The $10 Fast-Food Burger

$10 for a fast-food burger?!?!

As I was on my way home from the cattle ranch last night, I knew I needed to stop somewhere for food. I had decision fatigue after a long week, so my brain wasn't working very well. Then, I saw it. There was a Hardee's approaching on my right. I hadn't been to Hardee's in more than a decade, so it seemed like a decent opportunity to break that sad streak.

"I'll have a Frisco burger. A double, please."

As I processed my payment and collected my receipt, it dawned on me that I had just purchased a fast-food burger for $10. $10? What in the world!

A few minutes later, I hopped back in my car with my overpriced fast-food burger. Probably not a wise decision on my part, but it was quick and it was food. Oh well, I can't win 'em all. Then, something changed. I opened the wrapper and took a bite. Whoa! For being a fast-food burger, that's one heck of a fast-food burger! It was delicious.

In a matter of 30 seconds, my posture shifted from "I just made a bad choice" to "Please, take my money, Hardee's."

It was a classic case of price vs. value. On the surface, the price seemed expensive. However, once I was able to rationally compare the price to the value, it felt fair.....more than fair.

For as often as I write about the importance of always comparing cost vs. value, I almost fell into the trap of judging something solely based on price. That delicious cheeseburger was a fantastic reminder to always keep this concept in perspective.

It's a small and silly example, but that cheeseburger is a great metaphor for our day-to-day lives. We come and go, making decision after decision. If we're not careful, we can easily make choices based on price, ignoring the value. I'm guilty of it, and I'm sure you are, too. So, this weekend, as you venture out into the world, always remember to weigh the value as you're making decisions; you'll thank yourself for doing so.

Oh yeah, and maybe swing into Hardee's for a Frisco burger!

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Impact, Not Features

I was talking to a friend about her business. She has a unique business model and sells an even more unique product. On the surface, it's not really my jam. I'm not particularly interested in this field, and it doesn't resonate with me on any emotional level. However, my role wasn't to love her product, but rather to add value to her business in helping her see things more clearly. 

I asked her to explain the product. She began sharing about all the features and what a customer would get for the money. Interesting, indeed, but how much does it cost? When she told me the price, I immediately grimaced. Ouch, that feels expensive! I asked her to shift gears. Instead of telling me what a customer would get, I wanted her to explain how it would impact someone's life. Oh, now I was interested! She shared some really interesting perspectives about how a customer's life would improve because of this product. Then, she added, "And they will be able to use it for the rest of their lives." 

In that moment, her product's questionable price felt like the world's biggest bargain. You mean to tell me that for only $____, my life will be positively impacted in XYZ ways and it will be so for the rest of my life?!?!? Sold! Where do I sign up? I was hooked. In just five minutes, this went from a product I have no genuine interest in to one I NEED in my life. I’m completely enthralled by what she’s doing!

If you're a business owner, take note of this paradigm shift. However, I don't want to expound on this from a seller's perspective. Instead, I want to flip the script and focus on the buyer's experience. As consumers, we too often get bogged down by the features and benefits of a product. We look at the price and compare it to the features, then walk away. If we were wise, we would instead look at products and services through the lens of impact. 

How will this product or service impact my life? What difference will it make in my journey? How will it make my life easier? How will it make me more productive? How will it improve my health? How will it increase my longevity? What joy will it add to my day-to-day life? 

My experience is that when we look at prospective purchases through this lens, it completely transforms how we measure cost/benefit. What might have otherwise felt expensive can quickly become a bargain. Conversely, what might have otherwise felt cheap can quickly become a ripoff. 

I feel like most of my personal purchases fall into what culture would classify as "wasteful." However, each one is specifically curated to maximize the impact on my life. I don't buy much for myself, but when I do, the value it adds to my life far outweighs the cost.....even if the cost might seem higher. 

As consumers, we should focus far more on impact, and much less on features. If we can make that mental shift, we can begin playing an entirely different game. 

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Midlife Crisis: Year 2

Today is a sad day in the Shelton household. Today is the day when my 350Z (aka my midlife crisis, as my friend Emma calls it) gets stored away for the winter. This was my second full season owning this car, and it was a fun one! I've written about this car a handful of times, but here’s my original post about buying this car after a 17-year wait.

I thought it would be fun to take stock of my experience so far. As I often write about, it's not about spending less, but spending better. In the case of buying a fun car, it's certainly not "spending less." However, does it fall into the category of "spending better?" The best way to do that is to assess the value it adds to my life and contrast it with the cost.

First, the value. It's safe to say that owning a fun little stick-shift convertible has added a tremendous amount of richness to my life. I love using this car as my daily commuter for about half the year. Road trips are a blast. Going on little crank-up-the-music around-town cruises with the boys is an amazing experience. I so much enjoy having this car in my life.

Now, the cost. This is always the wild card, and one area where most people will self-sabotage. When it comes to fun things we WANT, never underestimate our human ability to squint at the cost and justify anything (even the most insanely destructive decisions).

