The Status of Status

Whether we realize it or not, much of life is the pursuit of status. Status is at play in nearly everything we do, the decisions we make, and how we spend our money.

First, what is status? One definition is "the relative social, professional, or other standing of someone or something." Here's another: "position or rank in relation to others."

We humans are obsessed with status. We fixate on being ranked higher "in relation to others." We do this in small ways and in significant ways:

• Which logo appears on our clothes and shoes.

• The emblem on our vehicle. 

• The zip code or school district in which we live. 

• The university we attend.

• Our job title.

• The alphabet soup of credentials that follow our name. 

• Where we vacation.

• Who we associate with.

• How much is in our bank account.

• What phone we use.

• The career field we enter.

• The size of our house.

Each of these decisions, whether consciously or subconsciously, involves our pursuit of status (or perceived status). This is at the center of keeping up with the Joneses. Remember, the definition of status isn't about what we have. It's about what we have "in relation to others." Therefore, when we make decisions, a part of us is trying to improve our relative position of status. The chase! This is a dangerous and slippery slope. 

No, buying a car with a certain emblem isn't evil. No, having a new iPhone isn't stupid. No, going to a particular university isn't wrong. No, gaining credentials isn't an act of arrogance. None of these things are inherently evil. However, we must continually look in the mirror and ask ourselves why we're really making xyz decision. 

I'm literally watching many families disintegrate before my eyes. They are losing their freedom, values, and unity. Slowly but surely, their finances are eroding. It's not for lack of income. In fact, this often happens to families on the upper end of the financial spectrum. The pursuit of status is an expensive and soul-sucking endeavor. 

What's the alternative? For me, it's simple but difficult. Instead of focusing on trying to improve our position in relation to others or care about what others think, we simply need to focus on what's most important for our family. Easier said than done, I know. 

It's sometimes hard watching my friends make many multiples of our income when I could flip the switch and join them. It's sometimes hard living in the house and driving the cars we have. It's sometimes hard to know I continually turn my back on a high-status career (with a ridiculous paycheck tied to it).

On the flip side, if we can resist the urge to pursue status, we get to pursue a life that's truly meaningful for us and our families. It's the hardest endeavor, but also a priceless one. 

I won't ever fully eliminate the desire for status, but with enough intentionality, I can hopefully minimize it and remember what’s most important. You can do it, too.

Find a Way to Get Away

We got home last night after a five-day road trip. The boys went on adventures with their cousins while Sarah and I attended a generosity conference. It was the first time Sarah and I had gotten away together since our Thailand/Qatar trip last April. We missed the kids, but we had a wonderful time together!

I always forget how powerful time away can be. It's hard to find the time and navigate the logistics, but when we do, it's so powerful. Our trips are more meaningful when they involve some form of growth or service. This trip was no different. We spent time with inspirational people, listened to impactful speakers, and engaged in powerful discussions. Our time together opened up new dialogue, triggered new ideas, and raised some critically important topics to the surface. All in all, it was a home run. I hope to share some of my biggest conference takeaways in the coming weeks, but wow, so good!

I had a few mirroring conversations last week that got me thinking. I was talking about my upcoming trip with a few friends. I commented that it's wild (and disappointing) that Sarah and I haven't taken time away together in nearly a year. Each of these people had similar responses. "One year? My wife and I haven't gotten away since having kids." Both of these individuals have kids in the 10-13 year-old range. They haven't been away from their kids in more than a decade?!?!

Astounded by this discovery, I started asking people about their "getting away" habits. Much to my surprise, about half the people I surveyed said they "never" go away without their kids. 

If my informal survey is any indication, that means many of you reading this post "never" or "rarely" get away without your kids. Please don't hear me criticizing or judging you. Instead, I want to encourage you. As I mentioned above, it's hard to find the time, logistics, and money to get away. But it's so, so, so worth it. View it as an investment in your marriage. Use it to take a step back from your normal parenting duties, get some rest, build your relationship, create memories, and then re-enter your normal life as a better spouse and better parent. It doesn't have to be a week-long trip abroad. Even a short weekend trip to a nearby town can do the trick. 

Find a way to get away. Invest in your marriage. You won't regret it!

The Curse of More

What if I told you the majority of people in our lives (including you and me) are infected? Worse, it's highly contagious! Even worse yet, they don't even know they have it....it's a silent killer. I call it the curse of more. 

You know, more, as in more stuff, more money, more status, and more security. We're obsessed with more. The newer phone, the fancier car, the bigger house, the more extravagant trip, the bigger bank account. Cool stuff. Fun stuff. Alluring stuff. Powerful stuff.

There's one problem, though. The problem with more is that every time we get more, more is still more. Every time we achieve a goal, a new one replaces it. Every time we buy the newest iPhone, Apple makes a newer one. We move into our "forever" house, then suddenly, the goalpost moves, and we have a new dream house. We dream about having $50,000 in our bank account, but after getting there, $100,000 seems like a nice round number.

The pursuit for more is like running a race on a hamster wheel. The harder we run, the faster the wheel spins. But we're not actually going anywhere. We're standing still while experiencing the allusion of making progress. This is how many of us are living. 

