her prudence and responsibility.

I have a different take, though. Yes, she's saving $150/month that can now go toward other expenses and goals. That's fantastic, but in doing so, she literally gave up one of the most valuable things in her life. That's a pretty tough sell for me.

In our conversation, I asked her a few other questions. Here's a little tidbit I found out: Her car payment is $675/month. Here's another fun fact: She doesn't give a crap about her car. It's a car. It gets her from Point A to Point B. Her decision to buy such a car stemmed from her family's insistence that she get something "reliable," and her peers' encouragement that she deserved to drive something nicer. Thus, she now spends $675/month on a car that barely moves the needle for her.

It's an interesting comparison. She gave up one of her favorite things in life to save $150/month, while at the same time, she is blindly paying $675/month for something she doesn't care about. I think she missed the mark.

Don't miss the big rocks in your life. It's so easy to point our fingers at the small, but obvious items in our lives that "we don't need." However, instead of trying to rob ourselves of the little pleasures that can add richness to our lives, perhaps we need to look for the bigger rocks; the larger but less obvious expenditures that significantly move the needle. Most of us have them......several of them.

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The Financial Paradox

I received a message from a blog reader the other day. In fairness, this person is also a trusted friend who has earned the right to be brutally honest with me. Here's what he said:

"For stressing the importance of meaning over money, you sure do talk about money a lot."

Ouch! While I could have taken offense to this, I think it brings up an important idea. There's a fun little paradox when it comes to this idea of focusing on the meaning by focusing on our finances.

When we don't properly address our finances and instead try to simply enjoy life, we find ourselves stressed out about money and feeling the weight of our financial pressures. Alternatively, when we spend time and energy intentionally handling our finances, it's much easier to live a life with materially less financial stress, without the weight of financial pressures.

In other words, when we spend adequate time and energy on getting our money right, we don't actually have to think nearly as much about money. See the paradox? When it comes to my own finances, I probably spend 15 minutes per week on finances. I allocate my transactions in my budgeting app, pay a handful of bills, and transfer some money. Once per month, I'll spend 10 minutes creating the following month's budget, then Sarah and I spend 5-10 minutes discussing/negotiating it. Then, probably around the 20th of the month, Sarah and I will talk for another 10 minutes to ensure we're not getting too far ahead of any given category. That's it, probably less than two hours per month.

Then, during the other 718 hours per month, we try to enjoy a meaningful life. We don't focus on the money so that we can obsess about the money. Rather, we focus on the money so that we don't have to dwell on the money.

No, we shouldn't constantly obsess about our money. At the same time, though, it's critical that we spend enough time getting our money right so that it doesn't have to be the frustrating elephant in the room for those other 718 hours.

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At 4PM

Where will you be at 4PM today? Not physically, but mentally, emotionally. What will be going through your mind when the bell strikes four? Studies show that 4PM on Sunday afternoons is the most depressing hour of the week. Why? The weekend has largely come to a close, and now our attention has shifted to what's ahead.....and what's ahead is work tomorrow. And considering 70% of Americans dislike or hate their jobs, by 4PM on Sunday afternoons, most people enter what's referred to as the Sunday Scaries.

Have you ever had the Sunday Scaries? I know I have! Based on the data, there's a high likelihood that more than half the people reading this know exactly what I'm talking about!

What about you, today? Will you be feeling the Sunday Scaries later today? Some of you already know the answer is "yes." If that's you, I have good news and bad news.

First, the good news. A different reality exists! Each of us has the power to choose a path that doesn't involve the Sunday Scaries. In fact, there's a reality where Sunday nights become one of the best nights of the week! It can be a chance to reflect on the fun weekend that was, while simultaneously getting excited for the good work that's to come.

Now, the bad news. Living a Sunday Scaries-free life doesn't happen by accident. We can't luck ourselves into it. It won't just automatically click. Removing the Sunday Scaries requires each of us to be intentional, taking specific steps to change our course. It often requires us to abandon comfort in pursuit of something grossly uncomfortable. The fear of the unknown is almost always scarier than our own sucky reality. However, what if I told you that the unknown you're so scared of can actually be oh so awesome?

I'm so unbelievably excited for Monday. By 4PM today, I will be increasingly pumped for the work I'm about to do this week. I can't tell you I've always lived in this reality, and I can't tell you it was easy to move into this new reality, but I will tell you that it was worth it every single bit.

Set an alarm on your phone for 4PM today. When it goes off, ask yourself how you're feeling. Take that answer for whatever it's worth.