I paid $9,000 for this car. It was 18 years old with approximately 70,000 miles on it. Fantastic deal! However, there are lots of other costs to operate a vehicle. Here's a full breakdown of my first two years of costs:

• Sales Tax: $450

• Tags: $250

• Tows: $220

• Repairs & Maintenance: $3,079

• Insurance: $1,584

• Winter Storage: $1,000

This means my total operating costs over my first 24 months were $6,583 (or $274/month).

Lastly, we need to take depreciation into consideration. Every time drive our vehicles, we're eroding the value. We can generally assume we'll lose 15% of a vehicle's value each year. I had two things going in my favor when I purchased this car. I was buying a used car that had already experienced significant depreciation ($9,000 purchase price on a car that originally sold for $30,000+). I also bought it at a great price. The $9,000 price felt a little light compared to what I thought I would need to pay.

Today, Kelly Blue Book says the estimated private party value of my car is approximately $8,800, meaning I've lost approximately $200 of value from my original purchase price.

Let's put the two pieces together:

• 24 months of operating costs: $6,583

• 24 months of depreciation: $200

• Total 24-month cost of ownership: $6,783 ($283/month)

So, I'll ask myself that question again. Was it worth it? So much richness added to our lives, and it costs us $283/month for the privilege. Yeah, this might be the greatest bargain of my lifetime. It's not about spending less, but spending better. Turns out, this is one version of my better.

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A Good Ol’ Fashioned Audit

Never underestimate our human instinct to practice the status quo. It's so much easier to keep doing what we're doing, even when doing something different would be in our best interest.

Nowhere is this concept more applicable than when I'm meeting with new clients. While my client might have been doing the same things for the past decade, I challenge every category in their budget. It can be a startling moment for people. Yeah, I understand you've been paying $25/month for xyz service for the past 15 years, but does it add more value today than it's costing you?

You wouldn't believe how many expenditures in our lives fall into the camp of not being as valuable today as they once were. Yet, we keep them around out of habit (and the path of least resistance). Here's one example. One of my clients is paying $80/month for a service. Upon asking them about it, they said it's something they've paid for about 12 years......so, naturally, it should stay. I asked a few more challenging questions. Turns out, they don't utilize the service nearly as much as they used to. Meanwhile, the price is nearly triple what it used to cost. If they are using it half as much as they used to, and it costs three times as much as before, it's only 1/6 as valuable to their lives as it once was. Through that lens, it became the world's easiest cancel.

After going through this exercise across their entire financial life, this couple managed to cut nearly $400/month of expenditures without giving up much value. Overall, huge win! A good ol' fashioned audit can be a breath of fresh air.

As the year comes to a close, I challenge you to perform a good ol' fashioned audit on your finances. Seriously consider what's adding value, and what's not. It's not about spending less, but rather ensuring that you're getting as much value (or more) than you're paying. Some cheap expenditures are rip-offs, while some expensive expenditures are bargains. It's an interesting exercise, and one I think you'll be grateful for engaging with. Happy hunting!

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A Heavy Anchor

A huge shout-out to the couple that granted me permission to share this story. I pray good comes from it, and that my harsh-ish words can move the needle in their marriage!

Picture this. I'm sitting face-to-face with a couple. They are stressed, frustrated, and borderline depressed. The tension in the marriage is palpable. You could cut the desperation with a knife. Finances are killing them! Specifically, a lack of income is killing them.

Oh yeah, I should probably add one more piece of information to the picture: Their monthly take-home income is $22,000. Yeah, you heard that correctly. $22,000/month......every month. And according to them, there's simply not enough money to keep the train on the tracks. Or, as they put it, "It costs a lot just to survive these days!"

At one point in the conversation, I pointed out to them that just their monthly housing cost (plus utilities) rivals what most people in their town make in a month. They looked at me like I had an alien growing out of my forehead. Again, I tried to put into perspective just how much money they make. They continued to stare at the alien apparently bursting from my face. I explained that the client I met with earlier in the day (who coincidentally lives 1/4 of a mile from them) has a total take-home income of about $7,000/month (and is thriving!). The wife looked like she was either going to have an aneurysm and/or hop over the table to stab me.

I don't know about you, but most people don't even dream about making $22,000/month take-home. In fact, most people probably wouldn't even know what to do with that type of income. Yet here I was, talking to a couple who were lamenting that $22,000 isn't enough monthly income to even survive.

I was getting nowhere. I asked them how much money they made early in their marriage; "Probably $4,000/month." Well, that's a bit different from their current situation. "But the world has changed a lot since then." Fact check: That was seven years ago.

Here's the harsh truth. Unless we're willing to live with humility and contentment, there's no amount of income that can satisfy us. The problem with more is that every time we get more, more is still more.

I offered a few suggestions for how this couple could create financial margin. In some families' situations, it can be challenging to open up much-needed margin. This family, however, has a treasure trove of options for swiftly and materially lightening the tension in their finances. Want to know where they landed? The husband is going to pick up some extra work on the side (nights and weekends) to see if they can make a few thousand more per month.

