“I Don’t Have That Kind of Cash”

As I was navigating the Minneapolis airport last week, I found myself sharing an elevator with a young man on a business trip. Out of the blue, he lets out a string of expletives. Seeing he was upset, I asked him if everything was alright. He explained to me that his hotel reservation for that evening never got finalized. He blamed it on his company's travel system, but in any event, it was 8PM and he didn't have a hotel room. I spent a few minutes brainstorming ideas with him. One of my suggestions (given the late hour) was to personally buy a room and subsequently expense it through his company. After all, they whiffed on him, resulting in an employee without a place to sleep. 

He contemplated this idea briefly, then responded, "That could work, but rooms are like $150. I don't have that kind of cash in my account." Here he was, stranded in an unfamiliar city on a Friday evening without a place to stay, and the only thing standing in the way of a temporary solution was $150……and he didn't have it! I felt so bad for this young man.

As a society, we like to minimize the struggle of others. With our good jobs, big houses, and nice cars, we hear people talk about struggle, and we think to ourselves, "Things aren't that bad." The weather always looks good at the top of a mountain while we watch the rain clouds below us drench the people at the bottom. It's not to say that most people are unsympathetic. I don't believe that to be true. For most, they simply don't know what they don't know. They have a sample size of one: their own experience. Those are the lenses by which they view the world. As such, it's hard for people to recognize what's happening out there.

People are struggling for many different reasons:

• Poor past financial decisions

• Lack of financial literacy

• Inflation

• Layoffs

• Bad luck

• Health issues

• Lack of intentionality

• Lack of discipline

• Debt

• Broken marriages

• Lack of education

• Followed crappy advice

This list goes on and on. Some of these reasons are preventable, and some aren't. But regardless of whose fault it is, their reality is still their reality. I think we have two choices for these people in our lives: 1) We can demean them and treat them as though they deserve whatever they are going through, or 2) We can show empathy, provide a hand-up (not a hand-out!), and walk alongside them. The first causes shame, while the second creates impact.

Please keep your eyes open for struggling people. They are all around us, and based on everything that's going on, it will probably get more challenging in the coming months. Let's show them grace, generosity, and love (with honesty). We can't necessarily prevent them from experiencing tension and pain this time, but we can play a role in helping them survive and build a better foundation for next time.

Fear is a Thief

Fear is a thief. It sneaks in when we're not looking, attacks us from the inside out, and robs us of opportunity.

18 months ago, my family took a trip to Mall of America, in part, to hang out at their indoor amusement park. It was a wonderful time. We went on a ton of rides, enjoyed too much food, and made awesome memories. The kids were oddly brave, though. Finn was game for any ride he could access, and Pax only made a few exceptions. We made a return trip there this weekend. Given how amazing the first experience was with a couple five-and-a-half-year-olds, I assumed it would be even better with 7-year-olds. Boy, I was wrong! Finn was a bit more hesitant, but Pax had zero desire to try any decent ride. Fear had taken hold of him, and it all but crippled his ability to enjoy the park. It was so frustrating! Fear robbed him of his fun weekend of rides.

About an hour before leaving for home, Pax decided to give the main rollercoaster a shot…….and he loved it! He wanted to go again and again, but time had simply run out. It was too late. He was proud that he overcame the fear, but was frustrated about the trip being over. Without even knowing it, fear snuck into him and got him all twisted up. This happens to us, too. Most of us are struck by fear most days. What we do with it, however, is what matters. If we let the fear take over, it wins. We'll cower, stop in our tracks, and/or retreat. If we refuse to let fear win, it doesn't mean the fear will necessarily go away. Instead, we persevere through the fear, doing what must be done. I once heard someone define courage like this: "Courage isn't the lack of fear, but action in the face of fear." We have two choices: let the fear win, or keep moving forward.

In a country with unprecedented freedoms where 70% of people dislike or hate their jobs, it can be a real head-scratcher. Whenever I spend time with someone who hates their job, I ask lots of questions. "What makes you stay at a job you hate?" That's my favorite. This question gets to the heart of what's really going on. There's always a reason, but is it a rational reason? Is it a fixable reason? Is it a conscious reason? You know what the #1 reason people give me is? Fear. Fear of change. Fear of failure. Fear of the unknown.

Fear will rob us of what matters most……if we let us. I can't even begin to describe the amount of fear I felt at the prospect of leaving my career and taking a 90% pay cut when I had two 3-year-olds and a wife who stayed home. It almost crippled me…..almost. It's still scary (Every. Single. Day.), but so worth it!

Don't let fear steal your calling.

The Gift of Struggle

It's been a whirlwind of a week. After spending four days in KC for a long Thanksgiving weekend, I was home for one day before jaunting off to Houston for the week. On Friday night, I flew to Minneapolis to meet Sarah and the boys at a hotel adjacent to Mall of America. I spent Friday night (swimming) and Saturday morning (indoor amusement park) with the family before emceeing a banquet later in the day. It was for Coldwater Foundation, a Christian wilderness ministry aimed at helping teens and college students (as well as groups of adults) grow in their leadership and faith by using the ruggedness and beauty of the Boundary Waters as the classroom. It's an organization that's been deeply personal to my life since experiencing it first-hand in 2015. since then, it's been a constant in my life, and I've been honored to serve on the board of directors for the past three years. The event was beautiful, the people were wonderful, and it was fun to celebrate all that Coldwater has, is, and will be doing.

