Never Let a Phone Do a Laptop’s Job

If you've followed my content for any period of time, you probably know I'm obsessed with behavioral science. It's been a passion of mine for the last decade, and it plays a vital role in my coaching work. One of my favorite dynamics of behavioral science is the differences between generations. Even before I get to know someone, I have a baseline understanding of some of their behavioral wirings just based on their age. Here are some examples (these are generalizations, not absolutes):

• Baby Boomers are very secretive about money, while GenZ and younger Millennials tend to be extremely transparent (almost shockingly so). 

• Most Millennials weren't taught about money as kids. 

• Boomers and GenX are more likely to value possessions, while Millenials and GenZ are more likely to lean into experiences. 

• GenZ is far less likely to let finances drive their decision-making (especially job selection). 

• Boomers and GenX prefer to purchase products from people, whereas Millenials and GenZ prefer to buy directly (without the relational aspect). 

Some of these differences are profound, while others may seem trivial. However, there's no denying that the era we grew up in has left an indelible mark on how we perceive the world today. Despite sharing the same world, we all interact with it in our unique ways. 

That brings us to today's topic. There's one fun little nuance that I've watched play out for years. Then, as I was scrolling through some news articles last night, I finally saw it discussed. You can read about it here. In short, there's a silent generational divide about how transactions should be made. Let's do a little quiz. Answer "yes" or "no" to each.

Would you buy the following item on your phone? 

• Laundry Detergent?

• Movie Tickets?

• Kitchen Gadgets?

• Hotel Room?

• Fridge?

• Airline Flight?

• Signing an Apartment Lease?

• Buying a Car? 

• Signing Documents to Buy a House?

Some of you started sweating as you moved down the list. Where the anxiety kicks in is probably an indication of your age. The cultural phenomenon at hand is how the younger generation will literally make the most significant transactions in their life on their little cell phone screen. I gotta be honest. As an old Millennial, I start getting anxious after the hotel room bullet point. That's my cutoff. Anything further down merits busting the computer out. No quesitons, no excuses. To me, that's just being prudent. To someone younger, it's a paranoid waste of time. 

I once had a young client purchase a car using only his cell phone. I about had a heart attack. I buy hotel rooms monthly on my phone, but the idea of buying flights on my phone sounds terrifying. And don't even get me started about legal documents. Give me the biggest screen I can find!

What's the point? It’s NOT to make sweeping criticisms of any generation. Rather, it's to highlight how differently each of us experiences and interacts with the world. Explore those differences. Celebrate those differences. Laugh about those differences. Learn from those differences. We have so much to learn.....from both those older AND those younger. 

So Ridiculous That It’s Perfect

I just received the most random message from a friend. She shared that her partner just purchased her the most ridiculous Mother's Day gift ever imagined. She is correct. I can, in fact, confirm it's the most outlandish gift I've ever witnessed. In her message was a tongue-in-cheek question about whether this gift was a "smart financial decision." 

Of course this purchase wasn't a smart financial decision. After all, it's peak ridiculous. The obvious answer to her question is, "No," this wasn't a good financial decision. It was an absolute waste of money. It was foolish. It was irresponsible. It was non-sensical. .......

.......It was perfect! Through the lens of investing in mission and memories, he hit the nail on the head with this gift. Yes, it was ridiculous. So much so that she took time out of her day to message me about it. It's truly the most ridiculous thing I've ever seen. Yet, it was perfect. Here was my message to her:

"This is a brilliant move. The two most important things to invest in are mission and memories. And something tells me you will remember this forever. Amazing investment!"

This is why it's so important to stop obsessing about needs vs. wants. Instead, we should look through the lens of value and meaning. Does it add value? If so, it's probably a worthwhile purchase. Does it provide meaning? If so, it's probably a worthwhile purchase. Mission and memories usually fit the bill. Value, value, value. Meaning, meaning, meaning. 

Yes, my friend received the most ridiculous gift ever created. Yes, it was perfect. She will remember it forever. Heck, I may remember it forever. Do something outlandish today. Be wasteful. Be irresponsible. Make a decision that makes you scratch your head. Do something that makes other people roll their eyes. Get labeled as the weirdo. But for heaven's sake, invest in mission and memories. You won't regret it, and neither will those in your orbit. 

Happy Mother's Day!

Juicing Meaning With Tradition

Today’s post is brought to you from a tent in the middle of nowhere, hacked out on my phone. I’m on a camping trip with the boys, and we are having a blast.

As I always say, we need to invest in memories. Memories are the one thing we can buy that won’t one day end up in a landfill. Memories are forever. Memories bond us. Memories are intertwined with meaning.

There is one way to juice up memories, though: when they are shrouded in tradition. This camping trip, for example, is a Shelton family tradition. It’s the fifth consecutive year we’ve done it, beginning when the boys were just three. We anticipate it each year. The boys talk about it the months leading up to it. They share stories of past trips and plan all the activities they want to do on the upcoming trip. Just last night, we rode horses, shot BB guns, ate too much food (including s’mores, of course), and played soccer. It was a blast.

Camping trips are always fun, but traditional camping trips are juiced up. There’s something extra special about them. I hope one day my kids tell their kids stories about this tradition. Heck, maybe they will even be inspired to create their own traditions when they become parents.