Good news! I have a prescription for the curse of more. Two cures, actually. The first is contentment. "A state of happiness and satisfaction," as defined by Oxford. Being content means being satisfied with what you have. I don't have the newest iPhone. I'm content with the one I have. I don't live in the biggest house. I'm content with the one I live in. I don't drive the fanciest car. I'm content with the one I use. Being grateful for what we DO have is the secret to not dwelling on what we DON'T have. 

The second prescription is generosity. If you're ever feeling the curse of more trying to poison your heart, seek out opportunities to be generous. There's nothing like giving that can reset our perspective. Further, the satisfaction we're seeking in our pursuit of more is actually found on the other side of generosity. It's a taste that satiates. Giving also points back to contentment, as each time we give, we remind ourselves that we have enough already. 

Don't let the curse of more overcome you. It's not a matter of if it will attack, but when. And when it does, contentment and generosity will help you come out the other side. Don't fall for the lies of more. Instead, lean into the truths of contentment and generosity. They will never let you down. 

Dents, Dings, and Impact

I recently had a curious exchange with a friend:

Him: "I got into a fender bender a few days ago."

Me: "Oh man, I'm so sorry."

Him: "No, it's kinda a good thing."

Me: "Uhhhhhh, why's that?"

Him: "I'm going to take a page out of your playbook and use it as an opportunity to do good."

Oh, wow! His comments were a reference to a blog post I wrote a few months ago about a car accident I experienced. Instead of fixing the damage, I elected to use that money to feed children in need. Now, every time I get into my car and see the horrendous-looking dent across the driver's side of my vehicle, it's a reminder of what's most important. 

I received a lot of feedback from that post, ranging from eye-rolling, to warnings that my damaged car is a "bad look" for me, to inspiration. Just in the past week, two separate people have mentioned the idea of doing something similar IF they are ever put in a similar position. 

I didn't know I had this dream, but I have a new dream: driving down the street and seeing a plethora of slightly damaged vehicles that are unrepaired because people chose generosity over image. It's a ridiculous idea with impactful results. 

This, of course, isn't really about damaged cars. Rather, it's about the idea of looking in the mirror and being honest with ourselves. What really is most important? Is it your lifestyle? Your image? Your fun? Your comfort? Or perhaps making a difference? Lifting people up? Blessing others? Creating impact? Be honest with yourself. I hope you choose the latter set of answers (or something that resembles it), but whatever your answer is, I encourage you to align your behavior to it. 

If your mission is for one spouse to stay home, you can't buy a new house and then claim you can't afford to shift one spouse out of the workforce.

If you desire to increase your giving, you can't purchase a new car and then claim you don't have enough margin to make it work. 

If you feel called to start a business, you can't insist on maintaining your current lifestyle while crying foul for being unable to financially navigate the journey.

Whatever your mission is, I hope you endeavor to align your behaviors to it. That's where meaning can be found. It's probably going to be a harder path, but nothing worthwhile comes without toil. In fact, the toil is what makes it all that much sweeter. 

I hope you have a wonderful day.....full of fender benders. Just kidding. Well, maybe just a little scratch. Again, just kidding. Or am I.....?

Zoom Out or Freak Out

Have you heard!?!? Everything is falling apart!!! The stock market is collapsing!!!! It's the end of the world!!!! Right on cue, countless people are gripped with fear over how bad the stock market is doing. Everyone's posting about it on social media, and I've received no less than 15 questions about it just this week.

After all, the stock market is down 4.6% in just the last 20 days. Considering the stock market is supposed to go up 8-10% per year, losing nearly 5% in a three-week stretch feels like the end of the world.

Things are so bad that the market is down to a level not seen since......well, seven weeks ago.....when it hit yet another all-time 153-year high. And after this white-knuckle three-week stretch and watching our investments get beat to smithereens, the stock market is now up only 21% in the last 12 months. Even worse, it's only up 70% over the last five years! Whatever shall we do!?!?

I hope you picked up the sarcasm, as I was laying it down pretty thick. If we don't have a proper context of what's happening, we can really freak ourselves out. Alternatively, we can simply zoom out. When we do, we see a different picture. Like this chart:

This is what the market looks like over the last five years. That little downward blip on the right-hand side of the image is this scary, nasty, terrifying collapse everyone is on pins and needles about. I'll stress the world "blip." Context matters. Context always matters. And, like with most situations, we need to zoom out to gain a proper context.

I won't claim to know what will happen next. The stock market may hit a new all-time high next week, or it could be on the way to experiencing a 50%+ collapse. Either way, I don't much care. Here's what I do care about, though. I care that history tells us, over a long period of time, the market will provide something in the ballpark of 9% per year. I also care that there has never been a 15-year period in history where the market lost money. Lastly, I care that the worst the stock market has done over a 30-year period of time is end up 4.4x higher than it started.

We can zoom out or freak out. I hope you'll join me on the zoom out side of the line. Life is far more peaceful and meaningful when we do.

Creating Begets Creating

One of my clients has a business idea. It's a simple but effective idea. It likely won't make him a massive profit. Heck, it probably won't even provide enough income to live on. For many months now, I've been beating the drum of go, go, go. He NEEDS to put his idea into practice. He NEEDS to move forward....but not for obvious reasons. Here's why: creating begets creating.

