Addition By Non-Subtraction

Whenever we talk about finding success in business, personal finance, careers, or any other area, we think in terms of achievements:

• Grow revenue by x%

• Get a new promotion

• Pay off $y of debt

• Gain a new client

• Save/invest $z

Achievements feel good. Achievements are pat-on-the-back worthy. Achievements are a tangible signal that we are winning. While I'm all for achievements, I think we underestimate the role of mistakes—or, in more specific terms, our ability to avoid mistakes. Take the U.S. women's rugby team, for example.

Attempting to win its first medal in Olympic history, our women's rugby team found themselves in the bronze medal match, trailing Australia by one try (think touchdown) with just a few seconds remaining. Alex Sedrick attacks the defense in what appears to be an uneventful and unsuccessful play, but something happens. The defense, which had played stunningly well up to that point, missed a tackle. They made a critical mistake. Alex, with her newfound opportunity, sprints the length of the field to make history - and create an iconic moment that will go down in U.S. Olympic history. Australia had made so much positive progress, inch by inch, tackle by tackle, and were mere seconds from taking home a medal. Then, sadly for them, one mistake unwound all that progress. It was equally heartbreaking as it was euphoric.

We can land achievement after achievement after achievement, but if we make critical mistakes along the way, it can easily sabotage any progress we've earned. In a battle for excellence, mistakes are the x-factor that often determines success or failure.

I've seen this with my own life, my own businesses, and the lives/businesses I have the honor of coaching. If we can first commit to eliminating the crushing mistakes, it allows us to stack achievements and progress ourselves down the inevitable path of success.

This is something TJ and I talk about daily as it relates to Northern Vessel. Northern Vessel has been built on a mountain of mistakes. In a lot of ways, we've succeeded despite our mistakes. However, if we want to take things to the next level, it's not about finding new achievements. Rather, it's about eliminating mistakes and practicing the art of excellence. I've already blocked out the book that TJ and I will eventually write together, and the main theme will be failure.

For Northern Vessel, the only way forward is to dodge mistakes. That's the only way for excellence to carry us into a new chapter. Your lives and your businesses are no different. We must avoid the big mistakes. We must stop shooting ourselves in the foot every time we start gaining positive momentum.

Over the next week, I challenge you to look in the mirror and assess where you're most vulnerable to hurtful mistakes. Some of you already know exactly what that is. Others may need to dive a bit deeper to understand where you're exposing yourself to the most risk. Avoiding that next big mistake may be the biggest turning point of your life!

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Why Must You Taunt Me, Apple?

As I attempted to write today's post, my phone oddly and repeatedly reminded me of past photos. Hey look, Travis, it's a cute picture of Pax eating ice cream when he was 3! Travis, check out this handsome little 2-year-old Finny riding a boat. It was almost as if Apple and Father Time were teaming up to taunt me.

Early in my parenting journey, someone said something that I didn't quite understand: "The days are long, but the years are short." It made zero sense to me. Fast-forward eight years, and no truer phrase has ever been spoken.

As we're on our annual family vacation in Okoboji, these days with the boys can seem painfully long (especially when they antagonize each other). We're having a blast, but it can just get long at times. On the flip side, how is it already our fifth year on this trip?!?!

They were babies last week. They were toddlers yesterday. Now, we're heading into second grade. As I'm sitting here lamenting how fast time is flying by, I'm simultaneously grateful for creating a life that allows us plenty of family time. My work is crazy, the hours can be long, and it often involves me zig-zagging across the country, but we've intentionally curated this life. Strong-ish boundaries, clear expectations, a partially well-thought-out plan, and a firm understanding of our why.

We've made so many sacrifices in the name of prioritizing our family. We've downsized our house, threw away status, detonated any chance of an early retirement (which makes my heart happy), trashed a boujee lifestyle, and literally turned our backs on millions of dollars.

There are months when I wonder what in the heck we did to ourselves. The months when there's barely enough income to account for our needs and giving. The months that feel extra stressful. The months when I wonder what life would be like if I hadn't taken a weird detour five years ago.

But then, like today, Apple decides I need to get some cute and harsh reminders of how fast time flies by spamming me with old photos. Oh yeah (!!), that's why we do what we do.

The days are long, but the years are short. In due time, I'll be an old man reflecting on my life. There will inevitably be many regrets circling my thoughts. However, I guarantee choosing meaning over money will NOT be one of them. Money, stuff, and status are fleeting. Legacy is forever.

It’s Never Too Soon

"When is the right time to start giving?"

"Now"

"When will we have enough so we can start giving?"

"Right now."

"How much do we need to start thinking about giving?"

"Whatever you have now."

One of the most common misconceptions about generosity in our culture is this false and toxic notion that we must achieve xyz goals before we turn on the giving spigot. We treat the topic as though giving is something relegated to rich people. And someday, if you become rich, perhaps you might give away a tiny portion of your riches, too.

Knowing this, I guess it shouldn't surprise me that I received criticism for a recent blog post explaining how my kids spend, save, and give equally—1/3, 1/3, and 1/3. Or, as one friend put it, "Why are your kids giving 33% when they hardly make any money?"