Here’s the thing about traditions. They don’t need to be elaborate, expensive, or over the top. We have take-out pizza and watch a movie every Friday night. That’s a pretty simple one, but it’s impactful. It becomes part of our family’s rhythm. It creates anticipation and excitement. It juices the memories.

As my kids get older, it’s fun to let them help craft the traditions. They have ownership. They have creative liberties. Through it all, it’s about investing in memories, and perhaps juicing them up.

Traditions + Memories = Extra Meaning

What are some of your family’s traditions?

More Tolls, More Quarters

You’ll never guess what happened yesterday! Just hours after sharing yesterday’s toll story, I had my very own toll story. Even more impressive, my story also involves stepping over quarters to pick up nickels. As my week in Houston was wrapping up, I ordered an Uber to drive me to the airport. About a half mile into the trip, the driver looked back at me and asked, “How are you doing in time? In a hurry?” Interesting question. What if I said yes? Would he gun it and drive 90 MPH like a scene out of Fast and Furious? Oh well, no big deal. I turned my attention back to whatever I was doing.

Then, about 20 seconds later, he took an unexpected turn. Before he picked me up, I looked at the map to see what route we would take. Therefore, his sudden turn piqued my interest. Then, it hit me! Thinking back to my pre-drive map session, I noticed it said our route would include a toll….something in the $2.50 range. Ah, that’s it! The Uber driver, now knowing I wasn’t “in a hurry,” decided to take the non-toll route. Why? Because the fare I paid included the toll cost, and if he didn’t have to pay that toll, he could effectively pocket that toll money for himself. 

The moment he initiated his little detour, my GPS updated and said we would arrive 21 minutes later than just a few seconds prior. It ultimately took 18 minutes longer. In other words, he made $8.33/hour for his little toll money grab. All the while, he could have simply and efficiently dropped me off and immediately grabbed a higher-margin drive while at the airport. Worse, his poor and selfish service cost him part of his tip, negating any upside he was trying to gain by playing chicken with my schedule. Had he just served me well, my tip would have been the financial upside he sought. Honest. Deserved. Earned. Instead, he tried to take advantage of someone.....and lost. 

Doing the right thing is always the right thing. Not just because it’s the right thing, but because, in the long run, the right thing is usually the better thing. 

Don’t step over quarters to pick up nickels, and definitely don’t step on others while doing it. Words to live by! I hope you have a blessed day. 

Stepping Over Quarters

During a recent conversation with a friend, he began sharing about how prudent and wise he is with his money. I didn't solicit this information, but these types of conversations tend to come my way. Anyway, he shared several examples of how he saves money through his various day-to-day decisions. Like this one: "I save $3 in tolls every day by taking the non-toll roads to work." $3 per day works out to roughly $60 saved per month. On the surface, that would appear to indeed be a prudent move. 

Then, I asked a follow-up question: "How much longer is your commute this way than if you just pay the tolls?" His response: 20 minutes per day.

My next question: "How much do you make at your job?" His response: I bill at $65/hour. 

I explained that he is effectively making $9/hour by not taking toll roads, but giving up $65/hour of billable work time in exchange. In other words, for every day he saves $3 by taking the longer commute, he costs himself $21.67 of revenue. That $18.67/day difference equates to a $373 worse outcome over a four-week stretch! That's more than $4,800/year he's losing out on!!!!!

"Yeah, but I save $3 every single day!"

This is a perfect example of how a scarcity mindset can cost us. In an effort to save a few bucks, we inadvertently cost ourselves far more than we were trying to save in the first place. Or as the expression goes, stepping over quarters to pick up nickels. 

Whenever we make financial or life decisions, we have to weigh both sides of the equation. For every benefit there's a cost, and for every cost there's a benefit. When we focus on just one side, we'll make poor decisions. I guarantee you're doing it right now. Heck, I guarantee I'm doing it right now. 

As I've discussed at length on this blog and the podcast, cost isn't the metric we should dwell on. Rather, we should aim to understand the value we're getting for the cost. Some cheap things are expensive, and some expensive things are cheap. It's our job to assess it through our own unique lens, and make whatever decision is best for us. 

I texted my friend yesterday morning. He took the toll road. 

The Paradox of Choice

Over the last few months, my social media feed has been inundated with Mother's Day gift ideas (the algorithm must see me as a stereotypical dad). I'm talking about crazy, unique, creative, amazing ideas. I love them all!

Nearly 20 years ago, I read a book called The Paradox of Choice, by Barry Schwartz. It's a fantastic read, and I highly recommend it. The premise is simple: While we think we want more choices and more options, science shows that an abundance of options actually causes stress, paralysis, frustration, and, eventually, regret. 

Have you ever been to Cheesecake Factory? Reviewing their menu feels like you're thumbing through the Bible, attempting to find the Book of John. It's nuts! Here's my experience with Cheesecake Factory. I spent 7 minutes reviewing and re-reviewing the menu. When every member of my party has already ordered, and the waitress is glaring down impatiently for me to speak, I stressfully blurt something out. Then, when the food arrives, I'm immediately crushed with order regret. Why? Because the abundance of choices created a scenario where it's inevitable that I'll be disappointed. Yes, I'm weird.....but it's science!

Contrast that with a different type of restaurant. It's called Teriyaki Boys. I used to dine there when I worked in downtown Des Moines. Yes, their food is solid. However, there was a different reason why I frequented their establishment. They only have one menu item! It's a Teriyaki dish; you just select your meat (check out their menu). That's it! It's that simple. 