Right now, he's stuck with all these ideas in his head. Until it moves from his head to his hands, it will forever remain an idea. Sure, he could collect those ideas and eventually take them to the grave with him. However, I believe he and everyone else deserve to have his vision come to life.

If he ultimately follows through, whether he fails or succeeds, the act of creating will beget more creating. It will set off a chain of events and practices that will ultimately lead to more creating. For that reason, I don't even think it matters how successful this first endeavor is. Instead, it's about the act, the action. I wholeheartedly believe the moment he puts this idea into motion is the moment his life will forever change.

This business plan is an idea, but it's probably not THE idea. THE idea is buried somewhere deep within him, but it can't materialize until he becomes someone who creates. Once that happens, he can unlock everything else beneath the surface.

This concept applies to business ideas, but it also applies to so much else in life. The reason Taylor Swift can write smash album after smash album is because one time, when she was a teenager, she wrote songs. Then wrote songs. Then wrote more songs. Then became one of the most famous musicians on the planet. Creating begets creating.

It's the reason I can record two podcast episodes and write seven blogs every week. In theory, I should have run out of ideas years ago. However, creating begets creating.

It's the reason my guy Cole continues to raise his filmmaking game. Every time he creates something, it spawns an entirely new idea that transcends the last. Fast forward enough reps, and he's creating content that melts my brain. Creating begets creating.

Whatever gift, passion, or idea you have brewing inside you, move it from your head to your hands. Put it into action. Even if it sucks. Even if it fails. Even if it doesn't come out the way you've envisioned it. Just create. Once you do, the real gems living inside you will materialize and eventually bless us all.

The Expensive Bargain

It feels like my laptop is running out of steam. It runs a little slower these days. It feels a bit warmer. The battery drains a little quicker. It's not as smooth as it once was. The once-beautiful exterior casing has its share of scars. I suppose that will happen after six years of use......six years!

It's a MacBook Pro. When I was laptop shopping in 2018, I knew I wanted an Apple, but the price made me want to vomit. It literally cost double what the alternatives would have. It was expensive, but it was a bargain.

I've owned a lot of computers in my life. I can't say they've provided great experiences, and their lives felt far too short. This MacBook, on the other hand, was significantly more expensive, and offered a transformative user experience. It fully integrated my technology, it was intuitive to use, it was smoother than all get-out, and it's lived a long life. Yeah, it was a bargain!!!

Some would call it quality over quantity. Spending more for a product or service, but knowing it will have a longer and/or better life. This idea applies to far more than just computers. Clothes, furniture, jewelry, tools, dining out....the list goes on.

The funny thing about quality over quantity, though, is the fact we sometimes lose our way. Our natural instinct is to focus on a lower price. After all, that feels like a better deal. Clothing is a fantastic example of this. I remember a time when I looked at my closet full of clothes, yet I had nothing decent to wear. It was a perfect example of quantity over quality. I had quantity, but I just wanted to wear a quality item. I whiffed!

Sometimes, we just need to get a reset and snap back into a proper perspective. Sometimes, cheap is expensive, and expensive is cheap. Sometimes, we need to remember it's not just about the price tag.

While I'm not looking forward to spending $2,000+ on a new laptop, what I eventually buy will inevitably feel like a bargain. I’m dreading it, yet looking forward to it at the same time. It also feels good knowing that one will tide me over for the remainder of this decade. Quality over quantity!

What about you? What areas of your life do you intentionally focus on quality over quantity? Conversely, what areas of your life do you need to create a reset to focus more on quality?

The Magic Wand of Change

Many years ago, I painfully reflected on some of my choices. My life felt like a graveyard of mistakes, regrets, and missed opportunities. I suspect people around me generally looked at me as a successful person, but I carried a lot of baggage from the past. Looking at my rearview mirror of brokenness, I tried to imagine how much better off I'd be had I just done things differently.

I remember asking myself, "What would I do if I could wave my magic wand and get a do-over?" I obviously didn't have a Delorian, so going back in time wasn't an option (plus it would have been a bummer to destroy the space-time continum.....Doc Brown warned me of such shenanigans).

Since time travel was off the table, I decided to do the next best thing. I took an inventory of my biggest regrets from the past, assessed what I would have done differently, and decided to just do that now.

I deeply regretted my $236,000 of debt and desperately wished I hadn't done that. So we decided to pay it off. It forever changed our lives.

I deeply regretted buying an expensive car with debt. So we decided we would never again buy a car with debt again. It forever changed our lives.

I always wished I could be a podcaster. So I decided to become a podcaster.

I always wanted to live a life where I would wake up every day excited for what was to come. So I decided to leave my prior career and take a 90% pay cut to start over. That was a hard one.....really hard.

We always wanted to live a more walkable, transient life. So we decided to sell our house, rent a tiny townhome in a walkable part of town, and split our time between Iowa and Asia. This was our biggest magic wand decision, but also the biggest bust. As we were buying plane tickets and making housing arrangements for our first 3-month stint in Asia, COVID hit and ruined everything. Oh well, can't win 'em all.

These magic wands are funny. They don't rewrite history, but they do allow us the opportunity to author a different story for our future. It's not free, and it's not easy, but it is worth it. I wish it were as simple as rubbing the lamp and making a wish, but the truth is it takes a lot of fortitude and commitment to see it through. It's brutal....and beautiful.