Here's my honest and most sincere answer: Because we're called to give, period. Our ability to give isn't dependent upon our net worth or income, whether we have everything we want, or whether we have attained a certain lifestyle. We should give because we are human. We should give because it's a central part of being loving. We should give because it's part of having a healthy relationship with money.

It reminds me of a famous quote. "It's possible to give without love, but it's impossible to love without giving."

Most people miss out on the beauty and life-changing consequences of giving, just so they can check the box on a few more wants each month. It's such a superficial, short-sighted, and empty way to live.

Whenever I think of this dynamic, I picture different people in my life. It's one of the curses and blessings of having worked with so many families. I think about couples with nearly every material possession they could ever desire, yet very little giving. On the flip side, I think about couples who live very modest lives, yet give beyond belief. The couples who have everything actually have very little. And the couples who appear to have very little actually have everything. It's a paradox that I'll never get over.

It's never too soon to give. My biggest encouragement is to just start. You don't need a well-thought-out strategy. You don't need sophisticated tools. You don't need to get your taxes sorted. You don't need have every giving opportunity fully vetted. Sometimes, you just need to give, then give again, and keep giving. You won't always get it right, but you'll most certainly change your life (and probably a few others along the journey).

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The Eye Zooms Kill Me

Sarah and I have thoroughly enjoyed the first few days of the Olympics. Without question, my favorite moments are when the gold medalist is standing on the podium and their national anthem starts playing. Then, without fail, the broadcast zooms in on their eyes. Oh man, that kills me every time!

When we see those eyes, it's almost like we're watching their entire professional life flash before them. All the work. All the pain. All the failure. All the sacrifice. All the early mornings. You can almost see the moment when they realize it was all worth it. It all paid off. They've reached the top of the mountain, and this is the moment it's starting to sink in.

When I see those eyes, I also see something else: meaning. You can't do what those athletes do if you're simply chasing money. The pursuit of money is futile and empty. It can work for a while, but when the real challenges come, money isn't enough to sustain the journey.

Meaning couldn't be further from the opposite. With enough meaning, there's practically no challenge that could stop someone. Most of these Olympic athletes aren't wealthy. They aren't making a good living. They are financially surviving while they pursue a dream. Even on the other side of success, money isn't promised. The dream is the dream because it's the dream. That's the wild part about living with meaning. It doesn't intuitively make sense. No, meaning doesn't put food on the table. However, living with meaning nourishes our souls unlike anything on this planet.

That's what I see when they zoom into the eyes of those gold medal winners. It's a beautiful sight, each and every time. As you enjoy these Olympic games, pay special attention to that moment. When the camera inevitably zooms in on those eyes, look deeper.

No, most of us will never stand on an Olympic podium with a gold medal around our neck and our national anthem blaring on the speakers. However, that same relentless pursuit for meaning is on the table for each of us. Just like the Olympians, it's not an easy journey. However, if you see the look in their eyes, you might just see why it's worth it.

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No Paybacks

I had a beautiful idea for today's post. I even gave my friends Chi-Chung and John a sneak peek of the concept as I was bursting with excitement. However, plans changed after WW3 nearly broke out in my house last night.

I'll set the table for you. With our annual family vacation approaching, I reminded the kids that they could do some extra house projects to earn spending money for the trip. Pax was on the fence, so I reminded him that he only had $2 in his wallet. This is when the freak-out happened. He believed he had more money than that, and accused us of taking it from him. It's definitely true......or, more accurately, a half-truth.

On a recent trip to KC, Sarah and the boys visited the Truman Library. Pax wanted to purchase a souvenir, but he didn't have his money with him. Sarah, knowing he had at least that much money in his wallet at home, agreed to buy it for him and we would take the money out of his wallet when they returned home (i.e. pay it back). That's what happened, buyer’s remorse set in, and that's what ultimately led to the meltdown.

This was a big mistake on Sarah's part. We have a no payback rule in our house. If they don't have the money on hand to buy something, they don't buy it—no exceptions. In that particular situation, Sarah knew he had the money, so "what's the harm in just having him pay it back?" It feels like six of one, half a dozen of another. Isn't it the same thing? Far from it!

When we pay for something the moment we purchase it, there's a psychological connection between the money and the item. In that moment, Pax would have held the $5 in one hand and the souvenir in the other, then made a choice. Science shows that this moment triggers the pain center in our brain, causing an instant and noticeable psychological response. No such moment occurs when we purchase things without actually paying for it. Cheating ourselves of this moment drives buyer's remorse and taints the value of money in our psyche.

We eventually resolved the situation, and Sarah, seeing the potential destructiveness of breaking the link between the money and the purchase, made a renewed commitment to never again break this rule. If you don't have the money, you don't buy it. No exceptions.

If you haven't caught on yet, I'm going somewhere else with this. We adults are masters of subverting this principle. It's called a credit card. We buy something with the full intent of paying it back soon, and we totally have the money to pay it back, but it's easier to just swipe that card and deal with it later. Doing so shortcircuits the psychological impact of actually having to pay for something. No pain center triggers. No moment of consideration. And ultimately, probably some buyer's remorse.

