Small Gestures, Big Impact

When we think about impactful giving, we typically think about profound, massive, staggeringly generous gifts. A five-figure check. Giving someone a car. Forgiving someone's loan. The list goes on and on. Think about an example of a profoundly impactful gift. I bet you're thinking of something big.

Though I appreciate and deeply respect these types of large gifts, I firmly believe even small gifts can significantly move the needle in someone's life. While I was stuck in travel hell a few nights ago, three separate instances of small but powerful generosity played out in a short time span.

First, as it was clear that I wouldn't get home that night, my client stepped into the situation and reserved me a hotel room right in the middle of O'Hare Airport. No shuttles. No Ubers. No commute. All I had to do was take a short indoor walk. It wasn't cheap; he didn't have to do that. That single act of generosity changed my outlook on the situation. I couldn't be more grateful for his compassion and generosity in that moment.

An hour later, I'm on my flight from Dallas to Chicago. I'm on the aisle, a young man is in the middle seat, and an elderly man is at the window. I was repeatedly struck by how sweet and generous the middle guy was with the elderly man. The older man had a hard time moving around and had difficulty hearing. This other man spent the flight helping this man navigate the flight (getting up, reaching for things, communicating with the flight attendant, etc.). It was heart-warming. At the end of the flight, the older man shared his sincere appreciation for how well he was served.

At the same time, a third act of generosity happened. Instead of my usual ice water, I decided to treat myself to a bourbon. When the flight attendant asked for my order, I excitedly ordered my bourbon (neat, of course). But she never took my card. About 30 minutes later, when she walked by, I reminded her I still hadn't paid. "Let's not worry about that. This one is on me." Wow! That was so sweet.

Epilogue: I eventually made it home yesterday. My fate was very much up in the air. I had three opportunities to get a standby seat on Saturday and another three on Sunday, but it wasn't looking pretty. However, in another generous act, my client spent part of his Saturday morning scanning airlines for newly available tickets. A single seat opened up on a different airline, and he instructed me to quickly purchase it. Wow, yet another generous act. The day was still an absolute travel disaster (including digging my car out of a snow bank in -25 degree wind chill with no coat, no hat, and no gloves), but my client's continued generosity led to me getting home safely.

Small acts of generosity can completely alter a person's day.....or month.....or life. Don't overlook those opportunities to make a difference.

You Can’t Control What You Can’t Control

Here's a live look at my day:

I was supposed to get home last night, but my flight from Dallas to Des Moines was canceled. After several discussions with airline employees, I decided to fly to Chicago to provide a few more opportunities to get home the following day(s). I spent the night at a hotel in an O'Hare airport, and now I will spend my day in the airport on standby, praying to make it home. The first available flight home isn't until Monday, so I'll be playing the waiting game until then. Ouch.

In the past, a situation like this would have likely sent me over the edge. I would have been furious. Now, however, I feel different about it. Instead of obsessing about everything I can't control (like blizzards, frigid temps, canceled flights, and a backlog of people trying to get home), I try to focus on what I can control. And today, that's very little. I can show up to the gate and hope. I can try to be productive with my lengthy airport time. I can treat people with dignity and not be a complete jerk. That's about all I can control. The rest is out of my hands. Maybe I'll get home today, or Sunday, or Monday. At this point, that fate is out of my hands.

Our finances and careers are much the same. So many components of our work and money are out of our hands. We can't control the stock market. We can't control whether or not our boss gives us the promotion we deserve. We can't control housing prices. We can't control what the Joneses are doing.

On the flip side, we can control how much we invest each month. We can control how hard we work and what value we add to the organization. We can control where we live. We can control what lifestyle we pursue.

For every 1,000 things we can't control, there are 1,000 things we can. Ignore the former and embrace the latter.

In the meantime, I'll just be bribing strangers with cash, jewelry, and whatever other trinkets I can muster. Hey, it worked for Kevin McCallister's mom!

Perhaps My Wife Should Leave Me

I recently stumbled into an online message board where people submit their monthly budgets for the broader group to provide feedback.

One person's budget included investing 55% of his monthly take-home income to "build wealth." The group loved it! "Way to go!" "Keep up the good work." "Your future is bright." He was lauded and applauded. Hundreds of comments poured in, ranging from congratulations to requests for advice.

Another person shared how he and his wife each bought new luxury cars and live in a mini-mansion in a prestigious gated community. The group loved it! "You earned it." "Enjoy the spoils of your labor." "That's a sign that you're a success." Some people put them on a pedestal. Some people wanted to know their secrets to winning. Others were jealous, but hopeful to one day be there as well.

Then there was another person. This was a middle-class family with an average income and a normal lifestyle. What caught my eye were a few giving categories in his budget. "Church giving," "xyz org giving," and a category that was clearly meant for people in need. He didn't highlight this in his post, but I did the math: his giving totaled approximately 18% of his monthly take-home income.

Do you think he was applauded like the two families above? Haha, of course not! He was utterly skewered. When I saw his budget, I knew exactly what the comments would look like. "You're an idiot." "Bible-beating moron." "Gullible sheep." Some people accused him of neglecting (or even abusing) his family. Some suggested his wife should leave him to find someone to care for his kids, not someone else's kids. 90% of the commenters agreed he was irresponsible and dumb.