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In a Snap

I have a story you've probably never heard. It's a story that took place more than eight years ago, but at the same time, it might as well have been eight days ago. It's a story that rocked me to the core then, and its implications still linger today.

After adopting our two little men (we brought them home on their one-month birthday), we knew we wanted to become parents again. We felt it in our souls. It wasn't a matter of if, but when. After the boys' first birthday, we decided to fire up the adoption process once again.

As our boys approached the 18-month-old mark, we found out we would soon be blessed with twin baby girls. We were ecstatic in ways I could never even express in words. In so many ways, this was the ultimate answer to our prayers.

Then, it happened. After a sequence of truly tragic events, we lost our daughters. To say we were gutted would be the understatement of a lifetime. At the same time, though, we still needed to love and parent those cute little boys at home. It was the loneliest and most numbing island either of us had ever been on. Mourning a tragic loss while also trying to be grateful for what God has already blessed us with. It felt like a paradoxical whipsaw.

In a snap, our lives changed forever. We were so broken by what happened that we closed the door on future children. I've since come to terms with all that happened, and I'm truly grateful for my two little men. Being their dad is one of the greatest joys of my life.

It's crazy how much life can change in a snap! One minute our world looks a certain way, then BOOM, it will never be the same again. These thoughts are always on my mind when I'm meeting with coaching clients. It's one thing to manage our life, work, and finances under the assumption that life is one way, but does our plan work if life changes in a snap?

This is where so many people get burned. Their lives are engineered for things to work so long as their reality remains similar to what it is today. What about the snap!?!? What will we do if our lives change in a snap? Can we navigate the choppy waters? Will we be able to pivot? Do we have the margin necessary to keep the proverbial train on the tracks?

I don't share my little sob story to garner pity. Rather, I want to illustrate that life can (and does) change in a snap. My biggest encouragement for you today is to prepare your lives for the snap. Where do you need to create margin? Where is your life currently too rigid and in need of flexibility? What shifts would you be able to make if everything blows up in your face?

I hope your life significantly lacks these negative in-a-snap moments, but let's not bank on it.

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Investing In Two Little Banditos

Amidst one of the most challenging stretches of my last five years, I was able to carve out a few days to travel to Chicago with my family. The goal? Attend a Twenty One Pilots show for Finn and Pax's ninth birthday. It cost money, time, rest, and several other not-insignificant sacrifices. It, along with many other things, has added a tremendous amount of pressure to my life.

All that being said, it was so good to lock in a new memory with my kids. We had a blast at the concert (their third Twenty One Pilots concert to date). There's nothing like watching their excitement build, then experience the payoff, one song after another. They screamed, sang, laughed, and reacted with awe. It was amazing.

There are a lot of things I could have used with this money, time, and bandwidth, but I'm glad I invested all of that into making memories with the kids.

That's the tension we face each day. There's always something that needs our money. There's always an obligation that needs our time. There's always a pressure that requires our bandwidth. There's always something that needs some of our something. If we're not careful, we'll get so lost in the needs that we forget about the other important things in life.

Last night, though, the other important things got addressed in my life. I'm grateful for that, and hopefully, it will provide memories that last a lifetime.

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A View to the Other Side

A few weeks back, one of my friends asked me a fairly sharp question. It wasn't meant to be offensive, condemning, or destructive. It was a sharp, but sincere question: "Why do you so aggressively talk about these meaning over money principles when most of the world already agrees with you?"

I thought she was joking! When the rest of the world already agrees with me?!?!? What planet is my friend living on? I asked her a few questions, and here's what I discovered. She's a Gen-Z'er who spends most of her time with other Gen-Z'ers. That generation, stereotypically speaking, believes more in these meaning over money principles than any generation before. In any event, she's inadvertently surrounded by a lot of people who loosely believe that meaning is more important than money.

However, she's also built differently. She oozes meaning. She's passionate about what she does, and her calling is profound. She also carries herself with a lot of contentment.....i.e. the materialistic ways of our culture don't sway her as much as others.

To summarize, though, she generally believes that most people fall in her camp. I hated to break it to her, but she's an odd duck in our modern society. An awesome duck, but an odd duck. I love how she sees the world, but she's the exception, not the rule.

Want to know what the rule is? This is the rule. Check out this short video clip. You can either click THIS LINK or click the image below. If you don't have TikTok on your device, you can open it in a web browser. I would paraphrase it or quote it, but I need you to see it with your own eyes and hear it with your own ears.