One of the speakers was a mom who has sent multiple kids through Coldwater programs. She was giving a testimonial about Coldwater's impact on her family's life. In it, she made a profound and powerful statement. While discussing the immense challenge the Boundary Waters can provide, she explained how, in these moments of profound struggle, "our needs are simplified and magnified." Having been into the wilderness many times, her words cut right through me. So, so true. When the rain rolls in, we need a tarp to protect us from the elements. Very simple and very important. When we pull into camp after a long day of paddling, we need dry shoes/socks and a fire. Very simple and very important. When we get disoriented with the geography, we need a map and compass. Very simple and very important.

Let's contrast the wilderness with our daily lives. We generally live in comfort. A roof over our heads (with heat and A/C), food readily available, dry clothes in our closet, and convenient transportation. With comfort comes new "needs."

I "need" a new car.

I "need" a vacation.

I "need" the newest iPhone.

I "need" another pair of shoes.

When we bask in the comfort of our modern lives, we lose sight of what it means to truly need. Comfort breeds discontentment. Comfort leads us to take things for granted.

In the wilderness, I'm beyond grateful for any food. At home, I take for granted my pantry.

In the wilderness, a fire brings me life and great joy. At home, I take it for granted that I can set my environment to any temperature with the push of a button.

In the wilderness, I consider myself fortunate to have one extra set of dry clothes on me. At home, I take for granted an entire closet of clothes.

Embrace discomfort. Be grateful for struggle. It can be a gift.

As Much as We Bargained For

Picture this. I’m standing at the gate, waiting to scan my boarding pass and walk onto the plane. As I was about to scan my phone’s QR code, a man hurriedly walked around me and onto the jet bridge. The gate employee, equally confused as she was concerned, shouted at the man to stop. Annoyed, he retraced his steps to the gate, handed his boarding pass to the employee, and exclaimed, “I paid $1,500 for this motherf’ing ticket. I’m not waiting in line.” Without even taking his ticket back, he started toward the jet bridge. She again shouted at him to come back to gate-check his roller bag (since they had run out of overhead space on the plane). He ignored her command and scurried onto the aircraft with his bag in hand. When we got onto the plane, he discovered (shockingly!) that there were no spots for his bag. He was resourceful, though. His solution was to remove someone else’s bag and put his in their bag’s spot, randomly discarding the other person’s bag in the aisle. As you can imagine, this didn’t go over well. He was surprisingly allowed to stay on the flight, but I navigated my way back to my toilet-adjacent seat, where I’d luckily never have to see him again.

As I reflect on this man and his antics, I can’t help but think about how sometimes in life, we unreasonably expect more than we bargained for. Sporting events are a great example. Fans often act as though their ticket purchase includes the right to demean, berate, and abuse the referees, coaches, and players. We buy one thing and expect it to come with other fringe benefits. Like this airline passenger who believed his $1,500 ticket price earned him the right to board the flight whenever and however he wanted (with a side bonus of disrespecting everyone he encountered along the way).

I often think about this idea when buying products or services. Not the whole being a completely disrespectful jerk part, but the idea that I’m only getting what I’m getting. I try to think through what this product will and will not give me. Buying those Air Jordan’s may make me look cool, but they won’t make me jump higher. That fancy car may be a more comfy and satisfying ride than my aging Nissan Altima, but it won’t actually make me more important. The new iPhone will give me some added features (and perhaps run a bit smoother), but it won’t inherently make my life better.

There’s nothing wrong with any of these things, but we need to be honest with ourselves about what we’re getting…..and what we’re not. If we take a moment to sincerely think about it, we’ll likely make different decisions. This sounds silly and ridiculous to even point out (call me Captain Obvious), but we’ve all fallen for this trap.

Anyway, I hope you all have a better weekend than that airline passenger! Make the most of it!

Stories Matter

"I can't believe you said that publicly." Those were the words of a trusted friend who listened to a recent podcast episode. He felt I shared too much, and it portrayed me as "weak." I completely understand where he's coming from, and frankly, it would be easier to share fewer stories about my life and focus primarily on things that make me look good. On the flip side, stories matter. Stories move needles. Stories create impact. Stories build trust. Stories create connection. Stories are everything!

Just a few nights ago, I met someone for the very first time. Over dinner, he shared some amazing stories from his journey (some amazingly good and some amazingly bad). Not only did he share them, but he shared them with complete strangers. The result? Connections were made. His stories also moved the needle with me. There's no doubt he created an impact on me.....and perhaps a few others as well. Stories matter.

There are multiple instances each week when I question whether or not I should share a particular story on the podcast, blog, or someone I'm meeting. After all, once something is said in a public forum, it's there forever. Do I really want that? I do. I really do! Not only do these stories have the potential to make a difference, but it's the slow and methodical building of a digital time capsule that my kids will someday unearth.

Speaking of, I was recently on two podcasts you might be interested in. The first was an interview I did on Ryan Snaadt's new podcast. He's a friend, former client, and extremely interesting guy. He took me down some unexpected roads during our time together, and I said things I'd never said publicly before. His show is called Rhymes with Odd, and you can find my episode by clicking either of the following links: APPLE & SPOTIFY).