Following the no payback rule helps kids develop a stronger and healthier relationship with money. It does for adults, too.

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Choosing Excellence Over Guilt

"I'll never go back!"

"They must not be very good."

"It feels like they are trying to guilt me."

"I'm done."

"They won't see me again."

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Those remarks, amongst many others, are sharp and uncompromising comments I've received from friends, blog readers, and podcast listeners. What in the world could generate so much negative feedback!?!? One simple phrase: "Support small business."

It's well documented how much I dislike the "support local" and "support small" movements (such as HERE, HERE, HERE, HERE, HERE, HERE, and HERE). I believe small businesses do a drastic disservice to themselves when they talk about supporting local or supporting small.

Before I proceed, I must give you my obligatory caveat: I LOVE small businesses, I own multiple small businesses, I coach small businesses, and I believe small businesses are the backbone of our society. I deeply love everything about small business.

On the flip side, I think the entire notion of "supporting small businesses" reeks of pity and guilt. I guess I'm not alone, as indicated by the sheer number of texts, DMs, and phone calls I receive about this subject whenever I discuss it publicly. All that being said, I totally understand if this opinion is disorienting to you (especially to fellow small business owners!). We use these phrases so much in our culture that it almost seems benign and universally accepted as a positive thing.

Despite being well-intentioned, here is what you're really communicating to people when you use these phrases:

• You're telling people what to do, or more specifically, what businesses NOT to frequent. Many people don't take kindly to this.

• It comes across as entitled, as if you deserve to have people patronize your business just because you're small and/or local. That right isn't deserved; it must be earned.

• It feels like you're guilting people, especially friends and family, into giving you business.

• It feels like an overcompensation for not having good products, good service, and/or good prices.

• It makes people believe you aren't good enough to survive without "support." That's akin to a non-profit asking for donations.

• It communicates that your livelihood is more important (and more qualified to thrive) than people who work for non-small or non-local businesses.

What's the alternative? Be excellent. Serve people well. Meet their needs. Make them feel a different way. Provide them something no other business can offer. Earn the right to serve them again. Better yet, earn the right for them to tell other people about you. Instead of hoping people support you, add so much value to their lives that they can't imagine you not being in it. That's what small business is all about!

I love you, small business owners! You're my people. You've chosen a challenging, crazy, white-knuckling, uncertain path. Now, it's time to cook. It's your time to shine. Lead with excellence. You deserve it, as do all the people you have the privilege of serving.

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The Culture of Can’t

I don't know if it's always been this way, but we live in a toxically negative culture. A culture of "can't." Voices that echo throughout our lives, day in and day out. You can't get out of debt. You can't start the business. You can't get a better job. You can't afford to give that money away. You can't save for that big upcoming purchase. You can't have a job that doesn't suck. You can't, you can't, you can't.

I haven't seen data on this, and I haven't yet conducted a formal study on the subject, but I have an anecdotal observation after talking with hundreds of people about it. If someone has a bunch of debt and has yet to make meaningful positive progress on paying it off by their early 30s, there's a high likelihood that it will only get worse. Why? Because when we're told "you can't" enough times, we start to believe it's true. Then, it becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy.

I just met with a couple in their mid-40s. They've struggled with their debt for nearly 20 years. They'd pay a little off, then accumulate more—a constant yo-yo spanning two full decades. They came to me as a last-ditch effort to salvage their finances.....and maybe their marriage. They wanted to know what tips, tricks, and strategies I have for them to make more money. Or perhaps some loopholes to get their loans forgiven. Maybe bankruptcy would do the trick? They wanted an out.

Me: "Why don't you just pay off the debt?"

The Husband: "We can't. It's too much."

Me: "Yeah, it's a lot. But why don't you just pay it off?"

The Wife: "We can't. It's impossible." Then, there was a rant about inflation, kids, activities, the government, crappy bosses, travel, needs, etc.

Me: "Yeah, all that stuff would get a lot easier if you just paid it off."

The Husband: "We can't. We would have by now if we could."

______________

Fifteen months later, they had paid off $50,000 of credit card debt. That's a lot of debt to pay off for someone who "can't." That's the problem. Our culture continually tells us we can't do things. I believe they can. I told them they can. I showed them how they can. I reminded them they can. And then, their actions proved they can.

If you only internalize one thing I write this week, please let it be this: You can! Not only that, you should! I'm not telling you what to do. Rather, I'm telling you that you CAN and SHOULD do the thing you're thinking about right now. You know, that one thing. The thing you wonder, ponder, stress about, and dream for. That thing. You can. You should. Please don't let our culture (i.e. all the people and media around you) tell you otherwise.

I Remember Where I Was When

I went to bed one night when I was 25 years-old......and woke up in my 40s. Isn't it crazy how fast time flies? It felt like it sped by when I was in my twenties and thirties, but it seems to be accelerating. To all my friends ahead of me: Does it get even worse from here!?!?

Life feels like a blur. I remember seasons of life, monumental personal events, and an overarching feeling of what life was like at given points in time, but it's all becoming murky.