So many things in our lives are impacted by the paradox of choice. We act as though more options are better, but we're being harmed by our culture's abundance of choices every step of our journey. Unfortunately, we can't wave a magic wand to eliminate all the choices from our world.....that would be weird and evil. Instead, we can intentionally narrow the options on our own proverbial plate. Here are some examples in my own life:

• Sarah and I enjoy watching TV shows together after the boys go to bed. We only have one show going at a time. We either watch that show or watch nothing. There are no other options. 

• When I go to our coffee shop, Northern Vessel, I only order one of two menu items: a cortado or a chagaccino. The other drinks are wonderful, but I don't want to burn my mental energy trying to decide. 

• When we give out of our budget each month, there are only two places it can go: our giving fund or set aside for people in need. Once it's in those locations, it can be administered as needed. But our budgeting choice is simple....two options only.

• When we invest, there's only one option: the total stock market index. It may be one option, but it includes nearly 4,000 companies, all rolled into one cheap fund. This is the simplest of simple approaches. Zero brain damage, zero friction.

The paradox of choice will crush us if we're not careful. I still don't have a Mother's Day gift......

The Myth of Job Security

One of the biggest knocks against freelancing, entrepreneurship, self-employment, contract work, and business ownership is that you don't have "job security." This is indeed true. Most people who fit into this camp don't have job security. 

Implied in this "no job security" sentiment is a (false) belief people with traditional employment do have job security. I'm sad to report that they don't. I believe this is a massive and destructive myth in our culture. Every week, I speak with people who had "job security" and have recently lost their jobs. It's always sad, and I have tremendous empathy for them. I don't wish that kind of pain on anyone. But it happens! There's no such thing as job security! It may feel like it along the way, but when push comes to shove, there isn't.

Please don't hear me demeaning traditional employment. I'm a big believer in it.....just not because it seemingly offers "job security." Work has meaning. Jobs have meaning. All work has meaning....including traditional W-2 jobs (which I had for 15 years, by the way!). 

Rather, I think we put ourselves at risk when we believe we have job security:

• We can let our guard down and not be financially prepared for the incomprehensible scenario in which we lose our jobs. We might not have an adequate emergency fund as a back-stop.

• We can get complacent and stop growing in our skills.

• We don't bother to diversify our finances. Instead, we keep all our income eggs in one basket.

• We don't contemplate backup plans for alternative jobs/careers.

• We might ignore our passion, calling, and desire to do something different with less "job security." In other words, we let our desire for job security keep us in a place we aren't supposed to be. 

Indeed, I don't have job security. There's zero promise that my family will make enough money to survive next month. That's scary! Every month is an adventure, and I just hope I can piece it together well enough to make ends meet. My business's income is made up of dozens of smaller pieces. If I put the pieces together, I eat. If I don't, then I guess we starve. But the burden is on me to figure it out.

You know what's scarier? The reality that someone else can make one simple decision and my job is gone tomorrow. A wave of the magic wand.....poof, gone! That's the reality so many people are dealing with right now. We wake up in the morning enjoying our job security, then go to bed unemployed.....at the snap of one's fingers. 

I don't write this to make people fearful. I don't want that. Living in fear isn't a life of meaning. Instead, I want people to reckon with the reality there's really no such thing as job security. And if that's true, would you still make the same job decision? In other words, would you choose a different path if your job isn't secure anyway? Food for thought.  

The Cure For the Sunday Scares

I had a fantastic weekend! Good food, good travel, good activities with the kids, and (mostly) good rest. Last night, as I was preparing for a 3AM wake-up to fly to Houston, I couldn't help but think about how excited I was for my week. Not because it's going to be fun (it won't be), but because it matters. I have the opportunity to serve my client for the next four days, including some difficult projects and challenging meetings. Fun isn't a word I'd use to describe it, but meaningful is. I usually feel that excited anticipation on Sunday nights, and it's something I love most about my life. 

What about you? How do you feel on Sunday nights? Do you get the Sunday Scaries? You know exactly what I'm talking about. Maybe your chest tightens up, you yearn for more weekend time, or you start dreading what's to come. Statistics show that 4PM on Sundays is the most depressing hour of the week. It makes sense. We've spent the last 48 hours relaxing, spending time with people we love, possibly traveling, and perhaps engaging in fun hobbies. Then, reality sets in. We realize we'll be in bed in a few hours, then wake up to five days of doing something we probably don't want to do. Ouch!

There is a cure for the Sunday Scaries, though. Want to know what it is? It's not an answer so much as a question. As you sit in your Sunday Scaries, what would the next day or next week need to look like for you not to feel that way? Maybe it's adding something. Maybe it's subtracting something. Maybe it's altering something. 

If your answer is, "I'd rather be sitting by the pool with a margarita," you're thinking too short-sighted. Don't get me wrong, I'll take a margarita by the pool any day! But that's not life. That's a treat. Yes, treat yourself. Yes, find time to do cool things. 