The second is a recent episode of It's Never About Money, an Australian-based podcast hosted by Joe Stephan. If that name rings a bell, I've mentioned him before. I was on Joe's podcast in June. We had so much fun that I invited him onto our podcast in October to continue that conversation. Given how well-aligned we are regarding this meaning over money idea (plus the conversation was fantastic), he asked if he could republish our episode as the season premier of his podcast. You can find it by clicking this link: APPLE.

I understand how hard it can be to share stories - especially the difficult ones - with others. It's scary being vulnerable. It's nerve-wracking to put something into the world without knowing how it will be received. I promise some will receive it poorly. Don't focus on them, though. Focus on the people who will be moved or inspired by what you have to offer. You have something to share! Please share it. Stories matter.

Meaning in the Sky

You know what really hinders our ability to live a meaningful life? Crappy airplane travel experiences! Nothing will suck the life out of a vacation or business trip like painful travel days. While we can’t do anything about flight delays, ticket prices, TSA, or airport traffic, we, the people, control much of our own fate. We’re our own and each other’s worst enemies. While that feels grim, there’s hope! If we band together, we have the power to bend the culture of flying. So, with that glorious introduction, here are my passionate and not-so-definitive rules for air travel:

1. Never check a bag…..ever. Carry-ons only. Travel is so much easier, smoother, and better when we pack light.

2. When sitting at a crowded gate, your bags don’t need their own seats. Seats are for butts, and bags don’t have butts. 

3. When boarding the plane, don’t continually make contact with the person in front of you. Give them space. Tailgating won’t get you to your seat faster. 

4. If you’re going to negotiate (or beg) for someone to switch seats with you so you can sit with your friend, you must offer the other party the better outcome. You can’t jam someone into the middle seat while you take their aisle seat.

5. If you have two bags, put at least one under your seat. Don’t rob someone else of overhead compartment space because you want a little extra leg room.

6. If you’ve been talking to your seat neighbor and they haven’t said more than “uh huh” or “yeah” in the last five minutes, their heart isn’t in it. Give them space.

7. Never recline your seat. There’s never a good reason to cramp the person behind you. Just because you can, it doesn’t mean you should. 

8. If you’re going to play music or watch a movie, use headphones. I can’t even believe this has to be stated. 

9. Don’t treat your flight attendants like trash. They are putting in long days and busting their butts to serve us. They deserve to be treated with dignity. 

10. When moving about the cabin, never grab seatbacks. When we do, we’re literally tugging on someone’s head. 

11. When the plane lands, don’t get up and move forward. You can stand (if you must), but honor the code of waiting until it’s your row’s turn to dismiss.

12. After stepping off the plane onto the jetbridge, never stop walking to adjust your bag or wait for your travel companion. It’s disrespectful at best, dangerous at worst. 

13. If you’re going to use the folding tray table, don’t let it slam. It annoys the people around you, and the person in front of you can feel it in their soul. 

14. The armrests belong to the person in the middle seat. Their life is miserable enough, so let’s not rob them of the little dignity and comfort they have remaining. 

There you have it! 15 steps to a more meaningful (travel) life! Hope you enjoyed this completely random rant. Happy travels!

Investing In Wants

The personal finance space is filled with gurus, influencers, and professionals who demonize spending on wants. "You don't need it!" "Do something more responsible!" "Stop spending!" Everything is looked at through the lens of need (good) and want (bad). Need = spend. Want = don't spend. Need = responsible. Want = waste. I think we need to stop thinking in terms of needs and wants, and start categorizing as valuable and not valuable. I know lots of wants that are valuable to people, and lots of "needs" that don't add much value at all. That expensive car, for example. For most people, that newer car (and its $700 monthly payment) doesn't actually add much value to their life. But spending $75 on a massage or getting their nails done adds a ton of value.

I've openly discussed several of my want spending habits and how much value they add to my life. I have a new one to add to the mix. I often (unfortunately) find myself taking a lot of 5AM flights on Monday mornings. I'll help you with the math….. that's a 3AM wake-up! It's terrible. We'll call it the cost of living in a smaller city with limited direct flights. But wow, those mornings are rough! I get packed the night before, sleep like crap for four hours, wake up exhausted, drive 30 minutes to their airport parking facility, and take a shuttle to the airport. Here's my new want. When I have those excruciatingly early flights, I'll book a room at a hotel across the street from the airport for the night before. Doing so forces me to pack earlier, encourages me to go to bed sooner (limited distractions), removes the 30-minute drive the next morning, and creates a much simpler (and more predictable) travel process. It's the best $65 I'll spend all month. Is it a need? No. Is it valuable? Ab-so-freaking-lutely. It's been a real game-changer for me. My trips start off cleaner, I have more energy, and I can be more productive those first few days.

Invest in wants. Not just any wants, though. Invest in wants that add value to your life. YOUR life. Some of you will read this post and suggest I'm practically setting $65 on fire. After all, I have a perfectly good bed to sleep in for free. It's not what you would do….and that's ok! There's a want in your life that you should absolutely invest in that would be a complete waste of my resources. That's what makes this money stuff so fun. It's deeply personal and unique to each of our own journeys.

As you go about your day, ask yourself what wants in your life would be a worthwhile investment. Not because it's a "need," but because it's a want worth spending on. Then, here's the fun part. Spend the money. Make the investment. Enjoy!