Here's my promise to them. If they stay on this course, we'll be talking a few years from now. They will be making $25,000-$30,000 per month, yet feel just as broke, stressed, and resentful as they do now......if their marriage survives.

They deserve better than this. You deserve better than this. We all deserve better than this. Don't let the curse of more pull you down.....it's one of the heaviest anchors ever created.

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Never Enough Income

Do you ever think to yourself that xyz issues would be solved with more money? If only I made $1,000 more per month! If only I made $2,000 more per month! There are so many financial priorities, and it never seems like there's enough money to go around. First, yes, if our basic needs are not yet financially met, more money will absolutely help close some critical gaps. What I'm about to talk about is the scenario in which basic needs are met, but other financial desires are at play.

I recently had this conversation with a client. This couple makes more money than ever before, yet at the same time, there doesn't seem to be enough. How can that be?!?! How is it possible to make twice as much as we once did, yet still not have enough?

Here's why. There's never enough income. Our human instinct is to conceptualize how making x more dollars per month would magically fix it all. From my experience, however, that line of thinking is futile. People who make $75,000 think more is the answer. People who make $150,000 think more is the answer. People who make $300,000 think more is the answer. People who make $700,000 think more is the answer. Believe it or not, but I've worked with people who make $3M per year who think more is the answer.

There's never enough income. I know it's a depressing thought, but I have good news. While we can't fight our way to success by driving our income upwards, there is one thing we can control. I once heard it said this way: "Wealth is the difference between what we have and what we want." In other words, if our wants keep going up and up, there's never enough money to satisfy the craving for more. On the flip side, if our wants are kept in check (i.e., contentment), what we have is enough.....more than enough.

This is the very reason why families who make $60,000 can feel wealthy while families who make $400,000 can feel financially stressed. It's not about what they make; it's about what they want.

In my 20 years as an adult living in the real world, I've learned that my financial well-being is far more influenced by my contentment (or lack thereof) than by how much money I make. It’s a humbling reality!

What about you? Are there areas of your life that you could/should want less? Is your hunger for more eroding your contentment? What steps would you need to take to widen the gap between what you have and what you want? It's a worthwhile endeavor, and fortunately for all of us, one we can absolutely control.

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Collecting?

A friend recently asked me what I collect. In response, I just stared at him. My brain was churning, but nothing was registering. Collecting....collecting....collecting. What do I collect? I couldn't think of anything. I don't collect anything?!?!

I used to collect baseball cards. I used to collect video games. I used to collect watches. I used to collect Chicago Bulls memorabilia. I used to collect DVDs. I used to collect CDs. Today, though, I can't think of a single thing I collect. Is that weird? It feels weird to me, but at the same time, I can't think of anything I would want to collect.

It feels odd to me that I used to collect lots of things, but now collect nothing. I have some theories on why I don't collect things anymore, but I'll save those theories for another day.

What about you? What do you collect? What moves the needle for you? Why? What does it do for you? How does it add meaning to your life? I'm genuinely fascinated by this topic. I want to learn what others are doing.....and why. I feel like i might be missing something in my own life, but I'm not sure what.

Please hit reply if you receive this blog via e-mail, or please comment below if you are reading on the website. I can't wait to learn more about this topic, and your perspectives on it.

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…..For Me

Whoa, I really stepped on a landmine with yesterday's post. I received countless e-mails and texts from people about my young friend's "irresponsible" coffee habit. To summarize, I have a young friend who recently gave up her six-times-per-week coffee shop visits. Making this sacrifice saves her $150/month, which sounds great......on the surface. Ultimately, though, she gave up one of the most important things in her life while blindly keeping a $675/month car payment that she couldn't care less about. The entire point of the piece was to suggest that we ought to thoughtfully look at our big rocks before willfully giving up smaller things that matter so much to us.

The hate came rushing in! To summarize at least a dozen people's responses to my article: Going to coffee shops is a waste of money.

That's it. Buying fancy coffee drinks at coffee shops is a terrible use of money. It's reckless, irresponsible, and foolish. There are a million better uses for that money than buying dumb coffee. That's the narrative.

Please allow me to rephrase the response I received from people: "Going to coffee shops is a waste of money.....for me."

The same can be said about countless other things:

• Golf is a waste of money......for me.

• Fancy restaurants are a waste of money.....for me.

• Hunting and fishing equipment is a waste of money.....for me.

• Sports and concert tickets are a waste of money.....for me.

• Spa treatments are a waste of money.....for me.

• Vacations are a waste of money.....for me.

• High-end fitness studios are a waste of money.....for me.

I have great news for you today. It doesn't matter what other people think you should do with your money. They have different values than you. They have different priorities than you. They have different beliefs than you. They have different standards than you.

When I look at the list of possible expenditures above, some appear awesome and some are a waste of money.....for me. If you discern the same list, you're going to have different answers.....for you. That's the beauty of pursuing meaning in our lives. It looks different for everyone. As soon as someone tries to tell you what should matter and what shouldn't, they've lost credibility to speak into your decision-making.