@mikemancusi The answer is money. Its always money. #money #moneytok #finance #lifeadvice ♬ original sound - Mike Mancusi

This is what I'm battling every day. Not him. Not this particular man. He might be a great guy. I don't know anything about him, and this is literally the only video I've ever consumed of his. For all I know, he and I could be buds. But his perspective - the sheer bluntness of his perspective - is analogous to what much of our society believes. And when people believe something, their actions typically follow suit.

This brings me to my purview. Every day, I interact with countless people who are making decisions in accordance with beliefs similar to those in this video. It's not going well. At scale, people are making decisions to sabotage their lives and any meaning they could be pursuing. This is leading to record-breaking mental health struggles and an epidemic of Americans disliking or hating their jobs. Depression up. Divorce up. Suicide up. So many bad things....up.

As you navigate your day today, I encourage you to think about this. Which belief system do you subscribe to? Whatever your answer was, what decision patterns are stemming from these beliefs? Is it time to make an adjustment? Whether I know you or not, I desire so much better for you than more money. I'm not against you having more money, but at the same time, I want something for you that money can never buy: meaning and purpose.

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It’s Just Money: SAHM Edition

I took some heat for yesterday's post about the phrase "It's just money." A few fun responses include, "You're again advocating for irresponsibility," and "It must be nice to not care about money."

In a surprising twist, I received about a half-dozen messages from one particular group of people: Stay-at-home moms and husbands of stay-at-home moms. I didn't necessarily connect these dots when I wrote yesterday's post, but these folks sure did. I'll summarize their takeaway: It's nearly impossible for a family to decide to become a one-income household without implementing the "It's just money" mindset.

Think about that. In more than 90% of situations (by my estimation), a family will end up worse off financially by electing to have one spouse stay at home instead of paying for childcare and having the second spouse work a paid job. In other words, the only way to make the decision for one spouse to stay at home is to acknowledge that other factors are more important to them than having more resources.

Each respondent shared their personal versions of this story. Every version was different, but all included one key theme: Sacrifice. In order to connect the financial dots, every single-income family must decide what gets sacrificed. For some, it's vacations. For others, it's dining out and lifestyle. Some people give up the possible opportunity to retire earlier. Others live in more conservative houses or drive older vehicles.

Regardless of each family's version of sacrifice, the math equation is the same. If a family chooses to have one spouse stay at home with the kids, they will inevitably have less material wealth than had they made the opposite decision. It's just money. I love it!

I can relate to all of these families, as Sarah and I made a similar decision to be a one-income household when we became parents. It hasn't always been easy, financially speaking, but we would have made the same decision 100 times out of 100. It's the biggest no-brainer for us in the world. As a finance guy, I understand the opportunity costs of such decisions, and if I let the materialistic side of me win, we would be much better off financially. However, it's just money. Sacrifices must be made. Values must win out. Meaning must prevail.

Whatever you're up to in this season of life, I hope you're able to feel confident and convicted about meaning prevailing over money. This isn't about me forcing my values on you, but rather, it's about encouraging you to let YOUR values supersede your materialistic instincts so you can live your most meaningful life. Your future self will thank you so much for that gift!

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It’s Just Money

Some of my business partners and I were engaging in an intense conversation. We have some huge decisions ahead of us, and there's a lot on the line. There are so many considerations: risk, upside, impact, mission, and potential pitfalls. In the midst of this debate, I made a controversial suggestion that involved me shifting a large portion of the risk from the company to my personal financial shoulders.

One of my partners expressed concern for my personal finances and the potential negative implications of implementing such an idea.

"It's just money," I responded.

No, I don't want to be irresponsible with what I've been blessed with; that's poor stewardship. However, at the same time, my top priority in life is NOT to accumulate more money, stuff, and status. Ultimately, my mission is to further the mission. And in the case of this particular debate, if it requires me to risk my own personal finances to ensure the long-term success of the mission, then so be it.

This type of attitude is the product of two things:

• The realization that money will not and cannot make us happy. Money can do a lot of things, but our happiness, satisfaction, and fulfillment cannot be driven or defined by how much money we accrue in our bank accounts.

• There's nothing more powerful than a mission that matters. When we believe in something and the impact it can have on people, that's the pinnacle of living.

It's just money.

That phrase can save us from a lot of heartbreak. It's so easy to let financial mistakes and failures beat us down. We think about it and say to ourselves, "I wish I wouldn't have done that!" Ultimately, though, what did it really cost you? Yeah, a few hundred dollars is a few hundred dollars. Yeah, a few thousand dollars is a few thousand dollars. It's not nothing. It might have some heft to it. However, life is about so much more than money.