Through the lens of living a productive life where you serve others and provide financially for your family, what would tomorrow need to look like to not feel the Sunday Scaries? Many of you already know the answer. However, there's a cost.....and the cost can feel steep. It may include one or more of the following:

• Less security

• Less income

• Less comfort

• Less status

• Less wants

• Less wealth

• Less predictability

Pursuing a different sort of life may require the loss of something you hold dear. However, it's also important to recognize what you'll gain:

• Meaning

• Fulfillment

• Purpose

• Impact

• Contentment

• Adventure

On the surface, the upside of the latter doesn't seem nearly as weighty as the downside of the former. But let me put it this way. I've seen countless people pursue money and comfort, only to turn away from it. On the flip side, I've never seen someone pursue meaning and then decide it's not for them. 

I encourage you to reflect on your Sunday Scaries, and ask yourself what the cure is. Believe me, there is one!

Planned Impulsiveness

One of my favorite Meaning Over Money podcast episodes is called Planned Impulsiveness. It was our fifth episode, released more than three years ago. Unfortunately, Apple lost our first 15 episodes like my kids lose their shoes. Other platforms managed to keep track of them, though. Despite being missing from Apple for over two years, it's one of the ten most downloaded episodes we've ever had. You can find it HERE.

The premise is simple. Some people are planners, and some people are impulsive. Both have pros and cons, but impulsive people are known for self-sabotage and occasional (or frequent!) irresponsibility. I'm oddly wired for both. I'm very impulsive, but I'm also a planner. Along my financial journey, I realized I needed to harness my impulsivity and turn the cons into pros. 

This is where the structure comes in. Travel is a great example. I have a separate bank account specifically for travel. Each month, we budget approximately $1,000 for it. We may not travel every month, but we treat it as an expense. That $1,000 physically gets moved from our primary checking account and into our travel fund. The money slowly builds over time. Then, when it's time to travel, we travel. Sometimes, the travel is planned well in advance, and sometimes, it's more impulsive. In either scenario, the money is there, just waiting to be spent on travel. 

I'll share my favorite (least favorite) story of my life. In the summer of 2016, Sarah and I were about to become parents. After a long adoption journey, we received word that our son was born. We went to bed with anticipation, excited to meet our little man the following day. As I was wrapping up a few things at work the following morning before getting on the road, I received a phone call. I immediately knew something was wrong. The following 30 seconds were the worst of my life, as I found out we lost our son. 

Needless to say, the subsequent days were absolutely miserable in our house. Sarah was an absolute wreck, and I wasn't in a great position to hold her up. A few nights later, she told me she wanted to leave. Somewhere far, far away from our life. At midnight, I booked flights to Cancun and reserved a hotel room. We packed a few bags, took a nap, and drove to the airport five hours later. We spent the week crying, mourning, and eating our weight's worth of chips and salsa. It was terrible, but it was beautiful. It was impulsive, but it was planned. I'll always be grateful for that sad but memorable week with Sarah. 

One of my clients recently had their first planned impulsiveness moment. They've been intentionally budgeting and using their travel sinking fund since December. Then, it happened! A significant event suddenly popped up, and they wanted to be there. In mere hours, they made arrangements and jumped on a plane. It was impulsive, but it was planned. Beautiful! They will remember that forever. 

Be impulsive! Savor life. Make memories. But make it planned impulsiveness. 

Lessons From a Kid

What was your first job? As a 15-year-old, I was a laborer at our local small-town golf course, where I would start my day by raking all the sandtraps before the early bird tee times. I was paid $4.25/hour, which was the Illinois minimum wage at the time. That equates to approximately $8.75 in today's dollars after accounting for inflation.

Remember how I recently met a young man (12 or 13 years old) who has his own lawn-mowing business? Well, I gave him the bat signal last night and he swooped in to take care of my yard. He spent about 45 minutes at my house and was rewarded with a $30 payday. This equates to $40/hour! Not too shabby compared with our state's $7.75/hour minimum wage. 

I asked him how he finds his clients. Here was his answer: "The same way I found you. I just walk up and down the street and ask people if I can mow their yard. If I do a good enough job, I hope they will ask me again." 

So simple, yet so powerful. I love his entrepreneurial spirit. He could have just applied for a bunch of minimum-wage jobs and hoped one hit, but instead, he turned to the grind. He decided to create something. He's taking a work ethic, combining it with creativity, and adding a heavy dose of customer service. And just like that, he cobbled together a ridiculously high-paying job.

To me, this young man exemplifies the crazy new world order we live in. We used to rely on gatekeepers to decide if we were worthy of the job. Today, we're only limited by our creativity and willingness to put ourselves out there. If there's a 12-year-old making $40/hour mowing nearby yards, it's hard for you and me to have a good excuse. 

Many people are hurting right now, for some very good reasons. It's a tough environment and the cards are stacked against us in many cases. But that's not the end of the story.....it's the new beginning. Now, it's our turn to step up and take care of business. We need to think outside the box, with creativity, and find ways to add value to people's lives. If we do, the rest will take care of itself. 

Don't let conventional wisdom and gatekeepers hold you back. If one door closes, there are 1,000 others to knock on. Don't be discouraged. Don't quit. Don't give up. Keep knocking, and get creative!

Putting the Pieces Together

What does it mean to win with money? I could ask 20 people and get 20 different answers. We all view it through a different lens. We each possess different skills, and we each have our shortcomings. Some things we'll get right, and other things may be more of a challenge. We don't have to nail every aspect, but it's important to remove any glaring deficiencies. Most families thrive in some areas and struggle in others. 