I don't know what was going through that original poster's head as he saw the negative comments stream in. But if they know the secret I know, I hope they just sat back and smiled. Generosity always wins. Always. It's true that when we give money away, we have less money. That's a mathematical fact. This family will most likely have less money in the months, years, and decades to come. But they will be richer.....far richer. They will have more joy, more peace, more impact, more contentment, and more meaning. It's a trade-off. We can have the money, or we can have what really matters.

While getting absolutely destroyed by the commenters on that board, my prayer is that someone else was watching. Someone who knows deep down that generosity is the way. Someone who experiences our culture pushing him downstream, but has the urge to swim upstream. I hope this person was inspired by this man's post. Not just inspired, but enough to take action and eventually become the butt of everyone else's jokes.

I may be an idiot. I may be a "Bible-beating moron." I may be a gullible sheep. I may be neglecting my family. Perhaps my wife should leave me. Or maybe I just know a secret: generosity always wins.

Never Waste a Perfectly Good Mistake

In a sobering coaching moment, I recently explained to a client that their investing decisions have cost them handily. They asked me how much we're talking about, so I did some calculations. Though it's a rough estimation, it's safe to say they've lost at least $25,000 so far. They were livid. Worse, their financial advisor is a family member. What this family member did to them wasn't explicitly immoral, but rather "normal." Normal in the sense it's what most people are doing.....which is terrible. They were sick about it, and rightfully so.

But as I love to say, let's not waste a perfectly good mistake. Yes, they lost out on +/- $25,000. There's no way to reverse that. However, that pales in comparison to what they will potentially lose in the future. By my estimation, they will lose a minimum of $1M in the decades to come if they stay on this same path. It's an expensive mistake, but that singular mistake will ironically be the springboard to them doing so much better. That mistake was transformational......in the best way.

I also think back to my own journey. Specifically, when I received the humbling of a lifetime when the Great Financial Crisis struck us. I was $236,000 in debt, on the verge of losing my job, and had limited options. I was blessed with the opportunity to keep my job (by moving states), which gave me a second chance to do this financial stuff right. That mistake was costly, but it was ironically the springboard to a better life. That mistake was transformational.....in the best way. I still carry some of that pain, but I also carry a ton of gratitude with it.

I don't know what mistakes you've made, are making, or will make in the future, but I know they are coming. Some of them will be mild, but others will be costly. I hope they don't cost you as much as they cost this young couple or the younger version of me, but whatever they are, I hope you use it for good. Learn from it. Be humbled by it. Grow from it. Let it shift your perspective. See it through a different lens. Share it with others. Be better as a result of it. Regardless of how bad the mistake was, more good can come from it than bad......if we allow it.

We can't avoid mistakes altogether, but we can use them as a force for good. Never waste a perfectly good mistake!

“You’re Being Stupid”

While writing yesterday's post, I found myself reflecting on my current life vs. my previous life. Specifically, I remember one critical conversation with a close, trusted friend as I was on the verge of making the transition. "You're being stupid." Well, that wasn't the exact quote. The exact quote included an f-bomb in the middle......for emphasis, of course! Let's just say this friend thought I was making a life-altering mistake. I don't blame him, though. Taking a 90% pay cut to start your career over while trying to make ends meet may, in fact, qualify as "stupid." 

I wouldn't trade my current life for all the money in the world. The funny thing is, though, my life doesn't look anything like I drew it up on the playbook:

• I have a bunch of awesome coaching clients (that was the only part I knew I would do).

• People pay me to speak at their events (still weird to me!).

• I have the honor of sharing the Meaning Over Money message on podcasts and in my writing (one of the greatest honors of my life).

• I get the surprise privilege of partially owning and jointly operating a coffee company (that wasn't on my bucket list bingo card).

• I have a wonderful corporate client in Texas that I enjoy immensely.

• Though all these things take up a ton of time, I have a lot of flexibility to parent my boys and invest in them. 

In other words, I'm blessed beyond belief. It's easy to look back now and say my decision was the right thing to do. However, there were many times when it felt like the scariest thing in the world. Never mind all the people in my life who told me how terrible a decision I was making. "You're being a bad husband and father" was another fun comment made to me by a trusted friend. Ouch!

People's opinions matter. Their wisdom is valuable. We should seek out the insight of those we trust. Yes, all of those things. But ultimately, we need to make the best decision for our family......even if it's the opposite of what culture says is right. If I was feeling a bit more rowdy, I may even suggest, "especially if it's the opposite of what culture says is right." 

If you want what everyone else has, do what they do. If you want the opposite of what everyone else has, do the opposite. Ultimately, it comes down to values.....your values. 

I recently had a drink with my friend who told me I was stupid for leaving my career. We had a great time. Lots of reminiscing and lots of laughs. In the middle of the chat, he added, "You did the right thing." I'm not sure I needed that from him, but I think I needed that from him. Thanks, my man!

Follow meaning, even if it's hard. No, strike that. Especially if it's hard. 

I Miss This

Last night, I enjoyed a fun and relaxing dinner with my client. There were seven of us, and it was just a flat-out enjoyable experience. When these moments happen, my first thought is always, "I miss this." While I'm not technically an employee, it feels like I am. These people mean something to me. I enjoy my time with them. It's fun working together to achieve a shared goal. Of all the things I lost when I left my prior career, this is the one I miss the most. I miss the camaraderie. I still get some of this in my new work life, but it's different. 