Every Meal Matters

My family recently had the most wonderful dining experience. The food was enjoyable, we had great conversations, our waitress was sweet, the kids had fun, and most importantly, we created some fun memories. It was one of my favorite dining experiences ever. Pretty impressive for $50, eh? Oh yeah, and it was at Perkins. I don't have any photos of the food or profound insights to share about the culinary delights, but I do have this little gem.

To understand why this meal was so special, I should offer up some context. It was a Sunday night, and I was preparing to leave town for the week. The kids were noticeably sad about the prospect of me leaving. We spent the day playing X-Box, watching Elf, and doing chores around the house. But as the hour neared for Sarah and the boys to drop me off at the airport, the kids' spirits diminished. While finishing my packing, Sarah suggested we stop for dinner on the way to the airport. After a quick Google search, she suggested we hit up Perkins, which was right next to the airport. That's the origin story of our amazing dining experience. 

A few things about this meal were different:

• The kids got along remarkably well (which is a departure from their normal twin brother antagonizing).

• They both sat in their seats like actual sane humans (this is a new and exciting twist).

• They excitedly read the menu for the first time ever (those new reading skills are starting to come in handy!).

• We enjoyed fun conversations about the weekend, the upcoming week, and other various 7-year-old topics.

• The kids were excited about their food selections, and eagerly shared theirs with the family.

• Everyone at the table knew I was leaving, so it felt like we were all trying to soak it in. 

This meal was absolutely nothing special, yet it created a seared-in memory for me. We don't need to drop hundreds of dollars to have a good meal. The restaurant doesn't need to have Michelin stars attached to its name to offer a high-quality experience (though I'd take some Michelin-starred dining right now!). The food doesn't have to be fancy or exotic to check the right boxes. Rather, it's the memories and shared experiences. I'm going to think about that meal for a long time. That brioche French toast wasn't necessarily life-changing, but I'll be craving that taste for a long, long time. 

The goodbye hugs were extra long that night. Pax, with a face covered in pancakes, added a few extra firm man pats to his hug. In Finny fashion, Finn threw out a random science fact as I shut the door. All seemed right with the world. 

There are so many lessons to glean from this story. I'll let you take from it what you will. Here's my parting thought: don't waste meals. We only have so many before we die, so make each one count.

The Ratchet of Guilt-Driven Giving

On a recent road trip, I pulled off the interstate to grab a coffee at a convenience store. I selected my beans, chose a size, slid my cup under the spout, and then ushered my beverage up to the cash register to pay. The cashier rang me up, then asked if that was all. After confirming, she asked, "Would you like to round up your purchase to help xyz organization?"

"No thanks."

"It's only $0.73."

"No thanks. I'm good."

"Ok, your total after not rounding up for xyz is $2.27."

What?!?! I'd never had that happen before, but it immediately made me think about this classic scene from South Park.

Guilt is such a powerful tool. It manipulates our emotions, which alters our decision-making process. My favorite part of the scene is when Randy lets guilt get the best of him, relents, and then gets guilted 10x harder. That's the thing about guilt. It's a ratchet that only turns in one direction. Once we submit to guilt, it only goes one way.

I'm sure xyz organization the convenience store advocates for is a wonderful organization doing wonderful work. But it's not where my heart or focus is. Would it be a big deal to round up to the nearest dollar to support this organization? No, of course not. It wouldn't move the needle in my financial life. However, if I'm going to bend to the guilt this time, what about next time? Or the time after that? What about a different context of my day-to-day life? What if, what if, what if. If I let guilt start overtaking my decisions, it will rob me of my intentional focus on the organizations I've hand-selected to support. And those giving decisions weren't made on impulse, like a rushed cash register transaction. They were intentionally thought out and meaningfully executed. The motives behind my giving are pure, honest, and genuine. There's no guilt, coercion, or mind games. It's just one family using the resources they're blessed with to serve others. That's how it should be.

This is where many people get tripped up in their giving. They get pressured, solicited, and/or guilted about so many different giving opportunities that it can take something powerful and special, and turn it into a negative experience to avoid. It can cause us to simply shut down. Or worse, fall into the guilt trap where our giving feels empty and soulless.

There's good news, though! You can reclaim your giving. You can reset the guilt. You can wipe the slate clean. Every month is a new opportunity to get intentional, clear, focused, and radical in our giving. It's never too late to start, and there's no better time than now!

“Support” vs. Service

Small Business Saturday is one of my least favorite days of year. No, not because I dislike small businesses. Quite the opposite, actually. I have a few small businesses myself. What I dislike about it is the pandering, guilt-tripping, and manipulation that comes with it. 

• "Please support us." 

• "Go support xyz business." 

• "abc needs our support."

• "Support small business.....by giving me money." 

As I've discussed multiple times on this blog, I can't stand the term "support" when it comes to business. Businesses don't exist for us to "support" them. Businesses exist to serve their customers. If they do it well, they earn the right to do it again. It's cause and effect. If they serve well, they get to do it again. If they don't, they lose that right. 

I recently saw a Facebook post on a local restaurant review group. It was about a local business that desperately needs our "support." The post's tone was that because of us terrible citizens, this unfortunate business won't be able to stay open for much longer. In other words, they would survive if we just gave them more money. Problem: Nowhere did anyone mention the restaurant's responsibility to earn the right to serve its customers. 