However, I recently met with a couple who inspired me to write about this topic. I've worked with this couple for over a year, but this meeting was particularly inspiring. They are a younger-ish couple, both teachers. In my mind, they've cracked the code on personal finance. No, they aren't geniuses in any one area, but they are doing good in pretty much every area. I'll summarize:

• They have unity, a shared vision, and joint ownership of their finances.

• They budget intentionally each month, leaning into their unique values.

• They have an emergency fund to protect them for WHEN life punches.

• They spend money on wants that add value to their life.

• They utilize sinking funds to save for future purchases/expenses.

• They give joyfully and sacrificially.

• They paid off all their non-mortgage debt.

• They invest with discipline, simplicity, and effectiveness.

• They have cheap term life insurance policies that will replicate each person's respective income in the event of a tragic event. 

• They are in the process of setting up wills.

• They both pursue work that matters, and find meaning and fulfillment in their careers.

• They are creating financial margin to provide flexibility for future decisions and lifestyle shifts.

They are the total package! No, it's not because they have massive incomes and unlimited resources. Reminder, they are both teachers. They are normal people, making normal money, living a normal life. Except it's not a normal life. It's an extraordinary life.

What's their secret? Intentionality, discipline, humility, contentment, and consistency. That's it. Good choice after good choice after good choice. Oh yeah, and that whole unity, shared vision, and joint ownership thing. They are doing it together. There is no "mine" and "yours." Everything is "ours." For better or worse. 

Yes, this is an opportunity for me to brag about this amazing couple. However, there's more to it. I hope you find encouragement in it. We ALL have the power to get better in the areas of money. The only thing stopping us is us. It's not easy, but it's so, so worth it. Get 1% better today! Then, get 1% better tomorrow. One day at a time. You got this!

The Phase We Never Outgrow

Every night, I ask the kids what they learned at school. I wish I could tell you I always get productive answers, but I don't. As Forrest Gump says, it's like a box of chocolates: I never know what I'm going to get. Recently, though, Finn dropped some gold on me. Here was his answer to my question:

"We did needs and wants, and I got a LOT of wants!"

Join the club, Finn! His teacher jokingly pointed out that most kids had a lot of wants and struggled to draw a proper line between what's a need and what's a want. I guess it's the phase we never outgrow.

This is one of the biggest challenges for young and old alike. We have LOTS of wants, and the line is blurred between what's a need and what's a want. 

Today, I want to settle on that last part—the blurred line between needs and wants. This isn't a first-grader problem; it's a human problem. And the problem is that it's often not intentional. There's a psychological game at play where we subconsciously shift something from a want to a need to justify its existence. 

To exhibit this concept, I'll list what people have told me are "needs." I'm not condemning these purchases; instead, I'm questioning whether it's a need. I'll let you decide for yourself. Without further ado, here's a list of "needs" from people I've conversed with:

• $10,000 for a next-gen TV

• A $75,000 basement remodel project

• $2,500/month for dining out

• $2,000/month for clothing

• A brand new Tesla

• Monthly botox injections

• Country club membership

• A lake house (2nd home)

• A speedboat

Each of these was firmly thrust into the need camp. And do you know what we do if something is a need? We purchase it by any means necessary. That's the power of a need. 

If I need to put food on the table, I'll go to extreme lengths to make it happen (including going into debt if that's the difference between eating or being hungry). 

If I need a $40,000 speedboat, I'll go to extreme lengths to make it happen (including going into debt if that's the difference between my hair blowing in the wind and being a loser sitting on the shore watching the boats go by). 

That's the power of needs. Needs compel us to act. Needs incentivize us to hurry. Needs encourage us to throw common sense out the window. Needs must be met, and meet them we shall. 

One of my roles as a parent will be to help my kids successfully manage the tension between needs and wants. However, I'll simultaneously be working on that myself. It's the phase we never outgrow. 

Ace Ventura Spitting Wisdom

The laces were in! That Ray Finkle, man. Ace Ventura was one of the first adult comedies I ever saw as a kid. I was 13 years old, at a sleepover, and we somehow got our hands on this newly released VHS starring an unknown actor named Jim Carrey. The opening scene with the package delivery remains one of the funniest intros in movie history! Needless to say, this immediately became, and decades later, remains one of my all-time favorite comedies. 

I could probably find a way to tie Ace Ventura to Meaning Over Money, but I’ll spare you. Instead, I want to discuss a statement I recently heard from Jim Carrey:

“Imagine struggling with being homeless and someone comes with a camera in your face to give you a meal and you have to take it. Imagine that feeling. Please, stop doing that. If you go to help someone, do it with kindness and not your ego.

In a world with cameras in every pocket, it’s our natural inclination to capture and share everything. But let’s not blame the technology, though. For centuries - long before cell phones and cameras were invented - we humans have operated all areas of our lives with ego. If that’s true, why would our giving be an exception?

I can’t get on social media without some person or organization boasting about a gift they just made for some cause. Have you ever seen a GoFundMe page? Call me weird, but I obsessively watch the donation ticker that announces everyone’s gifts. If you aren’t familiar with the concept, when you make a gift on GoFundMe, it blasts the news of your gift to the main page for all to see, where it boldly displays your name and how much you gave. However, it’s worth noting that when you make a gift, you get to choose if your name is displayed or is classified as “anonymous.” Any guess as to how many people give anonymously? By my numerous tallies, only about 5%-7% of gifts are anonymous.