Then, there's the I-remember-where-I-was-when moments. You know, those vivid, seared in your brain events that you'll never forget. The kind of moment where you remember exactly where you were, who you were with, and maybe even what you were wearing. Here are some of mine:

• Columbine

• OJ chase

• OJ trial verdict

• 9/11

• The Gulf War

• The Second Gulf War

• Hurricane Katrina

• When COVID shut down the world

• When Y2K didn't end the world

• The 2003 space shuttle explosion

• The double-nickel comeback game (IYKYK)

• Assassination attempt on President Trump

Why do I bring all this up? In a life that passes far too fast and feels much too murky, we're carried by a small collection of vivid memories. As my list above indicates, many of those are negative memories. It's scientifically proven that bad things get seared in deeper than good things.

Therefore, it's imperative that we intentionally and aggressively fight this memory battle. One of the only ways we can do that is to curate our own I-remember-where-I-was-when moments. As a husband and a father, I make it my duty to overcome the monotony and repetitiveness of everyday life by creating moments my family will remember forever. These moments don't have to cost an arm and a leg. Instead, they only need to be intentional, personal, and savored.

Only time will tell if I've been successful in this endeavor. Many years from now, as their own lives are moving at a blurry pace, I hope the boys share stories about those special memories and moments from their childhood. I can tell you one thing, though. My efforts have yielded personal returns. I have so many profound memories with Sarah and he boys over the years. Memories that repeatedly remind me that meaning should always come before money. Always.

*What are some of your I-remember-where-I-was-when moments? I love asking people this question, and I'd love to hear your answers!

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Two Is Better Than One

I regularly discuss how married couples must take joint ownership of their finances. It's critically important that both spouses are involved. Today, though, I want to clear up one common misconception.

Ownership and action are two different things. Yes, both spouses need to have ownership. However, couples don't need both spouses to jointly manage the finances. There are so many different ways this can play out.

For example, one spouse may pay all the bills, and the other handles all insurance and investments. Another example is having both spouses jointly pay all the bills and manage the budget together (they literally sit at the table together and work through it together). Both of these approaches are perfectly acceptable, but here's my broader point. It doesn't matter who does what, as long as both spouses have a voice, ownership, and accountability.

I'll use my marriage as a third example. I'm married to a woman who is allergic to numbers. Trust me, it's been scientifically proven. Sarah has zero interest in bills, investments, insurance, or anything else that includes dollar signs and numerical digits. And that's okay! What's important is that Sarah has ownership.

Each month, Sarah and I discuss, negotiate, and set our budget. Some months are more difficult or busier than others, but that's been our general trend for nearly 15 years. I may make 99% of our family's income, but she has an equal voice (it's "our" money, not my money). Her opinions matter. Her influence is imperative. We negotiate what will happen with our money, and then she turns the management over to me. She has her own role, though. Since she has ownership, she's accountable for living out the plan we set for our family. She must honor the budget we set together and execute whatever life decisions come with it. But I handle 100% of the actual financial management. That approach is okay, too!

That's ownership vs. action. There is no right or wrong. Some couples do everything together, some have a clear delineation of duties, and some are like mine, where one spouse does most (or all) of the management. All of these are acceptable approaches, under one condition: both spouses have ownership.

If your spouse doesn't have ownership, accountabiity, engagement, or a voice, I encourage you to bring him/her into the fold. It will lead to more financial success, an improved marriage, and a reality where your finances become an extension of your values, dreams, and aspirations. In other words, it changes everything!

Beauty From the Pain

I recently had the pleasure of spending time with a friend who is going through a ton of pain. Personal pain, career pain, lots of pain. This stuff has rocked her world. Through this mess, she has made a few brutal decisions about her next steps. Decisions that have loved ones scratching their heads and/or criticizing her. To sum up my opinion, I believe her controversial decisions will be transformative for her journey. While it feels far too heavy at the moment, I deeply believe she will look back and view these challenging decisions as a hallmark turning point in her life. Beauty will soon rise from the pain.

As I was listening to her gut-wrenching tale, I couldn't help but think about my own painful journey. The pain and frustration in her voice took me back to 2008, at age 27, just as I was settling into my life and young career. I thought I had life figured out. I bought a house, met a girl, found a church, built a community, and loved my career. I had life all figured out.....or so I thought.

Then, one day, as I was walking into my office, I was swiftly pulled into a conference room by a stranger. There, I met all my co-workers seated around a table. Over the coming few minutes, I realized my entire life was about to crumble around me. It was the beginning of the Great Financial Crisis, and I was in the real estate investing business. Long story short, my company was getting shut down, and we would all eventually be fired.

Did I mention I had been engaged for just three days? I woke up that morning with all the optimism in the world and went to bed wondering what I would do with my life. I also faced the scary reality that I needed to make monthly payments on my $236,000 debt with the likelihood of not having a job soon. That was easily one of the hardest few days of my life. Even writing about it gives me terrifying flashbacks.