In my keynote, I venture into the behavioral science of money and happiness. In short, once our needs are met, money WON'T make us much happier. That's been proven again and again. However, there are three things that clearly drive happiness:

• Generosity

• Work that matters

• Relationships

If that's true, it's no surprise why I feel the way I do about spending time with these people. Relationships are like oxygen. I think people grossly underappreciate the importance of relationships in the workplace. Some people even advise against having relationships with co-workers. I've heard it referred to as the separation of work and life. I couldn't disagree more. We shouldn't separate work and life…..we should integrate it. Work is part of life. After all, our work accounts for literally half our waking hours. 

I believe work relationships are the secret sauce. In the absence of these meaningful relationships, nothing is holding us to a job. Without relationships, there's no reason we wouldn't leave for even a $500/year raise. Without relationships, we become a free agent looking for the highest bidder. 

One last thought. Whenever I ask someone what they like most about their job (whether they love it or hate it), the first answer given almost always revolves around relationships. Is that telling? Conversely, whenever I ask someone what they dislike most about their job (whether they love it or hate it), the first answer given almost always revolves around relationships. Is that telling?

Here's my takeaway today. Don't take your work relationships for granted. They can and should add a richness to your life. We are better people because of them. Don't miss out on that opportunity. 

“Am I Excited to Go Home?”

Last night, I was blessed with a chance airplane encounter with my awesome friends, Brett and Tracy (and family). They are on their way to a wonderful-sounding vacation at a tropical destination. That sounds pretty nice when contrasted with the weather we're about to experience here in the Midwest. While waiting for the plane to take off, I texted Tracy, jokingly asking her to give me some ideas for blog content she could enjoy at the pool each morning. She didn't take the bait……perhaps she doesn't want to spend her vacation absorbing random ideas from my brain. Today's post is written with her vacation in mind, though!

Vacations are an excellent barometer for life. Not the vacation itself, but rather one key question we should ask ourselves while we're in the midst of a beautiful trip. "Am I excited to go home?" If we're vacationing well, we should be creating lifelong memories, making bad (or shall I say good?) food choices, relaxing, and carving out new adventures. But at some point, it comes to an end. And when it does, we'll soon transition back to our normal day-to-day life. When that happens, what goes through your mind? Is it dread? Fear? Tolerance? Ambivalence? Anxiety? Stress? Pessimism? Or on the other side of the coin, is it excitement? Hope? Passion? Encouraged? Optimism? 

The answer can and should be telling. Let's say your answer to the question is positive. You're looking forward to going home and resuming life. If that's the case, congrats! You're winning! I don't even care what your life looks like, what you do for a living, how much money you have, or your status. If you look forward to going home and living your life, you've already won! Millions of people would be jealous of your life. 

If your answer to the question leans negative, it's time to look in the mirror. If we need to escape our life in order to get through our life, it's a sign that something needs to change. Yes, vacations should be amazing……but vacations aren't life. They are what we do when we temporarily pause life. And the consequence of pausing is that we eventually need to unpause. When we do, our life is still our life, and we are still us. That's the problem with vacations. They don't actually change anything. We can leave our life, but we can't escape it. Ultimately, we must live in the reality we've created for ourselves. 

If you have a negative answer, I have a few follow-up questions for you:

• What part(s) of your life triggers a negative response? Work? Family? Marriage? Finances? Friends? Other?

• What alternative reality would make you shift your answer from negative to positive?

• What changes can you immediately make to begin this shift?

Next time you're on a fun vacation, try this exercise. But warning: Once you look in the mirror and see the truth, you just may have to take action. And you'll be grateful you did!

Build-A-Memory

Yesterday was a big day in our house. Finn cashed in on a Christmas gift by creating his own Build-A-Bear stuffie. He was beaming, as any new stuffed animal father would be. It's safe to say that he'll be talking about this for years to come.

Do you know how much it costs to buy a Build-A-Bear stuffed animal? Far more than a stuffed animal should cost. In many cases, 3-4x what you'd typically pay for a similar stuffed animal. It's wild.

However (and this is a big however), you aren't really buying a stuffed animal. Sure, you walk out of the store with a cute little stuffie. But that's not what you're actually buying. Build-A-Bear is in the memory-selling business. Every part of the experience (from the moment you walk into their store until the moment you walk out) is a curated experience to create a lasting memory. From the selection of the body, filling it with stuffing, to the little heart-insertion ceremony, to the accessorization, each part of the sequence builds upon the prior.

People can criticize Build-A-Bear all they want, but that company understands something vitally important. Their value proposition is far more than the physical object they are selling. That's why they can sell so many units at a staggering price. They know who they are, they know who they serve, they how to serve them, and they know what they are selling them.

My wife recently had a similar experience. My gift to her was one of those necklaces you design, and they literally fuse it onto your body. It doesn't come off. It's permanent. The only way to remove it is to cut it off. She chose a simple chain with three birthstones: September (the month Finn and Pax were born), October (the month they became part of our family), and June (the month their adoption was finalized in court). Similar to the stuffie, Sarah's necklace cost more than you'd anticipate. Also similar to the stuffie, this company understands they aren't in the necklace-selling business. They are in the legacy business. They help women create pieces that will theoretically be attached to them for the rest of their lives. There's a special sentiment in that process. That's what people are really buying.