My challenge to you today, if you're so inclined to accept it, is to ask yourself one simple question: "What would I do if I could wave my magic wand and get a do-over?" Take stock of your answers. Unfortunately, you can't rewrite the past, but you are the author of a story that has yet to be written. What story will you write? Perhaps a change may be in order. Maybe it's time to wave that wand.

Small, Tiny, Unexpected, Amazing Wins

Parents, do you ever wonder if all your hard work is paying off? Seriously, it usually seems like our words are in one ear, out the other. Are they even listening? Are they even watching? Is it moving the needle? Am I completely screwing them up without even realizing it?

Then, out of the blue, when you need it most, you get the tiniest but most amazing win.

That happened to us yesterday. We were in the middle of a tough stretch. Finn didn't want to get dressed for church, and Pax stormed out of the room after I beat him at checkers. It was a mess. Pax recovered quickly, but Finn was spiraling.

Sensing this situation was heading in a bad direction, Pax took matters into his own hands. He walked into his bedroom, grabbed his wallet, and returned to the living room where Finn was melting down. I didn't know what he was doing, so I just kept my mouth shut and watched as a curious third party.

"Finn, I'll buy you a donut at church today," he said, reaching into his wallet to find a $1 bill. Finn wasn't in an emotional place to receive the gift, but I was so proud of Pax!

Pax is starting to understand the purpose of money. He's figured out that it's best used (and more fun) to make a difference in others. This isn't the first time I've seen this behavior from him, and I hope it won't be the last.

Money isn't easy to come by for a 7-year-old, so it's pretty sweet to see him proactively and excitedly try to use it to bless his twin brother (who was treating him poorly, by the way). I won't say he "gets it," but he's showing signs of starting to get it. As his parent, I'm definitely going to encourage the heck out of him. The seeds have been planted, and now we water.

Parents, keep your eyes open for the small, tiny, unexpected, amazing wins. We need them. Sometimes, that's the one thing that gives us enough energy to keep going. Small wins are still wins, and small wins will eventually turn into big wins. Keep watering!

I Broke My Promise To You

Oh no. I did it again. I promised you I wouldn't, and I promised Sarah I wouldn't. But I did it again.

Yesterday morning, Finn and I went to our nearby meat market to pick out steaks and made homemade butter for the first time. So, for dinner, we had steaks and baked potatoes (topped with Finn's butter)....great stuff! As dinner was coming to a close, that's when it happened.

Me: "Hey guys, I have an idea. How about we jump into the car and go get some ice cream at _____?"

Sarah: "I don't think that's a good idea. Besides, you told me to punch you in the face if you ever suggested this idea again."

Me: "It should be ok"

Then, they all took turns jokingly pretending to punch me in the face.

Shortly after that, I stepped back into my worst nightmare. It took 27 minutes from when we stepped in until we received our ice cream. Lovely. I can't believe I fell for it again....I'm such a fool.

As he chows down his ice cream cone, Finn says, "This ice cream sure is good, but they are really bad at giving you it." Truer words have never been spoken, little Finny man.

Countless other places deserved (and have earned) our business, yet I decided to spend our hard-earned money at a place that doesn't deserve it. How ridiculous and irresponsible of me!

This entire experience, which Sarah will surely remind us is all my fault, made me reflect on all the places we wrongfully choose to spend money—businesses that have lost the right, don't appreciate it, serve us poorly, offer a poor product, or simply don't align with our values. There are a few businesses on my list that need to be unapologetically cut.

The truth is, I mourn the loss of some of these businesses in my life. Businesses that I have fond memories of (before they decided to disrespect their customer base with poor performance). Or businesses that have drawn a line in the sand, value-wise, to the point I can't continue to patronize them.

There's a silver lining to all this. For every dollar we don't spend at these businesses anymore, there's one dollar we get to spend at a business that has earned the right to serve us. Businesses that offer a great product at a reasonable price, practice hospitality, and are grateful for the business.

Find these businesses in your life, then double down. They don't have to be small businesses; they need to be excellent businesses. If they happen to be small and/or local, great! But expect, demand, and reward excellence, period!

Golden Corral Fancy

I returned home last night after a long but productive week in Houston, TX. Since beginning intermittent fasting about a year ago, I’ve come to greatly appreciate (and anticipate) my two meals per day. Further, my love for Taco Bell is unparalleled! For those two reasons, I savored the heck out of a lunch Taco Bell run this week. While sitting there by myself (enjoying a Beefy Burrito smothered in Diablo sauce), I had a few flashbacks.

Growing up in a small town in NW Illinois, we didn’t have much for dining. A few bars, a couple local restaurants, a Casey’s, and eventually a Subway in my teen years. Therefore, going out to eat was a special occasion in my family……which always required a 30-45 minute drive. In the Shelton household, there were three dining levels:

• Casual: Taco Bell (see where I get it from?!?!)

• Upscale: Pizza Hut (I can still taste those Book-It personal pan pizzas and breadsticks!)

• Fancy: Golden Corral (this was the pinnacle of dining experiences)

Now, before you get all judgy with me, let me refresh your memory on just how amazing Golden Corral is:

• All you can eat!

• Cuisines from all over the world, such as Italian (pizza and pasta), Mexican (tacos and nachos), Asian (stir fry), and American (meat, potatoes, and casseroles).