I don't care what expenditures you value and which ones you don't. My biggest care is that you know what's important to you, pursue it aggressively, and know what's not important to you, and avoid it just as aggressively. Whether you love or hate coffee, act accordingly. Whether you love or hate vacations, act accordingly. Whether you love or hate ____, act accordingly. That's where the rubber meets the road in finding more meaning in our money. Please don't fall for the trap of living other people's values. Your values are awesome enough.

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Don’t Miss the Big Rocks

One of my friends wants to get right with her money. She's sick of working so hard, yet feeling so little progress. She makes good money, but there never seems to be enough. She might as well be a hamster in a wheel. She's running fast, but not going far.

Here's another fact about my friend. She loves coffee! By "love," I mean it's one of her favorite things in the world. If she were to be honest, there are few things in life more enjoyable than going to her favorite coffee shop, spending time with the staff and other customers, and enjoying a good coffee drink. 

With that context in mind, here's what happened. She recently confessed to me that she stopped buying coffees. Her tone was simultaneously proud and depressed. Proud that she's able to save money on coffee, but depressed that she just sacrificed her favorite thing in the world. 

The sacrifice isn't immaterial, though. At about $6.50 per day, approximately six days per week, that's around $150/month she's now saving by not going out for coffee. Pretty cool, right? I'm sure the world will applaud her prudence and responsibility.

I have a different take, though. Yes, she's saving $150/month that can now go toward other expenses and goals. That's fantastic, but in doing so, she literally gave up one of the most valuable things in her life. That's a pretty tough sell for me.

In our conversation, I asked her a few other questions. Here's a little tidbit I found out: Her car payment is $675/month. Here's another fun fact: She doesn't give a crap about her car. It's a car. It gets her from Point A to Point B. Her decision to buy such a car stemmed from her family's insistence that she get something "reliable," and her peers' encouragement that she deserved to drive something nicer. Thus, she now spends $675/month on a car that barely moves the needle for her.

It's an interesting comparison. She gave up one of her favorite things in life to save $150/month, while at the same time, she is blindly paying $675/month for something she doesn't care about. I think she missed the mark.

Don't miss the big rocks in your life. It's so easy to point our fingers at the small, but obvious items in our lives that "we don't need." However, instead of trying to rob ourselves of the little pleasures that can add richness to our lives, perhaps we need to look for the bigger rocks; the larger but less obvious expenditures that significantly move the needle. Most of us have them......several of them.

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It’s Gotta Come From Somewhere

As the month winds down, Sarah and I realized we bombed a few of our budget categories. Specifically, we totally botched the kids, dining out, and entertainment categories. Part of this was due to the kids' birthday, but another part was just negligence. We fell asleep at the wheel.

It's not ideal, but it's also not the end of the world. With that said, there's still no free pass. As I tell all my coaching clients, "It's gotta come from somewhere." It's okay to whiff on categories every once in a while, but when we do, the money has to come from somewhere. Dipping into savings, tapping credit cards, or further depleting our checking account balance aren't great answers. Instead, it comes down to reallocating money in the budget.

Let's say we overspend on a handful of categories by $500. There's only so much income coming in this month. In other words, we need to figure out where we can find $500. In our particular situation, it's going to come from an important savings goal we established a few months ago. Instead of setting money aside for this particular item, we need to reallocate that cash in our budget to subsidize our mistakes. It hurts, but it's pure.

That sucks, and that's the point! When we don't allow ourselves free passes to be negligent or irresponsible, it provides an added layer of accountability. I hate that we screwed this up, in part, because I hate the consequence of not being able to set money aside for an important purchase. On the flip side, we need this level of accountability so we'll be better next time.

And we WILL do better next time. These things are too important for us to continuously screw up. We made a mistake. We fixed the mistake. Now, we must do it better in October so we can achieve our goal. It's simple, but powerful.

Don't give yourself a free pass. When you screw up, it's gotta come from somewhere. Don't allow yourself to live without consequences or accountability; that's a recipe for disaster! Short-term disaster. Medium-term disaster. And most importantly, long-term disaster.

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Say No to Guilt

Do you ever make financial decisions out of guilt or societal pressure? If yes, that means you're human. If no, that means you're lying......or a robot. It happens to all of us at times. Throughout the course of our day-to-day lives, we face thousands of decisions, big and small. We run into situations where we might want to make one particular decision, but the walls of guilt and/or pressure start to close in.

Tipping is one area that's becoming increasingly difficult for people to navigate. It seems like everyone and everything wants a tip. I was recently solicited for a tip from a machine that was fully automated. What do you mean the robot wants a tip?!?!?

In a recent survey conducted by Talker Research, it was discovered that Americans are spending $283/year on guilt-driven tipping in 2025, which happens an estimated 4.2x per month. $283/year is nearly $24/month. We each spend an average of $24/month on tips, solely dictated by the guilt and pressure!

As the owner of a coffee shop, I'm acutely aware of this tension. On one hand, I completely get why people are growing weary of the systematic and manufactured pressures to tip. On many occasions, it does feel like we are getting set up and manipulated.