What are you really selling? We're all selling something. We all wake up each morning and do something with our time. Those actions and that work can provide something meaningful. Maybe you sell coffee like my friend TJ. Or maybe you train basketball players like my friend Anna. Or maybe you sell insurance like my friend Ben. Or maybe you raise your kids like my wife Sarah.

Whatever you do, look one layer deeper. What are you really selling? Instead of coffee, TJ really sells smiles and hospitality. Instead of training, Anna helps young ladies develop confidence. Instead of insurance, Ben really sells peace of mind. Instead of "just staying home" (I hate that phrase!), Sarah is molding the next generation of leaders.

Sell what matters.

Just in Case

An interesting question came up in a meeting yesterday. Amidst a stressful conversation, the husband looks at the wife and asks, "What if something happened to me?" By "something," he meant death." It was a morbid question, but it led down an important road. No, pondering the demise of a spouse isn't the most enjoyable conversation in the world. But yes, it's critically important. 

The husband was concerned that given their current habits, practices, and structure, his wife would likely be flying blind if she was forced to pick up the family's finances in his absence. It was a completely valid concern, and one worth discussing. 

The answer isn't necessarily having both spouses handle the family's finances simultaneously. In most families, one spouse handles 90%+ of the finances. Fun fact: it's about 50/50 which gender handles the finances in a family. Second fun fact: the determination of which spouse handles the finances can typically be traced back to which of their parents handled the family's finances growing up.

So, if handling the finances jointly doesn't answer our "what if?" question, what does? I'll share a few ideas that typically help close the gap:

• While one spouse may physically handle most of the family's finances, most decisions should be made jointly. I handle 100% of my family's finances, but my wife is involved in practically every financial decision.

• Keep your finances simple. Most people have unnecessarily complex finances. There's no need for it in most situations. Simple is good, and simple will be a blessing to the surviving spouse. 

• Consistently practice intentionality with your family's finances in good times.

• Designate someone in your life to be a helper if something happens to the primary financial handler spouse. This person should understand the family's finances enough that they can step into the situation and help pick up the pieces, if needed. 

• Create a "death binder." It rolls off the tongue, I know. I only call it this because it irks Sarah, so you can call it whatever you want. In short, this is a folder or box that contains a summary of all the family's financial components. It's a list of every piece of your family's financial life. It contains account numbers, institution names, phone numbers, and even login information. Think of it as a cheat sheet for all things financial. We keep this document in our safe deposit box, and I update it periodically.

• Along with the death binder, include originals or copies of all pertinent documents. I recommend including the following:

• Social security cards, birth certificates, passports, marriage certificates, etc.

• Car titles

• Real estate documents

• Loan documents

• Insurance policies (auto, life, disability, etc.)

• Recent account statements for bank and investment accounts

• Wills

• Appraisals for valuable items like jewelry

• Keys and directions to PO Boxes, safes, storage units, and the like.

• Have periodic conversations about "what if." We don't want to go all Debbie Downer and project doom and gloom, but we want to be prepared. 

Just in case.

Don’t Cross the Streams

We had a fun NYE celebration in our house. After enjoying appetizers, we all snuggled on the couch. We made a deal with the kids. For the first time ever, they were allowed to stay up as long as they wanted. We attempted to watch the Times Square telecast, but I quickly realized we had a problem. Not much of it was appropriate for 7-year-olds. I kept changing the channel when various performers were on stage. 

During one of those sudden diversions, I stumbled onto the original Ghostbusters, which had started maybe 15 minutes earlier. While I'm not sure my kids were ready for Ghostbusters, it was certainly more appropriate than anything shown on the NYE telecast. It turns out they loved it, even the scary parts! One of my favorite parts of the movie (and the one most quoted by middle school boys.....IYKYK) is the scene where they discuss the danger of crossing the streams.

This all leads me to a coaching meeting last night. I was meeting with a young business owner who desires to adequately and properly track his cashflows. There are a lot of tips, tricks, and tools I could have given him, but I had one simple, but powerful piece of advice. "Don't cross the streams!" 

Whenever we're operating a business, whether something as small as a lemonade stand or as large as a corporation, we need to keep that business's finances isolated from everything else. It needs its own bank account that ALL revenue goes into and ALL expenses are paid from. There's a purity about it. Money in, money out, with nothing else polluting it. No personal expenses. No transactions involving another business. Nothing. 

A few things happen when we operate with this level of diligence and discipline. 

• First, it provides clarity. If the only transactions running through a business's bank account are for that business, anything left is considered profit. That's really straightforward! 

• Second, it makes record-keeping much more manageable. When it's time to report data for tax purposes, we know where to look. We can confidently look at this bank account and know everything is accounted for, and there's nothing inappropriate included. 

• Third, we're less likely to justify wants and try to jam them through our business as "deductions." 

The third one really messes people up. Blurring the lines between business and personal and between wants and needs can be dangerously self-sabotaging. It's also a surefire way to create tension in marriage. It reminds me of a conversation with my wife a few years ago. We were talking about our respective personal spending, and she lamented, "It's not fair. You also have your business account that you can go buy food and other fun things with." Shocked by this perspective, I told her I NEVER use the business for personal things. Her response? "Oh, I thought everyone did that." Telling, isn't it? She's right, sadly. But it doesn't have to be that way.