I've been to this restaurant several times. None of the experiences were great, and one was quite poor. The employees treat customers with indifference, the food is average at best, and the prices are ridiculously high. Comments on the post were quick to point out that the restaurant is located in a high-rent part of town, negating their responsibility to offer prices commensurate with their product. Comments included themes such as:

• People need to stop spending money at national chains.

• People need to keep their money in our town.

• People need to increase their dining out spending.

• People need to spend their dollars at businesses that are owned by "good people." 

Small businesses, you deserve better than to receive people's guilt-driven "support." Yes, it's difficult. Yes, it can be a brutal endeavor. Yes, there are days you'll feel like throwing in the towel. But there's nothing better than serving someone well, earning the right to serve them again, and maybe (just maybe), earning the right to serve more people. It's capitalism at its finest. It's the foundation on which nearly every successful business (large and small) has built itself. 

As I wrap this up, I thought I'd reflect on some of my recent small business wins: 

• I'm buying 1/4 of a beef from a local meat market in the next few days. I've purchased a few items from them over the past year, and they've earned the right to serve our family even more. 

• I just returned from a local bookstore with too many buys. They continue to re-earn the right to serve me.

• I just signed my kids up for drum and guitar lessons after a local business impressed us (i.e. earned the right) with their introductory lessons.

Small businesses, you're awesome! So go be awesome!

Well, What'd I Miss?

Confession: I'm not a Black Friday'er. I'm not against people that are, but I'm just not. And it's not because I don't have any interest. In fact, it's the opposite. Deep down, I can feel a deep interest in all the things that comprise Black Friday. The deals, the hunt, the fun new shiny objects to discover. Truth is, there was a season in my life where I could quickly spiral into the whole Black Friday chaos. Today, though, it's different.

I realized how amped up I could get about those sorts of consumeristic days, so I decided to step away from it. It's not that I'll get out of control or overspend, but rather because it takes my attention away from the things that matter most. Instead of looking at deals and trying to score fun goods, I was playing with my kids and nieces all day. We even went to see the new Trolls movie. All in all, it was a fun and relaxing day.....much more so than had I decided to participate in Black Friday.

As I mentioned earlier, I don't think getting into Black Friday is wrong. What concerns me is when people get so engrained in the consumeristic aspect of the holidays that they miss the entire point of the season. Their kids may have the newest toys, but they miss out on valuable time enjoying the holidays together. They get so consumed in ensuring every aspect of the holiday is perfectly presented and curated that they don't have time to enjoy the people they are hosting.

If your kids are like mine, their Christmas list is a mile long. Sure, they will be excited when they receive that extra special gift they've been wanting so badly. But just remember, that euphoric feeling is fleeting. Soon, it will be just another toy in their room. That shiny new object will be in a landfill within a handful of years. The memories you create with them, on the other hand, will last a lifetime. Go heavy on memories. Memories will never let you down. While you're at it, go easy on yourself about the gifts. They matter, but they don't. Please don't put too much pressure on yourself to spend, spend, and spend.

I'm sure I missed something on Black Friday, but what I got in return was pretty sweet. I hope your holiday season is full of memories, togetherness, and joy.

Hold Onto Your Traditions....Loosely

All week, I've been excited to watch Planes, Trains, & Automobiles, the best Thanksgiving movie ever created. Watching it on Thanksgiving night is one of my favorite traditions! As such, I became progressively more excited as Thanksgiving night neared. But then, in a sick twist, my sister-in-law disgustingly suggested we watch a different movie. But never fear, Travis, it's "kinda like Planes, Trains, & Automobiles." It wasn't. Not even close. With the snap of her fingers, my dream died. If you've never seen the greatest Thanksgiving movie ever created, here's a little taste of what you (and now I) missed.

Needless to say, I was bummed. After all, it's a tradition! Despite having my little dream crushed, it was a great Thanksgiving day. Lots of food (thanks to my sister-in-law’s ridiculous abilities), lots of backyard football (with limited injuries), lots of live sports on TV (go Cyclones!), and lots of fun. But no John Candy causing mass chaos while simultaneously melting our hearts.

Traditions add a richness to our life. They take otherwise regular days and events, and turn them into something special. I'm a tradition guy. Sometimes, after doing something just once, I'll declare it a tradition. Whoa, this pizza place is great! It's our new family tradition to come here!

But just as important as traditions are, we can't rigidly live our lives in a way that we're enslaved to them. Our traditions serve us, not the other way around. Sometimes, we need to be flexible with our traditions. Other times, we need to let an old tradition fade away. When we do, it doesn't demean the tradition. It doesn't cheapen what the tradition means (or meant) to us.

This was a hard lesson for me. I found myself mourning the loss of some traditions, and the whiffing of others. It turned something that was supposed to add richness to my life, and morphed it into a negative.

Yeah, I'm bummed we missed out on one of my favorite Thanksgiving traditions last night, but it didn't hinder my day. I cherish this tradition, but I also hold it loosely. You best believe I'll be excited to try again next year, though! In the meantime, our family may have a few new traditions to add to the mix.

Enjoy those traditions, but hold onto them loosely.

The Prerequisite of Gratitude

I don't have everything I want.....and that's a good thing! In order to be grateful for what we do have, there must be things we don't have. The lack of something is the prerequisite of gratitude. If we have anything and everything we want, it's impossible to feel genuine gratitude. This is why people with seemingly unlimited resources often seem so discontent.