Here’s a question I’ll challenge you with today. If you make a gift and publicly broadcast said gift, is it likely your motives are pure? I’d argue the answer is “no.” I’ve pondered this a lot in my own giving journey. Several years ago, realizing I am a human, I conceded I’m not immune to this, either. I quickly concluded that I needed to eliminate anything that would taint the spirit of my giving….especially the possibility of earning favor, influence, affirmation, or pats on the back. Therefore, almost all my giving is done quietly and anonymously, so much so that some organizations don’t even know where their gifts are coming from. This shift has been a transformational experience. 

Here’s where I want to land this plane (er, errant Ray Finkle field goal attempt). I firmly believe there’s no endeavor in life more meaningful than giving with pure motives. Don’t believe me? There’s only one way to find out! 

* After finishing this piece, I feel incomplete and somewhat unsettled. There is more to discuss on this topic than my 500 words will allow, so perhaps treat this one as an appetizer. Have a blessed day!

Pondering Things About Things

I have a Notes file on my phone called "Blog." Its purpose is simple. As I go about my day, anything and everything that inspires or triggers me gets jotted into this file. There are hundreds of ideas, just waiting to be turned into a blog or a podcast. While browsing my random notes this morning, one line stood out. It's a quote that reads, "The more things we have, the more time we spend on things." To be perfectly honest, I have zero recall about where I heard this or who said it. But it smacks!

When I reflect on my life and the decisions I've made, I can't help but think how true this quote is. I'm not going to share any of my specific examples, as I want you to use your imagination and consider your own past decisions. Let me set the table. You just purchased a nice thing. You traded your hard-earned money for this thing. It has value, and you want to protect this value. Therefore, you're going to spend time and attention ensuring this thing remains safe and well taken care of. 

Also, if it's a cool or fun thing, it's going to perpetually occupy space in your mind. Depending on what type of thing it is, you may also carve time out of your days to use and/or enjoy said thing. 

You'll maybe need to invest more time and money to maintain and care for it. You also need space to store it. Whether big or small, things take up some volume of space. Big things obviously take up more space, but never underestimate the compounding space needs of many small things. This may cause you to want/need a bigger residence, which creates an entirely new level of time and financial consumption. 

On a related note, your things may also inhibit your ability to travel or live with flexibility. You might get nervous to leave your things, or your things make you too comfortable to want to leave. Therefore, things can act as an invisible anchor, locking us into place. Worse, your desire to keep your things (and accumulate more of them) may require you to remain in a job that we tolerate at best, and despise at worst. The item may be the gateway drug to the next item, and the process repeats. 

"The more things we have, the more time we spend on things." I don't know if I'm thinking through this correctly, but this is how I'm processing it today. Things can have a scary pull on our lives, and our souls. I've fallen into that trap more times than I'd like to admit. I can be better. I want to be better. I need to be better. Though I can't prove it, I believe, to my core, that relinquishing our emotional ties to things (and the power they have over us) is one of the paths to a meaningful life. Or, in the simpler and wiser words of my friend Gary Hoag, just "Invest in mission and memories."

This Story Will Be Told

Yesterday, I had the privilege of hosting my dear friends John and Jamy Cochran at our church. After enjoying service, we took them to lunch at our favorite pizza spot. Everything was going swimmingly.....until the food arrived (or part of the food, I should say). The waitress told us our other pizza was accidentally dropped on the floor. Oops!

According to the Danny Meyer Principle (I just coined that phrase!), at that moment, a story was going to be told. The restaurant made a mistake and immediately approached a fork in the road. They've lost control of whether a story will be told; it's too late. However, the restaurant gets to be the author of WHAT story will be told. 

Back to the situation. The waitress communicated the bad news, apologized, said they were remaking it as quickly as possible, AND comping us that pizza. Whoa! They hit a fork in the road, then decided to author a positive story. Their actions were swift and sincere.

Fast forward some time, and the new pizza still hadn’t been delivered to our table. We were somewhat tight on time, but we're doing ok. Shortly after the pizza finally arrived, we asked the waitress for the check, as I had to get the boys to a friend’s birthday party. She obliged, but came back empty-handed just a few minutes later. She communicated that they were going to comp our entire meal. Wow! That was a bold and generous move!

Despite a few mistakes tainting this particular experience, I have nothing but positive things to say about them. Thus, I'm telling you the story they authored. My experience wasn't ideal, but it affirms my decision to eat there often—and I'll probably double down on that sentiment. They could have lost (or damaged) a customer. However, their actions just compounded my loyalty. Props to them for that, and I'm grateful they care enough to author this better story. 

Businesses, take note of this story. You WILL screw up....and when you do, a story will be told. Author a beautiful story. You are in control, so act with swiftness, hospitality, and generosity. 

Consumers, businesses will screw up on you. It's inevitable. They are humans. They aren't perfect. When they do, watch to see what story they author. It will tell you everything you need to know. And once that story is written, act accordingly. 

I know the question is coming, and the restaurant deserves some love. Despite having readers all over the world, if you're ever in Central Iowa (or happen to live nearby), the restaurant is called Leaning Tower of Pizza. Go check them out! And when you do, tell them it's not just because their pizza is amazing (though it is!), but because they chose to author a beautiful story for someone else. Reward excellence. Always reward excellence. 