• Don’t even get me started on the dessert bar and self-serve ice cream station!

• Some dude carving hunks of meat and placing them oh so gently on your plate like a food butler.

• You can re-fill your pop as many times as you’d like…..every kid’s dream!

There’s no fancy like Golden Corral fancy! To this day, I smile when I see one. I even took the boys on their first-ever Golden Corral experience last summer.

Yes, there’s more to this post than a trip down memory lane. I’m really grateful for this part of my childhood. I think it’s one of the contributing factors to being grounded in my adulthood. These experiences, which build the foundation of our sense of reality, create a healthy perspective and allow for contentment. I love a fancy steakhouse or Michelin-starred restaurant like the next guy, but I’ll also take Taco Bell or Golden Corral any day of the week (sorry, Pizza Hut, you lost your mojo).

As a parent, I want the same for my kids. It’s my job to help my children build a proper foundation of reality. Sure, we’ll do some special things along the way, but I want them to live with contentment and be grateful for what they have. This will be tremendously important as they grow and begin their own adult lives. I’d even take it a step further and propose it will fundamentally transform their relationship with money, stuff, and lifestyle. They deserve a healthy relationship with the world, and I’m on a mission to help them find it. I hope you take a page from the same playbook with your kids!

The Eyes Never Lie

I have a little life hack for you today. If you ever want to know how someone feels about their work, there are two occasions when you can find out: while they are working, or talking about their work. And here's the trick. Look at their eyes. It's in their eyes. You can see it, almost feel it.

We humans have many ways to cover up what's really happening behind the curtain. We can mask the truth with our words, our voice's tone or pitch, or even our gestures. But the eyes never lie.

In my prior career, I used this trick when meeting clients, colleagues, interviewees, vendors, or prospective clients for the first time. The eyes were a dead giveaway, and based on that read, it would influence how I engage with them. Not in a bad way, per se, but I wanted to meet them where they were at. In my current work, it helps me gauge someone's work/life happiness and satisfaction. If someone is fulfilled and content in their work, it's a much different conversation than if they despise or merely tolerate their job.

This is also a useful tool when meandering about life. Engaging with a restaurant server, talking to your doctor or mechanic, or discussing something with your children's teachers. As specific examples, I recently had drastically opposite experiences in the past week. I distinctly remember meeting a young man. He was working a job that's universally disrespected and looked down upon. It's not the kind of job our parents dream of for us. However, his eyes absolutely lit up. I could tell he was engaged and full of life. It was practically contagious. On the flip side, I spent some time with an uber-successful businessman. He has more wealth and status than most of us will ever entertain. His eyes told a different, sobering story. The moment I asked him about his work, something changed. It was a visceral shift. I could see a deep discontent or uneasiness. The eyes never lie.

Here's my question for you today. What do your eyes say about you? Sure, we can tell people we're "doing great," put a smile on our face, and even raise the pitch of our voice by an octave, but what do your eyes say? Once in a while, I'll look in the mirror and not like what I see. That's the moment I know a change is needed. Maybe some of you are in the same boat. I hope you're brave enough to act on that instinct. It will probably be hard, but it will certainly be worth it.

“You’re Offensive, Travis!”

Some days, when I hit "publish" on a particular topic, I know people will immediately hit "unsubscribe." It used to bother me, but I'm coming to terms with the reality this blog isn't for everyone. And even if it is, it might not be forever. No matter what, I'm grateful for each person who decides to make this part of their day. Thank you from the bottom of my heart!

The other day, however, I published an article I was not expecting to be controversial. It was about people who absolutely love their lives, and how they got there. I personally thought the piece was uplifting and encouraging, yet a wave of people unsubscribed. I was confused, and the self-talk started to creep in. Does my writing suck? Am I not funny enough? Or witty enough? Are my ideas not insightful? Are these topics not valuable to people? Are they too long? Too short? 

I had some suspicions about why people might have unsubscribed that day, but with all the self-talk polluting my brain, I decided to seek outside counsel. I contacted a few friends and asked for their perspectives. The first person wrote back with the following sentence:

"That post was offensive!"

Wait, what?!?! He went on to explain that my entire post was about how living one's dream life does exist, and if that's true, it's up to each of us to pursue it—or not. "That's an offensive idea." He pointed out that this idea (and others I discuss on the blog) is culturally and societally challenging. It forces us to look in the mirror and reckon with our own journey. If our dream life exists, and we're not currently living it, the burden of decisions and consequences falls on the shoulders of the person staring at us in the mirror. "That's offensive!" 

He then listed out my various offenses:

• "Telling people they should find meaning in their work."

• "Showing people they don't have to use debt. Especially your take on credit cards."

• "Encouraging everyone to use a budget, even if they make a lot of money."

• "Saying that money won't make them happy."

• "It's ok to spend money on things you don't need."

• "Continually telling people they should give more. Then telling them they should give even more."

• "Every time you mention your huge pay cut when leaving your past career. This one makes me uncomfortable every time."

• "Any time you tell people to openly share their ideas with the world."

He pretty much just summed up my blog, my heart, and my mission. Uh oh, where is he going with this?

"You're offensive, Travis. Keep being offensive. We need it."