Today, as I reflect on the things I'm thankful for, I'll be grateful that I don't (and can't) have everything I want. Do I still want some of these things? Absolutely! Will I be excited if I ever get them? 100%! But until I do, or if I don't, it won't make me any less grateful for all the wonderful blessings in my life. I cherish each and every one of them.

As you stuff yourself with yummy food, watch sports, play in the backyard, or dive into whatever traditions your family engages in, take a moment to reflect on the beauty of not having all that you want. It's the prerequisite of gratitude.

Happy Thanksgiving, everyone!

".....Then What Was It All For?"

I had a brief but impactful conversation with a client today. He and his wife are considering making a questionable financial decision. They have been intentional about living a debt-free life, and as a result, they live a truly remarkable life. Sacrifice after sacrifice, they've chosen the road less traveled. They could easily have a bigger house, better vehicles, fancier trips, and an overall bougier lifestyle. However, they elected to stay disciplined.

As luck would have it, a piece of land recently went on sale. Not just any land, but a property adjacent to their family's land. This parcel is a bucket list piece of real estate for them. The kind of property they envision someday building a house and eventually passing down to their children.

There's a catch. They can't afford to wave their magic wand and write a check for the whole property. Ideally, they could in due time, but the sellers of this particular property aren't going to wait around for them. It's now or likely never. Knowing this, they have two options: 1) pass on the opportunity, or b) use debt to secure the transaction.

As you probably know, I'm not a fan of debt. I've been personally debt-free since 2016, and have no intention of going back. However, in my friend's situation, it actually makes sense. Given the rare opportunity, the fact they have so much margin in their financial life, and the overall economics of the transaction don't impair their family's life, it makes all the sense in the world.

However, he's conflicted. He doesn't love the idea of procuring debt for this. He goes back and forth about what the right decision is. On one hand, he thinks he needs to keep saving and avoid the debt. On the other hand, he may not get this type of opportunity again.

After bouncing back and forth while thinking out loud, he concludes with this: "If I don't pull the trigger on this, then what was it all for?" This single comment perfectly summed up the tension between meaning and money. Yes, he wants to make wise financial choices. He's done that! He's made so many sacrifices for his family's future. He and his wife have done tremendous work over the past five years. Everything they've done up to this moment has prepared them for such a moment.

His comment echoes so much truth. ".....then what was it all for?" If he's not willing to choose meaning now, all his past wise financial decisions were pointless. Staying out of debt, living below their means, and intentionally maintaining a lower-than-necessary lifestyle. In my opinion, each of these decisions, magnified over years, has brought them to this place where they can make this powerful decision without impairing their financial life. That's a gift! That's a blessing! That's the reward for their good work.

They should buy the land. Meaning over money. Always meaning over money.

Removing the Ceiling

I walked into the front door last night to the sight of an angry 7-year-old. He was huffing and puffing, seemingly threatening to blow the house down. When I asked him what was wrong, he said he wanted a cell phone or a pocket knife. Confused, I asked Sarah to clarify why he was so upset. "Because I told him he can't have either."

Astonished, I asked him what makes him think I would give a pocket knife to a 7-year-old. He said it could just be a small pocket knife, then held up his hands to visually motion the size of the blade of this suggested pocket knife.

This is one of the greatest things about little kids. There is no ceiling. Even the mere idea of a ceiling infuriates and confuses them. "What do you mean I can't have a pocket knife as a first grader!?!?!" Despite some of their ideas sounding absolutely nuts, I think we need to be more like little kids. They are naive enough to believe there is no ceiling. Everything is possible. Everything is on the table.

This is one of the reasons why working with young adults is so much fun. While they aren't like my 7-year-old, there's still an innocence and the belief there is no ceiling. There's something exciting and terrifying about this. Do you know how far someone can go who believes there is a ceiling? The height of the ceiling. Do you know how far someone who doesn't believe in ceilings can go? TBD....let's find out. It reminds me of the famous Henry Ford quote, "Whether you think you can, or you think you can't – you're right."

I used to believe in ceilings. That is until I started looking around and seeing all the ridiculously awesome things people were doing. People who didn't believe in ceilings. People all around me. I often think back to a conversation I was having with a bunch of my high school youth group kids. I asked them if they knew what they wanted to do when they grow up. One by one, they shared their thoughts. Perfectly reasonable and normal ideas were brought to the table. Then the second-to-last guy piped up. "I'd like to play football." Even though he was probably the most popular guy in the circle, his buddies chuckled at his answer. Fast forward many years, and he's on an NFL roster. Whether it was merited or not, he didn't have a ceiling.

While we won't all be professional athletes (my dream of playing alongside Michael Jordan and Scottie Pippen died years ago), it speaks to the power of removing the ceiling. Yes, there's a chance we'll fail along the journey. Many times, most likely. But that's what makes the journey worth it. There's never been a satisfying movie where the hero doesn't get challenged or go through struggle. Our journeys are the same.

The first step, though, is removing the ceiling. Then, anything is possible.

The Next Peak, Not THE Peak

Last night, I had a fun exchange with Meaning Over Money co-founder, Cole Netten. Since we rarely see each other anymore, most of our conversations happen on the phone after our kids go to bed (utterly exhausted, I might add). As we discuss upcoming content and the recording/editing schedule, he mentions he's heading to KC in the morning.