Ultimately, I was blessed with an opportunity (er, ultimatum) to move to Iowa and continue my career. I didn't want to move, but we didn't have much of a choice. Sarah and I humbly and gratefully accepted the offer, and we reluctantly moved a few months later (well, I moved, and we lived four hours apart for six months of our engagement).

So much pain. So so much pain. Yet, as I now look back at that season with the benefit of 16 years of perspective, that nightmare was actually one of the best gifts we ever received. So much beauty came from that pain. We wouldn't live the life we have today without that season of suffering. We're not mad.....we're grateful.

Someday, preferably sooner than later, I hope my friend sees how much beauty came from this season of her life. She deserves it!

Whatever pain you're experiencing, just know that a beautiful chapter will soon be written. Keep pressing on. You deserve it, too.

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The Problem With Worry

I don't know about you, but I've consumed far too much national news coverage in the past few weeks. From the presidential debate, to the attempted assassination of President Trump, to President Biden's withdrawal from the 2024 presidential race. I've been glued to the TV and Twitter, and hasn't been exactly healthy.

There's a lot to worry about right now: unprecedented political unrest, massive layoffs, a job market that feels like it's teetering on the edge, the miserable results of several years of rampant inflation, and a stock market that continues to defy the odds by hitting more all-time highs. It just feels weird....and worrisome.

It's really easy to dwell on the things we fear. These things can consume us. After all, the dynamics I mentioned above (plus all the ones I didn't mention) are terrifying and have the potential to cause turmoil for American families. So, it's perfectly understandable why one would fixate on these possible adverse outcomes.

On the flip side, worry does no good. Zero. Zilch. Nada. The last time I checked, there are no positive outcomes associated with worry. But when we spend our time and energy bathing in our fears, we're not doing something that can actually help us. Worry shifts our attention from what we can control to what we can't. Fear takes us from a place of action to inaction. Dwelling on outside news separates us from behaviors that have the potential to provide positive momentum.

Instead of obsessing about what could go wrong, we should spend our time, energy, and resources saving up an emergency fund that can actually protect our family.

Instead of complaining about inflation (we all do it!), we should focus on our budget and live with intentionality.

Instead of worrying we won't have enough down the road, we should invest.

Instead of getting angry that people are hurting, facing injustice, and living without their needs met, we should give. Put our money where our mouth is and simply give.

Instead of wondering what the politicians will do next, we should just pay off our debt.

Instead of getting frustrated by how much our job sucks (whether it's the culture, work, or compensation), we should pursue work that matters.

There are so many things we can't control in life. Big, scary, powerful things. Then, there are the things we can actually influence. If we simply focus on what we can control, we will most certainly be better off.

I know this all sounds so commonsensical and overly simplified, and that's intentional. We need to lean hard into common sense while simplifying our lives.

Turn off the TV. Close Twitter. Control what you can control.

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Period.

As we were on our way to the science center yesterday, my family enjoyed a quick lunch at a downtown patio. Toward the end of our meal, a young woman approached us, looking distressed. "I'm sorry, and I'm really embarrassed to even ask, but I could really use some help. Do you have a few dollars you could give me?"

I quickly grabbed my wallet to see what I had. Not surprisingly, my cash was limited. I only had a single twenty-dollar bill on me. I pulled the bill out, handed it to her, and wished her a good day. She was shocked by the gift, thanked me multiple times, and then continued on her way.

This sparked a fun conversation with the kids. What was she going to do with the money? Did she really need it? Why did she need it? I answered every question with "I don't know." Then, after I unsuccessfully answered all their questions, I finished with this: "Our job is to be loving and generous.....period. That's what God asks us to do. What she does with that money is between her and God."

I can already see the criticism for this approach. Did she even need the money? Was she scamming me? Was she going to use it for something irresponsible? What if I just wasted that money?!?! I could easily have a cynical perspective like that. Part of me does if I'm being honest. However, my job is to be loving and generous.....period. It reminds me of one of my favorite stories I've shockingly only shared once before on this blog:

C.S. Lewis and his friend were walking down the street. Along the path, they see a homeless man. Lewis immediately reached into his pockets, pulled out all the cash he had on him, and handed it to the man. As they walked away, his friend said, "You shouldn't have done that. He's just going to squander it on tobacco and alcohol." Mr. Lewis looks at his friend and replies, "Well, that's what I was going to do with it."

We need to be less cynical and more loving.

We need to be less judgy and more generous.

Yes, we're going to make mistakes. Yes, our gifts may sometimes be squandered. Yes, we'll get taken advantage of.

But our call is to be loving and generous.....period.

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How We Were Silently Molded

This may be the most Captain Obvious thing I'll say all week: We're all different. Different backgrounds, different experiences, different personalities, different genetics, different relationships.....different different.

I think we collectively underestimate the impact these differences have on how we perceive and handle money. Who we are with money is a deeply personal dynamic, wrapped in all the various experiences we've had throughout our lives.

The very first conversation I have with new clients is about what their childhood looked like. Whether we want to admit it or not, what we experience in our childhoods and how we were raised deeply influence our present-day relationship with money. If I can understand what someone went through when they were kids, I can understand why they have XYZ tendencies and behaviors around money in adulthood.