I think he makes a good point. Living counter-culturally can come across as offensive to some. Even when well-intentioned and sincere, pursuing a different path from the majority looks weird. Many of you regularly share your meaning over money stories, and the reactions you receive from others could certainly be referred to as "offended.” That tells me you’re on the right track - keep it up!

I hope you have a meaningful and offensive day!

Meaning By Subtraction

In a recent post, I discussed the many things in my life that add value but don't cost an arm and a leg. I was trying to make the overarching point that we don't need to have or spend boatloads of money to live a meaningful and enjoyable life. 

Upon reading this post, many of you spent time inventorying your own list of things that add value to your life and sent them to me! I loved reading your lists. There were some overlaps with my list, but by and large, your lists were uniquely unique. There are so many fun and thoughtful things! This little exercise perfectly highlights how everyone has different values, and should behave with our money accordingly.

However, I noticed something! My list included all the things I pay to have/do that add value to my life. Many of you included things you pay to NOT have/do. Here are a few examples:

• "$80 to have my house cleaned"

• "Hiring someone to cut my lawn - $35 per week"

• "I occassionally pay for someone to come to my house to cook dinner for our family"

• "Paying $30 for someone else to shovel my drive while I relax with a hot coffee by the cozy fireplace."

• "Paying to have my groceries delivered. I hate grocery shopping!"

It's interesting how these items fall into the bucket of adding joy and value to people's lives. They aren't fun. They aren't getting something or creating an experience or memory. Rather, these items create time. Time is money, as they say. Or, through the lens of meaning, time is peace, margin, and freedom to pursue other things. So while these specific financial investments may not provide meaning and joy, they allow more time for the things that do (while possibly avoiding tasks that suck meaning and enjoyment from their lives). 

I love the depth of this self-reflection exercise. If you haven't already done so, I encourage you to take an inventory of all the things that add value, meaning, and enjoyment to your life, paying special attention to the free or inexpensive ones. Once you have this list formulated, lean into it. Intentionally add them to your budget and your schedule. Double down on these little, meaning-filled nuggets of value. 

Life is much more fun when we invest in the little things that brighten our day. Keep investing. They are worth their weight in gold, but luckily, they don't have to be as expensive!

Speaking of meaning-filled nuggets, I watch this live performance of Twenty One Pilots’ Holding On To You whenever I need a little pick-me-up! It’s free, and it’s life-giving stuff for me. Maybe you’ll enjoy it, too.

The Irony of Feeding Ourself

At the risk of being Captain Obvious here, I think feeding our family is important. You know, food on the table, a roof over our heads, clothes on our backs, and transportation to get to and from. See, that was very Captian Obvious-y of me.

But it's true. Through the course of life, it's imperative that we find ways to create enough income to care for our family's basic needs. For this reason, and to no surprise, most people's primary objective for work is to financially provide. There are a lot of other good parts that fall into it (like meaning, fulfillment, relationships, etc.), but at a very core level, providing for one's family is key.

While I totally get why and how this happens, this instinctual need to provide can also be self-sabotaging. If we're not careful (and we often aren't), it causes us to focus on ourselves first, and others second. This behavioral dynamic is counter-productive when endeavoring to make an income, as we're being paid to add value to others. Therefore, the act of focusing on ourselves first makes us less valuable in the marketplace.

Therefore, I've adopted a saying that I use often with my clients....especially business owners. "The best way to feed ourselves is to feed others." Said another way, when we help people thrive, we subsequently get to thrive. When others win, we win. When we add value to an organization, value is added to our bank account. Cause and effect.

When we make it about us, we lose (albeit slowly in many cases). Instead, we should endeavor to add value, add more value, and maybe add a bit more value. Then, we will undoubtedly get fed. It’s hard to view work through this lens, but when we do, it changes everything.

The best way to win is to help others win. I hope you help a lot of people win today!

The Subway Roulette of Life

Confession: I'm obsessed with subways. As a kid who grew up in a small farm town, the mere idea of a subway blew my mind. We board a secret train and are violently propelled through a hidden underground tunnel through a labyrinth of routes, intersections, and stations. It mesmerized me then….and still does!

However, it's what happens next that most fascinated me. After the train stops, we walk up a set of stairs and enter an entirely new world. We descend from one world, and ascend into a completely different one. New sights, new people, new scenery, new vibe. Still to this day, I get a euphoric feeling when walking out of a subway station.

New York, Hong Kong, London, Prague, Paris, and Beijing. I've spent meaningful time on all these systems, and I've felt like a little kid each time. Sometimes, I'll hop into a subway tunnel and pick a destination station at random just so I can be surprised by whatever I find at the top of the stairs. Some of the best experiences, meals, and memories are tied to a little game I like to call Subway Roulette. It's a choose-your-own-adventure game, but we don't really know what we're choosing until we arrive.

First time boarding the Hong Kong subway with our dear friends, the Hoags & Keungs

Life is the same way! We have so many choices. An infinite number of decisions with an infinite number of possible outcomes. And they are just that: choices. Each day, we have the opportunity to make thousands of decisions that can alter our life. The ball is in our hands.

The scary part, though, is that just like in Subway Roulette, we don't know what's waiting for us on the other side of our decisions. We might have a guess. We can picture it in our head. We can somewhat orient ourselves around the idea. We can even try to shape it just the way we want. However, it's a complete mystery until we get there.