Don't cross the streams!

Stay Vigilant, My Friends

Throughout the course of life, it's staggering how many financial mistakes we make. Some are big, some are small, and the count is high. I'd like to tell you it's possible to completely eliminate them, but it's not. With the sheer number of decisions we make each day/week/month/year, we'll eventually get bit by the mistake bug.

This was my week. I was pretty upset with myself, but after deciding it would make for good blog content, I'll reclassify it as an "investment" in my head (or so I tell myself). Here's the situation. My family is preparing for an international trip that's coming up. In the process, we decided to get the kids their own suitcases. Until now, we've just packed their clothes in our luggage whenever we travel. But it's time for them to get their first set of luggage.

After doing some shopping, we picked out a few cool options (Minecraft for Finn and Spiderman for Pax). Luckily, the bags are also mirror images of each other.....just with a different design. Perfect! They were also fairly affordable at $65 each. Doubly perfect! I pulled the trigger and washed my hands of that chore. Until today.....

As I was reviewing transactions earlier in the day, I noticed one for $213. Wait, what is that!?!? If the suitcases were only $65 each, that math doesn't math. When I clicked on the invoice, my fears were realized. The bags were, in fact, $65 each, but I got dinged with a $77 shipping charge. Oh crap!

Pure and simple, I just made a boneheaded decision. I screwed up. I made a mistake. And the primary reason is the same as when we typically make financial mistakes: lack of vigilance. I didn't pay close enough attention.....and I paid the price for it. I was with the kids when I pulled the trigger (and one of them was melting my brain), so I completely whiffed on the shipping details. Ouch!

Though I'm still pretty frustrated, I'll get over it. I've made more expensive mistakes than that. Ultimately, we'll have a couple of suitcases that will serve us well for years to come. It won't break us. It won't move the needle in the big picture. But it's a great lesson. We need to stay vigilant. We must focus on the details, ensure we're crossing our T's and dotting our I's, and follow through with diligence.

Also, one last thought. Give yourself grace WHEN (not IF) you make a mistake. Mistakes will happen, so it's important you process them, learn from them, and ultimately put them in the rearview mirror. It's amazing how much these things will haunt us if we let them (yes, even this dumb $77 mistake). It certainly won't be my last mistake, and you'll also collect some as well. But if we handle ourselves with intentionality, we can limit them.

Stay vigilant, my friends!

Right and Right

Whenever we have a big decision in front of us, we try to discern what the right choice is and what the wrong choice is. It feels heavy. After all, the idea of making the wrong choice feels scary.....and intimidating. We treat it like it's life or death. If we make the right choice, we'll win. But if we make the right choice.....well, we don't even want to think about how badly that would hurt us.

I propose that, in many situations, it's not about right and wrong. Sometimes, it's about right and right. I often think about my youth group kids and their daunting choice of selecting a college. I feel bad for them, in part, because I remember how overwhelmed I was by my own college decision process when I was 18. As they are deep into the weeds of that season, I often remind them that perhaps there's not a singular right choice. Perhaps there's not a wrong choice. It may be a series of right choices, which means we'll win either way. The decision-making process gets significantly more manageable if we view it through the lens of a possible win/win scenario.

Two situations happened yesterday that fall into this bucket. First, one of my clients is strongly considering buying a different house. Doing so would require them to give up their current loan structure and ultimately add approximately $1,500+/month to their monthly budget. Mathematically, it's probably not the best decision. However, we can't let math be the sole arbiter of our decisions. There are a lot of factors at play. On one hand, they could pull the trigger and buy this house. On the other hand, they could hold off for a few years, get themselves into a better financial position, then buy something. I would propose that these are competing "right" decisions, but both right decisions, nonetheless. After the conversation, I hope they do, too.

I also had an interesting conversation about my own life yesterday. Someone offered me a significant compensation package for a full-time job. Considering what my family has been through over these past 4.5 years since taking a 90% pay cut to start our lives over, a colossal salary sounds pretty appealing right about now. To top it off, I think I'd really like the job. This, too, is an example of a possible right and right. I could keep doing exactly what I'm doing and have an amazing life. I could also pursue this other opportunity and have an amazing life.

Next time you have a big decision in front of you, look at it through the lens of a possible right and right. Then, have fun with it! Life is too short to dwell. Make the best decision you can, then aggressively pursue meaning. It will all work itself out somehow.

What’s Your Non-Resolution?

In yesterday's post, I disparaged the idea of New Year's resolutions, referring to them as a shinier version of a wish. Instead, I proposed that we ought to set a target outcome, and then focus 100% of our attention on the small things that contribute to achieving said objective. I used the idea of paying off a bunch of debt. Instead of simply saying, "I'm going to pay off $18,000 of debt this year," I walked through the small things that will actually lead to this goal being accomplished. 

After ranting about that topic yesterday, it begs the question, what do you want to achieve this year? What are your non-resolutions? What are a few things that matter to you? What are your objectives? I'd love to hear what's on your mind. Everyone has their own unique set of goals and objectives, and I'm infinitely fascinated by each person's. If you're willing, I'd be honored if you hit reply to the e-mail (if you're a subscriber) or hit the comment button if you're on the website, and tell me what yours are.