I'll share a few examples:

If someone grew up in poverty, there's oftentimes a fork in the road. One path leads to the pursuit of more, buying all the things they didn't have growing up (and likely spoiling their own kids). The other path leads to self-sabotage, subconsciously spoiling opportunities to make financial progress.

If someone grew up in material wealth, they are likely to feel entitled to a similar lifestyle in adulthood. This can take the shape of an at-all-costs mentality. They will replicate the high standard of living they grew up with, whether they can afford it or not. For the ones who can't readily afford this replication, the heavy use of debt often comes into play.

If someone grew up with an average-to-good standard of living, but their parents experienced a sudden and drastic financial disaster, it's common for them to develop hoarding tendencies. Young Millenials and Gen-Z fit this mold brilliantly. Between 2008 and 2010, millions of American families experienced unprecedented financial turmoil: massive layoffs, record foreclosures, and long-lasting unemployment. Many kids went to bed perfectly fine one night, and woke up to their lives turned upside down the following day. It's common for kids who went through this experience to grow up with a penchant for financial hoarding. Why? Because their lived experience tells them that everything could be perfectly fine one day, and gone tomorrow. Therefore, you can never have enough money.

I could write this list for hours, but I'd prefer not to put you to sleep. Rather, this is an invitation to reflect. What do your financial habits and perspectives look like? Second, how might your childhood have shaped them? Understanding this relationship is key to becoming more self-aware and correcting toxic or destructive behaviors/habits. It's a worthwhile conversation to have with yourself!

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Ignoring the Finance Bros

I just celebrated a four-year anniversary working with a specific client. A single woman who is now in her early 30s. In one of our first few coaching sessions, I walked her through the key principles of investing:

• Broad U.S. stock market index funds

• Low fees

• Disciplined contributions

• Don't lose sleep

• Be very patient

She loved the simplicity of this approach and latched on quickly. Early on, we set up automated contributions to her investment accounts, and she's never thought about it since.

Some of my favorite memories were when she would come into a coaching session with stories about how her guy friends would boast about their investing prowess and make fun of her approach to investing. Or in her words, they "mansplained" it to her, as she rolled her eyes telling me the story. These types of stories would persist for the coming years, always revolving around their investing advice, stock tips, and more boastful tales.

I know exactly what she's talking about. No, I don't actually know these particular guys. But I know lots of people like this. They are commonly referred to as "finance bros." They've taken a few finance classes in their college years, got lucky with a few stock trades (ignoring the many other losses), and now prop themselves up as investing gurus.

Whenever my client told me these stories, my message was the same: "Be patient. You'll get the last laugh. The truth always prevails."

While together recently, she and I logged into her investment account to see her performance: +13.6% per year for the last four years. Not too shabby for her only spending five minutes per year on her investments (and practically no time thinking about it). 13.6% per year.....from someone who knows very little about the stock market. That's the power of doing things the right way.

I really wish I could have a beer with her finance bro friends to see what their investments have looked like over the past four years. Having spent enough time with the finance bros in my life, though, I have a feeling it's not a pretty sight.

Simple is good. Steadfast is good. Consistent is good. Broad is good. Cheap is good. Zero brain damage is good. 155 years of black-and-white history is good. I'm so glad my friend ignored all the finance bros.

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I Won't Be Stealing His Blessing

Finn finished the rest of how mowing duties last night. I feel weird saying that about a seven-year-old, but here we are. He loves mowing, and I'm more than happy to let him do it. It's also a great opportunity for me to teach him about the connection between hard work and money. After we came into the house, with sweat dripping off his face, he was eager to receive the rest of his pay.

As he divided up the money into three components (spending, saving, and giving), he turned to me and said, "Dad, I'm going to use my giving money to buy you a new battery so you can fix your watch." I've been wearing a broken watch for a few months now. I have other watches, but this one is my favorite. Unfortunately, though, the battery died. So, at this point, it's for aesthetics only.

I was blown away by his thoughtful generosity. Sarah was also moved by his gesture and said, "Finny, that is so thoughtful of you! Very sweet. But Dad can use other money to fix his watch."

The moment came and went. Finn seemed excited about his idea, and we quickly moved on to the next part of our evening. Sarah and I didn't discuss this after the fact, but I wasn't a fan of her comment. She meant well, and her intent was pure, but she inadvertently stole (or attempted to steal) his blessing.

See, Finn didn't want to buy me a new battery because I NEEDED it. Rather, he wanted to show love through generosity.....period. I need to accept this gift. Robbing people of their blessing is an act of anti-generosity. It's counter to everything we try to teach.

It reminds me of a recent text message I received: "What's your Venmo?" I kind of knew what was coming, but then again, I really didn't. But I had a suspicion about what it could be about. I didn't ask this person for money. I didn't want this person to send me money. I didn't feel like I deserved any money. However, I don't steal people's blessings. My personal rule is to NEVER steal someone's attempt to practice generosity. I gratefully shared my Venmo handle, only to receive a gift mere minutes later. I excitedly and sincerely thanked this person for the gesture. It means a lot that they would do that, even if I didn't NEED it. It was an act of thoughtful love. I wasn't about to rob that from them.