Please don't let money be the driving force behind your perspective. Don't let money make you sad.....and don't let money make you happy. Don't let money define you as a failure......and don't let money define you as a winner. Don't let money guide you into decisions you otherwise wouldn't feel proud making. Don't let money distract you from your mission.

Yes, let's be good stewards. Yes, let's try to make wise choices. And YES, always stay true to the mission. It's just money.

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Permission Granted

My inbox and phone have been flooded with messages over the past few days. People are struggling with all sorts of emotions right now. One particular message hit especially hard.

"Travis, for the last few years I thought your meaning over money message was stupid. It felt like a cheap way out of taking personal responsibility and doing the right thing for your family. I felt like you were being a wimp and taking a loser route. But last week something changed in me. I started looking at my life and realized I only do what I do for the money. Other than that I feel like my life is meaningless. I'm not doing any good for the world. I'm just living for me and that needs to change, but I don't feel like I have permission to take a different path this late in the game."

Welcome to the club, my man! We're so good to have you. Permission granted! I get why so many people roll their eyes at these ideas and principles. I understand why I get so much criticism. I don't take it personal......anymore.

It's never too late to choose meaning over money. It's never too late to turn the tables over and start afresh. It's never too late to reject society's notion of normal to pursue the path less traveled. It's never too late to take stock of what matters most, then refocus your life toward that.

God will use all things for good; even the bad stuff. Scratch that, especially the bad stuff. Nothing is wasted in God's economy. I deeply hope this man takes this nudge and runs with it. I hope this is the beginning of a beautiful story that will unfold in front of his family, friends, and everyone he has the privilege of interacting with. He doesn't need my permission to act, but perhaps my encouragement will give him the confidence he needs to get started.

You don't need permission, either. However, if you're looking for it, I'll give it to you in the form of encouragement. Life is too short and too important to allow money to drive our decisions. Perhaps it's time to let meaning take the wheel.

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Not Throwing It Away…..Today

I'm still reeling. These last few days have been absolutely brutal. Yesterday's blog post was the shortest post I've ever written. I simply had no words. The tank was empty; I was completely drained. Again today, I don't feel great. I have a lot of emotions spinning in me. Like so many others, my instinct is to react. My gut says to explode. Every ounce of me wants to let people have it.

However, at the same time, I keep thinking about this idea I podcasted about more than three years ago. It's an idea I think about often, but today, more than ever, this idea remains foundational in my life. We each have a choice:

1. We can explode with anger, vengeance, and frustration. We can tell people off, make ridiculous social media posts, or leave nasty comments on other people's posts. We can unleash our opinions on the world, leaving a wake of wreckage in our path, essentially throwing away any influence we ever had with people in our circle.

2. We can navigate life with a posture of restraint, retaining influence in people's lives. While we might hate their opinions and behaviors, and we won't get the instant (but fleeting) satisfaction of telling them how dumb they are acting, we can keep the right to be a positive influence in their lives.

I'm teetering between #1 and #2. Every ounce of me wants to lash out. However, doing so will require me to throw away any and all influence on many people's lives. Looking at it the other way around, there are countless people in my life that I will likely never trust again after this week. Any influence or equity they had in my life has been torched. It's sad, but true. Perhaps they don't care, but it's still sad.

In order to keep a proper perspective, I went back and listened to that episode (Episode 131 of the Meaning Over Money Podcast, dated 6/27/22). It's weird listening to your own voice to gain insights, but I gotta do what I gotta do. I fully encourage you to listen as well. That episode feels more timely than ever. You can find it on APPLE, SPOTIFY, or wherever you listen to podcasts.

Today, I'm going to choose restraint. I hope I choose restraint again tomorrow. Every day is a new battle. Keep fighting the fight, retaining influence on other people's lives. Your influence matters.

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Few Words

I have few words today, friends. After the recent public and cold-blooded murders of Iryna Zarutska and Charlie Kirk, plus another senseless school shooting, I lack everything I need to write today's post. My encouragement is zapped. My wisdom is futile. I have nothing remotely funny or clever to say. The tank simply feels empty.

This appears to be a fork in the road for all of us. Do we continue down the road of anger, violence, and vengeance? Or do we find common ground and show each other dignity? After scrolling social media last night, I'm afraid to answer that question. Further, as I search my own soul and have a glimpse of what's inside me, I'm also scared to personally answer my own question.