On the other hand, I embrace the idea of our team being handsomely rewarded for excellence and hospitality. I want them to crush it, but I want them to earn it! I want them to add so much value to that experience that people want to freely and generously tip them (no guilt!).

Where I personally land on this topic is to never be influenced by guilt or pressure when tipping. When I'm at a coffee shop or most other service providers, I demand excellence. When excellence is delivered, I tip exceedingly well. Even when the service is poor (which is now a common occurrence), I tip something. I know my opinion is controversial to many, but I'm still a tipping purist at heart. I believe tipping is an intimate form of generosity, grace, and an opportunity to reward and incentivize excellence. I'm all-in on tipping.

My Meaning Over Money business partner, Cole, has a different perspective. He's beyond tired of our tipping culture and is quick to hit "no tip" in many situations. For example, if the establishment isn't in the food and beverage industry, no tip. If it's a food and beverage establishment and he has to order at a counter or walk up to grab his own food or drink, no tip. If the employee isn't polite and friendly, a much lower tip. Similar to me, but in the completely opposite way, Cole doesn't feel guilt, either. He is sincere in his actions and doesn't lose sleep over it.

While I disagree with Cole's tipping principles, I fully approve and affirm his endeavor to make guilt-free and pressure-free decisions. That's an important part of living with meaning in our finances. Nothing good comes from guilt, so let's strive to remove it from our day-to-day habits.

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Deeper Than We Think

I received a bevy of criticism after yesterday's post. To summarize, I shared the story of a friend who is continually scared to spend money on wants because, all his life, he has been told that spending on things we don't need (especially expensive things) is "irresponsible." I challenged him to buy a $500+ ticket to watch his favorite team play in person for the first time ever.

The criticism:

• "You're encouraging people to be irresponsible!"

• "You should be telling people to save money not waste it."

• "Good luck retiring someday."

Do you see the irony in this? I write a piece about how a grown man who has done a wonderful job with finances is terrified to spend money on anything fun because all he's been told his whole life is that spending on wants is "irresponsible," then immediately receive a string of responses telling me that he's being irresponsible (and I'm as equally irresponsible for egging him on).

This stuff runs deep, guys! In our culture, we tend to hear the stories about people who are out there recklessly spending; it's almost become a joke. They are certainly out there! Part of the reason we talk about it is that it's so public. We often see the public side of these decisions: big, shiny, new, exotic, and fancy purchases plastered all over social media.

However, those who suffer on the other side of this coin typically suffer in silence. They often feel guilty, sometimes embarrassed, about not being able to spend money on wants. Years and years of criticism are taking their toll. Those words heard when they were children and teenagers sound as loud in their heads today as they did when first spoken.

A few encouragements today:

• If this is you, you're not alone. Find a way to break through, even if just something small. A start is a start.

• If you have influence over someone, and I suspect you do, encourage them to spend some of their resources onwants. Not all.....some.

• Lean into YOUR values. Don't spend money just to spend money. Find what matters most to you, and invest those dollars there.

• Enjoy the process!

• Have an awesome day.

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Book It

I was having a coffee with a friend. Let's call him Bill. Bill is in his 40s, humble, disciplined, and by all accounts, financially successful. His family floats somewhere in the middle class. They don't lack, but at the same time, they don't live a showy life. Bill's family is what I'd refer to as a fairly normal suburban American family.

Bill is terrified to spend money on things that matter to him. If he needs it (truly needs it), it's no big deal, done. However, whenever something veers into the want camp, especially if the price tag exceeds $100, he cowers. His hesitancy isn't caused by a lack of resources or difficulty prioritizing expenditures. He and his wife have made great financial decisions and don't need to worry about drastic negative consequences.

Rather, his mental and emotional roadblock stems from childhood. For decades, he heard the same message: "Don't spend money on things you don't need." "Don't be irresponsible." Thus, Bill views spending money on wants as taboo.

Bill loves his favorite sports team. LOVES them! During my recent conversation with Bill, he confessed that he's never actually seen his team play in person. Why? It's a want....and wants are irresponsible.

"Book it!" I exclaimed. "Buy a ticket and go." Not only that, but I encouraged him to buy a high-quality ticket. The good seats! I took it one step further. He wasn't allowed to spend less than $500 on the ticket. The mere thought of this idea made him sweat. Not only was I asking him to spend money on a want, but to do it in a big way.

Bill actually followed through! He bought the ticket for his team's first game of the year. Not only that, but he bought an amazing ticket. Fast forward several weeks, and the game arrived. That was last night.

It was a night to remember for Bill. It was everything he dreamed of these last four decades, and more. What about the money? Shockingly (to him, not to me), he doesn't feel like spending that money will negatively impact him, nor does he feel "irresponsible."

I couldn't love this more. It might seem like a silly hurdle to overcome, but this is a crippling problem for millions of people. Sometimes, you just need to book it. It's important that we practice the art and science of spending money on wants. For some, it comes naturally, but for others, it's one of the biggest roadblocks of our lives. If we can learn to do this freely, but within reason, it can unlock so much meaning in our lives.

Book it. Just book it. Try me on this one.