Back to Finn. Yes, I'm going to let him fix my watch. The only way to become generous is to practice generosity. If I'm trying to raise my kids to become loving, generous men, why would I rob them of opportunities to be generous? I won't. I will gratefully receive Finn's thoughtful act of generosity. I hope it adds yet another spark to his generosity journey.

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Remorse is Setting In

We had a rough moment in our house last night. Both boys mowed the yard, resulting in a little paycheck. As always, 1/3 goes to their giving ziplock, 1/3 goes to their savings ziplock, and 1/3 goes into their wallets for spending. They were eager to receive the fruits of their labor, but reality quickly struck.

As they each opened their wallets to deposit their spending cash, they were welcomed to an empty cavern where money used to live. They were immediately upset at the idea of having no spending money (except for the cash they just earned). Sarah reminded them that they spent all their money on the 4th of July. I could see disappointment and buyer's remorse take over their expressions.

If I'm being honest, I loved it. I'm so glad this happened! They need to feel this way. It's imperative they learn these lessons the hard way. It's critical they understand the importance of wise decision-making. It's a growth opportunity to experience the regret of past decisions at the expense of future opportunities. They were mad at us, but at the heart of it, they were mad at their past decisions.

As parents, we must subject our children to these types of painful situations. It's not hurting them; it's helping them. Allowing them to fail and experience consequences is an exercise of love. It takes nearly zero effort to give our kids whatever they want. That's the easy way out. The difficult path, however, is having the fortitude and confidence to allow our kids to fail when we have the power to rescue them.

There will be more work. There will be more money. There will be more fun purchases. Next time, though, perhaps they will approach their decisions with a bit more wisdom. 7-year-old wisdom, but wisdom nonetheless. That's the win!

Let the kids fail. Let them feel pain. Let them learn the hard way. That's the gateway to growth, wisdom, and a brighter, healthier future.

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Who and Why

Making guest appearances on podcasts is one of my favorite hobbies. There's something profoundly appealing about the opportunity to share some words, ideas, and encouragement with an audience I may otherwise never have access to. I recently had the privilege of spending time on the Masters in Travel Podcast (Episode 179 - on Apple, Spotify, or wherever you listen to podcasts). This was a unique format, though. While we did record a traditional podcast episode, it was done in a group setting. There were a few dozen members of the Masters in Travel community on the Zoom call with us. This community and its broader podcast audience is comprised of travel agents from all over the country. It was a fun group and an enjoyable conversation! I highly recommend you check it out.

Toward the beginning of the episode, I talked about the importance of the who and the why. Who are we called to serve, and why are we called to serve them? A big piece of that equation, especially on the front end, is understanding what we're really selling. I got pretty jazzed up with this audience. Not because I have a particular affinity for travel agents, but because of what they are really selling. In a world where virtually everything we buy will be in a landfill in a handful of years, they sell something that will last forever: memories! Travel agents are in the memories business. That's a tremendously profound idea. When we think of it that way, what a rich, fulfilling, and legacy-driven occupation!

Once we understand what we're really selling, it clarifies the who and the why. Some agents may specialize in helping young families create an unforgettable Disney experience for their children. Others might unlock otherwise intimidating experiences for curious adventurers. Still, others may help retirees create once-in-a-lifetime experiences they've dreamed about for decades.

In our respective occupations, the moment we truly understand the who and the why is the moment we discover the special combo of finding meaning in our work and creating impact on the world.

I'll use my business as an example. Yes, I provide financial coaching services, but I'm not really selling financial advice. Rather, I'm helping people unlock a more fulfilling, impactful, and meaningful journey. It just happens to be through the lens of personal finance. I also have a keen sense of the who: 20-somethings and 30-somethings who realize there's a much more meaningful life to be lived than what our culture encourages.

Each of you has your own version of this. Truth is, it’s so easy to lose sight of these things while we’re battling in the trenches day to day. Sometimes, we just need to pause, take a step back, and remember our mission—the who and the why.

Who do you serve? Why do you serve them? What are you really selling? I encourage you to take a moment today to think about these questions.

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The Blink of An Eye, Indeed

When I published a piece titled The Blink of An Eye a few days ago, I had no idea that idea would ring true in such a profound way just a few days later. The piece centered around the concept that life can change in the blink of an eye. I used examples such as births, deaths, job losses, marriages, sicknesses, career shifts, and divorces. Pardon my mistake of not including the attempted assassination of a former president (and a current presidential candidate.)

If a little piece of metal had traveled a half-inch further to the right, human history would have forever been altered. In some ways, it still might be altered with the new reality we're living in. The coming implications of what just transpired are still very much uncertain, but palpable. Indeed, some lives have been profoundly altered because of the events unfolding in Pennsylvania. Lives were lost, and thousands witnessed something truly horrifying.