Intrigued, I asked him to share more about the trip. He explains he's shooting the MNF post-game press conference for ESPN. What?!?! He'll be chilling with Patrick Maholmes, Andy Reid, and countless other Chiefs players in the press room! If that's not cool enough, he said he has a second job earlier in the evening. "Taylor Swift Duty." Progressively more intrigued, I asked him to clarify. His job is to camp inside the stadium and get a shot of her when she enters. It sounds like she might not be in attendance, so that piece may not materialize. What a cool and unique opportunity, though!

He capped off this portion of the conversation by saying, "This might be the peak." I couldn't disagree more with him, and I immediately said that. He just turned 30 last week, he's still honing his craft, and his experience/relationships are just now taking shape. He's not anywhere close to his peak. This might be a peak, but it's not THE peak. In fact, I'd argue this most recent peak is closer to his floor than it is to his eventual peak (which likely won't be attained for a few more decades).

In some ways, it reminds me of the stock market. It's easy to look at a chart and think to ourselves, "Wow, it's really high! This feels like the peak." That may be true, but it's not THE peak. It's just the next peak. The image below is a great example of that concept. In 2007, the US stock market was at an all-time 140-year high. It felt like the peak as it was happening. It was, indeed, a peak. But it wasn't THE peak. It was just the next peak. Fast forward 16 years from that bougie-feeling all-time high, and we're now approximately 3x higher!

This is Cole's career! He hasn't even sniffed his potential yet. He's shooting for ESPN at Arrowhead Stadium, capturing clips of one of the best football players to ever live, standing watch to get a shot of one of the greatest musical performers to ever live, and he hasn't even scratched the surface of his potential. This isn't the end. This is the beginning. He's 30 years old. He still has 40-50 good years left in his epic career.

The same goes for you! I hope you're crushing it. I hope you're hitting new peaks. I hope every step is a step worth celebrating. But just remember. It's not THE peak. It just the next peak. Your best is yet to come! Hold on and enjoy the ride.....it's going to be fun!

Throwing Away Our Influence

A few years ago, one of my friends said something ridiculously inappropriate to me. They crossed a line, and the entire thing was quite awkward. I ultimately brushed it off and tried not to take personal offense to it. As I told Cole about this exchange, his immediate reaction was, "If someone said that to me, I would have _______ (I won't repeat his words here)."

Truth is, I agreed with Cole's undisclosed words. A significant portion of me wanted to respond and possibly lash out. However, there was another consideration at play. Had I reacted the way I wanted, I would have thrown away my influence in this person's life. I had, and continue to have, a lot of positive influence on this person's journey. Looking back, I'm so glad I didn't throw it away over some words that likely wouldn't have helped.

I also think about a lunch I shared with a trusted friend. He expressed his disappointment in me for not speaking out on various topics. As he put it, "You have a lot of influence with people, and you're wasting it." I understood what he was saying but disagreed with his overarching premise. Yes, I have some influence with people.....and I'm grateful for that. However, I only have influence in the areas I have influence. Many people respect me for my perspectives on work, money, and behavioral science. They likely don't care about my perspective on other various topics. I, of course, have opinions on many topics and issues, but that's not what people are looking for when they seek out our content. Each time I spout off on a topic unrelated to my core competencies is an opportunity to throw away influence in someone's life. In my view, that's selfish and short-sighted. My own feelings and impulses can't outweigh the opportunity to add value to people's lives.

The timing of this post isn't random. I was again reminded of the importance of not throwing away our influence because yet another person in my life just threw away theirs. It's someone I used to have a deep respect and admiration for. Unfortunately, they've slowly shifted their online presence to something far more unsavory. It's also entirely incongruent with the core competencies that so many people seek them out for. In other words, they are throwing away their influence, including mine, for unrelated and ridiculous reasons. Far too many people are doing this. It's sad. People are falling like flies. Good people with important perspectives/insights to share.

As our world gets progressively crazier, this is the challenge before each of us. We all possess two powerful things: 1) influence in the lives of others and 2) a platform to share it. Every day, we must make a choice. Are we going to use our influence and platform for good? Or will we let our emotions get the best of us and use our platform to throw away our influence? Choose carefully. There is no undo button.

It’s WHEN, Not IF

For most families, finances are generally ok......IF unforeseen issues don't pop up. That's the problem. We tend to live life as though it's an IF, but it's not. It's a WHEN. Unforeseen issues will absolutely rear their ugly head, but we won't know when, where, or how much. And WHEN they do, they can wreak havoc on our finances. 

Take this recent client story, for example. In a three-day stretch, this couple experienced a hat trick of crazy:

• Hit a deer with their car

• Coyotes attacked their dog

• Backed into their garage door

All that in three days!!! Wow. It wasn't an IF, but rather a WHEN. And WHEN happened to be an already busy week in the middle of November. They never saw it coming. They never anticipated a single one of these issues, never mind all three. They had enough life going on that they didn't need this to weigh them down. 

But they were prepared! This is the beauty of getting right with our finances. Instead of destroying their financial life and creating a ton of relational stress in their marriage, it was a mere bump in the road. An ugly bump, but a bump. Here's how/why they were able to navigate this week without it crushing them:

• They have a strong emergency fund for WHEN (not IF) life happens. 