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Loaded Freighters

After a full day of meetings in eastern Michigan yesterday, we spent the evening walking alongside Lake Huron just a stone's throw from Canada. Pax and I threw the football (while he was running imaginary routes around the seagulls), Finn looked for fossils along the beach, the adults engaged in conversation, and we all enjoyed the beautiful sunset. One of the highlights was watching the freighters work through the narrow channel between the U.S. and Canada. These massive vessels are the length of two to three football fields, yet navigate confidently through the choppy waters.

I noticed something interesting while watching these vessels. One of them was fully loaded. I can't even imagine how much weight it was carrying, but the sheer scale was amazing. It sat fairly deep in the water, and its pace was slow. I suspect it takes a massive amount of fuel to propel it, and turning is probably a tricky endeavor.

The second freighter appeared empty. It sat higher in the water and moved quickly. The vessel seemed more nimble and likely required less fuel to propel it through the water.

I think that's a fitting analogy for how we live. Some of us are loaded freighters, weighed down with so many material possessions. Our lives are full of stuff and financial obligations. There's a heftiness to it. We move more slowly and we're less nimble. It takes more fuel (i.e., money) to propel us through life as we try to carry all this weight.

Other people, though, live life like an empty freighter. Their lives are simpler and more prudent. Since they float higher on the water, they are more nimble and can more easily pivot when desired. They require far less fuel to propel them through life. The empty freighters of life often live with far more margin and need fewer resources to maintain the status quo.

I remember a time when I lived like a loaded freighter. It gets tiring after a while! While the various freight I carried was kinda cool, the perpetual weight grew tiring. Eventually, I looked in the mirror and asked myself what I was doing. Was it really worth carrying around all this weight? What if I didn't have this pulling me down? What decisions could I make if I unloaded some of it? What pivots would life allow if I could be more nimble?

The answers to those questions changed everything. In a very short period of time, we shifted from living like a loaded freighter to an empty freighter. We felt freer, decisions felt easier, and we were able to pivot in ways I only previously dreamed about. It changed my life, and I've watched similar decisions change countless other families' lives as well. There's something oh so beautiful about unloading the freight. It might not seem like much on the surface, but below the water, it makes all the difference in the world!

Perhaps it's time to unload some of the freight.

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The Discomfort in Comfort

During the same conversation that sparked yesterday's post about the willful pursuit of discomfort, one of my friends shared something interesting. He pointed out that there's an irony in our culture's pursuit of comfort—specifically, the pursuit of material comfort (stuff and status). The more we pursue material comfort, the more uncomfortable we actually become.

Here's how this plays out. I'll pretend I just purchased an expensive car. To pull the trigger, I probably had to spend some cash on the down payment. That cash expenditure results in me having less cash in the bank, which is a form of discomfort. Second, I now have a large monthly car payment, reducing my available monthly take-home income, which is a form of discomfort. Now that I own this nicer car, I need more expensive insurance coverage. This added expenditure is a form of discomfort.

Now that I'm driving around in an expensive car, I'll probably keep my head on a swivel, ensuring nobody gets close to it. I'll park in the back of every lot, be careful where I'm going, and constantly keep my eyes out for trouble/damage. This added attention and vigilance is a form of discomfort.

Now that I spend a larger chunk of my financial resources on this car, there are other ripple effects. I'll probably need to make one (or more) of the following choices:

• I'll have less discretionary income for travel or other fun purchases (leading to immediate pleasure discomfort).

• I'll have less money to save for future needs (leading to near-term or mid-term financial discomfort).

• I'll have less money to save for retirement (leading to long-term financial and life discomfort).

• I'll have less money to give (leading to internal discomfort).

Yes, the new and fancy car is comfortable....very comfortable! However, the consequence of pursuing this new version of material comfort is several other forms of discomfort. That's ironic, and sad!

I don't usually chat with people while they're living in the honeymoon phase of their comfort-driven decisions. Rather, I typically spend time with them after they've experienced the shadowy, discomfort-laden side of these decisions. It's not always pretty on that side.

Pursuing comfort is rarely what we're actually seeking. Instead, pursue meaning. Violently pursue meaning. That will occasionally lead you to spend money on things that can make you comfortable, but more often than not, it will lead you in some surprising directions. Please don't allow your pursuit of material comfort lead you into these unintended consequences. Life is too short to deal with that!

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On Brand

On the heels of yesterday's post about bougie purchases, I ran into a friend today mere hours after he had read that post. He shared a few thoughts about the post, then asked me about a recent bougie purchase I've made. I told him that I recently purchased Twenty One Pilot concert tickets for my family right around Finn and Pax's ninth birthday; they weren't cheap!

He looked at me for a few seconds, then responded, "Seems on brand."

"On brand." He's so right. Knowing me, it didn't surprise him that I dropped a good chunk of money for Twenty One Pilot concert tickets. In his perspective, that's exactly the sort of bougie thing my family would do. In other words, our version of bougie tightly aligns with our family's values and interests.