It's a stark reminder that life is delicate. We're here until we're not. Every morning we wake up is a gift, and every night we go to sleep in our beds is a blessing. Life is too short and too uncertain to not live it with meaning. So many of us are living for the future. We stay at a job we hate so that one day we can "finally enjoy life." We hoard all of these assets so that one day we'll be able to use them. We don't call that friend today because, well, we'll just call them next week. We spend so much time being busy that we don't savor the beauty all around us.

Life is short. Life is delicate. There are no guarantees. Tomorrow is not promised. At the same time, there's so much meaning to be squeezed out of it. Don't waste your opportunity. After all, it could change in the blink of an eye.

The Scales of Meaning

As I was writing yesterday’s post, I had a series of flashbacks. Flashbacks of tense conversations I’ve had with clients about significant life decisions. It reminds me of this:

Money is finite. Each month, there’s only so much of it to go around. For every dollar we spend on one thing, it’s one less dollar we can spend on another. While it’s true there are dozens of categories and thousands of transactions at play, sometimes it boils down to a few major decisions. That’s where the scale comes in. For the sake of this post, I’ll refer to them as the “Scales of Meaning.”

In yesterday’s post, I shared the story of new parents who both desperately wanted mom to stay home with their baby. However, as a result of their family’s financial structure, the only way to make it happen was to give up some combination of their big house, two luxury cars, and fancy trips. 

When we place these options on the scales of meaning (cars/house/vacation one side, and staying home on the other), it shines a light into our soul. This couple repeatedly said that mom staying home is the most important thing. It’s one thing to say it, but another to place them on the scales of meaning. Once they are on the scale, we have a choice to make. Option A or Option B. Their decision will be the real answer. No more lip service. Words are cheap. What’s really most important? Turns out, this family’s lifestyle was actually more important than staying at home. She miserably and painfully stayed at work so they could continue to enjoy their fancy lifestyle. 

The scales of meaning are a humbling tool. It forces us to put our money where our mouth is. Here are a few recent examples I’ve encountered:

• Keep the car or unlock more family trips with the kids: They sold the car and started buying plane tickets.

• Stay in the massive house or make a major career shift to pursue work that matters: They downsized their house, and he started working at a non-profit where he now inflicts much impact.

• Continue to live a high-end lifestyle or send their kids to a Christian school (which isn’t cheap): They now live much more humbly and their kids go to a school they believe in.

• Dad keeps his high-paying, long-hour job or he shifts so he can be more present in his children’s lives: They ultimately decided it’s okay to miss everything if he can “provide a better life.” Ouch!

The scales of meaning don’t discriminate. Rather, they expose us. They wipe away any façade we may portray to the world (or ourselves) and shine the light on what we truly value. It reveals what we truly value.

I encourage you to try it sometime. It’s a beautiful way to visualize our lives and the decisions set before us. It’s a humbling exercise, though. You’ve been warned! 

The Blink of An Eye

A little more than eight years ago, Sarah and I were a mid-30s couple who aspired to one day have children. Just a handful of days later, we were the parents of twin baby boys. We went from “we wish” to “oh crap” in about twelve seconds. We bought car seats, bottles, clothes, and diapers AFTER meeting them for the first time. We didn’t even have a room ready for them. Our lives forever changed in the blink of an eye. 

For as much as we think we have a firm grasp on our lives, reality often plays out differently. Birth, death, job loss, marriage, sickness, career shifts, divorce....all sudden forces that have the power to change our lives in the blink of an eye. There’s a problem, though. When we think we have a firm grasp on our lives, we act as though we have a firm grip on our lives. In the financial arena, it typically means that we create our personal cost structure that works for one reality: the present one. 

I often meet with couples who were feeling fairly confident in their finances for years, until _____ happened last month. As long as their family is healthy, employed, and not making any changes, they can keep the train on the tracks. However, when we structure our life so specifically, it doesn’t allow margin for life to happen.

It reminds me of a situation that still haunts me to this day. Many years ago, I was meeting with a couple. Two strong careers, no kids. They lived in a beautiful home, drove luxury cars, and took exotic trips. Between their hefty mortgage, two obscene car payments, and a glitzy lifestyle, their monthly expenses absorbed most of their income. I asked them about kids. I recommended they start making some shifts in lifestyle to create margin for changing circumstances. Namely, I suggested they consider what-if scenarios that may include one of them working part-time or staying home completely. Before I could finish, the wife snapped at me, “I’m not staying home. Zero chance!” They completely shut that conversation down. Over the next few meetings, I tried to bring it up again, pointing out that sometimes, but not all the time, having children shifts career aspirations and jumbles priorities. Again, they were adamant there’s zero chance of either staying home. Thus, they continued down the same path. 

Fast forward 18 months, and they gave birth to a beautiful baby. Then comes our next coaching session. Wanna guess what the topic of conversation was? The wife, now a mom, was desperate to stay home with her baby. Life changed in the blink of an eye, but they structured a life that works for just one reality. When I visually showed them there was no way she could stay home (or even work part-time) without completely gutting their lifestyle (house, cars, travel, etc.), there were a lot of tears. So sad!

Life can change in the blink of an eye. Knowing that, it’s imperative that we structure our life in a way that allows us to shift with it.