But if I'm going to ask you yours, I suppose I should share mine! Here are a few of the things I'd like to accomplish in 2024:

• Continue to build my coaching/speaking/consulting business to the point that its income consistently pays for my family's monthly budget. Over the past 4.5 years (more so in the early years), I’ve needed to supplement our income through other investments and businesses. 

• Increase our blog readership by 1,000+ new readers. If you're ever inclined, it would mean the world to me if you share the blog (or specific posts that move the needle for you). 

• Increase our podcast listenership by 2x. 

• Publish a book (more on this to come soon).

• Speak at approximately four national conferences.

Each of these five goals feels daunting, but focusing on the small behaviors, habits, and actions, can lead to big things. Ultimately, I just want to make a difference in people's lives. I want to have an impact on this world. I'm not sure I'll change the world, but I do believe I can make a positive difference in the journeys of people who will most certainly go on to change the world. That's my dream. That's my why. That's what gets me out of bed each morning. 

What about you? What's on your agenda for 2024?

A Resolution to Eliminate Resolutions

I used to be a New Year's resolution guy. I love beginnings, endings, seasons, clean slates, and fresh starts. There's something so alluring about the idea of the blank canvas of a new year. 

The key word is "used to." Somewhere along the journey, I started looking around (and in the mirror) and realized most resolutions were a bunch of crap. Not the idea behind the resolution, but rather the execution of it. Do you ever go to a gym during the first few weeks of January? It's absolutely packed. It's filled with people you've never seen before. But by March, most of those people will be gone, and the gym will be normal again. I'm not criticizing. Heck, I've been one of those January-through-March gym people before. 

It's not that I don't think there's value in wanting these things. Whether it's going to the gym, eating better, paying off debt, or any number of respectable goals, they are inherently good. The problem, however, is the resolution part. A resolution is just a shinier version of a wish. There's no follow-through, no execution, and no discipline. It's just an unlikely dream that will quickly whither. 

So what's the alternative? Simply give up and not even try? No way! Not even close. We should be clear with ourselves about what we're trying to accomplish. But instead of focusing on the outcome, we should focus on the little things that help bring the desired outcome to life. 

Let's use paying off debt as an example. Let's say I have $18,000 of student loan debt that I want to pay off this year. Instead of simply resolving to pay it off, I need to ask myself what must happen to bring it to fruition. Here's how I'd process it:

• First, I need to commit to creating, executing, and tracking a budget each month. This is the tool that unlocks our potential. 

• Second, I need to break down the desired outcome into bite-sized chunks. $18,000 divided by 12 months equals $1,500/month. I don't need to pay off $1,500 every month, but I need to average $1,500/month over the year. 

• Third, I need to assess my financial life this month to determine how much (and from where) I can find $1,500+ to throw towards the debt. It may already be there, but if not, what options do I have? Extra paychecks? Tax refund? Bonus? Side hustles? Gifts?

• Fourth, I need to follow through with the plan. Execute this month well. Nail it.

• Fifth, I need to celebrate the small wins along the way. If I pay off a small debt, I'll celebrate by going out to dinner. When I pay off another, I'll treat myself to something cool. Always celebrate. 

• Sixth, I need to remember my why. Getting out of debt alone isn't enough. What's my why? 

Oddly enough, when we focus on the small behaviors, the big dreams come to life. Go get it this year! You got this! Happy New Year!

That’s a Lot of Life

Happy last day of 2023. Is it just me, or does it seem like life moves progressively faster as we age? I blinked and the year was gone. In the past, I would be surprised by this. Anymore, however, I just expect it. 

With that being said, something happened yesterday that gave me a different perspective. One of our readers asked me a question about something I previously wrote about. In an effort to find said content, I started flipping back through old posts. I eventually found what I was looking for, but by that point, I was having fun looking back on some of our old posts. 

Here's my conclusion. Though life moves fast, there's a lot of life being lived. 365 posts in 365 days is wild. I still can't wrap my head around it. But as I was poking around some of the old posts (and the scale of it all), I was struck by how many people, stories, and situations were involved. Posts I don't remember writing. People that made a difference in my life. Stories that I had somewhat forgotten. Situations that changed me. That's a lot of life.

As I reflect on the year coming to a close and another about to unfold, a few thoughts come to mind:

• Every day is an opportunity to mean something. Some days mean more than others, but all days can have meaning. 

• Never take for granted the people who intersect our lives. Some stay for years, while some stay for just a moment.

• Make an impact. We don't need to change the world. Instead, we just make a positive difference. We never know how a small act can spiral into massive impact. 

• Document the journey. Whether you journal, blog, YouTube, podcast, or any number of creative outlets, document it. For as insightful as it was flipping back through posts from the past 365 days, just imagine how crazy it will be reading them 20 years from now. If I can convince you of one thing, it's to document your journey. If you don't do it for you, do it for others. And if you're like me, maybe some of the "others" are your children. It's one of the best gifts we can ever give our kids. 

Whether your life was filled with amazing blessings or a ton of pain (or likely a mix of both), a lot of life was most certainly lived in 2023. I can't wait to see what next year will bring. The best is yet to come. Happy New Year everyone!

What He Said!