Our parenting journey is a perfect example of this concept. Sarah and I talked about having kids on our first date! Becoming parents was one of the focal points of our relationship. We would start having kids around 30, have 2-3, then be done by 35. We were so naive and foolish! But we set our little plan into motion, not really knowing what was at the top of those stairs. Little did we know that infertility would gut us from the inside out. It was a long and grueling journey.

Five years into our battle to become parents, I remember waking up on my 35th birthday with a deep sadness. So much for my plan! It was a mess....I was a mess....we were a mess. But fast forward just three months, and we were shocked and blessed with the adoption of two little baby boys. "2-3 kids, then be done by 35." Our dream came true.....in the most unexpected way possible. God has a sense of humor.

Life is Subway Roulette. Make the best choices possible, hold on, and embrace what's on the other side of those stairs.

Joyful Bang For the Buck

I had an epiphany last week while cruising around in the new ride. It almost seems illegal to have this much fun driving a car that cost me $9,000 (plus $41/month for insurance). It's been an absolute blast, and I can't wait to find excuses to hop in and get on the road. Sarah needs a gallon of milk? Great! There's a prescription at the drug store ready for pick-up? You bet! One of the kids needs to be dropped off at a friend's house? I got you! 

This entire experience has me thinking about the correlation between money and fun. Or, as many people put it, money and "enjoying life." The narrative is we need money to enjoy life. It's this very narrative that causes millions of Americans to live in a perpetual state of misery so they can afford xyz fun thing. Why? To "enjoy life." I find it tremendously ironic that we'll intentionally live in misery for the privilege of having money to enjoy life. I would argue we should just cut to the chase and live an enjoyable life....period. 

Along those same lines, I've been reflecting on everything in my life that give me joy, happiness, and value. Based on my experience, the best things in life rarely cost much (if anything). I'll share a partial list of mine, and I encourage you to think about yours:

• Pick-up basketball with Pax: Free

• Lego time with Finn: Free

• Netflix time with Sarah: $15/month

• Coffee and a newspaper on a Saturday morning: $3

• A nice glass of bourbon: $4

• Lunch with a friend: $12

• Sunday mornings at church with my people: Free

• A good book: $7 at my local used bookstore

• Engaging with friends on social media: Free

• A walk on a nice spring day: Free

• Publishing our podcast: Free

• Writing this blog: Free

• Listening to Twenty One Pilots music: $15/month

• Listening to podcasts: Free

• A Northern Vessel cortado and donut: $6

• Watching my Cyclones on TV: Free

Each of these things adds tremendous value to my life. I'm grateful for each, and I recognize none have a high financial bar. Sure, I could splurge on a fancy meal, an elaborate trip, or an extravagant purchase. There's nothing wrong with any of these things, but they aren't a prerequisite to living a fun and meaningful life. 

Money doesn't create meaning; meaning creates meaning. Find the little things in life that add value and aggressively invest in them. Don't fall for the lie that we need to spend tons of money to "enjoy life." Instead, simply enjoy life. There's so much to savor and appreciate. Have a wonderful day!

What We Don’t Know WILL Hurt Us

According to a recent Northwestern Mutual survey, Americans believe they will need approximately $1.46M in their investment portfolio to comfortably retire.

As I suspected, personal finance social media is abuzz about this. There's a wild debate about whether this average number of $1.46M is enough. Financial experts are quick to use the 4% rule, which I agree is a prudent way to find a quick rule-of-thumb answer. To summarize, there's a principle in the investment world that says when we start to withdraw money from a large block of invested capital, we can take an amount equal to 4% of our total investment portfolio in the first year, then adjust that dollar amount upward for inflation each year after that. If we follow that strategy, statistically speaking, we shouldn't run out of money during our lifetime.

Let's use a real example. If we have $1.46M in our portfolio when we retire, 4% of that number is $58,400. In other words, a family who retires today with a $1.46M portfolio can generate an annual income of $58,400. This decision has more considerations and nuance, but that's a pretty fair back-of-the-envelope rule of thumb.

This is where the experts came unglued. "You can't retire on $58,000/year!!!!!" In short, people focused on what balance is needed to achieve the annual income they deemed acceptable. Many concluded that $2.0M ($80,000/year retirement income) or even $2.5M ($100,000/year retirement income) is adequate.

Through all this discourse about the appropriate level of retirement lifestyle, they failed to consider the most important factor of all: inflation. Let's go back to the above example. As I mentioned, according to the 4% rule, if someone retires today with a $1.46M portfolio, they could generate an annual retirement income of $58,400. There's one key word in my last sentence...."today." Whether you believe $58,400/year is an acceptable number or not, $58,400 today is not the same as $58,400 in 10 years.....or 20 years.....or 30 years.

If you're 50 and want to retire at 60, that $1.46M portfolio will still generate an annual income of $58,400. However, due to inflation, $58,400 in 10 years will feel like $43,500 feels like today.

If you're 40 today, that same $58,400 at age 60 will feel like $32,300 feels like today. Ouch!

If you're 30 today, that same $58,400 at age 60 will feel like $24,000 feels like today. Uh oh!

Can you see the problem here? Millions of people have a belief structure that, even if they actually meet their goals, are unknowingly barreling toward a challenging situation.