Whatever today brings, try to go to bed tonight on the positive side of the ledger. Leave the world better than you found it today.

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My 8, Her 1

I was having a perfectly normal yet good day yesterday. I was stressed by some time-sensitive endeavors, but it was a good day. Probably an 8 out of 10. The weather was nice, the sun was shining, and I was eager to serve those whom I had the privilege of serving. Then, it happened. I was in the pharmacy to pick up some treats for my kids when I crossed paths with a young lady (probably 17-18 years old). To say she was rude and disrespectful would be a gross understatement. She was borderline inappropriate with how she behaved.

My gut reaction was to be snippy with her, possibly fire back with a little smart comeback. However, I restrained myself and tried to simply be polite with her. Inside, though, I was seething. Would my dark thoughts prevail, or would I handle myself in a way I'd be proud? My good side ultimately prevailed, and I handled myself with respect and dignity. I was courteous with her despite her harsh attitude.

Fast forward five minutes, and I walked toward the checkout. Who's in front of me? The rude young lady. She was there to purchase just one item: a pregnancy test. Oh boy. I think it's safe for me to assume she was having an epically stressful day. She might have been in the midst of a 1 out of 10 day.

We have a principle at Northern Vessel that's foundational to how we conduct ourselves. Our guests NEVER have to earn our hospitality. Every person that walks through our doors deserves dignity and respect.....period. Even if they are having a 1 out of 10 day, our mission is to serve them at the highest level. Taking this approach in business and life requires us to put our guard down and be willing to make the first move. It requires us to approach situations with humility and vulnerability, even when it might blow up in our face.

When we're having an 8, 9, or 10-type day, there are countless people around us who are having a 1, 2, or 3-type day. Do we deserve to be treated like dirt? Of course not! However, what an opportunity we each have to be a steadying presence in people's lives when they are at their worst. Even when we want to lash out or match their negativity, we have an opportunity to lift their day, even for just a moment. It's not much, but to someone having a 1 out of 10 day, it could mean everything.

I'm really glad I handled myself well in front of that young lady. I hope she's alright. I've been thinking about her a lot, and I pray she's surrounded by loving, caring, and honest people.

Whatever type of day you have today, I hope you muster the strength to show class and dignity to everyone......especially those who don't seem to deserve it. They may need it more than anyone.

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Leaving a Gift For Future You

I had a ridiculously fun experience yesterday. Nearly four years after one of my clients stepped away from our coaching relationship, they reached out and asked if we could set up a one-time coaching meeting. They are contemplating a huge life decision and wanted a second opinion. I get it, as this is a heavy consideration in front of them, ripe with all sorts of consequences (financial and otherwise).

I understood the general concept and heart behind the question, but I didn't yet know the broader context. Then, as happens before all my coaching meetings, they sent me updated financial information. I opened the Excel file and smiled; I immediately knew something they didn't. In the nearly four years since we last met, they had done precisely as I recommended. They followed my advice nearly verbatim. That was the moment I knew it would be a fun and productive meeting!

My job was easy at that point. Instead of trying to measure all the pros and cons of this seemingly heavy decision, I was able to visually illustrate why not only could they do it, but they should do it. They diligently, intentionally, and consistently structured their finances and invested in such a way that they now have a myriad of options on how to handle the next season of life. That flexibility, in turn, will now unlock one of their dreams. They left a beautiful gift for their future selves, and today, their future selves are able to receive said gift.

This is the mind-bending part about our financial lives. Every decision we make impacts two people: Current us and future us. When current me makes a wise decision, it's a gift for future me. When current me makes a bone-headed decision, it's a curse for future me. Whether we want to admit it or not, future me will always become current me at some point in time. Even 80-year-old future Travis will become current Travis in 2061. A time will come when the future old man me will become current me.....I'll be that guy!

I think about this a lot when I reflect on the wild life choices Sarah and I have made over the past six years. With the benefit of hindsight, there was a wonderful season where then-current Travis and Sarah left a truly blessing-filled gift for future Travis and Sarah. That future Travis and Sarah is us today. We're reaping the blessing of decisions that previous versions of us made.

What gifts or curses are you leaving to your future self? That's an amazing question to ask today. What do you want your future self to have? What does future you need from current you today? Whatever the answer is to that question, today is a good day to give that gift.