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I Met a Weird Guy

I met a guy last week. I had a blast spending time with him. He shared about his journey, his expertise, his passions, and his business. He is a sincere, thoughtful, and generous person. He's also really weird. Yeah, you heard that right. He's a really weird guy. 

Now, before you get upset with me publicly insulting a grown man in front of thousands of people, some context is in order. He's in his early 50s, a seasoned veteran in his field. His most recent position was CEO for a reputable firm. According to conventional wisdom and our prevailing culture, he could do some consulting work for a few years as he coasts toward an early retirement. The table is set for a comfortable and short end to his accomplished career. He could ride off into the sunset and enjoy a life of leisure that everyone probably tells him he deserves. 

Instead, however, he's starting over. He's entering into arguably the most challenging season of his career. He's creating something new from scratch. It's a secular company, but tied closely to his faith. There's a powerful mission tied to it, and if it goes even marginally well, many lives will be impacted. He's uncomfortable, nervous, uncertain, and totally out of his element.....and he's loving every second of it. When he talks about it, his eyes light up, and he has the energy of a 28-year-old.

The world says to race to the finish line, and he's over here starting a new race. 

The world says to stay comfortable, and he just threw that word out the window. 

The world says to coast, and he's pushing his foot on the accelerator. 

The world says he should "actually enjoy his life," and he's doing just that—except enjoying life doesn't mean living a life of leisure. Instead, it means waking up each morning with meaning and purpose. From what he told me, I suspect he's enjoying life more now than ever—not because his life is fun, but because it matters (a ton!). 

The world says to be normal, and he's out there being a complete weirdo. So yeah, I met a weird guy last week. He's the kind of guy who reminds me why I do what I do. He's living a life that reminds me there's an army of people taking the road less traveled. Pursuing work that matters. Throwing comfort out the window. Following a greater calling. Meaning over money. I love my new weird friend!

Dodging Tornados

Last night was a rough one in the Shelton household. Sarah is on a girl's trip out of town, so it's just me and the boys. As we were preparing for bed, the tornado sirens started blaring. We grabbed our stuff and set up shop in the basement, watching the local news coverage on TV. At one point, five tornado systems were in our area, with one heading directly toward our city. Luckily, it shifted directions just enough to barely miss us. Other towns weren't as lucky, unfortunately (check out this wild video captured from the same broad tornado system a few hours before it struck our area). The boys were scared, and there was a lot of anxiety in our house until the wee hours of the morning. 

We have blog readers from all over the world, so perhaps some context is in order. While every part of the world has its own array of natural disaster risks, tornados are ours. Unlike earthquakes, hurricanes, or wildfires, tornados are binary. Either they hit you, or they don't. Their paths are narrow, but their impact is significant. If they hit, the destruction can be unprecedented. They are shockingly common here in the midwestern United States. They are far too common, as well. It's typical to have 5-10 warnings each year between the spring and summer months. Needless to say, I'm grateful we dodged another one. 

As I'm sandwiched in the downstairs bed with two exhausted and wimpering boys, I can't help but think about how tornados are a great metaphor for life. Many of our decisions carry risk, but not all risks are created equal. Some risks are more likely to materialize, but with a lower downside. Others (let's call them tornados) have a lower likelihood of materializing, but the downside can be devastating. Here are some examples of the two types of downside scenarios:

Decisions With Minimal Downside

• Running a red light with an officer nearby

• Eating from a questionable street vendor (IYKYK)

• Forgetting your spouse's birthday

• Making an impulsive financial purchase

Decisions With Devastating Downside

• Getting sick or injured without health insurance

• Not carrying an emergency fund

• Failing to have wills or life insurance

• Throwing your retirement assets in single stocks or trendy investment classes

One of my general philosophies of life is to dodge the proverbial tornados. I know I'm going to screw up, and I know I'll get unlucky at times. However, if I can just avoid the tornados, I'll live to fight another day. I'll gladly take two steps forward and one step back, but I can't afford a blistering 25 steps back. 

As you read this, reflect on your life and see if you can spot the lingering tornados. What are the decisions that, while lower in risk, have the potential to devastate your life if it goes the wrong way? Once you identify them, I encourage you to take the appropriate steps to mitigate them. Dodge those tornados! 

Finny’s Accidental Seed

After school yesterday, the boys and I decided to play basketball at a nearby park. As we stepped outside, a young man (maybe 12 or 13 years old) walked past our house. He was pushing a lawnmower with a weedeater perched atop. I greeted him and asked what he was up to. He pointed to my neighbor's house and said he was about to finish mowing it. This sparked me to ask a handful of questions about his little business. I loved his heart and desire to create a business. 

The conversation concluded with me asking if he wanted to mow my yard. He shared his pricing and told me he could mow it immediately if I wanted. I pulled out some cash, handed it to him, and he immediately got to work. At that moment, I turned my attention back to the kids, and we resumed our walk to the park. That's when an unexpected conversation occurred:

Finn: "Did you just pay that kid money to mow our yard?"

Me: "Yeah, man! I was going to mow it this weekend, but now I can spend more time with you guys, instead." 

Finn: "You mean he gets to play with a mower AND get paid money?"

Me: "Yeah! He's helping us, so he gets to earn money for doing it." 

Finn: "Dad, can I mow people's yards and get paid money when I'm his age?"