I also heard from a handful of readers about their version of bougie, and in every single situation, it seemed "on brand." That's a great tell! When our behaviors align with our values, we can be confident that we're making decisions that add value to our lives.

Where many people go astray is when they make culture-driven decisions that don't actually align with their values. They do things because that's what other people are doing. From the cars they buy, to the clothes they wear, to the neighborhoods they live in, to the trips they take. Without even realizing it, we allow the prevailing culture to dictate how we use our precious resources.

So, when my buddy called my bougie decision "on brand," I took that as the ultimate compliment. Whatever you're up to, whatever you're spending money on, whatever you're investing time/energy into, ask yourself the question, "Is this on brand?" If the answer is "yes," do it with confidence!

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Bougie to Thee, Not to Me

One of the most interesting aspects of my coaching business is having an opportunity to see behind the curtain of hundreds of people's financial lives. What's coming in, what's going out, and how all the pieces fit together. Most intriguing, though, is getting a front-row seat to how people perceive money. With that context in mind, I have a question for you today: What is bougie?

To start, here's the formal definition of the word: "relating to or characteristic of a person who indulges in some of the luxuries and comforts of a fancy lifestyle." In other words, bougie can be used in reference to an expenditure that's a bit (or a lot!) over-the-top; something that transcends fulfilling a mere want, and into a completely different category.

Here's another fun part of my coaching. Nobody agrees on what is considered bougie, and people rarely admit that their own decisions, actions, or purchases are bougie. Translation: Bougie is something above us that other people are partaking in.

Let me share some real-life coaching examples with you, and you can decide for yourselves. Are the following expenditures bougie?

• $25,000 for a trip to Disney

• $2,500/month on groceries

• $90,000 for a family vehicle

• $1,500/month on dining out

• $2,000/month on clothing

• $1,800/month on beauty treatments/procedures

• $1,000+/month on pets

• $5,000/month on housing (in a non-high-cost-of-living city)

• $600/month on work lunches

• $2,000/kid for Christmas gifts

These are all real-life examples I've encountered just in the past 12 months. What's your gut reaction? For each of these items, my suggestion that they are a form of "bougie" was met with shock or confusion. For those who made these decisions, these were run-of-the-mill want decisions.....even borderline "needs" in their minds. What say you?

Again, this is what makes behavioral science so interesting to me. Never underestimate our ability to shape our perspective of a broad reality based on our own narrow purview (or specific desires).

I'm not necessarily criticizing people for their decisions. After all, it's their journey, and they will reap the consequences of their choices (for better or for worse). My role isn't to tell them what to do, but rather, help them understand what they are really trying to achieve, and execute it with excellence. Where my criticism lies is how we humans so often tell ourselves a story to fit our own narrative. We can take something bougie and turn it into a mere want, then take this mere want and turn it into a need. We're so good at this (me included!).

I think the most important thing we can each do is be honest with the person we see in the mirror. Name things for what they are. Recognize bougie for bougie, a want for a want, and a need for a need. Then, through that honesty, make the best decision for our journeys. When we do, we'll make crisper decisions and go all-in on things that actually add value to our lives.

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Planning For Imperfection

Shhhhhhh, please don't tell my wife I'm sharing this story. However, if you know her, you know what I'm about to say is 100% true! Sarah has an interesting approach to time and logistics. If she needs to be at an event that begins in 20 minutes, she will walk out of the house at such time that if everything goes PERFECTLY, she will arrive at the event exactly on time.....and not a minute earlier. Do you know how often things go perfectly? Zero. She hits a few extra stop lights, forgets something and needs to run back in the house, construction creates a traffic backup, or she ends up parking further away. Things never go perfectly, and as a result, she's inevitably late to nearly everything. While it hasn't ended our marriage (yet), it's a maddening way to approach life. Things NEVER go perfectly.

No, I'm not seeking marriage counseling today. Rather, I think Sarah's example is a perfect representation of what happens when we plan as if things will go perfectly. When that's the baseline assumption, bad outcomes are inevitable.

This brings me to a more serious version of this phenomenon. Many families operate their finances as if everything will go perfectly. They structure their standard of living, monthly costs, and lifestyle choices all the way up to their current income. As long as things stay good and steady, the train will remain on the tracks. However, you probably already know that life doesn't usually go perfectly. Things happen. People lose jobs, kids get sick, the engine in our car dies, the furnace breaks down in the middle of winter. Life happens!

My Meaning Over Money business partner, Cole, often asks me how so many people can continue to live this way without consequences. It feels like there are no negative repercussions to planning for perfection. "Soon enough," I respond. It's only a matter of time for many. Eventually, life catches up, and the imperfection creates a gaping chasm in people's lives.

Fortunately for many, we've ridden an unprecedented wave of positive since the 2008 recession. Things have been uncharacteristically good for an uncharacteristically long period of time. However, it feels like we're starting to turn a weird corner. The problem, though, is that it doesn't impact you until the moment it does. Everything is perfectly fine......until it's your worst nightmare.