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Make It Hurt a Little

Yesterday was a great day for Cyclone fans all over the world, as the football team won its second consecutive Cy-Hawk game against our rival, the Hawkeyes. I'd like to say I enjoyed watching the game, but to be honest, it was a stressful and miserable endeavor from start to finish. That game is always tough to watch, but I was excited about the outcome.

The catch: I watched it from home. I had been eagerly anticipating being there in person with our season tickets, but by Friday, I knew we needed to simplify our weekend and watch it from home. I have a huge talk coming up, and I really needed more rest and more prep time.

When one of my friends found out I was staying home, he had a question: "How much did you get for those tickets?!?! That's the most valuable game of the year!"

"I gave them away."

His face immediately formed a look of disgust. "Why would you just give them away?!?! You could have gotten at least $600 for them!!!"

"Because I wanted to," I replied. The truth is, there was no amount of money I could have received for those tickets that would have provided me with as much joy as giving them to another family. That family was able to make memories, share an experience together, and be part of something truly awesome. It was priceless!

Giving is more valuable than money, every single time. Sure, we could make it a math equation. If I give away $1,000, I have $1,000 less to spend on xyz. That math is correct. That math is real. However, the simple math fails to encapsulate the greater beauty of giving. Whenever we give, it changes something inside of us. It shifts our perspective from "me" to "them." It forces us to look outside ourselves. It requires we think about ourselves less, and other people more.

Would an extra $400-$600 come in handy? Absolutely, it would! It was very tempting, too! The selfish and self-serving side of me really wanted to hit the cha-ching button on those tickets. However, we needed to remain pure in our intent with our season tickets: Make memories with our kids and bless other people. Mission accomplished.

Giving is more valuable than money. If you agree, fist bump to you! If you don't, would you please consider putting me and this idea to the test? Consider blessing someone in a big way this week. Make sure it requires tangible sacrifice on your part. Make it hurt a little. Then, see what happens. It's beautiful!

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Happy Curation

On the heels of a recent post about a client of mine that has done a beautiful job of curating their life, I received a handful of e-mails from blog readers asking for real-life examples of what it looks like to curate one's life. I absolutely love this, and it got me thinking about how Sarah and I have managed to curate our own family's life over the past six years.

With that context in mind, the following are a handful of examples of how we've intentionally curated our lives in recent years:

• We live two minutes from Finn and Pax's school (one way) and two minutes from my office (the other way). Our logistical life is situated within a half-mile radius on the same street. It's simpler than simple.

• We rent our house, which gives us complete predictability on our cost of living. It's one of the biggest life hacks on the planet.

• We allocate a healthy amount of money each month for travel, allowing us to travel a lot.

• Sarah stays at home (while part-time nannying and part-time volunteering), meaning we have a lot of logistical flexibility while relieving me from many of life's inconveniences. This allows me to focus on what I need to focus on.

• I never take a meeting before 9AM, which enables me to spend my early mornings with the boys and take them to school each day.

• Since we keep our living expenses low, we're able to focus heavily on generosity. This changed our lives.

• Once I left my prior career and started my self-employment journey, I gave myself the freedom to engage with any new work that I felt called to try. This has led me to work on several different endeavors at any given time.

• I purchased an affordable convertible ($9,000) that I use as a fun commuter car for half the year. It adds an immense amount of richness to my day-to-day life.

• We live within walking distance of several restaurants, coffee shops, parks, and shops.

Each of these things combines for a curated life that's exactly how my family wants to live. I'm NOT advocating for you to live a similar life. Rather, my encouragement is for you to methodically and intentionally curate your own life to align with your values. There's no reason to be a victim of circumstance when you can be the author of the journey. Happy curation!

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From the Ashes

One of my friends experienced something beyond horrifying. They've been through it all, and somehow stand upright on the other side of it. I can't even imagine the amount of pain they've endured.

During a recent conversation, I shared that I'm hopeful and confident that beauty will eventually rise from the ashes of this chaos. Over the subsequent 45 minutes, they shared beauty, after beauty, after beauty.

Watching their friends, family, and neighbors rally around them with unconditional love, support, and generosity. They've never felt more loved than they do now.

Speaking of generosity, the love they've experienced from those around them has unlocked an entirely new understanding of what it means to be joyfully and sacrificially generous. Some of their perspectives on giving have been rewired, and the potential consequences of this shift are exciting!

Watching their kids grow in their faith, resilience, and perseverance. Nobody wishes their children to experience pain and suffering, but to see faith bloom during this season has been a tremendous blessing.

Gaining a newfound outlook on life, relationships, finances, and what it means to pursue meaning over money.