When I open my laptop to start writing each day, I often don't know what the blog will be about. And sometimes, the creativity doesn't just automatically stream from my fingers. I suppose that will occasionally happen if I'm committed to writing 365 days per year. Today is one of those days. So I did the first thing I always do when I need to find a spark: scroll social media. I never know what I will see, but I 100% know I'll be inspired by something I come across. And man, was today's ever inspirational!

As I was flipping through Twitter (sorry, I can't call it X), I saw something my guy Elliott Frey shared. It was a postgame interview with Arizona defensive player Martell Irby, who had won the Alamo Bowl moments prior. Here's the video. It's only 2 minutes long, and I couldn't recommend it enough.

🥲 pic.twitter.com/qvCTChNTSU

— no context college football (@nocontextcfb) December 29, 2023

This clip sums up nearly everything I believe in. It's an absolutely beautiful witness and testimony of the pursuit of meaning. These 114 seconds are packed with so much:

• Faith

• Persistence

• Redemption

• Gratitude

• The importance of community

• Humility

• Living in the present

• Work ethic

• Love

• Determination

• Patience

I feel like this is where I should elaborate on his words, providing context and adding value.....or maybe throw in something witty. Truth is, there's nothing I can add to make this better. I don't know Martell. Scratch that, I don't even know anything about Martell other than what these two minutes told me. But I can tell you one thing: This man's gravitational pull makes you want to be around him. It's contagious. It's vulnerable, and it's genuine. It's all about meaning. 

So instead of trying to find something clever or valuable to say, I just have one thing: What he said!

You Wouldn’t Pay a Doctor to Hurt You

A friend, who is now a reader of this blog, recently asked me to do a quick assessment of their investments. After reading several posts where I ranted about how most people unknowingly have terrible investment portfolios, he had a growing suspicion that his portfolio probably fell into the same camp. His story is similar to most. In an effort to help their grown children, their parents gave them a referral to the financial advisor they've been using for many years. After all, this is a person they trust. It's a long-standing relationship, and their portfolios have increased over time. And in their parents' defense, when they started investing, this was the ONLY way to invest. It's the traditional way to do it. 

I dug into their funds, took into account their weightings, and this is what I found. Over the last ten years, their investment composition had a return of 8.97% per year (we'll call it 9%). Pretty good, eh? After all, the stock market's historical average is around 9% per year for 150+ years. One problem, though. The total US stock market, over the same period of time, had an 11.50% annual return. This means their portfolio underperformed the stock market by 2.5% per year.....wow! Oh yeah, and they paid their financial advisor 1.25% per year for the privilege of getting their butts kicked by the market. 

So after factoring in sub-par returns and the manager fees on top of it, they performed 3.75% less than they could have performed by simply pushing a few buttons on their phones: 7.75% vs. the market's 11.50%. You wouldn't pay a doctor to hurt you, but this is the financial equivalent of doing just that. 

Let me illustrate it for you. This couple is 30 years old and has approximately $20,000 invested. Let's assume these same returns persist between now and age 65. Here's what would happen:

• Their current portfolio would end up at $270,000

• A simple investment in a total stock market index would be $900,000.

That's a $630,000 difference! Their returns would be 3.3x more.....triple!! And this doesn't even account for additional investments into their account between now and 65. This is ONLY the original $20,000 investment. 

Now I doubt these same returns will repeat themselves over 35 years. Let's pretend the market returns 9% per year instead. And let's also assume their financial advisor will pull a rabbit out of his hat and tie the market (but they still have to pay their 1.25% fee for the privilege). Here's what would happen:

• Their current portfolio would end up with $273,000. 

• A simple investment in the total stock market would end up with $408,000.

That one decision made them $135,000....not accounting for additional investments!

Epilogue: After this conversation, the husband independently set up an account to invest in the total stock market index. The entire process took him 15 minutes. Those 15 minutes just made them more than $1M! That's what I call a great return on investment!

There’s a Hole in the Boat!

Do you ever feel like you're living month-to-month or paycheck-to-paycheck with your money? You're trying to make progress, but there's just not enough money to make it happen? You try to cut back and create margin, but it's just too dang hard? You're not alone! This is the plight of millions of Americans.

I have a little secret for you. You might not believe me at first, but I'm dead serious. You probably have more margin than you think. The money that you've been looking for is probably already in your paycheck. But there's a problem: There's a hole in the boat!

One of my favorite parts about starting a new coaching relationship is the first spin through their monthly budget. They've already provided me with all their monthly needs, wants, and debt payments. I digest all this information and visually lay it out on the screen. Then, we go through it, line by line. I encourage them to jump in if we're missing anything or need to edit a particular item. Then, the grand finale that I always eagerly anticipate is the moment we hit the bottom of the budget, only to discover hundreds or thousands of dollars left over.

There's a moment of confusion and bewilderment, almost as if they forgot to include their mortgage payment or grocery expenses in the above information. But they didn't. It's all been accounted for.....and there's still a ton of money left over. Sometimes, a family has $500 of unexpected margin......sometimes it's $5,000. Most families have $1,000-$3,000. But whatever it is, the look on their face is priceless. It's the look of hope and optimism. There's also some embarrassment at play, but here's my encouragement: They aren't alone! You aren't alone! So many other people are dealing (or have dealt with) the very same thing....myself included.