This nightmare has recently struck several people I know. For years, these families have enjoyed the fruits of positivity. Life has been good, really good! The bad news: they were planning for perfection. All it took was one job loss to knock them completely off course. Instead of being able to navigate the tricky situation that life threw at them, their lives are in turmoil. Selling houses, spouses leaving dream jobs to secure other income streams, pulling kids out of activities, whipping out the credit cards.

I'm not condemning them. In fact, I have so much empathy for them. It didn't have to be this way, though. Instead of planning for perfection, we should plan for imperfection, knowing that life will hit us. Moderate the lifestyle, create more monthly margin, stay out of debt, keep a healthy cash savings. Allow for life to happen......because it will.

Most of us still have time to recalibrate for imperfection before life hits us. Let's seize this opportunity!

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My Time vs. Their Time

I had an epiphany shortly after hiring my first assistant. Her name is Paige, and she's pretty awesome. If I remember correctly, she was only 19 years old at the time, but I always perceived her as far wiser than her age. When it came time for me to pay her after the first month, I asked her to submit her hours. I reviewed her log and felt thoroughly confused. "Paige, I don't think you gave me all your hours."

She confirmed that, yes, all hours were included. When I shared that it felt like she did far more work than that, she gave me the most Paige response ever: "It just takes you three times as long to do these tasks as it does me."

Ouch! But she was right! My objective in hiring Paige was to offload the tasks that I hate and/or suck at. Turns out, those tasks fell in line with what she enjoyed and was good at. Thus, she was far more efficient than I could ever dream of being. She consistently performed tasks at roughly 1/3 the time it would have taken me.

This is where my epiphany came in. The hourly rate I was paying her was more about my time than her time. For example, let's say I was paying Paige $30/hour. While that was the sticker price for her time, the real cost for Paige's services was $10/hour of my time. If I paid her $30 for one hour of her time that would have taken me three hours to perform, I was only paying $10/hour for the time I was buying back.

This line of thinking is applied to every aspect of my life. I don't care what the total cost or cost per hour for a service is. Instead, I ask myself how much it costs in relation to my time. Oil changes are a good example. I could easily change the oil in my car and save a bunch of money. However, by the time I buy oil and filters, successfully (eventually) drive my car up the ramps, empty the oil, change the filter, pour in the new oil, check the oil level, and finish topping it off, the actual cost savings per hour of my time is very low. Translation: That expensive oil change service is extremely cheap.

Just think of the possibilities with this concept. How many decisions would you make differently if you framed them through this lens? Plumbing, carpentry, electrical, landscaping, mechanical work, cleaning, laundry......the list could go on forever. Now, I'm not suggesting we should contract out every single task in our lives. Rather, I encourage you to look at your own personal situation through the lens of how much something costs/saves per hour of YOUR time, and see where the chips fall.

Warning: This way of thinking might just change everything.

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They’re All Right

Everyone around me is having babies: former youth group kids, clients, and people on my team. Given my station in life as someone who discusses all things money, I'm repeatedly asked the same question: "How much do kids cost?"

During one such conversation, my young friend said she's heard all sorts of anecdotes about how much it costs to raise children. Some people told her it costs very little, while others say it costs an arm and a leg. My response: "They're all right."

If someone thinks it costs little to raise kids, it will.

If someone thinks it costs a ton to raise kids, it will.

Kids cost what we decide to spend on them.

Raising kids is like spending a long weekend in Las Vegas. It's possible to do it affordably, and it's possible to spend a million dollars. The choice is yours.

I've worked with hundreds of families, and I have a few children of my own. You wouldn't believe the level of cost variability families experience when raising children. Even with children raised in the same city, the differences are stark.

For example, I know a family that spends $5,000-$7,000/month on their children. They would testify this is simply the cost of raising kids. I know another family that spends $200/month on their children. This couple would testify that their kids have more than enough. Kids cost what we spend on them.

In our household, we have two categories for our kids in the budget. First, "Kids." This includes anything explicitly spent for them: clothes, babysitting, fun outings, chore wages, furnishings, etc. It's a catch-all for all things kids. The second category, introduced in second grade, is "Kids Activities." This is a sinking fund that gets funded each month to be used for their lumpy activities: rock band, basketball, football, camps, etc.

The Kids category has ranged from $300-$700/month. It started at $700 for diapers and formula for newborn twins, then down, and is now back up to $400 per month. The Kids Activities category is a constant $600/month. Both of these categories are intentional, conscious, and negotiated choices between Sarah and me. We aren't victims. We are the authors. If we don't like it, we change it.

There are a million variables related to raising children, each with its own cost structure. As parents, it's not our job to say "yes" to any and every opportunity to spend money. Just because someone wants something, it doesn't mean we're required to oblige. I'd argue what's best for our children is to learn boundaries, embrace contentment, and for their parents NOT to be weighed down by massive levels of financial stress and pressure (caused, in part, by the obscene amount they are spending on their children). I've watched parents divorce due to the financial tension that was partially caused by them trying to "be good parents" by saying yes to everything their children want. It's sad.

Kids cost what we spend on them, so we might as well be intentional. If we don't decide what to spend, society will do it for us.

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