Feeling a deep sense of gratitude. Not dwelling on all the things we don't have, but being sincerely grateful for all we do.

Beauty, through the ashes. Sometimes we get more than we bargained for, and we'd give anything to undo it, but beauty will always rise from the ashes.

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Say No to Guilt

Do you ever make financial decisions out of guilt or societal pressure? If yes, that means you're human. If no, that means you're lying......or a robot. It happens to all of us at times. Throughout the course of our day-to-day lives, we face thousands of decisions, big and small. We run into situations where we might want to make one particular decision, but the walls of guilt and/or pressure start to close in.

Tipping is one area that's becoming increasingly difficult for people to navigate. It seems like everyone and everything wants a tip. I was recently solicited for a tip from a machine that was fully automated. What do you mean the robot wants a tip?!?!?

In a recent survey conducted by Talker Research, it was discovered that Americans are spending $283/year on guilt-driven tipping in 2025, which happens an estimated 4.2x per month. $283/year is nearly $24/month. We each spend an average of $24/month on tips, solely dictated by the guilt and pressure!

As the owner of a coffee shop, I'm acutely aware of this tension. On one hand, I completely get why people are growing weary of the systematic and manufactured pressures to tip. On many occasions, it does feel like we are getting set up and manipulated.

On the other hand, I embrace the idea of our team being handsomely rewarded for excellence and hospitality. I want them to crush it, but I want them to earn it! I want them to add so much value to that experience that people want to freely and generously tip them (no guilt!).

Where I personally land on this topic is to never be influenced by guilt or pressure when tipping. When I'm at a coffee shop or most other service providers, I demand excellence. When excellence is delivered, I tip exceedingly well. Even when the service is poor (which is now a common occurrence), I tip something. I know my opinion is controversial to many, but I'm still a tipping purist at heart. I believe tipping is an intimate form of generosity, grace, and an opportunity to reward and incentivize excellence. I'm all-in on tipping.

My Meaning Over Money business partner, Cole, has a different perspective. He's beyond tired of our tipping culture and is quick to hit "no tip" in many situations. For example, if the establishment isn't in the food and beverage industry, no tip. If it's a food and beverage establishment and he has to order at a counter or walk up to grab his own food or drink, no tip. If the employee isn't polite and friendly, a much lower tip. Similar to me, but in the completely opposite way, Cole doesn't feel guilt, either. He is sincere in his actions and doesn't lose sleep over it.

While I disagree with Cole's tipping principles, I fully approve and affirm his endeavor to make guilt-free and pressure-free decisions. That's an important part of living with meaning in our finances. Nothing good comes from guilt, so let's strive to remove it from our day-to-day habits.

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Being Stupid

Yesterday morning, I was sitting at church, minding my own business, when out of nowhere, the man giving the message anonymously told a story about me! I was shocked, to say the least. He's a friend of mine, so it was an honor for him to even think about me in this regard.

To summarize, he shared examples of people who made decisions that led others to call them "stupid." In my case, he shared how I had a high-paying job that would have essentially ensured I'd be financially set for life. Then, in an attempt to serve more people in different ways, be more present with my family, and be a better father, I quit my job to start my own little business. This decision resulted in people all around me (including some extremely close to me) telling me I was "being stupid."

I gotta admit, having some of your closest friends and family call you "stupid" is a hard pill to swallow. At the same time, though, we shouldn't endeavor to gain the approval of others. It's our journey to live, and we're the ones who must live with the consequences of our own actions.

Over the last six years since making that decision, I've had many people call me stupid for many different decisions. It's unsettling when people around us make counter-cultural choices, and it challenges us in our soft spots. We've all been on that side of the equation. Just last week, I found myself getting jealous of a friend for doing something I don't personally (yet) have the courage to try. Instinctively, I wanted to call him "stupid," but truthfully, that was my own insecurity creeping in.

I feel like half my days are spent encouraging people to do "stupid" things. So many people are teetering on the edge of making life-altering decisions, but the cultural pressure from people around them often holds them back. After all, nobody wants to be "stupid."

There's a shadow side to all this. At some point along the journey, the same people who initially thought we were stupid start to see the positive side of these seemingly crazy decisions. In some situations, without even saying a word, we begin to inspire other people to make their own "stupid" decisions. Stupidity is contagious, I guess.

This is the role we each have the opportunity of playing. Our decisions and choices may draw the ire of people all around us, but so too does the product of our actions. Someone has to break the mold.....why not you?