• They are adequately insured to protect against significant liabilities falling on their plate. 

• They have sinking funds specifically for key categories (pets and home maintenance, in this case).

• They have margin in their monthly budget, allowing them to reallocate income to meet unforeseen needs, WHEN necessary. 

They are a wonderful case study of what it looks like to get this money stuff right. It didn't happen by accident. I began working with them in the spring to bring intentionality, preparedness, and acceleration to their financial life, but they have spent years building a strong foundation. Nothing here was good luck. I don't think anyone can accuse them of good luck after the crazy week they just had. 

They focused on getting their money right, so they don't have to dwell on their money when life hits hard. They practiced proactivity in the past, which resulted in them not having to practice reactivity in the present. It's not making money our number one priority, but rather putting intentional focus on financial matters so that we can continue to push money down on our priority list of life. It's living with financial margin, which prevents any single life situation from knocking us down. It's called humility and contentment. 

That's what it looks like to live meaning over money. 

When Six Doesn't Equal a Half Dozen

We live in a culture where everything is black and white. There's an absolute wrong, and an absolute right. The personal finance world is no different. It doesn't help when one of the biggest personalities in the financial space treats everything like you're an absolute idiot if you don't do exactly what he thinks you should do.

This is one of the reasons why so many people make poor financial choices. It's not that they are being negligent or dismissive, but rather because they are being given out-of-context financial advice from people with completely different situations. Context always matters.

I will regularly give seemingly conflicting financial advice to clients. Here's an example. One of my clients wondered if they should pause their 401(k) contributions while trying to pay off credit card debt. They absolutely should. Given their situation, not pausing these contributions would prolong this very painful debt payoff process by approximately 18 months. The very next day, I strongly recommended a different client not pause their 401(k) contributions while trying to pay off debt. The dynamics of their situation were far different, thus merited a completely different decision process.

Other times, decisions on the table seem like a six-of-one, half-dozen-of-another type situation. The decision can be seemingly inconsequential. Mathematically, that may be true. Behaviorally and psychologically, however, is an entirely different story.

Here's one scenario. One of my clients is a successful business owner. And like most business owners, taxes are a constant frustration. Each month, when they pay themselves from the business, they also take a chunk of cash and set it aside for taxes. They have a bunch of money sitting in their business checking account, and another block sitting in their tax savings account. Problem: they just realized they've undersaved for taxes and will owe more than they've already saved. This is causing a tremendous amount of undue stress.

If they had pulled more for taxes, they would be sitting with more money in their tax savings and less in their business checking account. Six of one, half dozen of another, right? It shouldn't be a problem.....but it is! Emotionally, it feels like a loss. Even though they are in the exact same financial situation either way, the psychological impact of having to "owe more money" for taxes is weighing on them.

Their solution was simple:

1) Immediately move a lump sum of cash from their business checking to their tax savings. That act alone relieved some stress.

2) Increase future monthly contributions into their tax savings account, to a degree that they will likely have excess after paying taxes.

While that's probably not the right choice for many people, this is an extremely wise decision for them. They understand their emotional and psychological quirks and have elected to manage accordingly.

As you venture through life, I encourage you to look through the lens of context. What's right for one family may not be right for you. Know yourself, understand the mission, and do what's best.

The Possibility of Moments

I'll be speaking to a group of 500 kids later today, and another 500 tomorrow. As usual, the nerves are running high. The nerves aren't present because of my fear or intimidation, but rather because of how much I care. I feel a deep sense of responsibility to make a difference during this talk. Each person will be in that room for a reason, and the potential exists for each of them to leave better than they arrived. I feel the weight of that.

While these sorts of talks are what I do, it may be the only time I'll have the chance to interact with many of these individuals. What an opportunity, and what a responsibility!

Life is funny like that. Every day, we venture in and out of moments. Sitting at a stoplight. Interacting with the cashier at our local convenience store. A casual conversation at a co-worker's desk. A meeting with a client. Hanging out with our kids. Mingling in the lobby before church service. Moment after moment after moment.

Each moment contains a unique and fleeting opportunity to make an impact. Not necessarily a change-the-world type of impact, but a move-the-needle-in-the-right-direction type of impact. Will we seize the moment or squander the opportunity? Or worse, will we leave them worse than we found them?

I used to struggle living in the moment. While in the middle of a conversation, I'd be glancing around the room, anticipating who I needed to talk to next. I'd feel distracted, anxious, and impatient. Then, something happened. I realized that each interaction with someone was a special moment to savor. It was an opportunity for good. It was then that I immediately started working on trying to become more present. Fast forward a few years, and I started hearing comments from people about this. A youth group kid told me, "When we're talking, you make me feel like I'm the only person in the room. You really listen to me." Wow! I worked so hard to get to that point, and in some situations, I actually achieved it.

This is the possibility of moments. Even if our day is full of hundreds of seemingly meaningless interactions, each one has the potential to mean something. Life feels different when we get chance after chance after chance to make a positive impact. We don't need to cure cancer. Sometimes we just need to make someone smile, show them we care, or let them know they are heard. Any one of those moments may be just what they needed.

Live the next few days with this perspective and see if it makes your life richer. It sure did mine, and I hope it will for you, too!