Me: "Yeah, bud! That sounds awesome. There are a lot of ways we can help people, and mowing is one of them. I'd love to help you get started if that's what you want to do."

Finn: "Can we buy me my own mower this weekend so I can start practicing?"

Me: "......."

I could see Finn's wheels turning. He was inspired, encouraged, and extremely excited. A whole new world of possibilities opened up in that moment. Truth is, I wasn't intending for my interaction with the young "mowin' man" to be a seed-planting endeavor. And I know the young mower didn't, either. Despite that, an accidental seed was planted with little Finny. Perhaps that seed will die......or maybe it will grow into something beautiful. I don't know which way it will go, but I'm excited to find out in due time. 

To be honest, I don't even know what the takeaway should be for today's post. I just found the story surprising and uplifting, and thought maybe there's a nugget in there that can add value to your day. I love that young mower's heart and work ethic. I love Finn's curiosity and internalization of ideas. I love the fact I can spend a few bucks to free up more time with my boys this weekend. I love all of it. 

I hope you have a wonderful day. Keep planting those seeds.....the intentional ones, and the accidental ones. 

How Many Apples Are In a Seed?

Check out this awesome clip!

@uconnwbb these two 🥹 #uconnwomensbasketball #bleedblue ♬ original sound - UConn Women’s Basketball

This touching moment involves UCONN's Coach Geno Auriemma and Nika Muhl. Nika just wrapped up her UCONN basketball career and was drafted into the WNBA just a few weeks ago. This is easily the best thing I've seen all day!

I often refer to the idea of planting seeds. A quick word search of my blog archives reveals that I've discussed this concept in 14 prior posts. When I see a video clip like this and can feel the relationship this player and coach share, it strikes me as a quintessential example of planting seeds. 

Coach Geno is 70 years old, and for the last 40 of them, he has been at the helm of UCONN's women's basketball team. When I see the bond he shares with Nika and the impact he's clearly had on her life, I can't help but wonder how many seeds he's planted over the years. 

This past weekend, while at a generosity conference, a speaker began talking about planting seeds. Oh, you know I was leaning forward for this one! She cut into an apple and started picking out seeds. "You can count how many seeds are in an apple, but you can't count how many apples are in a seed." 

That's one of the most powerful ideas I've ever heard. Planting a seed is one thing, but the ripple effects are another. Let's say we plant ten seeds, and only one takes hold and grows (into an apple tree, of course). That tree will produce hundreds or thousands of apples, each filled with numerous seeds. Eventually, some of those new seeds will take hold and grow trees as well......and the cycle continues. From a single seed comes an immeasurable number of apples. A single act of planting a seed could result in multiple generations of impact. Beautiful!

Back to Coach Geno and Nika. He planted seeds, and some (or tons) prospered.....including Nika. Now, she will spend the next 60+ years planting her own seeds, and some of them will prosper as well. Call me sentimental, but this is a profoundly moving illustration of living a life of service to others. 

Our call to action is simple: plant seeds. What happens after we plant is largely out of our control. However, know that good WILL come from your generosity. And when it does, the impact may span much wider and deeper than you'll ever know. 

First, Stop Tumbling

I'm feeling a lot of burden these days. So many people in my life are hurting. Lost jobs, tons of debt, broken marriages, sickness, failed companies, loss of family members.....too many things to count. I generally do a pretty good job of not carrying the pain of others, but man, it's getting hard. 

As I spent time with a friend who is in the process of losing his long-time business, I searched my brain, then my heart, trying to find the best advice to offer him. Here's what I came up with: "First, stop tumbling." 

As I think back to some the profoundly painful seasons in my life, it always felt like I was spiraling. Things were bad, got worse, then oddly even more terrible, until I splatted on some proverbial floor. However, at some point along my meandering journey, I realized that I don't have to spiral all the way down to the splat. Instead, I had the ability to grab hold of something and stop tumbling. 

Here's my amateur, non-expert guide to stop the tumbling:

1. Look in the mirror and be honest with yourself. Truly understand the situation, regardless of how difficult it is to swallow. Dr. Drew Pinsky would refer to this as "reality on reality's terms." 

2. Bring others alongside you. You can't do it alone, and luckily you don't have to. Find people who will support you, help you, encourage you, be honest with you, and hold you accountable. People that will hold you up when you can't even hold yourself up.

3. Get intentional. The only way to stop the bleeding (and reverse momentum) is to know exactly what you're doing. In the financial world, this is a budget. Get specific, account for all available resources/options, and execute. 

4. Get small wins. When we're spiraling, it's not likely that we can stop the tumbling and completely reverse course in the short-run. Instead, we need to find small wins. A giant win is actually thousands of smaller wins stacked on top of each other. Start small, celebrate, repeat. 

5. Don't anchor yourself. It's easy for us to lock on to our peak position in life and expect that to be the expectation of "normal." I see this with business owners who once had a season where they made a ton of money. It was great to have that win, but that doesn't have to be the new measuring stick of success. If we anchor ourselves to our very best moment, we may unfulfillingly spend the rest of our lives chasing.

6. Remember that a brighter season is coming. Even the worst of storms eventually clear to reveal sunshine and bright skies.....and maybe a beautiful rainbow to boot.  

If this post speaks to you, I'm sorry for what you're going through. It won't be easy, and it may take a while, but you got this!