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Exceptions

Yesterday was Iowa State Football's home opener. I took the boys, and we had a blast together. The day was sweeter with a blowout win, too! We made so many fun memories and lost our voices from the cheering and screaming. Good times! Go Cyclones!

As the game drew to a close, the boys didn't want to leave. Pax wanted to play catch with the football, and Finn stood all the way down by the field, watching the marching band and maintenance crews. Though dark clouds were clearly moving in, I decided to let the boys dictate our pace. If they wanted to linger, we would linger.

Finally, they were ready to leave. About 30 seconds after leaving the stadium, a downpour opened from the skies.....followed by a heavy dose of thunder. Problem: Our car was more than a mile away. I checked the weather app, which indicated the rain would be sticking around for a while.

I made an on-the-fly decision. I pulled up Uber and ordered a car to drive us from the stadium to our parked car. $20 (surge pricing). Ouch! It never feels good to spend $20 (plus tip) to have someone deliver you to your own car just one mile away, but sometimes we need to make exceptions.

The truth is, Uber could have charged me $100 and I would have done it. I didn't want to risk walking in lightening, and walking 25 minutes in a downpour sounded miserable. While not the best expense in the world, that $20 was going to be the best money we spent all month. The Uber drive itself was an adventure, and our young driver was overwhelmed by the gameday traffic. However, he was a good dude, and the boys and I decided to tip him an additional $20. Therefore, that entire endeavor cost $40.

It's so easy to look at certain expenses and roll our eyes. On paper, it doesn't make sense. Spending $40 to have someone drive us a mile to our car doesn't make sense. So many things don't make sense. However, sometimes we need to make exceptions.

Somtimes, making weird decisions is more about quality of life than standard of living. I didn't spend $40 for a 1-mile Uber to have a higher standard of living. In the moment, that money was going to dramatically increase our quality of life. It was priceless, in a sense. Our day was better because of that decision, and I’d make it 100 times out of 100. A beautiful exception.

Be willing to make exceptions. Don't be so absolute in your boundaries that you miss the bigger picture. Context matters. Circumstance matters. Mental, physical, and emotional health matters. Quality of life matters. Don't be afraid to make questionable decisions to protect those things from time to time. We can't do it all the time, but when odd or unique situations arise, be willing to pull the exception trigger.

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Curating Your Life

Do you ever wake up and ask yourself, "How did I end up here?!?!" It's remarkable how life can move so quickly at times that we unintentionally end up in places we didn't intend to be. The previous sentence can be taken positively or negatively, but this phenomenon tends to impact us more on the negative side, as it's much easier to accidentally end up somewhere we don't want to be than somewhere we do want to be.

This concept applies to so many areas of our lives:

• What we spend money on.

• Who we have relationships with.

• The work we find ourselves in.

• What we do with our time.

Every once in a while, I have a "What am I doing?!?!" moment. I recognize that I somehow got off course and ended up somewhere I never intended to be. As soon as that happens, I try to be extraordinarily intentional about changing course back in a direction I desire to be.

Last week, in the middle of a client meeting, I thought to myself, "This couple has curated their life better than anyone I know!!!!" They don't make more money than the average family. They aren't living some exotic lifestyle. They don't have flashy jobs. They are normal people living normal lives, but with one catch: They are living the exact life they curated for themselves. Where they live, where they work, who they hang out with, how they spend their time, and how they structure their family life. It all seems so intentional.

The cool part about this family is that I've watched this slowly come together over the course of a decade. I've known the husband for ages, so having a front-row seat to his inspiring example of intentional living has been a treat.

No, they aren't wealthy. No, life hasn't gone perfectly. In fact, they would be the first to admit it's been a messy ride. However, through the noise, they've been able to maintain an intentionality toward their unique definition of ideal life.....and they've pursued it with discipline.

A big part of this is rejecting society's conventional wisdom for how we ought to live, and instead choosing to stay laser-focused on our values. Again, this applies to time, money, work, relationships, and more. Forget what everyone else is doing; just be you!

One key sign you're doing it well is if someone accuses you of being weird. Many of my family's decisions and actions get called out for going against the grain. I'm never offended by such comments, as they only affirm that we're living the life we're called to live. My kids are starting to see some of this, making random comments every now and then. I love that, and I want them to know the importance of curating a meaningful life with intention and discipline.

What about you? What actions have you taken to curate your most meaningful and ideal life? Conversely, what decisions, made today or in the near future, would get you closer to living the life you know you're meant to live?

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