What we don't know WILL hurt us. This sentiment applies to this topic, and others. That doesn't mean we need to become experts in all areas, but gaining awareness of the bigger picture is often the gateway to being better and having better. For that reason, I'm grateful you're here. I hope to provide context and perspective in a few of these areas, but we should all seek other places to grow in other areas as well.

What other resources/content (money or not) do you enjoy consuming on a regular basis?

A Leprechaun, a Mermaid, and Loch Ness Walk into a Bar

"I'm living my dream!" 

I've heard this exact phrase from three people in the last two weeks. It's hard to imagine how four simple words can have such profound ripple effects. Considering seven out of ten Americans dislike or hate their job, it's pretty rare to find people who voluntarily say they are living their dream.

Yet, people do it every day—I see them with my own eyes! Unicorns exist, leprechauns are real, mermaids aren't figments of our imagination, Bigfoot is stomping around in remote woods, and the Loch Ness Monster is swimming just below the surface. 

There's a very real and heavy cultural pushback against any narrative suggesting we can successfully pursue meaning over money. It seems so far-fetched. We're told it's impossible to live with deep meaning without going broke, so why even bother? We're encouraged to find something "good enough" and hold onto it for dear life. It could be worse, right? Sure, we might not like our life and our work, but it could suck a whole lot more! Therefore, compromise, lower the bar, and dilute your dreams. This is the message jammed down our throats, day in and day out. 

Yet, I regularly encounter people living it out in the most beautiful and counter-cultural ways. To call these people encouraging would be the understatement of a lifetime. I dare call them heroes. 

I have a new tradition. Every time someone tells me they are living their dream, I ask them a few questions. First, I ask what part(s) of their life they are referring to. What constitutes "living my dream?" It's usually a combination of work, family, friends, and serving (never money). Then, I ask them the juicy question: How?

Today, I want to give you a little glimpse into how these dream livers answer this question. How have they managed to live their dream? Here's what they said:

• Know and believe that our dream life DOES exist.....it IS possible. 

• Define what we truly want.....and why. It's hard to hit a target we can't see. Know what matters.

• Make very intentional decisions. Whether they are small decisions or huge decisions, ensure our choices align with our dreams. "Will this pull me closer or push me further from my vision?"

• Pray about it....and pray for it.

• Watch doors open, watch doors close. When an opportunity doesn't work out, it's not a failure. It just means a door is closing.....and other doors will surely open. 

• Don't be afraid to walk through the doors. The unknown is scary, but regret is scarier. 

• Don't let money dictate our steps. Yes, we must make enough to live, but money isn't the objective. Sometimes, we need to make choices that will (at least temporarily) hurt our finances. Always meaning over money.

• Allow the dream to change as we change. It's not etched in stone, and can be a moving target.

• It probably won't be easy. A dream life is often a hard life.

Are you living your dream life? If not, just know that unicorns ARE real. 

“Daddy, When Does the New Month Start?”

I received at least a dozen messages about yesterday's post. Specifically, people were curious how we have open financial conversations with our kids (at age-appropriate levels) while avoiding them feeling the weight of it.

It reminds me of a recent interaction in my house. As I was working on something, Finn approached me with a question. "Daddy, when does the new month start?" "In about a week, bud. Why?" "I want to go to Chuck-E-Cheese to play games. Can we put it in the budget next month?"

I loved his heart in the question. There's something important to him. He recognizes it costs money. He also knows we handle our finances with intentionality. Therefore, he asked if we could prioritize it in the budget.

My response to him? "Of course we can, bud. But we might actually still have money left in the kids category this month. If we do, we should totally go to Chuck-E-Cheese today." I opened the budgeting app and we looked at how much was left. $75! He celebrated wildly, and then a few hours later, we shared laughs over Chuck-E-Cheese games." Side note: Did you know they recently got rid of their creepy animatronic band? I was so mad. Despite being terrifying, that dysfunctional band was a fun remnant of my childhood.

The narrative of our family's money conversations is intentional. We never use the phrase "We can't afford it." Those four words are the ultimate parenting shut-down. It wins the conversation every time. However, it also confuses our kids. For example, if our kid asks for a $30 Lego set and we respond with "We can't afford it," the child may think we literally don't have $30. It also leads them to believe that if we did have $30, we would 100% buy it. It's a weird narrative for kids to wrestle. All the while, we parents are oblivious to how these comments impact them.

Instead, we should talk about money through the lens of intentionality and prioritization. If our kids want something we aren't willing to buy right now, Sarah and I respond that "it's not in the budget this month." We CAN afford it, but it's not part of the plan right now. From there, we can choose not to prioritize it, or discuss adding it to a future budget. Either way, approaching things from the intentionality angle staves off the "I want it now" syndrome.

When we take this approach with our children, they learn the importance of patience, prioritization, planning, delayed gratification, communication, and responsibility. They also learn it's okay to buy fun things. We don't demonize wants. We don't treat fun purchases as wasteful. It's all part of developing a healthy perspective around spending, saving, and giving. Spending on fun things is important.....but it must be done responsibly. Even a seven-year-old can comprehend this if approached well.

Parents, what say you? I'd love to hear your feedback on this topic and any other ideas for engaging in healthy money conversations with your kids.