The hole in the boat is us. We're the hole. Impulse buys, friction in our day-to-day lives, the pursuit of convenience, external forces, forgetting upcoming items, lumpy expenses, or underestimating how quickly small things add up. Each of these factors leads us down the road of a leaky boat.

Good news, though! We can plug the hole. It's simple and effective. A budget! A budget is a surefire way to plug the leak. Not to rob ourselves of fun and enjoyment, but rather to harness that margin for what's most important. If you want to save up for a big family trip, plugging that leaky hole may be THE answer. If you're trying to save for retirement or your children's college, that leaky boat may be the reason you never get there. If you want one spouse to stay at home but can't make the numbers work, fixing that leak may be what the doctor ordered.

Once we fix the leak, we regain control. We're the boss. We get to determine the fate of that money. It's going to go somewhere, so we might as well be the ones directing traffic.

Plug that leaky boat! Lean into YOUR values.

More Control Than We'll Admit

Oh, inflation. Inflation, inflation, inflation. Inflation is a topic that doesn't seem to go away. It's now as engrained in our cultural narrative as Taylor Swift, TikTok, and my Bears being terrible. Inflation is an easy target. It's easy to point to a single number as proof of why we're screwed. "Well, gas prices were x, and now they are y," or "My weekly grocery haul used to cost b, and now it costs c." While those facts may be true, they don't properly account for the overall picture. They are just numbers in a vacuum. 

I had a conversation ask week that may illustrate the topic. While meeting with a client, we were looking closer at their current monthly budget. This exercise was through the lens of changing circumstances and a desire to carve out more margin. This family's monthly needs are approximately $9,000. This accounts for food, housing, utilities, transportation, and other items that are essentially needs. 

Curious about the broader context of this number, I flipped back to some of their older budgets (from four years ago). Much to their dismay, their apples-to-apples monthly needs were just $5,000 back then......less than half of what they are today! You may be thinking to yourself, "How do monthly needs go up by $4,000 in just four years!?!?" There are a few reasons this happens, which primarily include:

• Inflation

• Changing seasons of life

• Lifestyle creep

• Evolving definition of "need"

I don't highlight this to point fingers. This isn't a condemnation of them (or anyone else). Rather, this is a great opportunity to look in the mirror, be honest with ourselves, and act accordingly. 

Yes, inflation has done a number on this family. That's a very real thing. We can go category by category and see how their monthly spending has changed over the years (one of the benefits of budgeting and tracking over a long period of time). Inflation has played a role in this. 

But we also need to take account of all the areas in our lives that we've inflated (whether intentionally or unintentionally). Just because we can spend on something, it doesn't mean we should. It's so easy to squint our eyes and decide xyz is now a need, or what was once needed isn't enough anymore. We humans justify all sorts of decisions this way.

We also have to look at our major decisions and how they impact our financial journey:

• The cars we buy

• The house we live in

• The childcare we choose

• The stores we shop at

• The food we eat

Not all decisions are created equal. Some decisions can transform our budget to the tune of hundreds or thousands per month. It's critical that we view each decision through the lens of our broader life and what's most important to us. 

So as we enter a new year, perhaps this is a great time to take a look at your numbers. Take back control. Focus on meaning. Create margin. Give yourself peace. You deserve it!

Expectations vs. Reality

Do you ever script out, in your mind, how something will go? What it will look like, feel like, and be like? There's a specific vision in your mind, with an anticipation of it all playing out just as you planned? Oh cool, me, too! And just like clockwork, it rarely goes according to plan. That can be such a defeating feeling.

This was my Christmas day. It didn't look or feel like I imagined it in my head. You know what's crazy, though? For the first time ever, I went in with an anticipation that my perfect little vision probably wouldn't materialize. Some may call it pessimism. Others may call it experience. I call it growth. In years past, I would find myself getting pretty sad when my little vision melted as reality set in.

Most of our Christmas day was spent as a party of three, as Sarah spent most of the day in bed with a brutal sinus infection. I felt terrible for her. Also, instead of a white Christmas, we received an odd 50-degree Christmas day. That sounds possibly fun, except for the fact it rained all day. The boys and I saw the new Wonka movie at the theater. About 15 minutes in, the screen went black, where it would stay for about 30 minutes. After getting it running again and adjusting the timestamp of the movie a few times (resulting in us seeing the same parts multiple times), it went from a two-hour movie to a three-hour experience.

Nothing went quite as expected. But it was still an amazing day! I knew it would look different than I had hoped for, and that's ok. I was ready to embrace it for whatever it is, and create memories with the kids nonetheless. And that we did. It could have been a huge letdown, but we thoroughly enjoyed our little tainted Christmas. We lived in the present and enjoyed our time together.

I think our Christmas is a parallel to much of life. It's rarely going to go as we hope, so we have two options: a) lament the fact reality isn't matching our expectations, or b) continue to see it through, embracing whatever plays out in front of us. It's going to be messy, frustrating, chaotic, and a roller-coaster. We can wish for something different, but we can't wish away reality. All we can do is expect the unexpected, savor whatever comes, and always decide to make lemonade when it's raining lemons.

I hope you had the absolute most perfect day ever, but in the likely event you didn't, I hope you embraced and savored your very imperfect Christmas day, too. Today won't be perfect. Tomorrow won't be, either. That's ok, though! Embrace whatever comes your way.